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In this ever expanding
galaxy called New York City,
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00:00:49,021 --> 00:00:51,011
there are certain
heavenly bodies
3
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,019
one orbits around every day.
4
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And then, there are those stars
whose gravitational pull
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one drifts in and out of
over the years.
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♪ Is that all there is? ♪
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Bobby Fine,
satellite friend,
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piano bar legend.
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I usually do this number at home
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00:01:06,013 --> 00:01:09,003
in a pink caftan
and a Peggy Lee wig.
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Like you've never
done the same thing
after three daiquiris?
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But right now,
I must take a quick break
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to say hello
to a celebrity friend.
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Is there any other kind?
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Little Miss Carrie Bradshaw.
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She writes books.
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You remember books?
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Primitive versions of the DVD.
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Stop, please stop.
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Okay, one more time
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for the cheap seats in the back!
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♪ Is that all there is? ♪
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♪ Yes, that's all there is ♪
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How long have you two
known each other?
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Oh, let's put it this way,
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Cats was just kittens.
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Cats, the musical.
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-Hello.
-Oh, I loved Cats!
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Medic!
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It hasn't been that long,
has it?
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Please, darling, when we met,
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you took aerobics,
and Stanford had hair.
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Bobby.
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Bitsy, I thought
you had a dinner.
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Oh, I do,
the driver is circling,
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but I had to run up
and say hello.
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-Aw.
-Oh, hello, hello, hello, hello.
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Bitsy Von Muffling,
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this is Carrie,
Miranda, Samantha,
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and the one who liked Cats.
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Bitsy, Samantha Jones.
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I did PR
for your museum benefit.
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Ah, Samantha, of course,
I loved you.
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I was just so thrilled that
someone actually liked Cats.
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Well, I didn't like it
that much.
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Waiters, sense of humor,
table five.
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So Samantha, how are you?
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Fabulous, how are you?
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Delirious, I'm madly in love
and getting married.
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Oh!
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Big, big, big Hamptons wedding.
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Oh, congratulations,
who's the lucky stud?
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Me.
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Ha!
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Oh, oh.
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You're getting married?
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Can you believe it?
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Bitsy and I are "enfianced."
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I finally found the right girl.
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Oh.
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Well, Mr. Broadway has to go
tinkle before he can tinkle.
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And Samantha, I have your
address, you have to come.
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Nice meeting you all.
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Bye.
Okay, bye...
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I thought he was gay.
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Ah, yeah.
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"Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle,"
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that has to be the gayest
sentence ever uttered.
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He must be marrying her
for the money.
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He doesn't need the money.
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He was one of the original
investors in A Chorus Line.
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Just when you thought you'd
never hear a phrase gayer than
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"Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle."
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Why would he be getting married?
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In 1988, Bobby Fine announced
that he was going to sell
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his piano bar downtown
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and go volunteer
with Nicaraguan orphans.
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The orphans are still waiting.
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This wedding will never happen.
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-It's happening.
-Everything's booked.
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So the really big question is
where are we going to stay?
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That's the really big question?
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What about why are these
two people marrying each other?
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Is that all there is?
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Well, Bitsy said they were
madly in love.
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You see, I find the love facade
the most offensive part.
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We're adults. We can handle it.
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Bitsy should say, "I'm getting
older and I want companionship."
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Or Bobby should say, "The hot
men don't go for me anymore,"
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but don't print up invitations
and call it love.
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As if love transforms people
and changes molecules
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'cause that's bullshit.
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I guess you don't want
to be my date, then.
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No dates unless
they have summer houses.
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Oh, relax, we can stay
with Stanford and Marcus.
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I was a fool to break up
with Richard before Labor Day.
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He has a fabulous house.
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I wouldn't go to this
charade if you paid me.
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It's like there's a pink
suede elephant
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in the middle of the room
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and nobody is allowed
to talk about it.
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Do you think
they won't have sex?
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All married couples
stop having sex eventually.
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That's not true, you've had sex
with plenty of married people.
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That's how I know.
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Okay.
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Let's say it's companionship.
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How do you sustain
a relationship
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without the zsa-zsa-zsu?
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The what?
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00:05:03,015 --> 00:05:05,015
You know, that butterflies
in your stomach thing
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that happens when you
not only love the person,
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but you gotta have them.
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Isn't that what gets you
through the years?
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Even if it fades,
at least you have the memory
of the zsa-zsa-zsu.
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I'm fine with whatever
people want to do.
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Just be straight with me.
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I think that's how
Bitsy proposed to Bobby.
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It was right about then,
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Charlotte decided
to be straight with us.
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I'm seeing someone, sort of.
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You're in a sort of
relationship?
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It's ridiculous.
He's so not my type.
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Is he heterosexual?
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Yes.
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But he's bald.
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And short.
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And he talks
with his mouth full.
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And I don't even want
to be seen in public with him.
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And I hate his name, Harry.
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Because he is,
everywhere but his head.
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Wow!
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Is the sex bad too?
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It's the best sex of my life.
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I think I might really like him.
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You want to go to a wedding
in the Hamptons in a few weeks?
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Bitsy Von Muffling's.
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You were invited to that?
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Oh, yeah, I handled her divorce.
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I just never thought of you
as a Hamptons type.
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I am the Hamptons, baby.
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I own a house in Bridge.
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Well, I can't go, I'm not really
ready for swimsuit season.
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What? You're a fucking knockout.
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It's you. It's your back.
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What's wrong with my back?
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It's very hairy!
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You're not supposed to be able
to grab someone's back!
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Hey, this is how I was born.
What am I supposed
to do about it?
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Get it waxed.
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I'll tell you what.
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You come with me to the wedding
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and I will get my back waxed.
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Fine.
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Come here, you.
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Ah! Your hands are all greasy.
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-Oh, oh, oh, oh!
-Ahh!
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That night, I thought
about what it takes
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to make a relationship work
till death do us part.
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Most singles have more
long-term success with friends,
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so maybe it is a better
strategy to marry a friend.
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00:07:03,015 --> 00:07:07,995
However,
in the absence of sex,
whether that's the arrangement
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or just what happens
after a few years,
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what distinguishes
this companion
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from your many
other companions?
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When it comes to saying,
"I do,"
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is a relationship
a relationship without
the zsa-zsa-zsu?
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Or in Samantha's case,
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how much is a woman due
for surviving the zsa-zsa-zsu?
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This is Richard,
you have 30 seconds.
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I've been thinking.
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Our pathetic relationship
is as close to marriage
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as either one of us
ever hopes to get.
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So I feel I deserve
some sort of settlement,
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like say a weekend at
your house in the Hamptons?
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You're not invited.
I'll be having a party, you're
not invited to that either.
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Oh, it's Samantha. Call me.
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A couple
of weeks later,
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another couple of exes
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were working out
their summer share.
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Hi.
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00:08:00,017 --> 00:08:02,007
-How you doing?
-Oh, hey.
183
00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:04,024
Me and Brady were just napping.
184
00:08:04,018 --> 00:08:07,018
Oh, I miss napping.
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00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,010
They look down
on napping at work.
186
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Oh, it's so hot out.
187
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I was gonna give him
one more bottle before I left.
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I could do it.
189
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I know, but I like it.
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Used to be all breasts.
191
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Now, me and him,
we got our bottle thing.
192
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Did Magda bring those?
193
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,010
No, I did.
194
00:08:34,016 --> 00:08:36,006
Ma's garden in Queens.
195
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Oh, lilacs.
196
00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:44,005
Yeah.
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Good flowers.
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00:08:53,022 --> 00:08:57,002
Miranda wasn't sure if
it was the smell of the lilacs,
199
00:08:57,006 --> 00:08:58,016
the smell of the baby,
200
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or the smell of Steve's skin,
201
00:09:00,014 --> 00:09:02,004
but that afternoon,
202
00:09:02,006 --> 00:09:04,996
Steve went from ex to sex.
203
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:08,003
I slept with Steve.
204
00:09:08,002 --> 00:09:09,022
Miranda admitted
they were somewhere between
205
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,000
friends and lovers,
somewhere between
Manhattan and the Hamptons.
206
00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:16,023
Oh! That's why you decided
to participate in the charade.
207
00:09:16,018 --> 00:09:17,018
You're fleeing.
208
00:09:17,022 --> 00:09:20,022
I'm a fucking fugitive...
Literally.
209
00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:22,010
Perhaps it was the zsa-zsa-zsu.
210
00:09:22,009 --> 00:09:24,019
No, it was an itch which
we shouldn't have scratched,
211
00:09:24,017 --> 00:09:26,017
because now
we're into a gray area.
212
00:09:26,022 --> 00:09:28,002
Not having sex
was the only thing
213
00:09:28,006 --> 00:09:29,006
holding our
relationship together.
214
00:09:29,015 --> 00:09:31,005
Well, you're fleeing
to the right wedding.
215
00:09:31,010 --> 00:09:32,010
I think that's the theme.
216
00:09:32,016 --> 00:09:33,016
Seriously.
217
00:09:33,021 --> 00:09:36,021
You can't have a kid
with someone, and get along,
218
00:09:36,021 --> 00:09:39,021
and have great sex without
giving the wrong impression.
219
00:09:39,022 --> 00:09:41,022
That being what,
that you're happy?
220
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,020
Fabulous!
221
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,997
Absolutely!
222
00:09:47,005 --> 00:09:48,995
Yeah, bring them along.
223
00:09:49,002 --> 00:09:51,022
Well, I look forward
to seeing you too.
224
00:09:51,018 --> 00:09:54,008
Oh! This party
is going to be amazing.
225
00:09:54,016 --> 00:09:55,016
Strictly "A-list."
226
00:09:55,018 --> 00:09:56,018
Are we still invited?
227
00:09:56,019 --> 00:09:59,019
Yes, but shitty pants there
is not.
228
00:09:59,022 --> 00:10:01,022
I have to bring him, I won't
be able to find a sitter.
229
00:10:01,022 --> 00:10:04,012
He's ruining my lunch,
he's not ruining my party.
230
00:10:04,014 --> 00:10:06,014
No babies.
231
00:10:06,011 --> 00:10:08,021
Evidently, there's already
a party pooper.
232
00:10:09,018 --> 00:10:10,018
Ketchup.
233
00:10:21,018 --> 00:10:22,998
Oh.
234
00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:25,001
Carrie?
235
00:10:26,003 --> 00:10:28,023
Yeah, hey, hi.
236
00:10:28,022 --> 00:10:31,012
-Jack.
-Berger, I know, I remember.
237
00:10:31,009 --> 00:10:33,999
What's going on here?
Are you okay?
238
00:10:34,003 --> 00:10:36,023
Do I need to make a tourniquet
out of a hot dog bun
and a twig?
239
00:10:36,021 --> 00:10:39,011
Nah, it's just...
240
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,024
-Ketchup.
-Yeah.
241
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,020
Oh, thanks.
242
00:10:44,006 --> 00:10:46,006
I didn't figure you
for a motorcycle guy.
243
00:10:46,011 --> 00:10:48,011
Turns out, I'm not.
244
00:10:48,008 --> 00:10:50,008
I bought it as a reaction
to my breakup.
245
00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:51,006
Ah.
246
00:10:51,016 --> 00:10:53,016
It was exactly
what I wanted.
247
00:10:53,022 --> 00:10:57,012
A Berger with a side
of single.
248
00:10:57,011 --> 00:10:59,001
Well, you look good on it.
249
00:10:59,005 --> 00:11:00,995
No, I look good next to it.
250
00:11:01,002 --> 00:11:02,022
On it, I look like this.
251
00:11:04,005 --> 00:11:04,995
In fact, I'm not
even really hungry.
252
00:11:05,006 --> 00:11:08,006
I pulled over
'cause a bug hit my visor
253
00:11:08,007 --> 00:11:10,007
and, look, my hands
are still shaking.
254
00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:12,016
So you're "Uneasy Rider."
255
00:11:14,012 --> 00:11:15,022
Eh...
256
00:11:17,013 --> 00:11:20,013
Well, uh, if you make it
to the Hamptons,
257
00:11:20,009 --> 00:11:23,009
my friend is having a party
tomorrow afternoon.
258
00:11:23,007 --> 00:11:24,007
It's at Richard Wright's house.
259
00:11:24,015 --> 00:11:25,015
I heard about that.
260
00:11:25,020 --> 00:11:27,000
Yeah, that's quite a place.
261
00:11:27,002 --> 00:11:29,022
I pass it on the way
to my house.
262
00:11:29,019 --> 00:11:30,999
All right, I'm gonna get a soda.
263
00:11:31,006 --> 00:11:34,996
My throat's kind of dry from all
the screaming inside my helmet.
264
00:11:35,003 --> 00:11:36,023
'Kay...
265
00:11:37,023 --> 00:11:39,013
It's nice to see you.
266
00:11:39,008 --> 00:11:41,018
Yeah, you too, Berger.
267
00:11:41,019 --> 00:11:43,009
Maybe I'll see you tomorrow.
268
00:11:43,011 --> 00:11:45,001
Yeah, if you don't, uh...
269
00:11:46,003 --> 00:11:48,003
call the highway patrol.
270
00:11:48,004 --> 00:11:49,014
Okay, yeah.
271
00:11:52,013 --> 00:11:54,013
Definitely zsa-zsa-zsu.
272
00:11:54,009 --> 00:11:55,999
The next morning,
Samantha prepared
273
00:11:56,005 --> 00:11:58,005
-her borrowed
beach house for the big bash.
-Oh! Hello!
274
00:12:00,004 --> 00:12:02,014
I want half the tables
set up near the house
275
00:12:02,011 --> 00:12:04,001
and the others near the pool.
276
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,006
Uh, ladies?
277
00:12:07,007 --> 00:12:08,017
Um, Cassandra,
did you bring my tote?
278
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,020
Oh, shit, where are my Merits?
279
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:13,011
Ladies, excuse me.
Hi.
280
00:12:13,016 --> 00:12:16,996
The wait staff is to change
in the guest cottage
281
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:18,013
down near the entrance.
282
00:12:19,011 --> 00:12:21,001
Aren't you here to waitress?
283
00:12:21,002 --> 00:12:23,012
We go to restaurants.
We don't work in them.
284
00:12:23,013 --> 00:12:24,013
Where's Richard?
285
00:12:24,014 --> 00:12:25,014
Richard?
286
00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:27,002
Well, Richard isn't here.
287
00:12:27,003 --> 00:12:29,003
I've got the house this weekend.
288
00:12:29,004 --> 00:12:30,024
Oh.
289
00:12:30,019 --> 00:12:32,009
Excuse me.
290
00:12:32,011 --> 00:12:34,021
Excuse me.
Where are you going?
291
00:12:34,018 --> 00:12:36,998
Richard told us we could hang
by the pool whenever.
292
00:12:37,005 --> 00:12:39,995
Well, you can't pool hang today.
293
00:12:40,002 --> 00:12:41,022
I'm having a party at 3:00.
294
00:12:41,022 --> 00:12:44,002
Oh, we'll be fried by then.
295
00:12:44,006 --> 00:12:46,006
I have no cell reception at all.
296
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,010
Hey.
297
00:12:58,018 --> 00:12:59,998
Oh!
298
00:13:02,003 --> 00:13:04,013
Miranda brought the kid.
Don't say anything.
299
00:13:05,012 --> 00:13:07,002
I know you didn't
want any babies,
300
00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:09,023
but he's wearing Ralph Lauren,
and I've stuck a cork up his ass
301
00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:10,020
so it oughta be okay.
302
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,010
This is supposed
to be an "A-list" party.
303
00:13:12,015 --> 00:13:15,015
Then who's the "double-D-list"
by the pool?
304
00:13:18,023 --> 00:13:20,023
Ugh, they won't leave.
305
00:13:20,018 --> 00:13:23,018
They say Richard lets them
hang out here on weekends.
306
00:13:23,017 --> 00:13:24,997
Fucking freeloaders.
307
00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:26,023
People in glass houses.
308
00:13:26,019 --> 00:13:28,009
I am not freeloading.
309
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:29,995
I went through
a lot with Richard.
310
00:13:30,005 --> 00:13:32,995
And people should be rewarded
for not getting married as well.
311
00:13:33,003 --> 00:13:35,013
Frankly, I don't know why
you broke up with him.
312
00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:36,010
What's a little
lying and cheating
313
00:13:36,014 --> 00:13:38,024
compared to a pool
with a little cabana?
314
00:13:38,023 --> 00:13:42,023
Uh, did you say no babies
or no boobies?
315
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:44,012
Ooh...
316
00:13:46,018 --> 00:13:47,018
-Lady.
-Yeah.
317
00:13:47,022 --> 00:13:49,002
And Brady.
318
00:13:52,019 --> 00:13:56,009
That is so inappropriate.
319
00:13:56,008 --> 00:13:57,998
Greetings from
"Silicone Valley."
320
00:13:58,006 --> 00:13:59,996
Shh, people can hear you.
321
00:14:00,002 --> 00:14:02,012
What? Like everyone here can't
see those tits are fake?
322
00:14:02,010 --> 00:14:04,010
People as far as Quogue
can see those tits are fake.
323
00:14:04,012 --> 00:14:07,002
Would you stop saying tits?
324
00:14:07,006 --> 00:14:08,016
And why are you wearing
that shirt?
325
00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:10,000
Tropical shirts are out.
326
00:14:10,004 --> 00:14:11,024
This is not tropical.
327
00:14:11,022 --> 00:14:12,022
It's tiki.
328
00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:14,010
Well, please, "tiki it off."
329
00:14:14,011 --> 00:14:16,021
Oh, I thought
you would never ask.
330
00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:23,020
Oh, my God, your back!
331
00:14:23,023 --> 00:14:26,013
You must have had
a bad reaction to the waxing.
332
00:14:26,011 --> 00:14:27,011
Oh, yeah.
333
00:14:27,007 --> 00:14:28,017
-I thought it felt itchy.
-Ew.
334
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,000
Suddenly, a little hair
isn't looking so bad, huh?
335
00:14:33,013 --> 00:14:35,013
Carrie, woman to woman,
336
00:14:35,013 --> 00:14:37,013
the sex is amazing.
337
00:14:37,016 --> 00:14:39,996
I've never had a man
make me feel this way.
338
00:14:40,002 --> 00:14:43,022
Oh, why, hush, Miss Scarlett,
how you do go on.
339
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,023
Hey.
340
00:14:52,006 --> 00:14:53,006
Well...
341
00:14:53,009 --> 00:14:55,019
who ordered the Adonis?
342
00:14:55,023 --> 00:14:58,013
Bobby, Bitsy,
this is my boyfriend, Marcus.
343
00:14:58,007 --> 00:15:01,007
For God sakes, man, get yourself
to a gym once in a while.
344
00:15:01,014 --> 00:15:05,004
Look at that body.
It's disgusting.
345
00:15:05,002 --> 00:15:08,012
Wow, I could grate cheese
on your abs.
346
00:15:08,019 --> 00:15:09,999
Oh, oh!
347
00:15:10,004 --> 00:15:14,004
One large pizza,
and hold the salami.
348
00:15:14,004 --> 00:15:17,024
Oh, please, put a shirt on
before I marry you.
349
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:23,006
Oh, no, I haven't touched
a carbohydrate in three months.
350
00:15:23,014 --> 00:15:25,004
I've gotta fit into that dress.
351
00:15:25,006 --> 00:15:26,006
Honey, please, eat something.
352
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:28,002
Would you look at her,
she's Itsy-Bitsy.
353
00:15:28,006 --> 00:15:29,016
Oh, Bobby.
354
00:15:29,017 --> 00:15:31,997
Oh, Bobby, I see the Talcotts.
We've gotta say hello.
355
00:15:32,002 --> 00:15:34,002
-See you all tomorrow.
356
00:15:34,002 --> 00:15:35,002
-Okay.
357
00:15:35,004 --> 00:15:36,024
-Bye.
-Bye.
358
00:15:39,023 --> 00:15:41,003
Ow!
359
00:15:42,015 --> 00:15:44,015
I swear,
and I'm totally serious,
360
00:15:44,018 --> 00:15:48,008
I almost fainted
when he mimed grated cheese
361
00:15:48,008 --> 00:15:49,018
on Marcus.
362
00:15:49,022 --> 00:15:52,022
It is so obvious
that he wanted him.
363
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:54,007
Try to keep up.
364
00:15:54,010 --> 00:15:57,000
-Bobby is straight.
-Oh. Right.
365
00:15:57,005 --> 00:15:58,015
What is she doing?
366
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:00,021
Maybe he just makes her laugh.
367
00:16:04,016 --> 00:16:07,016
Can't you wait till we sit down
to eat? It's so crass.
368
00:16:07,020 --> 00:16:11,000
Question...
is there anything about me today
that doesn't bug you?
369
00:16:11,002 --> 00:16:13,022
When people are trying to eat,
you should have your shirt on.
370
00:16:13,017 --> 00:16:16,007
-Mmm.
-And you have sauce on
your face.
371
00:16:16,012 --> 00:16:18,002
Mmm...
372
00:16:18,005 --> 00:16:20,015
Now so do you.
373
00:16:20,023 --> 00:16:24,013
Why did she need to tell me
the sex was amazing?
374
00:16:24,013 --> 00:16:26,003
Because it is amazing.
375
00:16:26,006 --> 00:16:27,016
She's amazed he's able
to get it hard
376
00:16:27,023 --> 00:16:29,023
without another penis
in the room.
377
00:16:30,001 --> 00:16:31,021
And speaking of dicks,
378
00:16:31,018 --> 00:16:34,018
do you think Richard
slept with any
of those cocoa butter bitches?
379
00:16:34,019 --> 00:16:37,999
No, I'm sure they're
just good friends.
380
00:16:38,022 --> 00:16:41,012
Berger!
381
00:16:41,009 --> 00:16:43,009
-God, how do I look?
-You look great.
382
00:16:43,012 --> 00:16:44,022
Oh, Jesus. Where's a mirror?
383
00:16:44,023 --> 00:16:46,013
Oh, here.
384
00:16:47,013 --> 00:16:50,013
-Ta-da.
-Oh, great.
385
00:16:50,012 --> 00:16:53,012
All right, put it down, okay.
Thanks for having a party.
386
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,020
How long have you
had a house here?
387
00:16:58,019 --> 00:16:59,999
-Three years.
-Oh.
388
00:17:00,002 --> 00:17:02,012
Moments later,
among the butterflies,
389
00:17:02,016 --> 00:17:03,996
I felt butterflies.
390
00:17:04,004 --> 00:17:05,024
There's a really nice garden.
391
00:17:05,019 --> 00:17:06,999
So you garden.
392
00:17:07,002 --> 00:17:09,002
No, no.
I have been known to hoe.
393
00:17:09,005 --> 00:17:11,005
But my ex actually
planted the garden
394
00:17:11,008 --> 00:17:14,018
so we could enjoy
fresh summer salads.
395
00:17:14,018 --> 00:17:17,008
We didn't quite make it
to the summer, so, uh...
396
00:17:17,014 --> 00:17:20,014
it's more a fresh pain
than fresh vegetables.
397
00:17:20,007 --> 00:17:22,007
Yeah, I can't really
go out there.
398
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:24,017
Yeah, I know how you feel.
When I broke up with my ex,
399
00:17:24,019 --> 00:17:28,019
I couldn't bring myself
to go within six blocks
of his furniture store.
400
00:17:28,021 --> 00:17:29,021
When did you two break up?
401
00:17:29,023 --> 00:17:31,023
Uh, last year
for the second time.
402
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:35,010
We broke up the first time
the year before that.
403
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:37,022
Oh, you broke up twice,
way to go.
404
00:17:37,021 --> 00:17:40,021
Yeah, well,
we hadn't sufficiently
hurt each other enough
405
00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:42,001
the first time around.
406
00:17:42,005 --> 00:17:43,995
But we definitely took care
of business this time
407
00:17:44,005 --> 00:17:45,015
because this time he moved in.
408
00:17:45,021 --> 00:17:49,011
So we had the merging
of the things and...
409
00:17:49,009 --> 00:17:50,019
-Right.
-...the dividing of the things.
410
00:17:51,001 --> 00:17:52,011
And the things
that are left behind
411
00:17:52,015 --> 00:17:55,005
that you don't want to give back
because that seems mean.
412
00:17:55,014 --> 00:17:57,014
And you don't want
to throw them away
413
00:17:57,007 --> 00:17:58,997
because it's all you have left.
414
00:17:59,002 --> 00:18:00,012
And it just gets harder
as we get older
415
00:18:00,008 --> 00:18:03,008
because we're not dating wildly
inappropriate people anymore.
416
00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:06,005
You know, there's-- there's no,
"Phew, glad that's over."
417
00:18:06,010 --> 00:18:07,020
Right. Right.
418
00:18:07,021 --> 00:18:09,011
And after every breakup,
I tell myself,
419
00:18:09,010 --> 00:18:11,010
"I'm never doing this again."
It's too hard.
420
00:18:11,011 --> 00:18:15,021
I mean, how many of these things
can one person survive?
421
00:18:15,022 --> 00:18:19,022
You know what?
They should institute
a helmet law for relationships.
422
00:18:19,017 --> 00:18:22,017
Right, that's excellently put.
423
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:24,009
Well, thank you.
424
00:18:28,001 --> 00:18:30,021
Well, I should get going. Uh...
425
00:18:30,017 --> 00:18:34,017
It's gonna take me six hours
to drive the two miles home,
so...
426
00:18:34,021 --> 00:18:36,001
Oh.
427
00:18:37,013 --> 00:18:38,023
-Oh.
-Ooh.
428
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:40,007
Oh, my jacket.
429
00:18:41,003 --> 00:18:42,013
Sorry.
430
00:18:44,008 --> 00:18:46,008
Oh, gee, I hope there
aren't grass stains.
431
00:18:46,015 --> 00:18:48,005
No, no, it's old.
432
00:18:50,009 --> 00:18:51,999
-Okay, bye.
-Bye.
433
00:18:52,003 --> 00:18:54,023
The man could not get away
from me fast enough.
434
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,010
Apparently, it's a short road
from commisery to misery.
435
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:01,006
Oh! Oh!
436
00:19:01,010 --> 00:19:02,010
Oh, are you okay?
437
00:19:03,023 --> 00:19:05,023
Oh, yeah, okay.
438
00:19:18,010 --> 00:19:21,020
Perfect.
Everything's going out
right on time.
439
00:19:21,022 --> 00:19:23,022
Um, there's no Tab in here.
440
00:19:23,021 --> 00:19:25,011
What are you doing
in my refrigerator?
441
00:19:25,014 --> 00:19:27,014
It's Richard's refrigerator.
442
00:19:27,010 --> 00:19:29,010
I stocked it.
443
00:19:29,007 --> 00:19:30,997
Did you see any
Rice Krispies treats?
444
00:19:31,006 --> 00:19:33,006
Richard usually leaves
those around for us.
445
00:19:33,013 --> 00:19:34,023
No, I didn't.
446
00:19:34,023 --> 00:19:37,013
And those lemons
are for the drinks,
447
00:19:37,011 --> 00:19:39,011
drinks I paid for.
448
00:19:39,008 --> 00:19:39,998
Whatever.
449
00:19:40,006 --> 00:19:41,996
And I also paid for the food.
450
00:19:42,002 --> 00:19:43,022
In fact, the only thing
at this party
451
00:19:43,019 --> 00:19:46,019
that you two actually paid for
are your breasts!
452
00:19:46,020 --> 00:19:49,000
-Jealous?
453
00:19:49,004 --> 00:19:50,024
Oh, yes.
454
00:19:50,018 --> 00:19:51,998
I'm jealous.
455
00:19:52,003 --> 00:19:54,023
I'm just dying to look like...
456
00:19:54,017 --> 00:19:56,007
this.
457
00:19:56,012 --> 00:19:59,002
Well, maybe if you did,
you'd be out here with Richard.
458
00:20:00,020 --> 00:20:02,010
Snap!
459
00:20:16,001 --> 00:20:18,011
Evidently,
people who borrow glass houss
460
00:20:18,013 --> 00:20:21,023
shouldn't throw cantaloupes.
461
00:20:21,017 --> 00:20:24,997
The next morning,
while Stanford and Marcus
had Brady,
462
00:20:25,002 --> 00:20:26,022
Miranda and I had brunch.
463
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,010
How about these muffins?
464
00:20:28,013 --> 00:20:29,023
How about these eggs?
465
00:20:29,022 --> 00:20:30,022
How about these napkins?
466
00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:32,001
How about these plates?
467
00:20:32,004 --> 00:20:33,014
How about we marry gay guys?
468
00:20:33,009 --> 00:20:35,009
How about maybe now
I won't have a choice.
469
00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:37,006
Was it really that bad?
470
00:20:37,008 --> 00:20:38,018
Bye-bye, Berger.
471
00:20:38,021 --> 00:20:40,021
One minute we were laughing,
the next minute,
472
00:20:40,021 --> 00:20:42,011
he had to get away
from me so fast,
473
00:20:42,010 --> 00:20:43,010
he left skid marks.
474
00:20:43,012 --> 00:20:45,012
Seriously, I can
show them to you.
475
00:20:45,007 --> 00:20:46,007
Jam, please?
476
00:20:48,018 --> 00:20:52,008
I know what I did.
I revealed too much too soon.
477
00:20:52,007 --> 00:20:53,997
I was emotionally slutty.
478
00:20:54,006 --> 00:20:55,016
-That's not like you.
-It wasn't me.
479
00:20:55,019 --> 00:20:58,009
It was the zsa-zsa-zsu,
it makes me crazy.
480
00:20:58,010 --> 00:21:01,010
Bitsy Von Muffling-Fine
may have the right idea.
481
00:21:01,007 --> 00:21:05,007
Maybe we should stop looking
for a great relationship
482
00:21:05,007 --> 00:21:07,997
and settle for a fine one.
483
00:21:08,005 --> 00:21:10,015
I'd marry Steve in a second
if he were gay.
484
00:21:10,022 --> 00:21:13,012
Ugh.
Everything would be so easy.
485
00:21:13,012 --> 00:21:15,002
So a gay area
486
00:21:15,006 --> 00:21:16,006
is better than a gray area?
487
00:21:16,013 --> 00:21:17,023
Uh, yeah.
488
00:21:17,019 --> 00:21:19,009
More coffee. You want some?
489
00:21:21,009 --> 00:21:22,009
Great coffee.
490
00:21:22,012 --> 00:21:24,012
Tell me something I don't know.
491
00:21:28,001 --> 00:21:28,021
What?
492
00:21:29,001 --> 00:21:31,001
You did it, Staney.
493
00:21:31,004 --> 00:21:33,024
Great man, great house,
494
00:21:33,022 --> 00:21:35,012
great relationship.
495
00:21:35,012 --> 00:21:39,022
We've all been looking
and you actually found it.
496
00:21:39,018 --> 00:21:40,018
Marcus and I haven't had sex
497
00:21:41,001 --> 00:21:43,001
since we bought
the Cynthia Rowley china.
498
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:47,013
Thank God. I am so relieved.
499
00:21:47,007 --> 00:21:48,017
Bitsy Von Muffling,
500
00:21:48,020 --> 00:21:51,020
the first time I saw you,
I fell in love.
501
00:21:51,023 --> 00:21:55,003
You walked in wearing
that red vintage Dior.
502
00:21:55,004 --> 00:21:57,004
Pink elephant in the room.
503
00:21:57,005 --> 00:21:58,005
-Do you mind?
504
00:21:58,012 --> 00:22:00,022
I'm listening
to the bride and...
505
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:01,019
bride.
506
00:22:02,018 --> 00:22:04,018
My dear Bobby Fine.
507
00:22:04,018 --> 00:22:08,008
Something tells me
Bitsy isn't doing fine.
508
00:22:08,013 --> 00:22:12,023
And that's the little
piece of information
she's been "von-muffling."
509
00:22:12,023 --> 00:22:15,003
You are there for me
in the morning,
510
00:22:15,004 --> 00:22:17,014
there for me at night.
511
00:22:17,012 --> 00:22:19,002
There in the good.
512
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:20,015
There in the bad.
513
00:22:20,022 --> 00:22:23,012
There in my thoughts.
514
00:22:23,007 --> 00:22:25,007
There in my dreams.
515
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:28,000
But most of all, my darling,
516
00:22:28,002 --> 00:22:30,002
you are there in my heart.
517
00:22:30,020 --> 00:22:32,000
Forever.
518
00:22:32,002 --> 00:22:34,022
Perhaps we were all
much too cynical.
519
00:22:34,022 --> 00:22:37,012
Perhaps somehow,
despite the odds,
520
00:22:37,008 --> 00:22:39,018
Bobby and Bitsy
had found something real.
521
00:22:39,020 --> 00:22:43,000
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
522
00:22:43,005 --> 00:22:44,005
You may kiss the bride.
523
00:22:51,003 --> 00:22:53,023
One more time
for the cheap seats in the back.
524
00:23:20,008 --> 00:23:23,008
Looks like somebody over here
is about to dance.
525
00:23:26,014 --> 00:23:29,004
I think you may have
sold this one a little short.
526
00:23:29,003 --> 00:23:30,023
Me, too.
527
00:23:30,019 --> 00:23:31,019
With a little time
528
00:23:31,023 --> 00:23:35,023
and the right astringent,
who knows?
529
00:23:35,023 --> 00:23:37,003
There's nothing on my face.
530
00:23:37,004 --> 00:23:38,004
Nothing in my teeth.
531
00:23:38,006 --> 00:23:40,006
I'm sure you'll hate my moves
on the dance floor,
532
00:23:40,010 --> 00:23:43,000
but that is the risk
that every man must take.
533
00:23:47,004 --> 00:23:49,024
What a beautiful night.
534
00:23:49,017 --> 00:23:52,017
It's too bad I blew my only
chance at a boyfriend this year.
535
00:23:53,018 --> 00:23:55,008
You want to hold my boyfriend?
536
00:23:55,010 --> 00:23:58,010
Uh, I think I'm gonna
drown my sorrows
537
00:23:58,014 --> 00:23:59,024
in another piece of cake.
538
00:24:00,022 --> 00:24:02,012
And if anybody asks,
539
00:24:02,013 --> 00:24:03,023
I had two,
540
00:24:03,019 --> 00:24:04,019
not three.
541
00:24:15,014 --> 00:24:16,024
Do you smell that, Brady?
542
00:24:17,017 --> 00:24:18,017
That's lilac.
543
00:24:23,002 --> 00:24:25,012
Should we call Daddy
and tell him we miss him?
544
00:24:26,012 --> 00:24:27,012
Huh?
545
00:24:32,020 --> 00:24:35,020
Hey, it's me, Steve.
I'm not here, leave a message.
546
00:24:50,002 --> 00:24:51,002
Yeah.
547
00:24:59,006 --> 00:25:00,996
Do you believe this wedding?
548
00:25:03,020 --> 00:25:05,020
Funny where life
has taken us, huh?
549
00:25:05,020 --> 00:25:08,020
I remember when
we went to these things
just for the free food.
550
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,020
I have dinner rolls in my purse.
551
00:25:14,002 --> 00:25:15,012
There's my song.
552
00:25:18,004 --> 00:25:19,014
And there's my girl.
553
00:25:22,009 --> 00:25:23,009
Whom I love...
554
00:25:24,019 --> 00:25:27,009
in case you had
any money riding on it.
555
00:25:27,010 --> 00:25:28,010
Not a penny.
556
00:25:30,023 --> 00:25:34,023
♪ Is that all there is? ♪
557
00:25:34,021 --> 00:25:39,021
♪ If that's all there is
My friends ♪
558
00:25:39,021 --> 00:25:42,011
♪ Then let's keep dancing... ♪
559
00:25:42,013 --> 00:25:43,013
Look out.
560
00:25:43,016 --> 00:25:44,016
She's got a piece of fruit
561
00:25:44,019 --> 00:25:46,019
and she's not afraid
to throw it.
562
00:25:46,017 --> 00:25:48,007
Can we not talk about that?
563
00:25:48,013 --> 00:25:52,013
Okay.
But we'll be the only ones here.
564
00:25:52,016 --> 00:25:56,006
Look.
I'm just glad Brady wasn't
the biggest baby at the party.
565
00:25:56,013 --> 00:25:59,023
I guess I went a little crazy
being at Richard's house,
566
00:25:59,022 --> 00:26:02,012
around his party-crashing
pussy posse.
567
00:26:03,017 --> 00:26:05,997
What do you call
zsa-zsa-zsu gone bad?
568
00:26:07,008 --> 00:26:08,998
"Zsa-zsa-ew."
569
00:26:17,001 --> 00:26:21,001
Then I fell in love
with the most wonderful boy
in the world.
570
00:26:21,002 --> 00:26:24,002
Oh, Bitsy, honey,
everything was perfect.
571
00:26:24,004 --> 00:26:26,024
It was.
Oh, except for the dessert.
572
00:26:26,018 --> 00:26:30,008
The top layer
of the creme brulee
just wasn't hard enough.
573
00:26:30,015 --> 00:26:32,005
Yeah, that's the problem
with this wedding.
574
00:26:32,016 --> 00:26:34,016
The creme brulee
isn't hard enough.
575
00:26:34,018 --> 00:26:36,008
And then one day,
576
00:26:36,010 --> 00:26:39,020
he went away
and I thought I would die.
577
00:26:39,022 --> 00:26:41,012
But I didn't.
578
00:26:41,015 --> 00:26:42,995
And when I didn't,
579
00:26:43,006 --> 00:26:44,996
I said to myself,
580
00:26:45,002 --> 00:26:47,022
is that all there is to love?
581
00:26:47,017 --> 00:26:49,017
I'm not technically crashing.
582
00:26:49,021 --> 00:26:51,021
I was having lunch in town today
583
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,020
and for some reason
the groom invited me.
584
00:26:54,001 --> 00:26:57,011
♪ Is that all there is? ♪
585
00:26:57,013 --> 00:26:58,023
Shall we?
586
00:26:58,018 --> 00:27:02,008
♪ If that's all there is
My friends ♪
587
00:27:02,016 --> 00:27:05,016
♪ Then let's keep dancing ♪
588
00:27:05,023 --> 00:27:07,003
Harry.
589
00:27:07,006 --> 00:27:09,016
What? Now, you want me
to wax my eyebrows?
590
00:27:09,020 --> 00:27:12,010
I think I may be falling
in love with you.
591
00:27:12,008 --> 00:27:14,998
I've been falling for you
since the moment we met.
592
00:27:16,015 --> 00:27:18,015
-But I never thought--
-What?
593
00:27:18,019 --> 00:27:21,009
C'mon, you could have
any blue-blooded guy here.
594
00:27:21,015 --> 00:27:22,005
I'm--
595
00:27:22,012 --> 00:27:23,022
You're wonderful.
596
00:27:24,011 --> 00:27:25,021
And Jewish.
597
00:27:26,022 --> 00:27:28,002
So?
598
00:27:28,002 --> 00:27:30,002
So where can this go?
599
00:27:30,016 --> 00:27:31,016
I don't know.
600
00:27:33,003 --> 00:27:34,013
Let's find out.
601
00:27:34,010 --> 00:27:35,010
Charlotte...
602
00:27:37,002 --> 00:27:38,022
I have to marry a Jew.
603
00:27:40,011 --> 00:27:42,011
She can marry a gay guy
604
00:27:42,007 --> 00:27:44,007
and you can't marry
an Episcopalian?
605
00:27:47,012 --> 00:27:48,022
What do we do now?
606
00:27:49,017 --> 00:27:50,017
I don't know.
607
00:27:51,013 --> 00:27:52,013
Dance.
608
00:27:53,018 --> 00:27:54,018
Apparently...
609
00:27:54,020 --> 00:27:56,020
Charlotte had the
"zsa-zsa-Jew."
610
00:28:03,008 --> 00:28:04,018
You're awful quiet.
611
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:06,020
And I intend to stay that way.
612
00:28:06,019 --> 00:28:09,009
No, you were fine.
613
00:28:09,014 --> 00:28:12,014
I just wasn't sure if I was up
for all that again.
614
00:28:13,021 --> 00:28:15,021
Then I thought...
615
00:28:15,019 --> 00:28:18,009
Then you thought what?
616
00:28:18,009 --> 00:28:21,009
Maybe we should go out on a date
before we break up.
617
00:28:33,009 --> 00:28:35,009
When it comes
to relationships,
618
00:28:35,013 --> 00:28:37,003
maybe we're all in glass houses
619
00:28:37,006 --> 00:28:38,016
and shouldn't throw stones
620
00:28:39,001 --> 00:28:41,001
because you can
never really know.
621
00:28:42,017 --> 00:28:45,007
Some people are
settling down...
622
00:28:45,013 --> 00:28:47,023
some people are settling...
623
00:28:47,022 --> 00:28:52,002
and some people refuse
to settle for anything less...
624
00:28:52,004 --> 00:28:53,024
♪ There is ♪
625
00:28:53,022 --> 00:28:55,022
...than butterflies.