1
00:00:46,001 --> 00:00:48,011
When you live in
"the city that never sleeps,"
2
00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:50,007
it comes as a bit
of a shock when, somehow,
3
00:00:50,015 --> 00:00:52,015
you manage to oversleep.
4
00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:54,018
Oh!
5
00:00:55,009 --> 00:00:56,999
Oh, taxi!
6
00:00:57,006 --> 00:00:59,006
Taxi! Oh...
7
00:01:06,017 --> 00:01:08,997
Oh, excuse me, sorry.
8
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:14,995
-Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry, sorry.
9
00:01:16,007 --> 00:01:18,007
Oh, taxi!
10
00:01:20,007 --> 00:01:21,017
Thank you!
11
00:01:26,001 --> 00:01:28,011
Fuck! Motherfucker!
Fuck, shit!
12
00:01:39,004 --> 00:01:40,014
Sir?
13
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,996
Sir, I have to be
downtown in 30 minutes.
14
00:01:51,001 --> 00:01:52,011
Thank you.
15
00:01:53,009 --> 00:01:54,999
Keep the change.
16
00:01:55,002 --> 00:01:56,022
Blondie, you need a lift?
17
00:02:17,009 --> 00:02:18,999
Excuse me, hi.
18
00:02:19,002 --> 00:02:20,012
Which way to the stock exchange?
19
00:02:20,011 --> 00:02:21,011
-There.
-Thank you.
20
00:02:21,011 --> 00:02:23,011
Oh, excuse me.
21
00:02:33,008 --> 00:02:34,008
Step forward.
22
00:02:34,009 --> 00:02:35,019
-Stop.
23
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:38,021
-Give him the pocketbook.
-Oh. Here. Can you hold that?
24
00:02:38,022 --> 00:02:41,012
Let's go. Stop. Arms.
25
00:02:41,008 --> 00:02:42,018
-I'm sorry.
26
00:02:42,017 --> 00:02:43,017
Oh.
27
00:02:46,003 --> 00:02:50,013
Oh, sir, sir, can you hurry,
I'm here to ring the bell.
28
00:02:50,009 --> 00:02:51,009
-Sir-- Okay.
-Go ahead.
29
00:02:51,012 --> 00:02:52,022
-Thank you.
-Step forward.
30
00:03:01,018 --> 00:03:02,018
Alright.
31
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,010
You have to put this on
and we gotta hurry up.
32
00:03:05,011 --> 00:03:07,021
-Wow.
-Yeah, it's real busy.
33
00:03:10,002 --> 00:03:13,012
Excuse us, excuse us...
34
00:03:19,014 --> 00:03:22,024
Today one of New York's
favorite newspapers,
35
00:03:23,001 --> 00:03:25,021
the New York Star,
is going public...
36
00:03:25,022 --> 00:03:30,012
And here to open trading is one
of its favorite columnists,
37
00:03:30,007 --> 00:03:32,007
Carrie Bradshaw!
38
00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:36,010
Now you can press it.
39
00:03:36,009 --> 00:03:36,999
Okay.
40
00:03:42,011 --> 00:03:43,021
The day after the stock market,
41
00:03:43,021 --> 00:03:45,011
I met the ladies for lunch
42
00:03:45,009 --> 00:03:46,999
in the fashionable meat market.
43
00:03:47,004 --> 00:03:49,014
It was so exciting
it almost made me want
44
00:03:49,013 --> 00:03:50,023
to invest in something.
45
00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:52,002
I love the stock market.
46
00:03:52,003 --> 00:03:54,013
A room full of screaming,
sweating men,
47
00:03:54,013 --> 00:03:56,003
all trying to get it up.
48
00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:58,002
I don't invest anymore,
it's too volatile.
49
00:03:58,002 --> 00:04:00,012
Exactly, I like my money
right where I can see it,
50
00:04:00,012 --> 00:04:02,002
hanging in my closet.
51
00:04:02,004 --> 00:04:03,014
Actually, your stock is up.
52
00:04:03,013 --> 00:04:05,023
I bought some shares of
your newspaper yesterday.
53
00:04:05,020 --> 00:04:08,000
Really, well,
thank you, sweetie.
54
00:04:08,005 --> 00:04:09,005
Was it expensive?
55
00:04:09,008 --> 00:04:10,008
Oh, no, you're cheap.
56
00:04:10,008 --> 00:04:12,008
Well, I never.
57
00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:14,000
-Here, ladies.
-Thank you.
58
00:04:14,006 --> 00:04:15,006
Thank you.
59
00:04:15,016 --> 00:04:17,016
Twenty dollars for a hamburger,
oh, that's reasonable.
60
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:19,001
Pathetic!
61
00:04:19,003 --> 00:04:20,023
When I moved
to this neighborhood,
62
00:04:20,018 --> 00:04:22,018
the only thing that cost $20
was a hand job from a tranny.
63
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:24,011
Ew!
64
00:04:24,007 --> 00:04:27,017
I'm serious, it's all
gotten so sanitary.
65
00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:28,020
I mean, no smoking in bars,
66
00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:30,021
what's next, no fucking in bars?
67
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:33,020
Well, first there would have
to be a "no fucking" section.
68
00:04:33,017 --> 00:04:35,007
I mean,
just look at this street...
69
00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:37,009
Stella McCartney,
Alexander McQueen,
70
00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:39,001
the only designer name
that belongs
71
00:04:39,004 --> 00:04:41,024
in the meatpacking district
is Oscar Mayer.
72
00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:44,011
I never liked his clothes.
Too fatty.
73
00:04:44,015 --> 00:04:46,005
But that's what's
great about New York.
74
00:04:46,008 --> 00:04:48,008
There's always
a new neighborhood,
a new restaurant...
75
00:04:48,015 --> 00:04:49,015
A new man.
76
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,022
Oh.
77
00:04:50,021 --> 00:04:52,011
That's right, Friday night,
78
00:04:52,007 --> 00:04:55,007
my first official date
with Jack Berger.
79
00:04:55,014 --> 00:04:57,024
That is so exciting,
isn't that exciting?
80
00:04:57,020 --> 00:05:01,010
Oh sure, it's all fun and games
'til someone has a child.
81
00:05:01,013 --> 00:05:03,023
So, what do you two
have planned?
82
00:05:04,001 --> 00:05:05,011
Well, he hasn't said yet,
83
00:05:05,008 --> 00:05:07,018
so many, many outfits
need to be scouted.
84
00:05:07,021 --> 00:05:09,021
Oh, you kids today and your
dating.
85
00:05:09,021 --> 00:05:11,011
I know.
86
00:05:11,007 --> 00:05:13,017
I feel like a girl of 35 again.
87
00:05:13,019 --> 00:05:14,999
-Aw.
88
00:05:16,014 --> 00:05:18,014
Oh, I really like him.
89
00:05:18,007 --> 00:05:20,017
Then you better find out
his bottom line right up front.
90
00:05:20,017 --> 00:05:22,997
If Harry had told me that he
could only be serious about me
91
00:05:23,003 --> 00:05:25,023
if I were Jewish, I doubt
I'd be in my situation.
92
00:05:25,021 --> 00:05:29,011
I don't get it, what kind of man
passes up pussy for Purim?
93
00:05:30,017 --> 00:05:33,007
The soup and
the tenderloin of pork.
94
00:05:35,013 --> 00:05:37,013
What's with the face?
95
00:05:37,007 --> 00:05:38,017
I didn't make a face.
96
00:05:38,018 --> 00:05:40,018
I said "pork," you went...
97
00:05:40,020 --> 00:05:43,010
Well, it's just, I'm confused.
98
00:05:44,008 --> 00:05:46,008
I mean, you can order pork,
but you can't get serious
99
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,023
about a future with me
because I'm not Jewish.
100
00:05:48,022 --> 00:05:51,012
And from the meat market
to the marriage market.
101
00:05:51,009 --> 00:05:53,009
Charlotte, it doesn't
work that way.
102
00:05:53,013 --> 00:05:55,013
I'm not kosher,
I'm conservative.
103
00:05:55,008 --> 00:05:56,018
I'm conservative too!
104
00:05:56,019 --> 00:05:58,019
Yeah, well, my conservative
doesn't have anything to do
105
00:05:58,019 --> 00:05:59,999
with wearing pearls.
106
00:06:00,017 --> 00:06:02,017
Look, I know what
you're thinking, okay.
107
00:06:02,018 --> 00:06:04,018
Why did I let things get this
far without talking about this?
108
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,010
Why did I sleep with you?
Why did I even kiss you?
109
00:06:07,011 --> 00:06:08,011
Why did you?
110
00:06:08,011 --> 00:06:09,021
Because I couldn't not kiss you,
111
00:06:09,023 --> 00:06:11,023
not sleep with you, not see you.
112
00:06:12,001 --> 00:06:14,021
Believe me, I never thought
a shiksa goddess like you
113
00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:17,011
would fall for a putz like me.
114
00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:20,010
You're not a putz.
115
00:06:21,009 --> 00:06:23,009
Do you even know
what putz means?
116
00:06:23,013 --> 00:06:25,023
Yes, schmuck.
117
00:06:26,023 --> 00:06:28,023
You sure you're not Jewish?
118
00:06:32,009 --> 00:06:33,009
Okay.
119
00:06:33,016 --> 00:06:35,996
And from Jewish to poo-ish.
120
00:06:36,005 --> 00:06:37,015
Ah, Miranda?
121
00:06:38,001 --> 00:06:40,011
You got a little doody
on your forehead.
122
00:06:40,009 --> 00:06:41,009
What? Where?
123
00:06:41,016 --> 00:06:43,016
Oh, no, now you got more,
the other side.
124
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:44,020
Which side?
125
00:06:46,004 --> 00:06:48,024
Well, help, it's not funny!
126
00:06:48,017 --> 00:06:50,017
-Baby wipe me, get it off!
-Okay.
127
00:06:50,022 --> 00:06:52,012
"Baby wipe me!"
128
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:54,011
I did not say it like that,
just get it off.
129
00:06:54,015 --> 00:06:55,015
"Baby wipe me!"
130
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:57,013
Oh, yeah, let's see
how you like it.
131
00:06:57,015 --> 00:06:58,995
-No! No!
-You like it?
132
00:06:59,005 --> 00:07:00,015
-No, Miranda, Miranda, Miranda!
-You want it on your face?
133
00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:01,999
-No!
-Huh, mister, mister, mister?
On your face?
134
00:07:02,006 --> 00:07:03,016
-Knock it off!
-"Knock it off!"
135
00:07:03,022 --> 00:07:06,022
Brady, help, tell Mommy
to stop chasing Daddy.
136
00:07:07,020 --> 00:07:09,010
What?
137
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:12,023
I just don't think
it's so fucking funny.
138
00:07:12,022 --> 00:07:14,022
You weren't the one
with shit on your face.
139
00:07:14,021 --> 00:07:16,001
You were chasing me!
140
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,012
You know, I don't
have time for this,
141
00:07:17,008 --> 00:07:18,018
-I have to get up early.
142
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:20,016
I don't even know
why you're still here.
143
00:07:20,018 --> 00:07:21,018
You dropped off
the baby hours ago.
144
00:07:21,022 --> 00:07:23,002
I don't have time
to stand around
145
00:07:23,006 --> 00:07:25,016
while you read the paper
and order food in--
146
00:07:27,006 --> 00:07:28,006
Don't you have a life?
147
00:07:28,009 --> 00:07:30,999
Yeah, I got a life.
148
00:07:33,012 --> 00:07:35,012
Bye, Brady.
149
00:07:41,021 --> 00:07:42,021
Hey.
150
00:07:42,018 --> 00:07:43,998
I'm in love with Steve.
151
00:07:44,003 --> 00:07:45,023
Hold this.
152
00:07:46,018 --> 00:07:50,008
Oh my God, I can't believe it.
153
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:53,011
Come on, are you seriously
telling me you didn't know?
154
00:07:53,010 --> 00:07:55,020
Oh, I knew, I just can't
believe you admitted it.
155
00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:57,010
I need a drink,
what have you got?
156
00:07:57,014 --> 00:07:59,014
It's 11:30
on a Saturday morning.
157
00:07:59,007 --> 00:08:02,007
Did you not hear me just say
I was in love with Steve?
158
00:08:03,014 --> 00:08:07,014
I think I got an old bottle
of Kahlua somewhere.
159
00:08:07,009 --> 00:08:09,999
Okay, hold on there, Brady.
160
00:08:10,005 --> 00:08:12,005
Momma needs a cocktail.
161
00:08:12,007 --> 00:08:13,007
Last night we were
in the dining room
162
00:08:13,015 --> 00:08:15,015
and we were laughing
and all of a sudden
163
00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:18,001
I looked over at him
and I realized...
164
00:08:19,004 --> 00:08:20,024
We belong together.
165
00:08:22,009 --> 00:08:24,019
-Oh, Miranda.
Yeah.
166
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,005
So I picked a huge fight and
threw him out of my apartment.
167
00:08:27,016 --> 00:08:28,016
Good thinking.
168
00:08:29,004 --> 00:08:33,014
Okay, these Triscuits have
been here since the mid-'80s.
169
00:08:33,010 --> 00:08:36,010
I so cannot be
in love with Steve.
170
00:08:36,007 --> 00:08:39,007
Steve so is not the guy for me.
171
00:08:40,011 --> 00:08:41,011
Miranda...
172
00:08:41,016 --> 00:08:42,016
You're right.
173
00:08:43,007 --> 00:08:45,007
Steve so is the guy for me.
174
00:08:45,010 --> 00:08:47,020
No, no, no, I was just asking
if Brady can eat crackers yet.
175
00:08:48,001 --> 00:08:49,011
No.
176
00:08:49,007 --> 00:08:51,017
How can I have been
wrong all these years?
177
00:08:51,023 --> 00:08:54,003
You weren't wrong. It just...
178
00:08:54,004 --> 00:08:55,024
It just took you
a while to get here.
179
00:08:56,006 --> 00:08:59,006
So, what are you gonna do?
180
00:08:59,014 --> 00:09:02,014
I don't know, I have a lot
invested in this relationship,
181
00:09:02,014 --> 00:09:03,024
plus we have the baby.
182
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,021
Yeah, plus, you said
you were in love with him.
183
00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:08,010
Yeah.
184
00:09:08,016 --> 00:09:10,006
So how are you gonna tell him?
185
00:09:10,023 --> 00:09:13,013
Maybe I should take him
somewhere romantic.
186
00:09:13,012 --> 00:09:15,012
Where I can't start a fight.
187
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:19,003
Oh my God, Miranda,
do you know what this means?
188
00:09:19,009 --> 00:09:21,009
You're asking Steve
out on a date!
189
00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:27,022
-Hi, Samantha.
-Hi, Al.
190
00:09:27,022 --> 00:09:29,022
-Looking good, Sam.
-Hi.
191
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,010
That night,
as Samantha walked home
192
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:36,017
past her friendly
neighborhood bar, the Ram Hole,
193
00:09:36,018 --> 00:09:39,018
she saw something
truly upsetting.
194
00:09:47,018 --> 00:09:48,018
Just what we need,
195
00:09:48,023 --> 00:09:51,013
another Wall Street
asshole with money.
196
00:10:00,023 --> 00:10:02,013
Hold the door!
197
00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:08,001
Hi, thanks, I live here.
198
00:10:08,005 --> 00:10:10,015
See, here are my keys.
199
00:10:11,005 --> 00:10:13,005
Chip Kilkinney, I just moved in.
200
00:10:13,015 --> 00:10:15,995
Samantha Jones, 3F.
201
00:10:16,005 --> 00:10:17,995
I'm 4F. You're right under me.
202
00:10:18,006 --> 00:10:19,016
That sounds promising.
203
00:10:20,013 --> 00:10:21,023
That's quite a car.
204
00:10:23,008 --> 00:10:24,018
I love a nice Hummer.
205
00:10:26,008 --> 00:10:29,008
Well, good night.
206
00:10:35,016 --> 00:10:38,996
And uptown,
in a slightly less obvious
maneuver...
207
00:10:39,003 --> 00:10:40,023
Oh, oh, I'm close.
208
00:10:40,022 --> 00:10:42,022
Mm, honey...
209
00:10:42,023 --> 00:10:47,013
Is this whole Jewish thing
really that big a deal?
210
00:10:47,009 --> 00:10:50,019
No, no-- oh God, no!
211
00:10:51,002 --> 00:10:54,002
Ah!
212
00:10:56,022 --> 00:11:00,002
The next morning,
bright and early.
213
00:11:00,014 --> 00:11:03,014
Good morning.
214
00:11:03,015 --> 00:11:06,005
There's a happy face.
215
00:11:06,007 --> 00:11:08,007
I am a happy face.
216
00:11:08,014 --> 00:11:12,014
It's a beautiful morning,
and the sun is shining,
217
00:11:12,020 --> 00:11:15,010
and you changed your mind
about the Jewish thing.
218
00:11:15,009 --> 00:11:18,009
Whoa, whoa, what...
what Jewish thing? When?
219
00:11:18,008 --> 00:11:19,008
Last night.
220
00:11:19,016 --> 00:11:21,006
I asked you if it was really
that important to you,
221
00:11:21,010 --> 00:11:22,020
and you said no.
222
00:11:22,021 --> 00:11:24,021
-I did?
-Yeah.
223
00:11:25,004 --> 00:11:28,004
When we were making love,
right before you came.
224
00:11:28,004 --> 00:11:29,024
How could you not remember?
225
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,011
Charlotte, honey,
226
00:11:31,007 --> 00:11:33,997
I can't remember my own name
right before I come.
227
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:36,000
Well, that's what you said.
228
00:11:36,002 --> 00:11:39,012
Asking me to renounce
Judaism during sex
is a clear manipulation.
229
00:11:39,010 --> 00:11:41,000
Oh, blah blah blah!
230
00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:44,014
I just don't understand, why is
this so important to you?
231
00:11:45,011 --> 00:11:48,001
I promised my mother
I would marry a Jew.
232
00:11:48,004 --> 00:11:49,024
Your mother?
233
00:11:49,019 --> 00:11:51,019
Charlotte had had her
fill of potential husbands
234
00:11:52,001 --> 00:11:53,021
and their demanding mothers...
235
00:11:53,017 --> 00:11:55,997
Harry's stock suddenly
began to plummet.
236
00:11:56,004 --> 00:11:59,004
Yeah, right before she died.
237
00:11:59,004 --> 00:12:02,014
And just like that,
it was up again.
238
00:12:02,019 --> 00:12:05,009
I'm very sorry your mother's
no longer with us,
239
00:12:05,013 --> 00:12:07,023
because if she met me--
240
00:12:07,021 --> 00:12:10,011
She'd fall in love with you
like I did and not care?
241
00:12:10,013 --> 00:12:13,023
-Uh-huh.
-No, Jews don't think like that.
242
00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:16,000
Keeping tradition alive
was very important to her.
243
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:18,012
She lost family
in the Holocaust.
244
00:12:20,021 --> 00:12:22,011
What?
245
00:12:23,023 --> 00:12:25,013
Well, now I can't say anything
246
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:29,001
because you've brought up
the Holocaust.
247
00:12:32,009 --> 00:12:34,009
Hi, it's me, leave a message.
248
00:12:35,013 --> 00:12:36,023
Hi, it's Jack...
249
00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:39,997
Berger, not Kerouac.
250
00:12:40,002 --> 00:12:41,012
Wanted to clear that up.
251
00:12:41,012 --> 00:12:44,012
So you're probably
standing there screening.
252
00:12:44,008 --> 00:12:44,998
Way to play it,
253
00:12:45,006 --> 00:12:46,996
I'm a big fan of the screen.
254
00:12:47,005 --> 00:12:49,995
In fact, don't pick up
or I'll just panic and hang up.
255
00:12:50,014 --> 00:12:51,024
Don't pick up.
256
00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:54,011
I'm not ready for actual
"voice on voice" action.
257
00:12:54,013 --> 00:12:58,013
So, I'm jumping right in and
suggesting dinner and a movie
258
00:12:58,013 --> 00:12:59,023
for the big date.
259
00:12:59,023 --> 00:13:02,003
Everybody's really been loving
that movie Craig's Room,
260
00:13:02,005 --> 00:13:04,015
so why don't we go and hate it?
261
00:13:04,019 --> 00:13:09,999
Here come the movie times,
we have 5:15, we have 7:00...
262
00:13:10,005 --> 00:13:12,995
And he calculated
which times and which theaters
263
00:13:13,006 --> 00:13:15,006
would be least crowded,
"take charge."
264
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:19,021
Yet left the restaurant choice
"flexible."
265
00:13:20,001 --> 00:13:22,011
All in all, the perfect
machine message.
266
00:13:22,014 --> 00:13:26,004
I think Berger and I are
gonna be very happy together.
267
00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:29,023
Oh, I love this time,
before the first date,
268
00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:31,000
when you can make
statements like that
269
00:13:31,004 --> 00:13:32,004
and almost believe them.
270
00:13:32,004 --> 00:13:34,014
Why all the drama?
271
00:13:34,009 --> 00:13:35,019
Because I really like him.
272
00:13:35,021 --> 00:13:38,001
And you can imagine
what that does to a girl.
273
00:13:38,005 --> 00:13:40,995
Got it, say no more.
Really, say no more.
274
00:13:41,006 --> 00:13:43,996
Oh, and then right after he
called, I got a message from
this other fella
275
00:13:44,005 --> 00:13:45,005
who I've known for a year,
276
00:13:45,010 --> 00:13:46,020
suddenly asking me
out on a date.
277
00:13:46,022 --> 00:13:48,012
Which only proves my theory,
278
00:13:48,011 --> 00:13:51,011
the only thing a girl needs
to get a date is another date.
279
00:13:51,008 --> 00:13:52,008
Your stock is up.
280
00:13:52,009 --> 00:13:53,009
And did you say yes?
281
00:13:53,008 --> 00:13:54,018
No, I already have a date.
282
00:13:54,018 --> 00:13:56,008
Which is why you should
say yes to the other one.
283
00:13:56,012 --> 00:13:59,002
I think you're putting a lot
of pressure on this Berger date.
284
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,006
Honey, Charlotte's right.
285
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:02,013
You need to do something
to take the edge off.
286
00:14:02,011 --> 00:14:04,011
I am not going
on a "Sim-U-Date."
287
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:07,009
Carrie, how many new outfits
have you bought for this movie?
288
00:14:07,016 --> 00:14:08,006
Be honest!
289
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,024
None, six, all returnable.
290
00:14:11,020 --> 00:14:13,010
Alright, maybe just
a casual coffee
291
00:14:13,011 --> 00:14:14,021
to take the edge off Berger.
292
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,999
Exactly!
293
00:14:16,003 --> 00:14:17,023
Later that day,
I got to thinking
294
00:14:17,017 --> 00:14:20,007
about the stock market
and dating.
295
00:14:20,007 --> 00:14:21,017
Are they really that different?
296
00:14:22,001 --> 00:14:24,021
If you have a bad stock,
you can lose your shirt.
297
00:14:24,017 --> 00:14:26,007
If you have a bad date,
298
00:14:26,011 --> 00:14:28,001
you can lose your will to live.
299
00:14:28,003 --> 00:14:32,013
And if the date is good,
the stakes get even higher.
300
00:14:33,008 --> 00:14:35,018
After weathering
all the ups and downs,
301
00:14:35,019 --> 00:14:38,019
you could one day
find yourself with nothing.
302
00:14:38,017 --> 00:14:42,017
So, when it comes
to finance and dating,
303
00:14:42,017 --> 00:14:44,007
I couldn't help but wonder...
304
00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:47,013
Why do we keep investing?
305
00:14:51,017 --> 00:14:54,007
And speaking of
high risk investments...
306
00:15:02,017 --> 00:15:03,017
Hey, it's me. I'm not here.
307
00:15:03,023 --> 00:15:07,013
Try me at Scout, 957-7297.
308
00:15:07,014 --> 00:15:09,004
Don't forget the 212.
309
00:15:10,012 --> 00:15:11,022
Hi, Steve...
310
00:15:11,017 --> 00:15:15,017
Hi, Steve, um...
311
00:15:16,008 --> 00:15:18,018
I need to talk to you
about something.
312
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:21,002
How about we do it over dinner?
313
00:15:21,002 --> 00:15:22,012
How's tomorrow night?
314
00:15:22,011 --> 00:15:24,011
Madga can sit with Brady.
315
00:15:24,016 --> 00:15:27,006
Let me know. Bye!
316
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:29,013
Oh, it's Miranda and--
317
00:15:30,019 --> 00:15:31,999
Bye.
318
00:15:32,004 --> 00:15:34,004
Miranda feared it was possibly
319
00:15:34,002 --> 00:15:36,022
the most imperfect
machine message ever.
320
00:15:38,010 --> 00:15:42,000
And Samantha decided
to say it with a basket.
321
00:15:50,013 --> 00:15:52,013
Welcome wagon!
322
00:15:52,009 --> 00:15:53,019
Hi, ah...
323
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,020
Excuse the towel,
I was just in the shower.
324
00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:57,021
I brought you a basket
filled with goodies
325
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,000
to acquaint you with
your new neighborhood.
326
00:16:00,006 --> 00:16:03,006
Cheese, prosciutto,
condoms, handcuffs.
327
00:16:03,022 --> 00:16:04,022
Handcuffs?
328
00:16:04,020 --> 00:16:06,010
From the bar next door.
329
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,008
Enjoy!
330
00:16:08,023 --> 00:16:12,013
If I reach for that,
my towel will fall.
331
00:16:12,007 --> 00:16:13,017
I'm no fool.
332
00:16:21,018 --> 00:16:24,008
A little while later,
Samantha blew Chip...
333
00:16:24,009 --> 00:16:25,019
Stockbroker.
334
00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:29,007
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
Yes, yes, yes!
335
00:16:31,001 --> 00:16:33,021
Now, that's what
I call eating in.
336
00:16:34,012 --> 00:16:39,002
Look, I never do this,
but here's a tip.
337
00:16:39,019 --> 00:16:42,009
Alon Pharmaceuticals.
338
00:16:42,007 --> 00:16:43,017
It's gonna split
and go through the roof.
339
00:16:43,020 --> 00:16:46,000
Alon Pharmaceuticals.
340
00:16:49,010 --> 00:16:50,010
Thanks.
341
00:16:50,012 --> 00:16:51,022
No, thank you.
342
00:16:52,006 --> 00:16:54,006
That was the best
F-ing head of my life.
343
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:57,996
And, just like that,
344
00:16:58,004 --> 00:17:02,014
their mutual fun
turned into mutual funds.
345
00:17:02,016 --> 00:17:05,006
Later that week,
I met with graphic designer
346
00:17:05,008 --> 00:17:06,008
Willy Applegate,
347
00:17:06,015 --> 00:17:08,015
for a late afternoon
"Sim-U-Date."
348
00:17:08,017 --> 00:17:09,017
It's a cute place.
349
00:17:09,023 --> 00:17:12,003
Yeah, I hope it's okay,
yeah, I didn't know,
350
00:17:12,006 --> 00:17:15,016
but I figured, can't go wrong
with a garden, right?
351
00:17:15,018 --> 00:17:16,018
Yeah, it's great.
352
00:17:16,021 --> 00:17:19,011
I hope it's okay, I didn't know.
353
00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:21,995
I just said that.
354
00:17:22,003 --> 00:17:25,013
It suddenly became
clear that a "Sim-U-Date" for me
355
00:17:25,013 --> 00:17:27,013
was a first date for him.
356
00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:31,023
Are you... looking at my sty?
357
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,000
Excuse me?
358
00:17:33,004 --> 00:17:35,014
My sty, I have a sty.
359
00:17:35,009 --> 00:17:36,999
See, right here.
360
00:17:37,002 --> 00:17:38,012
And I was gonna cancel,
but then I thought,
361
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:40,015
well, maybe she
won't even notice it.
362
00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:42,001
And I didn't even--
363
00:17:42,013 --> 00:17:44,003
-No, I wasn't looking at it.
-Oh, oh...
364
00:17:44,004 --> 00:17:45,014
That's good.
365
00:17:45,016 --> 00:17:47,016
Oh, oh!
366
00:17:47,023 --> 00:17:51,013
Okay. What-- what was that?
367
00:17:51,022 --> 00:17:53,022
Have you ever seen anything
like...?
368
00:17:53,021 --> 00:17:55,011
No, I have never!
369
00:17:55,013 --> 00:17:58,003
This was a bad choice
of place, I'm sorry.
370
00:17:58,004 --> 00:17:59,014
No, it's fine.
371
00:17:59,012 --> 00:18:00,022
It's fun, it's like...
372
00:18:00,019 --> 00:18:02,999
Cappuccino wilderness safari.
373
00:18:07,010 --> 00:18:08,010
Ouch. Uh...
374
00:18:08,008 --> 00:18:10,998
Balsamic vinegar, in my sty.
375
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:14,996
-Ouch.
-Oh God, here, here you go.
376
00:18:15,019 --> 00:18:16,019
Ouch.
377
00:18:16,022 --> 00:18:18,022
Thanks, could this go any worse?
378
00:18:20,006 --> 00:18:21,016
-Oh.
-What the--
379
00:18:21,018 --> 00:18:23,018
What the fuck!
380
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,018
Whoa!
381
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:25,020
Oh!
382
00:18:26,006 --> 00:18:28,016
I'm fine! I'm fine. I'm fine.
383
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:33,020
It was a sudden crash
no analysts had seen coming.
384
00:18:33,023 --> 00:18:35,023
And in yet another
type of market...
385
00:18:35,017 --> 00:18:36,017
Well, I hope you're happy,
386
00:18:37,001 --> 00:18:39,001
now I'm twice as nervous
about my Berger date.
387
00:18:39,002 --> 00:18:42,012
Caring too much is like
a disaster magnet.
388
00:18:42,009 --> 00:18:43,019
Oh, poor guy.
389
00:18:43,017 --> 00:18:46,017
Can you catch a sty helping
someone up from gravel?
390
00:18:46,021 --> 00:18:48,011
Where's the homeopathic section?
391
00:18:48,012 --> 00:18:50,022
Maybe they make something
called "Sty-Be-Gone."
392
00:18:50,018 --> 00:18:51,998
Did you know that
Elizabeth Taylor
393
00:18:52,003 --> 00:18:54,013
converted to Judaism
for Eddie Fisher?
394
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:55,018
I am thrown by
the change of topic,
395
00:18:55,022 --> 00:18:57,012
but I do appreciate the trivia.
396
00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:59,010
I'm reading her book,
My Love Affair with Jewelry.
397
00:18:59,015 --> 00:19:00,015
Not surprising.
398
00:19:00,023 --> 00:19:03,023
And she changed her religion
for the man she loved.
399
00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:05,018
Yeah, and a big ol' honking
piece of jewelry.
400
00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:07,008
Oh, don't be so cynical.
401
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,023
Sorry, it's my
potential sty talking.
402
00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:10,023
Love.
403
00:19:10,021 --> 00:19:11,021
She did it for love.
404
00:19:12,014 --> 00:19:15,014
Are you thinking of pulling
an Elizabeth Taylor?
405
00:19:15,022 --> 00:19:17,012
I need more information.
406
00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:19,000
There's more to being
a Jew than jewelry.
407
00:19:19,005 --> 00:19:20,995
Wise words, I'll meet you
at the checkout.
408
00:19:21,004 --> 00:19:22,004
'Kay.
409
00:19:30,010 --> 00:19:31,010
Ah.
410
00:19:33,017 --> 00:19:36,007
Charlotte wondered
just how far she would go
411
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,998
for her true love.
412
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,013
Ooh.
413
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,024
Did you know that
Elizabeth Taylor
414
00:19:44,001 --> 00:19:47,001
converted to Judaism
for Eddie Fisher?
415
00:19:47,006 --> 00:19:48,996
Now, don't get too excited,
416
00:19:49,002 --> 00:19:50,022
we're just trading
information here.
417
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,000
Okay, then, from a
not-excited place I ask,
418
00:19:54,002 --> 00:19:56,002
is this something
you might consider?
419
00:19:56,022 --> 00:19:58,002
I'm just trying to understand,
420
00:19:58,003 --> 00:19:59,023
what's so special
about being a Jew?
421
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:01,013
I feel like I'm on a game show.
422
00:20:01,013 --> 00:20:03,023
I'm serious, I mean, if this
is really your bottom line,
423
00:20:03,021 --> 00:20:05,021
then you're gonna have
to try and give me a reason,
424
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:09,010
aside from your mother,
that I can relate to.
425
00:20:13,019 --> 00:20:15,009
Well...
426
00:20:16,001 --> 00:20:18,011
If we were to get married,
427
00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:20,009
we're just trading
information here.
428
00:20:21,017 --> 00:20:24,017
I would want our children
to be raised Jewish.
429
00:20:24,018 --> 00:20:28,008
Charlotte realized
it was time to reveal to Harry
430
00:20:28,010 --> 00:20:30,020
her bottom line.
431
00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:33,022
Well, if that's
really the reason, then...
432
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,000
I have
to tell you something.
433
00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:40,010
I...
434
00:20:43,006 --> 00:20:45,016
I may not be able
to give you children.
435
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:50,022
I'm, um, challenged
in the reproductive area.
436
00:20:51,004 --> 00:20:55,014
It's not hopeless,
but it's difficult.
437
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:58,022
I guess I should've
brought it up sooner,
438
00:20:58,020 --> 00:21:01,010
but I never thought that
we'd end...
439
00:21:01,021 --> 00:21:03,011
I understand if you--
440
00:21:03,009 --> 00:21:08,019
Shh, Charlotte, I love you.
441
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:10,008
You're the most wonderful thing
442
00:21:10,008 --> 00:21:13,008
that could ever happen
to a schmuck like me.
443
00:21:14,017 --> 00:21:16,017
You're not a schmuck.
444
00:21:16,017 --> 00:21:17,997
You're a putz.
445
00:21:19,005 --> 00:21:23,015
But seriously, Harry,
you want a family and...
446
00:21:26,021 --> 00:21:29,011
What if I couldn't
give that to you?
447
00:21:29,016 --> 00:21:31,996
We'd adopt or something.
448
00:21:32,020 --> 00:21:34,020
But they wouldn't be your own.
449
00:21:34,018 --> 00:21:36,008
Eh...
450
00:21:37,008 --> 00:21:38,018
What are ya gonna do?
451
00:21:38,018 --> 00:21:41,018
Charlotte York
was deeply touched
452
00:21:41,019 --> 00:21:45,999
by Harry Goldenblatt's humor,
compassion and acceptance.
453
00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:48,014
If this is Jewish,
she thought,
454
00:21:48,011 --> 00:21:50,011
that's worth looking into.
455
00:21:50,011 --> 00:21:54,021
Meanwhile downtown,
Samantha had moved her neighbor
from stocks and bonds
456
00:21:54,019 --> 00:21:56,019
-to stockings and bondage.
-I'm bad!
457
00:21:59,011 --> 00:22:00,021
Go away, I'm busy!
458
00:22:03,004 --> 00:22:04,014
Ms. Jones.
459
00:22:04,015 --> 00:22:05,015
Juan.
460
00:22:08,001 --> 00:22:09,021
Who the fuck are you?
461
00:22:09,018 --> 00:22:11,008
FBI, get dressed.
462
00:22:11,016 --> 00:22:13,006
You're under arrest
for insider trading.
463
00:22:13,012 --> 00:22:15,022
Turns out, Chip Kilkinney
was quite the ladies' man.
464
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,010
And every time a woman
went down, the Dow went up.
465
00:22:19,012 --> 00:22:21,022
Ma'am, can you undo your cuffs
so we can use ours?
466
00:22:21,021 --> 00:22:23,001
Surely.
467
00:22:23,011 --> 00:22:26,011
All the good ones
are getting arrested.
468
00:22:30,019 --> 00:22:32,009
And at a romantic restaurant,
469
00:22:32,012 --> 00:22:37,002
a 37-year-old single mother
found herself on a first date.
470
00:22:38,003 --> 00:22:39,013
You look pretty.
471
00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:42,010
You got a date later?
472
00:22:42,023 --> 00:22:45,003
No, it's just the dress.
473
00:22:46,015 --> 00:22:48,015
Jeez Louise, it's dark in here,
474
00:22:48,019 --> 00:22:49,999
I can barely read my menu.
475
00:22:50,002 --> 00:22:52,002
We need, like,
another candle or something.
476
00:22:52,009 --> 00:22:54,009
I think it's kind of nice.
477
00:22:55,015 --> 00:22:57,015
Um, Steve?
478
00:22:58,017 --> 00:22:59,017
Yeah?
479
00:22:59,023 --> 00:23:03,023
I asked you here because
I wanted to explain why
480
00:23:03,019 --> 00:23:05,009
I picked a fight
with you last week.
481
00:23:05,011 --> 00:23:08,011
Miranda, I know you and I know
why you picked a fight with me.
482
00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:11,021
-You do?
-Yeah.
483
00:23:11,017 --> 00:23:14,007
You're upset 'cause
I'm hanging around too much,
484
00:23:14,015 --> 00:23:16,005
you think I'm getting too close.
485
00:23:16,008 --> 00:23:17,998
But you don't have to worry.
486
00:23:18,003 --> 00:23:20,013
'Cause I just started
seeing someone else
487
00:23:20,011 --> 00:23:23,001
and it's going really good.
488
00:23:23,004 --> 00:23:25,014
So, please, relax.
489
00:23:26,015 --> 00:23:28,995
I'm not in love
with you anymore.
490
00:23:38,007 --> 00:23:41,007
All that stuff I said to you
about Steve never happened.
491
00:23:41,014 --> 00:23:44,014
Don't mention it to anyone,
don't think about it,
492
00:23:44,016 --> 00:23:46,006
don't even so much
as give me a look
493
00:23:46,010 --> 00:23:48,010
like you might
be thinking about it.
494
00:23:48,009 --> 00:23:49,019
Like that, that look.
495
00:23:49,019 --> 00:23:51,999
I can't ever,
never see that look again.
496
00:23:52,005 --> 00:23:53,015
Will you please calm down?
497
00:23:53,019 --> 00:23:55,999
I think you're overreacting to
that thing that never happened.
498
00:23:56,006 --> 00:23:57,016
If you think
I'm overreacting here,
499
00:23:57,020 --> 00:23:58,020
you should be inside my head.
500
00:23:59,001 --> 00:24:00,021
Miranda, I have to say
this next thing,
501
00:24:01,001 --> 00:24:04,011
but I will play along and not
look at you while I say it.
502
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,010
Maybe if you had
told Steve anyway, he--
503
00:24:08,013 --> 00:24:10,013
Carrie, I swear to God,
I love you,
504
00:24:10,013 --> 00:24:12,003
but I will have to kill you.
505
00:24:12,013 --> 00:24:15,023
Brady, come on,
work with mommy here, please.
506
00:24:15,017 --> 00:24:18,017
I'm sorry, but I'm
looking and I'm talking.
507
00:24:19,006 --> 00:24:22,996
This is your life,
you two have a baby together.
508
00:24:23,005 --> 00:24:24,015
And it's not high school.
509
00:24:24,018 --> 00:24:26,008
Isn't that Berger?
510
00:24:30,007 --> 00:24:31,997
Oh God, I look like shit.
511
00:24:32,005 --> 00:24:33,005
You don't look like shit.
512
00:24:33,014 --> 00:24:35,024
I look like shit,
this is not my perfect outfit!
513
00:24:36,011 --> 00:24:38,001
-Are you leaving?
-Yeah, bye.
514
00:24:39,011 --> 00:24:41,011
Oh God, shit.
515
00:24:54,004 --> 00:24:57,014
I was just entering
the safety zone when...
516
00:24:58,014 --> 00:24:59,024
There he was...
517
00:25:00,001 --> 00:25:04,001
My emotional equivalent
to the big crash of '29...
518
00:25:04,004 --> 00:25:05,014
Aidan.
519
00:25:19,013 --> 00:25:21,013
-Hey.
-Hey.
520
00:25:23,009 --> 00:25:25,999
Look at you.
521
00:25:26,004 --> 00:25:27,014
I had a baby!
522
00:25:27,009 --> 00:25:28,019
I have a date!
523
00:25:31,007 --> 00:25:33,997
That's wonderful, is this him?
524
00:25:34,003 --> 00:25:37,003
No, no, this isn't him,
this is a stunt baby.
525
00:25:37,021 --> 00:25:38,021
Yeah, it's him.
526
00:25:38,023 --> 00:25:40,013
This is the man, Tate.
527
00:25:40,023 --> 00:25:43,023
I call him Tater, 'cause he
kinda looks like one, you know?
528
00:25:43,019 --> 00:25:45,009
No hair, big eyes.
529
00:25:45,018 --> 00:25:48,008
Yeah, but he's cool,
aren't you, Tate?
530
00:25:48,022 --> 00:25:50,022
So where you running to?
531
00:25:51,008 --> 00:25:52,008
Home.
532
00:25:53,006 --> 00:25:54,996
So, things are good?
They look good.
533
00:25:55,004 --> 00:25:57,004
Yeah, I'm just hanging out
in front of this fabric store
534
00:25:57,002 --> 00:25:58,022
waiting for Tate's mom.
535
00:25:58,020 --> 00:26:02,020
-Alright, don't laugh, I married
another furniture designer.
-Really.
536
00:26:02,018 --> 00:26:05,018
-Yeah, what are you gonna do?
-Yep, you can't fight city hall.
537
00:26:06,009 --> 00:26:08,009
Cathy, she's great.
538
00:26:08,019 --> 00:26:10,009
You want to come in
and meet her?
539
00:26:10,014 --> 00:26:13,024
Oh, another time,
I really have to run.
540
00:26:13,022 --> 00:26:15,012
Okay.
541
00:26:15,012 --> 00:26:16,022
Bye, Tate.
542
00:26:20,014 --> 00:26:22,024
Oh God, Aidan.
543
00:26:26,007 --> 00:26:27,017
It's good to see you.
544
00:26:29,010 --> 00:26:30,020
You too.
545
00:26:32,011 --> 00:26:35,001
We should get together and have
coffee sometime and catch up.
546
00:26:35,004 --> 00:26:38,024
Yeah, great.
Okay, we'll do that.
547
00:26:40,012 --> 00:26:42,022
Bye.
548
00:26:42,019 --> 00:26:46,009
There is the type of
date you can't wait to keep
549
00:26:46,010 --> 00:26:49,020
and the type of date
you both know
550
00:26:49,023 --> 00:26:51,023
you will never keep.
551
00:27:10,003 --> 00:27:12,003
A block later I realized,
552
00:27:12,005 --> 00:27:14,995
if Aidan and I could survive
that huge a crash
553
00:27:15,006 --> 00:27:16,016
and both get out alive,
554
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,010
there was nothing I could do
on a first date
555
00:27:19,007 --> 00:27:20,017
I couldn't bounce back from.
556
00:27:20,019 --> 00:27:22,009
Hey, Berger, it's Carrie.
557
00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:24,015
Hey.
-Yeah, hi, listen.
558
00:27:24,021 --> 00:27:26,021
I'm standing outside
the Sony theater
559
00:27:26,019 --> 00:27:28,019
near Lincoln Center
and Craig's Room
560
00:27:28,022 --> 00:27:31,022
starts in half an hour
and there are no lines.
561
00:27:31,019 --> 00:27:33,009
Can you go now?
562
00:27:33,010 --> 00:27:35,020
That's so weird, I'm right
in that neighborhood.
563
00:27:36,010 --> 00:27:38,010
Really?
Ha, it must be fate.
564
00:27:38,016 --> 00:27:41,016
I'll be right there.
-Okay, bye.
565
00:27:47,013 --> 00:27:48,023
Hey!
566
00:27:49,007 --> 00:27:50,997
Well, this blows.
567
00:27:51,006 --> 00:27:53,006
I had my special outfit
all picked out for tonight.
568
00:27:53,010 --> 00:27:57,010
-I got the tickets.
-Alright, then I got the popcorn
and assorted chocolate goodness.
569
00:27:57,012 --> 00:27:58,012
Are you a candy gal?
570
00:27:58,012 --> 00:27:59,022
I am the candy gal.
571
00:27:59,020 --> 00:28:01,020
Cool, 'cause I'm the candy man.
572
00:28:01,020 --> 00:28:04,020
-Yeah?
-No, I am, serious,
Sammy Davis ripped me off.
573
00:28:04,018 --> 00:28:05,018
Yeah, Sammy Davis?
574
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,020
You don't feel the need
to use the "Junior"?
575
00:28:07,017 --> 00:28:09,007
No, not at all.
576
00:28:09,018 --> 00:28:10,018
-Really?
-Nope.
577
00:28:11,001 --> 00:28:12,011
Nope, we're good.
578
00:28:12,009 --> 00:28:13,999
Get it!
579
00:28:14,003 --> 00:28:16,023
And by close of
Wall Street that day,
580
00:28:16,018 --> 00:28:19,008
the NASDAQ was down,
but amazingly,
581
00:28:19,011 --> 00:28:22,011
our stock was still up.