1
00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:49,020
[Carrie] The only thing
as delicious
as those first few bites
2
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,020
of a truly great burger
3
00:00:51,020 --> 00:00:55,000
are those first few dates
with someone truly great...
4
00:00:55,002 --> 00:00:56,002
like Berger.
5
00:00:56,004 --> 00:00:57,024
All right, so I thought,
that's cool.
6
00:00:57,021 --> 00:01:00,011
I'll do a book reading
in my hometown.
7
00:01:00,012 --> 00:01:01,022
Right about after
the fifth question,
8
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,010
I realized that my mother
is heckling me.
9
00:01:04,010 --> 00:01:05,020
-She was not!
-No, no, she was!
10
00:01:05,020 --> 00:01:08,010
Ask anybody
at the Downer's Grove
Barnes and Noble, all right.
11
00:01:08,010 --> 00:01:09,020
They still talk about it.
12
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,000
Come here.
13
00:01:14,014 --> 00:01:17,014
[Carrie] Everything is fresh.
Everything is a first.
14
00:01:17,016 --> 00:01:18,006
You like your beef.
15
00:01:18,016 --> 00:01:19,996
[Carrie] Everything is foreplay.
16
00:01:20,004 --> 00:01:21,024
[laughing]
17
00:01:22,022 --> 00:01:24,022
Even a trip
to Bed Bath and Beyond
18
00:01:24,021 --> 00:01:27,001
can become an ecstatic errand.
19
00:01:27,002 --> 00:01:28,022
I don't see you
as a fish person.
20
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,010
Yeah, the problem
with the fish is
21
00:01:30,009 --> 00:01:31,019
then you're into
the whole fish theme.
22
00:01:31,021 --> 00:01:34,011
You have the fish soap,
the fish bath mat...
23
00:01:34,008 --> 00:01:37,008
It's a pyramid scheme,
this shower curtain.
24
00:01:37,012 --> 00:01:39,022
Now, this one...
this is the one I have at home.
25
00:01:39,023 --> 00:01:40,023
Mm-hmm.
26
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:42,021
Except on mine,
China's covered in mold.
27
00:01:42,017 --> 00:01:44,017
And here they thought
communism was a problem.
28
00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:45,020
Hmm.
29
00:01:45,018 --> 00:01:47,008
You know,
it's a very intimate thing,
30
00:01:47,012 --> 00:01:49,012
shopping for shower curtains.
31
00:01:49,013 --> 00:01:50,023
Oh, yeah?
32
00:01:50,018 --> 00:01:52,008
Wait till I get you
into bedding.
33
00:01:54,016 --> 00:01:57,006
[Carrie] And of course,
those first kisses
34
00:01:57,008 --> 00:01:59,998
are the greatest kisses
in the world.
35
00:02:04,017 --> 00:02:05,997
[man] Goodnight.
36
00:02:09,011 --> 00:02:12,021
All right, we should
get out of here
before they turn the lights off.
37
00:02:12,019 --> 00:02:14,009
Oh, well.
38
00:02:14,007 --> 00:02:16,007
The wait staff
couldn't wait any longer,
39
00:02:16,007 --> 00:02:17,007
and neither could I.
40
00:02:17,015 --> 00:02:20,015
I wanted Berger
in my Bed Bath and Beyond...
41
00:02:20,021 --> 00:02:21,021
immediately.
42
00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:23,010
I'm either leaving
a very big tip
43
00:02:23,013 --> 00:02:25,023
or a dry-cleaning receipt.
44
00:02:35,002 --> 00:02:36,012
Ow, my hair.
45
00:02:36,011 --> 00:02:37,021
Oh, sorry, is that...
46
00:02:37,021 --> 00:02:39,001
Yeah, no, I just...
47
00:02:43,018 --> 00:02:46,018
[bus passing outside]
48
00:03:00,012 --> 00:03:03,022
[Carrie] The next night,
Samantha convinced us
to go to Raw,
49
00:03:03,021 --> 00:03:07,001
where the scene was hot
and the food was not.
50
00:03:07,004 --> 00:03:10,014
You'd think a place
that eliminated cooking
could eliminate waiting.
51
00:03:10,011 --> 00:03:12,011
What do you mean?
They don't cook the food here?
52
00:03:12,011 --> 00:03:13,021
That's why they call it Raw.
53
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,018
The raw food movement?
54
00:03:15,001 --> 00:03:16,001
People love it.
55
00:03:16,003 --> 00:03:19,013
Sting, Demi, Soon Yi, soon me.
56
00:03:19,011 --> 00:03:21,001
Now, what is raw food exactly?
57
00:03:21,003 --> 00:03:25,003
Vegan non-dairy, and nothing
is cooked over 118 degrees.
58
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,015
So in other words,
raw vegetables.
59
00:03:27,023 --> 00:03:29,013
And sometimes flowers.
60
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,019
And you knew about this?
61
00:03:30,017 --> 00:03:32,007
I read a review in The Times.
62
00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:33,009
Where, in the gardening section?
63
00:03:33,014 --> 00:03:34,024
I heard it's delicious.
64
00:03:34,021 --> 00:03:37,011
People, the emperor has no oven!
65
00:03:38,020 --> 00:03:42,000
Sorry. Sorry.
I didn't get enough sleep
last night.
66
00:03:42,006 --> 00:03:45,006
Really?
Did you finally bugger Berger?
67
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:46,017
How long have you been
waiting to say that?
68
00:03:46,023 --> 00:03:48,003
It just occurred to me.
69
00:03:48,002 --> 00:03:50,022
-Yes, we finally buggered.
-Yay!
70
00:03:50,019 --> 00:03:52,019
You realize you're now
applauding intercourse?
71
00:03:52,019 --> 00:03:54,999
Well, it was her first time
and she really likes him.
72
00:03:55,006 --> 00:03:56,996
Jones, your table is ready.
73
00:03:57,005 --> 00:03:58,995
[all sighing]
74
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:01,005
[soothing music plays on PA]
75
00:04:03,004 --> 00:04:04,014
So details?
76
00:04:04,016 --> 00:04:06,006
Um, it was good.
77
00:04:06,010 --> 00:04:08,000
-It was fine.
-Fine?
78
00:04:08,006 --> 00:04:09,016
I don't really want
to talk about it.
79
00:04:09,018 --> 00:04:10,018
He couldn't get it up.
80
00:04:10,021 --> 00:04:12,011
He could get it up,
that wasn't the--
81
00:04:12,008 --> 00:04:14,018
You know what,
there was no problem.
82
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:15,020
Moving on.
83
00:04:18,014 --> 00:04:19,024
-Enjoy your meal.
-Thanks.
84
00:04:21,009 --> 00:04:24,009
[soothing music
continues playing]
85
00:04:26,014 --> 00:04:28,024
What?
I don't want to make
a big deal about it.
86
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,008
It was just the first time.
87
00:04:32,015 --> 00:04:34,015
But we're so good
everywhere else.
88
00:04:34,021 --> 00:04:37,011
We're great in restaurants,
it's like poppity pop pop.
89
00:04:37,013 --> 00:04:40,013
And the kisses are great.
And then...
90
00:04:40,015 --> 00:04:41,015
in bed, there was...
91
00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:45,001
there was no sexual chemistry.
92
00:04:45,003 --> 00:04:46,003
I don't know what happened.
93
00:04:46,005 --> 00:04:47,005
He just...
94
00:04:47,009 --> 00:04:48,009
Couldn't find your clit?
95
00:04:48,014 --> 00:04:50,014
He knows what he's doing!
96
00:04:50,013 --> 00:04:52,013
Then what are we talking about?
97
00:04:53,013 --> 00:04:56,023
It was... it was just quiet.
98
00:04:56,018 --> 00:04:58,018
[Charlotte] I wouldn't worry
about it, Carrie.
99
00:04:58,019 --> 00:04:59,009
If the kisses were good,
100
00:04:59,016 --> 00:05:01,006
then the sex will
eventually be good.
101
00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:03,010
-I'm not worried.
-How quiet was it?
102
00:05:03,010 --> 00:05:06,010
It was so quiet that at one
point I heard the M11 bus.
103
00:05:06,011 --> 00:05:09,001
I heard the doors open.
I heard people getting off.
104
00:05:09,005 --> 00:05:10,015
Well, at least someone
was getting off.
105
00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:12,021
And speaking of...
106
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:13,020
Hey.
107
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:15,001
Welcome to Raw.
108
00:05:15,002 --> 00:05:16,012
Hello.
109
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:23,010
We like to get you started
with a little amuse-bouche.
110
00:05:23,016 --> 00:05:25,016
I'd like him
to amuse my "bouche."
111
00:05:25,018 --> 00:05:27,008
Well, this just looks delicious.
112
00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:29,010
It's our summer vegetable soup.
113
00:05:29,007 --> 00:05:30,017
I see you guys
are set for drinks,
114
00:05:30,022 --> 00:05:32,012
so I'll give you
a minute with the menus.
115
00:05:32,012 --> 00:05:34,012
And, oh, our specials tonight,
if you're interested--
116
00:05:34,014 --> 00:05:37,014
Oh, I'm extremely interested.
117
00:05:37,011 --> 00:05:39,021
Leek papaya patties
and zucchini enchiladas.
118
00:05:39,023 --> 00:05:41,003
Mmm.
119
00:05:41,006 --> 00:05:42,016
I'm gonna need
a pizza after this.
120
00:05:42,018 --> 00:05:44,998
I'm gonna need a napkin
to dry off my seat.
121
00:05:45,006 --> 00:05:47,016
That waiter was hot.
122
00:05:47,019 --> 00:05:48,019
And the soup is not.
123
00:05:49,001 --> 00:05:49,021
What is this?
124
00:05:49,023 --> 00:05:51,013
Bad, this is bad.
125
00:05:51,010 --> 00:05:53,000
It is like lawn in a bowl.
126
00:05:53,003 --> 00:05:55,023
Maybe some things
should be over 118 degrees.
127
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:56,020
Like sex for example.
128
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,020
Okay, can we please forget
I said anything?
129
00:05:58,021 --> 00:05:59,021
Seriously.
130
00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:02,010
Who else has news?
131
00:06:02,007 --> 00:06:04,997
I do, but you're going
to have to put down your menus
132
00:06:05,006 --> 00:06:06,016
because I need your
undivided attention.
133
00:06:06,018 --> 00:06:08,008
Well, you'll have
to shoot our waiter.
134
00:06:08,008 --> 00:06:10,998
Will you look at that ass?
135
00:06:12,007 --> 00:06:14,007
Do you mind?
136
00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:18,010
I have something
a bit shocking to say.
137
00:06:18,009 --> 00:06:20,009
And after I say it,
I don't want anyone to react
138
00:06:20,011 --> 00:06:23,001
because I'm very happy
with my decision.
139
00:06:25,009 --> 00:06:27,019
I'm becoming a Jew.
140
00:06:27,022 --> 00:06:29,022
[music pauses]
141
00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:31,021
-[music continues playing]
-What?
142
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,010
I can feel you reacting.
143
00:06:34,016 --> 00:06:37,006
I love Harry very much,
and he loves me.
144
00:06:37,013 --> 00:06:41,023
So tomorrow I'm meeting with
a rabbi to discuss converting.
145
00:06:41,020 --> 00:06:43,020
Isn't that a lot
of hoop-jumping for a man?
146
00:06:43,021 --> 00:06:47,011
Look, Harry is not who
I expected to fall in love with,
147
00:06:47,010 --> 00:06:48,020
but I did.
148
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,010
And he makes me laugh,
And he says what he means.
149
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:54,021
And I feel like I can
be myself around him.
150
00:06:54,023 --> 00:06:56,013
But yourself is Episcopalian.
151
00:06:56,012 --> 00:07:01,012
And it is still the most
exciting sex I've ever had.
152
00:07:01,008 --> 00:07:03,008
Mazel tov.
153
00:07:03,016 --> 00:07:05,006
-[Miranda] Now, this is food.
-[Carrie] Mm...
154
00:07:05,009 --> 00:07:06,019
[Miranda]
And you know what's even better?
155
00:07:06,019 --> 00:07:08,009
While I'm eating
this slice of pizza,
156
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:10,020
my boyfriend is home
taping my favorite TV show.
157
00:07:10,021 --> 00:07:13,011
And to which boyfriend
are we referring?
158
00:07:13,009 --> 00:07:14,009
My boyfriend, TiVo.
159
00:07:14,011 --> 00:07:15,011
Ah.
160
00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:17,010
You've traded Steve-o for TiVo.
161
00:07:17,015 --> 00:07:19,005
We don't talk
of Steve-o anymore.
162
00:07:19,011 --> 00:07:20,021
I thought if
I changed his name--
163
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:21,020
[Miranda] Who needs him?
164
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:23,023
With TiVo, when there's
something I don't enjoy,
165
00:07:23,021 --> 00:07:25,001
I just speed right through it.
166
00:07:25,006 --> 00:07:26,996
-If only we could
do that in life.
-[Miranda] Exactly.
167
00:07:27,006 --> 00:07:29,016
And he surprises me with things
that he thinks I might like,
168
00:07:29,017 --> 00:07:31,007
which is how I got hooked
on Jules & Mimi.
169
00:07:31,008 --> 00:07:32,018
I stopped watching television
170
00:07:32,017 --> 00:07:34,017
when people started putting
leeches down their pants.
171
00:07:35,001 --> 00:07:36,021
No, no, no, this is BBC America.
172
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:38,013
It's about a beautiful
black man from Brixton
173
00:07:38,016 --> 00:07:40,996
and a white woman
from Hampstead Heath,
174
00:07:41,006 --> 00:07:42,016
I don't know
what that means exactly,
175
00:07:42,021 --> 00:07:44,021
but apparently
there's a great divide.
176
00:07:44,018 --> 00:07:47,018
And he rents the flat
above her hat shop.
177
00:07:47,017 --> 00:07:49,997
And tonight,
they're finally having sex.
178
00:07:50,004 --> 00:07:53,004
Well, good luck to them.
179
00:07:53,002 --> 00:07:55,012
-Carrie, it was the first time.
-I know.
180
00:07:55,009 --> 00:07:56,019
[Miranda] And sometimes
you have to work at it.
181
00:07:56,023 --> 00:07:58,013
Have you ever had
to work at it?
182
00:07:58,013 --> 00:08:00,013
I'm dating a digital
recording device.
183
00:08:00,014 --> 00:08:02,004
Well, I have never
had to work at it
184
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:03,013
with someone I really like.
185
00:08:03,009 --> 00:08:04,019
You should probably
keep that to yourself.
186
00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:08,001
Okay, but Miranda,
187
00:08:08,005 --> 00:08:11,005
I gotta tell you,
it was not good.
188
00:08:11,007 --> 00:08:12,017
There was no...
189
00:08:12,019 --> 00:08:13,999
No... grrrr.
190
00:08:14,006 --> 00:08:15,016
No throw down.
191
00:08:15,019 --> 00:08:18,009
It was more like...
a "slow down."
192
00:08:18,012 --> 00:08:19,012
Hmm.
193
00:08:19,012 --> 00:08:20,022
Yeah, and it caught me
completely off guard,
194
00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:22,021
because I thought
it would be amazing.
195
00:08:22,019 --> 00:08:23,019
Well, maybe that's the problem.
196
00:08:23,021 --> 00:08:25,021
-What?
-[Miranda] Your expectations
were too high.
197
00:08:25,023 --> 00:08:27,003
Of course you were disappointed.
198
00:08:27,002 --> 00:08:28,022
From now on, people should
tell it like it is.
199
00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:30,021
First time sex: tricky.
200
00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:34,011
Non-dairy vegan ravioli:
kindergarten paste.
201
00:08:42,012 --> 00:08:46,002
[Carrie] As I tried to scrub the
smell of uncooked okra off me,
202
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:50,003
I started thinking
about "sexpectations."
203
00:08:50,003 --> 00:08:51,013
[laptop chiming on]
204
00:08:51,013 --> 00:08:53,023
We're aware,
as smart single women,
205
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,010
that we can't expect
perfection.
206
00:08:55,016 --> 00:08:59,006
But life still manages
to throw us curve balls.
207
00:08:59,011 --> 00:09:02,011
Maybe once you're
into your mid-30s,
208
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:04,008
it shouldn't be called dating.
209
00:09:04,008 --> 00:09:05,008
It should be called
210
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:08,011
"waiting for the other
shoe to drop."
211
00:09:08,012 --> 00:09:11,002
If it's not the sex
between me and you,
212
00:09:11,002 --> 00:09:13,022
then someone has
to become a Jew.
213
00:09:14,001 --> 00:09:16,021
Why is it always something?
214
00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:21,011
Unless you're in a problem-free
relationship with TiVo.
215
00:09:24,003 --> 00:09:25,003
[Miranda] No.
216
00:09:25,003 --> 00:09:27,013
No.
Maybe later...
217
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:31,001
Ahh... hello.
218
00:09:32,017 --> 00:09:34,017
Shut up, shut up,
shut up, shut up.
219
00:09:35,001 --> 00:09:37,011
Ah, thank you.
220
00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:45,000
[woman on TV] Jules...
221
00:09:45,006 --> 00:09:46,006
Are you there?
222
00:09:47,014 --> 00:09:49,014
Hello, Mimi.
223
00:09:49,011 --> 00:09:52,001
[Mimi] Do you always answer
the door without a shirt on?
224
00:09:52,002 --> 00:09:54,012
The heat isn't working.
225
00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:55,997
That's why I rang you up.
226
00:09:57,003 --> 00:09:58,023
[Mimi] It seems to be working.
227
00:09:59,021 --> 00:10:01,011
It's definitely balmy in here.
228
00:10:01,011 --> 00:10:03,021
No, the problem
is in the bedroom.
229
00:10:03,022 --> 00:10:06,012
[Mimi] Right, of course.
230
00:10:06,014 --> 00:10:07,014
The bedroom.
231
00:10:07,015 --> 00:10:10,015
[Carrie] The next day,
Charlotte boldly went
232
00:10:10,021 --> 00:10:13,011
where no York had gone before.
233
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:14,022
The synagogue.
234
00:10:18,022 --> 00:10:19,022
Shalom.
235
00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:21,020
Where would I find the rabbi?
236
00:10:22,017 --> 00:10:24,017
His study. Inside.
237
00:10:24,019 --> 00:10:26,009
Thank you.
238
00:10:31,012 --> 00:10:32,022
Are you the rabbi?
239
00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:34,001
Mm-hmm.
240
00:10:34,003 --> 00:10:35,023
Hi, my name is Charlotte York,
241
00:10:35,019 --> 00:10:37,019
and I'm here today because
I would like to consider
242
00:10:37,023 --> 00:10:39,013
joining the Jewish faith.
243
00:10:39,016 --> 00:10:41,006
We're not interested.
244
00:10:50,003 --> 00:10:52,023
Hello.
I need to report
a very rude man.
245
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,009
I was just saying that
my name is Charlotte York,
246
00:10:54,010 --> 00:10:57,010
and I would like to consider
joining the Jewish--
247
00:11:01,023 --> 00:11:04,023
I don't know what is
with these people.
I never!
248
00:11:05,001 --> 00:11:07,011
Do you know how much
I love you for doing this?
249
00:11:07,011 --> 00:11:09,021
And do you know
how sexy you look?
250
00:11:09,017 --> 00:11:11,007
That's it, I have
to have you immediately.
251
00:11:11,015 --> 00:11:13,005
[Carrie] Harry definitely had
"throw down,"
252
00:11:13,016 --> 00:11:16,006
but Charlotte was
too thrown and down to care.
253
00:11:16,015 --> 00:11:17,015
Stop, Harry.
254
00:11:17,017 --> 00:11:20,017
I'm feeling very rejected
by your people.
255
00:11:21,001 --> 00:11:22,011
That's the game, baby.
256
00:11:22,007 --> 00:11:24,017
They try to make it
hard for you.
257
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,020
-What?
-It's part of the process.
258
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,000
Traditionally,
they turn you down three times
259
00:11:29,003 --> 00:11:30,013
to make sure you're serious.
260
00:11:30,013 --> 00:11:33,003
[Carrie] Suddenly,
Charlotte understood.
261
00:11:33,003 --> 00:11:35,013
They were playing hard to get.
262
00:11:35,009 --> 00:11:37,009
They were "rules" rabbis.
263
00:11:38,002 --> 00:11:39,022
I can play that game.
264
00:11:41,006 --> 00:11:43,996
I invented that game.
265
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:46,013
No man rejects Charlotte York!
266
00:11:46,012 --> 00:11:48,012
I don't care what
any rabbi says.
267
00:11:48,012 --> 00:11:50,022
You are my chosen person.
268
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:52,001
[Charlotte yelps]
269
00:11:53,020 --> 00:11:56,020
[Carrie] Miranda was looking
forward to another
perfect night
270
00:11:56,017 --> 00:11:58,007
with her perfect boyfriend.
271
00:11:58,009 --> 00:12:01,009
But unfortunately,
there was another woman.
272
00:12:01,008 --> 00:12:02,998
I think I did something bad.
273
00:12:03,005 --> 00:12:04,005
What do you mean, Brady?
274
00:12:04,007 --> 00:12:05,007
I just checked on him.
275
00:12:05,014 --> 00:12:08,004
No, the boy is beautiful,
is fine.
276
00:12:12,002 --> 00:12:13,002
TiVo?
277
00:12:14,021 --> 00:12:16,011
What did you do?
278
00:12:16,008 --> 00:12:17,998
Exactly what did you do?
279
00:12:20,001 --> 00:12:21,011
I sit on...
280
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,000
and then nothing.
281
00:12:24,005 --> 00:12:25,995
You sat on TiVo?
282
00:12:26,004 --> 00:12:27,014
Is it okay?
283
00:12:29,007 --> 00:12:32,007
Nothing is recorded.
How could you do this?
284
00:12:32,009 --> 00:12:34,019
This is Jules & Mimi,
the morning after.
285
00:12:34,018 --> 00:12:37,018
No, no, no, no, no!
286
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,018
Yes.
287
00:12:40,022 --> 00:12:45,012
[Carrie] And across town,
I lay in bed
willing Berger to call me,
288
00:12:45,013 --> 00:12:46,023
which never works.
289
00:12:46,021 --> 00:12:48,021
[telephone rings]
290
00:12:51,016 --> 00:12:52,006
Hello?
291
00:12:52,014 --> 00:12:54,014
[Berger] Hey, it's me.
292
00:12:54,015 --> 00:12:55,015
I'm sorry for not
calling earlier,
293
00:12:55,019 --> 00:12:57,999
and I know this is the same
excuse that every guy gives,
294
00:12:58,005 --> 00:12:59,015
but in my case, it is true.
295
00:12:59,023 --> 00:13:01,023
A 60-foot raccoon
was attacking the village,
296
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:05,000
and I had to trap it,
and kill it, and stuff it
297
00:13:05,002 --> 00:13:06,022
and everybody's safe now,
298
00:13:06,017 --> 00:13:08,007
even the little Flanders girl
299
00:13:08,012 --> 00:13:10,022
who was stuck in a tree.
300
00:13:11,001 --> 00:13:12,011
[giggles]
301
00:13:12,007 --> 00:13:14,007
But I might have rabies.
302
00:13:14,007 --> 00:13:15,007
What've you been up to?
303
00:13:15,016 --> 00:13:16,996
Oh, same old, same old.
304
00:13:17,003 --> 00:13:20,023
Did The Times crossword puzzle,
found a cure for cancer.
305
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,010
You did The Times
crossword puzzle?
306
00:13:22,015 --> 00:13:23,015
Monday's, not Sunday's.
307
00:13:24,001 --> 00:13:25,021
Oh, okay.
308
00:13:25,019 --> 00:13:27,009
I need like three people
to do Sunday's,
309
00:13:27,012 --> 00:13:28,022
one of them
has to have the answers.
310
00:13:28,019 --> 00:13:31,009
[Carrie] I was thinking that if
two people can be good in bed
311
00:13:31,014 --> 00:13:33,024
when they're not
in the same bed,
312
00:13:33,017 --> 00:13:35,017
how hard a conversion
could it be?
313
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,013
I have some answers
if you have cab fare.
314
00:13:38,016 --> 00:13:39,016
Oh, yeah?
315
00:13:51,011 --> 00:13:54,011
[bus passing outside]
316
00:13:58,015 --> 00:13:59,005
[Samantha] Dump him!
317
00:13:59,014 --> 00:14:01,014
Fuck me badly once,
shame on you.
318
00:14:01,013 --> 00:14:03,013
Fuck me badly twice,
shame on me.
319
00:14:04,016 --> 00:14:05,996
Is that the saying?
320
00:14:06,003 --> 00:14:07,023
That's my saying.
321
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:09,020
I don't want to dump him.
I think he's fantastic.
322
00:14:10,001 --> 00:14:12,021
And aren't we getting a little
old to jump to the dump?
323
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,008
What about working on things?
324
00:14:14,014 --> 00:14:17,004
Look at Charlotte,
she's becoming a Jew.
325
00:14:17,006 --> 00:14:19,016
Hi, I need something that will
make a guy cum in his pants
326
00:14:19,023 --> 00:14:21,003
as soon as he sees me.
327
00:14:21,005 --> 00:14:22,005
Got it.
328
00:14:23,010 --> 00:14:25,010
You talk to salespeople
like that?
329
00:14:25,009 --> 00:14:26,999
I'm here all the time.
They love me.
330
00:14:27,003 --> 00:14:29,003
Is this for a specific gentleman
331
00:14:29,003 --> 00:14:30,023
or do you just look
for that generally?
332
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,020
It's for that
hot waiter from Raw.
333
00:14:32,019 --> 00:14:35,999
I'm sleeping with him tonight,
but he doesn't know it yet.
334
00:14:36,006 --> 00:14:37,996
I think I have to talk to him.
335
00:14:38,019 --> 00:14:39,999
No!
336
00:14:40,003 --> 00:14:41,013
We talk about everything else.
337
00:14:41,016 --> 00:14:43,006
Honey, when it comes to sex,
338
00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:44,008
spray it, don't say it.
339
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:45,996
Okay, that was unnecessary.
340
00:14:46,004 --> 00:14:47,024
I'm trying to salvage
your love life.
341
00:14:48,001 --> 00:14:51,021
The only words you should be
saying in bed are dirty ones.
342
00:14:51,017 --> 00:14:54,007
I can't do that...
without alcohol.
343
00:14:54,014 --> 00:14:57,024
Then start drinking, because
if you want a hotter sex life,
344
00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:59,020
you're going to have
to turn up the heat.
345
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,020
Starting with...
346
00:15:02,014 --> 00:15:04,004
I don't wear furry shoes.
347
00:15:04,002 --> 00:15:05,022
They're not for you,
they're for him.
348
00:15:06,001 --> 00:15:07,011
He mostly wears loafers.
349
00:15:07,011 --> 00:15:09,011
Are you sure I can't
talk to him about it?
350
00:15:09,011 --> 00:15:10,021
Honey...
351
00:15:11,019 --> 00:15:12,019
If the sex isn't great,
352
00:15:12,020 --> 00:15:14,010
it doesn't help
to say it's not great.
353
00:15:14,007 --> 00:15:16,017
That's usually a downer,
and by that, I mean...
354
00:15:16,020 --> 00:15:20,000
-Uh, uh... uh.
-[Carrie] Yeah.
355
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,023
Plus, he must know
it's not great.
356
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,020
He can't think this is good.
357
00:15:25,002 --> 00:15:26,022
Oh, God!
358
00:15:26,017 --> 00:15:29,007
Is it possible
he thinks this is good?
359
00:15:29,014 --> 00:15:30,024
Here we are.
360
00:15:30,023 --> 00:15:34,003
Oh, as a matter of fact,
I'm gonna take this.
361
00:15:34,002 --> 00:15:35,012
No, we'll take two.
362
00:15:35,009 --> 00:15:39,009
And um, these in a seven.
363
00:15:39,007 --> 00:15:42,007
That evening,
Miranda had one of those
regrettable discussions
364
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,019
that results from the belief
365
00:15:43,017 --> 00:15:44,017
that you
and your significant other
366
00:15:44,023 --> 00:15:46,023
should be able to talk
through any problem.
367
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,020
We have been over this before.
368
00:15:49,001 --> 00:15:51,021
I feel like you are
not listening to me.
369
00:15:51,019 --> 00:15:55,019
I turned the system off for
ten minutes and nothing changed!
370
00:15:58,013 --> 00:15:59,023
I'm sorry.
371
00:16:00,010 --> 00:16:01,020
I'm upset.
372
00:16:03,021 --> 00:16:05,021
I'm just so disappointed.
373
00:16:05,022 --> 00:16:07,022
I got used to coming home
to something.
374
00:16:07,022 --> 00:16:09,022
Can't you work with me on this?
375
00:16:13,002 --> 00:16:14,022
You told me to do that already!
376
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,010
What is wrong with you?
377
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,000
[groans]
378
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:25,005
[Carrie] Friday night
with Berger,
379
00:16:25,011 --> 00:16:29,011
I had my sexy lingerie
under my cool couture,
380
00:16:29,013 --> 00:16:32,003
and I was feeling good.
381
00:16:32,003 --> 00:16:33,023
You look so hot in that shirt.
382
00:16:34,018 --> 00:16:36,008
You being serious?
383
00:16:36,009 --> 00:16:38,009
Okay, we're gonna
need some drinks.
384
00:16:38,013 --> 00:16:40,003
-Oh, hey.
-[waitress] Hi!
385
00:16:40,003 --> 00:16:41,013
Well, it's still happy hour,
386
00:16:41,007 --> 00:16:42,017
so frozen margaritas
are two-for-one.
387
00:16:42,021 --> 00:16:44,001
All righty, okay.
388
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,004
-When in Rome.
-Sure.
389
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:51,006
[Carrie] Since we were 0 for 2,
I figured two-for-one
was a good idea.
390
00:16:58,001 --> 00:17:00,001
And after three
unreturned phone calls,
391
00:17:00,004 --> 00:17:02,014
Charlotte decided
to make a house call.
392
00:17:02,007 --> 00:17:02,997
[Charlotte] Hello, rabbi.
393
00:17:03,005 --> 00:17:04,015
I brought you some kosher wine.
394
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,010
I'm sorry, but my husband
can't see you now.
395
00:17:19,014 --> 00:17:21,014
Excuse me,
I don't mean to be rude,
396
00:17:21,011 --> 00:17:23,011
but I think he can!
397
00:17:24,005 --> 00:17:25,015
Miss, wha--!
398
00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:32,002
Look, I am 37 years old,
I'm reproductively challenged.
399
00:17:32,006 --> 00:17:33,016
I am in love
with a Jewish person,
400
00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:35,000
and it took me
20 years to find him.
401
00:17:35,005 --> 00:17:37,005
I don't have time
to play these games!
402
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:52,004
[sighs]
403
00:17:52,006 --> 00:17:54,016
All right, Charlotte,
lesson number one:
404
00:17:54,021 --> 00:17:56,011
you have to give it a rest
405
00:17:56,011 --> 00:17:59,011
because it's about to be
Sabbath, the day of rest.
406
00:17:59,015 --> 00:18:01,005
You want to be a Jew?
407
00:18:03,022 --> 00:18:04,022
Sit.
408
00:18:06,013 --> 00:18:07,023
Watch.
409
00:18:08,006 --> 00:18:09,016
Learn.
410
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,010
Oh, that is so sweet.
411
00:18:12,012 --> 00:18:13,012
But actually...
412
00:18:13,016 --> 00:18:15,996
I'm supposed to meet
my boyfriend...
413
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:20,024
I can skip it.
414
00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:21,017
Come, girls, gather.
415
00:18:28,018 --> 00:18:30,008
[cell phone rings]
416
00:18:35,006 --> 00:18:37,006
-Oh, sorry.
-[cell beeps off]
417
00:18:43,013 --> 00:18:46,023
Baruch atah adonai,
eloheinu melech ha-olam...
418
00:18:46,021 --> 00:18:52,021
[continues prayer]
419
00:18:52,019 --> 00:18:53,019
[all] Amen.
420
00:18:53,018 --> 00:18:54,018
Amen.
421
00:18:57,008 --> 00:19:01,018
[Carrie] And Samantha
was at Raw,
ready to get things cooking.
422
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,010
Hey, welcome to Raw.
423
00:19:04,016 --> 00:19:06,006
Hello.
424
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,022
-I was here the other night.
-That's what happens.
425
00:19:08,017 --> 00:19:10,017
You come once, and you just
keep coming over and over.
426
00:19:10,020 --> 00:19:11,020
[laughs]
427
00:19:11,022 --> 00:19:13,022
Here's hoping.
428
00:19:13,021 --> 00:19:15,021
I'll be with you in a minute.
I'm getting slammed tonight.
429
00:19:16,001 --> 00:19:17,011
For some reason,
the hostess keeps seating
430
00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:19,020
everyone in my section.
Be right back.
431
00:19:21,002 --> 00:19:22,002
[women] Hi!
432
00:19:22,023 --> 00:19:25,013
[women chattering]
433
00:19:30,018 --> 00:19:33,018
[Carrie] Suddenly,
Samantha realized
why the raw food movement
434
00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:35,010
was a movement.
435
00:19:35,011 --> 00:19:37,021
Women weren't there
for the cold food.
436
00:19:37,021 --> 00:19:40,001
They were there
for the hot waiter.
437
00:19:42,009 --> 00:19:43,999
[Miranda] Oh!
438
00:19:44,003 --> 00:19:45,013
Sorry!
439
00:19:47,008 --> 00:19:49,008
Sorry, sorry.
440
00:19:49,015 --> 00:19:51,995
Hey, B-boy, look who's home.
441
00:19:52,002 --> 00:19:53,022
Oh, I got held up at work.
442
00:19:53,020 --> 00:19:55,020
Thanks for filling in.
443
00:19:55,017 --> 00:19:57,997
Hi, hi, cutie.
444
00:19:58,006 --> 00:19:59,996
Hi, cutie.
Did the TiVo guy come?
445
00:20:00,005 --> 00:20:03,005
No, they called and said
that they have to reschedule
446
00:20:03,009 --> 00:20:05,019
for a week from Thursday.
447
00:20:05,017 --> 00:20:07,007
A week from Thursday?
448
00:20:07,011 --> 00:20:09,021
Yeah, but I played around
with a few things,
449
00:20:09,021 --> 00:20:11,011
and I think it's okay now.
450
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,020
What do you mean?
It's working?
451
00:20:12,020 --> 00:20:14,000
[Steve] Yep.
452
00:20:15,016 --> 00:20:16,016
[beeps]
453
00:20:17,001 --> 00:20:20,001
I love you!
I mean, you know,
for fixing that.
454
00:20:20,006 --> 00:20:23,016
Yeah, well, Magda said
it was kind of important.
455
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:25,012
-So...
-[Miranda sighs]
456
00:20:25,010 --> 00:20:26,010
Listen, I gotta take off.
457
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:28,020
Hot date?
458
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,000
Yeah, I got this dinner thing.
459
00:20:30,005 --> 00:20:32,015
So I'll see you later, champ,
all right?
460
00:20:38,005 --> 00:20:40,005
[Carrie] Some things,
like a broken TiVo,
461
00:20:40,012 --> 00:20:41,022
can be repaired.
462
00:20:41,019 --> 00:20:44,009
And others,
like a broken heart,
463
00:20:44,008 --> 00:20:46,008
are a little more complicated.
464
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:50,011
Four hours and four courses
of uncooked food later,
465
00:20:50,010 --> 00:20:53,020
Samantha and her competitors
waited it out.
466
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,009
Maybe they were less horny.
467
00:21:02,014 --> 00:21:04,014
Maybe it was all that roughage.
468
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:08,003
But one by one,
women threw in the napkin.
469
00:21:33,013 --> 00:21:35,013
Can I get you anything else?
470
00:21:35,013 --> 00:21:39,023
Oh, no, I'm just
enjoying my delicious...
471
00:21:39,023 --> 00:21:41,003
mushroom tea.
472
00:21:42,003 --> 00:21:43,013
Okay.
473
00:21:45,022 --> 00:21:47,022
Did you want anything else?
474
00:21:47,021 --> 00:21:48,021
You know what?
475
00:21:48,023 --> 00:21:53,013
I would like to have some
of that key lime custard.
476
00:21:53,007 --> 00:21:54,997
It sounds too good to pass up.
477
00:21:55,019 --> 00:21:57,009
Okay.
478
00:22:12,022 --> 00:22:14,022
Honey, you've put up
a very good fight,
479
00:22:14,017 --> 00:22:17,007
but you have no idea
who you're dealing with.
480
00:22:17,008 --> 00:22:18,008
I'm going home with him
481
00:22:18,014 --> 00:22:21,014
and you're going home
with key lime custard.
482
00:22:21,012 --> 00:22:23,022
So what do you say
I buy your dinner
483
00:22:23,021 --> 00:22:26,011
and we call it a night, hmm?
484
00:22:28,021 --> 00:22:29,021
Okay.
485
00:22:29,021 --> 00:22:30,021
Check!
486
00:22:32,011 --> 00:22:35,011
[Carrie] Meanwhile,
I was finally confident
487
00:22:35,011 --> 00:22:37,011
I could heat up my sex life,
488
00:22:37,008 --> 00:22:39,018
because I was a sex columnist,
489
00:22:40,001 --> 00:22:41,021
I was resourceful,
490
00:22:41,018 --> 00:22:43,998
and I was drunkity,
drunk, drunk.
491
00:22:44,002 --> 00:22:45,012
Oh!
492
00:22:45,014 --> 00:22:47,004
I'm sorry.
493
00:22:55,021 --> 00:22:57,011
There. Oh!
494
00:22:57,010 --> 00:22:59,000
[laughing]
495
00:22:59,002 --> 00:23:00,002
[Berger grunts]
496
00:23:03,002 --> 00:23:05,012
I got a little
something for you.
497
00:23:07,019 --> 00:23:09,009
And you're gonna love it.
498
00:23:14,008 --> 00:23:16,008
Look at that, hmm?
499
00:23:17,005 --> 00:23:18,015
[clatters]
500
00:23:22,008 --> 00:23:23,018
Get ready, mister,
501
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,000
'cause...
502
00:23:34,009 --> 00:23:37,009
'cause I got something
under here for you.
503
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,020
Oh!
504
00:23:40,018 --> 00:23:42,008
And there are shoes.
505
00:23:43,017 --> 00:23:46,007
Wait till you see me
in these, hmm?
506
00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:56,005
Ah!
[thuds]
507
00:23:56,011 --> 00:23:57,011
Ow.
508
00:23:57,009 --> 00:23:58,019
Hey, are you okay?
509
00:23:59,015 --> 00:24:01,005
Yeah, I'm fine.
510
00:24:03,011 --> 00:24:04,021
Phew!
511
00:24:12,001 --> 00:24:14,001
[Carrie] And after a night
of raw food,
512
00:24:14,005 --> 00:24:17,015
Samantha enjoyed
an all-nighter of raw sex.
513
00:24:17,021 --> 00:24:20,021
[moaning]
514
00:24:28,023 --> 00:24:32,013
[moaning continues]
515
00:24:35,003 --> 00:24:36,013
[sighs]
516
00:24:37,002 --> 00:24:38,022
-Hey.
-Huh?
517
00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:40,008
Can I tell you a secret?
518
00:24:40,010 --> 00:24:41,020
You're 12?
519
00:24:42,001 --> 00:24:44,021
You didn't have
to order all that shit.
520
00:24:44,020 --> 00:24:46,020
I was ready to go home
with you last Tuesday.
521
00:24:46,023 --> 00:24:50,013
Now you tell me.
I ate a fucking cactus.
522
00:24:50,013 --> 00:24:53,003
Get back down there
and make it up to me.
523
00:24:53,004 --> 00:24:54,014
Awesome.
524
00:25:01,022 --> 00:25:03,012
[moaning]
525
00:25:10,015 --> 00:25:11,015
[Carrie] Samantha was
still having sex
526
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:16,000
when it "dawned" on me
that Berger and I hadn't.
527
00:25:28,017 --> 00:25:31,017
Hey.
528
00:25:31,017 --> 00:25:33,997
We both knew,
it was now or never.
529
00:25:41,003 --> 00:25:43,013
That morning I resigned
myself to the idea
530
00:25:43,011 --> 00:25:47,011
that I would never again
have frozen drinks or hot sex.
531
00:25:48,020 --> 00:25:50,020
I suck. This is awful!
532
00:25:50,018 --> 00:25:51,018
I know!
533
00:25:51,017 --> 00:25:53,997
I've never been this bad.
534
00:25:54,003 --> 00:25:56,023
Look, I don't want to toot
my own horn here, all right,
535
00:25:56,019 --> 00:25:58,009
but I'm way better than this.
536
00:25:58,011 --> 00:25:59,021
I've actually been told
that I'm good at this.
537
00:25:59,019 --> 00:26:01,019
I don't know what
the fuck is happening.
538
00:26:01,021 --> 00:26:03,001
We're so good everywhere else.
539
00:26:03,002 --> 00:26:04,022
Would you look at us
in restaurants!
540
00:26:04,017 --> 00:26:05,007
We're the best!
541
00:26:05,013 --> 00:26:06,023
We're the couple you want to be!
542
00:26:08,023 --> 00:26:11,013
All right, we gotta make the bed
more like a restaurant.
543
00:26:18,008 --> 00:26:19,008
Are you coming back?
544
00:26:19,013 --> 00:26:22,003
[Berger] Yeah.
Grab something that'll help.
545
00:26:26,022 --> 00:26:28,012
Now we're talking, huh?
546
00:26:28,010 --> 00:26:29,020
What do you have there, a pet?
547
00:26:30,017 --> 00:26:31,017
Shoes.
548
00:26:32,004 --> 00:26:33,024
Oh.
549
00:26:33,021 --> 00:26:34,021
All right.
550
00:26:36,006 --> 00:26:38,996
Here, and...
551
00:26:39,002 --> 00:26:41,012
Berger, what if we're just
not good together in bed?
552
00:26:41,013 --> 00:26:43,023
No, don't say that.
553
00:26:43,018 --> 00:26:46,018
All right, look, I choked.
554
00:26:46,022 --> 00:26:48,022
-We had it all going on...
-We did.
555
00:26:49,001 --> 00:26:50,001
And I thought it would be great.
556
00:26:50,003 --> 00:26:51,023
And I wanted it to be great.
557
00:26:51,017 --> 00:26:53,007
And... I choked.
558
00:26:53,016 --> 00:26:54,016
And then I came over
the next night
559
00:26:54,023 --> 00:26:56,023
and I thought
it would be better and--
560
00:26:56,017 --> 00:26:58,007
-I choked.
-Well, what's up?
561
00:26:58,009 --> 00:27:01,009
We should be smokin',
not chokin'.
562
00:27:01,009 --> 00:27:03,019
I think sometimes
the rhyme helps.
563
00:27:03,023 --> 00:27:05,013
I agree.
564
00:27:05,013 --> 00:27:07,013
Boy, those are some...
565
00:27:07,016 --> 00:27:09,006
very sexy shoes.
566
00:27:09,015 --> 00:27:10,015
Shall I put them on?
567
00:27:10,018 --> 00:27:12,008
Yeah, hey, couldn't hurt.
568
00:27:18,023 --> 00:27:21,003
All right, um...
569
00:27:21,005 --> 00:27:23,005
Here, throw some of that
over your left shoulder.
570
00:27:23,014 --> 00:27:25,014
Come on, you want
things to get worse?
571
00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:29,010
I was gonna talk
to you about it, but--
572
00:27:29,013 --> 00:27:31,013
Yeah, I wanted
to talk to you, but--
573
00:27:31,010 --> 00:27:32,010
Well, let's make a deal.
574
00:27:32,014 --> 00:27:34,014
I talk to you. You talk to me.
575
00:27:34,013 --> 00:27:36,023
We should be able
to talk about these things.
576
00:27:36,019 --> 00:27:37,019
Let's talk about it.
577
00:27:37,022 --> 00:27:39,002
We'll talk.
578
00:27:49,020 --> 00:27:50,020
That morning,
579
00:27:50,023 --> 00:27:52,013
the other shoe dropped,
580
00:27:52,016 --> 00:27:54,006
and it wasn't bad at all.
581
00:27:54,012 --> 00:27:57,002
In fact, it was kind of hot.
582
00:28:02,004 --> 00:28:09,014
♪ Give me one more chance
And you'll be satisfied ♪
583
00:28:09,008 --> 00:28:15,008
♪ Give me two more chances
You won't be denied ♪
584
00:28:17,012 --> 00:28:20,022
♪ Well my heart is where
It's always been ♪
585
00:28:20,022 --> 00:28:24,002
♪ My head is somewhere
In between ♪
586
00:28:24,006 --> 00:28:30,996
♪ Give me one more chance
Let me be your lover tonight ♪
587
00:28:32,007 --> 00:28:34,007
♪ Check it out ♪
588
00:28:34,010 --> 00:28:36,010
♪ You're the real thing ♪
589
00:28:36,016 --> 00:28:40,006
♪ You're
the real thing ♪
590
00:28:40,013 --> 00:28:44,013
♪ You take me higher ♪
591
00:28:44,007 --> 00:28:47,007
♪ You're the real thing ♪
592
00:28:47,013 --> 00:28:51,013
♪ Even better
than the real thing ♪
593
00:28:51,009 --> 00:28:54,999
♪ Even better than
the real thing ♪