1
00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:53,006
New York City is a great place
to be engaged...
2
00:00:57,001 --> 00:00:58,021
Miss?
3
00:00:58,023 --> 00:01:01,023
Oh, I'm sorry,
did you want this cab?
4
00:01:02,001 --> 00:01:03,021
-Why, thank you.
-Sure.
5
00:01:07,022 --> 00:01:11,012
And it's an even
better place to be enraged.
6
00:01:12,008 --> 00:01:13,998
Oh, you're so busy,
7
00:01:14,003 --> 00:01:16,003
you're so busy!
8
00:01:24,009 --> 00:01:25,009
Ah.
9
00:01:30,009 --> 00:01:32,009
-Boy, do I have news.
-So do I.
10
00:01:32,014 --> 00:01:35,024
I didn't want to say anything
until we were all together, but
11
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,000
Harry and I made up,
and he asked me to marry him!
12
00:01:39,002 --> 00:01:41,022
Oh, wow!
-Oh, my God, congratulations!
13
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,998
Sweetie, that's great.
14
00:01:43,006 --> 00:01:44,016
Look at that ring!
15
00:01:44,017 --> 00:01:46,017
I know, he had it made
based on the one
16
00:01:46,019 --> 00:01:48,999
that Richard Burton
gave Elizabeth Taylor.
17
00:01:49,004 --> 00:01:51,014
Well, it is...
fabulous.
18
00:01:51,012 --> 00:01:54,012
Even more fabulous
than your first one.
19
00:01:56,012 --> 00:01:59,002
So, Carrie, what was your news?
20
00:01:59,002 --> 00:02:01,022
Oh, Berger broke up
with me on a post-it.
21
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,011
On a post-it?
22
00:02:03,009 --> 00:02:04,019
Uh-huh, uh-huh!
23
00:02:04,023 --> 00:02:06,013
Yep.
24
00:02:06,012 --> 00:02:08,022
Read it and weep,
my friends.
25
00:02:08,019 --> 00:02:11,019
"I'm sorry, I can't,
don't hate me."
26
00:02:12,015 --> 00:02:13,995
The motherfucker's concise.
27
00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:15,023
First of all, I thought you
were gonna break up with him.
28
00:02:15,023 --> 00:02:16,023
Yeah, I was.
29
00:02:16,023 --> 00:02:19,003
And I should have,
but he said that he wanted
30
00:02:19,004 --> 00:02:21,004
to try to "work things out,"
31
00:02:21,004 --> 00:02:25,004
A.K.A. leave in
the middle of the night.
32
00:02:25,003 --> 00:02:26,023
A post-it,
that's infuriating.
33
00:02:26,023 --> 00:02:28,023
I remember when breaking up
over the phone
34
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:30,012
was considered bad form.
35
00:02:30,009 --> 00:02:33,009
-I once was broken up with
by a guy's doorman.
-Thank you.
36
00:02:33,011 --> 00:02:36,021
"I'm sorry, Miss Hobbes,
Jonathan won't be coming down...
37
00:02:37,012 --> 00:02:38,012
ever."
38
00:02:38,013 --> 00:02:40,013
I miss having a doorman.
39
00:02:40,011 --> 00:02:42,011
So, are you gonna
call him?
40
00:02:42,014 --> 00:02:46,014
No. I'm not going to dignify
his behavior with a response.
41
00:02:46,007 --> 00:02:48,017
I am not even going
to leave him one of those
42
00:02:48,017 --> 00:02:50,017
angry answering
43
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,020
"Hi, it's me, you're a dick!"
44
00:02:52,018 --> 00:02:53,018
Mm.
45
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,000
But it sure felt good saying it
right now. Even to you.
46
00:02:56,006 --> 00:02:58,006
Well, that's what
we're here for.
47
00:02:58,012 --> 00:02:59,012
I'm sorry.
48
00:02:59,011 --> 00:03:00,021
Yeah, I'm sorry too.
49
00:03:01,001 --> 00:03:04,001
That relationship was
a complete waste of time.
50
00:03:04,006 --> 00:03:06,016
Oh, it's never a complete
waste of time.
51
00:03:06,018 --> 00:03:09,008
I mean,
even in the worst relationship,
you always learn something.
52
00:03:09,008 --> 00:03:11,008
You might not want
to say that to a woman
53
00:03:11,011 --> 00:03:13,001
carrying a loaded post-it.
54
00:03:13,004 --> 00:03:14,024
But, Carrie, everything
happens for a reason.
55
00:03:14,023 --> 00:03:16,023
Even if you don't
know what it is yet.
56
00:03:16,018 --> 00:03:18,008
That's such bullshit.
57
00:03:18,011 --> 00:03:21,001
It's not! Look at me.
58
00:03:21,003 --> 00:03:22,023
If I had never married Trey,
59
00:03:22,019 --> 00:03:24,019
then I never would
have gotten divorced,
60
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:29,010
and I never would have met
my divorce lawyer, Harry,
61
00:03:29,007 --> 00:03:30,017
and I wouldn't be engaged now.
62
00:03:31,001 --> 00:03:33,001
Uh-huh.
63
00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:35,015
Paper covers rock.
64
00:03:36,019 --> 00:03:38,999
Maybe everything does
happen for a reason.
65
00:03:39,006 --> 00:03:41,996
If Berger hadn't left me
in the most horrible way
66
00:03:42,006 --> 00:03:43,006
anyone could ever imagine,
67
00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:44,020
I wouldn't have
the afternoon free
68
00:03:44,018 --> 00:03:45,018
to walk you to your
hair appointment.
69
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,000
Mmm. We're all being
protected by the universe.
70
00:03:49,002 --> 00:03:50,012
When it comes to men,
71
00:03:50,007 --> 00:03:51,017
I think you may have
had it right all along.
72
00:03:51,019 --> 00:03:53,019
Keep it light,
don't get too involved.
73
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,010
Don't get too hurt.
74
00:03:55,008 --> 00:03:57,008
Exactly. If you're never
someone's girlfriend,
75
00:03:57,010 --> 00:03:59,020
you could never be
someone's ex-girlfriend.
76
00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:00,020
You know what?
77
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,020
I'm gonna spend as much time
mourning this relationship
78
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,020
as he spent ending it.
79
00:04:08,006 --> 00:04:09,006
Okay, I'm over it.
80
00:04:09,012 --> 00:04:11,012
Hey. Let's go somewhere
fantastic tonight
81
00:04:11,010 --> 00:04:12,020
and have
a fantastic time.
82
00:04:12,023 --> 00:04:14,023
What could we do that
would be fantastic?
83
00:04:14,018 --> 00:04:15,998
I know.
84
00:04:16,002 --> 00:04:18,022
I'm taking you to Bed.
85
00:04:18,019 --> 00:04:19,019
I'm not that off men.
86
00:04:20,001 --> 00:04:22,001
No, Bed, it's a new club
opening tonight.
87
00:04:22,006 --> 00:04:23,016
We'll all go.
88
00:04:23,017 --> 00:04:25,007
I think I have the invitation.
89
00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:27,015
Listen to me being all hurt.
90
00:04:27,022 --> 00:04:30,022
Look how many men have broken up
with you, and you're fine.
91
00:04:31,016 --> 00:04:32,016
Ooh!
92
00:04:32,019 --> 00:04:37,009
Come to Be...
Come to Bed. Wow.
93
00:04:37,007 --> 00:04:39,997
People say everything
happens for a reason.
94
00:04:40,005 --> 00:04:42,005
These people are usually women.
95
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:46,005
And these women are usually
sorting through a break-up.
96
00:04:46,014 --> 00:04:48,014
It seems that men can
get out of a relationship
97
00:04:48,013 --> 00:04:49,023
without even a goodbye,
98
00:04:50,001 --> 00:04:53,011
but apparently women
have to either get married
99
00:04:53,009 --> 00:04:54,999
or learn something.
100
00:04:55,006 --> 00:04:56,016
Why are we in such a rush
101
00:04:56,019 --> 00:05:00,009
to move from
confused to Confucius?
102
00:05:00,015 --> 00:05:02,005
Do we search for "lessons"
103
00:05:02,014 --> 00:05:04,024
to lessen the pain?
104
00:05:04,021 --> 00:05:09,011
Meanwhile, Samantha was at home
dressing a man for a change.
105
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:12,009
I called some designers
and I told them that
the Absolut Hunk
106
00:05:12,016 --> 00:05:16,016
was going to do TRL on MTV
and they jumped ASAP.
107
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,000
Gucci, YSL, D&G...
108
00:05:20,002 --> 00:05:21,002
Take your pick.
109
00:05:21,006 --> 00:05:24,996
You know, I'm not really
comfortable wearing labels.
110
00:05:25,003 --> 00:05:26,003
If it's okay with you...
111
00:05:26,005 --> 00:05:27,015
I thought I'd just
wear some jeans and this.
112
00:05:27,023 --> 00:05:30,013
Mm. That'll work too.
113
00:05:30,011 --> 00:05:34,011
You are going to be the fantasy
of every adolescent girl
114
00:05:34,015 --> 00:05:37,995
and sexually-confused boy
in America.
115
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,015
-Mm...
116
00:05:39,017 --> 00:05:41,997
How'd I get hooked up with
such an amazing girlfriend?
117
00:05:42,005 --> 00:05:45,015
And that was a label Samantha
wasn't comfortable wearing.
118
00:05:45,019 --> 00:05:50,009
Okay, you should get ready.
The car will be here any minute.
119
00:05:50,008 --> 00:05:51,008
You sure you can't come?
120
00:05:51,008 --> 00:05:53,008
Oh, I can't, I promised
Carrie and the girls.
121
00:05:53,014 --> 00:05:56,014
But I will catch
the replay tonight.
122
00:05:57,008 --> 00:05:59,008
Should I hook up
with you later?
123
00:05:59,012 --> 00:06:01,022
No, go out with
the MTV crowd and have fun.
124
00:06:01,019 --> 00:06:04,999
You're the Absolut Hunk,
work it!
125
00:06:05,005 --> 00:06:07,005
And as your publicist,
126
00:06:07,007 --> 00:06:08,997
let me just say,
127
00:06:09,003 --> 00:06:11,013
calling someone your girlfriend
128
00:06:11,009 --> 00:06:13,999
isn't a good idea right now.
129
00:06:14,003 --> 00:06:16,023
-Someone or you?
-Either way.
130
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:20,011
So when anyone asks
if you have a girlfriend,
131
00:06:20,010 --> 00:06:22,020
you should say you're
"still looking...
132
00:06:22,021 --> 00:06:25,021
and haven't found
anyone special yet."
133
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,000
That's what you want?
134
00:06:27,003 --> 00:06:29,023
That's what I want.
135
00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:31,011
Samantha.
136
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:36,011
But I do insist you top off
that tank with Dior sunglasses.
137
00:06:37,001 --> 00:06:38,011
It's MTV,
138
00:06:38,007 --> 00:06:40,007
if you're not wearing something
the kids can't afford,
139
00:06:40,011 --> 00:06:42,011
how will they know
to look up to you?
140
00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:46,000
There.
141
00:06:46,004 --> 00:06:48,004
Much better.
142
00:06:48,004 --> 00:06:51,014
That night, as Charlotte
was deciding what to wear,
143
00:06:51,008 --> 00:06:54,018
she noticed that
everything went with
her new engagement ring...
144
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,020
except her old wedding dress.
145
00:07:01,002 --> 00:07:03,012
Meanwhile, in another closet...
146
00:07:03,010 --> 00:07:06,010
I don't think I can go.
I'm not feeling so hot.
147
00:07:06,011 --> 00:07:08,021
-Are you sick?
-No, I mean literally.
148
00:07:09,001 --> 00:07:12,011
Openings of hot new clubs
are for hot childless people.
149
00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:15,014
I'm not even one of the hot
mommies at mommy and me.
150
00:07:15,011 --> 00:07:17,021
Miranda, I don't want
to have to resort to this,
151
00:07:17,018 --> 00:07:20,018
but if I have to, I will
play the post-it card.
152
00:07:20,017 --> 00:07:24,017
Just explain to me why
I have to leave my house
to go to bed.
153
00:07:24,017 --> 00:07:27,997
Because this can't be
"the day that I was broken up
with by a post-it."
154
00:07:28,005 --> 00:07:31,015
This has to be the day
that something else happened.
155
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:33,017
How about
"the day your friend discovered
156
00:07:33,018 --> 00:07:35,018
all her clothes are covered
in spit-up?"
157
00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:38,010
You are going, no excuses.
158
00:07:38,013 --> 00:07:41,003
Okay, okay.
159
00:07:42,015 --> 00:07:45,015
And speaking of no excuses,
there they were.
160
00:07:45,022 --> 00:07:47,012
Her skinny jeans,
161
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:49,998
the jeans every woman
keeps in the vain hope
162
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:52,002
that someday she'll fit
into them again.
163
00:08:11,018 --> 00:08:13,018
Oh, my God, Tony!
What are you doing here?
164
00:08:13,017 --> 00:08:15,007
No, you did not
come to this club.
165
00:08:15,014 --> 00:08:19,004
Ladies, this is a miracle.
166
00:08:19,002 --> 00:08:21,002
I am in my skinny jeans.
167
00:08:21,005 --> 00:08:24,005
I haven't fit into
these since 1985,
168
00:08:24,011 --> 00:08:27,001
and that was only
because I had mono.
169
00:08:28,005 --> 00:08:29,995
Miranda, I've never
noticed before,
170
00:08:30,004 --> 00:08:32,014
but you've got one hot ass.
171
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,022
-Really?
Yeah.
172
00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:35,000
And you look good.
173
00:08:35,004 --> 00:08:36,004
How did you do it?
174
00:08:36,004 --> 00:08:38,014
Well, I got pregnant,
became a single mother,
175
00:08:38,010 --> 00:08:39,020
and stopped having
any time to eat.
176
00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:42,001
Oh, that's a diet
I won't be trying.
177
00:08:42,004 --> 00:08:44,024
I can't believe
I am in my skinny jeans!
178
00:08:44,019 --> 00:08:46,019
I am never taking them off.
Charlotte, can I wear these
179
00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:48,020
to your wedding?
180
00:08:48,019 --> 00:08:49,999
I'm kidding.
181
00:08:50,003 --> 00:08:51,023
Oh no, it's just...
182
00:08:51,019 --> 00:08:54,009
I just feel kind of silly
that I made such a big fuss
183
00:08:54,015 --> 00:08:55,015
about my ring earlier.
184
00:08:55,023 --> 00:08:59,003
Oh, honey, a diamond that big
deserves a parade.
185
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,016
But this is
the second time around.
186
00:09:00,023 --> 00:09:02,013
I already did
the showing of the ring...
187
00:09:02,016 --> 00:09:04,016
I already did the big wedding,
you were there.
188
00:09:04,022 --> 00:09:06,002
-It was lovely.
-Lovely.
189
00:09:06,002 --> 00:09:09,012
So this time I've decided
that it should just be
190
00:09:09,011 --> 00:09:11,011
really small and tasteful.
191
00:09:11,013 --> 00:09:12,023
So no denim?
192
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,018
Right.
193
00:09:13,018 --> 00:09:15,018
And I don't want
to disappoint you...
194
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,010
I've decided not
to have bridesmaids.
195
00:09:19,009 --> 00:09:22,009
-Whoo-hoo!
196
00:09:22,009 --> 00:09:23,009
Hallelujah!
197
00:09:23,008 --> 00:09:24,018
Okay, let's go to Bed.
198
00:09:28,016 --> 00:09:31,996
Since people
often go to bars to try
and get someone into bed,
199
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:34,014
it was only a matter of time
'til someone
200
00:09:34,013 --> 00:09:36,023
cut out the middle man
and put the beds in bars.
201
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,020
Now this is
my kind of place.
202
00:09:39,020 --> 00:09:42,000
And I thought
they were being ironic.
203
00:09:42,002 --> 00:09:43,022
If I had know it was
gonna be like this,
204
00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:46,000
I would have brought
my bite guard.
205
00:09:47,015 --> 00:09:48,015
Um...
206
00:09:48,017 --> 00:09:50,007
Bed for four please.
207
00:09:50,015 --> 00:09:52,005
All the beds are
booked right now.
208
00:09:52,011 --> 00:09:53,021
Oh, damn, that always
happens to me.
209
00:09:53,023 --> 00:09:56,013
We're on the VIP list,
Samantha Jones.
210
00:09:57,011 --> 00:09:59,001
Perfect. I'll be right back.
211
00:09:59,005 --> 00:10:01,005
I have to find a bathroom.
212
00:10:01,009 --> 00:10:03,019
-I need to pee.
-Oh, really?
213
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:06,999
Or do you just want to stare
at your ass in the mirror?
214
00:10:07,005 --> 00:10:08,015
Well, that too.
215
00:10:09,001 --> 00:10:10,011
Shake it, sister!
216
00:10:12,004 --> 00:10:13,024
-Whoo!
217
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,024
We're ready. Follow me.
218
00:10:15,021 --> 00:10:17,011
Oh... That was fast.
219
00:10:17,013 --> 00:10:20,013
What could I say,
I know how to work it in Bed.
220
00:10:26,014 --> 00:10:28,014
Oh...
221
00:10:28,007 --> 00:10:29,997
And I didn't even
have to buy you dinner.
222
00:10:30,003 --> 00:10:32,003
I'm sorry, someone pushed me.
223
00:10:32,002 --> 00:10:33,012
You want me to have 'em killed?
224
00:10:33,015 --> 00:10:35,015
-Would you?
-Just say when.
225
00:10:35,017 --> 00:10:36,007
When.
226
00:10:36,015 --> 00:10:38,005
Okay, I'm bluffing.
227
00:10:38,011 --> 00:10:39,021
Yeah, I knew you were all talk.
228
00:10:39,023 --> 00:10:42,013
Yeah. I'm Peter.
229
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:43,018
Oh... Miranda.
230
00:10:43,021 --> 00:10:46,021
Well, thank you
for letting me crash.
231
00:10:46,022 --> 00:10:48,002
Why don't you hang out?
232
00:10:48,006 --> 00:10:50,006
It's not that often
I have such a beautiful woman
233
00:10:50,015 --> 00:10:52,005
in bed with me.
234
00:10:52,010 --> 00:10:55,020
Oh. Okay.
235
00:10:55,018 --> 00:10:57,018
But move over, that's my side.
236
00:11:03,017 --> 00:11:06,007
All the men in here
seem kind of old.
237
00:11:06,011 --> 00:11:08,011
That's because
you're dating Smith.
238
00:11:08,008 --> 00:11:09,008
Who's basically a zygote.
239
00:11:09,015 --> 00:11:11,005
I am not dating him.
I'm fucking him.
240
00:11:11,016 --> 00:11:14,006
And now, I'm looking
for someone else to fuck.
241
00:11:14,012 --> 00:11:17,022
Well, I think you may have
come to the right place.
242
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,010
This place is awesome!
243
00:11:21,008 --> 00:11:23,008
Oh, no. That's Berger's friend.
244
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,016
-Oh!
-Where?
245
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,010
In the next bed.
246
00:11:26,008 --> 00:11:27,008
God, I hate New York.
247
00:11:27,014 --> 00:11:30,014
Is there no other club
opening tonight?
248
00:11:31,007 --> 00:11:32,007
What should I do?
249
00:11:32,008 --> 00:11:34,008
Ignore them.
250
00:11:34,007 --> 00:11:34,997
No, I can't...
251
00:11:35,006 --> 00:11:37,006
It'll get back to Berger
that I acted childish.
252
00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:39,020
Just go over there and say hi.
253
00:11:39,022 --> 00:11:41,022
Act like Berger's the last
thing on your mind.
254
00:11:41,019 --> 00:11:43,999
Right. I'll take the high road.
255
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:48,014
I'll be calm and classy
and just say hello.
256
00:11:50,016 --> 00:11:51,016
Billy, hi!
257
00:11:51,021 --> 00:11:53,001
Hey, Carrie.
258
00:11:58,014 --> 00:12:00,024
-Hi, how are you?
-Fuckin' great.
259
00:12:00,018 --> 00:12:03,998
Chris, Andrew, this is
Berger's girlfriend, Carrie.
260
00:12:04,002 --> 00:12:05,012
Is Berger with you?
261
00:12:05,009 --> 00:12:07,999
Um...
262
00:12:09,005 --> 00:12:11,005
This is kind of uncomfortable...
263
00:12:11,011 --> 00:12:16,001
But... We broke up.
This morning.
264
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:18,013
Oh. Man, I'm sorry to hear that.
265
00:12:18,009 --> 00:12:19,009
Yeah.
266
00:12:19,013 --> 00:12:22,023
Yeah, I knew you guys
had all kinds of problems.
267
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,020
Yeah...
268
00:12:28,007 --> 00:12:29,017
And he was bad in bed.
269
00:12:31,021 --> 00:12:33,021
Well, you look great,
Billy.
270
00:12:39,014 --> 00:12:41,024
You know that angry message
I didn't want to leave
271
00:12:41,022 --> 00:12:44,012
on Berger's machine?
I just left it on his friend.
272
00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:45,020
What happened?
273
00:12:45,020 --> 00:12:48,010
I took the lowest possible road.
274
00:12:48,012 --> 00:12:50,012
I told him Berger
was bad in bed.
275
00:12:50,010 --> 00:12:52,000
Which isn't even true.
276
00:12:52,002 --> 00:12:54,012
Two times!
Don't you forget anything?
277
00:12:54,016 --> 00:12:55,016
Why did you say that?
278
00:12:55,021 --> 00:12:58,021
I don't... It just came out.
279
00:12:58,021 --> 00:12:59,021
Well, it's understandable.
280
00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:02,011
You're suffering from post-it
traumatic stress syndrome.
281
00:13:02,016 --> 00:13:04,996
I need to find a way
to erase that message.
282
00:13:05,004 --> 00:13:07,014
Go back over there and explain.
283
00:13:07,015 --> 00:13:10,005
Just tell them you're hurt
and that you didn't mean it.
284
00:13:10,009 --> 00:13:12,019
Oh, great, now I have
to admit that I'm hurt?
285
00:13:12,017 --> 00:13:16,007
First...
A little nerve Clicquot.
286
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:32,006
Hey.
Uh, that thing I said before?
287
00:13:32,016 --> 00:13:34,016
Terrible and not true.
288
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:37,002
He was fine in bed.
289
00:13:37,003 --> 00:13:42,023
Great, in fact. Fireworks.
Rockets.
290
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,020
I don't even know
why I said that.
291
00:13:45,016 --> 00:13:46,996
I'm...
292
00:13:48,010 --> 00:13:49,020
hurt, okay?
293
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:50,020
Sure.
294
00:13:51,001 --> 00:13:52,001
Break-ups are tough.
295
00:13:52,006 --> 00:13:52,996
Yes.
296
00:13:53,004 --> 00:13:55,014
Under normal circumstances
they are tough.
297
00:13:55,007 --> 00:13:58,007
And in this case... tougher.
298
00:13:58,010 --> 00:14:01,020
Look, I don't want to drag you
into this, but, uh...
299
00:14:03,006 --> 00:14:06,006
Berger broke up
with me on a post-it.
300
00:14:10,008 --> 00:14:13,998
Yeah, I know as Berger's friend,
you can't have
a normal reaction.
301
00:14:14,005 --> 00:14:18,005
But just so you know,
the normal reaction has been...
302
00:14:20,009 --> 00:14:22,009
Not that I'm going
around telling everyone.
303
00:14:22,011 --> 00:14:24,001
Just some girlfriends.
304
00:14:24,006 --> 00:14:26,016
I'm trying to understand
305
00:14:26,022 --> 00:14:29,012
why someone would do that.
306
00:14:29,008 --> 00:14:31,018
Well, maybe he was afraid.
307
00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:33,010
Interesting, how so?
308
00:14:33,014 --> 00:14:35,014
Women can get really angry.
309
00:14:35,012 --> 00:14:39,012
Well, I assure you, I would
have been very understanding.
310
00:14:39,007 --> 00:14:40,017
Right.
311
00:14:40,021 --> 00:14:42,001
Excuse me?
312
00:14:42,003 --> 00:14:43,013
Um...
313
00:14:43,010 --> 00:14:44,010
You all say that,
314
00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:47,013
but then you just freak
and get all psycho-bitch.
315
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,021
Really?
316
00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:51,008
So now it's our fault?
317
00:14:51,013 --> 00:14:53,023
All we're saying is
there really is no good way
318
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:55,018
to break up with
someone, is there?
319
00:14:55,017 --> 00:14:57,017
Well, it's funny you
should mention that, Billy,
320
00:14:58,001 --> 00:15:00,021
because actually there is.
321
00:15:00,023 --> 00:15:03,023
You can have the guts
and the courtesy
322
00:15:03,021 --> 00:15:05,021
to tell a woman to her face
323
00:15:05,021 --> 00:15:07,011
that you no longer
want to see her.
324
00:15:07,016 --> 00:15:11,016
Call me crazy, but I think
that you can make a point
325
00:15:11,019 --> 00:15:13,019
of ending your relationship
in a manner that does not
326
00:15:14,001 --> 00:15:17,021
include an e-mail, a doorman
or a missing person's report.
327
00:15:17,019 --> 00:15:20,009
I think you could all
get over your fear of
328
00:15:20,010 --> 00:15:22,000
looking like the bad guy
329
00:15:22,003 --> 00:15:25,013
and actually have
the uncomfortable
330
00:15:25,009 --> 00:15:26,019
"break-up" conversation.
331
00:15:27,001 --> 00:15:28,011
Because here's what...
332
00:15:28,009 --> 00:15:31,009
Avoiding that is what makes you
the bad guy.
333
00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:33,020
-And just so you know, Allan...
-Andrew.
334
00:15:33,023 --> 00:15:37,013
Uh-huh... Most women aren't
angry, irrational psychos.
335
00:15:37,008 --> 00:15:40,018
We just want an ending
to a relationship that...
336
00:15:40,017 --> 00:15:44,007
that is thoughtful and decent
337
00:15:44,016 --> 00:15:46,016
and honors what we had together.
338
00:15:46,019 --> 00:15:49,019
So my point, Billy, is this,
339
00:15:49,017 --> 00:15:51,017
there is a good way
to break up with someone.
340
00:15:51,022 --> 00:15:55,012
And it doesn't include
a post-it!
341
00:15:57,001 --> 00:15:59,021
Oh. Okay.
342
00:16:07,011 --> 00:16:08,021
Much better.
343
00:16:08,018 --> 00:16:11,008
Ya think?
We have to get out
of here immediately.
344
00:16:15,009 --> 00:16:18,009
So, what?
You have a boyfriend?
345
00:16:18,016 --> 00:16:20,006
Me? No.
346
00:16:20,014 --> 00:16:21,024
Right.
347
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,010
I don't.
348
00:16:23,012 --> 00:16:24,012
Come on.
349
00:16:24,015 --> 00:16:26,005
How is that possible?
350
00:16:30,010 --> 00:16:31,020
I have no idea.
351
00:16:31,018 --> 00:16:33,018
Well, neither do I.
352
00:16:33,021 --> 00:16:35,021
You're hot.
353
00:16:35,022 --> 00:16:37,012
Hi. Sorry, we're leaving.
354
00:16:37,010 --> 00:16:39,020
I just learned you should
never go to bed angry.
355
00:16:41,014 --> 00:16:45,004
Oh! Well...
356
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:49,004
Oh, well... It was really
great meeting you.
357
00:16:49,003 --> 00:16:50,023
It was good to meet you.
358
00:16:50,021 --> 00:16:52,021
I'll see ya...
359
00:16:53,016 --> 00:16:54,006
And thanks.
360
00:16:54,016 --> 00:16:56,016
For what?
361
00:17:02,001 --> 00:17:03,011
Okay, so I'm angry.
362
00:17:03,011 --> 00:17:05,011
So those guys will
tell Berger that I'm angry.
363
00:17:05,013 --> 00:17:06,023
I can live with that.
364
00:17:06,021 --> 00:17:08,021
C'mon, bro,
give me a hit.
365
00:17:08,023 --> 00:17:10,013
Pass that back.
-Ooh...
366
00:17:10,012 --> 00:17:12,022
You think that'll last?
You got it, man...
367
00:17:13,016 --> 00:17:14,016
Do you smell that?
368
00:17:14,023 --> 00:17:16,023
-Pot.
-Oh.
369
00:17:17,023 --> 00:17:19,013
Let's get high!
370
00:17:19,015 --> 00:17:20,015
I'd get high.
371
00:17:20,019 --> 00:17:22,009
Wait, are you serious?
372
00:17:22,015 --> 00:17:26,015
Yes! That's exactly what
my mind needs, cloudiness.
373
00:17:27,001 --> 00:17:29,021
I'm still too lucid on
the facts of the day and night.
374
00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:31,020
Hey, when was the last
time you smoked pot?
375
00:17:31,023 --> 00:17:33,013
I think I was
wearing these jeans.
376
00:17:33,015 --> 00:17:37,005
-I'm not smoking pot.
-Post-it.
377
00:17:37,010 --> 00:17:39,010
How would we even get any?
378
00:17:39,009 --> 00:17:41,019
I'd call my dealer,
but he's at the Cape.
379
00:17:41,021 --> 00:17:44,021
Oh, damn those dealers
and their summer houses.
380
00:17:45,001 --> 00:17:46,021
I'll ask those guys.
381
00:17:48,015 --> 00:17:50,015
Excuse me, fellas?
382
00:17:50,019 --> 00:17:53,009
I got it...
-Excuse me?
383
00:17:53,009 --> 00:17:54,019
Hey...
384
00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:56,020
Um...
385
00:17:56,023 --> 00:18:00,013
My friends and I were
wondering if you knew...
386
00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:02,023
I like her in those jeans.
387
00:18:02,017 --> 00:18:04,017
Is it safe to buy pot
from strangers?
388
00:18:04,021 --> 00:18:07,011
They're not strangers, they're
our new friends with pot.
389
00:18:07,007 --> 00:18:09,997
-Okay, thank you.
390
00:18:12,017 --> 00:18:13,007
Okay.
391
00:18:13,013 --> 00:18:16,003
They're going around the corner
392
00:18:16,002 --> 00:18:17,002
to Drown the Hound,
393
00:18:17,006 --> 00:18:18,016
there's a guy there who deals.
394
00:18:18,019 --> 00:18:21,019
And I get the one
with the glasses.
395
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:24,007
My, when she scores, she scores.
396
00:18:24,010 --> 00:18:26,000
-Alright.
397
00:18:26,003 --> 00:18:29,013
There you go.
Thanks a lot, Tommy.
398
00:18:31,021 --> 00:18:34,011
Mmm. Drown the Hound.
399
00:18:34,011 --> 00:18:37,001
And I thought
they were being ironic.
400
00:18:39,011 --> 00:18:42,011
-I see our guys.
-Yeah, go get our...
401
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:47,000
If that last place
was called Bed,
402
00:18:47,004 --> 00:18:48,024
then this should be
called "Smell."
403
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,010
Well, hold your nose.
404
00:18:50,011 --> 00:18:53,001
I promised Smith
I'd watch him on TRL
405
00:18:53,006 --> 00:18:55,016
and this dump has a TV.
406
00:18:57,014 --> 00:18:59,024
What's this all over the floor?
407
00:18:59,020 --> 00:19:01,010
Peanut shells.
408
00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:03,995
-Why?
-I don't know.
409
00:19:04,003 --> 00:19:07,023
Do peanut shells have
to happen for a reason?
410
00:19:07,018 --> 00:19:08,018
What can I get ya?
411
00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,022
Here's a 20.
412
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:11,012
I assume in a place like this
413
00:19:11,009 --> 00:19:13,999
that covers three drinks
and a channel change.
414
00:19:14,005 --> 00:19:16,995
Does the bride need
another jello shot?
415
00:19:17,006 --> 00:19:18,006
No, I can't...
416
00:19:23,004 --> 00:19:25,014
-One more.
-Look at them.
417
00:19:25,014 --> 00:19:27,014
-So happy.
418
00:19:28,012 --> 00:19:30,012
♪ Here comes the bride ♪
419
00:19:30,014 --> 00:19:33,014
Hey, sweetie, what's wrong?
420
00:19:33,016 --> 00:19:36,016
I just-- I wish I'd never
been married before.
421
00:19:36,020 --> 00:19:38,000
But, if you hadn't married Trey,
422
00:19:38,006 --> 00:19:39,006
you wouldn't have met Harry--
423
00:19:39,014 --> 00:19:44,004
I know, it's just, I hate
that this is my second ring
424
00:19:44,002 --> 00:19:45,012
and that this is
my second marriage.
425
00:19:45,015 --> 00:19:48,015
And I hate that I finally
found the love of my life
426
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:52,000
and I can't celebrate it
in a big, big way.
427
00:19:52,002 --> 00:19:54,022
You can do whatever you want.
428
00:19:55,019 --> 00:19:57,999
No, I can't. It's...
429
00:19:58,002 --> 00:20:00,002
It's inappropriate.
430
00:20:00,003 --> 00:20:01,003
Excuse me...
431
00:20:01,006 --> 00:20:03,996
Hi, would you take a picture
of me and my girlfriends?
432
00:20:04,005 --> 00:20:05,005
She's getting married.
433
00:20:05,015 --> 00:20:07,995
-Sure.
-Thank you.
434
00:20:11,005 --> 00:20:13,005
You know, she got
engaged last night.
435
00:20:13,013 --> 00:20:14,013
Oh! That's great!
436
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:15,023
Congratulations!
437
00:20:16,001 --> 00:20:17,011
No, no, it's my second--
438
00:20:17,014 --> 00:20:20,014
She's getting married
to a wonderful man.
439
00:20:20,007 --> 00:20:21,997
And look at this rock.
440
00:20:22,004 --> 00:20:24,014
-Oh, wow!
It's gorgeous!
441
00:20:24,009 --> 00:20:26,009
-It's beautiful!
-Thank you...
442
00:20:26,008 --> 00:20:27,018
You have to be in the picture!
443
00:20:28,001 --> 00:20:28,021
No, that's okay.
444
00:20:29,001 --> 00:20:31,021
Come on.
445
00:20:31,018 --> 00:20:34,008
I'll take the camera...
446
00:20:35,017 --> 00:20:38,007
All right. Everyone say,
"bride!"
447
00:20:38,012 --> 00:20:39,022
Bride!
448
00:20:43,023 --> 00:20:45,013
So when are you getting married?
449
00:20:45,008 --> 00:20:46,018
-What's the dress like?
-Where's the reception?
450
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,020
And finally,
Charlotte's inner-judge
451
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:53,000
was silenced by some
very loud bachelorettes.
452
00:20:53,005 --> 00:20:55,015
Sorry, I guess
he's not here tonight.
453
00:20:55,022 --> 00:20:59,002
Oh, well, you can't
cry over spilt pot.
454
00:21:00,006 --> 00:21:01,006
I could buy you a drink.
455
00:21:01,013 --> 00:21:04,023
I said I was buying her
a drink, dude.
456
00:21:04,019 --> 00:21:05,019
You have a girlfriend.
457
00:21:05,023 --> 00:21:07,013
Gentlemen, please...
458
00:21:07,008 --> 00:21:09,008
That's the secret
of the skinny jeans.
459
00:21:09,012 --> 00:21:11,022
It's not so much
a state of behind
460
00:21:11,017 --> 00:21:13,007
as a state of mind.
461
00:21:13,008 --> 00:21:15,998
What do I gotta do
to get a beer around here?
462
00:21:16,005 --> 00:21:17,005
Hey, what's up? I'm La La.
463
00:21:17,013 --> 00:21:19,023
Now, you've seen him naked
on a billboard
464
00:21:19,019 --> 00:21:20,999
right here in Times Square,
465
00:21:21,005 --> 00:21:22,995
and now he's on
TRL, wearing clothes,
466
00:21:23,005 --> 00:21:24,005
damn, but it's still all good.
467
00:21:24,015 --> 00:21:27,005
He is the absolute hottest,
the absolute awesome,
468
00:21:27,011 --> 00:21:28,021
the Absolut Hunk.
469
00:21:28,021 --> 00:21:30,021
Give it up for Smith Jerrod.
470
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:31,020
Hey!
471
00:21:33,011 --> 00:21:36,011
Man, we have a lot
of fans in the house.
472
00:21:36,011 --> 00:21:38,011
Let's get right
to some questions.
473
00:21:38,013 --> 00:21:40,013
Hi, I'm Amber.
474
00:21:40,016 --> 00:21:42,006
Hey, what's up, Amber?
475
00:21:42,011 --> 00:21:45,021
Nice, relaxed, sexy, yet modest.
476
00:21:45,023 --> 00:21:49,023
One, what is it like
to be the Absolut Hunk?
477
00:21:49,019 --> 00:21:51,999
I have to say
it's been a real trip,
478
00:21:52,003 --> 00:21:54,013
but I've met some
really awesome people.
479
00:21:54,014 --> 00:21:56,014
You're hot enough to be on TV.
480
00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:59,004
-Take that to the dart board.
And two,
481
00:21:59,003 --> 00:22:01,013
do you have a girlfriend?
482
00:22:01,013 --> 00:22:03,023
-No, I'm still looking.
483
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,010
Really, you're not
dating anyone?
484
00:22:06,015 --> 00:22:09,015
I am dating, but I'm not
seeing anyone special.
485
00:22:11,013 --> 00:22:14,013
And even though Samantha
had designed it herself...
486
00:22:14,014 --> 00:22:16,024
She realized "no one special"
487
00:22:16,021 --> 00:22:19,011
was another label
she didn't care for.
488
00:22:19,014 --> 00:22:21,014
I changed my mind.
489
00:22:22,017 --> 00:22:25,007
Kiss me.
490
00:22:25,008 --> 00:22:27,018
And to prove that Smith
was no one special to her,
491
00:22:27,023 --> 00:22:30,013
she kissed someone
even less special.
492
00:22:30,012 --> 00:22:32,022
Unfortunately,
he was someone special
493
00:22:32,020 --> 00:22:34,000
to a somewhat drunk person.
494
00:22:34,006 --> 00:22:36,006
What the fuck do you
think you're doing?
495
00:22:36,012 --> 00:22:37,012
What happened?
496
00:22:37,011 --> 00:22:38,011
She kissed Frankie!
497
00:22:38,011 --> 00:22:41,011
Ho, who the fuck
do you think you are, huh?
498
00:22:41,009 --> 00:22:42,009
Fucking city girls,
499
00:22:42,014 --> 00:22:44,014
you think you're such hot shit
that you can go around
500
00:22:44,011 --> 00:22:46,001
kissing other girls' boyfriends?
501
00:22:46,004 --> 00:22:47,014
I'm gonna kick your ass.
502
00:22:47,016 --> 00:22:49,006
I'm gonna slap
the shit outta you.
503
00:22:49,007 --> 00:22:51,997
-Ah!
-Oh, my God!
504
00:22:52,003 --> 00:22:53,013
-Relax!
Oh, yeah?
505
00:22:53,015 --> 00:22:55,005
You fuckin' relax!
506
00:22:59,018 --> 00:23:01,008
If I ever fucking
see you again,
507
00:23:01,009 --> 00:23:03,009
I'm gonna put my shoe
so far up your ass
508
00:23:03,016 --> 00:23:05,016
you're gonna taste leather!
509
00:23:06,023 --> 00:23:08,023
Oh...
510
00:23:08,020 --> 00:23:12,010
Okay, I get it.
Angry women can be scary.
511
00:23:12,009 --> 00:23:15,019
Very few women can pull off
anger in a tube top.
512
00:23:15,020 --> 00:23:17,010
Ugh...
513
00:23:17,007 --> 00:23:19,017
This night is turning
into a total bust.
514
00:23:19,020 --> 00:23:22,000
-Not total.
515
00:23:23,006 --> 00:23:25,016
-Oh, my God, I love you!
516
00:23:25,022 --> 00:23:28,012
Where did you get that?
517
00:23:28,012 --> 00:23:32,022
Well, apparently,
$20 will buy you three drinks...
518
00:23:32,022 --> 00:23:33,022
Uh-huh.
519
00:23:33,019 --> 00:23:35,019
...a channel change,
and a joint.
520
00:23:35,019 --> 00:23:37,999
Alright.
521
00:23:43,023 --> 00:23:46,003
Fucking men.
522
00:23:50,006 --> 00:23:52,006
Men are bullshit.
523
00:23:52,010 --> 00:23:53,020
Mm.
524
00:23:53,022 --> 00:23:55,022
That's what I'm talking about.
525
00:23:55,022 --> 00:23:58,012
Being someone's girlfriend.
526
00:23:58,007 --> 00:24:00,007
Mmm-mmm.
527
00:24:01,021 --> 00:24:03,001
No good can come of it.
528
00:24:03,005 --> 00:24:04,015
That's what I'm saying.
529
00:24:08,014 --> 00:24:10,004
Wow.
530
00:24:11,003 --> 00:24:14,013
-This is strong weed. Mm...
-Mm.
531
00:24:16,003 --> 00:24:17,023
Oh.
532
00:24:19,021 --> 00:24:21,021
It's Smith.
533
00:24:22,019 --> 00:24:24,009
-Hello?
-Hi, did you see me?
534
00:24:24,013 --> 00:24:25,023
Yes, we saw it.
535
00:24:25,023 --> 00:24:28,023
-How did I do?
-Perfect, just like we planned.
536
00:24:28,021 --> 00:24:32,001
-Can you hear me?
537
00:24:32,003 --> 00:24:35,013
I'm not getting
any reception here. Let me--
538
00:24:35,011 --> 00:24:37,011
-Hel--
-Are you there?
539
00:24:37,012 --> 00:24:41,012
As I contemplated
the fact that my relationship
had gone to pot,
540
00:24:41,016 --> 00:24:44,996
literally, I realized no high,
541
00:24:45,003 --> 00:24:49,013
or low, would make this day
any day other than
542
00:24:49,014 --> 00:24:52,024
"the day I got broken up
with by a post-it."
543
00:24:52,022 --> 00:24:55,012
Police.
544
00:24:55,009 --> 00:24:56,999
Stay right where you are.
545
00:24:59,009 --> 00:25:00,019
That's the way it goes.
546
00:25:00,018 --> 00:25:02,998
-We have to take her downtown.
Officer, please.
547
00:25:03,004 --> 00:25:05,024
I'm a lawyer and a mother.
This woman is my friend,
548
00:25:05,022 --> 00:25:08,012
and she's an extremely
law-abiding citizen.
549
00:25:08,011 --> 00:25:10,011
Who just broke the law.
550
00:25:10,009 --> 00:25:11,999
Yes, but in her defense,
551
00:25:12,005 --> 00:25:14,015
she has had a very,
very bad day.
552
00:25:14,023 --> 00:25:16,023
Her boyfriend
just broke up with her.
553
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:17,020
On a post-it.
554
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,000
Come on.
555
00:25:19,003 --> 00:25:21,013
That didn't happen.
556
00:25:23,023 --> 00:25:26,013
"I'm sorry, I can't,
don't hate me."
557
00:25:28,014 --> 00:25:31,024
Wow. Brutal.
558
00:25:31,019 --> 00:25:35,009
Tell you what, I'll write you
up for smoking in a bar.
559
00:25:35,007 --> 00:25:37,017
Oh, come on.
Can't you just let her off?
560
00:25:37,020 --> 00:25:41,020
I'm sorry. I can't.
Don't hate me.
561
00:25:44,002 --> 00:25:46,002
Oh, hear that.
562
00:25:46,005 --> 00:25:47,015
It's midnight.
563
00:25:47,020 --> 00:25:51,020
The official end to what
will now be known as
564
00:25:51,017 --> 00:25:56,017
"the day I got arrested
for smoking a doobie."
565
00:25:56,017 --> 00:25:59,007
I said doobie. This is gr--
566
00:26:01,020 --> 00:26:03,020
You didn't get arrested.
567
00:26:04,001 --> 00:26:07,011
See? Your post-it was
your get-out-of-jail-free card,
568
00:26:07,011 --> 00:26:09,001
so if you never
met Berger, then you--
569
00:26:09,004 --> 00:26:11,014
Stop, you're killing my buzz.
570
00:26:11,007 --> 00:26:13,007
I have to say,
I'm starting to agree
571
00:26:13,012 --> 00:26:15,002
with Charlotte's
way of thinking.
572
00:26:15,005 --> 00:26:18,015
If I hadn't accidentally
gotten pregnant by Steve,
573
00:26:18,019 --> 00:26:20,009
I never would have had Brady...
574
00:26:20,010 --> 00:26:22,010
-Awww...
-I'm not finished.
575
00:26:22,008 --> 00:26:23,008
And had no time to eat,
576
00:26:23,008 --> 00:26:26,018
so I never would have
fit into my skinny jeans
577
00:26:26,022 --> 00:26:30,022
and realized this city
is full of cute men!
578
00:26:30,018 --> 00:26:33,008
Now that's my kind
of thinking.
579
00:26:33,014 --> 00:26:36,014
Carrie, don't Bogart the split.
580
00:26:36,013 --> 00:26:39,013
Okay, I know what I learned
from my Berger relationship.
581
00:26:48,007 --> 00:26:49,997
Wait a minute, I just had it.
582
00:26:52,021 --> 00:26:53,021
What?
583
00:26:54,001 --> 00:26:55,011
You know what?
584
00:26:55,013 --> 00:26:57,013
I changed my mind.
585
00:26:57,009 --> 00:26:59,009
You don't think everything
happens for a reason?
586
00:26:59,008 --> 00:27:00,008
No, no, not about that,
about the wedding.
587
00:27:00,016 --> 00:27:04,016
I really want you guys
to be my bridesmaids.
588
00:27:06,005 --> 00:27:08,995
You don't have to wear
the matching dresses, I promise.
589
00:27:09,004 --> 00:27:11,004
Alright.
I'll eat to that!
590
00:27:11,005 --> 00:27:13,995
-Can I get that in writing?
591
00:27:14,004 --> 00:27:17,024
Oh. I think I've had enough.
My jeans just popped.
592
00:27:24,017 --> 00:27:27,997
I might never find the lesson
in why Berger and I split,
593
00:27:28,005 --> 00:27:29,015
but at least, for the moment,
594
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,000
there was a banana split.