Taxi!
There are some New York nights that are monumental.
Gigantic. Historic...
Others are just Big.
Bet you can't get steaks like this
in your little Napa village now, can ya?
Where do you think this cattle comes from,
a ranch on Canal Street?
Well, what we lack in livestock we make up for in... cabs.
Napa has cabs.
Fine. You win. I don't want to fight about it.
Oh, let's. Let's fight.
Then we can make up.
So, what's on your New York agenda?
Makin' some deals? Breakin' some hearts?
-Can I tell you a secret? -That's not your real hair?
I'm having a little heart thing done.
What?
They found a blockage,
so I'm getting a... you know, angioplasty.
Simple procedure. No big deal. But...
I can kiss these goodbye!
Carrie. Calm down.
Come on, don't be such a sissy.
It's nothing.
They do a million of these a day.
It's like having your teeth cleaned.
Um... Miss?
Um...
She's fine.
Could you bring some extra napkins?
And some violins?
Uptown there was a different kind of dinner being prepared.
With less cholesterol and no tears.
Oh, my God!
Hey!
However you got in here, I don't care.
I applaud you.
Miranda's new neighbor, Dr. Robert Leeds,
had quickly become her new boyfriend, Doctor-of-all-trades.
Magda let me in. She was very excited at the idea of someone
actually using your kitchen to prepare food.
Well, it's a first.
I didn't know you could cook.
I make one thing.
Enchiladas, baby.
Wow! -Huh?
Here...
Mmm.
Spicy.
You can handle it.
Come on.
Oh, my God.
I have placemats?
How am I gonna repay you for all this?
I only make Lean Cuisine.
I have one idea.
Done.
No, it's another idea.
But it's related.
Oh?
Take tomorrow off.
From work?
I don't do that.
Just think about it. Brady's with his dad,
I don't have to work until 7:00,
we can spend the whole day together.
I bet you have a few personal days stored up.
Just... think about it.
Truth be told, Miranda had never taken a personal day
in her entire career.
Then again, no one had ever made her enchiladas before.
Whoa, jeez! Whoa!
-Oh! Oh! Hey. Steve!
What are you doing here?
Ah!
Oh, my God are you okay?
Ow, ow. I'm seeing spots.
Let me take a look at that. Whoa.
Whoa, who the hell are you?
What are you doing here?
I forgot Brady's ear drops. What are you doin' here?
I took a personal day.
-I'm Robert. This is Robert.
I'm a doctor.
He's a doctor. And my boyfriend.
I'm sorry. Is it weird that I just called you that?
No, I like it.
Uh... Hey, do you want to help me here or what?
Yeah, yeah. Let's take this in the bathroom.
Can you get us some ice?
Bend your head forward slightly and have a seat.
So, uh, how long have you two been hangin' out?
Oh, about a month.
I was gonna mention it when the time was right.
I was just waiting for the right time.
Ah, ah, ah, ah. Keep applying pressure...
So, anyway, this is Steve.
-Brady's dad -Good to meet you, Steve.
-Oh, my God. Who's watching the baby? -My Ma.
Ow!
And Debbie!
Yeah, it should be fine. It's just bruised.
I'm gonna need a tampon.
-What? -What the fuck?
It's a little trick we use at work.
And some scissors.
Here.
What are you a nose-guy or somethin'?
No, I'm in sports medicine.
For the Knicks.
Adding insult to injury...
Now...
This should do it.
So that pretty much solves the problem
of how Robert and Steve are going to meet.
I guess I can check that off my list of things to do.
That's horrifying.
I will continue to be horrified by that story all day long.
And poor Steve,
he was in such a vulnerable position
with the sex and the bloody nose
and the doctor boyfriend.
Well, you won.
It's not a competition.
You're right.
She's being fucked by a hot black doctor
and Steve had a tampon up his nose, no contest.
Okay, I hate to admit this but there is part of me
that took some pleasure in the whole thing.
Is that terrible?
Well, no. It's not as though you planned it that way.
-Did you? -No!
I'm crazy about Robert.
So, why do I even care what Steve thinks?
Because you've been through a lot with him.
Some people just get under your skin and stay there.
When I saw Big the other night...
Big is in town?
Yeah, he's here for a little heart thing.
What, is he on the waitlist to get one?
No. And you're going to feel incredibly bad in a minute.
He's here because he's having heart surgery.
Okay, I'm officially a monster, please continue.
No, it's okay. It's actually a fairly routine procedure.
They found a blockage...
Honey...
I'm sorry.
This is exactly what happened the other night when he told me.
I know, I know he's gonna be fine.
But...
What is going on with me?
Yoo-hoo! Ladies lunching?
Bitsy von Muffling had recently married
-cabaret singer Bobby Fine. -Well...
Known to everyone but Bitsy
as the gayest gay man alive.
Hi.
My goodness, look at you.
Can you believe it? Me, pregnant.
It's a girl.
Bobby is so excited,
he's already got two names picked out.
Judy or Barbara.
We're gonna wait to see what she looks like.
I like Judy.
And I owe it all to Dr. Mao.
Or as we call him, “Dr. Wow.”
Acupuncturist, slash, miracle worker!
Seriously, I couldn't take it anymore with the IUIs,
the IVFs, and the "I give up."
Anyway, then I go to this guy and poof!
I'm with child.
-Just from going to acupuncture? -I don't know
how the hell it works, but this guy could
get a cactus pregnant.
Anyway, I've got to run. Or shall I say... “waddle.”
It was great seeing you girls.
Bye.
How is that physically possible?
That woman is, like, fifty years old!
And married to a fag.
I have got to go see that Dr. Mao.
-Hello! -Hi.
I have a three o'clock with Dr. Mao.
I know someone who tried for five years
and never saw results.
Did she drink the teas religiously?
Tell her to drink the teas, they're smelly but they work.
My friend Lois got pregnant on her third visit.
I knew a woman who was told she'd never get pregnant,
ever, because she wasn't ovulating. And guess what?
She's expecting her fourth this Christmas!
Yes! That's fabulous.
And then this woman said that the teas and the herbs
were really important and I'm just wondering
because I started fertility treatments
with my first husband
but now I'm remarried
and so this woman thought that I should...
Mrs. Goldenblatt, I have all that information.
Let's just concentrate on what we're doing here,
in this room.
Now. I'll be back in twenty minutes.
Just relax with your own thoughts.
I knew a woman who was told she'd never get pregnant,
ever, because she wasn't ovulating. And guess what?
She's expecting her fourth this Christmas!
From Eastern medicine on the Upper West Side...
Hello?
To Western medicine on the Upper East side...
Hey, kid.
How are you?
I'm alive!
You asshole!
What'd you think, I'd be dead already?
I don't know. Hospitals scare me.
Oh, I'm fine. I'm great. I've never felt better.
Boy, you should have seen your face.
You're such an easy mark.
Oh-oh, it's Ruby time.
Ruby's my favorite.
He says that to all the nurses, doesn't he?
-It's a safe assumption. -Mmm.
Alright, darlin', come on. Up!
-Oh, that hurts. That's it.
Oh boy, there she goes again,
old water works. Come on, take it easy.
I'm sorry. Just ignore me.
Oh, so sweet. She's worried about you.
Oh, don't cry.
Your husband will be fine.
No, no, no, I'm not...
He's not my husband.
Meanwhile, Samantha welcomed Smith back
from his movie location with open arms.
Now, put your index finger on my clit.
Oh!
Good. But less pressure.
Okay, now, two fingers. Mmm.
A little higher.
A little bit more to the left.
Now, you feel that ridge? Hm?
Did you take a directing seminar while I was gone?
I did some summer reading.
Okay, now keep your finger there but move your thumb higher...
Higher...
Oh, I miss those hands.
I got it.
So where do you want to eat?
Later, without direction,
Smith tried the most intimate hand position of all...
I don't know, what do you feel like?
Sushi, maybe...
Or Thai.
I just had Thai--
Babe?
You okay?
I have a new sympathy for the disabled.
What happened to you?
Oh, I'm fine. I just fell into one of those hatches
on the sidewalk. It was stupid.
Oh, my God. That's my biggest fear. How did that happen?
It was Smith's fault.
He did something to me that was so perverse.
Okay, I'm just gonna say it.
He tried to hold my hand.
Do you mean to tell me that Smith is a hand-holder?
And to think he once served us food.
You laugh, but it's part of a bigger problem.
Do you know that I didn't fuck a single...
or a married guy the whole time Smith was out of town.
And I'll tell you somethin' else...
I missed him.
Well it sounds to me like he missed you too.
Hence, the deviant behavior.
Like it or not, that little tadpole
is wide open and there for you.
Life's short, you might wanna consider holding his hand.
Okay, it happened again.
The crying, when I visited Big at the hospital.
That's three times now.
I suggest waterproof mascara.
I finally figured out that the only way to have Big in my life
was to block out certain feelings and now,
every feeling that I ever had
is bubbling up all over the place
with nowhere to go except out my eyeballs.
So, what are you gonna do about it?
Nothing. There's nothing to do.
Big is who he is. He's never gonna change.
He's limited and I accept that. So...
he'll go back to Napa and I'll go back to not crying.
The end.
Ow.
Honey, if it hurts so much why are we going shopping?
I have a broken toe, not a broken spirit.
Well, come on then. Move that booty.
If New York City's signature fruit is the apple,
then it's signature sound is the ambulance siren.
It seems like all day, everyday, people are getting hurt.
And the whole city has to hear about it.
But what about the injuries that don't get a siren?
Whether you're falling into a hole in the street,
or possibly falling back in love?
Just how dangerous is an open heart?
Hello, Mt. Sinai Hospital.
Hi, can I please be connected to room, um, 8-17?
Let me see.
That patient left the hospital this morning.
Well...
How'd you find me?
When you weren't at the morgue
I figured you were at the Four Seasons, and here you are.
You know, I'd invite you in, Sniffles,
but I've run out of Kleenex.
Should I call concierge or did you bring your own?
Oh, I'm sorry. You must have me confused with someone else.
I'm Candy.
Your candy striper.
Stop. Put your coat back on.
Are you trying to kill me?
I can't smoke, I can't drink and I can't get excited...
about anything.
I'm in the union. I know the rules.
It's a damn shame, too,
because I love a cute candy stripper.
This isn't about stripping, it's about striping.
Mm. It's a complete waste of a hotel room if you ask me.
What are we gonna do now?
Oh, Candy's got a whole bag full of PG fun in here.
Oh, goody.
Starting with... dominos.
-Classic and Day-Glo. -Dominos?
Why don't you just take off your dress and kill me now?
Get it over with.
Nobody wins with that kind of attitude.
Mmm.
Meanwhile, across town,
another caregiver was taking precautions.
I know. I know, almost done.
Yeah, there we are. Now we're...
Steve might have gotten knocked out the other night,
but Miranda had no idea his girlfriend was a knockout.
-Hey! -Hi, Miranda.
Hello, it's nice...
-Whoa, oh! -Oh, my gosh!
-You alright? -I'm, I'm...
I'm fine. Oh, I'm fine...
It's nice to meet you, I'm Miranda.
This is my girlfriend, Debbie.
Are you sure you're okay? You really came down hard there.
I'm, I'm, I'm fine. Really. Thank you.
Hey there Brady-licious.
-Hi!
Oh, good!
Hey. -You're back.
Robert, this is Debbie
And you remember Steve.
Yeah.
-You sure you're alright, babe? -Hey.
Cause I saw you, uh, go flyin' there.
What? Oh, I'm fine. It was nothing.
Robert is just overprotective because he's a doctor.
-Oh. -For the Knicks.
Get out!
Did you hear that, Stevie? The Knicks!
Yeah, yeah. I know.
What a cool job. That is like crazy cool!
-Yeah. -Debbie works for MasterCard,
Corporate Headquarters.
Really?
I have a Mastercard.
You know Steve won't even let me talk on the phone
when there's a Knicks game on? Even if I'm in the other room.
I didn't know you were a Knicks man.
Yeah, I follow all the New York teams.
Oh, he lives for the Knicks.
One time he took me to a game and our seats were so high up,
what do they call that section?
The nose-bleed section.
I could usually scrounge up
a few courtside seats if you're ever interested.
That's okay, I like my seats.
Take the seats.
I don't need his seats.
Take the seats.
As Miranda and Steve continued
needling each other on the playground...
Dr. Mao was busy needling Charlotte in his office.
And this time she was determined to drown out
the voices in her head.
I'll be back in about twenty minutes.
Just try to relax and find your center.
Okay.
Qué viva Cuba libre. Qué viva Cuba libre...
Unfortunately, she couldn't drown out
the voices on the street.
Cuba sí, Castro no.
Castro no, Cuba sí, Castro no...
When Charlotte opened her mind to Chinese medicine,
she didn't expect a visit from the Cuban Liberation Front.
-Dr. Mao?
Cuba sí, Castro no.
Hello?
Dr. Mao?
I can't get centered.
Is there a quieter room
cause I'm trying to relax and find my center
but I just can't do that with all this noise.
Charlotte.
This city will never quiet down.
You're going to have to learn to block out that New York noise
and listen only to yourself.
Charlotte was beginning to think
that the solution to her problem
wasn't finding her center but finding some earplugs.
No, the actors were cool. The location was great.
The whole thing was off the hook.
But man, I missed you.
Look...
I know where you want to put your hand and I'm sorry
but I'm just not that kind of girl.
Samantha, I like you and you like me.
I've had enough of this horseshit.
So fuckin' hold my hand.
Fine,
but only until my foot heals.
And that's how Samantha lost her virginity to Smith.
Mmm. You've got too many on that end and they're crooked.
Especially those last four
Hey, I'm doin' all the heavy lifting here.
You're sittin' there like a log.
I'm in recovery.
Oh, excuses, excuses...
And they're too closely spaced together.
Well, see, you don't understand
the delicate balance of physics involved in this.
Well, that's true,
this is really more of your generation's game
where as I came of age in the Parcheesi era.
So I guess this is what we'd be like in our seventies, huh?
Hmm...
No sex and board games.
Oh, you're already thinkin' about your next birthday?
Seriously, kid.
You and me.
The early-bird special.
Yeah, save me a baked potato, I'll meet you there.
Are you okay?
Oh, my God.
You're burning up. Here, come on, let's get you in bed.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Um, well, it's down to a hundred and one.
Well, that's good to hear.
Right... So...
I'll just keep doing what I'm doing?
Okay, thank you so much, doctor.
Well...
he thinks you're gonna be fine.
Is this washcloth still cold?
Yeah, that feels nice.
Good.
You're an angel, you know that?
Nah, I'm just doin' my job.
I'm serious.
What are we doing?
I'm talking about us.
Life's too short.
What are we doing?
I don't know.
It took the best heart surgeon in New York,
but Big's heart was finally unblocked.
In fact, it was wide open.
The next morning, by the light of day,
both injured parties were rebounding nicely.
Hi!
-Hey, Bubs. -Hey.
How was he?
Good. A little cranky when he woke up.
-Yeah? -So...
that was funny, the other day.
Yeah, it was fun.
Wait, did you say it was fun or funny?
I said funny, I think. But I guess I meant fun.
Debbie seems really...
nice.
Thanks. I think so.
So does Robert...
Is it Rob or Robert?
Robert.
Yeah. He seems like a really good guy.
Yeah.
Miranda...
Hey. Good morning, Steve.
-How's that nose?
Hey, little guy.
Much better.
I keep tellin' people that Debbie punched me.
She loves that.
Well then, I'm outta here.
Hey.
Later.
Oh, my God, Charlotte!
-Hey there, hi there! -Good morning.
Heather Grason told me she saw you at Dr. Mao's.
Didn't you love him?
You feel like a pincushion, I know.
But can't you feel it working?
Sort of.
Well, do you know Isabel Reed?
Horrible woman but she's got a great story.
She tried everything, and I mean everything,
before she went to Dr. Mao.
Anyway, she started going four times a week,
taking the herbs, you have to take the herbs.
Uh, are you taking the herbs?
And Dr. Mao said her...
It turned out that Dr. Mao was a miracle worker,
because in just two short sessions
he taught Charlotte to block out all the New York noise
she didn't need to hear.
Hey.
How long have you been up?
Just a few minutes.
How you feeling?
Better.
I feel like myself again.
Let's see.
I'm fine. Fine. Excuse me.
It was a shift imperceptible to anyone but me.
But I knew, Big's heart had closed again.
Maybe it would reopen in another five years,
maybe it wouldn't.
But I knew myself well enough to know that that's not enough.
Hey, I'm gonna order breakfast. What do you want?
Oh, just get me some cornflakes and juice,
thanks.
For the first time all week,
I didn't feel like crying.
Life's too short.
♪ Do you believe In what you see ♪
♪ Motionless wheel ♪
♪ Nothing is real ♪
♪ Wasting my time ♪
♪ In the waiting line ♪
♪ Do you believe In what you see ♪
♪ Everyone's saying Different things to me ♪
♪ Different things to me ♪
♪ Everyone's saying Different things to me ♪
♪ Different things to me ♪
♪ Everyone's saying Different things to me ♪
♪ Different things to me ♪
♪ Everyone's saying Different things to me ♪
♪ Different things to me ♪
♪ Do you believe In what you see ♪
♪ Motionless wheel ♪
♪ Nothing is real ♪
♪ Wasting my time ♪
♪ In the waiting line ♪
♪ Do you believe In what you see ♪