1 00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:07,973 - Morning, Dad. - Morning. 2 00:00:08,189 --> 00:00:10,478 Where did you get the Wall Street Journal? 3 00:00:10,733 --> 00:00:12,476 Oh, from the what-do-you-call-it? 4 00:00:12,735 --> 00:00:14,893 The neighbour's porch? 5 00:00:15,737 --> 00:00:18,607 - Right. - You stole their newspaper? 6 00:00:18,865 --> 00:00:19,860 I did not steal it. 7 00:00:20,074 --> 00:00:21,698 It is a well-known principle of common law 8 00:00:21,909 --> 00:00:26,369 that any newspaper not taken inside by 7:30 a.m. is free game! 9 00:00:29,165 --> 00:00:30,872 It's 7:15. 10 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,957 They're dead asleep. I checked. 11 00:00:47,599 --> 00:00:51,216 Oh, man, where is Sara? We're gonna be so late. 12 00:00:51,477 --> 00:00:54,810 - Where are you guys headed tonight? - Rhonda Levine's bachelorette party. 13 00:00:55,063 --> 00:00:58,147 - I thought you went to that weeks ago. - No, that was her engagement party. 14 00:00:58,357 --> 00:01:00,231 Then next week I'm throwing her a bridal shower, 15 00:01:00,442 --> 00:01:02,316 and a week from Saturday's the rehearsal dinner, 16 00:01:02,528 --> 00:01:04,152 and then I'm a bridesmaid in her wedding, 17 00:01:04,362 --> 00:01:07,398 and then, with any luck at all, I'll never have to see her again. 18 00:01:07,657 --> 00:01:10,990 So, what kind of bachelorette party this gonna be tonight, huh? 19 00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,573 Rowdy? Lot of drinking? 20 00:01:13,828 --> 00:01:15,821 Well, I certainly hope so. 21 00:01:16,414 --> 00:01:18,490 - Stripper? - God willing. 22 00:01:18,707 --> 00:01:21,874 Oh, well, do yourself a favour and don't judge his body based on mine. 23 00:01:22,085 --> 00:01:26,082 - Because it's not fair to him. - Right. I won't, I won't. 24 00:01:26,339 --> 00:01:29,043 - By the way, you have a few singles? - That's very funny, yeah. 25 00:01:29,591 --> 00:01:31,916 Hi. Oh, no, no, Carrie, don't get him worked up. 26 00:01:32,177 --> 00:01:33,291 You're gonna make us late. 27 00:01:33,553 --> 00:01:35,510 Me? Do you know how late we are because of you? 28 00:01:35,721 --> 00:01:38,259 Okay, so you had the bigger room growing up, get over it. 29 00:01:38,474 --> 00:01:40,133 Let's just go. I'm parked out front. 30 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,675 - Okay, bye. - What are you gonna do tonight? 31 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,892 I'm just going to Cooper's. Shoot some pool. 32 00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:47,932 - Okay, well, have fun. Okay, bye. - Bye, bye, bye. 33 00:01:48,148 --> 00:01:50,390 Thank God it's Friday. 34 00:01:50,609 --> 00:01:52,648 I thought the weekend would never get here. 35 00:01:52,902 --> 00:01:56,685 So where we off to tonight, kids? Jazz at the Cotton Club? 36 00:01:56,905 --> 00:01:59,396 Prize-fight at the Yankee Stadium? 37 00:02:03,327 --> 00:02:05,652 It is Friday, right? 38 00:02:05,913 --> 00:02:09,530 Yeah, just not in the year that you think. 39 00:02:09,791 --> 00:02:11,582 Oh, well, whatever you kids are into is fine, 40 00:02:11,793 --> 00:02:13,203 just as long as we have some fun. 41 00:02:13,419 --> 00:02:15,910 So how about it, let's 23 skidoo! 42 00:02:18,798 --> 00:02:21,336 Actually, Dad, Sara and I are going to a bachelorette party, 43 00:02:21,551 --> 00:02:24,800 and Doug's gonna hang out with some of his friends. 44 00:02:25,721 --> 00:02:28,390 We didn't know that you were expecting to go out tonight. 45 00:02:28,556 --> 00:02:31,308 Well, just a lifetime of habit, I suppose. 46 00:02:31,559 --> 00:02:34,096 Friday night, big night. 47 00:02:35,145 --> 00:02:38,311 Well, anyway, you kids have fun. 48 00:02:38,565 --> 00:02:41,850 I'm gonna head back down and see if I can't get that heater to stop leaking 49 00:02:42,109 --> 00:02:44,896 methane gas once and for all. 50 00:02:47,113 --> 00:02:49,686 Oh, God, you guys, I feel so bad. 51 00:02:49,907 --> 00:02:52,149 He's been so lonely since Tessie died. 52 00:02:52,409 --> 00:02:56,276 I know. And he put on Canoe and everything. 53 00:02:56,538 --> 00:02:57,913 I'm gonna go wait in the car. 54 00:03:01,834 --> 00:03:04,869 Doug, you don't suppose that you could take him with you? 55 00:03:05,128 --> 00:03:07,037 Carrie, it's my one night out with the guys. 56 00:03:08,798 --> 00:03:10,457 You're right, you're right. I'm sorry. 57 00:03:10,716 --> 00:03:13,088 - He'll be fine. - I know, I know. 58 00:03:13,301 --> 00:03:17,168 - Okay, have a good time. Bye. - Have fun. 59 00:03:28,314 --> 00:03:29,393 Arthur! 60 00:03:32,859 --> 00:03:33,890 So I'm telling her, I said, 61 00:03:34,110 --> 00:03:36,565 "Look, lady, I just need you to sign for the package," right? 62 00:03:36,779 --> 00:03:38,273 "I'm not allowed to come inside." 63 00:03:38,489 --> 00:03:41,489 And then, I swear to God, her robe just opens. 64 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:43,028 - What? Get out of here! - Come on. 65 00:03:43,243 --> 00:03:46,326 I'm telling you. She pulls the sash, the thing opens, boom. 66 00:03:46,537 --> 00:03:48,743 I'm staring right at Simon and Garfunkel. 67 00:03:50,373 --> 00:03:53,658 - Oh, man, I would've gone for it. - You would have run away screaming. 68 00:03:53,918 --> 00:03:55,578 Hey, I get hit on a lot at work, okay? 69 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,330 What, when they're buying subway tokens 70 00:03:57,546 --> 00:03:59,622 they fondle your hand through the little slot? 71 00:03:59,881 --> 00:04:00,912 Yeah, your mother does. 72 00:04:02,550 --> 00:04:04,542 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 73 00:04:04,802 --> 00:04:06,426 Would you let me finish my story, please? 74 00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:10,301 - I'm trying to look like I'm not rattled. - Hey, Doug. Where's the old man? 75 00:04:11,349 --> 00:04:13,057 Oh, there he is. Let me go wrangle him, huh? 76 00:04:16,270 --> 00:04:19,056 Arthur, come on, let's go. We got a booth. 77 00:04:19,272 --> 00:04:24,811 What kind of joint is this, anyway? One of those private after-hour clubs? 78 00:04:25,069 --> 00:04:26,646 It's just a place we hang out. 79 00:04:27,237 --> 00:04:30,237 Cops ever come in and bust it up? 80 00:04:30,490 --> 00:04:31,688 It's a restaurant. Come on. 81 00:04:33,576 --> 00:04:36,327 - That's my marker, gentlemen! - Okay. 82 00:04:36,536 --> 00:04:39,205 Let's go grab a seat, huh? We're gonna have a nice meal. 83 00:04:39,455 --> 00:04:41,661 Get you a stiff drink. We're gonna be fine. 84 00:04:41,874 --> 00:04:44,744 Here you go. You get to sit right there. 85 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,917 These the same fellas who were in the car with us? 86 00:04:47,128 --> 00:04:50,461 - Same ones. Okay, where was I? - Robe. 87 00:04:50,673 --> 00:04:51,835 Her robe's open, right? 88 00:04:52,049 --> 00:04:53,840 She's got my pen. So I'm looking at her, like: 89 00:04:54,051 --> 00:04:57,300 "Lady, if you don't sign for the package, I'm gonna have to call my supervisor." 90 00:04:57,554 --> 00:04:58,585 You're gonna call O'Boyle. 91 00:04:58,805 --> 00:05:01,176 He would've been there in five minutes with his pants down. 92 00:05:01,432 --> 00:05:04,005 - O'Boyle? Who's O'Boyle? - He's our boss at work. 93 00:05:04,226 --> 00:05:07,143 So anyway, robe's open, completely open, she's got the pen. 94 00:05:07,353 --> 00:05:09,013 - An Irishman? - Who? 95 00:05:09,230 --> 00:05:11,767 O'Boyle. He an Irishman? 96 00:05:11,982 --> 00:05:13,855 Yeah, I guess so. So what? It doesn't matter. 97 00:05:14,067 --> 00:05:16,640 I fought in the Battle of the Bulge with an Irishman. 98 00:05:16,861 --> 00:05:18,687 His name was O'Shannon. 99 00:05:18,904 --> 00:05:21,477 Saw him get his nose shot right off his face. 100 00:05:23,533 --> 00:05:27,447 Choked to death on his own blood, screaming for his mother. 101 00:05:27,662 --> 00:05:31,077 Oh, but we saved your precious Europe! 102 00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:38,413 - I think your pool table's open. Yeah. - Is it? 103 00:05:39,463 --> 00:05:41,835 This one's for O'Shannon! 104 00:05:42,090 --> 00:05:44,378 - I'm sorry about him. - No, it's fine. 105 00:05:44,592 --> 00:05:46,134 - Don't worry about it. - Yeah. 106 00:05:46,343 --> 00:05:48,715 It's not like he lives in your house or anything. 107 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,340 Funny, you're funny. Will you guys shut up? 108 00:05:52,557 --> 00:05:55,261 I got like a two-minute window here. I can tell you this, all right? 109 00:05:55,476 --> 00:05:57,349 I had a marker down. This is my table now. 110 00:05:57,936 --> 00:05:59,347 What marker? What're you talking about? 111 00:05:59,563 --> 00:06:00,973 Right here. 112 00:06:01,856 --> 00:06:05,307 That's a nickel. It's four quarters to play the table. 113 00:06:05,568 --> 00:06:07,192 Excuse me. 114 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:15,777 Looks like you missed. 115 00:06:16,035 --> 00:06:20,494 Now get off my table unless you feel like dancing with the snowman! 116 00:06:21,831 --> 00:06:25,282 I'm not gonna get to finish this story, am I? 117 00:06:31,172 --> 00:06:35,632 What a man, what a man, what a man What a mighty good man 118 00:06:38,053 --> 00:06:39,677 I thought that guy really had us, Douglas, 119 00:06:39,887 --> 00:06:42,093 but you lost him with that nifty driving of yours. 120 00:06:42,306 --> 00:06:44,049 What do you call that manoeuvre, anyway? 121 00:06:44,308 --> 00:06:45,636 A right turn. 122 00:06:48,269 --> 00:06:49,432 What a night we had, Carrie. 123 00:06:49,645 --> 00:06:52,930 Bar fight, car chase, topped off by a fine dinner at- 124 00:06:53,148 --> 00:06:56,102 - What was that place, Douglas? - White Castle. 125 00:06:58,111 --> 00:07:00,601 Well, I'm glad you had fun, Dad. 126 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,193 Listen, it's pretty late, why don't you head on down to bed. 127 00:07:03,407 --> 00:07:07,107 Well, I'm pretty wired, but that's what the pills are for. 128 00:07:08,411 --> 00:07:10,901 Douglas, you're a good boy. 129 00:07:13,623 --> 00:07:17,371 Oh, you took him anyway. That was so sweet. 130 00:07:17,585 --> 00:07:20,585 - Yeah, yeah. - Was it terrible? 131 00:07:20,838 --> 00:07:23,411 Well, he's quite a cupcake. 132 00:07:24,090 --> 00:07:29,047 Well, thank you. Thank you very, very, very much. 133 00:07:29,261 --> 00:07:31,218 I love you, I love you, I love you. 134 00:07:32,514 --> 00:07:34,921 Had a couple drinks, did you? 135 00:07:36,767 --> 00:07:39,139 I don't know what gets into your father sometimes, you know? 136 00:07:39,353 --> 00:07:41,760 He's like a boxer that doesn't hear the bell. 137 00:07:44,524 --> 00:07:46,516 You hit something there. 138 00:07:48,819 --> 00:07:50,479 Saucy. 139 00:07:51,655 --> 00:07:55,272 Wow, you've learned me. 140 00:07:57,159 --> 00:07:59,198 Where we going, upstairs? 141 00:07:59,411 --> 00:08:01,202 Be gentle. 142 00:08:10,545 --> 00:08:12,703 - Hey. - What's up, Deac? 143 00:08:12,922 --> 00:08:15,210 I got your jacket. You left it at Cooper's last night. 144 00:08:15,424 --> 00:08:17,333 Thank you. 145 00:08:18,009 --> 00:08:19,669 You're awfully chipper for a guy 146 00:08:19,886 --> 00:08:23,227 who was chased out of a bar making girly noises. 147 00:08:23,264 --> 00:08:25,933 So pancake? Waffle? How about a pancake-waffle combo? 148 00:08:26,099 --> 00:08:28,305 Huh, what do you say? Like, a "paffle"? 149 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:29,970 Yeah, any of that's fine. 150 00:08:30,186 --> 00:08:34,100 So seriously, man, what's this good mood all about? 151 00:08:36,108 --> 00:08:37,815 Nothing special. 152 00:08:38,068 --> 00:08:39,894 No, come on. What? 153 00:08:40,111 --> 00:08:42,566 When Carrie saw that I'd taken Arthur out with us last night, 154 00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:47,357 she was, how shall I say, appreciative. 155 00:08:48,201 --> 00:08:49,280 You had sex. 156 00:08:49,535 --> 00:08:53,912 Sort of. Certainly was in the sex family. 157 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,119 What do you mean? 158 00:08:56,333 --> 00:08:59,333 Let's just say that last night was Doug time. 159 00:09:01,462 --> 00:09:04,830 - Oh, you mean-? - That's right, my friend. 160 00:09:05,507 --> 00:09:07,250 Mazel tov. 161 00:09:08,634 --> 00:09:11,884 I guess it goes to show you that it pays to be nice to your wife's father, huh? 162 00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:13,382 Yeah, maybe I'll try that. 163 00:09:13,597 --> 00:09:16,550 I know begging and crying haven't worked. 164 00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:20,803 Dad, could you grab me the blue package in the back seat? 165 00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,059 No, the blue one. 166 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,807 That's not the blue one. 167 00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:27,311 Oh, that's not the back seat. 168 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:28,983 Okay, that's not our car! 169 00:09:30,819 --> 00:09:33,855 Fine, just bring me that. 170 00:09:34,114 --> 00:09:36,651 - Hey, Deac. Hey, honey. - All this stuff for the bridal shower? 171 00:09:36,866 --> 00:09:39,024 Yes, and I still have to pick up the cake and the wine, 172 00:09:39,284 --> 00:09:41,111 and bring Dad to the eye doctor by 11. 173 00:09:41,328 --> 00:09:43,997 I should have never agreed to throw this stupid party. 174 00:09:44,831 --> 00:09:46,740 Well, Car, you know what? 175 00:09:46,957 --> 00:09:49,365 If you want, I can take your father to the eye doctor. 176 00:09:51,211 --> 00:09:54,414 If it's something you might appreciate. 177 00:09:55,047 --> 00:09:56,874 That's great, hon. Thanks. 178 00:09:58,634 --> 00:09:59,629 That didn't land, did it? 179 00:09:59,885 --> 00:10:01,794 - Nope. - Yeah. 180 00:10:02,345 --> 00:10:04,005 How do these figure into the bridal shower? 181 00:10:04,222 --> 00:10:06,048 Give me that! Thank you. 182 00:10:06,265 --> 00:10:07,593 Look, Dad, I have to run back out. 183 00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:10,477 Doug's gonna take you to the eye doctor, okay? I'll see you later. 184 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:11,639 Bye, hon. Thanks. 185 00:10:11,853 --> 00:10:13,395 - Carrie! - What? 186 00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:15,472 I might take your father out for ice cream too. 187 00:10:15,689 --> 00:10:17,397 Yes! 188 00:10:18,984 --> 00:10:20,526 Okay, great. Bye. 189 00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:22,648 You know what? 190 00:10:22,904 --> 00:10:26,189 Maybe we'll do dinner and I'll take him to a show, just him and me. 191 00:10:26,406 --> 00:10:29,609 It'll inconvenience me, but I'm gonna do it! 192 00:10:31,077 --> 00:10:32,737 Honey? 193 00:10:32,953 --> 00:10:35,907 We're gonna have some good times, you and me. 194 00:11:50,118 --> 00:11:52,691 Two bucks. Too rich for my blood. 195 00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:55,237 I'm out too. 196 00:11:56,207 --> 00:11:57,321 Call. 197 00:11:57,541 --> 00:11:58,952 Aces up. 198 00:11:59,543 --> 00:12:01,167 Read them and weep. Trip threes. 199 00:12:01,419 --> 00:12:03,874 - Oh, man! - Will you shut up? Arthur will hear us. 200 00:12:04,130 --> 00:12:06,205 - Who cares? - I care, okay? 201 00:12:06,423 --> 00:12:08,581 I haven't been able to shake the guy all week. 202 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,884 He came with me to the dentist, Motor Vehicle Bureau. 203 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:16,468 He even came up with nicknames we're supposed to call each other. 204 00:12:16,682 --> 00:12:19,516 I'm Scooter, he's Beans. 205 00:12:20,393 --> 00:12:22,053 - I'm going crazy. - Take it easy. 206 00:12:22,270 --> 00:12:23,811 You know, you brought this on yourself. 207 00:12:24,021 --> 00:12:26,559 - You know what I'm talking about. - I know. 208 00:12:26,773 --> 00:12:28,849 You hit the jackpot one night, and you got greedy. 209 00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:31,984 - You tried to play God. - I know. 210 00:12:33,571 --> 00:12:34,685 Drop it, all right? 211 00:12:34,905 --> 00:12:37,740 I just wanna have one evening that doesn't include eating a baked apple 212 00:12:37,949 --> 00:12:39,443 and watching Murder, She Wrote. 213 00:12:39,701 --> 00:12:43,994 Oh, did you see the one last night? I was so stumped. 214 00:12:44,871 --> 00:12:47,196 - What was that? - Someone's at the door. 215 00:12:47,415 --> 00:12:49,870 That could be him. Blow out the candles. 216 00:12:50,668 --> 00:12:51,948 Nobody move. 217 00:12:52,211 --> 00:12:54,333 Oh, God. Oh, God. 218 00:12:54,588 --> 00:12:56,212 I feel like Anne Frank. 219 00:13:01,677 --> 00:13:04,677 - Hey, Scooter, what's going on? - Hey, Arthur. 220 00:13:06,431 --> 00:13:07,629 Sorry. 221 00:13:07,849 --> 00:13:09,508 Hey, Beans. 222 00:13:10,809 --> 00:13:13,300 What are you playing cards in the dark? 223 00:13:16,105 --> 00:13:18,430 All right, fellas, the game is called Kick the Dog. 224 00:13:18,649 --> 00:13:23,441 Threes, sixes, nines, one-eyed jacks, suicide kings are wild. 225 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,360 Tell you what, why don't you tell us what's not wild? 226 00:13:26,614 --> 00:13:29,449 That's Fondle the Mailman, and we're playing that next. 227 00:13:33,036 --> 00:13:36,036 I got five aces, I don't even have an ace. 228 00:13:36,289 --> 00:13:37,284 No one drop out. 229 00:13:37,498 --> 00:13:40,534 In this game, mostly everyone winds up with five aces. 230 00:13:41,418 --> 00:13:44,371 Oh, it's almost 10. I should call mom, tell her I'm gonna be late. 231 00:13:44,587 --> 00:13:47,042 You're gonna be very late. You're the only one who's winning. 232 00:13:47,256 --> 00:13:48,418 You live with your mother? 233 00:13:48,757 --> 00:13:51,923 Yeah. It's a pain, but she doesn't drive, so... 234 00:13:52,177 --> 00:13:55,260 So what if she doesn't drive? The woman can't take a bus? 235 00:13:55,513 --> 00:13:57,635 No, no. 236 00:13:57,848 --> 00:14:01,051 Theoretically, yes, but she's used to my car. 237 00:14:01,267 --> 00:14:03,094 All right, let's bet. I go a quarter. Who's in? 238 00:14:03,311 --> 00:14:05,184 - I'll call your ass. - Yeah, up a quarter. 239 00:14:05,396 --> 00:14:07,768 Let me get this straight. If you live with your mother- 240 00:14:08,023 --> 00:14:09,932 - Arthur, it's to you. - I'm very curious. 241 00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,059 If you live with your mother, 242 00:14:12,276 --> 00:14:15,193 what do you do when you have a girl spend the night? 243 00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:21,407 Okay, what do you do when you have a guy spend the night? 244 00:14:24,078 --> 00:14:27,778 - It's gotta be one or the other! - A girl! It would be a girl! 245 00:14:27,998 --> 00:14:29,077 Who hasn't bet? 246 00:14:29,290 --> 00:14:31,662 I wanna move out, but apartments are very expensive. 247 00:14:31,918 --> 00:14:34,289 As it is, we pay 750 for a one-bedroom. 248 00:14:34,545 --> 00:14:37,296 - A one-bedroom? - I say, who hasn't bet? 249 00:14:38,214 --> 00:14:40,586 - So where do you sleep? - Arthur. 250 00:14:41,676 --> 00:14:43,882 The living-room sofa pulls out, that it? 251 00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,215 You share a bedroom with your mother? 252 00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:54,592 Twin beds! Twin beds! 253 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,934 There's an entire night table between us! 254 00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:00,936 Easy, easy! I was just making conversation! 255 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:04,481 All right, who's not in? 256 00:15:04,694 --> 00:15:07,399 You know, I think I better be going. I have something in my eye. 257 00:15:07,613 --> 00:15:08,692 Could you cash me in? 258 00:15:08,906 --> 00:15:11,231 Cash me in, Scooter! 259 00:15:11,909 --> 00:15:13,735 Take it easy. 260 00:15:16,621 --> 00:15:18,613 I hope his eye's okay. 261 00:15:20,499 --> 00:15:22,871 Well, this game is over. I'm out of here. 262 00:15:23,126 --> 00:15:26,874 Yeah, me too. You know, I haven't seen much of my wife this week. 263 00:15:30,174 --> 00:15:33,423 - Wanna go to a strip club? - Sure. 264 00:15:34,385 --> 00:15:37,421 Okay, the game is called Spank Your Sister. 265 00:15:38,889 --> 00:15:41,296 Oh, what is this? 266 00:15:43,226 --> 00:15:46,226 Oh, my God, a wig! 267 00:15:46,437 --> 00:15:49,722 Okay, how much do I love this? 268 00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:51,938 Isn't it great? You can use it to spice things up. 269 00:15:52,150 --> 00:15:54,107 I used to wear one all the time when I was a slut. 270 00:15:54,318 --> 00:15:57,105 - Yeah? - Here, open mine. 271 00:15:57,363 --> 00:15:59,438 Oh, my God! 272 00:15:59,698 --> 00:16:02,698 How much do I love this? 273 00:16:08,705 --> 00:16:10,828 What's up, hon? The poker game over already? 274 00:16:11,082 --> 00:16:13,620 - It is now. Your dad ruined it. - What did he do? 275 00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:16,076 He got on Spence about his personal life. 276 00:16:16,295 --> 00:16:19,663 Oh, the virgin thing? 277 00:16:19,923 --> 00:16:21,998 The living-with-his-mother thing. 278 00:16:22,258 --> 00:16:26,504 I gotta say, hon, they're not completely separate issues. 279 00:16:26,762 --> 00:16:29,335 God! What is he doing to me? Why can't he just leave me alone? 280 00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:30,670 What are you talking about? 281 00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:33,262 You're the one who invited him to be your sidekick all week, 282 00:16:33,476 --> 00:16:36,844 taking him to the movies and the petting zoo. 283 00:16:37,646 --> 00:16:39,056 It's your fault I did that. 284 00:16:39,314 --> 00:16:43,061 Oh, my fault? How is it my fault? 285 00:16:43,317 --> 00:16:46,768 Well, that first night, when I took him out just to be nice, 286 00:16:46,987 --> 00:16:48,149 you know, you were so... 287 00:16:49,113 --> 00:16:52,030 - So? - Appreciative. 288 00:16:54,117 --> 00:16:56,074 Appreciative? 289 00:16:56,911 --> 00:16:58,951 Appreciative. 290 00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:05,292 So that's-? Because-? 291 00:17:06,961 --> 00:17:08,918 What are you, a rottweiler? 292 00:17:10,673 --> 00:17:13,210 - What do you want from me? - You are so pathetic! 293 00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:16,550 Not pathetic. Weak, okay? There's a difference. 294 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:19,091 I gotta say, hon, you might be both. 295 00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:22,425 You know what? Maybe I'm both. I still don't deserve what's happened. 296 00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:25,890 All right, so just tell him to back off and give you some space. 297 00:17:26,144 --> 00:17:30,437 I can't. He likes me so much now, it would just kill him. 298 00:17:30,689 --> 00:17:32,432 You tell him. 299 00:17:32,691 --> 00:17:34,350 Me? Why should I kill him? 300 00:17:34,609 --> 00:17:38,357 You're his daughter. He's used to you causing him pain. 301 00:17:41,823 --> 00:17:45,523 Okay, I will talk to him with you. You understand? I am there to help. 302 00:17:45,785 --> 00:17:47,576 - Oh, I owe you. - Don't worry about it. 303 00:17:47,786 --> 00:17:50,538 Oh, no, really, thank you. You know what? 304 00:17:50,747 --> 00:17:56,452 Maybe later on I'll take you upstairs and I'll appreciate you. 305 00:17:58,921 --> 00:18:01,589 You know what, hon? We're gonna have to talk about that. 306 00:18:10,305 --> 00:18:14,172 - Dad, can we talk to you for a minute? - Sure, sure, come on down. 307 00:18:15,643 --> 00:18:18,311 Nobody squeals like Ned Beatty. 308 00:18:19,646 --> 00:18:23,061 Scoots, I'm glad you're here. I got three words for you: 309 00:18:23,316 --> 00:18:24,809 Working dude ranch. 310 00:18:25,901 --> 00:18:28,736 Get back to me with some dates. I cleared out August. 311 00:18:29,654 --> 00:18:31,113 Right. 312 00:18:31,322 --> 00:18:35,449 Actually, Dad, that's kind of what we wanted to talk to you about. 313 00:18:35,701 --> 00:18:36,780 What? What do you mean? 314 00:18:37,035 --> 00:18:39,360 Well, you've been spending a lot of time with Doug lately. 315 00:18:39,579 --> 00:18:42,912 Great time, by the way. Lot of fun. 316 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,452 And we were thinking, you know, 317 00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:51,002 maybe you could do some other things with your time. 318 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:52,583 - Like what? - I don't know. 319 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,504 Things that don't involve Doug. 320 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,250 What? What is this about? Doug, what does she mean? 321 00:19:00,012 --> 00:19:03,961 I'm not quite sure. Where you headed with this, honey? 322 00:19:06,559 --> 00:19:08,018 Listen to me, Dad. 323 00:19:08,269 --> 00:19:10,641 Doug doesn't want you to spend so much time with him. 324 00:19:10,855 --> 00:19:12,432 Do you understand? 325 00:19:12,689 --> 00:19:13,887 Oh, I know what this is. 326 00:19:14,107 --> 00:19:16,230 You're trying to drive a wedge between us. 327 00:19:16,442 --> 00:19:18,351 You're threatened by Doug's love for me! 328 00:19:20,821 --> 00:19:23,146 Nope, nope. Not really. 329 00:19:23,406 --> 00:19:25,564 Then I don't get it. 330 00:19:25,783 --> 00:19:27,325 You're the one who courted me. 331 00:19:29,078 --> 00:19:30,951 He's the one who courted me. 332 00:19:31,163 --> 00:19:34,448 Why did you invite me everywhere if you didn't want me around? 333 00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:38,539 - Tell the man, Doug. - Yeah, tell me. 334 00:19:38,752 --> 00:19:40,579 Why? 335 00:19:44,382 --> 00:19:47,466 All right, the game is San Diego Scooby-Doo. 336 00:19:47,718 --> 00:19:52,924 Three decks, we use all the jokers and instruction cards. 337 00:19:54,432 --> 00:19:55,926 So, Richie, 338 00:19:56,142 --> 00:19:58,679 Scooter says you're not the brightest bulb on the tree. 339 00:20:04,717 --> 00:20:06,590 I would have gotten my own place a long time ago 340 00:20:06,802 --> 00:20:10,550 but what with Dad gone, and Mom unable to drive, 341 00:20:11,639 --> 00:20:16,977 I pretty much have to live with her. I mean, what's the alternative, right? 342 00:20:20,063 --> 00:20:21,391 Well, you could get your own place 343 00:20:21,606 --> 00:20:23,931 and she could use taxis and public transportation? 344 00:20:27,027 --> 00:20:29,482 I'm gonna go inside now.