1 00:00:09,768 --> 00:00:13,349 Holding, number 73, the offence. 2 00:00:13,562 --> 00:00:16,312 Ten yards from the spot of the foul. 3 00:00:16,722 --> 00:00:18,761 What are you doing? 4 00:00:19,307 --> 00:00:23,219 Well, from your tone of voice, I'm guessing, not the right thing. 5 00:00:24,476 --> 00:00:25,591 Why aren't you dressed? 6 00:00:25,811 --> 00:00:28,846 Deacon and Kelly are gonna come pick us up, like, they-Now. 7 00:00:29,104 --> 00:00:30,266 Look, the game's almost over. 8 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:32,519 It'll take me five minutes to throw on my tux. 9 00:00:32,731 --> 00:00:36,099 Doug, I've seen you lose half a day on a shoehorn. 10 00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:40,395 - Okay, okay, I'm up. - Thank you. 11 00:00:40,611 --> 00:00:45,152 He breaks a tackle at the ten. He's in for the score. Jets touchdown. 12 00:00:45,947 --> 00:00:48,402 Okay, being on your feet instead of your ass? 13 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,406 Not enough progress. 14 00:00:50,658 --> 00:00:53,528 Hey, you try getting up off my ass. 15 00:00:55,578 --> 00:00:57,653 Doug, this isn't fair. Todd's an old friend of mine. 16 00:00:57,871 --> 00:01:00,657 If we were going to one of your friend's weddings, you'd be all... 17 00:01:00,873 --> 00:01:02,283 No, you wouldn't. 18 00:01:03,207 --> 00:01:04,784 Look. I'm at the closet, huh? 19 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,079 Have you showered? 20 00:01:06,293 --> 00:01:07,371 Yeah, this morning. 21 00:01:07,585 --> 00:01:08,865 That was six hours ago. 22 00:01:09,086 --> 00:01:12,370 I haven't moved. You pointed that out yourself. 23 00:01:12,588 --> 00:01:13,868 Okay, let's come at it this way. 24 00:01:14,089 --> 00:01:16,839 What's the argument against showering? 25 00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:20,959 Well, for one thing, the towel I used this morning is still damp. 26 00:01:21,218 --> 00:01:25,344 I'd have to get a new towel, create a whole laundry situation. 27 00:01:27,305 --> 00:01:30,470 Plus, second shower of the day, shampoo? No shampoo? 28 00:01:30,682 --> 00:01:32,674 It's a can of worms, Car, really. 29 00:01:33,892 --> 00:01:36,014 Doug, come here, come here. 30 00:01:36,894 --> 00:01:39,135 Shower, okay? 31 00:01:44,773 --> 00:01:48,520 Oh, Daddy, you look so handsome. 32 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,732 Oh, thank you. 33 00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:53,023 Something wrong? 34 00:01:53,278 --> 00:01:55,235 Nothing I wanna worry you about. 35 00:01:55,488 --> 00:01:56,650 Okay. 36 00:01:56,864 --> 00:02:00,942 - It's that damn RSVP card. - Okay. 37 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,920 Remember, when the wedding invitations came, 38 00:02:03,117 --> 00:02:04,997 we had to check whether we wanted steak or fish? 39 00:02:05,202 --> 00:02:07,526 - Yeah? - I had just had a big porterhouse steak 40 00:02:07,745 --> 00:02:09,073 at the time, so I checked fish. 41 00:02:09,288 --> 00:02:11,114 Now, I haven't had steak in weeks. 42 00:02:11,372 --> 00:02:14,206 I'd like a nice steak today! 43 00:02:15,833 --> 00:02:19,366 Dad, I'm sure we can work it out, don't worry. 44 00:02:19,627 --> 00:02:22,461 You're right, I'm gonna give Todd a call right now, straighten it out. 45 00:02:22,670 --> 00:02:24,995 Dad? Todd is getting married in two hours. 46 00:02:25,214 --> 00:02:28,591 I don't think he wants to spend time on your little entrée dilemma right now. 47 00:02:28,627 --> 00:02:33,085 I was a second father to that boy. He can't get me a nice piece of meat? 48 00:02:36,220 --> 00:02:37,630 - Daddy? - Yeah? 49 00:02:37,888 --> 00:02:41,635 I will give you a thousand dollars if you let this thing go. 50 00:02:43,141 --> 00:02:45,809 Oh, if only life were that easy. 51 00:03:04,653 --> 00:03:06,195 What's going on? 52 00:03:06,946 --> 00:03:08,772 Just getting dressed. 53 00:03:10,698 --> 00:03:12,939 Doug, your tux doesn't fit anymore? 54 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,402 It's those damn dry cleaners. They must've shrunk it. 55 00:03:17,119 --> 00:03:19,953 All right, let's just cram you in there. 56 00:03:20,162 --> 00:03:22,533 Hey! 57 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:26,909 Can't just go right up the middle. You gotta let me choose a side first. 58 00:03:34,129 --> 00:03:35,706 Okay. 59 00:03:37,256 --> 00:03:39,828 Okay, deep breath. 60 00:03:40,924 --> 00:03:43,414 Okay, I meant, hold it in. 61 00:03:44,510 --> 00:03:46,502 - Okay, all right. - I'm working. 62 00:03:46,719 --> 00:03:48,960 All right. All right. 63 00:03:49,179 --> 00:03:51,052 A little more, baby. A little more. 64 00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:52,888 Please, help me. 65 00:03:55,516 --> 00:03:57,638 Okay, how's that? 66 00:03:58,601 --> 00:04:00,427 Let me out. 67 00:04:02,896 --> 00:04:06,061 Doug, I asked you to try on the tux two months ago 68 00:04:06,272 --> 00:04:07,647 when we got the invitation. 69 00:04:07,898 --> 00:04:09,974 I know, I didn't think I'd put on any weight. 70 00:04:10,191 --> 00:04:13,025 That's it. No more cheese for me. 71 00:04:13,777 --> 00:04:16,065 All right, give me the pants. Come on, I'll let them out. 72 00:04:16,278 --> 00:04:18,650 There you go. Simple solution right there, huh? 73 00:04:18,863 --> 00:04:22,859 Sweet cheese, welcome back. 74 00:04:24,658 --> 00:04:28,950 Okay, letting out the pants, letting out the pants. 75 00:04:29,161 --> 00:04:31,117 Don't know how to do that. 76 00:04:32,454 --> 00:04:34,909 Fabulous. They're here. 77 00:04:43,461 --> 00:04:44,623 - Hi. - Hey, Carrie. 78 00:04:44,837 --> 00:04:47,540 - You look great. - Oh, thanks, you guys too. 79 00:04:47,797 --> 00:04:50,038 Hey, Carrie, I may have solved the problem. 80 00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:53,541 What if I iron up my black sweats? No one will know the difference. 81 00:04:56,260 --> 00:04:58,168 Don't think so. 82 00:05:00,221 --> 00:05:01,418 What's going on? 83 00:05:01,638 --> 00:05:04,591 He had two months to try on his tux, but he waited until ten minutes ago. 84 00:05:04,807 --> 00:05:06,763 And now his pants don't fit. 85 00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:09,091 You see? That's the way you're supposed to look. 86 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,761 Hey, trying my tux on two months ago 87 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,930 was not gonna make me 6-foot-5 and black. 88 00:05:15,813 --> 00:05:19,311 Don't remind me. We're gonna be so late. 89 00:05:19,524 --> 00:05:21,978 - Kel, do you know how to sew? - No, but he does. 90 00:05:22,192 --> 00:05:24,018 Beautiful. Sew like the wind. 91 00:05:24,235 --> 00:05:25,235 No problem. 92 00:05:25,444 --> 00:05:27,731 Kel, come upstairs. Help me finish getting ready. 93 00:05:41,453 --> 00:05:43,908 So where did you learn to sew? 94 00:05:45,622 --> 00:05:46,820 National Guard. 95 00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:49,785 They teach you to knit little booties too? 96 00:05:50,458 --> 00:05:55,202 No, but they taught me how to kill a man with a thumb to the eyeball. 97 00:05:56,503 --> 00:05:58,791 You should take them out about two inches. 98 00:05:59,714 --> 00:06:00,994 You're good friends with someone 99 00:06:01,215 --> 00:06:04,048 when you're willing to shove your arm up their pantyhose. 100 00:06:04,592 --> 00:06:06,583 How could every pair have a run in them? 101 00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:07,963 I walk and sit. 102 00:06:08,219 --> 00:06:11,882 To look at these, you'd think I scale barbed wire for a living. 103 00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:15,505 So is it gonna be a little weird for you, seeing Todd walk down the aisle? 104 00:06:15,765 --> 00:06:17,342 Why would it be weird? 105 00:06:17,599 --> 00:06:19,638 Girl, you know what I'm talking about. 106 00:06:19,892 --> 00:06:21,054 Shut up. 107 00:06:21,268 --> 00:06:24,433 It was one time. I was young, I had very high hair. 108 00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:26,933 It hardly even counts. 109 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:34,270 - Oh, nice work. Very nice. - Thank you. 110 00:06:34,484 --> 00:06:36,772 You must've been popular with the other guardsmen. 111 00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:41,437 I did all right. 112 00:06:43,448 --> 00:06:45,735 I'll tell you though, I still wish we didn't have to waste 113 00:06:45,949 --> 00:06:47,490 half our Saturday on this stupid thing. 114 00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:49,380 Yeah, tell me about it. Some good games on. 115 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:52,066 Carrie and Kelly are the ones who went to school with this guy. 116 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:55,072 They should just go as each other's dates and leave us out of it, huh? 117 00:06:55,288 --> 00:06:57,576 Absolutely. Hey, you know what you should do to get even? 118 00:06:57,789 --> 00:07:01,204 Next time, drag Carrie to a wedding of somebody you had sex with. 119 00:07:01,458 --> 00:07:02,656 Yeah. 120 00:07:02,917 --> 00:07:04,624 Do what? 121 00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:09,451 Nothing. 122 00:07:11,547 --> 00:07:14,215 What are you saying? Are you saying that Carrie had sex with Todd? 123 00:07:14,424 --> 00:07:15,799 Maybe. 124 00:07:18,426 --> 00:07:20,383 Probably not though. 125 00:07:21,178 --> 00:07:22,458 - Well, did she? - Yes. 126 00:07:22,679 --> 00:07:24,338 Before you guys were ever together. 127 00:07:24,555 --> 00:07:25,586 I assumed you knew. 128 00:07:25,847 --> 00:07:27,424 No, Carrie never told me. 129 00:07:27,682 --> 00:07:28,682 Told you what? 130 00:07:28,891 --> 00:07:33,302 About Todd and Carrie and the: 131 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,537 - You weren't supposed to tell him. - You never said that. 132 00:07:35,561 --> 00:07:38,893 - Well, I assumed you weren't an idiot. - Well, you assumed wrong. 133 00:07:41,898 --> 00:07:44,056 I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. 134 00:07:44,733 --> 00:07:45,733 Okay. 135 00:07:45,942 --> 00:07:50,318 I got pantyhose, you got pants, we are good to go. 136 00:07:58,992 --> 00:08:02,157 Long Island is so beautiful. 137 00:08:02,369 --> 00:08:04,905 We should get an estate out here, hon. 138 00:08:09,748 --> 00:08:13,115 Hey, I'm looking to make a swap. You order the steak or the fish? 139 00:08:13,375 --> 00:08:14,454 - Fish. - You? 140 00:08:15,126 --> 00:08:18,659 - Fish. - I can't catch a break here. 141 00:08:28,435 --> 00:08:30,972 So, nice ceremony, huh? 142 00:08:31,562 --> 00:08:35,937 I can't believe little Todd is actually married. 143 00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:38,436 Little Todd, huh? 144 00:08:40,784 --> 00:08:43,487 So you really teared up back there. 145 00:08:43,702 --> 00:08:46,192 Well, Todd and I, we go way back. 146 00:08:47,413 --> 00:08:49,155 - What? - No, I was just thinking, you know, 147 00:08:49,372 --> 00:08:51,862 what with you and Todd being such old close friends, 148 00:08:52,082 --> 00:08:55,496 I'm surprised the two of you, you know, never hooked up. 149 00:08:56,209 --> 00:09:01,202 - What do you mean? - You know, got freaky, did the: 150 00:09:02,922 --> 00:09:05,838 Is that what you kids are calling it these days? 151 00:09:06,090 --> 00:09:07,881 You're funny, honey. 152 00:09:08,091 --> 00:09:09,971 Actually, now that I see him with the lights up, 153 00:09:10,176 --> 00:09:11,800 he's not the best-looking bow in the bag. 154 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:17,673 Look at those beady eyes, huh? That gigantic misshapen head? 155 00:09:18,472 --> 00:09:20,678 Kind of a freak, actually. 156 00:09:20,890 --> 00:09:22,550 You'd have to be quite a hard-up skank 157 00:09:22,808 --> 00:09:25,381 to wanna jump those bones, huh, Carrie? 158 00:09:26,769 --> 00:09:29,769 Well, skank is a little harsh. 159 00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:31,683 Is it? Well, whatever. 160 00:09:31,897 --> 00:09:34,221 Hey, look at that. Little fried things. 161 00:09:37,775 --> 00:09:40,775 So word on the street is, you ordered the steak. 162 00:09:41,194 --> 00:09:43,601 - Yes, why? - You didn't hear? 163 00:09:44,446 --> 00:09:47,196 There's been some rumblings about the meat. 164 00:09:48,406 --> 00:09:50,813 - What do you mean? - Mad cow disease. 165 00:09:51,033 --> 00:09:53,488 I had it as a child, so I'm immune. 166 00:09:53,701 --> 00:09:56,784 I ordered the fish, but I'd be happy to switch entrées with you. 167 00:09:57,037 --> 00:09:58,827 No, thank you. 168 00:10:00,163 --> 00:10:03,246 Kel, does Doug seem weird to you at all today? 169 00:10:03,499 --> 00:10:05,704 - What do you mean? - It's just, like... 170 00:10:05,917 --> 00:10:08,039 Seems like he knows what happened between Todd and I. 171 00:10:08,251 --> 00:10:09,793 Like he smells it on me. 172 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,410 Well, men are perceptive like that. 173 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,002 Have you met Doug? 174 00:10:16,256 --> 00:10:19,007 Well, no, no, maybe you were just projecting a vibe or... 175 00:10:20,425 --> 00:10:21,800 Deacon told him. 176 00:10:22,051 --> 00:10:23,082 You told Deacon? 177 00:10:23,344 --> 00:10:25,798 He wasn't supposed to say anything, but I will tell you this: 178 00:10:26,012 --> 00:10:27,589 He is in big trouble. 179 00:10:27,846 --> 00:10:29,340 Oh, thank you. 180 00:10:29,889 --> 00:10:31,881 What am I gonna do? 181 00:10:32,140 --> 00:10:35,971 "We're just friends. Part of the same crowd." 182 00:10:36,184 --> 00:10:39,386 Crowd, yeah. Two's a crowd. 183 00:10:39,645 --> 00:10:40,807 Good one, Dougie. 184 00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:43,727 Hey, where you going? You're with us, pal. 185 00:10:43,981 --> 00:10:46,850 Just try to forget about it, all right? It's not that big a deal. 186 00:10:47,107 --> 00:10:48,601 That's easy for you to say. 187 00:10:48,817 --> 00:10:52,860 Oh, and speaking of easy, here comes the little Missis. 188 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:56,152 I'm gonna find Kelly. I'll catch up with you later. 189 00:10:56,363 --> 00:10:57,643 - Hi, Carrie. - Deacon. 190 00:11:01,532 --> 00:11:03,690 - Hi there. - Hi. 191 00:11:03,951 --> 00:11:06,073 You know, we should just pop into that reception line 192 00:11:06,285 --> 00:11:07,530 and say congrats to them. 193 00:11:07,744 --> 00:11:09,985 Great. Perfect. Let's pop. 194 00:11:15,582 --> 00:11:17,455 Hey... 195 00:11:18,167 --> 00:11:21,202 Remember when you asked me if Todd and I ever had a thing? 196 00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:27,289 Well, I was just thinking and I think, maybe one time, we may have. 197 00:11:28,048 --> 00:11:31,250 Yeah, yeah, we did. 198 00:11:31,467 --> 00:11:35,961 I, like, totally forgot about it. Oh, my God. 199 00:11:36,761 --> 00:11:38,718 Anyhoo... 200 00:11:38,929 --> 00:11:40,174 Nice room, isn't it? 201 00:11:40,388 --> 00:11:43,721 I wanna take one of those centrepieces home, just for you. 202 00:11:43,932 --> 00:11:45,556 You finally come clean, huh? 203 00:11:45,767 --> 00:11:48,054 Doug, please don't make a big deal about this. 204 00:11:48,268 --> 00:11:50,224 It was a long time ago. 205 00:11:50,478 --> 00:11:52,118 Why didn't you tell me in the first place? 206 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,767 It's an interesting point I raise, isn't it? Isn't it? 207 00:11:55,731 --> 00:11:57,106 Doug. Carrie, hey. 208 00:11:57,315 --> 00:11:58,690 - Hey. - Hi. 209 00:11:58,899 --> 00:12:01,567 Congratulations, Todd, on everything. 210 00:12:01,734 --> 00:12:04,224 Oh, thanks for coming. 211 00:12:04,486 --> 00:12:06,145 - Hey, you. - Hi. 212 00:12:06,362 --> 00:12:08,603 Come on, how about a hug, huh? 213 00:12:08,822 --> 00:12:11,490 - Yeah. - Okay. 214 00:12:13,283 --> 00:12:16,733 Hey, Paula. Come here, you. Yeah. 215 00:12:16,951 --> 00:12:18,326 Oh, God. 216 00:12:18,536 --> 00:12:19,816 Have we met? 217 00:12:20,037 --> 00:12:22,787 Oh, we have now. 218 00:12:23,664 --> 00:12:27,446 - You look so beautiful. - Oh, thank you. 219 00:12:27,666 --> 00:12:28,864 I'm glad you're here. 220 00:12:29,084 --> 00:12:31,159 It means a lot to me. 221 00:12:31,377 --> 00:12:32,656 Let me steal another one, okay? 222 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,326 Oh, one more for daddy. 223 00:12:40,132 --> 00:12:41,625 Doug... 224 00:12:42,425 --> 00:12:44,582 I'm almost done. 225 00:12:46,469 --> 00:12:49,338 There you go. God, I love this kid. 226 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,050 So, Todd, I'm very happy for you. 227 00:12:55,265 --> 00:12:57,553 I hope you have a long and healthy life together. 228 00:12:57,809 --> 00:13:00,014 That being said, I need to talk to you about my entrée, 229 00:13:00,227 --> 00:13:02,681 because I'm getting the run-around here. 230 00:13:04,604 --> 00:13:07,438 Okay, Doug, you made your point. I'm sorry I never told you. 231 00:13:07,648 --> 00:13:10,647 Now could we just forget about it and enjoy the wedding? 232 00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:12,523 Now it all makes sense. 233 00:13:12,734 --> 00:13:16,184 "Shower, Doug. Fit into that tux, Doug." 234 00:13:16,403 --> 00:13:18,857 You just wanted to doll me up and show off your trophy 235 00:13:19,071 --> 00:13:22,071 to your precious little Todd. 236 00:13:22,406 --> 00:13:23,948 Would you stop it? 237 00:13:24,157 --> 00:13:26,612 We're together one time, nine years ago 238 00:13:26,826 --> 00:13:28,533 on a ski trip for God's sake. 239 00:13:28,743 --> 00:13:30,383 Yeah, then why'd you need to lie about it? 240 00:13:30,578 --> 00:13:31,578 I did not lie about it. 241 00:13:31,787 --> 00:13:33,577 I never once said, I did not sleep with Todd. 242 00:13:33,788 --> 00:13:34,867 You just assumed it. 243 00:13:35,122 --> 00:13:36,642 Oh, yeah, okay, yeah. This is my fault. 244 00:13:36,831 --> 00:13:38,455 Okay, so from now on, when we meet a guy, 245 00:13:38,666 --> 00:13:41,500 I'll just assume you did sleep with him unless you tell me otherwise. 246 00:13:41,751 --> 00:13:44,039 You know, maybe we'll work out a little signal, all right? 247 00:13:44,252 --> 00:13:45,627 Ah, this is no: 248 00:13:45,837 --> 00:13:49,204 And this is yes: 249 00:13:52,924 --> 00:13:56,707 You know, I'm not gonna talk to you when you're out of control like this. 250 00:13:59,094 --> 00:14:01,003 - Look what you did. - I'm sorry. 251 00:14:01,262 --> 00:14:05,673 I had the needle, the thread, I just started gabbing. 252 00:14:05,890 --> 00:14:07,549 Why do guys overreact to this stuff? 253 00:14:07,808 --> 00:14:09,448 I tried to calm him down but the truth is, 254 00:14:09,642 --> 00:14:11,136 I don't think he is overreacting. 255 00:14:11,352 --> 00:14:13,059 I mean, you were friends with this guy too. 256 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:16,222 I'd be upset if I found out you slept with him and never told me about it. 257 00:14:23,609 --> 00:14:26,359 I'm just saying, you can't make a person choose a meal 258 00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:28,851 eight weeks in advance, it's barbaric. 259 00:14:29,112 --> 00:14:30,819 Please, can we just talk about this later? 260 00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:33,317 Because, you know, the line is backing up and- 261 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:37,651 February 23rd, the year 2005. Fish or steak, Todd? 262 00:14:37,867 --> 00:14:39,195 Decide right now. 263 00:14:40,827 --> 00:14:42,787 Doesn't feel too good when you're in the hot seat. 264 00:14:42,995 --> 00:14:44,951 Does it, Todd? Does it? 265 00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:58,571 Mr. and Mrs. Todd Skobansky. 266 00:14:58,780 --> 00:15:01,650 Aren't they beautiful, ladies and gentlemen? 267 00:15:05,451 --> 00:15:07,775 Now we'd like to invite all the couples who are in love, 268 00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,867 to join Todd and Paula on the dance floor. 269 00:15:10,079 --> 00:15:12,320 Get on up there, ladies and gentlemen. 270 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:24,294 So welcome to the Todd-Had- Your-Wife-Before-You-Did Club. 271 00:15:24,796 --> 00:15:27,879 Kelly swore they didn't sleep together, they just fooled around. 272 00:15:28,089 --> 00:15:29,499 Which means what? 273 00:15:29,715 --> 00:15:31,624 I didn't ask. 274 00:15:32,759 --> 00:15:34,003 You gotta give the guy credit. 275 00:15:34,259 --> 00:15:37,461 He nailed both our wives and now here we are giving him gifts. 276 00:15:47,142 --> 00:15:50,177 - Oh, hey, there she is. - Hi. 277 00:15:50,436 --> 00:15:52,926 So where you kids headed off for the old honeymoon? 278 00:15:53,145 --> 00:15:54,425 Not that it matters. 279 00:15:54,646 --> 00:15:57,978 I'm sure you'll be spending the whole time indoors, am I right? 280 00:15:58,232 --> 00:15:59,809 I don't really know. 281 00:16:00,066 --> 00:16:01,857 No, I'm just assuming that because, you know, 282 00:16:02,067 --> 00:16:03,547 once you've been with a guy like Todd, 283 00:16:03,735 --> 00:16:06,735 I'm sure everyone after that would be a let-down. 284 00:16:06,945 --> 00:16:10,619 Am I right or wrong? Please tell me. 285 00:16:10,656 --> 00:16:13,027 I think my father wants to dance with me. 286 00:16:13,282 --> 00:16:15,737 All right. Hey, congratulations again. 287 00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:21,786 Todd and I were roommates at college. 288 00:16:21,996 --> 00:16:24,034 And, Paula, let me give you a little advice, 289 00:16:24,289 --> 00:16:26,327 hide your laundry money. 290 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,786 But seriously, Todd and I have been through a lot together: 291 00:16:32,043 --> 00:16:35,411 Bio class, the big games, keg parties at Phi Delt. 292 00:16:35,670 --> 00:16:38,374 Todd never touched the stuff. 293 00:16:44,008 --> 00:16:47,341 Oh, excuse me, I ordered the steak. 294 00:16:47,552 --> 00:16:49,627 No, sir, you didn't. 295 00:16:49,845 --> 00:16:52,631 How do you know what I ordered? Were you there? 296 00:16:52,889 --> 00:16:55,841 No, the people who ordered steak have a black ribbon on their place card. 297 00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:58,927 You have a yellow ribbon, which is for fish. 298 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:02,267 Yellow ribbon? No, no, no. That's for the hostages. 299 00:17:05,271 --> 00:17:09,730 Congratulations, you guys. And, Todd, I love you, man. 300 00:17:14,318 --> 00:17:19,476 And next on the toast list is Paula's first cousin, Jill McCarthy. 301 00:17:24,115 --> 00:17:27,364 Well, Paula was always the youngest cousin in the family, 302 00:17:27,617 --> 00:17:28,617 the baby. 303 00:17:28,826 --> 00:17:33,202 And, Paula, I cannot believe that you're actually married, before me. 304 00:17:33,412 --> 00:17:34,610 So, Doug, what's the deal? 305 00:17:34,871 --> 00:17:36,199 You're not gonna come, sit and eat 306 00:17:36,414 --> 00:17:38,453 because I slept with Todd nine years ago? 307 00:17:38,707 --> 00:17:39,905 That's correct. 308 00:17:41,208 --> 00:17:42,702 Come on. 309 00:17:42,918 --> 00:17:45,206 Doug, what is going on with you? 310 00:17:45,419 --> 00:17:46,939 You know we were both with other people 311 00:17:47,129 --> 00:17:48,622 before we ever got together. 312 00:17:48,838 --> 00:17:50,664 In fact, you showed me that list you kept. 313 00:17:50,922 --> 00:17:52,274 That's right, I showed you my list. And you know what? 314 00:17:52,298 --> 00:17:54,967 There was no one missing on my list either. 315 00:17:55,217 --> 00:17:58,252 In fact, I threw in a few fakes just to fill it out. 316 00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:01,427 - Okay, I didn't make a list, excuse me. - That's not the point. 317 00:18:01,637 --> 00:18:03,157 The point is, we've hung out with Todd. 318 00:18:03,346 --> 00:18:04,888 And all those times, you knew, he knew. 319 00:18:05,097 --> 00:18:07,766 Everyone knew except the big fat idiot here. 320 00:18:07,932 --> 00:18:10,387 I mean, were you laughing and high-fiving each other 321 00:18:10,601 --> 00:18:11,845 behind my back? 322 00:18:12,102 --> 00:18:13,892 Yeah, that's what we were doing. 323 00:18:15,145 --> 00:18:17,635 You made a fool of me, Carrie. 324 00:18:17,855 --> 00:18:19,432 And I would never do that to you. 325 00:18:22,149 --> 00:18:24,721 Congratulations, you guys. 326 00:18:25,818 --> 00:18:29,481 Next on the magic list here is Carrie Heffernan. 327 00:18:31,738 --> 00:18:33,279 Come on up, Carrie. 328 00:18:33,948 --> 00:18:35,738 - Come on up. - Okay. 329 00:18:39,492 --> 00:18:44,402 Hi, what can I say about Todd? 330 00:18:45,746 --> 00:18:47,702 I'm just remembering now, 331 00:18:47,914 --> 00:18:50,582 Todd and I ran into each other a few years ago at a party. 332 00:18:50,749 --> 00:18:53,239 And I was there on my second date 333 00:18:53,459 --> 00:18:56,127 with this guy named Doug, who's now my husband. 334 00:19:00,463 --> 00:19:01,494 Thank you. 335 00:19:01,714 --> 00:19:05,544 Anyway, I introduced Todd as my really good friend, 336 00:19:05,758 --> 00:19:09,884 which was mostly true, except for one thing that I left out. 337 00:19:10,094 --> 00:19:14,718 Which was that Todd and I had actually been sexually intimate. 338 00:19:19,148 --> 00:19:20,179 Doug. 339 00:19:24,435 --> 00:19:26,261 Doug, would you listen to me? 340 00:19:26,478 --> 00:19:28,318 Maybe I should've told you the truth that night 341 00:19:28,521 --> 00:19:30,081 but I didn't because I really liked you, 342 00:19:30,272 --> 00:19:31,952 and I wanted things to work out between us. 343 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:33,898 I mean, if I would've said: 344 00:19:34,108 --> 00:19:37,191 "Hey, PS, you see that guy over there? I did him." 345 00:19:37,401 --> 00:19:39,310 Would you have asked me out again? 346 00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:43,233 - I don't know, maybe. - Yeah, maybe. And maybe not. 347 00:19:43,446 --> 00:19:46,115 And then, we wouldn't have gone to Coney Island 348 00:19:46,323 --> 00:19:48,694 and you wouldn't have kissed me on the bumper cars, 349 00:19:48,908 --> 00:19:51,149 and I would've missed out on the... 350 00:19:51,368 --> 00:19:54,036 The best thing that's ever happened to me. 351 00:19:55,162 --> 00:19:56,821 You're referring to me? 352 00:19:57,079 --> 00:19:59,071 Yes, I'm referring to you. 353 00:19:59,289 --> 00:20:00,747 I love you. 354 00:20:02,166 --> 00:20:04,288 I love you too. 355 00:20:05,376 --> 00:20:07,700 Maybe I overreacted. It's just that... 356 00:20:07,919 --> 00:20:12,330 I don't know, even imagining you with another guy just gets me insane. 357 00:20:12,588 --> 00:20:16,964 Believe me, my thing with Todd was nothing to get insane about. 358 00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:19,586 Really? 359 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:24,708 Really. It was nothing. And I mean nothing. 360 00:20:26,555 --> 00:20:30,847 Nada. Zip. Over in a minute. 361 00:20:31,058 --> 00:20:34,259 - Yeah, in a minute? Really? - Yeah, if that. 362 00:20:35,185 --> 00:20:38,599 And then he kept apologizing and he burst into tears. 363 00:20:38,812 --> 00:20:40,934 Then he said something about having a fear of intimacy 364 00:20:41,147 --> 00:20:42,947 because his mother didn't hold him as a child. 365 00:20:43,148 --> 00:20:44,668 It's like, too much information, buddy. 366 00:20:47,192 --> 00:20:48,899 Oh, my God. 367 00:20:49,610 --> 00:20:52,278 Hey, is that microphone still on? 368 00:21:01,659 --> 00:21:04,824 Hope you guys enjoyed our little skit. 369 00:21:10,289 --> 00:21:15,661 It was just our little way of wishing Todd and Paula good luck. 370 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,499 Good luck, kids. 371 00:21:20,461 --> 00:21:22,204 Play something. 372 00:21:44,502 --> 00:21:46,662 And now, we'd like to invite everyone who ordered steak 373 00:21:46,878 --> 00:21:49,368 to join us on the dance floor.