1 00:00:11,672 --> 00:00:13,663 Oh, my God. 2 00:00:14,130 --> 00:00:15,458 - Hey, Car. - Hey, Kelly. 3 00:00:15,672 --> 00:00:17,232 Is my husband floating around somewhere? 4 00:00:17,422 --> 00:00:19,222 Yeah, he's in the garage with Doug. Come here. 5 00:00:19,422 --> 00:00:20,749 Look at this. 6 00:00:21,006 --> 00:00:22,747 Can you believe this? 7 00:00:23,006 --> 00:00:26,087 Okay, it's an application for a Greenbaum Smart Shopper card. 8 00:00:26,339 --> 00:00:28,828 No, not that. Look, you have to check a box for your age. 9 00:00:29,048 --> 00:00:31,714 The first group, right, 17 to 29, okay. 10 00:00:31,881 --> 00:00:35,875 Next group, 30 to 54. 11 00:00:37,798 --> 00:00:42,918 Do you know what that means? In 2 days, I'm gonna be 54 years old. 12 00:00:43,173 --> 00:00:45,626 Shut up, you're not gonna be 54, you're gonna be 30. 13 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,001 Hello? 14 00:00:47,257 --> 00:00:50,006 As far as Greenbaum's is concerned, there's no difference. 15 00:00:51,215 --> 00:00:52,855 Hi, darling, I got a situation downstairs. 16 00:00:53,048 --> 00:00:58,382 I need some bleach, a Popsicle stick, and several boxes of matches. 17 00:00:59,965 --> 00:01:02,880 Oh, Kelly. What a delightful surprise. 18 00:01:04,215 --> 00:01:06,372 Hey, big daddy. How are you? 19 00:01:06,632 --> 00:01:08,788 Fine, now that I've seen you. 20 00:01:09,007 --> 00:01:11,922 Nothing like a cup of brown sugar to sweeten my day. 21 00:01:13,716 --> 00:01:17,875 Okay, all this sexual tension's making me a little uncomfortable. 22 00:01:18,424 --> 00:01:19,504 What's the matter with you? 23 00:01:19,674 --> 00:01:21,514 Oh, she's bummed out because it's her birthday. 24 00:01:21,716 --> 00:01:23,339 - She thinks she's getting old. - What? 25 00:01:23,549 --> 00:01:25,256 Oh, that's crazy. 26 00:01:25,924 --> 00:01:27,168 - Is it? - Sure. 27 00:01:27,425 --> 00:01:31,465 - What are you turning, 24, 25? - Thirty. 28 00:01:36,383 --> 00:01:38,421 I'm telling you, you're wrong. 29 00:01:38,675 --> 00:01:41,246 I'm not wrong. It's his real name. 30 00:01:41,508 --> 00:01:46,213 Have you ever in your life met anyone named Boyardee? 31 00:01:51,717 --> 00:01:53,117 Hey, Doug, did you remember to order 32 00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:55,340 the Ultimate Fighting Championship for Friday night? 33 00:01:55,550 --> 00:01:58,217 My friend, I am a platinum package subscriber. 34 00:01:58,384 --> 00:02:00,789 If it takes place in a cage or a pit, I get it. 35 00:02:01,009 --> 00:02:02,809 That's my man. You're taping it for me, right? 36 00:02:03,009 --> 00:02:05,047 - Yup. - You're not gonna watch it with us? 37 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,965 No, my mom's coming in from St. Louis. 38 00:02:07,176 --> 00:02:09,083 I gotta pick her up from the airport that night. 39 00:02:09,301 --> 00:02:12,382 So, she can watch Ultimate Fighting with us. 40 00:02:12,593 --> 00:02:15,507 Hell, I met her. She could be in it. 41 00:02:16,551 --> 00:02:18,092 What?! 42 00:02:18,718 --> 00:02:22,051 - Hey, hey, that was not a mother joke. - Yes, it was a mother joke. 43 00:02:22,088 --> 00:02:24,128 And I'd be careful, because she could take you down. 44 00:02:27,052 --> 00:02:29,172 Man, this is gonna be sweet, huh? 45 00:02:29,427 --> 00:02:32,613 "Aaron 'The Python' Yuspavich goes for revenge" 46 00:02:32,650 --> 00:02:35,800 in his rematch against Juan 'El Cobra' Lopez, 47 00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:40,467 "this Friday, the 19th on Pay-Per-View." 48 00:02:41,927 --> 00:02:44,463 This Friday, the 19th? 49 00:02:44,677 --> 00:02:46,549 Oh, my God. 50 00:02:46,802 --> 00:02:49,089 - What's the matter? - I can't see the fight. 51 00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:51,969 The 19th is Carrie's birthday. 52 00:02:52,219 --> 00:02:55,300 So, what, you already made plans to take her out somewhere? 53 00:02:55,552 --> 00:02:59,048 No, no. But I gotta do something with her. 54 00:02:59,886 --> 00:03:01,711 Can't you just explain that we got the fight? 55 00:03:01,969 --> 00:03:04,126 That it's already paid for? 56 00:03:05,469 --> 00:03:13,469 And you wonder why your marriage didn't work out. 57 00:03:24,882 --> 00:03:26,089 What are you doing? 58 00:03:26,345 --> 00:03:30,718 Checking out how slow my skin bounces back when I pull it. 59 00:03:32,345 --> 00:03:33,424 Compared to what? 60 00:03:33,679 --> 00:03:36,002 Compared to how fast it used to bounce back. 61 00:03:36,262 --> 00:03:37,885 - Did you ever do it before? - No. 62 00:03:39,179 --> 00:03:41,300 Then how do you know how fast it bounced back before? 63 00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:45,709 You know what? You're right, I should keep a log or something. 64 00:03:45,971 --> 00:03:48,638 - What has gotten into you? - My birthday. 65 00:03:48,846 --> 00:03:50,753 - What about it? - What about it? 66 00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:54,627 I'm gonna be 30 years old. That's, like, the girl-woman dividing line. 67 00:03:54,888 --> 00:03:59,095 Up till now it's been, "Oh, yeah, Carrie, she's a pistol." 68 00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:00,305 Now it's gonna be: 69 00:04:00,513 --> 00:04:04,720 "Oh, right, Mrs. Heffernan. She's a handsome woman." 70 00:04:05,221 --> 00:04:08,717 Who do you know who uses the term "pistol"? 71 00:04:08,930 --> 00:04:12,343 - You know what I mean. - Come on... 72 00:04:12,555 --> 00:04:13,555 Doug... 73 00:04:13,763 --> 00:04:17,840 Did you already make plans for us to go out that night? 74 00:04:18,055 --> 00:04:22,001 Your birthday, what? I'm not gonna make plans? 75 00:04:22,847 --> 00:04:24,340 Why do you ask? 76 00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:26,925 Well, I just don't know how much I feel like celebrating. 77 00:04:27,139 --> 00:04:28,715 I mean, I'd almost rather, 78 00:04:28,931 --> 00:04:32,711 you know, just stay home, read a book, take a bath. 79 00:04:36,223 --> 00:04:37,715 Really? 80 00:04:37,931 --> 00:04:38,931 Am I being stupid? 81 00:04:39,139 --> 00:04:42,339 Just tell me I'm being stupid about this whole getting-older business, 82 00:04:42,556 --> 00:04:44,381 and we will go out Friday night. 83 00:04:49,973 --> 00:04:51,679 - Doug? - Yeah, yeah, of course you are. 84 00:04:51,890 --> 00:04:54,343 I mean, this is crazy talk, you know? 85 00:04:54,556 --> 00:04:56,512 Thirty is nothing. 86 00:04:57,973 --> 00:05:00,296 - Although it is halfway to 60. - Oh, my God, it is. 87 00:05:00,515 --> 00:05:02,173 Look, I know exactly how you feel. 88 00:05:02,390 --> 00:05:04,428 I mean, remember my 30th birthday? 89 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:05,640 I was so depressed 90 00:05:05,849 --> 00:05:09,759 all I wanted to do was stay home and be alone with my thoughts. 91 00:05:10,015 --> 00:05:13,097 Wait, didn't we go to that bar where you got drunk 92 00:05:13,307 --> 00:05:16,341 and you jumped against a Velcro wall? 93 00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:20,796 Outside was happy. Inside, sorrow. 94 00:05:22,766 --> 00:05:24,093 I think you should just stay home, 95 00:05:24,307 --> 00:05:30,008 you know, bathe, read, listen to a little of that Lilith Fair stuff... 96 00:05:30,724 --> 00:05:33,260 - Thank you, honey. You're very sweet. - Sure. 97 00:05:33,474 --> 00:05:35,595 It's no problem cancelling the plans you already made? 98 00:05:35,808 --> 00:05:37,384 No problem. 99 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,930 I mean, the dinner reservations, they're easily can cell able. 100 00:05:41,183 --> 00:05:42,973 Same with the limo. 101 00:05:43,850 --> 00:05:45,675 The other couple, I'm sure they'll understand. 102 00:05:45,933 --> 00:05:49,714 Oh, you already did all that? That is so sweet. 103 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,339 What restaurant? 104 00:05:53,892 --> 00:05:56,048 Very nice place. Very nice. 105 00:05:56,684 --> 00:05:59,433 That new place I told you about? Marino's, right? 106 00:05:59,684 --> 00:06:01,176 Yeah. 107 00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:05,921 And who was the couple? Deacon and Kelly? 108 00:06:06,184 --> 00:06:09,265 Yes, we were gonna Deacon-and-Kelly it up. 109 00:06:09,476 --> 00:06:11,265 Yeah, but we can do that all some other time, 110 00:06:11,476 --> 00:06:13,265 when you don't have this 30th birthday cloud, 111 00:06:13,476 --> 00:06:15,218 you know, hanging over your head, okay? 112 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,881 Okay, I'll just stay home. 113 00:06:18,101 --> 00:06:20,506 Listen to some Jewel... 114 00:06:36,335 --> 00:06:38,125 You suck! 115 00:06:40,168 --> 00:06:41,958 Not me, you. 116 00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:44,574 I'm not the one who just screwed with my wife's feelings. 117 00:06:44,793 --> 00:06:46,251 I know, I shouldn't have. 118 00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:49,799 It's that stupid Ultimate Fighting Championship. 119 00:06:49,835 --> 00:06:53,415 That was a selfish thing to do. You are a selfish bastard. 120 00:06:53,669 --> 00:06:55,458 Not me. You. 121 00:06:55,669 --> 00:06:57,541 - Would you stop that? - Make me. 122 00:06:57,752 --> 00:06:58,914 - Shut up. - You shut up. 123 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,537 - You shut up. - You shut up. 124 00:07:00,752 --> 00:07:03,039 You shut up, fatty. 125 00:07:03,252 --> 00:07:06,700 Okay, that's me. Yeah, I'm the fat one. Okay. 126 00:07:06,961 --> 00:07:08,998 Hey, you are young and beautiful, 127 00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:10,834 and damn it, we're going out Friday night 128 00:07:11,044 --> 00:07:13,084 and we're gonna do everything I said we're gonna do, 129 00:07:13,294 --> 00:07:15,961 and you're gonna have the best birthday of your life. 130 00:07:16,211 --> 00:07:18,878 And you have the springiest skin I've ever seen. 131 00:07:22,170 --> 00:07:24,705 What did you do in there? 132 00:07:28,812 --> 00:07:30,886 Oh, come on, you can't be totally booked up. 133 00:07:31,145 --> 00:07:33,977 Not one table anywhere? You know what? 134 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,854 Perhaps my friend, Mr. Jackson 135 00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:39,687 could convince you to take another look. 136 00:07:40,145 --> 00:07:43,593 No, you can't speak to him, he's the guy on the $20 bill. 137 00:07:43,812 --> 00:07:44,890 Yeah... Honey? 138 00:07:45,104 --> 00:07:46,810 Yeah, yeah, can you hold on a second. Yeah? 139 00:07:47,021 --> 00:07:48,513 For tomorrow night, what do you think? 140 00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:50,352 - I like the slutty one. - Yeah, me too. 141 00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:53,436 Okay. It's gonna be great. 142 00:07:53,646 --> 00:07:55,269 Come on, it's my wife's birthday. 143 00:07:55,479 --> 00:07:57,387 You gotta have a table. 144 00:07:57,604 --> 00:08:00,389 Please. Yes, that's fine. 145 00:08:00,604 --> 00:08:02,084 Okay, thank you. The name's Heffernan. 146 00:08:02,271 --> 00:08:03,645 Yup, I'll see you tomorrow night. 147 00:08:03,855 --> 00:08:05,312 All right, this is good. 148 00:08:05,521 --> 00:08:08,270 Okay, table at Marino's, check. 149 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,723 Limo, check. 150 00:08:09,938 --> 00:08:11,312 Gift, got it. 151 00:08:11,521 --> 00:08:14,354 Card, gotta get that today. Okay... 152 00:08:14,605 --> 00:08:16,430 - Hey, man, ready to go? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 153 00:08:16,688 --> 00:08:18,568 Listen, I need you and Kelly to come out with us 154 00:08:18,772 --> 00:08:20,012 for Carrie's birthday tomorrow. 155 00:08:20,188 --> 00:08:21,908 Can't do it. I told you, my mom's flying in. 156 00:08:21,938 --> 00:08:24,013 I know, but I promised Carrie a big birthday night 157 00:08:24,230 --> 00:08:25,889 when I thought she wouldn't wanna do it, 158 00:08:26,147 --> 00:08:28,718 and then I felt so bad, I shimmied her back into going, 159 00:08:28,939 --> 00:08:32,351 and now if I don't come through, I'll never be able to live with myself. 160 00:08:33,772 --> 00:08:36,521 No idea what you're talking about, but I got my mother. 161 00:08:36,731 --> 00:08:38,891 - Come on, we're late. - Please, come on, hey, come on. 162 00:08:39,106 --> 00:08:40,306 It's three hours of your life. 163 00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:44,308 Still want me to tape that Ultimate Fighting for you, don't you? 164 00:08:44,564 --> 00:08:46,555 Yeah. You said you would. 165 00:08:46,773 --> 00:08:48,929 Oh, I'll tape it, sure. 166 00:08:49,148 --> 00:08:51,352 Just be a shame if that tape had a little... 167 00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:54,100 accident before I could get it to you. 168 00:09:13,274 --> 00:09:15,145 So this is great. 169 00:09:15,357 --> 00:09:18,059 We're all here for Carrie's birthday. 170 00:09:18,274 --> 00:09:20,348 It just feels right. 171 00:09:23,649 --> 00:09:26,564 We're really glad you can join us tonight, Mrs. Palmer. 172 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,225 It's not like I had a choice. 173 00:09:28,441 --> 00:09:29,898 You snatch me fresh off the plane, 174 00:09:30,107 --> 00:09:32,787 don't even give a woman a chance to clean up. Why didn't you tell me 175 00:09:32,941 --> 00:09:35,227 - we were going out to a fancy dinner? - I said I'm sorry. 176 00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:37,479 You should have told her, Deac. 177 00:09:37,733 --> 00:09:40,399 It's not like we haven't had these plans for weeks. 178 00:09:40,649 --> 00:09:42,439 I guess I just forgot. 179 00:09:42,691 --> 00:09:45,476 Got one word for you, buddy: Datebook. 180 00:09:51,608 --> 00:09:54,559 So, honey, you wanna open my present now? 181 00:09:54,775 --> 00:09:57,346 No, no, I'm enjoying the limo ride too much. 182 00:09:57,567 --> 00:10:00,481 Anyway, it's too dark in here to read the card. 183 00:10:02,317 --> 00:10:04,142 The card, yeah. 184 00:10:13,859 --> 00:10:16,099 What do you got going there, hon? 185 00:10:16,651 --> 00:10:18,440 I got something caught in my teeth. 186 00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:21,519 I'll tell you, if I don't get some floss it's gonna bother me all night. 187 00:10:21,734 --> 00:10:24,270 Do you guys mind if we pull over at a drug store? 188 00:10:25,568 --> 00:10:26,942 Oh, man. 189 00:10:27,151 --> 00:10:29,355 This is the worst selection of cards I've ever seen. 190 00:10:29,568 --> 00:10:32,519 While you're here, why don't you buy me a datebook? 191 00:10:33,485 --> 00:10:35,808 Let it go. 192 00:10:36,568 --> 00:10:39,235 Come on, I'm dying here. These cards, they're actually dusty. 193 00:10:39,443 --> 00:10:40,853 What about this one? 194 00:10:41,068 --> 00:10:43,473 - It's a chimp sitting on a toilet? - It's funny. 195 00:10:43,985 --> 00:10:45,775 What message is that supposed to communicate? 196 00:10:45,985 --> 00:10:47,312 I don't know. 197 00:10:49,735 --> 00:10:51,525 No, it's not right though. Come on. 198 00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:52,807 Will you hurry up? 199 00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:55,064 My mom and Kelly are in a confined space together. 200 00:10:55,277 --> 00:10:57,149 Somebody's going down. 201 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:58,983 Wait a second, what's this? 202 00:10:59,194 --> 00:11:00,521 Oh, this is very nice. 203 00:11:00,735 --> 00:11:02,809 - Very nice. Okay. - Okay, let's go. 204 00:11:03,027 --> 00:11:05,101 Just this. 205 00:11:06,277 --> 00:11:09,228 - A dollar-eight. - Okay, there you go. 206 00:11:11,486 --> 00:11:13,062 I can't change this. 207 00:11:13,278 --> 00:11:15,233 Haven't you got something smaller than a 20? 208 00:11:15,861 --> 00:11:18,528 - Uh, no, sorry. - A ten? 209 00:11:18,986 --> 00:11:20,644 Still no. 210 00:11:20,903 --> 00:11:22,016 Sorry. 211 00:11:22,278 --> 00:11:24,731 - Look, you got any smaller bills? - Kelly holds my wallet. 212 00:11:24,986 --> 00:11:26,811 Oh, you got some women issues, huh? 213 00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:29,809 Okay. All right, look, I'll just buy something else. 214 00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:35,818 You know what, give me a comb, the Oh Henry! Bar there, 215 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:39,311 throw in the nail clippers and give me a water pistol. 216 00:11:39,903 --> 00:11:42,570 - What colour? - You got blue? 217 00:11:42,779 --> 00:11:45,349 - No. - Then I don't care then, whatever. 218 00:11:46,779 --> 00:11:49,693 - Okay, what does all that come to? - Four twenty-six. 219 00:11:50,487 --> 00:11:52,229 That's all? 220 00:11:52,446 --> 00:11:53,526 Get some of these pretzels. 221 00:11:53,737 --> 00:11:55,562 Yeah, yeah. Give me $16 worth of pretzels. 222 00:11:55,821 --> 00:11:56,821 Oh, those are free. 223 00:11:58,404 --> 00:12:00,110 You're killing me. 224 00:12:12,113 --> 00:12:14,518 So, Mrs. Palmer, 225 00:12:14,738 --> 00:12:18,897 you must be so excited to see Deacon and Kelly and little baby Kirby. 226 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,353 He is so cute. 227 00:12:21,613 --> 00:12:24,481 Who ever heard of naming a boy after a vacuum cleaner? 228 00:12:25,988 --> 00:12:27,529 Some people have no sense, am I right? 229 00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:30,316 Yeah, I know just what you mean. 230 00:12:30,905 --> 00:12:32,860 How many little ones do you have, darling? 231 00:12:33,114 --> 00:12:34,393 Oh, me? None. 232 00:12:34,655 --> 00:12:38,235 - Barren? - Oh, my God. 233 00:12:38,447 --> 00:12:42,903 No, no, no, not barren, not that I know of. 234 00:12:44,822 --> 00:12:46,702 It's just that, for the time being, I'm gonna... 235 00:12:46,906 --> 00:12:48,813 I wanna focus on my career. 236 00:12:50,197 --> 00:12:51,441 What do you do? 237 00:12:51,698 --> 00:12:54,151 I'm a secretary. 238 00:12:54,364 --> 00:12:56,651 Legal secretary. 239 00:12:56,906 --> 00:13:00,402 So you think it's more important to type and answer phones 240 00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:04,988 than to share your love with a sweet baby that's growing inside you? 241 00:13:05,531 --> 00:13:10,354 Well, I also arrange for the muffins at the morning staff meetings. 242 00:13:21,899 --> 00:13:25,643 - Hurry up. - Stop pressuring me. 243 00:13:27,815 --> 00:13:28,815 What? 244 00:13:29,024 --> 00:13:30,765 I just wrote myself into a corner here. 245 00:13:31,024 --> 00:13:32,600 - Just read me what you have. - Okay. 246 00:13:32,857 --> 00:13:36,803 "Dear Carrie, you are nothing less to me than a big-." 247 00:13:40,566 --> 00:13:42,521 - Where were you going with that? - I don't know. 248 00:13:42,733 --> 00:13:44,693 I'm getting wired from chewing all this Nicorette. 249 00:13:44,899 --> 00:13:47,186 All right, just work with what you got, come on. 250 00:13:47,399 --> 00:13:48,679 Okay. 251 00:13:48,899 --> 00:13:55,690 You are nothing less to me than a big pile of love meat. 252 00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:58,566 - Oh, man, I am blanking. - All right, look, don't panic. 253 00:13:58,816 --> 00:14:00,376 Maybe we can play with the letters here. 254 00:14:00,566 --> 00:14:02,853 - Okay. - All right, what if you turn the B... 255 00:14:03,067 --> 00:14:05,899 - Yeah... - Into an eight? 256 00:14:08,983 --> 00:14:11,270 Where does that get me? 257 00:14:11,775 --> 00:14:16,728 Hey, wait a second, what if I change the I into an L 258 00:14:16,942 --> 00:14:19,774 and then I squeeze the I before the I? 259 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,733 No, why don't you just keep the I and draw in the I, man? 260 00:14:22,942 --> 00:14:25,609 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 261 00:14:25,817 --> 00:14:29,514 Oh, wait a second, that's "bilge." 262 00:14:29,734 --> 00:14:32,483 Oh, my God! What have I done?! 263 00:14:38,968 --> 00:14:41,670 All right. This place is nice. 264 00:14:41,885 --> 00:14:44,634 What are we sitting outside for? It's freezing. 265 00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:48,048 I just thought, for Carrie's birthday, it would be nice to spread out a little. 266 00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:52,585 Got the whole patio to ourselves, so we can party. 267 00:14:58,677 --> 00:15:02,089 That's sweet, honey. You're a sweetie pie. 268 00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:03,629 Are you okay? You're not too cold? 269 00:15:03,844 --> 00:15:06,130 - Nope. - Well, I am. 270 00:15:06,344 --> 00:15:07,457 Just take my jacket, Mom. 271 00:15:07,677 --> 00:15:09,881 And be seen in that wrinkled thing? I'd rather freeze. 272 00:15:10,094 --> 00:15:11,124 Mom, take it. 273 00:15:11,386 --> 00:15:13,423 If she wants to freeze, let her freeze. 274 00:15:14,636 --> 00:15:16,508 All right, I'll take the jacket. 275 00:15:18,427 --> 00:15:20,548 This place looks great, you know? 276 00:15:20,761 --> 00:15:22,633 And certainly no shortage of forks. 277 00:15:22,844 --> 00:15:24,654 If I would have known there were this many forks, 278 00:15:24,678 --> 00:15:26,384 I wouldn't have brought my own. 279 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,755 That's a lot of forks, yeah... 280 00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:34,510 You all right, honey? 281 00:15:34,761 --> 00:15:35,958 Fine. 282 00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:39,383 - You're shivering. - I'm fine. 283 00:15:40,637 --> 00:15:44,879 I want the Ultimate Fighting tape tomorrow morning. 284 00:15:47,845 --> 00:15:50,512 I gotta floss again. 285 00:15:57,554 --> 00:15:58,798 - Hello? - Arthur... 286 00:15:59,054 --> 00:16:01,175 Look, I need you to tape something for me on the VCR. 287 00:16:01,387 --> 00:16:03,592 Okay, now it's starting in a minute so we have to hurry. 288 00:16:03,804 --> 00:16:05,178 First, set the TV to channel three, 289 00:16:05,387 --> 00:16:09,333 then put a blank tape in the VCR and set it to channel 82, you got that? 290 00:16:10,013 --> 00:16:11,920 Who is this? 291 00:16:20,221 --> 00:16:21,797 You know what I'm in the mood for? 292 00:16:22,013 --> 00:16:23,636 A drink. 293 00:16:24,971 --> 00:16:28,503 Where's our waiter? Why are they all inside? 294 00:16:28,763 --> 00:16:31,761 Because it's warm and there are no pigeons. 295 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:37,176 Oh, my goodness. It's snowing. 296 00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:40,633 Snow. Snow. 297 00:16:43,972 --> 00:16:46,093 Deacon, I am quite ready to leave. 298 00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:48,675 Well, we're not. We are celebrating our friend's birthday. 299 00:16:48,889 --> 00:16:50,512 - Deacon. - Honey. 300 00:16:52,181 --> 00:16:54,255 I hate Doug. 301 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,003 Well, I am leaving. 302 00:16:56,222 --> 00:16:59,718 I'll just grab my luggage out of the limo and take the bus. 303 00:16:59,973 --> 00:17:01,845 See you at home. 304 00:17:02,098 --> 00:17:03,839 Mom... 305 00:17:04,098 --> 00:17:05,923 Kelly, please? 306 00:17:06,181 --> 00:17:09,179 Carrie, you mind? Deacon's head's about to explode. 307 00:17:10,515 --> 00:17:13,715 No, you go ahead. I'm gonna make a nice snow angel. 308 00:17:15,765 --> 00:17:19,012 Now put the tape in and press the red button. 309 00:17:20,265 --> 00:17:22,551 The one that says "record"? 310 00:17:24,182 --> 00:17:25,461 Yeah, sure, whatever. 311 00:17:25,682 --> 00:17:28,217 Now, double-check, is the VCR on channel 82? 312 00:17:28,474 --> 00:17:29,801 I don't know, it's not plugged in. 313 00:17:31,349 --> 00:17:33,672 And why isn't it plugged in? 314 00:17:33,932 --> 00:17:34,962 Fire hazard. 315 00:17:35,182 --> 00:17:38,180 I unplug everything when you're not home. 316 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:42,136 - Well plug it in. - All right, here goes... 317 00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:48,302 - Are you there? - Yeah, did you plug it in? 318 00:17:48,558 --> 00:17:49,558 Yup. 319 00:17:49,766 --> 00:17:52,468 Didn't quite fit but I jammed it in there pretty good. 320 00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:08,180 I am so sorry I took so long. 321 00:18:08,392 --> 00:18:11,592 The food was really wedged down in my gum, you know? 322 00:18:11,808 --> 00:18:15,505 I think I need to see a gum... dentist. 323 00:18:16,183 --> 00:18:17,760 Hey, where is everyone? 324 00:18:18,017 --> 00:18:20,422 They left because it was snowing. 325 00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:24,559 Oh, so it's just you and me, huh? 326 00:18:24,595 --> 00:18:26,514 Yes, indeedlydo. 327 00:18:26,725 --> 00:18:30,221 Now, give me my present. Give me, give me, give me. 328 00:18:31,142 --> 00:18:33,347 Sure, here you go. 329 00:18:33,559 --> 00:18:37,055 Hey, happy birthday. 330 00:18:39,726 --> 00:18:43,506 - I think it's a card. - Good guess. 331 00:18:45,018 --> 00:18:46,179 "Dear Carrie, 332 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:54,049 you are nothing less to me than a bilgistic pile of love meat." 333 00:19:01,268 --> 00:19:05,262 Doug, that is so beautiful. 334 00:19:06,393 --> 00:19:07,721 It is? 335 00:19:07,935 --> 00:19:10,506 Okay, I think you've had enough to drink. 336 00:19:11,769 --> 00:19:13,759 I love you. 337 00:19:13,977 --> 00:19:16,762 Come on, let's make a baby. Right now. 338 00:19:17,019 --> 00:19:18,298 What? 339 00:19:18,519 --> 00:19:21,852 Don't worry, we won't name him after a vacuum cleaner. 340 00:19:21,889 --> 00:19:25,099 Although, Hoover is kind of cute. 341 00:19:25,311 --> 00:19:27,467 Hoover Heffernan. 342 00:19:28,603 --> 00:19:30,095 All right, baby, take off your pants. 343 00:19:30,311 --> 00:19:33,593 Carrie, come on, come on. There's people. 344 00:19:33,853 --> 00:19:36,804 You don't wanna have a baby with me. 345 00:19:37,061 --> 00:19:40,261 I do, just not before my salad. 346 00:19:40,478 --> 00:19:42,136 What's wrong with you tonight? 347 00:19:42,395 --> 00:19:49,186 What's wrong with me is that I'm a big, fat, selfish person. 348 00:19:49,395 --> 00:19:51,220 Deacon's mother was right. 349 00:19:51,478 --> 00:19:53,718 Oh, she got you going on this? Oh, God... 350 00:19:53,937 --> 00:19:59,518 It's all been about me, my life, my job, my Mai tai. 351 00:19:59,729 --> 00:20:02,643 Carrie, would you stop? Please, stop. 352 00:20:02,895 --> 00:20:05,763 Look, you're not a selfish person, you're a wonderful person 353 00:20:05,979 --> 00:20:08,384 who's had 12 umbrella drinks. 354 00:20:08,646 --> 00:20:11,312 - So I'm being ridiculous? - Yes. 355 00:20:12,021 --> 00:20:18,100 Oh, God, look at me, drunk, pitying myself. 356 00:20:18,313 --> 00:20:21,560 I ruined this beautiful night you worked so hard to plan. 357 00:20:21,771 --> 00:20:24,520 I'm not bilgistic at all, honey, you are. 358 00:20:24,729 --> 00:20:26,471 No, trust me, I am not. 359 00:20:26,688 --> 00:20:27,766 No, you are. 360 00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:30,184 Carrie, would you stop and listen to me? 361 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,598 The other night, when you said you didn't wanna go out, 362 00:20:32,813 --> 00:20:35,764 and I told you I made all these great plans... 363 00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:39,476 I was lying. Okay, I didn't make any. 364 00:20:39,688 --> 00:20:44,097 I was so worried about seeing my stupid Ultimate Fighting. 365 00:20:44,355 --> 00:20:47,389 I slapped this whole night together last minute. 366 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,556 Really? 367 00:20:49,814 --> 00:20:53,511 - That wasn't very bilgistic of you- - That's not even a word! 368 00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:58,684 I made it up when I was writing your card in the drugstore. 369 00:20:59,689 --> 00:21:02,260 Car, everything wrong with this night is my fault. 370 00:21:02,481 --> 00:21:04,187 Me. 371 00:21:05,939 --> 00:21:11,308 Listen, Carrie, I'm so sorry for tonight. 372 00:21:12,856 --> 00:21:15,179 I love you. 373 00:21:16,148 --> 00:21:17,890 I love you too. 374 00:21:18,106 --> 00:21:20,263 Happy birthday. 375 00:21:20,481 --> 00:21:25,139 Happy birthday to you too. 376 00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:33,219 Come on, let's go. 377 00:21:34,482 --> 00:21:36,058 Can we moon people out of the limo? 378 00:21:36,899 --> 00:21:39,103 - Of course. - Okay. 379 00:21:46,524 --> 00:21:49,330 Oh, bring on the Ultimate Fighting. 380 00:21:59,792 --> 00:22:01,627 Arthur!