1 00:00:03,529 --> 00:00:04,530 Douglas? 2 00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:07,533 Douglas. 3 00:00:08,743 --> 00:00:09,744 Douglas. 4 00:00:09,952 --> 00:00:11,037 What? 5 00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:14,040 - Come here. - I'm busy. 6 00:00:14,206 --> 00:00:15,458 You're dizzy? 7 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,212 I'm busy, with a B. 8 00:00:20,379 --> 00:00:22,214 Dizzy? 9 00:00:23,507 --> 00:00:25,801 Yes, I'm dizzy. 10 00:00:26,552 --> 00:00:30,139 Well, come down here anyway. Hold on to the rail. 11 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:33,893 What is it? 12 00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:36,854 I can't get the naked channel. 13 00:00:38,981 --> 00:00:41,108 We don't get the naked channel. 14 00:00:41,317 --> 00:00:44,320 Yes, we do. We were watching it last night. 15 00:00:44,487 --> 00:00:46,489 That was Night line. 16 00:00:51,410 --> 00:00:54,163 Just tell me, what number is the naked channel? 17 00:00:54,330 --> 00:00:57,583 We don't get the naked channel! 18 00:00:57,750 --> 00:00:59,001 Why not? 19 00:00:59,168 --> 00:01:01,921 I don't know! 20 00:01:53,045 --> 00:01:54,880 - Doug. - What? 21 00:01:55,047 --> 00:01:57,591 Would you come here? I need help with these boxes. 22 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,011 I'm in the middle of something. 23 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:03,681 Doug. 24 00:02:03,889 --> 00:02:05,891 All right, all right. 25 00:02:09,770 --> 00:02:11,731 Wow, you're making progress in here, huh? 26 00:02:11,897 --> 00:02:14,108 Yeah, I have to. It's my only day to get it done. 27 00:02:14,275 --> 00:02:17,611 Okay. All these boxes out here can go in the garage, 28 00:02:17,778 --> 00:02:21,532 and these boxes here you can take down to the dumpster, okay? 29 00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:27,455 Hello? Dumpster. 30 00:02:27,663 --> 00:02:30,041 Hey, I'm not sure I wanna get rid of this stuff. 31 00:02:30,249 --> 00:02:33,252 Hey, look at this, one of my videotapes. I wanna keep this. 32 00:02:33,419 --> 00:02:36,922 Okay, this is an episode of Quincy. 33 00:02:37,632 --> 00:02:41,552 Excuse me, two episodes. 34 00:02:41,802 --> 00:02:44,013 Okay, fine. 35 00:02:45,014 --> 00:02:47,475 Just... Keep it, keep all of it. Just get it out of here. 36 00:02:47,725 --> 00:02:50,102 And while you're at it, could you toss out those newspapers? 37 00:02:50,311 --> 00:02:52,271 I'm gonna read those. 38 00:02:52,980 --> 00:02:56,651 Okay. Doug, all I want is a lousy 3-by-3 space 39 00:02:56,817 --> 00:02:58,152 so I can do my work in peace. 40 00:02:58,319 --> 00:02:59,862 Why are you fighting me? 41 00:03:00,071 --> 00:03:02,531 I'm not. I'm fine with your whole home-office thing. 42 00:03:02,740 --> 00:03:03,741 Fine. 43 00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:08,120 Not clear on why we need a bank loan to get it done though. I'll tell you that. 44 00:03:08,663 --> 00:03:11,207 Because all our cash is tied up. 45 00:03:11,415 --> 00:03:13,793 Yeah, but still, a loan? Let me tell you something, Carrie. 46 00:03:13,959 --> 00:03:16,337 I could turn this room into a palace for a hundred bucks. 47 00:03:16,504 --> 00:03:18,631 Sorry. It's gonna cost more than a hundred bucks. 48 00:03:18,839 --> 00:03:21,133 - How much more? - Try 40 times that. 49 00:03:21,342 --> 00:03:23,636 Forty thousand dollars? 50 00:03:24,929 --> 00:03:28,349 Oh, wait a second. Four thousand dollars? 51 00:03:29,141 --> 00:03:30,768 Yes, Doug, $4000. 52 00:03:30,935 --> 00:03:34,981 I need a computer, a desk, wallpaper, curtains, office supplies... 53 00:03:35,189 --> 00:03:38,067 Office supplies? What, you can't steal those from work? 54 00:03:38,901 --> 00:03:41,445 You know what the problem is? I'll tell you what the problem is. 55 00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:44,365 It's that copy of House Beautiful that came in our mail by mistake. 56 00:03:44,532 --> 00:03:46,826 You flipped through that, now you got a bee in your bonnet 57 00:03:47,034 --> 00:03:48,911 about making a fancy office for yourself. 58 00:03:49,412 --> 00:03:52,373 A bee in my bonnet? 59 00:03:52,581 --> 00:03:54,041 Yeah, that's a real thing, right? 60 00:03:55,418 --> 00:03:58,754 Okay, look, Doug, I have been schlepping boxes since 6 a.m. 61 00:03:58,921 --> 00:04:00,339 and I haven't had my coffee yet. 62 00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:05,177 So if you keep aggravating me, I'm going to bite you. 63 00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:08,389 Look, all I'm saying is that if you don't... 64 00:04:08,556 --> 00:04:10,308 Arthur, your toast is done. 65 00:04:10,474 --> 00:04:13,144 Don't tell me. 66 00:04:18,065 --> 00:04:20,192 Look, let me remind you, when I fixed up this garage, 67 00:04:20,401 --> 00:04:21,402 you know what it cost me? 68 00:04:21,610 --> 00:04:23,696 Nothing. Not a dime. Bubkes. 69 00:04:23,863 --> 00:04:26,782 Hi. What about that $2800 big-screen TV? 70 00:04:26,949 --> 00:04:31,245 Hi, Electronics-Depot charge card, no payments till November '99. 71 00:04:31,454 --> 00:04:33,414 That's next month. 72 00:04:34,623 --> 00:04:36,751 Look, Doug, I don't wanna argue about this. 73 00:04:36,959 --> 00:04:39,420 Just be at the bank at 10:30, we'll sign the loan papers 74 00:04:39,629 --> 00:04:42,256 and you can get on with your life. 75 00:04:42,757 --> 00:04:44,216 Ten-thirty? 76 00:04:44,425 --> 00:04:45,426 - Wait, wait. - What? 77 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:46,927 What is this about 10:30? 78 00:04:47,136 --> 00:04:49,221 You were gonna make the appointment during my lunch. 79 00:04:49,430 --> 00:04:51,641 I tried for that, but she's going on vacation tomorrow. 80 00:04:51,807 --> 00:04:52,975 That's all she had. 81 00:04:53,142 --> 00:04:55,936 - I told you this last night. - When? 82 00:04:56,103 --> 00:04:57,772 In the bedroom, when you were working out, 83 00:04:57,938 --> 00:05:00,483 doing those stupid hand-grippy things. 84 00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:03,361 Yeah, well, obviously I didn't hear you. I was in a zone. 85 00:05:03,944 --> 00:05:05,988 Look, there's no way I'm gonna make it at 10:30. 86 00:05:06,197 --> 00:05:07,237 I'm running late as it is. 87 00:05:07,406 --> 00:05:10,242 Doug, she's leaving town tomorrow. I need the loan today. 88 00:05:10,409 --> 00:05:12,411 Well, what do you want from me? I can't get away. 89 00:05:12,578 --> 00:05:14,246 My days are jam-packed with work. 90 00:05:14,413 --> 00:05:18,084 - I saw you roll your eyes right there. - Wasn't trying to hide it. 91 00:05:18,334 --> 00:05:19,752 Well, can't do it. Sorry. 92 00:05:19,961 --> 00:05:21,837 You're being so passive-aggressive about this. 93 00:05:22,046 --> 00:05:24,715 I mean, if this was something you wanted, you would get off work. 94 00:05:24,882 --> 00:05:27,802 But you just got a bee in your bonnet because I wanna use a little money 95 00:05:27,969 --> 00:05:29,136 to make my office look nice. 96 00:05:29,303 --> 00:05:32,223 Okay, first of all, don't use the "bee in the bonnet" thing. 97 00:05:32,390 --> 00:05:33,891 That's mine. 98 00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:37,019 Okay? Second of all, I'd be happy to meet you at the bank 99 00:05:37,228 --> 00:05:38,729 if it's during my lunch break, okay? 100 00:05:38,896 --> 00:05:41,190 The rest of my workday, I'm busy. Do you understand that? 101 00:05:41,399 --> 00:05:46,278 Busy. Not passive, not aggressive, busy. 102 00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:51,867 Eighty-eight, 89, 90 and... 103 00:05:52,034 --> 00:05:55,162 - Ninety-one. The new record. - Oh, yeah. 104 00:05:55,371 --> 00:05:57,373 Sorry, Morales, but there's a new sheriff in town 105 00:05:57,540 --> 00:05:59,125 and his name is Doug Heffernan. 106 00:05:59,291 --> 00:06:01,127 Keep going, my man. Build on it. Build on it. 107 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:03,087 - All right, here we go. - Ninety-two, 108 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,423 - 93, 94. - All right. 109 00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:07,383 Ninety... 110 00:06:09,051 --> 00:06:10,636 Guess that one didn't land. 111 00:06:10,845 --> 00:06:14,432 At least you're in the record books, my man. Come on, let's hit the road. 112 00:06:14,849 --> 00:06:16,100 Come on. 113 00:06:16,267 --> 00:06:18,019 - Deac? - What? 114 00:06:18,436 --> 00:06:20,062 Could you please come to me? 115 00:06:22,273 --> 00:06:24,025 What's up? 116 00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:27,403 Well, I'm not sure, but I think I may have shot myself. 117 00:06:27,570 --> 00:06:29,155 Really? 118 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:30,906 Where? 119 00:06:31,073 --> 00:06:33,826 In a very, very bad place. 120 00:06:34,952 --> 00:06:36,537 Where? 121 00:06:36,746 --> 00:06:38,164 Right in the twins' playpen. 122 00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:43,419 Does it hurt? 123 00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,297 Actually, no, it's... 124 00:06:47,256 --> 00:06:50,760 It's like more of a little sting. You know, like a rabbit bit me. 125 00:06:50,968 --> 00:06:53,429 Well, wait a minute. Maybe it's not in there. 126 00:06:53,596 --> 00:06:54,930 Maybe it just grazed you. 127 00:06:55,097 --> 00:06:57,224 Yeah, maybe it grazed me. Do me a favour. Take a look. 128 00:06:57,433 --> 00:06:58,434 Oh, no, no way, man. 129 00:06:58,643 --> 00:07:01,312 - Would you take a look, please? - I don't wanna look. You look. 130 00:07:01,479 --> 00:07:03,064 I don't bend that far. 131 00:07:03,272 --> 00:07:04,440 All right, all right. 132 00:07:04,649 --> 00:07:05,983 Just look. Don't touch anything. 133 00:07:06,150 --> 00:07:08,194 Yeah, good thing you mentioned that. 134 00:07:09,612 --> 00:07:11,405 How you doing? 135 00:07:13,866 --> 00:07:16,410 How about an update there, pal? 136 00:07:16,661 --> 00:07:18,621 Okay. It's definitely in there. 137 00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:21,624 - Oh, my God. What should I do? - Just relax. Don't panic. 138 00:07:21,832 --> 00:07:23,793 I have to panic, okay? I'm attached to my shorts. 139 00:07:24,001 --> 00:07:25,962 All right. Look, we'll take care of it. 140 00:07:26,212 --> 00:07:28,047 All right, take care of it. Get it out of me. 141 00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:31,634 I'll just give your shorts one quick yank, it'll come right out. All right? 142 00:07:31,801 --> 00:07:33,386 - What, are you crazy? - What? 143 00:07:33,552 --> 00:07:35,221 What if the staple didn't go in straight? 144 00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:36,847 What if it's like a grabbie? 145 00:07:37,014 --> 00:07:39,558 No, no. I'm pretty sure these go in straight. 146 00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:41,978 Pretty sure? You were gonna pull on a "pretty sure"? 147 00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:43,938 - You said get it out. - Find another way. 148 00:07:44,105 --> 00:07:45,982 Look, I'm gonna take you to the emergency room, 149 00:07:46,148 --> 00:07:47,733 - then I'll finish your shift. - Good. 150 00:07:47,942 --> 00:07:50,945 - Okay. Hand off me. - All right. 151 00:07:51,112 --> 00:07:53,572 - Okay, how's that? - Doug, your wife's on line one. 152 00:07:53,823 --> 00:07:55,741 Oh, my God. 153 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:07,211 Hey. How you doing, sweetie? 154 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,171 Good, fine. You good? 155 00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:12,341 Good. Listen, I was thinking about it and... 156 00:08:12,508 --> 00:08:15,720 Well, I'm sorry about our stupid fight this morning. 157 00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,556 So see you tonight? 158 00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:22,518 I shouldn't have said what I said. You know, about you not working hard. 159 00:08:22,685 --> 00:08:25,313 Yup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 160 00:08:27,356 --> 00:08:29,233 That was just really insensitive of me. 161 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,444 I know you work very, very hard, honey. 162 00:08:31,610 --> 00:08:34,322 Hard worker, yeah, yeah. 163 00:08:34,864 --> 00:08:37,325 Look, Doug, I am trying to apologize to you. 164 00:08:37,533 --> 00:08:39,493 The least you could do is say you're sorry. 165 00:08:39,702 --> 00:08:40,786 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 166 00:08:40,995 --> 00:08:43,456 Okay, stop. 167 00:08:43,622 --> 00:08:47,209 The other reason why I called is I talked to the lady at the bank, 168 00:08:47,376 --> 00:08:50,630 begged her, and she agreed to meet us at your lunch hour. 169 00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:52,798 So I'll see you at the bank at 1:30, okay? 170 00:09:03,517 --> 00:09:06,437 Any chance you could miss, like, one pothole? 171 00:09:06,604 --> 00:09:09,357 This is the quickest way to the hospital. 172 00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:12,193 So why didn't you just tell Carrie what happened? 173 00:09:12,443 --> 00:09:13,944 Because we got in a fight this morning 174 00:09:14,111 --> 00:09:16,489 and I made a huge deal about how busy I am at work. 175 00:09:16,697 --> 00:09:19,784 How could I possibly explain this? 176 00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:21,702 Say it happened while you were working. 177 00:09:21,911 --> 00:09:25,081 While I was working? The staple came in from behind me. 178 00:09:25,289 --> 00:09:27,124 - Well, tell her I did it. - You? 179 00:09:27,291 --> 00:09:31,837 Yeah, you were bending over, and I noticed. 180 00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:34,090 And I came up behind you with a staple gun... 181 00:09:34,256 --> 00:09:36,801 All right, I'm gonna stop you right there. 182 00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:40,262 This sounds worse than what really happened. 183 00:09:40,471 --> 00:09:42,181 There's no reason she has to know anything. 184 00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:45,935 It's still only 11. I can get this thing removed and get to the bank by 1:30. 185 00:09:46,102 --> 00:09:47,853 No one has to know the difference. 186 00:09:48,062 --> 00:09:50,439 Won't she eventually look in that area? 187 00:09:50,648 --> 00:09:53,025 Believe me, not if I don't ask. 188 00:09:56,404 --> 00:09:57,488 Speed bump. 189 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,897 Here we go, all filled out. 190 00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:09,985 I will be right over there when you're ready for me, okay? 191 00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:21,663 Qaddafi. 192 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,878 Sir. You forgot to write down what you're here for. 193 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,714 - Oh, did I? - Yes. 194 00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:33,049 Forgot to write it down. 195 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,385 That's wild, isn't it? 196 00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,763 What are you here for? 197 00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:42,184 Just a second, okay? 198 00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:49,941 Oh, yeah. 199 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,653 Okay, I... 200 00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,615 You know what? Let me just draw you a picture here. 201 00:10:56,781 --> 00:11:02,954 This will explain everything. That'll tell the story, right there. Okay? 202 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:09,336 Are these what I think they are? 203 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:14,674 Yes, yes, yes. That's the whole area right there. 204 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,302 Of course, that's not actual size. 205 00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:22,307 Actually, now it probably is, because I'm nervous. 206 00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,935 Is the doctor gonna see me soon? 207 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,187 What's this line? 208 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,105 That's a staple. 209 00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,732 - A staple? - Yeah, a staple. 210 00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:34,152 That's one staple, right there, a staple. How's that doctor thing looking? 211 00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:38,573 In a few minutes. I'll just have to see your insurance card. 212 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,577 Arthur, it's me, Doug. 213 00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:44,830 Your son-in-law? 214 00:11:45,997 --> 00:11:47,958 Douglas, yes. 215 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,627 Doug is short for Douglas. 216 00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,630 Well, now you know. 217 00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,132 Listen, I need you to do me a favour. 218 00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,176 I need you to get me Carrie's insurance card 219 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,679 and bring it to me at Flushing Meadow Hospital. 220 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:02,347 I'll tell you later. 221 00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,891 Just make sure she doesn't find out you're meeting me here. 222 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,018 Okay? Thanks. 223 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,938 I love you too. 224 00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,588 Okay. 225 00:12:36,298 --> 00:12:38,300 What's the story? 226 00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:39,509 Story? No story. 227 00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:44,055 I was just standing here casually, scratching my head. 228 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:47,350 You were rifling through my purse. 229 00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:53,857 That's only because I was stealing money. 230 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,237 Okay. Why? 231 00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:02,115 I'm gonna level with you, honey. I have a gambling problem. 232 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,576 My bookmaker, Jimmy Marbles, is gonna break my kneecaps 233 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,369 if I don't come up with the scratch. 234 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,499 Dad, if you keep saying things like this, 235 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,460 how will I know when you're going senile? 236 00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:20,342 Truth is, I was just looking for a tic tac, and... Here we go. 237 00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,554 Birth-control pills, Dad. 238 00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:29,601 Why do you need birth-control pills? Does he touch you? 239 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,829 Oh, God, Arthur, where you been? 240 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,206 Sorry, I thought you said Flushing Meadow Park. 241 00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:53,375 Then I got caught up in a girls' soccer game. 242 00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:55,252 Here you go. 243 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,463 All right, thanks. 244 00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:01,550 So, what are you here for? 245 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,010 Nothing, just a... 246 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,679 Nothing. 247 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:09,140 Come on, what is it? Eczema, pinkeye? 248 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,726 No, Arthur. 249 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:15,730 Are you having something "enhanced"? 250 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,527 - Again, no. - Then what? 251 00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:25,615 I just had a little accident at work. I shot myself with a staple gun. 252 00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,367 Where? 253 00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:31,204 Really? Let's have a look. 254 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,250 - I don't see it. - Arthur, come on, man. Let's go. 255 00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,544 Straddle me so I can get a better angle. 256 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:41,923 - Get up now. - Oh, there it is, right in the tool bag. 257 00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:44,634 Would you stop? Would you settle down? 258 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,636 Come on, this is hard enough for me as it is. 259 00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:49,264 I know what you're going through, Douglas. 260 00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:51,308 I've been down this road myself. 261 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,477 You have? 262 00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:59,941 Sure. Staples, rivets, knitting needles. 263 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,944 My advice is, just leave it in. 264 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,574 Leave it in? I'm attached to my I.P.S. shorts. 265 00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:10,410 Not a problem. Just make sure you don't lose your job. 266 00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:15,707 Insurance card. How much longer? 267 00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:19,002 - Doctor is finishing up. You're next. - Oh, great. 268 00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:21,713 If you'll just follow me to the examining area. 269 00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:26,218 Bus crash! Ten critical, three serious. Triage setup outside. 270 00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:29,971 This is a first come, first serve dealie, right? 271 00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:35,143 Arthur, look, do me a favour. Hold my place in line, would you? 272 00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:39,981 Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps... 273 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,158 - Hey. - Hey, there you are. 274 00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,493 Yeah. 275 00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:53,370 Hey, how you doing there? Good to see you. 276 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:55,330 What's that about? 277 00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:59,501 - What, no hug? - Honey, we are in a bank. It's... 278 00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,711 Unless we're trying to borrow money for porno film, 279 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:04,089 I think we ought to pull in the reins a little, huh? 280 00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:07,801 - Okay, what's going on? - What do you mean? 281 00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,803 You're acting weird, like on the phone. 282 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:13,181 I mean, if you're still mad at me, why don't you just say so? 283 00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,561 I am not mad. 284 00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:19,771 You are so. I can tell. 285 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:22,774 I am not. Let's sign the stupid papers and get out of here, okay? 286 00:16:22,983 --> 00:16:24,442 Stupid papers. 287 00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,903 Okay, fine, whatever. 288 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,156 Mr. and Mrs. Hefferman? 289 00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:30,615 Actually, it's Heffernan. 290 00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,075 Oh, I'm sorry. 291 00:16:32,284 --> 00:16:34,828 Right this way, Mr. and Mrs. Heffernan. 292 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,873 Well, you don't actually have to punch the "nan." 293 00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:40,125 I was just saying that for your benefit. 294 00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:42,586 Please come in. 295 00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:46,464 Honey, look at you. You're a mess. Would you fix your collar? 296 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:49,551 And pull up your pants. 297 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:58,727 Now, there are three different payment options, 298 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:02,939 each with its own distinct advantages and disadvantages. 299 00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:04,983 Would you like me to review them for you? 300 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,235 No. Whichever one you like is fine. 301 00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,489 Honey, I would like to hear them. 302 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,158 Fine. 303 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:16,912 Well, option one is just your straightforward fixed monthly payment. 304 00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,289 It's not one of your more exciting choices, 305 00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,500 but at least you know what you're getting hit with 306 00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:22,667 at the end of the month. 307 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:27,339 Now, option two is called the floating payment plan. 308 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,758 In this plan, your payments vary 309 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:33,345 based upon fluctuations in the prime rate of interest. 310 00:17:33,512 --> 00:17:35,347 Some months, your payments will be lower, 311 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:39,392 other months, you'll have a sharp metal object in your testicles. 312 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:43,438 For example, if in January, 313 00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:46,858 the prime rate goes to, say, 8 percent, 314 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:50,403 what you'll end up with is a common office supply 315 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:54,157 violating the very essence of your manhood. 316 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,452 Pulling. Grabbing. 317 00:17:57,702 --> 00:17:59,913 Pinching. Swelling. Tugging. 318 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,541 A throbbing pain so intense, 319 00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:05,919 you'll pray for the sweet release of death. 320 00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:09,256 And those are your three basic options. 321 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:10,465 Any questions? 322 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,469 Oh, excuse me just a moment. 323 00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:16,721 Rhonda Phillips. 324 00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,933 So, honey, which option do you think we should go with? 325 00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:21,935 Whichever one is the quickest. 326 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,938 For God's sake, could you just give me your opinion? 327 00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:28,066 I can't believe what a baby you're being about this. 328 00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:31,194 And why are you sweating so much? 329 00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:34,948 Look, there's something I should probably tell you. 330 00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,324 What? 331 00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,076 Come here. 332 00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:48,170 You stapled yourself in the mall? 333 00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:56,928 Come here. 334 00:19:02,601 --> 00:19:04,269 Really? 335 00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:08,982 - Can I look? - Yeah. 336 00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:11,985 Okay. 337 00:19:17,616 --> 00:19:18,617 What happened? 338 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:22,746 We were fooling around at work. I was shooting staples into a tin can, 339 00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:26,082 and then I caught my undercarriage. 340 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,085 Well, what are you doing here? 341 00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:31,630 We should be at the hospital. Let's go. 342 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:35,634 No. Look, this morning I was being really stupid and selfish and... 343 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,178 I'm really sorry, all right? 344 00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:40,639 I want you to have your office, just the way you want. 345 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:43,892 I want it too, but I also wanna have kids. Now, come on. 346 00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:47,646 No. Look, we're already here. I can get through this, all right? 347 00:19:47,813 --> 00:19:49,356 I wanna do this for you, Carrie. 348 00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,442 Let's just make it quick. 349 00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,737 Anyway, I'm sorry about that. 350 00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:59,115 But back to business. Have you folks decided? 351 00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:00,909 Yeah, we're gonna go with the third one, 352 00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:02,077 the balloon-payment one. 353 00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:03,954 - Balloon one, yeah. - Okay. You're sure? 354 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,789 Yeah, yeah, we're sure. We like balloons. 355 00:20:05,956 --> 00:20:07,040 Pretty. 356 00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:11,253 Okay, fair enough. 357 00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:14,464 Option three... 358 00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:18,802 Balloon pay... 359 00:20:26,184 --> 00:20:28,728 Please, use mine. 360 00:20:30,814 --> 00:20:33,024 - Thank you. - Okay. 361 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,693 Payment. 362 00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:40,198 Okay. Let me just get these forms here together for you. 363 00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:43,785 All right. Here we have your K-19. 364 00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:50,792 And we have your disclosure. 365 00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:54,671 Your tax-status report. 366 00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:56,715 Rate schedule. 367 00:20:57,632 --> 00:21:00,010 For God's sakes, get a paper clip. 368 00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:05,348 - Oh, God. - Okay. 369 00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:07,100 - I'm right here with you, baby. - Okay. 370 00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,478 - Just breathe. - Okay. 371 00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:11,480 - You're doing great. - Yeah. 372 00:21:11,646 --> 00:21:12,981 - We're almost there. - Okay. 373 00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:16,318 - Hang on. Hang on, baby. - I'm trying, I'm trying. 374 00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:18,987 It's just about out. 375 00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:21,323 Okay, here we go. 376 00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:22,908 It's coming. 377 00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:25,869 It's out. 378 00:21:26,036 --> 00:21:28,246 And everything's fine. 379 00:21:29,456 --> 00:21:30,457 I love you. 380 00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:32,117 I love you too. 381 00:21:39,139 --> 00:21:41,350 Spooner. Spooner. 382 00:21:41,558 --> 00:21:42,559 Yeah? 383 00:21:42,768 --> 00:21:44,895 Don't carry that rivet gun in your pocket. 384 00:21:45,062 --> 00:21:47,523 Don't tell me. 385 00:21:50,584 --> 00:21:53,045 A little help over here.