1 00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:03,603 No, dad, that's crazy! 2 00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:06,272 Dad, I am not driving 2 hours upstate 3 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,608 to bring you your centrum silver. 4 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,144 Stop calling them your meds. 5 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,146 You can buy them at 7-11. 6 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,083 Well, you're acting like a lunatic! 7 00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,651 Yes, you are! 8 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,853 Fine. You know what? Good-bye! 9 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,395 Now I feel bad. 10 00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,398 Why? I just yelled at my father 11 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:35,135 and called him a lunatic. That has to be wrong. 12 00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,969 My God. What if something happens to him 13 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,805 and that's the last conversation we ever have? 14 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,807 Then you're off the hook. 15 00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:46,212 Damn it, and when he left yesterday, 16 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,014 I kissed him and I told him I loved him. 17 00:00:48,081 --> 00:00:51,184 If he was gonna die, that would have been the day. 18 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,686 If it happens now, I'm screwed. 19 00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:54,787 Call him back. 20 00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,623 No, no. It's stupid. 21 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,159 Besides, you know what? You... you yell at him all the time. 22 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,694 You have way worse karma than I do. 23 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:04,897 Actually, the last thing I said to him was "nice haircut," 24 00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:06,566 so I'm good to go. 25 00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,653 Hi, daddy, it's me. 26 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,556 Listen, I was a little short with you before, 27 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,123 and I'm... I'm sorry. 28 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,326 I love you. 29 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:36,596 No, that does not mean I'm making the drive up. 30 00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:40,032 Because I'm saying sorry for yelling at you, 31 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,901 not the other part! 32 00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:45,271 Well, too bad. I'm not making the drive up, crazy man! 33 00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:57,383 I'll see you in 5 hours. 34 00:02:31,887 --> 00:02:32,884 Ok, 35 00:02:32,909 --> 00:02:35,456 a little tip next time you try to hook up surround sound. 36 00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:36,924 Red goes in red. 37 00:02:36,992 --> 00:02:39,927 Yellow goes in yellow. 38 00:02:39,995 --> 00:02:41,763 You know what? I've had enough with you 39 00:02:41,830 --> 00:02:43,865 and your high-tech mumbo-jumbo. 40 00:02:43,932 --> 00:02:45,466 Can I plug it in now? Can I? Come on. 41 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,334 No. I'm workin' with live wires here, man. 42 00:02:47,402 --> 00:02:48,803 Yeah, I wanna see your skeleton. 43 00:02:48,871 --> 00:02:50,571 See if you get that chattering teeth going. 44 00:02:51,907 --> 00:02:53,841 Put it down. What? 45 00:02:53,909 --> 00:02:55,777 Good God. Are you two still at that? 46 00:02:55,844 --> 00:02:56,944 It's not my fault. 47 00:02:57,012 --> 00:02:59,346 He hooks up a stereo like a woman. 48 00:03:00,783 --> 00:03:02,483 Doug, why are we even doing this? 49 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,185 The sound on the T.V. Is fine. 50 00:03:04,253 --> 00:03:06,154 Does it surround us? No. 51 00:03:07,589 --> 00:03:09,824 Stop embarrassing yourself. 52 00:03:11,093 --> 00:03:12,660 Oh, that's me. 53 00:03:15,264 --> 00:03:16,330 Hello. 54 00:03:16,398 --> 00:03:17,865 Hey, mom. What's up? 55 00:03:18,934 --> 00:03:20,201 Oh, my God. 56 00:03:20,269 --> 00:03:21,335 When did it happen? 57 00:03:21,403 --> 00:03:22,436 What? 58 00:03:22,504 --> 00:03:23,604 My Great-Aunt died. 59 00:03:23,672 --> 00:03:24,672 Oh, no. 60 00:03:24,739 --> 00:03:25,940 Oh, honey, I'm sorry. 61 00:03:26,008 --> 00:03:27,041 Excuse me. 62 00:03:27,109 --> 00:03:28,542 Just give us a second, you guys. 63 00:03:28,610 --> 00:03:30,444 Sure. Yeah. 64 00:03:30,512 --> 00:03:32,546 Oh, that's a shame. 65 00:03:33,682 --> 00:03:34,682 Yeah. 66 00:03:34,749 --> 00:03:36,250 Look, is the evening over? 67 00:03:36,318 --> 00:03:39,386 'Cause Deacon really didn't finish up here. 68 00:03:39,454 --> 00:03:41,989 A person died, ok? 69 00:03:42,057 --> 00:03:43,991 And you're worried about your surround sound? 70 00:03:44,059 --> 00:03:46,360 Well, it's just at this point I have no sound. 71 00:03:47,562 --> 00:03:49,263 Come on, Carrie. It's just a Great-Aunt. 72 00:03:49,331 --> 00:03:50,664 It's not like a regular Aunt. 73 00:03:50,732 --> 00:03:52,533 I mean, come on it's like wax fruit. 74 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,802 Ok, any chance you could act appropriately here? 75 00:03:54,870 --> 00:03:57,571 What's appropriate? What do you want me to do? You want me to cry? 76 00:03:57,639 --> 00:04:00,942 You want me to shake my fist at the heavens? Why her? 77 00:04:02,945 --> 00:04:04,578 I don't know. 78 00:04:04,646 --> 00:04:06,757 I just think we should be doing something for them. I... 79 00:04:06,781 --> 00:04:07,882 Like what? 80 00:04:07,950 --> 00:04:09,416 I don't know. Make them tea or... 81 00:04:09,484 --> 00:04:10,784 Tea for a Great-Aunt? 82 00:04:10,853 --> 00:04:12,786 That is way over the top! 83 00:04:14,756 --> 00:04:16,490 Hey, sweetie, 84 00:04:16,558 --> 00:04:17,725 how's Kelly doin'? 85 00:04:17,792 --> 00:04:19,660 Uh, she's all right. 86 00:04:19,728 --> 00:04:21,372 I mean, her Great-Aunt's been sick for a while, you know. 87 00:04:21,396 --> 00:04:22,696 Still it's sad. 88 00:04:22,764 --> 00:04:25,166 Yeah, but not as sad as a regular Aunt. 89 00:04:25,234 --> 00:04:26,300 What? 90 00:04:26,368 --> 00:04:27,701 You guys want some tea? 91 00:04:29,471 --> 00:04:31,172 No, thanks. We've got a lot to figure out. 92 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:32,573 You know, travel arrangements, 93 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:33,975 who's gonna stay with the kids. 94 00:04:34,042 --> 00:04:35,243 Can I use your phone in there? 95 00:04:35,310 --> 00:04:36,344 Of course. 96 00:04:36,411 --> 00:04:37,544 Thanks. 97 00:04:40,916 --> 00:04:43,050 Should we offer to stay with the kids? 98 00:04:44,019 --> 00:04:45,286 Who, us? Really? 99 00:04:45,354 --> 00:04:48,455 Yeah, why not? I mean, we are the godparents. 100 00:04:48,523 --> 00:04:50,091 I just thought we were done with that 101 00:04:50,158 --> 00:04:51,759 after we gave him the savings bond. 102 00:04:51,826 --> 00:04:53,861 Doug, I'm just thinking maybe we should offer. 103 00:04:53,929 --> 00:04:55,162 What do you think? 104 00:04:56,298 --> 00:04:58,232 Hey, sweetie. 105 00:04:58,300 --> 00:04:59,466 How are you doing? 106 00:04:59,534 --> 00:05:01,535 He-ey-ey-ey. 107 00:05:03,338 --> 00:05:05,339 I'm ok. We just have to go to Chicago tomorrow 108 00:05:05,407 --> 00:05:06,941 for the funeral. 109 00:05:07,009 --> 00:05:09,343 Did you, uh, find anybody to watch the kids yet? 110 00:05:09,411 --> 00:05:11,245 No. Our regular sitter can't do it. 111 00:05:11,313 --> 00:05:12,346 We have to keep trying. 112 00:05:15,384 --> 00:05:17,084 Uh, hey. Crazy thought, you guys. 113 00:05:17,152 --> 00:05:19,686 How about we stay with the kids? 114 00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:21,222 Really? 115 00:05:21,290 --> 00:05:23,991 I... I mean, that's really sweet of you, 116 00:05:24,059 --> 00:05:25,492 but it's just it's a lot of stuff. 117 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,161 Look, you know what? We can handle it. 118 00:05:27,229 --> 00:05:28,495 Two of them, two of us. Right? 119 00:05:28,563 --> 00:05:30,431 Plus we're bigger, right? 120 00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:32,766 Sure. Uh, why not. 121 00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:33,867 Ok, then. 122 00:05:33,936 --> 00:05:34,936 All right, great. 123 00:05:35,003 --> 00:05:36,037 Great. Yeah. Great. 124 00:05:36,104 --> 00:05:37,104 So, uh, 125 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,574 Where are we at with the speakers? 126 00:05:43,645 --> 00:05:46,080 I got to tell you, this is gonna be good practice for us. 127 00:05:46,148 --> 00:05:49,550 You know, kind of like, uh, a driving range for parenting. 128 00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:50,884 Buy a bucket of babies, 129 00:05:50,953 --> 00:05:53,421 tee 'em up, and see how you do, right. 130 00:05:55,390 --> 00:05:56,424 What's the matter? 131 00:05:57,426 --> 00:05:58,892 They hesitated. 132 00:05:58,961 --> 00:06:01,062 What? Who hesitated? 133 00:06:01,129 --> 00:06:04,131 Deacon and Kelly, when we offered to watch their kids. 134 00:06:04,199 --> 00:06:05,399 They did not. 135 00:06:05,467 --> 00:06:06,968 Yes, they did. They clearly did. 136 00:06:07,035 --> 00:06:08,836 Especially Kelly. I mean it was so obvious 137 00:06:08,903 --> 00:06:11,172 that she wasn't thrilled about us doing this, Doug. 138 00:06:11,239 --> 00:06:12,706 Her Great-Aunt just died. 139 00:06:12,774 --> 00:06:14,675 She was out of her head with grief. 140 00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,577 No, no, no. They hesitated, 141 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:18,279 and not... and not 'cause of you. 142 00:06:18,347 --> 00:06:20,281 Because of me. I mean, I'm not a kid person. 143 00:06:20,349 --> 00:06:21,669 They... they could smell it on me. 144 00:06:21,716 --> 00:06:23,150 I mean, everybody's always saying, 145 00:06:23,218 --> 00:06:24,395 "oh, children are our future." 146 00:06:24,419 --> 00:06:26,553 And I'm like, "whatever." 147 00:06:26,621 --> 00:06:27,721 You're gonna do fine. 148 00:06:27,789 --> 00:06:29,290 No, no, I'm not, Doug. 149 00:06:29,358 --> 00:06:31,158 I mean one little nose wiped on my blouse, 150 00:06:31,226 --> 00:06:33,461 and I'm gonna be looking for some gin. 151 00:06:33,528 --> 00:06:34,761 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 152 00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:36,407 I'm starting to get that panicky feeling. 153 00:06:36,431 --> 00:06:37,664 Like before I fly. 154 00:06:37,732 --> 00:06:38,765 Let's not do this, Doug. 155 00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,434 Let's call them and cancel. 156 00:06:40,502 --> 00:06:42,803 Cancel? Carrie, this is not a dinner reservation. 157 00:06:42,871 --> 00:06:44,671 They have nobody else to watch their kids. 158 00:06:44,739 --> 00:06:47,608 Well, I think they should bring 'em to the funeral. 159 00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:50,211 It's good for kids to see dead people. 160 00:06:51,513 --> 00:06:53,014 That... that little kid in the movie, 161 00:06:53,081 --> 00:06:55,383 he saw... saw dead people all the time, 162 00:06:55,450 --> 00:06:57,618 and he seemed fine. 163 00:06:57,685 --> 00:07:00,221 He wasn't fine. He was a little freak. 164 00:07:02,324 --> 00:07:03,557 Now pack. 165 00:07:07,062 --> 00:07:08,862 Ok, I got all our phone numbers right here. 166 00:07:08,930 --> 00:07:10,297 Phone numbers, great. 167 00:07:10,365 --> 00:07:12,285 I labeled all the kids' food. It's in the fridge. 168 00:07:12,334 --> 00:07:13,867 Oh, it's in the fridge? Oh, good, 169 00:07:13,935 --> 00:07:17,138 'cause that just saved me a wild goose chase. Ha. 170 00:07:17,205 --> 00:07:18,906 Are you sure you're ok doing this? 171 00:07:18,973 --> 00:07:21,509 Uh, ok? Yeah, I think so. 172 00:07:21,576 --> 00:07:24,778 I just wish your Great-Aunt would have died sooner. 173 00:07:26,214 --> 00:07:27,648 I'm kidding. I'm kidding, sweetie. 174 00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:29,883 She's in a much better place now. I'm sorry. 175 00:07:29,951 --> 00:07:31,485 Yo, hon, we got to go. 176 00:07:31,553 --> 00:07:34,255 Ok. Bye, sweetie. Have a nice... 177 00:07:34,322 --> 00:07:36,057 Be good. Kirby, watch out for your brother. 178 00:07:36,124 --> 00:07:37,291 Miss you, little man. 179 00:07:37,359 --> 00:07:38,392 Miss you. 180 00:07:38,460 --> 00:07:39,460 Thanks again, you guys. 181 00:07:39,528 --> 00:07:40,561 Oh, come on. 182 00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:41,929 Yeah, we owe you big for this. 183 00:07:41,996 --> 00:07:43,064 No prob. Have a safe trip. 184 00:07:43,131 --> 00:07:44,765 Hey, we should be thanking you. 185 00:07:46,701 --> 00:07:47,834 Well... 186 00:07:49,771 --> 00:07:51,138 We're on our own. 187 00:07:52,707 --> 00:07:54,875 So far, so good. 188 00:07:54,943 --> 00:07:56,077 Well, I will see you later. 189 00:07:58,313 --> 00:07:59,780 You're leaving now? 190 00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,382 Yeah, it's one of my work Saturdays. 191 00:08:01,450 --> 00:08:04,118 Wasn't the uniform a tip-off for you at all, or... 192 00:08:04,186 --> 00:08:05,553 Right. Right. Wait. Wait. 193 00:08:05,620 --> 00:08:08,021 How about this? How about you stay here with the kids, 194 00:08:08,090 --> 00:08:10,157 and I'll go do your route? Huh? Sign here, ma'am. 195 00:08:10,225 --> 00:08:12,293 How hard could that be? 196 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:13,627 Honey, will you relax? 197 00:08:13,695 --> 00:08:15,996 The kids are gonna love spending the day with you. 198 00:08:16,064 --> 00:08:19,900 Now, just show 'em your gentle, nurturing side. 199 00:08:19,968 --> 00:08:22,203 I have a gentle, nurturing side? 200 00:08:24,072 --> 00:08:26,140 I believe it's in there, yes. 201 00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:28,942 Oh, you're gonna do fine. 202 00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:30,277 Ok, ok, all right, hon. 203 00:08:30,345 --> 00:08:31,479 I love you. Bye, kids! 204 00:08:31,546 --> 00:08:32,546 Bye! 205 00:08:32,614 --> 00:08:33,880 All right. 206 00:08:40,722 --> 00:08:41,722 Hi. 207 00:08:46,161 --> 00:08:47,161 Hey. 208 00:08:50,832 --> 00:08:52,399 Where's my mommy? 209 00:08:54,136 --> 00:08:55,836 Your mommy? 210 00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:57,804 Yeah, where is she? 211 00:09:00,308 --> 00:09:01,708 Sweetie, don't you remember 212 00:09:01,776 --> 00:09:04,111 saying good-bye to her or... 213 00:09:04,179 --> 00:09:05,579 Where is she? 214 00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,282 Ok, um, 215 00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:12,953 your mommy went to a place called Chicago 216 00:09:13,021 --> 00:09:14,655 because somebody died. 217 00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,157 What's "died"? 218 00:09:20,462 --> 00:09:21,862 I don't know. 219 00:09:27,669 --> 00:09:29,670 Honey, I'm home! 220 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,738 I'm in the kitchen! 221 00:09:31,806 --> 00:09:33,140 Hey, Kirby. 222 00:09:33,208 --> 00:09:34,208 Hi. 223 00:09:34,276 --> 00:09:35,676 The kirb-man. 224 00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:37,344 Curbside check-in. 225 00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:42,015 Uh-oh. Uh-oh, here comes the Heffernan headlock. 226 00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:43,150 Oh, that's right. 227 00:09:43,218 --> 00:09:44,652 Oh, no. Off the top rope! 228 00:09:44,719 --> 00:09:46,119 He's in trouble now! 229 00:09:46,188 --> 00:09:47,321 Uh-oh. Oh, boy. 230 00:09:47,389 --> 00:09:48,789 Is he gonna lose 231 00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,224 his w.W.F. Belt? 232 00:09:50,292 --> 00:09:52,526 It's gonna happen. How do you feel? 233 00:09:52,594 --> 00:09:54,027 I have to pee. 234 00:09:57,131 --> 00:09:58,265 Ok, ok. 235 00:10:01,836 --> 00:10:03,103 Hey. 236 00:10:03,171 --> 00:10:05,005 Hey, so... 237 00:10:05,073 --> 00:10:06,940 No one's missing, and you're not drunk. 238 00:10:07,008 --> 00:10:09,677 I'm guessing things went pretty well today. 239 00:10:09,744 --> 00:10:12,580 I gotta tell you, honey, I rock at this. 240 00:10:12,647 --> 00:10:14,415 I actually took them both for a walk, 241 00:10:14,482 --> 00:10:16,617 had this guy in a snuggly, little legs going... 242 00:10:16,685 --> 00:10:18,586 Frickin' adorable. 243 00:10:18,653 --> 00:10:22,289 Came back here, watched elmopalooza 3 times in a row, 244 00:10:22,357 --> 00:10:23,990 and fielded some very tough questions 245 00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:27,361 about Bert and Ernie's relationship. 246 00:10:27,429 --> 00:10:29,830 Hey, sweetie, wash your hands... 247 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:31,298 With soap! 248 00:10:31,366 --> 00:10:33,033 Huh, huh, do you see this? 249 00:10:33,101 --> 00:10:35,469 It looks like somebody got hit by the mommy truck. 250 00:10:35,537 --> 00:10:37,938 I know. I guess I always had it in me. Who knew? 251 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,273 Come on, baby, dinner! 252 00:10:39,341 --> 00:10:41,485 I can't believe, with all this going on, you made dinner. 253 00:10:41,509 --> 00:10:44,578 Yep. Hamburgers, macaroni and cheese, and fish sticks. 254 00:10:44,646 --> 00:10:46,913 Good God, it's Christmas morning. 255 00:10:50,719 --> 00:10:53,654 Here, honey. I'll cut this in half for you, ok? 256 00:10:55,257 --> 00:10:58,792 Hey, look at this. Is this a family or what? 257 00:10:58,860 --> 00:11:00,694 I mean, not exactly the way I pictured it, 258 00:11:00,762 --> 00:11:02,028 but still. 259 00:11:05,885 --> 00:11:09,488 Ok, baby's tucked in, and Kirby's asleep, 260 00:11:09,555 --> 00:11:12,657 and P.S., I'm pretty damn good with shadow puppets. 261 00:11:12,725 --> 00:11:16,094 I mean, he was terrified at first, but, I got him back. 262 00:11:17,363 --> 00:11:19,564 Oh, what's, what... what's going on here? 263 00:11:19,632 --> 00:11:21,533 What? This is where we're sleeping. 264 00:11:21,601 --> 00:11:23,001 Don't Deacon and Kelly 265 00:11:23,068 --> 00:11:24,369 have a king-sized bed in there? 266 00:11:24,437 --> 00:11:27,038 Yes, they do, and we have this. 267 00:11:35,214 --> 00:11:37,382 Doug, get off of their bed! 268 00:11:37,950 --> 00:11:39,117 Make me. 269 00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:42,353 Come on. I'm not gonna make you. 270 00:11:42,422 --> 00:11:44,055 I feel very uncomfortable in here. 271 00:11:44,123 --> 00:11:45,590 Will you relax? We're celebrating. 272 00:11:45,658 --> 00:11:46,991 What are we celebrating? 273 00:11:47,059 --> 00:11:48,159 That you're not gonna be 274 00:11:48,227 --> 00:11:51,129 the sucky mom we always thought. 275 00:11:51,196 --> 00:11:53,799 Ok, but only because you already messed up the bedding. 276 00:11:53,866 --> 00:11:55,133 All right. 277 00:11:55,935 --> 00:11:57,035 Oh, look at this. 278 00:11:57,102 --> 00:11:58,937 Dimmer switch, huh? 279 00:11:59,004 --> 00:12:00,639 Oh, we are styling. 280 00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:09,648 Hey, stop it. You're making me nauseous. 281 00:12:09,715 --> 00:12:11,416 You just want music. 282 00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:19,123 Oh, yeah... 283 00:12:20,893 --> 00:12:22,928 I am mellow. 284 00:12:24,029 --> 00:12:25,764 All right, come on. Turn down the music. 285 00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:27,131 You're gonna wake the kids. 286 00:12:27,199 --> 00:12:28,266 All right. 287 00:12:31,036 --> 00:12:32,236 So you, uh... 288 00:12:33,339 --> 00:12:35,306 Proud of your big day? 289 00:12:35,374 --> 00:12:36,808 Yeah, a little. 290 00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:40,178 Well, you should be. 291 00:12:40,245 --> 00:12:43,582 You were so great with those kids today. 292 00:12:43,649 --> 00:12:46,918 When I came home, and I saw you holding Major, 293 00:12:46,986 --> 00:12:48,419 I don't know, I just... 294 00:12:48,488 --> 00:12:50,622 I guess I liked the way you looked 295 00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:52,757 with a baby attached to you. 296 00:12:54,126 --> 00:12:57,295 I mean, not literally attached to you. 297 00:12:57,363 --> 00:12:59,097 That would be gross. 298 00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:03,702 I like the way you looked, too. 299 00:13:03,769 --> 00:13:04,836 I love you. 300 00:13:04,904 --> 00:13:06,437 I love you, too. 301 00:13:10,576 --> 00:13:12,811 And goal! 302 00:13:16,582 --> 00:13:18,817 Wow, the lighting really helped. 303 00:13:21,754 --> 00:13:23,354 What was that? I don't know. 304 00:13:23,422 --> 00:13:24,990 Was someone just in the doorway? 305 00:13:25,057 --> 00:13:26,391 I don't... I don't know. 306 00:13:29,996 --> 00:13:31,730 Hey... 307 00:13:31,797 --> 00:13:33,464 Uh, how's it going? 308 00:13:36,502 --> 00:13:37,602 What happened? 309 00:13:37,670 --> 00:13:39,738 Did Kirby see us having sex? 310 00:13:39,805 --> 00:13:41,239 Possibly. 311 00:13:41,306 --> 00:13:42,507 What does that mean? 312 00:13:42,575 --> 00:13:44,142 We didn't get into a long discussion. 313 00:13:44,209 --> 00:13:45,410 Well, what did you say to him? 314 00:13:45,477 --> 00:13:47,679 I said, "hey, how's it going?" 315 00:13:48,714 --> 00:13:50,882 And what did he say back? 316 00:13:50,950 --> 00:13:52,216 He said, "good." 317 00:13:52,284 --> 00:13:54,753 Oh, my God. How could we do this? 318 00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:57,022 How could we have sex in our friends' bed? 319 00:13:57,089 --> 00:13:59,390 What are we, Mountain people? 320 00:13:59,458 --> 00:14:00,559 What does that mean? 321 00:14:00,626 --> 00:14:02,360 It means it's wrong, ok? 322 00:14:02,428 --> 00:14:04,663 It means nice, young couples from queens 323 00:14:04,730 --> 00:14:06,798 do not do it in their friends' bed 324 00:14:06,866 --> 00:14:08,266 with their friends' children 325 00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:10,902 sleeping 10 feet away from them! 326 00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:13,738 I need to make things clean again. 327 00:14:13,806 --> 00:14:15,607 Come on, what did we do that was so bad? 328 00:14:15,675 --> 00:14:18,342 W-we're two married, mature people 329 00:14:18,410 --> 00:14:21,112 engaging in a timeless dance called love. 330 00:14:22,882 --> 00:14:24,783 Doug, we were on their bed, 331 00:14:24,850 --> 00:14:26,651 doing it in front of their 5-year-old son. 332 00:14:26,719 --> 00:14:28,286 And thanks to that mirror over there, 333 00:14:28,353 --> 00:14:31,489 he also got the reverse angle. 334 00:14:31,557 --> 00:14:33,058 First of all, he's five an d a half, 335 00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:34,793 and he knows what's what. 336 00:14:34,860 --> 00:14:36,194 He's gonna tell Deacon and Kelly. 337 00:14:36,261 --> 00:14:37,629 That's why they hesitated 338 00:14:37,697 --> 00:14:40,699 because they knew I'd screw up, and I did. 339 00:14:40,766 --> 00:14:42,133 Why did I let you mount me? 340 00:14:44,704 --> 00:14:48,607 First of all, we don't know what he's gonna tell them. 341 00:14:48,674 --> 00:14:51,843 In fact, look, we don't even know if he saw us, right? 342 00:14:51,911 --> 00:14:53,244 Right. 343 00:14:53,312 --> 00:14:55,680 Look, tomorrow morning, we'll get up and we'll feel him out. 344 00:14:55,748 --> 00:14:59,618 You know, we'll see if there's even a problem at all. Ok? 345 00:14:59,685 --> 00:15:01,252 Ok? Ok. 346 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:04,288 All right. Come on, let's get a good night's sleep. 347 00:15:05,825 --> 00:15:07,726 What are you doing? 348 00:15:07,793 --> 00:15:09,560 Hey, sleeping on a sofa bed 349 00:15:09,629 --> 00:15:12,497 is not gonna bring back that boy's innocence. 350 00:15:15,935 --> 00:15:17,568 All right, sweetie. Stop moving around, 351 00:15:17,637 --> 00:15:20,105 or I'm gonna get tape stuck to your little... 352 00:15:20,172 --> 00:15:22,140 Oops, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 353 00:15:23,643 --> 00:15:26,177 Honey, I cannot get this diaper on him. 354 00:15:26,245 --> 00:15:29,614 I've totally lost my mommy groove. 355 00:15:29,682 --> 00:15:31,816 You talked to what's-his-face? 356 00:15:33,418 --> 00:15:34,853 No. Not yet. 357 00:15:37,356 --> 00:15:38,657 Hey, buddy, what's up? 358 00:15:38,724 --> 00:15:40,158 What's going on there? 359 00:15:40,225 --> 00:15:41,903 Hey, playing with your little schoolhouse here. 360 00:15:41,927 --> 00:15:42,927 This is fun, huh? 361 00:15:42,995 --> 00:15:44,328 Hey, you know what I'm gonna do? 362 00:15:44,396 --> 00:15:46,364 I'm gonna take this pretty little teacher here 363 00:15:46,431 --> 00:15:48,867 and, oh, let's go with this farmer guy right here, 364 00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:52,804 and you tell me if you see anything that looks familiar. 365 00:15:52,872 --> 00:15:55,106 Howdy, ma'am, my name is farmer Jones. 366 00:15:55,174 --> 00:15:57,909 Well, hi. I'm Mary Lou... 367 00:15:58,711 --> 00:15:59,978 henner. 368 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,814 Whoops, I slipped. 369 00:16:02,882 --> 00:16:06,051 Well, let me help you up with my pants off. 370 00:16:06,118 --> 00:16:07,451 Whoops, I slipped, too. 371 00:16:07,519 --> 00:16:09,420 Now we're wrestling up and down. 372 00:16:09,488 --> 00:16:12,557 Hey, Larry flynt, you wanna tone it down a notch? 373 00:16:13,625 --> 00:16:15,026 Would you give it a try? 374 00:16:15,094 --> 00:16:16,661 All right. You finish dressing the baby. 375 00:16:16,729 --> 00:16:18,563 All right. You got him? Yes. 376 00:16:18,630 --> 00:16:20,765 Hey, sweetie, 377 00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:23,234 how are you doin'? 378 00:16:23,302 --> 00:16:26,705 Do you, uh, have any bad dreams last night? 379 00:16:26,772 --> 00:16:28,673 Like maybe, uh, 380 00:16:28,741 --> 00:16:31,342 big scary polar bear 381 00:16:31,410 --> 00:16:33,211 on top of a ballerina? 382 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,081 Anything like that? 383 00:16:37,917 --> 00:16:39,217 I... I got both legs in one hole. 384 00:16:39,284 --> 00:16:40,451 I don't know what did I do. 385 00:16:40,519 --> 00:16:42,220 All right. All right. 386 00:16:45,858 --> 00:16:47,959 Hey, who wants to play a game? 387 00:16:48,027 --> 00:16:49,127 I wanna play a game. 388 00:16:49,195 --> 00:16:51,529 All right. Here's the game. 389 00:16:51,597 --> 00:16:55,066 What's the worst thing you've seen in the past 24 hours? 390 00:16:55,134 --> 00:16:56,467 Hey, guys. We're home! 391 00:16:56,535 --> 00:16:58,036 Mommy! 392 00:17:01,807 --> 00:17:03,074 Hey, you're back. 393 00:17:03,142 --> 00:17:04,175 Hi. 394 00:17:04,243 --> 00:17:05,676 Hey, hey, hey, hi! 395 00:17:05,745 --> 00:17:07,856 We caught an early flight so we could relieve you guys. 396 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:09,580 These little monsters treat you ok? 397 00:17:09,648 --> 00:17:11,382 Ok? They were fantastic! 398 00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:14,819 But enough about us. How was the funeral? You have fun? 399 00:17:16,088 --> 00:17:18,522 Not as much as you'd think. 400 00:17:18,590 --> 00:17:22,260 Yeah, death. Not a fan of the big "d." 401 00:17:22,327 --> 00:17:24,129 What's going on? Everything go all right? 402 00:17:24,196 --> 00:17:25,830 Ok. Yeah. Smooth sailing. 403 00:17:25,898 --> 00:17:26,898 We, um, we... we... 404 00:17:26,966 --> 00:17:27,999 Gotta go. 405 00:17:28,067 --> 00:17:29,801 Got to get going. Yes! Yeah. 406 00:17:29,869 --> 00:17:31,379 You don't wanna stick around, have some coffee? 407 00:17:31,403 --> 00:17:33,671 No. If we're gonna tear ourselves away from these kids, 408 00:17:33,739 --> 00:17:35,439 it's gotta be quick like a band-aid. 409 00:17:35,507 --> 00:17:37,041 Yeah. You rip it right off, it hurts. 410 00:17:37,109 --> 00:17:38,843 But she's off in a jif. We're outta here. 411 00:17:38,911 --> 00:17:39,978 Yeah. Ok. Bye-bye, guys. 412 00:17:40,045 --> 00:17:41,312 All righty. 413 00:17:46,218 --> 00:17:47,852 Oh, man. If bologna smelled any better, 414 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,254 I'd wear it. 415 00:17:57,496 --> 00:18:00,364 How can you just sit there and eat? 416 00:18:00,432 --> 00:18:02,834 Kirby is probably telling them what we did right now. 417 00:18:02,902 --> 00:18:05,536 Yeah, but look. They-they've been home for, like, 2 hours now. 418 00:18:05,604 --> 00:18:07,105 If he was gonna say something, 419 00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:08,984 he would've done it already, wouldn't he have, huh? 420 00:18:09,008 --> 00:18:11,442 Wouldn't he have? I need a pickle. 421 00:18:11,510 --> 00:18:13,411 He might have. I don't know. 422 00:18:13,478 --> 00:18:16,948 Look, even if he did see us, he probably forgot about it already. 423 00:18:17,016 --> 00:18:19,650 I mean, do you remember anything from when you were 5? 424 00:18:19,718 --> 00:18:21,152 No. Not now. 425 00:18:21,220 --> 00:18:24,088 But he's still 5. You don't forget instantly. 426 00:18:26,926 --> 00:18:28,026 Oh, my God. That's them. 427 00:18:28,093 --> 00:18:29,828 I know it's them. I can tell by the ring. 428 00:18:29,895 --> 00:18:31,329 It's an angry ring. 429 00:18:43,008 --> 00:18:45,210 Yes. 430 00:18:45,277 --> 00:18:48,146 Oh. You know what? We're not interested right now. Ok. 431 00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:49,214 Thank you. 432 00:18:49,281 --> 00:18:50,448 Who was it? 433 00:18:50,515 --> 00:18:52,516 Someone selling a subscription 434 00:18:52,584 --> 00:18:54,219 to teen people. 435 00:18:57,456 --> 00:18:59,891 Why'd you say we weren't interested? 436 00:19:03,162 --> 00:19:05,763 You know teen people's number by heart? 437 00:19:09,134 --> 00:19:11,635 I am not calling teen people, 438 00:19:11,703 --> 00:19:14,205 I am calling Deacon and Kelly. 439 00:19:14,273 --> 00:19:15,874 Oh, come on. Why are you calling them? 440 00:19:15,941 --> 00:19:18,276 Doug, I... I can't stand this. I need to know if they know. 441 00:19:18,344 --> 00:19:20,912 Ca-Carrie, if you want this to go away, then don't pick at it. 442 00:19:20,980 --> 00:19:22,380 Yeah. Let me pick. 443 00:19:23,715 --> 00:19:26,050 Hey, Kel, how you doing? 444 00:19:26,118 --> 00:19:27,651 Yeah, uh, we just wanted to call 445 00:19:27,719 --> 00:19:29,087 and see how the kids were doing. 446 00:19:29,154 --> 00:19:31,189 'Cause we miss them so much. 447 00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:36,794 Really? 448 00:19:36,862 --> 00:19:39,563 Ok! Well... well, then we'll see you there. 449 00:19:39,631 --> 00:19:42,166 Ok. Bye-bye. 450 00:19:42,234 --> 00:19:44,668 They want to take us to dinner tonight. 451 00:19:44,736 --> 00:19:45,870 To thank us. 452 00:19:45,938 --> 00:19:47,238 Hey! There you go. 453 00:19:47,306 --> 00:19:49,974 You don't take perverts to dinner, right? 454 00:19:51,476 --> 00:19:54,078 I know I don't. 455 00:19:54,146 --> 00:19:55,846 See that? It all worked out fine. 456 00:19:55,915 --> 00:19:57,448 He saw us. He didn't see us. 457 00:19:57,516 --> 00:20:00,184 It doesn't matter. He kept his little trap shut. 458 00:20:01,186 --> 00:20:02,620 And then this one says, 459 00:20:02,687 --> 00:20:03,821 "my shirt's dirty. 460 00:20:03,889 --> 00:20:06,324 We need to put it in the whooshing machine." 461 00:20:06,392 --> 00:20:07,926 See, he meant to say washing machine. 462 00:20:07,993 --> 00:20:11,229 He didn't say that though. He's hilarious. Hilarious. 463 00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:13,097 Hey, buddy, want some more of my ice cream? 464 00:20:13,165 --> 00:20:15,199 Uh, you guys have been generous with your desserts, 465 00:20:15,267 --> 00:20:16,867 but I think he's had enough. 466 00:20:16,936 --> 00:20:19,570 Oh, he deserves it, just for being so cute and yummy. 467 00:20:19,638 --> 00:20:21,439 He's not so cute when he's vomiting. 468 00:20:21,506 --> 00:20:23,007 Ok. 469 00:20:23,075 --> 00:20:24,875 Hey, what you drawing there, kirb? 470 00:20:24,944 --> 00:20:26,744 A picture of Doug and Carrie. 471 00:20:26,812 --> 00:20:30,181 Oh, isn't that sweet? Love him. 472 00:20:30,249 --> 00:20:32,716 And what they were doing last night. 473 00:20:35,020 --> 00:20:37,221 Oh, uh, we don't really need another picture. 474 00:20:37,289 --> 00:20:39,690 Yeah. You know, we got pictures up the butt. 475 00:20:39,758 --> 00:20:40,825 You know what I'm sayin'? 476 00:20:40,892 --> 00:20:42,226 We do. 477 00:20:42,294 --> 00:20:43,661 Yeah, but not from my child. 478 00:20:43,728 --> 00:20:45,296 He signs and numbers each one. 479 00:20:45,364 --> 00:20:47,265 Hey, bet you can't do an outline of my hand. 480 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:48,933 I don't want to. 481 00:20:49,001 --> 00:20:50,768 Go ahead, try it. Do it. Color it in red. 482 00:20:50,836 --> 00:20:52,414 Make a little Turkey out of it. Gobble, gobble. 483 00:20:52,438 --> 00:20:54,149 Would you let the boy draw his picture, man? 484 00:20:54,173 --> 00:20:55,340 All right. All right. 485 00:20:55,407 --> 00:20:57,041 I heard drawing makes you gay. 486 00:20:58,844 --> 00:21:00,178 What? 487 00:21:00,245 --> 00:21:02,880 It's true. It happened to my friend bill. 488 00:21:02,948 --> 00:21:05,583 Hey, you guys have been acting very weird since we got back. 489 00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:07,185 What's the deal? 490 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:10,521 All right, then. The... 491 00:21:10,589 --> 00:21:12,656 T-the truth is, uh, 492 00:21:12,724 --> 00:21:14,258 we have something to tell you, 493 00:21:14,326 --> 00:21:16,660 and, uh, this is difficult for us. 494 00:21:17,829 --> 00:21:19,797 He makes things up. 495 00:21:23,168 --> 00:21:25,769 It-it's true, like his drawings, 496 00:21:25,837 --> 00:21:26,904 uh, for instance. 497 00:21:26,972 --> 00:21:28,172 Usually they're like the... 498 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,309 The opposite of what actually happened. 499 00:21:31,377 --> 00:21:32,710 Done, mommy. 500 00:21:40,552 --> 00:21:42,353 We're gonna take this. 501 00:21:46,208 --> 00:21:48,142 So I'm guessing this wouldn't be appropriate 502 00:21:48,210 --> 00:21:50,244 to hang on our fridge. 503 00:21:50,313 --> 00:21:51,546 I wouldn't mind. 504 00:21:51,614 --> 00:21:54,382 You'll notice he was very generous with me. 505 00:21:54,450 --> 00:21:55,684 I noticed.