1
00:00:07,577 --> 00:00:08,662
What?

2
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,501
I'm a little parched.

3
00:00:24,987 --> 00:00:27,039
What, you want a beer?

4
00:00:27,141 --> 00:00:29,843
What the hell did
you do over there?

5
00:00:29,911 --> 00:00:31,278
This?

6
00:00:31,346 --> 00:00:33,365
Just a little upgrade
on the night table.

7
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:35,385
Is that a refrigerator?

8
00:00:35,519 --> 00:00:38,456
I like to refer to it
as a minibar, but, yes.

9
00:00:39,442 --> 00:00:41,477
What do you got in there?

10
00:00:43,081 --> 00:00:47,053
Beer, devil dogs,
leftover Chinese,

11
00:00:48,622 --> 00:00:51,776
cocktail sauce. This...
this is absurd.

12
00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:54,764
Yeah, it's absurd until we're up here
eatin' shrimp without any sauce.

13
00:00:54,832 --> 00:00:55,999
Then not so absurd.

14
00:00:56,067 --> 00:00:58,704
No, I mean the refrigerator.
The whole thing.

15
00:00:58,771 --> 00:01:00,823
You can't do this. It's just...
it's...

16
00:01:00,891 --> 00:01:02,492
It's not done.

17
00:01:03,562 --> 00:01:05,096
Why do you fear change?

18
00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:06,531
Oh, forget it. This is stupid.

19
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:08,101
I'm going to sleep.

20
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,872
All right. Good night,
miss fridge-less.

21
00:01:39,082 --> 00:01:41,619
It's gone in the morning.

22
00:02:15,871 --> 00:02:18,558
Welcome home from
the hospital, dad.

23
00:02:18,625 --> 00:02:21,428
Yeah, it's really great
to have you back, Arthur.

24
00:02:23,298 --> 00:02:25,000
So, how does it feel to be home?

25
00:02:25,068 --> 00:02:26,168
Delightful.

26
00:02:27,371 --> 00:02:29,807
So, where is everybody?

27
00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:31,009
What?

28
00:02:31,077 --> 00:02:34,381
For my welcome-home
surprise party.

29
00:02:34,449 --> 00:02:37,251
Um, dad, there's
no surprise party.

30
00:02:37,319 --> 00:02:39,188
Then I guess

31
00:02:39,255 --> 00:02:42,226
you won't mind if I
look behind the couch!

32
00:02:43,529 --> 00:02:45,097
You just had heart surgery.

33
00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:48,469
Our first thought wasn't to have
people jump out and scare you.

34
00:02:48,537 --> 00:02:49,804
Uh-huh? Then I guess

35
00:02:49,872 --> 00:02:52,475
you would have no
problem with me going

36
00:02:52,677 --> 00:02:54,262
into the kitchen!

37
00:02:56,966 --> 00:02:58,834
Oh, you're very good.

38
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,907
All right, before you
look under the sink,

39
00:03:02,975 --> 00:03:05,177
we really didn't plan a party.

40
00:03:05,245 --> 00:03:07,580
Then what was all that
stalling at the hospital?

41
00:03:07,648 --> 00:03:08,916
I was gettin' the car

42
00:03:08,984 --> 00:03:11,519
and apologizin' to
your scrub nurse.

43
00:03:12,389 --> 00:03:14,375
So, not even a cake?

44
00:03:14,442 --> 00:03:15,710
I'm sorry.

45
00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:17,680
I claw my way back
from death's door,

46
00:03:17,747 --> 00:03:20,116
and I don't even get a cake?

47
00:03:22,288 --> 00:03:24,290
Pat's bakery. I'm takin' this.

48
00:03:24,357 --> 00:03:26,459
That's stale bread
for the ducks.

49
00:03:26,527 --> 00:03:28,095
It's mine now!

50
00:03:31,166 --> 00:03:33,236
Dad, breakfast!

51
00:03:33,303 --> 00:03:35,590
No, thank you!

52
00:03:35,658 --> 00:03:38,561
I made you egg whites,
like they said.

53
00:03:38,629 --> 00:03:40,597
What's the point
without the yellow?

54
00:03:40,665 --> 00:03:43,051
That's the actual baby chicken.

55
00:03:43,168 --> 00:03:45,004
Why does he do that?

56
00:03:46,223 --> 00:03:47,524
You gotta eat.

57
00:03:47,593 --> 00:03:49,060
Want me to bring
you down a tray?

58
00:03:49,127 --> 00:03:51,814
No! Don't you come down here!

59
00:03:53,785 --> 00:03:55,520
Something's wrong.

60
00:03:55,588 --> 00:03:56,738
Dad?

61
00:03:57,641 --> 00:03:59,075
Dad.

62
00:03:59,143 --> 00:04:01,462
I'm in the bathroom.

63
00:04:02,798 --> 00:04:04,049
What are you doin' in there?

64
00:04:04,117 --> 00:04:05,452
Be vague.

65
00:04:06,937 --> 00:04:09,074
I was stepping from the shower,

66
00:04:09,142 --> 00:04:10,943
and I started
feeling a bit woozy

67
00:04:11,011 --> 00:04:12,412
from my new medication.

68
00:04:12,479 --> 00:04:14,081
Long story short,

69
00:04:14,149 --> 00:04:17,670
I'm currently wedged between
the sink and the toilet.

70
00:04:19,823 --> 00:04:22,126
Oh, my God. Well, let us help.

71
00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:24,831
Doug, go help.

72
00:04:24,899 --> 00:04:26,366
No. He just got out
of the shower.

73
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,737
That means everything's wet and

74
00:04:29,471 --> 00:04:30,723
dangling.

75
00:04:33,261 --> 00:04:36,448
Just pretend you're in the
locker room at the gym, ok?

76
00:04:36,515 --> 00:04:39,586
You told me you check out
the old guys anyway.

77
00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:43,558
I will never open
up to you again.

78
00:04:43,626 --> 00:04:46,279
Perhaps you two would
like to argue further

79
00:04:46,347 --> 00:04:48,115
as my feet go numb!

80
00:04:48,183 --> 00:04:50,553
Ok, fine! God, I'll...

81
00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:52,890
Comin' in, Arthur. Oh, God.

82
00:04:53,925 --> 00:04:55,493
Oh, boy.

83
00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,451
God.

84
00:05:00,519 --> 00:05:02,554
Douglas, this may go faster

85
00:05:02,622 --> 00:05:05,307
if you uncover your eyes.

86
00:05:05,375 --> 00:05:07,444
Ok. Oh, God!

87
00:05:09,482 --> 00:05:11,935
Come on! Just lift me here.

88
00:05:11,969 --> 00:05:13,882
No, I'm not gonna
lift you there.

89
00:05:13,906 --> 00:05:15,640
How about here?

90
00:05:15,707 --> 00:05:18,195
I'd rather do the first one.

91
00:05:18,262 --> 00:05:21,165
Just lift me somewhere,
you homophobe!

92
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:22,701
Doug, help him!

93
00:05:22,769 --> 00:05:24,270
Ok!

94
00:05:26,391 --> 00:05:30,379
Oh, gosh. All right. Oh, man.

95
00:05:30,447 --> 00:05:31,866
Ok.

96
00:05:34,937 --> 00:05:36,855
Ok, he's good.

97
00:05:36,924 --> 00:05:38,374
Now boil me.

98
00:05:43,901 --> 00:05:45,936
I am not moving up
to the guest room.

99
00:05:46,004 --> 00:05:48,940
Dad, you just had surgery.
You're on new medication.

100
00:05:49,007 --> 00:05:50,976
I think I need to
keep an eye on you.

101
00:05:51,044 --> 00:05:52,312
Keep an eye on me?

102
00:05:52,380 --> 00:05:54,749
No, thank you, senator McCarthy!

103
00:05:55,985 --> 00:05:59,657
Doug, tell him he has to
move upstairs near us.

104
00:06:00,726 --> 00:06:02,911
I can't do that.

105
00:06:02,979 --> 00:06:04,446
I am not moving.

106
00:06:04,514 --> 00:06:06,116
And if you force me,

107
00:06:06,184 --> 00:06:08,787
I will wear only
underwear to dinner!

108
00:06:13,346 --> 00:06:16,599
Well, if he's not wearin'
pants, I'm not wearin' pants.

109
00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:21,440
Why does he have to
be so difficult?

110
00:06:21,508 --> 00:06:24,544
I wish I still smoked, because I could
really use a cigarette right now.

111
00:06:24,612 --> 00:06:27,115
Don't stress out, all right? He
doesn't need to move upstairs.

112
00:06:27,182 --> 00:06:29,184
Doug, you saw him. He
just spent 3 hours

113
00:06:29,252 --> 00:06:31,021
wedged under a toilet tank.

114
00:06:31,088 --> 00:06:32,723
That was a complete fluke.

115
00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:35,004
If we dropped your father on the
bathroom floor a thousand times,

116
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:36,929
he would never land
that way again.

117
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,183
All right, you know what?
Either hop on board

118
00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:41,319
and help me to get him
to move upstairs,

119
00:06:41,387 --> 00:06:44,657
or think of another way I
can make sure he's safe.

120
00:06:45,426 --> 00:06:47,128
Ok, don't laugh.

121
00:06:48,397 --> 00:06:49,682
Cowbell.

122
00:07:01,117 --> 00:07:02,618
So? Did you hook it up?

123
00:07:02,686 --> 00:07:04,354
Yeah. I wired it
through the cable.

124
00:07:04,422 --> 00:07:06,891
Channel 3 on every T.V.
In the house.

125
00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:10,480
Great idea I had about puttin'
the baby cam in, huh?

126
00:07:10,548 --> 00:07:12,984
Come on, give me some props.

127
00:07:13,052 --> 00:07:16,138
You never gave the
cowbell a chance.

128
00:07:16,206 --> 00:07:17,340
Come on, this is great.

129
00:07:17,408 --> 00:07:19,143
A couple of times a
day we flick it on,

130
00:07:19,211 --> 00:07:21,780
we check in on him.
He never has to know.

131
00:07:21,847 --> 00:07:23,649
So, how'd you get the
camera in his room

132
00:07:23,717 --> 00:07:24,885
without him seeing you?

133
00:07:24,953 --> 00:07:27,022
I lured him outside
with peanuts.

134
00:07:27,089 --> 00:07:28,123
What?

135
00:07:28,191 --> 00:07:29,909
I put a bag of peanuts
in the backyard.

136
00:07:29,976 --> 00:07:32,814
He went out and ate 'em.
Like a squirrel.

137
00:07:36,487 --> 00:07:38,589
Look, he's still eating them.

138
00:07:38,656 --> 00:07:41,309
Oh, you really made
his day, honey.

139
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,063
All right, I feel
better already.

140
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,232
Thank you so much.

141
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:46,768
What's the matter?

142
00:07:46,835 --> 00:07:50,223
Nothin'. I'm just
dealing with the horror

143
00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:51,792
of having to see his face

144
00:07:51,860 --> 00:07:54,095
on the thing I love most.

145
00:07:54,163 --> 00:07:56,098
Oh, come on. That's done.

146
00:07:56,166 --> 00:07:58,769
Next thing. Keep
Monday night open.

147
00:07:58,837 --> 00:08:01,039
I have our insurance
guy comin' over.

148
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,811
Monday night, that's football.
I have company comin' over.

149
00:08:03,945 --> 00:08:05,257
Company?

150
00:08:05,281 --> 00:08:07,076
That's right. I can call
my friends "company."

151
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,686
Yeah, well, tell your
company they can get drunk

152
00:08:09,754 --> 00:08:12,640
and thumb-wrestle without you.

153
00:08:12,708 --> 00:08:14,777
Why do we gotta meet with
the insurance man, anyway?

154
00:08:14,844 --> 00:08:16,345
Because, honey,

155
00:08:16,414 --> 00:08:18,476
this whole thing with my dad
getting sick got me thinking.

156
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:21,386
I mean, all kinds of bad
stuff can happen to us,

157
00:08:21,455 --> 00:08:22,872
and we're not prepared.

158
00:08:22,939 --> 00:08:24,552
I mean, we don't even
have any life insurance.

159
00:08:24,576 --> 00:08:26,344
Yeah, we do. No, we don't.

160
00:08:26,412 --> 00:08:29,108
Uh, yeah, we do. I got it when I signed
up for that sears card, remember?

161
00:08:29,132 --> 00:08:31,184
I checked that box.

162
00:08:31,252 --> 00:08:34,456
That's for $2,500!
That's not enough.

163
00:08:34,523 --> 00:08:36,159
Well, I see someone's
plannin' to live

164
00:08:36,227 --> 00:08:38,095
pretty high on the
hog when I'm dead.

165
00:08:38,163 --> 00:08:40,131
Come on, we're getting
more insurance.

166
00:08:40,199 --> 00:08:42,068
We need to start
planning for our future.

167
00:08:42,135 --> 00:08:43,470
I have plans for our future.

168
00:08:43,537 --> 00:08:45,857
Besides owning a robot.

169
00:08:45,924 --> 00:08:49,112
Fine. Now I'm gonna program
him not to love you.

170
00:08:57,342 --> 00:09:00,428
45 to 3. It's a blowout.

171
00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:04,718
Now we gotta hope someone breaks
their leg and they keep showin' it.

172
00:09:04,786 --> 00:09:07,623
Man, Doug picked a
good game to miss.

173
00:09:07,691 --> 00:09:08,792
Anything else on?

174
00:09:08,860 --> 00:09:10,527
Uh, let's see.

175
00:09:11,964 --> 00:09:13,933
Mannequin 2.

176
00:09:15,052 --> 00:09:16,871
TV guide channel

177
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:21,911
what in the Sam hill?

178
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,597
Oh, that's my baby cam.

179
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:26,334
Doug and Carrie borrowed it
to keep an eye on Arthur.

180
00:09:26,402 --> 00:09:28,404
He doesn't know he's on TV?

181
00:09:28,472 --> 00:09:29,573
Nope.

182
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,209
All right, come on,
keep flippin'.

183
00:09:31,276 --> 00:09:33,878
Oh, ok. Um, oh, wait.
What's he doin'?

184
00:09:36,568 --> 00:09:39,004
Look's like he's
takin' some clothes

185
00:09:39,071 --> 00:09:40,773
out of the dryer.

186
00:09:47,450 --> 00:09:49,952
So, of course if Doug were
to die suddenly, Carrie,

187
00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:52,441
you would receive the maximum
payout of this policy.

188
00:09:53,476 --> 00:09:54,977
But if Doug were to, say,

189
00:09:55,045 --> 00:09:57,765
sustain a massive head
injury, which he survives,

190
00:09:57,833 --> 00:09:59,067
the good news is

191
00:09:59,135 --> 00:10:01,003
this policy would cover
his hospital stay,

192
00:10:01,104 --> 00:10:04,125
his physical therapy,
and any life support.

193
00:10:05,144 --> 00:10:06,912
That is good news.

194
00:10:09,017 --> 00:10:10,484
Look at this.

195
00:10:10,552 --> 00:10:12,821
He's puttin' his underwear
in the bottom drawer.

196
00:10:12,888 --> 00:10:14,857
Who does that?

197
00:10:14,925 --> 00:10:16,660
Underwear's top drawer.
Am I right?

198
00:10:16,728 --> 00:10:18,579
Where I come from.

199
00:10:20,834 --> 00:10:23,053
Uh, whoa, wait. He's
going back to the dryer?

200
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,756
Yeah, he put in another load.

201
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:26,325
He... when?

202
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,894
When you were peeing.

203
00:10:27,962 --> 00:10:31,933
What? Why don't you tell
me these things? Oh, man.

204
00:10:32,001 --> 00:10:33,569
Uh-oh. Look, look.

205
00:10:33,637 --> 00:10:37,007
He left a sock in the dryer.

206
00:10:37,075 --> 00:10:38,777
Fasten your seat
belts, gentlemen.

207
00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:40,246
Ok, he'll see it, he'll see it.

208
00:10:40,313 --> 00:10:42,115
I don't think so, man.

209
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,863
It's right there, hangin'
out of the dryer.

210
00:10:43,919 --> 00:10:45,554
He doesn't see it.
He's confused.

211
00:10:45,622 --> 00:10:47,322
Oh, God!

212
00:10:47,391 --> 00:10:49,025
It's right there. Damn it!
Turn around!

213
00:10:49,093 --> 00:10:52,063
It's 2 feet from your head, guy!

214
00:10:55,336 --> 00:10:56,670
No!

215
00:10:56,738 --> 00:10:58,407
He threw it in the garbage.

216
00:10:58,474 --> 00:11:01,210
This... this is terrible.

217
00:11:01,278 --> 00:11:03,314
Ok, I think that the
term life policy

218
00:11:03,381 --> 00:11:05,584
offered by Western
mutual is best for you.

219
00:11:05,651 --> 00:11:07,220
So why don't we
roll up our sleeves

220
00:11:07,287 --> 00:11:09,657
and get to the nitty-gritty?

221
00:11:09,724 --> 00:11:12,377
Ok. Do you own this house
and you pay a mortgage?

222
00:11:12,445 --> 00:11:13,529
Yes.

223
00:11:13,597 --> 00:11:15,799
And, Carrie, if Doug
were to pass away,

224
00:11:15,867 --> 00:11:17,886
you would stay here, and
your father, Arthur,

225
00:11:18,021 --> 00:11:19,539
would continue to
live here with you?

226
00:11:19,606 --> 00:11:20,789
Yes. Definitely.

227
00:11:20,891 --> 00:11:22,643
And if you were to pass away,

228
00:11:22,710 --> 00:11:24,896
would your father continue
to live here with Doug?

229
00:11:24,964 --> 00:11:26,765
Oh, of course.

230
00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:29,053
Great.

231
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:32,257
Let's move on to some
payment options.

232
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,861
People, a lot of people
like to pay it annually,

233
00:11:34,929 --> 00:11:37,265
take the medicine
in one spoonful.

234
00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:38,834
Or we can break it down for you.

235
00:11:38,902 --> 00:11:40,954
You could pay
semiannually, quarterly,

236
00:11:41,022 --> 00:11:42,539
some people play monthly.

237
00:11:42,607 --> 00:11:44,192
Of course, I wouldn't
suggest weekly.

238
00:11:44,259 --> 00:11:46,462
52 envelopes.

239
00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:54,741
Good morning.

240
00:11:56,278 --> 00:11:57,496
Good morning.

241
00:11:57,563 --> 00:11:59,331
Hey. How you doin'?

242
00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:02,420
You ok? I'm fine.

243
00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:04,723
Hey, how about that insurance
guy last night, huh?

244
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,659
He's kinda wild, huh?

245
00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:08,862
What do you mean?

246
00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:11,299
Nothin'. Just, uh, they don't
paint a pretty picture.

247
00:12:11,367 --> 00:12:13,786
I'm gettin' whacked in the head,
you're gettin' hit by a bus.

248
00:12:13,853 --> 00:12:15,422
Arthur's here, he's
livin' with you,

249
00:12:15,490 --> 00:12:18,244
livin' with me. It's crazy.
It's crazy.

250
00:12:18,312 --> 00:12:21,115
Yeah. Dad! Breakfast!

251
00:12:21,182 --> 00:12:22,600
Be right up!

252
00:12:26,541 --> 00:12:29,276
Well, I gotta go
to work, anyway.

253
00:12:29,344 --> 00:12:31,246
Hey, tomorrow morning? Bagels?

254
00:12:31,313 --> 00:12:32,916
I'll bring 'em.

255
00:12:34,903 --> 00:12:36,271
Crap. I gotta get outta here.

256
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:39,041
Honey, make sure he eats
and takes his pill, ok?

257
00:12:39,109 --> 00:12:40,911
And do me a favor.
Drop him off at the y

258
00:12:40,978 --> 00:12:42,613
for his art class on
your way to work?

259
00:12:42,681 --> 00:12:44,349
All right? Hey, dad.
It's on the table.

260
00:12:44,417 --> 00:12:45,985
All right. I'll see
you guys tonight.

261
00:12:46,053 --> 00:12:47,253
Love you. Bye, daddy.

262
00:12:47,321 --> 00:12:48,889
Bye, Princess.

263
00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:53,831
It's just you and
me, huh, Douglas?

264
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,983
Yeah, just you and me.

265
00:13:45,459 --> 00:13:47,811
Hey! Howdy do! Welcome home.

266
00:13:50,016 --> 00:13:51,183
I talk to you for a sec?

267
00:13:51,251 --> 00:13:52,652
Yeah. What's up?

268
00:13:52,719 --> 00:13:54,621
I was just, uh, thinkin'
about our future,

269
00:13:54,689 --> 00:13:56,859
you know, like we discussed
with the insurance guy.

270
00:13:56,927 --> 00:13:58,895
Especially that thing
where if you die,

271
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:02,400
but Arthur and I, uh...
We don't?

272
00:14:02,468 --> 00:14:06,489
And that thing of him
staying here with me?

273
00:14:06,557 --> 00:14:09,677
That's a good option. Definitely.
Definitely a good one.

274
00:14:09,745 --> 00:14:11,864
But I guess this is the question

275
00:14:11,932 --> 00:14:14,100
I would put to you, Carrie.

276
00:14:14,168 --> 00:14:15,737
Is it the best?

277
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:21,729
So, w-what are you
saying here, Doug?

278
00:14:21,797 --> 00:14:23,957
That you don't want to take
care of my father if I die?

279
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,101
Is that what you're saying?

280
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:26,770
I'm just saying you
sprung this on me,

281
00:14:26,838 --> 00:14:28,607
and now all of a
sudden, it's decided.

282
00:14:28,674 --> 00:14:31,154
I just think we should have a
good, open conversation about it.

283
00:14:31,211 --> 00:14:35,466
Ok. We're now having
an open conversation.

284
00:14:35,534 --> 00:14:38,772
Do you want to take care
of my father if I die?

285
00:14:38,839 --> 00:14:40,241
Not really.

286
00:14:41,059 --> 00:14:42,594
I can't believe this!

287
00:14:42,662 --> 00:14:44,797
So you're just fine with
2 orderlies showing up

288
00:14:44,865 --> 00:14:46,817
and dragging him away
in the dead of night?

289
00:14:46,885 --> 00:14:48,487
Look, how many
orderlies there'll be

290
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,155
and what time of
night they get here,

291
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,758
that's all up for debate.

292
00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:54,629
Wow! That's just... Wow!

293
00:14:54,697 --> 00:14:57,057
I mean, I don't... I don't even
know what to say here, Doug.

294
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,968
I mean, this is my father's home.
I...

295
00:14:59,036 --> 00:15:00,705
I thought we were all family.

296
00:15:01,991 --> 00:15:03,192
I'm sorry, Carrie,

297
00:15:03,259 --> 00:15:05,094
but you're actin' like
it's totally normal

298
00:15:05,162 --> 00:15:08,266
for a guy to keep living with his
father-in-law if his wife dies.

299
00:15:08,367 --> 00:15:10,703
I mean, it's till
death do us part,

300
00:15:10,771 --> 00:15:13,290
which I always took to
mean if there's a death,

301
00:15:13,357 --> 00:15:14,875
we all part.

302
00:15:19,116 --> 00:15:22,154
So this is how you really feel?

303
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:24,273
Not me. It's in the vows.

304
00:15:26,911 --> 00:15:27,995
Ok, let me ask you this.

305
00:15:28,114 --> 00:15:31,885
If, um, I had a dog
when we got married

306
00:15:31,953 --> 00:15:34,255
and we lived with this dog,

307
00:15:34,323 --> 00:15:36,275
um, if I died,

308
00:15:36,410 --> 00:15:38,128
would you... would you
send the dog away,

309
00:15:38,196 --> 00:15:40,697
or would you keep it,
take care of it?

310
00:15:40,765 --> 00:15:42,984
Because this is the dog's home.

311
00:15:44,571 --> 00:15:46,507
What kind of dog?

312
00:15:46,575 --> 00:15:48,477
Forget it. Forget it.

313
00:15:50,413 --> 00:15:51,482
Who you callin'?

314
00:15:51,549 --> 00:15:53,435
Don't worry about it.

315
00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:55,938
Bill gilliard, please.

316
00:15:56,005 --> 00:15:57,507
Oh, come on. Why are
you callin' him?

317
00:15:57,575 --> 00:15:59,377
Because he's comin'
over tomorrow night

318
00:15:59,444 --> 00:16:00,795
so we can sign the policy.

319
00:16:00,862 --> 00:16:02,847
If you're not gonna
take care of my father,

320
00:16:02,915 --> 00:16:05,435
he has to change the coverage.

321
00:16:05,503 --> 00:16:07,104
Yes, I'll hold.

322
00:16:32,009 --> 00:16:33,294
Hang up.

323
00:16:33,362 --> 00:16:34,896
Why?

324
00:16:34,964 --> 00:16:37,801
I'll take care of your
father if you die.

325
00:16:41,307 --> 00:16:43,509
But I'm renaming him Rusty.

326
00:16:48,802 --> 00:16:50,447
Dad, the insurance man's here.

327
00:16:50,471 --> 00:16:52,673
We're comin'.

328
00:16:52,741 --> 00:16:55,177
Hello. Welcome. Good evening.

329
00:16:55,245 --> 00:16:56,746
What's with the jacket and tie?

330
00:16:56,814 --> 00:16:58,782
You asked me to witness
the signing of documents.

331
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:01,586
I take that responsibility
very seriously.

332
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,323
Arthur Spooner.
Pleased to meet you.

333
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:04,491
Bill gilliard.

334
00:17:04,559 --> 00:17:05,960
Would you like a cocktail?

335
00:17:06,027 --> 00:17:08,331
I make a mean Irish coffee.

336
00:17:08,398 --> 00:17:09,698
No, thank you.

337
00:17:09,766 --> 00:17:10,867
I got whipped cream.

338
00:17:10,935 --> 00:17:12,770
Guy said no.

339
00:17:12,838 --> 00:17:15,174
Ok. Just let me get set up here.

340
00:17:15,241 --> 00:17:17,477
First, we'll do the
primary policy agreement.

341
00:17:17,544 --> 00:17:19,680
Carrie, I'm gonna need
you to sign here.

342
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,016
Oh. Ok.

343
00:17:22,619 --> 00:17:24,621
And, Doug, right next to her.

344
00:17:24,689 --> 00:17:25,856
Ok.

345
00:17:28,161 --> 00:17:30,597
And now, as a witness, Mr.
Spooner,

346
00:17:30,665 --> 00:17:32,299
you sign there.

347
00:17:33,268 --> 00:17:35,504
Let me just look this over.

348
00:17:37,207 --> 00:17:38,576
Let's see,

349
00:17:38,643 --> 00:17:41,646
"from the office of Mr.
William e. Gilliard,

350
00:17:41,715 --> 00:17:44,250
"tri-borough life
insurance agency,

351
00:17:44,318 --> 00:17:47,372
"816 queens boulevard

352
00:17:48,325 --> 00:17:49,826
queens, New York."

353
00:17:49,894 --> 00:17:51,445
Dad, all you have
to do is sign it.

354
00:17:51,512 --> 00:17:55,362
I'm not signing anything
without reading it first.

355
00:17:55,386 --> 00:17:57,419
"1-1-3-7-5, November the 12th"

356
00:17:57,488 --> 00:18:00,328
ok, you know what? I-I'd like to get goin'.
Can I sign all my stuff now?

357
00:18:00,376 --> 00:18:02,412
No. Could you just stay
so we could do it right?

358
00:18:02,479 --> 00:18:04,247
What, you got somewhere
else you gotta be?

359
00:18:04,315 --> 00:18:05,883
I got company coming over.

360
00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:07,846
All right, you know what? Stop
calling your friends company.

361
00:18:07,870 --> 00:18:10,573
They're 3 losers with nothing
else to do on a Friday night.

362
00:18:10,775 --> 00:18:13,127
They'll wait 10 minutes.

363
00:18:17,969 --> 00:18:20,271
Well, everything seems
to be in order here.

364
00:18:20,339 --> 00:18:21,841
Where do I sign?

365
00:18:21,909 --> 00:18:23,276
Right there.

366
00:18:23,344 --> 00:18:24,544
I'll need to notarize this,

367
00:18:24,612 --> 00:18:26,280
so I'll need both your
driver's licenses.

368
00:18:26,348 --> 00:18:29,786
Oh. Could you grab
mine out of my purse?

369
00:18:29,854 --> 00:18:31,455
Just to, uh, double-check.

370
00:18:31,523 --> 00:18:33,759
The disfigurement
thing is in here?

371
00:18:33,827 --> 00:18:35,862
Uh, yeah. It's on page 7.

372
00:18:35,930 --> 00:18:37,898
What the hell is this?
You're smokin' again?

373
00:18:37,966 --> 00:18:39,768
Oh, no! She didn't!

374
00:18:41,805 --> 00:18:43,207
No, no. You know what?

375
00:18:43,274 --> 00:18:44,608
I was holding those
for a friend.

376
00:18:44,675 --> 00:18:46,410
Oh, come on, Carrie,
this is your brand.

377
00:18:46,478 --> 00:18:48,214
You're smokin' again.

378
00:18:48,281 --> 00:18:50,327
Are you a smoker, Carrie? 'Cause
that will raise your rates.

379
00:18:50,351 --> 00:18:52,636
No, no, no. Some people at
work, they dared me to smoke.

380
00:18:52,705 --> 00:18:54,406
It was peer pressure.

381
00:18:54,474 --> 00:18:56,142
I can't believe this.

382
00:18:56,210 --> 00:18:59,381
You have the gall...
Yeah, that's right, gall

383
00:18:59,448 --> 00:19:01,700
to ask me to look after
your father if you die,

384
00:19:01,768 --> 00:19:03,203
and you start smoking?

385
00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:04,270
They're ultra lights!

386
00:19:04,389 --> 00:19:06,257
Oh, please!

387
00:19:06,324 --> 00:19:07,820
All right, you know what?
Give me a break.

388
00:19:07,844 --> 00:19:09,324
I... I'm... I'm under
a lot of stress.

389
00:19:09,363 --> 00:19:11,866
So I had a couple of cigarettes.
Big deal.

390
00:19:11,934 --> 00:19:14,838
I know... I know what you're tryin' to do.
You're tryin' to die first.

391
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:16,272
What? That's right.

392
00:19:16,340 --> 00:19:18,676
You're tryin' to die before me
so I get stuck with Arthur.

393
00:19:18,745 --> 00:19:21,463
But you know what? You
can't out-die me.

394
00:19:21,531 --> 00:19:23,700
Hell, I could drop tomorrow.

395
00:19:23,768 --> 00:19:25,870
All right, stop
acting like an idiot.

396
00:19:25,938 --> 00:19:28,391
Oh, no, no, sister.
The race is on.

397
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:29,526
Let's see what we got.

398
00:19:29,593 --> 00:19:31,395
Look at this! Whipped cream!

399
00:19:31,463 --> 00:19:34,400
Oh! 16 grams of fat per serving.

400
00:19:34,468 --> 00:19:35,601
Bring it on.

401
00:19:35,669 --> 00:19:37,137
All right, knock it off.

402
00:19:37,204 --> 00:19:38,272
Uh-uh. No way!

403
00:19:38,340 --> 00:19:39,808
Should I go?

404
00:19:39,875 --> 00:19:41,854
All right, you know what? You
want to act like a jackass?

405
00:19:41,878 --> 00:19:43,914
Fine. You know what?
Then I'm smokin'.

406
00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:46,485
Smoke away! Yeah, that's right.
Fine.

407
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:47,954
Yeah, 'cause I love it!

408
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:49,924
Oh, whipped cream,
come and find me!

409
00:19:49,991 --> 00:19:51,592
Yeah, have a heart attack!
All right,

410
00:19:51,660 --> 00:19:54,363
all right, all right.
Stop it! Stop it!

411
00:19:58,304 --> 00:20:00,206
A week ago, I was
in the hospital,

412
00:20:00,274 --> 00:20:03,543
and I didn't know if my next
breath would be my last.

413
00:20:04,313 --> 00:20:05,964
The happiest day of my life

414
00:20:06,032 --> 00:20:09,236
was when I walked back
in here with you 2 kids.

415
00:20:10,789 --> 00:20:11,823
Hey, do you think he...

416
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,461
But now,

417
00:20:15,530 --> 00:20:16,997
I hear you're just worried about

418
00:20:17,064 --> 00:20:19,502
who's gonna get stuck with me.

419
00:20:19,569 --> 00:20:21,732
That hurts!

420
00:20:21,756 --> 00:20:22,956
Makes me feel like

421
00:20:23,023 --> 00:20:25,360
I should never have gotten
off that operating table.

422
00:20:25,428 --> 00:20:27,530
You're right, dad. I'm...

423
00:20:27,598 --> 00:20:28,965
I'm sorry.

424
00:20:29,032 --> 00:20:31,870
Yeah, uh, m-me, too, Arthur.

425
00:20:33,540 --> 00:20:35,107
We're really glad
you're home, dad.

426
00:20:35,175 --> 00:20:36,644
We love you.

427
00:20:38,914 --> 00:20:40,983
And I love you kids, too.

428
00:20:47,428 --> 00:20:49,297
Bill.

429
00:20:49,364 --> 00:20:51,900
I think we'll sign
that policy now.

430
00:21:00,764 --> 00:21:03,067
That was the best one ever.

431
00:21:06,206 --> 00:21:09,009
So, uh, what'd you think, Deac?

432
00:21:09,077 --> 00:21:10,577
It was good.

433
00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:15,669
I'm just glad they finally
added a black guy.