1 00:00:02,061 --> 00:00:04,445 Doug? Honey? 2 00:00:04,513 --> 00:00:06,114 I'm out here! 3 00:00:10,201 --> 00:00:12,036 What are you doin' out on the porch? 4 00:00:12,103 --> 00:00:13,971 Just takin' in the evening. 5 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,791 What is this, Mayberry? 6 00:00:17,859 --> 00:00:19,525 Come on out. Join me. 7 00:00:19,593 --> 00:00:22,529 It's a beautiful night. Look... look, you can see the big bopper. 8 00:00:27,934 --> 00:00:28,851 It is kinda nice. 9 00:00:28,919 --> 00:00:31,136 Ain't it? Yeah. 10 00:00:31,204 --> 00:00:33,322 Oh, look, Mrs. Chang's lettin' her cat in. 11 00:00:33,390 --> 00:00:37,026 Oh, yeah, she loves that little tabby, huh? 12 00:00:37,094 --> 00:00:39,444 Hey, check it out. The garrisons got some new trash cans. 13 00:00:39,512 --> 00:00:40,879 Oh, yeah. 14 00:00:40,946 --> 00:00:42,581 Wheels on 'em. 15 00:00:45,233 --> 00:00:48,202 Hey, couple young fellas down there, shootin' the breeze. 16 00:00:48,270 --> 00:00:49,787 Yeah. 17 00:00:50,539 --> 00:00:52,056 Oh, look. 18 00:00:52,123 --> 00:00:54,909 One of them just took out a wad of cash. 19 00:00:56,544 --> 00:01:00,263 Now the other one's taking it and giving him a little baggie. 20 00:01:00,330 --> 00:01:02,866 Oh, my God, they just looked at us! 21 00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:42,386 Hey, babe. 22 00:01:42,453 --> 00:01:43,620 Hey. 23 00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:45,555 Where's, uh... Where's breakfast? 24 00:01:45,623 --> 00:01:47,324 Comin' right up. 25 00:01:55,014 --> 00:01:57,800 Slimtime morning meal 1-a. 26 00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:02,403 Kill me now. 27 00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:04,322 Doug, you agreed to start your diet today. 28 00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:06,524 The doctor said your cholesterol was through the roof. 29 00:02:06,591 --> 00:02:08,293 But maybe he meant that in a good way, 30 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,678 like, you know, "through the roof, whoop-whoop! 31 00:02:10,746 --> 00:02:12,280 Whoop-whoop!" 32 00:02:12,347 --> 00:02:15,150 Listen, I paid for 8 weeks of these meals, 33 00:02:15,217 --> 00:02:16,550 so this diet is happening. 34 00:02:16,618 --> 00:02:18,318 So no more wing night at coopers, 35 00:02:18,386 --> 00:02:19,619 no more poker with the guys... 36 00:02:19,788 --> 00:02:20,804 No more poker? Why not? 37 00:02:20,871 --> 00:02:22,472 Because you always pig out! 38 00:02:22,540 --> 00:02:24,141 I do not! 39 00:02:24,207 --> 00:02:26,587 Doug, you once told me you only played poker because it adds excitement 40 00:02:26,611 --> 00:02:28,011 to your eating. 41 00:02:30,113 --> 00:02:32,331 Excuse me for embracing life. 42 00:02:34,101 --> 00:02:35,635 Come on, honey, trust me. 43 00:02:35,703 --> 00:02:37,670 Once you start losing weight, 44 00:02:37,738 --> 00:02:39,270 you will feel much better. 45 00:02:39,338 --> 00:02:41,218 Now, come on, you have a great little meal here. 46 00:02:42,375 --> 00:02:44,442 Mmm, smells good. 47 00:02:44,510 --> 00:02:46,561 And the guy at the diet center said... 48 00:02:46,629 --> 00:02:47,896 I'm done. 49 00:02:48,831 --> 00:02:50,531 You are not done, 50 00:02:50,599 --> 00:02:52,244 you still got your little meat thingie there. 51 00:02:52,268 --> 00:02:54,635 Oh, yeah, that little stamp of ham. Ok. 52 00:02:54,703 --> 00:02:56,137 Can I at least have some mustard? 53 00:02:56,205 --> 00:02:57,838 Yeah, go crazy. 54 00:02:58,673 --> 00:02:59,874 Dad, what are you doin'? 55 00:02:59,941 --> 00:03:01,609 This is a perfectly good container. 56 00:03:01,676 --> 00:03:03,844 Why are you throwing it out? 57 00:03:03,912 --> 00:03:06,145 Because when I buy margarine again, 58 00:03:06,213 --> 00:03:07,698 I'm pretty sure they're gonna give me 59 00:03:07,766 --> 00:03:10,232 another container to take it home in. 60 00:03:10,301 --> 00:03:12,635 All I know is this would make a lovely holder 61 00:03:12,703 --> 00:03:15,504 for my collection of civil war bullets. 62 00:03:15,572 --> 00:03:16,939 And all I know is, 63 00:03:16,974 --> 00:03:19,324 downstairs you have a million empty boxes, 64 00:03:19,392 --> 00:03:21,693 jell-o cups, vaporub jars, 65 00:03:21,761 --> 00:03:22,929 and nothing in any of 'em! 66 00:03:22,996 --> 00:03:24,763 You looked through my private things? 67 00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,365 Shame on you! 68 00:03:29,319 --> 00:03:31,285 Doug, what are you doin'? 69 00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:34,489 Answer me. 70 00:03:34,556 --> 00:03:35,957 I can't find the mustard. 71 00:03:36,024 --> 00:03:37,758 Doug! What? 72 00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:40,194 Oh, God, it's like I'm living with toddlers here. 73 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:42,730 Ok, listen to me. I am coming home late tonight. 74 00:03:42,798 --> 00:03:44,031 In the meantime, 75 00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,732 you stay out of the garbage, 76 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,735 and you stay out of the big, cold box, 77 00:03:47,803 --> 00:03:51,171 do you understand what mommy is saying? 78 00:03:51,205 --> 00:03:52,471 Yes, ma'am. 79 00:03:52,539 --> 00:03:54,875 Ok, good. I'll see you tonight. 80 00:04:01,281 --> 00:04:02,782 You know, when I gave her to you, 81 00:04:02,849 --> 00:04:04,200 she was sweet as pie. 82 00:04:17,829 --> 00:04:20,715 Gets smaller when you cook it. 83 00:04:25,436 --> 00:04:27,237 Oh, God. 84 00:04:50,727 --> 00:04:52,360 Hello, Douglas. 85 00:04:52,428 --> 00:04:54,362 Hey, Arthur, uh... 86 00:04:55,598 --> 00:04:57,231 What you, uh... 87 00:04:57,299 --> 00:04:59,099 What you got there? 88 00:05:00,302 --> 00:05:01,703 Pizza pie. 89 00:05:03,821 --> 00:05:05,156 Good for you. 90 00:05:26,443 --> 00:05:28,776 All right. 91 00:05:28,844 --> 00:05:31,196 You're gonna have to stop doin' that. 92 00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:33,098 I can't help it. This is delicious pizza. 93 00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:35,583 Ok, if I hear one more "mmm" or "ahh," 94 00:05:35,651 --> 00:05:37,436 I'm comin' at you hard. 95 00:05:38,070 --> 00:05:39,102 You hear? 96 00:05:39,170 --> 00:05:40,270 Gotcha. 97 00:05:53,285 --> 00:05:55,551 Ooh! That's it! 98 00:05:55,619 --> 00:05:57,788 Get up, short stuff! Hit the stairs! 99 00:05:57,855 --> 00:05:59,022 Fine. 100 00:05:59,090 --> 00:06:01,423 I shouldn't have to eat in fear! 101 00:06:56,409 --> 00:06:58,644 God, please be a prowler. 102 00:07:01,397 --> 00:07:04,265 You are so busted, mister! 103 00:07:04,333 --> 00:07:05,567 I didn't mean to cheat! 104 00:07:05,635 --> 00:07:07,535 Arthur left me here alone with this pizza, 105 00:07:07,602 --> 00:07:11,371 and I... I... I blacked out, and when I came to, I was eating her. 106 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:12,706 Weird. 107 00:07:16,678 --> 00:07:17,944 Well, 108 00:07:18,545 --> 00:07:21,314 it's mine now. 109 00:07:21,382 --> 00:07:22,949 I will eat this, 110 00:07:23,017 --> 00:07:25,851 and you eat whatever that is there, 111 00:07:25,919 --> 00:07:28,920 because you are sticking to your diet, my buddy friend. 112 00:07:28,988 --> 00:07:30,089 Fine. 113 00:07:43,386 --> 00:07:46,121 Oh, have your stupid pizza. 114 00:07:47,072 --> 00:07:48,338 Really? 115 00:07:48,406 --> 00:07:49,540 Yeah. 116 00:07:54,262 --> 00:07:56,463 You're not just baiting me like the time you told me 117 00:07:56,531 --> 00:07:59,298 I could get the porn channel, then said I disgust you? 118 00:08:00,585 --> 00:08:01,785 No. 119 00:08:01,820 --> 00:08:03,953 Go ahead. I know you love it. 120 00:08:05,424 --> 00:08:06,690 Ok, then. 121 00:08:08,058 --> 00:08:10,493 Pizza, pizza, pizza. 122 00:08:10,561 --> 00:08:12,729 So where you been tonight? 123 00:08:12,797 --> 00:08:15,498 Oh, um, there's a new secretary 124 00:08:15,566 --> 00:08:16,699 on our floor, 125 00:08:16,766 --> 00:08:19,401 and after work, we went out for a drink. 126 00:08:20,368 --> 00:08:21,486 A drink. 127 00:08:22,321 --> 00:08:23,421 Did you, now? 128 00:08:25,190 --> 00:08:27,126 Oh, we ordered one of those apple Martinis. 129 00:08:27,193 --> 00:08:29,777 They are so good! 130 00:08:29,845 --> 00:08:31,146 Little cocktail, God bless. 131 00:08:35,132 --> 00:08:37,067 Ooh. You gonna have some garlic bread? 132 00:08:38,019 --> 00:08:40,370 As a matter of fact, I am. 133 00:08:47,111 --> 00:08:48,979 Ok, open for $2. 134 00:08:49,047 --> 00:08:51,314 I'll see you and raise $5. 135 00:08:51,381 --> 00:08:54,216 Raise $5, huh, Lou? 136 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:57,236 Methinks the next-door neighbor to scare everyone out 137 00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:59,488 with a big, bad bluff. 138 00:08:59,556 --> 00:09:00,505 So, you in, or you out? 139 00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,007 Oh, I'm out. 140 00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,142 It's to you, Danny. 141 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,944 Well, he's not scarin' me. 142 00:09:06,662 --> 00:09:07,980 I call. 143 00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:10,631 What do you got, big guy? 144 00:09:10,699 --> 00:09:11,799 A pair of 10s. 145 00:09:13,185 --> 00:09:14,218 Straight to the ace! 146 00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:19,156 Oh, yeah! Sorry, Ferrigno, don't get mad. 147 00:09:19,223 --> 00:09:21,041 Oh, I think he's turning a little green. 148 00:09:23,344 --> 00:09:25,980 Hey, if that shirt starts rippin', I'm outta here! 149 00:09:28,183 --> 00:09:30,483 I was told there'd be no hulk jokes. 150 00:09:30,550 --> 00:09:32,362 New guy. 151 00:09:32,386 --> 00:09:35,020 All right, we got cheese in a can, cheese in a jar, 152 00:09:35,088 --> 00:09:38,090 and for those of you eating lighter, pork rinds. 153 00:09:38,158 --> 00:09:40,259 Wait, I thought Carrie was making you go on a diet. 154 00:09:40,327 --> 00:09:41,860 Yeah, what's up? 155 00:09:41,927 --> 00:09:43,896 She seen you in your underwear and just give up? 156 00:09:45,164 --> 00:09:47,466 Nope. Things have changed around here. 157 00:09:47,533 --> 00:09:49,033 I eat what I want, 158 00:09:49,101 --> 00:09:50,736 I play poker when I want, 159 00:09:50,803 --> 00:09:54,339 and I scratch where I want. 160 00:09:54,407 --> 00:09:57,074 All because Carrie discovered the apple Martini. 161 00:09:59,412 --> 00:10:01,989 Yeah. Every night now, she goes out for a drink with this other secretary, 162 00:10:02,013 --> 00:10:04,498 and I get "after-6:00-happy-Carrie." 163 00:10:04,565 --> 00:10:06,016 Oh, get outta here, man. 164 00:10:06,084 --> 00:10:08,484 No, I'm serious. She's sweet. She's funny. 165 00:10:08,552 --> 00:10:10,853 She's frisky! 166 00:10:10,921 --> 00:10:12,922 It's all the beautiful qualities I married her for 167 00:10:12,990 --> 00:10:15,658 without the unpleasant aftertaste. 168 00:10:16,627 --> 00:10:18,327 But, Doug, 169 00:10:18,395 --> 00:10:20,307 isn't it better to love the person for who they really are, 170 00:10:20,331 --> 00:10:23,032 not when they're made artificially nicer by alcohol. 171 00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:25,600 You're adorable. 172 00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:29,003 Hey, evening, sweet cakes. 173 00:10:29,071 --> 00:10:30,472 What's up, Carrie? 174 00:10:30,539 --> 00:10:32,051 Do me a favor. Take a look at Lou's cards 175 00:10:32,075 --> 00:10:35,594 and blink twice if he, uh, can beat a pair of Jacks. 176 00:10:36,311 --> 00:10:37,311 What are you doin'? 177 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,763 What? You... you said we could play. 178 00:10:38,830 --> 00:10:40,297 Yeah, in the garage. 179 00:10:40,365 --> 00:10:43,867 Well, it's, it's kinda cold out there, and there's a car. 180 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:46,871 So you just decided to come in here 181 00:10:46,938 --> 00:10:49,605 and put a huge scratch in the hardwood floor? 182 00:10:49,673 --> 00:10:52,158 Oh. Yeah, we were moving the couch, 183 00:10:52,226 --> 00:10:53,960 and Spence buckled. 184 00:10:54,794 --> 00:10:56,362 And who spilled the beer? 185 00:10:56,430 --> 00:10:58,030 Again, that would be Spence. 186 00:10:58,099 --> 00:11:00,500 Well, haven't we been busy? 187 00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:02,101 That's great. That's great, buddy. 188 00:11:02,168 --> 00:11:06,037 That's why I don't like you guys playing in here. 189 00:11:06,106 --> 00:11:08,974 And while we're at it, let's say bye-bye to the stogies. 190 00:11:09,042 --> 00:11:10,090 Yeah! 191 00:11:13,495 --> 00:11:16,630 I gotta tell ya, I'm not seein' the difference. 192 00:11:21,703 --> 00:11:23,438 Sorry about the mess out there. 193 00:11:23,506 --> 00:11:25,472 But the good news is, I'm up $11, 194 00:11:25,540 --> 00:11:28,992 and that's going straight towards your mink stole. 195 00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:32,028 Uh, so, you're, uh, home earlier than usual. 196 00:11:32,096 --> 00:11:33,464 You didn't stop off for a drink 197 00:11:33,531 --> 00:11:34,765 with your friend tonight? 198 00:11:34,833 --> 00:11:37,033 Nope. I'm pretty sure we're never gonna be 199 00:11:37,101 --> 00:11:38,935 hanging out ever again. 200 00:11:39,836 --> 00:11:41,003 W-Why not? 201 00:11:41,071 --> 00:11:43,039 She told my boss I was stealing 202 00:11:43,106 --> 00:11:45,074 because she wants my job. 203 00:11:45,893 --> 00:11:46,992 That's nothin'. 204 00:11:48,779 --> 00:11:50,328 I... I gotta tell ya, car', 205 00:11:50,396 --> 00:11:51,948 I think you're way overreacting here. 206 00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:54,316 The girl is a backstabbing skank, 207 00:11:54,383 --> 00:11:56,834 and I am never hanging out with her again. 208 00:11:56,902 --> 00:11:58,937 Why do you care so much, anyway? 209 00:11:59,004 --> 00:12:00,637 I... I mean, I care about you. 210 00:12:00,705 --> 00:12:03,108 I just care about keeping you happy. 211 00:12:03,176 --> 00:12:04,308 Oh, yeah? 212 00:12:04,376 --> 00:12:06,877 Well, how 'bout we stop chain-swallowing yodels? 213 00:12:06,945 --> 00:12:08,779 That'll be a start, ok? 214 00:12:08,847 --> 00:12:10,797 Will do. 215 00:12:10,865 --> 00:12:12,732 Oh, and just, uh, for my own schedule, 216 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,368 you're not gonna be making any more pit stops after work, right? 217 00:12:15,436 --> 00:12:17,370 You're... you're coming straight home? 218 00:12:17,438 --> 00:12:18,522 Yep. 219 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,315 I'm home. 220 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,000 Hey, who's thirsty? 221 00:12:41,393 --> 00:12:42,777 Oh, it's great, Spence. 222 00:12:42,844 --> 00:12:44,779 I started this apple Martini hour. 223 00:12:44,846 --> 00:12:46,747 She couldn't love it more. 224 00:12:46,815 --> 00:12:48,632 Every night she comes home from work, 225 00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:51,101 we have cocktails, and all of a sudden, 226 00:12:51,169 --> 00:12:53,821 I'm maj. Nelson and she's my Jeannie. 227 00:12:57,140 --> 00:12:59,559 No, no, no. You can't be maj. Healey. 228 00:13:01,529 --> 00:13:03,061 I gotta go. 229 00:13:04,047 --> 00:13:05,248 Hey, baby. 230 00:13:06,982 --> 00:13:08,417 It's the I.P.S. Man. 231 00:13:08,484 --> 00:13:09,752 At your service. 232 00:13:11,387 --> 00:13:13,388 You got a package for me? 233 00:13:14,256 --> 00:13:15,624 I might. 234 00:13:15,692 --> 00:13:18,926 And did I happen to mention we guarantee on-time delivery? 235 00:13:18,994 --> 00:13:21,396 Well, I will be the judge of that. 236 00:13:27,736 --> 00:13:29,603 Hey! I was thinking. 237 00:13:29,671 --> 00:13:32,139 We should get one of those big flat-screen t.V.S 238 00:13:32,208 --> 00:13:33,973 for the bedroom. 239 00:13:34,041 --> 00:13:36,843 I think I just delivered my package early. 240 00:13:40,381 --> 00:13:42,182 Oh, sorry to interrupt 241 00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:44,216 your all-too-public lovemaking session, 242 00:13:44,284 --> 00:13:47,419 but I must take out the trash. 243 00:13:47,487 --> 00:13:49,088 Thanks, Arthur. 244 00:13:49,155 --> 00:13:51,355 You'll be happy to know, I'm throwing away an egg carton 245 00:13:51,391 --> 00:13:54,625 which would be a wonderful organizer for my pills. 246 00:13:54,693 --> 00:13:59,080 But I guess I'll just leave them lying Willy-nilly on the dryer. 247 00:13:59,148 --> 00:14:02,283 You know what, dad? Keep your carton. 248 00:14:02,351 --> 00:14:03,651 Really? 249 00:14:03,719 --> 00:14:06,304 Yeah. You're a little pack rat, and I love ya. 250 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,608 Well, file this under "c" for curve ball. 251 00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:16,046 Evening, Louis. 252 00:14:16,115 --> 00:14:17,381 Hi, Arthur. 253 00:14:17,449 --> 00:14:19,583 By the way, I believe we have a mutual friend 254 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,167 in Joe weider. 255 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:28,808 You a vodka man, Arthur? 256 00:14:28,876 --> 00:14:30,443 Oh, no, not me. For some reason, 257 00:14:30,510 --> 00:14:32,712 Douglas has started making cocktails every night 258 00:14:32,779 --> 00:14:33,913 when Carrie gets home. 259 00:14:33,981 --> 00:14:36,181 Really? 260 00:14:36,249 --> 00:14:38,117 I never thought he'd go this far. 261 00:14:38,185 --> 00:14:39,618 What are you talking about? 262 00:14:39,685 --> 00:14:42,637 He told me he likes her better drunk. 263 00:14:42,704 --> 00:14:44,872 Are you telling me he's been pouring vodka 264 00:14:44,941 --> 00:14:46,173 down my little girl's throat 265 00:14:46,241 --> 00:14:48,126 just to make her what he wants? 266 00:14:48,194 --> 00:14:49,810 Is that why she's suddenly become 267 00:14:49,877 --> 00:14:51,345 this sweet little powder puff 268 00:14:51,413 --> 00:14:54,298 without an ounce of gumption or will of her own? 269 00:14:55,867 --> 00:14:57,133 Hey, there. 270 00:14:57,201 --> 00:14:58,368 Hi! 271 00:14:58,436 --> 00:15:00,337 Cocktails are served! 272 00:15:05,259 --> 00:15:08,128 Well, the truth is, Hemingway wanted to be faulkner, 273 00:15:08,195 --> 00:15:11,630 and faulkner wanted to be Hemingway. My opinion? 274 00:15:11,697 --> 00:15:14,533 Neither could hold a candle to Fitzgerald. 275 00:15:14,601 --> 00:15:17,302 But then again, he had to live with Zelda. 276 00:15:21,307 --> 00:15:23,308 I don't know what he's talking about, 277 00:15:23,376 --> 00:15:26,310 but he's got a piece of cheese in his mustache that's cracking me up! 278 00:15:26,378 --> 00:15:28,780 This is fun, isn't it? Just plain fun! 279 00:15:28,848 --> 00:15:30,631 Yes, it reminds me of the time 280 00:15:30,698 --> 00:15:33,951 when drinking was smart and sophisticated, 281 00:15:34,019 --> 00:15:35,987 not the ugly thing that it's become. 282 00:15:36,054 --> 00:15:38,388 Well, thanks for putting out this whole platter. 283 00:15:38,456 --> 00:15:40,724 You know what I haven't told you in a while? 284 00:15:40,792 --> 00:15:43,593 You're a great dad. 285 00:15:43,660 --> 00:15:46,780 Well, darling, I don't know what to say, except... 286 00:15:46,915 --> 00:15:48,631 Let me give you a refill. 287 00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:51,201 Wait, whoa! Whoa! Take it easy now. Take it easy now. 288 00:15:51,268 --> 00:15:52,401 Hey, Arthur, instead, 289 00:15:52,469 --> 00:15:54,338 why don't you tell us another little story... 290 00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:58,374 Come on! I'm bored! Let's go do something. 291 00:15:58,442 --> 00:16:00,762 I... you know, it's just that I gotta be up for work early. 292 00:16:00,811 --> 00:16:02,044 I wanna be sharp tomorrow. 293 00:16:02,111 --> 00:16:03,845 Yeah, sign here for this package, ma'am. 294 00:16:03,912 --> 00:16:05,113 Gotta be sharp for that. 295 00:16:06,483 --> 00:16:09,083 Come on, and let's do something fun! 296 00:16:09,151 --> 00:16:10,652 Like what? 297 00:16:14,438 --> 00:16:16,140 Watch out, coming to your left. 298 00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:17,941 Nice job refilling her drink. 299 00:16:18,009 --> 00:16:19,559 Good choice. 300 00:16:19,627 --> 00:16:21,979 Hey! Excuse me. 301 00:16:22,847 --> 00:16:23,797 Whoop! 302 00:16:23,865 --> 00:16:25,432 I'm gonna get her, ok? 303 00:16:25,499 --> 00:16:28,884 Uh, car', come on! Time to go, car'. All right? 304 00:16:28,952 --> 00:16:30,354 Oh, ok. Ok. 305 00:16:30,421 --> 00:16:33,401 But, honey, you have to catch me first, though. 306 00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:35,759 Carrie! Carrie! 307 00:16:37,394 --> 00:16:38,428 Carrie! 308 00:16:39,628 --> 00:16:41,814 Carrie, could you stop please? 309 00:16:41,882 --> 00:16:44,482 Carrie, this is not funny! Ok, come on? Ok? 310 00:17:09,406 --> 00:17:10,973 Hey, guys. 311 00:17:11,041 --> 00:17:13,309 Hey, Lou. Hey, snowball. 312 00:17:13,377 --> 00:17:15,795 So, uh, what's going on? 313 00:17:15,863 --> 00:17:18,013 Nothing much. Just getting back from skating. 314 00:17:18,081 --> 00:17:20,749 Little lady's pretty tuckered out. Good night. 315 00:17:31,894 --> 00:17:33,595 That's it. That's it. 316 00:17:33,663 --> 00:17:35,395 I-I'm pulling the plug on cocktail hour. 317 00:17:35,463 --> 00:17:37,065 What? Why? 318 00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:39,800 Because wh-what we're doing here, I-it's just not right. 319 00:17:39,868 --> 00:17:43,438 This isn't a moral issue. It's a dosage issue. 320 00:17:43,505 --> 00:17:45,422 This is how we learn. 321 00:17:46,090 --> 00:17:47,425 It's over, Arthur. 322 00:17:47,492 --> 00:17:48,726 But these last few days 323 00:17:48,793 --> 00:17:50,427 have been some of the best of my life. 324 00:17:50,494 --> 00:17:52,445 I won't go back to the way it was. 325 00:17:52,514 --> 00:17:54,380 I'll die first. 326 00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,482 You don't think I've been loving it, too? 327 00:17:56,550 --> 00:17:59,953 You think I wanna go back to eating sensibly? 328 00:18:00,021 --> 00:18:03,823 Douglas, we're in too deep to turn back, and you know it. 329 00:18:05,508 --> 00:18:07,809 I don't know, Arthur. I... I just don't know. 330 00:18:07,876 --> 00:18:11,013 Come on. Let's not lose our heads. 331 00:18:11,081 --> 00:18:12,863 We'll go back to one drink a night. 332 00:18:12,931 --> 00:18:15,183 It'll be fine. 333 00:18:15,250 --> 00:18:17,919 Stay the course, man. Stay the course! 334 00:18:27,228 --> 00:18:29,313 Remind me to get more vodka. 335 00:18:32,466 --> 00:18:33,599 Hey, Lou. 336 00:18:33,666 --> 00:18:35,135 Oh, hey. How's it going? 337 00:18:35,203 --> 00:18:37,070 Oh, all right. I've had a headache all day. 338 00:18:37,137 --> 00:18:39,055 Little too much to drink last night. 339 00:18:39,123 --> 00:18:40,256 Carrie? 340 00:18:41,324 --> 00:18:42,724 We need to talk. 341 00:18:47,481 --> 00:18:50,816 Hey! Just in time! 342 00:18:50,883 --> 00:18:55,421 Oh, look at you 2! You are such sweeties. 343 00:18:55,488 --> 00:18:57,021 Oh, thank you. 344 00:18:57,856 --> 00:19:00,458 Mmm. This is good. 345 00:19:01,059 --> 00:19:02,461 You know what? 346 00:19:02,545 --> 00:19:05,647 Suddenly I feel less bitchy and easier to live with. 347 00:19:08,416 --> 00:19:10,834 Oh, God. 348 00:19:10,902 --> 00:19:14,137 I know what you've been doing with these Martinis! 349 00:19:14,204 --> 00:19:16,072 What? Has he been getting us drunk 350 00:19:16,141 --> 00:19:18,274 to change our personalities? 351 00:19:18,975 --> 00:19:20,444 How dare you? 352 00:19:25,315 --> 00:19:28,084 I just do not believe you. 353 00:19:28,152 --> 00:19:29,517 Would you let me explain? 354 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:30,586 What's there to explain? 355 00:19:30,654 --> 00:19:32,620 Just say, "I prefer my wife drunk." 356 00:19:32,688 --> 00:19:36,091 No, no, not drunk. More like, sober plus. 357 00:19:36,159 --> 00:19:38,726 I didn't mean for it to happen like this. You know that. 358 00:19:38,794 --> 00:19:40,795 It's just that you went out with your friend, 359 00:19:40,863 --> 00:19:43,297 and you had a drink, and I couldn't help but notice 360 00:19:43,365 --> 00:19:46,801 how it brought out all your wonderful, natural qualities. 361 00:19:46,868 --> 00:19:49,219 And... and p.S., God's honest truth? 362 00:19:49,287 --> 00:19:51,038 You were a delight. 363 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:53,107 I should've suspected something. 364 00:19:53,175 --> 00:19:55,041 I mean, you don't even like Martinis. 365 00:19:55,108 --> 00:19:56,677 I'm so stupid. 366 00:19:56,745 --> 00:19:59,128 Actually, I've been drinking gatorade. 367 00:19:59,196 --> 00:20:00,347 What? 368 00:20:01,932 --> 00:20:03,115 Damn it! 369 00:20:05,018 --> 00:20:07,286 Look, let me ask you this, Doug. 370 00:20:07,354 --> 00:20:10,939 Am I that hard to be around without a drink in me? 371 00:20:11,006 --> 00:20:13,359 I mean, am I that unpleasant? 372 00:20:13,944 --> 00:20:15,138 No. 373 00:20:15,162 --> 00:20:16,928 You are so full of crap. 374 00:20:16,996 --> 00:20:18,631 Come on, Carrie. I'm sorry. 375 00:20:18,698 --> 00:20:20,798 You know I love you. I love you however you are: 376 00:20:20,866 --> 00:20:22,301 Drunk, sober, mean, nice. 377 00:20:22,369 --> 00:20:23,801 Oh, that's sweet, honey. 378 00:20:23,869 --> 00:20:25,370 And I love you however you are: 379 00:20:25,437 --> 00:20:28,506 Fat, really fat, lose 5 pounds, but still fat. 380 00:20:31,158 --> 00:20:32,359 You know what? 381 00:20:32,427 --> 00:20:34,495 Y-your hurtful comment just made a point for me. 382 00:20:34,561 --> 00:20:36,129 What are you talking about? 383 00:20:36,196 --> 00:20:37,865 You don't really like who I am, either. 384 00:20:37,933 --> 00:20:40,183 Y-you're trying to change me with this whole diet thing. 385 00:20:40,251 --> 00:20:42,034 How do you think that makes me feel? 386 00:20:42,102 --> 00:20:44,004 Doug, I am not trying to keep you drunk. 387 00:20:44,072 --> 00:20:46,706 I am trying to help you live to see 40. 388 00:20:46,773 --> 00:20:48,358 It still hurts. 389 00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:53,429 Look, I... I... I don't wanna fight with you, ok? I mean... 390 00:20:53,497 --> 00:20:54,847 How about this? 391 00:20:54,915 --> 00:20:56,792 How 'bout we both stop trying to change each other, 392 00:20:56,816 --> 00:20:58,884 'cause I think we learned that that doesn't work. 393 00:20:58,952 --> 00:21:01,386 Huh? Come on, now. What do you say? 394 00:21:01,453 --> 00:21:03,806 Or how about this: 395 00:21:03,873 --> 00:21:05,807 I do nothing, and you change 396 00:21:05,875 --> 00:21:08,710 everything about you I don't like. 397 00:21:08,778 --> 00:21:09,894 Okey-doke. 398 00:21:09,961 --> 00:21:11,096 All right. 399 00:21:16,518 --> 00:21:17,617 What? 400 00:21:17,685 --> 00:21:19,119 Hey, we're here to watch the game. 401 00:21:19,187 --> 00:21:20,421 Yeah. No. 402 00:21:26,193 --> 00:21:28,194 I'm still not seein' it.