1 00:00:03,202 --> 00:00:06,084 Go on, draw. You ain't got nothin'. 2 00:00:12,203 --> 00:00:15,419 Hey, hey, wait a minute. Where did you get that $300? 3 00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:22,370 Uh, hello? 4 00:00:24,254 --> 00:00:25,286 What? 5 00:00:25,354 --> 00:00:27,070 You gonna bless me or... 6 00:00:27,137 --> 00:00:29,764 Oh. I thought that was a cough. 7 00:00:29,788 --> 00:00:31,570 No. It was a sneeze. 8 00:00:32,604 --> 00:00:34,654 Couldn't tell. 9 00:00:34,722 --> 00:00:36,187 Well, a civilized person would ask 10 00:00:36,255 --> 00:00:37,421 was that a cough or a sneeze? 11 00:00:37,488 --> 00:00:38,971 Then if I tell you it's a sneeze, 12 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,788 you'd come back with a nice "God bless you." 13 00:00:40,856 --> 00:00:42,122 Gotta be honest with you, Doug, 14 00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:44,305 that sounds like a lot of work. 15 00:00:45,123 --> 00:00:46,339 Oh, ok, it's a lot of work 16 00:00:46,406 --> 00:00:47,839 asking God 17 00:00:47,907 --> 00:00:50,056 to bless your husband. 18 00:00:51,290 --> 00:00:52,657 Shame on you. 19 00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,723 Ok, God bless you, 20 00:00:55,791 --> 00:00:57,174 God be with you, godspeed, 21 00:00:57,242 --> 00:00:59,790 and I'll even throw in a bonus gesundheit. 22 00:00:59,858 --> 00:01:01,502 You happy now? 23 00:01:01,526 --> 00:01:03,073 I don't think that was very sincere. 24 00:01:03,141 --> 00:01:04,641 Well, that's all you're gettin', bub. 25 00:01:04,709 --> 00:01:05,875 Fine. 26 00:01:13,043 --> 00:01:15,575 Oh, I got nothing to say. 27 00:01:52,897 --> 00:01:55,029 What are you doing? 28 00:01:55,097 --> 00:01:56,863 Circuit training. 29 00:01:58,564 --> 00:02:02,097 Right now, I'm in between sets. 30 00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:04,564 Doug, the accountant's gonna be here in, like, 20 minutes. 31 00:02:04,632 --> 00:02:06,775 You're supposed to be getting all your papers together. 32 00:02:06,799 --> 00:02:08,431 Where's your w-2, all your receipts? 33 00:02:08,498 --> 00:02:09,981 Easy, mama. 34 00:02:11,316 --> 00:02:12,499 They're just pieces of paper. 35 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,699 It'll take me 2 seconds. 36 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,082 Yeah, do you know where they are? 37 00:02:15,149 --> 00:02:16,149 Me? No. 38 00:02:16,199 --> 00:02:18,133 Ok. Well, go find them. 39 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,400 Come on. Let's go. Let's go. 40 00:02:25,434 --> 00:02:26,366 Hey! 41 00:02:26,434 --> 00:02:27,699 Hey, Kirby. 42 00:02:30,867 --> 00:02:33,828 Is something supposed to be happening here? 43 00:02:33,852 --> 00:02:35,301 Kirby, don't you have something 44 00:02:35,352 --> 00:02:36,417 you want to say to Doug? 45 00:02:36,485 --> 00:02:39,246 Hi. My name is Kirby Palmer, 46 00:02:39,270 --> 00:02:41,318 and I'm a student at the Robert hoover school. 47 00:02:41,386 --> 00:02:42,718 Well, hello! 48 00:02:42,786 --> 00:02:43,885 Dad! 49 00:02:43,953 --> 00:02:46,202 You're not supposed to interrupt him. 50 00:02:47,086 --> 00:02:48,403 I didn't know there was more. 51 00:02:48,471 --> 00:02:49,519 It's ok. It's... it's ok. 52 00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:50,587 Can I start over? 53 00:02:50,688 --> 00:02:51,786 Sure, buddy! 54 00:02:51,854 --> 00:02:52,854 Hi. 55 00:02:52,887 --> 00:02:54,720 My name is Kirby Palmer, 56 00:02:54,787 --> 00:02:57,770 and I'm a student at the Robert hoover school. 57 00:02:57,837 --> 00:03:00,037 We are selling candy bars 58 00:03:00,105 --> 00:03:02,587 to raise money to... 59 00:03:02,655 --> 00:03:03,954 To... 60 00:03:04,022 --> 00:03:05,703 To renovate the school library. 61 00:03:05,771 --> 00:03:06,932 Can I start over? 62 00:03:06,956 --> 00:03:08,005 Actually, you know what? 63 00:03:08,072 --> 00:03:09,238 I... I like what I heard, 64 00:03:09,306 --> 00:03:10,548 especially that part about candy. 65 00:03:10,572 --> 00:03:11,572 I'll take it. 66 00:03:11,606 --> 00:03:12,638 Ok, that's $5. 67 00:03:12,706 --> 00:03:14,273 Here, you can read up on the library. 68 00:03:14,340 --> 00:03:16,206 I'm sure you'll get right on that. 69 00:03:18,507 --> 00:03:20,273 Wow! 70 00:03:20,340 --> 00:03:22,639 I'm the mayor of chocolate town! 71 00:03:23,707 --> 00:03:25,173 Let's all sign the declaration 72 00:03:25,241 --> 00:03:27,223 of chocola-pendence! 73 00:03:27,925 --> 00:03:29,074 Uh, are you done? 74 00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:31,724 'Cause we got a lot of houses to hit. 75 00:03:31,792 --> 00:03:33,358 Yeah, I'm done. 76 00:03:33,425 --> 00:03:34,884 All right, cool. Say thanks, Kirby. All right. Later! 77 00:03:34,908 --> 00:03:36,007 Thank you. 78 00:03:36,075 --> 00:03:37,207 All right. 79 00:03:38,442 --> 00:03:39,442 Who was that? 80 00:03:39,508 --> 00:03:40,774 Was that the accountant? 81 00:03:40,842 --> 00:03:42,475 Did you send him away? 82 00:03:42,543 --> 00:03:45,442 What are you, in love with this guy? 83 00:03:45,509 --> 00:03:46,943 It was Kirby and Deacon. 84 00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:48,742 I bought a candy bar for his school. 85 00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:50,243 Oh. Boy, that looks good. 86 00:03:50,311 --> 00:03:51,410 Break me off a piece? 87 00:03:51,477 --> 00:03:53,510 What? Break me off a piece. 88 00:03:57,262 --> 00:04:00,260 Wow, you'd think I asked you for a kidney. 89 00:04:00,328 --> 00:04:01,694 See, people think 90 00:04:01,762 --> 00:04:03,861 just because it's pre-divided into little squares, 91 00:04:03,929 --> 00:04:06,261 that it's meant to be shared. 92 00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:09,011 Suddenly, it belongs to the community. 93 00:04:09,079 --> 00:04:10,579 Yeah, it's an outrage. 94 00:04:13,813 --> 00:04:15,196 So I figure it's best for you 95 00:04:15,264 --> 00:04:17,196 to make the maximum 401-k contribution. 96 00:04:17,264 --> 00:04:18,429 You'll take home less now, 97 00:04:18,497 --> 00:04:20,029 but in the end, you make more. 98 00:04:20,096 --> 00:04:22,240 Oh, uh, Carrie, I'm gonna need your w-2 from last year. 99 00:04:22,264 --> 00:04:23,329 Oh, yeah. Right here. 100 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:24,729 Would you like some more coffee? 101 00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:26,663 Oh, no, thanks, but, uh, 102 00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:28,564 I have been eyeing that chocolate. 103 00:04:32,915 --> 00:04:34,831 Mind if I snag a piece? 104 00:04:35,616 --> 00:04:36,998 No problem. 105 00:04:41,499 --> 00:04:42,999 Thanks. 106 00:04:43,565 --> 00:04:44,931 Ok, moving on, 107 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,116 oh, do you have a list of the charitable donations 108 00:04:47,183 --> 00:04:49,216 you made for the year? 109 00:04:49,283 --> 00:04:52,217 Well, we don't keep a list per se, 110 00:04:52,285 --> 00:04:54,966 um, but I know 111 00:04:55,034 --> 00:04:58,299 we definitely... definitely gave to charity. 112 00:04:58,367 --> 00:05:00,901 Oh, ok. Definitely. 113 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,535 I just... I... I just gotta, um, 114 00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:04,601 I just gotta think for a second. 115 00:05:07,135 --> 00:05:08,468 Charity... 116 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,718 Charity... 117 00:05:15,020 --> 00:05:17,468 Do-nay-Shee-un. 118 00:05:22,504 --> 00:05:23,537 Oh, wait! 119 00:05:23,604 --> 00:05:24,770 Wait a second. 120 00:05:24,837 --> 00:05:27,870 We gave, uh, $15 to... to the animal shelter. 121 00:05:27,938 --> 00:05:30,087 And, oh, $20 to that rainforest fund. 122 00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,264 You remember, there was that booth at the supermarket? 123 00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:35,321 Yeah, uh, we got a certificate signed by sting. 124 00:05:36,323 --> 00:05:37,489 Is that it? 125 00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:41,188 We also gave money to h.B.O. 126 00:05:42,723 --> 00:05:44,872 Honey? It's not charity. 127 00:05:44,940 --> 00:05:46,406 It's paying your bill. 128 00:05:47,923 --> 00:05:49,305 Excuse me, 129 00:05:49,373 --> 00:05:51,000 they do a lot of educational documentaries. 130 00:05:51,024 --> 00:05:52,789 Like, last week, I learned that 2 dwarfs 131 00:05:52,857 --> 00:05:54,207 can have a regular-sized kid. 132 00:05:54,274 --> 00:05:55,907 It was fascinating. 133 00:05:59,808 --> 00:06:01,340 So, with the shelter, 134 00:06:01,408 --> 00:06:02,707 and the sting thing, 135 00:06:02,775 --> 00:06:04,441 your total for the year is 136 00:06:04,509 --> 00:06:06,008 $35. 137 00:06:07,142 --> 00:06:08,408 Wow. 138 00:06:08,476 --> 00:06:11,658 You guys really knocked yourselves out there, huh? 139 00:06:17,894 --> 00:06:19,759 What an attitude on that jerk! 140 00:06:19,827 --> 00:06:21,526 I mean, who is he to judge us? 141 00:06:21,594 --> 00:06:23,393 He takes chocolate he wasn't even offered, 142 00:06:23,461 --> 00:06:25,327 but we're the bad guys. 143 00:06:25,394 --> 00:06:26,494 I don't think so. 144 00:06:26,561 --> 00:06:27,927 Yeah, and it's not like 145 00:06:27,995 --> 00:06:29,571 you have to give charity to be charitable! 146 00:06:29,595 --> 00:06:30,927 I mean, it's the way you say hi. 147 00:06:30,995 --> 00:06:33,294 It's the way you smile at people. Yeah! 148 00:06:33,362 --> 00:06:36,228 Although you don't smile at people a whole lot. 149 00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:37,812 Stop! Neither do you. 150 00:06:37,879 --> 00:06:38,988 I... I... I smile constantly. 151 00:06:39,012 --> 00:06:40,778 People think I'm a lunatic half the time! 152 00:06:40,846 --> 00:06:42,846 All right, you know what? That's not the point. 153 00:06:42,912 --> 00:06:44,646 The point is, we did give to charity, ok? 154 00:06:44,714 --> 00:06:46,079 We gave $35! 155 00:06:46,147 --> 00:06:47,347 $35 is good money! 156 00:06:47,413 --> 00:06:48,813 Absolutely! 157 00:06:50,847 --> 00:06:52,580 No, it's not. 158 00:06:52,648 --> 00:06:55,279 We are horrible and selfish people. 159 00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:56,680 I mean, look at us. 160 00:06:56,748 --> 00:06:58,581 We got a house, we got food on the table, 161 00:06:58,648 --> 00:06:59,715 a car, and what do we do? 162 00:06:59,781 --> 00:07:01,748 We keep it all for ourselves. 163 00:07:01,816 --> 00:07:02,881 All of it! 164 00:07:02,949 --> 00:07:04,280 We're bad. 165 00:07:04,949 --> 00:07:05,981 We're damned. 166 00:07:06,049 --> 00:07:07,549 We're going straight to hell. 167 00:07:07,615 --> 00:07:08,841 You know what? Let's not panic. 168 00:07:08,865 --> 00:07:10,498 We can still buy our way out of this. 169 00:07:10,566 --> 00:07:12,298 All right, now, come on... Come on, honey. 170 00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:13,565 Who... who do we care about? 171 00:07:13,632 --> 00:07:15,832 Who's poor? Who's needy? 172 00:07:15,899 --> 00:07:17,649 Hey, we could buy, like, 1,000 candy bars 173 00:07:17,717 --> 00:07:18,882 for Kirby's school library. 174 00:07:18,949 --> 00:07:20,383 A school library. 175 00:07:20,450 --> 00:07:22,282 That's perfect! 176 00:07:22,350 --> 00:07:23,993 Yeah! From now on, anybody who comes over to our house 177 00:07:24,017 --> 00:07:25,250 will get a free chocolate bar. 178 00:07:25,317 --> 00:07:26,484 That will be our thing! 179 00:07:27,685 --> 00:07:28,834 No, you doof. 180 00:07:28,902 --> 00:07:31,834 I'm talkin' about making a real donation here! 181 00:07:31,902 --> 00:07:33,135 "Opening up young minds... 182 00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:34,568 Children are our future..." 183 00:07:34,635 --> 00:07:36,701 This is a home run, hon'! 184 00:07:36,770 --> 00:07:39,969 We love children! We love reading! 185 00:07:40,036 --> 00:07:42,801 Actually, we don't love reading. 186 00:07:42,869 --> 00:07:45,236 No, but we do think it's a good alternative to drugs. 187 00:07:45,303 --> 00:07:46,619 Yes! 188 00:07:46,687 --> 00:07:47,853 Ok. 189 00:07:47,921 --> 00:07:50,586 Ok, so, this is our pet cause, 190 00:07:50,654 --> 00:07:54,020 the... the Robert hoover school's new library. 191 00:07:54,087 --> 00:07:55,087 Congratulations. 192 00:07:55,137 --> 00:07:56,620 And to you, sir! 193 00:07:56,687 --> 00:07:59,154 So, how much should we give? 194 00:07:59,222 --> 00:08:00,586 $250? 195 00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:04,004 We couldn't be better people if we tried! 196 00:08:04,072 --> 00:08:07,088 Unless we bump it up to $500. 197 00:08:07,155 --> 00:08:09,238 Look out! Now we're better people! 198 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:11,673 Actually, wait a minute. 199 00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:14,305 Can we really afford to give $500? 200 00:08:14,373 --> 00:08:16,256 Can we afford not to? 201 00:08:17,123 --> 00:08:18,289 All right. 202 00:08:18,357 --> 00:08:21,273 500 big ones! 203 00:08:21,341 --> 00:08:22,773 Ok, look, it says here 204 00:08:22,841 --> 00:08:25,406 that that puts us in the "patrons' circle." 205 00:08:25,474 --> 00:08:28,374 Wow, we rocketed past "friends and angels." 206 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,257 So long, losers! 207 00:08:32,225 --> 00:08:34,757 "Patrons" sounds fancy. Yeah. 208 00:08:34,825 --> 00:08:36,558 I'm patron Doug. 209 00:08:38,092 --> 00:08:40,742 Just like in colonial times. 210 00:08:40,810 --> 00:08:42,458 W-What are you talkin' about? 211 00:08:43,810 --> 00:08:45,109 I don't know, but why do you 212 00:08:45,177 --> 00:08:47,059 gotta call me out on everything? 213 00:08:54,361 --> 00:08:56,026 How great is this? 214 00:08:56,094 --> 00:08:58,326 An elementary school library dedication. 215 00:08:58,395 --> 00:09:00,627 This is as good as it gets. 216 00:09:00,695 --> 00:09:03,827 We are out of hell with a bullet. 217 00:09:05,562 --> 00:09:07,395 Hey, guys, thanks again for comin' tonight. 218 00:09:07,462 --> 00:09:09,227 I wanted to introduce you to Nana Louise. 219 00:09:09,295 --> 00:09:11,795 She runs the place, she wanted to thank you for your donation. 220 00:09:11,863 --> 00:09:12,863 Hi. Oh, hi. 221 00:09:12,896 --> 00:09:14,061 I can't tell you 222 00:09:14,129 --> 00:09:16,962 how much we appreciate your generosity. 223 00:09:17,030 --> 00:09:18,096 Oh, well, 224 00:09:18,163 --> 00:09:21,562 if we can help one child read one book, 225 00:09:21,630 --> 00:09:23,996 then we've done our job. 226 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:26,062 Oh, absolutely. 227 00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:28,497 You know, I always say that reading is 228 00:09:28,564 --> 00:09:30,080 fundamental. 229 00:09:31,398 --> 00:09:32,497 Nana Louise, 230 00:09:32,565 --> 00:09:33,898 can you read me this book? 231 00:09:33,965 --> 00:09:35,365 Oh, yes, of course. 232 00:09:35,432 --> 00:09:37,498 In just a few minutes, David. 233 00:09:37,566 --> 00:09:38,765 I'm Kenny. 234 00:09:39,816 --> 00:09:42,883 There's so many of them. 235 00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:44,249 Excuse me a moment. 236 00:09:44,316 --> 00:09:46,016 Sure. 237 00:09:46,084 --> 00:09:48,483 Attention, everyone. 238 00:09:48,550 --> 00:09:51,650 If you could come toward me, please. 239 00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:54,650 We want to thank our wonderful donors 240 00:09:54,717 --> 00:09:56,950 for their generosity. 241 00:09:57,018 --> 00:09:59,750 Give yourselves a great, big hand! 242 00:10:05,618 --> 00:10:08,702 And as our way of saying thank you, 243 00:10:08,769 --> 00:10:12,952 may I present our commemorative wall of donors. 244 00:10:19,370 --> 00:10:21,136 Nana Louise got back. 245 00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,403 Stop it! 246 00:10:35,105 --> 00:10:36,622 Enjoy the rest of the evening. 247 00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:43,071 Honey, our names are on a wall! 248 00:10:43,139 --> 00:10:44,806 How exciting is this! 249 00:10:44,873 --> 00:10:46,071 Patrons, patrons. 250 00:10:46,139 --> 00:10:47,506 This is great! 251 00:10:58,624 --> 00:10:59,990 Here we are. 252 00:11:00,858 --> 00:11:02,357 In "friends." 253 00:11:03,108 --> 00:11:04,441 Friends? 254 00:11:04,509 --> 00:11:05,825 Isn't that the $50 category? 255 00:11:05,892 --> 00:11:07,125 Yeah! 256 00:11:07,193 --> 00:11:08,625 Are you sure you gave $500? 257 00:11:08,693 --> 00:11:09,958 Yeah, I'm positive, Doug. 258 00:11:10,026 --> 00:11:12,125 I already got the canceled check back from the bank. 259 00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,459 The school must have made a mistake! 260 00:11:19,561 --> 00:11:20,676 Well, I mean, 261 00:11:20,745 --> 00:11:21,926 it doesn't matter, right? 262 00:11:21,994 --> 00:11:24,161 We... we didn't do it for the credit. 263 00:11:24,228 --> 00:11:25,726 We did it for the kids. 264 00:11:26,861 --> 00:11:28,044 Right. 265 00:11:28,111 --> 00:11:29,227 The kids. 266 00:11:29,295 --> 00:11:30,461 It's not like we can say, 267 00:11:30,528 --> 00:11:33,195 hey, we were supposed to be patrons, you know? 268 00:11:33,262 --> 00:11:34,627 That wouldn't be very charitable. 269 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:35,928 No, it would not. 270 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,195 No! 271 00:11:42,462 --> 00:11:43,945 Crap! 272 00:11:50,163 --> 00:11:52,596 Hey, it doesn't matter what it says on that donor wall. 273 00:11:52,664 --> 00:11:54,030 We know we're patrons. 274 00:11:54,097 --> 00:11:55,681 We're patrons where it counts: 275 00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:58,063 On the inside. 276 00:11:58,131 --> 00:12:00,048 Yeah, but everybody who reads that wall 277 00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:02,580 will think we're just friends. 278 00:12:02,648 --> 00:12:03,928 Yeah, but if you think about it, 279 00:12:03,965 --> 00:12:05,698 friends may actually be better, right? 280 00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,431 I mean, they write songs about friends. 281 00:12:07,499 --> 00:12:09,232 You don't hear anything about "gettin' by" 282 00:12:09,299 --> 00:12:11,398 with a little help from my patrons." 283 00:12:11,466 --> 00:12:12,748 I'll tell you something, Doug. 284 00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,849 I think we should tell Nana Louise 285 00:12:14,916 --> 00:12:16,082 that there's been a mistake. 286 00:12:16,149 --> 00:12:17,515 What? No... no, we can't! 287 00:12:17,584 --> 00:12:19,283 Why not? 'Cause we'll look like jerks! 288 00:12:19,350 --> 00:12:21,216 Yeah, but now we look like cheapos. 289 00:12:21,284 --> 00:12:23,600 Listen to me, if we say anything, 290 00:12:23,667 --> 00:12:26,200 we'll be undoing all the charity we did in the first place, 291 00:12:26,268 --> 00:12:28,517 and then we're back on the fast track to hell! 292 00:12:28,585 --> 00:12:30,051 All right, cool your jets 293 00:12:30,119 --> 00:12:31,584 with the hell talk, Johnny. 294 00:12:31,652 --> 00:12:35,085 Excuse me for caring about our eternal souls. 295 00:12:35,152 --> 00:12:36,252 Wait a minute. 296 00:12:36,318 --> 00:12:37,651 Are you... Are you serious? 297 00:12:37,719 --> 00:12:39,318 Do you... do you literally think 298 00:12:39,387 --> 00:12:41,419 we'll go to a place called hell 299 00:12:41,487 --> 00:12:43,753 for telling Nana Louise about this? 300 00:12:43,887 --> 00:12:45,120 Not a place called hell. 301 00:12:45,187 --> 00:12:47,036 Hell! 302 00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:48,852 Oh, ok, so tell wh-wh-wh- 303 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,720 what are you picturing here, Doug? 304 00:12:50,788 --> 00:12:52,119 Are you picturing the... the devil 305 00:12:52,187 --> 00:12:53,853 in red tights with a pitchfork? 306 00:12:53,921 --> 00:12:55,004 Th-those aren't tights. 307 00:12:55,072 --> 00:12:57,037 That's his skin. 308 00:12:57,104 --> 00:12:59,554 Ok, you know what, Doug? I do not appreciate 309 00:12:59,622 --> 00:13:01,354 you making me feel like a bad person 310 00:13:01,422 --> 00:13:02,988 just because I wanna tell Nana Louise 311 00:13:03,055 --> 00:13:04,355 that there's been a mistake. 312 00:13:04,423 --> 00:13:06,663 Doesn't matter, 'cause you're not sayin' anything anyway. 313 00:13:06,722 --> 00:13:08,021 Uh, you know what? I think I am. 314 00:13:08,089 --> 00:13:09,856 You can't! I can. 315 00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,649 I'm gonna tell her at the read along what happened. 316 00:13:11,673 --> 00:13:13,989 Anybody would agree that's totally appropriate. 317 00:13:14,057 --> 00:13:15,822 Ok, then obviously, we disagree here. 318 00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:17,289 You... you know what we need to do? 319 00:13:17,357 --> 00:13:18,857 We need to find a neutral 3rd party. 320 00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:20,289 Ok, fine. Who? 321 00:13:20,357 --> 00:13:21,257 My mom. 322 00:13:21,324 --> 00:13:22,456 Oh, yeah. 323 00:13:22,524 --> 00:13:24,257 'Cause your mom won't take your side at all. 324 00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:26,007 All right, fine. Who do you wanna ask? 325 00:13:27,058 --> 00:13:28,591 Sooji, my nail lady. 326 00:13:28,658 --> 00:13:31,391 Soo who, your what? 327 00:13:31,458 --> 00:13:32,857 Sooji, my nail lady. 328 00:13:32,925 --> 00:13:34,358 What? She's very moral. 329 00:13:34,426 --> 00:13:36,391 I ain't going to sooji, your nail lady, 330 00:13:36,459 --> 00:13:38,958 with my hell questions, ok? 331 00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:40,358 Well, then that's your problem. 332 00:13:40,427 --> 00:13:41,691 I wish we could just ask God, 333 00:13:41,759 --> 00:13:43,036 'cause I know he'd side with me. 334 00:13:43,060 --> 00:13:44,425 Well, we can't ask God, 335 00:13:44,677 --> 00:13:46,542 so where does that leave us? 336 00:13:49,477 --> 00:13:51,726 So, what do you think we should do? 337 00:13:51,793 --> 00:13:54,460 Well, Doug, Carrie, 338 00:13:55,611 --> 00:13:58,194 what do you think you should do? 339 00:13:59,595 --> 00:14:01,144 Well, I think we'd kinda like to know 340 00:14:01,211 --> 00:14:02,945 what you think. 341 00:14:03,012 --> 00:14:06,128 Well, what do you think I think? 342 00:14:06,196 --> 00:14:08,429 Ok, let's just cut to the chase here. 343 00:14:08,497 --> 00:14:10,462 Uh, do you think it's morally wrong 344 00:14:10,530 --> 00:14:12,896 for Doug and I to tell Nana Louise 345 00:14:12,964 --> 00:14:15,129 that we were supposed to be in the patrons' circle? 346 00:14:15,197 --> 00:14:17,713 Well, "morally wrong" is a strong term. 347 00:14:17,780 --> 00:14:20,379 Yeah, but it certainly isn't morally right, right? Hmm? 348 00:14:20,447 --> 00:14:21,580 In a perfect world, 349 00:14:21,648 --> 00:14:23,429 charity should be its own reward... 350 00:14:23,497 --> 00:14:25,263 Ok, ok, ok, ok. Imagine this. 351 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:26,964 Imagine 352 00:14:27,098 --> 00:14:29,948 if there were priest of the year awards. 353 00:14:30,014 --> 00:14:31,530 Ok? We'll call them 354 00:14:31,598 --> 00:14:33,081 the priesties. 355 00:14:35,549 --> 00:14:38,599 And you knew you got most of the votes, 356 00:14:38,666 --> 00:14:39,832 but for some reason, 357 00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:43,599 father o'Henry was named the winner, ok? 358 00:14:43,666 --> 00:14:46,600 Ok, now, obviously you should be a priest 359 00:14:46,667 --> 00:14:48,633 for the sake of being a priest, 360 00:14:48,701 --> 00:14:49,867 but is there... 361 00:14:49,934 --> 00:14:51,217 Is there really anything wrong 362 00:14:51,268 --> 00:14:53,417 in wanting a little recognition? 363 00:14:53,485 --> 00:14:56,550 A little "what-what" from your peers? 364 00:14:56,618 --> 00:14:58,734 Well, it's human nature 365 00:14:58,802 --> 00:15:00,534 to wanna be praised for a job well-done... 366 00:15:00,635 --> 00:15:02,301 There you go. Then you see our problem. 367 00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:04,818 Well, Carrie, Doug, 368 00:15:04,885 --> 00:15:06,652 this is your dilemma, 369 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,418 and only you can find the answer. 370 00:15:09,485 --> 00:15:13,403 But if you want my advice, 371 00:15:13,470 --> 00:15:15,919 it may be best to let the matter drop. 372 00:15:17,154 --> 00:15:18,253 Really? 373 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,070 Man of the cloth thinks we should drop it. 374 00:15:25,270 --> 00:15:26,537 Fine. 375 00:15:29,121 --> 00:15:30,361 Hey, anybody wanna hear me read 376 00:15:30,422 --> 00:15:31,788 horton hears a who? 377 00:15:31,856 --> 00:15:33,355 Yeah! 378 00:15:33,422 --> 00:15:34,555 Whoa, whoa, ok. Wow. 379 00:15:34,622 --> 00:15:35,855 Wasn't expecting that. 380 00:15:35,922 --> 00:15:38,356 Chill out. It's just a book, not T.V. 381 00:15:42,706 --> 00:15:43,839 Hey, hey, Kirby. 382 00:15:43,907 --> 00:15:45,939 Come here, come here, come here, come here. 383 00:15:46,007 --> 00:15:47,473 Can I show you somethin'? 384 00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:48,573 What? 385 00:15:48,641 --> 00:15:50,140 Well, 386 00:15:50,207 --> 00:15:52,840 Doug and I donated enough money to your school 387 00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:56,507 to be way up here, 388 00:15:56,575 --> 00:16:00,257 but, instead, our names are way down here. 389 00:16:01,608 --> 00:16:04,541 Do you think that's fair? 390 00:16:04,609 --> 00:16:08,241 How'd you like to do your aunt Carrie a favor? 391 00:16:08,309 --> 00:16:10,192 "'Should I put this speck down?' 392 00:16:10,259 --> 00:16:12,293 "horton thought with alarm. 393 00:16:12,361 --> 00:16:14,226 "'If I do, these small persons 394 00:16:14,293 --> 00:16:16,309 "'may come to great harm. 395 00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:17,510 "'I can't put it down, 396 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,376 "'and I won't! After all, 397 00:16:19,444 --> 00:16:21,293 "'a person's a person, 398 00:16:21,361 --> 00:16:23,160 no matter how small.'" 399 00:16:25,044 --> 00:16:26,143 or how big. 400 00:16:34,362 --> 00:16:36,711 So, you're just gonna tell Nana Louise 401 00:16:36,779 --> 00:16:39,179 that Doug and I were supposed to be... 402 00:16:40,729 --> 00:16:42,563 S-starts with a "p." 403 00:16:43,897 --> 00:16:45,178 Pa- 404 00:16:46,763 --> 00:16:47,929 patrons, Kirby. 405 00:16:47,998 --> 00:16:49,457 Patrons. 406 00:16:49,481 --> 00:16:51,089 Ok, maybe we should go over this again. Ok. 407 00:16:51,113 --> 00:16:52,480 I have to go to the bathroom. 408 00:16:52,548 --> 00:16:54,013 All right, well, you're a big boy, 409 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,680 you can hold it, right? 410 00:16:55,865 --> 00:16:56,914 It hurts. 411 00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,702 Yeah, all right. I need you to focus, honey. 412 00:16:58,748 --> 00:17:00,247 No, no! Kir-Kirby! 413 00:17:00,315 --> 00:17:02,081 Hey, uh, what's goin' on? 414 00:17:02,148 --> 00:17:03,314 Oh, well, um, 415 00:17:03,381 --> 00:17:06,032 Kirby noticed that we were listed as friends 416 00:17:06,099 --> 00:17:07,365 instead of patrons on the wall, 417 00:17:07,433 --> 00:17:08,797 and he was pretty upset. 418 00:17:08,865 --> 00:17:11,298 He wanted to talk to Nana Louise. 419 00:17:11,366 --> 00:17:12,565 Have you guys read this? 420 00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:13,932 It's very good. 421 00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,299 Why would Kirby care 422 00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:17,732 where you're listed on the wall? 423 00:17:17,799 --> 00:17:18,799 What? 424 00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:20,750 What is wrong with you? 425 00:17:20,901 --> 00:17:22,034 It's perfect! 426 00:17:22,101 --> 00:17:23,217 What's more innocent 427 00:17:23,285 --> 00:17:24,817 than having it come from a child? 428 00:17:24,885 --> 00:17:26,699 All right, you know, this is... this is it. 429 00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:28,401 This is where I get off, girlfriend. 430 00:17:28,468 --> 00:17:29,885 What does that mean? 431 00:17:29,952 --> 00:17:31,818 That means you're free to marry your true love: 432 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,085 Satan! 433 00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:35,218 He said Santa. 434 00:17:35,285 --> 00:17:37,652 Ok, am I gonna have to have 2 two removed 435 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:38,952 from an elementary school? 436 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,162 Ok, but it's not my fault, it's her fault. She's sick! 437 00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:42,518 No, no, no, I'm not sick, honey. 438 00:17:42,586 --> 00:17:44,486 I... I... I realized something about myself, ok? 439 00:17:44,554 --> 00:17:45,686 I'm not a bad person. 440 00:17:45,754 --> 00:17:46,985 I'm just very petty. 441 00:17:47,053 --> 00:17:49,086 I want to do good things for people, 442 00:17:49,154 --> 00:17:51,387 I just want them to know that I'm doing them. 443 00:17:51,454 --> 00:17:52,870 And that's sick! 444 00:17:52,937 --> 00:17:54,704 Is there a problem? 445 00:17:56,638 --> 00:17:59,704 Actually, Nana Louise, there is. 446 00:17:59,771 --> 00:18:01,771 So I guess the zero got dropped 447 00:18:01,839 --> 00:18:03,805 somewhere along the way. 448 00:18:04,923 --> 00:18:07,072 I feel terrible. 449 00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:08,605 Well, it didn't bother us. 450 00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:10,915 It's just that if people were to see that we were patrons, 451 00:18:10,939 --> 00:18:12,972 it might inspire them to give more. 452 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,572 It's for the kids, really. 453 00:18:18,091 --> 00:18:20,673 Again, I'm so sorry. 454 00:18:20,740 --> 00:18:22,607 We'll have to make it up to you. 455 00:18:22,674 --> 00:18:24,074 Well, um, you know, 456 00:18:24,141 --> 00:18:25,773 I should get back out there. 457 00:18:25,841 --> 00:18:28,723 I promised little Timmy I'd read him Charlotte's web. 458 00:18:28,791 --> 00:18:29,957 There is no little Timmy. 459 00:18:30,024 --> 00:18:31,357 You're the queen of darkness. 460 00:18:31,425 --> 00:18:32,591 Shut up. 461 00:18:34,376 --> 00:18:38,058 All right, an extra zero would make that 462 00:18:39,276 --> 00:18:41,904 $5,000. 463 00:18:41,928 --> 00:18:43,675 Oh, my! 464 00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:49,343 What the... 465 00:18:50,927 --> 00:18:53,243 They named the library after us? 466 00:18:55,294 --> 00:18:56,677 Really? 467 00:18:57,911 --> 00:18:59,011 Yeah. 468 00:18:59,078 --> 00:19:00,944 Look, I don't really have all the details, 469 00:19:01,013 --> 00:19:02,411 but I've got a gut feeling 470 00:19:02,479 --> 00:19:05,162 that wasn't supposed to happen. 471 00:19:05,229 --> 00:19:06,389 You know what? It probably... 472 00:19:07,796 --> 00:19:09,095 Please. 473 00:19:09,162 --> 00:19:10,545 Understand something? 474 00:19:10,613 --> 00:19:12,845 I only stopped by that day as a courtesy 475 00:19:12,913 --> 00:19:14,861 because I know Doug likes candy. 476 00:19:14,929 --> 00:19:16,146 I didn't realize the evil 477 00:19:16,214 --> 00:19:18,374 I would be unleashing. 478 00:19:18,398 --> 00:19:20,013 So, if you don't see me and my son 479 00:19:20,081 --> 00:19:21,397 come around for a while, 480 00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:23,107 I think you'll know why. 481 00:19:23,131 --> 00:19:24,880 Good-bye. 482 00:19:24,947 --> 00:19:26,280 And good day. 483 00:19:28,915 --> 00:19:31,381 Nana Louise must have screwed up again. 484 00:19:31,448 --> 00:19:34,148 We're gonna have to go down there and straighten it out. 485 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,448 Do we? 486 00:19:36,966 --> 00:19:39,115 What? 487 00:19:39,183 --> 00:19:41,716 I've always wanted a library. 488 00:19:41,782 --> 00:19:43,649 You've always wanted a library? 489 00:19:43,717 --> 00:19:45,382 Ok, I've always wanted a Jaguar, 490 00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:46,683 but I'm never gonna get that, 491 00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:48,317 so let me have this! 492 00:19:48,384 --> 00:19:49,766 Carrie, if we don't fix this, 493 00:19:49,834 --> 00:19:51,300 we're definitely goin' to hell! 494 00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:53,000 No, we're going to heaven! 495 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,833 We donated a freakin' library! 496 00:19:56,551 --> 00:19:57,917 But we didn't! 497 00:19:57,985 --> 00:19:59,535 God knows that! 498 00:19:59,602 --> 00:20:02,034 God will see the big sign 499 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,301 with our names on it, 500 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,501 and move on to other stuff. 501 00:20:04,569 --> 00:20:07,101 He doesn't check into those things. 502 00:20:07,169 --> 00:20:09,035 Carrie, sweetheart, listen to me. 503 00:20:10,469 --> 00:20:13,935 The library doesn't belong to us. 504 00:20:14,003 --> 00:20:15,753 We gotta give it back. 505 00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:22,054 Tsk. 506 00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:23,354 Fine! 507 00:20:25,655 --> 00:20:27,587 I'm confused. 508 00:20:28,204 --> 00:20:29,287 No, see... see, 509 00:20:29,355 --> 00:20:30,921 we... we gave $500. 510 00:20:30,989 --> 00:20:33,205 You just added an extra zero, that's all. 511 00:20:33,272 --> 00:20:35,705 Look, if it's easier for you to keep the sign up, 512 00:20:35,772 --> 00:20:36,937 we're... we're ok with that. 513 00:20:37,005 --> 00:20:38,255 Carrie. 514 00:20:39,823 --> 00:20:41,022 Oh, boy. 515 00:20:41,090 --> 00:20:45,139 I seem to make so many silly mistakes these days. 516 00:20:45,207 --> 00:20:48,506 The school board isn't gonna be too happy with me. 517 00:20:48,573 --> 00:20:50,656 I'm sure they'll understand. 518 00:20:51,374 --> 00:20:52,623 Children, 519 00:20:52,690 --> 00:20:54,173 the school board says 520 00:20:54,241 --> 00:20:57,407 that Nana Louise is very tired, 521 00:20:57,475 --> 00:21:00,007 and can't read to you anymore. 522 00:21:00,708 --> 00:21:01,790 No, Nana Louise! 523 00:21:01,858 --> 00:21:02,858 Don't go! 524 00:21:04,008 --> 00:21:06,041 Don't cry, Leonard. 525 00:21:06,109 --> 00:21:07,208 I'm Richie. 526 00:21:09,792 --> 00:21:10,958 Oh, dear. 527 00:21:16,061 --> 00:21:17,526 We got a sweet old lady fired, 528 00:21:17,594 --> 00:21:19,560 and we're starting to get a little concerned 529 00:21:19,628 --> 00:21:21,193 about this whole hell thing? 530 00:21:23,294 --> 00:21:25,910 What's the dealy-o on that? 531 00:21:34,929 --> 00:21:36,828 Hi. I'm selling boxes of cookies 532 00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:39,328 so my troop can go see the Liberty Bell. 533 00:21:40,596 --> 00:21:42,728 All right, I'm gonna do you a favor, here. 534 00:21:42,796 --> 00:21:45,279 Go away and don't come back. 535 00:21:45,347 --> 00:21:46,597 Tell the others. 536 00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:49,263 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 537 00:21:49,330 --> 00:21:51,030 Quick. One box of the shortbread. 538 00:21:53,998 --> 00:21:55,730 Now go! Go!