1 00:00:34,417 --> 00:00:35,984 Good morning. Hey, Deac. 2 00:00:36,051 --> 00:00:38,253 Didn't Doug tell you I have my law firm picnic today? 3 00:00:38,321 --> 00:00:39,465 Actually, Arthur left me a message 4 00:00:39,489 --> 00:00:40,756 saying come over right away. 5 00:00:40,823 --> 00:00:42,424 It's "code blue." 6 00:00:42,492 --> 00:00:43,692 You know what that means? 7 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:45,704 Yeah, code blue. Could be anything from chest pains 8 00:00:45,728 --> 00:00:47,596 to "look what I made out of paper clips." 9 00:00:47,664 --> 00:00:50,499 Dad, Deacon's here! 10 00:00:50,566 --> 00:00:52,300 Send him down. 11 00:00:55,671 --> 00:00:58,574 Any way he can come up here? 12 00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,375 I've never been down there. 13 00:01:00,443 --> 00:01:02,628 Hey, dad, why don't you come up here 14 00:01:02,695 --> 00:01:04,262 and talk to him, ok? 15 00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:05,497 No can do. 16 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:08,099 This matter is far too intimate. 17 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:13,071 If he's wearing a robe, eyes up, ok? 18 00:01:15,374 --> 00:01:16,619 Are you really gonna make me wear this shirt 19 00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:17,776 to this stupid picnic? 20 00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,411 Yes. Would you stop complaining? 21 00:01:19,478 --> 00:01:21,413 You look adorable. 22 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,949 I look like fruit-striped gum. 23 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:31,457 The people I work with are gonna be there. 24 00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:33,092 You need to look nice. 25 00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:35,294 What was wrong with the t-shirt I had on? 26 00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:37,662 Ok, not sure my bosses need to know 27 00:01:37,730 --> 00:01:40,531 that you're an official bikini inspector. 28 00:01:44,503 --> 00:01:47,522 Well, this shirt's got a rip in it. 29 00:01:47,589 --> 00:01:49,591 I just bought that. Where? 30 00:01:59,552 --> 00:02:01,386 Right here. 31 00:02:07,477 --> 00:02:09,211 Be right with you, son. 32 00:02:09,278 --> 00:02:10,712 Grab yourself a seat. 33 00:02:28,530 --> 00:02:31,683 So, Arthur, what's going on? 34 00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:33,835 Well, I was tracing my ancestry, 35 00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:36,605 and I had these documents sent to me. 36 00:02:36,673 --> 00:02:39,441 Turns out my great-grandfather had a small farm, 37 00:02:39,509 --> 00:02:43,378 and on that farm he had some... 38 00:02:43,446 --> 00:02:48,133 Chickens? E-I-e-i-o? 39 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:50,818 No. He had- 40 00:02:50,886 --> 00:02:53,221 let's just say he had 41 00:02:53,289 --> 00:02:56,658 a little help around the house. 42 00:02:56,726 --> 00:02:57,992 He had a maid? 43 00:02:58,060 --> 00:02:59,344 No! He had slaves, damn it! 44 00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:03,648 Slaves, I tell ya. The man had slaves. 45 00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:06,902 Wow. Ok. Well, um... 46 00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:09,633 You know, a lot of people had slaves back then. 47 00:03:09,658 --> 00:03:11,149 But this is my family, 48 00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:13,458 and I need to set things straight. 49 00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:17,963 Uh, what are you doing? 50 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,682 I want to write you a check. 51 00:03:24,853 --> 00:03:27,055 For reparations. 52 00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:29,223 Why would you want to pay me? 53 00:03:29,291 --> 00:03:30,442 Well, you're black, 54 00:03:30,509 --> 00:03:31,987 and the only other black people I know 55 00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:35,013 are on TV. 56 00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:36,648 Toss a number at me. 57 00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,466 You don't need to pay me reparations. 58 00:03:38,534 --> 00:03:40,502 You didn't do anything wrong. 59 00:03:40,569 --> 00:03:43,155 My family committed a crime against humanity, 60 00:03:43,222 --> 00:03:44,523 and I'm gonna make it right! 61 00:03:44,590 --> 00:03:46,324 Toss a number at me. 62 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:47,976 Ok, look, how about this. 63 00:03:48,044 --> 00:03:48,977 Why don't you just pay me 64 00:03:49,045 --> 00:03:50,711 what you owe me from poker? 65 00:03:50,779 --> 00:03:52,581 That is a separate issue! 66 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,499 Arthur, it's very nice 67 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,134 that you're so concerned about slavery, 68 00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:58,870 but as you may or may not know, 69 00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:01,039 I'm already free. 70 00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:04,509 So we're good. 71 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:05,911 I gotta go. 72 00:04:05,978 --> 00:04:07,412 Are you sure? 73 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,381 I wouldn't want things to get weird between us. 74 00:04:09,448 --> 00:04:11,383 That ship has sailed. 75 00:04:24,363 --> 00:04:26,414 That's 2 dead! 76 00:04:26,482 --> 00:04:28,049 2 dead! 77 00:04:28,117 --> 00:04:29,417 And that's how I found out 78 00:04:29,485 --> 00:04:31,319 I'm lactose intolerant. 79 00:04:31,387 --> 00:04:34,922 That's... wild. 80 00:04:34,990 --> 00:04:36,524 All right, this next guy's a lefty! 81 00:04:36,592 --> 00:04:38,810 Cover the line! He came your way last time, 82 00:04:38,877 --> 00:04:41,612 Mrs. randolf! 83 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:42,964 On top of that, 84 00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:45,400 now I'm allergic to wheat. 85 00:04:46,768 --> 00:04:48,386 And you know how much I love bread. 86 00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:51,373 Yep, that is your rep. 87 00:04:51,441 --> 00:04:53,942 Oh, it looks like we're back out in the field. 88 00:04:54,009 --> 00:04:55,220 We'll pick this up next inning. 89 00:04:55,244 --> 00:04:57,245 Absolutely. Ok. 90 00:04:57,313 --> 00:05:00,081 Unless I'm hiding in the Porta-potty. 91 00:05:00,149 --> 00:05:01,616 Did you see that catch? 92 00:05:01,683 --> 00:05:02,484 Yes, I did. 93 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,236 You are running around like a lunatic out there. 94 00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:06,855 All right, come on. I made my rounds, 95 00:05:06,923 --> 00:05:08,140 we can go. What? 96 00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:10,442 You dragged me here, now I'm having fun. 97 00:05:10,509 --> 00:05:13,745 Besides, we got a chance of winning this thing. 98 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,965 Doug, nobody cares about this thing but you. 99 00:05:17,033 --> 00:05:18,126 For God's sake, the shortstop 100 00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:20,718 has a full plate of chicken. 101 00:05:20,786 --> 00:05:21,796 Ok, see right there, that's the difference 102 00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:23,288 between you and I. 103 00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:24,823 When it comes to picnic softball, 104 00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,892 you got nothing in here. 105 00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:28,493 Excuse me. 106 00:05:31,013 --> 00:05:33,815 While I'm up, would you get me a plate of chicken? 107 00:05:57,740 --> 00:06:00,692 Yeah! Whoo-hoo! 108 00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:02,627 Ha ha ha! You! 109 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,712 Oh, my God! 110 00:06:10,519 --> 00:06:12,520 Yeah! 111 00:06:18,261 --> 00:06:20,562 Hey, babe, you ready to hit El cholo's? 112 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:21,846 Uh, yes, we will eat, 113 00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:24,315 just as soon as you apologize to Mr. Thompson. 114 00:06:24,383 --> 00:06:28,153 You lured me down here with Mexican food? 115 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,773 Yes. And once again, it worked. 116 00:06:31,841 --> 00:06:33,258 Ok, here he comes. 117 00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:35,193 Uh, Mr. Thompson, do you have a second? 118 00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:37,745 Doug, you remember Mr. Thompson 119 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:38,746 and Mr. Kaplan, 120 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:39,948 one of the senior partners. 121 00:06:40,016 --> 00:06:41,382 Oh. How you doing? 122 00:06:41,450 --> 00:06:44,519 Good to see you again. How's it going? Oh. 123 00:06:44,586 --> 00:06:46,121 Hey. Hey. 124 00:06:47,356 --> 00:06:49,140 Yeah, Doug just wanted to apologize 125 00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:50,719 for running into you like that at the game. 126 00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:51,743 Right, honey? 127 00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:53,344 Yeah, I'm sorry about that. 128 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,345 I guess you won't be blocking the plate 129 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,581 next time, though, will you? 130 00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:59,233 Oh, don't worry about it. It's his own fault. 131 00:06:59,301 --> 00:07:01,279 That's what happens when you let a corporate lawyer 132 00:07:01,303 --> 00:07:03,204 do a litigator's job. 133 00:07:07,743 --> 00:07:09,977 That is funny. 134 00:07:10,045 --> 00:07:12,197 Anyway, this is great. Thank you so much. 135 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,614 I like the way you play, Doug. 136 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,816 I like your hustle. 137 00:07:14,884 --> 00:07:15,900 Really? 138 00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:18,069 Carrie, could you grab us some coffee? 139 00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:19,214 Doug, you want some coffee? 140 00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:20,638 Sure. 141 00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:22,006 Honey, you know how I like it. 142 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,912 Sure. Be right back, sweetie. 143 00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:31,165 You know, our firm has a team. 144 00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:32,801 We play in the lawyers' league 145 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,068 Saturdays in the park, 146 00:07:34,136 --> 00:07:37,606 and I am sick of getting our heinies kicked. 147 00:07:37,673 --> 00:07:39,841 How'd you like to come play for us? 148 00:07:39,909 --> 00:07:42,327 I'm not a lawyer. 149 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:43,644 Well, nobody has to know that. 150 00:07:43,712 --> 00:07:45,346 Yeah! 151 00:07:45,414 --> 00:07:47,065 You get out there, you fudge it. 152 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,568 You could do that for us, couldn't you, Doug? 153 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:53,338 Well, I do like fudge. 154 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:57,509 Excuse me, I really don't think that's a good idea. 155 00:07:57,576 --> 00:07:58,776 Oh, I think it's a great idea. 156 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,545 Why am I not drinking coffee? 157 00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:02,213 Right. 158 00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:03,391 So how would this work, now? 159 00:08:03,415 --> 00:08:04,783 I just show up at the ball field 160 00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,751 carrying a briefcase? 161 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,386 Oh, you're marvelous. 162 00:08:08,454 --> 00:08:10,856 No. You just tell them you're new to the firm. 163 00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,267 We'll set you up with a phone line here 164 00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:13,758 in case anybody calls. 165 00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:16,177 We'll have Carrie answer the phone. 166 00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:18,045 Won't that be cute? 167 00:08:18,113 --> 00:08:20,832 If I can just offer a thought here- 168 00:08:20,899 --> 00:08:21,833 you know what my thought is? 169 00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,935 Bagels. 170 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:26,604 Onion. 171 00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:37,649 Hey. Hey, Carrie. 172 00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,083 Is that Deacon? 173 00:08:40,869 --> 00:08:44,105 I need a one-on-one with you asap. 174 00:08:44,173 --> 00:08:46,491 Well, what is it? 175 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,793 Not here. 176 00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:55,333 So, slugger's wife, 177 00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:57,034 you want to apologize to me now 178 00:08:57,102 --> 00:08:58,737 or later with interest? 179 00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:01,072 And by interest I mean... 180 00:09:01,139 --> 00:09:04,809 Wah wah wah reowrrr. 181 00:09:07,413 --> 00:09:09,714 Stomach cramps? 182 00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:11,532 No. Sex. 183 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,219 And which one of us is making that noise? 184 00:09:14,286 --> 00:09:16,588 Me, when you do the wah... 185 00:09:16,655 --> 00:09:19,056 Never mind. All right, the point is 186 00:09:19,124 --> 00:09:20,318 you have nothing to worry about, all right? 187 00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:21,342 Your bosses love me. 188 00:09:21,410 --> 00:09:23,010 I'm gonna be their ringer, for God sakes. 189 00:09:23,045 --> 00:09:24,479 Yeah, about that- 190 00:09:24,546 --> 00:09:26,314 what? 191 00:09:26,381 --> 00:09:28,333 Um, look, I think you're a great softball player. 192 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,767 Ok, no doubt about that. 193 00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:31,913 It's just this whole pretending to be a lawyer thing. 194 00:09:31,937 --> 00:09:33,304 I think we should slip the pin 195 00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:35,540 back in the grenade on that one. 196 00:09:37,292 --> 00:09:38,336 What are you talking about? 197 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:39,827 You don't think I should play? 198 00:09:39,895 --> 00:09:42,363 No, I don't. There's many ways 199 00:09:42,430 --> 00:09:43,892 this thing could go South, and then all of sudden 200 00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:44,960 they don't love you so much, 201 00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:47,185 and then they don't love me so much. 202 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,870 So what you're saying is lawyer-wise, 203 00:09:48,937 --> 00:09:52,306 you don't think I have enough convincibility. 204 00:09:53,825 --> 00:09:55,594 Convincibility? 205 00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:58,964 Ok, you're gonna commit to that word? 206 00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:00,314 Shut up. 207 00:10:01,617 --> 00:10:03,384 I can pass as a lawyer, no problem. 208 00:10:03,452 --> 00:10:05,687 Doug, look, you can pass as a lot of things, ok? 209 00:10:05,754 --> 00:10:08,356 Furnace guy, uh, roofer, 210 00:10:08,423 --> 00:10:09,423 mall security, 211 00:10:09,492 --> 00:10:12,009 anything in the mall, really, but lawyer? 212 00:10:13,295 --> 00:10:16,064 That's funny, 'cause everybody at the firm 213 00:10:16,131 --> 00:10:18,532 seems to think I can handle it just fine. 214 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:19,827 They're sending me a limo for the freakin' games, 215 00:10:19,851 --> 00:10:21,586 and as I recall, they've asked you 216 00:10:21,653 --> 00:10:23,354 to answer my phone! 217 00:10:24,689 --> 00:10:26,057 If you don't watch your step, 218 00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,736 you're gonna be making your next pot of potatoes 219 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,694 on the unemployment line. 220 00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,032 Not these, though. I want these. 221 00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:36,635 Take the check. 222 00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:37,935 No. Please. 223 00:10:38,003 --> 00:10:39,153 I can't sleep. 224 00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,006 I was tossing and turning all night. 225 00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:42,674 My sheets are soaked with sweat. 226 00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:43,986 Feel them. No, that's all right. 227 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,110 Feel them! I believe you. 228 00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:46,811 Fine. I'll take the money, ok? 229 00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:49,013 Thank you. 230 00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:52,566 Huh. $237. 231 00:10:52,634 --> 00:10:54,302 I think that's a fair number. 232 00:10:54,370 --> 00:10:55,219 It's a little random. 233 00:10:55,371 --> 00:10:57,004 I mean, how'd you come up with that? 234 00:10:57,072 --> 00:10:59,274 Simple. There were 12 slaves on the farm, 235 00:10:59,341 --> 00:11:02,176 but my great-grandfather only owned half the farm. 236 00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:04,028 Of his 6, 2 lived in the house. 237 00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:06,464 Let's face it. That's a sweet deal. 238 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,356 Doug, we're gonna be at the game in 10 minutes. 239 00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,590 Focus. 240 00:11:16,658 --> 00:11:18,459 Where did you go to law school? 241 00:11:18,527 --> 00:11:19,760 Excuse me. Ahem. 242 00:11:19,828 --> 00:11:23,181 Jeremy? Doug from the back again. 243 00:11:23,248 --> 00:11:24,132 Yeah, listen. 244 00:11:24,199 --> 00:11:25,599 Could you goose up the heat a bit? 245 00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:27,318 I'm a little tight. 246 00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:28,887 Thank you. 247 00:11:30,155 --> 00:11:32,390 You, go. 248 00:11:32,457 --> 00:11:34,826 Where did you go to law school? 249 00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:36,260 I didn't. I was homeschooled. 250 00:11:36,328 --> 00:11:38,730 Doug, come on! You said you'd let me coach you through this. 251 00:11:38,797 --> 00:11:40,598 All right, fine. If anybody asks, 252 00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:42,534 I'll just say I went to stamford. 253 00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:45,737 I'm sorry. Did you just say "stamford" with an "m"? 254 00:11:45,804 --> 00:11:47,872 Yeah. Stamford law school. 255 00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,556 Ok, the school you're thinking of 256 00:11:49,624 --> 00:11:52,043 is Stanford, with an "n." 257 00:11:52,111 --> 00:11:53,611 No. It's stamford. 258 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:54,879 I know. I delivered there. 259 00:11:54,946 --> 00:11:56,414 I've seen the sign. 260 00:11:56,481 --> 00:11:57,331 Ok, dumb-ass, 261 00:11:57,399 --> 00:12:00,167 you're thinking of stamford, Connecticut, ok? 262 00:12:00,235 --> 00:12:03,221 Stanford law school is in California. 263 00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:05,339 You know what? 264 00:12:05,407 --> 00:12:07,275 I don't like all this negativity before a game. 265 00:12:07,342 --> 00:12:09,460 It's disco time. 266 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,882 How long you been at Kaplan hornstein? 267 00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,817 Actually, I, uh, just started. 268 00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,119 Where were you before that? 269 00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:38,923 I was over at Carson... Daly... and leibowitz. 270 00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:54,839 Doug Heffernan's office. 271 00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:57,075 No, Doug. No messages. 272 00:13:09,838 --> 00:13:12,190 So, the bailiff walks in, and he's like, "all rise." 273 00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:13,191 I'm like, "you know what?" 274 00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:14,402 I don't feel like rising today." 275 00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:15,593 And I didn't. 276 00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:17,561 You're crazy, Heffernan. 277 00:13:17,629 --> 00:13:19,463 You know me. I don't care. 278 00:13:39,301 --> 00:13:41,019 Doug Heffernan's office. 279 00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:44,455 Not loving the way you're answering my phone. 280 00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:45,840 I'm busy. 281 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,192 I'm just saying you could be a little friendlier. 282 00:13:48,260 --> 00:13:49,660 "Good afternoon, and thank you 283 00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:51,262 "for calling Mr. Heffernan's office. 284 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,364 How may I assist you today?" 285 00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:54,732 What do you want? 286 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,460 Just checking to see if I got any messages. 287 00:13:56,484 --> 00:13:59,436 For the 40th time, no messages. 288 00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:03,558 Not a whole lot of people looking for a fake lawyer. 289 00:14:06,461 --> 00:14:08,395 Honey, your other line is ringing. 290 00:14:08,463 --> 00:14:11,032 Be charming. Use the good greeting. "Good afternoon"- 291 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,567 Doug Heffernan's office. 292 00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:16,938 Uh, no, he's not in. 293 00:14:17,006 --> 00:14:19,407 Could you hold on for one second, sir? 294 00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:20,825 Thanks so much. 295 00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,043 I gotta call you back. 296 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:22,827 Wait. Who is it? 297 00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:24,962 Gary Rogers from Epstein & Epstein. 298 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,363 He's calling to congratulate you 299 00:14:26,431 --> 00:14:27,832 on a great game on Saturday. 300 00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:29,734 Really? Patch me through. 301 00:14:29,801 --> 00:14:31,469 No, I'm not going to patch you through. 302 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,137 He's a senior partner. 303 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,040 I can handle it. Do your job, and you patch me through. 304 00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:38,158 Fine, but just take the compliment, 305 00:14:38,226 --> 00:14:40,895 say "thank you," and hang up as fast as you can. 306 00:14:44,449 --> 00:14:46,817 Oh, thanks for joining us, Doug. 307 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,619 Oh, thanks for calling me. 308 00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:50,972 Nothing like a good mar-tooni after a tough day at... 309 00:14:51,039 --> 00:14:52,740 Law. 310 00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:53,725 I hear that. 311 00:14:53,792 --> 00:14:55,026 It does get to be a grind. 312 00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,627 Yes, it do, but... 313 00:14:56,695 --> 00:14:58,472 I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. 314 00:14:58,496 --> 00:15:00,832 Oh, you love your work, huh? 315 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,300 I do. I really do. 316 00:15:09,391 --> 00:15:11,709 In a lot of ways, uh-ahem- 317 00:15:11,777 --> 00:15:12,777 being a lawyer, 318 00:15:12,811 --> 00:15:15,213 which I think we can agree we all are... 319 00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:18,282 Is a lot like, uh, 320 00:15:18,349 --> 00:15:21,852 being a package delivery guy. 321 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,504 How so, Doug? 322 00:15:23,572 --> 00:15:25,974 Oh, uh, well, you... 323 00:15:26,041 --> 00:15:27,041 Knock on doors, 324 00:15:27,109 --> 00:15:30,178 and you hope you don't get bit by a dog. 325 00:15:30,245 --> 00:15:32,325 Sounds like you've been in front of judge Farnsworth. 326 00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:34,932 Good old Farnsworth. 327 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,117 Hey, farnsie! 328 00:15:42,590 --> 00:15:44,358 Oh, anyway, Doug, 329 00:15:44,425 --> 00:15:46,010 let me cut to the chase. 330 00:15:46,077 --> 00:15:47,637 We want to know if you have any interest 331 00:15:47,679 --> 00:15:50,815 in coming over to Epstein, Epstein, Rogers & wolf. 332 00:15:50,882 --> 00:15:54,085 To do what? 333 00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:56,453 I don't know. Corporate litigation? 334 00:15:56,521 --> 00:15:57,788 We'll find a place for you, 335 00:15:57,856 --> 00:16:01,642 as long as you bring that big bat of yours with you. 336 00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:05,012 So, what's Kaplan paying you over there? 337 00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:09,167 Oh, I-i get the going rate... 338 00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:13,671 And an extra $10 for each conviction. 339 00:16:13,738 --> 00:16:17,675 Well, I'm prepared to offer you a base of 150,000. 340 00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:18,876 What do you say? 341 00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,140 Hey, guys. 342 00:16:34,309 --> 00:16:35,559 Why are you wearing a suit? 343 00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:38,496 What'd you do? 344 00:16:39,597 --> 00:16:41,665 Nothing. Just had a little power lunch with the boys 345 00:16:41,733 --> 00:16:44,168 over at Epstein, Epstein, Rogers and... 346 00:16:44,236 --> 00:16:46,037 Wolf? Bingo. 347 00:16:46,104 --> 00:16:47,455 You had lunch with them? 348 00:16:47,522 --> 00:16:50,524 I told you just to say thank you and hang up! 349 00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:51,969 Well, I tried, but then they asked me 350 00:16:51,993 --> 00:16:53,033 if I enjoyed a good steak, 351 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,261 to which I responded, 352 00:16:54,329 --> 00:16:56,430 "I carry my own knife." 353 00:16:56,498 --> 00:16:58,365 Well, what the hell did you talk about? 354 00:16:58,433 --> 00:17:01,001 Well, first, we talked about our kids- 355 00:17:01,069 --> 00:17:04,071 by the way, if it comes up, we have 2. 356 00:17:05,507 --> 00:17:06,574 And then- 357 00:17:06,641 --> 00:17:08,342 well, then they offered me a job. 358 00:17:08,410 --> 00:17:09,677 What? 359 00:17:09,745 --> 00:17:11,039 Don't worry. I'll bring you over with me, 360 00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:13,447 you know, once I get settled. 361 00:17:13,514 --> 00:17:15,049 You took the job? 362 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,151 Well, not yet, but I'm mulling it over. 363 00:17:17,218 --> 00:17:18,785 Congratulations, Douglas. 364 00:17:20,672 --> 00:17:22,339 He's not a lawyer. 365 00:17:22,407 --> 00:17:23,640 You're not a lawyer. 366 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:24,919 Really? Why don't you tell that 367 00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:26,560 to the 2 firms currently wooing me? 368 00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:28,929 My God. Are you insane? 369 00:17:28,997 --> 00:17:30,214 The man just made lawyer. 370 00:17:30,281 --> 00:17:32,817 Why do you have to piss all over it? 371 00:17:34,135 --> 00:17:35,613 I'll tell you why. 'Cause that's what she does. 372 00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:36,881 Ever since this whole thing started, 373 00:17:36,905 --> 00:17:38,606 she's been knocking me down. 374 00:17:38,674 --> 00:17:39,607 As far as I'm concerned, 375 00:17:39,675 --> 00:17:40,785 if they hire him as a lawyer, 376 00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:42,309 he's a lawyer. 377 00:17:42,377 --> 00:17:44,017 When I got hired as a school psychologist, 378 00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:45,606 do you think I knew the first thing about it? 379 00:17:45,630 --> 00:17:48,149 Thank you. 380 00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:51,452 Well, thank you very much, dad. 381 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:52,964 Could you-what? Could you move this crap? 382 00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:54,188 What is this? 383 00:17:54,256 --> 00:17:56,490 That's my ancestry report. 384 00:17:56,558 --> 00:17:58,091 This isn't even for you. 385 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,028 This is for Arthur spinner. 386 00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:07,534 Deacon, thank you for the ride to the senior center. 387 00:18:07,602 --> 00:18:09,070 You drive wonderfully. 388 00:18:09,137 --> 00:18:10,637 You're welcome, and by the way, 389 00:18:10,705 --> 00:18:11,715 with that money you gave me, 390 00:18:11,739 --> 00:18:13,457 I put some sweet new speakers in my car. 391 00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:15,142 Here. Check it out. 392 00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:16,877 Marvelous. Very rhythmic. 393 00:18:16,945 --> 00:18:19,397 That being said, 394 00:18:19,464 --> 00:18:21,098 you'll have to return them. 395 00:18:21,165 --> 00:18:22,900 What? 396 00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:25,636 I got the wrong ancestry report. 397 00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:27,905 My family were actually Irish gypsies. 398 00:18:27,972 --> 00:18:31,776 We never owned slaves. We were drunken thieves. 399 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:33,778 So? 400 00:18:33,845 --> 00:18:36,781 So I want my money back. 401 00:18:36,848 --> 00:18:39,166 Look, you forced me to take the money in the first place. 402 00:18:39,234 --> 00:18:41,101 I bought speakers. They're now part of my car. 403 00:18:41,169 --> 00:18:42,529 I'm not giving you your money back. 404 00:18:42,570 --> 00:18:43,371 Well, I think you are! 405 00:18:43,438 --> 00:18:45,122 Oh, I think I'm not! 406 00:18:45,189 --> 00:18:47,691 Damn it, man! You took those reparations under false pretenses. 407 00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:49,127 No, I took those reparations 408 00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:51,111 to get the hell out of your basement. 409 00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:54,932 Look, Arthur, 410 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,477 I'd give you your money back if I could, 411 00:18:56,501 --> 00:18:59,370 but I'm sorry. I just don't have the cash right now. 412 00:19:00,856 --> 00:19:02,656 Well, what about this? 413 00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:06,126 In lieu of cash, maybe you can pay me back 414 00:19:06,194 --> 00:19:09,730 in some type of... services. 415 00:19:11,749 --> 00:19:13,684 You know, help out around the house. 416 00:19:13,751 --> 00:19:15,920 Perhaps... 417 00:19:15,987 --> 00:19:18,455 Work the yard a bit. 418 00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:26,113 You want me to be your slave? 419 00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:28,832 It's not my first choice, 420 00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,769 but it would get us out of this mess. 421 00:19:38,793 --> 00:19:40,895 Hey. Did you talk to Rogers? 422 00:19:40,962 --> 00:19:42,062 Did you tell him no yet? 423 00:19:42,130 --> 00:19:43,463 No, I haven't talked to him yet. 424 00:19:43,531 --> 00:19:45,032 I'm still mulling. 425 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:48,369 And you're still not a lawyer. 426 00:19:56,211 --> 00:19:59,446 I'd be an awesome lawyer. 427 00:20:44,425 --> 00:20:46,761 Oh, God! 428 00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:49,496 Oh, that is not good! 429 00:20:51,482 --> 00:20:54,502 Boy, they sure yanked that limo pretty quick, huh? 430 00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,306 Shamahama!