1 00:00:32,474 --> 00:00:33,575 Hey. 2 00:00:33,599 --> 00:00:35,878 Hey, what's up, man? Hey, you guys remember Steve, 3 00:00:35,902 --> 00:00:37,484 the guy I worked with at the pizzeria? 4 00:00:37,509 --> 00:00:38,593 No. No. 5 00:00:38,695 --> 00:00:41,133 Remember how he moved to Vegas a couple years ago? 6 00:00:41,157 --> 00:00:42,735 Yes, Danny. I don't remember Steve, 7 00:00:42,759 --> 00:00:45,921 but I have a very clear memory of where he moved. 8 00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:47,306 Well, the guy's a real big shot now 9 00:00:47,330 --> 00:00:50,259 and he works for a hotel that looks like something in Europe. 10 00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:53,062 Uh, a pyramid, I think. 11 00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:54,430 And? 12 00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:57,933 And he still has his classic corvette garaged here in Queens. 13 00:00:57,957 --> 00:01:00,602 He said if I drive it out to Vegas for him, 14 00:01:00,626 --> 00:01:03,322 he'll hook us up. Free hotel, free food. 15 00:01:03,346 --> 00:01:04,796 Are you serious? Yes, yes! 16 00:01:07,085 --> 00:01:09,344 Is this for real, or is this just another one 17 00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:12,364 of your desperate ploys to be liked? 18 00:01:12,388 --> 00:01:14,533 No, this one's totally legit. 19 00:01:14,557 --> 00:01:17,269 Wait a minute. We don't have to act as drug mules, do we? 20 00:01:17,293 --> 00:01:19,771 I mean, I'll do it. I just need prep time. 21 00:01:19,795 --> 00:01:21,924 No, no, no. This is no strings attached. 22 00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,376 I pick up the car on Tuesday, 23 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:24,410 I drive it out there. 24 00:01:24,434 --> 00:01:26,378 You guys fly out and meet me. 25 00:01:26,402 --> 00:01:27,220 Who's in? 26 00:01:27,245 --> 00:01:28,329 I'm in. I'm in. 27 00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:30,471 Well, let's just say I'm all in. 28 00:01:30,894 --> 00:01:32,228 I just gotta run it by Kelly. 29 00:01:35,661 --> 00:01:36,939 Don't you have to ask Carrie? 30 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:39,441 Actually, yeah, I do. 31 00:01:39,465 --> 00:01:41,093 I don't have to ask anyone permission. 32 00:01:41,117 --> 00:01:42,895 That's why I'm single. 33 00:01:42,919 --> 00:01:45,364 Yeah, that's why. 34 00:01:45,388 --> 00:01:47,032 Are you sure you can get this by Carrie? 35 00:01:47,056 --> 00:01:49,935 I mean, she wouldn't even let you buy those walkie-talkies. 36 00:01:49,959 --> 00:01:51,186 Hey, that's not over, 37 00:01:51,210 --> 00:01:53,756 and, yeah, I can handle Carrie when I need to. 38 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,275 You know what? I gotta pick her up at her salon at 5. 39 00:01:56,299 --> 00:01:57,576 I'll just say somethin' like, 40 00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,311 "Carrie, have I told you 41 00:01:59,335 --> 00:02:02,014 you look even more beautiful than the day I met you?" 42 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,448 She'll melt like butter, 43 00:02:03,472 --> 00:02:06,719 and then it's hello, angry drunken gambling. 44 00:02:06,743 --> 00:02:08,971 Yes! 45 00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:11,123 Carrie, have I told you 46 00:02:11,147 --> 00:02:14,226 you look even more beautiful than the day I met you? 47 00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:15,794 What's that? 48 00:02:15,818 --> 00:02:18,430 You want me to go to Vegas for the weekend? 49 00:02:18,454 --> 00:02:21,022 Okay. 50 00:02:22,508 --> 00:02:25,321 Double-stuffed apple pie. 51 00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:28,163 I heard they were working on something like that. 52 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,120 Yes, I'd like to try your new double-stuffed 53 00:02:41,144 --> 00:02:42,388 fudge-covered apple pie. 54 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,790 Will that be all? 55 00:02:44,814 --> 00:02:46,491 You know, as long as you got the grill on, 56 00:02:46,515 --> 00:02:49,868 I'll take a double whammer with cheese. 57 00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,946 Come on. 58 00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:11,173 Okay. Yeah, yeah, napkins. Okay, yeah. 59 00:03:17,814 --> 00:03:19,758 Uh, could we hurry this up, please? 60 00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:21,427 I- I really need to get going. 61 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:22,360 Oh, the pie's not ready. 62 00:03:22,384 --> 00:03:23,461 They have to heat the fudge 63 00:03:23,485 --> 00:03:25,153 because it's too thick to pour. 64 00:03:26,489 --> 00:03:28,701 Too thick to... 65 00:03:28,725 --> 00:03:30,492 I'll wait. 66 00:03:50,329 --> 00:03:52,363 Hey. How's it going? 67 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,445 Where the hell have you been? 68 00:03:56,469 --> 00:03:58,581 There was a huge accident way back. 69 00:03:58,605 --> 00:03:59,882 Like, three tractor trailers 70 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,451 hit another tractor trailer. It was, like, jackknifed, 71 00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:05,137 and there were, like, people lined up for miles. 72 00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:07,272 And they, uh-The cops came and it was a whole- 73 00:04:07,296 --> 00:04:08,880 They gotta put in a light over there. 74 00:04:10,099 --> 00:04:11,477 What? 75 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:14,903 Is that fudge on your face? 76 00:04:19,909 --> 00:04:22,254 How the hell did that get there? 77 00:04:22,278 --> 00:04:24,612 Did you stop for fudge? 78 00:04:25,882 --> 00:04:28,093 Have I told you you're more beautiful 79 00:04:28,117 --> 00:04:30,018 than the day I met you? 80 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:37,119 I can't believe you screwed up our whole Vegas plan 81 00:04:37,143 --> 00:04:39,038 for fudge. 82 00:04:39,062 --> 00:04:42,224 Again, it was too thick 83 00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:44,466 to pour. 84 00:04:46,635 --> 00:04:48,546 I just bought a very expensive neck pillow 85 00:04:48,570 --> 00:04:52,184 and now I have nowhere to fly. Thanks a lot. 86 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:53,568 Look, we can sit around here all day 87 00:04:53,592 --> 00:04:55,603 trying to decide who's at fault, okay? 88 00:04:55,627 --> 00:04:56,972 But I say we work on a solution. 89 00:04:56,996 --> 00:04:58,924 The solution was not to hit the drive-through 90 00:04:58,948 --> 00:05:00,893 and leave your wife in the rain. 91 00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:03,545 Yeah? Tell it to the belly, okay? 92 00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:05,648 Look, it's not that bad. I didn't even ask her yet. 93 00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:08,817 I just gotta figure a way to get back on her good side, 94 00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:12,071 build up enough credit so she forgets the whole rain thing. 95 00:05:12,095 --> 00:05:13,272 No, man, that just gets you even. 96 00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:15,857 You gotta earn extra credit to get us to Vegas. 97 00:05:15,881 --> 00:05:18,277 You know, you might be right. 98 00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:20,812 Gosh, I need something huge. 99 00:05:20,836 --> 00:05:23,882 You know, something nice, thoughtful. 100 00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:25,317 Something sensitive. 101 00:05:25,341 --> 00:05:27,175 Something almost gay. 102 00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:31,423 What do you got? 103 00:05:31,447 --> 00:05:33,315 Well, 104 00:05:34,617 --> 00:05:37,212 you could take her to a wellness spa. 105 00:05:37,236 --> 00:05:39,798 That sounds pretty gay. 106 00:05:39,822 --> 00:05:41,400 What is it? 107 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:42,901 It's a place where they rejuvenate you 108 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:45,370 spiritually and physically. I went to one in the Poconos. 109 00:05:45,394 --> 00:05:47,039 They have a great couples package. 110 00:05:47,063 --> 00:05:47,940 Couples? 111 00:05:47,964 --> 00:05:50,209 Well, not only couples in a sense 112 00:05:50,233 --> 00:05:51,610 of two married or dating people. 113 00:05:51,634 --> 00:05:53,612 It could be a couple of friends, or uh- 114 00:05:53,636 --> 00:05:55,781 Son and his mother. 115 00:05:55,805 --> 00:05:57,849 We had separate beds. 116 00:05:57,873 --> 00:06:00,185 That sounds like something Carrie would love 117 00:06:00,209 --> 00:06:01,954 and it would get you the credit you need. 118 00:06:01,978 --> 00:06:04,489 Yeah, it's just the whole idea of wellness. 119 00:06:04,513 --> 00:06:05,757 It just sounds wrong. 120 00:06:05,781 --> 00:06:07,459 Ah. Hey, don't worry about it. 121 00:06:07,483 --> 00:06:10,729 The wellness will bounce off you like bullets off Superman. 122 00:06:10,753 --> 00:06:13,681 You know what? You're right. Three days at a wellness center 123 00:06:13,705 --> 00:06:16,418 can't put a dent in me. 124 00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:19,361 I use bacon as a condiment. 125 00:06:25,768 --> 00:06:27,412 Hey, Arthur. Is Doug here? 126 00:06:27,436 --> 00:06:29,530 No. He and Carrie left for the weekend. 127 00:06:29,554 --> 00:06:31,750 Oh, that's right. I was gonna ask him something 128 00:06:31,774 --> 00:06:33,885 about our Vegas trip. 129 00:06:33,909 --> 00:06:36,454 You're going to Vegas? Las Vegas? 130 00:06:36,478 --> 00:06:37,722 Yeah. 131 00:06:37,746 --> 00:06:39,558 I got a foolproof card-counting system 132 00:06:39,582 --> 00:06:40,958 to beat the house at blackjack. 133 00:06:40,982 --> 00:06:42,417 Works every time. 134 00:06:43,535 --> 00:06:45,446 If you've got this winning system, 135 00:06:45,470 --> 00:06:48,250 why do you still live in Doug's basement? 136 00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:51,920 Why haven't you paid me back the $37 you owe me? 137 00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:54,189 You want your filthy money, fine. 138 00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:58,517 Let's settle this thing once and for all. 139 00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:02,030 You wanna learn the system or not? 140 00:07:02,054 --> 00:07:03,365 Yeah. 141 00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:05,573 The fee is $37. 142 00:07:11,947 --> 00:07:14,025 And this will be your living space for the weekend 143 00:07:14,049 --> 00:07:15,493 and you don't need a key. 144 00:07:15,517 --> 00:07:18,230 Here at the Zen Wellness Center, we don't believe in locks. 145 00:07:18,254 --> 00:07:19,997 Oh. Maybe you should, 146 00:07:20,021 --> 00:07:21,789 'cause it looks like you've been robbed. 147 00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:27,245 I gotta tell ya, I ain't hatin' this. 148 00:07:28,414 --> 00:07:30,943 So, uh, is the TV in the other room, 149 00:07:30,967 --> 00:07:34,062 or does it pop out of something? 150 00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:35,380 There's no TV. 151 00:07:35,404 --> 00:07:37,082 We believe that TV is the gateway 152 00:07:37,106 --> 00:07:40,335 to negative thoughts and sadness. 153 00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:43,705 Not if you have the football package. 154 00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:45,473 Honey. You're gonna love the bathroom. 155 00:07:45,497 --> 00:07:48,043 They have a tub you can land a plane in. 156 00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,584 Ah. That sound like a lot of fun. 157 00:07:58,527 --> 00:08:00,594 So is the, uh, TV in the bar? 158 00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:03,558 We don't have a bar. 159 00:08:03,582 --> 00:08:07,229 I need to speak to your supervisor. 160 00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:09,915 Well, here's a list of our treatment options. 161 00:08:09,939 --> 00:08:11,817 Have a wonderful stay. 162 00:08:11,841 --> 00:08:14,252 Okay. 163 00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:15,437 Okay, honey, 164 00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:18,373 to avoid a repeat of the honeymoon incident, 165 00:08:18,397 --> 00:08:20,932 the second thing in there is not a toilet. 166 00:08:22,401 --> 00:08:24,279 It's a bidet. 167 00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:25,713 Okay, thanks for the heads-up. 168 00:08:25,737 --> 00:08:27,949 You're gonna love this place. Look at this. 169 00:08:27,973 --> 00:08:30,402 Aroma therapy, shiatsu massage, 170 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,137 and to bring it all home, 171 00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:34,345 colon irrigation. 172 00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:37,108 How great is this place, huh? 173 00:08:37,132 --> 00:08:38,526 No, it's great. It's pretty great. 174 00:08:38,550 --> 00:08:40,835 Just one question, though. What's goin' on? 175 00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,047 What do you mean? 176 00:08:43,071 --> 00:08:45,200 Well, the whole taking me away to a spa for a weekend 177 00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:46,568 doesn't really sync up 178 00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:49,404 with the rest of our marriage. 179 00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:51,589 What, a husband can't do something nice for his wife 180 00:08:51,613 --> 00:08:52,607 just to do it? 181 00:08:52,631 --> 00:08:54,059 Well, somethin's goin' on. Oh. 182 00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:55,594 I see. Something's got to be going on 183 00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,662 for me to do something nice? Is that how it works? 184 00:08:57,686 --> 00:09:00,782 Something's gotta be going on. 185 00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:03,135 Look, Doug, I didn't mean it that way, okay? 186 00:09:03,159 --> 00:09:04,969 It's just, I'm surprised, that's all. 187 00:09:04,993 --> 00:09:06,822 Well, did it ever occur to you that I'm trying 188 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,814 to be a better man? 189 00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:14,079 A new and improved Doug, huh? 190 00:09:14,103 --> 00:09:15,964 You know what? Just forget it. 191 00:09:15,988 --> 00:09:17,882 Look, honey, I just thought- 192 00:09:17,906 --> 00:09:20,742 Yeah, it's pretty clear what you thought. 193 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,655 Doug, I'm sorry, honey. 194 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:27,125 This was a very sweet thing for you to do 195 00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,960 and I love the new and improved Doug. 196 00:09:28,984 --> 00:09:31,096 Just trying to make you happy. And I am happy. I am. 197 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,731 That's what a relationship's about, 198 00:09:32,755 --> 00:09:34,650 making each other happy, yeah? Yes. 199 00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:35,984 If something that made me happy, 200 00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:37,569 I'm sure you'd want me to do it. 201 00:09:37,593 --> 00:09:40,061 Of course, I would. Of course, you would. 202 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:44,165 These are the moments, honey, we gotta remember. 203 00:09:51,940 --> 00:09:55,253 The cards you wanna count are the tens, jacks, queens, kings. 204 00:09:55,277 --> 00:09:56,921 Okay, I got that. So you can communicate 205 00:09:56,945 --> 00:09:59,290 without arousing suspicion, each card has a nickname. 206 00:09:59,314 --> 00:10:00,892 Say hello to Alfred Lord Tennyson, 207 00:10:00,916 --> 00:10:02,226 Johnny Switchblade, 208 00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:05,263 Mississippi Mabel, and The Farmer in the Dell. 209 00:10:05,287 --> 00:10:09,017 Aren't there shorter names that make sense? 210 00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,368 This is the system. 211 00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:13,193 Why can't you be more like Rain Man? 212 00:10:14,747 --> 00:10:17,492 Oh-Okay, those-Those names are fine. 213 00:10:17,516 --> 00:10:20,762 Now, sometimes your eyes can give you away. 214 00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:24,589 So I want you to wear these. 215 00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:35,160 Why are you wearing gym stuff? 216 00:10:35,184 --> 00:10:37,963 They told me to when I signed up for the men's package. 217 00:10:37,987 --> 00:10:40,331 Oh, I signed up for the relaxation package. 218 00:10:40,355 --> 00:10:41,717 What's the difference? 219 00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:42,950 Aagh! Breathe, breathe, 220 00:10:42,974 --> 00:10:44,018 Find your center. 221 00:10:44,042 --> 00:10:46,578 I can't feel my center. 222 00:10:50,365 --> 00:10:51,793 Oh, come- 223 00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:52,894 Oh, come on. 224 00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:56,054 Reach back and grab your heel. 225 00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:00,218 Okay, and seven more. 226 00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:02,621 Six, and five, and four, and three- 227 00:11:02,645 --> 00:11:03,978 You can do two more! Come- 228 00:11:37,062 --> 00:11:38,990 This better be good. 229 00:11:39,014 --> 00:11:41,410 Hey, Doug, it's me. How's the spa thing going? 230 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:44,362 It's brutal. They're killing me here. 231 00:11:44,386 --> 00:11:45,697 Come on. It can't be that bad. 232 00:11:45,721 --> 00:11:48,232 Tomorrow, I'm scheduled for them to pour coffee 233 00:11:48,256 --> 00:11:50,925 into a part of my body where it doesn't belong. 234 00:11:52,728 --> 00:11:54,806 I'm telling you, man, I'm out of here. 235 00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:56,941 But Danny's already driving. 236 00:11:56,965 --> 00:11:58,409 You have to stick it out... 237 00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:00,501 for Vegas. 238 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,098 I can't do it. 239 00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:04,332 You can. Now come on, man. 240 00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:07,803 Gambling, buffets, free drinks. 241 00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:08,970 I just can't do it. 242 00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:10,872 You know what I heard just opened up? 243 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:13,798 A topless doughnut shop. 244 00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:23,518 A topless doughnut shop? 245 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:26,354 Do they make 'em fresh? 246 00:12:26,378 --> 00:12:28,646 Every hour. 247 00:12:32,050 --> 00:12:34,329 All right. I'm back in... 248 00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:36,354 for Vegas. 249 00:12:48,483 --> 00:12:50,345 May I take your car, sir? Oh, hey. 250 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,253 Uh, yeah. That'd be great. 251 00:13:19,181 --> 00:13:20,608 How could you possibly think 252 00:13:20,632 --> 00:13:24,713 there'd be valet parking at a diner in Kutztown, Ohio? 253 00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,448 I have never been to Ohio. 254 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:29,718 I don't know the local customs. 255 00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:31,069 I got all this credit with Carrie 256 00:13:31,093 --> 00:13:33,054 and nothin' to use it on. 257 00:13:33,078 --> 00:13:34,939 Why don't you just save it and put it in the bank 258 00:13:34,963 --> 00:13:36,574 and use it for another thing? 259 00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,343 You can't put wife credit in the bank. 260 00:13:38,367 --> 00:13:40,411 Why not? It's like a piece of fish. 261 00:13:40,435 --> 00:13:43,532 As soon as you get it, it starts going bad. 262 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,701 He's right. With each passing minute, 263 00:13:46,725 --> 00:13:48,904 Carrie's forgetting all about that spa. 264 00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:51,606 I gotta use that credit quick or it's gonna be gone. 265 00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:54,475 What do I wanna do? What could be fun? 266 00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:56,311 Help me find something fun. 267 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,062 Well, come on, look. Um... 268 00:13:58,086 --> 00:13:59,864 Oh, hey, the Lipizzaner Stallions 269 00:13:59,888 --> 00:14:02,551 are coming to the Equestrian Center. 270 00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:05,726 Great. You and Mommy can have a good time. 271 00:14:08,856 --> 00:14:10,974 What? Ah. "Garfield." 272 00:14:12,301 --> 00:14:13,711 Hey, hey, how about this? 273 00:14:13,735 --> 00:14:16,904 Tony Orlando's doing a show right here in Queens. 274 00:14:19,875 --> 00:14:23,905 I'm just saying the man had a lot of hits. 275 00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:27,131 Still. Keep looking. 276 00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:37,285 Arthur, what are we doing here? 277 00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:40,371 I thought you said we were gonna go see the Lipizzaner Stallions. 278 00:14:40,395 --> 00:14:41,789 We clean out this place, you can buy 279 00:14:41,813 --> 00:14:44,292 all the high-steppin' horses you want. 280 00:14:44,316 --> 00:14:46,227 This casino night is for charity. 281 00:14:46,251 --> 00:14:47,295 It doesn't feel right. 282 00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:48,929 Look, you blew your shot at Vegas, 283 00:14:48,953 --> 00:14:51,616 but that doesn't mean all our hard work should go to waste. 284 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,425 Now, let's light this candle. 285 00:14:59,097 --> 00:15:01,676 I read three books by Alfred Lord Tennyson. 286 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,144 In one of them, Mississippi Mabel 287 00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:05,936 and The Farmer in the Dell had a double date. 288 00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:08,305 Hit me. 289 00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:13,294 Twenty-one. Another winner. 290 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,459 Spence Olchin, is that you? 291 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:20,211 Oh, Father Sheehan, hi. 292 00:15:20,235 --> 00:15:23,498 Why don't you take a break? I'll deal for a while. 293 00:15:23,522 --> 00:15:26,001 Haven't seen you in confession in a while, Spence. 294 00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:28,893 Uh, I've been doing it online. 295 00:15:30,161 --> 00:15:31,806 Ah. Blackjack. 296 00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:32,807 Ha-ha! Yeah, yeah! 297 00:15:32,831 --> 00:15:34,916 And the rich get richer. 298 00:15:54,937 --> 00:15:56,581 Oh, God, I can't take it anymore! 299 00:15:56,605 --> 00:15:58,867 I- I've been cheating. I've been counting cards. 300 00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:02,359 Here, take my chips. Please forgive me, Father. 301 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,566 Well, it appears this seat is open. 302 00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:14,539 I'm gonna need a line of credit. 303 00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:18,152 Kelly's lettin' you go? 304 00:16:18,176 --> 00:16:20,143 All right. Well, it's gonna be awesome, Deac. 305 00:16:21,296 --> 00:16:23,141 I'm home. Yeah, you know what? 306 00:16:23,165 --> 00:16:24,709 Carrie's here. Uh, I'll call you back 307 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,644 as soon as I get the thumbs up. 308 00:16:26,668 --> 00:16:29,564 Hey, there's my special little gal. 309 00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:31,649 That was Deac on the phone. Oh, I had the worst day. 310 00:16:31,673 --> 00:16:34,369 He just happened-Yeah. Where's our aspirin? 311 00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:35,937 Oh, good. Here it is. 312 00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:36,971 What happened? 313 00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,406 Ah, work was a nightmare, 314 00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:40,075 and on the way home, the subway stalled 315 00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:41,576 and I was wedged up against some guy 316 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,601 who was morally opposed to showering. 317 00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:47,966 So I just feel pretty crappy. 318 00:16:47,990 --> 00:16:49,817 Well, I don't want you to feel crappy. 319 00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:51,118 I want you to feel good. 320 00:16:51,142 --> 00:16:53,521 You know, like you felt when I took you to that spa. 321 00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:55,990 Huh? Oh, right, that. Compared to the day I had today, 322 00:16:56,014 --> 00:16:58,593 the spa feels like that was 1000 years ago. 323 00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:01,212 Yeah, but it wasn't. 324 00:17:01,236 --> 00:17:03,214 It was just this past weekend. 325 00:17:03,238 --> 00:17:04,882 Hey, I got an idea. 326 00:17:04,906 --> 00:17:06,250 Why don't we get you back to that 327 00:17:06,274 --> 00:17:09,771 relaxed spa frame of mind right now? 328 00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,706 No, honey, I just wanna go upstairs and get the smell 329 00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:13,525 of unwashed hippie out of my nose, okay? 330 00:17:13,549 --> 00:17:15,510 Come on. I'll just give you a quick little massage 331 00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:17,144 here on the couch. It'll be nice. 332 00:17:17,168 --> 00:17:18,245 Oh, okay. 333 00:17:18,269 --> 00:17:20,715 Yeah, sit right down. 334 00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:21,816 Thank you, honey. 335 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,984 There you go. 336 00:17:24,008 --> 00:17:24,985 Okay. 337 00:17:25,009 --> 00:17:27,054 Oh, how does that feel, huh? 338 00:17:27,078 --> 00:17:28,423 Feels good. Good. 339 00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:29,590 This is really sweet of you. 340 00:17:29,614 --> 00:17:31,292 No problem. You know what? 341 00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:33,327 I got another surprise for you. 342 00:17:33,351 --> 00:17:36,597 You remember that Sounds of the Ocean CD, 343 00:17:36,621 --> 00:17:38,733 the relaxation one they had at the spa? 344 00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:39,967 Oh, you got it? 345 00:17:39,991 --> 00:17:42,236 Nope. 346 00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:44,462 But I don't need it. 347 00:18:19,614 --> 00:18:20,842 What the hell was that? 348 00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:22,527 It's-It's a beach cat. 349 00:18:22,551 --> 00:18:24,395 That's right. It's a beach cat. Relax. 350 00:18:24,419 --> 00:18:26,163 It feels good, doesn't it? Yeah. Honey, 351 00:18:26,187 --> 00:18:28,399 I gotta tell you, you've been really sweet lately. 352 00:18:28,423 --> 00:18:29,800 I like the new and improved Doug. 353 00:18:29,824 --> 00:18:31,369 Well, you know what? You deserve it. 354 00:18:31,393 --> 00:18:34,122 Yeah? Well, how about you come upstairs 355 00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:36,557 and I show you the new and improved Carrie? 356 00:18:36,581 --> 00:18:38,525 Oh. All right. 357 00:18:38,549 --> 00:18:40,594 Wow. 358 00:18:40,618 --> 00:18:42,830 And, uh, how about tonight we play. 359 00:18:42,854 --> 00:18:46,690 "High Society Lady and Sweaty Cabana Boy?" 360 00:18:49,043 --> 00:18:52,657 Really? But you said what cabana boy wanna do 361 00:18:52,681 --> 00:18:55,543 no es bueno. 362 00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:57,778 Well, since you did the spa thing for me, 363 00:18:57,802 --> 00:19:00,604 I think I can do this for you. 364 00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:04,075 Since I did the spa thing. 365 00:19:05,499 --> 00:19:06,766 No, wait! 366 00:19:09,247 --> 00:19:11,826 I believe I asked for a margarita 367 00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:15,887 and a fresh towel an hour ago, Pepe. Where are they? 368 00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:19,984 I just don't think we should do this right now, Carrie. 369 00:19:20,008 --> 00:19:21,669 Okay, my name is not Carrie. 370 00:19:21,693 --> 00:19:24,739 It's Penelope Van Smythe. 371 00:19:24,763 --> 00:19:26,190 Now, 372 00:19:26,214 --> 00:19:28,426 get on the lounge chair, 373 00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:30,928 you filthy cabana boy. 374 00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:32,547 Look, I just-You know what it is? 375 00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:34,398 I pulled a hammy on the way up the stairs. 376 00:19:34,422 --> 00:19:36,784 Okay, okay, I get it. I get it. Come on, take a rain check. 377 00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:38,303 You're puttin' up a fight. 378 00:19:38,327 --> 00:19:39,787 Now, you stay on this lounge chair, 379 00:19:39,811 --> 00:19:41,856 or I will have you fired, Pepe. Okay. You know- 380 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,490 I don't wanna do this. Stop it. I- 381 00:19:43,514 --> 00:19:44,726 Stop it! What's the matter? 382 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,594 I don't wanna do it! Why? 383 00:19:46,618 --> 00:19:49,019 I don't wanna waste my credit on sex! 384 00:19:49,737 --> 00:19:51,900 What? 385 00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:53,601 The credit I get for taking you to the spa. 386 00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:55,636 I wanna use it to go to the Indian Casino 387 00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:58,863 to watch the Ultimate Fighting Championship this weekend. 388 00:20:00,315 --> 00:20:03,911 Okay, let me see if I understand this correctly. 389 00:20:03,935 --> 00:20:06,013 You only took me to the spa 390 00:20:06,037 --> 00:20:08,049 because you wanted a credit 391 00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:10,084 which you don't wanna waste 392 00:20:10,108 --> 00:20:12,476 by having sex with me? 393 00:20:15,497 --> 00:20:17,375 It sounds bad when you lay it out like that. 394 00:20:17,399 --> 00:20:19,526 Oh, my God, Doug! I can't believe you! 395 00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:21,295 There's no new and improved Doug. 396 00:20:21,319 --> 00:20:24,549 It's just the same old selfish, lying Doug. 397 00:20:24,573 --> 00:20:27,802 I like to refer to it as "Doug Classic." 398 00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:30,437 Look, it doesn't matter why I took you to the spa. 399 00:20:30,461 --> 00:20:31,839 The point is, you had a good time, 400 00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:33,891 and I should get credit for that. 401 00:20:33,915 --> 00:20:37,695 Oh. Okay. Not only do you not get any credit for the spa, 402 00:20:37,719 --> 00:20:40,298 but you just forfeited any possible credit 403 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:44,152 for years to come for you and Pepe. 404 00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:47,944 But I went through hell. They put coffee in me! 405 00:20:49,497 --> 00:20:53,828 And I hope it was piping hot. 406 00:20:53,852 --> 00:20:56,103 I deserve somethin'. 407 00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:03,310 The man does have a lot of hits. 408 00:21:10,251 --> 00:21:12,347 Hey! 409 00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:14,732 Blackjack. You win again. 410 00:21:14,756 --> 00:21:17,267 Well, looks like you've cleaned us out. 411 00:21:17,291 --> 00:21:20,494 I guess the orphans will have to spend the summer in the city. 412 00:21:32,307 --> 00:21:34,408 I'll take this in cash, please.