1 00:00:04,904 --> 00:00:06,748 Wow. 2 00:00:06,772 --> 00:00:09,751 Do you know what Ayatollah Khomeini's first name was? 3 00:00:09,775 --> 00:00:11,103 What? 4 00:00:11,127 --> 00:00:14,190 Ruhollah. 5 00:00:14,214 --> 00:00:16,742 So? What'd you think it was? 6 00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:17,766 Ayatollah. 7 00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:22,398 Ayatollah's not a name. It's a title. 8 00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:23,422 Pffft! 9 00:00:27,243 --> 00:00:29,888 Did you just give me a 'Pffft'? 10 00:00:29,912 --> 00:00:31,323 Like I'm some kind of idiot 11 00:00:31,347 --> 00:00:33,709 for thinking that Ayatollah could be a first name? 12 00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:36,595 Ok, you're not an idiot. It's just not a name, ok? 13 00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:38,897 Oh, really? It just so happens that I played 14 00:00:38,921 --> 00:00:41,022 high-school baseball with a guy named Ayatollah. 15 00:00:42,268 --> 00:00:42,927 Really? 16 00:00:42,952 --> 00:00:43,952 Yep. 17 00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:48,531 Ayatollah Rodriguez. 18 00:00:48,556 --> 00:00:50,875 That's funny. You never mentioned him before. 19 00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,502 Really? I never mentioned Tollie? 20 00:00:55,304 --> 00:00:58,049 That's weird, 'cause we were pretty tight. 21 00:00:58,073 --> 00:01:00,842 I actually took his sister Beth to the junior prom. 22 00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:05,791 Doug, I'm gonna make you an offer, okay? 23 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,760 Stop talking right now, 24 00:01:07,784 --> 00:01:11,864 and we can pretend this never happened. 25 00:01:11,888 --> 00:01:13,465 I'm not gonna pretend my best friend 26 00:01:13,489 --> 00:01:15,523 from high school never happened. 27 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,678 Hello? 28 00:01:26,702 --> 00:01:30,215 Yes, hello. This is, uh, Ayatollah Rodriguez. 29 00:01:30,239 --> 00:01:32,640 Is my old high-school baseball friend, Doug, there? 30 00:02:23,993 --> 00:02:26,594 Explain to me what I'm looking at? 31 00:02:29,965 --> 00:02:32,060 Before you judge me, 32 00:02:32,084 --> 00:02:34,069 let me walk you through it. 33 00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:38,150 I settled in, I started eating, 34 00:02:38,174 --> 00:02:40,509 and then I realized I didn't have a place to put the bones. 35 00:02:41,877 --> 00:02:44,022 I didn't want to put 'em on the sheets, 36 00:02:44,046 --> 00:02:47,349 'cause you made it very clear you don't like that. 37 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,397 Long story short, 38 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,887 I've invented the shirt plate. 39 00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:57,787 Doug, I left dinner for you in the refrigerator. 40 00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,238 I didn't see it. No? 41 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,123 'Cause I labeled it "Doug's dinner." 42 00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,815 Oh, I thought that said "Dog's dinner." 43 00:03:05,217 --> 00:03:07,963 I figured you were surprising me with a puppy. 44 00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,265 Come on. This isn't funny. 45 00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,599 You're telling me. 46 00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:12,802 All day long, I thought I was getting a puppy. 47 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:15,404 Honey, you promised me you would stick to your diet. 48 00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:18,057 Aren't you at all concerned about your health? 49 00:03:18,081 --> 00:03:20,993 I'll tell you what I am concerned about. 50 00:03:21,017 --> 00:03:24,169 My blue cheese cup am empty. 51 00:03:25,922 --> 00:03:27,322 Carrie! 52 00:03:33,429 --> 00:03:35,857 Look at this. Low-fat mayo, cottage cheese, 53 00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:37,526 garden burgers, all untouched. 54 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,995 Why do I even bother buying this stuff? 55 00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:41,453 That's what I've been saying! 56 00:03:42,939 --> 00:03:44,940 You gotta find a new go-to move. 57 00:03:46,109 --> 00:03:47,602 Doug, it's just so frustrating. 58 00:03:47,626 --> 00:03:49,071 I mean over and over again, 59 00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:50,872 you promise me you're gonna lose weight, 60 00:03:50,896 --> 00:03:52,140 and then you actually do it, 61 00:03:52,164 --> 00:03:53,308 and then I'm so proud of you, 62 00:03:53,332 --> 00:03:55,610 and then every single time, without fail, 63 00:03:55,634 --> 00:03:57,712 you fall off the wagon. 64 00:03:57,736 --> 00:03:59,070 And then you eat the wagon. 65 00:04:00,290 --> 00:04:02,351 Calm down. I'll be fine. 66 00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:03,635 Doug, you're not fine, okay? 67 00:04:03,659 --> 00:04:05,104 Your eating is out of control. 68 00:04:05,128 --> 00:04:07,055 Would you back it off? Yeah, fine, fine. 69 00:04:07,079 --> 00:04:09,458 I will back off. Okay, 'cause I am tired 70 00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:11,276 of banging my head against the wall. 71 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:12,627 W- You know what? Here, here. 72 00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:14,096 Have cookies for dinner, okay? 73 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,464 I give up. I officially give up. 74 00:04:15,488 --> 00:04:16,654 You happy? 75 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,675 What are you doing?! 76 00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:28,099 You said you gave up! 77 00:04:32,655 --> 00:04:34,383 I'm telling you, Doug, as soon as I heard 78 00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:36,051 about this over eaters support group, 79 00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:38,020 I had a really good feeling about it. 80 00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,890 And I've got a bad feeling. It's called hunger. 81 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:43,108 We just had a delicious dinner. 82 00:04:43,132 --> 00:04:44,226 It was salmon. 83 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,061 Salmon's delicious. The hell it is. 84 00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:48,019 The only people who like salmon are bears. 85 00:04:49,672 --> 00:04:52,984 Okay, Doug, you really need this group, okay? 86 00:04:53,008 --> 00:04:54,953 And, listen, you're gonna be meeting people 87 00:04:54,977 --> 00:04:57,957 who are struggling with the same things you are. 88 00:04:57,981 --> 00:05:00,308 It's gonna be me and a roomful of big, fat losers! 89 00:05:00,332 --> 00:05:01,944 Now that is not true. 90 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:05,247 Okay, they may be big, but they are not losers. 91 00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:07,132 I bet you they're really cool. 92 00:05:07,156 --> 00:05:09,167 Yeah, that guy they had to cut out of his apartment, 93 00:05:09,191 --> 00:05:10,392 he's super cool. 94 00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:15,023 Well, in a way, he was. 95 00:05:15,047 --> 00:05:16,825 I mean we're talking about him right now. 96 00:05:16,849 --> 00:05:17,826 And that's cool. 97 00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:19,194 I don't want to do this, come on. 98 00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:20,195 Honey, You have to go. 99 00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:22,014 I don't. You do. Doug... 100 00:05:22,038 --> 00:05:23,081 Sometimes when you look at me, 101 00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:24,817 I think you're seeing a giant pork chop 102 00:05:24,841 --> 00:05:26,268 with my head on it. 103 00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:27,669 With your head on it? 104 00:05:27,693 --> 00:05:29,271 Get over yourself. 105 00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:30,679 All right, go. 106 00:05:40,906 --> 00:05:42,074 Is there even any dip? 107 00:05:57,757 --> 00:06:02,203 Okay, people, let's get started. 108 00:06:02,227 --> 00:06:04,473 You there. You're new. 109 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:05,774 What's your name? 110 00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:08,527 Me? Uh, Doug. 111 00:06:08,551 --> 00:06:10,529 Welcome, Doug. I'm Neil. 112 00:06:10,553 --> 00:06:11,553 Please, join us. 113 00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:14,489 Is this how to hem your own pants? 114 00:06:17,593 --> 00:06:20,155 No, Doug. This is a group for men 115 00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:21,613 in abusive relationships. 116 00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:28,663 Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here. 117 00:06:28,687 --> 00:06:30,282 I'll put these back. 118 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,891 Except for this one, 'cause I put a thumb print in it already. 119 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:34,887 Doug, Yeah? 120 00:06:34,911 --> 00:06:36,628 We all know what you're going through. 121 00:06:37,447 --> 00:06:39,008 You're scared. 122 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,309 You don't want to admit there's a problem, 123 00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:44,312 but you were brave enough to come here tonight. 124 00:06:44,336 --> 00:06:46,915 Be brave enough to stay. 125 00:06:46,939 --> 00:06:48,533 Really, I, uh- 126 00:06:48,557 --> 00:06:49,968 I don't belong here. 127 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,353 We all felt that way at first, Doug. 128 00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:52,610 Yeah, it's true. 129 00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:00,812 So, why are you here tonight? 130 00:07:00,836 --> 00:07:02,570 You had doughnuts. 131 00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:07,826 And who doesn't let you have doughnuts, Doug? 132 00:07:09,978 --> 00:07:11,290 My wife. But the thing is- 133 00:07:11,314 --> 00:07:14,126 Does she ever yell at you about eating doughnuts? 134 00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:15,928 Yeah. 135 00:07:15,952 --> 00:07:18,647 Does it ever get physical? 136 00:07:18,671 --> 00:07:21,683 Hit you, slap you, throw things at you? 137 00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:23,408 Yesterday she... twisted my nipples. 138 00:07:28,831 --> 00:07:33,479 And does all of her anger just make you want to eat more? 139 00:07:33,503 --> 00:07:34,503 Okay. 140 00:07:36,339 --> 00:07:40,051 No, it's not okay, Doug. 141 00:07:40,075 --> 00:07:42,477 But it's how you get by, isn't it? 142 00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:46,542 So you're saying... 143 00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:48,900 my overeating is... her fault. 144 00:07:51,354 --> 00:07:53,405 I think that's what you're saying, Doug. 145 00:07:57,209 --> 00:07:59,488 Then she comes in like hell on wheels, 146 00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:01,022 "You're so fat!" 147 00:08:01,046 --> 00:08:02,457 "Don't eat that off your chest! 148 00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:05,093 I can't believe you're so fat!" 149 00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:07,262 She wonders why I gain weight. 150 00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:09,681 I mean, maybe it's 'cause all the names she calls me. 151 00:08:09,705 --> 00:08:10,748 You know. Fatty. Chunky. 152 00:08:10,772 --> 00:08:11,990 Sir Eats-a-Lot. 153 00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:15,437 So she starts yelling at the waiter. 154 00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,739 Now... I can't look at the poor guy, 155 00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:20,141 and I... certainly can't look at her, 156 00:08:20,165 --> 00:08:21,827 so I look down at my plate. 157 00:08:21,851 --> 00:08:23,678 Hello, jambalaya. 158 00:08:23,702 --> 00:08:25,370 You won't twist my nipples, will you? 159 00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:30,035 Mr. Big-pants. 160 00:08:30,059 --> 00:08:32,304 Fat Damon. 161 00:08:32,328 --> 00:08:33,577 Enormo the clown. 162 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,480 Enormo. 163 00:08:37,482 --> 00:08:39,517 You know what? My name is Doug. 164 00:08:40,085 --> 00:08:42,620 Just Doug. 165 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,159 It's just Doug. 166 00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:53,441 Hey, baby. How'd it go tonight? 167 00:08:53,465 --> 00:08:54,693 It was good. 168 00:08:54,717 --> 00:08:56,445 Have you been crying? 169 00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,479 A little. 170 00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:59,814 You get into some stuff in there. 171 00:08:59,838 --> 00:09:02,674 Oh, honey. I am so proud of you. 172 00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:08,874 Hey! 173 00:09:08,898 --> 00:09:10,881 Moron, watch where you're going! 174 00:09:12,401 --> 00:09:15,420 Magoo, mooooove! 175 00:09:20,909 --> 00:09:22,943 Friggin' idiot. 176 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,148 I really appreciate you checking up on me, Neil, 177 00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:34,316 but I'm doing all right. 178 00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:35,917 Yeah, she's gonna be home any minute, 179 00:09:35,941 --> 00:09:37,642 so I can't stay on the phone much longer. 180 00:09:39,678 --> 00:09:41,823 Yes. No, I'll be at the meeting. 181 00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,859 All right then. I'll see you- 182 00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,827 What's that? Oh, yeah. 183 00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:47,813 I will not let the rage of others 184 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,564 destroy the light in me. 185 00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:50,588 Okay. 186 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:55,470 Hey, Doug, I'm just dropping off Arthur's bill, 187 00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:58,172 but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. 188 00:09:58,196 --> 00:09:59,364 Are you an alcoholic? 189 00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:02,393 No. 190 00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:04,669 Oh, me, neither. 191 00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:08,350 So, w-What was that all about? 192 00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:11,270 Oh, it's a, uh, long story, but it turns out 193 00:10:11,294 --> 00:10:13,689 it's Carrie's anger that makes me eat so much. 194 00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:16,225 No! Yeah, I was surprised, too. 195 00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:17,726 Wow. How about that? 196 00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,845 This whole time, she had me convinced it was my fault, 197 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:22,014 but my support group helped me realize 198 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:25,033 that Carrie's bad temper is the problem. 199 00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:28,654 She drives me straight into the loving arms of food. 200 00:10:28,678 --> 00:10:29,654 Maybe that's what happened 201 00:10:29,678 --> 00:10:31,322 with my brother and his wife. 202 00:10:31,346 --> 00:10:32,824 Except that she drove him straight 203 00:10:32,848 --> 00:10:34,348 into the loving arms of their nanny. 204 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,133 I'm gonna kill our pharmacist! 205 00:10:41,157 --> 00:10:42,017 Oh, God. 206 00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:43,418 Come. Through the back door. 207 00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:44,419 We'll drive all night. 208 00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:46,088 Come! 209 00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:47,122 Hey, Car. 210 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,423 Hey. 211 00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:51,693 So, I go to pick up my prescription from the pharmacy, 212 00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:54,095 and I'm in line for like 20 freaking minutes, 213 00:10:54,119 --> 00:10:57,198 because the pharmacist is a million years old. 214 00:10:57,222 --> 00:10:58,884 Then I finally get to the front of the line, 215 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:04,072 and Rip van Senile says, "That'll be $98." 216 00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:06,207 And I go, "No, our insurance covers this. ", 217 00:11:06,231 --> 00:11:08,209 and he says, "No, it doesn't." 218 00:11:08,233 --> 00:11:09,700 I just-I hate old people. 219 00:11:10,886 --> 00:11:12,631 Where's our insurance bill? 220 00:11:12,655 --> 00:11:14,366 Um, maybe it's upstairs. 221 00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:16,401 Why would it be upstairs? Did you put it there? 222 00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:19,738 No, I-I was just trying to help you out. 223 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,173 Why are you acting so weird? 224 00:11:22,197 --> 00:11:23,792 I'm sorry. 225 00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:26,178 What are you sorry about? 226 00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:27,746 I don't know. 227 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:30,004 Well, just help me find it. 228 00:11:32,374 --> 00:11:34,208 You poor man. 229 00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:55,783 Hi, honey. Hey, 230 00:12:55,807 --> 00:12:57,052 I'm headin' out. 231 00:12:57,076 --> 00:12:59,254 Oh, you have your, uh, support group tonight? 232 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,255 Yes, I do. 233 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,289 I gotta tell you, Doug, 234 00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:03,124 I am really proud of you, honey. 235 00:13:03,148 --> 00:13:05,277 I mean, I know it was the last thing you wanted to do, 236 00:13:05,301 --> 00:13:06,928 but you did it, and you stuck with it, 237 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:12,317 and now look at you. 238 00:13:12,341 --> 00:13:14,236 Doug? Yeah? 239 00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,304 Are you, um... 240 00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:17,328 getting fatter? 241 00:13:20,182 --> 00:13:21,660 No. 242 00:13:21,684 --> 00:13:27,398 No? 'Cause it seems like you're much more... fatter. 243 00:13:27,422 --> 00:13:30,419 Can't be. I've been going to my over eaters group for weeks. 244 00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:33,305 Are you sure they're not teaching you how to overeat? 245 00:13:33,329 --> 00:13:35,623 Ah-You know what it is? 246 00:13:35,647 --> 00:13:38,760 They told me I'd gain weight before I lose it. 247 00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:40,028 Actually, that's their motto. 248 00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:42,097 "You'll gain weight before you lose it." 249 00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:44,148 That's a bad motto. Mmm. Well, they're fat. 250 00:13:44,172 --> 00:13:46,133 They're not Shakespeare. I'll see you later. 251 00:13:46,157 --> 00:13:48,886 Hey, uh, what do you talk about at these classes? 252 00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:50,622 I mean, what gets said? 253 00:13:50,646 --> 00:13:52,073 What do you mean? 254 00:13:52,097 --> 00:13:54,643 Well, what's supposed to motivate you to lose weight? 255 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,494 Oh, well first class, we talked about 256 00:13:56,518 --> 00:13:59,731 famous fat people, like Marlon Brando 257 00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:03,918 and that lady from The Practice. 258 00:14:03,942 --> 00:14:05,454 What's the point of that? 259 00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:06,855 It just gets us to feel like, 260 00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:08,556 "Hey, you know, maybe you're fat, 261 00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:12,066 but famous people are fat, too." 262 00:14:13,402 --> 00:14:14,713 What else? 263 00:14:14,737 --> 00:14:16,231 Uh, well, the second day, obviously, 264 00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:17,982 we talked about famous skinny people, 265 00:14:18,006 --> 00:14:20,685 like that other lady from The Practice. 266 00:14:20,709 --> 00:14:24,112 And, uh... Stan Laurel. 267 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,641 Stan Laurel? 268 00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:29,394 Yeah, it gives us a goal of what we want to look like. 269 00:14:29,418 --> 00:14:32,781 And you want to look like Stan Laurel? 270 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,566 Hey, from your lips to God's ears, huh? 271 00:14:34,590 --> 00:14:37,508 All right. 272 00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:53,835 Excuse me. 273 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:56,254 Is, uh, Doug Heffernan here? 274 00:14:56,278 --> 00:14:57,472 Who? 275 00:14:57,496 --> 00:14:59,641 Doug Heffernan. He's in this class. 276 00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:01,893 No, we don't have anyone named Doug here. 277 00:15:01,917 --> 00:15:04,596 Isn't this the over eaters support group? 278 00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:07,665 No, this is Jazzercise. 279 00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:08,723 Why do you have to hurt? 280 00:15:14,597 --> 00:15:15,657 You know what it is? 281 00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,591 You gotta continuously remind yourself, 282 00:15:17,615 --> 00:15:19,444 it's not your fault. 283 00:15:19,468 --> 00:15:21,602 Oh, my god. This is made with real butter. 284 00:15:26,124 --> 00:15:28,620 Hello, Doug. 285 00:15:28,644 --> 00:15:29,788 Carrie. 286 00:15:29,812 --> 00:15:30,812 Oh, God. 287 00:15:33,965 --> 00:15:36,177 Maury, this is, uh, my wife, Carrie. 288 00:15:36,201 --> 00:15:37,434 Hello. 289 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:43,551 Okay, you have 5 seconds 290 00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:45,186 to tell me what's going on here. 291 00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:47,588 What's going on here is I'm in the middle 292 00:15:47,612 --> 00:15:49,307 of my over eaters group. 293 00:15:49,331 --> 00:15:52,516 Doug, you're eating cake. 294 00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:55,963 Yes, but what you didn't see is 295 00:15:55,987 --> 00:15:58,222 we eat the cake while looking at a picture of Hitler. 296 00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:03,038 That's how they get us to hate cake. 297 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,790 Yuck! 298 00:16:05,814 --> 00:16:08,159 Okay, what is going on? What group is this? 299 00:16:08,183 --> 00:16:09,995 All right. It might be a class 300 00:16:10,019 --> 00:16:12,319 for men in abusive relationships. 301 00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:15,616 What? 302 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,551 Yeah, that's right. 303 00:16:17,575 --> 00:16:20,722 I came for the doughnuts, but I stayed for the insights. 304 00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:22,507 What insights? 305 00:16:22,531 --> 00:16:25,059 Well, I learned that... 306 00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:27,596 your anger makes me eat. 307 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,848 What?! 308 00:16:29,872 --> 00:16:30,865 That's right. 309 00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,833 Whenever you get mad, you start yelling at me, 310 00:16:32,857 --> 00:16:35,103 I need an escape, so I turn to food. 311 00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:36,104 That makes you my- 312 00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:37,488 What do you call her again? 313 00:16:37,512 --> 00:16:39,274 Your behavior catalyst. 314 00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:40,374 Behavior catalyst, okay? 315 00:16:40,398 --> 00:16:42,376 So if you want to blame somebody for my weight, 316 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,568 maybe you should take a hard look in the mirror. 317 00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:49,240 You're a lying sack of crap. 318 00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:53,554 Great. Now I'm hungry. 319 00:16:53,578 --> 00:16:54,956 Carrie... 320 00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:57,024 I'm Neil. Welcome. Mm-hmm. 321 00:16:57,048 --> 00:16:58,492 Doug is simply trying to break 322 00:16:58,516 --> 00:17:01,680 a cycle of verbal and physical abuse. 323 00:17:01,704 --> 00:17:03,264 Physical abuse? 324 00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:05,467 He told you that I physically abuse him? 325 00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:08,202 He told us about everything, Carrie. 326 00:17:08,226 --> 00:17:10,938 The purple nurples. 327 00:17:10,962 --> 00:17:12,196 The atomic wedgies. 328 00:17:14,216 --> 00:17:16,394 That scar on his arm. 329 00:17:16,418 --> 00:17:19,747 You got that scar from a hot-dog eating contest! 330 00:17:19,771 --> 00:17:22,049 Yeah, a hot-dog eating contest I only entered because 331 00:17:22,073 --> 00:17:23,234 you're so mean! 332 00:17:23,258 --> 00:17:24,669 Oh, really? 333 00:17:24,693 --> 00:17:27,072 And did you also set a new record 'cause I'm so mean? 334 00:17:27,096 --> 00:17:28,096 Could be. 335 00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:31,576 Let me ask you something, Neil. 336 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,044 Did he happen to mention that he was fat 337 00:17:34,068 --> 00:17:35,246 the day that I met him? 338 00:17:35,270 --> 00:17:36,548 Well, no. No. 339 00:17:36,572 --> 00:17:38,466 Because he was. 340 00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:40,101 Yeah, what were you then? 341 00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,753 Huh? High two hundreds? 342 00:17:41,777 --> 00:17:45,539 No, not high. Mid to high. 343 00:17:45,563 --> 00:17:47,324 And did he also happen to mention 344 00:17:47,348 --> 00:17:49,511 that he was the biggest kid in nursery school? 345 00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:52,036 That all the other parents thought he was a teacher? 346 00:17:53,689 --> 00:17:58,736 No. Tell him about the special desk, Doug. 347 00:17:58,760 --> 00:17:59,820 All right, fine! 348 00:17:59,844 --> 00:18:01,189 So maybe I was fat when I met you, 349 00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:03,408 but you know what? You're still an angry person. 350 00:18:03,432 --> 00:18:06,244 Well, I'm angry because you're always eating. 351 00:18:06,268 --> 00:18:08,530 And I'm always eating 'cause you're always angry. 352 00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:11,215 Okay, looks like we have a little chicken-and-egg thing 353 00:18:11,239 --> 00:18:12,817 going on right now. 354 00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:16,204 Oh, I bet you want to have chicken and eggs now, huh? 355 00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:17,405 Okay, that's it. You know what? 356 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:18,739 I'll go to my over eaters group 357 00:18:18,763 --> 00:18:20,458 if you go to an anger management group. 358 00:18:20,482 --> 00:18:22,560 I don't need anger management. 359 00:18:22,584 --> 00:18:24,579 Oh, really? Well why don't you tell that to Maury, 360 00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:25,714 who you almost ran over, 361 00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,282 or that pharmacist who you yelled at, 362 00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:28,633 or that librarian you got fired? 363 00:18:28,657 --> 00:18:30,518 All right, okay, sometimes I get mad, 364 00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:32,153 but that's only because I have to. 365 00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:34,556 Oh, really? Why don't you tell that to the sidewalk Santa 366 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:36,641 that you cursed out last Christmas? 367 00:18:36,665 --> 00:18:37,909 Let me tell you something. 368 00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:40,144 If it'll make you go down a couple of neck sizes, 369 00:18:40,168 --> 00:18:42,013 I will go to anger management. 370 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:44,815 Great, 'cause they have a class going on upstairs right now. 371 00:18:44,839 --> 00:18:46,985 Well, I'll go if you'll go to your over eaters group. 372 00:18:47,009 --> 00:18:47,952 Fine! Let's do it! 373 00:18:47,976 --> 00:18:49,337 Let's do it! 374 00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:50,994 This is for the chicken-and-egg crack. 375 00:19:07,745 --> 00:19:09,890 This is great. We haven't had date night in a while. 376 00:19:09,914 --> 00:19:11,092 I know. Well, we deserve it. 377 00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:12,726 I mean, you're sticking to your diet. 378 00:19:12,750 --> 00:19:13,895 Got my rice cakes. 379 00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:16,431 And, uh. I've mellowed out. 380 00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:18,066 It's-it's much better. 381 00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,333 Much better. 382 00:19:19,357 --> 00:19:22,320 And my nipples have healed up nicely. 383 00:19:22,344 --> 00:19:24,705 Those are taken. 384 00:19:24,729 --> 00:19:25,774 Oh, okay. Excuse me. 385 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,842 Uh, uh, uh. Those, too. 386 00:19:27,866 --> 00:19:29,661 All the way down to that guy. 387 00:19:29,685 --> 00:19:34,648 Okay, one guy saving 20 seats. 388 00:19:34,672 --> 00:19:36,941 No law against that. 389 00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:41,840 See? How good was I? 390 00:19:41,864 --> 00:19:43,324 That was very good. 391 00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:46,544 But where are we gonna sit? 392 00:19:46,568 --> 00:19:49,530 Never sat in the front row before. 393 00:19:49,554 --> 00:19:50,554 Me, neither. 394 00:19:57,295 --> 00:19:58,562 Plain. 395 00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,878 Tell me if anything good happens over there. 396 00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:05,168 Right. 397 00:20:18,599 --> 00:20:19,777 Yeah, I think it's great 398 00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:21,946 that we're trying to improve ourselves. 399 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:24,181 Oh, yeah. 400 00:20:24,205 --> 00:20:26,083 I just think that all these improvements 401 00:20:26,107 --> 00:20:28,837 are upsetting our balance as a couple. 402 00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,521 Yeah. Something's a little off, right? 403 00:20:30,545 --> 00:20:33,675 I mean, what should we do? 404 00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:37,095 Well, I'm just gonna throw this out at you, okay? 405 00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:39,230 What if I were to, uh, let you eat these Milk Duds? 406 00:20:39,254 --> 00:20:41,099 Would you let me go back there to the seats 407 00:20:41,123 --> 00:20:42,166 we're supposed to be in, 408 00:20:42,190 --> 00:20:44,091 and drop-kick that douche into the lobby? 409 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:48,573 I didn't hear a word after "Milk Duds." 410 00:20:48,597 --> 00:20:50,430 Thank God. 411 00:20:55,637 --> 00:20:57,615 What, do you own the movie theater? 412 00:20:57,639 --> 00:21:00,501 Move the coat, or I'm gonna shove it down your throat! 413 00:21:00,525 --> 00:21:01,592 There you go. 414 00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:08,643 Check it out. 415 00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:11,579 I made a Milk Dud sandwich. 416 00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:12,603 It's a dudwich. 417 00:21:14,789 --> 00:21:17,525 Ron was supposed to be saving these seats for us. 418 00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,195 You're up again. 419 00:21:22,630 --> 00:21:24,198 You're all gonna die.