1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,717
So, this is a dating app
for men under 5'6".

2
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,679
This one is for guys who say they read
<i>Infinite Jest </i>and women who can't read.

3
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:15,432
This one is King of Queens:
ugly guys and hot girls.

4
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:16,558
All sounds bad.

5
00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:19,269
There's Puckered for Parolees,
Coffin Season,

6
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,855
and an app for Koreans,
but it's mostly white dudes.

7
00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:24,065
- Does normal Tinder exist?
- It does.

8
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,526
People just use it
to buy and sell used furniture.

9
00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:28,486
- But, fine.
- I'm so excited.

10
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,572
You dating again
and moving on from Eliza.

11
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:31,655
Percy.

12
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:35,035
She already knows about your big crush.
She forced it out of me.

13
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,495
You begged to tell me on the ride home.

14
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,873
I don't think it matters who begged who.

15
00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:42,459
Maybe you're right.
I need to put myself out there.

16
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,919
- It's the best way to move on from Eliza.
- Right.

17
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:48,590
- I could be your Hitch.
- I don't love being Kevin James here.

18
00:00:48,673 --> 00:00:51,593
I get that. Who would?
But there's only one person in this room

19
00:00:51,676 --> 00:00:53,845
who could play the suave,
young Will Smith type.

20
00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:55,096
Uh-oh!

21
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,974
- Don't get me started, man.
- Okay, what gives?

22
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,185
I thought you two were in a slap fight
or something.

23
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,312
That eviction thing
is water under the bridge.

24
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:05,523
- It's gravy between me and Timmy.
- It's just business.

25
00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:07,901
- Can't stay mad at my P-dog.
- Do I have to be here?

26
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:10,570
We need a young person
who knows what the hell they doing.

27
00:01:12,113 --> 00:01:13,490
- Can't this wait?
- Sit.

28
00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:15,355
- Hmm.
- Tuck your chin.

29
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:17,660
Ugh.

30
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,579
Hey, can you look
less like you own a ukulele?

31
00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:22,082
I'll use the one from your Yelp profile.

32
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:25,126
- That's a stock photo of a ladybug.
- Here's your profile.

33
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:27,420
- Start swiping.
- Ooh! Let's go.

34
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,340
Huh. Oh!

35
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:34,469
- This girl is a pediatric nurse.
- Hey.

36
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:37,639
Whose favorite band is Sugar Ray.
I'm not ready this.

37
00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:39,974
- I wanna date but this feels too fast.
- No, Timmy.

38
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:43,061
Yes, too fast for Timmy.
Setting up a profile is a good start.

39
00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:45,730
- Leave it at that.
- You can't just quit in the middle.

40
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,816
This isn't mid-Season 3 of<i> Empire.</i>

41
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:51,486
Look, I wanna move on from Eliza,
but I need to take it slow.

42
00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:55,490
The last time I dated we all hated
Anne Hathaway for some reason.

43
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:58,284
Don't wait too long.
You're a business owner.

44
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:01,204
You did the Whole 30, twice.
And you smell good.

45
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:02,914
You are in your prime now.

46
00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:06,918
- What's it like living such a dream?
- It has its ups and downs.

47
00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:08,503
- Don't fall for it.
- Sarcasm.

48
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:09,939
- Almost got you.
- Come on.

49
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,554
No, I get that
you're coming from practice.

50
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:21,558
I just prefer that you didn't wear
soccer cleats to our date night.

51
00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:28,189
No, I know that Buffalo Wild Wings
doesn't have a dress code, it's just...

52
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:30,066
I am excited.

53
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,150
Okay.

54
00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:32,776
Great.

55
00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:34,194
See you there.

56
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:39,242
- Couldn't help overhear.
- I saw you miming pushing buttons.

57
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,077
You have a distracting voice.

58
00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:43,580
But is everything okay?

59
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:47,458
Yeah, Aaron and I
have been doing these date nights

60
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:48,960
ever since we got back together

61
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:52,338
and I guess I just forgot
how different we are.

62
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:55,258
Like, he wants to do a zombie themed
escape room,

63
00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:57,552
and I never wanna do that ever.

64
00:02:57,635 --> 00:02:59,804
Well, what do you want?

65
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,389
Oh.

66
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,101
Wow, uh...

67
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,478
Candles, flowers.

68
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,105
Just a simple dinner.

69
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,275
- Somewhere that doesn't do commercials.
- Does Iron Creek have that?

70
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,652
There's this new French restaurant

71
00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:17,405
that just opened called Petite Maison.

72
00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:19,657
You know they only have
like six or seven months

73
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:22,035
before they close
and become a Jiffy Lube, so...

74
00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:24,996
The French restaurant
to Jiffy Lube pipeline.

75
00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:28,333
- Our town hates nice things.
- Have you told Aaron this?

76
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:33,338
No, he's really trying.
I don't wanna make him feel bad.

77
00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:36,841
- You've come to the right person.
- You were eavesdropping.

78
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:37,925
It's simple.

79
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:40,678
When I want something
and Raul doesn't get it,

80
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:44,015
I just drop hints
until he thinks it's his idea.

81
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:47,477
The trick is to be very subtle.

82
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:49,896
Hmm...

83
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:53,858
Bonjour, mon <i>Amelie.</i>

84
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:58,112
Your cashmere blend
has a certain je ne sais quoi.

85
00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,739
<i>Uh... huh?</i>

86
00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,742
Hey, bud. Hey.

87
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,287
Carlos? I'm ready to check out.

88
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:10,750
Oh, um, we're doing self-check out today.
You practically work here.

89
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:14,045
And you're the only one
who rents <i>How the West Was Fun.</i>

90
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:18,925
Well, my encouragement calendar did say,
"Let today be an adventure."

91
00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:20,051
So...

92
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:22,887
Oh.

93
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:28,685
Ah, Los, you all right?

94
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,479
My ex-girlfriend got married.

95
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,856
- Oh, no, that can be...
- To herself.

96
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:34,941
Yikes.

97
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:37,360
Sorry, it's saying that DOS is offline.

98
00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:41,030
What's your problem of the week?
Hit me. I'm on fire today.

99
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,865
Carlos' ex married herself.

100
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:46,452
- Huh. How does that make you feel?
- Relieved.

101
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,621
We broke up
after that Modest Mouse concert.

102
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:51,183
Can't believe you dated someone
who married themselves

103
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:52,709
or listened to Modest Mouse.

104
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,211
I wouldn't think that would be your type.

105
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,797
- I don't have a type.
- Everyone has a type.

106
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,799
I dated five Santa Clauses

107
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:03,386
before I realized
I'm attracted to men who work at the mall.

108
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,431
It's saying there are no copies
of <i>New York Minute</i>,

109
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,274
but that's the movie
I'm trying to check out.

110
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,601
What is it with you and the Olsen twins?

111
00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:13,479
They have a lifetime
of working off each other.

112
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:14,647
Aw.

113
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,734
You see, I fall in love
beyond type or exteriors.

114
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,193
I'm attracted to souls.

115
00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,904
Excuse me for containing multitudes.

116
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:25,658
I guarantee I can figure out your type.
Let's start with Damon.

117
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:29,078
Damon is totally different
from the guy I'm going out with tonight,

118
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,748
who was totally different from Marie,
who married herself.

119
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,499
She didn't even have abs.

120
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:38,421
Hmm. Abs, abs, abs.

121
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:39,756
BLM square.

122
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:42,175
Abs, abs, abs.

123
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,427
France. French.

124
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:48,473
Snails and hard bread.

125
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:52,101
<i>Unrelated, that</i> Bourne Identity <i>poster
remindsme</i>

126
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,271
<i>we should try that new French restaurant.</i>

127
00:05:56,189 --> 00:06:00,902
Oh. Yeah, I guess technically
that movie was set in France.

128
00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,278
<i>Yeah, the best parts.</i>

129
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,322
Great idea.

130
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:05,864
Is that <i>Friday?</i>

131
00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:07,825
What you know about <i>Friday?</i>

132
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:12,121
- "You just got knocked the fuck out!"
- Why are you still here?

133
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:15,583
- Don't you have a store to run?
- I do. The only people in my store now

134
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:18,628
are ones that ask questions
but don't buy anything.

135
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:21,464
Hey, why do party plates
come in packs of 16?

136
00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:23,383
Fifteen and 20 are right there.

137
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,177
If I knew the answer
to that profound question,

138
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:27,887
I would tell everyone.

139
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,515
There he is. Timbo, hey.

140
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,850
How's my favorite smooth-ankled
Blockbuster owner?

141
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,602
Uh, good.

142
00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:37,355
I know you're a busy,
sexy little businessman,

143
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,023
with your monocle and your top hat,

144
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,192
but tonight's trivia night
at the Ripped Donkey

145
00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:42,860
and you promised you'd go with me.

146
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,487
So, what do you say?

147
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,198
- Oh, uh...
- That sounds so fun.

148
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:50,451
And weren't you just saying
how free you are tonight?

149
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:51,911
He just said that.

150
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:54,163
Yes, it does sound fun but, ooh,

151
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,458
tonight's tough because
I have a lot of business stuff.

152
00:06:57,542 --> 00:07:00,044
You know, paper, pens, stapler.

153
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:03,714
I wish I was on that plate,
then you could just eat me up.

154
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:06,175
It's okay. I'll never stop trying, ever.

155
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,387
I had to come by anyway,
I need to re-watch <i>Pretty Woman,</i>

156
00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:10,972
for the sex moves.

157
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:15,268
I honestly aspire
to be so openly off-putting.

158
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:19,063
It worked. Me and Aaron
are going to Petite Maison tonight!

159
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,649
Yes!
It always works to trick your husband.

160
00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:24,652
Yeah, but a good trick, though.
Like an ollie.

161
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:27,155
- It's a real date.
- Wow!

162
00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:28,322
Congrats on the date.

163
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:32,618
Looks like old A-Ron is stepping up
to bat a big romantic French homer.

164
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,121
Which is so very European.

165
00:07:35,204 --> 00:07:39,292
And so cool for you and for me as well,
because I have a date too.

166
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:44,672
Yes, me and Rene are going to trivia night
at the Ripped Donkey tonight.

167
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:46,841
- Really?
- What? You are?

168
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:47,924
We are?

169
00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:49,802
- We are.
- Congrats.

170
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:54,807
- I guess love is in the air.
- Yes, yes, love is in the air. Oh!

171
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,435
You've heard of fifth base?
That's also where we're going.

172
00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:58,686
Oh.

173
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,021
Oh, gosh.

174
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:06,652
That was so gross
and hot at the same time.

175
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,907
It's not often you see a cheek kiss
with tongue.

176
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,159
Her tongue was rough like a cat.

177
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:17,538
- God, what did I do? I have to cancel.
- Hey.

178
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:22,543
- I can't actually go on a date with Rene.
- Rene is... Rene is Rene.

179
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,588
- It's not a crazy idea.
- No, it's a crazy person.

180
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,673
She has truck nuts on her Miata.

181
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:32,011
Look, you just need some
low pressure dates to get started.

182
00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:33,763
You put Eliza on a pedestal.

183
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,641
The good thing about Rene
is she's on the floor.

184
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:39,393
Despite what that sounds like, I get it.

185
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,437
Rene's a lot, but she is a business owner.

186
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,607
Gotta admire a woman
who beat pink eye so many times.

187
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:47,443
- So many times.
- She is resilient.

188
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:51,030
Timmy, trust me,
I just wanna see you get over Eliza.

189
00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:53,241
And I just want
something to do besides work.

190
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,535
A low pressure date.

191
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,578
- Ooh, uh-oh.
- Okay, maybe. I...

192
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:02,083
- We're starting up. I feel it coming.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

193
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,377
- Okay.
- Get it rolling.

194
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,963
Get it cranked up, baby.
Get it cranked up.

195
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,172
- Elbow.
- Up.

196
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:17,098
So, you're attracted to Tyler Perry.

197
00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:20,059
As Madea, important caveat.

198
00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:24,689
I'm also attracted to Tessa Thompson
in the Taika Waititi-Rita Ora throuple,

199
00:09:24,772 --> 00:09:28,734
Indya Moore in <i>Escape Room 2,</i>
and Brad Pitt in <i>Benjamin Button,</i>

200
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,028
but when he's old, so hot.

201
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:36,158
Okay, so this isn't working.

202
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,866
Ooh, guys! Me and my girlfriends
used to play a game

203
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:42,123
where we picked which of the Ninja Turtles
would be the best boyfriend.

204
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:44,834
Since they look the same,
it's all about their personality.

205
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:50,423
- Little sixth grade sleepover, I like it.
- We're turtling the playing field.

206
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,385
Hey... Oh, wow.

207
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:57,972
I'm not used to seeing you
in outside-of-work clothes.

208
00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:00,975
Like when I saw my geometry teacher
restocking milk at Kroger.

209
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:02,810
Well, what do you think?

210
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:08,733
Buddy, walk me through
the thought process here.

211
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:12,111
Chain over a collared shirt and a sweater.

212
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:13,821
I'm gonna lose the chain.

213
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:17,241
It's part of an old and now problematic
Halloween costume anyway.

214
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:18,951
May I?

215
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,915
Hmm. There we go.

216
00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:26,499
There.

217
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,461
Much better.

218
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:33,132
So... date with Rene, huh?

219
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:34,508
At the Donkey?

220
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,511
Is she allowed near the darts
after the incident?

221
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:40,264
The DA couldn't prove motive.
Also, it's platonic.

222
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:43,684
But you have inspired me to
start looking for a serious relationship.

223
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:46,312
You know,
someone to share all of this with.

224
00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:48,064
Oh.

225
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,816
Cool. Proud of you.

226
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,527
Yeah, I just feel like it's time.
You know?

227
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:57,697
Yeah.

228
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,494
Well, I better get going.
We have reservations at 7:00.

229
00:11:01,577 --> 00:11:05,581
Yeah. Have fun and tell Aaron I say,
"What's up," I mean, "Hello."

230
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,668
Or don't tell him anything.
I'll just e-mail him.

231
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:10,878
- Okay.
- Yeah.

232
00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:17,218
But Leonardo is ambidextrous.

233
00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:20,012
So hot when someone
can use both their hands.

234
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:24,183
I mean, Michelangelo's a party boy,
but I think it's Raphael for me.

235
00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:26,310
Okay, I'm more lost
than with the celebrities.

236
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:27,812
Hey, we talking Turtles?

237
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:30,272
- Hey.
- Whoa! Okay, Timmy.

238
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:32,108
You look like a cool English professor

239
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,652
with an unorthodox,
but exciting approach to teaching.

240
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:36,445
Who knew you could look this good?

241
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,447
I don't know. No one, I guess?

242
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,908
- What's up?
- We're trying to figure out Carlos' type.

243
00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:43,077
But all the people he's dated
are so different.

244
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,829
- We're...
- Turtling the playing field.

245
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:46,038
So, what iteration?

246
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,749
'90s live action,
Saturday morning cartoon,

247
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,293
Michael Bay reboot I refuse to recognize?

248
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:55,339
Either way, the most attractive turtle,
hands down, is Leonardo.

249
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:58,300
He's a born leader.
Okay, have a great night.

250
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:00,511
Yeah.

251
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,013
He's our Leonardo.

252
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,102
I hear they have an excellent soufflé.

253
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:09,687
- Oh.
- Do you wanna...?

254
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:13,274
You want a soufflé?

255
00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:19,739
Because there's... there's also coq au vin,
et boules de boeuf and moules marinières.

256
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:23,284
Oh, someone got
their Google pronounce on.

257
00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:27,204
I practiced for an hour and a half
but probably saying it wrong.

258
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:30,624
Well, thanks for trying.

259
00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:34,253
Bonjour, monsieur, madame.

260
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,714
Anything I can start for you? Beverages?

261
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:40,426
Yes, I will have a glass
of this Chateau Montelena.

262
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:44,764
Do you have the beer where
the mountains turn blue when it's cold?

263
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:47,266
No, we most certainly do not.

264
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,977
Sorry, of course.

265
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,604
Just nervous.

266
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:55,274
- I'll have whatever beer you have.
- Of course.

267
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:56,901
In a glass, bonjour.

268
00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:04,033
Jim Henson, Mario Lopez,
Kris Jenner, and Biz Markie.

269
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:07,036
- I would <i>Freaky Friday</i> with any of them.
- Uh-huh.

270
00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,789
I wonder how Kermit's
vibing in heaven now.

271
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:12,082
I'd love to see the other side
through that lens.

272
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:15,127
Can you please shut up?
I'm trying to cancel Timmy's other dates.

273
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,880
- What?
- Yeah, well, I messaged all these women

274
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,800
that wanna go out on a date
with Timmy tonight.

275
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:23,093
Don't cancel.

276
00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:25,721
You want Timmy to have more than one date

277
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,056
while he's with Rene?

278
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,808
Sometimes you gotta jump out the car

279
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,393
and hope the semi behind you slows down.

280
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,603
But isn't this...

281
00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:35,815
I can't believe I'm saying it,
but a little mean?

282
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:36,732
What's going on?

283
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,943
Look, ever since Eliza showed up,

284
00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:41,862
all he cares about is her or the store.

285
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:43,864
I miss my boy.

286
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:47,535
So is that why you've been spending
so much time with me?

287
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,956
- Reply all: "See you tonight."
- Where you going?

288
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,292
I'm going to the Donkey to watch.
I'm not missing this.

289
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:56,376
I'm in.

290
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:59,213
- I'm in, I'm in, I'm in.
- Come on.

291
00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:01,131
- We're a team.
- We're not.

292
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,633
I'm trying to get rid of you.

293
00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:04,997
- It's like Tinder in real life.
- Okay.

294
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:08,681
Swipe left on the customers you don't like
and right on the customers you do.

295
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:11,183
Finally, something that
kind of makes sense.

296
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:15,062
Uh, left on her. She looks kind.

297
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:19,900
Ugh. He always says thank you.
She smiles way too much.

298
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,653
We get it, you have teeth.
You aren't special.

299
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:27,658
- Left, left, left. I hate Quinn.
- I don't even know if they like movies.

300
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:30,828
They come in here all the time
and make everything about themselves.

301
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:35,291
I once got caught in a 4-hour conversation
with Quinn about AM radio waves.

302
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:39,044
Yeah, that's gonna be
a big swipe right for me, dawg.

303
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,046
You could tell Quinn
to come Quinn me over.

304
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:47,761
All right, trivia daddies.
Next round is "Places I got colds in."

305
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:51,140
Whoo! We love you, Motown Larry!

306
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:54,935
Hey, Motown Larry loves
all you. Okay, first question.

307
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,814
In Chicago there's a famous building
with the same name as a department store.

308
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,609
Is it the JCPenney Tower,
the Nordstrom Tower,

309
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:04,737
the Kohls Tower, or none of the above?

310
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:06,655
How'd he get the name Motown Larry?

311
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:10,034
Motown Chuck doesn't
have the same ring to it, does it?

312
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,578
Wait, is his name not even Larry?

313
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,706
Oh, I love a Long Island iced tea.

314
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:18,792
Oh, did you want to get another straw?
We could Tramp and Tramp it.

315
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:21,253
No, I'll stick to my diet White Claw.

316
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:24,590
I think Motown Larry
doesn't know that the Sears Tower,

317
00:15:24,673 --> 00:15:26,133
is now called the Willis Tower,

318
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:30,054
but, either way,
the answer is none of the above.

319
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,972
Oh, here we go. Thank you.

320
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:33,849
Wow, sexy and a scholar.

321
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,267
A friend scholar.

322
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:37,770
The correct answer was none of the above.

323
00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:43,150
Which means our leading team is still
Rene and Timmy's Most Excellent Team.

324
00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:50,532
- Oh, okay.
- Are you Timmy?

325
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,534
Uh... Yes, hi?

326
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:57,039
- I'm here for our date.
- I think you're here for some other Timmy.

327
00:15:57,122 --> 00:16:01,418
- I don't have a date tonight.
- Yeah, except for our date.

328
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:05,005
Which I will remind you
is more of a meeting amongst peers.

329
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:08,634
You're less weird looking in person,
which never happens.

330
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,844
I mean, this is you, right?

331
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:14,223
Wow, I am so proud of you.

332
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,684
Want to make a profile
of your mom's new boyfriend

333
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,185
and mess with him a bit?

334
00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:20,062
I kind of already started one.

335
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,982
Mm! That's my girl right there.

336
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:25,942
Yeah.

337
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:29,196
I've been to the Maldives seven times,
but one was a layover.

338
00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:31,490
The first couple times,
I went with my parents...

339
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:34,785
You into this?
That toothy freak left you her number.

340
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:37,496
Yeah, there's just something about them.

341
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:40,916
If you go to the Maldives,
I recommend an eight-day trip.

342
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,212
Seven is doable,
but you're not getting enough 'dives, IMO.

343
00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:48,257
Oh, my God. I know what your type is.

344
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,843
- You like self-absorbed people.
- What? No.

345
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:54,722
I picked Raphael not Donatello,
who's obviously the self-absorbed one.

346
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,056
Oh, please.

347
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:58,809
Donatello's more self-absorbed
than Raphael?

348
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:01,103
- Now you just sound crazy.
- So nice...

349
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,689
- Oh, God. You might be right.
- I know I am!

350
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:07,526
Flying private, though,
it's not the luxury people think it is.

351
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:08,609
It's all here.

352
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:10,779
The ex-girlfriend who married herself,

353
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,198
the personal trainer
who only cares about his abs

354
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,825
and performative activism,

355
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:18,620
and Quinn, who never stops talking
about themself, no offense.

356
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:22,166
I used to play rugby when I lived
in London for a quarter semester abroad.

357
00:17:22,249 --> 00:17:24,084
I like to live offensively,

358
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:28,380
always ready for a bungie jump,
swim with sharks, bite of raw chicken.

359
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:29,673
I'm up for anything.

360
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:32,259
I'd swim in a pool of blood if I had to...

361
00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:36,638
So, I messaged you to come here
for a date with me tonight as well?

362
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:40,059
- Yep. And you were quite forward.
- With me too.

363
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,519
You texted, "Let's let it all hang out."

364
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:45,481
With a GIF of Lenny Kravitz
splitting his pants.

365
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:47,066
Objectively hilarious.

366
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,109
Timmy, what the hell is going on?

367
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,487
- Yeah, start talking.
- I...

368
00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,495
Okay, so... funny story.

369
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,205
Um...

370
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:04,124
My friends have been trying
to help me get over someone,

371
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,584
but I'm not ready to date yet,

372
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:08,712
so they must have called you all
to give me a push.

373
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,297
I am so sorry.

374
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,466
Can I make it up to you with an Uber pool?

375
00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:13,383
Yes.

376
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:17,554
Typically having two other women
on my date would be a deal-breaker,

377
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,682
but my therapist said
to be more open-minded.

378
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:25,229
So here I am starting over after a divorce
and two freak ski accidents.

379
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:30,192
Yeah. At least you're not married.
My Zumba class got canceled anyway.

380
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,111
- Must be fate.
- No, no.

381
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,780
- It's really... It's...
- Okay.

382
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:39,701
Okay. Look, if I know Motown Larry,
and I do know Motown Larry intimately,

383
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,579
he's not gonna allow us
to add two new players.

384
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:46,834
So, you know, why don't you ladies
kindly just get the hell out.

385
00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:49,503
Why don't you get another Long Island.

386
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:50,838
Okay?

387
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:53,423
I will get myself another LIIT
when I am good and ready.

388
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:56,802
- Okay?
- Hey, anyone read any good books lately?

389
00:18:57,594 --> 00:18:58,846
<i>Bossypants.</i>

390
00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:01,974
"First, Lord:"

391
00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:03,851
- "No tattoos."
- "No tattoos."

392
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:05,644
Yes!

393
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,396
Oh!

394
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,523
Didn't realize my type was Tina Fey fans.

395
00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:12,901
That book is why I had my
Winnie-the-Pooh tramp stamp lasered off.

396
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,653
- Stop.
- Same.

397
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:16,947
- Yes!
- Great, we're getting along.

398
00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:20,576
Okay, so I'm gonna grab another round
before this changes.

399
00:19:27,082 --> 00:19:30,544
Hey, Eliza, what happened
to your whole fancy date night?

400
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:32,588
Still happening. Aaron's parking.

401
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:35,799
He really wanted a beer where
the mountain turns blue.

402
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:39,344
So... and turns out
I don't really like French food.

403
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:43,348
I think I just wanted him
to want to take me there, I guess.

404
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:46,226
I don't know. It's stupid.

405
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,061
No, it's not. I get it.

406
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:49,605
Thanks.

407
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:52,941
So, are you on a quadruple date right now?

408
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,611
Oh, yes, it's going very badly.

409
00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:59,781
Didn't take you for such a chick magnet.

410
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:04,119
Oh. Sorry. I think I got
jalapeño margarita in my eyeball.

411
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,203
Oh, God.

412
00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:07,706
- Oh, can I borrow that?
- Yeah.

413
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,750
- Here.
- It really burns. Oh, yeah.

414
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,253
Hey, are you okay?

415
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,130
I knew I dated narcissists,

416
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,633
I didn't think I'm, like,
literally attracted to them.

417
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:18,716
I get it.

418
00:20:19,426 --> 00:20:22,888
A himbo that doesn't ask
personal questions. Heaven.

419
00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:25,974
I think you're afraid
to show people your true self.

420
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:29,311
You refused to tell me
your last name until a month ago.

421
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:32,648
Well, I've had a lot
of near misses with identity theft.

422
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:35,442
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I am too guarded.

423
00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:38,570
But I'm afraid to open up
because I could get hurt.

424
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:41,114
Or worse, someone could leak
my sordid past to DeuxMoi.

425
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:44,326
Knowing the problem
is the first step to making changes.

426
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:50,457
My God, should I be a therapist?
Or at least, like, a fixer?

427
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:53,460
You gonna cancel your date tonight
with abs guy?

428
00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:57,214
You could come with me
to my friend's bovine birthing ceremony.

429
00:20:57,297 --> 00:21:00,509
As horrifying as that sounds,
I'm not gonna cancel.

430
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:04,263
I deserve to bore someone
with the details of my personal life.

431
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:07,474
I can't think of a more romantic place
to do it then Petite Maison.

432
00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:09,476
It's two weeks tops
before it's a Pep Boys.

433
00:21:09,559 --> 00:21:12,854
- I need an oil change soon.
- I don't care if a first date's too early.

434
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,440
I'm gonna talk about
my childhood battle with gout.

435
00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:17,609
Tonight is all about me.

436
00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:20,112
He just wants to sleep with him.

437
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:22,823
Is a jalapeño seed in there?

438
00:21:23,907 --> 00:21:26,368
- I don't see anything.
- Are you sure?

439
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,745
- Yeah.
- Damn.

440
00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:29,871
Yeah, this sucks.

441
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,915
I really wanted to help him
get over Eliza.

442
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:34,960
I knew there was a part of you
that actually cared.

443
00:21:35,043 --> 00:21:36,043
Yeah, whatever.

444
00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:38,422
So it wasn't just about
getting me off your back.

445
00:21:38,505 --> 00:21:41,633
Maybe you even like
hanging out with me a little.

446
00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:43,927
Looks like we're moving on too.

447
00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:45,762
I wouldn't know by how you're dressed.

448
00:21:45,846 --> 00:21:48,140
Looks like you kidnapped
Johnny Depp's stylist.

449
00:21:48,223 --> 00:21:51,310
Try being more like Timmy
and change your life too.

450
00:21:53,895 --> 00:21:55,981
Bottle of Jameson, please.

451
00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:57,399
I think we're good.

452
00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:59,609
Oh, wow.

453
00:21:59,693 --> 00:22:01,862
For what it's worth, you look very fancy.

454
00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:04,031
In my dress I felt obligated to buy

455
00:22:04,114 --> 00:22:06,241
because the sales girl
got dumped that day?

456
00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,368
Thank you. You too.

457
00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:11,246
I haven't seen you this dressed up
since the midnight premiere

458
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,248
of <i>Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.</i>

459
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:16,251
Wait, if all Aaron
wanted was a Coors Light,

460
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,545
isn't there a bar
right next to the French place?

461
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:22,758
This is my Cheers.

462
00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:25,010
Your nickname for the Ripped Donkey
is Shit Bar.

463
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,430
Sure you weren't checking up
on old Timbo?

464
00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:30,974
It was on our way home, okay?

465
00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:34,853
Enough about the logistics of my night.
So who you taking home?

466
00:22:34,936 --> 00:22:38,982
Oh. None of them.
I'm just happy to be nominated tonight.

467
00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:40,692
Not even Rene?

468
00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:42,944
"I want to deworm you, Timmy."

469
00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:46,697
Oh.

470
00:22:47,449 --> 00:22:48,449
Yeah.

471
00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:50,660
I better get back to my dates.

472
00:22:50,744 --> 00:22:52,384
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

473
00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:57,209
I can get us a discount
on Spirit Airlines.

474
00:22:57,292 --> 00:23:00,003
My 13-year-old cousin
just got his pilot's license for them.

475
00:23:00,504 --> 00:23:01,421
Girls' trip.

476
00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:02,631
- Amazing.
- Yes.

477
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:04,883
All right, who missed me?

478
00:23:04,966 --> 00:23:06,510
- I did.
- Thank you.

479
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:12,391
I know tonight was kind of a bust,
but I wanted to get you something.

480
00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:17,354
- I'm trying, E.
- Okay.

481
00:23:18,271 --> 00:23:19,314
No. No!

482
00:23:20,190 --> 00:23:22,651
Chocolates from Chocolate by Bonnie Ray?

483
00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:27,280
You drove two towns over,
two hours round trip on Car Crash Lane

484
00:23:27,364 --> 00:23:30,617
and that weird bridge
to get my favorite chocolates?

485
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:35,288
You are worth
all those foggy near-death turns.

486
00:23:36,331 --> 00:23:37,416
Let's go.

487
00:23:37,499 --> 00:23:39,626
I don't need my magic mountain beer.

488
00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:42,129
I just need you.

489
00:23:44,631 --> 00:23:45,966
That's a good idea.

490
00:23:46,049 --> 00:23:47,843
- I did good?
- Did real good.

491
00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:56,726
- Like Queen.
- The best.

492
00:23:56,810 --> 00:23:59,479
- Yeah.
- So, which one of us gets the rose?

493
00:23:59,563 --> 00:24:01,064
I wish I had three roses.

494
00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:07,028
<i>♪ Dream big, mija ♪</i>

495
00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:09,448
<i>♪ You can see the world ♪</i>

496
00:24:09,531 --> 00:24:12,576
<i>♪ Everything the sun touches is yours ♪</i>

497
00:24:12,659 --> 00:24:14,828
<i>♪ Don't focus on this place, nah ♪</i>

498
00:24:14,911 --> 00:24:16,538
<i>♪ Dream bigger than anything ♪</i>

499
00:24:16,621 --> 00:24:18,457
<i>♪ Then focus on that race ♪</i>

500
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,125
<i>- ♪ You were meant for big ♪
- ♪ Big ♪</i>

501
00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,377
<i>- ♪ Yeah, I'm talking real loud ♪
- ♪ Real loud ♪</i>

502
00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:25,630
<i>♪ Got me feeling like your dad
Real proud ♪</i>

503
00:24:25,714 --> 00:24:28,800
<i>♪ Listen, anything boys can do
You can do better ♪</i>

504
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:31,094
<i>♪ And no man will love you more
Than me ever ♪</i>

505
00:24:31,178 --> 00:24:32,679
<i>♪ Your mom too ♪</i>

506
00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:35,599
<i>♪ Rooting for you always ♪</i>

507
00:24:35,682 --> 00:24:38,685
<i>♪ Focusing on your future always ♪</i>

508
00:24:38,768 --> 00:24:41,521
<i>♪ Take care of your brothers and sister ♪</i>

509
00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:44,608
<i>♪ You only have each other on this earth ♪</i>

510
00:24:44,691 --> 00:24:51,198
<i>♪ Mija, dream big ♪</i>

511
00:24:54,826 --> 00:24:58,538
<i>♪ Anything you can do, you can do big ♪</i>

512
00:24:58,622 --> 00:25:00,540
<i>♪ Big... ♪</i>