1
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:16,159
Oh, can I fit there?

2
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,627
Honey, our house
could fit there.

3
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,811
All right. I can do
without the "ha ha", guy.

4
00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:34,211
Okay.

5
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,212
Getting a little nauseous.

6
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:36,568
All right. Be quiet.

7
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,578
I'm gonna need a bucket.

8
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,259
You want me to do it?

9
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,250
No, I am doing this. Okay.

10
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,261
You gotta cut the wh...
I'm cut... I'm cutting it!

11
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:11,448
There.

12
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,483
Okay, great job. Let's go.

13
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,142
I'll wait here.

14
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:21,824
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪

15
00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:24,061
♪ My back is gettin' tight ♪

16
00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:25,929
♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪

17
00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:28,765
♪ On the Queensborough
Bridge Tonight ♪

18
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:34,104
♪ But I don't care
'Cause all I want to do ♪

19
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:39,876
♪ Is cash my check And
drive right home to you ♪

20
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:45,571
♪ 'Cause, baby, all my life I
will be drivin' home to you ♪♪

21
00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:59,596
Isn't Carrie back from
the supermarket yet?

22
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,465
Yes, but unfortunately,

23
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:05,768
both she and her
groceries are invisible.

24
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:09,038
I'm sorry, but you
make it so easy.

25
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,529
I am starving.

26
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,377
So, what have you...
What have you got there?

27
00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:15,612
Bologna sandwich.

28
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,314
Bologna? We... We have bologna?

29
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:18,348
We had bologna.

30
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:21,651
Now, I'll thank you
to stop hovering.

31
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:22,652
Come on, give me half.

32
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:23,853
Oh, like you gave me half

33
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:27,324
of your devil dog yesterday?

34
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,226
Okay, that was wrong.

35
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:33,029
Well, too bad. Oh, this
is gonna be heaven.

36
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:35,720
All right. I don't need
your stinking bologna.

37
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:38,568
Hey.

38
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:39,603
Where have you been?

39
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,404
I stopped at the bank
to pay the mortgage.

40
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:43,573
The bank? You know my
rules. Supermarket, home.

41
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,742
Okay? Save your fun
stuff for your own time.

42
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:49,679
You know me. Can't
pass up a nice long line.

43
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,481
What is this? What
am I looking at here?

44
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,750
I'm looking at panty
liners and Raid.

45
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,318
I need lunch!

46
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,954
Relax, would you? There's
eight more bags in the car.

47
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:58,955
Oh. All right.

48
00:02:58,979 --> 00:02:59,956
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

49
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,591
You can't go yet. Why not?

50
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,726
The Sackskys
are out in their yard

51
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,629
just lurking.

52
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,030
So what?

53
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:09,633
So, I don't want to get roped
in to having dinner with them.

54
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,234
Ever since they
crashed our barbecue,

55
00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:12,636
they've been trying
to invite us over

56
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,637
to reciprocate.

57
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,205
Just give it 10 minutes.

58
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,174
10 minutes? Carrie,
I'm starving here.

59
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,042
You know what I
had for breakfast?

60
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:22,379
Actually, I had a
good breakfast, but...

61
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:23,880
That was a long time ago.

62
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,315
Doug, just wait, okay?

63
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:26,316
I've dodged them this long.

64
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,917
I don't need you to screw it up.

65
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:29,519
Will you relax? I
won't screw it up.

66
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:30,787
I'll just go out there

67
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:32,589
and I'll throw them a
"Hey, how you doing?"

68
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:33,990
And bam, I'm in the garage.

69
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:36,393
All right, and what are you
gonna say on your way back?

70
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,795
That's when I go to a "Hey,
gotta stop meeting like this,"

71
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,230
and by the time
they stop laughing,

72
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:42,399
I'm halfway through
a grilled cheese.

73
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,389
Fine. Go. Okay.

74
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:48,137
Hey, Tim. How you doing there?

75
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:50,562
Hey, there's the guy.

76
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,646
Oh, gotta stop
meeting like this.

77
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:59,616
I'm sorry. What?

78
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,480
Gotta stop meeting like this.

79
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,087
You know, because
we just saw each other,

80
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:05,689
Oh, oh, yeah. A second ago.

81
00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:06,889
Hey, listen, while
I have you, Doug,

82
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,313
what say we set
up a dinner, huh?

83
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:13,430
And then, and then...

84
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:14,897
Oh, this was so funny.

85
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,033
Dottie, let me. And
then he runs out, right?

86
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,301
Now, remember.

87
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:19,969
This guy is all of 4
1/2 feet tall, right?

88
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:22,472
So now he's soaking wet,

89
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,976
he's running through the terrain
yelling, "Help me! Help me!"

90
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:27,566
Do you remember that?

91
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,348
I hate you for this.

92
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,550
Whoo!

93
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:35,985
So, how is everything? Delish?

94
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,587
Oh, it was great.

95
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,988
Absolutely. Very tasty.
Yes. Really? Oh, good.

96
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:40,357
Because I was a little concerned

97
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,941
about the color of the chicken.

98
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,763
Nah, it was fine, Dottie.

99
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,030
Listen, uh, we're just sorry

100
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:50,233
that it took us so long
to have you guys over.

101
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:52,034
Oh, don't give it
another thought.

102
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,236
Well, it's just that, you know,

103
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,738
Dorothy and I have
been going through

104
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:57,540
kind of a rough stretch
in our marriage lately...

105
00:04:57,564 --> 00:05:01,778
Hey, been there. TIM: Yeah?

106
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,547
But we've come out
of it better than ever.

107
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,149
Mm-mm. Thanks to this one.

108
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:09,040
Aw. You're so sweet.

109
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:23,855
Oops!

110
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:25,435
Oh.

111
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,036
Are we embarrassing you guys?

112
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,070
No. No, no.

113
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:30,495
Hey, dinner and a show.

114
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,512
Anyway, this has been great.

115
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,447
Yes, thank you very much. Yes.

116
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:38,448
Yes, thanks again.

117
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:39,849
You can't go.

118
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,384
We haven't even had dessert yet.

119
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,852
Tim, go put the pie in the oven.

120
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,253
Oh, right.

121
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,822
Hey, Doug, why don't you
help me with the dishes, huh?

122
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,089
The girls can stay out here

123
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,825
and catch up on their
blah blah blah blah blah.

124
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:49,926
Yeah, yeah, sure, Tim.

125
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,884
All righty. Gonna
help with the dishes.

126
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:59,224
So, when are we going shopping?

127
00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:03,072
Okay.

128
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,641
That baby should
be all warmed up

129
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,565
in about 20 minutes.

130
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,649
The microwave's faster.

131
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:14,283
Nah.

132
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,152
Hey, Doug, may I
ask you a question?

133
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,587
Yeah, sure, sure.

134
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,745
Do you enjoy a
nice glass of water?

135
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,851
Yeah, when I can't get a
beer or any other liquid.

136
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,568
Try this.

137
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,024
All right.

138
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:38,307
Well?

139
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:41,678
It's... It's good.

140
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,980
Ah, so you like it?

141
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:48,752
Yeah, you know, we have
this at our place too, Tim.

142
00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:49,986
Oh, no.

143
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,721
No, see, that's where
you're wrong, my friend.

144
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,923
See, your water
doesn't go through

145
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,492
the Sparkle Tap.

146
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,660
Oh, got yourself a
little water filter, huh?

147
00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:01,765
Oh, I don't just
got one. I sell them.

148
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,733
It's the cutest
little outlet store

149
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,167
you've ever seen,

150
00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:07,437
and it's only a
two-hour drive upstate.

151
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:11,830
Oh, and they have
the worst security.

152
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:19,248
Then, I license 10 people
to sell the Sparkle Tap,

153
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,718
then they each
license 10 more people,

154
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,753
and so on, and so on.

155
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,755
I get a cut from the
sale of each filter

156
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,424
and from the sale
of each license.

157
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:28,792
Incredible, huh?

158
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:29,893
Oh, it's... it's incredible.

159
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:30,917
Grab them.

160
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:34,831
But you know, Doug,
last year, when I was fired,

161
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,300
we came very close
to losing this house.

162
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:40,959
I mean, I owed a lot of
money to a lot of scary people.

163
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:45,842
But now, thanks to Sparkle
Tap, I've got a new job:

164
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,411
Walking to the
mailbox in my pajamas

165
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:51,815
and taking out checks from
people I don't even know.

166
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,883
Wow, that's...
that's great, man.

167
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,652
You really like the idea?

168
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:56,886
Yeah, I mean, you've obviously

169
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,322
got a great mind for business.

170
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,591
Thank you.

171
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:04,527
So you want to start
with 50 or 100 filters?

172
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:07,196
What? No, no, I didn't
mean that I wanted to...

173
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,431
I was just...

174
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:11,367
Just what? Just blowing smoke?

175
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,069
No. No, no. I didn't know...

176
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,472
Doug, if you don't think it's
a good idea, just say that.

177
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:16,573
Don't... don't humor me.

178
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:17,574
I'm not humoring you.

179
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:18,975
Oh, see, now it all makes sense

180
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,977
why you guys have
been avoiding us.

181
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,912
We're just the idiots
next door, right?

182
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,313
No, come on,
Tim. That's not true.

183
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,548
We love seeing you guys.

184
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:29,853
And this filter thing?
Hell of an idea.

185
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,921
Okay. Sorry.

186
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:34,445
So 50 or 100?

187
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,449
I think 50.

188
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:46,858
God, that was brutal.
Capital B, capital R... utal.

189
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:49,506
Well, I didn't...

190
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:50,907
I didn't think it was that bad.

191
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,408
Yeah? That's because
you weren't invited

192
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,952
on an upstate crime spree.

193
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,348
I gotta say, I'm
actually kind of glad

194
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,416
we went over there tonight.

195
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,218
Why? I don't know.

196
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:03,285
It gave me a chance

197
00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:05,021
to get to know Tim a
little better, you know?

198
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,422
Did you know he
didn't learn to swim

199
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:07,557
till he was 23?

200
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:08,925
Really?

201
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:11,950
Remind me to send you
a picture of me yawning.

202
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,398
I'm just... just saying, Carrie,

203
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,166
Tim's an interesting guy.

204
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,402
You know, he's a real go-getter.

205
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,604
Do you know he runs a
business out of his house?

206
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,006
If we hadn't gone
over there tonight,

207
00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:25,241
I might not have, um...

208
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,644
Might not have what?

209
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,978
I might not have had

210
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:32,549
the very good
opportunity to, um...

211
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:36,019
Opportunity to, um, what?

212
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,887
To give him a $1000 check

213
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,623
to become a
licensed distributor.

214
00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:44,093
You gave him $1000?
To distribute what?

215
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,295
Okay, you know what?
First of all, lose the attitude.

216
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:49,398
Second of all, water filters.

217
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,968
This is not happening.

218
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:55,237
Oh, yes, it is.

219
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,974
Doug, are you insane?
You're gonna sell water filters?

220
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,877
Yes, and the
licenses to sell them.

221
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,645
That's where the real money is.

222
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:05,336
No, the real money is
now in Tim's bank account.

223
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,317
Oh, no. Oh, my God.

224
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:11,153
No, I know why they
separated us after dinner.

225
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:12,543
To pounce on the weak one.

226
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,394
Okay, yeah, I get it.

227
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,830
You're the genius and
I'm the moron, right?

228
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,565
"Duh, okay, I'll buy one."

229
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:26,168
"Oh, tell me about the rabbits."

230
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,004
"I will love him,
and I will pet him,

231
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,272
"and I will take
good care of him.

232
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,075
"because you are
my friend, George.

233
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,109
He's my friend."

234
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,410
Let me tell you something, okay?

235
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:36,679
I know how to spot a good
thing when I see one, okay?

236
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:37,747
I happen to be very savvy.

237
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:41,951
Savvy? Savvy, yes.
I know that word.

238
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,519
Okay, Mr. Savvy.

239
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:44,921
Why don't you tell me

240
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:47,323
how you're gonna get
rich selling water filters?

241
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,925
Okay, try and stay
with me this time.

242
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:53,162
It's not the filters, it's
the licenses, okay?

243
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,098
The licenses. You see this here?

244
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:58,101
"Official Licensee."
This is all official stuff.

245
00:10:58,125 --> 00:10:59,669
Take a look at it.

246
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,360
Yeah. Feel a little
silly now, don't you?

247
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,077
All right, get your pants on.

248
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,779
We're gonna go get
your money back.

249
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,781
Look. No, my pants are
off and they're staying off.

250
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,482
Doug, he duped you

251
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,018
into a stupid marketing scheme.

252
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,452
Okay, it is not a scheme.

253
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:17,920
It's a multi-level
marketing system, okay,

254
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,022
and it works.

255
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,422
All right, Tim's making
so much money now,

256
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:21,724
he doesn't even
go to work anymore.

257
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:24,293
He spends two to three
days at a time in his pajamas.

258
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,328
Oh, yeah? You know
who else does that?

259
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:29,165
The old and the mentally ill.

260
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,466
Tell that club

261
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:32,390
they're about to
get a new member.

262
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:46,370
Okay. Now try this one.

263
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,493
Well?

264
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,995
They taste the same.

265
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,596
Come on, Carrie. They
can't taste the same.

266
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:01,597
This one's tap water.

267
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,099
It's... It's full of, uh...

268
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,689
Where the hell is that thing?

269
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,537
Full of ammonia,
latex emulsions,

270
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,073
uh, lead, and look at this.

271
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:13,109
Benzene. Benzene, Carrie.

272
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,311
You know, it's not too late
to get your money back.

273
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:16,478
I don't want to, okay?

274
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:18,081
I can make some real
money here, Carrie.

275
00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:19,515
Did you realize

276
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,918
that people spend an average
of $600 a year on bottled water?

277
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,219
Mm?

278
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,188
Well, that's 400 less
than you've spent,

279
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:26,212
and it's only May.

280
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,895
You know what? I... I
can't even listen to you.

281
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,039
That's... That's clearly
the benzene talking.

282
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:38,801
Morning, all.

283
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:39,802
Morning, Dad.

284
00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:40,837
Hey, Arthur.

285
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,205
Can I interest you

286
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,840
in a freshly filtered
glass of water?

287
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,674
Water, huh?

288
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,598
All right, what the
hell. I'll have a glass.

289
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:52,070
Here we go. One delicious
glass of water coming up.

290
00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,044
Well, spank me hard
and call me Rhonda.

291
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:04,927
This is one fine glass of H2O.

292
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:09,265
Oh, you think so?
Huh. How about that?

293
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,700
So, what is this contraption

294
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,236
that turns a glass of water

295
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:14,670
into nature's nectar?

296
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:16,338
It's the Sparkle
Tap water filter.

297
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:17,740
I'm, uh, selling them now.

298
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:20,164
Beautiful. If I had a sink,
I'd buy one for myself.

299
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,079
You know what? I
have a better idea.

300
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,114
You know people who
do have sinks, don't you?

301
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,416
I may or may not.
What's your angle?

302
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:31,487
I am now authorized
to sell you a license

303
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,055
that allows you to
sell these babies

304
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,512
to whoever you want.

305
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,628
This is me leaning
forward with interest.

306
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,030
All right, well, lean
back with interest

307
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,221
or have a mint.

308
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:48,404
So come on, now, son,
what's the deal with this?

309
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:49,705
Give me the skinny.

310
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:50,840
Okay, it's simple, okay.

311
00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:52,074
I sell you the filters,

312
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:54,110
plus the licenses
to sell the filters,

313
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,311
then you find 10 people

314
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,813
and sell them the licenses.

315
00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:58,281
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

316
00:13:58,305 --> 00:13:59,315
Do you mind?

317
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,349
We're in the middle

318
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:01,350
of an important
business meeting.

319
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:02,618
Yes, I do.

320
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,887
You are not dragging
my father into this.

321
00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:06,889
I'm not dragging him in.
He knows what he's doing.

322
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:10,081
He happens to be
very savvy as well.

323
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:13,963
Okay, now I'm convinced

324
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,731
you don't know what
that word means.

325
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,133
Excuse me, darling.

326
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:18,968
The last time I
checked, I was over 21

327
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:21,003
and capable of making
my own decisions.

328
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,538
Now, this is a fine product,

329
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:23,772
Douglas is a great guy,

330
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,374
and I'm going in on this.

331
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:26,475
There we go.

332
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,680
Fine, fine. Do what you want.

333
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,371
Ow!

334
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:39,322
Okay, Douglas.
What's the buy-in?

335
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:40,957
It's $1000. Uh-huh.

336
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:43,092
Very reasonable.

337
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,862
Unfortunately, I'm a
little cash-strapped.

338
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:47,451
Do you accept artwork?

339
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:50,466
Wow.

340
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,667
So you're telling me

341
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,903
there are actually pesticides
in our drinking water?

342
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,504
Frightening, but true.

343
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,940
But with this baby's
nano filtration system,

344
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,842
99% are filtered out.

345
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:02,078
Bye-bye, nasty pesticides.

346
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:04,146
Hello, tastier soups.

347
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,849
So, in other words,
I can make money...

348
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:08,817
And do something great
for your family's health

349
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:10,552
for only 1000 bucks.

350
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,754
Hey, I like what I'm hearing.

351
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,089
Hey, I'm in. Take a check?

352
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,057
Absolutely.

353
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,458
Okay, so Deac's
buying a license.

354
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:17,760
I've only got nine left.

355
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,728
Who's it gonna be?
Peacock? Come on.

356
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,130
Hey, Eddie?

357
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,731
What do you say,
huh? Come on, man.

358
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,533
Hey. Let's do it. All
right, you know what?

359
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:28,604
Take your time. Think
it over. Talk to the Mrs.

360
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,007
Sorry, man.

361
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,976
That's cool, man.
They'll be back. Oh, yeah.

362
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,477
Yeah, yeah. Give me my check.

363
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,646
Right. Sorry.

364
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,581
Not interested.

365
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,384
I'm not asking you
to buy anything.

366
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,485
Just try the water.

367
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:45,354
I'm not interested.

368
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,223
Just try it. It's delicious.

369
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,091
I don't want it.

370
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,993
How can you not
want a glass of water?

371
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:52,361
Drink it!

372
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:57,199
No, I won't. And
you can't make me.

373
00:15:57,223 --> 00:15:59,835
You're gonna have to
take a pill eventually.

374
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:01,859
I'll wait you out.

375
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,313
Huh? Huh?

376
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,415
All right. I'll take a filter.

377
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,150
Yeah, what the
hell. I'll take one too.

378
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,319
I'm not asking you
to just buy a filter.

379
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:20,222
I'm asking you to
buy into a way of life.

380
00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:22,691
I don't even want the filter.

381
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,961
Well, that you're
committed to. You said yes.

382
00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:26,862
That's an oral contract.

383
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,264
So, what do you want from me?

384
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:31,200
I want you to be a licensed
Sparkle Tap salesman

385
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,002
and get rich.

386
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:35,704
Are you sure I'm gonna get rich?

387
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:38,540
Yes, I am.

388
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:41,077
Okay, I guess I'm in.

389
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,811
Don't be an idiot. It's
a pyramid scheme.

390
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,013
It is?

391
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:48,017
It is not a pyramid
scheme, and shut-ee!

392
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,419
How is it not a pyramid scheme?

393
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,321
You have a product
of little or no value,

394
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,090
and the only actual profit

395
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:56,092
comes from constantly
recruiting new members

396
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,793
which you inevitably run out of

397
00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,561
and the whole thing collapses.

398
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:02,820
Don't make me
cactus-jack your ass.

399
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:23,285
Hey, Doug. Thanks
again for inviting me over.

400
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:25,687
Haven't heard from you
in a hell of a long time, guy.

401
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:28,857
Yeah. Yeah, we should call
each other more, you know?

402
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,226
Well... Well, I called you.

403
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,761
I... I left you a
bunch of messages.

404
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:35,531
Have you?

405
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,067
Carrie is heavy with that
delete finger, you know?

406
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:40,936
Not for me. Beep.
Not for me. Beep.

407
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,439
We've had some real
blow-outs about that.

408
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,874
Hey, no problem. The
main thing is we're here now.

409
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,009
Absolutely, man.

410
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:49,367
This is what it's
all about. Family.

411
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,714
Hey, cousin.

412
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:55,017
Hey.

413
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,519
All right. We got our snacks,

414
00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:59,688
we got our movie, we got it all.

415
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,879
Well, wait a second. Beverages.

416
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,494
How do you feel about water?

417
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:06,929
It's about family, huh?

418
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:09,098
Yeah, as long as that
family's buying a water filter!

419
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:11,267
It filters out the impurities!

420
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:13,536
I don't care. I don't
like being used!

421
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,237
Oh, what, are you gonna
make pizzas your whole life?

422
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,439
Hey, it's better
than paying $1000

423
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:17,673
for a water filter.

424
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,475
No, no. That was
for the licenses!

425
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,399
Whatever!

426
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:25,381
So how's the water business?

427
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,171
Good, and getting better.

428
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,958
Cafiello, come on.
You've had time to think.

429
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:38,026
Hey, Voss. Voss, come
on, man, what do you say?

430
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,196
I bought cookies from your kid!

431
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,464
Come on, man.

432
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:42,898
Hey, Betcher. Come on.

433
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,700
You gave me a maybe.
What's up with that?

434
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,335
Come on, you gave me a maybe.

435
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:49,438
Oh, fine. Now I know
why your wife left you,

436
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,640
because you don't know a
good thing when you see it.

437
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:53,209
Yeah, that's right. I said it.

438
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:56,412
Yeah, you got a problem?
You bring it. Oh, my God.

439
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,180
Here's the deal.

440
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:00,216
You become part of
the Sparkle Tap team,

441
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,274
and I will convert
to your religion.

442
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:12,361
So you didn't sell one, huh?

443
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:14,196
Nope. In fact,

444
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,732
two of my samples were stolen.

445
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,300
Put that on my tab.

446
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,769
Sure, what's the difference?

447
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,138
Oh, boy.

448
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,705
When I was a
younger man, Douglas,

449
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,073
I could really close the deal.

450
00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:27,676
They come in, I
turn on the charm,

451
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,712
and I'd make the
sale every time.

452
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:31,880
Yeah, what did you sell?

453
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,304
Gasoline.

454
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:38,420
I feel like such an idiot.

455
00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:41,457
I swear, I wish there was a
pill I could take, go to sleep,

456
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,059
wake up two days from now
like none of this ever happened.

457
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:45,060
Yeah.

458
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:46,795
Where are you going?

459
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:50,065
I'm gonna take that pill.

460
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:51,855
See you Thursday.

461
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,674
Hey. How's business?

462
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,741
Well, let's see.

463
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:00,942
Your father got
two filters stolen,

464
00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:02,578
I crushed one in my bare hands,

465
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,713
and the rest are in the garage.

466
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:05,947
It's over.

467
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:10,319
Look. You took a shot
and it didn't work out.

468
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:14,823
I think the lesson here is...
Don't take any more shots.

469
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,958
Come on.

470
00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:18,126
On the brighter side,

471
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,095
we have some nice
clean drinking water, right?

472
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:21,397
Actually, I took the filter off.

473
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:23,981
The water started
coming out black.

474
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:26,502
I can't believe it.

475
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:30,038
I let Tim make
such a fool of me.

476
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,174
And you know what?
I'm going over there.

477
00:20:32,198 --> 00:20:33,642
Good. Good. Go.

478
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,344
Yeah, yeah, and I got news
for you. You know what?

479
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:37,079
I'm not gonna just make
him give me my money back.

480
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:38,681
I'm gonna tell him those
two filters that I lost,

481
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,749
they're coming out
of his pajama pocket.

482
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:42,951
Ooh, baby. You're turning me on.

483
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:44,675
Oh, I know I am, Pokémon.

484
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,125
Then get over there. Get
over there and hurry back.

485
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:51,527
Yeah, I'll be back
in five minutes,

486
00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:52,783
after I set him straight.

487
00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:58,789
Tim?

488
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:07,632
Tim?

489
00:21:12,639 --> 00:21:13,815
And, you know, this is when

490
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:15,016
your little one's
bones are forming,

491
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,619
so you want to
make sure your water

492
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,387
is as pure as possible.

493
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:20,789
And I bet you have a lot
of little friends at school

494
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,658
that want clean
water, don't you?

495
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:23,947
Don't you?