1
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,559
I'll pay you $5 if you eat that.
2
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,041
What?
3
00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:32,109
The cheese you just dropped.
4
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:34,177
Eat it and earn
yourself 5 smackeroos.
5
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,812
No, thanks.
6
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,514
10. No.
7
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,883
20?
8
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:42,152
Doug, we have the
same bank account.
9
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:45,022
If I want to get $20 from
you, I'll go to the ATM.
10
00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:47,624
I don't need to
eat dirty cheese.
11
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,626
True, but I got a 20 right here.
12
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,418
You can have it right now.
Buy yourself a new... brassiere.
13
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:59,191
Awful tempting, but still a no.
14
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,410
Will you give me 20 if I eat it?
15
00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:08,111
No!
16
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:09,146
10? No.
17
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,480
5? Doug!
18
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:11,981
That's a bargain.
19
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,816
You're not gonna find
anybody to eat dirty cheese
20
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,018
for under $5.
21
00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:16,153
I don't care!
22
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:17,754
I have no desire
23
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:20,257
to pay or be paid
to eat dirty cheese!
24
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:23,693
You take no joy in life, do you?
25
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:27,597
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
26
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,832
♪ My back is gettin' tight ♪
27
00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:31,701
♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪
28
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:34,538
♪ On the Queensborough
Bridge Tonight ♪
29
00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:39,876
♪ But I don't care
'Cause all I want to do ♪
30
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:45,648
♪ Is cash my check And
drive right home to you ♪
31
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:51,343
♪ 'Cause, baby, all my life I
will be drivin' home to you ♪♪
32
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:05,835
You trying to see
my combination?
33
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:08,605
No. I was just
looking at the, uh...
34
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:11,308
What is it, 10-2-38?
35
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,510
You were looking. And
by the way, you're wrong.
36
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,445
10-3-35? Nope.
37
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,680
Come on, give it up. I
thought we were friends.
38
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:21,084
Okay, fine. It's 7-8... 53.
39
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:22,852
Don't insult my intelligence.
40
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,287
Hey, come on. Are you ready?
41
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,289
Just one sec. I want
to talk to Roger first.
42
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,624
Why?
43
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,026
I want to see if I can
switch vacation time with him
44
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,228
so mine matches
up with Carrie's.
45
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:34,030
Hey, Roger, did you
happen to have a chance
46
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:36,133
to talk to your wife
about the vacation thing?
47
00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:39,503
Oh, yeah. You can have the time.
48
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:41,938
My wife and I are
actually splitting up.
49
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,673
Oh, man, that's... that's rough.
50
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,808
That's really, uh...
51
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,910
So that's the 8th
to the 22nd, right?
52
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,312
Yeah.
53
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,281
Yeah. Anyway, sorry
to hear about that.
54
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:55,474
It's brutal stuff, you
know. Stay strong.
55
00:02:58,179 --> 00:03:00,757
All right, how long before
I can start celebrating?
56
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,659
And... he's around the corner.
57
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,994
Whoo-chicka-taah!
58
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,996
So where are you guys
taking your vacation?
59
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,398
I don't know. We
haven't decided yet.
60
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,500
All I know is we're
going on vacation,
61
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,569
because Roger's wife's
saying, "Bye-bye, loser."
62
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,833
Not you. Different Roger.
63
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,959
Great RV.
64
00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:41,298
Thanks. It's a Roadbird
Freedom 5000.
65
00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:42,732
W-where are you headed?
66
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,934
Oh, wife and I just
drove down from Seattle.
67
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:46,303
Don't know where
we're going next,
68
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:47,537
but it doesn't really matter
69
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,539
when you're driving
one of these puppies.
70
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:53,565
Hey, honey! Fry me up
some steakums, will you?
71
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,648
You ever been in one of these?
72
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,539
Best vacation of my life.
73
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,889
♪ Welcome back, welcome
back Welcome back ♪
74
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,391
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
75
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:12,128
Doug, come on, it's
the Grand Canyon.
76
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:15,098
The sun's about to set.
You're gonna miss it.
77
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:16,633
Coming!
78
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,301
Is the second most painful day
79
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:19,969
in a schoolteacher's life.
80
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:23,773
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
81
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,205
Yes!
82
00:04:39,246 --> 00:04:40,657
Hello, sweetheart.
83
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,046
Hey, Dad.
84
00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:47,830
"Planning a Trip to Paris."
85
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:50,567
What, are you
planning a trip to Paris?
86
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,502
You nailed it.
87
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:55,672
Doug and I are going on
vacation in a couple of weeks,
88
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,340
and I found these
really cheap flights
89
00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:58,441
on the Internet.
90
00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,676
Ah, Paris.
91
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,144
Last time I was there
92
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:05,582
was when we liberated it
from the Nazis back in '44.
93
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:08,318
Freedom rang again
in the City of Lights.
94
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:09,819
I also got the clap,
95
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:12,344
but that's a story
for another day.
96
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,029
Anyway, as far as
this trip is concerned,
97
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:25,368
thank you, but I'm going to
have to respectfully decline.
98
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:26,770
Huh?
99
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:29,005
Don't be offended. I'd
love to come with you.
100
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,407
It's just that I have a problem
101
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:31,508
on long flights.
102
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:35,845
I tend to panic and
sob like a woman.
103
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,515
Okay. Well, if you can't
come, you can't come, Dad.
104
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,283
Send me a postcard.
105
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:41,618
Okay.
106
00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:44,253
Close your eyes. What?
107
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,255
Close this part
of your face now.
108
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,858
Okay. What is it?
What's going on?
109
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,460
Come on, come on.
Just come with me.
110
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:51,861
Okay. All right, Doug.
111
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:54,931
Don't try to feel me
up like you did last time.
112
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,033
Relax, okay. I just picked
up a little something
113
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,501
on my way home from work.
114
00:05:58,525 --> 00:05:59,965
Okay. Okay.
115
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,574
Here we go. Okay...
116
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:05,942
Open 'em up
117
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:09,312
and step into the world of
the Roadbird Freedom 5000.
118
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:12,382
Do you like being
a slave to the clock,
119
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:15,685
feeling compelled to
follow a certain schedule?
120
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,988
Or are you independent minded?
121
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,990
When you see RVs on the road,
122
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,759
do you wonder
where they're going,
123
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,293
where they've been,
124
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,396
and envy the driver's freedom?
125
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:29,821
Yes, yes, and oh, yeah.
126
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:34,203
Uh, Doug...
127
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:37,440
Don't think we're going
in an RV for our vacation.
128
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:39,376
Why not?
129
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,711
Because we are going to Paris!
130
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,346
I found these
really cheap flights
131
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:44,748
on the Internet.
132
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,583
No, no, no, no,
no. RV. Out west.
133
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:47,950
I got the video.
134
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:51,187
Okay, maybe you didn't
hear me, but I said Paris.
135
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,289
You know, as in Par-is,
136
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:56,314
the most romantic
frigging city in the world.
137
00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:01,097
Okay? It's beautiful.
It's old. It's...
138
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:02,866
Okay, I guess the
Grand Canyon isn't old.
139
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,134
Yeah, yeah. They
just put that in.
140
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,603
All right, Doug,
just... Just come here.
141
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,805
Let me show you all
the stuff that I printed out.
142
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,040
Now, we don't
have to stay in Paris.
143
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:14,411
We could just be based there,
you know, and just travel around
144
00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:18,247
to, like, the wine
country, the Loire Valley.
145
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,683
I-I'm sorry. The what valley?
146
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:22,351
Loire.
147
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,554
Okay, we're going
back to the tape.
148
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:27,156
No! Come on! I don't
want to see the tape again.
149
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,726
I don't think you
understand how great this is.
150
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,227
L-look what this man is doing!
151
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:34,664
He's driving around
in his living room!
152
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:35,665
Uh-huh.
153
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:38,334
And his wife is making
him chili. Where?
154
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:40,202
In the living room!
155
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:43,873
Okay, Doug. Listen
to me, sweetie.
156
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:46,042
You're... You're a good fellow.
157
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:48,311
I love being
married to you. I do.
158
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:53,015
Now, that being said, RV, N-O.
159
00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:56,419
Okay. Okay, I see. I
see. You see what?
160
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:58,321
You obviously like
being a slave to the clock.
161
00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:00,690
You feel compelled to
follow a certain schedule,
162
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:02,959
whereas I am independent minded.
163
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,795
Don't quote from the video.
164
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,164
I'm not. I just thought of that.
165
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,500
I'm... I'm not giving in
on this one, Carrie, okay?
166
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:12,702
I'm not. You got your way
on all our other vacations.
167
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,103
When? When did I get my way?
168
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,905
Two years ago, when
we went down to Florida.
169
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,074
Yeah, and we
spent the entire time
170
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,943
at the Mets spring
training camp.
171
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,912
Excuse me. That was
research for my gambling.
172
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,848
Oh, please.
173
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,616
Okay, fine. Fine.
174
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,352
What about when we went
to, uh, Apple Country, huh?
175
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:30,353
But that was a weekend.
176
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,511
Of pure apple hell!
177
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,292
All right, Doug. Please.
178
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,961
Let's not fight
about this, okay?
179
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:39,796
All right. You're...
You're right. You're right.
180
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,898
Okay. I mean, this...
This is our vacation.
181
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:43,766
We're supposed to be having fun.
182
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,267
Have fun. Yes.
183
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:48,337
Let's just sleep on it.
We'll figure something out.
184
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,506
Figure something out?
185
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:51,674
I'm screwed, right?
Doesn't look good.
186
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,075
I don't want to go to Paris.
187
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:55,211
Can't I just run at her,
tape her mouth shut,
188
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,813
throw her in the
RV and drive off?
189
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,314
That's not against
the law, right,
190
00:08:58,338 --> 00:08:59,582
if you're married, is it?
191
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:00,750
It might be. Yeah.
192
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,151
Hey, you could
try the guilt thing.
193
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:03,152
What do you mean?
194
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:04,554
You know, you come and you say,
195
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:06,188
"Hey. Let's go
where you want to go.
196
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,390
I want you to be happy."
197
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:08,791
And she thinks
you're being so sweet,
198
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:10,593
she'll turn around and
do what you want instead.
199
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:12,695
I'll try it, man. I
got nothing else.
200
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,397
Paris...
201
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:17,767
I'm from Paris. Look at me.
202
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:21,225
What accent was
that? I don't know.
203
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:27,710
Hey.
204
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,278
Hey.
205
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:32,481
Uh, look. About the vacation...
206
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,450
I thought about
it, and I realized
207
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:37,286
you work hard,
208
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:39,255
and I know this time
is important to you,
209
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,958
so if you want to go to Paris...
210
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,760
Oh, my God. This
is gonna be so great!
211
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,750
No... no... no. No Paris... no!
212
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,331
Why did you just say we can go?
213
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:50,833
That's nothing you
need to know about.
214
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:54,003
The important thing is we
need to make a decision here.
215
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,271
How do you want to decide?
216
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,073
I don't know, but we
have to decide soon
217
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,542
or we'll never be able
to get plane reservations.
218
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:00,777
Or?
219
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:05,748
Or get bug spray or whatever.
220
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:08,585
It's obvious neither of us
are gonna budge on this thing,
221
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:09,719
so how about this?
222
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,353
How about... How
about we flip a coin?
223
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:12,989
Flip a coin?
224
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,991
You want to decide our
vacation by flipping a coin?
225
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:17,159
Yeah. If it's good enough
for the Super Bowl,
226
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:19,623
it's good enough
for the Heffernans.
227
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,865
Okay. Fine. Fine. Flip a coin.
228
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:25,134
Here you go.
229
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:29,360
You want to flip a penny.
What the hell is wrong with you?
230
00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:33,375
What? It has two sides.
231
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:36,034
You are such a girl.
232
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:38,715
We're gonna flip
a quarter, okay?
233
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,216
And for future reference,
234
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,919
this is your smallest
flippable coin.
235
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,053
Okay, flip it.
236
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,522
Okay, here we go,
237
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,758
so, uh, let's say... heads,
uh, Paris, tails, RV?
238
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:51,427
Okay. Okay.
239
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,531
All right, here we
go. Tails never fails.
240
00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:57,800
Oh. All right, well...
241
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,368
The important thing is
242
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:02,271
we'll have a great
vacation together...
243
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,440
speaking English.
244
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:05,975
But I will gladly make you
245
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,811
French toast every
morning, because I won!
246
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,995
Touché! No Paris, Carrie!
247
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,969
Oh, God.
248
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:53,489
Climb aboard!
249
00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:01,164
What is this doing here now?
250
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:03,966
The guy let me take her
home overnight for a test drive.
251
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:10,406
Okay. Has a lot of
horn sounds. We get it.
252
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,908
Yep. She's got 28 of 'em.
253
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:14,510
She? That's right, she.
254
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,412
Okay, unless she has
boobies and a uterus,
255
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:17,747
that has to stop.
256
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:19,916
Come on, let me
give you the tour.
257
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,250
All right, then,
258
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,319
you got your driver's
cockpit right here...
259
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,487
That's right, I said cockpit...
260
00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:27,924
With a powerful
Triton V-10 engine
261
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,258
humming underneath.
262
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,427
Over here, you got
your galley slide-out
263
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,429
with genuine leather
seating surfaces.
264
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:34,931
Oh, and this is great.
265
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:37,600
Built-in 25-inch television.
266
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,102
Think of the
beauty of it, Carrie.
267
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,603
If we're not getting
great reception,
268
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:43,072
we just drive to
wherever it's better.
269
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,041
Oh, and look here.
270
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,210
See this table? Folds
into an extra bed.
271
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:48,377
See how that works?
272
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:50,379
Bed... Table.
273
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,548
Bed... Table.
274
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:54,583
Yeah, it's two things. I get it.
275
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,775
Okay. Can I ask you a question?
276
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,623
Breaker 1-9. The
lady's got a question.
277
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:02,847
10-4.
278
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,528
Where do you go to the bathroom?
279
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:08,131
I'm glad you
asked, little missy.
280
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,398
You got your private
restroom quarters
281
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:10,666
right over here,
282
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:14,203
conveniently located right
off of the master bedroom.
283
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,405
See? You got all your privacy.
284
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:18,540
Nobody knows your business.
285
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:22,111
Hey. I can actually
hear you better now.
286
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,913
All right, what happens
if we use the bathroom
287
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,381
and we're out on the road?
288
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,349
Where does everything... go?
289
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,351
Well... you ride around
with it for a few days
290
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:32,088
until you find a
place to drain it.
291
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:34,323
Oh, my God!
292
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,225
You know what would be nice?
293
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,827
If you were remotely
on board with this.
294
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:40,163
How can I be on
board with this, Doug?
295
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,430
I-it's horrible.
296
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:42,832
Hey, I won the flip, all right?
297
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,834
I didn't force you to
flip a coin. You agreed.
298
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:47,270
Yeah, but you forced
me to flip a quarter, okay?
299
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:48,871
I had a good feeling
about that penny.
300
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:51,373
Well, all I know is if you
would have won the flip,
301
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:53,575
I'd be going to Paris
with a beret and a smile.
302
00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:54,844
Oh, yeah, right.
303
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:57,046
I could just imagine what
a joy you would have been
304
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,881
when we're
standing in the Louvre
305
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:01,372
looking at 19th-Century
Impressionist art.
306
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:07,824
Well, we'll never
know that now, will we?
307
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,725
Now, this is gonna
be fun. You know why?
308
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:12,161
Because that's a table
bed, and that's pretty neat.
309
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,465
Yeah!
310
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:19,635
An RV? What are you gonna do?
311
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,838
I don't know.
312
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:24,006
Maybe I could drop
something on Doug's foot
313
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,342
so he can't drive for two weeks.
314
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,911
Well, don't hurt him too
bad. He drives for a living.
315
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,380
Oh, they'll find him something.
316
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,982
Where do you even
go to the bathroom
317
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,116
in one of these things?
318
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,617
Into a pail,
319
00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:38,487
which is behind a
piece of cardboard.
320
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:40,456
You gotta keep
this from happening.
321
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,824
I know.
322
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:46,528
I wish there was some way
I can get Doug off of this.
323
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,529
Darling.
324
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:48,530
Hi, Dad.
325
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,867
Oh, hello, Kelly. Hello.
326
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,634
You're looking
gorgeous as usual.
327
00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:53,903
Well, thank you, Mr. Spooner.
328
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:56,072
Oh, what a thing
we could have going
329
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:59,708
if it wasn't for
society's taboos.
330
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,378
Those damn taboos.
331
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,213
RV rental agreement.
332
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:08,217
What, are you
agreeing to rent an RV?
333
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:11,620
Yeah. We're doing that
instead of... the Paris trip.
334
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:12,922
No kidding?
335
00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:16,392
Nothing I love more than
cruising the open road.
336
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,849
You think Douglas would
mind if I tagged along?
337
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,732
Actually, um...
338
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,568
he did say something
about a table
339
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,226
turning into a bed?
340
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,643
♪ You don't know
What we can find ♪
341
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,179
♪ Why don't you come
with me Little girl ♪
342
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,315
♪ On a magic carpet ride? ♪
343
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,616
♪ You don't know what... ♪
344
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:45,021
Oh, this is gonna be
a sweet road mix tape.
345
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,489
Are you sure you
don't want to take this?
346
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:48,958
Spence Olchin's
347
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,942
"Prom Party Through
the Night" mix?
348
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,397
Pretty sure.
349
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:57,733
Hey, "Sunglasses at Night",
350
00:15:57,757 --> 00:15:59,701
"Too Shy" by Kajagoogoo...
351
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:00,869
Oh.
352
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,471
I... I guess you
can't drive to those.
353
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,940
This is a great tape.
354
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,564
Yeah. It worked great for
you on prom night, didn't it?
355
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:10,913
It's still a great tape.
356
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:12,748
Well, I'm fine with what I got.
357
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:15,551
I'm gonna be rocking
my way across the U.S.A.
358
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:48,184
I'll bet you didn't know
359
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,652
I played the mouth
organ, did you, Douglas?
360
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:54,156
Okay, first of all,
please don't call it that.
361
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:57,026
And second of all,
why are you playing it?
362
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,362
Because I'm coming
on the road with you,
363
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:00,896
you silly son of a bitch.
364
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,699
If you're willing to
learn to play the spoons,
365
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:05,201
we can jam all night.
366
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:08,471
What do you mean, you're
coming on the road with us?
367
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:09,472
In the RV.
368
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:11,807
That was quite
generous of you kids.
369
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,242
I know there can
be cramped quarters.
370
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,911
That's why I'm only
gonna pack this outfit
371
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:19,715
and a pair of silk underwear
I'll wash out at night.
372
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:23,219
Uh, will you excuse
me? I have to, uh...
373
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,854
Carrie!
374
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,190
What'd you do?
What... What'd you do?
375
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,191
What?
376
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,626
You invited your father!
377
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,228
You... You're trying
to ruin this vacation
378
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:33,795
out of spite, aren't you?
379
00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:36,132
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
380
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,567
He... He overheard me talking,
381
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,636
and he thought I
was inviting him,
382
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,739
and then he got so excited,
I just didn't want to say no.
383
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:48,044
I don't want your
father in my Roadbird!
384
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:51,414
Why not? We got that
great table bed, right?
385
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:52,415
Yes, we do.
386
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,183
But I don't want
to eat breakfast
387
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,185
on a table that recently
held your father's ass.
388
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,486
That's ass breakfast!
389
00:17:57,510 --> 00:18:00,489
Well, Doug, you know,
we do have another option.
390
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:03,159
I mean, my father
doesn't like to fly,
391
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,227
so we could go to,
oh, I don't know...
392
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,762
Paris?
393
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,397
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
394
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,666
Well, this is a side
of you I've never seen.
395
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,268
What do you mean?
What do I mean?
396
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:14,470
You think that if you
invite your father on the RV,
397
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,472
I'll back out, and then
we can go to Paris
398
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:17,873
like you wanted
in the first place.
399
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:19,241
No. No, no, no, no.
400
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,843
I just thought it would be
nice to have my father with us.
401
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:24,613
Oh, the lies!
402
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:25,948
You know what? That's it. Okay?
403
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:27,349
You know what you
just bought yourself?
404
00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:28,551
A trip with your father.
405
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,152
Because I'm not
backing down on this one.
406
00:18:30,176 --> 00:18:31,554
That's fine.
407
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,155
Fine, little sunshine sister.
Because that's the deal.
408
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:35,057
And as long as we're
inviting people on vacation,
409
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:36,125
watch this little ditty.
410
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,149
Spence!
411
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,796
Oh, yeah, it's gonna happen.
412
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:45,501
That... that... that's
fine. That's fine.
413
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:47,325
I... I like Spence.
414
00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:53,775
You all, uh, packed?
415
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:54,810
Yep. You?
416
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:56,312
Yep.
417
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,379
Great.
418
00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:58,614
Excited?
419
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,350
Oh, yeah. Excited.
420
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,058
Hold it, hold it,
I don't have it.
421
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:11,693
Move faster. It's heavy.
422
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:14,062
Dad, what the hell is that?
423
00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,397
I bought a canoe.
424
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:16,732
I figured, why rent?
425
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:19,335
It'll pay for itself
after 50 uses.
426
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,837
We don't have room
for a canoe, Arthur.
427
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,872
I told you! Shut up!
428
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:27,476
If you hadn't been so whiny,
we could have snuck it by them.
429
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,333
Okay, back down.
430
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,553
Oh, man, what
the hell did we do?
431
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:40,489
We destroyed our
vacation, that's what.
432
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:41,757
You know,
433
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,992
now that my father
and Spence are coming,
434
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:47,463
the thought of you
and me alone in an RV
435
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:49,487
sounds like a little
slice of heaven.
436
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,235
What if we bolt right now?
437
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:56,738
We'll drive through the
night. They'll never find us.
438
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:59,208
Nah. They'll hear
the engine starting.
439
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:02,744
They'll run after us like dogs.
440
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:05,080
Well, we just
gotta bite the bullet
441
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,416
and get this stupid
vacation over with.
442
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,085
No. No, that is not
acceptable, okay.
443
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:13,589
We got the Roadbird Freedom
5000 sitting right outside, okay?
444
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:16,925
I cannot... I will not...
Let that dream go.
445
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,127
Spence! Arthur!
446
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:21,530
Oh, my God.
447
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,299
Let me handle this, son.
448
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,301
Do you mean to tell me
449
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,936
we were never
wanted on this trip?
450
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,605
That we were just pawns
451
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:34,142
in some twisted little
game of marital chicken?
452
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:37,680
Dad, it's not like we
don't enjoy spending time
453
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:40,616
with the both of you... here.
454
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:45,521
Yes. Love you both... here.
455
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,489
This is an outrage.
456
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:52,060
This young man cleared two
weeks out of his schedule, as did I,
457
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:55,097
and this is a very
busy time for me.
458
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:58,900
Look, Dad, we
are very, very sorry,
459
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,169
but it is our vacation.
460
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:03,905
Well, it is our vacation too.
461
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,576
We have just as much right
to that gorgeous motor home
462
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,144
as you do!
463
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:10,512
It would seem...
464
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:14,283
that we are at an impasse.
465
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:17,040
All right. So how do
you want to settle this?
466
00:21:27,019 --> 00:21:28,163
Well...
467
00:21:28,187 --> 00:21:33,269
I guess sometimes
tails does fail.
468
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:37,939
♪ You don't know
What we can find ♪
469
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:40,476
♪ Why don't you come
with me Little girl ♪
470
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:41,877
♪ On a magic carpet ride? ♪
471
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:42,901
♪ You don't... ♪
472
00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:48,284
MAN WITH SOUTHERN
ACCENT: Hey, Clim.
473
00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:50,653
Check out that old man
and that funny looking boy
474
00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:52,321
by the camper.
475
00:21:52,345 --> 00:21:54,890
The boy's got an
awful pretty mouth.