1 00:00:04,821 --> 00:00:06,822 I'm coming! 2 00:00:10,327 --> 00:00:11,261 Yeah, hello? 3 00:00:11,328 --> 00:00:12,828 Hey, it's me, Steph. 4 00:00:13,830 --> 00:00:15,098 Are you ok? 5 00:00:15,166 --> 00:00:16,599 Yeah, I just, uh, ran for the phone. 6 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,935 Oh, well, you'll be glad you did, 'cause guess what? 7 00:00:20,071 --> 00:00:21,271 Are you sure you're all right? 8 00:00:21,338 --> 00:00:22,905 No, no. Let's give it another minute 9 00:00:22,973 --> 00:00:24,174 before we panic. 10 00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:27,377 Well, assuming you don't drop, 11 00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:29,645 how would you like to go with me tonight 12 00:00:29,713 --> 00:00:30,813 to the ranger game? 13 00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:31,914 You got tickets? 14 00:00:31,982 --> 00:00:33,483 Hey, I'm in the sports biz. 15 00:00:34,285 --> 00:00:36,386 You teach gym. 16 00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:37,587 Do you want to go or not? 17 00:00:37,654 --> 00:00:38,921 I want to go, but I... I can't. 18 00:00:38,989 --> 00:00:40,890 I promised Carrie we'd rent a movie tonight. 19 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,858 Come on. I've only been back in town a month, 20 00:00:42,926 --> 00:00:44,527 and we've hardly seen each other. 21 00:00:44,595 --> 00:00:46,596 Don't you want to do a little brother-sister bonding? 22 00:00:48,099 --> 00:00:50,600 Where are the seats? 23 00:00:50,667 --> 00:00:52,935 They're in the garden. That's all you need to know. 24 00:00:53,003 --> 00:00:54,237 No, I... I can't. I can't. 25 00:00:54,305 --> 00:00:56,439 I... I blew Carrie off the last few movie nights. 26 00:00:56,507 --> 00:00:58,841 This one could impact my sex life. 27 00:01:00,377 --> 00:01:02,078 I mean, I'll get the basics, 28 00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:03,346 but, no extras. 29 00:01:05,916 --> 00:01:07,650 Hold on a second. I'm getting another call. 30 00:01:07,718 --> 00:01:08,751 Yeah, hello? 31 00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:10,920 Hey, hon, it's me. Um, big favor. 32 00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:13,256 You know Laura-Beth, that lawyer I'm friendly with? 33 00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:15,391 Yeah. 34 00:01:15,459 --> 00:01:16,926 Well, she invited me out to dinner 35 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:19,329 with her and, um, a couple of her friends, 36 00:01:19,396 --> 00:01:22,265 and I just wanted to know if it was ok if I missed movie night. 37 00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:26,102 Well, I already rented Girl, Interrupted. 38 00:01:27,904 --> 00:01:29,705 I... I got it right here. 39 00:01:32,042 --> 00:01:33,843 Oh, come on, hon. I really want to go. 40 00:01:33,910 --> 00:01:35,845 You know, girls' night out. 41 00:01:35,912 --> 00:01:37,647 I could make some new friends, 42 00:01:37,714 --> 00:01:39,849 or just friends, period. 43 00:01:39,916 --> 00:01:41,551 Go, go. Have... have fun. 44 00:01:41,619 --> 00:01:44,053 Oh, really? You're the best, honey. I love you. 45 00:01:44,121 --> 00:01:46,289 Ok, are we through? 'Cause I'm on the other line. 46 00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:48,191 All right. I'll see you around 10:00. Bye. 47 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:52,728 Good news. Carrie's going out with some lesbians. 48 00:01:56,500 --> 00:02:00,403 ♪ Happy Birthday, dear Lisa 49 00:02:00,471 --> 00:02:03,773 ♪ Happy Birthday to you 50 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,108 yay, thank you. 51 00:02:06,177 --> 00:02:07,410 Oh, thank you, thank you. 52 00:02:07,478 --> 00:02:09,679 Lovely voices. All of you, really. 53 00:02:09,746 --> 00:02:11,881 I hope you all die. 54 00:02:11,948 --> 00:02:12,882 Ah. 55 00:02:12,949 --> 00:02:14,417 Especially you. You're new. 56 00:02:14,485 --> 00:02:15,718 You should be nicer. 57 00:02:15,786 --> 00:02:17,654 Yeah, yeah. Too much peer pressure. I caved. 58 00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:18,954 Yeah, you did. Clearly. 59 00:02:19,022 --> 00:02:20,623 Don't be like that on your birthday. 60 00:02:20,691 --> 00:02:22,825 It is not my birthday! 61 00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:25,562 Shh. They'll make us pay for the cake. 62 00:02:25,629 --> 00:02:27,797 All right, I give up. Happy 27th to me. 63 00:02:27,864 --> 00:02:28,998 There you go. 64 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,866 27? I'm sorry, did you sleep through 65 00:02:30,934 --> 00:02:33,203 your last 5 birthdays? 66 00:02:33,270 --> 00:02:35,405 Well, I wouldn't mind jumping ahead a few years. 67 00:02:35,472 --> 00:02:38,174 Then I wouldn't have to go to my barnard reunion next week. 68 00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:39,775 You're going to a reunion next week, 69 00:02:39,843 --> 00:02:41,444 and you're eating fudge cake? 70 00:02:41,512 --> 00:02:44,113 Gutsy. I like that. 71 00:02:44,181 --> 00:02:47,083 I can't wait to go to my college reunion. 72 00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:50,486 Well, really. I... I just made partner, I just got married, 73 00:02:50,554 --> 00:02:54,123 and I could crack a walnut with my ass. 74 00:02:54,191 --> 00:02:56,559 It's the right time for a reunion, baby! 75 00:02:56,627 --> 00:02:58,461 Or a bad time if you're a walnut. 76 00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,532 Carrie, have you gone to your reunion yet? 77 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:05,901 Oh, uh, actually, I... I didn't graduate. So... 78 00:03:05,969 --> 00:03:10,473 What? No, wait, I, uh, I thought you were a lawyer. 79 00:03:10,541 --> 00:03:13,075 Me? No, no, no. I'm a secretary. 80 00:03:14,845 --> 00:03:16,879 Like, the best secretary at the firm. 81 00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:18,214 Oh, thank you. 82 00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:19,649 Oh. Oh. Wow. 83 00:03:19,717 --> 00:03:21,050 Cool. Yeah, hey, 84 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:23,953 and I hear secretaries week is coming up soon, 85 00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:25,555 so that will be good, right? 86 00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:27,990 Oh, my God, I totally forgot to tell you... 87 00:03:34,265 --> 00:03:35,965 Hey. Hey, funny thing. 88 00:03:36,032 --> 00:03:37,066 Right after you called, 89 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:39,302 Stephanie called with ranger tickets. 90 00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:42,037 Huh? Whoo. Talk about meant to be. 91 00:03:42,105 --> 00:03:44,307 I mean, I know we're all God's children, 92 00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:47,443 but sometimes I think he likes me extra special. 93 00:03:49,413 --> 00:03:52,014 So, how was ladies night out, huh? 94 00:03:52,082 --> 00:03:54,784 What'd you... Did you talk tampons, huh? 95 00:04:03,093 --> 00:04:04,827 Do you hate men now? 96 00:04:08,899 --> 00:04:11,000 Ok, what... what... What's happening? 97 00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:13,469 I was having a great time. 98 00:04:13,537 --> 00:04:15,971 I mean, I was, like, finally hanging out 99 00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:18,441 with women who didn't annoy the crap out of me, you know? 100 00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:21,844 And I was, like, totally "on," you know? 101 00:04:21,912 --> 00:04:23,078 I... I was funny 102 00:04:23,146 --> 00:04:24,814 and... and... and... And... and charming. 103 00:04:24,881 --> 00:04:25,915 It sounds good... 104 00:04:25,982 --> 00:04:27,082 Let me finish! 105 00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:29,385 You always interrupt me! Let me finish! 106 00:04:31,422 --> 00:04:33,356 Ok. 107 00:04:33,424 --> 00:04:35,291 And then... and then they started talking 108 00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:36,959 about college reunions, you know, 109 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,227 then they asked me about mine, 110 00:04:38,295 --> 00:04:40,129 and I said, "oh, I didn't graduate," 111 00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,897 and they said, "oh, but we thought you were a lawyer," 112 00:04:41,965 --> 00:04:44,066 and I said, "no, I'm a secretary." 113 00:04:44,134 --> 00:04:48,904 And they were, like, "oh, it's secretaries week." 114 00:04:48,972 --> 00:04:50,440 You love secretaries week. 115 00:04:51,575 --> 00:04:54,577 Ok, ok. Ok. All right. Ok. 116 00:04:54,645 --> 00:04:55,745 Ok, shh. It's ok. 117 00:04:55,813 --> 00:04:57,279 And I'm just as smart as they are! 118 00:04:57,348 --> 00:04:59,849 Yes, you are. Yes, you are. I know you are, baby. 119 00:04:59,916 --> 00:05:02,284 Ok. It's ok. 120 00:05:02,353 --> 00:05:05,421 Rangers won. It's ok. Ok. 121 00:05:05,489 --> 00:05:06,789 Come on, take a deep breath. 122 00:05:07,991 --> 00:05:10,360 There you go. There you go. Ok? 123 00:05:10,427 --> 00:05:12,895 Hey, hey, you know what cheers me up 124 00:05:12,963 --> 00:05:14,530 when I'm feeling sad? 125 00:05:15,799 --> 00:05:16,966 A snack? 126 00:05:20,704 --> 00:05:23,539 There you go. You feeling better? 127 00:05:23,607 --> 00:05:26,308 Not really. The milk's gone bad. 128 00:05:29,212 --> 00:05:31,447 I could have been like them, I really could have. 129 00:05:31,515 --> 00:05:33,716 I could have had a... a palm pilot, you know, 130 00:05:33,784 --> 00:05:35,451 and been going to my college reunion, 131 00:05:35,519 --> 00:05:38,020 but no, I had to drop out when my mom died to get a job. 132 00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,322 Good goin', Carrie. 133 00:05:40,391 --> 00:05:44,694 Let me tell you something about fancy book learnings. 134 00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:47,697 Y-you, little lady, got something much better. 135 00:05:47,765 --> 00:05:48,931 They call it streetsmarts. 136 00:05:48,999 --> 00:05:50,032 Yeah, great. 137 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,267 It's true. 138 00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:52,045 Like, when we're on the subway, 139 00:05:52,070 --> 00:05:54,805 and some guy comes up to you asking for money, and you pretend to be deaf. 140 00:05:59,042 --> 00:06:01,677 You can't learn that stuff in school. 141 00:06:01,745 --> 00:06:02,978 Look, I'm just gonna go to bed. 142 00:06:03,046 --> 00:06:05,314 I've got a full day of coffee pouring 143 00:06:05,382 --> 00:06:06,849 and phone answering ahead of me. 144 00:06:06,917 --> 00:06:08,418 I want to be sharp. 145 00:06:08,485 --> 00:06:10,052 Thanks for trying to cheer me up. 146 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,186 You're very sweet. 147 00:06:42,352 --> 00:06:43,453 Doug, wake up. 148 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:44,620 Everybody off. 149 00:06:48,592 --> 00:06:49,926 It's important. 150 00:06:50,461 --> 00:06:52,127 What is it? 151 00:06:52,195 --> 00:06:53,729 I'm gonna go back to school. 152 00:06:54,364 --> 00:06:55,431 Ok. 153 00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:56,666 Doug! 154 00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:57,767 What? 155 00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,469 I'm gonna finish school, 156 00:06:59,536 --> 00:07:02,905 get a diploma, and get a better job. 157 00:07:04,908 --> 00:07:06,375 I have to pee. 158 00:07:08,144 --> 00:07:10,446 I have my old course guide in the closet. 159 00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:13,616 I could pick out my entire semester tonight. 160 00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:14,984 You see, I've been lying there, 161 00:07:15,051 --> 00:07:16,686 going over the whole thing in my mind, 162 00:07:16,753 --> 00:07:18,488 how I screwed up my life and everything, 163 00:07:18,555 --> 00:07:20,623 and then it just hit me. Fix it, you idiot! 164 00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:22,458 Can... can we talk about this later? 165 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,694 But I'm so excited. Aren't you excited for me? 166 00:07:24,761 --> 00:07:26,161 Don't hug me now! 167 00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:37,940 Ah. I just did everything possible to avoid light. 168 00:07:38,008 --> 00:07:39,475 Sorry. 169 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:42,778 Me, too. I think I splashed your bath salts. 170 00:07:45,649 --> 00:07:49,284 You're really serious? You want to go school again? 171 00:07:49,352 --> 00:07:52,187 Yes. I can... I can do this, Doug. 172 00:07:52,255 --> 00:07:54,991 I know you can do it, it's just... 173 00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,392 So, are you gonna quit your job? 174 00:07:56,459 --> 00:07:57,527 No, I'll still work. 175 00:07:57,594 --> 00:08:00,830 I'll just go to school at night. 176 00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:02,398 Well, when would I see you? 177 00:08:02,465 --> 00:08:04,266 I'll make time. 178 00:08:04,334 --> 00:08:06,536 Plus, I won't be sad anymore. 179 00:08:06,603 --> 00:08:08,738 I'll be happy. You see? 180 00:08:08,805 --> 00:08:10,640 Ok, so you can finish college. Then what? 181 00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:13,308 I don't know. Maybe, uh, go to law school. 182 00:08:13,376 --> 00:08:15,811 Oh, this is spinning totally out of control. 183 00:08:15,879 --> 00:08:18,080 Ok, could you try even being a little supportive? 184 00:08:18,148 --> 00:08:19,782 Well, I'm sorry, Carrie, but you know, 185 00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:21,684 you're throwing a lot at me out of nowhere. 186 00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:23,152 It's not out of nowhere. 187 00:08:23,219 --> 00:08:25,655 It's always bothered me that I didn't finish school. 188 00:08:25,722 --> 00:08:26,956 Tonight, you know, 189 00:08:27,024 --> 00:08:29,224 it gave me a kick in the pants that I needed. 190 00:08:30,027 --> 00:08:31,627 Get thicker pants. 191 00:08:33,363 --> 00:08:34,396 Stop. 192 00:08:35,899 --> 00:08:37,099 Well, what am I supposed to do 193 00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:39,201 when you're at your homecoming dances 194 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,536 and your pep rallies? 195 00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:44,040 Hey, I'm not going to Rydell high... 196 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,507 And you could take up a hobby. 197 00:08:45,576 --> 00:08:47,142 How about the guitar you made me buy? 198 00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:48,343 That's still in the closet. 199 00:08:48,411 --> 00:08:49,946 You can learn to play that. 200 00:08:50,013 --> 00:08:51,881 That sounds like a lot of effort on my part. 201 00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:55,117 Come on, honey. Let me go to school. 202 00:08:55,185 --> 00:08:56,886 I'll wear a uniform. 203 00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,254 Ok, fine. Go to school. 204 00:08:59,322 --> 00:09:01,991 I love you, I love you. I love you. 205 00:09:02,059 --> 00:09:03,158 Mmm. 206 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,763 Not till the morning! 207 00:09:07,831 --> 00:09:08,764 All right! 208 00:09:28,377 --> 00:09:29,911 Wow. Still studying, huh? 209 00:09:29,978 --> 00:09:32,781 Yep. Queens college for knowledge, baby. 210 00:09:32,848 --> 00:09:34,382 You, uh, how you doing? 211 00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:35,784 Oh, I'm a little stressed. 212 00:09:35,851 --> 00:09:38,352 This philosophy paper's due Tuesday, 9:00 a.m., 213 00:09:38,421 --> 00:09:40,688 and the Professor said "if it's not in on time, 214 00:09:40,756 --> 00:09:42,323 it's fish wrap." 215 00:09:42,391 --> 00:09:45,593 Well, been pretty busy myself. 216 00:09:46,361 --> 00:09:47,529 Wrote a little song. 217 00:09:50,566 --> 00:09:51,999 You wrote a song? Mmm-hmm. 218 00:09:52,067 --> 00:09:53,902 That's good progress in only one week. 219 00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:54,969 Want to hear it? 220 00:09:55,037 --> 00:09:56,337 I think I need to, yes. 221 00:09:56,405 --> 00:09:58,673 All righty then, here we go. 222 00:09:58,741 --> 00:10:00,942 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 223 00:10:01,009 --> 00:10:03,010 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 224 00:10:03,078 --> 00:10:05,079 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 225 00:10:05,147 --> 00:10:07,582 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 226 00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:09,584 ♪ Arthur, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur ♪ 227 00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:11,619 ♪ Arthur, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur ♪ 228 00:10:11,687 --> 00:10:13,488 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 229 00:10:13,556 --> 00:10:14,856 ♪ Doug and Carrie 230 00:10:14,924 --> 00:10:16,458 ok, that is really good. That is good. 231 00:10:16,525 --> 00:10:18,125 I didn't get to the bridge yet. 232 00:10:18,193 --> 00:10:20,528 That's ok. It gives me something to look forward to. 233 00:10:20,596 --> 00:10:22,396 Ok. Ok, then. 234 00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:29,537 So, you want to go for pizza? 235 00:10:29,605 --> 00:10:30,872 Honey, I can't, you know? 236 00:10:30,940 --> 00:10:32,874 You know, I-I'm a little under the gun here. 237 00:10:32,942 --> 00:10:34,008 What am I supposed to do? 238 00:10:34,076 --> 00:10:35,643 I don't know, play your guitar. 239 00:10:36,846 --> 00:10:38,112 I already did that. 240 00:10:39,915 --> 00:10:41,048 Wrote a song. 241 00:10:41,116 --> 00:10:42,149 Yeah, Doug. Come on, 242 00:10:42,217 --> 00:10:44,486 I am under a lot of pressure, ok? 243 00:10:44,553 --> 00:10:46,287 And I'm starting to get a headache, so... 244 00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:49,023 A headache? Sounds like a little pizza's what you need then. 245 00:10:49,091 --> 00:10:50,324 Doug, stop it! Now, come on, 246 00:10:50,392 --> 00:10:52,494 you know how important this is to me. 247 00:10:52,561 --> 00:10:55,029 Ok, yeah. I also know that you promised me that you'd make time for me. 248 00:10:55,097 --> 00:10:56,230 I knew this would happen. 249 00:10:56,298 --> 00:10:58,633 Ok, so I underestimated how hard this was gonna be. 250 00:10:58,701 --> 00:10:59,834 Just cut me a break here. 251 00:10:59,902 --> 00:11:01,402 You're... you're not really that upset 252 00:11:01,470 --> 00:11:03,070 because I can't go for pizza, are you? 253 00:11:03,138 --> 00:11:06,975 Because you haven't gone out for pizza in days. 254 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:10,745 I don't even know you anymore. 255 00:11:10,813 --> 00:11:13,615 It's obvious I am not gonna get any work done here, 256 00:11:13,682 --> 00:11:16,217 so if you need me, I will be at the library. 257 00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:17,552 Believe me, I won't need you. 258 00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:19,320 I'll be too busy here gettin' my groove on. 259 00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,488 Great. 260 00:11:25,761 --> 00:11:27,929 ♪ Doug and pizza, Doug and pizza ♪ 261 00:11:27,997 --> 00:11:30,164 ♪ Doug and pizza, Doug and pizza ♪ 262 00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:32,199 ♪ Toppings, toppings, toppings, toppings ♪ 263 00:11:35,905 --> 00:11:37,605 Wow! Go away for a few years 264 00:11:37,673 --> 00:11:39,741 and they totally revamp the menu on you. 265 00:11:40,676 --> 00:11:42,076 So you gonna get something? 266 00:11:42,144 --> 00:11:44,478 No, I can't. I used up all my fat points for the day. 267 00:11:45,848 --> 00:11:48,550 My God! The chicken strips sound incredible. 268 00:11:48,617 --> 00:11:50,184 What... what are they, lightly breaded? 269 00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,953 I'll bet they're lightly breaded, right? 270 00:11:52,021 --> 00:11:53,220 Yeah, I guess they are. 271 00:11:53,288 --> 00:11:55,256 What kind of dipping sauce are we talking about? 272 00:11:55,323 --> 00:11:56,390 Honey mustard. 273 00:11:56,458 --> 00:11:57,659 Ah. That's so perfect. 274 00:11:57,726 --> 00:11:59,326 Will you just get them already? 275 00:11:59,394 --> 00:12:01,462 I can't! I'm dieting! 276 00:12:01,530 --> 00:12:03,431 But if you get the wings, I'll pick at them. 277 00:12:03,498 --> 00:12:05,066 You're not gonna pick at them. 278 00:12:05,133 --> 00:12:06,534 I'll come back from the bathroom, 279 00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:08,202 there'll be chicken bones everywhere, 280 00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:10,638 and you'll be huddled in the corner, crying. 281 00:12:11,139 --> 00:12:12,206 Ah! 282 00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:15,443 That is so not true. I've been very disciplined. 283 00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:16,811 You know that I've lost weight, 284 00:12:16,879 --> 00:12:18,880 and you haven't even told me how good I look. 285 00:12:18,948 --> 00:12:20,214 What do you want me to say? 286 00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:21,983 "Hey, sis! Great ass!" 287 00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:25,352 Really? Great how? 288 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,656 All right. I gotta get out of here by 9:00. 289 00:12:28,724 --> 00:12:30,458 I want to grab a few minutes with Carrie 290 00:12:30,525 --> 00:12:32,794 before she starts to work on her paper. 291 00:12:32,861 --> 00:12:35,863 How sad is that? I'm married to a person who does homework. 292 00:12:35,931 --> 00:12:38,066 Are you about to go on another rant about this? 293 00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,301 Just warn me so I can fling myself into traffic. 294 00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:42,203 Well, I'm sorry, but it's unnatural, 295 00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:44,038 you know, a grown woman in school, 296 00:12:44,106 --> 00:12:46,908 it's... it's like a 40-year-old guy with braces. 297 00:12:49,511 --> 00:12:51,412 What are you... Don't look at me like that. 298 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,147 What? You want to know what I think? No. 299 00:12:53,215 --> 00:12:54,548 I think you're intimidated by it. 300 00:12:54,617 --> 00:12:57,184 Ok. What'd you get stuck on, the "n" or the "o"? 301 00:12:57,252 --> 00:12:59,053 Too bad. It's true. 302 00:12:59,121 --> 00:13:00,454 She wants to finish college, 303 00:13:00,522 --> 00:13:01,823 and you are petrified 304 00:13:01,890 --> 00:13:03,457 that it means she'll leave you behind. 305 00:13:03,525 --> 00:13:06,227 What? Ok, first of all, I'm a teamster. 306 00:13:06,294 --> 00:13:08,295 I don't petrify. 307 00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:11,165 Second of all, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 308 00:13:11,233 --> 00:13:12,399 Fine. 309 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:16,570 And what if I was afraid of that, huh? 310 00:13:16,639 --> 00:13:18,873 No, really. Think about it. 311 00:13:18,941 --> 00:13:20,942 She... she... she aces this class, right? 312 00:13:21,010 --> 00:13:23,645 Finishes college, goes to law school. Where does that leave us? 313 00:13:23,712 --> 00:13:25,880 At dinner she tells me about the guy she saved 314 00:13:25,948 --> 00:13:27,581 from the electric chair and I'm like, 315 00:13:27,650 --> 00:13:29,917 "oh, yeah? Really? I just got a new beaded truck seat." 316 00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:35,089 You know, instead of thinking about yourself for 5 minutes, 317 00:13:35,157 --> 00:13:36,824 why don't you start thinking about her? 318 00:13:36,892 --> 00:13:38,492 You know, all she's trying to do 319 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,495 is... is accomplish something to feel better about her life. 320 00:13:41,563 --> 00:13:43,597 Instead of bitching, maybe you could throw her 321 00:13:43,666 --> 00:13:45,533 a little support, hmm? 322 00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:48,936 You're fat. 323 00:13:53,942 --> 00:13:55,242 What I'm saying is 324 00:13:55,310 --> 00:13:58,012 I think Plato's careful organization of his dialogues 325 00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,781 is only one of a lot 326 00:13:59,848 --> 00:14:01,482 of devices he used to make his point. 327 00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:02,850 You mean, like, even the setting 328 00:14:02,918 --> 00:14:04,418 and... and the names of the characters 329 00:14:04,486 --> 00:14:05,753 is a deliberate choice he made? 330 00:14:05,821 --> 00:14:07,188 Absolutely! 331 00:14:07,255 --> 00:14:08,790 Come on, car! 332 00:14:08,857 --> 00:14:11,159 You can only sit here with this dumb smile on your face 333 00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:12,994 for so long. 334 00:14:13,062 --> 00:14:16,430 Say something halfway intelligent here. 335 00:14:16,498 --> 00:14:18,532 Problem is, Plato took great care not to leave 336 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,135 any obvious tracks of the plans of his dialogues. 337 00:14:21,203 --> 00:14:22,269 Right? 338 00:14:22,337 --> 00:14:23,504 Totally. 339 00:14:24,940 --> 00:14:26,040 That's true. That is why... 340 00:14:26,108 --> 00:14:27,608 Ugh! I'm such an idiot! 341 00:14:27,676 --> 00:14:29,077 Come on, Carrie, you're letting 342 00:14:29,144 --> 00:14:31,645 miss perky breasts here show you up. 343 00:14:31,714 --> 00:14:34,082 Look at her, with her perky breasts! 344 00:14:34,149 --> 00:14:36,951 Think of something smart to say. 345 00:14:37,019 --> 00:14:38,820 A very tricky fellow... 346 00:14:38,887 --> 00:14:40,354 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 347 00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,023 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 348 00:14:42,091 --> 00:14:44,391 Oh, my God! Not now! Not this damned song now! 349 00:14:45,660 --> 00:14:46,794 Focus. 350 00:14:46,862 --> 00:14:49,330 You must have one good thing 351 00:14:49,397 --> 00:14:51,099 to say about this Plato guy. 352 00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:53,735 You've been reading about him for 2 weeks. 353 00:14:53,802 --> 00:14:56,204 Of course, that's with working 10 hours a day. 354 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,872 And trying to care for my dad, 355 00:14:57,940 --> 00:15:00,441 and trying to keep my marriage intact. 356 00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:03,344 I'll bet perky breasts doesn't have to deal with any of that. 357 00:15:04,146 --> 00:15:06,881 Or scraggle beard. 358 00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:09,516 Perky breasts and scraggle beard. 359 00:15:09,584 --> 00:15:10,952 Sounds like a new cop show. 360 00:15:11,019 --> 00:15:13,487 Help, scraggle beard. I'm hit. 361 00:15:15,157 --> 00:15:17,759 What do you think, Carrie? 362 00:15:17,826 --> 00:15:20,895 Um, I can't help but wonder, you know, 363 00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:24,065 was Plato really a student of socrates 364 00:15:24,133 --> 00:15:28,169 or was he, in many ways, a student of himself, hmm? 365 00:15:32,107 --> 00:15:33,741 Yeah. We just wanted to know 366 00:15:33,809 --> 00:15:36,244 if you were in the mood for Chinese. 367 00:15:37,846 --> 00:15:38,913 Totally. 368 00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:57,887 Oh, hi! You're home. Good. 369 00:15:57,974 --> 00:15:59,208 Listen. We need to talk. 370 00:15:59,276 --> 00:16:00,709 Yes. We d-definitely need to talk. 371 00:16:00,777 --> 00:16:02,845 I don't want school to come between us anymore. 372 00:16:02,913 --> 00:16:04,914 I... I know. I know. Me, neither. This is great. 373 00:16:04,981 --> 00:16:07,349 Good! That's why I decided I'm gonna quit! 374 00:16:07,417 --> 00:16:08,550 Quit? Yes! 375 00:16:08,618 --> 00:16:10,385 Doug, you don't like me being there, 376 00:16:10,453 --> 00:16:12,788 it's making us argue, so that's it! I'm gone. 377 00:16:12,856 --> 00:16:15,191 I was just gonna say that you should stay in school 378 00:16:15,258 --> 00:16:16,826 and that I should be more supportive. 379 00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,227 I had a little speech planned 380 00:16:18,295 --> 00:16:20,029 that was gonna lead to great make-up sex. 381 00:16:20,096 --> 00:16:22,131 You're ruining it! 382 00:16:22,199 --> 00:16:24,033 Doug! No, no, no! You got it backwards. 383 00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:25,400 You see, I got caught up 384 00:16:25,468 --> 00:16:26,768 in this whole stupid school thing 385 00:16:26,837 --> 00:16:28,503 that I wasn't being supportive of you. 386 00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,505 Like with that great "Doug and Carrie" song, 387 00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:32,107 which, by the way, is growing on me 388 00:16:32,175 --> 00:16:34,143 like nobody's business. 389 00:16:34,211 --> 00:16:35,644 So, you're doing this for me? 390 00:16:35,712 --> 00:16:38,814 Yes. Turn up your miracle ear, corky. For you. 391 00:16:38,882 --> 00:16:40,249 I don't want you to do it for me. 392 00:16:40,317 --> 00:16:41,817 Well, too bad! I'm doing it for you! 393 00:16:41,885 --> 00:16:43,552 Well, then don't do it! 394 00:16:43,619 --> 00:16:44,887 I am doing it. You have no say in the matter! 395 00:16:44,955 --> 00:16:46,288 Why are you fighting me on this? 396 00:16:46,356 --> 00:16:48,123 Because I can't read! 397 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:53,362 I mean, I can read. Not that. 398 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:54,763 It's just that I don't understand 399 00:16:54,831 --> 00:16:56,098 what the hell I'm reading. 400 00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:57,632 Why not? 401 00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:59,801 'Cause, I cannot wrap my brain around all this, you know? 402 00:16:59,870 --> 00:17:02,271 It's like, I'm supposed to turn in a 10-page paper 403 00:17:02,339 --> 00:17:03,772 on the allegory of the cave, 404 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:05,574 and I'm still struggling with the concept 405 00:17:05,641 --> 00:17:08,710 of 2 darrins on bewitched. 406 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,645 That's it. I... I thought I was smart enough, 407 00:17:10,713 --> 00:17:11,847 but I'm not. 408 00:17:11,915 --> 00:17:13,615 That's crazy, Carrie! You are smart. 409 00:17:13,683 --> 00:17:15,918 Oh, you're just saying that 'cause you're married to me. 410 00:17:15,986 --> 00:17:19,855 Hey! I wouldn't have married you in the first place if you weren't so smart. 411 00:17:19,923 --> 00:17:21,790 Really? 412 00:17:21,858 --> 00:17:23,658 Actually, I probably would have. I was pretty horny then. 413 00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,695 Come on! You can't quit now! 414 00:17:26,763 --> 00:17:27,763 Yes, I can! 415 00:17:27,830 --> 00:17:29,031 No, you can't! Now, come on! 416 00:17:29,099 --> 00:17:30,599 We're going back to the library, 417 00:17:30,666 --> 00:17:33,235 and we're gonna stay as long as it takes for you to write the paper 418 00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:34,636 we both know you can write. 419 00:17:34,704 --> 00:17:35,837 And if that doesn't work, 420 00:17:35,906 --> 00:17:37,672 we'll just buy one on the Internet. 421 00:17:40,543 --> 00:17:42,378 Just remember, I'm here for you. 422 00:17:42,445 --> 00:17:43,812 Your job is to work on the paper. 423 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,047 I take care of all else. 424 00:17:45,115 --> 00:17:47,749 Food, waste, et cetera. 425 00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,219 Ok, but I'll take care of my own waste, though. 426 00:17:50,287 --> 00:17:52,988 It's your call. 427 00:17:53,056 --> 00:17:55,657 Oh, man! There's a woman on the microfilm machine, 428 00:17:55,725 --> 00:17:57,026 and it's the only one, too. 429 00:17:57,093 --> 00:17:59,261 Ok, you see? This is where having a manager pays off. 430 00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:02,331 Now, you just go sharpen your pencil, and I'll take care of her. 431 00:18:14,644 --> 00:18:17,046 Mmm, wow. God bless America. 432 00:18:17,113 --> 00:18:19,048 Tuna in a vending machine. 433 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:23,352 What's next, hovercrafts? 434 00:18:25,755 --> 00:18:27,722 You still on this? You gonna be on this long? 435 00:18:27,790 --> 00:18:29,491 Yes. I-I've quite a bit of work to do. 436 00:18:29,559 --> 00:18:30,859 Ah, gotcha! 437 00:18:32,829 --> 00:18:34,596 No problem. I'll wait. 438 00:18:36,099 --> 00:18:39,501 Mmm, wow, dinosaurs. Interesting stuff. 439 00:18:39,569 --> 00:18:42,237 Tyrannosaurus Rex, man. Whoo! 440 00:18:42,305 --> 00:18:43,439 He's a big fella. 441 00:18:43,506 --> 00:18:45,707 Betcha he had a nice size ding-a-ling, huh? 442 00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:54,549 Too bad his arms were too short to get a go at it though, right? 443 00:18:59,522 --> 00:19:01,256 Strainin'! 444 00:19:01,324 --> 00:19:04,426 I-I-I've got to go. 445 00:19:04,494 --> 00:19:06,661 Ok. You have a nice day now, ok? 446 00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:07,829 All right. 447 00:19:18,308 --> 00:19:20,476 Carrie! Carrie! 448 00:19:20,543 --> 00:19:22,077 Plato! 449 00:19:22,145 --> 00:19:24,079 Come on. You can't sleep now. What are you doing? 450 00:19:24,147 --> 00:19:25,680 Oh! Where did you go? 451 00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:27,916 I went home to get ready for work. Did you finish the paper? 452 00:19:27,984 --> 00:19:29,018 Uh, well, let me see. 453 00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:34,023 "Plato was a wrgn frtta..." 454 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:36,892 Oh, my God! My head must have fallen on the keyboard. 455 00:19:37,827 --> 00:19:39,128 Look. Slap a period on it, 456 00:19:39,195 --> 00:19:40,396 and let's blow this clam bake. 457 00:19:40,463 --> 00:19:42,731 Come on! It's due in... Oh, my God! 10 minutes! 458 00:19:42,798 --> 00:19:44,400 Doug, I still have to print it out, 459 00:19:44,467 --> 00:19:45,934 and his office is all the way 460 00:19:46,002 --> 00:19:48,037 on the other side of campus. We'll never make it. 461 00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:49,405 Yes, we will! No, we won't! 462 00:19:49,472 --> 00:19:50,906 Hey! You listen to me, missy! 463 00:19:50,973 --> 00:19:53,708 I may not be good at much in this life, but I am good at one thing: 464 00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:56,445 Getting packages to where they're going on time, every time. 465 00:19:56,513 --> 00:19:57,746 Overnight service available 466 00:19:57,813 --> 00:19:59,915 in the continental United States. No Sunday delivery. 467 00:19:59,982 --> 00:20:02,051 For more information, go to w.W.W dot I.P.S dot net. 468 00:20:05,422 --> 00:20:07,523 I had coffee. 469 00:20:07,590 --> 00:20:10,559 ♪ Cinderella dressed in yellow ♪ 470 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:14,430 ♪ Went upstairs to kiss a fellow, then the... ♪ 471 00:20:18,935 --> 00:20:19,935 Come on! 472 00:20:20,002 --> 00:20:20,936 Ok! 473 00:20:22,605 --> 00:20:24,106 We're gonna make it, aren't we? 474 00:20:24,174 --> 00:20:25,207 Yeah! We gotta hurry! 475 00:20:30,780 --> 00:20:32,581 Oh, my God! Are you all right? 476 00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:35,817 I was fine until the phone landed on me. 477 00:20:35,885 --> 00:20:38,153 Go! Just go! 478 00:20:39,556 --> 00:20:40,722 Oh, boy. 479 00:20:44,894 --> 00:20:46,495 Ok, everyone. 480 00:20:46,563 --> 00:20:48,730 Um, most of you know me as beer-drinking, 481 00:20:48,798 --> 00:20:52,334 dart-playing, slightly-mysterious Doug. 482 00:20:52,402 --> 00:20:55,571 Tonight, meet thoughtful-poet- with-a-message Doug. 483 00:20:55,638 --> 00:20:56,738 Whatever. 484 00:20:56,806 --> 00:20:58,574 Aw, screw y'all. 485 00:21:00,477 --> 00:21:03,778 This one I'm dedicatin' to my... my baby 486 00:21:03,846 --> 00:21:05,514 who proved that not only does she have 487 00:21:05,582 --> 00:21:06,815 the looks in this relationship, 488 00:21:06,882 --> 00:21:08,484 but she's also got the brains 489 00:21:08,551 --> 00:21:10,352 by acing her college paper with a c-minus. 490 00:21:14,090 --> 00:21:16,191 No, no, no. The wings are hers. 491 00:21:16,259 --> 00:21:18,460 But, uh, she needs dipping sauce. 492 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,700 All right, car, this one is for you. 493 00:21:25,768 --> 00:21:28,770 It's called love will keep us together. 494 00:21:31,007 --> 00:21:32,741 ♪ Love 495 00:21:32,808 --> 00:21:35,310 ♪ love will keep us 496 00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:49,991 ♪ togeth... 497 00:21:53,796 --> 00:21:55,564 ♪ Toget... toget... 498 00:22:06,350 --> 00:22:08,051 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 499 00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,153 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 500 00:22:10,221 --> 00:22:12,089 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 501 00:22:12,148 --> 00:22:13,949 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 502 00:22:17,695 --> 00:22:19,329 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 503 00:22:19,396 --> 00:22:21,297 ♪ Doug and Carrie, Doug and Carrie ♪ 504 00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:26,336 ♪ Doug and Carrie!