1
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,087
Hello.
2
00:00:05,112 --> 00:00:06,947
Oh, hey, Arthur. It's me, Doug.
3
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:08,241
What can I do you for?
4
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:09,642
Actually, I just called to check
5
00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:11,010
the messages off of the machine.
6
00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:12,545
So hang up and I'll
call right back.
7
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:13,779
Gotcha. Ok.
8
00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:24,023
Hello.
9
00:00:24,091 --> 00:00:27,160
Arthur, didn't I just
ask you not to pick up?
10
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,361
No. You said I should hang up
11
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,963
and you'd call right back.
12
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,799
Ok, what I meant was I wanted
the machine to get it, not you.
13
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,368
I'm trying to check my messages.
14
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:37,103
You want me to just
check 'em for you?
15
00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:38,671
No, no. Thank you. No.
16
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:41,007
Last time you did that you
erased all the messages
17
00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:43,743
and our outgoing messages
and unplugged the lamp.
18
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:46,979
Just let it ring, ok?
19
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,881
It's your world, I
just live in it.
20
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:57,524
Hello.
21
00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,125
Arthur, what did I just say?
22
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:00,560
I'm sorry. It's habit.
23
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:02,428
Well, do me favor,
break the habit, ok?
24
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,197
I'm running out of
freakin' change here.
25
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:05,198
Fine.
26
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,741
Hello.
27
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:18,611
Arthur, what is this? Some
kind of sick little joke?
28
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:21,447
I'm sorry. I've been answering
the phone my whole life.
29
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:24,116
You're asking me
to undo 75 years
30
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,751
of instinct in a moment.
31
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,587
That is not easy!
32
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,189
Just don't pick up!
33
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:31,691
Fine. I'm going
downstairs to lie down.
34
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,059
Well, thank you.
35
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:42,735
Hello.
36
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,470
Arthur! Oh, God!
37
00:02:32,344 --> 00:02:33,778
Baby, you ready?
38
00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:37,015
Let's hit it.
39
00:02:37,716 --> 00:02:39,017
Cowboy boots?
40
00:02:39,084 --> 00:02:41,452
That's right, ma'am.
41
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,622
So, what, you gonna go and rope
yourself a meatball sandwich?
42
00:02:44,690 --> 00:02:47,391
I like 'em, plus they were
on sale at thom mcan.
43
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:49,226
Honey, just because
something is on sale,
44
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,895
doesn't mean you have to buy it.
45
00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:52,463
We discussed this
when you came home
46
00:02:52,531 --> 00:02:53,765
with the microscope.
47
00:02:54,767 --> 00:02:56,100
Now, go on. Go change.
48
00:02:56,168 --> 00:02:58,369
Fine, I'll change, but
not 'cause of you.
49
00:02:58,437 --> 00:03:00,805
Only 'cause they hurt like hell.
50
00:03:05,243 --> 00:03:06,243
Hello?
51
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,344
Hey, it's me.
52
00:03:07,412 --> 00:03:09,480
We were just about out the door.
What's up?
53
00:03:09,548 --> 00:03:12,183
I'm glad I caught you. We're going
to have to cancel on you tonight.
54
00:03:12,250 --> 00:03:13,284
Oh, why?
55
00:03:13,351 --> 00:03:15,453
Deacon has to work late again.
56
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,789
Oh, that's crappy. How about
we do something tomorrow?
57
00:03:17,856 --> 00:03:19,223
What about brunch over here?
58
00:03:19,291 --> 00:03:20,424
I'll see you then. Ok.
59
00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:22,060
Bye. Bye.
60
00:03:22,127 --> 00:03:24,462
All right, got my sneakers on.
61
00:03:24,529 --> 00:03:26,363
The spotlight's back on your now.
Happy?
62
00:03:27,967 --> 00:03:29,333
Kelly just called and canceled.
63
00:03:29,401 --> 00:03:31,535
Deacon has to work late tonight.
64
00:03:31,604 --> 00:03:32,637
Really?
65
00:03:33,371 --> 00:03:34,572
Hmm.
66
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,407
So you wanna just do take-out?
67
00:03:36,475 --> 00:03:37,775
All right. How about Italian?
68
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,110
Honey, how about we do Chinese?
69
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,245
You wanna try that new
place, tung shing house?
70
00:03:41,313 --> 00:03:43,447
You had me at tung.
71
00:03:49,722 --> 00:03:51,923
Hi, how you doin'? Uh, my
wife called in an order.
72
00:03:51,991 --> 00:03:54,092
And what is your last name?
73
00:03:56,762 --> 00:03:58,295
Hello, sir.
74
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,264
I'm... I'm sorry. You just...
75
00:04:00,332 --> 00:04:02,634
You threw me with the
British thing there.
76
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:03,901
I grew up in Hong Kong.
77
00:04:03,969 --> 00:04:05,870
I apologize if I'm not
ethnic enough for you.
78
00:04:05,938 --> 00:04:07,739
Would you like me to
chink it up a little?
79
00:04:07,806 --> 00:04:09,607
Che-chi-Cho- chee-chee-chi-Cho.
80
00:04:09,675 --> 00:04:10,708
No, no, no, no, no.
81
00:04:10,776 --> 00:04:12,376
Please, it's no bother.
I'd love to.
82
00:04:12,444 --> 00:04:13,611
Hoy chee guy ko Lee may Nai...
83
00:04:13,679 --> 00:04:15,013
No, no, no, no!
84
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,480
The name's Heffernan.
It's right there.
85
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:17,581
Ah, $18.50.
86
00:04:17,650 --> 00:04:18,683
Ok.
87
00:04:19,685 --> 00:04:20,718
It'll be ready in a moment.
88
00:04:20,786 --> 00:04:21,853
All right.
89
00:04:24,589 --> 00:04:25,757
Thanks.
90
00:04:42,941 --> 00:04:44,742
Hey, man!
91
00:04:44,810 --> 00:04:45,810
Hey!
92
00:04:45,878 --> 00:04:46,878
Hey.
93
00:04:46,945 --> 00:04:48,445
What's going on there, chiefy?
94
00:04:48,513 --> 00:04:50,048
Nothing much. Just, uh...
95
00:04:50,115 --> 00:04:51,382
Just having some dinner.
96
00:04:51,449 --> 00:04:52,984
Dinner. Big fan.
97
00:04:53,052 --> 00:04:54,552
No secret there, though, huh?
98
00:04:55,453 --> 00:04:57,121
Right, right.
99
00:04:57,189 --> 00:04:59,290
So I thought you were...
So who's your friend here?
100
00:04:59,357 --> 00:05:00,357
Uh...
101
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:01,759
Doug, this is Angie.
102
00:05:01,827 --> 00:05:03,227
Hi, hi. How you doing?
103
00:05:03,295 --> 00:05:04,562
Nice to meet you.
104
00:05:04,629 --> 00:05:06,530
Deacon's told me
a lot about you.
105
00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:08,299
Has he? 'Cause, uh...
106
00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:10,768
He hasn't told me that much about...
wha... hmm?
107
00:05:10,836 --> 00:05:12,570
Oh, gosh. I guess
my order's ready.
108
00:05:12,637 --> 00:05:15,573
Ok, uh, I guess I will
see you tomorrow.
109
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,374
I will see you whenever or not.
110
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,510
Either way, it was a plea...
Ok. Comin'. Ok.
111
00:05:19,578 --> 00:05:21,312
I got to go. All right.
112
00:05:26,085 --> 00:05:27,451
I know this looks
a little weird.
113
00:05:27,519 --> 00:05:29,353
No, no. You're just
pretending to work late
114
00:05:29,421 --> 00:05:31,122
to meet with your
lovely vacation planner
115
00:05:31,190 --> 00:05:33,357
because you're going to surprise
Kelly with a trip to oahu.
116
00:05:33,425 --> 00:05:34,425
No.
117
00:05:34,492 --> 00:05:35,526
Puerto Rico? No.
118
00:05:35,594 --> 00:05:37,228
Amish country? Give
me amish country.
119
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,830
No, man, no.
120
00:05:38,897 --> 00:05:40,865
Then what?
121
00:05:40,933 --> 00:05:42,433
It's what it looks
like, all right?
122
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:43,567
I can't believe this, man.
123
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:44,869
American g.I.,
124
00:05:44,937 --> 00:05:47,038
your "a" number one
good time order ready.
125
00:05:48,573 --> 00:05:50,641
That's enough of that, ok?
I get it.
126
00:05:50,709 --> 00:05:52,744
Look, I should get back.
127
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:53,978
Just be cool about this,
128
00:05:54,046 --> 00:05:55,880
and I promise we'll
talk tomorrow, ok?
129
00:05:55,948 --> 00:05:57,448
We'll talk tomorrow.
130
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,788
You call this a
family restaurant.
131
00:06:07,592 --> 00:06:09,426
So I looked her
square in the eyes
132
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,429
and said, "ma'am, you
are undoubtedly"
133
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,766
the most fetching woman
in all of shreveport."
134
00:06:15,901 --> 00:06:17,568
And what did she say?
135
00:06:17,636 --> 00:06:18,903
My good sir,
136
00:06:18,971 --> 00:06:21,105
I do believe you've
given me the vapors.
137
00:06:23,242 --> 00:06:25,609
Nice. Then what happened?
138
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,578
I knocked the barbecue
out of her hand,
139
00:06:27,646 --> 00:06:28,980
bent her over the porch railing,
140
00:06:29,047 --> 00:06:31,115
and said, "I'll give you
more than vapors, you..."
141
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,283
ok, enough!
142
00:06:36,554 --> 00:06:38,756
Charming story gone very wrong.
143
00:06:40,659 --> 00:06:42,426
What's going on with
you two over there?
144
00:06:43,561 --> 00:06:45,062
I'm fine.
145
00:06:45,130 --> 00:06:46,831
You haven't eaten a thing.
146
00:06:46,899 --> 00:06:48,632
Yeah, you know what? I'm... I'm
really not... I'm not hungry.
147
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:49,700
What?
148
00:06:52,737 --> 00:06:54,471
I'm not hungry. That allowed?
149
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,606
It's allowed.
150
00:06:55,674 --> 00:06:58,075
Just never heard you say it.
151
00:06:58,143 --> 00:06:59,543
And what's your story?
152
00:06:59,611 --> 00:07:02,146
Uh, nothing. Just... just tired.
153
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:04,515
Well, if you could tell
your boss maybe one time
154
00:07:04,582 --> 00:07:06,083
that you can't work late.
155
00:07:06,151 --> 00:07:07,551
It doesn't work that way.
156
00:07:07,619 --> 00:07:09,586
Well, why is it always
you that has to stay?
157
00:07:09,654 --> 00:07:10,822
How should I know?
158
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:13,324
Well, I'd say it's
pretty damn clear why.
159
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:14,525
You got some crap work,
160
00:07:14,592 --> 00:07:17,728
give it to the colored guy.
161
00:07:17,796 --> 00:07:19,997
There's nothing going on at work.
Now drop it.
162
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,066
Sure. Why not drop it?
163
00:07:22,134 --> 00:07:23,400
By the way, how's the weather
164
00:07:23,468 --> 00:07:25,602
in the town of young,
white male-ville, huh?
165
00:07:27,039 --> 00:07:29,340
Oh, for God's sakes,
everyone has to work late.
166
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,842
I work late all the time.
167
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:31,943
No, you don't.
168
00:07:32,010 --> 00:07:33,177
Sure, I do.
169
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:35,446
When?
170
00:07:35,513 --> 00:07:38,615
Actually, I have to work
late this coming Thursday.
171
00:07:38,683 --> 00:07:39,851
Now, can we please,
172
00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:41,385
in the sweet name
of all that is holy
173
00:07:41,453 --> 00:07:42,553
talk about something else?
174
00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:44,055
Arthur, you were saying a story.
175
00:07:44,122 --> 00:07:46,090
You had her bent over the railing.
Then what happened?
176
00:07:46,158 --> 00:07:48,125
No, no, no. Wait a second.
177
00:07:48,193 --> 00:07:51,295
I thought you had Knicks
tickets for Thursday?
178
00:07:51,363 --> 00:07:53,497
I do. I guess I just won't
be able to use them.
179
00:07:53,565 --> 00:07:54,598
Can I have 'em?
180
00:07:56,835 --> 00:07:58,135
Yes, you may.
181
00:07:58,203 --> 00:07:59,203
Sweet diggedy!
182
00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:00,905
Oh, crap.
183
00:08:00,973 --> 00:08:03,274
Honey, would you do me a
favor and grab me a sponge?
184
00:08:03,342 --> 00:08:05,509
Yeah. You know what, Deac.
Why don't you give me a hand
185
00:08:05,577 --> 00:08:07,578
in case the sponge is...
Up high.
186
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,780
You got it.
187
00:08:12,918 --> 00:08:15,219
All right, you said you'd talk
to me today, so talk to me.
188
00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:16,653
What's up? What's going on?
189
00:08:16,721 --> 00:08:18,122
Angie's an old friend
from high school.
190
00:08:18,190 --> 00:08:20,358
I hadn't seen her since,
but then she e-mailed me
191
00:08:20,425 --> 00:08:21,825
a couple of months
ago, you know?
192
00:08:21,894 --> 00:08:23,928
"How you doing?
What's going on?"
193
00:08:23,996 --> 00:08:25,629
I e-mailed her back,
194
00:08:25,697 --> 00:08:27,331
and things kind of
took off from there.
195
00:08:27,399 --> 00:08:29,400
What did you go and
e-mail her back for?
196
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,236
There are plenty of other
things to do on the Internet.
197
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:35,706
You can get your
gambling, your porn...
198
00:08:35,774 --> 00:08:37,341
All the other stuff.
199
00:08:37,409 --> 00:08:39,143
It's just that...
200
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,581
Angie and I really
connect, you know?
201
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:45,849
We can talk.
202
00:08:45,918 --> 00:08:47,484
With Kelly lately,
203
00:08:47,552 --> 00:08:49,954
she's got her things goin'
on, I got my things,
204
00:08:50,022 --> 00:08:52,623
and more and more it just seems
like our things are different.
205
00:08:52,690 --> 00:08:54,658
Put your things that are
different together.
206
00:08:54,726 --> 00:08:57,995
They did it with the Reese's peanut
butter cup, and it was a huge success.
207
00:08:58,063 --> 00:09:00,231
Douglas, quick question.
What is it, Arthur?
208
00:09:00,299 --> 00:09:02,233
Can I grab those knick
tickets from you now?
209
00:09:02,301 --> 00:09:04,101
I'll give 'em to you later.
210
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,103
What if I don't see you later?
211
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,605
You live in our basement.
I will see you.
212
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:09,807
Give me a time.
213
00:09:09,874 --> 00:09:10,908
Oh, my God.
214
00:09:10,976 --> 00:09:13,710
3:00. A.m. or P.M.?
215
00:09:13,778 --> 00:09:17,114
If it's a.m., I need to
move some things around.
216
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:18,615
Will you just leave us alone?
217
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,616
Fine!
218
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,620
Why didn't you tell me?
219
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:26,857
I haven't told anyone. I'm
not exactly proud of it.
220
00:09:26,925 --> 00:09:28,826
Doug, honey, I think
you misunderstood.
221
00:09:28,893 --> 00:09:31,929
I meant the indoor sponge,
not the outdoor sponge.
222
00:09:31,997 --> 00:09:34,798
I was, uh, just talking
to Deac about my, uh...
223
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:37,401
Uh, Roy orbison
collectible plate.
224
00:09:37,469 --> 00:09:38,802
Yeah, yeah.
225
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,137
D-Doug was saying how it may
226
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:42,106
or may not increase in value.
227
00:09:43,108 --> 00:09:45,809
I hope it increases.
228
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:48,012
All right, well, my ears
are about to snap off.
229
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,613
I'm gonna head back inside.
230
00:09:49,681 --> 00:09:51,849
Honey, you're getting
a snotsicle.
231
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:55,987
Look, we better get
back in there.
232
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,155
L-look, I hate to put you
in this position, man,
233
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,691
but please, just be cool for
a little while longer, ok?
234
00:10:00,758 --> 00:10:01,892
All right.
235
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,927
Look, I got ranger
tickets for next month.
236
00:10:03,996 --> 00:10:05,896
Don't blow that for me.
237
00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:18,092
All right you guys,
thanks again.
238
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,484
It was great.
239
00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:21,554
Let's do a movie this week.
Yeah, I'll call you.
240
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,556
Ok. Whoo! Good people.
241
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:24,957
Nice people.
242
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:27,726
Solid people.
243
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:31,664
Doug, honey, do I
strike you as stupid?
244
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:33,966
And/or unaware?
245
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:37,269
Nope. You are sharp as
a ginsu, pretty girl.
246
00:10:37,336 --> 00:10:39,171
So then what's going on?
247
00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:40,405
Not a thing.
248
00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:45,377
Are you enjoying that
issue of Marie Claire?
249
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:47,780
Yes, I am.
250
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:49,582
By the way, I know
you're staring at me,
251
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,484
and it doesn't bother me a bit.
252
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:55,554
Stare all you want.
There's nothing goin' on.
253
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:58,824
In fact, what's
going on with you?
254
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,993
Yeah, maybe there's something
going on with you.
255
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:04,096
Maybe I should stare right back at you.
How would that feel, huh?
256
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,205
Eyes off!
257
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:16,775
All right, so let me
think about this.
258
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,310
You've been acting strange
259
00:11:18,377 --> 00:11:20,879
ever since you came home from
the restaurant last night.
260
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:24,116
Did... did something
happen there?
261
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:27,019
Maybe, but I'm not at
liberty to discuss it.
262
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:29,955
Did what happen involve Deacon?
263
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,792
Because you guys have been
acting very weird this morning.
264
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,461
Perhaps, but once
again, not at liberty.
265
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,198
And you just got
those knick tickets,
266
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,935
so I know you're not
really working late.
267
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:46,271
Was Deacon really working
late last night,
268
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,840
or were you, like,
covering for him?
269
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,808
Ok, do you understand
the concept
270
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,011
of "not at liberty"?
271
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:53,512
If you called liberty right now,
272
00:11:53,579 --> 00:11:56,048
I wouldn't be there.
273
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,783
When you picked up
the food last night,
274
00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:00,418
did you... did you
see Deacon there?
275
00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:02,888
With another woman?
276
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:06,258
Yes, but that's all
you're getting out of me.
277
00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:09,494
Oh, my God. He's
having an affair?
278
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,797
You did not hear that from me, ok?
If it ever comes up,
279
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:14,066
you heard it from a
British Chinese guy.
280
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:19,038
Kelly is gonna be so devastated.
281
00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:21,540
Oh, you're not planning
on telling Kelly?
282
00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:24,409
Doug, the man is running
around behind her back
283
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,712
she has a right to know.
She's my best friend.
284
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,080
Well, he's my best friend,
285
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,815
and I promised I
wouldn't say anything.
286
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,384
Well, tough! Doug, I can't look
her in the eyes and not tell her.
287
00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:35,487
So don't look at her eyes. Look
at her breasts. That's what I do!
288
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:37,656
Doug, listen to me.
289
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:39,424
Hon, I know this
is tough on you,
290
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:40,793
but it's tough on me, too.
291
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:42,828
I'm sorry. If Deacon
doesn't tell Kelly,
292
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,429
I'm gonna have to.
293
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,631
There you are.
294
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,067
Look, we, uh, we need to talk.
295
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:49,868
Yeah, I... I kinda need
to talk to you, too.
296
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,004
What's up? Man, I couldn't
even sleep last night.
297
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,840
I don't know, man, I... I just
feel like I... I really...
298
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:58,944
Hey, bergin, why don't you go
take that dog for a walk, huh?
299
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,646
Yeah, goodbye. Goodbye.
300
00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:02,981
All right, go ahead.
301
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:04,983
I... I just feel like I
screwed up so bad, man.
302
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,585
And now I'm dragging
you into this.
303
00:13:06,652 --> 00:13:08,721
I'm gonna pay you for those
knick tickets, all right?
304
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,589
You shut up. You think I
care about those, huh?
305
00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:12,490
They were a gift
from Carrie's boss.
306
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:13,558
Right. Sorry.
307
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,027
Although they're
worth like, $160.
308
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,696
So if you want to toss me something,
that's your call. Whatever.
309
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:20,699
I gotta tell you, I did a lot
of thinking last night and...
310
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,709
And what?
311
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,745
I'm definitely gonna break
things off with Angie.
312
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,079
Excellent idea. That's it, man.
313
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,014
You break things off with Angie.
314
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:38,450
You tell Kelly, and everything's
back to ham and eggs.
315
00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:40,685
Tell Kelly? Uh-uh. No, no, no.
No way, man.
316
00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:42,587
Why not? I think you're
gonna be surprised.
317
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,522
She has very kind eyes.
318
00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:46,258
Yo, she's hit me
with a frying pan,
319
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,793
and it ain't like
in cartoons, man.
320
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,094
That sucker hurts.
321
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,695
You know what? Let
me come at this
322
00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:52,464
from a slightly different angle.
323
00:13:52,531 --> 00:13:54,867
Carrie knows, and if you
don't tell Kelly, she will.
324
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:56,534
You told Carrie?
325
00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:57,669
I can't believe you, man!
326
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:59,704
I didn't tell her. She
got it out of me.
327
00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:00,773
How, Doug?
328
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,340
She stared at me.
329
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,810
Y-y-you just couldn't keep
your mouth shut, could you?
330
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:05,878
You know what you are?
331
00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:07,379
You're a yenteh. I
am not a yenteh.
332
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:08,613
Yes, you are. Yenteh, yenteh...
333
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:09,948
Why are you giving me grief?
334
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,151
You're the one sleeping with
someone who's not your wife!
335
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:14,519
What are you talking about? I...
I never slept with Angie.
336
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:15,687
What?
337
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,222
I never slept with her.
338
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,557
I... I mean, I'm not sure
what would have happened,
339
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:21,994
but so far, all we've done is
meet for dinner, you know?
340
00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:23,128
Talk.
341
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,429
Guy, am I crazy,
342
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:27,332
or is that not the kind of
information you lead with?
343
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,568
I guess what I figured what I was
doing was still kinda cheating.
344
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,138
No, it's not, you big dumb ox.
345
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,673
It's not that bad at all.
346
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:36,308
Now you tell Kelly.
I'll tell Carrie.
347
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:37,709
We can get on with our lives.
348
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:39,077
There.
349
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:41,446
We just cheated more
than you ever did.
350
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:44,549
Carrie!
351
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:45,550
In here!
352
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:48,887
Great news, my little chickie.
353
00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:51,190
Turns out Deac is not
cheating with that woman.
354
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:52,390
What? What do you mean?
355
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:53,959
Just what I said.
He's not cheating.
356
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:55,327
He's had as much sex with her
357
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:57,362
as I've had with your dad.
358
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,464
And that's none.
359
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:01,466
But you saw them in the
restaurant together.
360
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,601
If they weren't having an
affair, what was going on?
361
00:15:03,669 --> 00:15:05,237
They just meet for dinner.
They eat,
362
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:06,471
they talk, they connect.
363
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:07,672
And does Kelly know?
364
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:08,807
No.
365
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:09,908
Then he's still cheating.
366
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:10,976
No, he's not!
367
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,277
Yes, he is.
368
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,546
Doug, the man is
lying to his wife,
369
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:16,448
sneaking around
with another woman,
370
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:19,517
sharing intimate feelings.
That is cheating!
371
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,119
No, it isn't! Yes, it is!
372
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:22,821
No. You got to be
naked to cheat.
373
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:24,089
Wrong!
374
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,391
So you're telling me,
if I met a woman,
375
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,293
and then we went out
for a dinner or two,
376
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,996
and then say I forgot to
tell you about it, right?
377
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:32,430
I would be cheating? Yes!
378
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,032
Really? And that
would be just as bad
379
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,433
as if I actually slept with her?
380
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:36,668
Yes!
381
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:38,703
Good to know.
382
00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:42,140
That's great.
383
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:44,076
That's really great, Doug.
Make your stupid little jokes,
384
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:46,879
but I got to tell
you, I am stunned
385
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,580
that on something as important
386
00:15:48,647 --> 00:15:51,750
as the meaning of
marriage and commitment,
387
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:53,451
that we would be so far apart.
388
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:54,920
Yeah, well, we are, my friend.
389
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:56,821
You're way over there,
and I'm way over here.
390
00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:58,056
Hello.
391
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:00,825
Oh, shut up.
392
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:03,161
I'll get it.
393
00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:04,296
What do you want for dinner?
394
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:05,764
I don't care!
395
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:09,701
Deac, what's going on, man?
396
00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:11,069
I told Kelly, and you know what?
397
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,871
You were wrong. It is
as bad as cheating.
398
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:16,241
I know. I'm in the middle
of the same argument.
399
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,443
She threw you out? Yeah.
400
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,945
With no shoes? Yeah.
401
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,079
And as hard as it is
402
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,381
to get a cab as a black man,
403
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:23,548
imagine trying to get one
404
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:24,749
as a black man with no shoes.
405
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:30,122
Hey, Carrie.
406
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:31,489
What does he want?
407
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:34,692
Easy, ok? He's been tossed out.
Shoeless.
408
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,361
I have nothing to say to him
409
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,163
or you or anybody else
410
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,965
on this whole sickening subject.
411
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,133
Excuse me.
412
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,470
Sit down, man.
413
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,205
Y-you're sure it's ok?
414
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:49,241
No, it is not ok!
415
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:51,443
Hey, you know what?
416
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:52,945
I figured out what
I want for dinner.
417
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,613
A nice, hot bowl
of shut-it stew!
418
00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:04,389
Does he know that he has a baby?
419
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,857
Ha! You know what? I'm sorry.
420
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,259
I've had shut-it stew before,
421
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:09,861
and it sure as diddly
didn't taste like that!
422
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,133
Hey, man, maybe you better
stay in a motel tonight.
423
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,269
Yeah. No, wait. Kelly kicked
me out without my wallet.
424
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:18,603
Can you lend me a few bucks?
425
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:20,038
Oh, yeah, no problem.
426
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:22,441
Do not give him money!
427
00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:23,775
Why not?
428
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:26,845
Because it's half mine,
and I don't want you to.
429
00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:29,081
Well, fine, then I'll just
give him twice as much
430
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:30,615
from my half!
431
00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:35,187
And you know what?
432
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:36,788
I'll drive him to
the motel myself
433
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:38,957
in my half of the car!
Come on, man.
434
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,060
Fine, and while you're gone,
435
00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:44,229
I'm gonna bake you a
nice, warm, flaky
436
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:47,732
my-leg-in-your-ass-
up-to-my-knee pie for dessert.
437
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,568
That was such a reach.
438
00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,777
What is the huge ruckus here?
439
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:00,979
It's all a man can do to take
440
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:03,382
a simple 4-hour nap.
441
00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,917
I'm... I'm sorry, dad.
It's... it's Doug.
442
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:08,253
He's just got me so... Gosh!
443
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,354
What happened?
444
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,588
Ok, ok.
445
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,391
Let me ask you a question.
446
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:16,661
If someone is married
and then sneaks around
447
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,196
and has dinner with
another person
448
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:21,633
even though they are not
sleeping with that other person,
449
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:23,768
would you say that
that was wrong?
450
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,537
Look, darling, I
know Douglas isn't
451
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,839
the most physically
attractive man in the world,
452
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,608
but I beg you
453
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,944
not to jump ship just yet.
454
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:34,812
Now, I have a book downstairs
455
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,182
of special positions
for the overweight
456
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,850
that I think...
457
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,121
I think it could be a big help.
458
00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:45,357
I am not talking about me.
459
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:48,093
I am talking about a friend.
460
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:50,662
And, uh, is that friend you?
461
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:54,266
No, it's not.
462
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:56,901
It's... it's Kelly.
463
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:01,440
And are you "Kelly"?
464
00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:03,675
Dad, you don't have to
give Kelly air quotes
465
00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:05,077
you know her.
466
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,311
Oh, my God!
467
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,745
How dare she cheat on that boy
468
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,081
while he's out working late
469
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,816
to pay for her fancy
creams and powders!
470
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:17,189
She's not doing anything. He is.
471
00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:19,023
Oh, and then Doug
covers for him,
472
00:19:19,092 --> 00:19:20,459
and like that's not bad enough,
473
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:22,360
he comes home tonight
all lit up and happy,
474
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:23,828
because, as it turns out,
475
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:27,065
Deacon hasn't slept with
this skankola, yet.
476
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:30,102
Like we should all give him some
fat, freakin' award for that.
477
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,636
I told Doug he was wrong,
478
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,871
and I'm just... I'm
so mad at him.
479
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:36,808
You're not mad at him.
480
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,443
Uh, trust me. I am.
481
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,145
No, no, honey.
482
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:43,248
You see, you and Doug
look to Deacon and Kelly
483
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:45,450
as an example of a
perfect couple.
484
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:49,821
Now that their supposedly
solid marriage is in trouble
485
00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:51,689
you start to wonder.
486
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:54,192
Who's to say yours isn't next?
487
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:57,929
You're not angry, cookie.
488
00:19:57,997 --> 00:19:59,397
You're scared.
489
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:05,237
Wow, dad. That was a
remarkably lucid thing to say.
490
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,640
Well, I'm coming
right out of a nap.
491
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:11,936
You're home.
492
00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:15,440
Yeah. I'm home.
493
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,552
You've reached the Heffernan's.
494
00:21:57,577 --> 00:21:59,044
We're not here to
take your call,
495
00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:00,102
so leave a message.
496
00:22:00,881 --> 00:22:02,236
Arthur, are you there?
497
00:22:03,076 --> 00:22:05,311
Arthur, I just left the
house a few seconds ago
498
00:22:05,336 --> 00:22:07,136
and you were there. Pick up.
499
00:22:07,161 --> 00:22:10,530
Oh, no. I'm not falling
for your games, big boy.
500
00:22:10,555 --> 00:22:11,555
Come on. Pick up.
501
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:12,814
I think I left the oven on
502
00:22:12,839 --> 00:22:14,873
and the pilot light is broken.
503
00:22:15,636 --> 00:22:17,000
No sale!
504
00:22:17,025 --> 00:22:18,692
Arthur!
505
00:22:18,717 --> 00:22:19,784
Arthur, come on, man!
506
00:22:19,809 --> 00:22:21,643
I know you're there!
Pick up the damn phone!
507
00:22:23,409 --> 00:22:26,078
Pick up the phone, old man!