1
00:00:05,456 --> 00:00:07,424
All right, Friday it is.
2
00:00:07,491 --> 00:00:09,725
I'll see you then. Bye-bye now.
3
00:00:11,395 --> 00:00:13,396
Ah, this sticks on ice.
4
00:00:13,464 --> 00:00:15,031
What's goin' on?
5
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:18,134
Remember that Mrs. buxraum character
over at the senior center?
6
00:00:18,202 --> 00:00:20,370
Oh, yeah.
7
00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:23,974
She's the one who gives me tootsie
rolls and calls me Evelyn.
8
00:00:24,041 --> 00:00:25,342
How's she doin'?
9
00:00:25,409 --> 00:00:27,477
Dead.
10
00:00:27,544 --> 00:00:29,446
So I'm guessin' that wasn't her.
11
00:00:29,513 --> 00:00:31,948
No, it was her
stupid cousin Judy.
12
00:00:32,016 --> 00:00:34,184
She must've heard through
the grapevine I was single
13
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:38,054
'cause she was rubbin' up against
me all during the funeral.
14
00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:40,323
You like rubbing.
What's the problem?
15
00:00:40,391 --> 00:00:42,459
She's not my type.
16
00:00:42,526 --> 00:00:45,795
I'm small and pushy. I like 'em big
and scared of their own shadows.
17
00:00:47,598 --> 00:00:49,466
So why're you goin'
out with her?
18
00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:51,034
Wanna get her off my back.
19
00:00:51,102 --> 00:00:53,769
But I'm not spendin' a dime
on her, I'll tell you that.
20
00:00:53,837 --> 00:00:56,339
I invited her here where
we can eat for free.
21
00:00:57,475 --> 00:01:00,043
Dad, the food here ain't free.
22
00:01:00,111 --> 00:01:02,112
It is for me.
23
00:01:02,179 --> 00:01:04,214
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! What?
24
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,282
A roach, a roach. It was
near the refrigerator.
25
00:01:06,350 --> 00:01:07,783
Oh, my God. It just
went under it.
26
00:01:07,851 --> 00:01:10,186
That's not a roach.
That's a baby frog.
27
00:01:10,254 --> 00:01:13,089
Dad, I think I know what a
roach looks like. Doug!
28
00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:16,559
That was a baby frog. I used to
race 'em down in cajun country.
29
00:01:16,627 --> 00:01:18,094
Would you stop it? Doug!
30
00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:19,195
What?
31
00:01:19,263 --> 00:01:20,963
There's a baby
frog in the house.
32
00:01:21,032 --> 00:01:22,298
It's a roach.
33
00:01:22,366 --> 00:01:24,834
Ah, you don't know your
ass from your elbow.
34
00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:27,137
Well, where is it?
35
00:01:27,204 --> 00:01:28,471
He was near the refrigerator.
36
00:01:28,539 --> 00:01:30,173
Oh, there he is! Kill him.
Kill him.
37
00:01:30,241 --> 00:01:31,241
Just get some raid.
38
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,242
Ok, ok.
39
00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:33,243
Hurry up.
40
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:34,511
I'm looking.
41
00:01:34,578 --> 00:01:35,945
Come on, I got him
cornered here.
42
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:36,946
Here, here.
43
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:38,648
Ok, this is oven cleaner.
44
00:01:38,715 --> 00:01:41,418
We don't have raid. Just...
just spray him.
45
00:01:42,553 --> 00:01:43,886
Ew. Is he dead?
46
00:01:43,954 --> 00:01:46,622
I can't tell, but he's
blind and he's sizzling.
47
00:01:48,225 --> 00:01:49,492
Just pick him up. Pick him up.
48
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:50,826
All right. Ok.
49
00:01:50,894 --> 00:01:52,895
All right, I got him.
Oh, my God, he's big.
50
00:01:53,997 --> 00:01:56,266
Don't. Stop it. Stop!
51
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,401
There's probably a whole
village of 'em under there,
52
00:01:58,469 --> 00:01:59,802
and it's all your fault. What?
53
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:02,072
Yeah, when you broke
the snapple bottle,
54
00:02:02,139 --> 00:02:04,807
I told you, you have to pull the
refrigerator out and clean underneath it.
55
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,909
Ok, you know what? I broke
that bottle a year ago.
56
00:02:06,977 --> 00:02:09,946
For the love of God, move on.
57
00:02:10,013 --> 00:02:12,848
It's not funny. We're
probably infested.
58
00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:14,150
I'll do it tomorrow.
59
00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:16,652
No, I'm gonna find them in
my bed tonight. Do it now.
60
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,089
You're trembling.
61
00:02:19,156 --> 00:02:20,823
Cut it out. Stop it.
62
00:02:23,127 --> 00:02:24,794
What are you doing?
63
00:02:24,861 --> 00:02:25,928
What am I doing?
64
00:02:25,996 --> 00:02:29,199
I'm calming you with
my manly caresses.
65
00:02:29,266 --> 00:02:31,801
Doug, if you think sex is
gonna get you out of this,
66
00:02:31,868 --> 00:02:34,170
you are very, very wrong.
67
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:37,607
And yet I'm gonna
go for it anyway.
68
00:02:37,674 --> 00:02:39,476
I'm very annoyed
at you, you know.
69
00:02:39,543 --> 00:02:41,478
Hmm, and that only arouses me.
70
00:02:41,545 --> 00:02:43,480
And you know what else?
71
00:02:43,547 --> 00:02:45,482
I left a wet towel on
the bathroom floor.
72
00:02:45,549 --> 00:02:47,484
That's pretty annoying, huh?
73
00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:49,352
Actually, that really is.
74
00:02:52,490 --> 00:02:55,525
Come on, carry me upstairs
and have your way with me.
75
00:02:56,994 --> 00:02:58,861
Just lift with your legs.
76
00:03:02,699 --> 00:03:04,200
Deac?
77
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:05,268
Yeah.
78
00:03:07,238 --> 00:03:09,339
Hey, can I whip you up
a breakfast burrito?
79
00:03:10,707 --> 00:03:11,874
No, thanks.
80
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:12,942
Denver omelet?
81
00:03:13,010 --> 00:03:14,677
Nope. Uh, I'm good.
82
00:03:18,582 --> 00:03:19,616
Blintzes?
83
00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:21,117
Still no.
84
00:03:23,387 --> 00:03:25,855
Hey, how'd that massage pillow
work out for you last night?
85
00:03:25,922 --> 00:03:27,524
Uh, great. Um, thanks.
86
00:03:27,591 --> 00:03:29,659
Hey, gettin' tossed out by
your wife is tough enough,
87
00:03:29,726 --> 00:03:32,928
I mean, you don't want to replace one
pain in the neck with the other one.
88
00:03:32,996 --> 00:03:35,097
Am I right, huh? Who's with me?
89
00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:38,734
Answer the door.
90
00:03:42,105 --> 00:03:43,306
Hey, man. Hey.
91
00:03:43,374 --> 00:03:44,907
Hey, you got time
for some breakfast?
92
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,876
Uh, no. Uh, we... we
gotta get to work
93
00:03:46,943 --> 00:03:48,978
or all... all the good
trucks are gonna be taken.
94
00:03:49,046 --> 00:03:50,280
Oh, got you.
95
00:03:50,347 --> 00:03:52,014
Oh, hey, any idea
when you'll be back?
96
00:03:52,082 --> 00:03:54,984
'Cause, uh, I was gonna
rent blues brothers 2000.
97
00:03:57,588 --> 00:03:59,155
Director's cut!
98
00:04:00,757 --> 00:04:02,958
Man, it's brutal in there.
99
00:04:03,026 --> 00:04:04,494
Ah, come on. He means well.
100
00:04:04,562 --> 00:04:07,163
He's smothering me. You know
what he did last night?
101
00:04:07,231 --> 00:04:08,831
He drew me a bath.
102
00:04:11,068 --> 00:04:13,102
Drew me a bath.
103
00:04:15,939 --> 00:04:17,574
I had sex last night.
104
00:04:20,110 --> 00:04:21,411
Unscheduled.
105
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:30,953
Idiot.
106
00:04:34,225 --> 00:04:35,291
Ow!
107
00:04:48,805 --> 00:04:50,773
Hey, how was work?
108
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,680
That was very reckless.
109
00:04:57,748 --> 00:05:00,250
You leave the refrigerator in
the middle of the kitchen.
110
00:05:00,317 --> 00:05:02,719
Excuse me, I was just doin'
what you asked me to do.
111
00:05:02,786 --> 00:05:04,787
Then the phone rang,
I got distracted.
112
00:05:04,855 --> 00:05:06,956
You got distracted by the phone?
113
00:05:07,023 --> 00:05:09,158
Yes, I'm easily distracted.
114
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:10,826
What happens when
the doorbell rings?
115
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,695
You wet yourself?
116
00:05:12,763 --> 00:05:14,397
Oh, that's very clever, Carrie,
117
00:05:14,465 --> 00:05:16,432
'cause nervous
disorders are funny.
118
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:18,234
All right, now I know.
119
00:05:18,302 --> 00:05:21,437
And apparently, putting the
milk away was too much for you,
120
00:05:21,505 --> 00:05:25,341
even though the fridge is now
one inch from the table.
121
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:28,811
The phone rang!
122
00:05:28,879 --> 00:05:31,847
You know, I broke a
nail putting it back.
123
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:34,484
So, buy another one.
124
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,919
You know what, Doug? You always
give me this excuse crap,
125
00:05:36,987 --> 00:05:39,121
and it drives me insane.
126
00:05:39,189 --> 00:05:41,257
"I had to go to work,
the game was on,
127
00:05:41,325 --> 00:05:44,093
I smelled cheese."
128
00:05:44,161 --> 00:05:45,961
I mean, are you incredibly lazy,
129
00:05:46,029 --> 00:05:48,097
or do you... Do
you just hate me?
130
00:05:48,165 --> 00:05:49,265
60-40.
131
00:05:50,901 --> 00:05:52,335
Ha, ha. Jerk.
132
00:05:52,403 --> 00:05:54,203
Ah, come on.
133
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,906
Would you just go down
there and finish?
134
00:05:56,973 --> 00:06:00,510
God. I'm exhausted. I'm just...
I'm gonna go to bed.
135
00:06:02,846 --> 00:06:05,682
Come... come on,
car, I'm sorry, ok?
136
00:06:05,749 --> 00:06:07,183
I'm a bad boy.
137
00:06:08,852 --> 00:06:10,119
Punish me.
138
00:06:11,054 --> 00:06:12,154
Leave me alone.
139
00:06:12,222 --> 00:06:15,124
Come on, let's do stuff.
140
00:06:15,192 --> 00:06:18,428
Made you feel better
last night, right? Mmm.
141
00:06:18,495 --> 00:06:21,698
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
142
00:06:21,765 --> 00:06:25,067
I just read an article about
exactly what we're doing.
143
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:27,236
Really? Were there pictures?
144
00:06:28,339 --> 00:06:30,506
No. It was about couples
145
00:06:30,574 --> 00:06:33,609
who... who substitute
sex for communication.
146
00:06:33,677 --> 00:06:34,711
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
147
00:06:34,778 --> 00:06:36,078
That's what we do.
148
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,147
Right, right.
149
00:06:38,215 --> 00:06:39,482
Take your pants off.
150
00:06:39,550 --> 00:06:41,684
Doug, think about it.
151
00:06:41,752 --> 00:06:44,153
Last night, I was upset
with you about the fridge,
152
00:06:44,221 --> 00:06:46,422
and how'd it end up? With sex.
153
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,858
And then we were just about
to do the same thing tonight.
154
00:06:48,925 --> 00:06:50,893
Well, it's better than
fighting, isn't it?
155
00:06:50,961 --> 00:06:53,429
Doug, it's not just
when we're fighting.
156
00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:55,231
We fall back on
sex all the time.
157
00:06:55,298 --> 00:06:57,266
When we're mad,
when we're happy.
158
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:58,868
When there's nothing
good on T.V.
159
00:06:58,935 --> 00:06:59,869
So?
160
00:06:59,936 --> 00:07:01,704
So, the article said
161
00:07:01,772 --> 00:07:04,474
if couples do not explore other
aspects of their relationship,
162
00:07:04,541 --> 00:07:06,275
it could hurt their marriage,
163
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:07,677
you know, down the line.
164
00:07:07,745 --> 00:07:09,245
Carrie, believe me.
165
00:07:09,312 --> 00:07:13,649
I would never do anything
to hurt what we have, ever.
166
00:07:13,717 --> 00:07:15,852
Now offee with the pants.
167
00:07:15,919 --> 00:07:16,986
What are you,
168
00:07:17,053 --> 00:07:19,121
Benny hill over here?
169
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:22,458
Can we have a conversation
about this, please?
170
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,660
Fine. So we fall back
on sex once in a while.
171
00:07:24,728 --> 00:07:26,128
What the hell can
we do about it?
172
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:28,564
Well, it's funny
that you should ask.
173
00:07:28,632 --> 00:07:30,165
The author of this article,
174
00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:32,935
who is a psychologist
by the way,
175
00:07:33,003 --> 00:07:35,772
suggests that couples
take a respite.
176
00:07:35,839 --> 00:07:37,874
Which means rest,
177
00:07:37,941 --> 00:07:42,578
from sex, while they explore other
areas of their relationship.
178
00:07:42,646 --> 00:07:44,380
Ok, fair enough. Fair enough.
179
00:07:44,448 --> 00:07:47,817
Now, I just read an
article in penthouse
180
00:07:49,252 --> 00:07:50,820
by a sexologist...
181
00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:54,356
Doug, could you take
this seriously, please?
182
00:07:54,425 --> 00:07:56,091
I'm sorry. But this
is crazy, Carrie.
183
00:07:56,159 --> 00:07:57,794
I mean, yesterday
everything was fine,
184
00:07:57,861 --> 00:07:59,896
and today you're telling
me we have too much sex.
185
00:07:59,963 --> 00:08:01,997
I mean, most people would
die for that problem.
186
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,934
Oh, really? Really? Deacon and
Kelly had sex all the time.
187
00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:06,402
And now their
marriage is a mess.
188
00:08:06,470 --> 00:08:08,438
Ok, you don't know that too
much sex was the reason.
189
00:08:08,505 --> 00:08:11,474
No, but I know that something
was obviously missing there.
190
00:08:11,542 --> 00:08:13,876
And now it might be
too late to fix it.
191
00:08:13,944 --> 00:08:16,412
Do you want that
to happen to us?
192
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:18,714
Of course not. Honey...
193
00:08:19,683 --> 00:08:21,617
All right, so,
194
00:08:21,685 --> 00:08:25,387
so how long will this
no-sex thing be for?
195
00:08:25,456 --> 00:08:26,556
2 weeks.
196
00:08:26,623 --> 00:08:27,557
2 weeks!
197
00:08:27,624 --> 00:08:29,459
That's what the article said.
198
00:08:29,526 --> 00:08:31,761
Well, why'd you have to go
and read in the first place?
199
00:08:31,829 --> 00:08:33,329
Show-off.
200
00:08:33,396 --> 00:08:37,099
Doug, come on. It's not that bad.
We've gone 2 weeks before.
201
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:39,168
Maybe you have.
202
00:08:39,235 --> 00:08:40,636
Come on, it's not that long.
203
00:08:40,704 --> 00:08:43,172
And... and, look, we'll
channel all that extra energy
204
00:08:43,239 --> 00:08:45,475
into making the rest of
our relationship better.
205
00:08:45,542 --> 00:08:48,010
And at the end of the 2
weeks, the forbidden fruit
206
00:08:48,078 --> 00:08:51,013
will taste that much
sweeter, don't you think?
207
00:08:55,719 --> 00:08:57,319
Ok, I'm on board.
208
00:08:57,387 --> 00:09:00,255
Thank you. I love you.
209
00:09:00,323 --> 00:09:02,758
I'll tell you, I just wish I
would have known about this ban
210
00:09:02,826 --> 00:09:04,794
before last night's sex.
211
00:09:04,862 --> 00:09:07,296
I probably would've
concentrated more.
212
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:13,302
Doug? Yeah.
213
00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:14,937
Get out of there.
214
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:37,068
You have a lovely home, Artie.
215
00:09:37,136 --> 00:09:38,435
I really like it.
216
00:09:41,807 --> 00:09:43,074
Thank you.
217
00:09:46,478 --> 00:09:47,511
H...
218
00:09:50,749 --> 00:09:52,349
That's nice.
219
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:55,253
Tell me, have you had
tuberculosis long?
220
00:09:57,089 --> 00:09:59,190
Oh, Artie, you're a caution.
221
00:10:03,929 --> 00:10:05,696
Oh, my children are home.
Excuse me.
222
00:10:05,764 --> 00:10:07,498
Hey kids, this is Judy.
223
00:10:08,267 --> 00:10:09,200
Hi, there.
224
00:10:09,268 --> 00:10:10,567
Hello. Nice to meet you.
225
00:10:12,971 --> 00:10:14,538
Douglas, very discreetly,
226
00:10:14,606 --> 00:10:16,874
I need you to set
the drapes on fire.
227
00:10:20,612 --> 00:10:22,313
Oh, things aren't
going so well, huh?
228
00:10:22,380 --> 00:10:25,917
It's torture. She's diseased
and incredibly boring.
229
00:10:25,984 --> 00:10:27,218
Be right with you, dear.
230
00:10:27,286 --> 00:10:28,853
Can you help me out, huh?
231
00:10:28,921 --> 00:10:31,155
Sorry. I've got my
own problems, guy.
232
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,428
Wow, you're dad's really
in agony down there, huh?
233
00:10:37,495 --> 00:10:40,464
Yeah, that Judy is a rough
stretch of highway, huh?
234
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:46,037
Actually, if she wasn't his date,
I'd be jumping her as we speak.
235
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,605
Come on, we're doing
great without sex.
236
00:10:48,673 --> 00:10:50,708
We had a nice dinner,
we saw a good movie.
237
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,210
It was a good movie.
238
00:10:53,879 --> 00:10:55,346
So now we're home.
239
00:10:55,413 --> 00:10:57,181
Now we're home.
240
00:10:57,249 --> 00:10:59,683
What to do? What to do?
241
00:11:01,353 --> 00:11:03,187
Hey, why don't we just talk?
242
00:11:03,255 --> 00:11:04,288
Talk?
243
00:11:04,356 --> 00:11:05,689
Yeah, why not?
244
00:11:05,757 --> 00:11:07,458
All right, let's
talk our brains out.
245
00:11:07,525 --> 00:11:08,726
All right.
246
00:11:12,430 --> 00:11:13,697
Here we go.
247
00:11:14,432 --> 00:11:15,532
Let's talk.
248
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,134
Gonna do some talkin'.
249
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:20,071
Conversation.
250
00:11:32,617 --> 00:11:35,486
You know, the faster you eat
it, the better it tastes.
251
00:11:35,553 --> 00:11:37,121
That's their slogan actually.
252
00:11:37,189 --> 00:11:38,822
Oh. What brand is it?
253
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:40,624
Uh, fast cake.
254
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:42,260
Oh.
255
00:11:47,232 --> 00:11:48,832
I beg your pardon.
256
00:11:50,068 --> 00:11:51,702
Oh, it's 9:30,
257
00:11:52,404 --> 00:11:54,272
the witching hour.
258
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:55,572
Well, maybe for you.
259
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:57,241
Me, I can stay up all night.
260
00:11:57,309 --> 00:11:59,843
I'm used to serving drinks
until 5:00 in the morning.
261
00:11:59,912 --> 00:12:01,312
Really? How fascinating.
262
00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:03,247
I'll get your coat.
263
00:12:03,315 --> 00:12:05,749
Yep. You had to be on your toes
264
00:12:05,817 --> 00:12:07,118
when you served the big boys.
265
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,219
Sure.
266
00:12:08,287 --> 00:12:10,321
Like take Sinatra, for example.
267
00:12:10,389 --> 00:12:12,489
You got the drink
order wrong for him,
268
00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:16,060
next thing you knew,
you were wearing it.
269
00:12:16,128 --> 00:12:20,197
You, uh, you served
drinks to Frank Sinatra?
270
00:12:20,265 --> 00:12:22,633
Oh, I served him a lot
more than drinks.
271
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:27,871
Well, good night, Artie.
Thanks for the laughs.
272
00:12:27,940 --> 00:12:30,441
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
273
00:12:30,508 --> 00:12:33,577
We're talkin' about Frank Sinatra sr.
Here, right?
274
00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:36,347
Old blue eyes himself.
275
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:40,484
Well, then where the hell
are you going, baby?
276
00:12:56,034 --> 00:12:57,734
What about politics?
277
00:12:59,137 --> 00:13:01,005
We never talk about politics.
278
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:02,440
Ok.
279
00:13:02,507 --> 00:13:04,976
Ok, politics.
280
00:13:05,043 --> 00:13:07,611
I'll take politics
for 200, Alex.
281
00:13:13,818 --> 00:13:16,020
All right, I'll get the
party started here.
282
00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:18,255
Uh, in the last election,
283
00:13:18,323 --> 00:13:21,025
how did you vote on prop 17?
284
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:22,960
Uh, I voted no.
285
00:13:23,028 --> 00:13:25,196
Really. Why?
286
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:28,232
Well, I... I vote with a system.
287
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:30,667
No, yes, no, yes,
no, yes, no, yes.
288
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,906
So you just alternate?
289
00:13:37,109 --> 00:13:38,909
Yes, that's my system.
290
00:13:39,811 --> 00:13:41,245
Right, right.
291
00:13:46,751 --> 00:13:47,818
Uh, how about you?
292
00:13:47,886 --> 00:13:50,421
I voted yes. I voted yes.
293
00:13:50,489 --> 00:13:51,688
Hmm. Yeah.
294
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,091
At least I think I did,
295
00:13:54,159 --> 00:13:56,293
unless I left a hanging Chad.
296
00:13:58,930 --> 00:14:01,365
Oh, right. 'Cause of the, uh, thing.
Right.
297
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:22,060
It's open.
298
00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:24,296
Hey, man.
299
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:25,630
Hey, man.
300
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,099
Hey, Spence. It's Doug.
301
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:28,733
Hi, Doug!
302
00:14:28,802 --> 00:14:30,936
Hey, I'm making Deacon a
grilled-cheese sandwich. You want one?
303
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:32,671
No, I'm... I'm good.
304
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:34,773
Bring him one of those
international beers.
305
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:35,874
And one for me, too.
306
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:36,942
You got it, bro.
307
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:37,943
You the man.
308
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,511
No, you're the man.
309
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:43,182
What the hell's going on here?
310
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:46,151
Why's he "the man" now?
311
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:49,354
I don't know, man. At a certain
point I just said why fight it?
312
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,789
You know what? It's fantastic.
313
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:54,426
He cooks for me. He
cleans up after me.
314
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:56,628
He's like my own
little Gilligan.
315
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:02,067
Great. Glad one of our
relationships is clickin'.
316
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:05,270
Hey, Doug. What's up, man?
All right.
317
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:09,107
Here is your bottle
of laymenbourd.
318
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:10,275
Thank you.
319
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,312
And Doug, I brought you a tika.
320
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:16,181
That is a pale ale
from French Guyana.
321
00:15:17,463 --> 00:15:18,596
You got Schmidt's
322
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:22,387
Try it. It's smooth.
323
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:25,858
What's goin' on, man? Uh, you and...
you and Carrie having some problems?
324
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,659
Aw, what's the matter?
325
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,694
Oh, man, it's brutal. She...
326
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,430
She decided she wanted
to ban sex for 2 weeks.
327
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:35,067
With you or with anybody?
328
00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:37,202
Oh, no, you didn't.
329
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:43,641
All right, would you idiots shut up!
I got a real problem here.
330
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,945
Oh, I'm... I'm sorry, man.
331
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,647
So, um, she banned sex?
332
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:53,285
A week ago. You know, she said it
keeps us from "communicating."
333
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:55,720
So we... we tried to
communicate, and, guess what?
334
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,956
We got nothin'. Zippo.
335
00:15:58,024 --> 00:16:00,092
What?
336
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:03,728
It's true. I mean, without sex, my
marriage is like a bad first date.
337
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:08,633
Except this one I can't
just ditch at the diner.
338
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:11,770
Well, don't... don't worry about it, man.
I mean, you gotta work at it.
339
00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:15,340
Hey, Deac and I, this didn't
come together over night.
340
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,609
Hey, good cookin' don't hurt.
341
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:18,911
Stop it.
342
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,447
You can't stop the truth.
You punish that kitchen.
343
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,516
A little encouragement
doesn't hurt.
344
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:26,718
This guy, what're you
going to do with him?
345
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:28,186
No, you... No, you.
346
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:33,825
Goodbye.
347
00:16:43,702 --> 00:16:46,171
Oh, crap, there's another one.
348
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:49,942
How'd you like me to come under the
fridge and ruin your sex life?
349
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:57,049
Douglas, I hate to interrupt what appears
to be some kind of herky-jerky dance,
350
00:16:57,116 --> 00:17:01,019
but I was wondering if you happen to
have any oysters on the half shell?
351
00:17:01,955 --> 00:17:04,022
Not on me, no. What's going on?
352
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:09,361
I've got my lady friend downstairs, and
I'm this close to closing the deal.
353
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,363
And when I do, Douglas,
354
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,999
I'm goin' to do her my way.
355
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:21,406
Ok, let me be the
first to say "brosh."
356
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:24,309
And 2nd of all, what are you talking about?
I thought you hated her.
357
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,980
That was before I found out she's
been intimate with Mr. Frank Sinatra.
358
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,481
So? So, don't you get it?
359
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:32,784
If I get in there, it's like
I've been with Sinatra.
360
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,524
You do realize he's a man?
361
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:40,625
Lover!
362
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:42,527
On my way, you cuckoo broad.
363
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,133
Hey! Hey.
364
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:51,370
Honey, this is the
answer to our problem.
365
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:56,308
"101 ways to make love
without doing it."
366
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,611
I got that on campus today.
367
00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:00,778
Yeah!
368
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:02,647
Ok. Here we go. You ready?
369
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:04,749
All right.
370
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,051
Number 1.
371
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,753
"Tell the other person
you love them."
372
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:13,091
Doug, I love you.
373
00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:14,792
I love you, too, Carrie.
374
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:18,430
That was great. I
need a cigarette.
375
00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:25,303
Ok, movin' on. Number 2.
376
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:27,605
"Give or get a hug."
377
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:34,812
All righty.
378
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,382
"Start a scrapbook."
379
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,622
Ok. "Give each other pet names."
380
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:47,592
Play footsie." Oh,
that might be fun.
381
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:48,860
Let's play footsie.
382
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,628
All right. All right. Here we go.
Up here.
383
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:51,696
Ok.
384
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:03,408
Ok. I guess, uh, footsie pretty
much has to be a spontaneous thing.
385
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:06,711
Yeah, and even then, hmm.
386
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:11,849
Ok. Number 8. "Kiss."
387
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:13,485
Kiss? That's a good one.
Let's kiss.
388
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:15,420
Ok. Yeah. It's like
we're teenagers again.
389
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,821
Yeah. Ok. All right.
390
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,623
Shall I keep my eyes
open or closed?
391
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:19,791
Couldn't care less.
392
00:19:19,858 --> 00:19:20,792
Ok.
393
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:29,033
No. Doug, come on.
394
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:30,969
Come on!
395
00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:32,870
Are you on board
with this or not?
396
00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:34,573
Yes. That's how I kiss.
397
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,976
Fine, you know what? I'm...
398
00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:40,178
I'm not on board with
this, all right?
399
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:42,280
I mean, I finally figured
out what our problem is.
400
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,515
What?
401
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,750
We had no problem.
That's the problem.
402
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:48,253
Our relationship was great
until you banned sex.
403
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,223
No, Doug, we were
avoiding communication.
404
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,691
No, we weren't. We were...
405
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,027
Carrie, can I tell
you a little story?
406
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:57,195
Sure.
407
00:19:57,263 --> 00:20:00,098
It's about a tasty
beverage called Coca-Cola,
408
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:03,735
invented some time in the 1600s.
409
00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:06,505
Anyway, it was sweet.
It was refreshing.
410
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,340
Stores couldn't
keep it in stock.
411
00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:11,543
Kids wanted it like Wonka
bars, and times were good.
412
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,945
Is this your way of tellin'
me we're running out of coke?
413
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,047
No, it's not! Although
we are running low,
414
00:20:16,115 --> 00:20:17,749
so you might want
to get on that.
415
00:20:17,816 --> 00:20:19,518
Anyway, can I finish
my story, please?
416
00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:22,187
So one day, one... And
baloney, get baloney.
417
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:28,193
One day, one of the geniuses
418
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:29,994
working at the coke factory,
419
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,497
probably after
reading an article,
420
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,066
said to himself, "you know what,
I want to make coke better."
421
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:36,868
And you know what
they came out with?
422
00:20:36,935 --> 00:20:38,670
New coke.
423
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:41,473
Or as I like to call
it, syrupy piss water.
424
00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:46,578
You finished a pound of baloney?
I just bought that.
425
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,413
Ok. You're not listening
to me here, ok?
426
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:51,216
The point is... It was
sliced very thin.
427
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:52,617
But it's still a pound.
428
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:54,219
Can I bring my point home?
429
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:57,088
Yes.
430
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:59,924
The point is, that's what you're
doing with our relationship.
431
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:03,027
You're screwing around
with the formula.
432
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,029
And you... You don't have to.
433
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,165
It's... it's great what we have.
434
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:10,168
I don't... I just...
435
00:21:10,236 --> 00:21:12,003
I just felt like we
needed to talk more.
436
00:21:12,071 --> 00:21:14,306
We talk all the time. We just...
437
00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:16,874
We don't talk about
library propositions.
438
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,776
We talk about food,
what's on T.V.
439
00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:21,580
We make fun of strangers,
and damn it, it works!
440
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:24,949
She works.
441
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:27,752
You know what? That's it.
I'm not reading anymore.
442
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:30,755
There you go.
443
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:33,291
Ok, so is this... Is this over?
444
00:21:34,193 --> 00:21:35,126
It's over.
445
00:21:35,194 --> 00:21:37,028
Thank God.
446
00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:39,897
Now we can get back to talking
like normal people again.
447
00:21:43,068 --> 00:21:44,236
Welcome back,
448
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:45,803
Fornication.
449
00:22:03,075 --> 00:22:04,114
Hey, man.
450
00:22:04,181 --> 00:22:04,966
Hi.
451
00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:08,126
Perfect timing. The game just started,
and I got a pizza on the way.
452
00:22:09,319 --> 00:22:11,021
Right, right.
453
00:22:13,157 --> 00:22:14,157
You ok, man?
454
00:22:14,224 --> 00:22:16,459
Yeah, I'm fine. Fine.
455
00:22:19,897 --> 00:22:22,098
The thing is I read
this article today.
456
00:22:23,668 --> 00:22:25,234
2 weeks?