1 00:00:01,626 --> 00:00:04,128 [ENGINE REVVING] 2 00:00:04,295 --> 00:00:06,046 [TIRES PEEL] 3 00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:14,471 [PETTICOAT JUNCTION PLAYING ON TV] 4 00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:15,431 DOES IT BOTHER ANYBODY ELSE 5 00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:18,976 THAT THESE WOMEN LIVE IN HOOTERVILLE? 6 00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:20,019 TECHNICALLY, PETTICOAT JUNCTION 7 00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:21,770 IS DOWN THE TRACK FROM HOOTERVILLE. 8 00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:22,771 OK, DOES IT BOTHER ANYBODY ELSE 9 00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:25,899 THAT THEY LIVE DOWN THE TRACK FROM HOOTERVILLE? 10 00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:26,692 IT BOTHERS ME 11 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:30,112 THAT THEY BATHE IN THE TOWN WATER TANK. 12 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,572 WITH THE DOG. 13 00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:32,865 IT ISN'T THE DRINKING WATER. 14 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,284 IT IS THE WATER FOR THE TRAIN. 15 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,327 IT'S STILL THREE NAKED WOMEN WITH A DOG. 16 00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:40,414 I WANT TO BE THE HOOTERVILLE DOG. 17 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,293 COMING DOWN. 18 00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:45,461 NOW DON'T MIND ME. 19 00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:47,296 I'M JUST PUTTING SOME CLOTHES IN. 20 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:50,632 ERIC, HONEY, I THOUGHT YOU COULD WEAR THIS ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. 21 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,594 IT'S NICE. YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME IN IT. 22 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,888 WHY WOULD I WANT TO DRESS NICE ON MY BIRTHDAY? 23 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,056 IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY? 24 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:57,931 OH, YOU NEVER KNOW 25 00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:01,268 WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. 26 00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:05,064 MOM. MOM, DO NOT THROW A PARTY FOR ME. 27 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,191 OH, WELL, LISTEN TO MR. POPULARITY. 28 00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:10,819 LIKE I HAVE TIME TO PLAN YOU A PARTY. 29 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,156 OH... 30 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,075 BY THE WAY, YOUR SISTER LAURIE 31 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,827 IS COMING HOME FROM COLLEGE FOR THE WEEKEND. 32 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:22,289 NO SPECIAL REASON. SHE JUST IS. 33 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,084 WELL, YOU'RE GETTING A PARTY, 34 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,503 AND, BEST OF ALL, IT'S A SURPRISE. 35 00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,505 I JUST REALIZED DONNA'S OLDER THAN YOU. 36 00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:30,672 ONLY BY A MONTH. 37 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:31,882 GOOD FOR YOU, ERIC. 38 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,050 GOOD FOR ME, WHAT? 39 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:35,677 IN MY COUNTRY, IT IS GOOD LUCK 40 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,245 TO FALL IN LOVE WITH AN OLDER WOMAN. 41 00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:38,764 FEZ. FEZ. 42 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,141 NO. THEY COME WITH LIVESTOCK. 43 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,313 ♪ HANGIN' OUT ♪ 44 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:50,025 ♪ DOWN THE STREET ♪ 45 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:53,695 ♪ THE SAME OLD THING ♪ 46 00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:57,074 ♪ WE DID LAST WEEK ♪ 47 00:01:57,242 --> 00:02:01,286 ♪ NOT A THING TO DO ♪ 48 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:04,498 ♪ BUT TALK TO YOU ♪ 49 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,042 ♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪♪ 50 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,044 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 51 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:12,506 HELLO, WISCONSIN! 52 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:17,427 ♪ HEY! LITTLE GIRL ♪ 53 00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:29,189 MORNING. 54 00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:32,484 UH-UH. 55 00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:35,779 I'LL GET IT. 56 00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:42,494 UH-UH. 57 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,454 I'LL GET IT. 58 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,794 DID I JUST SEE ABOUT SEVEN BAGS OF POTATO CHIPS IN THERE? 59 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:53,380 THEY WERE ON SALE. 60 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,300 PLEASE DON'T THROW ME A PARTY. 61 00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:57,593 I'M NOT THROWING A PARTY. 62 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:58,510 DON'T GIVE HIM ONE. 63 00:02:58,678 --> 00:02:59,469 I'M NOT. 64 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,138 HE'S TOO OLD FOR A SURPRISE PARTY. 65 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:02,556 I'M AGREEING WITH YOU. 66 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:03,348 THEN STOP YELLING. 67 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,726 I'M NOT YELLING. 68 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,014 LOOK, I KNOW MONEY IS TIGHT, 69 00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,562 SO I DON'T WANT A BIG BIRTHDAY. 70 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:12,024 I'LL DECIDE WHEN MONEY IS TIGHT. 71 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,318 NOW, WHAT KIND OF GIFT DO YOU WANT? 72 00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:15,777 DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COST, 73 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,030 AS LONG AS IT'S REASONABLE. 74 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,658 OK. I WOULD LIKE A CASSETTE PLAYER FOR THE CAR. 75 00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:24,661 A CASSETTE. NOT AN 8-TRACK. 76 00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:27,915 NO 8-TRACK, OK? 77 00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:29,249 YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY DON'T JUST PUT 78 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,627 RECORD PLAYERS IN CARS. 79 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:35,589 THE POINT IS, 80 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,674 I DON'T WANT AN 8-TRACK TAPE PLAYER. 81 00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:38,842 THEN YOU WON'T GET ONE. 82 00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,677 OH, BUT, HONEY, HE WANTS ONE. 83 00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:44,264 NO. I WANT A TAPE PLAYER, JUST NOT AN 8-TRACK. 84 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,432 YOU'RE GETTIN' A DELCO... 85 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:46,767 A GENUINE GM PART 86 00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:50,562 FOR YOUR GENUINE GM CAR. 87 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:51,647 IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A DELCO. 88 00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:52,814 IT'S JUST FOR MUSIC. 89 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,817 OH, NOW SEE, NOW THERE'S YOUR FIRST MISTAKE. 90 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:58,570 PARTS HAVE TO BE COMPATIBLE, ERIC. 91 00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:05,202 YOU'RE NOT BURNING CHEAP GAS IN THAT CAR, ARE YOU? 92 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:06,954 NO, SIR. 93 00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:10,916 WELL, I'M GOING OUT. 94 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,292 OH. OH, GOOD. 95 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:16,296 UM, I WANT YOU TO RUN TO THE STORE FOR ME, 96 00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:17,756 GET A LARGE CAN OF FROSTING 97 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,883 AND 15 SMALL BAGS OF M&Ms, 98 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:23,011 PLAIN, NOT PEANUTS. 99 00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:29,309 THEY'RE FOR YOUR SISTER. 100 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,442 OH. 101 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,028 THAT WAS CLOSE. 102 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:51,540 SO? 103 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:52,708 WHAT? 104 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,793 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA GET ERIC FOR HIS BIRTHDAY? 105 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,378 I DON'T KNOW. 106 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,588 NOTHING SEEMS RIGHT. 107 00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:01,717 I WANNA GIVE HIM SOMETHING SPECIAL. 108 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,138 HE KISSED YOU! 109 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:06,805 SHH. 110 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:07,431 GET IN THE CAR. 111 00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:10,559 DONNA, GET IN THE CAR SO WE CAN TALK. 112 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,356 OK, WHAT HAPPENED? 113 00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,859 JACKIE, I'M NOT GONNA TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS. 114 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,194 THEN WHO ARE YOU GONNA TALK TO? 115 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:24,531 [FARTING NOISES] 116 00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:28,118 OK. WE GET HOME FROM THE RUNDGREN CONCERT, 117 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,911 AND I'M SITTING ON THE HOOD OF THE CAR 118 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,288 AND I KISSED HIM. 119 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:34,082 FRENCH OR AMERICAN? 120 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:34,833 I CAN'T BELIEVE 121 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,460 I'M TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THIS. 122 00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:39,171 GUYS, NO! 123 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,425 OK. SO... 124 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,844 LOOK, I'VE LIVED NEXT DOOR TO ERIC MY ENTIRE LIFE, 125 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,262 AND WE TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING TOGETHER. 126 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,473 WE LOVE THE SAME MUSIC, WE LOVE THE PACKERS. 127 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,280 THEN I KISSED HIM, AND EVERYTHING CHANGED. 128 00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,351 AND NOW I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S MY BOYFRIEND 129 00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:53,185 OF IF HE'S MY BEST FRIEND. 130 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,728 IF HE'S MY BOYFRIEND, I LOSE MY BEST FRIEND. 131 00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:55,604 IF I SCREW IT UP, 132 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,314 I LOSE MY BEST FRIEND AND MY BOYFRIEND. 133 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,857 NOW I HAVE TO GET HIM THIS GIFT, AND I DON'T... 134 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,984 DONNA. DONNA! 135 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,321 I'VE SOLVED IT. 136 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:07,366 GET HIM A SCENTED CANDLE. 137 00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,285 A SCENTED CANDLE? 138 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:13,080 IT'S PRACTICAL AND ROMANTIC. 139 00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:15,123 OH, YEAH. 140 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,335 HEY! HEY! 141 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:20,087 HEY! HEY! HEY! 142 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,049 I HAD THE BALL LAST. I WIN. 143 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,550 NO, YOU DIDN'T WIN. 144 00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:27,302 YES. I HAD THE BALL LAST. I... 145 00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:31,932 HOLY MOTHER. 146 00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:37,354 [DEEP VOICE] HELLO, LAURIE. 147 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:38,814 HELLO, KELSO. 148 00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:40,774 HYDE. 149 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:44,986 WHO IS THE GODDESS? 150 00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:47,823 THE GODDESS IS ERIC'S SISTER. 151 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:48,698 SHE'S NOT A GODDESS. 152 00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,450 SHE'S MORE THE EARTH MOTHER- WHORE TYPE, 153 00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,661 WHICH WORKS FOR ME. 154 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,165 LAURIE. 155 00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:58,333 ERIC. 156 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,335 SHOULDN'T YOU PUT SOME CLOTHES ON? 157 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:01,211 WHY? 158 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,630 AREN'T YOU A LITTLE COLD? 159 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,549 NO. IN FACT, I'M HOT. 160 00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:09,136 OH, WELL THEN WHY DON'T YOU GO UPSTAIRS? 161 00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:11,680 I AM WAITING FOR MY JEANS TO COME OUT OF THE DRYER, 162 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,390 AND I WANT YOU TO STAY OFF MY CASE. 163 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,642 IT'LL ONLY TAKE ME A MINUTE. 164 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:19,521 I DON'T THINK KELSO'S GONNA LAST THAT LONG. 165 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:20,272 TOO BAD. 166 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,774 IT'S NOT LIKE I'M COMPLETELY NAKED UNDER THIS. 167 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,359 I'M WEARING UNDERWEAR. 168 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:25,527 SEE? 169 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,738 OH! AY! 170 00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:29,489 IF WE WERE AT THE BEACH, 171 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:30,907 YOU WOULDN'T EVEN NOTICE ME. 172 00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,075 IF WE WERE AT THE BEACH, 173 00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:35,162 KELSO WOULD BE IN THE WATER RIGHT NOW. 174 00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:40,709 SO I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE THE WAGON NOW. 175 00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:41,793 I WANT TO BORROW IT TOMORROW NIGHT. 176 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,211 I NEED IT. 177 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,838 OK, BUT I NEED A FAVOR. 178 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,882 FOR YOU, I DON'T THINK SO. 179 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,425 COME ON. 180 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:49,050 LOOK, JUST TELL MOM 181 00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:51,303 I'M TOO OLD FOR SURPRISE PARTIES. 182 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,512 BUT YOU'RE THE BABY, 183 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,682 AND MAMA LOVES HER BABY. 184 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:56,349 WELL, IF YOU DO IT, 185 00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:57,797 YOU CAN BORROW THE VISTA CRUISER. 186 00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:58,435 ALL NIGHT. 187 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,854 ALL NIGHT? 188 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,272 FINE. 189 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,149 THEN IT'S A DEAL... 190 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,234 BABY. 191 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,325 WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! 192 00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:16,745 WHOA-HO. 193 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,538 YEAH. 194 00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:24,377 YOUR SISTER WANTS ME. 195 00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:27,005 I MEAN, YOU SAW HER COMING ON TO ME, RIGHT? 196 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:30,342 LET HIM GO. 197 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,386 REMEMBER? I SAID, "HELLO, LAURIE." 198 00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:35,180 AND LAURIE SAID... 199 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,431 HELLO, KELSO. 200 00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:37,390 I'M WAITING, 201 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,100 AND I WANT YOU, BABY. 202 00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:40,560 TAKE ME NOW. 203 00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,062 I NEED IT BAD. 204 00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,355 I NEED IT ALL NIGHT. 205 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,524 AND MAMA LOVES HER BABY. 206 00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,108 I'M COMPLETELY NAKED UNDER THIS. 207 00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:49,236 AND I'M HOT FOR YOU, KELSO. 208 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:01,540 WHAT? 209 00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,375 YOU DIDN'T SEE IT? 210 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:06,711 [CAT CATERWAULING] 211 00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:09,130 GET OUTTA THE YARD! 212 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:17,681 SO, HOW'S YOUR FRIEND... JANIS? 213 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,891 PREGNANT. 214 00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,185 OH, SHE WAS SUCH A NICE GIRL. 215 00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,980 HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? 216 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,898 WELL, FIRST THE EGG TRAVELS 217 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,817 DOWN THE FALLOPIAN TUBE TO THE UTERUS, 218 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,443 WHERE IT ATTACHES TO THE WALL. 219 00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,362 ERIC, FOR GOD SAKES, 220 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:36,658 THAT'S NO LANGUAGE FOR A WOMAN TO HEAR. 221 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:39,369 IT'S OK, RED. I KNOW WHAT A FALLOPIAN TUBE IS. 222 00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:42,289 I THINK MOM DOES, TOO. 223 00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:44,040 WELL, I JUST DON'T LIKE MY LITTLE BOY 224 00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,418 BANDYING THOSE WORDS ABOUT. 225 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,754 YOU'RE STILL MY BABY. 226 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,798 THANKS, MOM. 227 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:55,010 LAURIE. 228 00:09:55,177 --> 00:10:00,557 QUIT STARING AT YOUR SISTER AND EAT YOUR CARROTS. 229 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:01,891 OH, YEAH. ERIC WANTED ME TO TELL YOU 230 00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:04,436 THAT HE THINKS HE'S TOO OLD FOR A PARTY. 231 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,522 KEYS. 232 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,149 THERE'S NO PARTY. 233 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:12,444 LAURIE, LOOSE LIPS... 234 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,403 OH, LAURIE, I JUST REMEMBERED 235 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:14,931 I CAN'T LOAN YOU THE VISTA CRUISER, 236 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,658 ON ACCOUNT OF I HATE YOU. 237 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:21,369 LAURIE, YOU'RE NOT DRIVING THE VISTA CRUISER. 238 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:23,163 IT'S OLD AND UNDEPENDABLE. 239 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:23,997 IT COULD BREAK DOWN, 240 00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:27,375 AND YOU'D BE AT THE MERCY OF ANY MANIAC WHO CAME ALONG. 241 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,544 THAT'S OK FOR ERIC, 242 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,588 BUT YOU'RE TAKING THE TOYOTA. 243 00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:39,220 OH, AND, UM... HERE'S A 20. 244 00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:42,515 WILL THAT COVER GAS? 245 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:43,308 OH, WELL, IT SHOULD... 246 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:48,188 HONEY. HONEY, GIVE HER ANOTHER 10 JUST IN CASE. 247 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,524 UH, I COULD PROBABLY USE SOME GAS MONEY. 248 00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:54,152 YEAH, AND IF A FROG HAD WINGS, 249 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,447 HE WOULDN'T BUMP HIS ASS WHEN HE HOPS. 250 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,410 [DOORBELL RINGING] 251 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:07,415 I'M COMING, I'M COMING. 252 00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:08,958 DONNA? 253 00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:10,794 DONNA, IT'S 3 A.M. ARE YOU CRAZY? 254 00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,170 CRAZY? 255 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:16,174 CRAZY IN LOVE WITH YOU. 256 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:16,883 WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU 257 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:20,011 THAT DRIVES ME WILD WITH PASSION AND DESIRE? 258 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,514 WELL, I AM... 259 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,308 17 NOW. 260 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:28,436 SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN. 261 00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:33,566 I HAVE TO GIVE YOU YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT. 262 00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:36,528 IT CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER. 263 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,531 CLOSE YOUR EYES. 264 00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:44,244 THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT? 265 00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,996 NO, THAT'S MY NIGHTGOWN. 266 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,623 I'M YOUR PRESENT. 267 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:51,209 OPEN YOUR EYES, BIRTHDAY BOY. 268 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:52,043 SURPRISE! SURPRISE! SURPRISE! 269 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,586 AAH! 270 00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,549 A BIRTHDAY BREAKFAST, 271 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,050 AND THIS IS IT, YOUNG MAN. 272 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,886 A FEW GIFTS TONIGHT, AND THE END. 273 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,304 AND IT IS TOO LATE 274 00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:05,223 TO CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT A PARTY NOW. 275 00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,711 SO DON'T THINK YOU'RE GETTING ONE, 276 00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:10,687 OR YOU WILL BE SORELY DISAPPOINTED. 277 00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:17,068 HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 278 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,611 YOU KNOW, UH... 279 00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:22,574 THE LAWN'S NOT GONNA CUT ITSELF. 280 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,200 THANKS, MOM. 281 00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:25,452 DAD. 282 00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:26,870 HEY, LITTLE BROTHER. 283 00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:28,413 NICE TENT. 284 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:47,056 LOOK, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL DOING HERE. 285 00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:50,185 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN? 286 00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:52,145 WE'RE JUST HANGING OUT LIKE ALWAYS. 287 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,353 EXCEPT WE'RE DRESSED NICE, 288 00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,732 BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. 289 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,197 HI, KIDS. 290 00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:05,366 UM, I NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHING. 291 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:08,286 JACKIE, DONNA, MICHAEL, STEVEN... 292 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,788 YOUNG MAN WITH AN ACCENT. 293 00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,956 COULD YOU GIVE ME A HAND? 294 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,833 NOT YOU, ERIC. 295 00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:32,435 OH, GOD. I CAN'T TAKE IT. 296 00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:35,230 BUT... 297 00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,982 NO. NO. 298 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:41,361 NO, SIR. 299 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,238 ERIC. ERIC, HONEY. 300 00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:46,115 HONEY, COULD YOU COME UP HERE FOR A SECOND? 301 00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,785 SHUT UP. HE'S COMING. 302 00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:52,622 All: SURPRISE! 303 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,835 WOW. 304 00:13:57,002 --> 00:14:00,296 I MEAN... YEAH. 305 00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:03,258 IT'S AN 8-TRACK TAPE PLAYER. 306 00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:04,425 I SEE THAT. 307 00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:05,510 JUST WHAT YOU ASKED FOR. 308 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,594 YOU MADE SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT, 309 00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,721 I WROTE IT DOWN. 310 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,934 CASSETTES. 311 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,727 GREAT. THANKS, HYDE. 312 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,020 YOU'RE WELCOME. 313 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:19,524 OH, LET'S PUT THEM IN THE 8-TRACK AND PLAY THEM. 314 00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,487 HEY. IT'S A HOT-SHAVE DISPENSER. 315 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:28,616 OH, HE WON'T NEED THAT FOR A LONG TIME. 316 00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,493 A LONG, LONG TIME. 317 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:31,327 OF COURSE HE WILL. 318 00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:32,704 HE'S ALMOST LIKE A MAN. 319 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,623 [LAUGHING, SOBBING] 320 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:37,625 I GOT YOU SOMETHING. 321 00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,670 NO. DONNA, HELP ME FIND MY PURSE. 322 00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:43,965 NOW. 323 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,051 JACKIE, YOU DIDN'T EVEN BRING A PURSE. 324 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,053 DUH. YOU CAN'T GIVE HIM YOUR PRESENT 325 00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,763 IN FRONT OF HIS GUY FRIENDS. 326 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:53,725 I AM ONE OF HIS GUY FRIENDS. 327 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:54,893 LOOK, DONNA, I'VE PUT 328 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,186 A LOT OF THOUGHT INTO THIS GIFT. 329 00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,731 PLEASE DO NOT WRECK THIS FOR ME. 330 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,024 I'M SORRY. 331 00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:03,693 I GUESS I WAS BEING SELFISH. 332 00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,945 IT'S OK. 333 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,327 OK. IT'S TIME WE DISAPPEARED. 334 00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:14,621 WHAT, HONEY? HONEY, THE PARTY JUST STARTED. 335 00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:16,247 I KNOW, AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE GOING OVER TO BOB'S. 336 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,207 WELL, I WANTED TO GIVE ERIC A PARTY. 337 00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:19,918 AND YOU DID. 338 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:23,046 YOU MAKE A MESS, YOU'RE ALL GROUNDED. 339 00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:28,134 YOU DARN KIDS. 340 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,386 WELL, YOU KNOW, WHAT IF THEY RUN OUT OF KETCHUP OR SOMETHING? 341 00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:31,262 LET'S GO. 342 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,598 OK. WELL, WE HAVE MORE BUNS, AND, UH... 343 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:37,226 AND SWEET PICKLES IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE DILLS. 344 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:43,191 OK. I'D LOVE TO STAY, BUT I'M LEAVING. 345 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,818 HEY, BUY US SOME BEERS, WE'LL PAY DOUBLE. 346 00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:46,444 DO YOU REALLY THINK 347 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:49,614 THAT BEER WILL MAKE YOUR LITTLE PARTY BETTER? 348 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,866 YES. YES. YEAH. 349 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,117 ALRIGHT, MAYBE IT WOULD GIVE YOU YOUNG PEOPLE 350 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,369 A SENSE OF MATURITY, 351 00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:55,816 BUT IT WOULD BE A FALSE MATURITY. 352 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,538 AND THAT WOULD BE WRONG. 353 00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:59,040 SO YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT? 354 00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:00,291 OF COURSE NOT. 355 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:00,959 NOW I'M GOING OFF 356 00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:03,211 TO JOIN MY LEGAL FRIENDS AT A PARTY... 357 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,964 WITH A KEG. BYE. 358 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:11,594 SO... LAURIE, 359 00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:12,303 WHERE'S THE PARTY? 360 00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,930 YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE'LL... 361 00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:17,016 CRUISE BY LATER. 362 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,852 IN YOUR DREAMS, YOU IDIOT. 363 00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:25,316 OK. YOU GUYS HAD TO SEE THAT. 364 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,780 THREE FOURS. I NEED THEM. 365 00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:35,702 BOB IS VERY GOOD AT YAHTZEE. 366 00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:36,869 THE LIQUOR CABINET. 367 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:37,996 IT'S LOCKED. 368 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,748 WHAT IF THERE'S AN EMERGENCY? 369 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:41,708 THEY'LL CALL. 370 00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:42,792 WHAT IF THEY RUN OUT OF CHIPS? 371 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,252 THEY'LL STARVE. 372 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:47,130 I'M GONNA FIX MYSELF A TOM COLLINS. 373 00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:48,381 RED? 374 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,508 NO. KITTY NEEDS ONE. 375 00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:51,926 WELL, I AM JUST SO WORRIED. 376 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,095 OH, MY LORD, LAURIE'S LEAVING. 377 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,888 WELL, HONEY, SHE'S IN COLLEGE. 378 00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:57,724 SHE DOESN'T WANNA HANG AROUND WITH THEM. 379 00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,852 WELL, MAYBE I SHOULD MAKE A CALL JUST IN CA... 380 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,647 KITTY. 381 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:12,071 WHAT COULD HAPPEN? 382 00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:15,158 WELL, PLENTY COULD HAPPEN. 383 00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:17,285 OH, PLENTY. 384 00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:18,951 [KITTY'S VOICE THROUGHOUT] 385 00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:20,538 NOW THAT THE ADULTS ARE GONE, 386 00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:24,542 WE CAN BE AS BAD AS WE WANT. 387 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:28,755 WHO WANTS TO GIVE ERIC A VENEREAL DISEASE? 388 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,133 HEY, LOOK. COASTERS. 389 00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:35,803 FORGET COASTERS. 390 00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,096 PLEASE, FELLAS, 391 00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:41,851 MY MOM PUT OUT COASTERS FOR A REASON. 392 00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,936 I THINK I'M GONNA PUT MY DRINK 393 00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:46,230 DIRECTLY ON THE FURNITURE. 394 00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:50,526 THAT WAY, IT WILL LEAVE A RING. 395 00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:52,070 NO! 396 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:57,950 WHY, OH, WHY DIDN'T I BEG MY MOTHER TO STAY? 397 00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:00,286 QUIET, YOU SILLY AMERICAN. 398 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,580 I AM MAKING A LONG DISTANCE CALL 399 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,833 ON YOUR PARENTS' PHONE. 400 00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,919 BUT THAT'S IMMORAL. 401 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,338 HAH! IN MY COUNTRY OF... 402 00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:13,674 WHEREVER IT IS I AM FROM, I CAN NEVER TELL... 403 00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:16,427 MORALS GET IN THE WAY OF A GOOD DIRTY TIME. 404 00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:20,056 BUT FIRST, I NEED TO EAT SOME CHIPS. 405 00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:22,934 WHAT? OUT OF CHIPS?! 406 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,852 NOW I AM MAD. 407 00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:28,397 I MUST SHOOT SOMETHING. 408 00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:31,526 NOT THE LITTLEST HOBO! 409 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,575 WHY? 410 00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:43,287 YOU'RE OVERREACTING. 411 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,331 OH, KITTY, WHEN VALERIE WENT OFF TO SCHOOL, 412 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:46,499 I FELT THE SAME WAY. 413 00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:51,129 BUT THIS LITTLE BOOK OF POEMS HELPED ME. 414 00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:55,174 IT'S CALLED VERSES FROM AN EMPTY NEST. 415 00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:55,883 READ HER THAT ONE 416 00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:58,469 ABOUT THE LITTLE BIRD THAT LOST ITS WAY. 417 00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,931 AHEM. "THE LITTLE BIRD THAT ONCE DID SING" 418 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,642 IS NOW ALONE WITH BROKEN WING." 419 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,520 OH, GOD. 420 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,231 YUP. THAT SOUNDS NICE. 421 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:11,858 I NEED A REFILL. 422 00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,234 BUT, HONEY, USUALLY YOU ONLY DRINK ONE. 423 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:15,528 WELL, TONIGHT I'M HAVING TWO. 424 00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,448 WAIT ON THE PORCH, AND I'LL GET ERIC. 425 00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,325 IT'S DARK OUT THERE. 426 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,703 AND YOU'RE GIVING HIM A CANDLE. 427 00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:26,455 YEAH. 428 00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:27,665 HERE. MATCHES. 429 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,033 HE MIGHT NOT WANT TO LIGHT IT. 430 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,502 DON'T SAY THAT. DON'T EVEN THINK IT. 431 00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:35,339 NOW, WHEN HE OPENS IT, HE'LL SAY, "COOL" 432 00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:36,507 OR SOMETHING. 433 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:42,430 AND THEN YOU GIVE HIM A LOOK LIKE THIS... 434 00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:46,184 WHAT DID YOU GET FROM DONNA? 435 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:47,810 NOTHING YET. 436 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:51,647 OH... 437 00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:55,610 MAYBE IT'S THE BIG GIFT. 438 00:19:55,777 --> 00:20:01,657 YOU KNOW, THE REALLY BIG GIFT. 439 00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:03,910 YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING 440 00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:07,163 WHEN I SAY "THE BIG GIFT," RIGHT? 441 00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:09,957 YEAH. WE GOT IT. 442 00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:12,084 AND WE GOT IT. 443 00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,002 I'M NOT EVEN FROM HERE, 444 00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:15,296 AND I GOT IT. 445 00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:21,093 OH, ERIC, DONNA'S ON THE PORCH. 446 00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:25,181 HE'S GETTING THE BIG GIFT. 447 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,311 OH, A SAND CANDLE. 448 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:31,520 THIS IS VERY COOL. 449 00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:33,648 OH, IT'S NOTHING. 450 00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:48,746 ARE YOU OK? 451 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:51,874 OH. I'M FINE, YEAH. 452 00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:53,167 'CAUSE YOU HAD A LOOK 453 00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:56,629 LIKE YOU MIGHT BE SICK OR SOMETHING. 454 00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:59,674 I AM JUST BEING COMPLETELY STUPID. 455 00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:00,841 HEY, THAT'S MY JOB. 456 00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:02,343 WELL... 457 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,637 I WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE GIFT. 458 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:08,349 WHY? THIS IS A VERY COOL GIFT. 459 00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:09,850 I'D LIGHT IT IF I HAD MATCHES. 460 00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:12,186 OH! HERE. 461 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,983 YOU THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING. 462 00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:20,403 WELL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 463 00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,577 [GARBAGE CAN FALLS OVER] 464 00:21:28,745 --> 00:21:29,412 [GIGGLING] 465 00:21:29,579 --> 00:21:32,039 AW. 466 00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:36,752 LOOK AT THIS. 467 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,964 OH, WE NEVER THOUGHT TO PUT A CANDLE OUT HERE. 468 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,758 OH, IT IS JUST SO ROMANTIC. 469 00:21:42,926 --> 00:21:45,594 LET'S... LET'S KEEP MOVING. 470 00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:47,096 THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE OUT HERE. 471 00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:49,432 THANKS... THANKS, DAD. 472 00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:52,393 Kitty: OH, WE HAVE CANDLES IN THE BEDROOM, DON'T WE? 473 00:22:00,610 --> 00:22:03,779 THIS IS IT. HE'S GOING FOR IT. 474 00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:05,948 IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY. SHE SHOULD KISS HIM FIRST. 475 00:22:06,116 --> 00:22:07,700 SHE DID LAST TIME. 476 00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:08,909 WHAT? 477 00:22:09,077 --> 00:22:10,494 NOTHING. 478 00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:12,079 SHUT UP AND WATCH. 479 00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:13,998 COME ON, FORMAN, GO FOR IT. 480 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:17,043 THE DOOR'S OPEN. WE CAN HEAR YOU. 481 00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,881 WE CAN SEE YOU. 482 00:22:23,383 --> 00:22:24,425 Fez: IS HE KISSING HER? 483 00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:27,303 Michael: NONE OF US CAN SEE THEM, FEZ. 484 00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:28,888 Fez: ERIC, ARE YOU KISSING HER? 485 00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:32,296 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY