1 00:00:06,214 --> 00:00:09,454 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 2 00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,260 PUSH! PUSH! 3 00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,846 COME ON, YOU GOTTA PUSH IT! 4 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,055 HOW MUCH LONGER? 5 00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:16,473 10 SECONDS. 6 00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:18,441 YOU GOTTA PUSH HARDER, OR IT'S NOT GONNA WORK. 7 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:19,852 THIS IS SO STUPID. 8 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,187 IT'S NOT STUPID. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT. 9 00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,690 I'M NOT. NOT GONNA LOVE IT. 10 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,318 OK. THAT'S TIME. STEP AWAY FROM THE DOOR. 11 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:33,574 AHH! OHH! 12 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:36,035 KELSO, YOU'RE A GENIUS. 13 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,912 YEAH, WELL, IT'S MAGIC. 14 00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,707 OH, MY GOD. FINALLY. 15 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,751 I AM SO DEHYDRATED. 16 00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:46,879 OH, HERE. PIGGLY WIGGLY DIET CREAM SODA. 17 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,338 I TOLD YOU MY TOP THREE CHOICES 18 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:50,883 WERE TAB, FRESCA, OR DIET RITE. 19 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:54,344 AGAIN, YOU GET PIGGLY WIGGLY DIET CREAM SODA. 20 00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:55,888 THEN I'LL JUST HAVE WATER. 21 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:59,475 YOU KNOW, THERE'S A HOSE IN THE BACKYARD. 22 00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:01,002 I'VE NOTICED THAT THE POP SELECTION 23 00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:03,520 HAS REALLY WENT DOWNHILL SINCE YOUR DAD GOT LAID OFF. 24 00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:08,317 HE'S... NOT LAID OFF. HE'S JUST PART-TIME. 25 00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,402 AND SHUT UP! 26 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:11,737 KIDS... 27 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,199 KIDS, KIDS, KIDS, KIDS, KIDS, KIDS, KIDS... 28 00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:16,450 THE PRESIDENT IS COMING. 29 00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:17,201 WHAT PRESIDENT? 30 00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:19,995 THE PRESIDENT OF THESE UNITED STATES, GERALD R. FORD... 31 00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:24,458 THE 36th... 8th... 32 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:28,212 40th... I DON'T KNOW. HE'S THE PRESIDENT! 33 00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:30,172 WHY WOULD FORD COME TO POINT PLACE? 34 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:33,175 BECAUSE WE ARE A WHISTLE STOP 35 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,177 ALONG HIS WISCONSIN CAMPAIGN TRAIL. 36 00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,805 MY DAD ORGANIZED IT. 37 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:47,231 DEAR... THE NEXT TIME YOU KNOW A PRESIDENT IS COMING TO TOWN, 38 00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:49,900 PLEASE GIVE ME A LITTLE MORE NOTICE. 39 00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,528 I NEED TO VACUUM. ERIC, YOU TIDY UP THIS BASEMENT. 40 00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,155 A PIE! I GOTTA MAKE A PIE! 41 00:01:57,242 --> 00:02:01,161 WOW. THE PRESIDENT'S COMING. 42 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:03,080 YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO... 43 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,248 THAT DOOR THING AGAIN. 44 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:05,791 YEAH! YEAH! 45 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:11,797 ♪ HANGIN' OUT ♪ 46 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,634 ♪ DOWN THE STREET ♪ 47 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:19,179 ♪ THE SAME OLD THING ♪ 48 00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:22,558 ♪ WE DID LAST WEEK ♪ 49 00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:26,728 ♪ NOT A THING TO DO ♪ 50 00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:29,898 ♪ BUT TALK TO YOU ♪ 51 00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,526 ♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪♪ 52 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:37,239 HELLO, WISCONSIN! 53 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:45,038 SO, HOW'S THE CAR? 54 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,582 REAL GOOD. 55 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,667 BY "REAL GOOD," YOU MEAN YOU ROTATED THOSE TIRES 56 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,461 LIKE I ASKED YOU TO? 57 00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:55,507 DAD, DON'T THEY ROTATE EVERY TIME I DRIVE? 58 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,349 YOU BEING A SMART MOUTH? 59 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,393 YES. 60 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,520 AND I'M SORRY. 61 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,815 TUNA CASSEROLE AGAIN? 62 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,819 WELL, OK. HOW ABOUT WE DON'T PAY THE CAR INSURANCE, 63 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,362 AND WE'LL ALL HAVE STEAK? 64 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,364 ALL RIGHT. 65 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,742 HA HA HA! 66 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,244 WELL, JUST IMAGINE. PRESIDENT FORD IS COMING HERE. 67 00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:26,747 HA HA! 68 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:27,664 UH, RED, WE NEED TO GET RID 69 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:31,501 OF THE OIL STAINS IN THE DRIVEWAY. 70 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:32,753 IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S COMING TO OUR HOUSE, 71 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:36,548 AND IF HE DID, I'D KICK HIM IN THE KEISTER. 72 00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,800 OH, STOP IT. HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? 73 00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:41,178 YOU VOTED FOR GERALD FORD. 74 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:46,391 KITTY, NO ONE VOTED FOR GERALD FORD. 75 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:47,809 HA HA HA! 76 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:50,938 BUT HE STILL IS OUR PRESIDENT. 77 00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:53,440 OH, THE BOY'S OLD ENOUGH TO HEAR THAT KIND OF TALK. 78 00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,777 ERIC, SAY THAT YOUR JOB WAS SENT TO A PLANT IN... 79 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,863 GUADALA-WHO-THE-HELL-CARES. 80 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:04,243 NOW, ARE YOU GONNA VOTE FOR THE GUY THAT LET THAT HAPPEN? 81 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,119 RED, PRESIDENT FORD DIDN'T TAKE YOUR JOB. 82 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:10,415 HE TOOK NIXON'S. 83 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:14,711 ERIC... WE'RE WAITING. 84 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:18,423 UM... WELL... AHEM... 85 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,008 I BELIEVE THAT EVERYONE'S POLITICAL OPINION 86 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:24,596 IS VALID AND WORTH HEARING. 87 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:29,059 WELL, THAT'S... THAT'S PERFECT, ERIC. 88 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:32,521 USE THAT LINE WHEN YOU RUN FOR MISS AMERICA. 89 00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:39,278 SETTLE DOWN AND WE'LL START THE ASSEMBLY. 90 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:44,992 NOW, CONCERNING THE CANNED GOODS DRIVE... 91 00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:48,036 MOTOR OIL IS NOT A FOOD. 92 00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,246 BOO! BOO! 93 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,623 I'M SORRY, IT'S NOT, AND ALL YOUR BOOING 94 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,334 ISN'T GONNA MAKE IT ONE. 95 00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:57,129 NOW... AS YOU ALL KNOW, 96 00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:01,341 PRESIDENT FORD WILL BE VISITING OUR FAIR CITY, 97 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,511 AND I KNOW THERE ARE SOME OF YOU NE'ER-DO-WELLS OUT THERE 98 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:07,889 THAT MIGHT BE PLANNING SOME SORT OF QUOTE/UNQUOTE 99 00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:12,561 "SOCIAL STATEMENT-TYPE PROTEST." 100 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:13,520 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. 101 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,064 WHO CARES IF FORD IS COMING? 102 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:16,690 IT'S BETTER THAN WHEN 103 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,735 THE OSCAR MEYER WEENIE-MOBILE DROVE THROUGH. 104 00:05:19,902 --> 00:05:21,111 THEY DIDN'T EVEN STOP. 105 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:21,987 THEY JUST SLOWED DOWN 106 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,282 AND THREW A BUNCH OF HOT DOG WHISTLES AT US. 107 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,576 TWO GIRLS IN A PHALLIC R.V., 108 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:31,288 DRIVING AROUND, HANDING OUT THINGS YOU BLOW... 109 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:34,291 [SIGHS] WHAT A GREAT COUNTRY. 110 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:41,173 SO LET ME TELL YOU ANOTHER THING, MR. OR MRS. PUNK. 111 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,301 PROTESTING ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING. 112 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:52,059 OH, SURE, YOU MIGHT SEE A CHANCE TO PROVE YOUR MANHOOD 113 00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:55,645 OR SHOW YOU'RE COOL... 114 00:05:56,898 --> 00:06:01,568 BUT THIS IS OUR PRESIDENT. OUR PRESIDENT, DARN IT! 115 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:04,279 SO NO SHENANIGANS, YOU HEAR ME? 116 00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,534 IF THAT'S YOUR KIND OF ATTITUDE, 117 00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:13,038 YOU MIGHT JUST AS WELL GO HOME RIGHT NOW. 118 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,961 SO PRESIDENT FORD SHOULD BE ARRIVING AT NOON. 119 00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:21,880 OH, MAN! DEVILED EGGS. 120 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,300 ARE... ARE THESE FOR ANYBODY? 121 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,344 HI, DADDY. HI, MR. PINCIOTTI. 122 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,261 HI. HI, KITTEN. 123 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,514 NOW LOOK, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT ADULT STUFF HERE. 124 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:33,892 WHY DON'T YOU AND YOUR FRIEND HEAD UP TO YOUR ROOM? 125 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,526 NOW, THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF OUR PRESIDENTIAL RALLY 126 00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:44,736 IS THE TOWNSPEOPLE "Q & A" SECTION. 127 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,530 JUST SO EVERYONE'S CLEAR, 128 00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:48,323 THE "Q" STANDS FOR QUESTION. 129 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:51,493 THE "A" FOR ANSWER. 130 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:55,497 ALL YOURS, JACK. 131 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,791 THIS IS WHEN NORMAL FOLKS STEP UP TO THE MICROPHONE 132 00:06:57,959 --> 00:06:59,501 AND ASK THE PRESIDENT QUESTIONS. 133 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,421 NOW, THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT PERSON. 134 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:06,508 YOU KNOW, A WORKING-CLASS GUY, YOUR AVERAGE JOE. 135 00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:09,845 I GUESS SOMEONE YOU AND I WOULD CALL A LOSER. 136 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:15,559 SO OF COURSE, I THOUGHT OF YOU. 137 00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:18,770 WE'D LIKE YOU TO ASK PRESIDENT FORD A QUESTION. 138 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,230 AHHH... 139 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,109 SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT? 140 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,402 I SAY NO, THANK YOU, 141 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,780 AND I WANT MY CRESCENT WRENCH BACK. 142 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,031 I'LL DO IT. 143 00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:33,743 NO, NO. YOU KEEP WORKING ON YOUR PIES, HEH HEH. 144 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,126 JUST IMAGINE, RED. YOU, THE LITTLE GUY, 145 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,494 GET TO HAVE YOUR OPINIONS HEARD 146 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,421 BY THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN AMERICA. 147 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,340 TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS OPPORTUNITY. 148 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:51,845 TURN THAT LIGHT OFF! 149 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,722 SORRY. 150 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,464 LOOK, GUYS, WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING 151 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:58,882 THAT SAYS WE WILL NOT PAY HOMAGE 152 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,897 TO A CORRUPT ELECTORAL SYSTEM. 153 00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:07,027 I KNOW. A BLOODY COUP! 154 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,653 THAT'S GOOD... 155 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,381 BUT WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING GREAT... 156 00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:12,206 SOMETHING THAT WOULD MAKE OUR FOUNDING FATHERS 157 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:15,452 PROUD, MAN, YOU KNOW? 158 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,372 LET'S STREAK! 159 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,541 BINGO! 160 00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:22,542 YEAH! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT. 161 00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:25,795 JUST RUN BUCK NAKED THROUGH A SEA OF PEOPLE. 162 00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:28,590 BE FREE AND SHAKE IT AROUND. 163 00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,383 ALL RIGHT, WHO'S IN? 164 00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:31,551 WILL PEOPLE BE CHASING US 165 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:35,430 WITH TORCHES AND POINTY STICKS? 166 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:36,598 NO. 167 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,183 THEN I AM IN. 168 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,434 GREAT! 169 00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:42,646 ERIC... ARE YOU IN? 170 00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:44,105 OK, STREAKING. I'M... 171 00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:47,025 DON'T GET ME WRONG. I'M COMPLETELY PRO-NUDITY... 172 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,735 BUT I THINK MY DAD MIGHT KILL ME, 173 00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:52,405 AND I'M ANTI-BEING KILLED. 174 00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:54,824 HEY, IF THERE WASN'T SOME HUGE DOWNSIDE 175 00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:56,618 TO DOING SOMETHING THIS STUPID, 176 00:08:56,786 --> 00:09:00,330 IT WOULDN'T BE WORTH DOING, YOU KNOW? 177 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,082 GOOD POINT. 178 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,251 OH! AND I COULD WRITE SOME REALLY GREAT SLOGAN 179 00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:06,795 LIKE "I HATE THE FUZZ" ON MY ASS. 180 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:11,996 IF YOU HATE THE FUZZ ON YOUR ASS, 181 00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:14,386 WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHAVE IT OFF? 182 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,362 PRETTY SNAZZY, EH? 183 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,573 LOOKING GOOD, DAD. 184 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,366 I GOT ONE FOR YOU, TOO. 185 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,618 WE'RE GONNA WEAR THEM TO MEET THE PRESIDENT. 186 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,120 NO. NO WAY. 187 00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,205 HONEY, YOU'RE MISSING THE BIG PICTURE. 188 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:45,000 LEMME GO GET THE OTHER JUMPSUITS. YOU'LL SEE. 189 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,588 MOM, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? 190 00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,798 HONEY, THERE ARE LOTS OF THINGS I DO 191 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:55,176 TO MAKE YOUR FATHER HAPPY THAT I DON'T REALLY LIKE. 192 00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,764 MOM... EEUGHH! 193 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:03,393 OH, NO, NOT THAT. I LOVE THAT. 194 00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:09,190 I MEANT LIKE FISHING. 195 00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,151 SEE? WHEN WE STAND TOGETHER, 196 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:15,113 WE'RE THE AMERICAN FLAG. 197 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,641 I'M NOT WEARING A STRIPED JUMPSUIT. 198 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,408 OH, NO, HONEY. 199 00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,201 YOU'RE THE FIELD OF BLUE. 200 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:21,494 THAT'S RIGHT. 201 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,038 BYE NOW. 202 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:28,835 BUT, DONNA, YOU'RE PART OF THE FAMILY. 203 00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,254 OH, MY, THIS HURTS. 204 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,965 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 205 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:34,758 YELLO? 206 00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:37,093 GOOD NEWS, BOB. I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT, 207 00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:41,139 AND I'VE DECIDED I WILL ASK FORD A QUESTION. 208 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:44,809 OH, JEEZ, RED. THIS IS GOOD NEWS... 209 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,604 AND I COULD SURE USE IT RIGHT ABOUT NOW. 210 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:51,066 YEAH, WELL... GLAD I COULD HELP. 211 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:57,614 OH, I'M GONNA ASK HIM A QUESTION, ALL RIGHT, 212 00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:00,533 AND IT'S GONNA BE A DAMN GOOD ONE. 213 00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:02,035 RED... 214 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,870 NOW, DON'T WORRY. 215 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,580 I'M SIMPLY GONNA ASK HIM 216 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,667 HOW THE HELL HE'S GONNA FIX THIS ECONOMY. 217 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,669 OH, HONEY, HE WOULDN'T KNOW THAT. 218 00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:13,421 HE'S THE PRESIDENT. 219 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:21,763 ALL THIS FOOD FOR 45 CENTS. 220 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,099 IT IS UNBELIEVABLE. 221 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,150 OH, I SEE. 222 00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:38,571 SO, FORMAN... 223 00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:39,823 THE RALLY'S TONIGHT, MAN. 224 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:40,740 WHAT'S YOUR DECISION? 225 00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:42,325 YEAH. ARE YOU GONNA STREAK OR NOT? 226 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:43,493 DON'T PRESSURE HIM. 227 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:47,247 NO. I'VE BEEN DOING SOME THINKING, AND... I'M IN. 228 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,039 ALL RIGHT. 229 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,458 WELL, YOU'RE GONNA LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF IDIOTS. 230 00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:54,295 A BUNCH OF NAKED IDIOTS. 231 00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:58,591 THANKS, KELSO. 232 00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,468 IT CAN'T GO BEYOND THIS TABLE. 233 00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,276 IF MY FATHER FINDS OUT WHAT WE'VE PLANNED, 234 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:04,973 HE WILL NAIL ME TO THE WALL. 235 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:16,776 WHY ARE YOU ALL SITTING ON ONE SIDE OF THE TABLE, HUH? 236 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:32,375 OK, NOW. MAKE WAY FOR MY PRESIDENTIAL PIES. 237 00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:35,211 SEE? CHERRY, MOCK APPLE, BLUEBERRY. 238 00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,671 SEE THAT? RED, WHITE, AND BLUE. 239 00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:41,968 IT'S LIKE THE BEGINNING TO LOVE, AMERICAN STYLE IN PIE! 240 00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:44,679 LOOK. LOOKIT. SEE, HONEY? 241 00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:47,265 YOU'RE NOT LOOKING. 242 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,684 YEAH, PIE. 243 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:53,021 HERE, DAD. MR. PINCIOTTI WANTED ME TO GIVE YOU THIS. 244 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,189 WHAT IS IT? 245 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,691 IT'S YOUR QUESTION FOR PRESIDENT FORD. 246 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,486 BUT I'M WORKING ON MY QUESTION FOR PRESIDENT FORD. 247 00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:03,948 RIGHT. WELL, THIS IS THE ONE THE COMMITTEE MADE UP FOR YOU. 248 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,951 "WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR FAVORITE PARADE?" 249 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,038 THIS IS ASININE. 250 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:10,663 MACY'S? 251 00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:11,456 NO CONTEST. 252 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,541 RIGHT. 253 00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,210 CAN I BORROW YOUR TRENCH COAT? 254 00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:18,338 I CAN ASK THE PRESIDENT ANY DAMN THING I WANT. 255 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,256 IT'S MY RIGHT. 256 00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:23,092 I'M NOT GONNA BE A PUPPET FOR BOB'S COMMITTEE. 257 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,344 RIGHT. I'LL TAKE REAL GOOD CARE OF IT, 258 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,221 AND I'LL BRING IT BACK AS SOON AS I POSSIBLY CAN. 259 00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,014 HONEY, JUST TAKE THE COAT AND LEAVE. 260 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:36,182 NO. ERIC, A MAN HAS TO STAND UP AND BE HEARD. 261 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,566 I WILL NOT SIT QUIETLY BY 262 00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:42,403 WHILE EVERYTHING IS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME. 263 00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:46,658 THEY TOOK MY JOB... MY STABILITY... 264 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:50,912 AND NOW THEY WANNA TAKE AWAY MY RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH. 265 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,163 YOU STILL HAVE THE TOYOTA. 266 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:56,459 IT GETS GREAT MILEAGE. 267 00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:59,879 WHERE'S THE AMERICA THAT I KNEW AS A BOY? 268 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:02,924 WHERE? 269 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:07,804 YOU TELL ME, DEAR GOD... WHERE? 270 00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:15,436 OK, I REALLY HATE BEING IN THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW. 271 00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:20,525 OK. WHEN THE PRESIDENT STARTS HIS SPEECH HERE, 272 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:24,404 I'LL BLOW MY OSCAR MEYER WHISTLE, AND WE GO. 273 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,332 DID YOU WRITE "I HATE THE FUZZ" ON YOUR BUTT? 274 00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,784 YEAH. DONNA, HERE'S YOUR LIPSTICK BACK. 275 00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,662 KEEP IT. 276 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:35,999 YOU GOT THE MASKS? 277 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,917 YEAH. I GOT THREE SNOOPYS AND ONE NIXON. 278 00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:39,377 NOT IT! NOT IT! NOT IT! 279 00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:40,545 DAMN! 280 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:42,031 FEZ, HOW'D YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THAT? 281 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:45,383 MY COUNTRY INVENTED "NOT IT." 282 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,676 SO, CAN WE GO ALREADY? 283 00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:49,929 I'M ITCHIN' TO RELEASE THE HOUND HERE. 284 00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:51,723 IT'S GO TIME. 285 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,934 OH, WELL, NOW LOOK AT YOU GUYS. 286 00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:58,521 WHAT IS IT WITH YOU YOUNG PEOPLE AND COLUMBO? 287 00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:02,567 BYE. 288 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,818 AREN'T YOU GOING, DONNA? 289 00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:06,112 NO. MY DAD'S GONNA MAKE ME WEAR 290 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,239 THIS REALLY QUEER JUMPSUIT. 291 00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,532 I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT. 292 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,243 IT'S JUST TOO EMBARRASSING. 293 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,037 YOU KNOW, DONNA, 294 00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:16,706 MY GRANDMOTHER CAME FROM SWEDEN, 295 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,042 AND SHE HAD THIS THICK, THICK ACCENT, 296 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,085 AND IT EMBARRASSED ME TO NO END. 297 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:24,964 WELL, I ASKED HER NOT TO COME TO MY HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION 298 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:27,759 'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT MY FRIENDS TO HEAR HER TALK, 299 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,594 AND SHE DIDN'T COME. 300 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:35,058 SIXTEEN YEARS LATER, SHE GOT THE GOUT AND DIED. 301 00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:37,310 YOU SEE? 302 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:38,811 NO. 303 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:40,813 ALL FAMILIES ARE EMBARRASSING. 304 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:45,318 AND IF THEY'RE NOT EMBARRASSING, THEN THEY'RE DEAD. 305 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,659 ALL RIGHT, TRY AND BLEND IN, HUH? 306 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,161 I COULDN'T LEAVE YOU SITTING ALONE LIKE THAT, 307 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:57,413 SO I CAME OVER, AND HERE YOU ARE. 308 00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:01,376 HEY, ARE YOU HITTING ON MY GIRLFRIEND? 309 00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:02,293 MICHAEL, HE'S NOT... 310 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:03,836 HEY, MAN! ALL RIGHT, YOU WANNA GO? 311 00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:05,588 YEAH, LET'S GO! 312 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,050 YOU ARE SO LUCKY I'M NAKED, PAL! 313 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,218 SHUT UP! SHUT UP! 314 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:15,890 THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A BLUE FIELD OF STARS THERE. 315 00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:21,896 OH, HONEY! 316 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:28,152 [SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE] 317 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,573 NOW, IF WE JUST START TO SWAY BACK AND FORTH, 318 00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:35,827 IT'LL LOOK LIKE THE FLAG IS WAVING IN THE WIND. 319 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,412 OH, GOD. 320 00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:40,540 [LOUDER APPLAUSE] 321 00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:50,717 HEY, THERE'S ANOTHER GUY IN A TRENCH COAT. 322 00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,343 I BET HE'S A STREAKER, TOO. 323 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,470 NO, FEZ. HE'S WITH SECRET SERVICE. 324 00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:55,722 HOW ABOUT THAT MAN? 325 00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:56,889 YEAH, SECRET SERVICE. 326 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,016 AND THAT MAN? 327 00:16:58,058 --> 00:16:59,308 YEAH. YEAH. 328 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:00,268 AND THAT MAN WITH THE DOG? 329 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:01,519 LYEAH... 330 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,854 OH, THE DOG IS LOOKING AT US. 331 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:03,604 COME HERE, BOY. 332 00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,398 NO, FEZ. 333 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:08,484 OHH! MAN, I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING. 334 00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:09,861 WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? 335 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,709 WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH OUR TRENCH COATS? 336 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:12,488 I MEAN, AFTER WE RIP 'EM OFF, 337 00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:14,365 WE CAN'T COME BACK HERE AND GET THEM. 338 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,534 OH, SHUCKS! OHH! 339 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,411 GOD, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. 340 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,788 YOU KNOW WHAT? 341 00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:23,875 I'LL HOLD THE COATS. YOU GUYS STREAK. 342 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,252 THANKS. THANKS... 343 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:29,255 I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING, TOO. 344 00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,466 WE'RE... NAKED... 345 00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:35,553 AND THERE'S A LOT OF DOGS HERE. 346 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,848 MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST SIT DOWN. 347 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,016 ME, TOO. 348 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,477 ME, TOO. OK. 349 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,314 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 350 00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:49,525 THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, 351 00:17:49,693 --> 00:17:52,070 GERALD R. FORD! 352 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,696 YAY! HOORAY! YAY! 353 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,948 OOH! [GASPS] [THUD] 354 00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,325 YAY! HOORAY! 355 00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,327 [THUD] OOH! [GASPS] 356 00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:00,495 YAY! HOORAY! 357 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,663 [THUD] OH! OOH! 358 00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:05,416 YAY! YAY! HOORAY! 359 00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:16,969 HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HIDING OVER... OK. 360 00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:18,387 BACK OFF. 361 00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:21,474 I AM A FLAG. 362 00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:22,892 ARE YOU GONNA STREAK? 363 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,894 NO. WE TOOK A VOTE, AND IT'S UNANIMOUS. 364 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,271 WE'RE ALL VERY CHICKEN. 365 00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:28,481 THAT'S TOO BAD. 366 00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,067 IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE SEEN YOU NAKED. 367 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:32,944 YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME NAKED. 368 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,737 A GAZILLION TIMES. 369 00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:35,696 WE WERE KIDS, 370 00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:37,198 AND YOU WERE ALWAYS RUNNING AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD NAKED 371 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:40,076 SCREAMING "WEE WEE! PEE PEE!" 372 00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,869 IT WAS FUNNY. 373 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:44,747 NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE Q&A PORTION OF OUR PROGRAM. 374 00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:48,751 FIRST UP, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE RED FORMAN. 375 00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,546 RED IS THE FATHER OF TWO WONDERFUL CHILDREN, 376 00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:53,464 AND HOW HE'S MANAGED TO KEEP THEM CLOTHED 377 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,508 AND FED WHILE BEING CUT BACK TO HALF-TIME AT THE PLANT 378 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,593 IS BEYOND ME. 379 00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,887 BUT HE DOESN'T BLAME THE PRESIDENT FOR HIS MISFORTUNE. 380 00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:02,932 NO, SIR. HE ONLY BLAMES HIMSELF. 381 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,268 I GIVE YOU RED FORMAN. 382 00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:19,615 UM... 383 00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:20,908 [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK] 384 00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:29,458 AHEM. 385 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,586 MR., UH, PRESIDENT... 386 00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:33,337 AHEM. 387 00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:41,554 I, UH... 388 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:46,851 [IN SLOW MOTION] COME ON, RED. 389 00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:52,899 YOUR DAD IS BOMBING. 390 00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:21,510 WEE WEE! 391 00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:22,678 PEE PEE! 392 00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:23,930 WEE WEE! 393 00:20:24,097 --> 00:20:26,807 PEE PEE! 394 00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:30,394 AAH! 395 00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:42,365 HEY, GERRY. 396 00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,909 HERE'S MY QUESTION. 397 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:48,537 HOW THE HELL COULD YOU PARDON NIXON? 398 00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:03,135 HEY, SON. 399 00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:04,595 HI, DAD. 400 00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:08,015 HEY, UM, GOOD JOB AT THE RALLY TODAY. 401 00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,517 NOT BAD. 402 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:13,521 I KINDA STUMBLED THERE AT THE START, BUT, UH... 403 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:16,524 I THINK I NAILED HIM WITH A GOOD ONE. 404 00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:18,859 WELL, ANYWAY, IT WAS... 405 00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:21,195 IT WAS PRETTY COOL. 406 00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,781 YEAH, WELL... 407 00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:27,410 SOMETIMES A MAN'S GOTTA DO... 408 00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:31,038 WHAT HE THINKS IS RIGHT. 409 00:21:32,207 --> 00:21:34,959 YEAH. I'M GONNA CALL IT A NIGHT. 410 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:37,336 ALL RIGHT, SON. 411 00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:39,588 GOOD NIGHT. 412 00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:41,799 GOOD NIGHT, DAD. 413 00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:44,135 OH, AND, UH... 414 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:45,845 NEXT TIME, DON'T WEAR BLACK SOCKS. 415 00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:48,431 YOU LOOKED LIKE AN ASS. 416 00:21:57,774 --> 00:21:59,817 HOW COULD THEY NOT CATCH YOU? 417 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:04,155 I GUESS NO ONE WANTS TO TACKLE A NAKED GUY. 418 00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,116 SO TRUE. 419 00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:08,826 HEY, YOU DIDN'T, UH... 420 00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:10,274 YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING, DID YOU? 421 00:22:10,370 --> 00:22:11,954 NO. 422 00:22:13,415 --> 00:22:15,207 WELL... 423 00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:17,001 MAYBE JUST A BIT, 424 00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:19,962 BUT NOT... NOT THE BIT. 425 00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:23,883 WAIT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN "BIT"? 426 00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:25,509 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 427 00:22:25,677 --> 00:22:27,136 CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC. 428 00:22:27,304 --> 00:22:30,984 PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE