Well! That was some county fair!
And they really went all loud with the musical entertainment.
I mean, the Beach Girls were fabulous.
I've never seen the Beach Boys but I can not imagine they are any better.
Ah, the only thing worse than listening to those Beach Whales
was watching Steven throw up after spending all day in the beer-garden.
I had a good reason to throw up.
I was drunk.
Oh, I wish I could say I've been drunk the whole time I went out with you.
Oh, yeah. It's a good think you're not a drinker.
You'd have a hard time operating that heavy machinery...
your mouth!
Well, I had a great time. I have an invisible dog in a leash,
a goldfish in a bag and a giant stuffed panda,
of course I got some stupid stuff too.
You now, Fez, you should be thanking Randy.
You were so amazing winning all that stuff.
With you hair flowing, your muscles rippling,
you were like a Greek god of knocking things over.
Oh help, bazarus Knockoverus.
I'm still drunk.
So how did you get so go at popping balloons with darts?
Well, when my parents got divorced,
I found comfort in the community of non judgment carnaval workers.
I taught them to read, in exchange
they taught me how to play their game with chance.
- Really? - No, I got a dart board.
Well, you won every game in the place.
Donna, it must be nice to finally have a boyfriend who can swing that sledge hammer
and get that little black thing passed « seriously hit. »
Now, you shush. Eric always did very well at the fair.
Every time he went to that one booth, he walked away with his stuffed animal.
That was the gift shop.
Well, Mrs Forman, you won a prize too.
I cant' believe you let that guy guess your weight.
And I can't believe the woman who almost married my son
has already moved on to the next customer because she is as loose as an old Jim sock.
Whorus Maximus!
And that weight guesser never had a chance once I took off my shoes,
my belt, my engagement ring,
spit up my gum and took out all the kleenex had in my pockets.
Oh Fez, honey, you never gave me back my ring.
Oh, yeah.
Wow, so sparkly...
and last forever.
It's gone! My engagement ring is gooone.
You! You lost it!
We let you in in our country, we
we give you minimal wage jobs, we teach you how to use a knife and a fork,
and this is how you thank us?
Kitty I hate to see you so upset when there is such an easy solution.
Let's just get your home, I'll make you a Martini,
then when you calm down, I'll make you a Margarita.
Wait, uhm, what about us?
Oh you're going to stay here and look for the ring.
And if it rains, just do like the Indians did,
die!
Okay,
well, the ring must have rolled down the hill, which means, it's been
probably eaten by a squirrel.
We need to find this squirrel,
feed him laxatives...
and wait for the show to begin.
God, we're stuck out here. It's a bummer.
I've been waiting to take you me ever since you threw that ping pong ball into the floating tea cup.
Maybe we can sneak off. You know, the woods can be pretty romantic.
That is unless you run into a serial killer,
or a witch who lives in a house made of candy.
Hey, you guys. I was thinking that maybe
we 'd find the ring faster if we split up in teams.
Say, Donna! It's a great idea!
But who may I ask would go with whom?
I get Donna.
Well, that way, if we run up into a bear, I can just climb you.
No, I was thinking I would go with Randy and you would go with Hyde.
No, no, no I am not teaming up with Steven.
That would be like Cher teaming up with the really smelly drunk.
Wow, guys, did you hear that?
The wild core brown hair pygmy bitch.
I didn't hear anything.
There it is again.
Man, this is what it's all about.
The outdoors, just us guys, talking man to man.
You know, Jackie is so annoying. I never realized when we were going out.
Sometimes you got to marry a striper to get things into perspective.
Anyway, this is good. The outdoors,
just us guys, talking man to man, this is what's all about.
Yeahhh, hey can I team up with Donna?
What? No! It's all about the guys!
Oh, man, I can't get between you and Donna
'cause love that's what it's all about...
and drugs...
specially drugs,
then love, but mostly drugs. You know what I mean, man?
Silence!
That's what it's all about.
Oh, this is just awful.
- Fine, I'll add more gin. - No!
Red, the ring. And you know, this is all your fault.
If you hadn't driven like a mad man over a pothole,
I wouldn't be drinking to calm my nerves, I would just be drinking.
Hey!
I am not the one who gave his engagement ring to the foreign kid.
You're lucky he's not wearing it through his nose.
Oh, this is just the worse thing ever.
Kitty, it is just a ring.
I am talking about the drink.
Hey, there. I was just putting out the thrash and heard you two had a little spat so
I figured out you'd probably want me to come and take a side.
Okay, well, my engagement ring is lost and Red doesn't give a damn.
And I don't understand it because even if he doesn't care about the sentimental value,
it still cost a thousand dollars.
A thousand bucks?
So you finally replaced the old cheap one, eh?
- Boooob... - What?
Oh, jeez.
You blew it now, Red.
The old cheap one, what's he talking about, Red?
Kitty,
I love you.
How much did my ring really cost?
Right around a thousand dollars.
How much exactly?
65 dollars.
65 dollars? My hairdo costs more than that!
It does? Where the hell are you getting...
which is besides the point because you look lovely.
And you know what else looks lovely?
The view from the couch,
which is where you cheap lying butt will be sleeping tonight.
She's right about that couch.
You got a great view of the TV from there.
Steven is such a jerk.
You know, I can't believe I almost married a guy who can burp the alphabet all the way to W.
You know, he never finishes anything.
Well, Randy is perfect.
That lady at the fair, who did the caricatures,
she refused to draw him because she couldn't find a flaw.
Oh, please, that lady had no talent.
Did you see how big she drew my mouth?
- Hey! - Hey.
- Any luck finding that ring? - No
but we did find a broken high heel, some old stockings and an empty pack of Marlboro's.
Yeah, so it looks like Steven's mom has been here too.
They're not my mom! She smoked Lucky's.
Well, maybe it's time we shake up search parties. I'll flip a coin.
Head means Donna, tale means Jackie.
It's head, Donna, come on.
Wait, no, no, hum I can't go with Steven. He's a disgusting pig.
Yeah, she's a suck-up princess who only cares about looks and money.
Oh, don't try to sweet-talk me.
Okay, look, we're not going to find that stupid ring anyway so let's just get out of here.
Where is Fez?
Well, Goldy,
it seems we are lost in a dark, cold, lonely cave.
You look scared too,
your eyes are bugging out of your head.
But I'm glad you're here
cause at least I can have a conversation with a fish.
Otherwise I'd be loosing my mind.
FEZ!
Where is he?
Oh, don't worry,
he survived his trip over here in a banana crave, he'll be fine in the woods.
Actually, I'm kind of worried about him:
it's dark, it's cold,
there's no pornography anywhere.
What was that?
That was a wild Canadian boar.
They feed them likeable girls.
You're safe.
You know,
being out here like this, without any TV, or magazines
makes me realize how people 500 years ago must have felt.
Incredibly bored.
By the way, Donna. If you're ever lost in the outdoors, just find the North Star.
It's gentle twinkling will confort you... as you slowly die.
Oh, eww, what, now we have to cross a disgusting river?
Jackie, it's a just a creek.
Okay, fine, why don't you take your shoe off, we'll all get in and raw ourselves across.
- Allow me my lady. - Thank you.
Oh, eh wait, how I am supposed to get across.
Come across, like you always do,
real bitchy!
Oh
you know what?
Even when we were dating you never did the gentlemanly thing.
Alright, fine, give me your hand.
No, I'm not touching that hand.
You have been burping in that hand all day.
Come on, you've touched growser things than this.
You went out with Kelso for 4 years.
Oh!
You know what, I'll just get myself across.
That couldn't have worked out any better.
Well, Goldy, if my internal clock is correct,
we've been here either an hour
or a month.
Man, I'm terribly thirsty.
I hope you don't mind, I'm gonna drink a little bit of your water.
You peed in there.
Well I made Bob go and get the kids.
Maybe they'll find the ring, maybe not, either way
I got rid of Bob.
I can't believe you lied to me about that ring.
Listen Kitty,
when I got home from Korea, I wanted to buy you
the nicest engagement ring ever.
But I wasn't making much money.
And when I realized how long I would have to save to get that ring,
I just knew I couldn't wait that long to ask you to marry me.
Well, that's true, I had other offers.
Jimmy Callahan used to call me sweetny and he was absolutely right.
So I bought you the best that I could afford, I was going to tell you
that we'd get a better ring when we had the money,
but then it all went wrong,
you loved the ring
and you said it must have cost a thousand dollars and you were so excited.
I just couldn't let you down.
Red...
And I'll tell you what.
If the kids don't find the old one,
I'll get you another one,
the kind that you deserve for putting up with me will all these years.
Well,
I don't want you to sell the house.
Hey Donna, you know when you see ducks flying in a V formation,
one side longer than the other. You know what that is?
- No. - More ducks!
Hey, we lost Jackie and Hyde.
Finally, we're alone.
DONNAAA!
That was magical.
Yeah, I hope I didn't get pregnant.
DONNAAA!
Hey, you guys missed it!
Jackie fell in the creek.
Will you shut up?
I could get pneumonia and die.
This keeps getting funnier.
Alright but we still need to find Fez. So
why don't the girls stay here, Hyde and I are going to look for him.
Oh, I have a better idea.
Let's get some meat ball sup,
go to a strip-club.
Come on buddy, let's go find Fez.
Well, maybe Fez has a meat ball sup.
Okay,
I've been holding this for like 3 hours and I can't do it anymore.
Yeah, I know you like Randy,
you're jealous of my hair, bla bla bla.
No, I drank to much and now I have to like go, so be my look-out.
You know, if this were a mall,
you'd be in a bathroom right now.
Of course you wouldn't be in a mall cause you might accidentally put on some new clothes.
Wait a minute, man, this looks familiar.
Like we just did a complete circle.
- Woh... - Oh my God!
No, I'd remember this.
I win again!
I know you're just a fish, but come on! At least try!
Fez, is that you?
Goldy, you can use pronouns?
No, Fez, it's me Bob!
Bob, you find us! Alleluia!
Yeap, I just followed the trail of candy corn you left.
But I didn't leave a...
oh, dammit!
There was a hole. All that candy corn wasted.
No, I ate 'em.
Bob, they were on the ground!
Well, I would have done the same.
Donna, you don't have to be embarrassed, man. It's over.
Nobody cares.
In fact let's just sing a little camp fire song, alright I start.
«Twinkle, twinkle little star,
Donna wees behind a bush.»
I just couldn't hold it anymore.
Why did I get the 48 ounce commemorative cup?
Why didn't I go in the 48 ounce commemorative cup?
I'm not sure that relieving yourself in a cup would have made this any less humiliating.
This, this is why I hate the woods.
Every thing's a bathroom.
God, it's just like Delaware.
Oh! That reminds me of an old Delawarian folk song.
«Donna squatted in a bush, pee pee, doo doo,
Donna squatted in a bush pee pee all day long.»
- Oh when the saints.. - Oh when the saints.
- go marching in.. - go marching in.
Oh when the saints go marching in.
Dad?
Oh Lord, I want to be in that number,
Oh when the saints go marching in...
My dad and Fez are skipping through the woods.
And I peed on a bush.
I really should have gone to college.
Alright Jackie, I'll help you get across the creek.
Will you just leave me alone?
Want to fall in again?
Fine.
Steven!
Man, I hope I'll remember that in the morning.
It's too bad, the kids never found your ring.
But on the upside, Pork Doodles!
Oh, my Gosh!
Oh my Gosh! It's my ring!
It was in the car the whole time.
Oh that's great!
It's like I always say: sometimes you find things!
Kitty!
Red!
I've just ordered you a new ring.
The diamond is almost a carat.
The band is white gold. The jeweller said it was the nicest one he had.
Oh...
Well... That sounds beautiful.
I know it won't have all sentimental value of the old one, but..
But that ring is gone forever.
Goldy, it's not right to keep you in a tiny bag like this.
A goldfish belongs in the wild.
Never easy to say goodbye,
specially to a fish.
I am not sure where your ears are.
There you go.
Swim Goldy, swim.
Fly Goldy, fly.