1 00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:16,601 Oh, Wanda. 2 00:00:16,643 --> 00:00:18,019 Oh, Derek. 3 00:00:19,437 --> 00:00:21,147 Oh, Wanda. 4 00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:22,524 Yes, Derek? 5 00:00:23,650 --> 00:00:26,402 You're not just my next-door neighbor. 6 00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:29,865 You're also the love of my life. 7 00:00:29,906 --> 00:00:33,034 Derek, I, too, have strong feelings of love for you. 8 00:00:35,871 --> 00:00:38,915 But I have to give back this promise ball and chain. 9 00:00:38,957 --> 00:00:41,459 I must leave Point Upon The Place 10 00:00:41,501 --> 00:00:44,671 and explore the world with my trusty cat named Sir Bonkers. 11 00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:47,215 No. 12 00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:49,718 I'll never let you go. 13 00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:53,638 You can't make me stay. 14 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:54,973 Oh, no? 15 00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:57,368 Well, what if I told you that I've 16 00:00:57,392 --> 00:00:58,852 run over the cat named Sir Bonkers 17 00:00:58,894 --> 00:01:01,062 and the cat named Sir Bonkers is no more? 18 00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,565 Now submit and be my wife! 19 00:01:06,026 --> 00:01:09,779 Derek, once you were a kind, peaceful man. 20 00:01:09,821 --> 00:01:11,990 But love has made you wicked. 21 00:01:13,950 --> 00:01:15,785 Oh, I am wicked. 22 00:01:16,912 --> 00:01:18,872 And until you agree to be my wife, 23 00:01:18,914 --> 00:01:22,166 I will scour the earth in search of cats named Sir Bonkers, 24 00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:23,960 and I will kill them all! 25 00:01:24,002 --> 00:01:26,128 Or, at very least, spray them with water, 26 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,339 which everyone knows they hate. 27 00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,771 I can't believe Donna would publish this in the school paper. 28 00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:44,564 I know. This could be in Reader's Digest. 29 00:01:44,606 --> 00:01:46,190 It's that good. 30 00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:50,028 Oh, this is the worst short story 31 00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:53,114 by an ex-girlfriend in the school newspaper ever. 32 00:01:55,617 --> 00:01:57,660 ♪ Hanging out 33 00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:01,497 ♪ Down the street 34 00:02:02,958 --> 00:02:04,876 ♪ The same old thing 35 00:02:06,795 --> 00:02:08,588 ♪ We did last week 36 00:02:09,798 --> 00:02:13,217 ♪ Not a thing to do 37 00:02:14,094 --> 00:02:17,764 ♪ But talk to you 38 00:02:17,806 --> 00:02:19,682 ♪ We're all all right 39 00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:21,977 ♪ We're all all right ♪ 40 00:02:22,018 --> 00:02:24,145 Hello, Wisconsin! 41 00:02:32,904 --> 00:02:34,823 Well, if it isn't Playboy reading, 42 00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:37,075 panty-loving, cat-killing Derek. 43 00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,703 I know. How could Donna write this? 44 00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:42,246 Why are you upset? 45 00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:44,833 It's this Derek guy who really gets the shaft. 46 00:02:46,542 --> 00:02:48,168 Fez, I am Derek. 47 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:51,923 Everything always has to be about you. 48 00:02:52,966 --> 00:02:54,592 Fez, man, think about it. 49 00:02:54,634 --> 00:02:58,220 Eric killed Donna's cat. Derek killed Wanda's cat. 50 00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:01,141 Donna found panties in Eric's Vista Cruiser. 51 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:04,477 Wanda found a chastity belt in Derek's Vista Carriage. 52 00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:08,731 Hey, you guys, 53 00:03:08,773 --> 00:03:11,317 you know what goes really good with a bad short story? 54 00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:12,485 Pinball! 55 00:03:13,695 --> 00:03:15,071 No. I hate pinball. 56 00:03:15,113 --> 00:03:16,405 Hate it or love it? 57 00:03:18,116 --> 00:03:19,575 Hate it. 58 00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:20,910 Or love it? 59 00:03:23,705 --> 00:03:26,166 Come on, guys. I'm gonna buy a $50 stake in this machine, 60 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,001 so let's play so I can make some money. 61 00:03:29,794 --> 00:03:31,004 Where'd you get $50? 62 00:03:31,046 --> 00:03:32,212 From Jackie. 63 00:03:33,715 --> 00:03:35,383 Hey, Jackie. Uh, can I borrow $50? 64 00:03:37,135 --> 00:03:38,386 For what? 65 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:39,427 To buy a dress for you. 66 00:03:40,555 --> 00:03:41,556 Okay. 67 00:03:45,101 --> 00:03:46,227 Wait a minute. 68 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,480 Eric, Derek. 69 00:03:49,522 --> 00:03:51,774 Panties, chastity belt. 70 00:03:52,525 --> 00:03:54,485 Dead cat, dead cat. 71 00:03:56,654 --> 00:03:58,198 Oh! 72 00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,991 I still got nothing. 73 00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:07,999 Come on, Red. 74 00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:12,754 Bob really wants us to meet his new lady friend. 75 00:04:12,795 --> 00:04:14,672 Now, think about it, Kitty. 76 00:04:14,714 --> 00:04:17,258 She likes Bob. 77 00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:24,265 I have a hard time believing this woman even exists. 78 00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,892 We're gonna get over there, 79 00:04:25,934 --> 00:04:27,852 Bob's gonna be sitting in a rocker, 80 00:04:27,894 --> 00:04:29,687 with a lady's wig on. 81 00:04:32,857 --> 00:04:34,817 "You look lovely tonight, Bob." 82 00:04:34,859 --> 00:04:36,402 "So do you, Bob." 83 00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:40,949 You've been working on that all day, haven't you? 84 00:04:42,742 --> 00:04:43,910 Yeah. 85 00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:51,417 Red, Kitty, I'd like you to meet a very special lady, Joanne. 86 00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:54,336 Well, Joanne, it is so nice to meet you. 87 00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:55,671 Right, Red? 88 00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:56,713 We can't stay long. 89 00:04:58,591 --> 00:05:00,301 Ah, Red. 90 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,470 Bob warned me you can be a pain in the ass. 91 00:05:09,644 --> 00:05:11,122 Well, I'll tell you what. We'll just have dinner, 92 00:05:11,146 --> 00:05:12,414 and if it turns out you don't like me, 93 00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:14,023 we'll never invite you over again. 94 00:05:14,065 --> 00:05:16,317 Really? I like you already. 95 00:05:19,028 --> 00:05:21,614 Well, let's get this barbecue started. 96 00:05:21,656 --> 00:05:23,116 Bob, grab that meat. 97 00:05:23,158 --> 00:05:24,951 Oh, I got it, Red. Why don't you fellas 98 00:05:24,993 --> 00:05:26,327 make a salad? 99 00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:28,997 Salad. 100 00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:31,706 Oh, you're serious? 101 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:37,964 No, see, Bob and I do the grilling. 102 00:05:38,006 --> 00:05:40,216 Not this time. 103 00:05:40,258 --> 00:05:42,051 Kitty, you wanna give me a hand? 104 00:05:42,093 --> 00:05:43,613 Well, I'd love to. Oh, I don't think... 105 00:05:44,971 --> 00:05:47,347 But, Kitty, you might... 106 00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:50,392 set your lovely hair on fire. 107 00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:59,359 Well, it can't be that hard. You do it. 108 00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:08,828 Bob, what the hell's going on here? 109 00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:10,913 Look, Red, I really like this woman. 110 00:06:10,955 --> 00:06:12,790 So please, for today, just shut it. 111 00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:14,625 Shut it? 112 00:06:15,835 --> 00:06:17,337 Good God, Bob! 113 00:06:18,671 --> 00:06:21,423 Is she teaching you to stand up for yourself? 114 00:06:24,093 --> 00:06:25,887 Yes. Well, cut it out! 115 00:06:27,972 --> 00:06:30,850 I wanna have a nice time. Come on. 116 00:06:30,892 --> 00:06:33,519 I'll give you first dibs on the aprons. 117 00:06:34,854 --> 00:06:38,358 You want the fake tuxedo or the fake hairy chest? 118 00:06:40,902 --> 00:06:43,071 Oh, damn it. 119 00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:44,906 Gimme the tuxedo! 120 00:06:46,824 --> 00:06:48,617 Hairy chest is Joanne's favorite. 121 00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:53,122 It's probably 'cause she's got one. 122 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,633 Oh, well, if it isn't the wielder of the poison pen. 123 00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:07,220 Didn't you like my story? 124 00:07:07,262 --> 00:07:08,554 No. No, I didn't. 125 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:13,017 That's why I said "poison pen," not... 126 00:07:13,059 --> 00:07:14,269 "marshmallow pen." 127 00:07:16,062 --> 00:07:17,355 What? 128 00:07:17,397 --> 00:07:18,856 This story is about us. 129 00:07:18,898 --> 00:07:20,691 No, it's not. 130 00:07:20,733 --> 00:07:23,819 You took stuff from our life and put them in your story. 131 00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:26,530 Like the time you found those Playboys under my bed. 132 00:07:35,373 --> 00:07:37,499 Be gone, Sir Bonkers. 133 00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:42,630 Derek, look what I found under your bed. 134 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,716 Lewd renderings of naked serving wenches. 135 00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:47,635 Did you commission these? 136 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:50,679 So what if I did? I have needs, woman. 137 00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:54,016 Now, ready thyself. On this night, we fornicate. 138 00:07:56,311 --> 00:07:59,105 Okay, well, maybe there are some similarities. 139 00:07:59,147 --> 00:08:00,522 But that's what writers do. 140 00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,191 I mean, we take stuff from our lives. 141 00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:05,736 Yeah, but you made me mean all the time and that's mean. 142 00:08:07,405 --> 00:08:09,698 Okay, maybe I exaggerate some stuff, 143 00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,242 'cause, you know, I'm writing this 144 00:08:11,284 --> 00:08:12,576 for stupid high school girls. 145 00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:16,414 Oh, my God! Great story! 146 00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:27,883 Michael! 147 00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:30,552 Steven just told me that instead of buying me a dress, 148 00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:33,348 you spent my $50 on this stupid machine. 149 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,934 Jackie, I did not. 150 00:08:36,976 --> 00:08:38,519 Oh, yeah, I did. 151 00:08:41,105 --> 00:08:44,566 Jackie, listen. There's an old saying, 152 00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:46,486 "You buy a girl a dress, 153 00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,946 "and she looks pretty for one night. 154 00:08:48,988 --> 00:08:50,748 "But you buy her boyfriend a pinball machine, 155 00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:53,034 "and she looks pretty for life." 156 00:08:55,453 --> 00:08:57,997 Okay, there's another old saying, Michael. 157 00:08:58,039 --> 00:09:00,749 You're dumb as dirt. 158 00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:03,544 That's true. That was in the yearbook. 159 00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:06,172 Okay, okay. All right. Listen, listen. 160 00:09:06,214 --> 00:09:09,467 So, I bought a half stake in this machine, all right? 161 00:09:09,509 --> 00:09:11,552 So that means for every quarter I put into it, 162 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,346 I get half back. 163 00:09:13,388 --> 00:09:15,264 That's a 50% profit! 164 00:09:17,392 --> 00:09:20,186 Uh, actually, Kelso, I think that's a 50% loss. 165 00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:24,815 Fez, I know it's hard for a foreigner 166 00:09:26,401 --> 00:09:30,446 to understand our complicated capitalist system. 167 00:09:30,488 --> 00:09:34,116 But we're dealing with quarters here, not frogs or chickens. 168 00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:43,792 Well, I'm not going to dignify that with a response. 169 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,713 Because I can't think of one. 170 00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,093 But when I do, a good day to you. 171 00:09:54,053 --> 00:09:55,221 All right, Fez. 172 00:09:55,263 --> 00:09:56,597 I said, kiss my ass. 173 00:10:03,396 --> 00:10:06,023 So, you still mad? 174 00:10:06,065 --> 00:10:08,109 No. No reason to be mad. 175 00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:10,945 Your story is just a pathetic attempt to rewrite history, 176 00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:12,947 make yourself look good. 177 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,508 I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna know who the dill-hole is here. 178 00:10:16,576 --> 00:10:18,702 Eric, it's just a story. 179 00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:20,621 No one's gonna think anybody's a dill-hole. 180 00:10:22,248 --> 00:10:24,041 Cat killer. Bastard. 181 00:10:26,252 --> 00:10:27,628 Porn freak. 182 00:10:30,548 --> 00:10:33,092 Okay, they could be talking about anybody. 183 00:10:33,134 --> 00:10:35,761 Hey, we're all porn-freak bastards, 184 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:38,556 but he's the only one who killed a cat. 185 00:10:40,475 --> 00:10:41,976 Okay, okay. 186 00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:43,727 This school obviously needs to hear 187 00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:45,187 the Eric Forman version of things, 188 00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:47,982 a.k.a. the truth. 189 00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,358 So I'm gonna write my own story. 190 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:52,278 Yeah. Yeah, that's right. 191 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,760 I'm throwing down the gauntlet, baby. 192 00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:55,448 Really? 193 00:10:55,490 --> 00:10:58,326 Okay, smarty, what's a "gauntlet"? 194 00:10:59,619 --> 00:11:01,496 A "gauntlet"? What's a "gauntlet"? 195 00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,666 What's a "gauntlet"? 196 00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:09,670 I don't know, but it's down, lady. 197 00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:17,637 Boy, this chicken's delish. What a chef. 198 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,264 You really know your way around a grill, Joanne. 199 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,017 Mine's dry. 200 00:11:25,311 --> 00:11:28,063 No, it isn't. It's tender and delicious. 201 00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:30,690 Maybe if I chewed it with some water. 202 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:33,693 Well, there's the hose. 203 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:39,740 I don't like her anymore. 204 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:41,742 Well, I do. 205 00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:46,374 Kitty, I'm chopping vegetables, 206 00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,250 Bob's telling me to shut it, 207 00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:52,338 you're over there grilling with Susan B. Damn Anthony. 208 00:11:53,631 --> 00:11:54,714 Well, fine, Red. 209 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,509 If it bothers you, we can invite them over, 210 00:11:56,551 --> 00:11:58,260 and you can do the grilling. 211 00:11:58,302 --> 00:12:00,221 But for now, I'd really appreciate it 212 00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:01,556 if you'd just shut it. 213 00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,976 If one more person tells me to shut it... 214 00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:07,853 What? You might actually shut it? 215 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:23,452 Please, Wanda, you don't have to boil me alive. 216 00:12:23,494 --> 00:12:25,787 Killing your cat was just a horrible accident. 217 00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:27,747 I know, but I'm a witch. 218 00:12:30,501 --> 00:12:35,297 Dear God, why is a nice, sensitive guy like me 219 00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:39,594 dating a lying, manipulative witch like you? 220 00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:43,389 Well, maybe it's because even witches have itches. 221 00:12:48,728 --> 00:12:50,396 All is forgiven! 222 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,280 God, why do all my stories end like that? 223 00:13:00,531 --> 00:13:02,617 Don't stop. I like where you were going. 224 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,085 All right, guys. It is time to make a withdrawal 225 00:13:13,127 --> 00:13:15,795 from the First National Bank of Pinball. 226 00:13:24,096 --> 00:13:25,598 Oh, man. No one's playing. 227 00:13:26,432 --> 00:13:27,849 Well, I would've played, 228 00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:31,103 but my frogs and chickens wouldn't fit into the slot. 229 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,777 All right. I know what the problem is here. 230 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,212 This thing has been here for so long that 231 00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:40,476 people have forgotten about it. 232 00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:42,531 I just need to advertise. 233 00:13:42,573 --> 00:13:43,823 So, Jackie, put on a bikini 234 00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:45,200 and stand in front of the machine. 235 00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:51,206 Michael, I am not wearing a bikini in here. It would cause a riot. 236 00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:55,002 Okay, what if I just put up flyers 237 00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,363 with a picture of you in a bikini? 238 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:00,716 Yeah, okay. I mean, it'll still draw a crowd, 239 00:14:00,758 --> 00:14:03,135 but at least they'll remain orderly. 240 00:14:03,177 --> 00:14:04,720 Okay, so I just need some Magic Markers 241 00:14:04,762 --> 00:14:06,096 and a picture of you in a bikini. 242 00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:08,641 Oh. I have one. 243 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,854 Keep it. I have plenty. 244 00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:20,068 So, guys, check out my story. 245 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,571 I passed out a bunch of copies at lunch today. 246 00:14:22,613 --> 00:14:26,033 Oh, Forman, this kind of thing always blows up in your face. 247 00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:28,035 Don't ever stop doing it. 248 00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:32,498 What the hell is this? 249 00:14:33,666 --> 00:14:35,584 Oh, you didn't like my story? 250 00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:40,339 Oh, yeah, I loved it. Especially this part. 251 00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:47,095 Wanda, I have performed every task thou hath asketh of me. 252 00:14:48,556 --> 00:14:52,059 Please, can we finally consummate our love? 253 00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:55,604 I beseech you. 254 00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:57,898 Well, I said I would. So I won't. 255 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:01,902 But, I beseeched you. 256 00:15:03,529 --> 00:15:04,613 Okay, let's consummate. 257 00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:05,989 Really? No. 258 00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:09,910 Please. I beseech you. 259 00:15:10,745 --> 00:15:11,953 Okay. 260 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:13,497 Really? No. 261 00:15:14,749 --> 00:15:16,834 Now, rub my enormous feet. 262 00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:25,300 Um, guys, I don't understand. What does "consummate" mean? 263 00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,888 It means to have sex. 264 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:29,930 Really? 265 00:15:31,849 --> 00:15:34,976 Now I have two words for that. 266 00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:37,772 Eric, you just wrote this to hurt me. 267 00:15:37,813 --> 00:15:40,941 What? I did not. And, hey, so did you. 268 00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:44,111 Look, when I wrote my story, 269 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:46,154 I just sat down and that's what came out. 270 00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,365 I didn't, like, plan it or anything. 271 00:15:48,407 --> 00:15:50,200 And besides... No, you know what? 272 00:15:50,242 --> 00:15:51,993 I don't have to explain myself to you. 273 00:15:56,916 --> 00:15:59,376 Okay, I'd like someone to explain it to me. 274 00:16:00,795 --> 00:16:02,588 Well, that's easy, Fez. 275 00:16:02,630 --> 00:16:05,674 See, Donna, as an artist, 276 00:16:05,716 --> 00:16:08,093 wrote her story to get some perspective on her life. 277 00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:10,137 And Forman, as a vindictive ass, 278 00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,975 wrote his story to be a vindictive ass. 279 00:16:16,727 --> 00:16:21,022 Oh, Eric, I think you just consummated yourself. 280 00:16:29,865 --> 00:16:32,117 See what I did there? Looks easy, but it's not. 281 00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:38,499 Well, steaks are a-cooking. 282 00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:40,334 Mmm. 283 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:44,797 Ah! What should we have to go with dinner? 284 00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:49,009 Oh, I know. How about a salad? 285 00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,431 Say, Joanne, why don't you make the salad? 286 00:16:54,473 --> 00:16:55,933 No, thanks. 287 00:16:58,435 --> 00:16:59,520 Aw. 288 00:17:00,521 --> 00:17:02,063 Make the salad. 289 00:17:03,649 --> 00:17:06,109 Unless you don't like to do lady jobs. 290 00:17:07,528 --> 00:17:09,697 Red, put this in your mouth. 291 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:13,575 Okay, you know what? I'll make the salad. 292 00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,911 Sit down, Bob. 293 00:17:19,874 --> 00:17:21,124 I'd love to make a salad. 294 00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,543 Great. 295 00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:24,646 As soon as Red admits he's not asking me to make a salad, 296 00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:26,046 he's trying to put me in my place. 297 00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:31,051 You are woman. I hear you roar. 298 00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,449 I can't believe you're so threatened 299 00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:39,518 by something as trivial as me grilling chicken. 300 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:44,398 It's not trivial. Men grill. 301 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:47,359 It's been that way since the first caveman 302 00:17:47,401 --> 00:17:49,945 bonked a woolly mammoth on the head 303 00:17:50,863 --> 00:17:53,198 and threw it on the barbecue. 304 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,076 And his cave wife made the salad. 305 00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:00,455 I smell something burning. 306 00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:01,790 Oh, darn! 307 00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:13,176 Well, if you didn't want it well-done, 308 00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:15,387 you should've said something. 309 00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,390 What the hell? 310 00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:22,102 Where's my pinball machine? 311 00:18:23,687 --> 00:18:25,397 Oh, where, indeed? 312 00:18:26,565 --> 00:18:27,524 Oh... 313 00:18:27,566 --> 00:18:29,693 I remember. 314 00:18:29,735 --> 00:18:31,028 I convinced the owner 315 00:18:31,070 --> 00:18:33,655 that pinball was out and Space Invaders was in. 316 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:37,367 Fez, why would you stab me in the back like that? 317 00:18:37,409 --> 00:18:39,745 Well, rest assured, Kelso, your frogs and chickens comment 318 00:18:39,787 --> 00:18:41,705 had nothing to do with it. 319 00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:44,625 Well, why then? 320 00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:53,926 Hey, Eric, we're sorry 321 00:18:53,968 --> 00:18:57,471 we called you a cat-killer bastard porn freak. 322 00:18:57,512 --> 00:19:00,140 Oh, so, you read my story, huh? 323 00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:01,892 No, we read part two of Donna's story. 324 00:19:01,934 --> 00:19:03,602 The ending is so beautiful. 325 00:19:05,104 --> 00:19:06,313 Part... Huh? 326 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,608 What? 327 00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:14,529 "And as Wanda walked away, she knew in her heart 328 00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:17,866 "she would never stop loving Derek." 329 00:19:17,908 --> 00:19:20,452 Wow, that's good writing. 330 00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,997 It's emotional and it screws you. 331 00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:32,422 Hey. 332 00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:36,343 Hey, so, uh, funny thing. 333 00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:40,263 Um, your story had a second part, huh? 334 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:42,724 Yeah, the paper broke it in half, 'cause it was too long. 335 00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:44,224 Oh. 336 00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:46,728 Well, you know, 337 00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:49,023 maybe my story has a second part, too. 338 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,317 Eric, your story ended with, 339 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,611 "And he never saw that crazy bitch again." 340 00:19:58,157 --> 00:20:02,619 Well, you know, that was just a prequel. 341 00:20:04,038 --> 00:20:06,289 To a story entitled, 342 00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:09,292 uh, "He did see that crazy bitch again and she was a delight." 343 00:20:13,047 --> 00:20:15,298 Okay, I was pretty mad when I wrote that. 344 00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:19,553 Eric, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, 345 00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:22,681 but, I mean, I guess I was mad when I wrote mine, too. 346 00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:24,516 At least when I started. 347 00:20:24,558 --> 00:20:25,994 But once I got all that stuff off my chest, 348 00:20:26,018 --> 00:20:28,228 I mean, I felt better about us. 349 00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,749 More like the second half of my story. 350 00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:33,150 So, uh... 351 00:20:33,192 --> 00:20:36,904 So, what happens to Derek and Wanda? 352 00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:39,239 Well, in the story, they went off on their own adventures. 353 00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:41,700 Yeah. 354 00:20:41,742 --> 00:20:43,594 Yeah, I mean, that's, that's probably good for them. 355 00:20:43,618 --> 00:20:44,912 Yeah. 356 00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:46,747 - It's probably time they moved on. - Sure. 357 00:20:47,873 --> 00:20:49,833 Derek's gonna be fine. 358 00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:52,460 He's a smart guy. 359 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:54,671 The wenches love him. 360 00:20:57,424 --> 00:20:59,093 Yeah, well, Wanda's gonna do great, too. 361 00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:01,136 Oh, yeah, sure. 362 00:21:01,178 --> 00:21:03,805 And she'll get all the wenches she wants. 363 00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:05,327 Oh, my God, Donna, there's your story. 364 00:21:07,059 --> 00:21:08,259 "Wanda and the dirty wenches." 365 00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:10,729 Shut up. 366 00:21:10,771 --> 00:21:11,939 I know. I know. 367 00:21:13,648 --> 00:21:15,067 That's a movie. 368 00:21:21,073 --> 00:21:22,866 Oh, Fez, 369 00:21:22,908 --> 00:21:25,077 I can't hold my feelings inside any longer. 370 00:21:26,661 --> 00:21:29,123 Yes, we must finally tell you how much we desire you. 371 00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:30,290 And it's not just us, Fez. 372 00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,463 Oh, I knew it all along. 373 00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:39,633 Now let's consummate me. 374 00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:46,014 Oh, boy. 375 00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:47,808 This is the best story ever.