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Have you ever confused
a dream with life?
4
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:49,181
Or stolen something
when you have the cash?
5
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,355
Have you ever been blue?
6
00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:01,777
Or thought your train moving
while sitting still?
7
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,365
Maybe I was just crazy.
8
00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,744
Maybe it was the '60s.
9
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,957
Or maybe I was just a girl...
10
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:16,886
... interrupted.
11
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:19,255
Put her in restraints.
Withdraw blood.
12
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:20,303
Hold on.
13
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:23,089
Give her five milligrams
of Valium, IV.
14
00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,429
Turn her head so she doesn't aspirate.
15
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:27,727
There you go.
16
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,933
Aspirin fragments
and vodka, I think.
17
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:34,105
Don't tell me what you think.
Take it to the lab.
18
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:38,446
You should check my hand.
There's no bones in it.
19
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,607
A wrist banger.
20
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:44,705
- Is that why you did this?
- And other things.
21
00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:47,366
Her parents are on the way.
22
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,249
Sometimes it's hard...
23
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,038
...for me to stay in one...
24
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:54,918
...place.
25
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:57,506
Susanna...
26
00:02:57,719 --> 00:03:00,257
... if you had no bones
in your hand...
27
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,513
...how did you pick up the aspirin?
28
00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:16,435
What is my mother doing?
29
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,731
Would you answer my question, please?
30
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:24,569
How did you pick up the aspirin
if you had no bones in your hand?
31
00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:28,031
By then, they'd come back.
32
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,617
I see.
33
00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:36,460
No, you don't.
34
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:37,921
Well...
35
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,297
...indulge me, then.
36
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,180
Explain it to me.
37
00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,346
Explain what?
38
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:53,770
Explain to a doctor that the laws
of physics can be suspended?
39
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:57,104
That what goes up
may not come down?
40
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,778
Explain...
41
00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:06,408
...that time...
42
00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:09,825
...can move backwards and forwards...
43
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:13,078
...and now to then and back again...
44
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,627
...and you can't control it?
45
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,125
Why can't you control it?
46
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:22,460
What?
47
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,803
Why can't you control time?
48
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:48,828
Where were you?
Everyone is here. Come on.
49
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,626
- Mary, you remember Susanna.
- Yes, I do.
50
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:00,746
You're wearing this?
51
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:04,378
I didn't know it was so early.
I would've changed.
52
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,211
Everybody, look who's here.
53
00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:10,056
- Happy birthday, Dad.
- Thanks, sweetie.
54
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,102
I'm sorry, I want to say hi to her.
55
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:18,438
Sweetie, would you hold this for me?
I just want to say hi to Susanna.
56
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:20,521
Excuse me. Susanna!
57
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,945
- Susanna!
- Professor Gilcrest's wife.
58
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,358
Barbara Gilcrest.
You remember me?
59
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,902
Bonnie's mom. I'm Bonnie's mom.
60
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,404
Your skin is so beautiful.
61
00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,580
Wasn't Bonnie in your lit. Class?
62
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,375
Yeah. How is she doing?
63
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,085
She just got accepted to Radcliffe.
64
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,881
What a conundrum.
65
00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:42,627
I'm a Wellesley girl, myself.
66
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:46,426
But I think young women should
make up their own mind, don't you?
67
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,642
Are you stoned?
68
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,849
Do you smoke pot?
69
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,235
Take LSD?
70
00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:07,199
No drugs?
71
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,366
How do you feel right now?
72
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,379
I...
73
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,709
...don't know.
74
00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:26,419
I don't know what I'm feeling.
75
00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,841
You need a rest.
76
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,099
Well, I'll go home, take a nap.
77
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:39,434
No. You need to go somewhere
where you can get a genuine rest.
78
00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,067
And you're very lucky.
79
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:44,727
The best place
for someone like you...
80
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,735
...is less than
a half an hour from here.
81
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,984
You don't mean Claymoore?
82
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,071
Four days ago...
83
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:57,824
...you chased a bottle of aspirin
with a bottle of vodka.
84
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:01,871
I had a headache.
85
00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:09,669
Your father is a friend of mine.
86
00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:13,389
He's a colleague.
He asked me to see you...
87
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,471
...even though I don't do this anymore.
88
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:20,852
You're hurting everyone around you.
89
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:27,317
Now, Claymoore is a topnotch place.
90
00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:30,273
A lot of people go there.
91
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:31,648
Even writers.
92
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,321
Like you.
93
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,368
Great.
94
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,638
Yes, I'd like a cab
at 1240 Milford, please.
95
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,935
My mother's here.
96
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:02,562
It'll be less emotional
if we do it this way.
97
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:05,479
Your parents and I talked about it.
98
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,680
Now make sure, no stops.
99
00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:44,742
Susanna, you there?
100
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,501
I want to see you again.
101
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:54,959
It was a one-time thing, okay?
102
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,880
Just come to my office tonight.
103
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,591
We're opening the presents!
104
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:01,049
Tell them you're going to a friend's.
105
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,810
Who should I tell first?
106
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:05,896
My parents, the department chairman,
or your wife?
107
00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:06,978
No.
108
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,400
What did you do?
109
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,533
What did you do?
110
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,073
Excuse me?
111
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,207
Well, you look normal.
112
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,622
I'm sad.
113
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,958
Well, everyone's sad.
114
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:37,384
I see things.
115
00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,715
You mean, like tripping?
116
00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:43,596
Kind of.
117
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:47,349
Then they should put
John Lennon away, huh?
118
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:51,689
I'm not John Lennon.
119
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,071
Don't get too comfortable.
120
00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,497
Shouldn't my parents...?
121
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,538
You have to sign them, Miss Kaysen.
122
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,584
You're over 18.
This is your decision.
123
00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:10,597
I didn't try to kill myself.
124
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:17,236
That's the kind of thing you talk
about in therapy, honey. Not here.
125
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,195
Miss Kaysen?
126
00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:28,032
You have the distinction
of being the only senior...
127
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:30,164
...not going on to college.
128
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,331
May I ask what you plan to do?
129
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:41,006
I plan to write.
130
00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:44,756
Well, what do you plan to do?
131
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:51,094
Look, I'm not gonna burn my bra or
drop acid or go march on Washington...
132
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:54,397
...I just don't want to end up
like my mother.
133
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:57,148
Women today have
more choices than that.
134
00:12:58,445 --> 00:12:59,856
No, they don't.
135
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:01,816
And here.
136
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:06,400
You forgot one, dear. Here.
137
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:14,873
Speaking for Dr. Wick and myself,
welcome to Claymoore, Susanna.
138
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:21,715
This is the women's ward,
also known as South Bell.
139
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:25,801
This is where you'll be staying,
and this is where I work.
140
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:29,005
All right, this is the second floor.
141
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:33,093
I need you to stay close to me
because it's easy to get lost here.
142
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,603
This is our ward.
143
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,822
All right, let's start with this room.
144
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,237
This is the art room.
145
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:53,989
Polly.
146
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:55,705
What are you doing here?
147
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:59,243
I feel very musical today.
148
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:02,293
- Can I just, for just a second?
- Not today, honey.
149
00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:14,809
That's Polly. Come on.
150
00:14:20,611 --> 00:14:24,193
Margie, Polly was in
the art room by herself.
151
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,066
I'm sorry, Val.
152
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,281
The living room.
153
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,990
Everyone hates it.
154
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:46,251
And these are the phones.
155
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:49,631
To make a call, pick up
the handle, tell the nurse...
156
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:51,556
...she'll connect you.
157
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:55,391
This is the nurses' station,
which is self-explanatory...
158
00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:58,812
...and this is the TV room,
where everyone hangs out.
159
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,063
I want my fucking clothes!
160
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:05,066
Then you'll have to
eat something, won't you?
161
00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:07,777
The check-in board.
162
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,738
You check in here to take
a walk on the grounds.
163
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,660
Oh, lordy, pick a bale of hay
164
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:15,914
Gotta jump down, spin around
Pick a bale of cotton
165
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:18,413
Jump down, spin around
Pick a bale of hay
166
00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:21,336
She thinks that bothers me.
167
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,340
You're an " R," which means
" restricted to the ward."
168
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,129
But soon you'll
move up to two-to-ones...
169
00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:29,586
...which is two nurses
to every patient.
170
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:33,013
I won't be here that long.
I'm just here for a rest.
171
00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:37,181
It's all right. Everybody gets
the same tour free of charge.
172
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:46,318
Georgina, this is Susanna,
your new roommate.
173
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:48,445
Oh, great. Hi.
174
00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:51,702
You're lucky.
Georgina's an excellent roommate.
175
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,615
Why, thank you, Valerie.
176
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:55,531
You're welcome.
177
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:59,126
The cops are bringing Lisa.
She was at the park.
178
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:05,586
Will you excuse me?
I have business I have to attend to.
179
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:09,798
Georgina, will you take Susanna
to the dining room in a half-hour?
180
00:16:11,263 --> 00:16:13,006
Yes means yes, Georgina.
181
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,133
I know.
182
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:32,815
Groovy box.
183
00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,578
That.
184
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,280
Yeah, they're French.
185
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,411
The French Resistance
smoked them, I think.
186
00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:50,549
- Read this?
187
00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:55,173
No. I saw the movie
a bunch of times, though.
188
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,925
The movie's based on the first book.
189
00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:02,093
I read that one too, but there were
no ruby slippers in it originally.
190
00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:05,517
They added that.
This takes place afterwards.
191
00:17:05,776 --> 00:17:08,730
Dorothy doesn't really have
such a big part in this one.
192
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,568
Fucking pig.
193
00:17:17,371 --> 00:17:18,746
Get off me!
194
00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:32,208
Thanks, Gretta.
195
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,676
Hey, Dais, let anyone
in your room yet?
196
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:42,305
Hey, girls! Hey, sexy.
197
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,940
It's good to be home.
198
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,314
- Hey, Torch.
- Hey, Lisa.
199
00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:55,738
- You miss me?
- Not much.
200
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:00,454
Get her to her room.
Gretta will do the strip search.
201
00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:02,873
Who's that with Georgie-girl?
202
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,283
- Where's Jamie?
- I can't deal with this.
203
00:18:05,544 --> 00:18:07,536
Don't give me a hard time.
204
00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:09,958
Where is she? Where's Jamie?
205
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,178
Who are you?
206
00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:20,048
Her name is Susanna, Lisa.
She smokes French cigarettes.
207
00:18:20,434 --> 00:18:23,684
- Why is all your shit on her bed?
- Open the damn door!
208
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,396
Why? Where's Jamie?
209
00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:28,601
I don't know what
you're talking about!
210
00:18:30,444 --> 00:18:32,353
What the hell are you doing, Lisa?
211
00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:35,104
Back off her.
212
00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:38,029
Back off!
You've been gone for two weeks.
213
00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:41,155
A lot of shit has gone down.
Back off!
214
00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:42,576
How'd she do it?
215
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:44,451
How'd she do it?
216
00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:46,911
How did she do it, Valerie?
217
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:48,996
Get the fuck off me!
218
00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:52,789
You weak people. You're all weak
fucking people! You're victims!
219
00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:54,544
You people are fucking sick!
220
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,553
What? No, no.
Val, please. Please!
221
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:03,641
Get her legs.
222
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:05,850
Get her feet!
223
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:07,219
- I got her.
- Get off!
224
00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:11,567
Help!
225
00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:19,483
We have got to cut those nails again.
226
00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:29,496
My God! What the hell was that?
227
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,663
That was Lisa.
228
00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:35,171
And Jamie was your roommate?
229
00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:37,299
Jamie was Lisa's best friend.
230
00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:40,259
She was sad because Lisa ran away...
231
00:19:40,514 --> 00:19:42,672
...so she hung herself with
a volleyball net.
232
00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:54,526
Meds!
233
00:19:56,989 --> 00:19:58,862
Cynthia Crowley.
234
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,448
Susanna Kaysen.
235
00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:06,322
Susanna Kaysen.
236
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:11,080
I am Mrs. McWilley,
and these are for you.
237
00:20:11,295 --> 00:20:13,667
- What are they?
- They'll help you sleep.
238
00:20:14,423 --> 00:20:16,914
- It's 10:30. I'm not gonna...
- For chrissake.
239
00:20:17,134 --> 00:20:20,004
You can discuss it in the morning
with your doctor.
240
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:22,587
In the meantime,
we'll agree to disagree.
241
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:28,468
Take them here. Have some water.
242
00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,731
Polly Clark.
243
00:20:34,151 --> 00:20:36,024
You can go now.
244
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,403
Teresa McCullian.
245
00:20:48,332 --> 00:20:50,408
Daisy Randone.
246
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,246
Angela Coury.
247
00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:01,674
Jacqueline Lights.
248
00:21:04,348 --> 00:21:06,257
Donna Smith.
249
00:21:45,847 --> 00:21:47,639
Ryan Reed...
250
00:21:48,267 --> 00:21:51,470
... yearbook editor and member
of the honour society.
251
00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:53,887
Heading off to Tulane University.
252
00:21:54,106 --> 00:21:55,683
Congratulations, son.
253
00:21:56,400 --> 00:22:01,525
Andrea Jacobs, president of
the French club and honour society...
254
00:22:01,989 --> 00:22:04,444
...and on her way to Sarah Lawrence.
255
00:22:07,244 --> 00:22:08,987
Susanna Kaysen.
256
00:22:10,372 --> 00:22:13,159
- What is she doing?
- Some kind of a stunt.
257
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:25,503
Wake up, freak.
258
00:22:27,848 --> 00:22:28,713
Checks.
259
00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:50,741
Why do they do that?
260
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,287
They're just doing checks.
261
00:22:54,541 --> 00:22:57,625
They'll space them out
after you've been here awhile.
262
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:05,549
That girl, Polly.
263
00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:08,677
How did she get all?
264
00:23:10,223 --> 00:23:12,050
When she was 10...
265
00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:15,596
...her mother told her
she had to give away her puppy...
266
00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:18,648
...because he was giving her a rash.
267
00:23:19,149 --> 00:23:22,103
And so Polly went...
268
00:23:22,945 --> 00:23:25,566
...and found her father's gas can...
269
00:23:26,114 --> 00:23:29,815
...and she poured it all over
where she was getting the rash.
270
00:23:30,869 --> 00:23:32,447
And then...
271
00:23:34,539 --> 00:23:36,532
...she lit a match.
272
00:23:38,293 --> 00:23:40,037
Oh, my God.
273
00:23:45,884 --> 00:23:48,043
Well, what about you?
Why are you here?
274
00:23:49,221 --> 00:23:51,759
Pseudologia fantastica.
275
00:23:53,475 --> 00:23:54,969
What's that?
276
00:23:57,312 --> 00:23:59,982
I'm a pathological liar.
277
00:24:54,786 --> 00:24:56,909
- What are your plans this fall?
- What?
278
00:24:57,122 --> 00:24:59,198
What are your plans this fall?
279
00:24:59,416 --> 00:25:00,958
I don't have any.
280
00:25:01,168 --> 00:25:03,659
I'm gonna be an ethnobotanist.
281
00:25:04,004 --> 00:25:06,756
Full scholarship to M.I.T.
282
00:25:07,007 --> 00:25:08,881
I'm going to join the Krishnas.
283
00:25:09,092 --> 00:25:12,757
Hare Krishna?
That's interesting, actually.
284
00:25:13,221 --> 00:25:15,048
I was kidding.
285
00:25:30,948 --> 00:25:32,774
You're Susanna, right?
286
00:25:34,743 --> 00:25:37,281
I'm Toby.
Andrea Jacobs' brother.
287
00:25:39,039 --> 00:25:41,115
I was at graduation.
288
00:25:46,797 --> 00:25:48,588
You're pretty when you sleep.
289
00:25:50,092 --> 00:25:53,425
Checks. It's 7:00.
290
00:26:07,818 --> 00:26:11,400
I mean, everybody thinks
about it at some point.
291
00:26:13,323 --> 00:26:15,115
How would you do it?
292
00:26:17,369 --> 00:26:18,911
I don't know.
293
00:26:19,663 --> 00:26:22,830
I guess I haven't really
thought about it.
294
00:26:27,713 --> 00:26:30,168
See, once it's
in your head, though...
295
00:26:32,217 --> 00:26:33,711
...you become this...
296
00:26:34,678 --> 00:26:36,256
...strange, new breed.
297
00:26:37,264 --> 00:26:41,973
A life form that loves
to fantasize about its own demise.
298
00:26:42,227 --> 00:26:45,477
Make a stupid remark, kill yourself.
299
00:26:45,772 --> 00:26:50,185
You like the movie, you live.
You miss the train, kill yourself.
300
00:26:51,862 --> 00:26:52,692
What?
301
00:26:53,947 --> 00:26:56,355
Let's not talk about
this anymore, okay?
302
00:26:56,575 --> 00:26:58,069
Why?
303
00:27:02,331 --> 00:27:03,991
Because it's...
304
00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:06,827
...stupid.
305
00:27:14,843 --> 00:27:15,756
What?
306
00:27:20,474 --> 00:27:21,304
What are you doing?
307
00:27:22,559 --> 00:27:26,771
What? Because I don't want to kill
myself? That's not cool to you?
308
00:27:27,898 --> 00:27:29,937
I don't wanna die.
I was just talking.
309
00:27:30,192 --> 00:27:33,193
Look, Susanna, the world
is fucked up, okay?
310
00:27:33,445 --> 00:27:35,568
It's so fucked up that if some...
311
00:27:35,822 --> 00:27:38,942
...draft zombie pulls my
birthday out of a barrel...
312
00:27:39,201 --> 00:27:40,695
...l'm gonna die.
313
00:27:42,079 --> 00:27:43,241
When's your birthday?
314
00:27:45,415 --> 00:27:47,159
December 30th.
315
00:27:50,212 --> 00:27:51,754
I'll pray for you.
316
00:27:54,466 --> 00:27:55,296
Checks.
317
00:28:23,453 --> 00:28:25,245
You asked for this?
318
00:28:36,133 --> 00:28:37,295
Are you gonna watch?
319
00:28:38,677 --> 00:28:42,971
Afraid so. That's why there's
so many fuzzy-legged women here.
320
00:28:47,936 --> 00:28:50,012
Has anybody ever watched you shave?
321
00:28:50,981 --> 00:28:53,898
I got two kids and one bathroom.
What do you think?
322
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,768
I think you should lock the door.
323
00:28:59,615 --> 00:29:03,399
- September 14th.
324
00:29:06,538 --> 00:29:09,029
- Zero-zero-two.
- Bingo.
325
00:29:11,084 --> 00:29:13,456
- Bingo. Bingo.
- December 30th.
326
00:29:14,713 --> 00:29:16,337
Oh, my God.
327
00:29:17,341 --> 00:29:19,049
- Bingo.
- Zero-zero-three.
328
00:29:21,303 --> 00:29:23,675
A guy I know was just drafted.
329
00:29:24,765 --> 00:29:25,879
What's his name?
330
00:29:28,644 --> 00:29:29,474
Toby.
331
00:29:31,521 --> 00:29:33,229
He's dead now.
332
00:29:40,197 --> 00:29:41,193
Get out, Lisa!
333
00:29:41,448 --> 00:29:43,773
I'm not in your room.
I'm right here.
334
00:29:44,034 --> 00:29:46,988
- I was gonna offer you nail polish.
- Get out!
335
00:29:48,830 --> 00:29:52,246
- You're looking better, Lisa.
- Why, thanks, Margie.
336
00:29:52,501 --> 00:29:54,540
- How's the engagement?
- You know.
337
00:29:54,753 --> 00:29:56,164
No, I don't.
I've been away.
338
00:29:57,005 --> 00:29:59,923
Joe wants me to...
Before the wedding.
339
00:30:01,009 --> 00:30:03,679
Fuck his brains out.
Use a rubber.
340
00:30:04,763 --> 00:30:06,388
Gosh, hell, no.
341
00:30:26,368 --> 00:30:27,946
Can I bum one?
342
00:30:29,413 --> 00:30:30,408
Go ahead.
343
00:30:53,395 --> 00:30:56,312
So have you had your
first Melvin yet?
344
00:30:56,648 --> 00:30:57,763
Who's that?
345
00:30:58,275 --> 00:31:01,027
Bald guy with a little pecker
and a fat wife.
346
00:31:01,695 --> 00:31:03,237
Your therapist, sweet pea.
347
00:31:05,198 --> 00:31:06,194
Unless...
348
00:31:06,450 --> 00:31:08,656
...unless they're giving you shocks.
349
00:31:08,910 --> 00:31:11,033
Or, God forbid, letting you out.
350
00:31:11,288 --> 00:31:13,861
Then you'll see the great,
wonderful Dr. Dyke.
351
00:31:14,124 --> 00:31:15,618
She means Dr. Wick.
352
00:31:18,128 --> 00:31:20,370
I've seen his office
but haven't met him.
353
00:31:20,672 --> 00:31:22,795
He's a she.
Dr. Wick's a girl.
354
00:31:23,300 --> 00:31:25,838
That's right, M-G.
Wick's a chick.
355
00:31:26,470 --> 00:31:28,094
Hence the nickname.
356
00:31:29,723 --> 00:31:32,594
Hey, Lil.
When the fuck is my checkup?
357
00:31:33,185 --> 00:31:36,305
It's now, Lisa.
You said you'd be in your room.
358
00:31:36,521 --> 00:31:39,143
Can't sit too long
without popping the hood.
359
00:31:55,207 --> 00:31:56,369
Asshole!
360
00:31:56,625 --> 00:32:00,076
You have Melvin in half an hour.
I'll take you there.
361
00:32:01,338 --> 00:32:02,417
I'm sorry.
362
00:32:02,673 --> 00:32:06,042
- Why are you using the past tense?
363
00:32:06,718 --> 00:32:08,378
What do you mean?
364
00:32:08,637 --> 00:32:10,428
Well, he was...
365
00:32:10,722 --> 00:32:14,969
...only drafted today,
so chances are, he's not dead yet.
366
00:32:15,727 --> 00:32:18,977
He probably has several months...
367
00:32:19,189 --> 00:32:21,265
...before he even reports.
368
00:32:22,943 --> 00:32:27,521
He was just a nice guy, that's all.
And it made me feel bad.
369
00:32:27,781 --> 00:32:29,821
You've been feeling bad in general.
370
00:32:30,534 --> 00:32:33,285
Right?
You've been feeling depressed.
371
00:32:35,205 --> 00:32:38,491
I haven't exactly been
a ball of joy, Melvin.
372
00:32:39,001 --> 00:32:41,705
I understand you tried
to kill yourself last week.
373
00:32:42,546 --> 00:32:45,167
Anything you want to
tell me about that?
374
00:32:45,632 --> 00:32:47,340
I had a headache.
375
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:53,090
So I assume you took the recommended
aspirin dosage for a headache.
376
00:32:54,057 --> 00:32:55,682
I didn't try to kill myself.
377
00:32:55,892 --> 00:32:57,552
What were you trying to do?
378
00:32:57,811 --> 00:33:00,100
I was trying to make the shit stop.
379
00:33:01,315 --> 00:33:03,687
The time-jumps, the depression...
380
00:33:04,985 --> 00:33:07,108
...the headaches, the thing
with your hand?
381
00:33:08,488 --> 00:33:10,066
All of the above.
382
00:33:12,159 --> 00:33:13,357
I see.
383
00:33:15,746 --> 00:33:17,904
Paul is dead!
384
00:33:26,757 --> 00:33:29,674
What is it?
Are you puzzled about something?
385
00:33:31,011 --> 00:33:33,419
Yeah, I guess I am, Melvin.
386
00:33:33,639 --> 00:33:37,054
I'm puzzled as to why
I have to be in a mental institution.
387
00:33:37,601 --> 00:33:39,261
You put yourself here.
388
00:33:39,519 --> 00:33:41,263
My parents put me here.
389
00:33:44,107 --> 00:33:45,222
No, they didn't.
390
00:33:45,901 --> 00:33:48,024
Everyone here's fucking crazy!
391
00:33:48,779 --> 00:33:50,189
You wanna go home.
392
00:33:53,533 --> 00:33:55,325
Same problem.
393
00:33:56,203 --> 00:33:59,073
M-G, look at me.
394
00:33:59,331 --> 00:34:00,825
Play with me.
395
00:34:01,625 --> 00:34:05,124
Don't be sad. Don't be sad.
396
00:34:14,388 --> 00:34:15,419
Thank you.
397
00:34:50,048 --> 00:34:52,504
- What are these?
- Colace. It's just a laxative.
398
00:34:52,718 --> 00:34:54,757
I don't need them.
399
00:34:55,220 --> 00:34:56,679
Are we going to have a problem?
400
00:34:58,974 --> 00:35:01,050
Are we going to have a problem?
401
00:35:01,351 --> 00:35:03,308
Are we going to have a problem?
402
00:35:04,146 --> 00:35:05,391
May I see?
403
00:35:05,606 --> 00:35:06,768
Thank you.
404
00:35:07,024 --> 00:35:08,732
Surrender.
405
00:35:09,443 --> 00:35:11,186
Are we going to have a problem?
406
00:35:13,488 --> 00:35:15,066
No problem.
407
00:35:15,324 --> 00:35:17,649
Phone call, booth one.
408
00:35:20,871 --> 00:35:23,326
- Hello?
- Hold on.
409
00:35:25,417 --> 00:35:27,410
- Susanna?
- Hi, Mom.
410
00:35:27,628 --> 00:35:29,170
Hi, honey.
Your father's on too.
411
00:35:29,379 --> 00:35:32,250
He's just back from reserves.
He got stuck at Dulles.
412
00:35:32,758 --> 00:35:34,038
How are you, honey?
413
00:35:34,468 --> 00:35:37,137
- I'm fine, Dad.
- You know, sweetheart...
414
00:35:40,057 --> 00:35:43,390
If you can't give me Ex-Lax,
can I please have some Colace?
415
00:35:43,644 --> 00:35:46,016
No. No more laxatives.
416
00:35:47,731 --> 00:35:49,807
I can get her some prune juice.
417
00:35:50,651 --> 00:35:52,109
Prune juice!
418
00:35:52,736 --> 00:35:54,527
This is outrageous!
419
00:35:54,780 --> 00:35:58,564
She was wondering if you'd
made new friends, and I said:
420
00:35:59,076 --> 00:36:01,863
"No, Mom, this isn't Camp Winnetka."
421
00:36:05,457 --> 00:36:07,580
- Daisy?
- Fuck off.
422
00:36:08,961 --> 00:36:11,083
I have something you want.
423
00:36:17,928 --> 00:36:19,208
Come in.
424
00:36:50,377 --> 00:36:51,705
You're all packed up.
425
00:36:52,421 --> 00:36:54,460
Yeah, I'm leaving in a month.
426
00:36:54,715 --> 00:36:56,458
My dad got me an apartment.
427
00:36:56,717 --> 00:37:00,465
- Really? Where?
- It's near the airport.
428
00:37:00,804 --> 00:37:04,932
One bedroom, two baths, eat-in chicken.
He fixed it up real nice for me.
429
00:37:05,183 --> 00:37:06,512
You mean eat-in kitchen.
430
00:37:07,227 --> 00:37:09,516
That's what I said, asshole.
431
00:37:09,896 --> 00:37:11,973
So what do you have that I want?
432
00:37:17,070 --> 00:37:18,268
Put it on the bed.
433
00:37:18,780 --> 00:37:19,978
Put yours on the bed.
434
00:37:20,407 --> 00:37:22,115
Oh, Jesus. Get out!
435
00:37:22,367 --> 00:37:23,696
Get out!
436
00:37:23,952 --> 00:37:26,324
Don't take advantage
just because she's new.
437
00:37:26,580 --> 00:37:27,445
Pony up some Valium.
438
00:37:27,706 --> 00:37:30,742
Get the fuck out,
or I'm calling Valerie! Valerie!
439
00:37:31,001 --> 00:37:32,875
Why don't you call Valerie?
440
00:37:33,086 --> 00:37:37,298
Call Valerie and ask her for some
Colace, like Susie Q's got in her hand.
441
00:37:37,507 --> 00:37:39,251
Why does it stink in here?
442
00:37:40,218 --> 00:37:41,499
I don't take Valium.
443
00:37:41,762 --> 00:37:43,339
I know. That's the point.
444
00:37:43,597 --> 00:37:46,170
They give them to you,
and you don't take them.
445
00:37:46,391 --> 00:37:48,099
Are you gonna eat that?
446
00:37:48,352 --> 00:37:49,727
Checks.
447
00:37:50,062 --> 00:37:51,722
You've got visitors, Daisy.
448
00:37:51,980 --> 00:37:53,807
I want some fucking Colace.
449
00:37:54,066 --> 00:37:56,391
Talk to Melvin tomorrow.
450
00:38:07,454 --> 00:38:11,404
You know what I think?
I think you want to poop, Daisy.
451
00:38:11,625 --> 00:38:13,499
I think it's been days.
452
00:38:14,628 --> 00:38:16,252
Look, it's okay. I don't care.
453
00:38:16,463 --> 00:38:18,503
I do! I do care.
454
00:38:22,261 --> 00:38:26,424
So Daddy buys you a private,
and no one gets in, huh?
455
00:38:27,641 --> 00:38:31,306
You never leave except when Valerie
makes you go to the cafeteria...
456
00:38:31,561 --> 00:38:34,646
...where you never eat.
You're a laxative junkie.
457
00:38:35,691 --> 00:38:40,816
I always thought you were like Janet,
but here you are with this chicken.
458
00:38:42,072 --> 00:38:44,148
So what's with that, huh?
459
00:38:44,533 --> 00:38:48,198
My dad owns a deli, asshole,
with a rotisserie.
460
00:38:48,412 --> 00:38:52,279
I like my dad's chicken. When
I eat something else, I puke.
461
00:38:52,958 --> 00:38:57,205
But why do you eat it here? Why don't
you like to go to the cafeteria?
462
00:38:57,587 --> 00:38:59,414
Which do you like better?
463
00:38:59,673 --> 00:39:01,879
Taking a dump alone
or with Valerie watching?
464
00:39:02,926 --> 00:39:03,957
Alone.
465
00:39:04,636 --> 00:39:07,554
Everyone likes to be alone
when it comes out.
466
00:39:07,806 --> 00:39:09,633
I like to be alone when it goes in.
467
00:39:09,891 --> 00:39:12,892
To me, the cafeteria's
like being with...
468
00:39:13,145 --> 00:39:15,221
...20 girls all at once taking a dump.
469
00:39:16,481 --> 00:39:18,355
That is fucked up, Daisy!
470
00:39:20,861 --> 00:39:21,857
Come on.
471
00:39:25,616 --> 00:39:29,400
All right, assholes.
Fine, here.
472
00:39:35,751 --> 00:39:36,949
Here.
473
00:39:46,845 --> 00:39:48,090
Lisa, don't!
474
00:39:48,347 --> 00:39:49,509
No, please...
475
00:39:49,723 --> 00:39:51,597
Dios-fucking-mio!
476
00:39:56,355 --> 00:39:58,264
That's how Daddy
knows she's eating.
477
00:39:58,482 --> 00:40:02,776
When I get five, Valerie
makes me throw them away.
478
00:40:16,208 --> 00:40:18,082
Scribble, scribble, scribble.
479
00:40:18,460 --> 00:40:20,085
Written anything about me yet?
480
00:40:20,295 --> 00:40:22,003
Don't do that.
481
00:40:34,017 --> 00:40:35,809
Is Daisy really getting out?
482
00:40:40,399 --> 00:40:42,023
She coughed up a big one.
483
00:40:42,734 --> 00:40:46,353
How can...?
I mean, she's insane.
484
00:40:46,822 --> 00:40:49,313
That's what "ther-rape-me"
is all about.
485
00:40:49,533 --> 00:40:53,531
That's why fucking Freud's
picture's on every shrink's wall.
486
00:40:53,745 --> 00:40:58,740
He created an industry. You lie down,
confess your secrets, and you're saved.
487
00:40:59,960 --> 00:41:03,625
The more you confess, the more they
think about setting you free.
488
00:41:03,839 --> 00:41:06,330
But what if you don't have a secret?
489
00:41:08,218 --> 00:41:10,543
Then you're a lifer, like me.
490
00:41:11,471 --> 00:41:13,962
I was changing her diaper...
491
00:41:14,433 --> 00:41:16,758
...and I turned to get the powder...
492
00:41:17,477 --> 00:41:20,562
...and while my back was turned,
she rolled off the bed.
493
00:41:22,524 --> 00:41:25,359
She rolled off the bed
and broke her leg.
494
00:41:27,321 --> 00:41:30,690
The doctor put her in a body cast,
but also strapped her down.
495
00:41:30,949 --> 00:41:33,274
- This has nothing...
- You never told me this.
496
00:41:33,493 --> 00:41:35,616
Carl planned this trip
to Santa Monica.
497
00:41:35,871 --> 00:41:40,248
He had a commitment at RAND.
So we took her with us.
498
00:41:41,043 --> 00:41:44,044
On the back seat, strapped to this
board, 4000 miles.
499
00:41:44,296 --> 00:41:47,747
If you like, Mrs. Kaysen,
we can discuss this...
500
00:41:47,966 --> 00:41:50,671
...further on the way out.
501
00:41:50,928 --> 00:41:53,715
Just how long is my daughter
going to be here?
502
00:41:53,931 --> 00:41:55,757
With all due respect, Mr. Kaysen...
503
00:41:56,016 --> 00:42:00,227
...psychiatry and economics
are different.
504
00:42:00,437 --> 00:42:03,604
The length of Susanna's stay
isn't fixed.
505
00:42:03,815 --> 00:42:06,733
It depends on her response
to treatment.
506
00:42:06,944 --> 00:42:09,898
For what? Depression?
507
00:42:10,155 --> 00:42:14,817
It's almost Christmas. What do we say
to the people who care about her?
508
00:42:15,577 --> 00:42:17,570
See, what's going on here is...
509
00:42:17,788 --> 00:42:22,580
...my parents are having a little
holiday cocktail Christmas party crisis.
510
00:42:22,793 --> 00:42:23,872
What?
511
00:42:25,837 --> 00:42:28,673
What's the " borderline" business
you mentioned?
512
00:42:31,969 --> 00:42:34,341
I don't think that's useful to Susanna.
513
00:42:34,596 --> 00:42:36,803
- I mean, not...
- What " borderline business"?
514
00:42:37,057 --> 00:42:38,931
- The mind...
- Borderline what?
515
00:42:39,184 --> 00:42:41,390
Borderline between what and what?
516
00:42:42,604 --> 00:42:44,597
It's a condition, Susanna.
517
00:42:44,815 --> 00:42:47,353
And it's called
Borderline Personality Disorder.
518
00:42:47,609 --> 00:42:49,732
Oh, God.
519
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,028
It's not uncommon.
520
00:42:52,614 --> 00:42:54,654
Especially among young women.
521
00:42:55,242 --> 00:42:57,318
What causes it?
522
00:42:57,577 --> 00:42:59,285
We're really not sure.
523
00:42:59,496 --> 00:43:02,616
- Is it genetic?
- Oh, Christ!
524
00:43:03,709 --> 00:43:06,116
It is five times more common...
525
00:43:06,461 --> 00:43:09,296
...among those with a borderline...
526
00:43:09,923 --> 00:43:10,954
...parent.
527
00:43:13,260 --> 00:43:18,005
I can't do this. I'm sorry, I can't.
I can't do this.
528
00:43:32,404 --> 00:43:36,532
" Razors pain you; rivers are damp;
acid stains you; drugs cause cramp.
529
00:43:36,783 --> 00:43:39,025
Guns aren't lawful;
nooses give...
530
00:43:39,244 --> 00:43:42,364
...gas smells awful;
you might as well live."
531
00:43:42,664 --> 00:43:43,827
Gin.
532
00:43:55,802 --> 00:43:58,472
- Asshole.
- Fatso.
533
00:44:05,729 --> 00:44:06,760
Call me a cab.
534
00:44:07,481 --> 00:44:08,726
Okay, you're a cab.
535
00:44:14,446 --> 00:44:16,735
Lisa said you got into Daisy's room.
536
00:44:18,116 --> 00:44:20,109
And it was full of chickens.
537
00:44:20,327 --> 00:44:22,616
Susanna, you have a phone call.
538
00:44:26,833 --> 00:44:29,324
So what's your "diag-nonsense"?
539
00:44:29,544 --> 00:44:32,830
- Who is this?
- What'd he say to Mom and Pop?
540
00:44:41,682 --> 00:44:43,721
I have a borderline personality.
541
00:44:44,726 --> 00:44:46,636
Well, that's nothing.
What else?
542
00:44:46,895 --> 00:44:49,849
He didn't say. He thought
it would affect my recovery.
543
00:44:51,233 --> 00:44:52,644
Tongue your meds tonight.
544
00:44:52,901 --> 00:44:55,772
After 1:00 checks,
Gretta always goes for a smoke.
545
00:44:55,988 --> 00:44:59,570
Check the mirrors. If they're
clear, go to Hector's closet.
546
00:44:59,783 --> 00:45:02,986
It's near the art room,
and it will be open.
547
00:45:19,219 --> 00:45:20,594
Torch!
548
00:45:21,930 --> 00:45:23,259
Come on.
549
00:45:42,534 --> 00:45:45,155
This is how Lisa gets out
when she escapes!
550
00:45:49,041 --> 00:45:53,038
We're under administration, so...
No good here.
551
00:45:53,503 --> 00:45:55,662
Good thing this place has
a sliding scale.
552
00:45:55,922 --> 00:45:58,710
We get to mingle with
the lock-picking trash.
553
00:46:24,159 --> 00:46:25,819
Good job!
554
00:46:28,038 --> 00:46:29,662
Susanna, you're up!
555
00:46:29,915 --> 00:46:32,667
No, no, no. I've only done
this once in my life.
556
00:46:33,126 --> 00:46:34,122
- Come on.
- Please.
557
00:46:34,378 --> 00:46:37,711
- We came all the way here.
- Come on!
558
00:46:55,023 --> 00:46:56,304
All right!
559
00:47:29,433 --> 00:47:33,644
They put the tunnels in so the loons
didn't have to go out in the cold.
560
00:47:33,854 --> 00:47:35,977
I must've missed that in the brochure.
561
00:47:40,152 --> 00:47:41,979
Hey, open the door.
562
00:47:55,751 --> 00:47:57,411
What the fuck are you doing?
563
00:48:10,390 --> 00:48:13,060
Dr. Wick's office.
564
00:48:27,032 --> 00:48:29,488
All right. Georgina Tuskin.
565
00:48:41,713 --> 00:48:43,706
Susanna Kaysen.
566
00:48:46,426 --> 00:48:48,086
Polly Clark.
567
00:48:51,098 --> 00:48:53,304
Cynthia Crowley.
568
00:48:53,558 --> 00:48:55,432
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
569
00:48:56,853 --> 00:48:58,513
Janet Webber.
570
00:49:01,483 --> 00:49:03,108
Lisa Rowe.
571
00:49:37,269 --> 00:49:38,846
Fuck you, Melvin.
572
00:49:44,067 --> 00:49:45,348
Wanna see mine?
573
00:49:46,486 --> 00:49:48,146
Let me see yours.
574
00:49:57,539 --> 00:50:00,160
" Lisa Rowe.
575
00:50:00,417 --> 00:50:02,990
Highs and lows increasingly severe.
576
00:50:03,795 --> 00:50:06,333
Controlling relationships with patients.
577
00:50:06,548 --> 00:50:09,632
No appreciable response to meds.
578
00:50:09,843 --> 00:50:14,172
No remission observed."
That was before you ran away.
579
00:50:14,806 --> 00:50:16,598
We're very rare, and mostly men.
580
00:50:16,808 --> 00:50:19,726
Lisa thinks she's hot shit
because she's a sociopath.
581
00:50:19,937 --> 00:50:21,894
- I'm a sociopath.
- No, you're a dyke.
582
00:50:22,230 --> 00:50:25,315
" Borderline Personality Disorder.
583
00:50:25,525 --> 00:50:29,226
An instability of self-image,
relationships and mood.
584
00:50:29,446 --> 00:50:31,154
Uncertainty about goals.
585
00:50:31,406 --> 00:50:34,656
Impulsive in activities
that are self-damaging...
586
00:50:34,868 --> 00:50:37,359
...such as casual sex."
587
00:50:37,829 --> 00:50:38,992
I like that.
588
00:50:39,206 --> 00:50:41,661
"Social contrariness and a generally...
589
00:50:41,917 --> 00:50:44,752
...pessimistic attitude
are often observed."
590
00:50:46,380 --> 00:50:47,578
Well, that's me.
591
00:50:48,465 --> 00:50:49,628
That's everybody.
592
00:50:49,883 --> 00:50:52,421
I mean, what kind of sex isn't casual?
593
00:50:52,886 --> 00:50:55,211
They mean promiscuous.
594
00:50:55,722 --> 00:50:57,514
I'm not promiscuous.
595
00:51:02,187 --> 00:51:04,061
I'm not.
596
00:51:21,456 --> 00:51:22,785
Jesus.
597
00:51:23,458 --> 00:51:25,001
Look at Janet.
598
00:51:25,544 --> 00:51:26,955
No. It's all right.
599
00:51:29,006 --> 00:51:33,134
You know, taking us
for ice creams in a blizzard...
600
00:51:33,427 --> 00:51:36,000
...makes you wonder who
the real whack jobs are.
601
00:51:36,221 --> 00:51:37,965
You know, I think it's
kind of nice.
602
00:51:38,181 --> 00:51:42,559
I mean, I think it's nice to do
something nice on Daisy's last day.
603
00:52:11,256 --> 00:52:12,501
Oh, fuck!
604
00:52:12,758 --> 00:52:14,133
I'll have peppermint stick.
605
00:52:14,384 --> 00:52:16,092
Me too.
Can I have peppermint stick?
606
00:52:16,345 --> 00:52:17,720
Sure.
607
00:52:17,971 --> 00:52:20,178
It's just called peppermint.
608
00:52:20,432 --> 00:52:21,843
Peppermint dick!
609
00:52:23,352 --> 00:52:24,976
Peppermint clit!
610
00:52:28,482 --> 00:52:30,937
Okay. We're just gonna
have four cones.
611
00:52:31,193 --> 00:52:32,521
Four cones.
612
00:52:33,737 --> 00:52:35,694
Susanna, do you want anything?
613
00:52:35,906 --> 00:52:36,985
I'm fine.
614
00:52:42,663 --> 00:52:44,157
Ronny.
615
00:52:44,456 --> 00:52:45,535
Got any hot fudge?
616
00:52:46,208 --> 00:52:47,488
Yes.
617
00:52:48,001 --> 00:52:51,453
Can I have a vanilla sundae
with hot fudge...
618
00:52:51,755 --> 00:52:55,171
...and sprinkles.
Rainbow, not chocolate.
619
00:52:56,677 --> 00:52:58,254
And...
620
00:53:02,140 --> 00:53:04,892
...whipped cream, cherries...
621
00:53:05,852 --> 00:53:07,560
...and...
622
00:53:08,605 --> 00:53:09,435
Nuts?
623
00:53:18,657 --> 00:53:20,614
Let's have a seat, ladies.
624
00:53:22,411 --> 00:53:27,405
Melvin thought that I should
live in a halfway house.
625
00:53:28,375 --> 00:53:31,708
But my father knew
that I deserved my own apartment.
626
00:53:32,212 --> 00:53:34,252
So he got me the prettiest apartment.
627
00:53:34,464 --> 00:53:36,706
It has an eat-in chicken...
628
00:53:36,925 --> 00:53:41,254
...and all this beautiful
wicker furniture, which is fantastic.
629
00:53:41,471 --> 00:53:42,752
Wicker butterflies.
630
00:53:44,099 --> 00:53:45,890
My very favourite part...
631
00:53:46,101 --> 00:53:48,058
...is like in the phone book.
632
00:53:48,270 --> 00:53:50,891
There's a sign
right outside that says:
633
00:53:51,106 --> 00:53:52,980
" If you lived here...
634
00:53:53,317 --> 00:53:54,348
...you'd be home now."
635
00:53:54,943 --> 00:53:56,224
Hello, Susanna.
636
00:53:56,945 --> 00:53:58,108
Do you remember me?
637
00:53:59,031 --> 00:54:02,197
- You must remember me.
- Yes. Mrs. Gilcrest.
638
00:54:02,951 --> 00:54:04,114
Susanna, you okay?
639
00:54:04,620 --> 00:54:06,612
I'm fine.
640
00:54:07,581 --> 00:54:10,286
- Hey, Bonnie. How's Radcliffe?
- Wellesley.
641
00:54:10,792 --> 00:54:12,999
I'm enjoying it.
It's strong in art.
642
00:54:13,211 --> 00:54:14,540
Going to the Sorbonne.
643
00:54:14,755 --> 00:54:18,337
- That's great.
- You know, I know all about you...
644
00:54:18,592 --> 00:54:21,297
...and I hope they put you away forever.
645
00:54:22,679 --> 00:54:23,924
Is this the professor's wife?
646
00:54:24,181 --> 00:54:25,343
What professor?
647
00:54:25,599 --> 00:54:27,093
So you told everybody.
648
00:54:29,019 --> 00:54:29,968
Lady, back off.
649
00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:31,979
- Was I talking to you?
- Let's go.
650
00:54:32,230 --> 00:54:35,018
No, you're spitting on me,
so mellow-fucking-out.
651
00:54:35,275 --> 00:54:36,390
Don't tell me what to do.
652
00:54:36,610 --> 00:54:39,895
Look, she gave your husband
a rim job. Big fucking deal!
653
00:54:40,155 --> 00:54:43,156
He was begging for it,
and I heard it was like a pencil.
654
00:54:43,408 --> 00:54:44,689
How dare you!
655
00:54:44,952 --> 00:54:48,783
Some advice: Don't point your
fucking finger at crazy people!
656
00:54:52,042 --> 00:54:53,287
Let go of me!
657
00:54:54,878 --> 00:54:55,708
Mother?
658
00:54:55,963 --> 00:54:58,002
Get that out of my face, asshole!
659
00:55:00,759 --> 00:55:01,589
Let go!
660
00:55:02,094 --> 00:55:02,924
Now.
661
00:55:04,596 --> 00:55:05,794
Stop it!
662
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:10,139
" Rank" you!
Come again, Mrs. Professor!
663
00:55:10,644 --> 00:55:12,850
You shared a man with that woman?
664
00:55:19,569 --> 00:55:22,487
- Did you enjoy the fresh air?
- Yeah, thanks.
665
00:55:22,698 --> 00:55:26,067
Good. Because it's the last time
you're leaving the ward.
666
00:55:27,411 --> 00:55:29,949
Is that a dare or a double dare?
667
00:55:32,833 --> 00:55:37,127
Okay, raise your arms. Very good.
We're going to be trees.
668
00:55:37,546 --> 00:55:40,915
Feel the strength in your arms
as the branches.
669
00:55:41,174 --> 00:55:43,844
And reach those branches up to the sky.
670
00:55:44,094 --> 00:55:47,593
Come on, Susanna, reach.
Very good!
671
00:55:47,848 --> 00:55:49,675
Lisa, all right.
672
00:55:49,891 --> 00:55:52,845
Reach your arms, girls.
Reach. Really lift.
673
00:55:53,061 --> 00:55:54,971
Feel the stretch through the hip.
674
00:55:55,188 --> 00:55:57,726
Very good.
Let your arms be branches.
675
00:55:57,941 --> 00:56:00,183
There's strength in those branches.
676
00:56:00,569 --> 00:56:05,480
Reach, reach all the way up
into the sky. Very good.
677
00:56:05,782 --> 00:56:09,697
Let the wind blow the leaves
and let your fingers be the leaves.
678
00:56:09,953 --> 00:56:12,409
Good, M-G, very good.
Feel the wind.
679
00:56:12,831 --> 00:56:15,073
Good. Good, Lisa.
680
00:56:15,334 --> 00:56:17,077
Very good.
681
00:56:17,461 --> 00:56:20,711
Just lift up. Lift up.
Very good, girls.
682
00:56:20,964 --> 00:56:23,372
Now feel your feet.
Feel your feet be rooted.
683
00:56:23,592 --> 00:56:25,917
Go down into a plié.
Very good.
684
00:56:26,178 --> 00:56:28,847
Good, girls. Polly, very good.
685
00:56:29,097 --> 00:56:32,716
Now stretch it. The wind's blowing
really hard this way.
686
00:56:33,477 --> 00:56:36,478
That is not fair.
That is not fair!
687
00:56:36,688 --> 00:56:37,969
That is not fair!
688
00:56:39,358 --> 00:56:41,267
Seventy-four is the perfect weight!
689
00:56:44,988 --> 00:56:46,530
Good luck, crazy bitch.
690
00:56:46,740 --> 00:56:50,358
What kind of tree can you be
down there on the floor?
691
00:56:50,577 --> 00:56:53,246
I'm a fucking shrub, all right?
692
00:58:15,245 --> 00:58:18,780
Martin Luther King Jr. Was killed
tonight in Memphis, Tennessee.
693
00:58:18,999 --> 00:58:22,949
He was shot as he stood
on the balcony of his hotel room.
694
00:58:23,420 --> 00:58:25,211
Last night, he said this:
695
00:58:25,422 --> 00:58:27,830
I don't know what will happen now.
696
00:58:28,634 --> 00:58:31,125
We've got some difficult days ahead.
697
00:58:32,596 --> 00:58:35,051
But it really doesn't matter
with me now...
698
00:58:35,307 --> 00:58:37,928
... because I've been
to the mountaintop.
699
00:58:49,696 --> 00:58:51,903
Susanna, you have a visitor.
700
00:58:56,578 --> 00:58:57,776
What are you doing here?
701
00:59:02,626 --> 00:59:05,033
I ship out next week.
702
00:59:06,755 --> 00:59:07,953
Here.
703
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:26,935
Checks.
704
00:59:27,651 --> 00:59:29,229
Sorry.
705
00:59:29,945 --> 00:59:33,729
No. It's okay. We have
10 minutes till they come back.
706
00:59:44,209 --> 00:59:45,454
Hey, Torch.
707
00:59:46,420 --> 00:59:48,412
What you doing?
708
00:59:49,339 --> 00:59:50,502
Nothing.
709
00:59:51,091 --> 00:59:54,460
Well, why don't you go to
your room and do nothing?
710
01:00:05,397 --> 01:00:06,975
Checks.
711
01:00:09,151 --> 01:00:10,526
Checks.
712
01:00:13,947 --> 01:00:15,145
Checks.
713
01:00:18,744 --> 01:00:19,739
Hey, Margie.
714
01:00:19,995 --> 01:00:21,988
- Hey, Lisa.
- What you doing?
715
01:00:22,205 --> 01:00:24,328
- Checks.
- How's Joe?
716
01:00:24,583 --> 01:00:26,374
He's fine.
717
01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:28,538
I have to do my checks.
718
01:00:28,795 --> 01:00:31,962
Taking five minutes for me
would be a dereliction of duty?
719
01:00:33,467 --> 01:00:35,127
What if I had a punctured artery?
720
01:00:35,385 --> 01:00:37,627
You'd go on your rounds,
ignoring my wounds?
721
01:00:37,888 --> 01:00:40,593
- Stop it.
- Stop what? Look at this.
722
01:00:41,058 --> 01:00:42,137
Go ahead. Go ahead.
723
01:00:42,392 --> 01:00:43,637
That's enough!
724
01:00:43,852 --> 01:00:46,473
Take one step
and I'll jam this in my aorta!
725
01:00:46,730 --> 01:00:47,845
Stop it.
726
01:00:48,065 --> 01:00:49,938
Your aorta is in your chest.
727
01:00:51,985 --> 01:00:53,444
Good to know.
728
01:00:54,279 --> 01:00:57,150
- I'll make a note of that.
- Good.
729
01:01:05,999 --> 01:01:08,751
You have grounds privileges.
Why don't you take a walk?
730
01:01:09,419 --> 01:01:11,542
Go get a cup of coffee.
731
01:01:15,759 --> 01:01:17,550
We should get out of here.
732
01:01:33,819 --> 01:01:35,361
The cafeteria's this way.
733
01:01:35,570 --> 01:01:37,065
My wheels are here.
734
01:01:37,322 --> 01:01:39,196
Wait. What are we doing?
735
01:01:41,868 --> 01:01:43,908
We're going to Canada.
736
01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:51,751
You're not crazy.
737
01:01:51,962 --> 01:01:54,417
Okay? You don't need to be here.
738
01:01:55,924 --> 01:01:58,594
I tried to kill myself, Toby.
739
01:01:59,011 --> 01:02:03,174
- You took some aspirin.
- I took a bottle of aspirin.
740
01:02:04,391 --> 01:02:08,852
That buys you a year in this place?
That's bullshit, okay?
741
01:02:09,062 --> 01:02:10,177
They're breaking you.
742
01:02:10,689 --> 01:02:13,643
Come on. All right?
Everything's changing, man.
743
01:02:13,900 --> 01:02:16,142
What do they know
about being normal?
744
01:02:18,989 --> 01:02:20,732
I have friends in here.
745
01:02:21,950 --> 01:02:24,655
Who? Them?
746
01:02:25,078 --> 01:02:27,118
Those girls...
Susanna...
747
01:02:28,665 --> 01:02:32,533
...they're eating grapes
off of the wallpaper.
748
01:02:32,961 --> 01:02:34,455
They're insane.
749
01:02:35,005 --> 01:02:37,543
If they are, I am.
750
01:02:41,762 --> 01:02:43,553
No, baby.
Listen, come with me.
751
01:02:48,268 --> 01:02:49,431
Look...
752
01:02:50,479 --> 01:02:52,804
...my dad gave me five grand.
753
01:02:53,398 --> 01:02:57,396
Okay? We can go up there.
We can build a cabin in the woods.
754
01:02:59,655 --> 01:03:02,027
Look, I know that this sounds crazy...
755
01:03:04,284 --> 01:03:06,111
...but I think I love you.
756
01:03:07,537 --> 01:03:09,910
So come with me. Okay?
757
01:03:11,625 --> 01:03:13,416
Come with me.
758
01:03:21,760 --> 01:03:24,927
You wanna leave, don't you?
759
01:03:25,138 --> 01:03:26,301
Yes.
760
01:03:26,848 --> 01:03:28,841
I wanna leave.
761
01:03:32,229 --> 01:03:34,056
But not with you.
762
01:03:37,901 --> 01:03:39,479
Not with you.
763
01:03:41,196 --> 01:03:42,821
I'm sorry.
764
01:03:44,908 --> 01:03:46,984
Susanna, wait a second.
765
01:04:32,414 --> 01:04:34,323
Why did you do that?
766
01:04:37,961 --> 01:04:40,583
Fix the light bulb at night?
767
01:04:42,674 --> 01:04:44,916
I'm not here in the morning...
768
01:04:45,302 --> 01:04:48,885
...and that's when you like to draw
your pictures and stuff.
769
01:04:49,181 --> 01:04:50,260
So...
770
01:05:01,526 --> 01:05:02,522
John?
771
01:05:09,660 --> 01:05:11,652
Why do you like me?
772
01:05:14,665 --> 01:05:16,788
I just like you.
773
01:05:18,001 --> 01:05:19,661
That's all.
774
01:05:20,837 --> 01:05:23,459
I wish you were getting
better, though.
775
01:05:24,258 --> 01:05:25,835
I would...
776
01:05:27,177 --> 01:05:31,044
I'd take you out to go see
a movie or something.
777
01:05:33,725 --> 01:05:35,433
That'd be nice.
778
01:05:37,479 --> 01:05:38,642
My face!
779
01:05:41,483 --> 01:05:42,858
My face!
780
01:05:43,110 --> 01:05:45,186
I'm okay. I'm okay.
781
01:05:45,445 --> 01:05:47,355
- Let her be. She's fine.
- My face!
782
01:05:47,614 --> 01:05:48,729
My face!
783
01:05:49,032 --> 01:05:51,274
Seclusion.
Take her to Seclusion. Come on.
784
01:05:51,785 --> 01:05:53,363
I got you.
785
01:05:56,331 --> 01:05:57,742
- My face! Why?
- Open it.
786
01:05:59,001 --> 01:06:00,661
My face!
787
01:06:00,877 --> 01:06:02,288
My face!
788
01:06:02,546 --> 01:06:06,923
Quieten down. Quieten down.
You're all right.
789
01:06:08,552 --> 01:06:11,469
I'm ugly! My face!
790
01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:15,013
I'm ugly! Why?
791
01:06:39,124 --> 01:06:40,915
What happened to Polly?
792
01:06:43,378 --> 01:06:46,379
What needs to happen?
No one's ever gonna kiss her.
793
01:06:48,926 --> 01:06:51,547
They're building a new
Disneyland in Florida.
794
01:06:52,095 --> 01:06:55,429
If I could have any job,
I'd be a professional Cinderella.
795
01:06:56,183 --> 01:06:57,843
You could be Snow White.
796
01:06:58,101 --> 01:07:00,557
Polly could be Minnie Mouse and then...
797
01:07:00,771 --> 01:07:02,728
...she'd be hugged, kissed
and loved...
798
01:07:02,940 --> 01:07:06,355
...and no one would know
what's inside that giant head.
799
01:07:07,778 --> 01:07:09,687
Give me your keys.
800
01:07:35,806 --> 01:07:37,845
Hey, Polly.
801
01:07:39,101 --> 01:07:40,096
It's Susanna.
802
01:07:40,310 --> 01:07:41,888
Just play something.
803
01:07:42,312 --> 01:07:45,562
If talking did shit,
we'd be out of here by now.
804
01:08:06,503 --> 01:08:10,832
When you're alone
And life is making you lonely
805
01:08:11,049 --> 01:08:14,216
You can always go
806
01:08:14,428 --> 01:08:16,254
Downtown
807
01:08:24,605 --> 01:08:28,602
When you've got worries
All the noise and the hurry
808
01:08:28,817 --> 01:08:32,435
Seems to help, I know
809
01:08:39,328 --> 01:08:41,119
Downtown
810
01:08:42,581 --> 01:08:45,250
Just listen to the music
811
01:08:45,459 --> 01:08:48,128
In the traffic in the city
812
01:08:48,587 --> 01:08:53,048
Linger on the sidewalks
Where the neon lights are pretty
813
01:08:54,676 --> 01:08:56,420
How can you lose?
814
01:08:57,763 --> 01:09:00,680
The lights are much brighter there
815
01:09:00,933 --> 01:09:05,808
You can forget all your troubles
Forget all your cares and go downtown
816
01:09:06,063 --> 01:09:07,723
Back to your room, please.
817
01:09:07,940 --> 01:09:11,854
Things will be great when you're
Downtown
818
01:09:12,069 --> 01:09:14,310
McWilley is gonna wake up.
819
01:09:14,571 --> 01:09:15,946
Give me the guitar.
820
01:09:18,158 --> 01:09:19,700
You're gonna get me fired.
821
01:09:19,952 --> 01:09:23,486
You'll be dancing with him
Before the night is over
822
01:09:23,705 --> 01:09:25,614
- Give me the guitar.
- Happy again
823
01:09:27,292 --> 01:09:28,834
No. No.
824
01:09:29,211 --> 01:09:31,369
It's okay. It's okay.
Come here.
825
01:09:31,630 --> 01:09:33,919
You'll get me fired.
You know that?
826
01:09:45,477 --> 01:09:48,229
Downtown
827
01:09:49,606 --> 01:09:52,097
Everything's great...
828
01:09:52,609 --> 01:09:56,903
... when you're downtown
829
01:10:23,181 --> 01:10:24,724
I'm writing you up.
830
01:10:24,975 --> 01:10:27,383
I am sick of this bullshit.
831
01:10:32,482 --> 01:10:34,274
Is she here?
832
01:10:34,776 --> 01:10:36,734
You can go in now.
833
01:10:43,201 --> 01:10:46,617
- What did she do?
- They drugged Nurse McWilley.
834
01:10:52,919 --> 01:10:55,375
- Good morning, Susanna.
- Good morning.
835
01:10:55,589 --> 01:10:56,668
How are you?
836
01:10:58,634 --> 01:11:00,756
I'm fine, I guess.
837
01:11:02,304 --> 01:11:03,881
Sit down.
838
01:11:13,440 --> 01:11:14,899
You look tired.
839
01:11:17,110 --> 01:11:22,068
Polly freaked out last night and we
stayed up singing to her, Lisa and I.
840
01:11:23,867 --> 01:11:26,619
Have you become friends with Lisa?
841
01:11:28,664 --> 01:11:30,288
Why? Is that bad?
842
01:11:30,540 --> 01:11:33,292
- Does it feel bad?
- No.
843
01:11:34,002 --> 01:11:37,205
Before you came here, did you
have many girlfriends?
844
01:11:37,839 --> 01:11:39,334
Not really.
845
01:11:41,385 --> 01:11:45,334
Would you say that before you came here,
your friends consisted mainly...
846
01:11:45,555 --> 01:11:47,014
...of boys, of men?
847
01:11:48,558 --> 01:11:51,014
Does it say in there
that I'm promiscuous?
848
01:11:51,728 --> 01:11:53,721
Why do you choose that word?
849
01:11:53,939 --> 01:11:57,522
How many guys would I have to sleep
with to be considered promiscuous?
850
01:11:57,734 --> 01:11:59,893
Textbook promiscuous?
851
01:12:00,487 --> 01:12:01,898
What do you think?
852
01:12:02,155 --> 01:12:05,489
Ten. Eight. Five.
853
01:12:06,285 --> 01:12:09,903
How many girls would a guy have to sleep
with to be considered promiscuous?
854
01:12:10,122 --> 01:12:12,079
Ten? 20? 109?
855
01:12:12,291 --> 01:12:14,283
Someone who's compulsively
promiscuous...
856
01:12:14,543 --> 01:12:17,876
...might engage in a sex act
with a guest in their room...
857
01:12:18,088 --> 01:12:23,213
...and then engage in another sex act
during the same day with an orderly.
858
01:12:27,556 --> 01:12:32,384
Am I in trouble for kissing an orderly
or giving my boyfriend a blowjob?
859
01:12:34,479 --> 01:12:36,353
Melvin says...
860
01:12:36,565 --> 01:12:40,942
...you have some very interesting
theories about your illness.
861
01:12:41,153 --> 01:12:45,233
You believe there is
a mystical undertow in life.
862
01:12:45,449 --> 01:12:48,734
"Quicksands of shadows."
863
01:12:48,952 --> 01:12:53,116
Another one of my theories is that you
people don't know what you're doing.
864
01:12:53,373 --> 01:12:56,327
You acknowledge a problem
coping with this quicksand.
865
01:12:56,585 --> 01:13:00,535
I have a problem coping with this
hospital. I wanna leave.
866
01:13:02,549 --> 01:13:03,664
I can't do that.
867
01:13:03,884 --> 01:13:06,553
I signed myself in,
I can sign myself out.
868
01:13:06,803 --> 01:13:10,303
You signed yourself into our care.
We decide when you leave.
869
01:13:10,641 --> 01:13:12,467
You're not ready for it, Susanna.
870
01:13:12,976 --> 01:13:15,728
Your progress has plateaued.
871
01:13:17,522 --> 01:13:19,515
Does that disappoint you?
872
01:13:20,025 --> 01:13:21,768
I'm ambivalent.
873
01:13:22,444 --> 01:13:24,686
In fact, that's my new favourite word.
874
01:13:24,905 --> 01:13:27,443
Do you know what that means,
ambivalence?
875
01:13:27,991 --> 01:13:29,154
I don't care.
876
01:13:29,409 --> 01:13:31,402
If it's your favourite word,
I would've...
877
01:13:31,620 --> 01:13:34,193
It means " I don't care."
That's what it means.
878
01:13:34,456 --> 01:13:36,994
On the contrary, Susanna.
879
01:13:37,250 --> 01:13:42,162
Ambivalence suggests strong
feelings in opposition.
880
01:13:42,422 --> 01:13:45,459
The prefix, as in ambidextrous...
881
01:13:45,676 --> 01:13:47,253
...means " both."
882
01:13:48,053 --> 01:13:51,469
The rest of it, in Latin,
means "vigour."
883
01:13:52,099 --> 01:13:54,969
The word suggests that you are torn...
884
01:13:55,686 --> 01:13:58,141
...between two opposing courses
of action.
885
01:14:01,858 --> 01:14:04,017
Will I stay or will I go?
886
01:14:04,361 --> 01:14:07,730
Am I sane or am I crazy?
887
01:14:08,073 --> 01:14:09,781
Those aren't courses of action.
888
01:14:10,575 --> 01:14:14,194
They can be, dear, for some.
889
01:14:14,454 --> 01:14:16,494
Well, then, it's the wrong word.
890
01:14:16,873 --> 01:14:18,036
No.
891
01:14:18,750 --> 01:14:20,458
I think it's perfect.
892
01:14:34,391 --> 01:14:37,178
"What world is this?
893
01:14:37,686 --> 01:14:39,228
What kingdom?
894
01:14:40,522 --> 01:14:43,642
What shores of what worlds?"
895
01:14:43,942 --> 01:14:48,900
It's a very big question
you're faced with, Susanna.
896
01:14:49,573 --> 01:14:52,325
The choice of your life.
897
01:14:53,535 --> 01:14:56,821
How much will you indulge
in your flaws?
898
01:14:58,081 --> 01:15:01,035
What are your flaws?
Are they flaws?
899
01:15:01,835 --> 01:15:06,960
If you embrace them, will you commit
yourself to hospital for life?
900
01:15:08,342 --> 01:15:12,042
Big questions, big decisions.
901
01:15:13,388 --> 01:15:17,468
Not surprising you profess
carelessness about them.
902
01:15:24,441 --> 01:15:26,019
Is that it?
903
01:15:27,945 --> 01:15:29,569
For now.
904
01:15:38,580 --> 01:15:40,822
This way, Susanna.
905
01:15:55,097 --> 01:15:57,588
John was moved to the men's ward.
906
01:15:59,142 --> 01:16:02,725
And Lisa never came back
from Dr. Wick's office.
907
01:16:30,757 --> 01:16:33,046
We live in a time of doubt.
908
01:16:34,261 --> 01:16:37,546
The institutions we once trusted
no longer seem reliable.
909
01:16:42,227 --> 01:16:45,596
Daisy sent us a postcard
all about her new apartment.
910
01:16:46,189 --> 01:16:48,396
She got a pussycat.
911
01:16:49,276 --> 01:16:51,315
Where's Lisa?
912
01:16:52,362 --> 01:16:54,438
You know where she is.
913
01:16:55,782 --> 01:16:58,238
They just put her in another ward.
914
01:17:09,713 --> 01:17:12,382
I think you need to get up.
915
01:17:12,799 --> 01:17:16,583
I'm just gonna rest for a while,
just a little while.
916
01:17:24,728 --> 01:17:25,641
What are you doing?
917
01:17:28,899 --> 01:17:30,144
Fuck!
918
01:17:32,903 --> 01:17:34,480
Sorry, too cold?
919
01:17:34,738 --> 01:17:38,570
What the fuck are you doing?
Get me the fuck out of this tub!
920
01:17:39,034 --> 01:17:40,197
Get yourself out.
921
01:17:40,911 --> 01:17:42,571
Where's Lisa?
922
01:17:43,664 --> 01:17:45,324
Where the fuck is Lisa?
923
01:17:45,958 --> 01:17:47,831
Can't hack it without her?
924
01:17:48,085 --> 01:17:52,296
You banish her for singing to Polly.
We were trying to help her!
925
01:17:52,965 --> 01:17:57,792
We were trying to help her! This place
is a fucking fascist torture chamber!
926
01:17:58,011 --> 01:17:59,209
No.
927
01:17:59,471 --> 01:18:03,303
I worked in state hospitals.
This place is a five-star hotel.
928
01:18:05,435 --> 01:18:07,179
Oh, lordy, pick a bale of cotton
929
01:18:08,188 --> 01:18:12,897
You know, I can take a lot of crazy
shit from a lot of crazy people...
930
01:18:13,110 --> 01:18:14,224
...but you?
931
01:18:14,611 --> 01:18:16,319
You are not crazy.
932
01:18:16,571 --> 01:18:18,315
Then what's wrong with me?
933
01:18:18,573 --> 01:18:21,491
What the fuck's going on
inside my head?
934
01:18:21,702 --> 01:18:24,323
Tell me Dr. Val, what's
your diag-nonsense?
935
01:18:24,538 --> 01:18:28,582
You are a lazy, self-indulgent
little girl...
936
01:18:28,834 --> 01:18:31,669
...who is driving herself crazy.
937
01:18:34,631 --> 01:18:38,546
Is that your medical opinion? Huh?
938
01:18:38,760 --> 01:18:42,295
Is that what you've learned in your
studies at night school...
939
01:18:42,514 --> 01:18:44,756
...for Negro welfare mothers?
940
01:18:45,559 --> 01:18:49,639
I mean, Melvin doesn't have a clue.
Wick is a psycho. And you...
941
01:18:49,896 --> 01:18:51,307
...pretend you're a doctor.
942
01:18:51,523 --> 01:18:55,852
You sign charts and dole out meds, but
you's ain't no doctor, Miss Valerie.
943
01:18:56,069 --> 01:18:59,154
You's ain't nothing
but a black nursemaid.
944
01:19:02,242 --> 01:19:04,567
And you're just throwing it away.
945
01:19:30,812 --> 01:19:32,935
You still wanna go to Florida?
946
01:19:35,525 --> 01:19:38,396
Lisa, we need money, don't we?
947
01:19:38,654 --> 01:19:41,441
- You've tongued your meds?
- Yeah, but I only have...
948
01:19:41,657 --> 01:19:43,982
They gave me shocks again.
949
01:19:44,409 --> 01:19:46,201
Jamie, I have to get out of here.
950
01:19:48,872 --> 01:19:50,663
I'm Susanna.
951
01:19:51,792 --> 01:19:54,034
I'm Susanna.
952
01:20:12,980 --> 01:20:14,853
What are we doing?
953
01:20:17,734 --> 01:20:19,442
What is it?
954
01:20:20,779 --> 01:20:24,362
" Dear sir, please give
Daisy Randone assistance...
955
01:20:24,574 --> 01:20:28,193
...installing a telephone
at 23 Vicar Street."
956
01:20:28,412 --> 01:20:30,120
I thought we were going to Florida!
957
01:20:30,372 --> 01:20:33,408
We just need a place to crash
till we get plane tickets.
958
01:20:35,585 --> 01:20:36,961
Come on.
959
01:20:48,307 --> 01:20:50,098
Nice coat.
960
01:21:54,498 --> 01:21:55,778
What?
961
01:21:57,042 --> 01:21:59,450
You don't want me, Tony.
962
01:21:59,711 --> 01:22:01,668
Yes, I do, baby.
963
01:22:01,922 --> 01:22:04,591
No, you don't.
I'm a crazy girl.
964
01:22:04,841 --> 01:22:07,167
You're crazy, so we can't
have one night?
965
01:22:07,427 --> 01:22:10,547
I am a crazy girl. Seriously.
966
01:22:11,932 --> 01:22:14,767
- You've been in a hospital?
- Yes.
967
01:22:20,857 --> 01:22:22,517
Do you see purple people?
968
01:22:24,236 --> 01:22:26,561
My friend, he saw purple people.
969
01:22:27,072 --> 01:22:30,192
And so the state came
and took him away.
970
01:22:31,326 --> 01:22:33,118
He didn't like that.
971
01:22:33,328 --> 01:22:35,451
Some time went by...
972
01:22:35,914 --> 01:22:38,785
...and he told them he didn't see
purple people no more.
973
01:22:39,001 --> 01:22:40,411
He got better.
974
01:22:41,211 --> 01:22:44,082
No. He still sees them.
975
01:22:46,967 --> 01:22:47,797
We gotta split.
976
01:22:48,051 --> 01:22:49,676
Somebody stop her!
977
01:22:49,928 --> 01:22:52,336
She took my fucking wallet!
978
01:23:03,025 --> 01:23:05,017
Identify yourself.
979
01:23:05,694 --> 01:23:07,936
It's Susanna and...
980
01:23:08,155 --> 01:23:11,072
It's Susanna. Daisy?
981
01:23:17,623 --> 01:23:18,785
You got Valium?
982
01:23:35,140 --> 01:23:36,303
Cool pad.
983
01:23:38,518 --> 01:23:40,061
Peace, man, peace.
984
01:23:40,520 --> 01:23:42,643
I'm sorry for being a bitch.
I was a drag.
985
01:23:42,856 --> 01:23:44,434
That's for you.
986
01:23:53,659 --> 01:23:55,283
That's Ruby.
987
01:23:56,078 --> 01:23:57,987
My dad bought her for me.
988
01:24:00,165 --> 01:24:02,621
This is a Castro Convertible.
989
01:24:03,460 --> 01:24:05,203
- It pulls out.
- Cool.
990
01:24:05,963 --> 01:24:07,421
- Where's your bathroom?
- Right there.
991
01:24:11,635 --> 01:24:12,963
You don't have a tub.
992
01:24:13,178 --> 01:24:15,135
No, I don't.
993
01:24:16,139 --> 01:24:17,883
- What about upstairs?
- Nope.
994
01:24:20,602 --> 01:24:23,473
So, what, did you two
escape or what?
995
01:24:23,730 --> 01:24:26,352
Actually, we're going to Florida.
996
01:24:26,608 --> 01:24:29,526
All you have is mustard
and your chickens.
997
01:24:30,112 --> 01:24:33,528
So what are you girls going
to do in Florida?
998
01:24:34,908 --> 01:24:38,028
I'm gonna be Cinderella at
Walt Disney's new theme park.
999
01:24:38,704 --> 01:24:40,780
Susanna's gonna be Snow White.
1000
01:24:41,248 --> 01:24:43,537
You can come if you want.
1001
01:24:44,126 --> 01:24:46,996
You can be the cocker spaniel
that eats spaghetti.
1002
01:24:48,922 --> 01:24:50,251
I wanna make pancakes.
1003
01:24:50,632 --> 01:24:52,424
I'm tired.
I wanna go to bed.
1004
01:24:52,676 --> 01:24:54,965
I want to make pancakes
in the morning.
1005
01:24:55,178 --> 01:24:56,756
There's a market on the corner.
1006
01:24:57,222 --> 01:24:59,298
Pans are under the sink.
1007
01:24:59,516 --> 01:25:01,509
Silver's in that drawer.
1008
01:25:04,938 --> 01:25:06,516
Do you have any money?
1009
01:25:07,899 --> 01:25:10,984
Do you have some sort
of a safety net down there?
1010
01:25:12,529 --> 01:25:15,316
People you know down there in Florida?
1011
01:25:15,949 --> 01:25:17,443
Relatives?
1012
01:25:18,368 --> 01:25:21,155
Friends? Anything?
1013
01:25:32,132 --> 01:25:34,338
This is for your pancakes.
1014
01:25:35,969 --> 01:25:38,507
Don't make a lot of noise
in the morning.
1015
01:25:39,514 --> 01:25:41,637
I like to sleep late.
1016
01:25:42,351 --> 01:25:44,557
I'll come down when I'm ready.
1017
01:26:13,924 --> 01:26:15,466
Give me the Valium.
1018
01:26:16,635 --> 01:26:18,627
We don't need your daddy's money.
1019
01:26:19,137 --> 01:26:21,047
Then leave it there.
1020
01:26:21,515 --> 01:26:24,184
Just give me the fucking Valium.
1021
01:26:30,065 --> 01:26:31,263
What's this?
1022
01:26:31,525 --> 01:26:32,687
- What's this?
- Let go.
1023
01:26:32,943 --> 01:26:35,897
- Trying out your new silver?
- Get the fuck off me.
1024
01:26:36,613 --> 01:26:37,894
Less appealing for Daddy.
1025
01:26:39,283 --> 01:26:41,240
Look at your own arm, asshole.
1026
01:26:41,493 --> 01:26:43,533
I'm sick, Daisy. We know that.
1027
01:26:43,787 --> 01:26:47,737
But here you are in so-called
recovery, cut up like a ham.
1028
01:26:47,958 --> 01:26:49,915
Just stop it, okay?
1029
01:26:51,211 --> 01:26:53,832
Help me understand.
1030
01:26:54,631 --> 01:26:58,000
I thought you didn't do Valium.
Tell me how this works.
1031
01:26:59,136 --> 01:27:02,670
Tell me that you don't drag that blade
across your skin...
1032
01:27:02,889 --> 01:27:06,555
...and pray for the courage
to press down.
1033
01:27:08,103 --> 01:27:12,183
Tell me how your daddy
helps you cope with that.
1034
01:27:12,608 --> 01:27:14,481
Illuminate me.
1035
01:27:17,070 --> 01:27:19,277
My father loves me.
1036
01:27:21,825 --> 01:27:23,070
I bet.
1037
01:27:23,327 --> 01:27:26,281
With every inch of his manhood.
1038
01:27:26,538 --> 01:27:28,447
Oh, God.
1039
01:27:32,711 --> 01:27:34,704
I'm going to sleep now.
1040
01:27:44,056 --> 01:27:45,716
Please be gone in the morning.
1041
01:27:49,102 --> 01:27:51,012
You're just jealous, Lisa...
1042
01:27:52,397 --> 01:27:54,307
...because I got better.
1043
01:27:55,317 --> 01:27:57,226
Because I was released.
1044
01:27:58,320 --> 01:28:00,775
Because I have a chance.
1045
01:28:02,282 --> 01:28:03,942
And a life.
1046
01:28:05,869 --> 01:28:08,490
They didn't release you
because you're better.
1047
01:28:08,914 --> 01:28:10,574
They just gave up.
1048
01:28:11,792 --> 01:28:13,619
You call this a life?
1049
01:28:13,877 --> 01:28:18,504
Taking Daddy's money? Buying your
dollies and your knickknacks?
1050
01:28:18,715 --> 01:28:22,630
Eating his fucking chicken?
Fattening up like a prize heifer?
1051
01:28:23,595 --> 01:28:25,718
You changed the scenery,
but not the situation...
1052
01:28:25,931 --> 01:28:28,303
...and the warden makes house calls.
1053
01:28:28,517 --> 01:28:30,675
And everybody knows.
1054
01:28:31,186 --> 01:28:34,140
Everybody knows that he fucks you.
1055
01:28:35,607 --> 01:28:36,983
What they don't know...
1056
01:28:38,402 --> 01:28:39,812
...is that you like it.
1057
01:28:41,863 --> 01:28:44,437
- You like it.
- Shut the fuck up!
1058
01:28:44,658 --> 01:28:47,030
Man, it's cool. It's okay.
1059
01:28:47,244 --> 01:28:48,524
It's fucking fine!
1060
01:28:48,787 --> 01:28:52,370
A man is a dick is a man
is a dick is a chicken...
1061
01:28:52,582 --> 01:28:53,958
...is a dad...
1062
01:28:54,167 --> 01:28:57,868
...a Valium, a speculum, whatever.
1063
01:28:58,171 --> 01:28:59,796
Whatever.
1064
01:29:01,049 --> 01:29:02,793
You like being Mrs. Randone.
1065
01:29:04,678 --> 01:29:06,671
Probably all you've ever known.
1066
01:29:10,100 --> 01:29:12,306
Have fun in Florida.
1067
01:31:04,339 --> 01:31:05,964
Has she come down yet?
1068
01:31:06,717 --> 01:31:07,748
No.
1069
01:31:09,303 --> 01:31:12,387
But she's been playing
that shit all morning!
1070
01:31:14,141 --> 01:31:17,973
Why does my heart go on beating?
1071
01:31:20,772 --> 01:31:24,817
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
1072
01:31:27,821 --> 01:31:30,490
Don't they know
1073
01:31:30,741 --> 01:31:34,157
It's the end of the world
1074
01:31:34,411 --> 01:31:37,614
It ended when you said
1075
01:31:38,790 --> 01:31:41,875
Goodbye
1076
01:32:31,551 --> 01:32:32,927
Daisy?
1077
01:32:52,406 --> 01:32:54,398
Oh, my God!
1078
01:33:06,336 --> 01:33:08,163
What an idiot.
1079
01:33:16,972 --> 01:33:20,839
- Yes, I need an ambulance.
- Make it a hearse.
1080
01:33:22,227 --> 01:33:26,225
Daisy Randone. She killed herself.
1081
01:33:28,442 --> 01:33:33,269
23 Vicar Street.
Yes. Please hurry!
1082
01:33:44,750 --> 01:33:47,869
You pressed her buttons.
Now you're taking her money.
1083
01:33:49,504 --> 01:33:52,256
I didn't press shit.
She was waiting for an excuse.
1084
01:33:52,466 --> 01:33:53,924
Pack up.
We have to go.
1085
01:33:54,176 --> 01:33:56,418
All right?
We have to go!
1086
01:33:56,637 --> 01:33:58,428
Now we have money.
1087
01:34:02,142 --> 01:34:04,265
Don't be stupid.
1088
01:34:07,814 --> 01:34:10,519
All right, fine.
Be stupid.
1089
01:36:23,200 --> 01:36:26,900
We should send someone
for a litter box.
1090
01:36:56,984 --> 01:36:58,810
Can I pet the kitty?
1091
01:37:01,571 --> 01:37:03,196
Be careful.
1092
01:37:06,827 --> 01:37:09,781
- Hello, puddy-cat.
- Kitty!
1093
01:37:10,664 --> 01:37:12,787
You are so cute.
1094
01:37:24,928 --> 01:37:26,720
Checks.
1095
01:37:28,473 --> 01:37:30,300
Where's Georgina?
1096
01:37:31,184 --> 01:37:33,473
She's staying with Polly tonight.
1097
01:37:34,229 --> 01:37:36,518
They're playing with your cat.
1098
01:37:40,444 --> 01:37:42,483
Did they find Lisa?
1099
01:37:43,864 --> 01:37:44,895
No.
1100
01:38:03,634 --> 01:38:06,338
I couldn't stand up to her.
1101
01:38:10,599 --> 01:38:14,050
A decent person would
have done something.
1102
01:38:16,438 --> 01:38:18,229
Shut her up.
1103
01:38:22,277 --> 01:38:24,353
Gone upstairs.
1104
01:38:25,072 --> 01:38:26,981
Talked to Daisy.
1105
01:38:29,785 --> 01:38:32,192
Melvin said you went upstairs.
1106
01:38:34,498 --> 01:38:36,158
Too late.
1107
01:38:38,627 --> 01:38:40,952
What would you have said to her?
1108
01:38:42,673 --> 01:38:44,499
I don't know.
1109
01:38:46,260 --> 01:38:48,252
That I was sorry.
1110
01:38:53,767 --> 01:38:56,721
That I'll never know what
it was like to be her.
1111
01:39:01,066 --> 01:39:04,933
But I know what it's like
to wanna die.
1112
01:39:09,074 --> 01:39:11,612
How it hurts to smile.
1113
01:39:13,578 --> 01:39:17,030
How you try to fit in,
but you can't.
1114
01:39:18,583 --> 01:39:21,869
How you hurt yourself
on the outside...
1115
01:39:22,087 --> 01:39:25,373
...to try to kill the thing
on the inside.
1116
01:39:27,634 --> 01:39:32,462
Susanna, it's all well and good
to tell me all this.
1117
01:39:33,473 --> 01:39:37,056
But you've got to tell
some of this to your doctors.
1118
01:39:43,400 --> 01:39:45,357
How am I supposed to recover...
1119
01:39:45,569 --> 01:39:48,439
...when I don't even
understand my disease?
1120
01:39:49,448 --> 01:39:51,820
But you do understand it.
1121
01:39:52,117 --> 01:39:55,652
You spoke very clearly
about it a second ago.
1122
01:39:56,496 --> 01:39:59,663
But I think what you've got
to do is put it down.
1123
01:39:59,916 --> 01:40:02,289
Put it away.
Put it in your notebook.
1124
01:40:02,502 --> 01:40:04,495
But get it out of yourself.
1125
01:40:05,213 --> 01:40:09,163
Away, so you can't
curl up with it anymore.
1126
01:40:16,099 --> 01:40:18,555
Lisa thinks it's a gift.
1127
01:40:21,355 --> 01:40:24,190
That it lets you see the truth.
1128
01:40:27,402 --> 01:40:29,893
Lisa's been here for eight years.
1129
01:40:38,455 --> 01:40:40,661
I'm so sorry.
1130
01:40:41,124 --> 01:40:44,209
- I was a pig.
- It's all right. Listen.
1131
01:40:46,797 --> 01:40:49,288
Do not drop anchor here.
1132
01:40:50,550 --> 01:40:51,499
Understand?
1133
01:41:04,940 --> 01:41:07,347
When you don't want to feel...
1134
01:41:08,277 --> 01:41:11,112
... death can seem like a dream.
1135
01:41:12,114 --> 01:41:14,865
But seeing death...
1136
01:41:15,492 --> 01:41:17,485
... really seeing it...
1137
01:41:17,869 --> 01:41:21,950
... makes dreaming about it
fucking ridiculous.
1138
01:41:22,833 --> 01:41:26,747
Maybe there's a moment,
growing up...
1139
01:41:26,962 --> 01:41:29,038
... when something peels back.
1140
01:41:29,464 --> 01:41:33,842
Maybe we look for secrets because
we can't believe our minds.
1141
01:41:34,052 --> 01:41:38,002
Though I missed Lisa,
life was easier without her.
1142
01:41:38,223 --> 01:41:40,548
A thought is a hard thing
to control.
1143
01:41:42,561 --> 01:41:44,803
All I know is that
I began to feel again.
1144
01:41:45,022 --> 01:41:46,220
Crazy? Sane?
1145
01:41:46,440 --> 01:41:51,102
Whatever I was, I knew there was
only one way back to the world...
1146
01:41:51,320 --> 01:41:53,811
... and that was to use the place...
1147
01:41:54,072 --> 01:41:55,531
... to talk.
1148
01:41:56,241 --> 01:42:00,155
So I saw the great and wonderful
Dr. Wick three times a week...
1149
01:42:00,370 --> 01:42:03,371
... and I let her hear
every thought in my head.
1150
01:42:07,294 --> 01:42:11,078
Do you think maybe I have ESP
or something, that I'm gifted?
1151
01:42:12,090 --> 01:42:13,585
Perhaps.
1152
01:42:25,854 --> 01:42:28,725
You think I can be home
by Thanksgiving?
1153
01:42:32,653 --> 01:42:35,357
Nothing's happened
in weeks, you know.
1154
01:42:36,156 --> 01:42:38,777
The point is control.
1155
01:42:39,034 --> 01:42:43,162
Yeah, and here I am,
in control, off meds...
1156
01:42:43,413 --> 01:42:46,617
...no headaches, sleeping sound.
1157
01:42:55,050 --> 01:42:57,339
Oh, will you help me?
Can you help me?
1158
01:42:57,552 --> 01:42:59,462
You don't need to be helped
any longer.
1159
01:42:59,680 --> 01:43:01,968
You've always had the power
to go back to Kansas.
1160
01:43:02,849 --> 01:43:03,763
I have?
1161
01:43:03,976 --> 01:43:05,553
Then why didn't you tell her before?
1162
01:43:05,769 --> 01:43:08,094
Because she wouldn't have
believed me.
1163
01:43:08,355 --> 01:43:09,814
She had to learn it for herself.
1164
01:43:10,023 --> 01:43:12,099
What have you learned, Dorothy?
1165
01:43:16,822 --> 01:43:18,446
I think that it...
1166
01:43:18,657 --> 01:43:22,655
... that it wasn't enough just to want
to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em...
1167
01:43:24,329 --> 01:43:27,579
... and if I ever go looking
for my heart's desire again...
1168
01:43:27,791 --> 01:43:30,994
... I won't look any further
than my own back yard.
1169
01:43:31,295 --> 01:43:33,702
Because if it isn't there...
1170
01:43:33,922 --> 01:43:37,208
... I never really lost it
to begin with.
1171
01:43:38,176 --> 01:43:40,632
- Is that right?
- That's all it is.
1172
01:44:01,992 --> 01:44:03,570
Thanks, Joe.
1173
01:45:05,264 --> 01:45:09,925
Go away. Go away!
1174
01:45:15,691 --> 01:45:17,185
It's me.
1175
01:45:32,291 --> 01:45:34,698
It's been a while...
1176
01:45:36,003 --> 01:45:38,873
...and I just wanted to say hey.
1177
01:45:42,801 --> 01:45:44,509
You okay?
1178
01:45:45,804 --> 01:45:47,631
Fabulous.
1179
01:45:50,642 --> 01:45:53,429
You're gonna be late.
Gretta's waiting for you.
1180
01:45:57,816 --> 01:46:01,185
I gotta go. Dr. Wick.
1181
01:46:03,572 --> 01:46:05,564
They still fucking with you?
1182
01:46:09,202 --> 01:46:10,483
They're...
1183
01:46:12,706 --> 01:46:15,375
Actually, they're letting me out.
1184
01:46:19,212 --> 01:46:21,004
Oh, that's great.
1185
01:46:24,217 --> 01:46:26,009
You better go.
1186
01:46:43,320 --> 01:46:46,903
Well, my dad got me a job,
a part-time job...
1187
01:46:47,115 --> 01:46:49,404
...at a bookstore in Harvard Square.
1188
01:46:50,577 --> 01:46:53,448
And I got an apartment
with a phone so I can...
1189
01:46:53,664 --> 01:46:54,862
Stay in touch.
1190
01:46:56,625 --> 01:47:00,325
And I'll be seeing Sonia
twice a week.
1191
01:47:00,587 --> 01:47:04,419
Is that your long-term plan?
To work in retail?
1192
01:47:08,220 --> 01:47:10,592
My plan? No.
1193
01:47:11,139 --> 01:47:13,132
Then what do you plan to do?
1194
01:47:16,144 --> 01:47:17,687
I plan to write.
1195
01:47:25,487 --> 01:47:27,195
Polly Clark.
1196
01:47:28,240 --> 01:47:30,232
Cynthia Crowley.
1197
01:47:33,662 --> 01:47:35,820
Susanna Kaysen.
1198
01:47:38,166 --> 01:47:40,918
- I don't think I need...
- Sleeping pills, darling.
1199
01:47:41,128 --> 01:47:44,579
You want to be rested for tomorrow.
Last night's a long one.
1200
01:47:44,923 --> 01:47:47,379
Good girl. Katie Cooper.
1201
01:47:49,845 --> 01:47:51,304
Rosemary Jones.
1202
01:47:53,849 --> 01:47:56,091
Teresa McCullian.
1203
01:49:21,019 --> 01:49:22,430
Ruby?
1204
01:50:03,395 --> 01:50:06,764
" If I spread my fingers out,
my hand looked more human.
1205
01:50:07,024 --> 01:50:08,518
So I did that.
1206
01:50:08,775 --> 01:50:12,820
But it wasn't tiring holding my
fingers apart, so I let them relax...
1207
01:50:13,071 --> 01:50:14,945
...and then, I turned my hand over.
1208
01:50:15,365 --> 01:50:17,025
The back wasn't much better.
1209
01:50:17,284 --> 01:50:19,573
My veins bulged."
1210
01:50:24,041 --> 01:50:26,662
Shut up, I'm reading.
Shut up!
1211
01:50:28,837 --> 01:50:32,704
" I can honestly say that my memory
has been transformed...
1212
01:50:33,759 --> 01:50:36,629
By Freud's definition,
I've achieved mental health.
1213
01:50:37,095 --> 01:50:39,586
And my discharge sheet
reads, 'recovered.'
1214
01:50:40,432 --> 01:50:41,891
Recovered."
1215
01:50:44,770 --> 01:50:46,679
Don't do this!
1216
01:50:47,522 --> 01:50:48,981
"Whatever it was..."
1217
01:50:54,863 --> 01:50:57,817
" Had I stopped arguing
with my personality?
1218
01:50:59,326 --> 01:51:00,524
Recovered."
1219
01:51:02,412 --> 01:51:06,161
We were reading your book.
We're having a little read-aloud...
1220
01:51:06,375 --> 01:51:09,210
...celebrate the wisdom you're
taking into the world.
1221
01:51:09,419 --> 01:51:11,791
Try to learn something,
grow as people.
1222
01:51:13,173 --> 01:51:16,127
When you were a baby,
they strapped you to a board.
1223
01:51:16,760 --> 01:51:18,918
You think Georgina doesn't
wanna leave...
1224
01:51:19,179 --> 01:51:20,721
...and I'm criminally insane.
1225
01:51:21,056 --> 01:51:23,464
What are you guys doing here?
1226
01:51:23,725 --> 01:51:27,770
" Lisa's eyes, once so magnetic,
now just look empty."
1227
01:51:29,898 --> 01:51:31,855
That is mine.
1228
01:51:32,401 --> 01:51:34,227
That is mine.
1229
01:51:36,154 --> 01:51:38,906
"Georgina lies only to people
who keep her here.
1230
01:51:39,116 --> 01:51:41,689
Sometimes I think she wants
to live in Oz forever."
1231
01:51:41,952 --> 01:51:45,368
- How perceptive.
- You better erase that thing.
1232
01:51:45,914 --> 01:51:50,243
My father is the head of the CIA,
and he could have you dead in minutes!
1233
01:51:50,460 --> 01:51:52,120
" In this world, looks are everything.
1234
01:51:52,337 --> 01:51:56,287
Sometimes I think Polly's sweetness
and purity aren't genuine at all...
1235
01:51:56,508 --> 01:51:59,628
...but a desperate attempt to make it
easier for us to look at her."
1236
01:52:00,178 --> 01:52:03,263
So nice of you to pass judgment on us
now that you're cured.
1237
01:52:03,807 --> 01:52:05,883
What the fuck are you doing, Lisa?
1238
01:52:06,560 --> 01:52:08,802
I'm playing the villain,
like you want.
1239
01:52:09,062 --> 01:52:11,518
- I give you everything you want.
- No, you don't.
1240
01:52:13,233 --> 01:52:14,608
You wanted your file?
I got it!
1241
01:52:14,818 --> 01:52:18,353
You wanted out, I got you out!
You needed money, I found you some!
1242
01:52:18,614 --> 01:52:21,650
I told you the truth!
I didn't write it in a book!
1243
01:52:21,867 --> 01:52:23,943
I told you to your face!
1244
01:52:24,202 --> 01:52:28,366
I told Daisy what everybody knew and
wouldn't say, and she killed herself.
1245
01:52:28,582 --> 01:52:30,242
I played the fucking villain.
1246
01:52:30,500 --> 01:52:31,580
Just like you wanted.
1247
01:52:31,835 --> 01:52:33,329
Why would I want that?
1248
01:52:34,921 --> 01:52:37,247
Because it makes you
the good guy, sweet pea.
1249
01:52:37,466 --> 01:52:41,629
You come back here, all sweetness
and light and sad and contrite...
1250
01:52:41,845 --> 01:52:46,673
...and everybody wrings their hands,
congratulating you on your bravery.
1251
01:52:47,142 --> 01:52:51,603
Meanwhile, I'm blowing guys at the
bus station for money!
1252
01:52:52,230 --> 01:52:53,725
Stop it, Lisa. She's too...
1253
01:52:53,982 --> 01:52:55,227
Shut up, Polly!
1254
01:52:57,569 --> 01:52:58,767
Where are you going?
1255
01:52:59,613 --> 01:53:01,107
I'm talking to you!
1256
01:53:05,744 --> 01:53:08,698
Where are you going?
I'm talking to you!
1257
01:53:13,168 --> 01:53:14,746
You don't like me anymore?
1258
01:53:15,003 --> 01:53:16,912
No, I don't!
1259
01:53:18,340 --> 01:53:20,167
Because you're free?
1260
01:53:20,467 --> 01:53:22,045
You think you're free?
1261
01:53:22,844 --> 01:53:24,125
I'm free!
1262
01:53:24,638 --> 01:53:27,307
You don't know what freedom is!
1263
01:53:28,100 --> 01:53:29,510
I'm free!
1264
01:53:30,018 --> 01:53:32,509
I can breathe! And you...
1265
01:53:32,771 --> 01:53:35,891
...you'll go choke on your
average fucking mediocre life!
1266
01:53:48,620 --> 01:53:50,529
There are too many buttons
in the world.
1267
01:53:50,789 --> 01:53:52,912
Too many buttons,
and they're just...
1268
01:53:54,751 --> 01:53:57,159
There's way too many,
begging to be pressed.
1269
01:53:57,462 --> 01:53:59,336
They're just begging to be pressed!
1270
01:53:59,548 --> 01:54:02,121
You know, they're just
begging to be pressed.
1271
01:54:02,884 --> 01:54:04,842
And it makes me wonder.
1272
01:54:05,304 --> 01:54:09,004
It makes me fucking wonder.
Why doesn't anybody ever press mine?
1273
01:54:09,266 --> 01:54:10,641
Why am I so neglected?
1274
01:54:10,892 --> 01:54:14,059
Why doesn't anybody reach in
and rip out the truth...
1275
01:54:14,271 --> 01:54:16,643
...and tell me
that I'm a fucking whore...
1276
01:54:16,982 --> 01:54:19,105
...and that my parents
wish I were dead?
1277
01:54:19,610 --> 01:54:22,361
Because you're dead already, Lisa!
1278
01:54:29,202 --> 01:54:31,610
No one cares if you die, Lisa...
1279
01:54:33,040 --> 01:54:35,661
...because you're dead already.
1280
01:54:36,376 --> 01:54:40,244
Your heart is cold!
1281
01:54:42,507 --> 01:54:44,796
That's why you keep
coming back here.
1282
01:54:46,595 --> 01:54:48,587
You're not free.
1283
01:54:49,389 --> 01:54:52,841
You need this place.
You need it to feel alive.
1284
01:54:53,393 --> 01:54:54,389
It's pathetic.
1285
01:55:36,186 --> 01:55:39,057
I've wasted a year of my life.
1286
01:55:44,569 --> 01:55:47,820
And maybe everyone
out there is a liar.
1287
01:55:51,118 --> 01:55:54,284
And maybe the whole world...
1288
01:55:54,538 --> 01:55:58,037
...is stupid and ignorant.
1289
01:56:00,836 --> 01:56:03,243
But I'd rather be in it.
1290
01:56:05,173 --> 01:56:09,005
I'd rather be fucking in it...
1291
01:56:09,261 --> 01:56:11,799
...than down here with you.
1292
01:56:30,449 --> 01:56:32,987
Don't. Don't.
1293
01:56:34,411 --> 01:56:35,786
Don't.
1294
01:56:46,590 --> 01:56:48,132
Oh, God.
1295
01:57:33,136 --> 01:57:34,168
Did you get it?
1296
01:57:37,599 --> 01:57:40,719
I had to trade with a transvestite
in the men's ward.
1297
01:57:43,814 --> 01:57:45,225
Thanks.
1298
01:58:44,249 --> 01:58:46,123
I'm not really dead.
1299
01:58:52,674 --> 01:58:54,216
I know.
1300
01:58:58,722 --> 01:59:01,213
I'm gonna miss you, Susie Q.
1301
01:59:03,727 --> 01:59:07,096
No, you're not.
You're gonna get out of here...
1302
01:59:07,314 --> 01:59:09,686
...and you're gonna come and see me.
1303
01:59:32,881 --> 01:59:34,708
Hey, Georgina.
1304
01:59:34,967 --> 01:59:37,837
You know all that stuff
I write in my journal...
1305
01:59:38,095 --> 01:59:40,171
...I don't know what I'm saying.
1306
01:59:41,056 --> 01:59:44,140
They're just thoughts.
1307
01:59:44,810 --> 01:59:46,802
Maybe I'm the liar.
1308
01:59:48,647 --> 01:59:50,355
Maybe not.
1309
01:59:58,949 --> 02:00:00,360
See you.
1310
02:00:11,295 --> 02:00:15,838
You think if I left Ruby here
you'd take care of her for me?
1311
02:00:16,300 --> 02:00:19,751
Let me play with her
when I come for my therapy?
1312
02:00:30,772 --> 02:00:32,148
Bye, Ruby.
1313
02:00:53,754 --> 02:00:56,042
Remember me when you shave your legs.
1314
02:01:26,495 --> 02:01:28,653
Declared healthy...
1315
02:01:28,872 --> 02:01:31,826
... and sent back into the world.
1316
02:01:32,167 --> 02:01:34,658
My final diagnosis:
1317
02:01:35,045 --> 02:01:37,536
A recovered borderline.
1318
02:01:38,632 --> 02:01:41,384
What that means, I still don't know.
1319
02:01:42,636 --> 02:01:44,628
Was I ever crazy?
1320
02:01:44,888 --> 02:01:47,462
- Maybe.
1321
02:01:48,267 --> 02:01:50,722
Or maybe life is.
1322
02:01:52,396 --> 02:01:54,139
I remember you.
1323
02:01:56,525 --> 02:01:57,984
Where are you going?
1324
02:01:58,986 --> 02:02:01,274
17 Burlingame.
1325
02:02:01,488 --> 02:02:02,733
All right.
1326
02:02:04,032 --> 02:02:06,867
Crazy isn't being broken...
1327
02:02:07,160 --> 02:02:10,364
... or swallowing a dark secret.
1328
02:02:10,872 --> 02:02:12,948
It's you or me...
1329
02:02:13,208 --> 02:02:15,284
... amplified.
1330
02:02:15,919 --> 02:02:18,541
If you ever told a lie...
1331
02:02:18,797 --> 02:02:20,706
... and enjoyed it.
1332
02:02:22,217 --> 02:02:26,511
If you ever wished you
could be a child forever.
1333
02:02:27,848 --> 02:02:30,090
They were not perfect...
1334
02:02:30,559 --> 02:02:32,848
... but they were my friends.
1335
02:02:34,229 --> 02:02:36,471
And by the '70s...
1336
02:02:36,690 --> 02:02:38,564
... most of them were out...
1337
02:02:38,817 --> 02:02:40,810
... living lives.
1338
02:02:41,570 --> 02:02:43,646
Some I've seen...
1339
02:02:44,865 --> 02:02:47,403
... some, never again.
1340
02:02:48,744 --> 02:02:52,195
But there isn't a day my heart
doesn't find them.
1341
02:07:20,766 --> 02:07:21,797
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