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00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,921
It seems today that all you see
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00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,174
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
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00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,802
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
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On which we used to rely?
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Lucky there's a family guy
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Lucky there's a man
who positively can do
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All the things that make us
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Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:30,155
He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy!
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Good evening, Quahog. Our top story:
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00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,914
a local Yankee fan's dream comes true
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when he's diagnosed
with Lou Gehrig's disease.
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But first...
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Hey, the TV went out.
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Huh.
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00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:50,841
Oh, my God, the Wi-Fi is out.
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Okay, everyone calm down.
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I know how we'll get through this.
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00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:05,273
This is the story of
the greatest trilogy ever told,
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00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:07,024
The Mighty Ducks.
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It was a time of great nonsense.
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00:01:09,278 --> 00:01:11,028
Dad, why don't you tell us
how you and Mom
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00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,613
fell in love and got married?
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00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,782
And in go the earbuds.
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00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:16,617
Terrific episode idea, Meg.
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00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:18,452
Well, it was the 1990s,
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the decade of Viagra
but also Lorena Bobbitt,
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so it was kind of
a yay-boo period for penises.
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After graduating, your mom
and me moved to the city
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with all our friends.
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I lived with my best friends,
Quagmire and Cleveland.
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00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:38,681
We were the kind of friends
who were all good-looking,
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00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,933
except for David Schwimmer.
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00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,476
And your mom lived across the hall
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00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,395
with her friends Bonnie and...
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00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:45,813
uh, Bonnie.
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God, we desperately need to get
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00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:49,275
more female characters in this show.
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I was the Chandler.
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00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:52,600
Not because of my sarcastic zingers
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00:01:52,601 --> 00:01:55,323
but because I liked
to take 40 Vicodin a day.
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Guys, I've got big news.
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Tell 'em, Quagmire.
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00:01:58,493 --> 00:01:59,994
I got a promotion at Blockbuster!
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00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:05,041
Gleonard Quagmire,
that is fantastic news!
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I know, right?
You know how I always felt
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00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,336
like I was stuck in second gear?
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00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:09,837
Well, this is a new gear!
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00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,589
Well, congratulations, Glenn!
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00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:14,050
This calls for a fountain dance.
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00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:19,555
I was the least graceful
at fountain dancing.
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00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,974
I just swung my arms
and tried to fit in.
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00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,225
It was senseless.
We were in our clothes,
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for God's sake. Everyone got wet.
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00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,395
It was cold. You know,
57
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:27,813
there were originally nine friends,
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00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,446
but three of 'em died of pneumonia.
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00:02:29,447 --> 00:02:32,735
I'm still haunted
by Chad's shivering last words,
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00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:35,237
"Don't let Monica get Botox."
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00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:42,328
We also hung out at
our favorite café, Perk Place,
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where we would all sweat like crazy
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'cause everyone in the '90s
wore turtlenecks,
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00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:48,167
vests, and Jamiroquai hats.
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Lois, you look down. What's wrong?
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00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,755
Brad Pitt broke up with me
in a pretty public way.
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00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:55,424
I just don't know
if I'll ever date again.
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00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,885
Wait, I thought you and Dad
dated in high school.
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00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,136
Did you break up?
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00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:01,263
Uh-uh, story's not over, Meg.
Settle down.
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00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,641
Your father and I had dated
for a few years,
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00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,476
but I didn't know
if it was going anywhere.
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00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:08,938
So we decided to take a break
but remained close friends.
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00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:11,899
I actually briefly dated one
of our roommates, Barry.
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00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,110
He was one of them
what the fountain took.
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00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:17,113
My father had planned out
my whole life for me.
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00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:19,824
He wanted me to marry one
of Quahog's up-and-comers,
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Tom Tucker, Elmer Hartman,
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Seamus or Billy Zane.
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00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,955
It's meeting the man of my dreams
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00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:29,083
And then meeting his beautiful wife
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00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:30,793
And isn't it ironic
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00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,420
Don't you think?
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00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:35,965
It's like rain...
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00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,259
On your wedding day.
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00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:42,763
Alanis Morissette was America's
sweetheart in the '90s.
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00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,266
She went on to become one
of the CDs in the garage.
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00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:47,435
Wait, Seamus had arms and legs?
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00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,645
Chris, I'm not sure
you have the green light
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00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,147
to just chime in whenever.
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00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:54,817
Lois, let's go take a midnight
swim at Sharkbite Cove.
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00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,652
Oh, sounds wonderful, Seamus,
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00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:58,446
but I have other plans.
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Okay, well, I'm definitely going.
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Peter, why don't you admit it?
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00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,206
You still got the hots for Lois.
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00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,207
It's obvious.
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00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,293
Nah, we're broken up.
We're just friends now.
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00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,504
Looking back, I realize he was right.
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00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:17,840
But the '90s was an exciting time,
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00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:20,885
and we wanted to experience
all it had to offer.
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00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:22,511
Hey, guys, there's a great concert
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00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,555
in World Trade Center Plaza
this weekend!
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00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:25,973
Really? Who's playing?
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00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,017
They got Korn, Cranberries and Cake.
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00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,977
Oh, that sounds delicious.
But who are the bands?
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00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:31,312
They're opening with Cake.
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00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,397
Wait, shouldn't cake be last?
It's a dessert.
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00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,733
Korn is last.
Korn is a bigger draw than Cake.
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00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,693
Corn is not a bigger draw than cake.
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00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,361
- Cake is delicious.
- "No Doubt"?
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Well, I'm glad
you agree with me, Quagmire,
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00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:43,657
but that still doesn't address
this issue of the order.
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00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,743
My last show was a Weezer concert.
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00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,037
Well, that's 'cause
everyone smokes nowadays.
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00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:50,164
What band did we see last time
at the Palladium?
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00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,207
It was, uh, Blur.
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00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,750
Yeah, I can't remember, either.
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00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:55,377
It was a very confusing time in music.
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00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,338
Okay, time for another scene.
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Let's transition
with a '90s guitar sting
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that's way too long.
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00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,896
- Dad, what...
- H-Hang on, Chris.
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It's not done yet.
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00:05:22,806 --> 00:05:24,073
Okay, there we go.
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What'd you do for a living, Dad?
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00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,701
What any of us
did never really mattered.
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00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:28,869
It was just "vague business."
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00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,746
But despite having broken up,
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00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,748
I would sometimes sneak away
to the Internet
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to go flirt with your mom.
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00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,627
Well, I'm gonna go move my bangs
with my pinky
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00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,046
in front of the mirror.
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00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:41,090
- Welcome!
- Shh, shh, shh, shh!
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00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:43,092
- You've got mail!
- Okay, good, but quiet.
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00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,426
You've got male porn!
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00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,970
Shh, shh, shh!
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00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:48,889
Peter, quit trying to flirt with
that clearly girlfriend of yours
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00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,267
and come watch giant box TV with us!
140
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,143
We all watched The X-Files,
141
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,563
which would be Fox's last hit show.
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00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:58,482
And it was the heyday
of the multi-camera sitcom,
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00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,568
and Paul Reiser, its king,
144
00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:01,819
was must-see.
145
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,238
Perhaps I'll try this yogurt.
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00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:06,448
That's been in there since our wedding.
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00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:09,785
Perhaps... I won't.
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00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,499
Peter, admit it.
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00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,293
You're still in love with Lois.
150
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,420
Yeah, every time you see her,
you go, "Schwing!"
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00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,130
Which is, like, the sound
152
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:23,007
of being lifted by a boner, I think.
153
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:25,301
Yeah, but we decided
we wanted to see other people.
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00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:28,095
That's only 'cause she got tired
of waiting around for you.
155
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,597
Look, she loves you,
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00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:31,849
but she ain't gonna wait around forever.
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00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:32,975
I knew they were right.
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00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:34,351
Your mom was the only one
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00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:36,979
I wanted to spend
the rest of my life with.
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So I saved my money,
and, a few months later,
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I bought a ring.
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00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:43,404
So, did you enjoy your pesto with pesto?
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00:06:43,405 --> 00:06:45,989
Does this smile give you your answer?
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00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:50,284
Lois, there's something
I want to ask you.
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Will you marry me?
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00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,456
Oh, Peter, I'm-I'm so sorry, but...
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00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:57,917
I'm already engaged to Tom Tucker.
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Passed over for Tom Tucker?
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00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:01,795
That's terrible.
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00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:04,298
What do you think of that,
fellow '90s star Joey Lawrence?
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00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,300
- Meh.
- Oh. Huh.
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00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,302
Okay, well, what would you think
if I told you
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00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,471
that Blossom would completely
drop out of show business
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00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:12,389
to get a PhD in neuroscience
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00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:15,059
and then come back
and make $15 million a year,
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00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,227
while you would work steadily
for 20 years,
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00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,063
lose all your hair and go bankrupt?
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00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,190
- Whoa!
- There it is!
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00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:24,445
Yeah, that's the...
That's the thing I wanted.
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Where's Dad?
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00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,660
You've got male porn!
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00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:35,079
Peter, get in here and finish the story!
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00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,998
Sorry, I was just watching
some guy take it in the AOL.
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00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,084
- Goodbye.
- All right, where were we?
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00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:43,087
Mom just said
she got engaged to Tom Tucker?
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00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,798
Well, deep down,
I knew I loved your father,
187
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,550
but I guess I just caved
to my father's pressure.
188
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,552
And on my 28th birthday,
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00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,888
he introduced me to my future husband.
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00:08:04,024 --> 00:08:09,571
He's your king-to-be
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00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:13,617
A king to be forever
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00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:17,287
A king who'll do whatever
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00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:20,082
Her Highness
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00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:23,670
Desires
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00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:28,925
He's your king-to-be...
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00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:31,844
Thanks, Ollie.
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00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,721
Good afternoon, Lois. I'm Tom Tucker,
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00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:34,888
your king-to-be.
199
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,223
In other news,
200
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:38,726
President Clinton sent me
a congratulatory cigar,
201
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,644
but it's a little moist.
202
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,730
Well, I wasn't
gonna give up that easily.
203
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:45,399
So I decided I was gonna do
the most powerful thing
204
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,402
you could do in the '90s:
make a mixtape.
205
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,404
Again, Peter, it's your mixtape,
206
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:53,240
but you've got "Cotton Eye Joe"
as song number two,
207
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,075
number four, seven and eight.
208
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:56,493
You think it should be
number three as well?
209
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:57,578
No!
210
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,455
I made it number three as well.
211
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,248
Oh, Peter, I got to say,
212
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,751
the fourth and fifth time
I heard "Cotton Eye Joe,"
213
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,419
it really got to me.
214
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,755
I was so happy.
215
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,173
I knew Peter was the one
216
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,759
I wanted to spend
the rest of my life with.
217
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,303
But I dreaded having to tell my father.
218
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:17,347
Luckily, he was remarkably
understanding about it.
219
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:20,142
I've decided to be remarkably
understanding about this.
220
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:22,436
- Really?
- Yes. And to prove it,
221
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,605
I'm going to pay
for Peter's bachelor party
222
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,148
at the MTV Beach House.
223
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,317
And I promise it's not part of a ruse
224
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,778
to destroy your affection
for Peter once and for all.
225
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,529
Oh, Daddy, thank you!
226
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:33,989
I was thrilled.
227
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,450
Not only was
Carter letting me marry Lois,
228
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:39,787
but this was gonna be
the ultimate bachelor party.
229
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,872
The MTV Beach House was located
230
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,333
in the most hepatitis-rich part
of Florida,
231
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,960
known as Florida.
232
00:09:46,793 --> 00:09:48,337
Whassup?!
233
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,047
Commercials.
234
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:52,216
No skipping those yet.
235
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,968
We partied the same way
everyone in the '90s did,
236
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:56,845
spaced apart by a few feet,
237
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,639
dancing on our own.
238
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,183
Yeah, I was pretty
much the coolest guy there.
239
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,810
With the best legs.
240
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,312
There were these other idiots
there having a bachelor party,
241
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,814
but I didn't know 'em. They were losers.
242
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:08,857
- Joe?
- Who's that? Peter?
243
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,818
Yeah, get out of my story.
What the hell are you doing?
244
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:14,321
I'm telling the story of my
days at the MTV Beach House.
245
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,906
You get out of my story!
246
00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,284
I'm about to tell how I met Daria.
247
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:23,038
So, you partying hard
or hardly partying?
248
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,748
Hardly interested.
249
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,041
You're mean!
250
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,379
La-la-la-la-la
251
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:33,465
La-la-la-la-la.
252
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,134
I even got to meet my heroes,
253
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,095
Mark McGrath, Pauly Shore
and Jamie Kennedy,
254
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,721
and we became friends.
255
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,515
Guys, come be in my wedding.
256
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:43,767
Then we can all enter the 2000s
together as friends.
257
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,853
Sorry, Peter, but we can't go with you.
258
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:47,396
We're not allowed in the 2000s.
259
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:50,149
Yeah, we have to stay back here
in the '90s.
260
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,651
- Goodbye, Peter.
- And then,
261
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,696
they all walked into the sea
and disappeared forever.
262
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,114
Tell the world about us!
263
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,448
I planned to,
264
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,409
but then I found a half-eaten hot dog
265
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,744
that only had a little bit
of sand on it.
266
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,913
And most of the sand was very brushable.
267
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,416
You can pretty much wash
a hot dog with soap and water,
268
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,959
and you can still eat it.
269
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,795
I danced for eight hours
straight on The Grind,
270
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:14,298
occasionally going into the pool to pee.
271
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:16,383
Also, for some reason,
I was the only guy
272
00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,552
a bee was following the whole time.
273
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,721
Maybe it was 'cause of the
Country Time Lemonade powder
274
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,931
I'd been eating,
or 'cause me and Quagmire
275
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,933
were huckin' Capri Suns at each other.
276
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:27,269
But little did I know,
while I was dancing
277
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,229
and periodically peeing in the pool,
278
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,440
Carter was orchestrating a plan
279
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,943
to destroy my relationship
with your mom once and for all.
280
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,778
Hey, you're Daisy Fuentes.
281
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:39,573
Oh, that's how I say my last name.
282
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:41,992
You're the hottest girl of 1990-this.
283
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:44,119
I've got a proposition for you.
284
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,752
Hey, there. You're all that
and a bag of chips.
285
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,670
What a cool phrase.
286
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,673
I hope it never sounds dumb and dated.
287
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:05,307
Look, Peter's wrestling
with Daisy Foo-en-taze!
288
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,606
It all happened so fast.
289
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:16,485
Oh. We're having fun
'cause it's not 9/11 yet. Mmm.
290
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,278
But the next thing I knew,
291
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:20,280
I was kissing Daisy Fuentes.
292
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:23,533
And it was on national television.
293
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:26,203
I was home doing
what girls did at the time...
294
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:28,413
Looking at pictures of John Elway.
295
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:31,541
My horse-toothed dreamboat.
296
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,502
Denver looks beautiful.
297
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:36,755
Peter?! How could you?!
298
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,842
My heart shattered the moment I saw it.
299
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:45,639
I took your father's mixtape
and hucked it into the ocean.
300
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:49,351
Right then and there, I vowed
I would never see him again.
301
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,159
She said "wood."
302
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,815
That was cool.
303
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,941
Yeah. Wood! Wood!
304
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,027
You're right! Wood.
305
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,172
Daddy, tell us more
about the black '90s.
306
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:22,154
Well, Magic Johnson got AIDS,
and I was like, "What?!"
307
00:13:22,155 --> 00:13:24,845
But then, he came back the
next season and scored 30 points
308
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:27,222
in a game where no one would touch him.
309
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:30,058
And he caught it through
heterosexual sex contact?
310
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,269
Well, that is magic.
311
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,563
Terrific. Thank you, Cleveland.
312
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:36,857
And thank you
to the entire Brown family,
313
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,859
whose last name escapes me
at the moment.
314
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:40,569
Terrific.
315
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:41,862
Thanks, Dad.
316
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,280
Now back to your story.
317
00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:45,407
I had just lost the love of my life.
318
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,576
So as a way to forget my pain,
319
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:51,146
I threw myself into
a dot-com startup with Quagmire.
320
00:13:51,147 --> 00:13:53,582
We were two ambitious
young entrepreneurs
321
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,625
at the height of the dot-com bubble.
322
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:58,263
Oogle? Goo goo?
323
00:13:58,264 --> 00:14:00,714
Gah-gah goo? Gee-gee goo? Go... go go?
324
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:03,050
Keep saying baby words, Peter.
You're onto something.
325
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,593
We're close. We're circling it!
326
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,763
Goo-goo gah-gah? Oo... oogle?
Ooh eee ooh ah ah?
327
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,140
Moments late, we'd found
a business idea destined
328
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:13,518
to change the tech world
forever: Googoogle.
329
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:16,313
A search engine for all
the info on the Goo Goo Dolls.
330
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:19,608
People are always gonna need
information about them!
331
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,068
We were on our way.
332
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,736
We rented office space,
333
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,614
and watching it gave us
the idea to rent office space.
334
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:27,574
Lumbergh.
335
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:33,246
Uh, clearly,
we hadn't discussed the, uh,
336
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,831
tone of our work environment.
337
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,636
I should say we haven't.
338
00:14:36,637 --> 00:14:38,668
I thought this was
to be a place of business.
339
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,462
We got over our initial differences,
340
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:42,297
and then spent the rest of the day doing
341
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:44,091
what everybody did in the '90s...
342
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:47,094
Debating what was better...
Forrest Gump or Pulp Fiction.
343
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,970
Forrest Gump is ridiculous!
344
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:52,099
One guy does what he's told all
the time and makes millions.
345
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:55,477
But a girl goes off, tries to be
different, gets AIDS, and dies!
346
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:58,313
I find your argument shallow
and pedantic.
347
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,648
I didn't see either one.
348
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,483
I saw Ace Ventura 50 times.
349
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,777
Laughed so hard, I crapped
myself in the theater.
350
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,112
Just thinking about it now makes me...
351
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,239
Ow!
352
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,157
Meanwhile, my wedding plans
353
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,742
with Tom Tucker were back on.
354
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,494
Are you ready? I can't believe
355
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,329
the wedding is just two scenes away.
356
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,190
What's wrong, sweetie?
357
00:15:16,191 --> 00:15:18,902
I guess I'm just not sure
if I'm doing the right thing.
358
00:15:18,903 --> 00:15:20,460
What if this is a mistake?
359
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,963
Trust me, you're doing the right
thing. It's gonna be great.
360
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:24,965
Now, listen, we don't have too
much time before the wedding,
361
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,508
so I want to go over something
362
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:27,968
regarding the father-daughter dance.
363
00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:31,138
It goes, "Dallah-hollah
wallah-ballah-dallah Macarena,
364
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:33,181
wakka-lakka-chakka-hakka-bakka
Macarena."
365
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,683
Daddy, I don't think
366
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,852
"The Macarena" is
the best father-daughter dance.
367
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,354
Well, how about another song
from the '90s?
368
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:42,732
Casey would waltz
with the strawberry blonde
369
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:46,653
And the band played on...
370
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,780
What? Wrong '90s?
371
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,533
Like everything stupid
372
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,535
in the '90s, Googoogle took off.
373
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:56,830
We celebrated in grand
dot-com bubble fashion:
374
00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:58,832
by having an outrageous yacht party
375
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,417
with lobster fights and hookers.
376
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:02,294
We did Ecstasy,
which was terrible for you,
377
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,379
and only ever made me feel fantastic.
378
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,214
Kids, don't do it. It's too awesome.
379
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,550
They said it would burn a hole
in your brain,
380
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,093
- but show me the hole.
- Peter, that's enough.
381
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:12,262
If you hate pure, unconditional love
382
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,723
and experiencing the profound
harmony of the universe,
383
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:16,892
definitely do not try this drug.
384
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,935
There's also, like,
a 90% chance you'll hook up,
385
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,270
but really, no, don't do it.
386
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:21,563
Even if you don't hook up,
you don't care.
387
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,064
But you'll hook up, guaranteed.
388
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,108
Okay, Peter, let's move on.
389
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,110
And what was the name of that drug?
390
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:28,403
But despite our success,
391
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:30,614
something was missing.
392
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,032
Peter, we did it!
393
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,868
What's the matter?
You still sad about Brandon Lee?
394
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:37,412
Yeah. I never heard of him
before he died,
395
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,206
but when he died, it was so sad.
396
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,960
But also, it's Lois.
397
00:16:40,961 --> 00:16:42,584
She's getting married tomorrow.
398
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:45,045
Somehow, all this success
feels meaningless,
399
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:46,796
knowing I'm about to lose her forever.
400
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:48,632
Peter, then you need
to stop that wedding
401
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:49,883
before it's too late.
402
00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:51,593
But we've got a business to run.
403
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:53,428
You don't care about this business.
404
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,472
All you've ever cared about is Lois.
405
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:56,973
This is your last shot.
406
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,309
Peter, you get to that wedding.
407
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,727
They were right.
408
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,229
So I decided to get there
409
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,272
the way everyone got around
in the '90s...
410
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:06,027
Propelled by an explosion.
411
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,991
Do you, Lois
Commondenominator Pewterschmidt,
412
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:18,287
accept this man to be
your lawfully wedded husband?
413
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:23,500
Peter? What the hell
are you doing here?!
414
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:26,002
Lois, can I talk to you privately?
415
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:30,006
What is it, Peter?
416
00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:32,801
Before you marry Tom, what's
the Mortal Kombat blood code?
417
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:34,177
I keep forgetting.
418
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:37,597
It's "A-B-A-C-A-B-B,"
but you can't do this now!
419
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,099
You're ruining my wedding!
420
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,809
Lois, if I didn't come here,
421
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,852
I'd regret it for the rest of my life.
422
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:45,605
I know I screwed up,
and I don't deserve you,
423
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,941
but I can't stop thinking
about you, day and night.
424
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:50,277
It's been this way since the day we met.
425
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:53,989
I fell in love with you then,
and I'll never stop.
426
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,199
Unless Daisy Fuentes felt something?
427
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,076
Uh, I didn't.
428
00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,703
Lois, you're the only woman for me.
429
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:00,954
He cheated on you!
430
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:03,123
No daughter of mine is going
to marry a cheater!
431
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:04,499
Daddy's right.
432
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,501
Peter, I'm sorry, but you blew it.
433
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:10,046
I was in love with you, too,
but then you cheated on me.
434
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:12,048
You kissed Daisy Fuentes.
435
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:15,010
Lois, there's something you should know.
436
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,846
He didn't kiss me. I kissed him.
437
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,806
Because you felt something?
438
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,349
Because Carter paid me.
439
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,517
Well, that's something!
440
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,894
Daddy... is that true?
441
00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:28,231
I only did it to protect you
from making a huge mistake!
442
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,984
Lois, I may not be
as smart or as handsome
443
00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:33,153
as the guys your dad wants for you,
444
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:36,031
but I love you more
than all of 'em put together.
445
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:38,158
That's a fact. Just as sure
446
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:41,411
as the Star Wars movies are
a perfect isolated trilogy,
447
00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:43,457
unmarred by additional canon.
448
00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:45,448
Oh, Peter!
449
00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,337
- Damn it, stop them!
- One by one,
450
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:53,757
members of Lois' family tried
to stop me, but I laid 'em out.
451
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:55,508
There's something about punching someone
452
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,926
in a church that just feels good.
453
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,894
Cleveland picked us up
in a white Bronco.
454
00:19:07,477 --> 00:19:09,939
Why did you have a white Bronco, Daddy?
455
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:12,067
I was driving my innocent friend O.J.
456
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,611
and his ex-wife's head down to Mexico.
457
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,404
We eloped at Fenway Park,
458
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:18,531
which I paid 50 grand to rent out
459
00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:20,660
the day before the dot-com bubble burst.
460
00:19:20,661 --> 00:19:25,081
I now pronounce this
the last straight marriage.
461
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:27,832
And I think
462
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,209
I got swindled on the Fenway deal
463
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:30,877
because there was a game that night.
464
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,254
It's a hit!
465
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:36,383
No! That would have been
the game-winning run!
466
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:38,343
The Red Sox lose.
467
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,261
Boo!
468
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,971
I was having serious regrets
469
00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:44,599
about my decision, but was
already pregnant with Meg,
470
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,434
so there was no backing out.
471
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,811
Boo!
472
00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,774
This bee's chasing me!
Somebody call Ace Ventura!
473
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,945
Ow!
474
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:02,910
Aw.
475
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:12,585
Wow, Mom and Dad. I feel like
I learned so much tonight.
476
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,505
And not just about you guys,
but also about the '90s.
477
00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:18,299
Oh, there's a lot more to learn
about the '90, Meg.
478
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,009
Like, for instance, are you familiar
479
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,761
with a band called "Counting Crows"?
480
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,264
I think I might have heard them
in a Starbucks.
481
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,849
Yes, you have.
482
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:28,935
Anyway, their lead singer is
this thing called Adam Duritz.
483
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,646
He looks like if Marc Maron
had sex with a scarecrow
484
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,982
and gave birth to a baby made of hemp.
485
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,317
I always thought
he looked like the Cowardly Lion
486
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:39,195
in a suburban white high school
production of The Wiz.
487
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,239
- That's not what that is?
- No, Chris.
488
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,949
But actually, the joke's on us,
489
00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:45,493
because this Sideshow Bob burnout slept
490
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:47,829
with a primo roster of '90s tail.
491
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,664
- Jennifer Aniston.
- No.
492
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,374
- Courteney Cox.
- What?!
493
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,418
- Winona Ryder.
- That guy?!
494
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:56,129
Christina Applegate,
Lara Flynn Boyle, Emmy Rossum.
495
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,506
Ooh, this is just making me angry.
496
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:01,969
- Mary-Louise Parker.
- I hear she's difficult.