1 00:00:01,393 --> 00:00:04,819 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,065 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,234 --> 00:00:11,677 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:14,680 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,831 --> 00:00:18,242 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:21,336 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,022 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,173 --> 00:00:24,339 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:30,237 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy. ♪ 10 00:00:34,943 --> 00:00:37,202 Okay, kids, remember, it's Father's Day, 11 00:00:37,354 --> 00:00:38,445 which is the one day a year 12 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,447 we have to pretend your dad's annoying habits 13 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,099 are charming quirks. 14 00:00:42,117 --> 00:00:44,768 Here it comes, we get to watch him remove his mouth guard. 15 00:00:44,787 --> 00:00:45,878 Good morning, family. 16 00:00:46,105 --> 00:00:47,287 Let's see if I can break 17 00:00:47,439 --> 00:00:49,631 the nine-inch saliva string record. 18 00:00:52,127 --> 00:00:53,944 There it is, nine inches. 19 00:00:54,113 --> 00:00:55,462 Peter, that's two inches. 20 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,222 Saliva starts at the taint, Lois. 21 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,558 You always measure from the wrong place. 22 00:00:59,709 --> 00:01:00,951 -Brian? -Thank you. 23 00:01:00,969 --> 00:01:02,936 I'll just take that to the nibbling corner. 24 00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:06,473 BRIAN: Mmm. (moans with pleasure) 25 00:01:06,625 --> 00:01:08,625 Happy Father's Day, Dad. 26 00:01:08,644 --> 00:01:11,403 Okay, Peter, we have a special present for you this year. 27 00:01:11,630 --> 00:01:13,906 We thought you could have the whole day 28 00:01:13,982 --> 00:01:15,148 -to yourself... -Yes! 29 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,242 ...to do the Father's Day scavenger hunt 30 00:01:17,394 --> 00:01:19,727 I organized with the other wives. 31 00:01:19,822 --> 00:01:20,728 No! 32 00:01:20,823 --> 00:01:23,373 No! No! 33 00:01:24,401 --> 00:01:26,493 No! No! 34 00:01:26,645 --> 00:01:27,661 What was that? 35 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:29,070 My inner Al Pacino. 36 00:01:29,164 --> 00:01:30,071 Everybody has one. 37 00:01:30,165 --> 00:01:31,906 -I don't. -Sure you do. 38 00:01:32,075 --> 00:01:33,333 Since it's Father's Day, 39 00:01:33,485 --> 00:01:35,502 you have to do that thing in bed with me tonight. 40 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:38,989 No! 41 00:01:39,082 --> 00:01:41,266 Huh, son of a bitch. 42 00:01:41,418 --> 00:01:44,103 Anyway, I thought a scavenger hunt would be fun. 43 00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:46,271 Dads don't want fun on Father's Day. 44 00:01:46,498 --> 00:01:48,107 They want to put their hand down their pants, 45 00:01:48,334 --> 00:01:50,109 and watch a guy from a weird country 46 00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:51,735 win a golf tournament. 47 00:01:55,841 --> 00:01:57,174 Who's ready to scavenger hunt? 48 00:01:57,192 --> 00:01:58,508 I'll be your guide today. 49 00:01:58,527 --> 00:02:00,619 Hop on and, uh, please excuse the clutter. 50 00:02:00,770 --> 00:02:03,513 I'm kind of Nomadland -ing it in this thing. 51 00:02:03,607 --> 00:02:04,606 Can I move this bucket? 52 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,126 I wouldn't move or open any buckets. 53 00:02:07,277 --> 00:02:09,353 Now, I'm gonna put on a microphone headset 54 00:02:09,446 --> 00:02:11,130 even though I'm mere feet from you. 55 00:02:11,357 --> 00:02:13,281 -(feedback whines) -Let's open that first clue 56 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,591 and start pedaling. 57 00:02:18,380 --> 00:02:19,863 This is very hard. 58 00:02:19,956 --> 00:02:22,866 Yeah, it's usually bachelorette parties on these things, 59 00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:26,061 so they mostly run on "woos!" 60 00:02:26,963 --> 00:02:28,705 "Kids grow up so fast. 61 00:02:28,798 --> 00:02:30,390 "Luckily, we are there for them 62 00:02:30,542 --> 00:02:32,467 "when they need that extra support. 63 00:02:32,636 --> 00:02:34,378 This is where you bought Meg's first bra." 64 00:02:34,396 --> 00:02:35,487 At Goodwill. 65 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:37,972 Oh, that's where I got Junior's first bra. 66 00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:40,659 Happy Father's Day, Daddy. 67 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,738 A bunch of grabby fellas at the mall 68 00:02:44,890 --> 00:02:47,249 thought he was... (sighs) Lizzo. 69 00:02:51,397 --> 00:02:53,505 Did you really buy Meg's first bra here? 70 00:02:53,657 --> 00:02:54,822 I didn't think they were allowed to sell 71 00:02:54,917 --> 00:02:56,324 used underwear products. 72 00:02:56,402 --> 00:02:58,510 They do, there's just a special way you have to ask. 73 00:02:58,662 --> 00:02:59,586 -Hi. -Hi. 74 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,513 I'm looking for, um... 75 00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:02,589 uh... 76 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,607 In a garbage bag behind the lamps. 77 00:03:04,668 --> 00:03:05,759 Thank you. 78 00:03:05,911 --> 00:03:07,744 I found it. 79 00:03:07,763 --> 00:03:09,095 What's it say? 80 00:03:09,172 --> 00:03:11,005 "Everybody's heard about this bird. 81 00:03:11,083 --> 00:03:13,841 "The next clue can be found where he coops up. 82 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:16,511 But don't worry, I'm not talking about his coupons." 83 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,156 Sounds like the Giant Chicken's house. 84 00:03:23,019 --> 00:03:25,111 This is where the Giant Chicken lives? 85 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,279 It's amazing. 86 00:03:26,432 --> 00:03:27,522 How's he so rich? 87 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,766 His family got into the telecom game early. 88 00:03:29,785 --> 00:03:31,935 They laid all the fiber from here to Barrington. 89 00:03:32,104 --> 00:03:33,270 Chickens did that? 90 00:03:33,288 --> 00:03:35,772 Quahog actually has five of the top 15 91 00:03:35,791 --> 00:03:37,216 richest chickens in the world. 92 00:03:37,292 --> 00:03:39,443 I did a whole episode about it on my podcast, 93 00:03:39,461 --> 00:03:42,554 Joe's Gold: The Hidden Gems of Quahog. 94 00:03:42,781 --> 00:03:44,056 I didn't know you had a podcast. 95 00:03:44,132 --> 00:03:47,284 Well, you have to ask questions to get answers, Peter. 96 00:03:47,302 --> 00:03:49,302 Or as I say to my listeners, 97 00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,713 "Ask and you shall Joe-ceive." 98 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,291 Is that supposed to rhyme? Because it doesn't. 99 00:03:54,384 --> 00:03:56,735 Hey, you're Joe from Joe's Gold. 100 00:03:56,886 --> 00:03:58,311 That's right. You want an autograph? 101 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,404 No, I just want to say 102 00:03:59,631 --> 00:04:01,556 your HelloFresh promo code doesn't work. 103 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,409 -Oh, did you type it in all caps? -Yes. 104 00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:07,153 -Joe's Gold. All caps. -Yes. 105 00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:09,081 It's got to be something on their end. 106 00:04:09,232 --> 00:04:11,750 Hmm, I called them. They said it's your end. 107 00:04:12,811 --> 00:04:15,236 And you did all caps? 108 00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:16,713 ♪ ♪ 109 00:04:20,986 --> 00:04:22,986 We have reached our final destination. 110 00:04:23,079 --> 00:04:25,489 I do accept tips, and I also offer them: 111 00:04:25,657 --> 00:04:27,991 Do not become a high school principal. 112 00:04:28,084 --> 00:04:30,102 (panting): We made it, guys. 113 00:04:30,329 --> 00:04:33,105 Looks like the last clue is on that fence over there. 114 00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:36,275 "Congratulations on finishing 115 00:04:36,502 --> 00:04:38,668 "your Father's Day scavenger hunt. 116 00:04:38,687 --> 00:04:40,529 You have earned your big gift." 117 00:04:41,431 --> 00:04:43,507 "You are now the proud sponsor 118 00:04:43,525 --> 00:04:45,342 of a rescue sheep on the ranch..." 119 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,602 -Oh, no. -Happy Father's Day. 120 00:04:47,679 --> 00:04:51,197 Where we going to dinner? "Baa-ja" Fresh? 121 00:04:51,350 --> 00:04:52,607 I'll be keeping the sheep. 122 00:04:52,701 --> 00:04:54,126 (wind blows) 123 00:04:56,371 --> 00:04:58,338 ♪ ♪ 124 00:04:59,783 --> 00:05:01,207 What the hell is he doing? 125 00:05:01,284 --> 00:05:03,710 RANCH HAND: He's doing what he does every Father's Day. 126 00:05:03,879 --> 00:05:05,512 Waiting to shoot his dad. 127 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:10,124 Every year he stands under that there clocktower 128 00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:13,294 at high noon, waiting to duel his father, Old West, 129 00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:15,797 who abandoned the family to become an outlaw. 130 00:05:16,892 --> 00:05:20,377 It was a promise he made to himself when he was just a boy, 131 00:05:20,470 --> 00:05:23,530 a promise his mother asked him to keep on her deathbed. 132 00:05:24,733 --> 00:05:26,716 "Pain for pain," she said. 133 00:05:26,735 --> 00:05:29,995 So, every year, Wild West waits right there 134 00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:31,646 for his father to show, 135 00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:32,706 but every year... 136 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,584 ...his father never does. 137 00:05:36,912 --> 00:05:38,837 His mouth is very wet. 138 00:05:39,064 --> 00:05:40,914 Hmm. Well, if he's just waiting there, 139 00:05:41,066 --> 00:05:42,156 now seems like a good time 140 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,343 to ask him some chit-chatty questions. 141 00:05:44,494 --> 00:05:46,252 Hey. Hi. 142 00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:49,573 Heard about your dad. Crazy stuff. 143 00:05:49,591 --> 00:05:51,999 I don't have time for pleasantries. 144 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,001 Totally get it. Hey, you run a small business. 145 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,745 I'm looking for a new paper shredder. 146 00:05:55,764 --> 00:05:58,172 I can never find one that lasts. Any recommendations? 147 00:05:58,341 --> 00:06:00,100 Are you using lubricator sheets? 148 00:06:00,268 --> 00:06:01,601 I've never heard of that. 149 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:05,030 Buy lubricator sheets. Use them every 500 pages. 150 00:06:05,181 --> 00:06:06,514 Do you have a brand you use? 151 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,200 -Nuova. -Muova? 152 00:06:08,427 --> 00:06:09,201 Nuova. 153 00:06:09,352 --> 00:06:10,610 That's what I said. Muova. 154 00:06:10,762 --> 00:06:12,762 It's Nuova with an "N." 155 00:06:12,897 --> 00:06:14,764 -An "M?" -An "N." 156 00:06:14,783 --> 00:06:15,707 N-N? 157 00:06:15,934 --> 00:06:17,376 Just spell it? I'll write it down. 158 00:06:17,527 --> 00:06:18,543 (groans) "N." 159 00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:20,270 (gunshot) 160 00:06:20,363 --> 00:06:22,547 ♪ ♪ 161 00:06:22,699 --> 00:06:24,290 Hello, son. 162 00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:25,609 Dad. 163 00:06:25,627 --> 00:06:27,110 Fathers and sons 164 00:06:27,129 --> 00:06:30,130 have one of the trickier relationships, historically. 165 00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:32,632 We talk about that all the time on the pod. 166 00:06:32,784 --> 00:06:35,376 Hey, you're Joe from Joe's Gold. 167 00:06:35,545 --> 00:06:36,970 Guilty as charged. 168 00:06:37,122 --> 00:06:40,047 Your HelloFresh promo code doesn't work. 169 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,359 We don't have any sponsors, I just made that up. 170 00:06:49,818 --> 00:06:51,818 What kind of a man shoots another man 171 00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:54,061 when he's not looking? You ambushed me. 172 00:06:54,156 --> 00:06:57,157 A real man is always ready for an ambush. 173 00:06:57,309 --> 00:06:59,159 Besides, I shot you in a limb. 174 00:06:59,311 --> 00:07:01,402 That's how cowboys show affection. 175 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:04,481 The Chris Brown defense. Not great. 176 00:07:04,499 --> 00:07:07,092 Are you sure you don't want us to call a doctor, Mayor West? 177 00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:08,927 That wound looks pretty gnarly. 178 00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:11,171 I got some Minions Band-Aids if you want. 179 00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:13,247 Just not Stuart, or Bob. 180 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:15,492 (laughs) Kevin's kind of hilarious, too. 181 00:07:15,585 --> 00:07:17,994 You know what, I rescind my Minions Band-Aid offer. 182 00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:20,847 Look, son, I didn't come here to quarrel. 183 00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,757 I came here to make things right. 184 00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:24,258 You lost the right to make amends 185 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:26,761 the day you walked out on me and Ma. 186 00:07:26,855 --> 00:07:28,447 Thankfully, Allen was there 187 00:07:28,598 --> 00:07:31,283 to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives. 188 00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:35,102 Now, Wild, I do not want your blood sugar to get too low, 189 00:07:35,197 --> 00:07:37,271 so look what I brought you. A juice box. 190 00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:39,624 Oh, look who's here. Hello, Old West. 191 00:07:39,776 --> 00:07:42,944 Allen. I see you still got the Civic running. 192 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,537 Oh, yeah. You know, every year 193 00:07:44,690 --> 00:07:46,781 the dealership calls, asking me if I want to trade up, 194 00:07:46,875 --> 00:07:49,892 but I tell them I just need to get from "A" to "B," 195 00:07:49,953 --> 00:07:52,028 and I always do, thanks to "C." 196 00:07:52,047 --> 00:07:53,213 (laughs) 197 00:07:53,365 --> 00:07:54,714 You know, "C" is the Civic. 198 00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:56,049 Right, I got that. 199 00:07:56,201 --> 00:07:58,218 I think it's best if you leave. 200 00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:01,295 Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. 201 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:04,149 Why? Do people get hit in the ass with it a lot? 202 00:08:04,376 --> 00:08:06,042 It's just an expression. 203 00:08:06,211 --> 00:08:09,637 Oh. I'm kind of worried about this door now, though. 204 00:08:09,715 --> 00:08:10,697 Just leave. 205 00:08:14,736 --> 00:08:16,244 (shouts) 206 00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:19,164 Where did our bike go? 207 00:08:19,315 --> 00:08:22,058 Sorry, it's gone. Sold it to a guy on Craigslist. 208 00:08:22,077 --> 00:08:24,485 It looks like you got viciously assaulted. 209 00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:26,246 Yeah. That's Craigslist. 210 00:08:26,398 --> 00:08:27,897 How we gonna get back home? 211 00:08:27,916 --> 00:08:30,491 I don't know, but I already bummed a ride with Allen. 212 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:31,918 Hey-hey-hey! 213 00:08:31,995 --> 00:08:34,420 Hope you're okay with a little dog hair on the seats. 214 00:08:34,573 --> 00:08:38,225 Oh, Allen, I'm okay with all kinds of hair. 215 00:08:40,579 --> 00:08:41,911 Well, what are we supposed to do now? 216 00:08:42,005 --> 00:08:43,838 I could give you a lift. 217 00:08:43,932 --> 00:08:45,582 I'm already headed in that direction, 218 00:08:45,675 --> 00:08:47,049 but I'm afraid we're gonna have to leave 219 00:08:47,102 --> 00:08:48,768 your mangled man behind. 220 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,420 He'll only slow us down. 221 00:08:50,438 --> 00:08:53,773 It'll be dark soon. You're gonna need this. 222 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,925 There's six bullets in there. 223 00:08:56,019 --> 00:08:58,094 Five for prey, one for yourself. 224 00:08:58,187 --> 00:09:00,021 We'll tell your wife you love her. 225 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,498 Nah, that's okay. 226 00:09:05,604 --> 00:09:07,212 Well, here we are. 227 00:09:07,363 --> 00:09:09,864 Peter, I was wondering if you'd maybe 228 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,217 let me set up camp here for the night? 229 00:09:12,368 --> 00:09:14,869 Oh, boy. Nothing free is ever free. 230 00:09:14,963 --> 00:09:16,203 Well, I don't see why not. 231 00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:18,014 Let me go ask my wife if it's okay. 232 00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:21,876 Hey, Lois, can my friend stay over tonight? 233 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:22,877 LOIS: What? Who? 234 00:09:22,971 --> 00:09:24,211 PETER: My cowboy friend. 235 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,622 -LOIS: No. -Please? 236 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,141 LOIS: No. You can't keep coming home with things. 237 00:09:28,293 --> 00:09:29,793 -PETER: I don't. -LOIS: This is the iguana all over again. 238 00:09:29,811 --> 00:09:31,552 -This isn't the iguana. -I always end up 239 00:09:31,646 --> 00:09:32,979 -having to take care of them. -His skin is very similar to the iguana, 240 00:09:33,131 --> 00:09:34,964 -but it's not the iguana. -No. 241 00:09:34,983 --> 00:09:37,133 PETER: Please? I think we could have fun. 242 00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:38,484 LOIS: I don't care what you think. 243 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:39,803 The answer is no. 244 00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:41,154 PETER: It's not fair. Please? 245 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,081 LOIS: I said, "No." 246 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,293 She said backyard's fine. 247 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:50,922 Now, I have to say, 248 00:09:51,074 --> 00:09:52,482 I was a little hesitant to let you stay here, 249 00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:54,926 but you've been a very considerate guest. 250 00:09:55,078 --> 00:09:57,320 Every time I stand up, you stand, 251 00:09:57,339 --> 00:09:59,264 take your hat off, and say, "Ma'am." 252 00:09:59,415 --> 00:10:01,141 -Ma'am. -(Lois chuckles) 253 00:10:02,251 --> 00:10:03,560 -Ma'am. -(Lois chuckles) 254 00:10:04,587 --> 00:10:05,604 Ma... 255 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:06,846 -...am. -(Lois chuckles) 256 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,331 You know, I can't understand 257 00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:10,516 why Mayor West wouldn't want you in his life. 258 00:10:10,669 --> 00:10:13,670 -It's a long story. -STEWIE: How long? 259 00:10:13,688 --> 00:10:15,021 My daddy was an outlaw, 260 00:10:15,173 --> 00:10:17,765 just like his daddy, and his daddy before him. 261 00:10:17,859 --> 00:10:19,618 STEWIE: "The end." Not so long. 262 00:10:19,769 --> 00:10:21,936 They raised me to be the same. 263 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,271 After Wild was born, I... 264 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,624 I tried getting honest work. 265 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,033 Tried to go straight. 266 00:10:27,185 --> 00:10:29,961 I auditioned for America's Got Talent, 267 00:10:30,113 --> 00:10:30,962 but no one appreciates jumping in and out 268 00:10:31,114 --> 00:10:32,872 of a spinning lasso anymore. 269 00:10:33,024 --> 00:10:34,374 When that didn't work out, 270 00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:35,783 I turned to the only life I knew: 271 00:10:35,877 --> 00:10:37,527 robbing and stealing. 272 00:10:37,545 --> 00:10:39,195 (horse whinnies) 273 00:10:40,198 --> 00:10:42,599 Wild never forgave me for abandoning him. 274 00:10:44,035 --> 00:10:45,718 How'd you get that scar on your face? 275 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,204 I got this scar working a heist. 276 00:10:48,223 --> 00:10:50,815 A member of my posse got pinned down by gunfire 277 00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:52,208 and I went back to save him. 278 00:10:52,301 --> 00:10:53,393 When you work a job with someone, 279 00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:55,654 you never leave another man behind. 280 00:10:55,805 --> 00:10:57,063 You know what I think? 281 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,824 With a little domestication, you'd make a good dad. 282 00:10:59,976 --> 00:11:00,900 Why don't you stay with us 283 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,735 and I can help you win your son back? 284 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,311 Oh, that sounds swell. 285 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:07,207 Mind if I shoot my pistol in the air to celebrate? 286 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,593 (exhales) 287 00:11:10,595 --> 00:11:13,746 Oh, boy, this is gonna turn into a mess on Nextdoor. 288 00:11:13,899 --> 00:11:15,006 (chimes) 289 00:11:17,752 --> 00:11:18,760 (chimes) 290 00:11:19,754 --> 00:11:21,054 (chimes) 291 00:11:21,907 --> 00:11:23,056 (chimes) 292 00:11:23,909 --> 00:11:25,058 (chimes) 293 00:11:25,927 --> 00:11:27,310 (chimes) 294 00:11:34,586 --> 00:11:37,028 (chiming) 295 00:11:46,355 --> 00:11:48,873 Are you sure this whole getup is necessary, Peter? 296 00:11:49,025 --> 00:11:50,116 I feel a little foolish. 297 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,101 It's the perfect dad uniform. 298 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,694 The free Marriott polo shirt 299 00:11:53,772 --> 00:11:56,122 tells everyone that you're handsy when you're drunk, 300 00:11:56,274 --> 00:11:57,698 the jean shorts say you're impotent, 301 00:11:57,718 --> 00:12:00,126 and the sunglasses say you stormed the Capitol. 302 00:12:00,295 --> 00:12:02,369 That was a peaceful protest. 303 00:12:02,464 --> 00:12:04,948 Yeah, it's not like they were kneeling at a football game. 304 00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:06,391 On a Sunday. 305 00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:09,452 Anyway, now you look like a man who's ready to be a dad. 306 00:12:09,545 --> 00:12:11,287 In fact, my son was having a problem 307 00:12:11,306 --> 00:12:13,714 that maybe a good dad could help him solve. 308 00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,233 There's a girl I like at school, 309 00:12:15,310 --> 00:12:17,961 and I'm not sure if she likes me back. 310 00:12:17,979 --> 00:12:19,312 Now here's what you should do: 311 00:12:19,464 --> 00:12:21,314 You take out a hefty silver dollar, 312 00:12:21,466 --> 00:12:22,966 and you drop it in her corset. 313 00:12:22,984 --> 00:12:25,301 If it's meant to be, she'll accept you 314 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,971 in a room full of distractingly floral wallpaper. 315 00:12:28,064 --> 00:12:29,730 If not, she'll stab you in the liver 316 00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:30,749 with your own boot knife. 317 00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:33,126 That's how I met my Pearl. 318 00:12:35,571 --> 00:12:37,088 I think you're ready. 319 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,498 When Mayor West sees you now, 320 00:12:38,650 --> 00:12:41,167 he's gonna know you're serious about being his dad. 321 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,002 Thank you for all your help, Peter. 322 00:12:43,171 --> 00:12:44,912 You make a good partner, 323 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:45,930 and I want you to have something. 324 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,490 It's the dried hand 325 00:12:47,492 --> 00:12:49,267 of a Paiute I found in the desert. 326 00:12:49,418 --> 00:12:51,010 It's very important to me, 327 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,604 and now it's yours. 328 00:12:52,755 --> 00:12:56,265 Is-is this a way to break some kind of curse on you? 329 00:12:57,335 --> 00:12:59,335 You need to make the decision to take it. 330 00:12:59,428 --> 00:13:01,521 Yeah, m-maybe just leave it on the ground. 331 00:13:01,673 --> 00:13:02,596 It doesn't work like... 332 00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:04,765 It'll just wind up back in my pocket. 333 00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:05,842 Yeah, I'm gonna pass. 334 00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:07,601 Well, looks like someone thinks 335 00:13:07,695 --> 00:13:10,771 a shave and a haircut means he's a changed man. 336 00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:15,018 Son, I don't know how much time I have left in this world. 337 00:13:15,036 --> 00:13:16,686 Because of the cursed hand? 338 00:13:16,704 --> 00:13:18,296 That does add to the stress. 339 00:13:18,523 --> 00:13:20,965 I just want to make things right between us. 340 00:13:21,117 --> 00:13:22,133 I don't buy it, 341 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:23,450 and I'm gonna do to you 342 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,695 what should have been done a long time ago. 343 00:13:25,697 --> 00:13:26,696 (whistles) 344 00:13:26,698 --> 00:13:28,031 (guns cocking) 345 00:13:28,124 --> 00:13:30,383 You're under arrest for shooting the mayor. 346 00:13:30,535 --> 00:13:31,476 You ambushed me. 347 00:13:31,703 --> 00:13:34,813 A real man is always ready for an ambush. 348 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,557 And a man also knows how to get out of an ambush. 349 00:13:37,709 --> 00:13:39,108 (whistles) 350 00:13:44,049 --> 00:13:45,139 Hmm. 351 00:13:45,233 --> 00:13:47,141 (video game gunshots and screams) 352 00:13:47,235 --> 00:13:48,642 Don't you have to work today? 353 00:13:48,736 --> 00:13:50,219 No, I work on Thursday. 354 00:13:50,238 --> 00:13:52,646 Uh, dude? Today is Thursday. 355 00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:53,665 Dang it. 356 00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,421 (hoofbeats receding) 357 00:14:02,158 --> 00:14:04,133 Forgot my phone. 358 00:14:10,925 --> 00:14:12,241 (siren wailing) 359 00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:14,410 I should have never listened to you, Peter. 360 00:14:14,429 --> 00:14:16,855 If I had my gun, I would have gotten out of this. 361 00:14:17,082 --> 00:14:18,264 I was only trying to help. 362 00:14:18,416 --> 00:14:19,673 You want to help? 363 00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,176 Take this Paiute hand and put it in a safe place. 364 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,011 Oh, okay, yeah, I can... Oh, wait a minute. 365 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,865 And I reckon you're pretty happy with yourself, 366 00:14:27,092 --> 00:14:28,867 getting your father arrested like this. 367 00:14:29,018 --> 00:14:30,869 I reckon you have no right to reckon about 368 00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:32,762 what I'm reckoning about. 369 00:14:32,780 --> 00:14:34,430 That's where you're wrong. 370 00:14:34,449 --> 00:14:37,283 I reckon I can reckon about what I reckon please. 371 00:14:37,435 --> 00:14:39,118 I reckon you should check yourself 372 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,712 before you reckon yourself. 373 00:14:40,863 --> 00:14:44,549 I reckon you know I always come in like a reckon ball. 374 00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:45,775 That Miley? 375 00:14:45,868 --> 00:14:47,201 I reckon it is. 376 00:14:47,295 --> 00:14:49,387 I don't agree with all the piercings and haircuts, 377 00:14:49,614 --> 00:14:51,781 but she's got one hell of a voice. 378 00:14:51,874 --> 00:14:53,349 A hell of a voice. 379 00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,561 Joe, you can't arrest him. 380 00:14:56,712 --> 00:14:58,045 He shot the mayor, Peter. 381 00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,547 Plus, he's got multiple warrants in multiple states. 382 00:15:00,716 --> 00:15:03,693 Yeah, I know, he really messed up. Like David Geffen. 383 00:15:06,814 --> 00:15:08,055 What the hell was that? 384 00:15:08,149 --> 00:15:09,908 Yeah, David Geffen paid us $10 million 385 00:15:10,059 --> 00:15:10,909 not to do the cutaway. 386 00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:12,468 Huh. Was it bad? 387 00:15:12,561 --> 00:15:14,412 I'm not allowed to say as part of the settlement. 388 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:17,582 All I will say is from film, to music, to politics, 389 00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:21,628 no one has been more influential than David Geffen. 390 00:15:24,666 --> 00:15:25,982 What's the matter, Peter? 391 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,833 Ah, I don't know, I just feel bad 392 00:15:27,986 --> 00:15:29,168 about what happened with Old West. 393 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,836 It's my fault he got arrested. 394 00:15:30,989 --> 00:15:32,430 He's probably gonna die in jail 395 00:15:32,581 --> 00:15:34,265 without ever making up with his son. 396 00:15:34,417 --> 00:15:36,417 Well, I know how painful it is 397 00:15:36,511 --> 00:15:39,178 to see a man you've known for 18 hours in distress, 398 00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:41,013 but you've got to let it go, Peter. 399 00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:43,516 I can't do that. Old West and I were partners, 400 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,169 and he taught me that when you work a job with someone, 401 00:15:46,187 --> 00:15:48,262 you never leave a man behind. 402 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,840 We got to form a posse and break him out. 403 00:15:50,858 --> 00:15:52,617 -I'm in. -Let's do this. 404 00:15:52,844 --> 00:15:55,695 -Yeah. -ANNOUNCER: Next up for Clam Karaoke Night: 405 00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:56,955 it's the "Glam Guys." 406 00:15:57,182 --> 00:15:58,957 All right, let's go rock Wilson Phillips 407 00:15:59,184 --> 00:16:01,000 and then do the posse thing. 408 00:16:04,522 --> 00:16:05,538 Where's your horse? 409 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,282 It's very hard to get a horse last-minute. 410 00:16:08,376 --> 00:16:09,375 You should have called last night. 411 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,694 I did. You all got the last horses. 412 00:16:11,713 --> 00:16:13,972 The guy was totally overwhelmed on the phone. 413 00:16:14,123 --> 00:16:16,057 He yelled at me. 414 00:16:17,368 --> 00:16:18,643 All right, Peter, what's the plan? 415 00:16:18,794 --> 00:16:20,703 I thought you guys were gonna have the plan. 416 00:16:20,722 --> 00:16:21,813 I formed the posse. 417 00:16:21,964 --> 00:16:23,206 Yeah, those usually go together. 418 00:16:23,224 --> 00:16:24,207 All right, let's brainstorm. 419 00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:25,483 How do we fool the police 420 00:16:25,634 --> 00:16:27,735 into breaking someone out of a jail cell? 421 00:16:29,063 --> 00:16:30,488 Trojan Bosch. 422 00:16:33,384 --> 00:16:37,328 Oh, no way, Harry Bosch. My favorite TV cop. 423 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:38,738 I have so many questions for you. 424 00:16:38,890 --> 00:16:41,648 How's L.A.? You ever meet Richard Dean Anderson? 425 00:16:41,743 --> 00:16:43,409 He lives in L.A., right? Where does he live? 426 00:16:43,561 --> 00:16:45,670 Um, hey, settle a bet for me, Bosch. 427 00:16:45,821 --> 00:16:47,839 In all those scenes where you're in Italian restaurants, 428 00:16:48,066 --> 00:16:50,399 is it true you're eating real spaghetti? 429 00:16:50,493 --> 00:16:51,400 PETER: Shut up. 430 00:16:51,419 --> 00:16:52,510 I knew it was real spaghetti. 431 00:16:52,737 --> 00:16:54,328 All right, I'm gonna go get us some coffees. 432 00:16:54,405 --> 00:16:56,072 You mind holding down the fort for a sec? 433 00:16:56,090 --> 00:16:57,573 Thanks, Bosch. 434 00:16:57,592 --> 00:16:59,242 Real spaghetti. Wow. 435 00:16:59,244 --> 00:17:02,169 PETER: He's gone. Everybody out the black jeans door. 436 00:17:02,247 --> 00:17:05,081 Straight flush. You got to strip. 437 00:17:05,099 --> 00:17:07,266 PETER: What about tonight? 438 00:17:07,418 --> 00:17:08,601 What? 439 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,920 Oh, did you say, "I'm never gonna get out of here?" 440 00:17:10,938 --> 00:17:13,606 No, I was telling my horse to get naked. 441 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,926 Oh. Oh, well-well, we're breaking you out tonight. 442 00:17:17,019 --> 00:17:19,095 I'm surprised you came back for me. 443 00:17:19,188 --> 00:17:21,855 You taught me to never leave another man behind. 444 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,524 I didn't think you'd remember. 445 00:17:23,601 --> 00:17:26,711 I associate you with guns, guns make me think of war, 446 00:17:26,862 --> 00:17:27,937 Vietnam was a war, 447 00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:30,439 and N.A.M. is "Never Abandon Man." 448 00:17:30,458 --> 00:17:32,592 I-I don't need to hear the process. 449 00:17:33,628 --> 00:17:35,294 Allen, you came. 450 00:17:35,446 --> 00:17:36,445 Of course I did. 451 00:17:36,464 --> 00:17:38,872 And I think margs are gonna be on you 452 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,224 after this adventure, huh? 453 00:17:40,451 --> 00:17:41,967 I don't drink that (bleep). 454 00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:43,561 Okay, we'll figure something out. 455 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,063 Everyone wanted to help. 456 00:17:45,214 --> 00:17:47,565 We even got a member of your original posse to show up. 457 00:17:48,793 --> 00:17:50,418 The Melanoma Kid. 458 00:17:50,478 --> 00:17:52,219 (through electrolarynx): I wouldn't miss it... 459 00:17:52,313 --> 00:17:53,571 (gasps) 460 00:17:53,722 --> 00:17:54,964 ...for the world. 461 00:17:55,057 --> 00:17:56,074 That's a guy? 462 00:17:56,301 --> 00:17:57,983 I thought it was a big autumn leaf. 463 00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,244 Sorry, Bosch, we ran out of milk, 464 00:18:00,396 --> 00:18:02,530 so I put in a dollop of cream cheese. 465 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,248 Had to stir a lot, so... 466 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,991 Tell me about your hooker mom. 467 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,169 What was that like? 468 00:18:09,647 --> 00:18:11,997 What the hell happened in here, Bosch? 469 00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:14,317 Wait a minute. Frozen expression, 470 00:18:14,319 --> 00:18:16,652 painted-on clothes, open ass door. 471 00:18:16,745 --> 00:18:18,988 We've been Trojan Bosched again. 472 00:18:19,081 --> 00:18:21,599 ♪ ♪ 473 00:18:24,829 --> 00:18:27,271 Looks like Daddy West is flying the coop again. 474 00:18:27,498 --> 00:18:29,923 You keep eating apples like that, Caleb, 475 00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:32,193 you're gonna get diarrhea. 476 00:18:35,006 --> 00:18:36,188 I think we lost them. 477 00:18:36,341 --> 00:18:37,857 Pretty sure my Chapstick fell out. 478 00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:40,118 -Almost certain of it. -(gun cocks) 479 00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:43,512 I'm gonna need you boys to turn right back around. 480 00:18:43,531 --> 00:18:45,623 Mayor West, we broke him out for you. 481 00:18:45,774 --> 00:18:48,017 Can't you see he wants to make things right? 482 00:18:48,035 --> 00:18:50,277 There's only one person he's ever cared about, 483 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,537 and it's himself. 484 00:18:51,689 --> 00:18:54,448 He's done walking out of towns consequence-free. 485 00:18:54,542 --> 00:18:57,877 I knew once I broke out that I'd see you again. 486 00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,286 Maybe I do deserve 487 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:02,640 to spend my remaining days in a jail cell. 488 00:19:02,867 --> 00:19:04,233 And I'll let you take me, 489 00:19:04,235 --> 00:19:06,535 but not until I say what I have to say. 490 00:19:06,629 --> 00:19:09,538 Say it, then. Why'd you leave us? 491 00:19:09,707 --> 00:19:11,207 Because if I stayed, 492 00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:14,043 you would have grown up to be just like your father, 493 00:19:14,136 --> 00:19:17,488 a lonely, loveless, no-good outlaw. 494 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:21,217 I wanted you to be a better man than I ever could be. 495 00:19:21,235 --> 00:19:24,387 And look at you now. Tell me it didn't work. 496 00:19:24,521 --> 00:19:26,497 ("Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus playing) 497 00:19:26,649 --> 00:19:30,576 ♪ I came in like a wrecking ball... ♪ 498 00:19:30,728 --> 00:19:32,545 Aw, hell, Daddy. 499 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,250 Happy Father's Day. 500 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,511 I never want to see you again. 501 00:19:40,663 --> 00:19:42,263 You never will. 502 00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:45,591 Where you gonna go now? 503 00:19:45,743 --> 00:19:47,410 I have another son in Utah 504 00:19:47,428 --> 00:19:50,003 who wants to shoot me on the Fourth of July. 505 00:19:50,081 --> 00:19:53,524 I'll probably head that way. So long. 506 00:19:53,751 --> 00:19:55,601 Goodbye, Old West. 507 00:19:55,753 --> 00:19:57,453 (horse whinnies) 508 00:19:57,588 --> 00:20:00,323 ♪ ♪ 509 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,442 Well, I spy a group of guys 510 00:20:03,594 --> 00:20:06,946 that could use a frosty mug of root beer at the A&W. 511 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,189 You know, Mayor West, you're pretty lucky 512 00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:10,933 to have a stepdad like Allen. 513 00:20:10,952 --> 00:20:13,878 Yeah. Aside from not believing in vaccines, 514 00:20:14,105 --> 00:20:16,088 -he's a pretty cool guy. -Oh. 515 00:20:21,946 --> 00:20:23,946 I sure am gonna miss Old West. 516 00:20:24,039 --> 00:20:25,948 He taught me a lot about friendship 517 00:20:25,967 --> 00:20:27,450 and what it means to be a dad. 518 00:20:27,618 --> 00:20:29,618 Like what? What did he teach you? 519 00:20:29,712 --> 00:20:31,878 I-I don't know. Cowboy stuff? 520 00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:34,232 I didn't realize there was gonna be a quiz. 521 00:20:34,459 --> 00:20:37,884 Well, it's probably time to hang this up, huh, Dad? 522 00:20:37,979 --> 00:20:39,478 Yep, I suppose so. 523 00:20:39,630 --> 00:20:41,797 LOIS: "The David Geffen Living Room?" 524 00:20:41,816 --> 00:20:43,241 What... What is this? 525 00:20:43,392 --> 00:20:45,651 Oh, the lawyers said since he gave us $10 million, 526 00:20:45,803 --> 00:20:47,136 he's contractually entitled 527 00:20:47,229 --> 00:20:48,654 to have his name on a part of the house. 528 00:20:48,806 --> 00:20:50,063 That doesn't seem fair. 529 00:20:50,157 --> 00:20:52,250 I know, such rich guy bull crap. 530 00:20:52,401 --> 00:20:54,252 But we'll have to continue this conversation 531 00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:57,738 on next week's episode of David Geffen's Family Guy. 532 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,674 -What? -David Geffen good night.