1 00:00:02,652 --> 00:00:05,170 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,322 --> 00:00:08,398 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:11,251 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,403 --> 00:00:14,346 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,498 --> 00:00:18,242 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,244 --> 00:00:21,669 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,838 --> 00:00:23,171 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,431 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:31,321 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:37,279 --> 00:00:39,946 Ah, the office party. 11 00:00:40,099 --> 00:00:42,099 Raw broccoli and sheet cake. 12 00:00:42,268 --> 00:00:45,210 I like when the universe gives me easy choices. 13 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,772 Thank you for coming. If you haven't already, 14 00:00:48,791 --> 00:00:51,291 please don't forget to Venmo four dollars to James 15 00:00:51,368 --> 00:00:52,609 for the broccoli and sheet cake. 16 00:00:52,628 --> 00:00:54,553 And I want to thank Paula from HR for saving us 17 00:00:54,704 --> 00:00:56,055 a little money by squeeze-farting 18 00:00:56,282 --> 00:00:59,299 the last three bottles of ranch dressing onto a paper plate. 19 00:00:59,451 --> 00:01:02,377 Now, to the man of the hour: Moses Beauford. 20 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,045 Moses has been our night watchman 21 00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,672 for the last 40 years. 22 00:01:05,808 --> 00:01:07,766 (farting sounds) 23 00:01:07,993 --> 00:01:09,476 Paula, I think we're good. 24 00:01:09,628 --> 00:01:11,052 Today, he is retiring. 25 00:01:11,146 --> 00:01:14,965 So, please meet and say goodbye to Moses Beauford. 26 00:01:15,058 --> 00:01:16,408 (applause) 27 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,745 Now, I've looked through all y'all desks. 28 00:01:19,896 --> 00:01:21,497 Where's Dave Lapoff? 29 00:01:23,567 --> 00:01:24,808 My man. 30 00:01:24,901 --> 00:01:26,476 Of course, with Moses' departure, 31 00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:29,162 we'll need to begin our search for a new night watchman. 32 00:01:29,315 --> 00:01:31,406 And what does the job entail? 33 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:32,907 -Sitting. -And? 34 00:01:33,001 --> 00:01:34,093 Watching. 35 00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:36,411 Interesting, but I don't know. 36 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,488 Hey, what was in Dave's desk anyway? 37 00:01:38,507 --> 00:01:39,914 (whispering) 38 00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:40,991 I'll do it. 39 00:01:41,084 --> 00:01:43,093 ♪ ♪ 40 00:01:44,087 --> 00:01:46,163 You enjoying your walk there, Brian? 41 00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:48,089 Good boy, good boy. 42 00:01:48,183 --> 00:01:50,334 What? I'm walking you, you're not walking me. 43 00:01:50,502 --> 00:01:52,836 I'm not the one wearing a leash, my friend. 44 00:01:52,929 --> 00:01:55,114 (trickling) 45 00:01:55,265 --> 00:01:56,506 (sniffing) 46 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,767 Lot of information on the base of the pole today. 47 00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:02,529 That rottweiler up the street has a UTI. 48 00:02:02,681 --> 00:02:03,956 Oh, Luna's pregnant! 49 00:02:04,183 --> 00:02:06,516 Oh, good for her, I know she's been trying. 50 00:02:06,518 --> 00:02:09,461 Brian, this pole is AT&T, not AT&Pee. 51 00:02:09,613 --> 00:02:10,796 (phone dings) 52 00:02:10,947 --> 00:02:15,692 "This pole is AT&T, not AT&Pee. Potential tweet." 53 00:02:15,785 --> 00:02:17,043 Hey, check it out: 54 00:02:17,212 --> 00:02:20,364 a flyer for a missing dog with a thousand dollar reward. 55 00:02:20,457 --> 00:02:21,698 All right, so? 56 00:02:21,791 --> 00:02:24,476 Well, it's just... this dog kind of looks like me. 57 00:02:26,538 --> 00:02:29,297 Boy, imagine you paint a couple spots on my face, 58 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,966 return me to the owner and walk off with a thousand bucks. 59 00:02:32,044 --> 00:02:33,226 (laughs) 60 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,987 Wait. That might actually work. 61 00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:36,563 Oh, because then you're just going to live 62 00:02:36,715 --> 00:02:39,049 with the missing dog's owner for the rest of your life? 63 00:02:39,067 --> 00:02:40,717 Come on, use your head, Brian. 64 00:02:40,736 --> 00:02:42,995 I wouldn't live with the missing dog's owner, Stewie. 65 00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:45,313 I'd sneak out while they're asleep and come home. 66 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,166 Then we could split the money 50-50. 67 00:02:47,317 --> 00:02:50,410 You know, you may be on to something here, Brian. 68 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:51,728 Damn right I am. 69 00:02:51,821 --> 00:02:53,230 (sniffing) 70 00:02:53,323 --> 00:02:55,490 Ooh, some poor bastard's got a drinking problem. 71 00:02:55,584 --> 00:02:56,566 That's your pee. 72 00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:58,735 Some cool guy knows how to party. 73 00:02:58,828 --> 00:03:01,805 ♪ ♪ 74 00:03:02,999 --> 00:03:04,683 Hey, thanks for showing me around, Moses. 75 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,076 No problem, Peter. 76 00:03:06,094 --> 00:03:07,260 First thing's first: 77 00:03:07,413 --> 00:03:09,671 being a night watchman is about integrity, 78 00:03:09,765 --> 00:03:12,173 dedication and muttering things you wish you'd said 79 00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:14,342 to your wife during a fight earlier that day. 80 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:17,103 Who buys a quart of mint chip ice cream? You buy a pint. 81 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,773 Mutter, Peter. We mutter. 82 00:03:19,925 --> 00:03:21,591 Sorry, this is all so new. 83 00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:22,684 Hey, what's that? 84 00:03:23,186 --> 00:03:26,446 Oh, every night watchman has a six-inch portable TV 85 00:03:26,598 --> 00:03:28,040 broadcasting a middle-of-the-night, 86 00:03:28,191 --> 00:03:30,542 sparsely attended Oakland A's game. 87 00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:32,711 Welcome back to A's baseball: 88 00:03:32,938 --> 00:03:35,547 "The biggest 'who cares' of professional sports." 89 00:03:35,699 --> 00:03:36,882 Bottom of the fourth now, Tim. 90 00:03:37,109 --> 00:03:39,200 Which Oakland A is batting next? 91 00:03:39,278 --> 00:03:41,795 I've said it before and I'll say it again, Greg... 92 00:03:41,947 --> 00:03:43,113 who cares. 93 00:03:43,131 --> 00:03:45,782 Oh, a couple more things, Peter. 94 00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:46,892 And these are very important. 95 00:03:47,043 --> 00:03:50,062 First, these are the giant vats 96 00:03:50,213 --> 00:03:51,955 that hold all of the brewery's beer. 97 00:03:51,957 --> 00:03:54,233 You must protect them at all costs. 98 00:03:54,460 --> 00:03:55,567 Whoa. 99 00:03:55,794 --> 00:03:59,312 Yep, I spent many nights fantasizing about throwing 100 00:03:59,465 --> 00:04:01,573 the world's biggest keg party in here. 101 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,317 So, Peter, you ready to become a night watchman? 102 00:04:04,470 --> 00:04:07,804 Does Dave Lapoff like giant Latina butts? 103 00:04:07,823 --> 00:04:09,248 You know he do! 104 00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:13,210 ♪ ♪ 105 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,480 So I said, Denise, it's your wedding, 106 00:04:16,498 --> 00:04:18,906 if you want to have it outdoors, have it outdoors. 107 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,984 Did I miss the memo where the mother of the groom 108 00:04:21,077 --> 00:04:22,986 is now in charge of the wedding? 109 00:04:23,005 --> 00:04:24,154 Okay, now just sit tight for a minute, 110 00:04:24,156 --> 00:04:26,181 I got to go check on Doris. 111 00:04:29,252 --> 00:04:30,677 That Doris is a riot. 112 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:34,014 81, she still gets her hair permed every month. 113 00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:35,832 Do you know she walks here? 114 00:04:35,925 --> 00:04:39,611 And she plays golf twice a week with her sister, who's 90. 115 00:04:39,763 --> 00:04:41,613 Sharp as a tack, still drives. 116 00:04:41,765 --> 00:04:43,006 Stewie, are we almost done here? 117 00:04:43,025 --> 00:04:44,024 I just needed a quick touch-up 118 00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:45,767 so I can look like that missing dog. 119 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,119 We are completely done. 120 00:04:47,346 --> 00:04:49,529 Brian, say hello to $1,000. 121 00:04:49,681 --> 00:04:52,349 Wow, Stewie, this is actually pretty good. 122 00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:54,609 At cosmetology school, I was the only one 123 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,036 who came back after lunch. 124 00:04:56,188 --> 00:04:57,537 ANNOUNCER: Cosmetology school: 125 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:01,074 we spell "school" with a "U" for legal reasons. 126 00:05:01,226 --> 00:05:04,136 (faint crowd chatter over TV) 127 00:05:04,287 --> 00:05:06,638 SPORTSCASTER: And a big hello to all our night watchman viewers 128 00:05:06,865 --> 00:05:08,381 on the East Coast. 129 00:05:08,534 --> 00:05:11,125 Time for you guys to unwrap that six-hour sandwich 130 00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:13,294 and listen to me call foul balls. 131 00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:16,039 -(bat cracks) -Fouled off. Oh and one. 132 00:05:16,058 --> 00:05:17,891 (vehicle approaching) 133 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,709 (gasps) Bad guys. 134 00:05:19,728 --> 00:05:21,378 (engine turns off) 135 00:05:21,396 --> 00:05:24,381 This is it, Peter. Remember your training. 136 00:05:24,399 --> 00:05:26,383 (yelling) 137 00:05:26,401 --> 00:05:28,368 Ah! Take whatever you want! 138 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,904 Good evening, my good sir. 139 00:05:31,073 --> 00:05:32,980 We are an all-principal drinking group 140 00:05:33,075 --> 00:05:35,483 called "Principals with Vices." 141 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,651 "Vice Principals"? 142 00:05:36,745 --> 00:05:38,170 Ah, so you got it! 143 00:05:38,397 --> 00:05:40,188 Leonard said no one would get it. 144 00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:40,839 You hear that, Leonard? 145 00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:42,082 Yeah, I heard it. 146 00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:46,069 Leonard's the principal of an elementary school, 147 00:05:46,088 --> 00:05:48,738 which in our world makes him my "beyotch." 148 00:05:48,832 --> 00:05:50,924 Anyway, like most principals, 149 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,425 we stole the driver's ed car 150 00:05:52,578 --> 00:05:54,353 and have been cruising around town asking women 151 00:05:54,504 --> 00:05:56,337 if we can have their attention, please. 152 00:05:56,464 --> 00:05:57,764 PRINCIPAL 3: They have not given it. 153 00:05:57,916 --> 00:05:59,858 No, they have not, other Leonard. 154 00:06:00,085 --> 00:06:02,176 Two-thirds of all principals are named Leonard. 155 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,437 So now it's 2:00 a.m., the bars are closed, 156 00:06:04,590 --> 00:06:06,773 and we are all still quite divorced. 157 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,016 Can you provide us with more alcohol? 158 00:06:09,185 --> 00:06:11,453 Uh, I don't know, let me check the rules. 159 00:06:14,858 --> 00:06:15,707 Oh. 160 00:06:15,859 --> 00:06:17,542 Aw. 161 00:06:17,694 --> 00:06:19,769 I don't know why they wrote the card that way. 162 00:06:19,863 --> 00:06:21,696 Are you sure you can't let us in? 163 00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:23,882 I'll show you a picture of a naked student. 164 00:06:24,033 --> 00:06:25,032 That's my son! 165 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,793 Oh, well, I have others. 166 00:06:26,945 --> 00:06:28,628 No, that's him again. 167 00:06:28,780 --> 00:06:30,630 Nope, well, that's also him. 168 00:06:30,782 --> 00:06:32,039 Okay, these are all Chris. 169 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:35,118 How about instead we give you $20 per beer? 170 00:06:35,211 --> 00:06:36,377 Whoa, hang on. 171 00:06:36,471 --> 00:06:38,138 Are you saying you'll give me cash 172 00:06:38,290 --> 00:06:40,624 just to let you come in here and drink after hours? 173 00:06:40,717 --> 00:06:41,716 You betcha. 174 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,551 Holy crap, I'm gonna be rich. 175 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,295 Come on in! 176 00:06:45,388 --> 00:06:46,905 ♪ ♪ 177 00:06:47,132 --> 00:06:49,149 CHRIS: That was the night a secret after-hours bar 178 00:06:49,301 --> 00:06:51,076 opened up in the back of the brewery. 179 00:06:51,227 --> 00:06:52,636 I'm Chris Griffin. 180 00:06:52,729 --> 00:06:55,229 Naked photos were taken of me without my consent, 181 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,665 and my dad doesn't care. 182 00:07:01,163 --> 00:07:02,662 (dance music playing) 183 00:07:02,814 --> 00:07:04,648 (indistinct chatter) 184 00:07:04,666 --> 00:07:06,166 Place is packed, Peter. 185 00:07:06,318 --> 00:07:07,259 Word's really gotten around 186 00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:09,094 about your after-hours beer operation. 187 00:07:09,245 --> 00:07:10,320 Thanks, Quagmire. 188 00:07:10,338 --> 00:07:11,596 It's only the second night, 189 00:07:11,748 --> 00:07:12,839 and I'm already raking it in. 190 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,491 Peter, what if you get caught? 191 00:07:14,509 --> 00:07:17,269 Impossible. I know where all the security cameras are, 192 00:07:17,496 --> 00:07:19,771 and we got a massive supply of beer. 193 00:07:19,848 --> 00:07:22,348 The only problem is running this place all by myself. 194 00:07:22,501 --> 00:07:23,775 You know, we could probably help out. 195 00:07:23,927 --> 00:07:25,502 Really? That'll be great. 196 00:07:25,504 --> 00:07:28,095 -I could even cut you in on the action. -I'm down. 197 00:07:28,190 --> 00:07:30,431 Look, I'm a cop and this is technically illegal, 198 00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:32,600 but I suppose I could turn a blind eye 199 00:07:32,694 --> 00:07:35,603 if I were to be put in charge of the music. 200 00:07:35,697 --> 00:07:37,197 Done. What kind of music you thinking? 201 00:07:37,273 --> 00:07:40,850 My favorite genre: songs that yell the name of places. 202 00:07:40,869 --> 00:07:42,944 You want to see a guy lose his mind? 203 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,355 Put on Huey Lewis' "Heart of Rock And Roll." 204 00:07:45,373 --> 00:07:47,174 That little baby wastes no time. 205 00:07:47,283 --> 00:07:48,950 It's like, "Oh, let's just hit play 206 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,026 on this fun little song." 207 00:07:50,045 --> 00:07:51,636 "New York! New York!" 208 00:07:51,788 --> 00:07:52,954 It's sick. 209 00:07:53,031 --> 00:07:54,139 "Free Fallin'" is a good one. 210 00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:55,699 That song names a lot of places. 211 00:07:55,717 --> 00:07:58,310 Oh, sure. If your definition of "a lot" is three. 212 00:07:58,461 --> 00:08:01,221 Reseda, Ventura Boulevard, Mulholland Drive. 213 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:04,316 Yeah, not exactly moving this guy's needle. 214 00:08:04,467 --> 00:08:05,817 Isn't there four in that song? 215 00:08:05,969 --> 00:08:07,652 "America" is in the second line. 216 00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:08,820 Doesn't count. Too general. 217 00:08:09,047 --> 00:08:10,989 But the chorus in "Kokomo" where The Beach Boys 218 00:08:11,140 --> 00:08:13,066 list all the islands near Kokomo? 219 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,494 The one where they mention the singular Bahama? 220 00:08:15,645 --> 00:08:19,664 You know, not all the Bahamas, just the one Bahama? 221 00:08:19,891 --> 00:08:22,817 Oh, baby. Huge needle mover. 222 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,420 (dance music playing) 223 00:08:29,826 --> 00:08:33,419 Wow, who knew running a speakeasy would be so lucrative? 224 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,905 Yeah, but you guys, now that we're secretly raking in 225 00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:37,741 all this cash, let's promise each other 226 00:08:37,743 --> 00:08:40,334 we're not gonna blow it on mistresses and drug habits. 227 00:08:40,470 --> 00:08:41,244 Agreed. 228 00:08:41,337 --> 00:08:43,337 (sniffs) Hey, so quick update... 229 00:08:43,431 --> 00:08:46,082 Okay, the glory hole kissing booth is up and running. 230 00:08:46,175 --> 00:08:48,193 I think that thing's gonna be a big money-maker! 231 00:08:48,420 --> 00:08:50,770 Everything in this place is a big money-maker. 232 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,805 I know, it's all going perfectly. 233 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,348 Well, except Keith from accounting 234 00:08:54,442 --> 00:08:56,201 keeps talking about the guitar in his office, 235 00:08:56,352 --> 00:08:58,595 hoping somebody'll ask him to-- uhp, he went and got it. 236 00:08:58,688 --> 00:09:02,098 Yeah, I kind of mess around a little bit... 237 00:09:02,117 --> 00:09:03,875 You know, it's not even so much his singing, 238 00:09:04,102 --> 00:09:06,711 it's that every song has a tedious backstory. 239 00:09:06,863 --> 00:09:08,438 ♪ ♪ 240 00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,197 I'll be honest, this next one I wrote 241 00:09:10,292 --> 00:09:13,109 during a pretty dark period in my life 242 00:09:13,128 --> 00:09:14,219 when I was out in the desert, 243 00:09:14,446 --> 00:09:16,871 staring up at that star-filled sky. 244 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,706 This one's called "Big Blue Marble." 245 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,783 ♪ ♪ 246 00:09:19,801 --> 00:09:20,967 See, the thing about the desert is... 247 00:09:21,210 --> 00:09:24,788 Ugh, God, go home and be with your newborn, Keith. 248 00:09:24,806 --> 00:09:27,548 ♪ ♪ 249 00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:30,627 All right, Brian, now remember: I'm the one who found you, 250 00:09:30,645 --> 00:09:32,219 and I'm taking you back to your family. 251 00:09:32,314 --> 00:09:33,554 Why are you dressed like that? 252 00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:35,056 People aren't just going to give a baby 253 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,800 a thousand dollars, Brian. 254 00:09:36,818 --> 00:09:38,410 So, I've created a character. 255 00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:41,154 I'm a construction worker from "around the way" 256 00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:43,123 named Bobby Beccorino. 257 00:09:45,735 --> 00:09:46,976 Yeah, what's up, chief? 258 00:09:46,995 --> 00:09:48,645 Bobby Beccorino from around the way. 259 00:09:48,663 --> 00:09:51,648 How's it hangin'? Me? Probably stuck to my frickin' thigh 260 00:09:51,741 --> 00:09:54,426 right now 'cause I sweat so much during construction, 261 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:55,409 know what I'm sayin'? 262 00:09:55,578 --> 00:09:57,170 I'm sorry. Who are you? 263 00:09:57,339 --> 00:09:59,764 Oh, I'm a whole plate of pancakes, pal. 264 00:09:59,991 --> 00:10:01,174 Name's Bobby Beccorino. 265 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,583 You know, from around the way? 266 00:10:02,677 --> 00:10:04,677 ♪ ♪ 267 00:10:04,754 --> 00:10:06,271 Oh, my God! Rover! 268 00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:07,939 Yeah, he was wanderin' around the site 269 00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,016 where I do all my construction stuff. 270 00:10:10,168 --> 00:10:11,926 Maybe you've seen it, it's around the way. 271 00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:13,928 I haven't heard of a construction site nearby. 272 00:10:14,022 --> 00:10:15,113 Oh, yeah. It's there. 273 00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:17,190 Just hop in your car, drive around the road, 274 00:10:17,266 --> 00:10:19,266 and when you get to the way? Go around it. 275 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,452 Okay, well, thanks for... 276 00:10:20,603 --> 00:10:23,179 Yeah, ol' Bobby Beccorino was layin' drywall 277 00:10:23,198 --> 00:10:25,106 with the boys when he spotted this idiot 278 00:10:25,183 --> 00:10:27,274 takin' a big dump near my bandsaw. 279 00:10:27,369 --> 00:10:31,037 Okay, sorry, but... don't you hang drywall? 280 00:10:31,189 --> 00:10:32,446 Listen up, you little cranberry. 281 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:34,115 Bobby Beccorino's been layin' drywall 282 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,525 since you were in Pampers! 283 00:10:35,543 --> 00:10:38,511 Okay! I'm sorry! Here's your money. 284 00:10:40,289 --> 00:10:42,098 ♪ ♪ 285 00:10:45,036 --> 00:10:46,478 Nice place you got here... 286 00:10:46,629 --> 00:10:48,388 (grunting) Whoa. 287 00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:49,814 What the hell? 288 00:10:49,966 --> 00:10:51,316 So, Rover Four, 289 00:10:51,393 --> 00:10:54,486 you thought you could escape from Chase's TikTok house? 290 00:10:54,713 --> 00:10:56,729 Rover Four? TikTok house? 291 00:10:56,882 --> 00:10:59,306 This weekend I'll use you for my most dangerous 292 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,401 and humiliating viral stunt yet. 293 00:11:01,569 --> 00:11:04,721 And your fate will be that of Rovers One through Three. 294 00:11:04,890 --> 00:11:06,480 Then, it'll be time to find Rover Five. 295 00:11:06,574 --> 00:11:08,908 Enjoy your last couple of days alive. 296 00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:10,727 Last couple days alive? 297 00:11:10,745 --> 00:11:12,562 Wait, no, no. This is a mix-up. 298 00:11:12,655 --> 00:11:13,821 Oh, God. 299 00:11:13,915 --> 00:11:15,231 Coming here was a mistake. 300 00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:17,158 Like buying that German plunger. 301 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:20,436 Ah, das gut! Yah! Yah! Yah! 302 00:11:20,438 --> 00:11:23,515 I am vurthless! I am vurthless rubber boy! 303 00:11:23,666 --> 00:11:25,666 Punish me now! 304 00:11:25,744 --> 00:11:28,386 (dance music playing) 305 00:11:28,613 --> 00:11:30,246 (indistinct chatter) 306 00:11:30,339 --> 00:11:33,340 We got a problem! We're out of beer! 307 00:11:33,418 --> 00:11:34,842 Crap. What are we gonna do? 308 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:38,104 Why don't you just use the money you made to buy more beer? 309 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,699 Hey, so quick update about the money... 310 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:46,687 ♪ ♪ 311 00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,522 Well, that's the last of 'em. 312 00:11:48,616 --> 00:11:51,559 I can't believe I used up all the beer, you guys. 313 00:11:51,619 --> 00:11:52,877 I am in so much trouble. 314 00:11:53,104 --> 00:11:55,939 MOSES: Well, well, well... 315 00:11:55,957 --> 00:11:57,106 Surprised to see me? 316 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,441 We can't actually see you. 317 00:11:58,534 --> 00:11:59,943 Yeah, you're still in the shadows. 318 00:12:00,036 --> 00:12:01,945 Damn it. Hold on. 319 00:12:01,963 --> 00:12:04,614 Well, well, well. 320 00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:06,632 Yeah, still not seeing you, bud. 321 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:07,967 Maybe walk forward more? 322 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,954 I did that, man. H-How about now? 323 00:12:11,122 --> 00:12:12,956 Yeah, I think I can see you now. 324 00:12:13,049 --> 00:12:15,049 -Are your shoes black? -Brown. 325 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,568 Okay, yeah, I can't see you. 326 00:12:16,795 --> 00:12:19,295 Oh, for the love of Luther Vandross! 327 00:12:19,314 --> 00:12:22,298 Peter, the truth is, every night watchman steals beer. 328 00:12:22,317 --> 00:12:24,467 The key is only stealing a single bottle a week 329 00:12:24,486 --> 00:12:25,802 over 30 years. 330 00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:28,187 Course, I'm man enough to admit I ran out of beer 331 00:12:28,339 --> 00:12:30,156 from a party once when I first started. 332 00:12:30,308 --> 00:12:33,734 My plan was to replace it by robbing a beer truck. 333 00:12:33,828 --> 00:12:36,087 But I could never find the right team to pull it off. 334 00:12:36,239 --> 00:12:38,923 You also didn't have Smash Mouth's "Walkin' on the Sun." 335 00:12:39,075 --> 00:12:40,425 I'm sorry. Smash what now? 336 00:12:40,576 --> 00:12:43,169 Every successful heist after 1998 337 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,597 began with Smash Mouth's "Walkin' on the Sun." 338 00:12:45,824 --> 00:12:49,917 Yours didn't have it. Hence, unsuccessful heist. 339 00:12:50,011 --> 00:12:51,603 Well, that makes no sense. 340 00:12:51,754 --> 00:12:53,730 (song intro playing) 341 00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:56,666 -I'm in. -I'm in. -I'm in. 342 00:12:56,759 --> 00:12:57,776 I'm in. 343 00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:00,169 Well, all right. Maybe this crew could pull off 344 00:13:00,188 --> 00:13:02,113 the beer truck heist I never could. 345 00:13:02,265 --> 00:13:05,133 Let's do it. Joe's got access to a police helicopter. 346 00:13:05,209 --> 00:13:07,786 -And I know how to fly. -I'll bring the snacks! 347 00:13:08,013 --> 00:13:09,770 That's the guy we never got. 348 00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:11,456 We never got the snack guy. 349 00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:14,534 ♪ ♪ 350 00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:16,777 Chris, have you seen Brian? 351 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:18,797 "How are you today, Chris?" 352 00:13:18,948 --> 00:13:21,691 is a nice way to begin a conversation. 353 00:13:21,784 --> 00:13:23,968 I'm sorry. It's just that he and I had this plan 354 00:13:24,195 --> 00:13:25,786 to make him look like a missing dog 355 00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:26,879 and collect reward money. 356 00:13:27,032 --> 00:13:28,047 But I can't find him anywhere 357 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,957 and his cell phone is going to voice mail. 358 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,551 Chris, you've got to help me find Brian. 359 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:35,555 Hang on, let me get out my rude little boy translator. 360 00:13:35,723 --> 00:13:39,208 Oh, you said, "Will you please help me find Brian?" 361 00:13:39,227 --> 00:13:41,820 Why, yes, that sounds lovely, Stewie. 362 00:13:41,929 --> 00:13:45,548 (sighs) Okay, Chris. Your agent said you wanted more scenes. 363 00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:46,716 These are the scenes. 364 00:13:46,809 --> 00:13:48,451 (engine rumbling) 365 00:13:54,191 --> 00:13:56,817 Mint Milano? Mint Milano? 366 00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:59,320 I can't eat those without milk. 367 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,322 The mother-lovin' Snack Guy. 368 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,249 This is it, fellas. Everyone ready? 369 00:14:03,401 --> 00:14:04,491 Wait... 370 00:14:04,736 --> 00:14:07,737 -("Walkin' on the Sun" plays) -Now we're ready. 371 00:14:07,739 --> 00:14:11,574 ♪ It ain't no joke, I'd like to buy the world a toke ♪ 372 00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:15,019 ♪ And teach the world to sing in perfect harmony ♪ 373 00:14:15,171 --> 00:14:19,916 ♪ And teach the world to snuff the fires and the liars ♪ 374 00:14:19,934 --> 00:14:22,694 ♪ Hey, I know it's just a song, but it's spice for the recipe ♪ 375 00:14:22,921 --> 00:14:26,772 ♪ This is a love attack, I know it went out, but it's back... ♪ 376 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:27,940 What do I do now? 377 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,534 We call the Weekapaug Brewery 378 00:14:29,685 --> 00:14:32,387 and redirect the truck to our brewery. 379 00:14:32,447 --> 00:14:35,615 Then why the hell did I have to be on the roof of the-- Ah! 380 00:14:35,767 --> 00:14:36,958 (yelling) 381 00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:39,619 Ah! 382 00:14:39,771 --> 00:14:41,671 (all screaming) 383 00:14:42,698 --> 00:14:44,048 Ah...! 384 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,793 (all gasping) 385 00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,278 Way to go, Peter. 386 00:14:49,447 --> 00:14:53,282 This whole thing was a big waste of time thanks to you. 387 00:14:53,301 --> 00:14:55,542 Hey, did anyone unstrap Joe? 388 00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:56,728 (gasps) 389 00:15:00,141 --> 00:15:02,141 No. We did not. 390 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,235 ♪ ♪ 391 00:15:06,131 --> 00:15:08,573 Wait, this is where you dropped Brian off? 392 00:15:08,724 --> 00:15:11,150 -This is a TikTok house. -How do you know that? 393 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:14,287 Every room in the house is glowing from ring lights. 394 00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:19,659 Can I help you? 395 00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,235 We're looking for our dog. 396 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,495 Dog? (gasps) 397 00:15:22,738 --> 00:15:25,498 I think Chase brought a dog to Dangerous Stunt Beach 398 00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:26,816 to do a dangerous stunt. 399 00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:28,834 Oh, no. We got to help him. 400 00:15:28,987 --> 00:15:30,077 Did you hear that, Stewie? 401 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,913 Already on your phone? 402 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,265 The world's up here, Stewie. 403 00:15:34,492 --> 00:15:38,177 Your mind's a prison, and only you hold the key. 404 00:15:38,329 --> 00:15:40,271 ♪ ♪ 405 00:15:42,016 --> 00:15:45,168 All right, Chris. We don't have much time to find Brian. 406 00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:47,779 -Maybe we split... -Oh, my God. Stewie, look! 407 00:15:47,930 --> 00:15:51,950 (screaming) 408 00:15:52,101 --> 00:15:54,527 Don't worry, Brian! We're here to save you! 409 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,287 Stewie! Chris! Help! 410 00:15:56,439 --> 00:15:58,272 The guy's right over there with the remote! 411 00:15:58,366 --> 00:16:00,399 ♪ ♪ 412 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,018 We got you, buddy! 413 00:16:02,111 --> 00:16:03,294 All right, Chris. Here's the plan: 414 00:16:03,521 --> 00:16:05,279 When I give you the signal, grab the remote, 415 00:16:05,373 --> 00:16:06,631 take control of the drone, 416 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,375 and I'll be here to safely guide Brian ashore. Got it? 417 00:16:09,527 --> 00:16:11,302 Got it. Wait. What's the signal? 418 00:16:11,379 --> 00:16:12,528 What? 419 00:16:12,621 --> 00:16:14,455 The signal. You said you'd give me a signal. 420 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,531 What is it? 421 00:16:15,624 --> 00:16:16,457 You'll know the signal when you see it. 422 00:16:16,551 --> 00:16:17,867 Now go! 423 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,720 Yeah, look. I hate to be getting into the weeds here, 424 00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,463 but I'm just saying if I was aware 425 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,797 of the signal going in, I might... 426 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,057 Chris! I don't understand 427 00:16:25,134 --> 00:16:26,985 why you're making this into such an issue. 428 00:16:27,136 --> 00:16:28,211 I mean, it's-it's a signal! 429 00:16:28,304 --> 00:16:30,730 It-It'll be an unmistakable signal. 430 00:16:30,882 --> 00:16:34,826 Okay, see, even you classifying the signal as "unmistakable" 431 00:16:34,977 --> 00:16:37,720 presumes there to be various categories of signals, 432 00:16:37,739 --> 00:16:40,072 of which I am not at all aware, mind you... 433 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,741 BRIAN: Hey! Shut up and get me down! 434 00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,126 Just go. 435 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,912 Everybody, look! Up in the sky! 436 00:16:47,065 --> 00:16:49,048 It's a bird! It's a plane! It's... 437 00:16:50,159 --> 00:16:52,251 "The Lubed-Up Butt Mutt." 438 00:16:52,403 --> 00:16:53,344 (clicks) 439 00:16:57,258 --> 00:17:00,243 ALL (chanting): Butt Mutt! Butt Mutt! Butt Mutt! 440 00:17:00,336 --> 00:17:03,187 Oh, my God. I'm sponsored content. 441 00:17:03,414 --> 00:17:05,672 Stewie! Give Chris the signal! 442 00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:08,675 (laughter) 443 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,086 What's wrong with you people? 444 00:17:10,104 --> 00:17:12,864 I am a hardworking, accomplished author! 445 00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:14,181 STEWIE: Brian... 446 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,808 I am an accomplished author! 447 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:16,868 STEWIE: Brian... 448 00:17:17,019 --> 00:17:19,111 -I am an author! -STEWIE: Brian... 449 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:22,040 I mostly use my computer for Bella Thorne's OnlyFans. 450 00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:23,949 There you go. Proud of you, man. 451 00:17:24,102 --> 00:17:24,950 Hey, Chris! 452 00:17:25,103 --> 00:17:26,193 ♪ ♪ 453 00:17:26,362 --> 00:17:27,528 A thumbs-up? 454 00:17:27,622 --> 00:17:30,273 That's the signal you couldn't tell me about? 455 00:17:30,366 --> 00:17:32,441 (sighs) This is bush league, man. 456 00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:33,442 (growls) 457 00:17:33,461 --> 00:17:34,719 Ah! 458 00:17:34,870 --> 00:17:36,537 (screaming) 459 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,181 (grunting) 460 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:40,800 Ah! 461 00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:42,543 (gurgling) 462 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,062 Ah! Ah! 463 00:17:44,972 --> 00:17:47,190 -(grunting) -(Brian screaming) 464 00:17:49,794 --> 00:17:51,885 Ah! 465 00:17:51,979 --> 00:17:53,112 What the deuce? 466 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,657 (groaning) 467 00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:00,986 (screaming) 468 00:18:01,139 --> 00:18:03,206 (grunting) 469 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:13,299 (both screaming) 470 00:18:14,243 --> 00:18:15,484 We're gonna crash! 471 00:18:15,503 --> 00:18:16,594 (both yell) 472 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,599 What the hell is this stuff? 473 00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:23,843 X-Y "Fire and Ice" Jelly. 474 00:18:23,995 --> 00:18:25,252 Ooh, 'cause it feels really goo-- 475 00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:26,604 Oh! Too hot! Too hot! 476 00:18:26,831 --> 00:18:27,772 Ooh, it feels really goo-- 477 00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:29,440 Oh! Too hot! Too hot! 478 00:18:29,592 --> 00:18:32,501 ♪ ♪ 479 00:18:32,595 --> 00:18:34,278 (phone buzzing) 480 00:18:34,430 --> 00:18:37,189 That's Preston. He's waiting for me in my office. 481 00:18:37,342 --> 00:18:39,117 Time to fess up and admit I'm the reason 482 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,952 the brewery's out of beer. 483 00:18:41,103 --> 00:18:42,194 Well, it's been fun. 484 00:18:42,347 --> 00:18:44,864 Peter, this is all our faults. 485 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,958 Let us come with you and share the blame. 486 00:18:47,185 --> 00:18:49,293 No, Cleveland. For once in my life, 487 00:18:49,445 --> 00:18:51,036 I got to be a man about something 488 00:18:51,189 --> 00:18:54,132 and take full and total responsibility. 489 00:18:56,361 --> 00:18:58,136 Preston! There's a Black guy outside 490 00:18:58,212 --> 00:18:59,528 and he stole all the beer. 491 00:18:59,697 --> 00:19:01,121 What are you talking about, Griffin? 492 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:03,790 The brewery has plenty of beer. 493 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:04,791 How'd it go? 494 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,869 MOSES: Well, well, well... 495 00:19:06,888 --> 00:19:07,870 Moses? 496 00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:08,980 Surprised to see me? 497 00:19:09,207 --> 00:19:10,964 Yeah, again, we cannot see you. 498 00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:14,152 You're really bad at this whole "emerging from darkness" thing. 499 00:19:14,303 --> 00:19:16,212 Oh, sweet Patti LaBelle. 500 00:19:16,230 --> 00:19:19,565 Peter, the brewery has beer again because I put it there. 501 00:19:19,642 --> 00:19:22,385 Wait! Are you one of those magical Black guys 502 00:19:22,478 --> 00:19:23,977 who helps white people with their problems 503 00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,145 and then disappears? 504 00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:27,390 The kind Hollywood had no problem making 505 00:19:27,408 --> 00:19:30,484 many movies about until a shockingly recent time? 506 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:33,579 No, Peter. I just used every bottle of beer I stole 507 00:19:33,731 --> 00:19:36,007 over the last 30 years to refill the vats. 508 00:19:36,234 --> 00:19:37,082 You did? 509 00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:38,901 I always thought my retirement dream 510 00:19:38,994 --> 00:19:40,403 would be to move to Oakland. 511 00:19:40,421 --> 00:19:43,589 But man, there's a buttload of homeless people there. 512 00:19:43,741 --> 00:19:46,184 But what do you expect given the laissez-faire politics 513 00:19:46,335 --> 00:19:48,686 of a California Democrat like Gavin Newsom? 514 00:19:48,837 --> 00:19:50,079 Hey, hey, buddy? Buddy? 515 00:19:50,172 --> 00:19:51,931 I only talk about one politician, 516 00:19:52,007 --> 00:19:53,708 and that's Mayor McCheese. 517 00:19:53,710 --> 00:19:54,934 Oh, I'm sorry. 518 00:19:55,086 --> 00:19:56,861 So, I returned, refilled the beer, 519 00:19:57,012 --> 00:19:58,938 and I'm taking my old job back. 520 00:19:59,090 --> 00:20:02,182 Wow. 30 years' worth of beer in one night? 521 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:03,684 That must have taken a while. 522 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,094 ♪ ♪ 523 00:20:05,187 --> 00:20:06,429 You know, that works out 524 00:20:06,447 --> 00:20:10,099 to over 1,500 bottles of beer on the wall. 525 00:20:10,117 --> 00:20:12,284 Which reminds me of a song. 526 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,377 A-one, a-two... 527 00:20:13,529 --> 00:20:15,079 Damn it, Keith. Go home to your wife. 528 00:20:15,306 --> 00:20:16,756 She's totally overwhelmed. Go on! 529 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:22,461 ♪ ♪ 530 00:20:22,630 --> 00:20:25,114 PETER: Well, we learned a lot this week. 531 00:20:25,132 --> 00:20:27,207 But unfortunately, we all then died 532 00:20:27,334 --> 00:20:28,801 of carbon monoxide poisoning. 533 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,345 Probably because I took the batteries out of the detector 534 00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,640 and put them in an old Star Tours visor that lights up. 535 00:20:34,792 --> 00:20:36,234 Was it worth it? I don't know. 536 00:20:36,385 --> 00:20:37,718 It wasn't so great indoors, 537 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,220 but it was pretty cool to wear outside at night. 538 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,722 Lot of head nods. 539 00:20:41,816 --> 00:20:44,800 No conversations, but people are wicked timid after COVID. 540 00:20:44,969 --> 00:20:46,244 Joe's the one who found us. 541 00:20:46,395 --> 00:20:49,413 I think he grabbed some stuff before he called it in. 542 00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:52,750 I'm gonna miss you, pal. 543 00:20:53,811 --> 00:20:56,312 -Nice. Star Tours? -Yeah. 544 00:20:56,330 --> 00:20:57,255 -When did you... -Hey, I'd love to chat, 545 00:20:57,482 --> 00:21:00,091 but I'm a little timid after COVID.