1 00:00:00,085 --> 00:00:03,688 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:03,721 --> 00:00:06,991 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,024 --> 00:00:10,561 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:10,595 --> 00:00:13,564 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:13,598 --> 00:00:17,068 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,102 --> 00:00:20,538 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:20,571 --> 00:00:22,073 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,107 --> 00:00:23,508 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:23,541 --> 00:00:29,080 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:33,918 --> 00:00:37,021 Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, thanks for coming in to see me today. 11 00:00:37,054 --> 00:00:38,256 Is this about Chris? 12 00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:40,358 We know he's been struggling lately. 13 00:00:40,391 --> 00:00:42,227 Well, let me put it this way. 14 00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:44,362 (quickly): Parents of a failing student say what? 15 00:00:44,395 --> 00:00:45,530 -What? -No, Peter, wait. 16 00:00:45,563 --> 00:00:48,366 Nope, too late; he said it. I'm marking it. 17 00:00:48,399 --> 00:00:51,202 Didn't get the Woos; they're very smart. Asian. 18 00:00:51,236 --> 00:00:53,371 Maybe they didn't understand me. I don't know. 19 00:00:53,404 --> 00:00:55,573 The point is, Chris's grades aren't improving, 20 00:00:55,606 --> 00:00:58,042 and just yesterday, he caused a little ruckus 21 00:00:58,075 --> 00:00:59,544 in his history class. 22 00:00:59,577 --> 00:01:02,079 (rapping): ♪ Alexander Hamilton was white. ♪ 23 00:01:02,113 --> 00:01:05,216 I just can't understand why he's doing so poorly. 24 00:01:05,250 --> 00:01:06,884 We here feel that the best solution 25 00:01:06,917 --> 00:01:10,888 is for Chris to attend something called vocational school. 26 00:01:10,921 --> 00:01:12,890 Yeah, you know what? Chris deserves a vocation. 27 00:01:12,923 --> 00:01:14,892 He's been working hard, he's doing great in school... 28 00:01:14,925 --> 00:01:16,927 No, vocational school is where 29 00:01:16,961 --> 00:01:20,265 less academically capable students learn a trade. 30 00:01:20,298 --> 00:01:22,933 Don't you have to be Italian to go to one of those schools? 31 00:01:22,967 --> 00:01:24,735 Uhp, there will be plenty of those jokes 32 00:01:24,769 --> 00:01:25,803 later in the episode. 33 00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:27,438 Now, won't vocational school 34 00:01:27,472 --> 00:01:29,407 limit Chris's options down the road? 35 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:30,575 Oh, hardly. 36 00:01:30,608 --> 00:01:32,977 He'll have a wide range of career options, 37 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,145 such as the following: 38 00:01:34,179 --> 00:01:36,181 (peppy music playing) 39 00:02:01,806 --> 00:02:03,341 Those are three terrible options. 40 00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,276 (quickly): Parents who are okay with this say what? 41 00:02:05,310 --> 00:02:06,311 -What? -Gotcha. 42 00:02:06,344 --> 00:02:07,978 That one's on you, Lois. 43 00:02:11,982 --> 00:02:14,452 Why, Meg, don't you look pretty today. 44 00:02:14,485 --> 00:02:15,620 Thanks, Mom. 45 00:02:15,653 --> 00:02:17,121 She's going to ask you for something. 46 00:02:17,154 --> 00:02:18,956 So, listen, I was wondering. 47 00:02:18,989 --> 00:02:20,291 Do you think you could take Stewie 48 00:02:20,325 --> 00:02:21,859 to a birthday party today? 49 00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:23,461 The birthday boy was premature, 50 00:02:23,494 --> 00:02:25,963 so he looks like a 12-inch-tall Rachel Dratch. 51 00:02:25,996 --> 00:02:27,465 Why can't you do it, Mom? 52 00:02:27,498 --> 00:02:28,966 (groans) I can't take another party 53 00:02:28,999 --> 00:02:31,736 with that trio of judgy sitcom moms. 54 00:02:32,870 --> 00:02:34,505 Oh, hi, Lois. 55 00:02:34,539 --> 00:02:37,975 Gosh, I just love how you always look so comfortable. 56 00:02:38,008 --> 00:02:40,311 I know. Are those pajamas? 57 00:02:40,345 --> 00:02:43,348 And I'm the black one for unrealistic diversity. 58 00:02:48,853 --> 00:02:51,656 I can't believe I have to go to vocational school. 59 00:02:51,689 --> 00:02:53,358 Does this mean I'm a failure? 60 00:02:53,391 --> 00:02:56,060 No, sweetie. It means that we're failures. 61 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:58,829 You know, I'm always at a loss for words in these moments. 62 00:02:58,863 --> 00:03:00,731 Fred Sanford, you want to do the honors? 63 00:03:00,765 --> 00:03:02,733 Go get 'em, you big dummy. 64 00:03:02,767 --> 00:03:05,503 Um, your show went off the air 40 years ago, 65 00:03:05,536 --> 00:03:07,672 and you died 30 years ago, 66 00:03:07,705 --> 00:03:11,509 so that phrase means very little to me. 67 00:03:11,542 --> 00:03:14,078 I know it's a big step, honey, but you can do it. 68 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,581 That's right, Chris. This family's never shied away 69 00:03:16,614 --> 00:03:18,849 from a new challenge, like when I was the spokesman 70 00:03:18,883 --> 00:03:21,686 for that perfume, Deschanel Number Five. 71 00:03:21,719 --> 00:03:24,021 PETER (whispering): Precious. Annoying. 72 00:03:24,054 --> 00:03:26,023 Twee. 73 00:03:26,056 --> 00:03:28,793 Hot, but not worth it. 74 00:03:29,894 --> 00:03:33,398 Probably a nightmare in person. 75 00:03:33,431 --> 00:03:36,066 Deschanel. 76 00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:37,868 The fragrance for when you want to smell 77 00:03:37,902 --> 00:03:40,571 like a 40-year-old toddler. 78 00:03:40,605 --> 00:03:42,373 Can I help you? 79 00:03:42,407 --> 00:03:45,710 Yes, I'm here for my first day of vocational school. 80 00:03:45,743 --> 00:03:47,378 Right this way. 81 00:03:47,412 --> 00:03:49,414 ("Then He Kissed Me" by The Crystals playing) 82 00:03:57,254 --> 00:03:58,889 ♪ Well, he walked up to me ♪ 83 00:03:58,923 --> 00:04:01,926 ♪ And he asked me if I wanted to dance ♪ 84 00:04:04,429 --> 00:04:06,063 ♪ He looked kind of nice ♪ 85 00:04:06,096 --> 00:04:08,799 ♪ And so I said I might take a chance ♪ 86 00:04:12,102 --> 00:04:15,406 ♪ When he danced, he held me tight ♪ 87 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,242 ♪ And when he walked me home that night... ♪ 88 00:04:18,275 --> 00:04:21,312 This notepad and pencil is from Mr. Tony over there. 89 00:04:21,346 --> 00:04:24,114 ♪ And then he kissed me ♪ 90 00:04:24,148 --> 00:04:26,751 All right, settle down, you yucks. 91 00:04:26,784 --> 00:04:28,919 We got a new student, Chris Griffin. 92 00:04:28,953 --> 00:04:31,088 So everybody give him an "ayy." 93 00:04:31,121 --> 00:04:32,657 STUDENTS: Ayy. 94 00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:36,260 Look at that, your first day, and you got all A's. 95 00:04:36,293 --> 00:04:37,928 Come here, let me pinch your cheek. 96 00:04:37,962 --> 00:04:39,263 Got all A's. 97 00:04:39,296 --> 00:04:42,600 (laughs) You're expressing affection and dominance. 98 00:04:42,633 --> 00:04:45,636 Griffin? Where's the "Ucci" or "Squalotta" at the end? 99 00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:46,937 -You Jewish? -No. 100 00:04:46,971 --> 00:04:48,138 It true, if you're Jewish, 101 00:04:48,172 --> 00:04:49,940 they cut your dong off with an ax? 102 00:04:49,974 --> 00:04:52,276 My uncle's Jewish. Friggin' mess, that guy. 103 00:04:52,309 --> 00:04:55,813 Hey, chip-chop, it's 9:30. Let's start thinking lunch. 104 00:04:59,316 --> 00:05:01,285 We do a nice sit-down thing here. 105 00:05:01,318 --> 00:05:02,987 Little piccata, little veal. 106 00:05:03,020 --> 00:05:05,122 Rocco here learned to cook in the joint. 107 00:05:05,155 --> 00:05:07,792 Okay, everybody dirty up your hands, we'll eat in ten. 108 00:05:07,825 --> 00:05:11,128 Wow. This is way better than that barber school I went to 109 00:05:11,161 --> 00:05:13,464 where I couldn't stop pumping the chair. 110 00:05:13,498 --> 00:05:16,300 Just a bit off the top and shorter on the sides. 111 00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:19,970 We're just gonna be pumping today. 112 00:05:20,004 --> 00:05:22,139 (children yelling playfully) 113 00:05:22,172 --> 00:05:24,174 Did you bring the cups?! 114 00:05:24,208 --> 00:05:25,976 Um, uh, no. 115 00:05:26,010 --> 00:05:27,978 My mom didn't say anything about cups. 116 00:05:28,012 --> 00:05:29,346 (screams) 117 00:05:29,380 --> 00:05:31,348 (phone chimes, vibrates) 118 00:05:33,684 --> 00:05:36,487 All right, snack table. Now, what do we got? 119 00:05:36,521 --> 00:05:38,989 Loose Cheerios, Goldfish crackers, 120 00:05:39,023 --> 00:05:40,825 pretzel sticks, and, ooh, 121 00:05:40,858 --> 00:05:44,161 the siren's song of the unattended: whole grapes. 122 00:05:44,194 --> 00:05:46,030 ♪ Come and eat us ♪ 123 00:05:46,063 --> 00:05:47,665 ♪ We won't choke you ♪ 124 00:05:47,698 --> 00:05:51,536 ♪ Put us in your cheeks. ♪ 125 00:05:51,569 --> 00:05:53,538 Oh, okay. These grapes seem nice enough. 126 00:05:53,571 --> 00:05:56,006 They said they won't choke me. 127 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:58,042 (choking) 128 00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:01,679 ♪ You should have sliced us ♪ 129 00:06:01,712 --> 00:06:04,348 ♪ Skinned us, cut us, now you have no air ♪ 130 00:06:04,381 --> 00:06:05,683 ♪ Ha-ha-ha. ♪ 131 00:06:05,716 --> 00:06:07,552 -(choking) -Oh, my God, Stewie! 132 00:06:07,585 --> 00:06:09,554 -You're choking! -(coughs) 133 00:06:09,587 --> 00:06:13,023 ♪ Soaring through the air. ♪ 134 00:06:13,057 --> 00:06:15,192 (panting) 135 00:06:15,225 --> 00:06:17,595 Meg. You saved me. 136 00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:20,264 You're... you're my hero. 137 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,567 I am not letting you out of my sight again. 138 00:06:27,905 --> 00:06:29,740 ♪ Here I lie ♪ 139 00:06:29,774 --> 00:06:31,876 ♪ On the ground ♪ 140 00:06:31,909 --> 00:06:35,079 ♪ What of me now? ♪ 141 00:06:35,112 --> 00:06:38,716 ♪ No bowl, no bunch ♪ 142 00:06:38,749 --> 00:06:40,217 ♪ No stems ♪ 143 00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:44,589 ♪ But is here where I begin again? ♪ 144 00:06:48,258 --> 00:06:51,261 ♪ Today I begin ♪ 145 00:06:51,295 --> 00:06:53,898 ♪ The life that I've dreamed... ♪ 146 00:06:53,931 --> 00:06:55,666 Uhp, there's a foot. 147 00:07:02,439 --> 00:07:04,108 ANNOUNCER (on TV): Coming this fall, from the 148 00:07:04,141 --> 00:07:07,277 makers of Paranormal Activity comes Normal Activity. 149 00:07:09,614 --> 00:07:11,616 (farts) 150 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,957 (urinating) 151 00:07:19,990 --> 00:07:21,992 (farting, urinating) 152 00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:29,867 (toilet flushes) 153 00:07:33,137 --> 00:07:34,939 (yawns) Did you wash your hands? 154 00:07:34,972 --> 00:07:36,941 Yeah. 155 00:07:36,974 --> 00:07:39,476 Meg Griffin, you saved your brother's life, 156 00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:41,679 so here's your showcase of prizes. 157 00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:44,849 You'll be the talk of the town with your new macaroni necklace. 158 00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:47,117 That's right, you'll be strutting down Spooner Street 159 00:07:47,151 --> 00:07:48,953 in this dental floss macaroni necklace 160 00:07:48,986 --> 00:07:51,622 made with Oral-B dental floss and Pasta Barilla. 161 00:07:51,656 --> 00:07:54,458 Pasta Barilla: a taste of Italy right in your home. 162 00:07:54,491 --> 00:07:56,326 All right, time for Bethenny Frankel, 163 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,463 America's favorite chattering pirate skeleton. 164 00:07:59,496 --> 00:08:01,799 MEG (muffled): Dad! Dad, get off me! 165 00:08:01,832 --> 00:08:03,133 Get off me, Dad! 166 00:08:03,167 --> 00:08:05,035 Hey, hey! Get off my sister! 167 00:08:05,069 --> 00:08:07,471 -Go fly a kite, bub. -Ouch. 168 00:08:07,504 --> 00:08:09,306 Wow, that book really worked. 169 00:08:09,339 --> 00:08:13,143 His hat's flying off cause he's been given a what for. 170 00:08:13,177 --> 00:08:15,145 Peter, leave the baby alone. 171 00:08:15,179 --> 00:08:16,981 Why don't you pick on someone your own size, 172 00:08:17,014 --> 00:08:19,049 like William Howard Taft? 173 00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:20,484 (slide whistle) 174 00:08:20,517 --> 00:08:22,319 Wow, you're further in the book than I am. 175 00:08:22,352 --> 00:08:24,989 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll just go retrieve my hat. 176 00:08:25,022 --> 00:08:26,323 (slide whistle) 177 00:08:26,356 --> 00:08:29,059 (gasping) 178 00:08:29,093 --> 00:08:30,728 And, Meg, why are you on the couch? 179 00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:33,030 You know you're not supposed to be on the furniture. 180 00:08:35,199 --> 00:08:38,168 Look at her. She just sits there and takes it. 181 00:08:38,202 --> 00:08:40,504 She deserves a better life than this, Brian. 182 00:08:40,537 --> 00:08:43,007 And you know what? I'm going to give it to her. 183 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:44,341 How you gonna do that? 184 00:08:44,374 --> 00:08:46,510 I don't know, but it's going to be a challenge, 185 00:08:46,543 --> 00:08:49,379 like trying to seem sad while you're wearing flip-flops. 186 00:08:50,715 --> 00:08:53,350 -(flip-flops slapping) -I'm sorry for your loss. 187 00:08:53,383 --> 00:08:54,785 Sorry for your loss. 188 00:08:55,886 --> 00:08:57,755 Sorry for your loss. 189 00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:59,757 Very sorry. 190 00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,859 Let me know if you need anything. 191 00:09:01,892 --> 00:09:03,894 -Very sorry. -Excuse me. 192 00:09:03,928 --> 00:09:05,696 The owner of a Geo Tracker 193 00:09:05,730 --> 00:09:07,698 with the license plate "FLP FLP," 194 00:09:07,732 --> 00:09:09,700 you're blocking the funeral procession. 195 00:09:09,734 --> 00:09:11,936 -Oh. -(rapid slapping) 196 00:09:16,774 --> 00:09:18,208 All right, Chris. 197 00:09:18,242 --> 00:09:21,111 A big part of being a mechanic is being completely shocked 198 00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:23,380 when somebody hasn't had a particular item 199 00:09:23,413 --> 00:09:25,382 -on a restaurant menu. -Hey, Chrissie. 200 00:09:25,415 --> 00:09:26,917 We're thinking about going over to Pete's. 201 00:09:26,951 --> 00:09:28,552 You want a bread sandwich? 202 00:09:28,585 --> 00:09:30,554 -What's a bread sandwich? -What? 203 00:09:30,587 --> 00:09:32,556 You never had a bread sandwich from Pete's? 204 00:09:32,589 --> 00:09:35,392 Everyone who's not currently in the room, get over here. 205 00:09:35,425 --> 00:09:37,728 Griffin's never had a Pete's bread sandwich. 206 00:09:37,762 --> 00:09:40,765 Whoa, whoa, what? You never had a bread sandwich from Pete's? 207 00:09:40,798 --> 00:09:43,233 We've covered this. Somebody tell me what it is. 208 00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:45,569 What do you think it is? It's three pieces of bread. 209 00:09:45,602 --> 00:09:47,905 Me, I like a piece of sourdough on top, 210 00:09:47,938 --> 00:09:49,573 piece of sourdough on bottom, 211 00:09:49,606 --> 00:09:52,076 and a nice piece of wheat in the middle. 212 00:09:52,109 --> 00:09:54,578 I like to go rye, rye, rye. 213 00:09:54,611 --> 00:09:55,780 I'm a rye guy. 214 00:09:55,813 --> 00:09:57,247 Hey, you guys going to Pete's? 215 00:09:57,281 --> 00:09:58,949 Someone get me a bread sandwich. 216 00:09:58,983 --> 00:10:00,918 -Griffin's never had one. -What? 217 00:10:00,951 --> 00:10:02,419 -What? -Guys. 218 00:10:02,452 --> 00:10:04,789 I just called Pete's. They're closed forever. 219 00:10:04,822 --> 00:10:06,623 STUDENTS: What? 220 00:10:06,657 --> 00:10:08,625 Who answered the phone? 221 00:10:13,297 --> 00:10:15,299 All right, Stewie, how do we make Meg popular? 222 00:10:15,332 --> 00:10:16,767 I've got it all figured out. 223 00:10:16,801 --> 00:10:18,969 They're posting the cast list for the school play. 224 00:10:19,003 --> 00:10:20,938 I'll just give Meg all the parts. 225 00:10:20,971 --> 00:10:23,774 That way, she'll be the most popular girl in school. 226 00:10:23,808 --> 00:10:26,443 Good night, good night. 227 00:10:26,476 --> 00:10:28,846 As sweet repose and rest. 228 00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:32,316 Come to thy heart as that within my breast. 229 00:10:35,219 --> 00:10:39,289 (deep voice): O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied? 230 00:10:39,323 --> 00:10:42,960 (grunting, panting) 231 00:10:42,993 --> 00:10:44,962 (normal voice): What satisfaction 232 00:10:44,995 --> 00:10:47,798 canst thou have tonight? 233 00:10:47,832 --> 00:10:49,499 (grunts) That son of a bitch. 234 00:10:50,367 --> 00:10:52,202 (panting) 235 00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:54,638 (deep voice): Th' exchange of thy love's 236 00:10:54,671 --> 00:10:56,974 faithful vow for mine. 237 00:10:57,007 --> 00:10:58,308 (Cockney accent): 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello. 238 00:10:58,342 --> 00:10:59,309 What's all this, then? 239 00:10:59,343 --> 00:11:01,345 (applause) 240 00:11:06,016 --> 00:11:07,985 -Well, that didn't work. -Don't worry, Brian. 241 00:11:08,018 --> 00:11:09,987 We've still got the spring musical. 242 00:11:10,020 --> 00:11:11,822 ("The Farmer and the Cowman" from Oklahoma! playing) 243 00:11:11,856 --> 00:11:13,690 ♪ One man likes to push a plow ♪ 244 00:11:13,724 --> 00:11:15,659 ♪ The other likes to chase a cow ♪ 245 00:11:15,692 --> 00:11:18,362 ♪ But that's no reason why they can't be friends ♪ 246 00:11:19,696 --> 00:11:21,498 ♪ Territory folks should stick together ♪ 247 00:11:21,531 --> 00:11:23,400 ♪ Territory folks should all be pals ♪ 248 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,502 ♪ Cowboys dance with farmers' daughters ♪ 249 00:11:25,535 --> 00:11:27,437 ♪ Farmers dance with the ranchers' gals. ♪ 250 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,341 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello. 251 00:11:31,375 --> 00:11:33,410 What's all this, then? 252 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,445 (man coughs) 253 00:11:41,218 --> 00:11:42,887 She can't be helped. 254 00:11:46,390 --> 00:11:49,426 Mr. and Mrs. G, thanks so much for having us over for dinner. 255 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,761 Oh, it's our pleasure. 256 00:11:50,795 --> 00:11:53,197 Chris has said so many nice things about you. 257 00:11:53,230 --> 00:11:55,032 Ah, maybe one or two of 'em are true. 258 00:11:55,065 --> 00:11:57,267 (laughing) 259 00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:59,703 Chris, tell your mom and dad about the story you wrote. 260 00:11:59,736 --> 00:12:01,205 Oh, I don't know. 261 00:12:01,238 --> 00:12:03,273 Chris, come on, don't be shy. 262 00:12:03,307 --> 00:12:05,776 Okay. It's called "The Black Duck." 263 00:12:05,810 --> 00:12:08,545 "The Black Duck." You ever seen a black duck? 264 00:12:08,578 --> 00:12:10,380 I seen a brown duck, a yellow duck, 265 00:12:10,414 --> 00:12:11,882 a white duck with a green head. 266 00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:15,219 Hey, there's all kinds of ducks. This kid thinks of a black one. 267 00:12:15,252 --> 00:12:17,387 Come on, it's just a stupid story, guys. 268 00:12:17,421 --> 00:12:19,556 Hey! If it was such a stupid story, 269 00:12:19,589 --> 00:12:22,059 why would it have such a well-rounded protagonist? 270 00:12:22,092 --> 00:12:24,094 Remember what I told you behind the garage? 271 00:12:24,128 --> 00:12:25,395 That you might be gay? 272 00:12:25,429 --> 00:12:27,397 Wh-What? No, no, I didn't say that. 273 00:12:27,431 --> 00:12:29,066 The-the imagination on this one. 274 00:12:29,099 --> 00:12:31,135 Black ducks, I'm gay, what's next? 275 00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:33,737 M-Martians? L-Little green Martian people? 276 00:12:33,770 --> 00:12:37,307 Oh, Chris, I'm so happy you have so many wonderful new friends. 277 00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:39,743 He was very unpopular in high school. 278 00:12:39,776 --> 00:12:41,245 Oh, yeah, you know, he's strong, too. 279 00:12:41,278 --> 00:12:43,247 He takes care of a lot of stuff for us. 280 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:44,448 Stuff? 281 00:12:44,481 --> 00:12:46,917 Yeah, he-he took care of one of our competitors. 282 00:12:46,951 --> 00:12:49,286 Mr. Firestone says hello. 283 00:12:49,319 --> 00:12:51,288 Ow. Ow. Ow. 284 00:12:51,321 --> 00:12:53,590 -Stop it. Stop it. -(air hissing) 285 00:12:53,623 --> 00:12:55,425 Oh, my God, Chris! 286 00:12:55,459 --> 00:12:57,427 That's silly, but it's still murder! 287 00:12:57,461 --> 00:12:59,763 Relax. That Michelin Man had no family. 288 00:12:59,796 --> 00:13:02,466 He came from tires, Ma! 289 00:13:06,170 --> 00:13:08,105 All right, if we can't make Meg popular, 290 00:13:08,138 --> 00:13:10,774 we can at least find her a boyfriend. 291 00:13:10,807 --> 00:13:13,443 Neil, can you come out? We need to talk to you. 292 00:13:13,477 --> 00:13:16,013 NEIL: I can't open the door. It's the Sabbath. 293 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:18,182 You can come around the back entrance. 294 00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:19,649 (both sigh) 295 00:13:21,986 --> 00:13:23,787 Why are all the lights off? 296 00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:26,123 I can't turn them on myself. It's the Sabbath. 297 00:13:26,156 --> 00:13:28,458 Get the lights for me, will you? 298 00:13:28,492 --> 00:13:31,128 Also, can you pick up the phone and order me a pizza? 299 00:13:31,161 --> 00:13:33,630 I can't do it. It's the Sabbath. 300 00:13:33,663 --> 00:13:35,966 Listen, Neil, we really wanted to talk about Meg. 301 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,135 That can wait. I've just looked at some porn, 302 00:13:38,168 --> 00:13:41,138 and I need you guys to give me some assisted relief. 303 00:13:41,171 --> 00:13:43,974 I can't do it myself. It's the Sabbath. 304 00:13:44,008 --> 00:13:46,543 Okay, this-this is starting to sound a little weird. 305 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,845 It's not weird. It's Jewish. 306 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:54,851 I can't believe we did all that and he still turned us down. 307 00:13:54,885 --> 00:13:58,188 I know, and al-also, Brian, it's Thursday. 308 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,826 Well, I am officially out of ideas. 309 00:14:02,859 --> 00:14:04,694 Yes, there's literally no one in town 310 00:14:04,728 --> 00:14:07,164 sad and desperate enough to date my sister. 311 00:14:07,197 --> 00:14:10,034 Hey, guys, can you hold my phone and point it over this way? 312 00:14:10,067 --> 00:14:12,002 I want to live-stream my suicide. 313 00:14:12,036 --> 00:14:13,337 Yeah, sure, Kevin. 314 00:14:13,370 --> 00:14:15,405 You know what it is, Stewie? It's a selfishness. 315 00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:17,041 It's an inability to look out 316 00:14:17,074 --> 00:14:19,009 and see someone who needs someone. 317 00:14:19,043 --> 00:14:20,377 It's-it's just... it's a lack of empathy. 318 00:14:20,410 --> 00:14:22,179 Can you make sure I'm totally in the frame? 319 00:14:22,212 --> 00:14:24,014 Yeah, I'm not a pro. You get what you get. 320 00:14:24,048 --> 00:14:25,749 Anyway, what is wrong with people that they're 321 00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,919 so myopic and just preoccupied with their own little lives? 322 00:14:28,953 --> 00:14:31,688 -Is it on? -It's whatever it was when you handed it to me. 323 00:14:31,721 --> 00:14:33,723 The point is, there's someone out there for everyone 324 00:14:33,757 --> 00:14:36,093 if they're just willing to open their eyes and look. 325 00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:38,595 Wait a second! Don't you see, Brian? 326 00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,597 Oh, my God, you're right! 327 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,866 Kevin, before you go through with this, 328 00:14:42,899 --> 00:14:45,035 would you consider taking Meg out for a date? 329 00:14:45,069 --> 00:14:46,770 Meg? Why? 330 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,605 Look, we know you've had a hard road 331 00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,374 ever since you came home from Iraq. 332 00:14:50,407 --> 00:14:52,776 Well, this could be a chance for you to help someone else 333 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,945 who maybe feels as bad inside as you do. 334 00:14:56,913 --> 00:14:58,882 Okay. I'll ask her out. 335 00:14:58,915 --> 00:15:00,417 Great. Call her tomorrow. 336 00:15:00,450 --> 00:15:01,952 Tonight she's doing the fall play. 337 00:15:01,986 --> 00:15:04,388 It's a one-woman performance of Hair. 338 00:15:04,421 --> 00:15:06,390 ("Let the Sunshine In" from Hair playing) 339 00:15:06,423 --> 00:15:10,394 ♪ Let the sunshine ♪ 340 00:15:10,427 --> 00:15:13,897 ♪ Let the sunshine in ♪ 341 00:15:13,930 --> 00:15:18,468 ♪ Let the sun... shine in. ♪ 342 00:15:18,502 --> 00:15:20,570 Should've called it Too Much Hair. 343 00:15:20,604 --> 00:15:21,738 (slide whistle) 344 00:15:21,771 --> 00:15:23,273 (giggles) I finished the book. 345 00:15:31,281 --> 00:15:32,749 All right, Brian. Here comes Meg. 346 00:15:32,782 --> 00:15:34,751 Now, don't let on that we had anything to do 347 00:15:34,784 --> 00:15:35,919 with Kevin asking her out. 348 00:15:35,952 --> 00:15:37,587 Relax. I know how to keep my cool. 349 00:15:37,621 --> 00:15:38,788 You guys! 350 00:15:38,822 --> 00:15:40,924 I'm going out with Kevin Swanson! 351 00:15:40,957 --> 00:15:42,926 Get out of here! 352 00:15:42,959 --> 00:15:44,828 Brian, why are your hands on your hips? 353 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,096 (quietly): Turn it down a notch. 354 00:15:46,130 --> 00:15:49,299 Yeah, he asked me out. Totally out of the blue. 355 00:15:49,333 --> 00:15:51,101 Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. 356 00:15:51,135 --> 00:15:53,470 Get your hand off your cheek, you mess. 357 00:15:57,307 --> 00:15:59,109 Principal Shepherd, we came to ask 358 00:15:59,143 --> 00:16:02,279 if there's anything we can do to get Chris back in the school. 359 00:16:02,312 --> 00:16:05,115 Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, I-I'm afraid we can't do that. 360 00:16:05,149 --> 00:16:07,451 Oh, I think you can. 361 00:16:07,484 --> 00:16:10,320 I think you can do that and a whole lot more. 362 00:16:11,321 --> 00:16:12,789 Oh, my God. 363 00:16:12,822 --> 00:16:15,492 That is not what a testicle is supposed to look like. 364 00:16:15,525 --> 00:16:16,860 Has a doctor seen this? 365 00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:19,529 What are you gonna do, charge me with smoking? 366 00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:22,132 Mr. Griffin, I'm afraid you have testicular cancer. 367 00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:23,967 I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. 368 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,336 Oh, I think maybe there is. 369 00:16:27,671 --> 00:16:30,006 If you keep doing that, you're gonna pop it. 370 00:16:33,177 --> 00:16:35,645 Stewie, I still don't understand why we have to pretend 371 00:16:35,679 --> 00:16:36,880 to work at the restaurant. 372 00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,482 It's all part of the plan, Brian. 373 00:16:38,515 --> 00:16:40,817 Meg and Kevin need to have the perfect date. 374 00:16:40,850 --> 00:16:43,320 That's why I gave the rest of the staff the night off. 375 00:16:43,353 --> 00:16:45,489 We have to be in total control of the evening. 376 00:16:45,522 --> 00:16:46,990 Two for Swanson. 377 00:16:47,023 --> 00:16:49,393 (high-pitched): I'm sorry, we have nothing under that name, 378 00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:51,361 -and we're all full. -Oh, I... 379 00:16:51,395 --> 00:16:53,330 Uh, actually, I think a table just opened up. 380 00:16:53,363 --> 00:16:55,031 Right this way. 381 00:16:56,032 --> 00:16:58,368 -What the hell? -Sorry, I choked. 382 00:16:58,402 --> 00:17:00,704 Hi. We're the Hollender rehearsal dinner. 383 00:17:00,737 --> 00:17:02,839 There are 46 of us. 384 00:17:02,872 --> 00:17:05,175 Uh, Stewie, before you gave the staff the night off, 385 00:17:05,209 --> 00:17:06,676 did you check the reservation book? 386 00:17:06,710 --> 00:17:08,011 I did not. 387 00:17:08,044 --> 00:17:10,847 And to remind you, 24 of us selected the salmon, 388 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,517 16 the filet, and six vegetarian. 389 00:17:13,550 --> 00:17:14,851 MAN: One vegan. 390 00:17:14,884 --> 00:17:17,421 Five vegetarian, one vegan. 391 00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:19,356 -What do we do? -Just keep giving them crayons 392 00:17:19,389 --> 00:17:20,924 until we figure it out. 393 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,392 More appetizer? 394 00:17:22,426 --> 00:17:23,860 No, thanks. 395 00:17:23,893 --> 00:17:26,563 Cauliflower gives me the scoots. 396 00:17:29,899 --> 00:17:32,102 Chris, there's something your father and I 397 00:17:32,136 --> 00:17:34,037 want to talk to you about. 398 00:17:34,070 --> 00:17:36,540 Uh, Chris? Ch-Chris? 399 00:17:36,573 --> 00:17:39,209 Sorry, I only answer to "Chrissie" now. 400 00:17:39,243 --> 00:17:41,911 -Fine. Chrissie? -Yeah, Ma? 401 00:17:41,945 --> 00:17:46,049 Can you stop lifting your rusty weights while we talk to you? 402 00:17:46,082 --> 00:17:48,952 Chris, we're worried about you and your new friends. 403 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,421 Pa, don't worry about it. 404 00:17:51,455 --> 00:17:53,723 Don't worry about it. 405 00:17:53,757 --> 00:17:56,393 -Okay. -No, Peter, it's not okay. 406 00:17:56,426 --> 00:17:59,629 Chris, we don't want you in the Mafia. 407 00:17:59,663 --> 00:18:02,399 Hey, I'm in waste management. 408 00:18:02,432 --> 00:18:05,569 Chris, you need to be back in high school where you belong. 409 00:18:05,602 --> 00:18:07,604 But Principal Shepherd won't let you back in, 410 00:18:07,637 --> 00:18:09,473 and we don't know what to do. 411 00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:12,809 What do I need school for? Tony Danza never went to school, 412 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:16,746 and he played a guy named Tony on four different TV shows. 413 00:18:16,780 --> 00:18:17,914 Lois, let me handle this. 414 00:18:17,947 --> 00:18:19,583 Chris, I'm gonna say this in a way 415 00:18:19,616 --> 00:18:22,252 an Italian mechanic would understand. 416 00:18:22,286 --> 00:18:23,920 You're breaking your mother's heart! 417 00:18:23,953 --> 00:18:26,956 Ma! Why didn't you say so, Ma?! 418 00:18:26,990 --> 00:18:29,293 I'll take care of it. 419 00:18:35,632 --> 00:18:37,634 ♪ 420 00:18:53,983 --> 00:18:55,652 (door creaks) 421 00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:58,955 (door closes in distance) 422 00:18:58,988 --> 00:19:00,357 (footsteps approaching) 423 00:19:20,009 --> 00:19:21,311 What have you got there? 424 00:19:21,345 --> 00:19:23,313 A guy letting me back into school says what? 425 00:19:23,347 --> 00:19:26,516 -What? Damn it! -Okay, see you on Monday. 426 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,824 -Oh, God. -What? What is it? 427 00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:37,561 The Hollender rehearsal dinner review on Yelp. 428 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,896 "Undercooked and underwhelmed. 429 00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,531 Argumentative staff." 430 00:19:41,565 --> 00:19:44,834 I thought chicken sushi was wildly inventive. 431 00:19:44,868 --> 00:19:47,337 So, Meg, how was your night out with your boyfriend? 432 00:19:47,371 --> 00:19:50,006 -Actually, we broke up. -Aw. 433 00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:51,675 Aw, Meg, I'm so sorry. 434 00:19:51,708 --> 00:19:53,377 Well, I guess some people are just 435 00:19:53,410 --> 00:19:54,878 meant to be alone, you know? 436 00:19:54,911 --> 00:19:56,846 They're so broken inside. 437 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,182 They're just not worth it. 438 00:19:59,215 --> 00:20:01,518 Don't say that, Meg. You're totally worth it. 439 00:20:01,551 --> 00:20:04,521 I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about Kevin. 440 00:20:04,554 --> 00:20:06,856 He's a psycho. I dumped his ass. 441 00:20:06,890 --> 00:20:09,025 So... you're okay with it? 442 00:20:09,058 --> 00:20:12,862 Yeah, it actually felt great to be empowered for once. 443 00:20:12,896 --> 00:20:15,098 Good night, guys. 444 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,200 You know what, Brian, we actually did 445 00:20:17,233 --> 00:20:19,536 make Meg's life a little bit better. 446 00:20:19,569 --> 00:20:20,870 She got to dump someone. 447 00:20:20,904 --> 00:20:23,206 Well, you know what the real lesson is here, Stewie. 448 00:20:23,239 --> 00:20:25,208 Brian, I'm being told the show is running long. 449 00:20:25,241 --> 00:20:26,943 -We've got to speed this up. -Oh, that's okay. 450 00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:29,112 I'm sure they can fix it in editing. What I was saying... 451 00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,047 Because it's all about family and... 452 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,882 In love. You see, the thing is... 453 00:20:32,916 --> 00:20:35,452 -Love you, Brian. -Tractor guy now! Who wants a ri... 454 00:20:40,757 --> 00:20:43,293 So, Chris, how was your first day back at school? 455 00:20:43,327 --> 00:20:46,730 It was fine. I'll miss the guys at vocational school, 456 00:20:46,763 --> 00:20:49,299 but it is nice to be back where I belong. 457 00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:51,267 -(knock at door) -I'll get it. 458 00:20:52,268 --> 00:20:53,437 That's him. 459 00:20:53,470 --> 00:20:55,071 That's the one who popped me. 460 00:20:55,104 --> 00:20:56,072 Are you sure? 461 00:20:56,105 --> 00:20:57,741 Yes, I'm sure. 462 00:20:57,774 --> 00:20:59,943 Did I not sound sure?