1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,772 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:08,109 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:11,712 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,348 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:17,685 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:21,555 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,124 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,658 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:29,897 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:33,000 NARRATOR: Previously on Family Guy... 11 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,503 STEWIE: Dad's working for the Trump White House? 12 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,905 ENGINEER: Uh, hey, Stewie, can we do that again? 13 00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,573 Maybe a little more energy? 14 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,110 (sighs) 15 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,078 Uh, no? 16 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,581 ENGINEER: I-I think we can use it. 17 00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:49,717 Oh, yay, that's awesome. 18 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,752 ♪ 19 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,189 Wow, the White House is great. 20 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:57,825 There's no wonder you spend two days a week here. 21 00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:00,561 I'm sorry, can you hang on a sec? 22 00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,230 Got to close this window. 23 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:05,799 Melania's out there blowing bubbles for Eric. 24 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,136 (giggling) 25 00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,304 Dad, I got one in my mouth. 26 00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,340 It tastes like soap! 27 00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,575 Tremendous. Amazing. 28 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:18,246 Okay, Peter, your main job here is to go in rooms before me 29 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:21,615 to make sure there's no static electricity. 30 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:25,018 Don't go in there. It's not safe. 31 00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,587 Well done, Peter. 32 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,256 (zapping) 33 00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:35,062 Everyone, welcome to our new place. 34 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,831 I think we're gonna enjoy the Beltway lifestyle. 35 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:40,968 Washington, D.C. is a wonderful city to call home. 36 00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:44,071 And will we be putting our kids in the local public schools? 37 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,673 No, I would not recommend it. 38 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:48,075 Dibs on the bedroom in which an intern got murdered. 39 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,644 Aw, I want the intern murder bedroom! 40 00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:52,246 There's no need to fight, kids. 41 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,882 An intern has been murdered in each of the bedrooms. 42 00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,049 (Chris and Stewie gasp) 43 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,285 Well, I think this sucks. 44 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,952 I want to go back to Quahog. 45 00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:00,954 But we just got here, sweetie. 46 00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:02,556 Tomorrow, at James Woods High, 47 00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:04,392 it's Scoliosis Spine Check Day. 48 00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:06,727 It's the one day a year I get touched! 49 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,297 Meg, your father got this great new opportunity, 50 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,064 and we need to support him. 51 00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,066 Let's give D.C. a chance, huh? 52 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,468 Yeah, Meg, trust me-- 53 00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,304 before long, we'll fit right in here, 54 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:19,072 like a cowboy in a Chinese Starbucks. 55 00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:21,309 (jangling) 56 00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:24,312 This is the most strangest place ever. 57 00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:25,979 Yee! Ha! 58 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:28,649 Oh, this ain't so different. 59 00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:31,452 (classical music playing) 60 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,887 (indistinct chatter) 61 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,658 Oh, this is so exciting! 62 00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:40,594 I've never been to a fancy White House party before. 63 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:43,431 We're happy you're here, Mrs. Griffin, Mr. Griffin. 64 00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:45,599 And we're glad you brought your two children 65 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,269 and former Governor Chris Christie. 66 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:51,104 That's, like, the fourth person who's called Meg Chris Christie. 67 00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,606 (sighs) 68 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,942 Aw, sweetie, I'm sorry everyone thinks 69 00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:58,579 you're a historically unpopular fatso from New Jersey. 70 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,548 Whatever. I just want to go home. 71 00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,250 Oh, you can't go home yet! 72 00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:03,817 We haven't even served dinner. 73 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,753 And I hope you saved your appetite, 74 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,888 because, later, we're all wiping our ass 75 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,857 with the Constitution. 76 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,359 Hi, Brian Griffin. 77 00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,193 They let me write some of the liberal jokes. 78 00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:14,462 How you liking 'em? 79 00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:16,029 Good, there's more coming. 80 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,000 Folks, to drink this evening, we've got red wine, 81 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,935 white wine, and a fifth of bourbon. 82 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,438 What'll you have, disgraced political oddity Roger Stone? 83 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,039 I'll take the fifth. 84 00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,875 (chuckles) That works on two levels. 85 00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,410 Layered. 86 00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,745 Man, the Trump White House is so awesome. 87 00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:33,847 And for sure it's not crawling with Russians. 88 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,115 (Russian accent): That's for actual, 89 00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:36,917 other American at this party. 90 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,619 So, what kinds of things 91 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:41,422 do you hearing from our Mr. USA President? 92 00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:43,056 I don't know, fellow American, 93 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,058 but here's my Gmail log-in and password, 94 00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,494 'cause I know I can trust you with it. 95 00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:47,495 Wonderful. 96 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,096 Now, to please excuse, 97 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:52,700 I have very aching gut from eating so much apple cake. 98 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:56,036 Ha! Doesn't get more American than that. 99 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,438 (phone chimes) 100 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,678 (sighs) 101 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,079 -(indistinct chatter) -(sizzling) 102 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:07,515 Sorry! I'm just looking for the exit. 103 00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,016 I didn't mean to... 104 00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:11,585 Holy girl boner. 105 00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:13,020 ♪ Ivanka Trump ♪ 106 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,756 ♪ Has a gentle breeze indoors. ♪ 107 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:18,926 Tell those kids, if they ever want to see their parents again, 108 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,260 they'll make the shoes! 109 00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,095 Do you know who you're dealing with? 110 00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:24,365 My husband is the son of a felon 111 00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,367 who went to prison for blackmailing his brother-in-law 112 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,968 by entrapping him with a prostitute 113 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:31,572 and then mailing a copy of the tape to his own sister! 114 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,240 ♪ All that stuff ♪ 115 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,075 ♪ Happened for real. ♪ 116 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,677 Is everything okay? 117 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,679 Huh? Oh. Yeah. 118 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,748 Sorry to be out of sorts. I just... 119 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,750 Sometimes I wish I could meet someone else 120 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,586 whose dad is a fat idiot who once had a hit television show 121 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,421 and who, over time, has worn out his welcome. 122 00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:49,690 -You know, Meg's dad is als... -Shut up, Tiffany. 123 00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,892 Yeah. Shut up, Tiffany. 124 00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,894 Meg, I think you'd look amazing 125 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,629 in my brand of lifestyle products 126 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,731 that are designed to represent a poor person's idea 127 00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:59,232 of what a rich person would wear. 128 00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,134 -You think so? -Trust me. 129 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,637 When I'm done with you, you'll be pretty enough to marry 130 00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:05,406 an Orthodox Jewish son of a felon 131 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:07,741 who's too stupid to get into Harvard the normal way. 132 00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:10,310 And whose voice is way higher than you thought it would be? 133 00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:12,780 (high-pitched): Hi, honey. Ready for dinner? 134 00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,817 (indistinct chatter) 135 00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,819 Stewie, where have you been? 136 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:22,656 (Russian accent): Ugh, many American baby things am I doing. 137 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:27,428 So, what is your favorite ballistic missile launch codes? 138 00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,397 Whoa, is that Meg? 139 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,832 ♪ 140 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:36,837 That girl is pretty. 141 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,672 So pretty by D.C. standards. 142 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:41,975 With Geico, you can save up to 15% on car insurance. 143 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:46,146 Wow! Two-thirds of the people here are talking about me. 144 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,881 Because you're beautiful, Meg. 145 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,483 Thanks to you. 146 00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,585 Come on, let me introduce you to the president. 147 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:54,822 He's kind of like my boyfriend. 148 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,959 Hang on. He's still getting ready. 149 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,361 (whirring) 150 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:07,401 Hey, Dad, I want you to meet my new friend, Meg. 151 00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:09,837 -Pleased to meet you. -I've got to run, Dad. 152 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,740 Thanks again for getting me plastic surgery in my teens. 153 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,242 Um, yeah, anyway, 154 00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,511 it's an honor to meet you, Mr. President. 155 00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:18,846 This is amazing. 156 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,514 Yesterday, I was at Quahog Pond, 157 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:22,783 pulling out carps just to watch them suffocate. 158 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,184 And now look at me, 159 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,119 with the winner of the 46th-largest 160 00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:28,456 electoral college victory of all time. 161 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,791 And, I got to say, I'm a huge fan 162 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,793 of your board game and your beef products 163 00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,528 and your fraudulent university and... 164 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:35,863 (doorbell ring) 165 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,198 -Oh, my God! -Oh, please. 166 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,435 Every president since Washington has done this. 167 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,070 GEORGE WASHINGTON: Dearest Martha, 168 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:46,339 I cannot wait to once again place my hand 169 00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:49,176 onto your Gates of Venus. 170 00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,844 HARRY TRUMAN: My darling Bess, 171 00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,846 tonight, I'm going to drop the Big One 172 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,748 onto your Pacific theater. 173 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,585 GEORGE H.W. BUSH: Hey, Barbara Bush, working late. 174 00:06:57,618 --> 00:07:00,020 Sleeping in office. 175 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,589 Crazy headache. 176 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,056 You look like my mom. 177 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:11,699 Good afternoon, I'm Tim Tucker, 178 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,366 not my twin brother, Tom. 179 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,570 Our top story: mentally challenged boys' T-shirts. 180 00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:19,172 Are they getting even longer? 181 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:22,442 Um, guys, I got to tell you something. 182 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,044 Last night, at the White House, 183 00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:26,880 President Trump touched me inappropriately. 184 00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:29,449 -What?! -Meg, that's my boss, all right? 185 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,118 This is my career you're talking about. 186 00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,786 I spent a whole day working on this. 187 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,622 You want me to just throw away in one day 188 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,724 what I've spent a whole day trying to build? 189 00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:39,059 A whole day's worth of work, poof, gone in a day! 190 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,728 Meg, you expect us to believe 191 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,229 that the president of the United States 192 00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,131 would grab a woman by her (bleep)? 193 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,398 That's ridiculous! 194 00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:46,967 How could you not believe me? 195 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,636 Oh, hang on. CNN's on, 196 00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:51,138 where I'm the loudest guy on an overcrowded panel. 197 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,406 This country needs stronger border security. 198 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,408 Our border security is the strongest in the world. 199 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:57,645 What we need is to take care of our children. 200 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,079 I can't get an erection! 201 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,581 You think giving them amnesty 202 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,315 is fair to the people who are already here? 203 00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,151 They're contributing to the economy. 204 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,252 I've tried all the herbs! 205 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:06,654 Amnesty is never the answer. 206 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,455 It's not amnesty. 207 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,758 It's recognizing their contributions to our country. 208 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:13,093 They said to meditate, but I keep fallin' asleep! 209 00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,562 We need stronger vetting. 210 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,463 And to enforce the laws already on the books. 211 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,398 I'm terrified of being alone with my wife! 212 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:19,733 It's too much pressure! 213 00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,201 Well, nothing's ever gonna change 214 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,903 if Congress isn't willing to compromise. 215 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,005 -Exactly my point. -A wall would solve this. 216 00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,540 I wake up with an erection, 217 00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:28,141 but never when she's in the bed with me! 218 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,476 A wall would solve nothing. 219 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,044 These children have rights. 220 00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:33,480 I spent three grand on a Sandals vacation, 221 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:34,481 thinking that might do it! 222 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,515 Know what it was? 223 00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,618 Me being limp on a lazy river! 224 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:39,286 Well, that's all the time we have. 225 00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,854 -Thank you to Peter Griffin... -No! 226 00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:42,923 Don't send me home to my wife! 227 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,457 Democrats. 228 00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,226 That's why we went to Sandals? 229 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,761 Dad, did you hear what I said? 230 00:08:47,795 --> 00:08:49,296 Sorry, Meg, I got to go to work. 231 00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,464 What? You're still gonna work for that man 232 00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:53,133 -after he assaulted me? -(door closes) 233 00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:55,468 Meg, you got to stop with these stories. 234 00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:57,204 People hate a liar. 235 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,707 Just like closed captioning stenographers hated 236 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:02,475 the Sleepy Hollow guy for some reason. 237 00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:14,722 Did he carry a broadax? 238 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,226 The mark on his hand-- 239 00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,361 was it a bow? 240 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:30,537 Oh, no. No, no, no, it can't be. 241 00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:38,578 When I cut off his head. 242 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:43,083 Okay, I'll take your questions. 243 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,584 Me With A Fake Mustache. 244 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,920 America wants to know what you're packin' up there. 245 00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,856 I've heard 11 inches. True? 246 00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,023 All right, that's enough from you. 247 00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,358 Me With A Funny Hat. 248 00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,060 I also have heard 11 inches. 249 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,062 Okay, any non-11-inch questions? 250 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,563 Me With An Old-Timey Wig. 251 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,899 I've heard four handbreadths. 252 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,172 Mr. President, the press briefing went very well. 253 00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:06,740 Many people are saying 254 00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,976 it was the best press briefing in all of history. 255 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:11,578 Mr. Griffin, you're not speaking to President Trump. 256 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,313 That's a butternut squash. 257 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:17,317 Oh. Well, if this lumpy orange garbage vegetable is here, 258 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,753 then where's President Donald Trump? 259 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,421 Mr. President, please, 260 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:22,923 I'm not interested. 261 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,557 You'll regret this. 262 00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:26,994 (speaks Huttese) 263 00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:31,098 (cackling) 264 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,234 Oh, my God. 265 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,236 Bob's Burgers is on! 266 00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:38,872 This show speaks to us young people, apparently. 267 00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:41,574 That show-- and-and I mean no disrespect when I say this-- 268 00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:44,644 but that show looks like it was animated in a moving car. 269 00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:47,514 And again, no disrespect, wonderful people over there, 270 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:50,483 but... oh, my God, President Trump is assaulting Meg! 271 00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:52,920 I can't believe what I just saw, Mr. President! 272 00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,755 What would your third wife, 273 00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:57,758 the soft-core girl-on-girl porn lady, think about this? 274 00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:01,094 Or the actual porn star your lawyer paid hush money to? 275 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,764 I'm so sorry we didn't believe you earlier, sweetie. 276 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,433 Yeah, where do you get off behaving like this? 277 00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,802 -Why shouldn't I? You do. -What? 278 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:12,239 When you walked through that door, you insulted Bob's Burgers 279 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,507 and the hundreds of people who work there. 280 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,509 Well, I was just kidding around. 281 00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:18,511 No, you weren't. You're just jealous 282 00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:21,481 'cause it wins all the Emmys and the kids love it. 283 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,683 You seem to know a lot about Bob's Burgers. 284 00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,352 Of course I do. 285 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:29,122 Bob's Burgers is my favorite animated show. 286 00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:31,524 Wow. There's your headline, Emmy voters. 287 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,626 Vote your conscience. 288 00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,362 Anyway, my point is, 289 00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:38,598 if Peter Griffin gets to be a jerk all the time, 290 00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:41,001 then why can't Donald Trump? 291 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,635 Huh. 292 00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:46,273 That is not the... dumbest thing you've ever said. 293 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,308 So are we square? 294 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:50,410 No. 295 00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,445 No, President Trump, we are not! 296 00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:53,680 I quit! 297 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,148 -What? -That's right. 298 00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:57,550 And you know what else? My days of being mean 299 00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:58,718 and insulting are over! 300 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,253 From here on out, 301 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,489 I'm gonna be the nice, kind Peter Griffin. 302 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,591 You can't walk out on me. 303 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,659 I'm the president. 304 00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,295 Well, you're not a very good one. 305 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:09,396 Like that guy. 306 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,364 Or-or that one. 307 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,732 Or that one. 308 00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:14,367 Hey, which one is that, anyway? 309 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:15,969 I'm Grover Cleveland, 310 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:18,671 the only president to be married in the White House. 311 00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:20,874 Oh, what a nice story. 312 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,110 It's a great story. I married a girl 313 00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:26,546 who I'd raised since the time she was 11 years old. 314 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,649 -Oh. -Well, that guy's not getting a musical. 315 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,258 TV ANNOUNCER: We now return to Pirates of the Caribbean, 316 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,727 where the sound guy put the microphone too close 317 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,096 to Johnny Depp's jangling bracelets. 318 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,498 -(bracelets jangling) -Hold it right there, Sparrow. 319 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,600 This is the day you will always remember 320 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,503 as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow. 321 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,139 -What?! -I said... 322 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,241 -(jangling continues) -I've spent $65 million 323 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,543 on vacation homes and daytime wine. 324 00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:59,512 (jangling) 325 00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,514 All right, turn off that cheap celebrity slam. 326 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,716 The Griffins are gonna be better than that now. 327 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,052 -What? -You heard me. 328 00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:06,987 We are done being mean and insulting, 329 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,022 like Donald Trump is. From now on, 330 00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:11,624 this family's gonna be nice and supportive. 331 00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,526 Oh. So if we're being nice now, 332 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,263 maybe you have nice things to say to me, Dad. 333 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,998 Uh... of course I do. 334 00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:20,300 Your hair is, um... 335 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,903 very... hat. 336 00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:25,538 You're a... hat owner. 337 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,440 You're also hatted. 338 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,942 Why does he keep coming back to the hat? 339 00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,344 Peter, stop. Your nipples are bleeding. 340 00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,813 All right, fine, I'm not a nice person. 341 00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,949 I'm sick of complimenting your hat! 342 00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:38,451 I knew that fat man couldn't keep this up. 343 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,253 He always buckles under pressure. 344 00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:42,956 Yeah, you're right. Like at that Billy Joel concert. 345 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:46,259 (playing "Pressure") 346 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:47,727 ♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪ 347 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,129 ♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪ 348 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,663 ♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪ 349 00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,265 ♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪ 350 00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,767 ♪ Uptown girl! ♪ 351 00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:57,804 ♪ 352 00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,776 PETER: Trump! 353 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,946 Who are you? I have dementia. 354 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,814 Peter Griffin. 355 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,316 Look, you were right. 356 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,784 I can be insulting sometimes, I admit it. 357 00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,354 But so what? I'm just a guy from Rhode Island. 358 00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,756 You're the President of the United States! 359 00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,992 You're not just a guy from Rhode Island. 360 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:21,594 You're Peter Griffin from Family Guy. 361 00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:24,497 Many children have learned their favorite Jewish, black 362 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:28,135 and gay jokes by watching your show over the years. 363 00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:31,338 In fairness, we've been trying to phase out the gay stuff. 364 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,340 But you know what? We're a cartoon. 365 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,342 You can turn us off. You're the president. 366 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,944 We can't turn you off. 367 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:39,012 And you're on, like, all the time! 368 00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:40,813 Yes, tremendous ratings. 369 00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:43,816 Our Leslie Nielsen ratings are the highest in history. 370 00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:45,652 Surely you can't be serious. 371 00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:48,755 I am serious. And don't call me Leslie. 372 00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:52,159 Ugh. You really do find a way to screw everything up. 373 00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:55,528 If I screwed up so bad, how come I'm a billionaire? 374 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,030 Billionaire? Please. 375 00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:59,199 You're worth $700 mil on the high side. 376 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:02,035 And most of that is borrowed or tied up and underwater. 377 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:04,337 That's why you ain't releasin' your taxes, Trump. 378 00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,139 You're cash poor! 379 00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:08,108 Say that again. 380 00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:09,809 I dare you. 381 00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,311 You... 382 00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:12,946 are cash... 383 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:14,581 poor. 384 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,118 ♪ 385 00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,555 (grunting) 386 00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,295 (yelling) 387 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,197 (grunts) 388 00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,365 Peter! Catch! 389 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:35,535 Kill him in front of me, and I sex you. 390 00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:36,669 Yah! 391 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:39,939 (grunting) 392 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,046 (Peter and Trump grunting) 393 00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:47,480 Yah! 394 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,056 (panting) 395 00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,424 (yelling) 396 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:02,195 (Peter panting) 397 00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:14,774 Aah! 398 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,176 (yells) 399 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,412 Yah! 400 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,784 ♪ 401 00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,956 (buzzing) 402 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,359 (repeated buzzing) 403 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,970 MALE REPORTER: Sarah, any update? 404 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,473 I haven't had the chance to ask the president 405 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,541 if he is fighting with Peter Griffin. 406 00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:50,310 Oh! 407 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,381 (people screaming) 408 00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:03,390 (grunting) 409 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,858 -Yah! -Yah! 410 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:15,168 -(zapping) -(screaming) 411 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,938 (gasping) 412 00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:20,973 (yelling) 413 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,781 (cheering) 414 00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,654 I wrote that one. 415 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,657 Why are we so damn divided, America? 416 00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:38,991 ♪ 417 00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:41,027 (grunting) 418 00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:50,203 (over headphones): ...making Neil Armstrong 419 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,205 the first man to walk on the Moon. 420 00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:54,207 Who knows, maybe someone listening to this 421 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:56,976 might be the first chicken to walk on the Moon. 422 00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,445 ♪ 423 00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:05,285 (people gasp) 424 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,855 I got a sillier plane. 425 00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:11,791 ♪ 426 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:22,302 (yelling) 427 00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:28,308 (yelping, grunting) 428 00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:31,544 (both yell) 429 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,317 (grunting) 430 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,553 (people screaming) 431 00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:42,389 Peter! 432 00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:44,891 Grab my hand! 433 00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,626 (grunting) 434 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,828 I can't! It's too little! 435 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,064 (metallic creaking) 436 00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:53,866 (grunts) 437 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,134 (screaming) 438 00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:04,277 (loud deflating) 439 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,114 Wha...? Who... who put this here? 440 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,083 MAN (chuckles): I did. Sure hope that's okay. 441 00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:14,120 ("O Canada" playing) 442 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,425 (gasps) Justin Trudeau? 443 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:20,793 The hunky prime minister of Canada? 444 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,362 He's not that hunky. 445 00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,431 Very weak borders. 446 00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:25,998 I was just kayakin' past, 447 00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:28,435 and it looked like you guys could use some help. 448 00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:30,270 -Everything okay? -No, yeah, we're good. 449 00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,104 He touched my daughter, but I punched him, 450 00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:34,173 like, a hundred times, so we're fine now. 451 00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:36,476 I punched you, like, a million times. 452 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,411 I punched you infinity times. 453 00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:41,781 I punched you infinity plus one times. 454 00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,616 -Damn it! -Right on! 455 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,419 Well, then, I'll just go do some awesome Canada stuff. 456 00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:49,188 Hey, call me if you ever need help movin'. 457 00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:50,857 (geese honking) 458 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:53,326 Trudeau, away...! 459 00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:55,895 That guy's the best. 460 00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:58,030 You know who's really the best? 461 00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:00,333 Putin. Putin's the best. 462 00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:03,370 Yes, he is. Putin is the best. 463 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,204 Ha! I write this part. 464 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,640 Am I not to be a stinker? 465 00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:11,578 Bye-bye, American situation comedy with drawings. 466 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,118 I'm glad we're back in Quahog. 467 00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:22,154 And just in time to see my appearance on Jeopardy! 468 00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:23,990 -Peter? -What is... 469 00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,192 it like to have an erection? 470 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:30,062 I'm sorry, we were looking for "the electromagnetic spectrum." 471 00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:32,198 Betty, still your board. 472 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,200 I was not included in the final round. 473 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:37,203 I'll tell you one thing, I'm not gonna miss Washington, D.C. 474 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,540 Well, we had a lot of fun this week and changed zero minds. 475 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,009 If you want to learn more about our president, 476 00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:45,011 consult the Steele dossier, 477 00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:47,179 which is all about getting peed on. 478 00:20:47,213 --> 00:20:49,181 He also, with whole heart and full throat, 479 00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:51,751 endorsed a pedophile for the United States Senate. 480 00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:53,920 That didn't fit into tonight's narrative, 481 00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:55,522 but should not be forgotten. 482 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:57,557 And I am a proud hat owner. 483 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,258 Shut up, Meg. 484 00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:02,595 From our family to yours, we're very frightened.