1 00:00:31,677 --> 00:00:34,886 ♪ it seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:34,972 --> 00:00:38,098 ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ 3 00:00:38,267 --> 00:00:41,810 ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:41,895 --> 00:00:44,813 ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:44,898 --> 00:00:48,275 ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:51,403 ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:51,530 --> 00:00:53,155 ♪ all the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:54,406 ♪ laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:54,533 --> 00:01:00,370 ♪ he's... A... Fam... Ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:01:06,879 --> 00:01:07,961 Boy, everybody's here. 11 00:01:08,046 --> 00:01:09,421 Why do you think we're gathering? 12 00:01:09,548 --> 00:01:12,007 This isn't about the soiled pants in the toilet, right? 13 00:01:12,092 --> 00:01:13,258 'cause I hadn't heard about that. 14 00:01:13,343 --> 00:01:14,843 Good morning, employees. 15 00:01:14,928 --> 00:01:16,845 As some of you can tell by my face, 16 00:01:16,930 --> 00:01:18,263 I have some exciting news. 17 00:01:18,348 --> 00:01:20,974 But first, a pair of husky-size green pants were found 18 00:01:21,059 --> 00:01:23,435 In the men's room, positively destroyed. 19 00:01:23,562 --> 00:01:25,145 (whispers): That's what I hadn't heard about. 20 00:01:25,272 --> 00:01:26,813 Now the exciting news. 21 00:01:26,899 --> 00:01:29,149 The brewery is transitioning to an open floor plan 22 00:01:29,234 --> 00:01:31,860 And will be called the pawtucket patriot campus. 23 00:01:31,945 --> 00:01:34,696 To help explain the transition to our futuristic workplace, 24 00:01:34,823 --> 00:01:36,740 I'd like to share a video from our investor, 25 00:01:36,825 --> 00:01:39,951 The confusingly charismatic wework lunatic. 26 00:01:40,078 --> 00:01:42,245 Hey, I'm the guy from wework. 27 00:01:42,372 --> 00:01:44,206 My foremost goal is to facilitate 28 00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:46,875 An experiential bandwidth of synergy. 29 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,960 Hammock desks, scooter desks, 30 00:01:49,046 --> 00:01:51,254 And the world's first desk-desk. 31 00:01:51,423 --> 00:01:54,257 The only desk that functions as a working desk. 32 00:01:54,343 --> 00:01:57,302 I have been the wework lunatic, please don't google me. 33 00:01:57,387 --> 00:01:59,638 Our new office will also have 34 00:01:59,723 --> 00:02:01,640 A lady chef who only makes vegan food, 35 00:02:01,725 --> 00:02:04,142 Pinball machines, and nursing pods. 36 00:02:04,228 --> 00:02:07,145 Lastly, as we transition to our new open floor plan, 37 00:02:07,231 --> 00:02:08,521 The brewery will be closed 38 00:02:08,649 --> 00:02:10,273 For the next two months for construction. 39 00:02:10,317 --> 00:02:11,399 Yes, griffin? 40 00:02:11,526 --> 00:02:15,403 Are the nursing pods, l-like, for anyone? 41 00:02:19,326 --> 00:02:21,243 If I ordered a whole cornish game hen, 42 00:02:21,328 --> 00:02:22,369 Would anyone have any? 43 00:02:22,454 --> 00:02:24,287 I'm in for a wing. What's the occasion? 44 00:02:24,414 --> 00:02:26,248 I just found out the brewery's closing 45 00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:27,916 So they can turn it into the kind of workplace 46 00:02:28,001 --> 00:02:29,793 You only see on tv shows. 47 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,544 Work's been crazy for me, too. 48 00:02:31,630 --> 00:02:33,797 We have this case-- guy died on his birthday, 49 00:02:33,882 --> 00:02:35,340 And-- get this-- his family had gotten him 50 00:02:35,425 --> 00:02:36,508 An ice cream cake. 51 00:02:36,593 --> 00:02:38,510 You know, the kind with ice cream inside 52 00:02:38,595 --> 00:02:39,719 As the cake part? 53 00:02:39,846 --> 00:02:41,513 (laughs) 54 00:02:41,598 --> 00:02:44,182 Wild stuff. So I'm at the scene... 55 00:02:44,268 --> 00:02:46,142 This story is already too complicated and boring. 56 00:02:46,228 --> 00:02:47,310 Peter, take over. 57 00:02:47,396 --> 00:02:49,020 My amazon guy once delivered batteries 58 00:02:49,147 --> 00:02:51,314 -To pat sajak. -No way! 59 00:02:51,358 --> 00:02:53,566 How did he know there were batteries in the box? 60 00:02:53,735 --> 00:02:55,068 You know, whenever they ship a battery, 61 00:02:55,195 --> 00:02:56,987 They got to put that little warning label on the box? 62 00:02:57,114 --> 00:02:58,571 That's how. 63 00:02:58,699 --> 00:03:00,532 It could've just been something with a battery in it. 64 00:03:00,659 --> 00:03:02,492 No, he said he shook it real hard. 65 00:03:02,661 --> 00:03:04,494 I-I think the focus of this story is 66 00:03:04,579 --> 00:03:06,705 More pat sajak than the battery part. 67 00:03:06,832 --> 00:03:10,458 Hold on. There's no way that story was better than mine. 68 00:03:12,462 --> 00:03:14,629 Hey, brian. What's all this? 69 00:03:14,715 --> 00:03:16,381 Oh, just following in the rich tradition 70 00:03:16,466 --> 00:03:18,008 Of hemingway and faulkner 71 00:03:18,126 --> 00:03:19,718 And putting a little damage on the old liver. 72 00:03:19,845 --> 00:03:21,136 Another rosé, brian? 73 00:03:21,263 --> 00:03:22,512 Put a spritz on it. 74 00:03:22,597 --> 00:03:26,299 So, is, uh, watching tiktoks of underage girls 75 00:03:26,351 --> 00:03:28,351 Also part of your writing process? 76 00:03:28,437 --> 00:03:31,604 The best writing happens when you're not actually writing. 77 00:03:31,732 --> 00:03:33,648 I just wish my muse would speak to me. 78 00:03:33,734 --> 00:03:36,484 I'm having a tough time finding an idea for my next novel. 79 00:03:36,653 --> 00:03:39,988 Well, I'd tell you about one of my murder cases, 80 00:03:40,073 --> 00:03:42,365 But apparently I'm a bad storyteller. 81 00:03:42,492 --> 00:03:45,368 -Murder case? -Oh, yeah, we had one last year. 82 00:03:45,495 --> 00:03:47,662 All signs pointed to the husband. 83 00:03:47,748 --> 00:03:49,414 -What happened? -It was the husband. 84 00:03:49,499 --> 00:03:51,958 You know, we have a whole file of cases in quahog 85 00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:53,960 That would make great stories. 86 00:03:54,087 --> 00:03:56,379 A lot of murdered women out there, bri. 87 00:03:56,465 --> 00:03:58,590 Half of them named britney, half of them named lacey. 88 00:03:58,675 --> 00:04:01,134 That's one piece of advice I always give young parents: 89 00:04:01,261 --> 00:04:02,927 Don't name them britney or lacey. 90 00:04:03,013 --> 00:04:04,137 Yeah, sad stuff. 91 00:04:04,264 --> 00:04:06,097 You know, true crime is huge right now. 92 00:04:06,183 --> 00:04:07,599 You could be sitting on a gold mine. 93 00:04:07,642 --> 00:04:09,059 A gold mine, huh? 94 00:04:09,144 --> 00:04:12,354 And this whole day I thought it was just a smushed dook. 95 00:04:14,941 --> 00:04:17,150 Announcer (on tv): We now return to curb your enthusiasm, 96 00:04:17,235 --> 00:04:20,612 Where jeff garlin just repeats everything larry says. 97 00:04:20,739 --> 00:04:22,530 So, I put on the shirt. 98 00:04:22,699 --> 00:04:24,449 You put on the shirt! 99 00:04:24,576 --> 00:04:25,867 I paid for it. 100 00:04:25,952 --> 00:04:27,535 You paid for it! 101 00:04:27,704 --> 00:04:29,954 I'm starting to think you're, uh, 102 00:04:30,082 --> 00:04:31,998 The weakest link in the cast. 103 00:04:32,084 --> 00:04:34,542 Easily the weakest link! 104 00:04:34,628 --> 00:04:37,253 Peter, the bank called to say we're overdrawn, 105 00:04:37,381 --> 00:04:39,255 And the credit card company sent us a letter 106 00:04:39,383 --> 00:04:41,508 That just says: "bitch better have my money." 107 00:04:41,593 --> 00:04:42,759 Visa sent that? 108 00:04:42,886 --> 00:04:44,511 God, they can do whatever they want in delaware. 109 00:04:44,596 --> 00:04:46,471 Thanks for nothing, sleepy joe. 110 00:04:46,598 --> 00:04:49,265 I wonder if this has anything to do with me not getting paid 111 00:04:49,351 --> 00:04:50,975 During the brewery renovations. 112 00:04:51,103 --> 00:04:53,311 Wh-what do you mean "not getting paid"? 113 00:04:53,397 --> 00:04:55,146 Well, preston said we're all transitioning 114 00:04:55,190 --> 00:04:56,856 To being independent contractors. 115 00:04:56,942 --> 00:04:58,900 The downside is we're losing our health insurance, 116 00:04:58,985 --> 00:05:01,861 But there's gonna be a pinball machine in the break room. 117 00:05:01,947 --> 00:05:03,738 Peter, we can't afford to go two months 118 00:05:03,824 --> 00:05:05,365 Without your paycheck. 119 00:05:05,450 --> 00:05:07,617 You're gonna have to find a job in the meantime. 120 00:05:07,702 --> 00:05:10,578 Lois, don't worry. I got it all figured out. 121 00:05:10,705 --> 00:05:13,164 (shoes tapping) 122 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,925 "dear mr. Griffin, we regret to inform you 123 00:05:24,094 --> 00:05:26,177 That we cannot offer you a space." 124 00:05:27,264 --> 00:05:30,432 -(shoes tapping) -(singsongy): Another big dance check in the mail. 125 00:05:30,517 --> 00:05:34,269 I was just five years away from three figures a month. 126 00:05:34,396 --> 00:05:36,563 (shoes tapping slowly) 127 00:05:41,945 --> 00:05:43,069 Joe, this stuff is great. 128 00:05:43,196 --> 00:05:45,363 Yep, one man's murdered, estranged wife 129 00:05:45,449 --> 00:05:46,948 Is another man's treasure. 130 00:05:47,033 --> 00:05:50,243 Brian, I'm gonna have to ask you to put down the severed limb. 131 00:05:50,370 --> 00:05:51,828 I brought this from home. 132 00:05:51,955 --> 00:05:53,788 Drop it. Drop it! 133 00:05:53,874 --> 00:05:56,958 Ah, damn it, you said "drop it," so now I got to drop it. 134 00:05:57,085 --> 00:05:59,836 You know, we should team up and write a true crime novel. 135 00:05:59,963 --> 00:06:01,087 You don't happen to have any cases 136 00:06:01,173 --> 00:06:02,964 Featuring pretty blonde women, do you? 137 00:06:03,133 --> 00:06:04,507 No, those get solved pretty quickly. 138 00:06:04,634 --> 00:06:07,719 This victim was brunette and a little heavy. 139 00:06:07,846 --> 00:06:09,304 Okay, getting warmer. 140 00:06:09,389 --> 00:06:12,140 We'll just change a few key details so people care. 141 00:06:12,225 --> 00:06:14,142 Gutierrez? Nope, gordon. 142 00:06:14,260 --> 00:06:16,102 Murdered on an indian reservation? 143 00:06:16,188 --> 00:06:17,479 Let's try beverly hills. 144 00:06:17,647 --> 00:06:20,315 I'm thinking we go novel, podcast, docuseries, 145 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,233 Then full-blown blockbuster. 146 00:06:22,319 --> 00:06:25,028 But we'd also be doing this for the families, right? 147 00:06:25,113 --> 00:06:26,521 Is that a new streaming platform? 148 00:06:26,573 --> 00:06:28,281 No, like, the families of the victims? 149 00:06:28,366 --> 00:06:29,532 Oh, right. Yeah, sure. 150 00:06:29,743 --> 00:06:32,118 In fact, we'll give them a sliver of the proceeds. 151 00:06:32,287 --> 00:06:34,245 And I'll give the fictional version 152 00:06:34,331 --> 00:06:35,830 Of their daughter bigger boobs. 153 00:06:35,957 --> 00:06:37,499 Like-like real heavy naturals. 154 00:06:37,542 --> 00:06:40,793 Oh, yeah, that sounds like a good compromise. 155 00:06:44,716 --> 00:06:46,424 Your special cart, mrs. G. 156 00:06:46,510 --> 00:06:49,052 Just gave the wheels a fresh coat of wd-40. 157 00:06:49,137 --> 00:06:51,429 Why, thank you, james. 158 00:06:52,599 --> 00:06:55,808 Oh, roberto, if you weren't missing half an arm, 159 00:06:55,936 --> 00:06:57,227 I'd definitely consider it. 160 00:06:57,312 --> 00:06:59,854 Oh, how's the 6029s today, hmm? 161 00:06:59,981 --> 00:07:02,232 Oh, mrs. Lois, very fresh. 162 00:07:02,317 --> 00:07:03,983 What's she talking about, mommy? 163 00:07:04,110 --> 00:07:05,818 (laughs) kale, dear. 164 00:07:05,904 --> 00:07:08,446 It's insider speak for kale. 165 00:07:14,162 --> 00:07:15,954 That can't possibly be a thing. 166 00:07:16,039 --> 00:07:18,581 Let me just find someone to make sure. 167 00:07:21,002 --> 00:07:24,295 Oh, looks like someone got pulled from the night shift 168 00:07:24,381 --> 00:07:27,090 'cause I've never seen this free sample. 169 00:07:28,510 --> 00:07:30,802 -Peter?! -Man (over speakers): Ladies and gentlemen, 170 00:07:30,929 --> 00:07:32,679 We have a plot twist on aisle four. 171 00:07:32,847 --> 00:07:35,348 I'm the assistant manager who thinks work should be fun, 172 00:07:35,433 --> 00:07:37,475 And definitely not a corporate spy 173 00:07:37,644 --> 00:07:39,227 Here to keep unions from forming. 174 00:07:39,354 --> 00:07:41,062 But now that we're talking about it, 175 00:07:41,189 --> 00:07:42,522 Can you imagine if you had a grievance 176 00:07:42,607 --> 00:07:44,566 And couldn't talk to me directly? 177 00:07:44,693 --> 00:07:46,025 Anyway, I'm elliot, 178 00:07:46,111 --> 00:07:47,485 And I'm paying close attention 179 00:07:47,571 --> 00:07:49,821 To who posts what on the break room cork board. 180 00:08:22,547 --> 00:08:25,246 ♪i've got home internet from t-mobile.♪ 181 00:08:25,982 --> 00:08:28,813 ♪it only costs $50 bucks at t-mobile.♪ 182 00:08:29,648 --> 00:08:31,480 ♪just one cord to set up.♪ 183 00:08:31,482 --> 00:08:34,513 ♪say goodbye to that truck.♪ 184 00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:37,246 ♪oh, what a beautiful mornin'...♪ 185 00:08:37,248 --> 00:08:39,946 ♪oh, what a beautiful day...♪ 186 00:08:41,115 --> 00:08:44,546 ♪they won't raise your rates at t-mobile...♪ 187 00:08:44,548 --> 00:08:47,246 ♪you'll get a great deal every day!♪ 188 00:08:47,248 --> 00:08:48,546 Home internet from t-mobile... 189 00:08:48,548 --> 00:08:49,846 Just $50 bucks a month. 190 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,340 Peter, what are you doing here? 191 00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,091 You told me to get a job, and they were hiring. 192 00:09:29,219 --> 00:09:30,051 I love it here! 193 00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:31,219 Plus, they let me joke around 194 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,512 With the wells fargo guys who work here. 195 00:09:33,598 --> 00:09:36,349 Yes, I'd like to make a deposit, please. 196 00:09:36,434 --> 00:09:39,227 Is it another 100 grand chocolate bar? 197 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,187 Okay, so I've had you before. 198 00:09:41,231 --> 00:09:44,148 Peter, the grocery store is kind of my domain. 199 00:09:44,234 --> 00:09:46,025 While I'm glad you got a job, 200 00:09:46,110 --> 00:09:47,944 I don't love that you got one here. 201 00:09:48,029 --> 00:09:49,403 Don't worry. You won't even know I'm here. 202 00:09:49,530 --> 00:09:50,947 Unless you're near the front door, 203 00:09:51,032 --> 00:09:52,782 Which I can open with the force. 204 00:09:52,867 --> 00:09:54,951 Excuse me, where are the peanuts? 205 00:09:55,036 --> 00:09:56,369 Aisle seven. 206 00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:58,454 Peter, peanuts are on aisle two. 207 00:09:58,539 --> 00:09:59,705 Eh, I just tell 'em whatever number, 208 00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:02,250 And then I disappear into the produce mist. 209 00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:05,544 Peter? Peter? 210 00:10:05,630 --> 00:10:10,466 Peter (echoing): There was never peter, only loose carrots. 211 00:10:13,263 --> 00:10:16,222 The body was discovered around 9:00 p.M. 212 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:19,183 Unfortunately, I couldn't make it down to the crime scene 213 00:10:19,269 --> 00:10:20,726 Because there were no ramps. 214 00:10:20,812 --> 00:10:22,186 Okay, I'm gonna write: 215 00:10:22,272 --> 00:10:24,146 "tonight, all the streets in this town 216 00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:25,648 Were a dead end." 217 00:10:25,733 --> 00:10:27,191 I never saw the body. 218 00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:29,318 It was cold, so they sent me on a coffee run. 219 00:10:29,445 --> 00:10:31,487 My lap can accommodate two trays, 220 00:10:31,614 --> 00:10:33,072 And I can't feel the spills. 221 00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:36,158 "she was found in a creek, her bosoms frozen solid." 222 00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:39,870 She was a heavyset 60-something in welder's coveralls. 223 00:10:39,956 --> 00:10:42,373 "no one from beverly hills had ever been strangled 224 00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:44,292 By their own cheerleader skirt before." 225 00:10:44,419 --> 00:10:45,710 (gasps) 226 00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:48,713 Wow, I can't believe I'm seeing how the sausage is made. 227 00:10:48,798 --> 00:10:52,216 Hey, so when you open a book and you see "random house," 228 00:10:52,302 --> 00:10:54,343 Is that something we come up with? 229 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:57,096 Uh, no, that's-that's the publisher's name. 230 00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:59,307 I see. Just drinking it all in. 231 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,434 And what about the list of cities you see under that name? 232 00:11:01,519 --> 00:11:04,895 Because I was thinking we should put new york, paris, kokomo. 233 00:11:04,981 --> 00:11:07,315 Those are just the cities where the publisher has offices. 234 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,191 And kokomo isn't a real city, joe. 235 00:11:09,319 --> 00:11:11,193 Try telling the beach boys that. 236 00:11:11,279 --> 00:11:13,696 I don't know what our title should be yet, but beneath it, 237 00:11:13,781 --> 00:11:16,657 It should say: "soon to be a major motion picture." 238 00:11:16,784 --> 00:11:18,951 I always buy the book when I see that. 239 00:11:19,037 --> 00:11:20,453 Why don't we just focus on the writing? 240 00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:21,912 Oh, hey, you ever see books 241 00:11:21,998 --> 00:11:23,914 Where the edges of the pages are gold? 242 00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:26,459 -Yeah? -So cool. 243 00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,174 What is going on in here? 244 00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:35,217 Who put price tags on all the cans? 245 00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:37,553 And why is everything labeled 69 cents? 246 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:40,890 Peter (muffled): Griffin family grocery is currently under renovation. 247 00:11:41,059 --> 00:11:42,933 Please excuse our dust. 248 00:11:43,019 --> 00:11:44,643 Peter? Where are you? 249 00:11:44,729 --> 00:11:46,979 Staring at butts from behind a one-way mirror. 250 00:11:47,065 --> 00:11:48,856 And why'd you rearrange everything? 251 00:11:48,983 --> 00:11:50,483 I just want to find my vitamins. 252 00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:53,110 Cupboard four. No, that's cupboard seven. 253 00:11:53,196 --> 00:11:54,820 No, wrong way. 254 00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:57,073 I'm not... Is it warmer or colder? 255 00:11:57,158 --> 00:11:59,200 Cupboard four. Cupboard four. 256 00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:01,660 (alarm blaring) 257 00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:04,080 Ma'am, don't worry, this happens all the time. 258 00:12:04,248 --> 00:12:05,873 I'm sure you have your receipt. 259 00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:07,666 What? No, I don't have a receipt. 260 00:12:07,752 --> 00:12:10,127 Okay, then, we're just gonna go to the office, 261 00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:13,381 Call your parents, and send you on your way. 262 00:12:14,926 --> 00:12:17,051 -Daddy, I just... -There are gonna be some changes around here. 263 00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:19,011 First off, no more lipstick. 264 00:12:19,097 --> 00:12:21,847 That's how all this trouble started. 265 00:12:26,187 --> 00:12:27,269 Okay, so we just need the ending. 266 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:28,479 Who was the murderer? 267 00:12:28,564 --> 00:12:31,273 Oh, I have no idea. It's a cold case. 268 00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,818 That's what makes 'em cold-- no one knows how to solve 'em. 269 00:12:33,903 --> 00:12:35,069 Well, how do we finish our novel 270 00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:37,530 If we don't know what happened in real life? 271 00:12:37,615 --> 00:12:39,031 -Ghost cop. -No. 272 00:12:39,117 --> 00:12:40,157 Do you know what this means? 273 00:12:40,284 --> 00:12:42,159 We're gonna put on our sherlock holmes hats 274 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,328 And solve the murder ourselves? 275 00:12:44,414 --> 00:12:46,789 Deerstalker hats, joe. But yes. 276 00:12:46,874 --> 00:12:49,500 Stupid nonwriter! 277 00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:54,246 Okay, brian, now, when you're visiting 278 00:12:54,298 --> 00:12:55,798 The family of a deceased victim, 279 00:12:55,925 --> 00:12:57,299 You need to hold a hat over your chest. 280 00:12:57,385 --> 00:12:58,676 It shows you care. 281 00:12:58,803 --> 00:13:00,845 All I have is this crown from our burger king lunch. 282 00:13:00,972 --> 00:13:02,263 Hat's a hat. 283 00:13:03,558 --> 00:13:06,350 How can I help you, officer and your highness? 284 00:13:06,510 --> 00:13:10,187 Hi, yes. We're here with many questions about your daughter. 285 00:13:10,273 --> 00:13:11,981 You know, the dead one? You-you remember her? 286 00:13:12,066 --> 00:13:13,691 We'd love any details. 287 00:13:13,776 --> 00:13:15,818 Is this some sort of sick joke? 288 00:13:15,903 --> 00:13:17,153 I assure you it's not, ma'am. 289 00:13:17,238 --> 00:13:18,988 We're writing a future hit novel 290 00:13:19,073 --> 00:13:20,156 Based on your daughter's murder. 291 00:13:20,283 --> 00:13:21,574 We just need to know who did it. 292 00:13:21,617 --> 00:13:24,285 And, between us, it'd be great if one of you did. 293 00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,036 What is this? What do you want? 294 00:13:26,122 --> 00:13:27,913 Did you know jonbenét ramsey's dad 295 00:13:27,999 --> 00:13:30,541 Dated natalee holloway's mom? 296 00:13:30,626 --> 00:13:32,126 What does that have to do with our case? 297 00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:34,044 Well, nothing, it's just kind of weird, right? 298 00:13:34,130 --> 00:13:37,089 Do you happen to have any grainy video footage 299 00:13:37,175 --> 00:13:40,176 Of her singing an emotional song at a talent show? 300 00:13:40,261 --> 00:13:41,677 Maybe green day's "time of your life"? 301 00:13:41,804 --> 00:13:44,680 That would really bust this project wide open for us. 302 00:13:44,849 --> 00:13:46,807 You're both unwell. 303 00:13:48,269 --> 00:13:49,643 Well, that was a bust. 304 00:13:49,770 --> 00:13:52,354 Sorry, I've been holding this in since burger king. 305 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,315 Oh, seriously? You're just gonna leave that there? 306 00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:57,109 These people have suffered a terrible loss. 307 00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:59,361 At least cover it with leaves or something. 308 00:13:59,530 --> 00:14:00,863 Ugh, fine. 309 00:14:04,535 --> 00:14:06,202 Joe, look. I found something. 310 00:14:07,163 --> 00:14:09,580 -It's a key to a storage unit. -How do you know that? 311 00:14:09,665 --> 00:14:12,124 Yeah, me and bonnie have been doing a fun role-play thing 312 00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,168 Where she dresses up like a sexy maid 313 00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:17,379 And then locks me in a storage unit while guys come over. 314 00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,340 -Oh. -Yeah, it's pretty kinky. 315 00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:22,426 I, uh, I play the role of a sexy armoire, 316 00:14:22,512 --> 00:14:24,011 Waiting in another room. 317 00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:26,889 Sounds like she just wants you out of the house for a while. 318 00:14:26,974 --> 00:14:29,308 Nah. No. 319 00:14:34,315 --> 00:14:36,357 It's okay, lois. It's a big store. 320 00:14:36,484 --> 00:14:38,067 You may not even run into peter. 321 00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:41,111 Good morning. How much are the mussels? 322 00:14:41,197 --> 00:14:43,364 $34 a month at bally's total fitness. 323 00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:44,823 -(bell chimes) -peter? 324 00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:46,492 Why are you behind the fish counter? 325 00:14:46,536 --> 00:14:49,662 I got a promotion, emphasis on the "otion." 326 00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,080 -(bell chimes) -fine. 327 00:14:51,165 --> 00:14:52,790 What do you got that's fresh? 328 00:14:52,917 --> 00:14:54,333 Well, I got a teenage son at home. 329 00:14:54,377 --> 00:14:56,252 -What a mouth on that kid. -(bell chimes) 330 00:14:56,337 --> 00:14:59,088 That's it! You have ruined groceries for me! 331 00:14:59,215 --> 00:15:01,549 Get the hell out of my store, you imbecile! 332 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:04,552 Um, excuse me, miss, did you just yell at this employee? 333 00:15:04,679 --> 00:15:06,053 You're damn right I did. 334 00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:08,180 He has no business being here. 335 00:15:08,266 --> 00:15:10,808 This man is a member of the stop 'n shop family. 336 00:15:10,935 --> 00:15:13,018 He has every business being here. 337 00:15:13,104 --> 00:15:15,187 You, on the other hand, will have to go. 338 00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:16,480 You're banned from the store. 339 00:15:16,566 --> 00:15:18,190 (chuckles nervously): What? No. 340 00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:19,483 Y-you can't do this. 341 00:15:19,569 --> 00:15:21,360 I have shopped here my whole life. 342 00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,445 Yes, we know. If it's any consolation, 343 00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:25,239 You'll be in the "in memoriam" section 344 00:15:25,366 --> 00:15:27,157 Of the grocery store oscars. 345 00:15:27,243 --> 00:15:29,034 ("I will remember you" by sarah mclachlan playing) 346 00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:34,999 ♪ I will remember you ♪ 347 00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:41,213 -♪ will you remember me? ♪ -(cheering) 348 00:15:42,466 --> 00:15:45,676 -♪ don't let your life... ♪ -(man coughs) 349 00:15:45,803 --> 00:15:48,637 Lois: No! No, no, no. You can't put me after betty white. 350 00:15:48,723 --> 00:15:51,015 Didn't brenda vaccaro die or something? 351 00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:52,600 (gasps) no. 352 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:55,936 I live here in aisle four with the kotex tampons. 353 00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:58,063 (wheezing) 354 00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,940 Still more absorbent than the leading brand. 355 00:16:00,067 --> 00:16:01,525 (wheezing) 356 00:17:38,616 --> 00:17:40,450 The worst part is, I can't even go back 357 00:17:40,577 --> 00:17:42,327 To my favorite grocery store. 358 00:17:42,454 --> 00:17:44,912 I personally think you should give peter a taste 359 00:17:45,081 --> 00:17:48,458 Of his own medicine and get a job at his special place. 360 00:17:48,543 --> 00:17:50,460 The men's room at logan airport? 361 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,253 No, the drunken clam. 362 00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:54,547 Oh, okay, 'cause he had this one experience there 363 00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,299 That he still talks about to this day, 364 00:17:56,384 --> 00:17:59,093 But that is an intriguing idea, bonnie. 365 00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:00,553 I'm glad you think so. 366 00:18:00,638 --> 00:18:03,222 Well, as white women in conversation, 367 00:18:03,308 --> 00:18:05,224 We're now obligated to spend five minutes 368 00:18:05,310 --> 00:18:07,143 Talking about sedona, arizona. 369 00:18:07,270 --> 00:18:08,936 -Oh, I'd love to go. -I know. 370 00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:12,357 My friend linda got a massage there after her divorce. 371 00:18:12,484 --> 00:18:14,442 And my friend trish bought a painting there. 372 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,903 -Oh, we got to go. -We got to go. 373 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,618 Hey, you two haven't seen peter, have you? 374 00:18:23,661 --> 00:18:25,661 Asking as a waitress trying to teach him a lesson 375 00:18:25,747 --> 00:18:28,456 By working at his favorite place, not as his wife. 376 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:31,292 Whoa, check out the turd-cutter on the new chick. 377 00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:33,294 That's right. I work here now. 378 00:18:33,421 --> 00:18:35,421 I'm gonna be here all the time. 379 00:18:35,507 --> 00:18:37,382 Oh, how does it feel to have someone invade 380 00:18:37,509 --> 00:18:39,133 Your special space? 381 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,426 It feels great! 382 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,136 Speaking of invading special places, 383 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:43,262 How about this? 384 00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,306 Hey, sweetie, when do you get off work? 385 00:18:45,433 --> 00:18:47,683 Me and my wife are more friends at this point than anything. 386 00:18:47,769 --> 00:18:49,227 Don't get me wrong, she's a great gal, 387 00:18:49,312 --> 00:18:51,145 Raised my children, but time takes its toll, 388 00:18:51,272 --> 00:18:52,313 You know what I mean? 389 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:53,940 What? My wife and I have an arrangement, 390 00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:56,651 So I'm not doing anything wrong here, technically. 391 00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:58,694 Ah, well, this isn't working. 392 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:01,030 If you want to meet me in my car later, 393 00:19:01,116 --> 00:19:03,491 It's the one with the "blue lives matter" sticker. 394 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,702 But, like, not for cops, it's for, it's for grover. 395 00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:12,458 Who's going in first? 396 00:19:12,544 --> 00:19:14,794 Kind of feels like you should since you're a dog. 397 00:19:14,879 --> 00:19:16,045 Are you scared, joe? 398 00:19:16,172 --> 00:19:18,089 Would a scared person do this? 399 00:19:18,174 --> 00:19:21,050 -(screams) -not so fast. 400 00:19:21,136 --> 00:19:23,219 (serial theme playing) 401 00:19:23,304 --> 00:19:24,720 Who is that? 402 00:19:24,806 --> 00:19:26,806 I'm guessing it's the lady from serial. 403 00:19:26,891 --> 00:19:30,435 Oh, I certainly wouldn't recognize a podcaster visually. 404 00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:33,104 -I'm sarah koenig. -Big fan of your work. 405 00:19:33,189 --> 00:19:35,815 No one turns another person's suffering into profit better. 406 00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:39,110 Listen up, I want this case for my podcast, 407 00:19:39,195 --> 00:19:40,445 So you need to drop it. 408 00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:43,114 And if you don't, I could make you disappear. 409 00:19:43,199 --> 00:19:45,441 We're sponsored by casper mattresses. 410 00:19:45,493 --> 00:19:47,869 That wasn't a threat. I have a code if you want it. 411 00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:50,121 Man: Stand down, sarah. 412 00:19:50,206 --> 00:19:51,998 I'm keith morrison, 413 00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,750 And I want this case for dateline. 414 00:19:54,878 --> 00:19:58,171 There are only a few hundred unsolved murders left, 415 00:19:58,256 --> 00:20:01,966 And there's a million true crime content creators. 416 00:20:02,093 --> 00:20:04,510 My grandson taught me that term. 417 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:07,597 Who's "okay, boomer" now? 418 00:20:08,683 --> 00:20:11,559 We're npr's team of women with lisps 419 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,686 And names nobody's ever had, 420 00:20:13,771 --> 00:20:17,565 Like sylvia delgado-smith, and audie takahashi o'shea. 421 00:20:17,692 --> 00:20:19,650 I'm chris hansen from to catch a predator, 422 00:20:19,777 --> 00:20:21,819 And I'm just here in case any of you 423 00:20:21,905 --> 00:20:23,154 Turn out to be pedophiles. 424 00:20:23,239 --> 00:20:25,448 Warm chocolate chip cookie, anyone? 425 00:20:25,575 --> 00:20:28,159 No! I claimed this cold case for serial. 426 00:20:28,244 --> 00:20:31,704 Not if I record a dateline first. 427 00:20:32,207 --> 00:20:34,707 (all grunting) 428 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,590 (choking) 429 00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:44,634 ♪ ♪ 430 00:20:47,138 --> 00:20:48,513 (screaming) 431 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,556 (grunting) 432 00:20:58,274 --> 00:21:01,567 Please... Rate and review my life. 433 00:21:01,653 --> 00:21:03,903 And someone take care of my dog 434 00:21:03,988 --> 00:21:06,948 You could usually hear in the background of my podcast. 435 00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:08,991 (gasping) 436 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,326 (grunting) 437 00:21:11,329 --> 00:21:14,372 A foggy night at a storage unit in quahog. 438 00:21:14,415 --> 00:21:17,291 The sleepy little town of quahog 439 00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:21,087 Is usually all tucked in by 10:00 p.M. 440 00:21:21,172 --> 00:21:23,214 (clamoring) 441 00:21:23,299 --> 00:21:25,174 You know what? We're no better than them. 442 00:21:25,301 --> 00:21:27,051 We've been exploiting the victim's life 443 00:21:27,136 --> 00:21:28,761 For our own personal gain. 444 00:21:28,846 --> 00:21:31,055 I-I think it's time for us to abandon writing this book. 445 00:21:31,140 --> 00:21:35,268 Or... Maybe we set it to rap lyrics and take it to broadway? 446 00:21:35,436 --> 00:21:37,270 I think we're done here. 447 00:21:38,439 --> 00:21:40,273 You know, joe, even though it didn't work out, 448 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,024 It was nice to spend some time with someone 449 00:21:42,151 --> 00:21:43,651 Who actually believed in my writing. 450 00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:47,530 Well, as someone who's never read a book, I absolutely do. 451 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,287 The waitress from the clam! Holy crap, has lois seen you?! 452 00:21:54,372 --> 00:21:55,413 We really don't have an arrangement. 453 00:21:55,540 --> 00:21:56,414 You got to get out of here! 454 00:21:56,541 --> 00:21:57,957 Oh, peter, enough. 455 00:21:58,042 --> 00:22:00,251 -What's the matter? -You wouldn't understand. 456 00:22:00,295 --> 00:22:02,587 Okay. 457 00:22:03,965 --> 00:22:06,007 I'd get back in there, chief. 458 00:22:07,176 --> 00:22:09,719 (sighs) chris made me come back. 459 00:22:09,804 --> 00:22:11,971 Oh, honey, the grocery store isn't just 460 00:22:12,056 --> 00:22:14,098 Where I buy food for the family. 461 00:22:14,183 --> 00:22:15,433 It's my escape. 462 00:22:15,518 --> 00:22:17,685 My refuge from being pestered 463 00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:19,186 With dumb questions from the kids, 464 00:22:19,272 --> 00:22:20,938 Or having to clean up your messes. 465 00:22:21,065 --> 00:22:24,275 Sometimes, just a stroll down the ethnic food aisle 466 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,819 Makes me feel like I'm in a north african bazaar. 467 00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:28,821 Yeah, I don't like the smells on that aisle. 468 00:22:28,990 --> 00:22:32,158 -And I don't know, it's hard to explain, but... -There's more?! 469 00:22:32,243 --> 00:22:34,827 It's not just a grocery store to me. 470 00:22:34,912 --> 00:22:36,996 There's a whole community of people there 471 00:22:37,081 --> 00:22:38,497 Who feel like family. 472 00:22:38,583 --> 00:22:40,958 And now, now I have nothing. 473 00:22:41,044 --> 00:22:45,171 Aw, lois, I'm so sorry for ruining your happy place. 474 00:22:45,256 --> 00:22:47,006 And I'm gonna take care of it. 475 00:22:47,091 --> 00:22:49,425 Just like I've been taking care of that egg since high school. 476 00:22:49,594 --> 00:22:52,386 Oh, my god, I forgot to pick him up from soccer practice! 477 00:22:53,306 --> 00:22:56,349 Hey, do you need me to call your yolks? 478 00:22:59,145 --> 00:23:00,728 Look, you got to let lois come back. 479 00:23:00,813 --> 00:23:03,147 Please remove the ban. She loves this place. 480 00:23:03,232 --> 00:23:04,398 I'm sorry, but I can't do that. 481 00:23:04,484 --> 00:23:06,859 She yelled at a mentally-challenged person, 482 00:23:06,944 --> 00:23:07,985 And that's unforgivable. 483 00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:09,528 What? I'm not mentally challenged. 484 00:23:09,614 --> 00:23:11,447 You're not? But that's literally 485 00:23:11,532 --> 00:23:13,407 The only reason we hired you. 486 00:23:13,451 --> 00:23:16,911 Would a mentally challenged person be able to do this? 487 00:23:21,125 --> 00:23:23,459 Your name tag says "big petey." 488 00:23:23,544 --> 00:23:25,544 (scoffs) why do you think we all gather round 489 00:23:25,672 --> 00:23:27,296 And applaud you while you ride 490 00:23:27,340 --> 00:23:28,923 The coin-operated horse out front? 491 00:23:29,008 --> 00:23:30,257 'cause I'm good at horses? 492 00:23:30,343 --> 00:23:32,677 Wow. (chuckles) I really thought... 493 00:23:32,762 --> 00:23:35,054 You know, we don't let all our employees insist 494 00:23:35,181 --> 00:23:37,932 The customers feel their muscles after bagging their order. 495 00:23:37,975 --> 00:23:39,183 Right? 496 00:23:39,310 --> 00:23:40,351 Okay, fine. 497 00:23:40,478 --> 00:23:42,311 Lois can come back, but you're fired. 498 00:23:42,397 --> 00:23:44,146 I need you to turn in your gun and badge. 499 00:23:44,315 --> 00:23:46,732 Well, I guess my work here is done. 500 00:23:46,859 --> 00:23:48,526 To the mickey-copter! 501 00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:52,321 See, disney? 502 00:23:52,407 --> 00:23:54,490 Nothing here but respectful synergy.