1
00:00:02,253 --> 00:00:04,545
♪ it seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:07,673
♪ is violence in movies
and sex on tv ♪
3
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:11,260
♪ but where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:14,013
♪ on which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:17,599
♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,727 --> 00:00:21,270
♪ lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,813
♪ all the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,898 --> 00:00:25,190
♪ laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:30,029
♪ he's... A...
Fam... Ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:34,992
Good news, peter.
11
00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:36,869
We finally saved enough money
12
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:38,912
To go on a couple's
vacation together.
13
00:00:38,998 --> 00:00:40,873
We haven't traveled in years.
14
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,208
That's not true.
You made us drive to toronto
15
00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:45,669
To confront that sex worker
I facetime with.
16
00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:48,088
Yeah, that wasn't a vacation,
that was an ultimatum.
17
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:52,176
And after an insultingly
long pause, I chose you.
18
00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:54,636
We're going on a trip, peter.
19
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:56,764
Aw, sweet.
20
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:59,892
Harold goldfarb:
Jetpack lawyer is on.
21
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:02,352
Your honor,
may I approach the bench?
22
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,354
Is this so you can use
your jet pack?
23
00:01:04,482 --> 00:01:05,647
Yes.
24
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:06,899
I'll allow it.
25
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:09,526
(l.A. Law theme playing)
26
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:13,405
(shouting): I'm appealing this
to a higher court.
27
00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:14,782
I wish I had a jet pack.
28
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:16,533
My life would be better.
29
00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:17,951
(electronic chirping)
30
00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:20,120
Ooh, 360.
31
00:01:21,332 --> 00:01:23,499
Oh, wait. 180.
Very good.
32
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:24,875
Now let's get your height.
33
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,795
All right.
So you're seven foot, six, 180,
34
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:29,588
With colorectal cancer.
35
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,340
I'm tall?
36
00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:37,221
Excuse me, I'm here
to renew my passport.
37
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:40,599
Of course, let's go take
a terrible photo.
38
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:43,602
Oh, my god, that's why
she wore the nice shirt.
39
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,980
Oh, this is so sad.
40
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:51,902
(gasps) oh, no!
Seal and heidi klum broke up.
41
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:54,363
Uh, yeah, in 2012.
42
00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:56,865
All those magazines
are super old.
43
00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,200
(gasps) good lord.
44
00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,786
Whitney houston died?
Since when?
45
00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:02,913
Again, 2012.
46
00:02:02,957 --> 00:02:04,998
This says she drowned
in the bathtub.
47
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,209
But-but I take baths.
48
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,586
I think there may have been
other stuff going on.
49
00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:11,505
No! Baths kill, chris.
50
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:14,049
And I will not become
another statistic.
51
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:16,385
Next time I bathe,
I'm taking a shower.
52
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,929
And it's gonna be
the best baby shower ever.
53
00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:20,639
I'll wear a tiara, go to brunch,
54
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,307
And my best friend
will start crying,
55
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,643
And that's when we realize
she's been trying for years.
56
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,478
And I'll say,
"it's not your fault,"
57
00:02:26,564 --> 00:02:29,022
But quietly I wonder if it's
a result of her life choices.
58
00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:31,191
I mean, I'm as liberal as
anyone, but do you really think
59
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,777
A throuple based on
a mutual love of cocaine
60
00:02:33,863 --> 00:02:35,028
Doesn't have consequences?
61
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:37,614
I am as liberal
as anyone, though.
62
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:44,997
Are you sure
you want to do this, peter?
63
00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:46,456
Seems a little reckless.
64
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,208
You do know that
wearing a jet pack doesn't
65
00:02:48,294 --> 00:02:50,794
-Make you a lawyer, right?
-Objection.
66
00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:52,254
Not supporting my dream
of becoming
67
00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:54,381
-A sky attorney.
-Withdrawn.
68
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:56,717
Hey, I saw a thing
and now I want to do the thing.
69
00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,427
That's my thing.
70
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:01,263
Now, quit yapping and tape
these leaf blowers to my back.
71
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,224
(l.A. Law theme playing)
72
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:10,230
To a thousand and beyond.
73
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:13,150
That's as high as he can count.
74
00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:18,030
(laughs)
75
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:19,698
-(falcons screeching)
-(exclaims)
76
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:21,408
(shouts)
77
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,494
(screaming)
78
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,582
Peter, what the hell?
79
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,751
Aah! Aah!
80
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:33,128
(crashing, glass shattering)
81
00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:37,883
Aw, crap, there's one of them
chinese balloons.
82
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,260
Excuse me. I'm japanese.
83
00:03:40,346 --> 00:03:41,887
Oh, my god. I am so sorry.
84
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,180
Please excuse my ignorance.
85
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:46,350
Hey, just take this opportunity
to learn and grow.
86
00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:50,395
I will.
I will, balloon, I will.
87
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,193
Man, lois was pissed
about me wrecking the house.
88
00:03:56,362 --> 00:03:59,363
Really? I assumed she'd be numb
to your shenanigans by now.
89
00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:01,531
Worst part is I spent
all our vacation money
90
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,200
On the jet pack without asking.
91
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:05,077
For some reason,
women don't like it
92
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:07,162
When you wreck
their financial future.
93
00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:09,873
The lady brain
is truly the most confounding
94
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,333
Of all head meats.
95
00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:13,543
Peter, I know what it's like
to be in the doghouse,
96
00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:15,003
But I think I can help.
97
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,256
Why don't you use
my mom's condo in florida?
98
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,091
Every year she winters
in buffalo.
99
00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:21,426
I keep telling her
she's doing florida wrong,
100
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,970
But she doesn't listen.
101
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,805
Thanks, joe.
Florida sounds great.
102
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,139
I bet lois'll love that.
103
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:28,308
My mom winters in a coffin.
104
00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:31,144
All the seasons, really.
105
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,150
Brian, I need your help
to take a shower.
106
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:40,445
Shower?! No way.
Dogs and showers don't mix.
107
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:43,156
Come on, bri, you're the only
one who can do this with me.
108
00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:46,159
I can't go back there.
I'm sorry, it's just...
109
00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:49,246
I took a shower once.
I was so young.
110
00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,456
(flute playing)
111
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,083
When they put me in the tub,
112
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,751
I figured it was just
to rub my tummy.
113
00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:56,712
What a fool I was.
114
00:04:58,257 --> 00:05:00,173
They stripped me down
like an animal.
115
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:02,592
And that's when things got real.
116
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,391
The water just kept coming.
117
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,893
I tried to fight back, but I was
half-blind from the soap.
118
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,438
At first, peter tried
to bathe me from the side,
119
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,232
But then he realized
it'd be easier if he...
120
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:18,525
Got in.
121
00:05:20,446 --> 00:05:21,653
When it was over,
122
00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:24,239
They just wiped me down
with an old beach towel
123
00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,491
And threw me in the yard.
124
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:30,412
I didn't get a parade.
125
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,539
Hell, I didn't even get
a chew toy.
126
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,624
Thank you for your shower.
127
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:37,044
Don't do this, stewie.
128
00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:38,920
Once you get in that shower,
you never come back.
129
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,714
Sorry, but I'm taking
a shower...
130
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,674
"with or without you."
131
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,634
Uh, we-we can't afford
that u2 song.
132
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:45,927
Oh, really?
133
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,680
But they will pay us
to play one off their new album.
134
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,183
Yeah, that's a big bon-no.
135
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:03,528
Well, peter, I was skeptical,
but I got to say,
136
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:04,988
It's beautiful here.
137
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,656
Well, this is the address.
138
00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:24,716
Peter, this isn't
a vacation home,
139
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,760
This is a retirement community.
140
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:28,428
I can't believe
you never told me.
141
00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:30,639
Lois, we had
a whole conversation about this
142
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:33,350
When you were passed out
on your airplane pills.
143
00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:35,477
Okay, I got to fess up,
144
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,646
It's kind of
a retirement community.
145
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:40,982
If you're okay with it,
breathe once every minute.
146
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:45,529
-(snores)
-ah, there it is.
147
00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:57,916
I can't believe you took me
to a retirement community.
148
00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,084
Come on, it's not so bad.
149
00:06:59,211 --> 00:07:01,169
There's canasta and pickleball,
150
00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:04,005
Plus the world's softest
toilet seats.
151
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:08,635
I can't poop now
'cause I'm afraid of heights.
152
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,054
-(air hissing)
-uhp, here we go.
153
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,682
All right,
now I'm getting confidence.
154
00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:25,318
Ugh, there's so much
"not actual milk" milk.
155
00:07:25,404 --> 00:07:27,362
Hey, I think this is
that mother's day gift
156
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:28,530
Joe told me about.
157
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,739
It's a "joe-mometer."
158
00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,868
It announces celebrity trivia
in joe's voice.
159
00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:34,786
Joe:
It's 76 degrees.
160
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,289
Actor morgan freeman
is left-handed.
161
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,583
Wow.
That's mildly interesting.
162
00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:42,252
This place is depressing.
I want to go home.
163
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:45,005
Oh, hey, I know this isn't
the trip you were hoping for,
164
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,339
But our flight back
isn't for a week,
165
00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:48,258
So we may as well
try to have fun.
166
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:50,635
Ugh, fine.
I'll give it a shot.
167
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,095
You won't be disappointed.
168
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,722
Remember, you didn't think
you'd like it
169
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,932
When I had big,
giant traps either.
170
00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:58,727
Hey, babe,
did you wash my singlet?
171
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,645
I got a tournament
up in great neck.
172
00:08:00,805 --> 00:08:02,230
Peter, I can't wash your singlet
173
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:04,191
And make you
a hundred egg whites.
174
00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:06,526
-Hey, dad. (exclaims)
-(grunting)
175
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:08,403
Uhp, left yourself open
to a nearside cradle.
176
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:11,198
-I am not a part of this.
-Well, then tap out.
177
00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:13,575
-I tap out. (choking)
-no tap outs.
178
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,494
(mellow music playing)
179
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:21,416
(gasps)
180
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,460
(sexy music playing)
181
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:35,847
Good god, these are the ones
who could make it to the pool.
182
00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:38,350
Imagine what the ones
in the rooms look like.
183
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,018
I, uh, couldn't help but notice
184
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,687
Your sternum
has only 14 sunspots.
185
00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:46,024
Uh, no one here
has less than 83.
186
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,151
Aw, I bet you say that
to all the ladies
187
00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:50,237
Who can walk without assistance.
188
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:51,404
You ever been with a man
189
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,282
Who knows
the price of milk in 1942?
190
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,284
(weak chuckle)
can't say that I have.
191
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:57,410
It was a nickel.
192
00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,120
That was the price
of everything then.
193
00:08:59,248 --> 00:09:01,122
A suit was a nickel.
A house was a nickel.
194
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:02,958
A dime was a nickel.
195
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,545
Hemorrhoid donut for the lady?
196
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,299
A girl could get used to this.
197
00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:14,386
Now, who wants to see me bite
into an apple with my own teeth?
198
00:09:14,546 --> 00:09:15,762
It's suicide!
199
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,682
I missed the moon landing,
I ain't missing this.
200
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:23,520
-(cheering)
-heavens to betsy,
that's amazing.
201
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:30,151
Could you help us
turn on the tv, dear?
202
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,612
Our favorite program
is about to start.
203
00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:34,114
Sure, why not.
204
00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:36,241
-(l.A. Law theme playing)
-ooh!
-Ooh!
205
00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:39,286
You must be one of those
computer whizzes.
206
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:42,163
The last time I tried
to work the remote myself,
207
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,541
I got folded inside a bed.
208
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:49,087
Could you reach that
cigar box full of dominoes?
209
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,755
My grandchildren are coming
210
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:53,883
And I want them
to do something fun.
211
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:56,970
Oh, such a strong boy.
212
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,306
Here, have a chick-o-stick.
213
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:01,474
You carry candy in your pocket?
214
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:02,851
Of course.
215
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:06,730
All old ladies
are 70% pocket candy.
216
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:08,356
Werther's.
217
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,108
Butterscotch.
218
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:12,694
That weird strawberry candy
with the goo inside.
219
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:15,071
You guys are like
walking piñatas.
220
00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,907
(giggling)
221
00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:21,620
Oh, it's so nice to be touched.
222
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,585
All right,
before the big shower,
223
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:29,711
I should do a dry run.
224
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,005
Need to get a feel
for the space.
225
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,258
Let's start with
some articulation exercises.
226
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:37,177
Soap the shins.
Soap the shins.
227
00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:39,471
Soap and sop
and soak the shins.
228
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,973
The room sound is a little
tinny, but I can make it work.
229
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,975
All right,
not bad for the first day.
230
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,769
Rupert, toss over
the rope ladder.
231
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:46,936
Rupert?
232
00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:50,023
Oh, you son of a bitch,
I knew it.
233
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,608
Is this because
I suggested a prenup?
234
00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:54,694
Well, if money doesn't matter,
you should just sign it.
235
00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,699
(grunts)
236
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:02,869
I'm stuck!
237
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,454
Help!
238
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:09,834
(panting)
239
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,294
Oh, this is just great.
240
00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:14,547
I'm going to die in here
and I'll never take a shower.
241
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:17,550
Maybe you won't, but we will.
242
00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:18,551
Really?
243
00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:20,387
Thanks, bri.
244
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:24,015
The poop was in there
when I got in.
245
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:30,397
Man, this place is great
for my self-esteem.
246
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:32,399
I'm getting bicep squeezes
left and right.
247
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:35,527
And men keep telling me
I look like greer garson.
248
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,028
That's good, I think.
249
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:38,780
Being the youngest,
healthiest people here
250
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,115
Sure has its perks.
251
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,159
It's like everyone
wants a piece of us.
252
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:50,875
Before we harvest the organs
of these two young meatbags,
253
00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:53,128
We need to decide who gets what.
254
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:56,297
So, if you want a body part,
call dibs now.
255
00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:59,509
Yeah, I'll take
the udders and the hooves.
256
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,636
What? That's not a cow.
257
00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:03,346
That's a guy?
258
00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:05,390
But I saw him
eating grass earlier.
259
00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:08,017
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're
donating the brain to science.
260
00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:09,561
No one take the brain.
261
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:19,988
Morning, peter.
262
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,115
I brought you some
calcium-rich milk.
263
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,326
It'll make your bones strong
so I can swim again.
264
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,537
-Thanks, art.
-Don't thank me--
265
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:29,330
The cow did most of the work.
266
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,124
(both laughing)
267
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,712
Lois, would you be a dear
268
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,464
And lift this fruitcake
269
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:39,883
That's the same weight
as my grandson?
270
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:41,593
Um, sure?
271
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:45,972
Full range of motion.
Firm grip.
272
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,600
Time for your breakfast
eye exam.
273
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:50,143
Which line can you read?
274
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,187
Uh, well, I can read "gledjeb".
275
00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:55,732
That's not a word, it's just
random letters in a row.
276
00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:57,692
Really?
I thought it was dutch.
277
00:12:57,778 --> 00:12:59,235
Hey!
They said my name.
278
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,229
Don't be so self-centered.
279
00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:04,365
They could mean
gledjeb opeldark.
280
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:10,163
Well, you ready, stewie?
281
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,874
Yup. Even got some decals
for the shower floor.
282
00:13:12,918 --> 00:13:14,709
I see you went with
the flower design.
283
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:15,960
The daffodil pattern provides
284
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,578
Superior protection
against slippage.
285
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:20,256
Dr. Scholl's gave it
four toes out of seven.
286
00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:22,842
I-it's a weird scale,
but that's still pretty good.
287
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,511
And I got us some shampoo.
288
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:27,055
Why did you buy the kind
for color-treated hair?
289
00:13:27,182 --> 00:13:29,974
Speaking of hair, that is one
heck of a musical, huh?
290
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,018
That's the hair
we should be discussing.
291
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:34,270
You got a little
giuliani drip going there.
292
00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:38,358
There were voting
irregularities in michigan!
293
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:45,698
Can you believe they gave us
complimentary massages?
294
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:47,992
Welcome!
295
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:50,328
Have you fasted
for the last 12 hours?
296
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,580
-Were we supposed to?
-No worries.
297
00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:55,124
Why do you need our blood
pressure for a massage?
298
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,627
Deep tissue. Hot stone.
299
00:13:57,712 --> 00:13:59,295
We have all different kinds.
300
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,672
You just ignored my question
301
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:02,674
And answered a different one
you had in your head.
302
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,718
I did eat my twin in the womb,
thanks for asking.
303
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,596
Okay, let's get you started.
304
00:14:10,842 --> 00:14:13,518
Are you a d cup
or is that just gravity?
305
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,228
Oh, just gravity.
306
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:17,105
Just a half rack, tony.
307
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:22,026
Excuse me,
I have to use the restroom.
308
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,700
Oh, my god.
309
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:31,160
(playing "tie a yellow ribbon
round the ole oak tree")
310
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:37,667
Ah.
Well, that's not so bad.
311
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,713
Hard to misinterpret that.
312
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:52,181
(gasps) oh, my god!
313
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:56,686
And how many drinks would
you say you consume each week?
314
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:58,521
Socially, about four to six.
315
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,774
Alone in the dark while crying
to adele, a hundred.
316
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:04,277
Welp, beggars can't be choosers.
317
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:09,657
(grunts)
318
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,910
They're trying to
steal our organs.
319
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:14,203
They want to kill us.
Let's go.
320
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,123
-What's happening?
-Don't worry, lois.
321
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,541
It's called "flintstone legs."
322
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,627
Trust me, all we need
is some traction.
323
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,546
Calling all coots!
324
00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:27,091
Red dawn and the waddler
have flown the coop.
325
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:35,391
Brian, if something should
happen to one or both of us,
326
00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:38,186
I'd regret not having said this,
so I'm just gonna say it.
327
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:40,188
You have a nice penis.
328
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,523
I see it a lot,
I don't say anything,
329
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,025
But it's nice.
330
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:47,236
Now, you say something nice
about my penis.
331
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,656
I think we should
turn the water on.
332
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:57,038
(grunts)
333
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,709
Huh, this isn't as bad
as I remember.
334
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:02,835
It's actually kind of nice.
335
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:05,088
I wonder what this thing does.
336
00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:07,715
(rattling)
337
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,093
-Aah!
-Aah!
338
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:12,261
-This is horrible!
-The spray is too strong.
339
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,472
We have to turn down the water.
340
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:21,229
Now it's too hot!
Now it's too cold!
341
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:24,565
My god, how does chris
stay in here for 45 minutes?
342
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,985
He's doing other stuff,
but we got to get out of here.
343
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:30,321
Oh, my god,
now the tub is filling up.
344
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,740
Wait a minute,
the tub is filling up.
345
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,867
This isn't a shower anymore.
346
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:37,453
This is a bath!
I know baths.
347
00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:38,955
I've got this, bri.
348
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:42,625
("the wreck of
the edmund fitzgerald" playing)
349
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:47,380
♪ the legend lives on
from the chippewa on down ♪
350
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:49,507
♪ of the big lake they called ♪
351
00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:51,467
♪ gitche gumee ♪
352
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:57,140
♪ the lake, it is said,
never gives up her dead ♪
353
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,267
♪ when the skies of November ♪
354
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,978
♪ turn gloomy. ♪
355
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:06,024
Oh, my god.
What is that?
356
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:08,985
A decade's worth of meg's hair.
357
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:10,278
Ew, that's gross.
358
00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:14,073
No, it isn't.
It's our lifeline, brian.
359
00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:18,995
Boost me to the shower caddy.
360
00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,706
-Oh!
-(grunts)
361
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,669
Hang on.
362
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,589
(grunting)
363
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,470
Aah! (grunts)
364
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:39,390
We are never
taking a shower again.
365
00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:40,683
Agreed.
366
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:44,270
Uh, fellas, I'm gonna need
the room for 45 minutes.
367
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:00,703
(grunts)
368
00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:02,205
-(tires screeching)
-(grunts)
369
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:04,916
I'm gonna gut you like a fish
370
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,877
And scoop out your insides.
371
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,379
Right after I parallel park.
372
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:12,965
Peter, come on!
373
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,383
Sorry, lois.
As a man,
374
00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:17,220
I'm required to watch
other men parallel park.
375
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,098
Peter, he wants to kill us!
Let's go!
376
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,145
You got to cut the wheel.
377
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:28,856
I am cutting the wheel.
378
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:33,653
-No, the other way.
-This is the other way, jerk.
379
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,197
No, left. Cut left.
380
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:39,492
Pull back, cut left.
Now I'm involved.
381
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:41,285
Right.
382
00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:43,287
Oh!
They shrunk the spaces
383
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:46,415
So they could make more money.
(weak chuckle)
384
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:49,001
Sir, this is a standard space
on a public street.
385
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:51,045
Nobody's making money here.
386
00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:59,011
Stop where you are.
387
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:03,266
We would like this all
to be over by 4:00 p.M., please.
388
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:08,229
(growling)
389
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:10,898
Enough!
390
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,900
You freaks are never
getting our organs!
391
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,736
Now shuffle aside
before I call the cops.
392
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,155
This is florida, doll.
393
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:19,866
The cops are all just strippers
who carry guns.
394
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,701
-Then who are the strippers?
-Firemen.
395
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:23,870
-So, who fights the fires?
-No idea.
396
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:27,582
-You're sick.
-And you-- you're selfish.
397
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,918
You come in here flaunting
your working ears and knuckles
398
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,295
That don't look like an abacus
399
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:35,131
And expect us
not to pick you clean
400
00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:37,675
Like the last hour
at a chinese buffet?
401
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:43,389
If we have to take your organs
by force, then so be it.
402
00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:45,558
-Have it your way.
-(knuckles crack)
403
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,101
We always do,
404
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,979
No matter how many times
we have to send the entrée back.
405
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,231
We will stand here
and fight until--
406
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,026
-Woman: It's 4:04.
-Oh! We're missing dinner!
407
00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:57,361
(indistinct chatter)
408
00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:00,323
I'm sorry, lois.
409
00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:02,491
Looks like I ruined
another vacation.
410
00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:04,994
You know, peter, I was upset
when you brought me here
411
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,538
Because I wanted to have
an exciting vacation,
412
00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:08,873
Just the two of us,
413
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:11,000
And I thought this place
was gonna be boring,
414
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,002
But you know what?
Turns out
415
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:15,171
Fleeing from bloodthirsty
senior citizens with you
416
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:17,048
Was kind of a thrill.
417
00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:19,258
This may not have been
the vacation I expected
418
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:22,428
But it turned out to be
the best one I've ever had.
419
00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:23,930
I love you, peter.
420
00:20:24,015 --> 00:20:25,556
I love you, too.
421
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:29,185
Man, this place is crazy.
422
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,896
Can you believe joe
was in the dark about all this?
423
00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:33,981
Did you get the legs?
424
00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:37,276
Damn it!
(inhales, exhales)
425
00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:38,778
No, no, no, it's fine.
426
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,489
I'll see if I can get cleveland
to go down there next week.
427
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:54,502
Hey, bud! How was florida?
428
00:20:54,545 --> 00:20:56,545
(playing "tie a yellow ribbon
round the ole oak tree")