1 00:00:02,652 --> 00:00:05,170 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,322 --> 00:00:08,215 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,844 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,995 --> 00:00:14,905 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,998 --> 00:00:18,258 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:21,669 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,838 --> 00:00:23,247 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,265 --> 00:00:24,431 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,641 --> 00:00:30,362 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy. ♪ 10 00:00:36,779 --> 00:00:38,037 [sighs] Son of a bitch. 11 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,446 What's wrong, Peter? 12 00:00:39,598 --> 00:00:41,615 Eh, our I.T. guy told me today that, apparently, 13 00:00:41,767 --> 00:00:44,451 I've had a work e-mail address ever since I started there. 14 00:00:44,603 --> 00:00:47,604 So now I got to slog through 17,000 messages. 15 00:00:47,623 --> 00:00:50,382 Aw, crap, we didn't have to come in on 9/11? 16 00:00:50,534 --> 00:00:52,943 I never even liked working at that stupid brewery. 17 00:00:53,036 --> 00:00:55,295 Hardly my dream job, I'll tell you that much. 18 00:00:55,447 --> 00:00:57,705 Now, there's an interesting question. 19 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,541 What would be your dream job? 20 00:00:59,635 --> 00:01:01,543 Dream job? Oh, that's easy. 21 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:02,953 Ever since I was a kid, 22 00:01:03,046 --> 00:01:06,065 I always pictured myself being an international spy. 23 00:01:09,962 --> 00:01:11,945 ♪ ♪ 24 00:01:13,132 --> 00:01:15,966 So, beautiful, which lamp did you unplug 25 00:01:15,968 --> 00:01:17,651 to charge your phone in the room? 26 00:01:17,803 --> 00:01:19,060 Mine's in the bathroom. 27 00:01:19,154 --> 00:01:21,747 Mm, you know, I never caught your name. 28 00:01:21,824 --> 00:01:25,584 The name is Band. Lap Band. 29 00:01:25,735 --> 00:01:27,086 -[rapid gunfire] -[screams] 30 00:01:28,497 --> 00:01:31,315 Careful. Here come the bad guys from whatever country 31 00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:33,592 won't offend American or Chinese audiences. 32 00:01:33,743 --> 00:01:35,502 -[gunfire] -[grunts] 33 00:01:35,654 --> 00:01:38,488 You have dishonored the people of Finland, Mr. Band. 34 00:01:38,507 --> 00:01:41,058 Shoot him, fellow tall introverts. 35 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:46,063 ["Bond 77" by Marvin Hamlisch playing] 36 00:01:57,934 --> 00:02:00,101 Yep. All definitely me. 37 00:02:00,195 --> 00:02:01,936 Whoosh. Zoom. 38 00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:04,540 Ski noise. 39 00:02:12,875 --> 00:02:16,693 [to tune of Pilot's "Magic"] ♪ Oh, oh, Ozempic... ♪ 40 00:02:16,786 --> 00:02:18,137 They threw a ton of money at us. 41 00:02:18,288 --> 00:02:19,638 We couldn't say no. 42 00:02:19,789 --> 00:02:22,683 [dramatic, jazzy theme playing] 43 00:02:30,542 --> 00:02:32,376 [Peter chuckling] All right. 44 00:02:32,394 --> 00:02:34,802 Hey, I wonder who they got to do the song. 45 00:02:34,897 --> 00:02:36,880 Blech. 46 00:02:36,899 --> 00:02:39,716 ♪ When you're a spy ♪ 47 00:02:39,735 --> 00:02:42,903 ♪ You got a lot on your mind ♪ 48 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:45,906 ♪ You look high and low ♪ 49 00:02:46,058 --> 00:02:49,835 ♪ You never know what you'll find ♪ 50 00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:52,329 ♪ Spy life. ♪ 51 00:02:53,323 --> 00:02:56,049 [Peter sighs] Mercifully brief. 52 00:02:59,922 --> 00:03:01,588 Good morning, Agent 5-5-5. 53 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,758 Ugh, right. 'Cause this is a number on a television show. 54 00:03:04,910 --> 00:03:08,020 I say, you look as bewitching as ever, Miss Takeapenny. 55 00:03:08,171 --> 00:03:10,430 Oh, didn't you hear? I got married. 56 00:03:10,582 --> 00:03:12,632 I'm now Ms. Takeapenny-Leaveapenny. 57 00:03:12,784 --> 00:03:14,359 Wow, lucky gentleman. 58 00:03:14,511 --> 00:03:16,770 Because he gets to plow you, is what I mean. 59 00:03:16,922 --> 00:03:18,346 So debonair. 60 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,941 You know, now that I'm married, I'm actually leaving. 61 00:03:21,093 --> 00:03:23,368 I'm training my replacement, Todd. 62 00:03:23,595 --> 00:03:25,019 A male secretary? 63 00:03:25,113 --> 00:03:27,372 [sighs] Well, I suppose I'll just have to adapt 64 00:03:27,599 --> 00:03:28,615 and harass him now. 65 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,692 Nice penis, Todd. 66 00:03:30,786 --> 00:03:32,102 Oh, Mr. Band. 67 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,787 Okay, good, he knows how to play along. 68 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,605 Yeah, this is-- this'll work. 69 00:03:35,699 --> 00:03:38,442 I understand you have a mission for me, M, 70 00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:41,261 which I can only assume stands for "man." 71 00:03:42,631 --> 00:03:44,130 Good morning, Mr. Band. 72 00:03:44,283 --> 00:03:46,616 Whoa. My boss is the new Little Mermaid 73 00:03:46,635 --> 00:03:47,801 I'm so mad about. 74 00:03:47,953 --> 00:03:50,470 Mr. Band, we have reports of a plan 75 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,956 to intercept a European nuclear device 76 00:03:52,975 --> 00:03:55,959 by the villainous mastermind, Blofella. 77 00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:57,218 Got it, M. 78 00:03:57,387 --> 00:04:01,764 Or-or is it maybe MHM and you pronounce it "mm-hmm"? 79 00:04:01,817 --> 00:04:02,983 M is fine. 80 00:04:03,135 --> 00:04:04,968 Okay, yeah, I-- times have changed 81 00:04:04,987 --> 00:04:06,620 and I-I got to-- I need to catch up. 82 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,998 ♪ ♪ 83 00:04:14,404 --> 00:04:17,071 Oh, hey, Q. Hey, have you seen who M is? 84 00:04:17,165 --> 00:04:19,149 Which I totally support, by the way. 85 00:04:19,242 --> 00:04:20,592 In fact, it was my idea and I fought for it. 86 00:04:20,744 --> 00:04:22,002 You should've heard me. 87 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,078 Okay, just let me show you the cutting-edge equipment 88 00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,597 you'll need for your mission. 89 00:04:25,824 --> 00:04:29,268 First, I have this fridge that displays today's headlines. 90 00:04:29,419 --> 00:04:31,770 Did-- did you just go to Best Buy? 91 00:04:31,997 --> 00:04:34,088 No. I also have these headphones 92 00:04:34,182 --> 00:04:36,108 that block out ambient plane noise. 93 00:04:36,335 --> 00:04:37,851 Yeah, you-you just went to Best Buy. 94 00:04:38,003 --> 00:04:40,337 -I did not! -So, where am I headed? 95 00:04:40,355 --> 00:04:41,521 We're expecting Blofella 96 00:04:41,598 --> 00:04:43,765 to attempt to intercept the bomb in Belgium. 97 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:44,932 Oh, awesome. 98 00:04:45,027 --> 00:04:46,285 That's the country where they basically have 99 00:04:46,436 --> 00:04:47,844 dessert for breakfast, right? 100 00:04:47,863 --> 00:04:50,530 Agent triple-five, I cannot stress enough-- 101 00:04:50,682 --> 00:04:52,666 no dessert for breakfast. 102 00:04:53,702 --> 00:04:55,711 ♪ ♪ 103 00:05:03,119 --> 00:05:04,878 Greetings, Mr. Band, 104 00:05:05,030 --> 00:05:07,306 on behalf of Belgian Secret Services. 105 00:05:07,533 --> 00:05:09,049 Oh, hey. I-I'd shake your hand, 106 00:05:09,201 --> 00:05:11,310 but my arm is syrup-glued to the table. 107 00:05:11,495 --> 00:05:14,220 The name is Alice. Alice Boobs. 108 00:05:14,373 --> 00:05:17,207 [giggles] That works in two ways. 109 00:05:17,225 --> 00:05:19,709 No, it's-it's really just one. 110 00:05:19,728 --> 00:05:21,403 ♪ ♪ 111 00:05:22,898 --> 00:05:26,550 Our intelligence has revealed that the bomb transfer is 112 00:05:26,552 --> 00:05:30,737 to take place in this warehouse for generic wooden crates. 113 00:05:30,889 --> 00:05:33,623 ♪ ♪ 114 00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:40,914 -[helicopter whirring loudly] -[speaking indistinctly] 115 00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,841 What? It's very loud. 116 00:05:42,992 --> 00:05:45,135 [shouting indistinctly] 117 00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,014 We're getting none of this. 118 00:05:49,091 --> 00:05:50,498 If we can't hear him, 119 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,076 he can't hear us saying we can't hear him. 120 00:05:53,095 --> 00:05:54,502 What a mess! 121 00:05:54,671 --> 00:05:55,929 Gavin. Gavin. 122 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,914 Turn off-- turn the helicopter off. 123 00:05:57,933 --> 00:06:01,768 I-I was going to say, "Sorry to drop in on your party," 124 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,678 but, uh, feels stupid now. 125 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,012 Get 'em, boys. 126 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,514 So that's it, Blofella? 127 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,425 You're just gonna have us killed by your henchmen? 128 00:06:08,443 --> 00:06:10,777 Oh, okay, I'd rather you not use that word. 129 00:06:10,929 --> 00:06:12,746 They are independent contractors. 130 00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:14,431 He doesn't want to pay us benefits. 131 00:06:14,449 --> 00:06:17,117 There is an app they log into when they want to work, 132 00:06:17,269 --> 00:06:19,026 around their schedule. 133 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:22,622 I am not their employer. The app is their employer. 134 00:06:22,774 --> 00:06:24,532 Goodbye, Mr. Band. 135 00:06:24,626 --> 00:06:26,593 [laughing maniacally] 136 00:06:27,629 --> 00:06:29,638 [grunting] 137 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:38,379 [groans] 138 00:06:38,473 --> 00:06:40,381 [Peter] It wasn't looking good. 139 00:06:40,475 --> 00:06:43,026 But thankfully, Q had supplied me with... 140 00:06:44,312 --> 00:06:46,405 Captain America's shield. 141 00:06:46,481 --> 00:06:47,555 [Quagmire] What? No, no, no. 142 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:48,648 You can't just become 143 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,575 a Marvel character halfway through. 144 00:06:50,727 --> 00:06:52,802 [Joe] Also, we usually see all the stuff 145 00:06:52,896 --> 00:06:54,320 Q gives you at the beginning. 146 00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:56,806 This feels very unearned. 147 00:06:56,825 --> 00:06:59,734 [Peter] Belgian intelligence learned that Blofella's plan was 148 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,953 to use the nuclear device he'd intercepted 149 00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:04,648 to blow up the city of Las Vegas. 150 00:07:04,666 --> 00:07:07,150 But that wasn't the only emergency I was dealing with. 151 00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:09,653 Yeah, you said everyone in Vegas wears tuxedos, 152 00:07:09,671 --> 00:07:12,172 and I'm starting to feel pretty self-conscious. 153 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,081 Uh, I didn't say "definitely." 154 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,101 I said, "It was my understanding." 155 00:07:16,328 --> 00:07:19,020 [gasps] Agent triple-five, look. 156 00:07:19,998 --> 00:07:21,331 [cheering] 157 00:07:21,349 --> 00:07:25,026 [gasps] Blofella. Not on my watch. 158 00:07:27,839 --> 00:07:29,030 -[grunts] -[screams] 159 00:07:31,677 --> 00:07:33,160 [slot machine chiming] 160 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,033 [exhausted panting] 161 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,035 I can't find my way out. 162 00:07:42,187 --> 00:07:45,021 Okay, well, that says "breakfast buffet" that way, 163 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,965 but I'm pretty sure we've seen it twice. 164 00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:49,217 ♪ ♪ 165 00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:53,029 Here we are again at North Suite Elevators. 166 00:07:53,048 --> 00:07:54,473 I don't know, should we-- should we just 167 00:07:54,624 --> 00:07:56,199 hit the slot machines while we're here? 168 00:07:56,218 --> 00:07:57,792 No. That's why they do this. 169 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:58,977 No, no, yeah, no, I get all that, 170 00:07:59,128 --> 00:08:01,295 and I hate to hold things up, but... 171 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,148 I mean, Santana's in his 70s. 172 00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:05,725 We should probably see him while we still can. 173 00:08:05,877 --> 00:08:07,043 Eh. 174 00:08:07,136 --> 00:08:09,988 [guitar solo playing] 175 00:08:10,139 --> 00:08:11,990 [Peter] I knew one song. 176 00:08:12,217 --> 00:08:13,883 [guitar solo ends] 177 00:08:13,977 --> 00:08:15,235 Son of a bitch. 178 00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:17,662 ♪ ♪ 179 00:08:21,243 --> 00:08:23,243 There we are. Assembly complete. 180 00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:25,337 So, again, this would be an appropriate time 181 00:08:25,564 --> 00:08:27,747 for you all to please log out of the app. 182 00:08:27,899 --> 00:08:30,383 -[Band] Ha! I got you now. -[gasps] 183 00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:33,419 Mr. Band. How did you find me? 184 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:36,573 Honestly, I'm on a guided tour for the movie The Hangover, 185 00:08:36,666 --> 00:08:37,832 which ends on the roof. 186 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,668 Fun fact, gang-- it was actually Zach's idea 187 00:08:40,746 --> 00:08:43,170 to put the sunglasses on the baby. 188 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,765 Okay, I see everyone staring at the Mandalay Bay, 189 00:08:45,917 --> 00:08:48,676 so I'll go ahead and tell you which window was the shooter's. 190 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:49,769 Well, you're too late. 191 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:52,088 In a few moments, all of Las Vegas will be 192 00:08:52,107 --> 00:08:53,514 totally wiped off the map. 193 00:08:53,608 --> 00:08:55,108 [grunting] 194 00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:57,702 You're a madman. Why are you doing this? 195 00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,372 I need to get out of a very restrictive time-share deal, 196 00:09:00,599 --> 00:09:03,208 and this is literally the only way out. 197 00:09:03,359 --> 00:09:05,293 ♪ ♪ 198 00:09:10,792 --> 00:09:12,275 [Peter] There was no time. 199 00:09:12,294 --> 00:09:15,036 So that's when I pulled out Kylo Ren's lightsaber 200 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,871 and knocked Blofella off the roof. 201 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,205 [screams] 202 00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:19,299 [Quagmire] No, no, no, no. That's cheating. 203 00:09:19,451 --> 00:09:20,875 [Joe] Also, you got a lightsaber, 204 00:09:20,969 --> 00:09:22,802 and you're just gonna push a guy? 205 00:09:22,954 --> 00:09:23,895 [thud] 206 00:09:24,047 --> 00:09:27,290 Oh, triple-five, you saved my life. 207 00:09:27,309 --> 00:09:29,425 Make love to me right now. 208 00:09:29,461 --> 00:09:32,571 I'm sorry, Alice, I can't. I'm gay. 209 00:09:32,798 --> 00:09:35,198 New Bond. Edited for snowflakes. 210 00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:42,639 ♪ ♪ 211 00:09:42,657 --> 00:09:45,399 Wow, that was awesome hearing about your dream job, Peter. 212 00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:48,311 But I was actually lucky enough to have my dream job. 213 00:09:48,404 --> 00:09:49,662 At least until I lost it. 214 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,998 It all started years ago. 215 00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:54,575 It was the 1980s, and I was living alone 216 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:57,503 in a studio apartment with an askew poster 217 00:09:57,656 --> 00:09:59,823 because bachelors never hang their posters straight. 218 00:09:59,916 --> 00:10:01,341 [Peter] Yeah, no offense, Quagmire, 219 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:02,508 but I'm gonna listen to this story 220 00:10:02,661 --> 00:10:04,510 the same way I do most podcasts-- 221 00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:06,438 at 1.5 speed. 222 00:10:06,589 --> 00:10:08,164 [Quagmire, sped up] I'd put on some weight 223 00:10:08,183 --> 00:10:09,757 from being in an abusive relationship with a woman-- 224 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,425 -Mama Celeste. -Abbondanza. 225 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,353 [Peter] All right, okay. Ba-Back to normal speed. 226 00:10:13,505 --> 00:10:14,762 I-I'm in. I'm hooked. 227 00:10:16,099 --> 00:10:18,174 [Quagmire] The other thing about living in the '80s is that, 228 00:10:18,193 --> 00:10:20,267 wherever you went, the actual Pointer Sisters 229 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,120 would follow you around, singing. 230 00:10:22,271 --> 00:10:24,180 [tune of "Jump (for My Love)"] ♪ Glenn ♪ 231 00:10:24,199 --> 00:10:26,440 ♪ You know this man just mailed a bill ♪ 232 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,608 ♪ To Sprint ♪ 233 00:10:27,777 --> 00:10:28,960 ♪ It's for his phone ♪ 234 00:10:29,037 --> 00:10:30,536 ♪ A landline phone. ♪ 235 00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,280 [Quagmire] I knew I needed to get in shape, 236 00:10:33,449 --> 00:10:35,783 but the only forms of exercise in the '80s were 237 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,451 roller-skating on a dance floor 238 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:40,380 or lugging around your dead boss to use his vacation home. 239 00:10:41,591 --> 00:10:43,624 Back then, there were two things I liked: 240 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,034 gyrating my pelvis 241 00:10:45,053 --> 00:10:46,703 and putting vowels next to each other 242 00:10:46,721 --> 00:10:48,204 that weren't normally next to each other. 243 00:10:48,223 --> 00:10:49,481 I combined those two loves 244 00:10:49,708 --> 00:10:51,983 to create something called "aerobics." 245 00:10:52,093 --> 00:10:53,209 Welcome aboard. 246 00:10:53,228 --> 00:10:55,153 Here's your complimentary headband, 247 00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:58,139 two wristbands, waistband, thigh band, another headband. 248 00:10:58,233 --> 00:10:59,807 There were a lot of bands. 249 00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:02,218 [Peter] Yeah, my finger's hovering over that 1.5 button. 250 00:11:02,311 --> 00:11:03,569 [Quagmire] Yeah, okay, okay, okay. 251 00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:06,072 So I started teaching classes that same week. 252 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,982 I even created an advanced class 253 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,076 based on how your body moves during sex. 254 00:11:10,228 --> 00:11:12,170 I called it "Sexercise." 255 00:11:12,321 --> 00:11:14,339 ♪ ♪ 256 00:11:18,253 --> 00:11:20,161 And things took off immediately 257 00:11:20,255 --> 00:11:23,497 because I gave 1980s women exactly what they wanted: 258 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,332 long, flat butts. 259 00:11:25,427 --> 00:11:27,686 Come on, ladies. Longer! Flatter! 260 00:11:27,913 --> 00:11:29,746 My workout program was a hit, 261 00:11:29,764 --> 00:11:32,190 and soon I was ready to take it national. 262 00:11:32,341 --> 00:11:33,766 I was lucky enough to get the chance to announce 263 00:11:33,919 --> 00:11:36,177 the filming of my video on The Tonight Show with Johnny. 264 00:11:36,271 --> 00:11:38,438 [Joe] Wow! You met Johnny Carson? 265 00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:40,865 [Quagmire] Actually, that particular night there was a guest host, 266 00:11:41,017 --> 00:11:43,259 John Davidson, star of That's Incredible! 267 00:11:43,352 --> 00:11:45,278 So, you know, different Johnny but still Johnny. 268 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:48,022 [Peter] No one has ever called John Davidson "Johnny." 269 00:11:48,116 --> 00:11:50,709 [Quagmire] He guest-hosted 87 times. That's not nothing. 270 00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:53,211 Anyway, the night's first guest was Jane Fonda, 271 00:11:53,438 --> 00:11:55,104 who was promoting 9 to 5, 272 00:11:55,198 --> 00:11:57,716 by far the blousiest movie of the 1980s. 273 00:11:57,867 --> 00:11:59,642 So, Glenn Quagmire. 274 00:11:59,644 --> 00:12:00,610 It says here you created 275 00:12:00,703 --> 00:12:03,204 an exercise craze called "aerobics." 276 00:12:03,298 --> 00:12:06,373 -What inspired that? -Well, John... ny, 277 00:12:06,468 --> 00:12:09,210 one day as I did jumping jacks alone in my apartment, 278 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,788 I thought, "How can I take the worst parts of this 279 00:12:11,806 --> 00:12:13,139 "and put it in a public setting? 280 00:12:13,291 --> 00:12:16,217 Plus a wall of mirrors and street-facing windows." 281 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,977 The interview seemed to go great. 282 00:12:18,129 --> 00:12:19,312 But the next day, 283 00:12:19,464 --> 00:12:22,648 I realized how truly ruthless Jane Fonda was. 284 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:25,151 ♪ ♪ 285 00:12:26,304 --> 00:12:29,973 Now, Mr. Quagmire, an important part of releasing a 1980s video 286 00:12:29,991 --> 00:12:33,234 is the incredibly depressing production logo it opens with. 287 00:12:33,328 --> 00:12:35,144 I have a few here to choose from. 288 00:12:35,163 --> 00:12:37,255 First is some vibrating rainbow text 289 00:12:37,482 --> 00:12:39,591 that never quite comes into focus. 290 00:12:39,742 --> 00:12:41,718 [ominous synth music playing] 291 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,429 Uh-huh, love that. 292 00:12:44,539 --> 00:12:46,914 This one is just a large bouncing "V" 293 00:12:47,008 --> 00:12:49,100 with an ominous keyboard noise. 294 00:12:49,252 --> 00:12:51,311 [ominous synth music playing] 295 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,272 Also excellent. 296 00:12:54,499 --> 00:12:56,516 Or here's three capital letters 297 00:12:56,668 --> 00:12:59,502 all spelled with one thick, continuous line 298 00:12:59,595 --> 00:13:01,354 atop a digital horizon. 299 00:13:01,506 --> 00:13:03,531 [ominous synth music playing] 300 00:13:05,693 --> 00:13:07,911 Wow, you can't miss. Let's go with all three. 301 00:13:09,014 --> 00:13:10,938 Wait a minute. What's-what's going on? 302 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,181 Where are my leg warmers? 303 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,958 Back then, leg warmers were essential 304 00:13:14,185 --> 00:13:15,609 because that was, by far, 305 00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:17,796 the coldest decade from the knee down. 306 00:13:17,947 --> 00:13:19,446 Did someone take my leg warmers? 307 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:23,343 In place of my leg warmers, I found only a single note. 308 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,138 At first, I assumed 309 00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:29,365 Jodie Foster had stolen my leg warmers, 310 00:13:29,384 --> 00:13:31,476 and I was about to go take it out on the president. 311 00:13:31,627 --> 00:13:34,312 But then I realized it could only have been one person intent 312 00:13:34,463 --> 00:13:38,465 on sabotaging me-- Jane Fonda. 313 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,634 I tried my best to soldier on. 314 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:41,969 Okay, don't look at my legs. 315 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,564 And one, and two... My calves are tiny and cold. 316 00:13:44,716 --> 00:13:45,973 And three, and four... 317 00:13:46,067 --> 00:13:47,717 But I knew, even in the moment, 318 00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:49,476 it was gonna be a disaster. 319 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,329 [gasping] 320 00:13:58,913 --> 00:14:01,322 I never stood a chance. 321 00:14:01,416 --> 00:14:03,424 ♪ ♪ 322 00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:07,328 [Jane Fonda] Hello, Glenn. 323 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,164 Sorry you failed, but... [chuckles] like they say, 324 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,241 all's fair in love and aerobics. 325 00:14:12,293 --> 00:14:14,168 Who? Who says that? Nobody. 326 00:14:14,262 --> 00:14:16,762 God, now I get why everyone's racist uncle hates you. 327 00:14:16,915 --> 00:14:20,249 Well, it's been nice chatting, but if you'll excuse me, 328 00:14:20,251 --> 00:14:21,860 I have to go lobby our nation 329 00:14:22,087 --> 00:14:24,028 about cleaning up the mess we made in Vietnam. 330 00:14:24,180 --> 00:14:26,030 -[audio speeds up] -[Peter] Sorry, I went ahead and hit the eight-X. 331 00:14:26,182 --> 00:14:29,350 [Quagmire] No, you-you-you did the, you did the right thing, Peter. 332 00:14:29,444 --> 00:14:31,661 [ominous synth music playing] 333 00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:44,031 ♪ ♪ 334 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,200 Well, as far as dream jobs go, 335 00:14:46,294 --> 00:14:49,445 mine's always been to do what you do, Joe, to be a cop. 336 00:14:49,538 --> 00:14:51,631 But, you know, one day short of retirement, 337 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,799 since y'all got such a nice benefits package. 338 00:14:53,952 --> 00:14:58,137 Huh. Well, my dream job is to do pretty much what I do now 339 00:14:58,289 --> 00:15:00,306 but be, like, a loose cannon type cop 340 00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:02,141 who doesn't care whether he lives or dies 341 00:15:02,293 --> 00:15:03,902 but can definitely walk. 342 00:15:04,129 --> 00:15:06,195 ♪ ♪ 343 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,982 [Cleveland] It was my last day on the job, 344 00:15:10,135 --> 00:15:12,802 and I'd just taken my last office dump 345 00:15:12,820 --> 00:15:14,061 when I was called into the chief's office. 346 00:15:14,155 --> 00:15:16,973 Morning, sir. You wanted to see me? 347 00:15:16,991 --> 00:15:17,990 That's right. We've been tracking 348 00:15:18,143 --> 00:15:19,492 a notorious drug cartel 349 00:15:19,644 --> 00:15:21,661 that's been bringing tons of cocaine into L.A. 350 00:15:21,813 --> 00:15:25,498 Yes, cocaine has been ravaging the Black community for years. 351 00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:28,151 Yeah, well, some white girl got a minor nosebleed, 352 00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:30,428 so now I guess it's, like, a big frickin' deal. 353 00:15:30,579 --> 00:15:32,989 In fact, last night, there was a huge bust. 354 00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:34,265 Wow, how much was it? 355 00:15:34,417 --> 00:15:36,325 And remember, we measure cocaine-- 356 00:15:36,344 --> 00:15:38,844 and nothing else-- in only kilos. 357 00:15:38,997 --> 00:15:41,105 -I don't know, 80 pounds? -Huh? 358 00:15:41,182 --> 00:15:42,440 Like, 36 kilos. 359 00:15:42,667 --> 00:15:45,443 Oh, my God! That's too much kilos! 360 00:15:45,594 --> 00:15:47,428 Oh, I'm also assigning you a new partner. 361 00:15:47,522 --> 00:15:49,614 But don't worry, I know you're nearing retirement 362 00:15:49,841 --> 00:15:51,174 and want a stable situation, 363 00:15:51,192 --> 00:15:54,177 so I'm hooking you up with a guy named Sergeant Maniac. 364 00:15:54,195 --> 00:15:56,512 How you doing? I'm a crazy wild card 365 00:15:56,531 --> 00:16:00,032 as indicated by my only right now timely mullet. 366 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:03,202 Hmm. You ain't dressed like a police detective. 367 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,038 Well, I know we're gonna be running around chasing bad guys, 368 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,299 so I wore the tightest jeans I own. 369 00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:10,376 Hi-ya! Hi-ya! 370 00:16:10,528 --> 00:16:12,878 Hey, why don't you come on out to my beachside trailer 371 00:16:13,047 --> 00:16:15,047 to, uh, discuss the case? 372 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,365 Sure. Where is it? 373 00:16:16,459 --> 00:16:18,977 Eh, not in Malibu-- they wouldn't allow it-- 374 00:16:19,204 --> 00:16:21,554 but one of those garbage beaches further north, 375 00:16:21,706 --> 00:16:24,315 way past Moonshadows, which is, like, the perfect place 376 00:16:24,467 --> 00:16:26,892 to get drunk and tell everybody who's responsible 377 00:16:27,045 --> 00:16:28,728 for all the world's wars. 378 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,489 ♪ ♪ 379 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,551 [Cleveland] I soon realized my new partner had serious issues. 380 00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:38,812 He didn't care what kind of dangerous stuff he did. 381 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,573 -[phone rings] -Hello? 382 00:16:40,725 --> 00:16:43,984 You're calling from "credit card services"? 383 00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,229 Great, I'll tell you my Social Security number, 384 00:16:46,247 --> 00:16:48,655 and you tell me if it matches what you have there. 385 00:16:48,733 --> 00:16:50,750 Man is insane. 386 00:16:50,902 --> 00:16:53,903 Okay, and, uh, don't laugh at my mother's maiden name. 387 00:16:53,996 --> 00:16:55,571 It's kind of a goofy one. 388 00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:59,350 Tinkleman. [laughing] Yeah. It's like... like pee. 389 00:16:59,502 --> 00:17:01,853 I thought we were gonna discuss the case. 390 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,855 Right. I'll be ready in one minute, but first, 391 00:17:04,006 --> 00:17:07,416 I've been asked to make sure women come see the movie, too. 392 00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:10,153 ♪ ♪ 393 00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:16,776 [Cleveland] So my crazy partner and I set out to solve the case 394 00:17:16,928 --> 00:17:18,685 and began by looking for Leeds, 395 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:21,021 which was a somewhat popular mattress store, 396 00:17:21,115 --> 00:17:22,782 where if you said you were a potential customer, 397 00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:25,692 they'd let you take a nap in the middle of the day. 398 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:26,936 -[snoring] -Sorry, guys. 399 00:17:27,029 --> 00:17:28,695 My manager says you have to leave. 400 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:32,124 Leave? But my partner and I are trying out this queen bed. 401 00:17:32,277 --> 00:17:34,868 -[giggles] -What are you giggling at? 402 00:17:34,962 --> 00:17:36,946 We're partners on the police force. 403 00:17:36,964 --> 00:17:39,206 This guy's wearing jeans with no underwear. 404 00:17:39,284 --> 00:17:41,726 Yeah, you're cops. Sure. 405 00:17:41,953 --> 00:17:44,878 ♪ ♪ 406 00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,713 You guys are no closer to figuring out 407 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,233 who's responsible for bringing in all this cocaine. 408 00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:50,735 I got a pretty good idea. 409 00:17:50,812 --> 00:17:53,738 Have you checked Temple Shalom Yisrael in Brentwood? 410 00:17:53,889 --> 00:17:57,075 It's also where they control the weather and the Oscars. 411 00:17:57,226 --> 00:17:59,410 That's it. You guys are off the case. 412 00:17:59,562 --> 00:18:01,562 ♪ ♪ 413 00:18:01,656 --> 00:18:03,414 [Cleveland] Since we'd been thrown off the case, 414 00:18:03,566 --> 00:18:05,899 I thought it'd be nice to invite my partner over 415 00:18:05,993 --> 00:18:08,235 -for a home-cooked meal. -Huh. 416 00:18:08,329 --> 00:18:09,903 You don't have a pitcher of iced tea? 417 00:18:10,072 --> 00:18:11,572 I thought every Black family dinner 418 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,073 had a pitcher of iced tea. 419 00:18:13,167 --> 00:18:15,242 We do have a picture of Ice-T, 420 00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,411 right up there on the wall. 421 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,821 [dispatcher] Attention, all units, be advised 422 00:18:18,990 --> 00:18:20,673 of a possible drug deal at the dock. 423 00:18:20,825 --> 00:18:22,007 That's not far from here. 424 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,343 No way. We were taken off that case. 425 00:18:24,495 --> 00:18:27,980 Yeah, but we can be there before even the closest patrol car. 426 00:18:31,686 --> 00:18:33,611 ♪ ♪ 427 00:18:45,867 --> 00:18:47,959 There, look. Quick, pull over and let me out. 428 00:18:48,186 --> 00:18:50,353 -What? -I'm gonna run the rest of the way. 429 00:18:50,371 --> 00:18:52,613 I assure you the car will be faster. 430 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,614 See you there. 431 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,716 ♪ ♪ 432 00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:58,302 [grunts] 433 00:19:02,550 --> 00:19:05,351 [panting, grunting] 434 00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:07,203 Been waiting here for six minutes. 435 00:19:07,221 --> 00:19:10,797 Okay, okay, okay, so, six-minute mile. 436 00:19:10,892 --> 00:19:12,483 Not bad for jeans and no underpants. 437 00:19:12,635 --> 00:19:16,028 You got any glovebox Vaseline in there? 438 00:19:18,733 --> 00:19:21,033 It's the chief. What the hell? 439 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,036 [yells] 440 00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:30,668 The chief has been the mastermind 441 00:19:30,819 --> 00:19:33,320 of the cocaine cartel all along. 442 00:19:33,398 --> 00:19:36,582 That might explain why he always calls me at 3:00 a.m. 443 00:19:36,734 --> 00:19:38,584 with screenplay ideas. 444 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,720 [phone ringing] 445 00:19:42,164 --> 00:19:43,756 [grunts] Hello? 446 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,016 [Carter] Okay, hear me out. 447 00:19:45,092 --> 00:19:47,167 It's Die Hard, but in a building. 448 00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,578 Die Hard is in a building. 449 00:19:49,597 --> 00:19:52,005 Hmm, I don't know. Here, listen to me watch it, 450 00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,265 and we'll find out. 451 00:19:53,434 --> 00:19:56,611 [20th Century Fox fanfare playing over phone] 452 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,034 [both grunt] 453 00:20:10,284 --> 00:20:12,859 Give it up. You guys can't arrest me anyway. 454 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:16,105 I have diplomatic immunity. 455 00:20:16,198 --> 00:20:18,958 -You do? -On what basis? 456 00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:21,126 Yeah, I'm a citizen of Margaritaville. 457 00:20:21,203 --> 00:20:24,037 I even have this hat from a recent vacation to prove it. 458 00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,449 [growls] Too bad. 459 00:20:26,542 --> 00:20:30,786 Your diplomatic immunity's just been revoked. 460 00:20:30,805 --> 00:20:32,230 [groans] 461 00:20:34,459 --> 00:20:36,642 The officer's actions, while illegal, 462 00:20:36,794 --> 00:20:40,238 were justified by a snappy line. Movie over. 463 00:20:40,465 --> 00:20:43,148 [ominous synth music playing] 464 00:20:43,301 --> 00:20:45,618 [Quagmire] I was also a producer on this project.