1 00:00:01,227 --> 00:00:04,819 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,065 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,234 --> 00:00:11,677 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:14,680 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,831 --> 00:00:18,242 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:21,336 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,022 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,173 --> 00:00:24,339 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:30,237 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:35,444 --> 00:00:38,186 Good evening. Coming up, a major Hollywood movie 11 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,930 is set to film in Quahog. 12 00:00:39,948 --> 00:00:41,540 But first, whoever recorded me 13 00:00:41,691 --> 00:00:43,600 cursing at that freeway off-ramp veteran, 14 00:00:43,602 --> 00:00:45,711 please don't post that, all right, seriously. 15 00:00:45,862 --> 00:00:47,454 We all have bad days. 16 00:00:47,531 --> 00:00:49,956 Our top story: the latest Brad Pitt film 17 00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:51,383 will be shot right here in Quahog. 18 00:00:51,535 --> 00:00:53,777 Pitt will play former New Jersey governor 19 00:00:53,870 --> 00:00:54,720 Chris Christie. 20 00:00:54,947 --> 00:00:57,114 Brad Pitt is playing Chris Christie?! 21 00:00:57,207 --> 00:00:59,207 It should be a fat guy playing that role! 22 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:02,619 Chris Christie didn't eat 10,000 Jersey Mike's subs 23 00:01:02,638 --> 00:01:04,712 just to be played by a Hollywood pretty boy. 24 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,808 That's offensive, and I, for one, will not stand for it. 25 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,794 Although that's mostly due to cardiovascular disease. 26 00:01:10,813 --> 00:01:12,071 I got to sit down. 27 00:01:12,222 --> 00:01:14,239 Peter, you know, you've actually got a valid point. 28 00:01:14,391 --> 00:01:16,224 Oh, boy. Here comes the soapbox. 29 00:01:16,393 --> 00:01:18,969 It's shameful Hollywood would pass over the many talented 30 00:01:19,062 --> 00:01:21,747 plus-sized actors who are much more deserving of the role. 31 00:01:21,898 --> 00:01:23,323 -Name two. -Jonah Hill? 32 00:01:23,475 --> 00:01:24,991 -He's thin now. -Uh, Fat Albert? 33 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,568 -Not real. -James Corden? 34 00:01:26,645 --> 00:01:28,236 He's been canceled for sending eggs back. 35 00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:30,831 Well, it's just another example of Hollywood's history 36 00:01:30,983 --> 00:01:32,482 of exclusionary casting, 37 00:01:32,501 --> 00:01:35,410 -whitewashing and thin-washing. -Exactly. 38 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,988 Like Mike Myers playing an Indian man in The Love Guru. 39 00:01:38,081 --> 00:01:40,173 -[giggles] -Or Marlon and Shawn Wayans 40 00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:42,326 -playing White Chicks. -[giggles] 41 00:01:42,344 --> 00:01:44,419 Or Mickey Rooney playing an offensive stereotype 42 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,496 of an Asian man in Breakfast at Tiffany's. 43 00:01:46,590 --> 00:01:48,682 I don't know that movie, but I like breakfast. 44 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,334 Oh, come on, you two. 45 00:01:50,352 --> 00:01:52,502 You're really offended that one of the biggest movie stars 46 00:01:52,521 --> 00:01:56,022 on the planet is coming to our crap town to shoot a movie? 47 00:01:56,175 --> 00:01:57,858 I mean, Brad Pitt could put it anywhere, 48 00:01:58,010 --> 00:01:59,843 -with any of us. -Facts. 49 00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:02,788 I mean, when was the last time a celebrity visited Quahog? 50 00:02:02,981 --> 00:02:04,848 -Uh, Jared Fogle. -Who? 51 00:02:04,867 --> 00:02:06,032 The Subway Guy. Remember? 52 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,534 He was here for a public appearance. 53 00:02:07,611 --> 00:02:08,869 Took a shine to Chris for some reason. 54 00:02:09,021 --> 00:02:10,129 Took him camping. 55 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,113 Had these weird candies he'd only let Chris eat. 56 00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:14,374 How come I don't remember any of this? 57 00:02:14,526 --> 00:02:16,209 Ah, too many video games, buddy. 58 00:02:16,362 --> 00:02:17,785 They're rotting your brains. 59 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,046 Get your hands off me, Jared! 60 00:02:20,199 --> 00:02:22,123 You're really gonna complain about Brad Pitt? 61 00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:24,217 Who cares what role he's playing?! 62 00:02:24,370 --> 00:02:25,627 Well, that's easy for you to say, Lois. 63 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,480 Women have no idea what it's like for us men, 64 00:02:28,632 --> 00:02:30,465 being held up to impossible standards of beauty 65 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,600 in the media. 66 00:02:31,710 --> 00:02:33,877 Ooh, Jennifer Lawrence has a new movie. 67 00:02:33,896 --> 00:02:35,379 Eh! Too old. Next. 68 00:02:35,397 --> 00:02:37,047 Peter, I think you're right to protest. 69 00:02:37,065 --> 00:02:38,715 -I'll even join you. -Thanks, Brian. 70 00:02:38,734 --> 00:02:41,476 Sometimes you just got to stand up for what's right. 71 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,495 That's why I stood up to Kanye West. 72 00:02:43,647 --> 00:02:46,406 Dinosaurs were created by the Illuminati. 73 00:02:46,558 --> 00:02:49,168 The government hides secrets in SpaghettiOs. 74 00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:50,818 And Hitler would've won Wimbledon 75 00:02:50,913 --> 00:02:52,579 if he played tennis, bro. 76 00:02:52,731 --> 00:02:54,414 Sir, sir, sir. 77 00:02:54,566 --> 00:02:57,176 We do not wear shoes in this house. 78 00:02:58,570 --> 00:03:02,055 Thank you. Now please continue about Wimbledon. 79 00:03:04,243 --> 00:03:06,018 [chanting] Overweight is overdue! 80 00:03:06,169 --> 00:03:07,186 Overweight is overdue! 81 00:03:07,337 --> 00:03:09,188 Wow, I'm impressed, Peter. 82 00:03:09,339 --> 00:03:10,856 Yeah, it's going great. 83 00:03:11,007 --> 00:03:12,691 News trucks even showed up to cover it. 84 00:03:12,842 --> 00:03:15,343 I-I think... I think those are just food trucks. 85 00:03:15,437 --> 00:03:18,088 Come on, you know you want some. 86 00:03:18,106 --> 00:03:19,347 Hi, fellas. 87 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,591 Oh, hey. Thanks for coming out to support us. 88 00:03:21,685 --> 00:03:24,077 "Dangerous Curves Ahead." 89 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,931 -Oh... -[laughs] Right? 90 00:03:27,950 --> 00:03:30,042 [laughs] Oh, that is good. 91 00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:31,935 [laughing] You get it. 92 00:03:32,104 --> 00:03:34,696 [laughs] That... that is clever. 93 00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:35,714 Am I right? 94 00:03:35,941 --> 00:03:37,031 [laughter] 95 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,443 That, that's good. That's good. 96 00:03:39,461 --> 00:03:41,778 -Isn't it, though? [laughs] -Yeah, yeah. 97 00:03:41,797 --> 00:03:44,556 [whispers] Brian, can you explain that shirt to me later? 98 00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:50,229 Protesters were on hand today at the set of 99 00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:52,973 the new Chris Christie biopic being filmed in Quahog. 100 00:03:53,125 --> 00:03:56,126 They were protesting the casting of Hollywood superstar Brad Pitt 101 00:03:56,219 --> 00:03:58,979 in the lead role and not a person of heft. 102 00:03:59,131 --> 00:04:01,147 Well, Peter, I'm just glad you're on the news 103 00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:04,559 for something other than sitting on a hamster at a school event. 104 00:04:04,653 --> 00:04:07,320 [clamoring] 105 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,139 Hey, they said they weren't gonna put that! 106 00:04:09,157 --> 00:04:10,374 [doorbell rings] 107 00:04:11,143 --> 00:04:12,900 Mr. Griffin, hi. 108 00:04:12,995 --> 00:04:14,753 I'm Josh Universal from the movie. 109 00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:17,314 I'm taking a break from my horrific cocaine habit 110 00:04:17,332 --> 00:04:19,258 to ask you to sit down with our producers 111 00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:22,502 for a "listening session" to hear your concerns. 112 00:04:22,654 --> 00:04:25,264 And, on an unrelated note, can I use your bathroom, 113 00:04:25,491 --> 00:04:27,415 and does anyone have a rolled-up bill? 114 00:04:27,509 --> 00:04:29,659 Oh, of course. I got a special five just for that. 115 00:04:30,662 --> 00:04:34,255 [sniffs] All right, let's get zapped and go see a play! 116 00:04:34,349 --> 00:04:36,358 ♪ ♪ 117 00:04:38,854 --> 00:04:40,988 Hmm. That's odd. 118 00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:48,512 Mr. Griffin, thank you for meeting with us. 119 00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:49,679 Have a seat. 120 00:04:49,698 --> 00:04:51,181 Not on my lap! 121 00:04:51,274 --> 00:04:52,774 Sorry. [chuckles] I'm a little nervous. 122 00:04:52,868 --> 00:04:55,460 Peter Griffin, please meet Brad Pitt. 123 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,213 ♪ ♪ 124 00:04:59,358 --> 00:05:01,358 [gasps] George Clooney's boyfriend? 125 00:05:01,376 --> 00:05:04,044 No, no. A few years ago, he was cast in a marriage. 126 00:05:04,196 --> 00:05:05,953 Mr. Griffin, we've asked you here 127 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,622 because we understand you have an issue 128 00:05:07,716 --> 00:05:09,549 with Brad playing the lead role in our movie. 129 00:05:09,701 --> 00:05:13,294 We want to make sure we hear and ignore all your concerns. 130 00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:15,981 Look, I know Brad Pitt is a big star and all, 131 00:05:16,132 --> 00:05:17,983 but he's playing Chris Christie, who's a fat guy. 132 00:05:18,210 --> 00:05:20,802 It seems unfair that the role didn't go to a fat guy. 133 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:21,987 It only makes sense. 134 00:05:22,214 --> 00:05:24,323 Don't you think we should cast the best actor, 135 00:05:24,474 --> 00:05:25,640 letting them interpret the role, 136 00:05:25,734 --> 00:05:27,492 rather than depending on physical traits? 137 00:05:27,719 --> 00:05:29,995 Not if you're taking the role away from a fat guy. 138 00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:32,906 But, Mr. Griffin, Brad Pitt is a highly skilled actor 139 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,076 who's won an Oscar and lots of garbage Golden Globes. 140 00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,502 You're not hearing my concerns. 141 00:05:37,654 --> 00:05:39,504 You don't know the challenges fat guys face. 142 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,673 What it's like to have to rock multiple times 143 00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,234 to get off the couch, or how it feels to have to poke 144 00:05:44,252 --> 00:05:46,011 a new hole in your belt with a nail, 145 00:05:46,162 --> 00:05:48,088 only to realize the end no longer 146 00:05:48,164 --> 00:05:49,406 tucks into the little loop, 147 00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:50,924 or the shame of getting thrown out 148 00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:52,300 of a strip club for touching. 149 00:05:52,411 --> 00:05:54,411 That last thing doesn't seem like a weight issue. 150 00:05:54,429 --> 00:05:56,170 You sound just like the judge! 151 00:05:56,264 --> 00:05:59,082 Look, the casting of this movie is offensive to fat people, 152 00:05:59,175 --> 00:06:01,610 and I won't rest until it gets shut down. 153 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,270 Mr. Griffin, look, 154 00:06:04,423 --> 00:06:07,866 what if we made you our "official fat guy consultant"? 155 00:06:08,093 --> 00:06:09,534 Do you think I'm an idiot? 156 00:06:09,761 --> 00:06:11,352 Yes! What if I told you 157 00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:14,188 we'll give you a P.A. who will get you anything you want? 158 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,099 Deal. 20 Happy Meals, please. 159 00:06:16,192 --> 00:06:18,268 He's actually Judd Apatow's nephew Zack. 160 00:06:18,286 --> 00:06:19,769 You can't tell him what to do. 161 00:06:19,938 --> 00:06:21,271 In fact, you work for him. 162 00:06:21,273 --> 00:06:22,530 I want you to get me this thing, 163 00:06:22,624 --> 00:06:25,050 and I can't remember what it is or where I saw it. 164 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,095 Wow, I'm gonna learn so much from his last name. 165 00:06:33,952 --> 00:06:36,061 [fighting and gunfire on TV] 166 00:06:37,414 --> 00:06:39,639 The new season of White Lotus is weird. 167 00:06:39,791 --> 00:06:42,234 Griffins, you are looking at the Chris Christie movie's 168 00:06:42,385 --> 00:06:44,403 official fat guy consultant. 169 00:06:44,554 --> 00:06:47,239 Boy, that's a garbage title if I ever heard one. 170 00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:49,241 What? Wait a minute, so instead of demanding 171 00:06:49,468 --> 00:06:51,410 they cast a plus-sized actor, you caved 172 00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:53,245 when they offered you a meaningless title? 173 00:06:53,396 --> 00:06:55,747 -What about everything you fought for? -Don't you see, Brian? 174 00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:58,975 Now I can work the system from the inside with dignity. 175 00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:01,536 -[phone rings] -Yes, Mr. Apatow's nephew? 176 00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:04,756 [deflated] Yes, Mr. Apatow's nephew. 177 00:07:05,834 --> 00:07:08,318 [crying] Yes, Mr. Apatow's nephew. 178 00:07:08,336 --> 00:07:10,670 What does a fat guy consultant even do? 179 00:07:10,822 --> 00:07:13,323 I'm the personal weight-gain coach for Brad Pitt. 180 00:07:13,416 --> 00:07:15,100 Wou-Would we get to meet him? 181 00:07:15,251 --> 00:07:17,177 Sure. My job is to teach him how to think, 182 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,104 eat and live like a fat guy. 183 00:07:19,255 --> 00:07:20,830 So, just like that, you're giving up? 184 00:07:20,849 --> 00:07:22,107 Brian, I'm a fat guy. 185 00:07:22,258 --> 00:07:23,516 I got all fired up about something, 186 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:26,486 and now I'm tired and I'd like some custard. 187 00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:33,100 Guys, I'd like you to meet my new friend Brad Pitt. 188 00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:35,603 -Oh, my God! -Whoa, nice to meet you. 189 00:07:35,697 --> 00:07:38,123 -Who's this now? -He's a very famous actor. 190 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,033 He's like the white Morris Chestnut. 191 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,943 -Oh, damn! -Wow! 192 00:07:42,037 --> 00:07:44,278 I can't believe I'm sitting here with Brad Pitt. 193 00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:45,613 I've got so many questions. 194 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,115 Like, what are the other rules of Fight Club? 195 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,693 Well, the first rule is-- 196 00:07:49,786 --> 00:07:51,211 No, I'm clear on the first rule. 197 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,030 And I know the second rule is just repeating the first. 198 00:07:54,049 --> 00:07:55,381 But there's got to be loads more. 199 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:58,793 Like, I got to think "no sack attacks" is on there. 200 00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:00,053 Hey, Brad. Any chance I could get 201 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,888 Jennifer Aniston's number from you? 202 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,148 I know she's got to be a nightmare, 203 00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:05,709 but she keeps it so freakin' tight. 204 00:08:05,727 --> 00:08:06,726 Okay, enough small talk. 205 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,228 Let's do what I brought him here for: 206 00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:10,063 to break the Internet with a group 207 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,824 -head-smushed-together selfie. -[phone beeps] 208 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,308 [camera clicks] 209 00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,995 Kevin Spacey? Get out of here. 210 00:08:17,222 --> 00:08:19,222 You're not allowed to be in head-smushed-together photos 211 00:08:19,241 --> 00:08:20,332 after what you did. 212 00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:23,059 Not guilty on all British counts. 213 00:08:23,078 --> 00:08:25,545 [chuckles] Oh, that rascal. 214 00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:30,416 [knocking] 215 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:33,570 Hi, you must be Peter's wife. I'm Brad. 216 00:08:33,663 --> 00:08:35,597 ♪ ♪ 217 00:08:37,075 --> 00:08:40,076 Oh, I know who you are. I'm-- [screams] 218 00:08:40,169 --> 00:08:42,003 Hi, I'm-- [screams] 219 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,429 Stewart. Charmed. 220 00:08:43,582 --> 00:08:45,248 I know you dump people when they're 40, 221 00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:48,026 but that still gives us 39 good years. 222 00:08:48,253 --> 00:08:50,177 Pleased to meet you, Mr. Pitt. 223 00:08:50,272 --> 00:08:52,346 Um, when you did that movie Snatch, 224 00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,515 did you know that also means something else? 225 00:08:54,609 --> 00:08:56,183 Because it very much does. 226 00:08:56,278 --> 00:08:58,762 That's a sticky handshake you got there, Chris. 227 00:08:58,780 --> 00:09:00,764 Peter, I was wondering if I could spend some time 228 00:09:00,782 --> 00:09:03,283 with you and your family, observing how you live 229 00:09:03,435 --> 00:09:05,710 and how you eat, to prepare for the role. 230 00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:07,120 Sure, I'd be glad to help. 231 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,606 Wow, I ain't had a celebrity ask me for a favor 232 00:09:09,657 --> 00:09:12,125 since Jeremy Renner asked me to shovel out his driveway. 233 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:16,037 -[engine idling] -Uh, Jeremy, in light of recent events, uh... 234 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,557 could ol' Pete borrow your skis? 235 00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:24,137 Okay, Brad, I'm gonna teach you to be a fat guy. 236 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,306 For starters, this is where we eat. 237 00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:29,401 Um, excuse me, Mr. Pitt, but would you mind 238 00:09:29,628 --> 00:09:31,311 if I FaceTime my friends with you here? 239 00:09:31,463 --> 00:09:33,721 Oh, my God, they'll go crazy! 240 00:09:33,815 --> 00:09:35,240 Sure, Meg, it'd be my pleasure. 241 00:09:35,391 --> 00:09:38,159 -[squeals] -[FaceTime app ringing] 242 00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,087 Oh, boy. 243 00:09:50,239 --> 00:09:52,465 Oh, this-this is sad. 244 00:09:53,985 --> 00:09:57,429 Oh, this-this is just... Oh... 245 00:09:57,656 --> 00:10:00,006 Why don't I just take this, dear. 246 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,725 -[ringing stops] -[phone beeps] 247 00:10:06,255 --> 00:10:08,422 Okay, Brad, now, another fat guy rule is that 248 00:10:08,516 --> 00:10:10,591 when you're out at restaurants, always act like 249 00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,110 you're on the fence about dessert. 250 00:10:12,261 --> 00:10:14,337 So, folks, we thinking dessert? 251 00:10:14,339 --> 00:10:16,114 Seriously? You must be joking. 252 00:10:16,341 --> 00:10:19,117 I cannot move. No, sir. No way. 253 00:10:19,268 --> 00:10:20,860 Absolutely stuffed to the gills. 254 00:10:21,012 --> 00:10:22,269 Gonna have to take a rain check. 255 00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:24,514 Although... No, no, I can't even suggest it. 256 00:10:24,607 --> 00:10:28,017 We are done. Done-a-roo. Check, please. 257 00:10:28,036 --> 00:10:29,443 Although... just thinking, 258 00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:31,112 I don't know when we'll be back here. 259 00:10:31,206 --> 00:10:32,964 I read about the award-winning pastry chef-- 260 00:10:33,116 --> 00:10:34,782 Wait, what am I saying? No! No. 261 00:10:34,909 --> 00:10:36,134 Stop me, please, someone, please. 262 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,861 Bring the check now. 263 00:10:37,954 --> 00:10:40,121 Okay, you know what, we'll get one order and we'll all share. 264 00:10:40,215 --> 00:10:42,140 One dessert, one dish, five spoons. 265 00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:43,700 Whoever wants can have some. 266 00:10:43,718 --> 00:10:45,644 One plate. One of everything. My plate. 267 00:10:45,795 --> 00:10:47,729 One spoon. No share. 268 00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:52,317 Now, Brad, if you're gonna play a fat guy on camera, 269 00:10:52,468 --> 00:10:55,195 you got to learn how to do the rope swing. 270 00:10:57,473 --> 00:10:59,199 Okay, let me show you how it's done. 271 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,534 [groans] 272 00:11:04,572 --> 00:11:06,814 900,000 views. 273 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,058 -I'm learning so much. -That's great. 274 00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:11,060 Hey, can you click on a porn site for me? 275 00:11:11,079 --> 00:11:12,578 Otherwise I got to peck it with my nose 276 00:11:12,731 --> 00:11:14,631 like a tic-tac-toe chicken. 277 00:11:21,164 --> 00:11:22,922 Here you go. 278 00:11:23,074 --> 00:11:24,516 Thanks so much, Mrs. Griffin. 279 00:11:24,743 --> 00:11:26,092 I love a home-cooked meal. 280 00:11:26,244 --> 00:11:28,836 Well, we are so happy to have you. 281 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,263 -How's Shiloh? -Who? 282 00:11:30,415 --> 00:11:31,839 -How's Maddox? -Who? 283 00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,507 -How's Zahara? -Who? 284 00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:34,859 -How's Pax? -Who? 285 00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:36,236 -How's Vivienne? -Who? 286 00:11:36,271 --> 00:11:37,511 -How's Knox? -Who? 287 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,364 Ignore her, she can be so annoying. 288 00:11:39,515 --> 00:11:41,274 Sometimes I wish I had a private plane 289 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,410 just so I could choke her on it. 290 00:11:47,098 --> 00:11:48,431 Hey, can I get you anything? 291 00:11:48,524 --> 00:11:51,617 Another pork-n-Cheetos sandwich or a buffalo latte? 292 00:11:51,770 --> 00:11:53,027 I'm good, Peter, thanks. 293 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,454 [director] Brad, you're up! 294 00:11:54,622 --> 00:11:55,714 [groans] 295 00:11:55,865 --> 00:11:58,124 [grunting] 296 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,293 -Ah! -[director] Brad? Are you okay? 297 00:12:00,445 --> 00:12:03,037 My back. I threw out my back. I can't move. 298 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,781 Hey, since you can't really move right now, 299 00:12:04,799 --> 00:12:06,540 this is probably a good time to ask, 300 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,393 what's Juliette Lewis really like? 301 00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:11,545 [straining] Nice. Talented. Professional. 302 00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:14,357 -A little shrill. -Yeah, a little shrill. Yeah, that sounds right. 303 00:12:15,293 --> 00:12:17,961 [groaning, panting] 304 00:12:17,979 --> 00:12:20,221 I don't think I can walk. 305 00:12:20,298 --> 00:12:22,315 We can't push back our schedule any more. 306 00:12:22,391 --> 00:12:24,075 If Brad's injured, what are we gonna do? 307 00:12:24,152 --> 00:12:25,802 We'll need a new Chris Christie. 308 00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:29,205 But who could possibly play that role on such short notice? 309 00:12:30,733 --> 00:12:31,991 I can play that role. 310 00:12:32,143 --> 00:12:34,235 Griffin, you're not even an actor. 311 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,829 No, but what I am is a real fat guy. 312 00:12:36,982 --> 00:12:38,572 Brad Pitt was never the right choice. 313 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:41,575 This role calls for real-life fat guy authenticity. 314 00:12:41,653 --> 00:12:43,486 I mean, would Transparent have been as good 315 00:12:43,505 --> 00:12:45,171 if they just put a guy in a dress? 316 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,081 Would Neil Patrick Harris have been as funny 317 00:12:47,175 --> 00:12:48,749 on How I Met Your Mother if he wasn't 318 00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:50,751 a known heterosexual horndog? 319 00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:52,512 Would Tropic Thunder have been as authentic 320 00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:56,065 if Robert Downey Jr. wasn't a dignified Black man? 321 00:12:57,168 --> 00:12:58,926 We're in a jam. What do you think? 322 00:12:59,095 --> 00:13:00,761 I don't think we have any other choice. 323 00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:03,172 All right, Griffin, you got the part. 324 00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:05,024 Awesome! I'm gonna FaceTime my friends. 325 00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:06,859 They're gonna be so excited for me. 326 00:13:07,012 --> 00:13:09,162 [FaceTime app ringing] 327 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,626 Oh, boy. 328 00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:17,629 Oh, this-this is sad. 329 00:13:23,528 --> 00:13:25,637 [TV announcer] We now return to a steamy business drama 330 00:13:25,788 --> 00:13:27,880 where no one understands what's happening. 331 00:13:28,033 --> 00:13:30,624 Are you saying we should forge the EBITDA projections 332 00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:32,218 -for the quarterlies? -No. 333 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,645 I'm saying we declare a revenue-miss 334 00:13:33,796 --> 00:13:35,296 while issuing additional shares 335 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,723 based on reduced capitalization estimates. 336 00:13:37,892 --> 00:13:39,967 Jim, you're in grave danger 337 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,561 of violating the Glass-Steagall Act. 338 00:13:41,713 --> 00:13:44,213 [Chris] They haven't shown a bare ass in three weeks! 339 00:13:44,307 --> 00:13:45,898 Show me your ass, Jim. 340 00:13:46,051 --> 00:13:47,141 [Chris] And I'm back. 341 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,053 Griffins, you are looking at the new lead 342 00:13:50,146 --> 00:13:51,904 in the Chris Christie movie. 343 00:13:51,981 --> 00:13:54,499 You? Wh-What happened to Brad Pitt? 344 00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:56,726 It's what I've been saying all along, Lois. 345 00:13:56,819 --> 00:13:58,061 He can't do what I do. 346 00:13:58,079 --> 00:14:00,112 He doesn't bring the fat guy authenticity. 347 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,231 His sweat doesn't smell like french fries. 348 00:14:02,325 --> 00:14:04,250 He doesn't bring the sky-high blood pressure 349 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,902 or the jolting sleep apnea. 350 00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,846 I have that gift. That's why. 351 00:14:07,997 --> 00:14:09,906 Peter, this is ridiculous. 352 00:14:10,075 --> 00:14:11,516 You can't play Chris Christie. 353 00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:13,500 You're not even an actor. 354 00:14:13,578 --> 00:14:14,744 Oh, no? 355 00:14:14,762 --> 00:14:18,581 Yes, Lois! Yes! Yes! Oh! 356 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,007 Sound familiar? 357 00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,085 -But how do you...? -Squirt gun full of Ivory. 358 00:14:22,178 --> 00:14:25,530 Sorry, Lunchables, I'm afraid I've lost my appetite. 359 00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,090 Peter, I'm proud of you. 360 00:14:27,092 --> 00:14:28,441 You're actually making important strides 361 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,018 on behalf of inclusivity and cultural sensitivity. 362 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,203 Yeah, I'm all for that stuff. 363 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,854 As long as we don't got to take down 364 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,281 the Confederate statue in the yard. 365 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,266 That's for history and learning. 366 00:14:37,285 --> 00:14:38,710 Even if they did come in second place 367 00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:40,286 out of two armies in a war. 368 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,439 -So, how'd we do? -Second place, baby. 369 00:14:43,532 --> 00:14:44,941 Hey, not bad. 370 00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:47,468 Silver medal. Whoo! 371 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,332 Okay, Peter, so, in this next scene, 372 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:56,377 Christie would probably struggle in the heat and sun 373 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,379 on the George Washington Bridge. 374 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,881 You presume to lecture me what it's like? 375 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:03,142 How dare you thinsplain to me? 376 00:15:03,294 --> 00:15:05,904 Talk to me when your BMI is over 35. 377 00:15:06,055 --> 00:15:07,888 Wow, a real live movie set. 378 00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:10,057 So cool to be here for the magic. 379 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,801 Yeah, and look, there's a child star 380 00:15:11,819 --> 00:15:13,077 who's getting an hour of school. 381 00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:15,896 Okay, Billy, now, what color is this? 382 00:15:15,974 --> 00:15:17,564 -Blue? -Close enough. 383 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:18,824 Now get back out there 384 00:15:18,977 --> 00:15:21,644 and be the most distracting part of any film. 385 00:15:21,663 --> 00:15:22,754 ♪ ♪ 386 00:15:22,905 --> 00:15:24,756 ♪ Making a movie ♪ 387 00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:28,151 ♪ Not as glamorous as it seems ♪ 388 00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:29,652 ♪ Standing around ♪ 389 00:15:29,671 --> 00:15:32,155 ♪ For three hours just to move a light ♪ 390 00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:35,708 ♪ Tripping over thick cables everywhere ♪ 391 00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:41,180 ♪ Spending all day shooting one ten-second scene, yeah ♪ 392 00:15:41,332 --> 00:15:45,193 ♪ Waving flies off the craft service table ♪ 393 00:15:47,005 --> 00:15:48,337 ♪ Making a movie ♪ 394 00:15:48,431 --> 00:15:51,674 ♪ Way more tedious than it seems ♪ 395 00:15:51,767 --> 00:15:55,453 ♪ The most important job is the editor ♪ 396 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,457 ♪ Staring at a frame for 18 hours straight ♪ 397 00:15:59,684 --> 00:16:02,702 ♪ Most of them snap and go crazy ♪ 398 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:07,799 ♪ Even a dumb cartoon like this takes 18 months ♪ 399 00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:12,428 ♪ What are we all doing? ♪ 400 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,142 [camera shutters clicking] 401 00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:20,720 Oh, Peter, your big movie premiere. 402 00:16:20,888 --> 00:16:22,538 This is so exciting! 403 00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:25,391 Did Dr. Hartman bring a woman in a coma as his date? 404 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,635 Hey, guys, big night, huh? See you in there. 405 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,563 -[crowd clamoring] -[camera shutters clicking] 406 00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:33,974 Oh, God, here come those mindless entertainment reporters 407 00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,901 who only want to know, "Who are you wearing?" 408 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,720 -Stewie! -Stewie. -Over here, Stewie. 409 00:16:37,739 --> 00:16:40,223 How do you respond to those who accuse your show 410 00:16:40,241 --> 00:16:42,241 of trafficking in decades of misogyny, 411 00:16:42,393 --> 00:16:45,061 homophobia and racially insensitive stereotyping? 412 00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:47,654 Uh... Thom Browne, thank you. 413 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,007 Go, Brian. Go, go, go, go, go. 414 00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:51,751 And here's the star of the film, Peter Griffin. 415 00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,344 What are you wearing tonight, Peter? 416 00:16:53,421 --> 00:16:56,163 Well, Tom, the shirt is actually two shirts sewn together. 417 00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,516 The jacket is stolen from a steak house maître d', 418 00:16:58,667 --> 00:17:00,243 and the pants are a towel. 419 00:17:00,245 --> 00:17:02,762 You know, I hear you were quite the prankster on set. 420 00:17:02,914 --> 00:17:03,929 Well, it wasn't so much pranks 421 00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:05,264 as yelling and shouting at women. 422 00:17:05,416 --> 00:17:06,766 Yeah, a lot of 'em aren't here tonight. 423 00:17:06,918 --> 00:17:09,268 They're doing some town hall meeting with Gloria Allred. 424 00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:11,154 Ah, we'll see what happens. 425 00:17:16,352 --> 00:17:17,593 The after-party's at a Panera 426 00:17:17,612 --> 00:17:20,204 that's still open to normal customers. 427 00:17:20,431 --> 00:17:22,540 [cheering] 428 00:17:22,691 --> 00:17:24,024 Thank you all for coming. 429 00:17:24,193 --> 00:17:26,269 -[Quagmire] Giggity. -It was a lot of hard work. 430 00:17:26,287 --> 00:17:29,213 -[Quagmire] Giggity. -And thanks to the unnecessarily long writers' strike, 431 00:17:29,365 --> 00:17:32,366 we were unable to write a third joke for this speech. 432 00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:34,034 [cheering] 433 00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,945 -Hey! -Ow! 434 00:17:35,963 --> 00:17:37,238 That's your father's movie up there. 435 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,948 Pay attention, you dope. 436 00:17:38,966 --> 00:17:41,184 ♪ ♪ 437 00:17:42,804 --> 00:17:45,271 [clamoring on screen] 438 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,456 Repeat after me. 439 00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:50,293 -I's am governor. -I's am governor. 440 00:17:50,311 --> 00:17:52,962 -Youse are not. -Youse are not. 441 00:17:52,964 --> 00:17:55,648 Big Pussy didn't deserve to die like that 442 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:56,908 in The Sopranos. 443 00:17:57,059 --> 00:17:58,484 But he was a freakin' rat! 444 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,986 Congratulations, you are the governor of New Jersey. 445 00:18:01,139 --> 00:18:03,230 Now let's all root for the Jets and the Mets 446 00:18:03,324 --> 00:18:04,990 like the idiots we are. 447 00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:07,234 [cheering] 448 00:18:07,328 --> 00:18:09,337 ♪ ♪ 449 00:18:10,498 --> 00:18:12,965 [thunder crashing] 450 00:18:14,335 --> 00:18:17,320 Lord, please protect us from this coming hurricane. 451 00:18:17,413 --> 00:18:20,172 It's bad enough you gave me the same first and last name. 452 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,825 Please don't let me be killed by a Sandy. 453 00:18:22,844 --> 00:18:26,662 The fellas at the Y would never let me hear the end of it. Amen. 454 00:18:26,831 --> 00:18:28,831 ♪ ♪ 455 00:18:28,850 --> 00:18:30,775 [crying] 456 00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:33,336 Oh, Chris, you're dying. 457 00:18:33,429 --> 00:18:35,838 Don't remember me like this. 458 00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:37,949 Remember me stuffed like a sausage 459 00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,785 into that NYPD softball uniform. 460 00:18:40,936 --> 00:18:43,937 ♪ But I would walk 500 miles ♪ 461 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:47,416 -[scattered clapping] -♪ And I would walk 500. ♪ 462 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,444 [feigning enthusiasm] Hey, that was terrific. 463 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,964 [forced] Oh, what an achievement. 464 00:18:53,115 --> 00:18:54,540 [chuckles awkwardly] You really did it, buddy. 465 00:18:54,692 --> 00:18:56,525 What are you guys talking about? I stunk. 466 00:18:56,619 --> 00:18:57,618 I can't act at all. 467 00:18:57,712 --> 00:18:59,011 No... 468 00:18:59,121 --> 00:19:02,198 You were, uh, very believably fat. 469 00:19:02,216 --> 00:19:03,957 Didn't you notice half the time 470 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,309 I was staring right into the camera? 471 00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:08,053 They had to use peanut butter to get me on my mark. 472 00:19:08,206 --> 00:19:09,221 Yeah, but you've done a great thing 473 00:19:09,374 --> 00:19:11,223 for authenticity and inclusivity. 474 00:19:11,376 --> 00:19:12,558 I don't even know what those words mean, 475 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,894 I just like to see your tail wag when you say 'em. 476 00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,488 Peter, you're giving the marginalized a voice. 477 00:19:17,715 --> 00:19:18,898 How are they marginalized? 478 00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,141 The whole country's full of dumb, fat [bleep]. 479 00:19:21,310 --> 00:19:24,570 Now more than ever, we need authenticity and inclusivity. 480 00:19:24,722 --> 00:19:26,831 No, Brian. What we need is good actors. 481 00:19:27,058 --> 00:19:28,724 I don't care if they're Black, white, tall, 482 00:19:28,743 --> 00:19:30,001 short, thin, fat. 483 00:19:30,152 --> 00:19:31,502 Gay, straight-- you forgot those ones. 484 00:19:31,729 --> 00:19:33,838 Look, I-I admit I thought acting was easy. 485 00:19:34,065 --> 00:19:36,007 And maybe I was blinded by all the praise I got 486 00:19:36,234 --> 00:19:37,733 from Harvey Weinstein. 487 00:19:37,752 --> 00:19:40,736 Peter, Harvey Weinstein hasn't had clout for like six years. 488 00:19:40,905 --> 00:19:43,088 Oh, boy. Then I may have done some things I'll regret. 489 00:19:43,908 --> 00:19:46,242 I don't know, I guess, as a fat guy, I-I got offended 490 00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:48,427 that Chris Christie wasn't played by a fat guy. 491 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,855 But turns out it just needed to be a good actor. 492 00:19:51,006 --> 00:19:53,006 Maybe we should all spend less time judging 493 00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,266 and more time enjoying 494 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,252 what different actors bring to different roles. 495 00:19:56,387 --> 00:19:58,679 That's the magic of movies and TV. 496 00:19:58,773 --> 00:20:00,105 [Chris] And stepson porn. 497 00:20:00,274 --> 00:20:02,591 Chris, you don't have to join every conversation. 498 00:20:02,685 --> 00:20:05,018 [murmuring] 499 00:20:05,112 --> 00:20:06,278 Okay, look, look, I understand 500 00:20:06,431 --> 00:20:08,355 not everyone will agree on this issue, 501 00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,374 but let's discuss it in a civilized manner 502 00:20:10,526 --> 00:20:12,968 by making death threats from our individual homes 503 00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:14,712 to one another on the Internet. 504 00:20:14,863 --> 00:20:16,589 [phone chimes] 505 00:20:19,277 --> 00:20:20,551 Right back at you, buddy. 506 00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:29,227 Well, I'm sorry your movie didn't go over well, Peter. 507 00:20:29,454 --> 00:20:30,953 Yeah, the money was good, but I got tired of 508 00:20:30,972 --> 00:20:32,063 all the one-night stands. 509 00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:33,064 -What? -Huh? 510 00:20:33,215 --> 00:20:34,640 Sorry, my ears have been clogged 511 00:20:34,792 --> 00:20:36,717 since I made out with that guy from the film crew. 512 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:37,884 -What? -Huh? 513 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,144 Well, I got to say, Bri, 514 00:20:39,297 --> 00:20:40,238 it might not have worked out for Dad, 515 00:20:40,389 --> 00:20:42,723 but I sure got bit by the acting bug. 516 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,983 Really? You want to be an actor? 517 00:20:44,151 --> 00:20:46,635 Oh, yeah. I'd be great in Streetcar. 518 00:20:46,654 --> 00:20:50,248 Stella! Stella! 519 00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:51,732 What?! 520 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,043 Is Aidan home?