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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:12,262
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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{\an8}Boy, everybody's here.
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{\an8}Why do you think
we're gathering?
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{\an8}This isn't about the soiled
pants in the toilet, right?
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{\an8}'Cause I hadn't heard
about that.
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{\an8}Good morning, employees.
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{\an8}As some of you can tell
by my face,
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{\an8}I have some exciting news.
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{\an8}But first, a pair of husky-size
green pants were found
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{\an8}in the men's room,
positively destroyed.
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{\an8}That's what
I hadn't heard about.
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{\an8}Now the exciting news.
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{\an8}The brewery is transitioning
to an open floor plan
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{\an8}and will be called
the Pawtucket Patriot campus.
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{\an8}To help explain the transition
to our futuristic workplace,
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{\an8}I'd like to share a video
from our investor,
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{\an8}the confusingly charismatic
WeWork lunatic.
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{\an8}Hey, I'm the guy from WeWork.
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{\an8}My foremost goal is
to facilitate
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{\an8}an experiential bandwidth
of synergy.
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{\an8}Hammock desks,
scooter desks,
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{\an8}and the world's first desk-desk.
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{\an8}The only desk that
functions as a working desk.
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{\an8}I have been the WeWork lunatic,
please don't google me.
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{\an8}Our new office will also have
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{\an8}a lady chef
who only makes vegan food,
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{\an8}pinball machines,
and nursing pods.
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{\an8}Lastly, as we transition
to our new open floor plan,
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{\an8}the brewery will be closed
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{\an8}for the next two months
for construction.
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{\an8}Yes, Griffin?
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{\an8}Are the nursing pods,
l-like, for anyone?
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{\an8}If I ordered
a whole Cornish game hen,
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{\an8}would anyone have any?
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{\an8}I'm in for a wing.
What's the occasion?
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{\an8}I just found out
the brewery's closing
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{\an8}so they can turn it into
the kind of workplace
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{\an8}you only see on TV shows.
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{\an8}Work's been crazy for me, too.
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{\an8}We have this case--
guy died on his birthday,
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00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,375
{\an8}and-- get this--
his family had gotten him
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{\an8}an ice cream cake.
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{\an8}You know, the kind
with ice cream inside
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{\an8}as the cake part?
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{\an8}Wild stuff.
So I'm at the scene...
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{\an8}This story is already
too complicated and boring.
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{\an8}Peter, take over.
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{\an8}My Amazon guy
once delivered batteries
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{\an8}- to Pat Sajak.
- No way!
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{\an8}How did he know there were
batteries in the box?
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{\an8}You know,
whenever they ship a battery,
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{\an8}they got to put that little
warning label on the box?
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{\an8}That's how.
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{\an8}It could've just been something
with a battery in it.
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{\an8}No, he said
he shook it real hard.
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{\an8}I-I think
the focus of this story is
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{\an8}more Pat Sajak than
the battery part.
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{\an8}Hold on. There's no way
that story was better than mine.
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{\an8}Hey, Brian. What's all this?
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{\an8}Oh, just following
in the rich tradition
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{\an8}of Hemingway and Faulkner
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{\an8}and putting a little damage
on the old liver.
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Another rosé, Brian?
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Put a spritz on it.
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00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:56,426
So, is, uh, watching TikToks
of underage girls
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also part of
your writing process?
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The best writing happens when
you're not actually writing.
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00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,933
I just wish
my muse would speak to me.
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00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,811
I'm having a tough time finding
an idea for my next novel.
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Well, I'd tell you about
one of my murder cases,
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but apparently
I'm a bad storyteller.
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- Murder case?
- Oh, yeah, we had one last year.
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All signs pointed
to the husband.
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- What happened?
- It was the husband.
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You know, we have
a whole file of cases in Quahog
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that would make great stories.
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A lot of murdered women
out there, Bri.
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Half of them named Britney,
half of them named Lacey.
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00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,336
That's one piece of advice
I always give young parents:
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don't name them
Britney or Lacey.
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Yeah, sad stuff.
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00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,257
You know, true crime is huge
right now.
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You could be
sitting on a gold mine.
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00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,094
A gold mine, huh?
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00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:42,222
And this whole day I thought
it was just a smushed dook.
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00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:47,394
ANNOUNCER We now return to
Curb Your Enthusiasm,
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00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:50,730
where Jeff Garlin just repeats
everything Larry says.
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00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,691
So, I put on the shirt.
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00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:54,567
You put on the shirt!
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00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:55,985
I paid for it.
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00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,904
You paid for it!
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I'm starting to think
you're, uh,
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00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:02,117
the weakest link in the cast.
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00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:04,828
Easily the weakest link!
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00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:07,539
Peter, the bank called
to say we're overdrawn,
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00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,541
and the credit card company
sent us a letter
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00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:11,584
that just says:
"Bitch better have my money."
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00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,169
Visa sent that?
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00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:14,754
God, they can do
whatever they want in Delaware.
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00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,881
Thanks for nothing, Sleepy Joe.
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00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:19,551
I wonder if this has anything
to do with me not getting paid
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00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,219
during the brewery renovations.
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00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,346
Wh-What do you mean
"not getting paid"?
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00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,348
Well, Preston said
we're all transitioning
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00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,142
to being
independent contractors.
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00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,352
The downside is we're losing
our health insurance,
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00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:32,022
but there's gonna be a pinball
machine in the break room.
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00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,857
Peter, we can't afford
to go two months
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00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,483
without your paycheck.
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00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,986
You're gonna have to
find a job in the meantime.
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00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,739
Lois, don't worry.
I got it all figured out.
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"Dear Mr. Griffin,
we regret to inform you
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00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,713
that we cannot offer you
a space."
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00:04:57,797 --> 00:05:00,592
Another big
dance check in the mail.
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00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:04,637
I was just five years away
from three figures a month.
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00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,438
Joe, this stuff is great.
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00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,732
Yep, one man's murdered,
estranged wife
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00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:17,359
is another man's treasure.
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00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:20,445
Brian, I'm gonna have to ask you
to put down the severed limb.
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00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,113
I brought this from home.
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00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,240
Drop it. Drop it!
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00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,494
Ah, damn it, you said "drop it,"
so now I got to drop it.
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00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,163
You know, we should team up
and write a true crime novel.
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00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,373
You don't happen to have
any cases
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00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,291
featuring pretty blonde women,
do you?
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00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,001
No, those get solved
pretty quickly.
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00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:38,004
This victim was brunette
and a little heavy.
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00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,673
Okay, getting warmer.
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00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,425
We'll just change a few
key details so people care.
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00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,427
Gutierrez?
Nope, Gordon.
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00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,388
Murdered on
an Indian reservation?
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00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,972
Let's try Beverly Hills.
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00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,725
I'm thinking we go novel,
podcast, docuseries,
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00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:52,602
then full-blown blockbuster.
143
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:55,355
But we'd also be doing this
for the families, right?
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00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,898
Is that a new
streaming platform?
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00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,733
No, like, the families
of the victims?
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00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,026
Oh, right. Yeah, sure.
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00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,529
In fact, we'll give them
a sliver of the proceeds.
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00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,572
And I'll give
the fictional version
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00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,157
of their daughter bigger boobs.
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00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:07,909
Like-like real heavy naturals.
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00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:10,954
Oh, yeah, that sounds
like a good compromise.
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00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,876
Your special cart, Mrs. G.
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00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,379
Just gave the wheels
a fresh coat of WD-40.
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00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,840
Why, thank you, James.
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00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,969
Oh, Roberto, if you weren't
missing half an arm,
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00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,637
I'd definitely consider it.
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00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:30,056
Oh, how's the 6029s today, hmm?
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00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,642
Oh, Mrs. Lois, very fresh.
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00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,394
What's she talking about, Mommy?
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00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,104
Kale, dear.
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00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:38,606
It's insider speak for kale.
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00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,239
That can't possibly be a thing.
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00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,700
Let me just find someone
to make sure.
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00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:54,581
Oh, looks like someone
got pulled from the night shift
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00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,208
'cause I've never seen
this free sample.
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00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:01,171
- Peter?!
- MAN
Ladies and gentlemen,
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00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,089
we have a plot twist
on aisle four.
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00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,800
I'm the assistant manager
who thinks work should be fun,
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00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,053
and definitely not
a corporate spy
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00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:09,721
here to keep unions
from forming.
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00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,264
But now that
we're talking about it,
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00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,016
can you imagine
if you had a grievance
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00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,809
and couldn't talk to me
directly?
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00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:16,436
Anyway, I'm Elliot,
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00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,979
and I'm paying close attention
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00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,065
to who posts what
on the break room cork board.
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00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:27,906
Peter, what are you doing here?
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00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:29,574
You told me to get a job,
and they were hiring.
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00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,742
I love it here!
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00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:31,868
Plus, they let me joke around
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00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,079
with the Wells Fargo guys
who work here.
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00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,873
Yes, I'd like to make
a deposit, please.
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00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,751
Is it another 100 Grand
chocolate bar?
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00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,670
Okay, so I've had you before.
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00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:44,631
Peter, the grocery store is
kind of my domain.
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00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,383
While I'm glad you got a job,
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00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:48,343
I don't love
that you got one here.
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00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:49,969
Don't worry.
You won't even know I'm here.
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00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,388
Unless you're
near the front door,
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00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,139
which I can open
with the Force.
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00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,392
Excuse me,
where are the peanuts?
192
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:56,935
Aisle seven.
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00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:58,895
Peter, peanuts are on aisle two.
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00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,355
Eh, I just tell 'em
whatever number,
195
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,482
and then I disappear
into the produce mist.
196
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,152
Peter? Peter?
197
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:10,657
PETER
There was never Peter,
only loose carrots.
198
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:16,788
The body was discovered
around 9:00 p.m.
199
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:19,499
Unfortunately, I couldn't
make it down to the crime scene
200
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,167
because there were no ramps.
201
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,752
Okay, I'm gonna write:
202
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,713
"Tonight,
all the streets in this town
203
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:26,047
were a dead end."
204
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,590
I never saw the body.
205
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,968
It was cold,
so they sent me on a coffee run.
206
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,928
My lap can
accommodate two trays,
207
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,638
and I can't feel the spills.
208
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:36,725
"She was found in a creek,
her bosoms frozen solid."
209
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:40,395
She was a heavyset 60-something
in welder's coveralls.
210
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,939
"No one from Beverly Hills
had ever been strangled
211
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,025
by their own cheerleader skirt
before."
212
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:49,446
Wow, I can't believe I'm seeing
how the sausage is made.
213
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,741
Hey, so when you open a book
and you see "Random House,"
214
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,909
is that something
we come up with?
215
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:57,662
Uh, no, that's-that's
the publisher's name.
216
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,914
I see.
Just drinking it all in.
217
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:02,083
And what about the list of
cities you see under that name?
218
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:05,420
Because I was thinking we should
put New York, Paris, Kokomo.
219
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,922
Those are just the cities
where the publisher has offices.
220
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,841
And Kokomo isn't
a real city, Joe.
221
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,801
Try telling The Beach Boys that.
222
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,387
I don't know what our title
should be yet, but beneath it,
223
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,182
it should say: "Soon to be
a major motion picture."
224
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,476
I always buy the book
when I see that.
225
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,019
Why don't we just focus
on the writing?
226
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,437
Oh, hey, you ever see books
227
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,522
where the edges
of the pages are gold?
228
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:26,733
- Yeah?
- So cool.
229
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,740
What is going on in here?
230
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,784
Who put price tags
on all the cans?
231
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:38,244
And why is everything
labeled 69 cents?
232
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:41,373
PETER Griffin Family Grocery is
currently under renovation.
233
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:43,458
Please excuse our dust.
234
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,335
Peter? Where are you?
235
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,504
Staring at butts
from behind a one-way mirror.
236
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,381
And why'd you
rearrange everything?
237
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,216
I just want to find my vitamins.
238
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,635
Cupboard four.
No, that's cupboard seven.
239
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,345
No, wrong way.
240
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,639
I'm not...
Is it warmer or colder?
241
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,557
Cupboard four.
Cupboard four.
242
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,771
Ma'am, don't worry,
this happens all the time.
243
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,439
I'm sure you have your receipt.
244
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,441
What? No,
I don't have a receipt.
245
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,568
Okay, then, we're just gonna
go to the office,
246
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:13,655
call your parents,
and send you on your way.
247
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,617
- Daddy, I just...
- There are gonna be
some changes around here.
248
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,619
First off, no more lipstick.
249
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,288
That's how
all this trouble started.
250
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:27,961
Okay,
so we just need the ending.
251
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,212
Who was the murderer?
252
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,965
Oh, I have no idea.
It's a cold case.
253
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,300
That's what makes 'em cold--
no one knows how to solve 'em.
254
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,635
Well, how do we finish our novel
255
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,013
if we don't know what happened
in real life?
256
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,681
- Ghost cop.
- No.
257
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:40,849
Do you know what this means?
258
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,809
We're gonna put on
our Sherlock Holmes hats
259
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,020
and solve the murder ourselves?
260
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,397
Deerstalker hats, Joe.
But yes.
261
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,899
Stupid nonwriter!
262
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,863
Okay, Brian, now,
when you're visiting
263
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,448
the family of a deceased victim,
264
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,033
you need to hold a hat
over your chest.
265
00:10:58,033 --> 00:10:59,409
It shows you care.
266
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,494
All I have is this crown
from our Burger King lunch.
267
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,620
Hat's a hat.
268
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:07,167
How can I help you,
Officer and Your Highness?
269
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:10,920
Hi, yes. We're here with many
questions about your daughter.
270
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,672
You know, the dead one?
You-you remember her?
271
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,257
We'd love any details.
272
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:16,426
Is this some sort of sick joke?
273
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:17,886
I assure you it's not, ma'am.
274
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,596
We're writing
a future hit novel
275
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:20,930
based on your daughter's murder.
276
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,349
We just need to know who did it.
277
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:25,018
And, between us, it'd be great
if one of you did.
278
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,728
What is this?
What do you want?
279
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,563
Did you know
JonBenét Ramsey's dad
280
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:31,358
dated Natalee Holloway's mom?
281
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,734
What does that have to do
with our case?
282
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,736
Well, nothing,
it's just kind of weird, right?
283
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:37,781
Do you happen to have
any grainy video footage
284
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:40,742
of her singing an emotional song
at a talent show?
285
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:42,535
Maybe Green Day's
"Time of Your Life"?
286
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:45,372
That would really bust
this project wide open for us.
287
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,374
You're both unwell.
288
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,543
Well, that was a bust.
289
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,921
Sorry, I've been holding this in
since Burger King.
290
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:55,131
Oh, seriously? You're just
gonna leave that there?
291
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,884
These people have suffered
a terrible loss.
292
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,011
At least cover it with leaves
or something.
293
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:01,429
Ugh, fine.
294
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,810
{\an8}Joe, look.
I found something.
295
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,438
- It's a key to a storage unit.
- How do you know that?
296
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,857
Yeah, me and Bonnie have been
doing a fun role-play thing
297
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,901
where she dresses up
like a sexy maid
298
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:18,238
and then locks me in a storage
unit while guys come over.
299
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,198
- Oh.
- Yeah, it's pretty kinky.
300
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:23,284
I, uh, I play the role of
a sexy armoire,
301
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:24,994
waiting in another room.
302
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:27,580
Sounds like she just wants you
out of the house for a while.
303
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,791
Nah. No.
304
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:37,215
It's okay, Lois.
It's a big store.
305
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:38,883
You may not even run into Peter.
306
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,803
Good morning.
How much are the mussels?
307
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:44,180
$34 a month
at Bally's Total Fitness.
308
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,598
Peter?
309
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,350
Why are you
behind the fish counter?
310
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:50,395
I got a promotion,
emphasis on the "otion."
311
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:51,813
Fine.
312
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,565
What do you got that's fresh?
313
00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,150
Well, I got
a teenage son at home.
314
00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:57,027
What a mouth on that kid.
315
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:59,904
That's it! You have
ruined groceries for me!
316
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,365
Get the hell out of my store,
you imbecile!
317
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:05,285
Um, excuse me, miss, did you
just yell at this employee?
318
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,828
You're damn right I did.
319
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:09,039
He has no business being here.
320
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,583
This man is a member
of the Stop 'n Shop family.
321
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,835
He has every business
being here.
322
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:16,087
You, on the other hand,
will have to go.
323
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:17,339
You're banned from the store.
324
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:19,049
What? No.
325
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,383
Y-You can't do this.
326
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:22,260
I have shopped here
my whole life.
327
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,346
Yes, we know.
If it's any consolation,
328
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:26,097
you'll be in
the "In Memoriam" section
329
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:27,974
of the Grocery Store Oscars.
330
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:35,732
{\an8}♪ I will remember you ♪
331
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:41,821
{\an8}♪ Will you remember me? ♪
332
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:46,659
{\an8}♪ Don't let your life... ♪
333
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,579
{\an8}No! No, no, no. You can't
put me after Betty White.
334
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,873
Didn't Brenda Vaccaro die
or something?
335
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:53,541
No.
336
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,753
I live here in aisle four
with the Kotex tampons.
337
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,840
Still more absorbent
than the leading brand.
338
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,183
The worst part is,
I can't even go back
339
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,018
to my favorite grocery store.
340
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,813
I personally think
you should give Peter a taste
341
00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:18,149
of his own medicine and
get a job at his special place.
342
00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:20,110
The men's room at Logan Airport?
343
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,861
No, the Drunken Clam.
344
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,322
Oh, okay, 'cause he had
this one experience there
345
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:25,990
that he still talks about
to this day,
346
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,660
but that is an intriguing idea, Bonnie.
347
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,286
I'm glad you think so.
348
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,831
Well, as white women
in conversation,
349
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,916
we're now obligated
to spend five minutes
350
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,835
talking about Sedona, Arizona.
351
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,795
- Oh, I'd love to go.
- I know.
352
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:42,090
My friend Linda got a massage
there after her divorce.
353
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,134
And my friend Trish
bought a painting there.
354
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:46,428
- Oh, we got to go.
- We got to go.
355
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:53,309
Hey, you two haven't
seen Peter, have you?
356
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,478
Asking as a waitress
trying to teach him a lesson
357
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,939
by working at his favorite
place, not as his wife.
358
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:00,984
Whoa, check out the turd-cutter
on the new chick.
359
00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:03,028
That's right.
I work here now.
360
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:05,155
I'm gonna be here all the time.
361
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:07,198
Oh, how does it feel
to have someone invade
362
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:08,783
your special space?
363
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,076
It feels great!
364
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,786
Speaking of
invading special places,
365
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,038
how about this?
366
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:15,040
Hey, sweetie,
when do you get off work?
367
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,459
Me and my wife are more friends
at this point than anything.
368
00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:18,960
Don't get me wrong,
she's a great gal,
369
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,879
raised my children,
but time takes its toll,
370
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,047
you know what I mean?
371
00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:23,882
What? My wife and I have
an arrangement,
372
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:26,301
so I'm not doing anything
wrong here, technically.
373
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:28,511
Ah, well, this isn't working.
374
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,764
If you want to meet me
in my car later,
375
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:33,266
it's the one with
the "Blue Lives Matter" sticker.
376
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,186
But, like, not for cops,
it's for, it's for Grover.
377
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,233
Who's going in first?
378
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,444
Kind of feels like you should
since you're a dog.
379
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:45,737
Are you scared, Joe?
380
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,781
Would a scared person do this?
381
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:50,658
Not so fast.
382
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,537
Who is that?
383
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,664
I'm guessing
it's the lady from Serial.
384
00:15:56,664 --> 00:16:00,293
Oh, I certainly wouldn't
recognize a podcaster visually.
385
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,088
- I'm Sarah Koenig.
- Big fan of your work.
386
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,799
No one turns another person's
suffering into profit better.
387
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,843
Listen up, I want this case
for my podcast,
388
00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,220
so you need to drop it.
389
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:12,847
And if you don't,
I could make you disappear.
390
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:15,183
We're sponsored
by Casper mattresses.
391
00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:17,560
That wasn't a threat.
I have a code if you want it.
392
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,854
Stand down, Sarah.
393
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:21,731
I'm Keith Morrison,
394
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:24,442
and I want this case
for Dateline.
395
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:27,987
There are only a few hundred
unsolved murders left,
396
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:31,616
and there's a million
true crime content creators.
397
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:34,369
My grandson taught me that term.
398
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:37,122
Who's "okay, boomer" now?
399
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,376
We're NPR's team
of women with lisps
400
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:43,545
and names nobody's ever had,
401
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:47,465
like Sylvia Delgado-Smith,
and Audie Takahashi O'Shea.
402
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,634
I'm Chris Hansen
from To Catch a Predator,
403
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,511
and I'm just here
in case any of you
404
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,887
turn out to be pedophiles.
405
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:55,306
Warm chocolate chip cookie, anyone?
406
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,892
No! I claimed this cold case
for Serial.
407
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:01,312
Not if I record a Dateline first.
408
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:31,468
Please...
rate and review my life.
409
00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:33,762
And someone take care of my dog
410
00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:36,723
you could usually hear
in the background of my podcast.
411
00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:44,230
A foggy night
at a storage unit in Quahog.
412
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:47,108
The sleepy little town of Quahog
413
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:50,904
is usually all tucked in
by 10:00 p.m.
414
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,075
You know what?
We're no better than them.
415
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,826
We've been exploiting
the victim's life
416
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,495
for our own personal gain.
417
00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:01,122
I-I think it's time for us
to abandon writing this book.
418
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:05,210
Or... maybe we set it to rap
lyrics and take it to Broadway?
419
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,003
I think we're done here.
420
00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,131
You know, Joe,
even though it didn't work out,
421
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,925
it was nice to spend
some time with someone
422
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:13,635
who actually believed
in my writing.
423
00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:17,138
Well, as someone who's never
read a book, I absolutely do.
424
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:24,145
The waitress from the Clam!
Holy crap, has Lois seen you?!
425
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,397
We really don't have
an arrangement.
426
00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:26,398
You got to get out of here!
427
00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:28,024
Oh, Peter, enough.
428
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:30,110
- What's the matter?
- You wouldn't understand.
429
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,237
Okay.
430
00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:35,782
I'd get back in there, chief.
431
00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:39,494
Chris made me come back.
432
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,788
Oh, honey,
the grocery store isn't just
433
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,998
where I buy food for the family.
434
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:45,375
It's my escape.
435
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,460
My refuge
from being pestered
436
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,129
with dumb questions
from the kids,
437
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:51,047
or having to clean up
your messes.
438
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:54,175
Sometimes, just a stroll
down the ethnic food aisle
439
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,928
makes me feel like
I'm in a North African bazaar.
440
00:18:56,928 --> 00:18:58,972
Yeah, I don't like the smells
on that aisle.
441
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:02,017
- And I don't know,
it's hard to explain, but...
- There's more?!
442
00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:04,894
It's not just
a grocery store to me.
443
00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,855
There's a whole
community of people there
444
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:08,523
who feel like family.
445
00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:11,109
And now,
now I have nothing.
446
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:15,113
Aw, Lois, I'm so sorry
for ruining your happy place.
447
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,906
And I'm gonna take care of it.
448
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:19,492
Just like I've been taking care
of that egg since high school.
449
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,245
Oh, my God, I forgot to pick
him up from soccer practice!
450
00:19:23,246 --> 00:19:25,999
Hey, do you need me
to call your yolks?
451
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,837
Look, you got to let Lois
come back.
452
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,381
Please remove the ban.
She loves this place.
453
00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:34,674
I'm sorry, but I can't do that.
454
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,718
She yelled at
a mentally-challenged person,
455
00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:37,969
and that's unforgivable.
456
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,596
What?
I'm not mentally challenged.
457
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,473
You're not?
But that's literally
458
00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:43,391
the only reason we hired you.
459
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:46,728
Would a mentally challenged
person be able to do this?
460
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,276
Your name tag says "Big Petey."
461
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:55,612
Why do you think
we all gather round
462
00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:57,072
and applaud you while you ride
463
00:19:57,072 --> 00:19:58,782
the coin-operated horse
out front?
464
00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:00,283
'Cause I'm good at horses?
465
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,744
Wow.
I really thought...
466
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:05,205
You know, we don't let
all our employees insist
467
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:07,791
the customers feel their muscles
after bagging their order.
468
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:09,167
Right?
469
00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:10,377
Okay, fine.
470
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,295
Lois can come back,
but you're fired.
471
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,214
I need you to turn in
your gun and badge.
472
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,675
Well, I guess
my work here is done.
473
00:20:16,675 --> 00:20:18,259
To the Mickey-Copter!
474
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:22,305
See, Disney?
475
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:24,224
Nothing here
but respectful synergy.
476
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,652
What happened to
the open floor plan?
477
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:38,571
Long story. The WeWork guy
took our entire budget
478
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,990
for the project
as a holiday bonus.
479
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,909
But he has long hair
and speaks confidently
480
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,160
about the Internet,
481
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,162
so he will get about
eight more chances.
482
00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:48,998
Ah, yes, the WeWork guy.
483
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:53,294
They thought he had created
a $47 billion unicorn.
484
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:56,881
Turns out it was only
a two-bit donkey.
485
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,550
That's wet paint,
by the way.
486
00:20:59,551 --> 00:21:00,885
Ah, son of a...