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♪ It seems today that all you see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those
Good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's a family guy ♪
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{\an8}It's such a treat to be
at the water park with you guys.
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{\an8}I don't wanna freak anyone out, but Meg
is just openly weeping at the touch tank.
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It's been so long.
- Okay.
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- I need this so much.
- All right.
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- This is a gift.
- Just gonna move along here.
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You have no idea you're
giving me a gift right now.
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You take care now.
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{\an8}Yeesh, imagine being
that desperate for human connection.
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Anyway, sir, I've been stung
by a jellyfish, and I need to be peed on.
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Our jellyfish don't sting.
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Yeah, I think--
I think I know when I've been stung.
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Now, is there an attractive,
well-hydrated manager I can speak to?
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{\an8}Everyone having fun?
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{\an8}You know, this is our first family time
since we went to Dollywood.
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{\an8}- Aw.
- What?
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{\an8}It's just not what I thought the sign
would look like.
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{\an8}I mean, it's got two O's right next
to each other
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{\an8}and, you know, it's just...
...missed opportunity.
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Where's Stewie?
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{\an8}Hey, Bri, can dolphins sting?
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{\an8}And-And what will that get
me pee-wise?
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{\an8}Stewie!
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{\an8}Well, I'm out of ideas.
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{\an8}Someone help! My baby.
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{\an8}Peter, jump in and save him!
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{\an8}On it! Hang on. Hold my phone.
Hold my earbuds.
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Hold my second phone
I hide from your mother.
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Hang on.
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Respond with an eggplant emoji.
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{\an8}Hey, check out the new addition.
She's hot.
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{\an8}Uh, tank hot.
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{\an8}Meg, you saved Stewie.
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{\an8}Thank God everyone is safe.
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{\an8}And as for you, young lady--
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{\an8}I guess I'm in trouble, huh?
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{\an8}No, not at all.
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{\an8}In fact, we have a job opening
over at our waterslide park.
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{\an8}I think you'd make an excellent lifeguard.
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Will you apply for the position?
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You mean it?
Wow, I feel like I'm in a fairy tale.
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Now that my sister is dead,
I must have her ruby slippers.
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Oh, no. Those shoes now belong to Meg.
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We're not even close to the same size.
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Get 'em off! Get 'em off!
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In Oz,
there's no place like home.
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For big women's shoes,
there's no place like Kohl's.
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{\an8}Kohl's: Yes, we do have that in a wide.
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{\an8}What software is that?
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{\an8}"Final Draft: Extra Visible to Nearby
Patrons in the Coffeehouse Edition"?
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{\an8}Just trying to get a little work done
on my Hollywood screenplay for Hollywood,
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{\an8}home of big Hollywood celebrities.
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{\an8}Ike Barinholtz, being an example.
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{\an8}Do not patronize this man!
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{\an8}I found an insensitive post
in his Twitter feed.
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{\an8}What? [stammers] I would never.
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{\an8}He tweeted something very negative
about Abbott Elementary.
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{\an8}I-I said it was hilarious.
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{\an8}But you didn't use all caps!
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{\an8}You're canceled, mister!
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{\an8}I'll just gather my things.
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Per hipster law,
when a coffeehouse becomes available,
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it goes to whoever
has the best coffee pun for the name.
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Um, Java the Hut.
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Perks and Recreation!
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Lost and Ground.
- Roast Malone.
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Two and a Caf Men.
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This can go on for quite a while.
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Why, this very shop started in the '80s
as Funky Brewster.
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And then Delta Perk.
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In the mid-'90s, it was briefly
a tavern called Dharma and Grog.
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And then--
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Uh, I'll send you back now.
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Gotta get the dog.
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Daisy. Daisy.
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It's just a barley man.
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You know the barley man.
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The Unflushed Poo and Tea Leaf.
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Bathroom Key Code and Tea Leaf.
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The Center for Homeless Armpit Washing.
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Brian. Brian, everyone's gone.
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Yep, it's all yours.
You can name it whatever.
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Wow, what should we do first?
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We should hang an "under new management"
banner to generate interest.
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Whoa. Someone different
is signing the time cards.
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I gotta check this place out.
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Really glad you're applying
for the lifeguard position, Meg.
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I just have a few questions.
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If I were to ask you how many times a day
you shower, what would you say?
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Uh, the pool is a shower?
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Wow. Skipping to page two.
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Let's see. This is all just boilerplate
about making sure to hassle the urban kids
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like they're gonna somehow steal the pool.
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Right. Right, right. That was
in the application packet you emailed.
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Okay. Well, you're basically hired.
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The only lifeguard test left is for you
to run all sultry in slow motion.
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Okay. We can work on that.
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Wow, we're finally going
to open our coffeehouse today.
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I've been dreaming of this day
for most of the day.
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And now it finally pays off.
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Yep. Only thing left to do
is put the right music on the Sonos.
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Brian's knockoff iPhone.
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Wait, why does it say that?
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Jazz music Brian
never actually listens to.
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Mmm, love this one.
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Favorited but not listened to once.
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Not one single time.
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It's okay, Bri. I got this.
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Stewie's iPad
that his mom has to unlock for him.
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Whoa. No, not always.
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Songs that are guys' names.
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♪ Robert! ♪
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Stop, stop. We're overthinking this.
It's a coffeehouse.
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We're legally required
to play Sheryl Crow's worst songs.
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You're right. Anyway, what matters is
we're finally ready to open our new café,
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"Oh Joe You D'int!"
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Uh, d-did we-- did we settle on that name?
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What? Don't ask me.
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You're the one who keeps
bringing us back to "Oh Joe You D'int!"
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- Yeah, I don't like that one.
- And yet, here we are talking about it.
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You're the one who won't let it go.
Yeah, me, I'm open to whatever.
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All right. Are we serving coffee or what?
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Welcome, everyone. Step right up
and get yourself some coffee.
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Stewie, hook these people up
with some coffee.
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Okay. Where did you put the coffee?
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Me?
You were in charge of getting the coffee.
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I-- I was coming up with
"Oh Joe You D'int!"
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Well, frick. Okay, okay.
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Make it look like we can't help anyone
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because we're preparing
a giant order for DoorDash.
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How do we do that?
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Just start throwing
a bunch of stuff into bags,
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and I'll keep asking if the next
person through the door is Dave.
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Dave? You Dave? Dave?
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What about us?
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You're actually here, so you don't matter.
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A job can be more than a job
if you love what you do.
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I am a lifeguard because I love flashing
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eye-level swimsuit
crotch shots at families.
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I love checking the pH
of the pool by gargling the water
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and seeing how quickly
it gives me a yeast infection.
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Okay, pH, a little high here.
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I love having a special whistle that,
when you blow it,
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it makes the sound of Ray Romano
telling people to cut it out.
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All right, guys.
That's enough over there.
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But what I love most about being
a lifeguard: No more abuse from my family.
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In fact, no family at all.
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It's just me. All day, every day.
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- Hey, Meg!
- Dad?
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Great news. Since you work here,
I got a discount on a season pass.
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I'll be here all day, every day.
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And don't worry, I won't set up
my towel next to the breastfeeding moms.
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Don't forget to swap halfway through
so you keep 'em even.
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Dad, you have no right
to hang out in my workplace.
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Maybe your workplace
should have thought of that
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before they put an ad on my juice box.
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I'm a lifeguard, you know.
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I could just throw you out.
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Aw, come on, Meg.
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Look, if you let me stay, we'll make
one of those viral videos you love.
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You know, where something
seems real but it's actually cake.
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{\an8}Yo, yo, yo! I'm here with my daughter,
Meg, and her brother Chris.
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{\an8}- Or am I?
- Ow! Dad! Stop it!
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{\an8}Wait, what happened to Cake Chris?
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All right. Let's see
what's happening on CakeHub.
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What a dirty little cake.
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Okay, plus, plus,
you know "laugh and cry"?
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You know, the-- in the song,
where Stewie says, "Laugh and cry"?
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Let me stay, Meg, and it's all yours.
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- You'd do that?
- I will look into it.
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I will look into it very strongly.
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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Okay. I guess so.
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But only if you promise
to follow all the rules.
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Guys! We're in.
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00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,481
- Hey, Meg.
- Hey.
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Meg, I saw a sign about active diarrhea.
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What if it's very passive?
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What are we gonna do, Stewie?
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These people came for coffee,
and we have none to serve them.
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Dude, come on.
Can I get some coffee or what?
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Uh-- Uh, hang on. I think I hear
our delivery guy in the back.
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00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,003
What do you mean
you don't have the coffee?
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00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,254
I know. I'm sorry.
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00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,881
And-- And for such a handsome guy too,
you're so handsome.
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00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,676
Okay, pal. You're not gonna
compliment your way out of this one.
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00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,595
Oh, geez, buddy.
You look so tense.
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00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,054
Let's get you out of that apron.
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00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:58,514
Oh, come on. I'm at work.
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00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:01,475
Oh,
when is that body not working?
198
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:04,228
Sorry. Hang on.
Just gotta deal with this stupid thing.
199
00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,396
Enough of this.
200
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,148
Come on, other college students.
201
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:10,151
Let's go sign up for a credit card
that gives us a T-shirt.
202
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,403
Wait, hang on.
203
00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:14,614
We got coffee for you right here.
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00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:18,576
Yep. The highest quality that you've come
to expect here at Brew Ha Ha.
205
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,286
I wanna change our name to Brew Ha Ha.
206
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,705
You're a lifesaver.
Where did you get that?
207
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:25,291
I ran to the bodega next door
and got some Folgers.
208
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,460
What? We'll never get away
with serving Folgers.
209
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,004
Won't we? Look around. We're a hit.
210
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:35,676
And check it out. We're already a pretend
small business in a Chase Bank ad.
211
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,931
These days, running
a small business can be a big challenge.
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00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:44,352
Whether we're receiving
a flower delivery for unclear reasons...
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00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:48,272
Or raising the blinds
and flipping over the open-closed sign,
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00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:50,191
which is how I spend most of my workday.
215
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,193
Or even making a latte
for a Black woman,
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00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,736
an iced tea for a white woman
217
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,613
and a coffee for a gently brown guy
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00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,531
who could go
in a lot of different directions.
219
00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:59,033
We've got our hands full.
220
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,285
That's why Chase Bank is here for us.
221
00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:03,454
When this man in a suit
from Chase Bank
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00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,956
came down and shook my hand
at my place of business,
223
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:09,460
it really solidified what we'd already
talked about at his office.
224
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:12,463
Now we're looking at a laptop
like my stupid little coffee shop
225
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:14,882
is gonna be a big disrupter
in the online space.
226
00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:17,093
And my Chase business card
allows me to make
227
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,929
those emergency purchases
that I lose sleep at night over.
228
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:23,808
Chase understands my business
the way they understand all businesses:
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00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:27,228
as a huge reverse funnel
that shoves money upwards to them.
230
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,230
Hey, another flower delivery.
231
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:32,483
These will look great in the bathroom
while I'm pooping blood from the stress.
232
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:35,403
Now I'm flipping over
that open-closed sign again.
233
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,822
Is that a new stadium with Chase's
name on it?
234
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,073
How'd they afford that?
235
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:40,783
I'll be in this bathroom
for a while.
236
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,118
Better toss it to the announcer.
237
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:44,995
At Chase Bank,
we're about more than just foreclosing
238
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:47,331
{\an8}on American servicemen while overseas.
239
00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:49,041
{\an8}We're about small business.
240
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:52,628
{\an8}So when you think of Chase,
don't think of the 2008 financial crash.
241
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:55,423
{\an8}Think of your local
sympathetic small business.
242
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:56,590
{\an8}Flower delivery.
243
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:59,218
Yeah, guys,
we're good on flowers for a while.
244
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,387
Well, that's great,
but it doesn't change the fact
245
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,639
that we're passing
Folgers off as real coffee.
246
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,933
Isn't someone going
to know the taste of Folgers?
247
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:09,520
Relax, Stewie. The only person who could
possibly know the taste of Folgers
248
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,356
would be an older white man
who works in public education.
249
00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:14,817
I would like a cup of coffee, please.
250
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:17,653
Oh.
251
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,583
Dad, you promised
you'd follow all the rules.
252
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,460
I told you, no horseplay.
253
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:35,004
We're having big rassle fights
254
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:37,882
'cause it's the only way
we know how to express affection.
255
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,550
- Gonna get you, Peter!
- Me too!
256
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:42,762
And not because I love you
and I don't have the words to say it.
257
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,431
I'm just having normal
fun without all that mess.
258
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,224
Okay, guys. Out of the pool.
259
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:50,394
I gave you a chance and you blew it.
You're kicked out of the park.
260
00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,396
- What?
- Go home.
261
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:53,856
I'm kicking you out.
262
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,149
Gotta catch me first.
263
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,067
Just try to get me out of the deep end
264
00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:59,904
with these long-legged,
short-torso giants.
265
00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:03,324
Dad!
266
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,620
Oh, my God. He's not breathing.
267
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:12,750
Okay, guys. Come on, now.
268
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,168
Please breathe, Dad.
269
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,058
Hey.
270
00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:30,726
Hey.
271
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:34,063
Your mouth was on my mouth.
272
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,648
Uh, I think.
273
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,149
Maybe a little.
274
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:38,359
Yeah.
275
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:40,236
My God, Peter. That's your daughter.
276
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,529
Adopted daughter?
277
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,697
No, Woody. Just-- Just regular daughter.
278
00:13:43,697 --> 00:13:44,907
Oh, ye-- yeah, then ew.
279
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,367
That's-- [stammers] That's wrong. Ew.
280
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:57,711
Okay, so our mouths were
totally touching each other.
281
00:13:57,711 --> 00:13:59,255
Y-- Yes.
282
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:01,674
But that's okay. That's okay.
'Cause you were saving my life.
283
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,008
- So it's not weird.
- Right!
284
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,970
It's not we-- It's the opposite of weird.
285
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,304
Yeah. The opposite. Right. Yeah.
286
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:09,557
And anyway, we could just
say this never happened, right?
287
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,016
'Cause nobody even saw us.
288
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,979
Ooh, they're all distracted.
289
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:17,356
Other urban kids, this is our chance!
290
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,740
Stewie, what are we gonna do?
291
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:30,578
If we serve coffee to Principal Shepherd,
he's gonna recognize that it's Folgers.
292
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:31,912
I say we wait him out.
293
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:36,667
Any middle-aged white man can be ignored
indefinitely unless he clears his throat.
294
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,169
Well, we're out of moves.
295
00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:41,005
Um, hi. How may I help you?
296
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,965
I would like a cup of coffee.
297
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,801
Ye-- Yes, sir. Uh, coming right up.
298
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,371
Wait a minute.
This is Folgers instant coffee.
299
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:17,958
I would know. We served it at my wedding.
300
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,668
Yes, everyone. We admit it.
301
00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:21,962
We didn't have our normal coffee beans
on hand,
302
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:24,048
and so we've been serving you
the cheap stuff.
303
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,591
You're all drinking Folgers.
304
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:28,886
That's awesome.
305
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,387
It-- It is?
306
00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:31,597
Heck yeah, man.
307
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,183
We're, like, paying way a lot
of our parents' money
308
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,226
for our parents' own cheap coffee?
309
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:39,438
That's kinda meta.
Like, seriously alt and "iro."
310
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,609
Well, that went different
from how I expected.
311
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:46,528
Yep. Kids these days
are pretty forgiving and tolerant.
312
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:50,574
This dog and baby are banned from society
forever 'cause of an Internet thing!
313
00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:53,702
One of them
keeps trying to slide into AOC's DMs.
314
00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:54,787
Brian?
315
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,748
She's hot, but we're supposed
to pretend she's not.
316
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,541
Well, who's that red lipstick for?
317
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,463
Well, I guess the coffee shop's available.
318
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,173
Roast Busters.
319
00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:07,383
Good luck.
320
00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:14,974
Oh, back from the water park, you two?
Anything unusual happen?
321
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,266
Yeah, no.
322
00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:19,228
I mean, I did mouth-to-mouth
on this one guy,
323
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:22,439
but he was, like, way not blood-related.
324
00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:24,692
Okay. Guess I'll just watch the news.
325
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:29,697
Our top story: Creepy lip-lock
saves a life at Quahog Water Park.
326
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:33,117
Local man Peter Griffin was revived
by a game of tonsil-hockey
327
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:35,202
with lifeguard Meg Griffin, who--
328
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:38,455
I'm placing my hand over my ear
and pretending to get new information--
329
00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:40,124
is his own daughter?
330
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,418
Babe, it's not what you think.
331
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:45,546
Yeah, I was just saving his life.
He means nothing to me.
332
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:49,550
I wanna believe that, Meg, but look
what people are saying on Facebook.
333
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:54,013
"This is wrong," Bonnie Swanson.
"So not okay," Donna Brown.
334
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:58,142
"Russia USA number one support,"
woman's face with Getty Image watermark.
335
00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,269
Our family is a laughingstock!
336
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:03,772
Why are you being like this?
I was just doing my job.
337
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,274
I know, but I'm sorry.
338
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:09,028
It's--
It's just weird. I feel humiliated.
339
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,488
If you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette alone,
340
00:17:11,488 --> 00:17:14,867
which is how TV depicts a woman
at her lowest point emotionally.
341
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,704
- This is insane.
- Yeah, when are people gonna grow up?
342
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:22,332
Peter and Megan sitting in a tree.
343
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:24,293
K-I-S-S--
344
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:26,545
Um,
345
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:30,424
E-N-G.
346
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:32,551
And Chris Griffin is eliminated,
347
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:36,555
which means Boopresh Armiteg will repeat
as National Spelling champion.
348
00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:39,683
Congrats to
his always-frowning Indian parents
349
00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:41,518
joylessly clapping in the audience.
350
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:48,067
Guys, we called this meeting
351
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,611
because there are a lot of hurtful rumors
swirling around,
352
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:51,862
and we have something to say.
353
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,323
- Right. Meg and I are in love.
- You guys are being stupid.
354
00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:58,535
What? No. Dad, we're telling them
that they're idiots and to cut it out.
355
00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:00,829
Right. I-- That's what I meant.
I-- I'm all confused.
356
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:04,666
I-- I'm not in love with Meg. I-- I ju--
I need to return a ring to Zales.
357
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:12,007
Oh, my God. Your father's not breathing.
358
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:13,926
Meg, you have to give him mouth-to-mouth.
359
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,303
Me? You do it. You're his wife.
360
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:18,514
I need at least four beers
to get there, Meg.
361
00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:20,724
Besides, you're the only one
who knows how.
362
00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:23,936
No way. I already did it once,
and it made my life hell.
363
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:27,773
Meg, please. This is our father. Probably.
364
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,233
What's that supposed to mean?
365
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:33,237
We've all heard stories of your time
on the Hoobastank tour bus.
366
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,781
Meg, your father is dying,
and he needs you,
367
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,783
and I am not gonna sit here and apologize
368
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,953
for what I may or may not have done
with the Hoobastank bassist.
369
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:44,414
"Hoobastank bassist"?
You don't even know the guy's name.
370
00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:46,333
They've had, like, five bass players.
371
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,919
And anyway, it's not like
I was writing down names.
372
00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:53,632
What's the big deal?
373
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:56,885
You stick your tongue down Dad's throat.
Most natural thing in the world.
374
00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:58,262
Where the hell have you been?
375
00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,681
Brian and I did a coffeehouse thing.
I don't know.
376
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,769
I have to take this.
377
00:19:05,769 --> 00:19:07,229
Hey, you.
378
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:08,355
Listen, Meg.
379
00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,399
I'm glad you saved my life at the pool,
380
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,651
but I'm sorry I came there
in the first place.
381
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:16,530
Everyone deserves a place of their own,
and I get that now.
382
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,740
I promise I'll treat you better
in the future.
383
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:23,078
You know, we've had conversations
like this again and again
384
00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:25,164
and nothing ever changes.
385
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,832
You're a terrible father,
386
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,334
and I'm counting the days
till I move out of this house.
387
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:32,296
Okay, but-- but what if,
in the spirit of inclusion,
388
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,506
I tell you I love you in sign language?
389
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:42,222
Oh, I love you too, Dad.
390
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:47,227
But this never happened
because no one resuscitated me.
391
00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:48,770
I did wake up eventually,
392
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,857
but now, I need help feeding
and bathing myself.
393
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,901
I spend most of my days
getting walked around
394
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:56,445
by a nurse who talks to her sister
on her phone.
395
00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:59,323
Whoa, hold up.
Mom gave you the necklace?
396
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,741
That's her now.
397
00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:09,374
Well, Meg, I gotta say I'm proud of you
for going to that water park each day
398
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:10,959
and working a job that you love.
399
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,961
- Oh, I quit that place.
- What?
400
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:16,506
Yeah. The weather turned two degrees
cooler than I like, so I just bailed.
401
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:18,300
That's the girl I raised.
402
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:21,511
Yay. Our generation folds at nothing.
403
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:24,056
And, Stewie, I'm sorry our coffeehouse
didn't work out.
404
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,058
Wonder how Principal Shepherd's
doing with it.
405
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,602
Yeah. I hear he's going
with a "teachers' lounge" theme.
406
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:33,148
Your entire pastry case is just Tupperware
with people's names written in Sharpie.
407
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:36,401
Don't forget this sad box of doughnuts
cut into quarters.
408
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:40,489
Everyone, let's all talk about things
that parents have told us in confidence.
409
00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:44,368
Principal Shepherd's
"Teachers' Lounge and Coffee House."
410
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:47,246
{\an8}It's kind of like Abbott Elementary,
which is amazing!
411
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,874
{\an8}Amazing! You gotta watch it! Oh, my God!