1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,169
♪ It seems today ♪
2
00:00:03,169 --> 00:00:04,879
♪ That all you see ♪
3
00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:08,216
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
4
00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:11,177
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
5
00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:14,389
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
6
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:18,101
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
7
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:21,521
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
8
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,106
♪ All the things that make us ♪
9
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:25,442
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
10
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:30,071
♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
11
00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:35,410
{\an8}Good news, Peter.
12
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,203
{\an8}We finally saved enough money
13
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:39,289
{\an8}to go on a couple's vacation together.
14
00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:41,249
{\an8}We haven't traveled in years.
15
00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:43,626
{\an8}That's not true.
You made us drive to Toronto
16
00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:46,087
{\an8}to confront that sex worker
I FaceTime with.
17
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:48,548
{\an8}Yeah, that wasn't a vacation,
that was an ultimatum.
18
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:52,677
{\an8}And after an insultingly long pause,
I chose you.
19
00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:54,888
{\an8}We're going on a trip, Peter.
20
00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:57,182
{\an8}Aw, sweet.
21
00:00:57,182 --> 00:01:00,268
{\an8}Harold Goldfarb: Jetpack Lawyer is on.
22
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,687
Your honor, may I approach the bench?
23
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,689
Is this so you can use your jet pack?
24
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:06,024
Yes.
25
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,275
I'll allow it.
26
00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:10,070
[L.A. Law theme playing]
27
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:13,740
[shouting]
I'm appealing this to a higher court.
28
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,200
I wish I had a jet pack.
29
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,826
My life would be better.
30
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:18,411
[electronic chirping]
31
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,288
Ooh, 360.
32
00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,792
Oh, wait. 180. Very good.
33
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,377
Now let's get your height.
34
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:28,254
All right. So you're seven foot, six, 180,
35
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,964
with colorectal cancer.
36
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,508
I'm tall?
37
00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:37,681
{\an8}Excuse me, I'm here to renew my passport.
38
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:41,226
{\an8}Of course, let's go take a terrible photo.
39
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,978
{\an8}Oh, my God,
that's why she wore the nice shirt.
40
00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:47,065
{\an8}Oh, this is so sad.
41
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:52,445
{\an8}[gasps] Oh, no!
Seal and Heidi Klum broke up.
42
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,948
{\an8}Uh, yeah, in 2012.
43
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,325
{\an8}All those magazines are super old.
44
00:01:57,325 --> 00:01:58,785
{\an8}[gasps] Good Lord.
45
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,162
{\an8}Whitney Houston died? Since when?
46
00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:03,331
{\an8}Again, 2012.
47
00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:05,083
{\an8}This says she drowned in the bathtub.
48
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,669
{\an8}But-but I take baths.
49
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,005
{\an8}I think there may have
been other stuff going on.
50
00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:12,048
{\an8}No! Baths kill, Chris.
51
00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:14,509
{\an8}And I will not become another statistic.
52
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:17,012
{\an8}Next time I bathe, I'm taking a shower.
53
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:19,389
{\an8}And it's gonna be
the best baby shower ever.
54
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,141
{\an8}I'll wear a tiara, go to brunch,
55
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,976
{\an8}and my best friend will start crying,
56
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,145
{\an8}and that's when we realize
she's been trying for years.
57
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,063
{\an8}And I'll say, "It's not your fault,"
58
00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:29,607
{\an8}but quietly I wonder
if it's a result of her life choices.
59
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,818
{\an8}I mean, I'm as liberal as anyone,
but do you really think
60
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,195
{\an8}a throuple based on
a mutual love of cocaine
61
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,613
{\an8}doesn't have consequences?
62
00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:37,907
{\an8}I am as liberal as anyone, though.
63
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,540
{\an8}Are you sure you want to do this, Peter?
64
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,042
{\an8}Seems a little reckless.
65
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,710
{\an8}You do know that
wearing a jet pack doesn't
66
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:51,338
{\an8}- make you a lawyer, right?
- Objection.
67
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:52,797
{\an8}Not supporting my dream of becoming
68
00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:55,050
{\an8}- a sky attorney.
- Withdrawn.
69
00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:57,218
{\an8}Hey, I saw a thing
and now I want to do the thing.
70
00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:59,095
{\an8}That's my thing.
71
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:01,890
{\an8}Now, quit yapping and tape
these leaf blowers to my back.
72
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,476
[L.A. Law theme playing]
73
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,857
To a thousand and beyond.
74
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,360
That's as high as he can count.
75
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,615
[laughs]
76
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,200
- [falcons screeching]
- [exclaims]
77
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,701
[shouts]
78
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,829
[screaming]
79
00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:29,042
Peter, what the hell?
80
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,336
Aah! Aah!
81
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,421
[crashing, glass shattering]
82
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:38,426
Aw, crap, there's one of them
Chinese balloons.
83
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:40,929
Excuse me. I'm Japanese.
84
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:42,263
Oh, my God. I am so sorry.
85
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:43,848
Please excuse my ignorance.
86
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:47,060
Hey, just take this opportunity
to learn and grow.
87
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:50,730
I will. I will, balloon, I will.
88
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,903
Man, Lois was pissed
about me wrecking the house.
89
00:03:56,903 --> 00:04:00,073
Really? I assumed she'd be numb
to your shenanigans by now.
90
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,033
Worst part is I spent
all our vacation money
91
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,827
on the jet pack without asking.
92
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,745
For some reason, women don't like it
93
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,789
when you wreck their financial future.
94
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:10,417
The lady brain
is truly the most confounding
95
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,002
of all head meats.
96
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,087
Peter, I know what it's
like to be in the doghouse,
97
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,463
but I think I can help.
98
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:17,966
Why don't you use
my mom's condo in Florida?
99
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,718
Every year she winters in Buffalo.
100
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,928
I keep telling her
she's doing Florida wrong,
101
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,346
but she doesn't listen.
102
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,432
Thanks, Joe. Florida sounds great.
103
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,850
I bet Lois'll love that.
104
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,727
My mom winters in a coffin.
105
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,438
All the seasons, really.
106
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,902
Brian, I need your help to take a shower.
107
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:41,239
Shower?! No way.
Dogs and showers don't mix.
108
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,742
Come on, Bri, you're the only one
who can do this with me.
109
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:46,828
I can't go back there.
I'm sorry, it's just...
110
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:49,748
I took a shower once. I was so young.
111
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:52,042
[flute playing]
112
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,710
When they put me in the tub,
113
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,378
I figured it was just to rub my tummy.
114
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,213
What a fool I was.
115
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,884
They stripped me down like an animal.
116
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,053
And that's when things got real.
117
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,060
The water just kept coming.
118
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,645
I tried to fight back,
but I was half-blind from the soap.
119
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:15,190
At first, Peter tried
to bathe me from the side,
120
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,776
but then he realized
it'd be easier if he...
121
00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:18,943
got in.
122
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,572
When it was over,
123
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,991
they just wiped me
down with an old beach towel
124
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,910
and threw me in the yard.
125
00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:31,247
I didn't get a parade.
126
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,124
{\an8}Hell, I didn't even get a chew toy.
127
00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:34,834
{\an8}Thank you for your shower.
128
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,587
Don't do this, Stewie.
129
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,589
Once you get in that shower,
you never come back.
130
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,383
Sorry, but I'm taking a shower...
131
00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:43,343
"With or Without You."
132
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,595
Uh, we-we can't afford that U2 song.
133
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:46,930
Oh, really?
134
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,182
But they will pay us
to play one off their new album.
135
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,601
Yeah, that's a big Bon-No.
136
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:04,155
Well, Peter, I was skeptical,
but I got to say,
137
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,657
it's beautiful here.
138
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,242
Well, this is the address.
139
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:25,385
Peter, this isn't a vacation home,
140
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,429
this is a retirement community.
141
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,264
I can't believe you never told me.
142
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,558
Lois, we had a whole
conversation about this
143
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,852
when you were passed out
on your airplane pills.
144
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,312
Okay, I got to fess up,
145
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,481
it's kind of a retirement community.
146
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:41,401
If you're okay with it,
breathe once every minute.
147
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:44,946
[snores]
148
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,990
Ah, there it is.
149
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:58,626
I can't believe you took me
to a retirement community.
150
00:06:58,626 --> 00:06:59,919
Come on, it's not so bad.
151
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,047
There's canasta and pickleball,
152
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:04,424
plus the world's softest toilet seats.
153
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:09,387
{\an8}I can't poop now
'cause I'm afraid of heights.
154
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,931
{\an8}- [air hissing]
- Uhp, here we go.
155
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,267
{\an8}All right, now I'm getting confidence.
156
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:26,196
Ugh, there's so much
"not actual milk" milk.
157
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,989
Hey, I think this is that
Mother's Day gift
158
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,115
Joe told me about.
159
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,450
It's a "Joe-mometer."
160
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,703
It announces celebrity trivia
in Joe's voice.
161
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,622
[Joe] It's 76 degrees.
162
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,208
Actor Morgan Freeman is left-handed.
163
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,543
Wow. That's mildly interesting.
164
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:43,171
This place is depressing.
I want to go home.
165
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,632
Oh, hey, I know this isn't the trip
you were hoping for,
166
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,300
but our flight back isn't for a week,
167
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,177
so we may as well try to have fun.
168
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,346
Ugh, fine. I'll give it a shot.
169
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,972
You won't be disappointed.
170
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,474
Remember, you didn't think you'd like it
171
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,518
when I had big, giant traps either.
172
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,479
Hey, babe, did you wash my singlet?
173
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,439
I got a tournament up in Great Neck.
174
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,149
Peter, I can't wash your singlet
175
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,110
and make you a hundred egg whites.
176
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,821
- Hey, Dad. [exclaims]
- [grunting]
177
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,364
Uhp, left yourself open
to a nearside cradle.
178
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:12,075
- I am not a part of this.
- Well, then tap out.
179
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,244
- I tap out. [choking]
- No tap outs.
180
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,121
[mellow music playing]
181
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:22,127
[gasps]
182
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:24,129
[sexy music playing]
183
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,725
Good God, these are the ones
who could make it to the pool.
184
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:39,185
Imagine what the ones
in the rooms look like.
185
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,979
I, uh, couldn't help but notice
186
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,565
your sternum has only 14 sunspots.
187
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,985
Uh, no one here has less than 83.
188
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:49,112
Aw, I bet you say that to all the ladies
189
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,114
who can walk without assistance.
190
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,490
You ever been with a man
191
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,201
who knows the price of milk in 1942?
192
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,245
[weak chuckle] Can't say that I have.
193
00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,455
It was a nickel.
194
00:08:58,455 --> 00:08:59,998
That was the price of everything then.
195
00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:02,167
A suit was a nickel. A house was a nickel.
196
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,543
A dime was a nickel.
197
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,339
Hemorrhoid donut for the lady?
198
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,135
A girl could get used to this.
199
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:15,221
Now, who wants to see me
bite into an apple with my own teeth?
200
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,639
It's suicide!
201
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,476
I missed the moon landing,
I ain't missing this.
202
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:24,230
- [cheering]
- Heavens to Betsy, that's amazing.
203
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:31,154
Could you help us turn on the TV, dear?
204
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,490
Our favorite program is about to start.
205
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,116
Sure, why not.
206
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,369
- [L.A. Law theme playing]
- Ooh!
207
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:40,288
You must be one of those computer whizzes.
208
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:43,249
The last time I tried
to work the remote myself,
209
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,710
I got folded inside a bed.
210
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:50,131
Could you reach
that cigar box full of dominoes?
211
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:51,675
My grandchildren are coming
212
00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:54,928
and I want them to do something fun.
213
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:58,056
Oh, such a strong boy.
214
00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,392
Here, have a Chick-O-Stick.
215
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,394
You carry candy in your pocket?
216
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:03,853
Of course.
217
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:07,691
All old ladies are 70% pocket candy.
218
00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:09,234
Werther's.
219
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,111
Butterscotch.
220
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,655
That weird strawberry candy
with the goo inside.
221
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,740
You guys are like walking piñatas.
222
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,910
{\an8}[giggling]
223
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:22,455
{\an8}Oh, it's so nice to be touched.
224
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:29,462
All right, before the big shower,
225
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,630
I should do a dry run.
226
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,674
Need to get a feel for the space.
227
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:36,344
Let's start with
some articulation exercises.
228
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,304
Soap the shins. Soap the shins.
229
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,640
Soap and sop and soak the shins.
230
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,101
The room sound is a little tinny,
but I can make it work.
231
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,103
All right, not bad for the first day.
232
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,813
Rupert, toss over the rope ladder.
233
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,023
Rupert?
234
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:51,109
Oh, you son of a bitch, I knew it.
235
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,861
Is this because I suggested a prenup?
236
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:55,613
Well, if money doesn't matter,
you should just sign it.
237
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,618
[grunts]
238
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:03,872
I'm stuck!
239
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,290
Help!
240
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,212
[panting]
241
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,672
Oh, this is just great.
242
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,508
I'm going to die in here
and I'll never take a shower.
243
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,428
Maybe you won't, but we will.
244
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:19,512
Really?
245
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,306
Thanks, Bri.
246
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,768
The poop was in there when I got in.
247
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:31,399
Man, this place is great
for my self-esteem.
248
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,651
I'm getting bicep squeezes left and right.
249
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:36,529
And men keep telling me
I look like Greer Garson.
250
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,156
That's good, I think.
251
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,866
Being the youngest, healthiest people here
252
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,284
sure has its perks.
253
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:43,995
It's like everyone wants a piece of us.
254
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:52,003
Before we harvest the organs
of these two young meatbags,
255
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,297
we need to decide who gets what.
256
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:57,509
So, if you want a body part,
call dibs now.
257
00:11:57,509 --> 00:12:00,553
Yeah, I'll take the udders and the hooves.
258
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,639
What? That's not a cow.
259
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,432
That's a guy?
260
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:06,601
But I saw him eating grass earlier.
261
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:09,187
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we're donating the brain to science.
262
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:11,398
No one take the brain.
263
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,116
Morning, Peter.
264
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:23,326
I brought you some calcium-rich milk.
265
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:26,579
It'll make your bones strong
so I can swim again.
266
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,581
- Thanks, Art.
- Don't thank me--
267
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,333
the cow did most of the work.
268
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,918
[both laughing]
269
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,756
Lois, would you be a dear
270
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,550
and lift this fruitcake
271
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:41,094
that's the same weight as my grandson?
272
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,595
Um, sure?
273
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:47,183
Full range of motion. Firm grip.
274
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,728
Time for your breakfast eye exam.
275
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:51,396
Which line can you read?
276
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,440
Uh, well, I can read "GLEDJEB".
277
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,943
That's not a word,
it's just random letters in a row.
278
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,653
Really? I thought it was Dutch.
279
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,488
Hey! They said my name.
280
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,449
Don't be so self-centered.
281
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,285
they could mean Gledjeb Opeldark.
282
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,207
Well, you ready, Stewie?
283
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:14,002
Yup. Even got some decals
for the shower floor.
284
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,795
I see you went with the flower design.
285
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,172
The daffodil pattern provides
286
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,923
superior protection against slippage.
287
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,509
Dr. Scholl's gave it
four toes out of seven.
288
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:24,095
I-It's a weird scale,
but that's still pretty good.
289
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:25,930
And I got us some shampoo.
290
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,266
Why did you buy the kind
for color-treated hair?
291
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:31,144
Speaking of Hair,
that is one heck of a musical, huh?
292
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,229
That's the hair we should be discussing.
293
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,398
You got a little Giuliani drip
going there.
294
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:39,319
There were voting irregularities
in Michigan!
295
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,743
Can you believe they gave us
complimentary massages?
296
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,245
Welcome!
297
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,664
Have you fasted for the last 12 hours?
298
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:54,000
- Were we supposed to?
- No worries.
299
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,419
Why do you need
our blood pressure for a massage?
300
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:58,755
Deep tissue. Hot stone.
301
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,632
We have all different kinds.
302
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:02,133
You just ignored my question
303
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,094
and answered a different one
you had in your head.
304
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:06,971
I did eat my twin in the womb,
thanks for asking.
305
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:09,599
Okay, let's get you started.
306
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,688
Are you a D cup or is that just gravity?
307
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:16,439
Oh, just gravity.
308
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,024
Just a half rack, Tony.
309
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,946
Excuse me, I have to use the restroom.
310
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:30,120
Oh, my God.
311
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,205
[playing "Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round
the Ole Oak Tree"]
312
00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:38,795
Ah. Well, that's not so bad.
313
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,841
Hard to misinterpret that.
314
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:53,143
[gasps] Oh, my God!
315
00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:57,939
And how many drinks would
you say you consume each week?
316
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:00,025
Socially, about four to six.
317
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:03,028
Alone in the dark while
crying to Adele, a hundred.
318
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:05,321
Welp, beggars can't be choosers.
319
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,119
[grunts]
320
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:13,163
They're trying to steal our organs.
321
00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:15,331
They want to kill us. Let's go.
322
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,501
- What's happening?
- Don't worry, Lois.
323
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:19,961
It's called "Flintstone Legs."
324
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,796
Trust me, all we need is some traction.
325
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,008
Calling all coots!
326
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:28,094
Red Dawn and The Waddler
have flown the coop.
327
00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:36,853
Brian, if something should happen
to one or both of us,
328
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,522
I'd regret not having said this,
so I'm just gonna say it.
329
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,608
You have a nice penis.
330
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,777
I see it a lot, I don't say anything,
331
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,362
but it's nice.
332
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:48,656
Now, you say something nice
about my penis.
333
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,784
I think we should turn the water on.
334
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,083
[grunts]
335
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:02,921
Huh, this isn't as bad as I remember.
336
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:04,172
It's actually kind of nice.
337
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,216
I wonder what this thing does.
338
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:09,010
[rattling]
339
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:11,429
- Aah!
- Aah!
340
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,682
- This is horrible!
- The spray is too strong.
341
00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:15,725
We have to turn down the water.
342
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,691
Now it's too hot! Now it's too cold!
343
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:26,111
My God, how does Chris
stay in here for 45 minutes?
344
00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:28,405
He's doing other stuff,
but we got to get out of here.
345
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,741
Oh, my God, now the tub is filling up.
346
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,119
Wait a minute, the tub is filling up.
347
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:36,037
This isn't a shower anymore.
348
00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:38,707
This is a bath! I know baths.
349
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,291
I've got this, Bri.
350
00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:43,837
["The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"
playing]
351
00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:48,842
♪ The legend lives on
from the Chippewa on down ♪
352
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,760
♪ Of the big lake they called ♪
353
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,679
♪ Gitche Gumee ♪
354
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:58,560
♪ The lake, it is said,
never gives up her dead ♪
355
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,520
♪ When the skies of November ♪
356
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,023
♪ Turn gloomy. ♪
357
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,527
Oh, my God. What is that?
358
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,488
A decade's worth of Meg's hair.
359
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,865
Ew, that's gross.
360
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:15,201
No, it isn't. It's our lifeline, Brian.
361
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:20,123
Boost me to the shower caddy.
362
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:23,001
- Oh!
- [grunts]
363
00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:27,964
Hang on.
364
00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:30,842
[grunting]
365
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:36,848
Aah! [grunts]
366
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:40,685
We are never taking a shower again.
367
00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:42,062
Agreed.
368
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:45,440
Uh, fellas, I'm gonna
need the room for 45 minutes.
369
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:01,956
[grunts]
370
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:03,750
- [tires screeching]
- [grunts]
371
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,378
I'm gonna gut you like a fish
372
00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:09,339
and scoop out your insides.
373
00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:11,591
Right after I parallel park.
374
00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:14,386
Peter, come on!
375
00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:16,054
Sorry, Lois. As a man,
376
00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:18,598
I'm required to watch
other men parallel park.
377
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,309
Peter, he wants to kill us! Let's go!
378
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:27,691
You got to cut the wheel.
379
00:18:27,691 --> 00:18:30,151
I am cutting the wheel.
380
00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:34,989
- No, the other way.
- This is the other way, jerk.
381
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,784
No, left. Cut left.
382
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:40,870
Pull back, cut left. Now I'm involved.
383
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,789
Right.
384
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,916
Oh! They shrunk the spaces
385
00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:47,919
so they could make more money.
[weak chuckle]
386
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:50,588
Sir, this is a standard space
on a public street.
387
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:52,298
Nobody's making money here.
388
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:00,557
Stop where you are.
389
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:04,561
We would like this all
to be over by 4:00 p.m., please.
390
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:09,524
[growling]
391
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:12,444
Enough!
392
00:19:12,444 --> 00:19:14,446
You freaks are never getting our organs!
393
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:17,198
Now shuffle aside before I call the cops.
394
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:18,825
This is Florida, doll.
395
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:21,453
The cops are all just
strippers who carry guns.
396
00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:23,204
- Then who are the strippers?
- Firemen.
397
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:25,457
- So, who fights the fires?
- No idea.
398
00:19:25,457 --> 00:19:29,044
- You're sick.
- And you-- you're selfish.
399
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:32,464
You come in here flaunting
your working ears and knuckles
400
00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:33,965
that don't look like an abacus
401
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:36,551
and expect us not to pick you clean
402
00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:39,387
like the last hour at a Chinese buffet?
403
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:44,893
If we have to take your organs
by force, then so be it.
404
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:47,062
- Have it your way.
- [knuckles crack]
405
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:48,605
We always do,
406
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:51,566
no matter how many times
we have to send the entrée back.
407
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,985
We will stand here and fight until--
408
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:56,654
- [woman] It's 4:04.
- Oh! We're missing dinner!
409
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:58,740
[indistinct chatter]
410
00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,035
I'm sorry, Lois.
411
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:04,245
Looks like I ruined another vacation.
412
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:06,623
You know, Peter, I was upset
when you brought me here
413
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:08,917
because I wanted
to have an exciting vacation,
414
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,460
just the two of us,
415
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,671
and I thought this place
was gonna be boring,
416
00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:14,589
but you know what? Turns out
417
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:16,841
fleeing from bloodthirsty
senior citizens with you
418
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:18,718
was kind of a thrill.
419
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,012
This may not have been
the vacation I expected
420
00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:23,932
but it turned out to be
the best one I've ever had.
421
00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:25,433
I love you, Peter.
422
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:27,018
I love you, too.
423
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:30,897
Man, this place is crazy.
424
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:33,441
Can you believe Joe
was in the dark about all this?
425
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,694
Did you get the legs?
426
00:20:35,694 --> 00:20:38,947
Damn it! [inhales, exhales]
427
00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:40,699
No, no, no, it's fine.
428
00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:43,827
I'll see if I can get Cleveland
to go down there next week.
429
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,964
{\an8}Hey, bud! How was Florida?
430
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:58,049
{\an8}[playing "Tie a Yellow Ribbon
Round the Ole Oak Tree"]