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♪ It seems today ♪
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♪ That all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy. ♪
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I... I don't get it.
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{\an8}You thought this was gonna be
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{\an8}the flea circus from Coraline, didn't you?
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{\an8}I'm cursed with optimism.
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{\an8}Oh, yous got a good eye.
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{\an8}That there's a "Little Ms. Wedgewood" set.
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{\an8}[humming "I'm a Little Teapot"]
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{\an8}♪ This is my handle, this is my spout ♪
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{\an8}Well, all the parts
seem to be in the right places.
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{\an8}I'll take it.
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{\an8}Holy crap, a vintage Mr. Potato Head
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{\an8}from the good old days
when potatoes were men
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{\an8}and had penises.
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{\an8}Peter, they never had penises.
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{\an8}Well, you could put a nose down there
and it kind of worked.
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{\an8}The nostrils were balls, and...
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{\an8}and so forth.
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{\an8}That's the very potato
I used in medical school
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{\an8}to learn anatomy.
I could let it go for 600.
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{\an8}What are we thinking, Lois? Yes?
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{\an8}No, we don't have that kind of money.
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{\an8}Fine, I'll buy it with my magic beans.
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{\an8}Those are Skittles.
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{\an8}There's no room in this world
for dreamers anymore.
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{\an8}Everything okay, Dad?
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{\an8}[sighs] Just adult stuff, buddy.
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{\an8}Mom wouldn't let me buy a toy I wanted.
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{\an8}[man on TV]
Do you own a home, but can't afford
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{\an8}the things you need to
make your life more comfortable?
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{\an8}Yes. Wait, is that...
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{\an8}Hi, I'm Tom Selleck.
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{\an8}Ask your nurse to turn down
your breathing machine for a minute
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{\an8}so I can tell you how a reverse mortgage
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{\an8}from "Hey, Alright. Reverse Mortgages,"
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{\an8}or "HARM," can help you.
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{\an8}This seems like a trick.
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{\an8}I know this seems like a trick,
but it's not a trick.
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{\an8}Oh, that's nice to hear.
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{\an8}But is this his first rodeo?
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{\an8}Look, this isn't my first rodeo.
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{\an8}And I wouldn't be here if I thought
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{\an8}reverse mortgages would hurt anyone.
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{\an8}Well, I certainly believe Magnum P.I.,
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{\an8}but it's easy to say
this stuff fully standing up.
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{\an8}I wonder if he can half-lean
on a fence post and say it?
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{\an8}- [gasps]
- Do you really want your adult kids
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{\an8}fighting over your money
after you're gone?
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{\an8}Isn't it better to spend it all now
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{\an8}so they don't have that option?
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{\an8}He's making good points.
I'll just run this by Lois.
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{\an8}Men, please don't
run things by your wives.
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{\an8}Just go to "www..." I'm kidding.
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{\an8}Here's a phone number
as big as we can put it.
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{\an8}I'm getting my Mr. Potato Head.
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{\an8}But that is a lot of numbers to dial.
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{\an8}[Tom] If that's too many numbers to dial,
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{\an8}just say, "Siri, I'm old."
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{\an8}Siri, I'm old.
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{\an8}[Siri] Dialing reverse mortgage company.
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{\an8}Stewie? What is all this stuff?
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{\an8}It turns out Rupert only likes
"Peppa Pig" branded tea sets,
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{\an8}which honestly, I get.
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{\an8}So I sold my tea set at twice what I paid,
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{\an8}then I bought more stuff to sell.
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{\an8}Really? Was it worth that much?
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Oh, sweetie, people have
no clue what antiques are worth,
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so you just act like you know.
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I actually got a booth
at the flea market next weekend.
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I have to say, I'm weirdly impressed.
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Yes, who would've thought
a strange little guy like me
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could get super into
tiny details of old furniture.
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Well, if you need any help, I'm in.
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All right.
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- Is that...
- Yes, most antiques
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are just racist old packaging
from iconic companies.
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Well, mostly syrup companies.
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Wow, that's very racist.
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Yep. Whole-blurry-shelf racist.
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I'm Mr. Kiki, the swim teacher
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who doesn't have a pool
and drives very far
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to other people's pools for lessons.
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After this lesson, I sit at Panera Bread
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until traffic dies down.
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{\an8}[announcer] Panera Bread.
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{\an8}Where swim teachers from other towns
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{\an8}wait out traffic.
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Oh, my God, is that
the expensive Mr. Potato Head
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from the flea market?
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I told you we couldn't afford that.
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Don't worry, I got a ton of money.
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I even bought a Jet Ski in Lake Havasu
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in case I ever get out there.
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["Angel" by Sarah McLachlan playing]
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♪ Spend all your time waiting... ♪
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[woman] Every year, over 9,000 people
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buy Jet Skis and then
leave them at Lake Havasu.
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Last year, over 700 Jet Skis were rescued
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and sent to some of the trashier
Wisconsin lakes
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where tiny-teeth families
gave them new lives.
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For hundreds of others,
help came too late.
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Where did you get all this money?
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It was easy.
I took out a reverse mortgage,
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which is that thing where
your house gives you free money.
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Peter, how could you be so stupid?
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Reverse mortgages are a total scam.
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You need to call the bank right away.
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And take that Mr. Potato Head back.
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I can't. I wrote
"Best Spuds 4 Life" all over the box.
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I almost love the box
as much as the guy now.
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Peter, we could lose our house!
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Relax, Lois. Tom Selleck
made a whole video about that
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for the wives, wearing
his signature short shorts.
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Hello, wives. I'm--
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Sold.
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Now the bank is saying
we could lose the house.
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I can't believe I got duped
by Tom Selleck.
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[West] Tom Selleck?
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Well, there's a name
I haven't heard in years.
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Mayor Wild West, you know Tom Selleck?
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Oh, I used to. Many moons ago.
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How many?
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- Many.
- Wow.
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If you fellas would allow me
to jaw at you a minute,
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I'll spin you a yarn.
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Back when we grew younger men's mustaches,
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me and Tom carved ourselves out a niche
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as a hippie country duo called
"Cold Hard 'Stache."
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♪ See a penny, pick it up ♪
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♪ All the day you'll have to look ♪
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♪ For its rightful owner ♪
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♪ That's an honorable day ♪
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♪ Looking for its rightful owner. ♪
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[audience cheers]
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Yeah, we were the talk
of one corner of town.
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But as is often the case in these tales,
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drugs entered the picture,
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and when that trouble arrived,
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well, let's just say Ol' Tom
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offered it a place to set down.
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You're playing with fire, Kemosabe.
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[both grunting]
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The next day he wrote a song
called "Walk This Way
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[Even if the Crosswalk Says Stop]."
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And that's when I knew,
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the One-A-Day Demon had got him.
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In the end, one-a-day
was merely a suggestion.
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Nearest I can reckon,
he was up to nine or ten a week.
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Anyhow, hearing he's peddling
reverse mortgages now
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sounds about right.
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Do you know what a reverse mortgage is?
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Nearest I can figure, it's a loan
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that enables the borrower
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to access the unencumbered value
of their property.
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That sounds kind of slick.
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Well, the rub is if you can't pay it back,
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they can snatch your abode.
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That strikes me as predatory.
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Why would Tom do this?
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He should know better.
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You see, having a mustache
is a sacred oath.
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I have a mustache.
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I'm proud of you.
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He can't do this to people.
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I am gonna track him down
and get the money back.
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Mr. Mayor, you're coming with me.
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Oh, I'm afraid those days are behind me.
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But I wish you the best of luck.
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That's fine, I'll go it alone,
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just like Meghan Markle and Prince Harry.
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Sir, your millions from Netflix
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for no one knows what.
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Put it with the rest of them.
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[phone dings]
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Babe, time to do our daily
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$250,000 sponsored Instagram post
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for Del Taco.
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Oh, I shouldn't have left
the made-up nonsense.
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Well, I'm off to New York City
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to find Tom Selleck
and get our money back.
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How do you even know he's in New York?
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'Cause he's on CBS's loudest show,
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Blue Bloods, and they film there.
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No, Peter, you're not going anywhere.
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Even for you, this is an absurd plan.
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Ain't nothin' absurd about this.
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- Ma'am.
- Sold.
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Mr. Mayor. You came.
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That's right. The only thing that can stop
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a bad guy with a mustache
is a good guy with a mustache.
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So hop on up, we're taking a trip.
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[neighs]
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I can't believe
we're going to New York City.
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I've always wanted to see the Twin Towers.
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[whispers]
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[gasps] When?
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Look, it's Billy Joel.
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Uhp, no, it's just a drywall guy
dressed up for church.
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So, is that whole
retail establishment just M&Ms?
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Yes, and bad jackets.
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Like, so bad that Sinbad
wouldn't even wear them.
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Not sure I quite understand New York City.
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Oh, well, this is just TV New York.
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You can tell 'cause all the
cab drivers are impossibly white.
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I call this place "the big city,"
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so you know I've been here a while.
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Mr. Mayor, allow me
to show you my New York.
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Your New York is an ESPN Zone?
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I-I don't know, I like all the screens.
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Peter, look at this.
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Black hair dye.
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We follow this trail, we find Selleck,
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or possibly Papa John or Rudy Giuliani,
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but that's a risk
we're gonna have to take.
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Brian, time to teach you my techniques.
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Watch and learn.
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You have a good eye.
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I just sold a piece
by the same artist for 40.
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- [whispers] Lie.
- That's a little out of my budget.
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Well, I'd like 30, but I'd take 25.
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[sucks teeth]
Lowest I could let it go for is 20.
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Would you take 11?
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Well the frame alone is worth 30.
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Highest I can do is 12.
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Okay, but you got to pay me
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before my wife
gets back from the bathroom.
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She's gonna kill me over this price.
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That's the dance. Give it a try.
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Hi, there, uh, how much for this vase?
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00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,424
Five.
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What the hell was that?
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That's not the dance, man.
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You got to put your hands up higher,
move around a bit.
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My dance is the tango.
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00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,348
You got to find yours. Go ahead.
245
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,809
- Stewie, I'm not doing thi--
- Find your dance!
246
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,477
A Bolero man.
247
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,604
Little dirty, but nobody's gonna bleed.
248
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:49,232
You feel that? That's the bluff.
249
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,525
I thought it was "the dance."
250
00:10:50,525 --> 00:10:51,901
Right, but at some point,
251
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,737
the dance becomes the bluff.
252
00:10:53,737 --> 00:10:55,697
Are you just making all this up as you go?
253
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,240
That's the dance, Bri.
254
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,618
All right, Brian, follow my lead.
255
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,328
"Van Blunder" time.
256
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,080
Ooh, how much for this?
257
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,123
You're gonna hate me.
258
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,458
So, everything you see here
259
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:08,501
is for sale, except that.
260
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,919
I don't even know how it got out here,
261
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,338
it's supposed to be in the van.
262
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,256
Well, I really like it.
263
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,133
Brian, what did you do?
264
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:17,927
Oh, boy. That was a blunder on my part.
265
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,388
That's a... that's a...
that's a pretty big blunder.
266
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:22,140
But look how much she loves it.
267
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,224
Do you love it?
268
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:26,227
I do. I can give you $10.
269
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,730
Well, I do want it to go
to someone who loves it.
270
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:31,399
I'll tell you what, give me 11,
and it's a deal.
271
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,276
What a blunder.
272
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:37,030
This is awkward,
but y'alls horning in on my turf.
273
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,158
See, "Grandma's Little Loft"
is the king of knick-knacks.
274
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,910
Now yous selling 'em.
275
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:43,244
Ha. That's a laugh.
276
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,662
We'd never sell knick-knacks.
277
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:46,206
We're tchotchke guys.
278
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,750
If yous calling that
vintage Chatillon dial-face
279
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,377
hanging merchant's scale a tchotchke,
280
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,878
y'alls sicker than I thought.
281
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,546
Says the guy who has his what's-its
282
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,131
mixed in with his who's-its.
283
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,883
That's potpourri.
284
00:11:56,883 --> 00:12:00,095
Yous out of your league.
That's what's happening here.
285
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:01,429
You hearing footsteps, Gramps?
286
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,390
Hows about a little contest?
287
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,809
Whoever sells the most
by end of day tomorrow
288
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:07,560
is the flea market champ.
289
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,147
The loser gets out of the game. For good.
290
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,816
Fine, you're on.
291
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,567
And by the way, there was a dead cricket
292
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,027
in the teapot you sold me.
293
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,697
- Oh, no.
- I know.
294
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,369
{\an8}The hair dye trail ends right here.
295
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,081
[doorbell rings]
296
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,792
Wait, only one guy would accept delivery
297
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:32,836
of so many Hawaiian shirts.
298
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,006
[snoring]
299
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,757
[mustache barking]
300
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,760
What is it, boy?
301
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:45,390
Man, I love being paid
for reverse mortgages
302
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,308
in Hawaiian shirts.
303
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,185
So, it looks like there's a few more
304
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,104
disgruntled customers down there.
305
00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:56,401
Well, that's a 'stache from the past.
306
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,528
This can't be good. Get in.
307
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,698
Hey, NYPD?
308
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:04,576
Yeah, it's
Chief Whatever-My-Character's-Name-Is
309
00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:05,744
from Blue Bloods.
310
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,328
There's a couple of trespassers
311
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,913
outside my house.
312
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,206
[police siren wails]
313
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,918
You guys are under arrest.
314
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,879
Is this 'cause I rubbed
on a lady in the subway?
315
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:16,963
No.
316
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:19,049
- 'Cause I rubbed on a lady on the bus?
- No.
317
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,925
Do you do a lot of rubbing on people?
318
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:24,179
Hey, eight million people,
we all got to fit somewhere.
319
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,604
[sighs]
320
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:35,065
I'm sorry for dragging
you into this, Mr. Mayor.
321
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:37,567
Lois was right, this was a stupid plan.
322
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,235
Don't beat yourself up, hoss.
323
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,737
When your cause is just,
324
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,947
any action you take is honorable.
325
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:46,701
Besides, fate has a funny way
of takin' care of folks.
326
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,411
[snores]
327
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:57,837
I'd be much obliged if you'd
go ahead and open up for me.
328
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:00,298
How did you do that?
329
00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:01,758
Well, this ain't the first Schlage
330
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,760
to which I've pitched woo.
331
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:08,556
Oh, Brian, look,
332
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:09,933
it's this antique's last day
333
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:11,476
selling antiques.
334
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,895
You alls can eat my dust.
335
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,438
[coughing]
336
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:18,066
Oh, we got quite a showdown here today
337
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,734
at Flea Market Regionals, Jim.
338
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:22,112
"Grandma's Little Loft"
has the experience,
339
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:25,156
but don't count out
"The Brian, the Bitch, and the Wardrobe."
340
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,867
And the question we've
been hearing the most today:
341
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,370
Why does a flea market have announcers?
342
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,288
Well, sometimes major network announcers
343
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,332
have one too many at a golf tournament
344
00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:35,667
and hit a guy in their car
345
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,544
and then have to work their way back.
346
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,422
Hi, do you have any
vintage Southwestern lifestyle stuff?
347
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,507
Bro, it's 7:30 a.m.
348
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,509
That stuff is long gone by 5:15.
349
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,636
I's about to open a storage container
350
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:49,014
fresh from Tempe. Come on by.
351
00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:50,557
- What?
- How is that possible?
352
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:51,933
[announcer] And in crunch time,
353
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,560
the game just slows down
354
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,104
for a veteran booth
like "Grandma's Little Loft."
355
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,148
[announcer 2]
A large, Native American-looking teen
356
00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:00,233
has grumpily plopped down on a camp chair
357
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,402
with an iPad at Bruce's booth.
358
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,070
This guy's on another level.
359
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,406
- There's no way we can catch him.
- [rattling]
360
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,324
[announcer]
This could be the nail in the coffin
361
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,744
as other booths have started shaking
362
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,954
their mis-prescribed opiates in salute.
363
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,873
[announcer 2]
They call that the "Battle Rattle,"
364
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:17,542
and it's the ultimate
flea market show of respect.
365
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,544
This one's all but over.
366
00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,966
Welcome back to Flea Market Regionals,
367
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,426
brought to you by Warm Coke.
368
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,637
Warm Coke: Sometimes they're just warm.
369
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,181
[announcer 2] "Grandma's Little Loft"
370
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,516
is putting the finishing
touches on a dominant win.
371
00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:35,226
Hey, we got lots of great
372
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,812
one-of-a-kind stuff here. Please.
373
00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:40,899
[announcer] And, of course,
the old guy who last-minute decides
374
00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:43,985
he wants to keep his stuff
has never really been a factor.
375
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,737
[announcer 2]
For him, it's more about telling people
376
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,530
where he got the stuff.
377
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,824
[sighs] Well, we gave it a good shot,
378
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,493
but we're not gonna catch Bruce.
379
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,203
I guess we should go tell him he won.
380
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,747
[announcer]
Hold the phone. Looks like we got a guy
381
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:58,667
bringing his home trash to
the flea market garbage can.
382
00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:00,794
[announcer 2]
And this is where the lone garbage can
383
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,088
being right by "Grandma's Little Loft"
384
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:04,422
could come into play.
385
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:05,924
[announcer] Sure looks like a bag
386
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:08,468
of mostly full diapers
and half-eaten burritos.
387
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,762
[announcer 2]
And that's just a bee's dream bag.
388
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,931
Hey, we just wanted to say, you wo--
389
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:15,684
- [loud buzzing]
- [people screaming]
390
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:24,818
[announcer]
And once that money belt is zipped...
391
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,654
It's official. "The Brian,
the Bitch, and the Wardrobe"
392
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,657
win Flea Market Regionals.
What a comeback.
393
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,493
Boy, you said it. I told ESPN I'd quit
394
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,328
after a Magic: The Gathering tournament,
395
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,664
but this time, I'm serious.
396
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:40,125
Well, yous won fair and square.
397
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:42,627
Y'alls the best flea market weirdos.
398
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:43,878
[bees buzzing]
399
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:45,797
I sure am gonna miss this place.
400
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,132
Sorry about the bees.
401
00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:50,051
Part of the game. Hey, before I go,
402
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:51,720
would y'all be willing
to sell your whole inventory
403
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,596
for nine dollars?
404
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,306
- Would you do 11?
- No.
405
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,934
You got yourself a deal.
I never want to come back here.
406
00:16:57,934 --> 00:17:00,937
Everyone, you're all
within 500 feet of a school.
407
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:02,605
[shouting]
408
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:05,442
[Chris]
Over 200 arrests were made that day.
409
00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:07,235
It's still known in flea market lore
410
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:09,237
as "Extinction Sunday."
411
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:11,656
I'm Chris Griffin,
and my brother and my dog
412
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:13,783
left me in a very hot car.
413
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,622
Hi, Shannon, the line producer,
414
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,458
said I could have
another plate of lasagna.
415
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,960
That's not Shannon's call.
416
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,545
You were right.
417
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,963
Becoming extras on his show
418
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,923
was the only way to get close to Tom.
419
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:32,093
Once the cameras start
rolling, we'll make our move.
420
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:34,220
Blue Bloods, episode a million,
421
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,139
season blabbity-blah. Hollywood, go.
422
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,183
These guys are pros.
423
00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:39,601
[director] Action.
424
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:42,354
Chief Whatever-Your-Character's-
Name-Is from Blue Bloods,
425
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:43,980
do you recognize this man?
426
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:46,816
I do. He owns the bodega on 56--
427
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:47,817
Blue Bloods.
428
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,903
- [director] Cut.
- Who is this guy?
429
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,613
My name is Peter Griffin,
430
00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:53,365
and I'm here 'cause you screwed me over
431
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:54,991
with your trick reverse mortgage.
432
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,326
It's not a trick.
433
00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,036
Overruled.
434
00:17:58,036 --> 00:18:00,080
What are you... You're an actor.
435
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,540
Time to acknowledge the corn, Tom.
436
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,960
Wild West? I had you arrested.
437
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,879
When you got hooked on multis
438
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:10,674
and started singing mean-spirited songs,
439
00:18:10,674 --> 00:18:13,426
I figured you were young, it was a phase.
440
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:16,221
But now you went and got mixed up
with reverse mortgages,
441
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:19,307
and that, partner,
violates the mustache code.
442
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:21,893
Yeah. And besides, you're Magnum P.I.
443
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,353
You're like my TV boss.
444
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,689
Regular guys like me trust you.
445
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:28,316
I didn't make you do anything.
446
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:31,194
Only one thing left to try.
447
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:36,157
♪ See a penny, pick it up ♪
448
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,326
♪ All the day you'll have to look ♪
449
00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:41,121
♪ For its rightful owner ♪
450
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,081
♪ That's an honorable day ♪
451
00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:48,044
♪ Looking for its rightful owner ♪
452
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,715
I-I'm not gonna sing.
453
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:54,342
- Your Honor?
- I'll allow it.
454
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,594
♪ A penny saved is a penny earned ♪
455
00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:58,888
♪ But if it ain't yours, I've learned ♪
456
00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:04,728
♪ To find its rightful owner. ♪
457
00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:11,484
This court finds that the world
could use more songs like that.
458
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,404
Peter, I think you and I
might just have to
459
00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:16,448
agree to disagree when it comes to
460
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:19,784
the financial propriety
of reverse mortgages.
461
00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:21,995
That said, I certainly never meant
462
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,621
to cause you any distress.
463
00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:26,124
And Wild, back in the day,
464
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,084
I turned my back on you,
465
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:30,795
and I turned my back on my mustache.
466
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:33,423
Think you can forgive me?
467
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:36,217
Eh, nothin' a firm, two-handed handshake
468
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,386
with eye contact can't solve.
469
00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:43,433
And Peter, I don't want there
470
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,018
to be any hard feelings,
471
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,811
so I'm gonna write you a check
472
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:49,731
for a little bit
of the lot of money I've made
473
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:52,067
selling legitimate reverse mortgages
474
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:54,194
to people who,
to the best of my knowledge,
475
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,488
understand fully
what they're entering into.
476
00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:58,281
How are you 78?
477
00:19:58,281 --> 00:19:59,783
This ought to take care of it.
478
00:19:59,783 --> 00:20:02,118
And hey, just to make sure we're good,
479
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:04,621
how'd you like a line on the show?
480
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:05,955
Blue Bloods.
481
00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:08,958
It might not be just saying the show.
482
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:11,252
I understand. Tom, would it be possible
483
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,129
for me to get another plate of lasagna?
484
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:16,091
That's not my call, Peter.
That's Shannon's call.
485
00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:18,051
It's not Shannon's call.
486
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,685
Follow that car.
487
00:20:26,685 --> 00:20:28,186
First time in the big city?
488
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:29,604
Blue Bloods.
489
00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:31,314
That last line was improvised.
490
00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:34,526
Oh, look out, Ryan Stiles, huh?
491
00:20:34,526 --> 00:20:36,444
Oh, you know, I'm just glad
492
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,780
we don't have to worry about
losing our house anymore.
493
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,782
Me, too. I guess I learned
494
00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:42,617
celebrities always do the right thing
495
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:45,036
once you publicly guilt them into it.
496
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:47,372
♪ ♪