1 00:00:00,626 --> 00:00:02,377 ♪ It seems today ♪ 2 00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:04,003 ♪ That all you see ♪ 3 00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:07,299 ♪ Is violence and movies And sex on TV ♪ 4 00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:10,928 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 5 00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:14,223 [all] ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 6 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:17,518 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 7 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:20,687 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 8 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,231 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 9 00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:24,066 ♪ Laugh and cry! ♪ 10 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:29,112 ♪ He's a family guy! ♪ 11 00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,254 Mostly Family Guy, though. 12 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,799 [♪ upbeat music playing] 13 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:02,854 ♪ Busy city miss can't spare a dime ♪ 14 00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:06,483 ♪ Can't find a man Doesn't have the time ♪ 15 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:11,321 ♪ I like Ford trucks and I think the arcade is groovy ♪ 16 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,198 ♪ And I like you ♪ 17 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:14,992 ♪ And Disney's Hulu's ♪ 18 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:16,910 ♪ Family Guy's Hallmark Channel's ♪ 19 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:21,456 ♪ Lifetime's Familiar Holiday Movie ♪ 20 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:22,958 -[indistinct chatter] -What floor, ma'am? 21 00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:24,960 Important business-lady floor. 22 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,753 Oh, two. 23 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:29,256 Good morning, Glenn. Morning, Lois. 24 00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,841 Here's your protein bar breakfast 25 00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:32,926 to show you're too busy to eat a normal breakfast. 26 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:35,012 I assume you'll be sleeping at the office tonight? 27 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:36,513 Affirmative. 28 00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,307 Lois, I don't want to speak out of turn, 29 00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:39,850 but when are you gonna slow down? 30 00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:41,518 Find a man or a dog? 31 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:42,811 Those being the only options 32 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,313 since this is a Hallmark movie. 33 00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:46,815 Well, I have no time for relationships, Glenn. 34 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:50,610 I'm on the fast track, and I plan to be CEO one day. 35 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,404 Okay, well, I'm gonna stop by the water cooler 36 00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:54,031 to check on the latest gossip. 37 00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:57,701 I heard American greeting is run by Nazi sympathizers. 38 00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,202 All right, this is a Hallmark movie. 39 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,203 [Carter] Lois! 40 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,706 Yes, Mr. Pewterschmidt? 41 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:04,458 What are we gonna do about this? 42 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,211 We're Big Pie! 43 00:02:09,211 --> 00:02:11,673 And yet every year we lose "Best Pie" award 44 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:14,551 to this tiny podunk pie shop in the middle of nowhere. 45 00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:15,927 What do you have to say about that? 46 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:17,596 Well, there's hundreds of pie shops, 47 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:18,805 so all things considered, 48 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,349 second place is pretty darn good. 49 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:22,225 -It's bad! -I'm sorry, sir. 50 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,019 You're just lucky you're a local hire, 51 00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:26,605 which got us our tax credit to film in Vancouver. 52 00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:28,899 Yep, being Canadian is the best thing "aboot" me. 53 00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,859 Pewterschmidt, pack your bags. 54 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,819 I'm sending you to that tiny hick town 55 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,905 to steal the Aunt Maude's pie recipe 56 00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:36,448 so we can put them out of business. 57 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,700 But... But it's Christmas. 58 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,160 You don't care about Christmas. 59 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,912 All you care about is getting ahead. 60 00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,121 Well, this is your chance. 61 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,415 Well, my dream is to be CEO. 62 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,459 So okay, I'll do it. 63 00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:49,252 Great. Since we're done with business, 64 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:52,756 I now have to go sit nude in a sauna with other CEOs. 65 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,717 I'll say the quiet part out loud. 66 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,135 I miss Charlie Rose. 67 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,720 -And Harvey. -And Matt. 68 00:02:58,720 --> 00:02:59,888 And Les Moonves. 69 00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,973 -[Les] I'm still here. -Oh, hi, Les! 70 00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:08,814 Well, this stretch of road 71 00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:10,524 looks straight enough for mascara. 72 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,277 -Look out! -Argh! 73 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,278 [tires screeching] 74 00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:18,824 Ugh. 75 00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,496 [♪ festive music playing] 76 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:31,795 [engine rattling] 77 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,760 Hello? Is anyone here? 78 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,388 [man] Looks like that fancy car of yours is having a little trouble. 79 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,223 Is that one of them Volvo-cedes? 80 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,766 [chuckling] Yeah, it is. 81 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,476 Uh, you think you can fix it? 82 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:47,978 Well, we'll just have to take a look-see. 83 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:50,522 Welcome to Townsville. My name is Peter. 84 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,774 You might remember me from the three other Hallmark movies 85 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:53,859 where we were a couple. 86 00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:56,778 Ooh, you've got working, man hands. 87 00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,780 We don't get that in Cityopolis. 88 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,740 Excuse me, Big City Lady? 89 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,326 Why can't white people win Oscars anymore? 90 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,287 Well, now, who's this little guy? 91 00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,913 Oh, that's my son, Stewie. 92 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,207 I raised him alone, not because of divorce, 93 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,835 but because his mom died of a sad, tragic disease. 94 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:14,379 -Hmm. Sounds made up. -It is. 95 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,714 [Bonnie] Peter, who are you talking to? 96 00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:19,176 Oh, no, it's my hot local girlfriend 97 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:22,137 who was cast to attract a male audience we'll never get. 98 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:24,473 [♪ alluring instrumental music playing] 99 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,558 Uh... N-No one, dear. 100 00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:28,101 Just a lady with car trouble. 101 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,271 Not anyone I'm attracted to and I'll masturbate to later. 102 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,815 Well, I'll have you know I was the best-looking girl 103 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,525 in an even smaller town. 104 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:38,111 I won all of the stupid hot girl awards. 105 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,155 I've been on the cover of Forbes. 106 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,573 It's "Ford", 107 00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:44,409 and I've been on the hood of it, too. 108 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,161 Don't worry, ma'am, I'll get your car fixed 109 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,662 so you can get back to, uh... 110 00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,039 What was your town called? 111 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,124 -Cityopolis. -Doesn't ring a bell. 112 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,626 Uh, Cityopolis? 113 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,586 The most famous city in the world? 114 00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:57,088 -Never heard of it. -The world capital of theater, 115 00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:58,715 -ballet and fashion? -Colder. 116 00:04:58,715 --> 00:04:59,799 [sighs] 117 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,259 The epicenter of Deep State, 118 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:02,969 media-controlling globalists. 119 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,596 Oh, Cityopolis! 120 00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:06,515 [♪ upbeat music playing] 121 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:15,816 [knock on door] 122 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,736 Peter, what... What are you doing here? 123 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:22,030 Hey, Lois, I just wanted to update you on your car. 124 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,740 The part won't be here for three days. 125 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,075 Three days? 126 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,493 Yeah, the part's on a high shelf. 127 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,286 And we only got one ladder in town. 128 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,121 Between the roofers and the apple pickers, 129 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,456 about three days is average. 130 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:33,333 That's assuming there's no fires, mind you. 131 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,669 You mean I'm stuck here for three days? 132 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:36,753 Yeah, sorry. 133 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,004 Hey, as long as you're stuck, 134 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,381 why don't I show you around? 135 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,842 It's not the big city, but for me, it's home. 136 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,176 If you give it a chance, 137 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,428 I think you'll find a lot to love in Townsville. 138 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:48,932 [♪ gentle music playing] 139 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:51,101 Okay, sure. [chuckles] 140 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,686 I'd like that. 141 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,646 [♪ lively festive music playing] 142 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,334 [ice cracks, splashes] 143 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,554 [kids laughing] 144 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:28,638 You think that's funny? 145 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:29,973 You think that's funny, mister? 146 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,891 I'll have you know that a little snow 147 00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:33,518 got in the wrist of my sweater. 148 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,312 Now my wrist is wet. 149 00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,856 I have to wear a different sweater for a little bit 150 00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:41,192 because I have to hang up this sweater next to the heater at home. 151 00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,069 Wool isn't supposed to get wet. 152 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,195 You should know that. 153 00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:45,947 I'm gonna go have a word with your father 154 00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:48,283 who used to haze me with his penis in high school 155 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,327 and is being played by Patrick Duffy 156 00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,912 because this is a Hallmark movie. 157 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,079 Good day. 158 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,835 Peter, what a perfect little town you have. 159 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,670 It's... It's so charming. 160 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,005 Yeah, it really is. 161 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,132 Granted, the schools only go up to eighth grade, 162 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,885 and the Ku Klux Klan marches through town every couple of years. 163 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:08,970 -They do? -Yeah, but most people boo 164 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,555 and only a few take flyers. 165 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,432 But most of all, Townsville is known for 166 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,517 its picture-perfect Christmas pageant. 167 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,436 -Ah! -[alarm blaring] 168 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,520 Ah. 169 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,439 Hey, Aunt Maude's Pies. 170 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,900 Now, didn't you say you knew someone who worked there? 171 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,652 Actually, I kind of know the owner. 172 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:24,944 They're opening up about now. 173 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,655 -Why don't I introduce you? -[bell chimes] 174 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:28,531 -[switch clicks] -[gasps] 175 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:31,284 Peter... you're Aunt Maude's Pies? 176 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,287 Wow. 177 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:38,500 I gotta take a photo of this with my Samsung Galaxy Tab S9. 178 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,168 [announcer 1] Disney's Hulu's Family Guy's 179 00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,587 Hallmark Channel's Lifetime's Familiar Holiday movie 180 00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,673 is brought to you by Samsung. 181 00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,716 Okay, I'll just put this down now. 182 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,968 -Label out! -Yes, label out. 183 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,845 -I got your email. -Thank you. 184 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,556 Stay tuned for more label-out programming. 185 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,645 [♪ upbeat music playing] 186 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,815 Peter, I can't believe your Aunt Maude's Pies. 187 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,692 Your pies are so good. 188 00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,318 I mean they're city-good. 189 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:08,238 Peter, you dropped your kid off at school but it's Saturday. 190 00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,740 I know, I wanted him to swipe some school supplies. 191 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,743 Did you get that staple remover that looks like a monster? 192 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,912 Ah! Wh- Don't use it on me! 193 00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:17,497 Lois, this is Joe, 194 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,791 and this is Cleveland in a scene that can be cut 195 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,544 without loss of continuity in certain red states. 196 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:25,171 Guys, Lois is visiting from Cityopolis. 197 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,965 Oh, is she now? 198 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,425 Oh, is she now? 199 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,759 Yeah, he's definitely getting cut. 200 00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,177 Nice to meet you all. 201 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,886 Lois, you are in for a treat. 202 00:08:32,886 --> 00:08:35,597 Aunt Maude's pies are the best around. 203 00:08:35,597 --> 00:08:38,226 It'll help take off that big city edge. 204 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:40,687 And it'll help you take off that big city edge. 205 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,522 You're welcome, Florida panhandle. 206 00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:49,320 Oh, my God, that is so delicious. 207 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,448 W-Where did you get that recipe? 208 00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,158 [chuckles nervously] I mean, just as a fan. 209 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,368 Not a corporate spy or anything. 210 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,245 Well, when my beloved wife died... 211 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:59,581 You divorced her. I don't know why you won't admit it. 212 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:01,458 ...I thought I'd never make another pie. 213 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,084 -But the memory of Patty... -Susan. 214 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:05,003 -...kept me going. -She lives down the street. 215 00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:06,129 God rest her soul. 216 00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,589 They both have a court date tomorrow. 217 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:10,633 Oh, yeah, my family's been making pies for generations. 218 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,803 That's my grandma in the racist old photos from the '50s. 219 00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,556 There she is kicking some Italians out of the shop. 220 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,349 It was her original recipe, 221 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:21,102 and her secret ingredient was simple. Its-- 222 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,229 [on TV] Good morning, Townsville. Tommy Tucker here, 223 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,106 reminding y'all... That's right, "y'all", 224 00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,192 this is a Hallmark movie. 225 00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,986 ...that the Big Townsville Christmas Pageant and Parade is just days away. 226 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,988 It promises to be the highlight of the year 227 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,240 with the tree lighting, Oxycontin cook-off, 228 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,825 and Cousin Kissing Booth. 229 00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,368 Oh, crap! Look at the time. 230 00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:39,954 -Wha... What's wrong? -I'm late for pageant practice! 231 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,539 Bonnie and me are singing the big duet! 232 00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,584 Fat ass left me here again. 233 00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,006 [cell phone ringing, beeps] 234 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,509 So, did you steal the recipe from those hicks yet? 235 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,178 No, I've had some car trouble to deal with. 236 00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:57,764 The people here are actually very nice. 237 00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,265 Look, forget about those hillbillies. 238 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,683 You're taking too long. 239 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:03,103 I'm starting to wonder if you're truly CEO material. 240 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,730 Oh, Mr. Pewterschmidt, I assure you, I am. 241 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,065 Well, I'm tired of waiting. 242 00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,234 I want you to steal the Aunt Maude recipe 243 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:10,902 during the big Christmas pageant. 244 00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:12,278 Everyone in town will be there, 245 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,322 and Peter will be away from the pie shop. 246 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,616 It's the perfect chance to steal that recipe, 247 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,201 put Aunt Maude's out of business, 248 00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:20,119 and bankrupt that whole stupid town. 249 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,663 W-Whole town? 250 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:24,082 But... But you just wanted the pie recipe. 251 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,208 I changed my mind. 252 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:26,835 You should too, if you want to be CEO. 253 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,169 Now get that recipe! 254 00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:29,754 Yes, Mr. Pewterschmidt, 255 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,005 Okay, talk tomorrow. Bye. 256 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,590 [grunts] 257 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,925 Oh, damn it. 258 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,468 All right, which button? 259 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,887 -Did I... Did I hang up? -No, you're still on. 260 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,138 Let's see. [sighs] 261 00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:40,890 Well, now the flashlight's on. 262 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,100 Okay, there we go. I hung up. 263 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,018 You... You're still talking to me. 264 00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:47,105 Oh. You know, you sound like that guy in that movie about the taxi driver. 265 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,606 You mean Taxi Driver? 266 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,817 No, the one with Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah. 267 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,985 You mean Taxi? 268 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,028 Yeah, that one. God, I love that movie. 269 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:55,238 You know a movie is good 270 00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:57,198 when both leads kind of stop acting after. 271 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:04,289 Bonnie and Peter, thank you so much for having me for dinner. 272 00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,665 You have a lovely home. 273 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:06,833 You can spit anywhere, by the way. 274 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,002 We're not uptight about that kind of stuff. 275 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,461 [spits] 276 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,922 You missed your court date and now I'm an Amber Alert. 277 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,258 The whole class knows. I've been getting texts all morning. 278 00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:17,719 Now we first need to say grace. 279 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:20,138 Dear Lord, thank you for all that you do, 280 00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:22,432 but please stop sending Grandma to us 281 00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,601 in the form of hummingbirds and sunsets. 282 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:27,061 We're glad she's dead and don't want to see her. 283 00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,272 -[wings flapping] -You swing a bat like a girl. 284 00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:31,149 Leave me alone! Somebody give her a cigarette 285 00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:32,150 so she goes away. 286 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,527 I'll see you at Easter. 287 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,948 -[pained wailing] -[all chewing] 288 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,325 What the hell is that? 289 00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:41,826 Oh, that's our meth son. 290 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:42,911 Meth son? 291 00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,037 Yeah, we're real proud of him. 292 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,622 For recovering? 293 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:48,374 No, he's All-state meth, First meth, Tri-State meth Regionals. 294 00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,209 He's got a full ride at Southern Meth. 295 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,878 Chris, come say hi to the company! 296 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,796 How you doing, pal? 297 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,883 My nose fell off and so did this thing. 298 00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,719 -Is that your penis? -Yeah. 299 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,638 I got to imagine It'll grow back. 300 00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:02,805 Anyway, keep training. 301 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,390 You got a big meth meet coming up. 302 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,808 He's a good kid. 303 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,852 What about you, Lois? How many kids you blasted out? 304 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,228 Oh, none. 305 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,355 Your uterus busted? 306 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,690 No, I'm just focused on my career. 307 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:15,401 Oh, yeah, Bonnie and me do it in the career a lot, too. 308 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,028 That's why we ain't got no more kids. 309 00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,446 Oh, sweetie. 310 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:22,700 Lois has a job and a fancy car and big-city clothes. 311 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,202 I don't understand. 312 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,120 You could go anywhere in the world. 313 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,873 Sarasota, Galveston, Branson. 314 00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:29,999 Why here? 315 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,669 Oh, well, I just wanted to take a break 316 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,087 from high-speed Internet. 317 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,589 [Brian barking] 318 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,132 Uhp, the dog smells food. 319 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,260 Damn it, Peter. Don't let him in here. 320 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,678 I hate dogs! 321 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,179 And characters who hate pets 322 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,598 are always the most sympathetic. 323 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,976 Come here, boy. Give me a good country-dog shake. 324 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,854 Good boy. Now go poop everywhere. 325 00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:52,939 You're not coming with me? 326 00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,482 Oh, not this time. I got company. 327 00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:01,489 Hey, Lois, I brought a pie especially for you. 328 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,657 I made it for a wedding, 329 00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:05,118 but then I found out it was two grooms, so... 330 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,119 you know, no way... 331 00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:10,373 Lois? 332 00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:15,962 "Have sex with pie guy and steal Aunt Maude recipe." 333 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,630 Why did she skip that first part? 334 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,715 And what? 335 00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:20,341 Peter, what... 336 00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:22,051 What are you doing in my room? 337 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,054 Lois, what's going on? 338 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,181 Are you trying to steal my pie recipe? 339 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:28,307 No. 340 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,436 [sighs] Yes. 341 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,688 Oh, Peter, I'm so sorry. 342 00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:37,233 So this whole time, our love was fake, like COVID? 343 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,444 -Um, what? -Don't follow me. 344 00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,654 I need to go someplace and cough for a while. 345 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,156 Okay, I won't. 346 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,699 I thought I smelled a rat, 347 00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,576 but I actually can't smell anything. 348 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:49,704 I tell you, this has left a real nothing taste in my mouth. 349 00:13:49,704 --> 00:13:51,956 -I think you might have COVID. -Liar! 350 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,129 [♪ soft music playing] 351 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,717 [Lois] Peter, I can't lie to you. 352 00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:06,721 I work for Big Pie and was sent to steal your recipe. 353 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:09,807 I didn't know that I would fall in love with you. 354 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,225 I'm so sorry. 355 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,894 -And send. -[phone beeps] 356 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,065 "1G"? 357 00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,150 How do you even send a text in this town? 358 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,193 [knocking on door] 359 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:22,904 May I help you? 360 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,447 I'm here to send your text. 361 00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:25,907 I need your phone. 362 00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:28,242 I'll have it back to you in two hours. 363 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,036 Oh, okay. 364 00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,454 [stick thudding] 365 00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,502 [grunting] 366 00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:41,172 Damn it, roller bag. 367 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:43,007 I'm in no mood for your nonsense. 368 00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:44,383 Are you okay? 369 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:45,802 Oh, I've been better. 370 00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,262 Wait, you're Andie MacDowell? 371 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:51,599 It's Mama Andie MacDowell In this movie. 372 00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:53,768 I used to get lead roles in big movies, 373 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:57,146 but now just minor parts in these Hallmark movies 374 00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:59,190 because old people remember me. 375 00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,859 Of course, I am a big fan. 376 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:04,987 Unless you're not actually doing the voice because you turned us down. 377 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:06,322 You look distraught. 378 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,573 Are you okay? 379 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:10,326 [sighs] Mama MacDowell, I think I just made 380 00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,161 the biggest mistake of my life. 381 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,413 I've let my career ambitions drive away 382 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,749 the most wonderful man I've ever met. 383 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:20,878 But it's always been my dream to be CEO of Big Pie. 384 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,505 It's hard to let that go. 385 00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:25,174 I see the way Peter makes you smile. 386 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:29,679 You and Peter have something very special: true love. 387 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:33,891 That's more precious than any job title, and it's worth fighting for. 388 00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:39,313 Oh, Mama MacDowell, you're right. 389 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,816 Peter is the most wonderful man I've ever met. 390 00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,526 I can't let him go. 391 00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,236 Now, if you'll excuse me, 392 00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:47,196 I gotta go deploy a butt torpedo 393 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,407 from the SS Brownfish. 394 00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:51,284 Ah, must have turned us down. 395 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,369 I've got to win back Peter. 396 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,255 Hey, guys, remember that cameraman 397 00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,674 who was talking about unionizing this production? 398 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:07,675 Where did he go? 399 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:10,636 Hey, miss, You need a lift? 400 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,556 No, I'm sorry, this scene can't be cut. 401 00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:16,517 [indistinct chatter] 402 00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,519 Kind of weird we're doing a Christmas pageant 403 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,771 in the shadow of a Civil War memorial. 404 00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:23,357 "Dedicated to the brave men of Townsville 405 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:27,361 who lost their lives fighting to preserve our traditions." 406 00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,989 Traditions? W-What? What are they saying there? 407 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,741 Have you seen Bonnie? 408 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,076 The whole town is here to see us perform our big Christmas duet. 409 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,286 Bonnie called. 410 00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:37,497 She's fallen ill and can't perform. 411 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,166 -[crowd gasps] -What are we gonna do? 412 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,959 That's the highlight of Christmas. 413 00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:44,295 It's where I met my wife. 414 00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:47,965 That's right. I'm married to a woman in the Hallmark universe. 415 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,926 We'll have to cancel the Christmas concert. 416 00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:53,221 The town will be devastated until our Valentine's Day movie. 417 00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:54,263 [Lois] I'll do it, 418 00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,808 -Lois. -[indistinct chatter] 419 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,980 No! I never want to see you again. 420 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:05,023 Okay, Peter. Fair enough. 421 00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:07,401 [♪ somber instrumental music playing] 422 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,653 Wait. 423 00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:10,863 You don't have to see me if we sing back-to-back. 424 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,532 Then our bums will touch and I'll forget the words. 425 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:16,327 Well, that's a risk we have to take to save Christmas. 426 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:23,459 ♪ Oh, the weather outside is frightful ♪ 427 00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:25,419 [mumbling] 428 00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:26,628 ♪ Delightful... ♪ 429 00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:28,923 Oh, Peter, you do love me. 430 00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,383 Of course I do. 431 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,386 I have since the moment I met you yesterday. 432 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,722 ♪ And since we've no place to go ♪ 433 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,058 [mumbling] 434 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,810 ♪ Snow... ♪ 435 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,270 I was looking at your boobs that time. 436 00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,730 [both moaning] 437 00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,612 [crowd cheering] 438 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:56,033 Lois, there's something I've wanted to ask you 439 00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:57,285 since the moment we met. 440 00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:00,079 Peter, are... are you serious? 441 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,747 I never thought I could love again 442 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,082 after my wife died. 443 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,001 [Stewie] She's here with me right now. 444 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,836 Yes, she got new glasses, but seriously, 445 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,713 that can't be why you don't recognize her. 446 00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,131 Oh, Peter! 447 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,591 [cell phone ringing] 448 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,718 Oh, crap, I gotta take this. 449 00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:14,927 H-Hello? 450 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,053 Girl, 451 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:18,431 Carter's been fired from Big Pie, 452 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,558 and guess who they want to be CEO? 453 00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,727 What? You mean me? 454 00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:24,020 Are you serious? 455 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,772 A hundred thousand dollars a year? 456 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:30,359 Well, that's a lot of money for people who watch these movies. 457 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,821 [♪ sorrowful music playing] 458 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:37,575 I could never stand between you and your dream of a six figure salary. 459 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:39,160 Five figures, post-tax. 460 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,954 in a shockingly expensive city with high crime. 461 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,873 But I know you'll be a big success 462 00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:45,166 until you're punched in the face 463 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,667 or shoved on a subway track. 464 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,342 What's your take on our new slate of pies? 465 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,010 Market testing was favorable, 466 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,928 so let's fast track it and launch a campaign 467 00:18:57,928 --> 00:18:59,764 hitting digital, print, and TV. 468 00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:00,931 What do you guys think? 469 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,850 -Brilliant move, Lois. -Home run! 470 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,393 Okay, next item. 471 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,146 New pie flavor roll-outs. What do we got? 472 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:10,566 We got pecan, butterscotch, cherry, meringue, 473 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:13,861 apple, rhubarb, pumpkin, key lime... 474 00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,780 [♪ sentimental music playing] 475 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,615 I miss you, Lois. 476 00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:20,034 Oh, I miss you too, Peter. 477 00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:22,787 Did you know no two snowflakes are alike? 478 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,413 Yes, everyone knows that. 479 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:25,414 All right, fine. 480 00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,586 Donna, Glenn, 481 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,963 I left my heart in Townsville. 482 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:36,217 Also, I thought the Mets would be better, but they're just garbage. 483 00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,302 [♪ upbeat music playing] 484 00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:39,679 You go queen! 485 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:46,727 [screams, groans] 486 00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:48,729 Argh! 487 00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:50,731 Argh... 488 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,984 [groaning continues] 489 00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,159 [door opens] 490 00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,746 -Lois? -[chair whirring] 491 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,961 [over electronic voice box] Peter, these last few days, 492 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:16,090 I realized you may be a simple, small-town mechanic 493 00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:19,009 with a small-town job and salary. 494 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,720 But, dot-dot-dot, 495 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,305 some things are more important. 496 00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:26,642 I've decided I'm willing to walk away from glamor 497 00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:30,062 and a high flying career to spend the rest of my life 498 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:35,025 with my very special, average guy I love named Peter. 499 00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:40,406 Thank you for that. 500 00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:41,907 Um... 501 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:45,453 It's just... small towns are extremely ADA non-compliant... 502 00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:46,996 being one issue. 503 00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:50,833 It's just... It's just... It's just a lot, is all I'm saying. 504 00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:55,087 [♪ instrumental "Jingle Bells" playing] 505 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,973 Hello, blue states. 506 00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:07,975 Hallmark said I could show you, 507 00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:09,101 and just you, 508 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:12,021 a scene I was in that was cut "for time." 509 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:13,272 I hope you enjoy it. 510 00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:15,316 More that way! 511 00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:16,817 L-Little more. 512 00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:17,818 Boom shizzle! 513 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,779 Oh, that's dope as hell. 514 00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:24,575 I think that looks lovely. 515 00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,994 [announcer 2] Hallmark, If we scare any heavy white women, 516 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:28,829 our whole business collapses.