1
00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:02,044
[♪ theme music playing]

2
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:04,922
♪ It seems today
That all you see ♪

3
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,091
♪ Is violence in movies
And sex on TV ♪

4
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,512
♪ But where are those
Good old-fashioned values ♪

5
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,306
[all]
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

6
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,768
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

7
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do ♪

8
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♪ All the things
That make us ♪

9
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪

10
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[all]
♪ He's a family guy! ♪

11
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[♪ instrumental music playing]

12
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Okay, now remember, Lois,
the school likes to blame

13
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the kids' bad grades
on trouble at home.

14
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So when we get in the
parent teacher conference,

15
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,462
it can't seem like there's any
cracks in our marriage.

16
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,548
Peter, this isn't
a parent teacher conference,

17
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:49,466
-it's a fundraiser--
-Here we go again!

18
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,426
Let me punch
your shrew card, Lois.

19
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:53,470
Because the tenth nag is free!

20
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:57,266
"Welcome to an hour
of squeaks and echoes in the gym."

21
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[echoes] Gym, gym, gym.

22
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Huh, I guess they're selling
all the music department

23
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:04,189
instruments to raise money.
Typical.

24
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:07,568
They always cut
the arts programs but never any sports.

25
00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,486
Actually, they canceled
field hockey.

26
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See? They're selling
the old uniforms.

27
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:12,573
And what vintage is this one?

28
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A 2022 Junior Varsity, sir.

29
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Mm. Excellent year.

30
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Sir, I'm gonna have my team
cut it up and turn it into dinner napkins.

31
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Oh, Giuseppe,
you are a wizard.

32
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Hello! I'm Mr. Campanale,
the music teacher.

33
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Welcome to my "going-out
of-business" woodwind sale.

34
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Everything must blow!

35
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[wearily] Uh-ha, yes,
that's very good.

36
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Uh, tell me,
does your saxophone come with

37
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the George Michael classic
"Careless Whisper" on it?

38
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With enough practice, this saxophone
will play anything you like.

39
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Sweet! I'll take it.

40
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Great!
How will you be paying today?

41
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Are you sure
you should spend that?

42
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Oh yeah, there's still plenty in there
for Meg to pay for online college.

43
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[♪ inspiring music playing]

44
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Have you ever dreamed
of learning calculus

45
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on a crowded
rush hour subway...

46
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,875
Or pushing that thing IVs hang
from around the hospital...

47
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,961
Want to hug an old man
at an ethnic family picnic?

48
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,296
Whatever the dream...

49
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,965
As long as it's not
going to real college...

50
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,384
Online college
is here for you.

51
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,677
[announcer] Online college!

52
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If you had another choice,
you'd make it.

53
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-[slurping]
-All right, everybody shut up.

54
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,061
The masked singer

55
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,980
is about to reveal who the big
Gatorade-Bottle-Of-Pee is!

56
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They're really scraping
the bottom of the barrel for new costumes.

57
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:34,488
-[announcer] And your masked singer is...
-[♪ playing saxophone poorly]

58
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Wait, who'd they say?

59
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:39,409
It's another D-Lister
nobody can recognize my face alone.

60
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Damn it, Peter! Do you know
how many hours of Ken Jeong

61
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:45,082
and his tiny jackets
I tolerated for that moment?

62
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,919
Sorry. In the future, I'll try not to
be so... [whispers] ...careless.

63
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:50,545
[♪ continues playing]

64
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,008
God,
he never thinks about others.

65
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Remember when he totally
ruined our family

66
00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,637
Thanksgiving football game?

67
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,722
Okay, we gotta go
all tush-pushes.

68
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:03,767
Hot niece I'm not related to by blood,
you're the center.

69
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,812
The rest of you, shove me
into her as hard as you can.

70
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[teary] So,
I put the bottle down.

71
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,651
But even though her family
forgave me,

72
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,486
I'll never forgive myself.

73
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[♪ playing "Careless Whisper"
on saxophone]

74
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[gasps then continues playing]

75
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Bravo!

76
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,957
I knew these AA stories
would be the perfect set-up

77
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,418
for the guilty pain
of "Careless Whisper".

78
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:30,794
Okay, let's take it
from the top

79
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,087
with the guy
who can only have

80
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,256
supervised Panera visits
with his kid.

81
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,590
[licks]

82
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,218
[♪ playing "Taps" on trumpet]

83
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[♪ playing "Careless Whisper"]

84
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[♪ continues playing "Taps"]

85
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[♪ continues playing
"Careless Whisper"]

86
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,621
I'm so sorry for your loss.

87
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:09,082
Now, this screen
is gonna ask you a couple of questions.

88
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:10,333
You want a tip?

89
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,210
Add 35%?

90
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,713
You have to pick it
'cause it's the button in the middle.

91
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,883
[♪ playing "Careless Whisper"
flawlessly]

92
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,318
[♪ playing "Careless Whisper"
poorly]

93
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:38,904
What the hell, Peter?

94
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:42,491
This is the fifth night in a row
you woke me up with that damn song.

95
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,201
Your house
is where the streetlight is.

96
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,327
It's not my fault.

97
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,620
Yeah, well, thanks a lot.

98
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,914
I was only having
the best dream ever.

99
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,999
Oh yeah? One of them
that ends wet?

100
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:54,252
No. Get this, I'm returning
the lawn mower to Home Depot.

101
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:56,713
The workers were wearing blue
but I still knew it was

102
00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:57,839
a Home Depot,

103
00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,257
dreams are weird like that.

104
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:02,302
Anyway, they offer me cash
instead of store credit.

105
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:06,598
So I ask, "Are you sure? It's covered
in grass, and I don't have a receipt."

106
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,266
And then you know
what Bud said--

107
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,643
That was the guy's name, Bud,

108
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,228
which is also
my Dad's name so.

109
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,356
Sir Carl Jung would have a field...
[chuckles] ...field day with that one.

110
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:15,857
Anyway, you know what he said?

111
00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,567
-No.
-Me neither!

112
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,695
Now go play inside
so I can get back to sleep

113
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:23,073
and see how this roller coaster ends.

114
00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:24,199
[slams]

115
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:28,203
And before you go to bed, this screen
is gonna ask you a couple of questions.

116
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,705
[♪ instrumental music playing]

117
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,291
Good game. Good game.

118
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,293
Good game.
Hey, nice assist back there.

119
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,545
Good game. Good game.

120
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,171
Hey, Quagmire,
you got a minute?

121
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:41,174
Sure, let me just violently
wave my door a couple of times...

122
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:42,592
[waves]

123
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,844
Come on in.

124
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,387
What am I gonna do, Quagmire?

125
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,973
Peter's driving me nuts
with that saxophone.

126
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,058
Joseph, I realized
a long time ago,

127
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:51,977
you can't fight
Peter's antics.

128
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,687
The harder you resist
the shenanigans,

129
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,188
the shenannier they become.

130
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:56,773
So what I did was put together

131
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,567
the Peter Griffin
Survival Kit.

132
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:01,444
It's everything you need
to make being his neighbor tolerable.

133
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,531
I've got a variety of these
different sized plugs--

134
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,199
To put in your ears
when he's loud?

135
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,868
Yeah or, you know,
anywhere they fit.

136
00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:09,369
And this tracks
Peter's heart rate,

137
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,371
so I can avoid him
when he's overstimulated.

138
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:12,747
[beeps]

139
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,000
That spike is when he found
a frog the other day.

140
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,043
Do you have anything
to help me sleep?

141
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:21,631
That doesn't involve putting
your orifice plug in my ear, ideally.

142
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,008
As a matter of fact, I do.

143
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,969
These are powerful,
unregulated sleeping pills.

144
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,095
I got them in the Navy.

145
00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:29,806
They give these to all the guys
who commit atrocious massacres

146
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,850
and then have
trouble sleeping.

147
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,311
-[heart monitor beeping]
-[Peter] A caterpillar in March?

148
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,438
[♪ instrumental music playing]

149
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,858
[doorbell ringing]

150
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,401
[Quagmire] I'm coming!
I'm coming!

151
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:44,321
Angrily tying a bathrobe...
'cause I got woken up...

152
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,282
Thanks again for those
sleepy pills, Mr. Q.

153
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,660
Front row tickets
to the blanket show, baby.

154
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,204
"Mr. Q?" What are you--
Oh my God!

155
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,581
Joe, you're walking!

156
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:58,335
Walk it like I talk it
and talk it like I walk it.

157
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,919
Wait, are you.

158
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,005
You're asleep!
How is this possible?

159
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:06,384
Well, I could tell you,
but who needs a long, boring story.

160
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,303
You're walking and self-aware?

161
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:09,471
It's a miracle!

162
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:12,682
[gasps]

163
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:13,767
[grunts]

164
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:14,934
What happened?

165
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,645
What happened is you walked!

166
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,229
Oh my God, you're right!

167
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:20,940
I beat my record.

168
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,612
[♪ instrumental music playing]

169
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:28,573
All right, what do we got,

170
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,659
four middle-aged guys
at the same appointment?

171
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,452
I don't need to know
how it got up there.

172
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,204
Just tell me who I'm
taking it out of.

173
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,372
No, no! Doc, it's Joe!

174
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,917
He took a super strong
sleeping pill last night and sleepwalked!

175
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:42,253
Well, people do display
odd behavior under the influence of drugs

176
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:45,131
like Ambien.
Let me get somebody better suited to help.

177
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,425
I got a code
TB12 in room three.

178
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:50,428
Hi, I'm pseudo-science expert
and Tom Brady face-thinner-outer

179
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:52,430
Doctor Alex Guerrero.

180
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,099
Now, how can I
help you gentlemen?

181
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,475
I've been in a chair
for years,

182
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,645
but I took one
of these last night and started walking.

183
00:07:58,728 --> 00:07:59,896
Interesting.

184
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:02,357
Well, there must be a
neurological explanation.

185
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,984
So to get to the bottom of it,
we'll have to use...

186
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,153
-An MRI?
-...our imaginations!

187
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:10,115
I think these pills put you
in such a deep state of sleep,

188
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,701
the damaged part of your
spinal cord went offline.

189
00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:13,868
Then to compensate,

190
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:18,331
an undamaged neural pathway
activated allowing you to walk.

191
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,667
So as long as
Joe takes those pills,

192
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:21,918
he can walk again, right?

193
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,336
Yes, and no.

194
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,839
His legs might work,
but in that state,

195
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,383
he'll have no access
to his waking memory

196
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:31,594
or the personality he's developed
over the course of his life.

197
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:35,014
So technically,
it won't really be Joe who's walking.

198
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:37,392
Well, now that you mention it,
he was acting strange.

199
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:40,019
He was super laid back
and kind of cool!

200
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,605
Well, during sleep,
we're not preoccupied with the stress

201
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,232
of our day to day lives.

202
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:47,277
So for him to be very relaxed
makes a lot of sense.

203
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,362
Yeah, but does it though?

204
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,365
If you want my opinion--
and I cannot stress enough

205
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:56,119
how uninformed it is--
Joe should stay away from these pills.

206
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,205
There's no telling what sort of
negative side effects they might have.

207
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,541
Well, guess
it's back to my chair.

208
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,084
Thanks for seeing me.

209
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,420
My pleasure.
Oh, you can make the co-pay out

210
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,464
to "Guerrero
Shipping Solutions, LLC,"

211
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:11,551
and if anyone asks, this all took place
in the state of Delaware.

212
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,470
[♪ instrumental music playing]

213
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:17,182
[TV announcer] Coming up this month
on Turner Classic Movies.

214
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,808
Get a hold of yourself!
[slaps]

215
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,226
Get a hold of yourself!
[slaps]

216
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,770
Get a hold of yourself!
[slaps]

217
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,396
[announcer]
Turner Classic Movies,

218
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,858
if a woman gets slapped in
black and white, we've got it.

219
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:29,444
So, I was choring it up
last Friday,

220
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,404
buying new batteries
for the smoke detector--

221
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:32,614
Ho-- Hold on, Joe.

222
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,949
This anecdote sounds like
it's turning into a story.

223
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,576
Oh, it's a story alright.

224
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:38,203
-Quagmire, story clock.
-On it.

225
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,830
Okay, you got 60 seconds, Joe.

226
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,874
Come on, is that thing
really necessary?

227
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,209
You're using
your time, Joe.

228
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,752
Okay. Okay. Where was I...

229
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,378
batteries
for the smoke detector.

230
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,339
So I get to the store
and I'm like, "Shoot.

231
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,925
There's A batteries,
C batteries, and D batteries."

232
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,719
And that got me to thinking
where the heck are the B batteries?

233
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,471
Did they really skip B?

234
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:59,015
-I don't buy it, so I start digging.
-[alarm beeps]

235
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,850
-Time!
-Oh, that's not fair.

236
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,436
Joe, if you talk any more,
you're gonna put us all to sleep.

237
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,605
Wish Joe was asleep.
He was way more interesting.

238
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:08,483
Yeah, Joe, why don't you take
another one of them sleeping pills?

239
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,026
Maybe you'll sleepwalk again.

240
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,361
What the hell.

241
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,113
I guess one more time
won't hurt.

242
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,280
[gulps]

243
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:16,658
[snoring]

244
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,410
[♪ intense music playing]

245
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:25,625
Uh-uh, hell no!
This ain't part of God's plan.

246
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,086
-[thuds]
-[♪ playing, "Could You Be Loved"]

247
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,755
Holy crap, that's amazing!

248
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,048
That was my credit he played,

249
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,758
and I'm not a huge
Bob Marley guy,

250
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,677
but otherwise, holy crap,
that's amazing!

251
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,388
So I'm thinking I'll have.
a summer solstice party.

252
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,516
Send the old' girl in the sky
a big 'preesh for the vitamin D.

253
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,934
You guys should check it out.

254
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,686
And if you have any trouble
getting in,

255
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:48,356
just tell 'em you're with...
Joey Goodtimes.

256
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,483
-Can I bring a date?
-No.

257
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,194
Bring two.

258
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,281
Man, sleepwalking Joe
is awesome.

259
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,908
That was my beer for which
I've been waiting quite some time.

260
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,119
But otherwise,
sleepwalking Joe is awesome!

261
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:07,000
Hey, some party, Joe!

262
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,085
It's "Joey."
Who's up for some food?

263
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,839
Great. Nothing like
the Joe Swanson special,

264
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:16,259
a supermarket vegetable
platter warmed by the sun.

265
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:19,512
Here we are, gents.
Bowl of Ruffles, two liter bottle of Coke.

266
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,014
Pizza's on the way.

267
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,348
-Wow!
-No way!

268
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,642
Donna says Cola
makes me jumpy.

269
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,854
Did y'all meet Bon-fire?
I call her that 'cause she's smoking hot.

270
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:29,647
[giggles]

271
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:33,902
Peter, give me a nickname
that tells people I'm hot.

272
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:36,362
I think everyone here has met.
Dumpster-fire?

273
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,239
-Peter!
-It's 'cause of the hair!

274
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:39,949
Jam band's starting, Bon-fire.

275
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,827
Let's go dance
like it's our first day in a human body.

276
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,371
What the hell, Peter?

277
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:48,791
Joe's unconscious, and he and Bonnie
have a better sex life than we do.

278
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,043
Lois, we've been over this.

279
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,920
Once one of us agrees
to shave it,

280
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:53,379
we're back in business.

281
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,593
Man, I had the best time
at Joe's yesterday.

282
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:02,972
You said it! Me and Donna
ate some goofy mushrooms and then cried

283
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,515
watching the sunrise.

284
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:05,808
And good crying,

285
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,228
not the-bank's-coming
for-your-house crying.

286
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,188
-Hey, there he is!
-The King!

287
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,523
We are very behind
on our payments though.

288
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:13,900
What are you guys
talking about?

289
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,068
It's just me, Joe.

290
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,861
We know! You sleepwalked again

291
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,113
and threw the most epic party
of all time!

292
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,158
Yeah, why didn't you tell me
a "free love tent" is just an orgy,

293
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,077
minus condoms, plus B-O?

294
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,745
Oh man,
I had that at my party?

295
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,830
I hope Bonnie didn't see.
She'd kill me.

296
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,457
Uh, Joe,
Bonnie was in the tent.

297
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:32,043
But don't worry, she didn't do
anything with anybody but you.

298
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,795
Even under-the-pants stuff?

299
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,505
Well, I am done
with those pills.

300
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,633
Next time I get UTP action,
I wanna be there.

301
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:41,302
That's too bad 'cause
Joey Goodtimes is the man.

302
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:44,222
He's so popular,
he already has his own Cameo account.

303
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,307
Hey there "Peter Griffin"!

304
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:49,852
Heard somebody's a little nervous about
changing his clothes at Planet Fitness.

305
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:53,231
Well, let me tell you there's no shame
in your game, no matter how much...

306
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,191
it turtles
in front of a crowd.

307
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,318
Are you coming back
to bed, Joey?

308
00:12:57,402 --> 00:13:01,239
Yeah, just firing off some inspo to
a fat idiot with big balls, baby carrot.

309
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,700
It's like monster truck wheels
on a Miata.

310
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,869
You're, uh, still learning
how to end the record.

311
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:14,127
Hey, Bon, sorry I missed
the big party yesterday but I was thinking

312
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:18,089
we could recreate that magic
with some Bosch and chill.

313
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,549
Um, no, thanks.

314
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,384
You sure?
Doesn't have to be Bosch.

315
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:24,220
Could be any one of those
last name crime shows and chill.

316
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:27,849
Bul? Luther? Longmire?
Reacher? Will Trent?

317
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,810
Which, I know,
it's a first-name last-name crime show.

318
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,895
But what the hell,
it's almost Friday.

319
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,732
Just wake me up if you decide
to fall asleep again.

320
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,985
[flirty] Bon-fire needs
another log.

321
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,570
Actually,
with the drought we've had,

322
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,156
we probably shouldn't be
starting any more fires--

323
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,323
Bon?

324
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,491
[snoring]

325
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,120
[brushing]

326
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,708
When did we get
so boring, Joe?

327
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,462
[♪ suspenseful music playing]

328
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,339
Speak for yourself.

329
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,216
Joey Goodtimes
and boring go together

330
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:05,053
like peanut butter and jelly.
I know you guys like that,

331
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:09,057
but in the imaginary mirror
universe, it's a gross combo.

332
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:12,977
So tell me, when was the last time
your friends were excited to see you?

333
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:16,147
When was the last time Bonnie
wanted you to come to bed?

334
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:20,485
[sighs] You're right.
Bonnie and the guys deserve better.

335
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:23,488
I have to go.
Got a ketchup and tuna sandwich over here

336
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:26,824
that ain't gonna eat itself.
Again, mirror universe.

337
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:31,370
[gulps]

338
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:41,631
Okay, Joey's back
so let the good times walk.

339
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:44,258
Wait, so I'm stuck
in here now?

340
00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:46,594
Might as well see
what all the fuss is about.

341
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:47,762
[disgusted gag]

342
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,848
He gets Bonnie,
and I get a crappy mirror sandwich?

343
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,436
[♪ instrumental music playing]

344
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:00,525
[sizzling]

345
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:04,445
I don't know where you get the energy
after a night like that.

346
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,780
Just get over here, babe.

347
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:07,782
I'm gonna do you
right on the counter

348
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,784
where I prepped
the raw chicken.

349
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,286
[both moaning]

350
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:16,040
Your boobs are so wet.

351
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:18,126
You're still holding
the chicken breast.

352
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,088
Oh. Well, in my defense,
I am asleep.

353
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,340
[♪ instrumental music playing]

354
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,431
Good God! He hit it so far,

355
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:35,560
they added a yellow tail
so the viewers at home can enjoy it.

356
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,357
Alright, fellas, let's go.

357
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,693
Good thing we don't need
that golf cart anymore.

358
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:47,029
We get to walk all 18 holes.

359
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,657
Sheesh, I don't even walk
the mini golf course.

360
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,377
[beeping]

361
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,968
Hey, slowpokes,
what do you want to drink?

362
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:10,595
-[both] Beer!
-Pedialyte.

363
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,180
We don't have Pedialyte.

364
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,515
Don't worry, Cleveland,
Joey's got ya.

365
00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:17,351
Ava, give me a warm ginger ale
and a flat Sprite.

366
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,437
Little trick
I learned from nausea TikTok.

367
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,938
My Apple Pay's on,

368
00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:22,815
you can just swipe
my pocket, hun.

369
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:23,941
[beeps]

370
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:26,736
[slurps]

371
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:30,406
Mmm... I can feel it coating
my troubled innards.

372
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:31,824
You know what?

373
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,576
Gimme one of them
clam chowders

374
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:35,286
and a Baby Ruth.

375
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,541
Okay, that's 17, but let's just call it 18
for legal reasons.

376
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,128
And that's another 20 for me.

377
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:47,340
I think it's the Asian half
that makes Tiger Woods talented.

378
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:52,553
Boy, I hope no ground hogs pop up
and drag my ball into the hole.

379
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,638
[thumps]

380
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,640
Because
that would be terrible.

381
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,725
[thumps]

382
00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,518
Sounds like fun up there.
Should we go?

383
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:00,686
Honey? We can't.

384
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,355
It's not February second.

385
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,566
Uch! One day.
Black people get a whole month.

386
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:06,734
Gerald. Don't.

387
00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,611
What? Breast cancer
gets a month.

388
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:09,946
Mustaches get a month.

389
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,822
Not masturbating gets a month!

390
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:13,866
Save it
for your podcast, honey.

391
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,201
[♪ instrumental music playing]

392
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:20,248
I can't believe Joey stayed
to play another round.

393
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:23,459
Yeah, he said
he wanted to get in 54.

394
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,169
I can't even do that math.

395
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:28,506
Not even I can get
in that many holes, tired giggity.

396
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:29,590
It's like he ditched us.

397
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:32,301
Probably because
you don't like to shower after a round.

398
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,720
Yeah, I-- I can smell you
from here.

399
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,180
I forgot my jelly shoes.

400
00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:38,140
It's important to wear them
in the clubhouse

401
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,934
because drainage
in a public locker room--

402
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,561
Alright,
I'm starting the clock.

403
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,187
[gasps] Did you just "Joe" me?

404
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:46,274
If anybody should be "Joe"-ing somebody,
it should be me "Joe"-ing you.

405
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,859
Don't you dare "Joe" me,
you fat turd!

406
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:50,778
[timer ticking]

407
00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:54,657
Wait, guys, guys.
Don't you realize what's happening?

408
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,493
Every friend group
needs to have a bottom friend.

409
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,954
A guy who's doing way worse
than all the rest of us.

410
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,248
And we lost our bottom friend!

411
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:05,042
Three Shirley Temples
for that booth over there.

412
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,461
You're right.
Ever since Joe became awesome,

413
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:10,131
the rest of us are just scrambling
to stay off the bottom.

414
00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:13,551
Without Joe, we're like Oates,
Messina and Garfunkel.

415
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,970
Well, that's a funny cutaway
we don't have time for.

416
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,722
But we gotta get
the old Joe back!

417
00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,557
From the gentleman at the bar.

418
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,976
He told me to tell you,
"Bottoms up".

419
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:24,895
[slurping]

420
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,231
[♪ instrumental music playing]

421
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,694
Hey, Joey, how'd you shoot?

422
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:34,614
Oh, I don't keep score,
but someone else did.

423
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:35,740
Sixty-eight.

424
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,658
Oh cool. Here's a question.

425
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:40,036
Is Bermuda grass something
you can grow anywhere,

426
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,788
or is it like champagne
and it has to come from there?

427
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,498
Oh, that's a long,
boring story

428
00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:46,417
that I have no desire to tell.

429
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:49,503
Joey, is a AAA membership
worth it?

430
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:55,509
I'll have plenty of time to tell you that
when I'm not waiting in line at the DMV.

431
00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:59,889
Or getting up to 40% off tickets
to any participating AMC theater.

432
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:02,892
Hey, whatever this is,
knock it off!

433
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,061
Hey, Joey,
I can never remember,

434
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,063
what group sings this song.

435
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:08,981
[♪ playing,
"Life is a highway"]

436
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,066
♪ Life is a highway ♪

437
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,734
♪ I wanna ride it ♪

438
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,235
♪ All night long ♪

439
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,780
Uh, actually,
it's not a group,

440
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:17,114
it's a person. Tom Cochrane.

441
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:18,699
A Canuck, no less--

442
00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:21,160
I know what you
guys are doing!

443
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,329
You're trying to get
rid of Joey Goodtimes!

444
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,956
Wheel to the light, Joe!
We need you back.

445
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,209
No! But I'm cool now!

446
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,836
The old Joe
was just a crippled punching bag!

447
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:31,921
That's right.

448
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,924
And he was our crippled
punching bag and we miss him.

449
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:38,177
Yeah, we thought we liked
this Joe better, but we don't.

450
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,429
That's right.
The old Joe is the best Joe.

451
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:41,931
I can't go back!

452
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,683
I'll never go back!

453
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:46,644
Fine. I didn't want to have
to do this, but I will.

454
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:50,648
Joe tell us why aren't there
any B batteries?

455
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,233
I-- I won't!

456
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:54,652
Why aren't there
any B batteries?

457
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:58,322
There are!
There are B batteries.

458
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,574
It's just electronics
manufacturers favored

459
00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:03,077
the dimensions
of the new double and triple As.

460
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,371
We all know C and D
found their niche

461
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,039
in high drain situations,

462
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,791
but B slowly disappeared.

463
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,585
Except for European lanterns
and bike lights!

464
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:13,003
[collapses]

465
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:15,172
Joe, it's a miracle!

466
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,424
You can't walk!

467
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,220
[♪ instrumental music playing]

468
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:24,056
And that's why Ralph Nader
deemed it,

469
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:25,766
"unsafe at any speed".

470
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:26,851
[timer dings]

471
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,854
Wow, that was so long
and boring.

472
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:31,605
It's nice
to have you back, Joe.

473
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:35,860
And I enjoy having the space on the booth
seat for my pocket bric-a-brac back.

474
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:38,946
Hey, what did you end up doing
with the rest of those pills I gave you?

475
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:42,575
I dumped them in the 18th hole
in honor of Joey Goodtimes.

476
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:43,826
[slicing]

477
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,371
Oh, Gerald. [laughs]
What are you doing?

478
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,665
Don't worry about
what I'm doing, baby.

479
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,667
Worry about
what I'm about to do.

480
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:55,588
I'm gonna turn Groundhog Day
into poundhog day.

481
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:59,341
[playful] Gerald,
I'm cooking an acorn.

482
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:01,969
[♪ closing theme music
playing]