1 00:00:00,708 --> 00:00:03,877 ¶ it seems today that all you see ¶ 2 00:00:03,945 --> 00:00:07,214 ¶ is violence in movies and sex on tv ¶ 3 00:00:07,281 --> 00:00:10,350 ¶ but where are those good old-fashioned values ¶ 4 00:00:10,418 --> 00:00:13,320 ¶ on which we used to rely? ¶ 5 00:00:13,387 --> 00:00:17,257 ¶ lucky there's a family guy ¶ 6 00:00:17,325 --> 00:00:20,126 ¶ lucky there's a man who positively can do ¶ 7 00:00:20,194 --> 00:00:21,728 ¶ all the things that make us ¶ 8 00:00:21,796 --> 00:00:23,463 ¶ laugh and cry ¶ 9 00:00:23,531 --> 00:00:26,333 ¶ he's... A... Fam... Ily... Guy! ¶ 10 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,668 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com www.bierdopje.com 11 00:00:34,191 --> 00:00:35,858 Hi, chris. 12 00:00:35,926 --> 00:00:37,460 How'd you do on your science test? 13 00:00:37,528 --> 00:00:38,694 I got a "d." 14 00:00:38,762 --> 00:00:40,730 A "d"? That's fantastic! 15 00:00:40,797 --> 00:00:42,565 Just kiddin'. I know it means you suck. 16 00:00:42,633 --> 00:00:44,467 Come here, you delightful idiot. 17 00:00:44,535 --> 00:00:45,835 Another "d," chris? 18 00:00:45,903 --> 00:00:48,638 I'm sorry, mom, but science is so hard. 19 00:00:48,705 --> 00:00:50,673 Well, maybe you just need a little extra help. 20 00:00:50,741 --> 00:00:52,642 Dad, would you help me with my homework? 21 00:00:52,709 --> 00:00:54,544 Uh, chris, I've got to tell you, that sounds worse 22 00:00:54,611 --> 00:00:56,145 Than a trip to a failing mall. 23 00:00:57,447 --> 00:00:58,681 All right, kids, your mom is 24 00:00:58,749 --> 00:01:00,583 Going to go to the cinnabon that has the cage 25 00:01:00,651 --> 00:01:02,251 Pulled halfway down, and I'm going to go 26 00:01:02,319 --> 00:01:04,754 To the stereo store next to the dead fountain with garbage in it. 27 00:01:04,821 --> 00:01:06,989 Let's say we meet back here under the glue outline 28 00:01:07,057 --> 00:01:08,658 Of the old limited sign. 29 00:01:08,725 --> 00:01:10,359 Well, it doesn't matter anyway. 30 00:01:10,427 --> 00:01:12,528 Every time I try to study, the evil monkey 31 00:01:12,596 --> 00:01:14,430 Comes out of my closet and scares me. 32 00:01:19,002 --> 00:01:21,537 Oh, for god's sake, chris, you're in high school now. 33 00:01:21,605 --> 00:01:23,472 Stop talking about that evil monkey. 34 00:01:23,540 --> 00:01:24,540 He's not real. 35 00:01:24,608 --> 00:01:25,875 He is too real! 36 00:01:25,943 --> 00:01:27,076 I can prove it! 37 00:01:27,144 --> 00:01:28,444 Well, you'll have to do a better job 38 00:01:28,512 --> 00:01:29,979 Than you did on your science test. 39 00:01:30,047 --> 00:01:31,781 Or than god did when he left the iron 40 00:01:31,848 --> 00:01:33,449 On ellen barkin's face too long. 41 00:01:35,252 --> 00:01:36,285 Oh, damn. 42 00:01:36,353 --> 00:01:37,987 How is it? You know what? 43 00:01:38,055 --> 00:01:39,755 We'll put you in the '80s. You'll pass for hot. 44 00:01:39,823 --> 00:01:41,057 Now get in the van with kelly mcgillis. 45 00:01:42,292 --> 00:01:45,394 Next stop: Hollywood! 46 00:01:45,462 --> 00:01:47,763 (braying) 47 00:01:51,235 --> 00:01:53,769 Tv announcer: Up next, the hannah montana marathon. 48 00:01:53,837 --> 00:01:55,905 Yes! And for all you fans, 49 00:01:55,973 --> 00:01:58,574 The miley cyrus tour is coming to the quahog civic center 50 00:01:58,642 --> 00:01:59,842 For three nights only. 51 00:01:59,910 --> 00:02:01,544 Call to get your tickets now! 52 00:02:01,612 --> 00:02:03,613 Oh! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! 53 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,248 But not now, 'cause it just sold out. 54 00:02:05,315 --> 00:02:07,083 What? Oh, no! No! No, no! No! 55 00:02:07,150 --> 00:02:08,684 I'm calling anyway! 56 00:02:08,752 --> 00:02:10,653 I need hannah montana tickets and I need them now! 57 00:02:10,721 --> 00:02:13,155 Never mind who this is! Can you get them or not? 58 00:02:13,223 --> 00:02:15,091 I guess I should dial something first. 59 00:02:15,158 --> 00:02:17,093 What's all the noise? What are you watching? 60 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:18,894 Sorry, but you know the rules. 61 00:02:18,962 --> 00:02:20,763 Hannah can't do the photo shoot 62 00:02:20,831 --> 00:02:22,999 Until miley finishes her homework. 63 00:02:23,066 --> 00:02:24,333 You can't tell hannah what to do. 64 00:02:24,401 --> 00:02:25,635 She's not your daughter. 65 00:02:25,702 --> 00:02:28,371 Wait, so miley's my daughter, but hannah isn't? 66 00:02:28,438 --> 00:02:30,072 Right. Great. 67 00:02:30,140 --> 00:02:31,140 Put your wig on. 68 00:02:31,208 --> 00:02:32,608 (audience laughter sound effect) 69 00:02:32,676 --> 00:02:34,844 Shut up! This is real. 70 00:02:34,911 --> 00:02:37,446 Ha! You're watching hannah montana? 71 00:02:37,514 --> 00:02:39,382 Well, yeah. To make fun of it. 72 00:02:39,449 --> 00:02:41,851 I mean, look how stupid she is with her clothes 73 00:02:41,918 --> 00:02:44,186 And her makeup and, and-and, and, 74 00:02:44,254 --> 00:02:46,555 And that fabulous hair and, oh, my god! 75 00:02:46,623 --> 00:02:48,958 Brian, it's my favorite show! It's my favorite show ever! 76 00:02:49,026 --> 00:02:50,293 Gay. And she's coming to town 77 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:51,694 And I have to get tickets, brian. 78 00:02:51,762 --> 00:02:53,429 You have to help me get tickets! No. 79 00:02:53,497 --> 00:02:55,765 It's a stupid show and a huge waste of time. 80 00:02:55,832 --> 00:02:59,568 (voice breaking): But... She's my favorite. 81 00:02:59,636 --> 00:03:01,871 Oh, my god, are you... Are you crying? 82 00:03:01,938 --> 00:03:04,206 (crying): Yes! Hannah montana is my hero! 83 00:03:04,274 --> 00:03:05,708 I love her so, so much. 84 00:03:05,776 --> 00:03:07,977 And this is the only time she's gonna be in town 85 00:03:08,045 --> 00:03:09,578 And now I'll never get to see her! 86 00:03:09,646 --> 00:03:11,380 Will you help me? 87 00:03:11,448 --> 00:03:13,115 (sighs) all right, fine. 88 00:03:16,953 --> 00:03:18,354 Hey, chris. 89 00:03:18,422 --> 00:03:20,723 You want to practice kissing again? I'm busy. 90 00:03:20,791 --> 00:03:23,192 I set up a video camera last night so I can prove 91 00:03:23,260 --> 00:03:25,328 To mom and dad that the evil monkey is real, 92 00:03:25,395 --> 00:03:26,796 And I want to see what I got. 93 00:03:43,947 --> 00:03:45,181 (tape squeals while fast-forwarding) 94 00:03:58,028 --> 00:03:59,862 (fast-forwarding) 95 00:04:04,034 --> 00:04:06,068 Huh. Nothin'. 96 00:04:06,136 --> 00:04:08,938 All right, it's time to play rough. 97 00:04:28,692 --> 00:04:31,594 I got you, you bastard! 98 00:04:33,730 --> 00:04:36,065 Well, here he is. 99 00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:37,967 The evil monkey! 100 00:04:38,034 --> 00:04:39,568 Do you believe me now?! 101 00:04:39,636 --> 00:04:40,970 Holy crap! 102 00:04:41,037 --> 00:04:42,271 It is real! 103 00:04:42,339 --> 00:04:45,107 Oh, my god! I thought I was the only one. 104 00:04:45,175 --> 00:04:47,109 Meg, we're do-- we're doin'... 105 00:04:47,177 --> 00:04:48,477 We're doin' chris' monkey. 106 00:04:53,849 --> 00:04:56,083 Oh, my god, chris was right! 107 00:04:56,151 --> 00:04:58,185 Holy crap, chris, is that thing dangerous? 108 00:04:58,253 --> 00:05:00,054 Yes, he's evil! 109 00:05:00,122 --> 00:05:01,422 I'm not really evil. 110 00:05:01,490 --> 00:05:02,690 (gasps) it talks! 111 00:05:02,758 --> 00:05:04,125 If-if someone will please untie me, 112 00:05:04,192 --> 00:05:05,593 I'll explain everything. 113 00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:06,894 No, dad, don't do it! 114 00:05:06,962 --> 00:05:08,095 He's evil! 115 00:05:08,163 --> 00:05:09,363 Look, just trust me. 116 00:05:09,431 --> 00:05:11,399 This is all a huge misunderstanding. 117 00:05:11,466 --> 00:05:13,834 Chris, I think we should give him a chance to explain himself. 118 00:05:13,902 --> 00:05:15,202 No! 119 00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:18,472 (sighs) thank you very much. 120 00:05:18,540 --> 00:05:20,107 Now, I know this looks bad, 121 00:05:20,175 --> 00:05:21,842 Me living in your son's closet and all, 122 00:05:21,910 --> 00:05:24,245 But it's a very complex situation. 123 00:05:24,312 --> 00:05:26,914 You see, basically, I got home from work one day, 124 00:05:26,982 --> 00:05:29,550 And found my wife cheating on me with another monkey. 125 00:05:29,618 --> 00:05:31,318 Oh, that's terrible. 126 00:05:31,386 --> 00:05:33,788 I fell into a deep depression after the divorce, 127 00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:35,456 Which ended up costing me my job. 128 00:05:35,524 --> 00:05:37,892 All my money was gone, which means I lost the house. 129 00:05:37,959 --> 00:05:39,226 So, I moved into chris' closet, 130 00:05:39,294 --> 00:05:41,061 Just until I got back on my feet again. 131 00:05:41,129 --> 00:05:43,497 Wound up living in there for nine years. 132 00:05:43,565 --> 00:05:46,066 Oh, my god, you've missed so much! 133 00:05:46,134 --> 00:05:47,568 Like when america was attacked 134 00:05:47,636 --> 00:05:49,804 By mentally challenged suicide bombers. 135 00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:51,372 Allahu akbar! 136 00:05:52,841 --> 00:05:54,108 You know something? 137 00:05:54,176 --> 00:05:55,976 You're not evil at all, are you? 138 00:05:56,044 --> 00:05:57,445 No, he's not. 139 00:05:57,512 --> 00:05:59,613 He's just a poor fellow who's down on his luck. 140 00:05:59,681 --> 00:06:01,048 Easy for you to say! 141 00:06:01,116 --> 00:06:03,918 He doesn't hide in your closet making a scary face! 142 00:06:03,985 --> 00:06:05,686 That's just the face I make when I'm thinking. 143 00:06:05,754 --> 00:06:07,121 And you're always pointing at me! 144 00:06:07,189 --> 00:06:08,856 I was trying to start a conversation. 145 00:06:08,924 --> 00:06:10,558 And you do that weird trembling thing! 146 00:06:10,625 --> 00:06:11,859 I have a copper deficiency. 147 00:06:11,927 --> 00:06:13,861 Look, chris, I'm sorry if I scared you before, 148 00:06:13,929 --> 00:06:16,263 But this is a great chance for us to start over. 149 00:06:16,331 --> 00:06:17,731 No, it isn't! 150 00:06:17,799 --> 00:06:20,234 You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me! 151 00:06:20,302 --> 00:06:21,335 You go to hell! 152 00:06:36,418 --> 00:06:39,420 (indistinct conversations) 153 00:06:44,893 --> 00:06:46,260 (gasps) 154 00:06:46,328 --> 00:06:49,129 (indistinct conversation) 155 00:06:49,197 --> 00:06:50,798 Okay, now remember to play it cool. 156 00:06:50,866 --> 00:06:52,600 Act like you belong here. 157 00:06:52,667 --> 00:06:54,835 Oh, my god, miley! I love you! I love you! 158 00:06:54,903 --> 00:06:56,003 I love you! I'm your biggest fan! 159 00:06:56,071 --> 00:06:57,605 Can I touch your hair?! (screams) 160 00:06:57,672 --> 00:06:58,606 Who are you guys? 161 00:06:58,673 --> 00:06:59,940 How did you get back here? 162 00:07:00,008 --> 00:07:01,342 Look, I'm really sorry about this. 163 00:07:01,409 --> 00:07:02,943 This is my friend stewie. 164 00:07:03,011 --> 00:07:06,247 H-he's just a baby and he's your biggest fan and... 165 00:07:06,314 --> 00:07:07,481 He has cancer. 166 00:07:07,549 --> 00:07:09,316 Oh, my god! Really? 167 00:07:09,384 --> 00:07:10,951 Yeah, he's got a tumor in his head 168 00:07:11,019 --> 00:07:13,320 The size of a football. I think I can see it. 169 00:07:13,388 --> 00:07:14,722 Well, in that case, 170 00:07:14,789 --> 00:07:16,757 I wouldn't feel right about throwing you out. 171 00:07:16,825 --> 00:07:18,692 Especially if you're my biggest fan. 172 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,160 (shudders happily) 173 00:07:23,098 --> 00:07:25,799 I mean, sarah silverman is just one of the most 174 00:07:25,867 --> 00:07:27,601 Wonderful people you'll ever meet. 175 00:07:27,669 --> 00:07:29,169 Oh, that's so good to hear. 176 00:07:29,237 --> 00:07:31,305 I want to like her. She's so funny. 177 00:07:31,373 --> 00:07:33,073 I want her to also be nice. 178 00:07:33,141 --> 00:07:36,110 Well, I'm glad you guys are having such a great time 179 00:07:36,177 --> 00:07:39,213 With that evil thing that tortured me for years! 180 00:07:39,281 --> 00:07:41,982 Dad, I thought you were going to help me with my book report. 181 00:07:42,050 --> 00:07:44,318 Chris, there is a monkey here. 182 00:07:44,386 --> 00:07:46,687 And I just fed him a whole bag of subway sandwiches. 183 00:07:46,755 --> 00:07:48,722 In a couple hours, we are going to sit around 184 00:07:48,790 --> 00:07:51,025 And throw his soft bread stool at each other. 185 00:07:51,092 --> 00:07:52,993 Now, you are welcome to be a part of that. 186 00:07:53,061 --> 00:07:54,395 Or not. 187 00:07:54,462 --> 00:07:56,463 I'm just telling you what's gonna happen. 188 00:07:56,531 --> 00:07:58,732 Well, thanks for nothing, dad! 189 00:08:00,235 --> 00:08:01,635 Don't mind him, monkey. 190 00:08:01,703 --> 00:08:03,537 He's just a big disappointment. 191 00:08:03,605 --> 00:08:06,040 Like things that look like dvds from far away. 192 00:08:06,107 --> 00:08:07,775 (gasps): Dvds! 193 00:08:07,842 --> 00:08:08,909 Aw, books. 194 00:08:23,291 --> 00:08:24,658 (keys clacking) 195 00:08:27,862 --> 00:08:29,897 (scratching) 196 00:08:29,965 --> 00:08:32,199 Ah... That feels so good. 197 00:08:32,267 --> 00:08:33,667 You are an artist. 198 00:08:33,735 --> 00:08:34,969 Thank you. 199 00:08:35,036 --> 00:08:36,971 Lois doesn't like my toenails 200 00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:38,706 'cause they stab her in the night. 201 00:08:38,773 --> 00:08:40,007 Hear that, lois? 202 00:08:40,075 --> 00:08:41,842 Somebody likes my toenails. 203 00:08:41,910 --> 00:08:43,043 Good for you, peter. 204 00:08:43,111 --> 00:08:44,778 Good for this family. 205 00:08:44,846 --> 00:08:46,413 Good for all of us. 206 00:08:46,481 --> 00:08:47,848 Mom! Dad! 207 00:08:47,916 --> 00:08:49,917 I got an "a" on my book report! 208 00:08:49,985 --> 00:08:51,518 That's wonderful, honey! 209 00:08:51,586 --> 00:08:53,687 Congratulations, chris. What'd you write about? 210 00:08:53,755 --> 00:08:55,122 I, um... 211 00:08:55,190 --> 00:08:58,592 "the slave trade allegory of curious george." 212 00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:00,594 W-wait a minute, I didn't-- I didn't write this. 213 00:09:00,662 --> 00:09:02,062 Oh, really? 214 00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:04,231 Did... Did you write this? 215 00:09:04,299 --> 00:09:06,200 Well, I can't take all the credit. 216 00:09:06,267 --> 00:09:08,569 I've been listening to you talk in your sleep for years, 217 00:09:08,637 --> 00:09:10,704 So I just put your thoughts on paper, that's all. 218 00:09:10,772 --> 00:09:14,508 Wow, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. 219 00:09:14,576 --> 00:09:17,745 Thanks, evil monk-- thanks, monkey. 220 00:09:17,812 --> 00:09:19,947 Ah, I'd get up to hug you, but sittin' down's 221 00:09:20,015 --> 00:09:21,248 The only thing keepin' the poop in. 222 00:09:21,316 --> 00:09:22,349 Nah, that's okay. 223 00:09:26,221 --> 00:09:28,055 I can't believe I'm sitting here 224 00:09:28,123 --> 00:09:29,523 With you, miley cyrus. 225 00:09:29,591 --> 00:09:30,991 It's like I'm in a dream. 226 00:09:31,059 --> 00:09:32,593 Well, that makes me happy, stewie. 227 00:09:32,661 --> 00:09:33,961 What are you doing? 228 00:09:34,029 --> 00:09:35,696 Oh, I'm just writing some new lyrics. 229 00:09:35,764 --> 00:09:37,031 Oh, you write your own lyrics? 230 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:39,800 Yeah. So do I... 231 00:09:39,868 --> 00:09:41,702 Oh, you wrote a song? 232 00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:42,870 Look at you. 233 00:09:42,937 --> 00:09:44,705 You're a regular little tim mcgraw. 234 00:09:44,773 --> 00:09:47,007 (chuckling): Oh, oh, I'm... 235 00:09:47,075 --> 00:09:49,309 I'm-I'm a little better than tim mcgraw. 236 00:09:49,377 --> 00:09:51,679 Hey, these are pretty good, stewie. 237 00:09:51,746 --> 00:09:52,846 Really? 238 00:09:52,914 --> 00:09:54,248 Do you think you could sing them? 239 00:09:54,315 --> 00:09:55,783 Only if you sing with me. 240 00:09:55,850 --> 00:09:57,384 (squealing): Ooh! Ooh! 241 00:09:57,452 --> 00:09:59,286 (pop intro begins) 242 00:10:01,189 --> 00:10:03,924 ¶ you and I didn't quite get along ¶ 243 00:10:03,992 --> 00:10:06,093 ¶ when we first met ¶ 244 00:10:08,263 --> 00:10:10,364 ¶ when you put us together ¶ 245 00:10:10,432 --> 00:10:13,033 ¶ we just didn't blend ¶ 246 00:10:15,336 --> 00:10:17,404 ¶ but the more that I know you ¶ 247 00:10:17,472 --> 00:10:19,707 ¶ the more it's a good bet ¶ 248 00:10:22,544 --> 00:10:24,311 ¶ that we've got what it takes ¶ 249 00:10:24,379 --> 00:10:27,181 ¶ to be very best friends... ¶ 250 00:10:29,417 --> 00:10:32,319 Miley & stewie: ¶ friendship is the best thing ever ¶ 251 00:10:32,387 --> 00:10:34,455 Miley: ¶ except for best friendship ¶ 252 00:10:34,522 --> 00:10:36,190 ¶ which is a little better ¶ 253 00:10:36,257 --> 00:10:38,158 Stewie: ¶ you mean a lot better ¶ 254 00:10:38,226 --> 00:10:39,860 Miley: ¶ I mean a lot better ¶ 255 00:10:39,928 --> 00:10:41,762 Stewie: ¶ now we're friends ¶ 256 00:10:41,830 --> 00:10:44,765 ¶ yes it's true that no one else ¶ 257 00:10:44,833 --> 00:10:47,101 ¶ can friend me like you ¶ 258 00:10:49,003 --> 00:10:52,573 Miley & stewie: ¶ friendship is the best thing ever ¶ 259 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:56,009 Miley: ¶ except for best friendship which is a little better ¶ 260 00:10:56,077 --> 00:10:57,678 Stewie: ¶ you mean a lot better ¶ 261 00:10:57,746 --> 00:11:00,814 Miley: ¶ I mean a lot better... ¶ 262 00:11:00,882 --> 00:11:02,583 Miley & stewie: ¶ with you. ¶ 263 00:11:07,806 --> 00:11:09,273 Hey, where you guys been? 264 00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:11,341 We went to the father/son barbecue. 265 00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:13,944 You drove all the way up to fatherson for a barbecue? 266 00:11:14,012 --> 00:11:17,047 No, dad, it was a barbecue for fathers and sons. 267 00:11:17,115 --> 00:11:18,749 Wait a minute-- you went with the monkey 268 00:11:18,817 --> 00:11:20,317 To a father/son thing? 269 00:11:20,385 --> 00:11:22,720 Well, it's not like you ever take me anywhere. 270 00:11:22,787 --> 00:11:24,254 What? Oh, listen, peter, I didn't... 271 00:11:24,322 --> 00:11:26,190 Meg, please! It's true. 272 00:11:26,257 --> 00:11:27,891 You never want to do anything with me! 273 00:11:27,959 --> 00:11:30,894 But the monkey's been taking me to all the fun places I like, 274 00:11:30,962 --> 00:11:33,197 And he's been helping me with all my homework! 275 00:11:33,264 --> 00:11:36,100 He helped me get an "a" in algebra! 276 00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:38,168 How did the monkey know you needed help with algebra? 277 00:11:38,236 --> 00:11:40,104 Because he asked! 278 00:11:41,272 --> 00:11:42,639 That's right, dad. 279 00:11:42,707 --> 00:11:44,775 You never ask, and even if you did, 280 00:11:44,843 --> 00:11:46,276 You never listen! 281 00:11:46,344 --> 00:11:47,911 And now you're getting mad at the monkey 282 00:11:47,979 --> 00:11:49,646 Because he actually cares? 283 00:11:49,714 --> 00:11:51,515 Screw you! 284 00:11:51,583 --> 00:11:54,885 You are the worst dad in the world and I hate you! 285 00:11:54,953 --> 00:11:57,087 Well... Well, I hate you, too! 286 00:11:58,256 --> 00:11:59,590 Ah, damn. 287 00:11:59,657 --> 00:12:02,292 I left my cell phone up at that monkey/kid barbecue. 288 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,094 I thought you said it was a father/son barbecue. 289 00:12:04,162 --> 00:12:05,562 Yeah, but it was up in monkeykid. 290 00:12:05,630 --> 00:12:07,064 What?! 291 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:22,041 Boy, you guys have been awful quiet this morning. 292 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:25,244 Lois, could you ask chris to pass the maple syrup? 293 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,012 Meg, could you tell dad 294 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,048 That he's too fat to need extra syrup? 295 00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,317 Lois, could you tell chris that I'm sorry 296 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:34,253 I ever planted the seed version of him in your vagina? 297 00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:35,721 I want you two to stop this. 298 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:38,057 This is no way for a father and son to act. 299 00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:39,658 Well, according to him, that stupid monkey's 300 00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,527 More of a father to him than I am. 301 00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:44,196 He makes time for me and you never do. 302 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:47,399 You're supposed to love me and all you do is hurt me. 303 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,201 This morning I had a hard poo that hurt, 304 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,503 But then it felt great. 305 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,271 Meg, I'm trying to be mad right now, 306 00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:53,739 But that's making me want to smile. 307 00:12:58,445 --> 00:12:59,578 (laughing) 308 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,514 This'll get chris. 309 00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:03,682 Hey, classmates. 310 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,151 Griffin. Did you gain weight? 311 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:06,485 Eh, that's not important. 312 00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:07,720 But you know what is important? 313 00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:09,221 I'm gay now. 314 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,757 Let's all of us go be gay somewhere together. 315 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,359 And then you go tell all your friends 316 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,761 That I welcome them to be gay with me, too. 317 00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,997 Because I am gay. 318 00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:19,298 I'll be gay with you. 319 00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,600 Oh, this is too perfect. 320 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:24,003 Chris is going to be so gay by the end of this. 321 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,475 What's this? 322 00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:32,411 "put your head between these two restrained logs 323 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,979 And win a free hat"? 324 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,682 Well, that's a no-brainer. 325 00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:38,884 Come on, you fat (bleep). 326 00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:39,985 Do it. 327 00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:44,757 (screaming) 328 00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:46,659 (laughing) 329 00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:49,895 Who's laughing now? 330 00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:52,331 I got my hat. 331 00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:58,003 Hey, guys. I stopped at pinkberry 332 00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,505 And I got some for everybody. 333 00:13:59,573 --> 00:14:01,340 Wow, thanks. You're welcome. 334 00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,676 I've got to go put on my face for press interviews. 335 00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,011 Stewie, can you hand me my cell phone? Oh, sure. 336 00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,413 (static crackles) 337 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,415 Thanks! 338 00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:10,783 That was weird-- did you hear that 339 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,251 When I was giving her the phone? 340 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:14,854 No. It was like, interference or something. 341 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,323 Wait a second. 342 00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:27,700 (both gasp) 343 00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:32,238 Oh, my god! 344 00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:33,772 She's an android! 345 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,741 Miley cyrus is an android! 346 00:14:35,809 --> 00:14:37,042 Of course. 347 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:39,078 She's a product of disney imagineering. 348 00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:41,580 They built a perfect robot teen idol. 349 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,682 Yes, assuring that she could never fail. 350 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,718 Like famous duelist sir henry 351 00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,753 "giant-hole-in-the-torso" wickenshire. 352 00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,322 (gunshot) 353 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,091 Aha! Right through me! 354 00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:55,060 Prepare for returned fire, sir joseph broadfront. 355 00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,596 I give you one last chance to rescind 356 00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,865 Your insult of calling me a "common dandy." 357 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,834 Never! 358 00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,642 My god, I can't believe she's an android. 359 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:12,144 Do you think we should tell someone or do something? 360 00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:13,679 Well, we could do something. 361 00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,314 Like what? Well, look at her. 362 00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:18,217 She dances like a real girl. She moves like a real girl. 363 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,852 Yeah? 364 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,954 Do you think she does other stuff like a real girl? 365 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,589 You know, if you reprogrammed her? 366 00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:25,257 Brian, that's sick! She's 16! 367 00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:26,659 I'm eight. 368 00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,193 All right, I'll see what I can do. 369 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:30,729 Hey, miley. 370 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:31,964 Oh, hi, stewie. 371 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,599 Hey, um, your shirt tag is showing. 372 00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:34,934 Let me just, uh... 373 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,204 There we go, all done. 374 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,173 (electricity crackling) 375 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:42,374 Um... 376 00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:46,078 Miley smash! 377 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,013 (roaring) 378 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:49,415 Uh-oh... Hang on, hang on. 379 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:50,582 Maybe I can fix this. 380 00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:53,252 (growling) 381 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,653 Run! 382 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,158 Monkey, do you think you could help me? 383 00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:01,026 I just can't stand peter and chris 384 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:02,594 Being at each other's throats anymore. 385 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,697 Of course, lois; I'm sure if we can just 386 00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:06,131 Get them in the same room together, 387 00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,766 I can convince them to talk it out. 388 00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,368 Why don't you invite peter to lunch, 389 00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:11,704 And I'll invite chris, and we'll see what we can do. 390 00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:14,440 Oh, thank you. I really appreciate it. 391 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,714 What the hell are you doing here? 392 00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,015 I thought I was meeting lois. 393 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:24,683 She wanted me to talk to you guys 394 00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:26,118 About the way you've been behaving. 395 00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:28,120 Look, monkey, chris is being a jerk, all right? 396 00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,688 And there is nothing you can say 397 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,590 That will make me change my mind about that. 398 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,258 Peter, you're acting bananas. 399 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,194 (laughs) all right, I'll listen. 400 00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:37,596 You're both good guys and that's why it's important 401 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,264 For you to reconcile your differences. 402 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,100 Chris, I know you're angry, 403 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,935 But do you really hate your father? 404 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,437 No, I just think he's a douche. 405 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,172 Sometimes he is. 406 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,842 And peter, do you really hate your son? 407 00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:53,145 No, but sometimes he's such a little fat jerk. 408 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,914 Well, it's only because you never have any time for me! 409 00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:57,383 Peter, do you think you could make 410 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,118 A little more time for your son? 411 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,120 Yeah, I guess so. 412 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,756 (stewie & brian screaming) 413 00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,524 What the hell was that about? 414 00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,159 Was that stewie and brian? 415 00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:08,627 (miley roaring) 416 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,896 (people screaming) 417 00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:11,964 (explosion) 418 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:15,000 (roaring continues) 419 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:24,109 (roars) 420 00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:26,011 (gasps) it's miley cyrus! 421 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:27,813 And she's destroying the city! 422 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,516 Oh, my god! 423 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,851 Ms. Cyrus, I ask you to stop what you're doing. 424 00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,820 I don't just mean this, I mean everything: 425 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:37,723 The show, the music-- it's all just awful. 426 00:17:37,791 --> 00:17:40,192 (roaring) 427 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,760 (monkey screams) 428 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,733 Dad, we've got to help him! 429 00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:48,801 Do something! 430 00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,135 What am I supposed to do?! 431 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,538 You're my dad! Think of something! 432 00:17:57,811 --> 00:18:00,079 Quagmire, fire up the biplane. 433 00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:02,347 My son needs my help. 434 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:15,461 (roaring) 435 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,802 All right, peter, we're closing in. 436 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:24,937 Get ready to fire. 437 00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:28,907 (laughs along with gun firing) 438 00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:31,243 (giggitys along with gun firing) 439 00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,315 (roaring) 440 00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,056 (roaring) 441 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:50,796 (roars) 442 00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,313 (guns firing) 443 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,328 (roaring) 444 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,544 (roaring) 445 00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:43,949 Monkey! Grab my hand! 446 00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:12,611 Well, the airplane got her. 447 00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,947 Oh, no, it wasn't the airplane. 448 00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:18,283 'twas beauty killed the beast. 449 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,685 You know, brian, here's your shot. 450 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:20,919 Go for it. 451 00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,089 Oop, too late. 452 00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:25,257 No, it's not. 453 00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:30,762 Thanks for everything, monkey. 454 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:33,865 You made me realize how much chris really means to me 455 00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:37,169 And how I should always remember not to take him for granted. 456 00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:38,937 Well, sometimes all anybody needs 457 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,606 Is a little bit of a wake-up call. 458 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,407 And now that you two are getting along again, 459 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:43,875 My work here is done. 460 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,477 Guess I'll be moving on now. 461 00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,045 You have to leave? 462 00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,580 But I thought you were gonna go 463 00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,349 Back to living in my closet again. 464 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,551 I think that time of my life is over, chris. 465 00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:53,752 But I'll always remember you. 466 00:20:56,990 --> 00:20:59,324 But... Where will you go? 467 00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:00,959 I'll go where I'm needed. 468 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:05,960 Sync by honeybunny 469 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:10,402 Dad, there's an evil monkey in my closet! 470 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:12,938 Tom: I don't care, son. I just do not care.