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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,183 --> 00:00:07,092
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,126 --> 00:00:10,970
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,004 --> 00:00:13,979
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:17,198
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:24,375 --> 00:00:28,375
♪ Family Guy 13x13 ♪
Dr. C and the Women
Original Air Date on March 15, 2015
11
00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:34,176
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
12
00:00:34,177 --> 00:00:36,391
Hey! Are you a big, fat bastard
13
00:00:36,526 --> 00:00:38,229
who loves eating at
Outback Steakhouse,
14
00:00:38,263 --> 00:00:40,629
but thinks the portions
are too small?
15
00:00:40,663 --> 00:00:42,901
Well, good news, fatass,
16
00:00:42,935 --> 00:00:45,635
'cause now there's
the Outback Steakhouse Extreme!
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00:00:45,669 --> 00:00:47,132
We don't have a Bloomin' Onion,
18
00:00:47,174 --> 00:00:49,302
we have a Bloomin' Pumpkin!
19
00:00:49,344 --> 00:00:50,775
You know what else we got?
20
00:00:50,809 --> 00:00:52,112
Elephant steaks!
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00:00:52,146 --> 00:00:54,083
50-pound elephant steaks!
22
00:00:54,117 --> 00:00:57,088
And why don't you wash it down
with 40 ounces of malt liquor
23
00:00:57,122 --> 00:00:58,962
and ranch dressing,
you fat!
24
00:00:58,996 --> 00:01:01,265
Outback Steakhouse Extreme!
25
00:01:01,299 --> 00:01:04,170
Punish! Your! Toilet!
26
00:01:04,204 --> 00:01:05,972
Aw, man,
I bet that's where
27
00:01:06,006 --> 00:01:08,174
Crocodile Dundee
eats every night.
28
00:01:08,208 --> 00:01:11,111
Everything in Australia
is so fancy.
29
00:01:11,145 --> 00:01:13,152
Yeah, Australia's
a beautiful place.
30
00:01:13,186 --> 00:01:14,352
The best thing
about going there
31
00:01:14,386 --> 00:01:16,153
is you get to fly
over the Pacific Ocean.
32
00:01:16,187 --> 00:01:17,953
The greatest ocean
of all time.
33
00:01:17,987 --> 00:01:19,889
Tell me you're joking.
34
00:01:19,923 --> 00:01:21,289
Everyone knows that,
pound for pound,
35
00:01:21,323 --> 00:01:22,961
the Atlantic is
the best ocean.
36
00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:24,697
"Pound for pound"?
37
00:01:24,731 --> 00:01:26,161
What are you talking about?
You can't weigh the ocean.
38
00:01:26,195 --> 00:01:27,561
Yeah, scientists can.
39
00:01:27,603 --> 00:01:28,897
They're doing
it all the time.
40
00:01:28,931 --> 00:01:29,969
Pick up a book.
41
00:01:30,003 --> 00:01:31,737
You're an idiot!
I'm an idiot?
42
00:01:31,771 --> 00:01:33,400
All anybody remembers
about your argument
43
00:01:33,434 --> 00:01:35,168
is that you're
in a wheelchair!
44
00:01:37,337 --> 00:01:38,576
Guys, guys...
45
00:01:38,610 --> 00:01:39,912
Let's stop
escalatin'
46
00:01:39,946 --> 00:01:41,911
and take the stairs
for a minute.
47
00:01:41,945 --> 00:01:43,375
What?
What are you talking about?
48
00:01:43,416 --> 00:01:45,542
I'm saying you both
are making good points.
49
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:48,316
But sometimes two rights
can make a wrong.
50
00:01:48,350 --> 00:01:50,579
I just... I just like
the Pacific Ocean!
51
00:01:50,613 --> 00:01:52,178
It's a good ocean.
52
00:01:52,220 --> 00:01:53,513
And so is
the Atlantic.
53
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,184
Isn't this
a beautiful planet
54
00:01:55,218 --> 00:01:56,752
you two friends live on?
55
00:01:58,091 --> 00:01:59,225
I guess Cleveland's right.
56
00:01:59,259 --> 00:02:00,825
I'm sorry I got
so hotheaded.
57
00:02:00,859 --> 00:02:02,161
I'm sorry, too.
58
00:02:02,195 --> 00:02:03,994
Here, let me turn
your foot back around.
59
00:02:04,028 --> 00:02:05,994
It kind of got twisted up
in our scuffle there.
60
00:02:06,028 --> 00:02:07,330
Wow, Cleveland.
61
00:02:07,364 --> 00:02:09,201
You calmed them down
just by talking
62
00:02:09,235 --> 00:02:10,730
with your mouth and
your pretty lips.
63
00:02:10,772 --> 00:02:12,170
Oh, it's nothin'.
64
00:02:12,204 --> 00:02:14,203
Just a little something
I learned volunteering
65
00:02:14,237 --> 00:02:16,340
as a youth counselor
down at my church.
66
00:02:16,374 --> 00:02:17,941
Pretty much
just boils down
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00:02:17,982 --> 00:02:19,213
to four or five
catchphrases.
68
00:02:19,247 --> 00:02:20,949
Like what?
69
00:02:20,983 --> 00:02:22,614
Well, there's the
"stop escalatin'" one.
70
00:02:22,648 --> 00:02:24,254
There's
"What do you think it means?"
71
00:02:24,288 --> 00:02:26,022
"Pray on it, stay on it."
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00:02:26,056 --> 00:02:27,886
One's just kind of like a noise:
73
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:29,254
Hmm... mmm?
74
00:02:29,288 --> 00:02:31,023
That's amazing.
75
00:02:31,065 --> 00:02:32,895
Hey, you're way too good
to be doing that for free.
76
00:02:32,929 --> 00:02:34,559
Maybe you should
open up an office.
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00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,040
You know, finally
start chipping away
78
00:02:36,065 --> 00:02:37,566
at some of that
horrendous debt you've got.
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00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,030
Yeah, Peter's right.
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00:02:39,072 --> 00:02:40,566
I mean, it's not like
you've found a job
81
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,070
since you moved
back here anyway.
82
00:02:42,104 --> 00:02:44,469
You know, that's
a not-half-bad idea.
83
00:02:44,503 --> 00:02:48,044
And if I charge
my first patient $117,000,
84
00:02:48,078 --> 00:02:49,276
I'm right back in it.
85
00:02:49,310 --> 00:02:51,707
Thanks for spotting
my potential, Peter!
86
00:02:51,749 --> 00:02:53,043
Hey, no problem, buddy.
87
00:02:53,077 --> 00:02:54,211
I'm pretty perceptive.
88
00:02:54,245 --> 00:02:56,050
That's how I can
always tell which guys
89
00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:58,714
in the Wrangler Jeans
commercials beat their wives.
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00:02:58,748 --> 00:03:00,617
All of 'em.
91
00:03:07,089 --> 00:03:09,009
Go around the block again,
she's still out front.
92
00:03:09,025 --> 00:03:10,727
We've gone around
six times.
93
00:03:10,761 --> 00:03:12,263
Let's just talk to her.
Eh, you're right.
94
00:03:12,297 --> 00:03:15,000
Rip it off quick,
like a Band-Aid.
95
00:03:15,034 --> 00:03:17,495
Hey, Meg, you know
Mr. Quagmire, right? Bye!
96
00:03:17,537 --> 00:03:19,263
Hey, what's
going on here?
97
00:03:19,305 --> 00:03:20,799
Oh, I'm selling
my old Beanie Babies
98
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,103
to make money
for the prom.
99
00:03:22,137 --> 00:03:23,438
That seems
optimistic.
100
00:03:23,472 --> 00:03:25,238
But look, if you want
to make real money,
101
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:26,806
I could try to get you
a job at the airport.
102
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,605
They always need
new TSA screeners.
103
00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:30,677
Really?
Wow, that'd be great!
104
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,076
Thanks, Mr. Quagmire.
105
00:03:32,110 --> 00:03:33,812
And thanks for
taking the time.
106
00:03:33,846 --> 00:03:36,283
Most people aren't
usually that nice to me.
107
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,314
Ugh, gross.
108
00:03:44,322 --> 00:03:47,119
Mayor West, after working
with you for some time now,
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00:03:47,153 --> 00:03:50,086
I believe you are affecting
your weird behaviors.
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00:03:50,128 --> 00:03:52,759
You are doing
deliberately odd things
111
00:03:52,793 --> 00:03:55,864
to mask dark,
maybe even criminal, activities.
112
00:03:55,898 --> 00:03:58,200
You are 100% aware
of what you're doing.
113
00:03:58,234 --> 00:04:00,831
I think you're
a dangerous sociopath.
114
00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:04,301
Cleveland, let me
tell you something.
115
00:04:04,335 --> 00:04:08,307
You're absolutely right.
116
00:04:08,341 --> 00:04:11,305
Well, time to put
on my spaghetti hat!
117
00:04:16,176 --> 00:04:18,046
I just never feel happy.
118
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,110
I strive for these things,
and I get them,
119
00:04:20,144 --> 00:04:23,119
but at the end of the day,
I still don't feel fulfilled.
120
00:04:23,153 --> 00:04:24,446
Hmm.
121
00:04:24,488 --> 00:04:27,376
This is a problem that
requires more tweed.
122
00:04:30,477 --> 00:04:33,678
Is it possible you're not
letting yourself be happy?
123
00:04:33,712 --> 00:04:35,844
Like you don't feel
like you're worth it?
124
00:04:35,878 --> 00:04:37,508
No, that's not it.
125
00:04:37,550 --> 00:04:38,876
Hmm.
126
00:04:41,319 --> 00:04:43,285
Maybe your accomplishments
don't feel real
127
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,685
because your brother
isn't here to see them.
128
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,285
Maybe...
129
00:04:47,327 --> 00:04:49,125
That doesn't feel
quite right, either.
130
00:04:49,159 --> 00:04:51,291
Hmm.
131
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:53,858
You don't want to
outshine your father.
132
00:04:53,892 --> 00:04:55,226
Oh, my God.
133
00:04:55,260 --> 00:04:56,561
Oh, my God!
134
00:04:56,595 --> 00:04:57,961
Whew.
135
00:04:57,995 --> 00:05:00,201
I was damn near out of tweed.
136
00:05:11,175 --> 00:05:13,141
Okay, now, see?
137
00:05:13,175 --> 00:05:14,878
She didn't say
"good morning" to me,
138
00:05:14,912 --> 00:05:17,078
so I put an orange dot
on her boarding pass,
139
00:05:17,112 --> 00:05:19,182
which means they're going
to search her anus.
140
00:05:19,216 --> 00:05:20,688
I noticed you
also circled
141
00:05:20,722 --> 00:05:21,984
a bunch of things
on her ticket.
142
00:05:22,018 --> 00:05:23,256
Why did you
do that?
143
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,352
Because otherwise,
the line moves too quickly.
144
00:05:25,394 --> 00:05:28,193
You see, the whole thing
we're going for here at the TSA
145
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:30,361
is a sort of bored fascism.
146
00:05:30,395 --> 00:05:32,401
Huh.
I think I can handle that.
147
00:05:32,435 --> 00:05:34,834
I did not tell
you to approach!
148
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,171
Great job!
149
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,835
The worst thing
a passenger can do
150
00:05:37,877 --> 00:05:39,843
is approach your podium
before you tell them to.
151
00:05:39,877 --> 00:05:41,907
As bad as those
19 hijackers were,
152
00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:44,779
the people we see here
every day are much worse.
153
00:05:44,813 --> 00:05:47,212
Boy, Larry, there's
a lot to remember.
154
00:05:47,254 --> 00:05:49,020
I... I hope I don't
screw something up.
155
00:05:49,054 --> 00:05:51,220
Trust me, you have
nothing to worry about.
156
00:05:51,254 --> 00:05:52,284
You're basically
un-fireable.
157
00:05:52,326 --> 00:05:53,589
What do you mean?
158
00:05:53,623 --> 00:05:55,261
Come on, Meg.
Look around.
159
00:05:55,295 --> 00:05:57,061
You're the hottest
person who works here.
160
00:06:00,464 --> 00:06:02,030
Oh, wow.
161
00:06:02,064 --> 00:06:03,366
Now that you mention it,
162
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:04,598
everybody does look
kind of dumpy.
163
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:06,303
That's not entirely
their fault.
164
00:06:06,336 --> 00:06:09,072
They're all told to wear
a pair of their dads' pants.
165
00:06:09,114 --> 00:06:10,807
Oh, speaking of
which, tomorrow,
166
00:06:10,841 --> 00:06:13,247
bring in a pair of
your dad's pants.
167
00:06:17,248 --> 00:06:20,286
Peter, you promised me
you would do the dishes.
168
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:21,982
Well, I was doing
the dishes for a while,
169
00:06:22,024 --> 00:06:23,390
but they were
inexperienced,
170
00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:24,759
so I ended up having
to rub one out.
171
00:06:24,793 --> 00:06:26,895
Where in the hell did
you get the idea that
172
00:06:26,929 --> 00:06:28,759
that's what I meant by
"doing the dishes"?
173
00:06:28,793 --> 00:06:31,062
From Dirty Amelia Bedelia.
174
00:06:31,096 --> 00:06:34,432
Almost done vacuuming the rug!
175
00:06:34,466 --> 00:06:36,602
Dammit, Peter!
You're making me crazy!
176
00:06:36,644 --> 00:06:37,907
Well, you know what?
177
00:06:37,941 --> 00:06:39,412
Sounds like you need
some counseling.
178
00:06:39,446 --> 00:06:40,953
Maybe you should go
talk to Cleveland.
179
00:06:40,977 --> 00:06:42,120
Cleveland?
180
00:06:42,121 --> 00:06:44,454
Why would I talk to Cleveland?
He's a therapist now,
181
00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:46,350
and he's really great at helping
people with their problems.
182
00:06:46,384 --> 00:06:48,086
Oh, I see.
183
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,022
You want me to tell
your best friend
184
00:06:50,056 --> 00:06:52,255
my complaints about you
so he can back you up.
185
00:06:52,297 --> 00:06:54,264
The new maid is peeing on me!
186
00:06:54,298 --> 00:06:56,433
And she didn't even say
anything clever about it!
187
00:06:56,467 --> 00:06:58,467
Look, you're the one who said
you were going crazy.
188
00:06:58,499 --> 00:06:59,634
Just talk to him.
189
00:06:59,668 --> 00:07:01,274
He's all about
helping people get well.
190
00:07:01,309 --> 00:07:02,874
Just like Doc Martens.
191
00:07:02,908 --> 00:07:04,675
So, how are you feeling today?
192
00:07:04,709 --> 00:07:07,012
Terrible.
I've got blurry vision.
193
00:07:07,046 --> 00:07:08,610
I feel cold and clammy.
194
00:07:08,644 --> 00:07:11,145
And the nurse told me
there's blood in my stool.
195
00:07:11,179 --> 00:07:13,016
Have you tried
wearing a lesbian shoe?
196
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:14,312
What?
197
00:07:14,354 --> 00:07:16,353
Put this man down for
a pair of lesbian shoes.
198
00:07:18,556 --> 00:07:20,956
Huh.
High fever, weight loss,
199
00:07:20,998 --> 00:07:23,335
and extreme
respiratory difficulty.
200
00:07:23,369 --> 00:07:24,536
Let's have this man intubated
201
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,938
and fit with a pair
of lesbian shoes.
202
00:07:30,341 --> 00:07:31,915
Hi.
203
00:07:31,949 --> 00:07:33,482
Are you the next
crazy person?
204
00:07:33,516 --> 00:07:34,979
Um, I guess so.
205
00:07:35,013 --> 00:07:37,251
I've been pretty depressed
since my wife died.
206
00:07:37,285 --> 00:07:40,522
I'm sorry, I'm tryin' to read
the Costco Connection here.
207
00:07:40,556 --> 00:07:41,986
There they are!
208
00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:43,522
All right, since
you're a patient,
209
00:07:43,556 --> 00:07:45,090
we're gonna talk about you
like you're not here.
210
00:07:45,124 --> 00:07:46,722
You get all of her
squawkin' out, Doc?
211
00:07:46,764 --> 00:07:49,330
Oh, I think we got to
the root of the problem.
212
00:07:49,364 --> 00:07:51,530
Didn't we, Lois?
Absolutely.
213
00:07:51,564 --> 00:07:53,234
All right, let's
dope her up good.
214
00:07:53,268 --> 00:07:54,570
Turn that mouth off.
215
00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:56,370
No, Peter, the problem is you.
216
00:07:56,405 --> 00:07:57,667
What?
217
00:07:57,709 --> 00:07:58,939
What the hell are you doing?
218
00:07:58,973 --> 00:08:00,371
You're supposed to be my friend.
219
00:08:00,405 --> 00:08:03,579
Dr. Brown,
I just killed nine people!
220
00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:05,716
Uh, I mean,
221
00:08:05,750 --> 00:08:07,349
I have ducks
on my feet.
222
00:08:07,383 --> 00:08:09,952
Old, crazy harmless mayor.
223
00:08:09,994 --> 00:08:11,592
Quack quack!
224
00:08:17,018 --> 00:08:18,985
How can Cleveland say
I'm the problem?
225
00:08:19,019 --> 00:08:20,353
All I do is sit
in the bathroom
226
00:08:20,387 --> 00:08:21,721
and play on my phone.
227
00:08:21,755 --> 00:08:23,017
Swipe... wipe...
228
00:08:23,059 --> 00:08:24,121
swipe... wipe...
229
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,520
wipe... swipe...
Uh-oh.
230
00:08:26,554 --> 00:08:27,991
That's a perfect example.
231
00:08:28,025 --> 00:08:30,324
You put no effort
into this marriage.
232
00:08:30,358 --> 00:08:32,957
Cleveland helped me see
that our entire relationship
233
00:08:32,991 --> 00:08:35,030
has been you doing
whatever you want
234
00:08:35,064 --> 00:08:36,798
and me cleaning
up the mess.
235
00:08:36,832 --> 00:08:37,999
By the way,
your Svengali
236
00:08:38,033 --> 00:08:40,370
is out there spraying
birds with a hose.
237
00:08:40,404 --> 00:08:41,907
Ha ha!
238
00:08:41,941 --> 00:08:43,382
Now you're wet!
239
00:08:43,416 --> 00:08:45,047
Peter, I've had enough.
240
00:08:45,081 --> 00:08:47,185
Cleveland and I think
we need to make some changes.
241
00:08:47,219 --> 00:08:48,219
Oh, come on.
242
00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:49,860
Are you serious?
Yeah.
243
00:08:49,894 --> 00:08:51,430
You're gonna start helping
around the house,
244
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:53,231
and we're gonna start
doing things together.
245
00:08:53,265 --> 00:08:54,570
We do stuff together.
246
00:08:54,604 --> 00:08:56,171
Just last night,
247
00:08:56,205 --> 00:08:58,045
I made you keep track
of all the words I know.
248
00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,309
"Shoehorn.orn."
249
00:08:59,343 --> 00:09:00,940
"Engine."
250
00:09:00,982 --> 00:09:03,347
"Football."
251
00:09:03,381 --> 00:09:04,683
Did I say "shoehorn"?
252
00:09:04,717 --> 00:09:06,178
Yes.
Okay.
253
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,480
"Shoehorns."
254
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:09,216
Peter, please...
255
00:09:09,250 --> 00:09:10,950
I've got an early doctor's
appointment tomorrow.
256
00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:12,285
Ooh! "Early."
257
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:13,548
"Doctor."
Put those on there, too.
258
00:09:13,582 --> 00:09:15,452
Uh, should I also put
down "appointment"?
259
00:09:15,486 --> 00:09:16,853
No, I don't know
what that means.
260
00:09:16,887 --> 00:09:18,221
Oh, "means."
261
00:09:26,295 --> 00:09:27,630
Wow, look at the new girl!
262
00:09:27,664 --> 00:09:29,135
She's so hot!
263
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,470
Yeah, her breasts
and her stomach
264
00:09:30,504 --> 00:09:31,903
are different parts
of her body!
265
00:09:31,937 --> 00:09:33,304
I think she
looks weird.
266
00:09:33,337 --> 00:09:35,311
How come she's not
shaped like a potato?
267
00:09:35,345 --> 00:09:38,114
That's part of the
interview and everything.
268
00:09:38,148 --> 00:09:39,914
Whoa, sorry, ma'am,
269
00:09:39,948 --> 00:09:41,186
we can't let you
through security
270
00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:43,420
because you're "da bomb."
271
00:09:43,454 --> 00:09:45,325
Scott, you're not supposed
to make jokes like that!
272
00:09:45,359 --> 00:09:47,494
Well, I am carrying
273
00:09:47,528 --> 00:09:49,127
more than three
ounces of liquid.
274
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,468
Oh, that's so
Muhammad Hot-a.
275
00:09:54,502 --> 00:09:56,698
You're playing a
dangerous game, Scott!
276
00:10:00,830 --> 00:10:02,163
All right, Peter,
277
00:10:02,197 --> 00:10:04,235
Cleveland says you should help
with the chores.
278
00:10:04,269 --> 00:10:06,130
So today, we're gonna
do laundry together.
279
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:07,496
Okay.
How does this work?
280
00:10:07,538 --> 00:10:09,798
Well, you put the wet clothes
in the dryer,
281
00:10:09,832 --> 00:10:12,471
you close the door
and you wait.
282
00:10:15,041 --> 00:10:17,238
Oh, it just went to 39 minutes!
283
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,077
So you... you
just stand here
284
00:10:20,111 --> 00:10:21,444
and watch the
whole time?
285
00:10:21,478 --> 00:10:22,811
Shh-shh-shh.
286
00:10:22,845 --> 00:10:24,474
Ah, the green shirt
went by again!
287
00:10:24,516 --> 00:10:26,649
If it goes around 30 times
in five minutes,
288
00:10:26,683 --> 00:10:28,848
you get to have a Diet Coke!
289
00:10:30,952 --> 00:10:32,676
All right, according
to Cleveland,
290
00:10:32,718 --> 00:10:34,083
it's also healthy
for couples
291
00:10:34,117 --> 00:10:35,681
to have shared
activities.
292
00:10:35,715 --> 00:10:37,743
So since you
like golf,
293
00:10:37,785 --> 00:10:40,077
I thought we could
play a round.
294
00:10:40,119 --> 00:10:42,608
So-so what do I do,
just aim for the pond?
295
00:10:42,650 --> 00:10:44,449
No, you're not supposed
to hit it into the water.
296
00:10:44,483 --> 00:10:46,112
But you hit it
into the water.
297
00:10:46,154 --> 00:10:47,814
I know I hit it
into the water.
298
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,245
Why do they even have water
299
00:10:49,287 --> 00:10:50,612
if you're not supposed
to hit it there?
300
00:10:50,654 --> 00:10:52,621
Because it's fun!
We're having fun!
301
00:10:52,655 --> 00:10:54,957
Rah!
302
00:10:54,991 --> 00:10:57,292
Look, it went further
than your ball!
303
00:11:03,198 --> 00:11:05,259
Hey, are you doing
anything on Friday?
304
00:11:05,301 --> 00:11:07,098
No, I don't think so.
Why?
305
00:11:07,132 --> 00:11:09,663
Well, I'm doing security
at the roller rink
306
00:11:09,697 --> 00:11:12,094
if you want to come watch me.
Sure!
307
00:11:12,135 --> 00:11:14,197
Great, I'll pick
you up at 4:30.
308
00:11:14,231 --> 00:11:15,638
Sounds good.
309
00:11:15,672 --> 00:11:17,103
All right, well,
I'm up at the podium.
310
00:11:17,137 --> 00:11:18,839
Time to make marks
on pieces of paper
311
00:11:18,873 --> 00:11:21,440
no one will
ever see again.
312
00:11:21,474 --> 00:11:23,849
I thought we had
plans on Friday.
313
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:26,990
Marla, I think we should
just be ugly friends.
314
00:11:33,929 --> 00:11:36,335
Dammit, Cleveland has
completely ruined my life.
315
00:11:36,369 --> 00:11:38,231
He's got Lois making me
help around the house
316
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:39,701
and spend more
time with her.
317
00:11:39,735 --> 00:11:40,997
My own wife!
318
00:11:41,038 --> 00:11:42,332
I know what
you mean, Peter.
319
00:11:42,366 --> 00:11:44,138
He said I've gotta be
more open and receptive
320
00:11:44,172 --> 00:11:46,168
to what Bonnie wants
to do in the bedroom.
321
00:11:46,202 --> 00:11:49,167
Thank God I can't feel
anything back there.
322
00:11:49,201 --> 00:11:50,974
You know what?
Screw Cleveland.
323
00:11:51,008 --> 00:11:52,238
He's gonna tell
my wife stuff,
324
00:11:52,272 --> 00:11:54,069
I'm gonna tell his
wife a few things.
325
00:11:54,111 --> 00:11:55,340
What are you
talking about?
326
00:11:55,374 --> 00:11:57,172
Well, remember how Cleveland
banged that stripper
327
00:11:57,214 --> 00:11:58,508
at his bachelor party?
328
00:11:58,542 --> 00:12:00,308
Oh, yeah!
329
00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:01,610
And we were all
throwing bread at 'em?
330
00:12:01,634 --> 00:12:02,349
Yeah.
331
00:12:02,350 --> 00:12:03,884
Maybe I could tell
Donna about that.
332
00:12:03,918 --> 00:12:07,513
Or... remember when Cleveland
wore briefs under his boxers
333
00:12:07,547 --> 00:12:08,817
and we found out
334
00:12:08,851 --> 00:12:10,385
and he told us not
to say anything?
335
00:12:10,419 --> 00:12:12,153
Maybe we tell her that.
336
00:12:12,187 --> 00:12:13,585
Uh, I think Peter's is better.
337
00:12:13,627 --> 00:12:15,393
Okay, but we'll
keep mine ready.
338
00:12:15,427 --> 00:12:17,592
Could be the nail
in the coffin.
339
00:12:17,626 --> 00:12:18,927
Hey, fellas.
340
00:12:18,961 --> 00:12:20,359
Cleveland, it ain't cool
341
00:12:20,393 --> 00:12:22,230
what you've been telling Lois.
All right?
342
00:12:22,264 --> 00:12:23,493
You're completely
messing things up for me.
343
00:12:23,527 --> 00:12:24,997
And you gotta tell her
you were wrong
344
00:12:25,031 --> 00:12:26,334
and put things back
the way they were.
345
00:12:26,368 --> 00:12:28,198
I'm sorry it's
hard for you, Peter,
346
00:12:28,232 --> 00:12:30,502
but personal growth
isn't always easy.
347
00:12:30,536 --> 00:12:32,606
Look, if you don't
change what you're saying,
348
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,742
we're gonna tell Donna
you slept with that stripper
349
00:12:34,776 --> 00:12:36,078
at your bachelor party.
350
00:12:38,249 --> 00:12:39,542
Ah! Ah!
351
00:12:45,378 --> 00:12:46,378
What are you doing?
352
00:12:46,418 --> 00:12:47,738
I'm gonna play
"Locomotive Breath"
353
00:12:47,745 --> 00:12:49,348
by Jethro Tull
while he runs.
354
00:12:49,382 --> 00:12:51,377
Why the hell would you do
something stupid like that?
355
00:12:51,411 --> 00:12:52,848
Careful, Peter,
356
00:12:52,882 --> 00:12:55,045
or you're gonna lose
two friends today.
357
00:12:59,829 --> 00:13:02,162
We now return
to Major League Baseball
358
00:13:02,195 --> 00:13:05,968
with one distractingly ugly guy
behind home plate.
359
00:13:06,002 --> 00:13:08,135
It's two to two
in the bottom of the sixth,
360
00:13:08,169 --> 00:13:11,672
and I just can't get my eyes
off that man with the tall head.
361
00:13:11,706 --> 00:13:14,135
It's quite a game, but man,
that guy is ugly.
362
00:13:14,177 --> 00:13:15,837
I'll say, Gary.
What's the count?
363
00:13:15,871 --> 00:13:17,538
No idea, Bill.
364
00:13:17,572 --> 00:13:19,673
But you know, that guy
hasn't blinked this entire game.
365
00:13:19,707 --> 00:13:22,874
Just a dead-eyed idiot
out on a Thursday afternoon.
366
00:13:22,908 --> 00:13:24,672
Yup.
And the longer I watch him,
367
00:13:24,714 --> 00:13:26,805
the more I wonder
if he's there by himself.
368
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:28,202
I think you're
on to something there.
369
00:13:28,244 --> 00:13:30,336
That seat next to him's
been empty for hours.
370
00:13:30,378 --> 00:13:31,975
Right you are, Gary.
371
00:13:32,009 --> 00:13:35,804
I'm gonna see if
I can hit him with my apple.
372
00:13:35,846 --> 00:13:38,009
Ah. Kind of short-armed it.
373
00:13:38,043 --> 00:13:39,977
Oh, I'll get to
the bottom of this.
374
00:13:40,011 --> 00:13:41,210
Take care, Donna.
375
00:13:43,284 --> 00:13:45,747
Cleveland didn't show up to
my therapy session earlier,
376
00:13:45,789 --> 00:13:47,986
and Donna says she hasn't
seen him for two days.
377
00:13:48,020 --> 00:13:50,817
Interesting.
Interesting.
378
00:13:50,859 --> 00:13:53,592
She also weirdly told me
that she squatted 250 today.
379
00:13:53,626 --> 00:13:55,193
I'm not even sure
if that's good.
380
00:13:55,227 --> 00:13:56,826
It's scary good.
381
00:13:56,860 --> 00:13:58,132
Well, I am off
382
00:13:58,166 --> 00:13:59,965
to try and get out
of this conversation.
383
00:13:59,999 --> 00:14:01,471
Peter, what
did you do?
384
00:14:01,505 --> 00:14:04,409
He was slightly inconveniencing
me and Joe,
385
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:06,547
so we threatened
to destroy his family.
386
00:14:06,581 --> 00:14:08,811
What?
I know, right?! It's pretty galling.
387
00:14:08,853 --> 00:14:10,851
No, I'm not taking
your side, Peter!
388
00:14:10,885 --> 00:14:12,387
Whatever the
hell you did,
389
00:14:12,421 --> 00:14:14,153
you go find him
and bring him back!
390
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,553
All right,
I'll go find him.
391
00:14:15,587 --> 00:14:16,889
God, I'm sorry.
392
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:17,952
You're makin' me feel lower
393
00:14:17,986 --> 00:14:19,920
than a squid at
the bottom of the ocean.
394
00:14:22,498 --> 00:14:25,235
Wow, it really inks in here.
395
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:39,271
What is that?
396
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:40,646
There you are.
397
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,247
Listen up, Meg:
398
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:44,752
this TSA isn't sweaty
enough for the two of us.
399
00:14:44,786 --> 00:14:46,816
What?
What does that even mean?
400
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:48,953
It means, stay away
from Larry.
401
00:14:48,987 --> 00:14:51,290
I'm his girlfriend.
You are?
402
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,962
Oh, my God, I thought
you were a boy.
403
00:14:52,996 --> 00:14:54,489
Oh, that's it!
404
00:14:59,303 --> 00:15:01,701
I will cut you, bitch.
405
00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:03,437
Ow!
406
00:15:03,471 --> 00:15:04,974
That hurt a little bit.
407
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,797
This ain't over.
408
00:15:29,831 --> 00:15:31,301
Larry is mine.
409
00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:35,038
What the hell?
Th-That was crazy!
410
00:15:35,072 --> 00:15:38,110
Like-like crazier
than putting cops on Segways.
411
00:15:38,144 --> 00:15:39,277
Help, officer!
412
00:15:39,311 --> 00:15:40,973
There's a lady being
raped in that alley!
413
00:15:41,015 --> 00:15:44,612
Okay, hold on, let me do
a small dippy-bob turn.
414
00:15:44,646 --> 00:15:45,948
I couldn't
be sure,
415
00:15:45,982 --> 00:15:48,115
but I-I think the
man has a knife!
416
00:15:48,149 --> 00:15:50,146
Are there any steps
leading to that alley
417
00:15:50,188 --> 00:15:52,985
or is it just a series
of gentle ramps?
418
00:15:56,026 --> 00:15:58,119
Okay, guys, Lois wants me
to find Cleveland.
419
00:15:58,153 --> 00:16:00,822
And since he eats, like,
nine candy bars a day,
420
00:16:00,856 --> 00:16:02,387
if we wait here
at the convenience store,
421
00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:03,954
he's bound
to show up.
422
00:16:03,988 --> 00:16:05,792
Hey, can you buy
us some beer?
423
00:16:05,826 --> 00:16:07,959
I don't know, I don't
think it'd be right.
424
00:16:07,993 --> 00:16:09,729
Ugh, I knew you weren't cool.
425
00:16:09,763 --> 00:16:11,697
Well, now, now,
hold on a minute...
426
00:16:11,731 --> 00:16:13,362
See? This is
pretty cool, huh?
427
00:16:13,404 --> 00:16:14,898
Yeah, I guess.
428
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,137
But what we could
really use is some weed.
429
00:16:17,171 --> 00:16:18,505
I think that might
be over the line.
430
00:16:18,539 --> 00:16:20,906
See?
I told you this guy wasn't cool.
431
00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:22,641
Well, now, now,
hold on a minute...
432
00:16:22,675 --> 00:16:25,513
Mr. Griffin,
did you or did you not
433
00:16:25,547 --> 00:16:28,051
distribute alcohol
and marijuana to minors?
434
00:16:28,085 --> 00:16:29,652
No, Your Honor,
I did not.
435
00:16:29,686 --> 00:16:31,558
Told you this defendant
wasn't cool.
436
00:16:31,592 --> 00:16:34,023
Well, now, now, now,
hold on a minute...
437
00:16:37,265 --> 00:16:39,199
Still no sign of Cleveland?
438
00:16:39,233 --> 00:16:40,567
Yeah. I was thinking
maybe our best bet
439
00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:42,063
is to just drive
around town
440
00:16:42,105 --> 00:16:43,199
and see if we
can spot him.
441
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:48,374
Okay, well, he's not at
the mini golf course.
442
00:16:50,913 --> 00:16:53,447
Okay, he's still not at
the mini golf course.
443
00:16:56,051 --> 00:16:58,186
Oh, wow. Look at
that windmill.
444
00:16:58,220 --> 00:17:00,388
Peter, do you want to go mini golfing?
Yes.
445
00:17:02,631 --> 00:17:04,894
Well, he wasn't
by the sno-cones!
446
00:17:04,928 --> 00:17:06,905
I love today!
447
00:17:11,138 --> 00:17:12,208
Hi, Meg.
448
00:17:12,242 --> 00:17:13,904
Larry, what are
you doing here?
449
00:17:13,946 --> 00:17:15,576
I-I thought we were gonna
meet at the Tumi store
450
00:17:15,610 --> 00:17:17,247
and see who buys
luggage at the airport.
451
00:17:17,281 --> 00:17:19,143
Meg, I've got some
disturbing news.
452
00:17:19,177 --> 00:17:21,415
Some Grey security tubs
have gone missing.
453
00:17:21,449 --> 00:17:23,215
Oh, my God! The ones
we have a zillion of
454
00:17:23,249 --> 00:17:24,814
but are somehow never there
when people need them?
455
00:17:24,848 --> 00:17:26,086
That's right,
456
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:27,800
and I'm going to have
to check your locker.
457
00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:32,725
I don't need to tell you
how serious this is.
458
00:17:32,759 --> 00:17:34,989
Wait, Larry!
I was framed!
459
00:17:35,031 --> 00:17:36,229
I bet it was Marla!
460
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:38,123
I'm sorry, Meg,
you're fired.
461
00:17:38,165 --> 00:17:40,729
I'm going to need
your small, ridiculous tie.
462
00:17:40,763 --> 00:17:42,265
You're firing me?
463
00:17:42,299 --> 00:17:43,928
I have a duty
to this country.
464
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:45,632
And with people
like you stealing tubs,
465
00:17:45,666 --> 00:17:48,170
how are we ever going
to catch Abu Nazir?
466
00:17:48,204 --> 00:17:49,802
That's not even
a real person.
467
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:51,139
That's the terrorist
from Homeland.
468
00:17:51,173 --> 00:17:52,242
And they caught him.
469
00:17:52,276 --> 00:17:53,537
Good-bye, Meg.
470
00:17:55,673 --> 00:17:57,109
Good-bye, Larry.
471
00:17:59,677 --> 00:18:02,145
Meg?
472
00:18:02,179 --> 00:18:04,776
I'll miss the way you reminded
people about their belts.
473
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,116
We've looked everywhere.
474
00:18:14,150 --> 00:18:16,253
Where the hell could he be?
475
00:18:16,287 --> 00:18:18,167
Guys, I think we need to
embrace the possibility
476
00:18:18,191 --> 00:18:19,925
that Cleveland
never existed.
477
00:18:19,959 --> 00:18:21,188
Dammit, if only there was
some kind of clue
478
00:18:21,221 --> 00:18:22,522
as to where
he might be.
479
00:18:27,133 --> 00:18:28,860
That's right,
Cleveland had a deli!
480
00:18:28,902 --> 00:18:30,196
We should
check there!
481
00:18:42,336 --> 00:18:44,269
Cleveland!
Cleveland!
482
00:18:44,311 --> 00:18:46,173
Oh, sweet! Egg salad!
483
00:18:46,207 --> 00:18:49,445
Peter, this place has been
closed for six years.
484
00:18:49,479 --> 00:18:50,709
So what?
485
00:18:50,751 --> 00:18:52,045
Egg salad don't go bad.
486
00:18:54,151 --> 00:18:55,820
Son of a whore!
Give me some milk!
487
00:18:58,989 --> 00:19:00,723
Okay, that helped.
488
00:19:00,757 --> 00:19:02,324
Jeez, this place is a dump.
489
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:04,153
Yeah, it is, isn't it?
490
00:19:05,690 --> 00:19:08,327
It's a symbol
of all my failures.
491
00:19:08,361 --> 00:19:10,558
Cleveland!
You're okay!
492
00:19:10,592 --> 00:19:12,126
I'm so glad
we found you!
493
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,564
Hey, listen, I'm sorry
we threatened to blab
494
00:19:14,598 --> 00:19:16,132
about your bachelor
party stripper stuff.
495
00:19:16,166 --> 00:19:17,899
I'd never do that.
496
00:19:17,933 --> 00:19:19,730
'Cause that'd mean I'd
have to talk to Donna,
497
00:19:19,764 --> 00:19:21,465
and that's... that's
just, like, "ugh."
498
00:19:21,499 --> 00:19:24,662
And I'm sorry I caused such
problems in your marriage.
499
00:19:24,704 --> 00:19:27,732
Truth is, I was faking it
as a therapist.
500
00:19:29,102 --> 00:19:30,332
I've been back almost a year
501
00:19:30,373 --> 00:19:32,137
and I still got
nothing going on.
502
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,070
Hey, cheer up,
Cleveland.
503
00:19:35,104 --> 00:19:36,334
What are you
talking about?
504
00:19:36,368 --> 00:19:38,535
I'm a cop.
Oh. W-Wait, that's real?
505
00:19:38,577 --> 00:19:40,544
I thought that was, like,
a Make-A-Wish thing.
506
00:19:40,578 --> 00:19:42,681
All right, come on, buddy.
Let's get out of here.
507
00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:43,977
And, you know,
even though
508
00:19:44,012 --> 00:19:45,346
therapy might not
be your thing,
509
00:19:45,380 --> 00:19:46,817
you've got a job.
510
00:19:46,851 --> 00:19:48,882
As my fourth
best friend.
511
00:19:48,924 --> 00:19:51,353
After the dog?
After the dog.
512
00:19:55,858 --> 00:19:58,161
Peter, thanks for going
to find Cleveland
513
00:19:58,195 --> 00:19:59,361
and bringing
him home safely.
514
00:19:59,395 --> 00:20:01,195
Hey, that's what
friends are for.
515
00:20:01,237 --> 00:20:03,035
Hey, what about you, Meg?
What'd you do this week?
516
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:04,499
What, so you can
make fun of me?
517
00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:06,338
No, Meg.
I'm your father,
518
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,168
and I'm interested in what
my daughter did this week.
519
00:20:08,202 --> 00:20:10,335
You promise you're not
gonna make fun of me?
520
00:20:10,369 --> 00:20:12,206
Of course, Meg.
I care about my family.
521
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,508
But I-I feel like
you're drawing this out,
522
00:20:14,542 --> 00:20:17,371
so when you do make fun of me,
it'll hurt more.
523
00:20:17,412 --> 00:20:19,273
What? Well,
that hurts, Meg.
524
00:20:19,307 --> 00:20:21,105
You know, you can
be very hurtful.
525
00:20:21,147 --> 00:20:22,345
I'm asking you,
please--
526
00:20:22,379 --> 00:20:23,777
and-and you don't
have to tell me,
527
00:20:23,811 --> 00:20:25,218
I want to know because
I'm interested--
528
00:20:25,252 --> 00:20:26,577
what you did
this week.
529
00:20:26,619 --> 00:20:28,951
It enhances my life to
know how yours is going.
530
00:20:28,985 --> 00:20:30,182
You promise?
531
00:20:30,216 --> 00:20:32,214
Okay, well, now you
owe me an apology.
532
00:20:32,256 --> 00:20:33,350
I'm sorry.
533
00:20:33,384 --> 00:20:34,916
I'm not used to you
wanting to know...
534
00:20:34,950 --> 00:20:37,354
Of course, I'd love
to tell you what happened.
535
00:20:37,388 --> 00:20:39,219
Then by all means.
I-- It's just upsetting
536
00:20:39,253 --> 00:20:40,955
when you thumb your
nose at the family.
537
00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:42,227
But I love you, and
I'm looking forward
538
00:20:42,261 --> 00:20:44,396
to hearing what
you have to say.
539
00:20:44,430 --> 00:20:45,430
Please.
540
00:20:45,462 --> 00:20:47,132
I'd like to hear.
541
00:20:47,166 --> 00:20:48,196
Oh. Okay.
542
00:20:48,230 --> 00:20:49,531
Well, this is
actually kind of funny.
543
00:20:49,565 --> 00:20:51,363
I joined the TSA...
End of the show!
544
00:20:51,405 --> 00:20:54,838
♪ Nah nah nah nah Family Guy,
nah nah start the credits ♪
545
00:20:54,839 --> 00:20:57,795
♪ Lots of little names,
nyah nyah nyah nyah guy! ♪
546
00:20:57,795 --> 00:21:04,295
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man