1 00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:04,720 ¶ It seems today that all you see ¶ 2 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:08,340 ¶ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ¶ 3 00:00:08,420 --> 00:00:11,730 ¶ But where are those good old-fashioned values ¶ 4 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:14,640 ¶ On which we used to rely? ¶ 5 00:00:14,710 --> 00:00:18,220 ¶ Lucky there's a family guy ¶ 6 00:00:18,230 --> 00:00:21,560 ¶ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ¶ 7 00:00:21,570 --> 00:00:23,060 ¶ All the things that make us ¶ 8 00:00:23,070 --> 00:00:24,730 ¶ Laugh and cry ¶ 9 00:00:24,740 --> 00:00:30,240 ¶ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ¶ 10 00:00:35,330 --> 00:00:37,370 Ah. Nothing like drive time radio 11 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,370 to remind me that I don't make enough 12 00:00:39,450 --> 00:00:42,040 to afford satellite radio. 13 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:45,420 Hey-hey! You're listening to WQHG 97.1, 14 00:00:45,430 --> 00:00:47,210 and we are Devin and Lawrence, 15 00:00:47,290 --> 00:00:48,920 formerly known as Weenie and The Butt. 16 00:00:48,930 --> 00:00:50,430 That's right, Devin. 17 00:00:50,510 --> 00:00:52,770 Those nicknames no longer fly ever since several women 18 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,840 came forward with allegations of sexual misconduct 19 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,160 against each of us. 20 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,440 De-De-De-Devin and Lawrence! 21 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,430 ¶ Sexual misconduct ¶ 22 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,060 ¶ 97.1 FM. ¶ 23 00:01:03,140 --> 00:01:05,520 Rebranded to phase out Weenie and the Butt! 24 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,280 ¶ WQHG 97.1. ¶ 25 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,570 They got Me-Too'd, Me-Too'd, Me-Too'd! 26 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:13,400 ¶ But there were still six months on their contract ¶ 27 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,290 -¶ Overlooking that for now.-DEEP VOICE: FM! 28 00:01:15,370 --> 00:01:17,450 Devin, Devin, Devin and Lawrence! 29 00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:19,460 Court-ordered overcorrection! 30 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,130 Damn it, what's wrong with the AC? 31 00:01:23,210 --> 00:01:25,210 And don't forget, Quahog is expected 32 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,290 to experience record-high temperatures this week, 33 00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:29,130 according to our respected meteorologist 34 00:01:29,140 --> 00:01:31,140 Dr. Jessica Sturgess. 35 00:01:31,220 --> 00:01:34,090 Formerly known as Weather Girl Aah-Ooh-Gah Knockerson. 36 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,220 Sir, could you please roll down your window? 37 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:43,820 I can't. I spilled honey on it and it won't move. 38 00:01:43,890 --> 00:01:45,640 Please just step out of the vehicle. 39 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,860 Sir, you were swerving back there. 40 00:01:50,930 --> 00:01:53,240 Plus, you're drowning in sweat. Have you been drinking? 41 00:01:53,310 --> 00:01:55,900 No. I don't start drinking till... until the drive home. 42 00:01:55,980 --> 00:01:57,660 Why are you slurring your words? 43 00:01:57,670 --> 00:01:59,670 Sorry, I had Cap'n Crunch for breakfast. 44 00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:02,120 The roof of my mouth is in shreds. 45 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,120 I find that story relatable. 46 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,960 You're free to go. 47 00:02:06,030 --> 00:02:08,500 Man, I can't believe that cop thought I was lying. 48 00:02:08,510 --> 00:02:11,130 The only time I lie is when I play poker. 49 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:12,340 It's make-or-break time. 50 00:02:12,350 --> 00:02:14,590 $75 million at stake. 51 00:02:14,670 --> 00:02:15,970 Betting starts with Peter Griffin. 52 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,090 Ooh, he's not looking 53 00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:20,640 at much of anything right now. And those mirrored sunglasses, 54 00:02:20,710 --> 00:02:22,350 not doing him any favors. 55 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,020 All in. 56 00:02:29,610 --> 00:02:31,370 Got to take this. It's my wife. 57 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:32,780 Are you here? 58 00:02:36,860 --> 00:02:39,110 Okay, you two just hang out in the store 59 00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:40,600 while I return this keyboard. 60 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,990 I'm going to watch the older boys play Fortnite, 61 00:02:43,070 --> 00:02:46,160 because I'm not old enough to play Fortnite myself. 62 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,210 Hi. I'd like to return this keyboard. 63 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,710 Was there something wrong with it? 64 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,880 Well, it said it was designed for writers, 65 00:02:51,890 --> 00:02:54,560 but when I sat down to work, it just wasn't flowing through me. 66 00:02:54,630 --> 00:02:56,380 - Do you have a receipt? - Uh, no. 67 00:02:56,420 --> 00:02:58,060 Uh, no. Can't you just look it up? 68 00:02:58,140 --> 00:03:00,550 Do you have the credit card you used to pay for it? 69 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,680 I actually paid using store credit for another return. 70 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,890 Do you have the original packaging for the item? 71 00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,520 No. No, that's... 72 00:03:07,590 --> 00:03:09,570 that's probably with the receipt. 73 00:03:11,410 --> 00:03:13,820 Manager who's dishearteningly younger than me 74 00:03:13,890 --> 00:03:15,400 to the service counter, please. 75 00:03:15,410 --> 00:03:17,690 This better not be another overring. 76 00:03:17,770 --> 00:03:20,290 Corpowate's gonna have my ass. 77 00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:28,370 Well, we can probably throw out this sunflower butter 78 00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:31,050 now that Stewie's classmate with the peanut allergy died. 79 00:03:33,260 --> 00:03:35,920 Oh, there you are, Peter. Listen, I need you to... 80 00:03:35,930 --> 00:03:37,430 Why are you so sweaty? 81 00:03:37,470 --> 00:03:39,010 The AC in my car broke. 82 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,340 Not from the honey. 83 00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,390 And fat-guy sweat is like a battleship. 84 00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:44,890 Once it gets going, you can't just turn it around. 85 00:03:44,970 --> 00:03:46,260 So until the weather cools off, 86 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,350 you're gonna be dealing with a slippery walrus. 87 00:03:48,430 --> 00:03:51,020 Now, if you'll excuse me, I see a potential rival 88 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:52,910 to my beach supremacy. 89 00:04:04,650 --> 00:04:05,790 Now? 90 00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:08,200 No, let them tire themselves out. 91 00:04:09,470 --> 00:04:10,960 Dad, what are we doing here? 92 00:04:10,970 --> 00:04:13,040 Now that I sweat all the time, 93 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:16,350 it's just natural that I be a very sweaty bomb defuser. 94 00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:22,470 Steady. You can do this. 95 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,890 All you gotta do is remember the song you learned in bomb school. 96 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,810 ¶ Green is good and green is good ¶ 97 00:04:27,820 --> 00:04:30,150 ¶ And red is good and yellow is good ¶ 98 00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:31,690 ¶ And clip whatever you want. ¶ 99 00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:35,490 Now, who can tell me what he did wrong? 100 00:04:35,570 --> 00:04:37,230 He made up a song about cutting wires? 101 00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,330 He made up a song about cutting wires. 102 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:40,870 Don't do that, guys. 103 00:04:45,150 --> 00:04:47,240 We now return to Indiana Jones 104 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,170 and the Temple Beth Shalom. 105 00:04:50,170 --> 00:04:51,790 You must be Mr. Jones. 106 00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:53,000 It's Dr. Jones. 107 00:04:53,010 --> 00:04:55,170 Oh, a doctor. 108 00:04:55,180 --> 00:04:57,510 You should meet my frumpy daughter. 109 00:04:58,740 --> 00:05:00,850 Wow. What are you all dressed up for? 110 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,350 Well, thanks to my car's AC breaking, 111 00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,930 I've been asked to be an overly sweaty Southern lawyer 112 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,430 during a landmark civil rights case. 113 00:05:08,510 --> 00:05:10,270 Mr. Griffin, you may proceed. 114 00:05:10,340 --> 00:05:12,270 May it please the court, Your Honor, 115 00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:14,350 opposing counsel, members of the jury, 116 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,440 Madam Stenographer, Bailiff Clarence, 117 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:17,980 Snack Cart Steve, 118 00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:20,030 elderly widows with paper fans, 119 00:05:20,110 --> 00:05:22,110 woman in the third row with a flower hat, 120 00:05:22,190 --> 00:05:23,860 Deputy Fife, Boo Radley, 121 00:05:23,870 --> 00:05:26,040 Yay Radley, Herman Munster judge, 122 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,490 lazy dog who wandered in due to the heat, 123 00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:31,200 crazed Al Pacino, old Robert Duvall, 124 00:05:31,210 --> 00:05:34,330 young Robert Duvall, in-between Robert Duvall, 125 00:05:34,410 --> 00:05:36,330 the books of John Grisham. 126 00:05:36,410 --> 00:05:38,090 The defense rests. 127 00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:43,050 We now return to Jesse Eisenberg 128 00:05:43,060 --> 00:05:46,050 and Emma Stone in Opposite Eye Sizes. 129 00:05:46,060 --> 00:05:47,840 Sorry, guys. All I have left 130 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,810 are one pair of extra-large contact lenses 131 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,560 and one pair of extra-small. 132 00:05:51,570 --> 00:05:54,680 Uh, we'll be fine. 133 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,020 Well, I just got off the phone with the electronics store. 134 00:05:57,100 --> 00:06:00,570 Your stupid fight caused $3,000 worth of damage. 135 00:06:00,650 --> 00:06:03,150 Well, I'm not very good at math. Y-You lost me. 136 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,320 - A thousand dollars. - Wow! 137 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,920 - Another thousand dollars. - Oh, my goodness! 138 00:06:07,990 --> 00:06:09,570 A third thousand dollars. 139 00:06:09,590 --> 00:06:11,200 Now you lost me again. 140 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:13,200 I don't think Chris can count to three. 141 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:14,590 How are we gonna pay 'em back? 142 00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:16,040 Whoa, what do you mean, "we"? 143 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:18,420 Yeah, do you expect all nine of us to chip in? 144 00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:20,380 Come on, we got to think of some way 145 00:06:20,450 --> 00:06:21,710 to raise that money in a hurry. 146 00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:23,760 Good afternoon, Quahog. I'm Tom Tucker. 147 00:06:23,770 --> 00:06:27,220 Our top story: actor, director and odd-nostriled punch line 148 00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:29,940 Zach Braff has successfully Kickstarted another movie. 149 00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:31,330 The shameless film star 150 00:06:31,330 --> 00:06:33,470 who made a movie college kids used to like 151 00:06:33,550 --> 00:06:36,730 is again asking people who have less to give him more. 152 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,230 That's it! We'll set up a Kickstarter 153 00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:39,950 for the three grand we need. 154 00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:42,620 But, Brian, people don't just donate money on Kickstarter. 155 00:06:42,690 --> 00:06:45,440 It has to go toward some sort of project. 156 00:06:45,450 --> 00:06:47,610 Okay, then we'll say we're making a movie. 157 00:06:47,620 --> 00:06:49,460 And who will we get to direct? 158 00:06:49,530 --> 00:06:51,580 We'll raise the money we need, pay back the store, 159 00:06:51,650 --> 00:06:53,950 and then e-mail the backers, saying we ran into trouble 160 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,540 and couldn't finish the project. 161 00:06:55,610 --> 00:06:58,010 Great idea, Brian. Much better than that version 162 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:02,210 of Free Solo narrated by a concerned Midwestern mom. 163 00:07:02,290 --> 00:07:03,880 Oh, that's too high, Alex. 164 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,800 That's too high. Oh, I can't watch. 165 00:07:05,810 --> 00:07:07,300 Now, now, why wouldn't you just have 166 00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:08,810 a nice lunch at Applebee's? 167 00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:11,730 I like that bird, though. 168 00:07:16,510 --> 00:07:18,600 Griffin, why is this floor wet? 169 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,060 Oh, sorry, that's from me. 170 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,990 I-I got a little perspiration problem. 171 00:07:22,070 --> 00:07:23,820 Hey, what time is our meeting, Oscar? 172 00:07:23,830 --> 00:07:25,150 It's... Aah! 173 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,150 Sorry. What time is our meeting, Aah-scar? 174 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,820 Damn it, Griffin, you've become a liability in this office. 175 00:07:30,860 --> 00:07:32,950 - Why? 'Cause I'm drunk and have a gun? - No. 176 00:07:33,030 --> 00:07:34,500 - 'Cause of the cocaine? - No. 177 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:35,740 'Cause I use office petty cash 178 00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:37,450 to have sex with high-end escorts? 179 00:07:37,530 --> 00:07:41,250 No. But your perspiration has become a serious problem. 180 00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:43,840 I'm afraid you're going to have to work from home 181 00:07:43,850 --> 00:07:46,510 - until you get it under control. - All right, if you insist. 182 00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:48,130 Hey, Candy, sorry I couldn't finish 183 00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:50,180 'cause I'm so freakin' gacked on ski powder. 184 00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:52,140 I thought the gun would get me there. 185 00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:53,600 Anyway, here's the office cash. 186 00:07:53,670 --> 00:07:55,360 Careful of the wet floor. You're pregnant. 187 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,200 So, Dad, are you excited for your first day 188 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,910 - of working from home? - Yes, but I'm very late. 189 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,200 Busy dad morning goodbyes. 190 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:27,840 Forgot my phone. 191 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,900 Are you here? 192 00:08:44,910 --> 00:08:47,520 So, Mom, you're okay with Dad working in the house 193 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:48,980 - all the time? - Oh, yeah, 194 00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:50,910 it's nice having a coworker. 195 00:08:50,990 --> 00:08:53,530 'Cause being a housewife is a full-time job. 196 00:08:53,610 --> 00:08:56,080 For some pretty tough bosses! 197 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,260 Hi. So, is this your break time? 198 00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:04,870 - No, sir. - Oh, okay. 199 00:09:04,950 --> 00:09:07,380 I was wondering if my watch was off, maybe. 200 00:09:07,450 --> 00:09:09,090 - It's not. - You see, Mom, 201 00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:11,600 we try to stay focused on the task at hand 202 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:14,600 here at Griffin, Griffin, Griffin, Griffin and Griffin. 203 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,390 Good morning. 204 00:09:16,460 --> 00:09:18,350 Griffin, Griffin, Griffin and Griffin. 205 00:09:18,420 --> 00:09:21,680 Huh. I thought our letterhead had five Griffins on it, Meg. 206 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,230 But you were right to leave one of them off, 207 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,770 because you're *** fired. 208 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,120 Uh, hello? 209 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,740 Hey, Lois. I'm at the small bodega 210 00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:37,240 in the living room lobby 211 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,450 trying to pick out a new baby card for Janine. 212 00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:40,700 Wai... Who's Janine? 213 00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,800 Yeah, right? Anyway, should I get one 214 00:09:42,870 --> 00:09:44,790 with a baby with SpaghettiOs on his head, 215 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,920 like, "This is what it's gonna be like," 216 00:09:46,990 --> 00:09:48,960 or one with a stork with an injured back? 217 00:09:48,970 --> 00:09:50,800 Peter, I don't care. 218 00:09:50,810 --> 00:09:54,800 Well, time to live out my dream of becoming a bodega cat. 219 00:09:54,810 --> 00:09:57,640 I'm between the breads. 220 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,480 Again, I want to say I'm so glad all of our schedules lined up 221 00:10:04,490 --> 00:10:06,440 so we can work together. And, as a reminder, 222 00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:08,160 we've got New York on the line. 223 00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:10,480 New York, are you there? 224 00:10:10,490 --> 00:10:13,110 Stewie, is there anyone specific on the line in New York? 225 00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:14,440 Brian, you're just showing your ignorance. 226 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,780 The phrase is, "New York on the line." 227 00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:19,120 - Hey, buddy, - move that piece of junk! 228 00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:20,490 Go Mets! 229 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,670 And that's the best city we have. 230 00:10:22,750 --> 00:10:24,160 All right, so, we've heard from New York. 231 00:10:24,170 --> 00:10:25,290 - What have you guys got? - This... 232 00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:26,730 this can't be the meeting. 233 00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:29,000 New York, I'm gonna put you on hold for a second. 234 00:10:29,010 --> 00:10:30,790 Brian, you're embarrassing us in front of New York. 235 00:10:30,870 --> 00:10:32,420 Now get it together. 236 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:35,170 All right, let's show them the pitch video we put together. 237 00:10:37,020 --> 00:10:38,350 My name's Stewie, 238 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,470 and this camera saved my life. 239 00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:42,930 I was born on the wrong side of the tracks. 240 00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,970 My father made holes in belts, 241 00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:47,770 and my mother was the Italian guy on a pizza box. 242 00:10:47,850 --> 00:10:50,440 The old man wanted me to go into the family business. 243 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,200 Hey! I don't hear any holes being holed! 244 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:54,780 I want to make movies, Pa! 245 00:10:54,850 --> 00:10:56,370 Don't make me beat you 246 00:10:56,450 --> 00:10:59,370 with the instrument with which I make holes in belts! 247 00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,210 It's called an awl, Pa! 248 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:03,380 You son of a bitch! 249 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,200 Ma! Do something! 250 00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:08,720 Frank, no! 251 00:11:08,790 --> 00:11:10,380 Six months later, 252 00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:13,290 my old man died when they canceled The Tony Danza Show. 253 00:11:13,370 --> 00:11:15,300 The one that was on during the day. 254 00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:18,060 Anyway, all that is why I want to make a movie 255 00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:20,980 about a dog who joins a hockey team. 256 00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:26,570 Morning, handsome. 257 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:27,980 Mwah. 258 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,740 Now, Lois, you have been accused of an unwanted touching. 259 00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:35,080 - When? - Just now. 260 00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:36,240 Just before the flip. 261 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,740 Uh, this is ridiculous. 262 00:11:37,750 --> 00:11:38,990 Lois, please. 263 00:11:39,060 --> 00:11:40,660 Now, the way this works is 264 00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:43,870 we simply gather information and I make up my mind an hour ago. 265 00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:45,700 Peter, please tell us what happened. 266 00:11:45,780 --> 00:11:47,420 I'm sitting there at my desk, 267 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,160 trying to watch porn on sites 268 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:50,750 you guys haven't figured out yet, 269 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:51,920 and... 270 00:11:51,930 --> 00:11:53,590 she comes in and kisses me. 271 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,600 Now, Barbara, the reason you are here at Super HR 272 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,680 is there's been an accusation of unwanted touching 273 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,020 and an overly sexualized work environment. 274 00:12:08,090 --> 00:12:10,780 That's it. Peter, no more working from home. 275 00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:12,780 I want you to go back to the office. 276 00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:15,950 Peter, how can the company make this right? 277 00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:18,740 Bring back Lay's WOW chips with Olestra. 278 00:12:18,810 --> 00:12:22,200 Mr. Griffin, those chips were recalled in the '90s 279 00:12:22,270 --> 00:12:24,700 for causing explosive diarrhea. 280 00:12:24,780 --> 00:12:26,200 You heard me. 281 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,790 Mmm. 282 00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:29,410 So good. 283 00:12:30,470 --> 00:12:31,460 Uh-oh. 284 00:12:34,210 --> 00:12:36,850 All right, boys, get me up to speed. 285 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,800 Brian! Chris! 286 00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:46,100 Stewie, what's the matter? 287 00:12:46,170 --> 00:12:47,480 Our Kickstarter... 288 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,270 What? Did we not hit our goal? 289 00:12:49,340 --> 00:12:52,770 I also want to ask a question without looking at the screen. 290 00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:55,860 Oh, oh, we hit it all right. 291 00:12:59,350 --> 00:13:00,400 Whoa. 292 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,150 We actually have to make this thing. 293 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,660 Gentlemen, it's time 294 00:13:03,670 --> 00:13:05,620 to start inappropriately touching actresses 295 00:13:05,690 --> 00:13:07,160 on the casting couch. 296 00:13:07,170 --> 00:13:10,500 Okay, I have been made aware of the allegations. 297 00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:13,880 Is there anything you can say on your behalf? 298 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,830 I'm trans? 299 00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:18,850 You just won HR. 300 00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:27,930 All right. Dishes washed, 301 00:13:28,010 --> 00:13:29,140 kids off to school, 302 00:13:29,220 --> 00:13:31,020 taking my boobs out of my bra. 303 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:35,350 Alexa, play Mom Spa channel. 304 00:13:38,220 --> 00:13:39,690 All right, you're gonna have to catch me up. 305 00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:41,360 I just stepped off a bird from Omaha, 306 00:13:41,370 --> 00:13:42,860 and I have a very tight window. 307 00:13:42,870 --> 00:13:44,200 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. 308 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:45,610 I don't have the bandwidth for this right now. 309 00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:47,620 This is a lot for me to unpack, honestly. 310 00:13:47,690 --> 00:13:49,280 Uh-huh, uh-huh. 311 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:50,830 Well, I'm gonna have to circle back with Ken 312 00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:52,210 to get it past the goal line. 313 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,500 Unless, Wendy, do you want to run it up the flagpole? 314 00:13:54,570 --> 00:13:56,370 Well, at the end of the day, it is what it is. 315 00:13:56,390 --> 00:13:57,830 Look, look, look. Listen, listen. 316 00:13:57,910 --> 00:13:59,630 Look, listen, look, look, listen, listen. 317 00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:01,390 Not to put too fine a point on it, 318 00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:03,460 but when push comes to shove, look, listen, look. 319 00:14:03,540 --> 00:14:05,220 Okay, I'm gonna put a pin in this. 320 00:14:05,230 --> 00:14:07,680 I got to go crowd the gate so people think I'm in first class, 321 00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:09,430 even though I'm in boarding group seven. 322 00:14:09,510 --> 00:14:11,400 Peter, for God's sake, 323 00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:13,520 can I not just have 15 minutes of peace and quiet 324 00:14:13,590 --> 00:14:14,640 in my own kitchen? 325 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,400 All right, I'll stay out of your way. 326 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:20,030 I will simply do my work and not say a word. 327 00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:57,520 Peter, we are gonna have to fi... 328 00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,100 Attention, please, 329 00:14:59,170 --> 00:15:02,070 we are gonna begin pre-boarding Flight 238 to Scottsdale, 330 00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:04,610 beginning with our first-class and Prestige members. 331 00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:06,580 Oh, that's me. I got to go. 332 00:15:09,370 --> 00:15:12,030 Scuse me, is there any way I can get on the plane now, 333 00:15:12,110 --> 00:15:15,550 even though I'm in the seat whose back touches the bathroom? 334 00:15:19,630 --> 00:15:21,960 Okay, welcome to the first official table read 335 00:15:21,970 --> 00:15:24,300 for The Untitled Kickstarter Project. 336 00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:26,310 Chris will be on speakerphone from down the hall, 337 00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:29,140 and, as a reminder, that may result in a five-second delay. 338 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:32,310 So, now to hand it over to our writer extraordinaire, 339 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,600 - Mr. Brian... - Hi, everyone! 340 00:15:34,670 --> 00:15:35,980 There's the delay. 341 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,560 Brian Griffin, take it away. 342 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:38,480 Thank you, Stewie. 343 00:15:38,490 --> 00:15:39,680 And before we get started, 344 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:41,230 I would like to officially thank Stewie 345 00:15:41,310 --> 00:15:42,650 for spearheading this project, 346 00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:43,990 and I'd like to thank Chris 347 00:15:44,070 --> 00:15:46,280 for his help scouting all the locations. 348 00:15:46,350 --> 00:15:47,320 Now, scene one. 349 00:15:47,330 --> 00:15:48,570 We open on a suburban... 350 00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:49,830 Aw, you're welcome, Brian! 351 00:15:49,910 --> 00:15:51,330 Happy to pitch in. 352 00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:52,820 Yeah, speaking of scouting, 353 00:15:52,830 --> 00:15:54,330 you sure got good at scouting 354 00:15:54,410 --> 00:15:55,910 the location of the nearest Burger King. 355 00:15:55,990 --> 00:15:57,000 Okay, scene one. 356 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,500 We open on a suburban home, 357 00:15:58,510 --> 00:16:00,580 where a party is in full swing. 358 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,340 There is a knock at the... 359 00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,460 I do like Burger King! 360 00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:05,670 ...at the door. 361 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,970 The teenage son answers it. 362 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:15,100 Well, if it isn't my favorite uncle. 363 00:16:15,170 --> 00:16:16,970 Why-why did we give him the lead part? 364 00:16:17,050 --> 00:16:18,930 Chris, we're having a little delay issue here, 365 00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:21,280 so try and come in a little sooner, yeah? 366 00:16:25,030 --> 00:16:26,650 Roger that. 367 00:16:26,730 --> 00:16:29,540 Okay. The teenage son stares at the man in the doorway, 368 00:16:29,610 --> 00:16:32,820 - and they exchange an intense... - Back so soon, Uncle Cornelius? 369 00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,490 Okay, Chris, that was a little too soon. 370 00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:35,990 Bri-- look, what we're gonna do is, Brian... 371 00:16:36,070 --> 00:16:38,620 Why didn't you come to my mom's funeral? 372 00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,380 No, no, Chris, we're pausing for a second. 373 00:16:40,460 --> 00:16:42,120 All right? Okay, okay, Brian, here's what we're gonna do. 374 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,000 You're going to slap the table halfway through your line, 375 00:16:45,050 --> 00:16:47,220 and, Chris, when you hear the slap on your end, 376 00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:48,390 that's when you talk. 377 00:16:48,470 --> 00:16:49,710 Everyone got that? 378 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:50,850 Yes. 379 00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:55,890 Yes. 380 00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:58,230 Okay. Uncle Cornelius stands in the doorway 381 00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,310 in stunned silence... 382 00:17:00,380 --> 00:17:03,400 not knowing what to say but knowing he should say something. 383 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,070 Well, do you have anything to say for yourself? 384 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,320 - This is working. - You're damn right I do! 385 00:17:08,390 --> 00:17:10,650 Uncle Cornelius slaps the table in anger 386 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,820 as he walks across to pour himself a gin and... 387 00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:16,570 I'll return your pearl-handled revolver one bullet at a time! 388 00:17:16,590 --> 00:17:18,740 Okay, let's just shoot it. It all works. 389 00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:22,260 I just want to thank... everyone for all their hard work today. 390 00:17:22,330 --> 00:17:24,340 You're welcome! 391 00:17:29,290 --> 00:17:30,710 What the hell? 392 00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:34,270 Oh, hi, Peter. 393 00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:35,840 Like what I've done with the place? 394 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,770 I'm not sure what you have done. 395 00:17:37,850 --> 00:17:41,440 Well, since you decided to turn our house into an office, 396 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,730 I decided to make it into a public work space 397 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,520 for everyone to enjoy. 398 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,060 Principal Shepherd? 399 00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:49,360 Oh, hey, Peter. John Shepherd of Shepherd Marketing. 400 00:17:49,430 --> 00:17:51,280 Eye contact, firm handshake. 401 00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:52,610 We can put your logo on anything: 402 00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:54,570 a mug, a set of pens, a mug. 403 00:17:54,650 --> 00:17:56,120 I, uh-- I don't have a logo. 404 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,680 Funny you should say that, 405 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,030 because our art department could whip you something up. 406 00:18:00,110 --> 00:18:02,910 Hmm, let's see. Peter, Peter... 407 00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:04,120 Penis? 408 00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:06,080 Let's just fire up Windows 98. 409 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,710 You like that, right on the mug? 410 00:18:07,790 --> 00:18:09,290 Uh, n-no. No, thank you. 411 00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:10,920 Lois, what do you think you're doing? 412 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,960 Uh, I don't know what you're talking about, Peter. 413 00:18:12,970 --> 00:18:16,090 Just creating a nice work environment for you. 414 00:18:16,170 --> 00:18:19,300 For instance, I also piped in easy listening music 415 00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:20,430 throughout the house. 416 00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:21,890 ¶ Doo doo doo... ¶ 417 00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:24,060 "Ode to My Family" by the Cranberries? 418 00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:26,980 Lois, you know once I hear that, I can't get it out of my head. 419 00:18:26,990 --> 00:18:28,940 Don't worry. It's not the whole song. 420 00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:30,060 It's just the... 421 00:18:30,140 --> 00:18:32,070 ¶ Doo doo doo doo ¶ 422 00:18:32,140 --> 00:18:33,280 ...part on repeat. 423 00:18:33,350 --> 00:18:34,780 That's the catchiest part! 424 00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:36,110 Well, you better get to work. 425 00:18:36,190 --> 00:18:38,000 It's already 9:15. 426 00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:40,490 Come on, Peter, focus. You can do this. 427 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,450 ¶ Doo doo doo doo, doo... ¶ 428 00:18:42,530 --> 00:18:45,250 And... send. 429 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:46,500 All right. 430 00:18:46,510 --> 00:18:49,470 Let's see what Griffin's been up to. 431 00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:56,170 Hmm. I've been saying that to corporate for years. 432 00:18:56,180 --> 00:18:57,340 I got your mug, Peter. 433 00:18:57,350 --> 00:18:59,260 That'll be $59.99. 434 00:18:59,340 --> 00:19:00,600 I got a Square here, 435 00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:02,690 so we can take care of the transaction in-house. 436 00:19:02,770 --> 00:19:04,360 Geez, seems kind of pricey. 437 00:19:04,430 --> 00:19:06,980 Well, we could bring that down to $29.99, 438 00:19:07,050 --> 00:19:09,030 but you'd have to buy 4,000 of them. 439 00:19:09,110 --> 00:19:12,520 Fruit Baskets Covered in Cellophane. How may I help you? 440 00:19:12,530 --> 00:19:16,370 Long, juicy bananas and melon balls. 441 00:19:16,450 --> 00:19:18,530 No, I know you hadn't asked me a question. 442 00:19:18,540 --> 00:19:21,820 I was just thinking about another part of my day. 443 00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:23,880 Okay! Fire drill! 444 00:19:23,950 --> 00:19:26,120 Everyone out in the hot sun for an hour, 445 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,910 with no information as to when we're coming back! 446 00:19:28,990 --> 00:19:30,720 Damn it, Lois. I can't take this! 447 00:19:30,790 --> 00:19:33,890 Huh. Maybe you'd be better off working from your office. 448 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,210 But I thought you'd like having me around the house all day. 449 00:19:37,230 --> 00:19:38,550 I thought so, too, Peter. 450 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,840 But maybe it was too much of a good thing. 451 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,970 You know I love you, but if this marriage is gonna survive, 452 00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:46,680 I think you need to be gone for most of it. 453 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:47,570 I guess you're right. 454 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:48,980 When you look at it, 455 00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:51,240 most marriages are just a couple hours a night. 456 00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:54,320 I'm sorry I was getting on your nerves, being home so much. 457 00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:57,190 I'll call Bert and ask him if I can come back to the office. 458 00:19:57,270 --> 00:19:58,400 Thank you, Peter. 459 00:19:58,410 --> 00:19:59,910 I love you so much. 460 00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:02,320 - I love you, too. - Mmm. 461 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,790 Hey, I went ahead and ordered those 4,000 penis mugs for you. 462 00:20:05,860 --> 00:20:06,900 I don't want those. 463 00:20:06,980 --> 00:20:08,580 Well, what am I supposed to do with them? 464 00:20:08,590 --> 00:20:11,370 May I propose a merger? 465 00:20:11,450 --> 00:20:15,510 ¶ The secret of my success is I'm living. ¶ 466 00:20:23,610 --> 00:20:24,760 Wow, we did it. 467 00:20:24,770 --> 00:20:26,560 We actually made a movie. 468 00:20:26,630 --> 00:20:28,100 Yeah, I don't want to call this a movie. 469 00:20:28,110 --> 00:20:29,560 We made a film. 470 00:20:29,590 --> 00:20:31,440 We made a film, guys. 471 00:20:31,450 --> 00:20:36,070 And we even had $300,000 left over to buy snacks. 472 00:20:36,140 --> 00:20:40,440 "M-Movie snacks are very expensive" is, is-is the joke. 473 00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:41,830 Here we go. 474 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,740 This is garbage! 475 00:20:47,820 --> 00:20:50,370 I'm just happy for a night out. 476 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,250 Now, who can tell me what they did wrong? 477 00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:56,420 They were no-talent jerks who made a Kickstarter movie? 478 00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,090 They were no-talent jerks who made a Kickstarter movie. 479 00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:01,020 Don't do that, guys.