1 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:15,738 This is a message to all American infidels. 2 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,556 Prepare to die in a sea of holy fire. 3 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:22,741 You will be punished for your decadent ways on the first day of Radaman. 4 00:00:22,878 --> 00:00:23,878 You... 5 00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:26,279 Wait. Wait a minute. Did I just say... 6 00:00:26,303 --> 00:00:28,212 What did I say? "Radaman"? 7 00:00:29,406 --> 00:00:32,188 Ramadan. Radaman. What is that? 8 00:00:32,382 --> 00:00:35,611 Yeah, maybe Dennis "Radaman" is gonna punish you with his crazy hair. 9 00:00:35,709 --> 00:00:37,400 No? Osama. 10 00:00:37,502 --> 00:00:41,047 What's that? Right, right. Yeah, no. Okay, okay. 11 00:00:41,150 --> 00:00:44,728 All right, let's go again. Okay. This is a message to all... 12 00:00:46,205 --> 00:00:48,147 I'm not gonna be able to do it now. 13 00:00:48,253 --> 00:00:50,292 Okay, all right, okay. I got to get all the... 14 00:00:50,397 --> 00:00:53,713 I got to get all the laughs out. Okay? I got to get all the laughs out. 15 00:00:56,892 --> 00:00:58,714 - Okay, all right. - Today sometime. 16 00:00:58,812 --> 00:01:01,976 Stop making that face over there! What are you doing? I can't... 17 00:01:02,076 --> 00:01:04,313 He makes that face and it makes me laugh, okay? 18 00:01:04,411 --> 00:01:06,386 You know what, just turn around. Turn around. 19 00:01:06,491 --> 00:01:09,491 I don't care where you look. Just look over there. Okay, all right. 20 00:01:09,595 --> 00:01:12,377 They're cracking... They're cracking up over there. Okay. 21 00:01:12,475 --> 00:01:14,580 Oh, yeah. Look who's snickering over there. 22 00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:17,301 Mr. L-can't-do-a-suicide-bombing- because-I'm-sick. 23 00:01:17,402 --> 00:01:18,417 He had a note. 24 00:01:18,523 --> 00:01:19,570 He got you. He's so bad. 25 00:01:19,674 --> 00:01:21,300 He had a note from his doctor. 26 00:01:21,402 --> 00:01:24,501 He brought a note from his doctor. It's a suicide bombing. 27 00:01:24,602 --> 00:01:25,911 - It's true. - What are you... 28 00:01:26,010 --> 00:01:27,472 Okay, all right. Here we go. 29 00:01:27,578 --> 00:01:30,360 This is where I get all serious now. Okay. Death... 30 00:01:31,545 --> 00:01:34,545 I can't. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't. 31 00:01:34,649 --> 00:01:36,504 Oh, come on. Now you're just trying to make... 32 00:01:36,601 --> 00:01:38,259 Hey, wait, wait, wait. 33 00:01:38,361 --> 00:01:40,303 Look, look, rubber chicken, you know? 34 00:01:40,409 --> 00:01:43,224 I should do, like, the whole tape with this in my hand, you know? 35 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:46,305 Just totally, like, with the chicken right here because everyone will be like, 36 00:01:46,329 --> 00:01:49,460 "What the hell? What is 'Death to Americans'?" 37 00:01:49,912 --> 00:01:51,734 Just let him do it. Let him do the tape. 38 00:01:51,832 --> 00:01:52,832 Talking chicken. 39 00:01:52,888 --> 00:01:54,016 Don't blame me. It was the chicken. 40 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,862 He was... Oh, no. Actually, no. 41 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,814 You know what would be better? Hey, wait, wait. 42 00:01:57,911 --> 00:02:01,969 Just walk out like this. I just come out like this, but all serious. 43 00:02:02,071 --> 00:02:04,143 Like this totally, like, completely serious. 44 00:02:04,247 --> 00:02:06,614 - Like I don't even know I'm wearing them. - Oh, man! 45 00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:09,645 Death. Death to America. What? What? 46 00:02:09,751 --> 00:02:11,951 What are you looking at? Do I have something on my face? 47 00:02:11,991 --> 00:02:15,787 What? Right here? What? Boys, I'm just wearing my regular glasses. 48 00:02:15,894 --> 00:02:17,650 - I always wear these. - That is crazy. 49 00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:19,823 Hey, it's me in an '80s movie, right? Yeah. 50 00:02:20,982 --> 00:02:24,178 Hey, he got it. He got it over there. The little guy got it. 51 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,478 Who is that guy? I've never seen him around here before. 52 00:02:26,550 --> 00:02:28,175 How's it going, chief? 53 00:02:28,470 --> 00:02:31,252 Good day to you, sir. And now prepare to die. 54 00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:10,351 - Who are you? - I'm Stewie Griffin. 55 00:03:11,890 --> 00:03:14,704 And don't ever let me catch you guys in Quahog! 56 00:03:56,334 --> 00:03:58,636 Hey, Stewie. Who the hell is that? 57 00:04:07,149 --> 00:04:10,629 - Peter, it's 5:30 in the morning. - Oh, sorry, Lois. 58 00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:13,154 - I didn't know you were home. - What the hell are you doing? 59 00:04:13,261 --> 00:04:15,650 I'm laying down the red carpet. The Emmys are on tonight. 60 00:04:15,757 --> 00:04:18,440 Oh, God. Don't tell me you forgot about Meg's play tonight. 61 00:04:18,541 --> 00:04:19,882 But, Lois, Meg sucks! 62 00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:22,533 Everything she does is so freaking terrible and depressing. 63 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,676 Plus, I went to her first grade play that one time. 64 00:04:24,780 --> 00:04:28,576 Oh, Robin Hood, the king is keeping me prisoner here in his castle. 65 00:04:28,684 --> 00:04:30,920 Don't worry, Maid Marian, I'll save you. 66 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,703 Boy, you guys are not sucking me into the story at all. 67 00:04:33,804 --> 00:04:35,811 I'm just telling you for your own benefit. 68 00:04:35,915 --> 00:04:38,501 I'm very aware that I'm watching a play right now. 69 00:04:38,603 --> 00:04:40,032 Come on, I got to watch the Emmys. 70 00:04:40,139 --> 00:04:42,822 Peter, you're going to Meg's play and that's that. 71 00:04:42,955 --> 00:04:46,054 Is that that now, Mrs. That's that? 72 00:04:46,154 --> 00:04:49,732 If you're gonna shoot me, you might want to tie your shoelaces first. 73 00:04:51,114 --> 00:04:52,936 Now, are you gonna go to Meg's play or not? 74 00:04:53,034 --> 00:04:54,034 Yes! 75 00:04:54,090 --> 00:04:56,479 - You like eating red carpet, tough guy? - Yes! 76 00:04:56,650 --> 00:04:59,945 Say you like eating red carpet! I like eating red carpet. 77 00:05:00,713 --> 00:05:01,760 Giggity. 78 00:05:06,601 --> 00:05:09,154 God, why do you wear those rainbow suspenders? 79 00:05:09,257 --> 00:05:12,191 Well, I could tell you, but I'd rather show you 80 00:05:12,457 --> 00:05:14,693 through interpretive dance. 81 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,980 Crying baby. I'll take him out. 82 00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:30,661 You know, Lois, if we leave now, we can get home and catch the Emmy 83 00:05:30,759 --> 00:05:32,449 for Best Documentary. 84 00:05:32,711 --> 00:05:36,770 - I hear there's one on vacuuming. - Really? Well, that sounds interesting. 85 00:05:36,871 --> 00:05:39,293 Wait a minute. You can't fool me that easily. 86 00:05:39,398 --> 00:05:42,245 You are not watching the Emmys tonight. Now shush. 87 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,476 Excuse me. I got to go do some black guy stuff. 88 00:05:49,638 --> 00:05:52,355 Man, this sucks worse than my 16th birthday party. 89 00:05:52,614 --> 00:05:55,461 Thanks for coming to my birthday party, Jake Ryan. 90 00:05:55,558 --> 00:05:57,892 Thanks for having me at your birthday party, Peter. 91 00:05:57,990 --> 00:06:00,772 - Make a wish. - It's already come true. 92 00:06:00,869 --> 00:06:02,527 Here's your present. 93 00:06:03,109 --> 00:06:05,116 No, Jake! Not like this! 94 00:06:08,676 --> 00:06:12,899 Our top story, beloved entertainer Bob Hope briefly came back to life today 95 00:06:12,995 --> 00:06:15,199 only to die in a tragic motorcycle accident. 96 00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,634 Hey, I'm gonna jump all those trash cans. 97 00:06:22,819 --> 00:06:26,332 In other news, actor David Hyde Pierce created a major controversy 98 00:06:26,434 --> 00:06:27,645 at the Emmys last night 99 00:06:27,747 --> 00:06:30,911 when a trouser malfunction caused him to expose his testicles. 100 00:06:31,011 --> 00:06:32,799 Sure glad I didn't miss the Emmys, Diane. 101 00:06:32,899 --> 00:06:34,208 Oh, that's just great, Lois. 102 00:06:34,307 --> 00:06:36,695 Thanks to you, I missed a moment of television history. 103 00:06:36,802 --> 00:06:40,479 Well, now you know how George W. Bush felt when he showed up in Vietnam. 104 00:06:42,209 --> 00:06:44,446 All right, let's do this. Let's kick some ass. 105 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,592 - George, the war is over. - What? 106 00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:48,828 - Yeah, it's done. - Get out of here! Are you serious? 107 00:06:48,929 --> 00:06:50,423 - Yeah. - Oh, man! Oh, man! 108 00:06:50,529 --> 00:06:52,951 I just got your messages. Oh, I'm sorry. 109 00:06:53,057 --> 00:06:54,781 George, it's been over for a while. 110 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,822 - Really? - Yeah. It's 1981. 111 00:06:56,929 --> 00:06:59,449 It's... Oh, wow! Oh, so I'm way late. Oh, boy! 112 00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,352 - Yeah. - Well, you want to do something else? 113 00:07:01,441 --> 00:07:02,967 - I got some blow. - Son of a bitch! 114 00:07:03,072 --> 00:07:05,210 It took you this long to tell me? Break it out, man! 115 00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:10,525 Gentlemen, we got 20 calls about the David Hyde Pierce incident. 116 00:07:10,624 --> 00:07:13,111 And as you know, one call equals a billion people. 117 00:07:13,216 --> 00:07:16,445 Which means 20 billion people were offended by this. 118 00:07:16,543 --> 00:07:18,201 Needless to say, something must be done. 119 00:07:18,303 --> 00:07:20,986 - Perhaps we should ask the chairman. - Good idea. 120 00:07:21,599 --> 00:07:24,250 Sir, we're wondering what course of action you recommend 121 00:07:24,350 --> 00:07:26,008 regarding the Hyde Pierce incident. 122 00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:28,531 You've got to censor television, you fools! 123 00:07:28,638 --> 00:07:30,394 Now follow my orders. 124 00:07:36,413 --> 00:07:38,901 And now, stay tuned for Three's Company. 125 00:07:39,005 --> 00:07:41,940 Jack, are you out there? I want to show you my new bikini. 126 00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,696 What the hell! Why are they blocking out all the good stuff? 127 00:07:44,796 --> 00:07:46,040 It's The... Van... Show 128 00:07:47,197 --> 00:07:49,084 Starring... Van... 129 00:07:49,373 --> 00:07:50,899 They're messing with my shows. 130 00:07:51,005 --> 00:07:53,060 Come to think of it, there was something very different 131 00:07:53,084 --> 00:07:55,026 about that Honeymooners episode I watched today. 132 00:07:55,132 --> 00:07:57,979 One of these days, Alice, one of these days... 133 00:07:58,076 --> 00:08:01,425 I'm gonna help stimulate the economy by buying an American car. 134 00:08:01,531 --> 00:08:04,826 This must be the FCC overreacting to the David Hyde Pierce incident. 135 00:08:04,923 --> 00:08:07,443 They're censoring anything that might be viewed as unpleasant. 136 00:08:07,547 --> 00:08:10,514 What the hell! They let Sarah Jessica Parker's face on TV, 137 00:08:10,619 --> 00:08:11,829 and she looks like a foot. 138 00:08:11,930 --> 00:08:14,352 Well, mark my words, I'm gonna fight this. 139 00:08:16,602 --> 00:08:19,188 You're on TV, Mr. Tucker. Can't you do something about this? 140 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,462 Well, Peter, I'm flattered you came to me for help. 141 00:08:21,562 --> 00:08:23,155 We'll have more after this. 142 00:08:24,058 --> 00:08:25,058 Good evening. We're back. 143 00:08:25,146 --> 00:08:27,764 Peter, to answer your question, if you want to control content, 144 00:08:27,866 --> 00:08:29,807 you'd have to start your own television station. 145 00:08:29,913 --> 00:08:31,189 My own TV station? 146 00:08:31,289 --> 00:08:34,071 I haven't had my own business since I ran that mail order operation. 147 00:08:34,233 --> 00:08:37,233 Yeah, I bought a giant, life-size slingshot from you, 148 00:08:37,337 --> 00:08:38,930 and it just slammed me into a mountain. 149 00:08:39,033 --> 00:08:41,454 - Sorry, no returns. - I've been a customer here for years. 150 00:08:41,561 --> 00:08:45,073 - I can maybe give you a store credit. - But... Really? Well, I guess... 151 00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,510 - What's the holdup in here? - I'm taking care of it. 152 00:08:49,272 --> 00:08:51,541 Peter, what are you doing? What is all this stuff? 153 00:08:51,639 --> 00:08:55,316 Dad's starting his own TV station, but I'm not supposed to tell Mom 154 00:08:55,416 --> 00:08:57,172 because she's just gonna bitch him out. 155 00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:59,475 What the hell do you expect to accomplish with this? 156 00:08:59,575 --> 00:09:01,397 I'm saving television, Lois. 157 00:09:01,495 --> 00:09:03,317 Apache Chief, put the satellite on the roof. 158 00:09:03,414 --> 00:09:05,389 Sure, Peter. Apache Chief... 159 00:09:10,423 --> 00:09:14,317 Well, that was the high point of my day. Guess I'll go gamble. 160 00:09:21,141 --> 00:09:24,337 Hi, there. I'm Peter Griffin. And you're watching PTV, 161 00:09:24,437 --> 00:09:27,404 where you get to watch your favorite shows as nature intended them, 162 00:09:27,509 --> 00:09:30,508 with all the sex, violence, swearing and farts intact. 163 00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:33,908 Like the episode of All in the Family where Archie got the Jeffersons to move. 164 00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:37,929 Time for you to move there, Jefferson. 165 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:41,833 Oh, Archie. I can't see out of my sheet! 166 00:09:41,940 --> 00:09:45,649 Edith, will you stifle yourself? We're supposed to be incognitus. 167 00:09:45,747 --> 00:09:48,943 And who could forget that classic episode of The Waltons? 168 00:09:49,043 --> 00:09:51,377 - Goodnight, Jim-Bob. - Goodnight, Mary Ellen. 169 00:09:51,475 --> 00:09:53,711 - Goodnight, Pa. - Goodnight, Jim-Bob. 170 00:09:53,811 --> 00:09:55,786 - Goodnight, Elizabeth. - Goodnight, Pa. 171 00:09:55,891 --> 00:09:58,312 - Goodnight, Ma. - Goodnight, Elizabeth. 172 00:09:58,419 --> 00:10:00,077 Goodnight, John-Boy. 173 00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,095 Goodnight, John-Boy. 174 00:10:04,274 --> 00:10:05,274 John-Boy? 175 00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:07,719 Damn it! Can't a guy masturbate in this house? 176 00:10:10,769 --> 00:10:12,777 Peter, look at these numbers. We're a hit. 177 00:10:12,881 --> 00:10:15,564 If I were you, I'd think about expanding your programming somehow. 178 00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:17,094 Brian, that's a great idea. 179 00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:20,136 That's exactly what we need to take PTV to the next level. 180 00:10:20,241 --> 00:10:22,030 Original programming. 181 00:10:22,193 --> 00:10:25,356 Hi, there. And welcome to The Peter Griffin Side Boob Hour. 182 00:10:25,456 --> 00:10:27,758 A wonderful look back on all the partial nudity 183 00:10:27,856 --> 00:10:29,766 network television used to offer. 184 00:10:29,872 --> 00:10:31,661 Look at that side boob. 185 00:10:32,272 --> 00:10:34,443 Check out this side boob. 186 00:10:35,055 --> 00:10:38,284 How about that side boob? That turn you on? 187 00:10:38,447 --> 00:10:41,829 Well, it shouldn't, because that's my side boob. 188 00:10:42,383 --> 00:10:43,560 Goodnight, everybody. 189 00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,347 - So, what do you think? - I'm not sure, Peter. 190 00:10:46,447 --> 00:10:48,902 You got to be careful about what you put on your network. 191 00:10:49,006 --> 00:10:50,861 You know how impressionable children are. 192 00:10:50,959 --> 00:10:53,414 I mean, remember what happened after Chris saw Jackie Mason? 193 00:10:53,518 --> 00:10:55,493 Chris, you should have left for school already. 194 00:10:55,598 --> 00:10:57,159 Oy, shiksa, don't start with me. 195 00:10:57,262 --> 00:10:59,574 I didn't go, I wanted to go, I forgot to go, I should have gone. 196 00:10:59,598 --> 00:11:01,191 - Chris, just go! - Mom, relax. 197 00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,537 You look so haggard, zebezel. 198 00:11:02,638 --> 00:11:04,398 You should lie down or your heart might go... 199 00:11:04,877 --> 00:11:07,943 Lois, don't worry about it. I got a bunch of great new shows lined up. 200 00:11:08,142 --> 00:11:10,694 Cheeky Bastard is filmed in front of a live studio audience. 201 00:11:10,797 --> 00:11:13,066 Oh, my God! Where is my roast pheasant? 202 00:11:13,165 --> 00:11:15,848 By now I think it's in my lower intestine. 203 00:11:17,069 --> 00:11:20,102 You ate it? But I told you my boss was coming here for dinner. 204 00:11:20,204 --> 00:11:23,204 Well, unless he likes pork rinds, he's going home hungry. 205 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,309 You cheeky bastard. 206 00:11:31,403 --> 00:11:32,996 Welcome to Midnight Q. 207 00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:36,198 Tonight we're gonna enjoy the smooth jazz of Charles Mingus. 208 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:39,178 Norman Mailer is here to read an excerpt from his latest book. 209 00:11:39,274 --> 00:11:42,056 And then we also have a girl from Omaha who's hiding a banana. 210 00:11:42,154 --> 00:11:43,267 We'll find out where. 211 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,923 Giggity Giggity Giggity Goo. Stick around. 212 00:11:49,130 --> 00:11:50,177 More fan mail. 213 00:11:50,282 --> 00:11:52,835 Sheesh, Brian, people freaking love us. We're gonna be huge. 214 00:11:52,938 --> 00:11:56,233 Peter, I really want you to cancel that show with the animals having sex. 215 00:11:56,330 --> 00:11:58,817 For your information, Lois, it's called Dogs Humping, 216 00:11:58,922 --> 00:12:01,289 and it is the cornerstone of our Wednesday night lineup. 217 00:12:01,385 --> 00:12:03,524 Lois, responsibility lies with the parents. 218 00:12:03,625 --> 00:12:06,577 There are plenty of things that are much worse for children than television. 219 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,488 Like when Peter babysat for the neighbor's kid. 220 00:12:09,704 --> 00:12:11,460 All right, I couldn't find your toys, 221 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,756 so why don't you just play with this blow dryer and these rattles? 222 00:12:14,856 --> 00:12:17,758 Guess that's it. You probably want me to get out of your hair. 223 00:12:17,864 --> 00:12:20,319 So here's the Drano in case there's a clog. 224 00:12:20,647 --> 00:12:23,942 Soap's right there next to the radio, and towels are on the roof. 225 00:12:24,039 --> 00:12:25,413 So, goodnight. 226 00:12:26,791 --> 00:12:29,661 Look, it's one thing for a network to run inappropriate shows 227 00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:31,141 that I can't do anything about. 228 00:12:31,239 --> 00:12:33,311 But I will not have it happening in my own house. 229 00:12:33,415 --> 00:12:36,960 Lois, there is absolutely nothing inappropriate about my programming. 230 00:12:39,974 --> 00:12:41,884 All right, Dad. You're on. 231 00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:44,837 Hey, PTVfans, welcome to douchebags. 232 00:12:44,934 --> 00:12:46,876 We're out here on the I-95 overpass 233 00:12:46,981 --> 00:12:50,080 doing our first segment, "I dare you to crap off of that." 234 00:12:50,181 --> 00:12:52,353 Basically, we'll spend the day crapping off things 235 00:12:52,453 --> 00:12:54,177 that others have dared us to crap off. 236 00:12:54,277 --> 00:12:56,666 - I dared him. - All right, here we go. 237 00:12:57,925 --> 00:13:00,314 I say, are those two pigs vomiting up there? 238 00:13:04,612 --> 00:13:05,539 Uh-oh. 239 00:13:05,636 --> 00:13:08,767 Now, Lois, before you start yelling, let me remind you that you were the one 240 00:13:08,868 --> 00:13:10,973 who recklessly drove into oncoming crap. 241 00:13:11,075 --> 00:13:12,537 It was inexcusable, Peter. 242 00:13:12,643 --> 00:13:15,131 And Stewie may never be able to ride in a car again. 243 00:13:15,235 --> 00:13:16,796 Turn off the windshield wipers. 244 00:13:16,899 --> 00:13:19,266 They don't work. They're just making it worse. 245 00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:20,573 Peter, that's it. 246 00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:23,096 I asked you to stop this and you didn't listen to me. 247 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:27,064 I'm sorry, but you left me no other choice. I called the FCC. 248 00:13:27,171 --> 00:13:29,789 Oh, yeah. I know all about the FCC. 249 00:14:45,596 --> 00:14:47,701 Mr. Griffin, that was terrific. 250 00:14:47,836 --> 00:14:51,513 But I'm here to tell you, that as of today, PTV is officially shut down. 251 00:14:51,612 --> 00:14:54,907 Shut me down, huh? Well, you'll have to catch me first. 252 00:15:07,578 --> 00:15:09,073 All right, you caught me. 253 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,609 We're tired of you infecting people with your smut. 254 00:15:11,707 --> 00:15:13,976 This is an epidemic. And it must be contained. 255 00:15:14,074 --> 00:15:16,758 Well, Mr. FCC, you can stop PTV, 256 00:15:16,858 --> 00:15:19,760 but you can never stop people from being who they are! 257 00:15:20,698 --> 00:15:22,105 Or can we? 258 00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:28,431 - What are you doing? - Censoring real life. 259 00:15:28,538 --> 00:15:31,156 His chin looks like balls. You want me to cover that, too? 260 00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:36,248 How long are you guys gonna be censoring us? 261 00:15:36,345 --> 00:15:39,312 Until you and all of Quahog start to clean up your act. 262 00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:42,231 Like Ozzy Osbourne when he stopped biting the heads off bats. 263 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:47,437 Before I start playing, I'm gonna eat this whole sandwich. 264 00:16:01,686 --> 00:16:03,093 I'll finish it later. 265 00:16:03,191 --> 00:16:04,191 Yay! 266 00:16:04,247 --> 00:16:05,905 Lois, these eggs are scrambled. 267 00:16:06,006 --> 00:16:08,876 I thought for sure you'd be making eggs Benedict Arnold. 268 00:16:10,038 --> 00:16:12,274 Brian, stop writing jokes for Peter. 269 00:16:12,374 --> 00:16:15,756 And, Peter, you brought this on yourself by putting on those filthy shows. 270 00:16:15,862 --> 00:16:17,102 Oh, Lois, you are so full of... 271 00:16:18,165 --> 00:16:19,165 What? 272 00:16:19,221 --> 00:16:21,709 Now I can't say... in my own... house? 273 00:16:22,261 --> 00:16:24,116 Great, Lois. Just... great. 274 00:16:24,213 --> 00:16:27,312 You know, you're lucky you're good at... my... or I'd never put up with you. 275 00:16:27,412 --> 00:16:30,511 You know what I'm talking about. When you... lubed up... toothpaste 276 00:16:30,613 --> 00:16:34,573 in my... cherry... Episcopalian... extension cord... 277 00:16:34,676 --> 00:16:36,498 wetness... with a parking ticket. 278 00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,002 That is the best. 279 00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:45,521 - What the hell is this? - The FCC has forbidden audible flatulence. 280 00:16:45,619 --> 00:16:47,758 Everyone is now required to wear this device 281 00:16:47,860 --> 00:16:50,478 that converts all fart sounds into Steven Wright jokes. 282 00:16:50,579 --> 00:16:53,546 I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. 283 00:16:53,651 --> 00:16:54,763 Oh, this is bogus! 284 00:16:58,546 --> 00:17:00,456 Two shakes, that's it. Move along. 285 00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:02,831 Oh. Why, thank you, tinkle fairy. 286 00:17:04,818 --> 00:17:06,727 Lois, you ruined everything, you know that? 287 00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:10,129 Peter, I know it's a little extreme. But when it comes to our children, 288 00:17:10,226 --> 00:17:12,681 it's better to err on the safe side. Isn't that right? 289 00:17:12,785 --> 00:17:15,719 No. You know, Lois, if everybody was as closed-minded as you, 290 00:17:15,825 --> 00:17:18,574 the world wouldn't have some of its most inspired creations. 291 00:17:20,113 --> 00:17:23,080 Man, this chocolate bar is delicious. 292 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,338 Oh, yeah. I love peanut butter. 293 00:17:31,471 --> 00:17:33,446 I'm Officer Reeses. What happened here? 294 00:17:33,551 --> 00:17:35,973 He got peanut butter on my chocolate. 295 00:17:36,079 --> 00:17:38,599 He got chocolate in my peanut butter. 296 00:17:45,071 --> 00:17:46,565 Oh, come on. 297 00:17:46,670 --> 00:17:48,612 I know what'll make you feel better. 298 00:17:48,718 --> 00:17:51,653 - How about a little angry sex, huh? - Oh, all right. 299 00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:55,564 Whoa! Whoa! Those actions are highly inappropriate. 300 00:17:55,661 --> 00:17:58,050 What? Wait a minute. We're not allowed to have sex? 301 00:17:58,158 --> 00:17:59,205 Oh, you can have sex. 302 00:17:59,309 --> 00:18:03,532 Just no moaning, no tongue-kissing, no thrusting, no movement whatsoever. 303 00:18:06,893 --> 00:18:09,576 Well, this isn't very romantic. I mean, how are we supposed to... 304 00:18:09,677 --> 00:18:11,203 I'm done. Night, Lois. 305 00:18:16,908 --> 00:18:18,534 Come on, you son of a... 306 00:18:20,012 --> 00:18:21,768 Oh... me. 307 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,104 - Brian, would you mind? - Yeah, sure. 308 00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,414 Oh, sorry. 309 00:18:25,516 --> 00:18:29,029 I haven't had sex in two weeks. I'm just a little on edge lately. 310 00:18:29,356 --> 00:18:32,355 A little? There wasn't this much tension when the slaves were freed. 311 00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:34,793 Okay, so you're free to go. 312 00:18:35,467 --> 00:18:36,776 But we're cool, right? 313 00:18:37,163 --> 00:18:38,569 Peter, we have to talk. 314 00:18:38,666 --> 00:18:41,284 Look, I thought this FCC thing was a good idea at first, 315 00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:43,044 but it's just gone way too far. 316 00:18:43,147 --> 00:18:45,602 - What are you saying, Lois? - Well, 317 00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,705 I don't want to admit it, but I think you were right. 318 00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:51,330 I don't believe it! Finally I can do this! 319 00:18:53,481 --> 00:18:56,830 I set that thing up 15 years ago. Hey, where's the clown? 320 00:18:56,938 --> 00:19:00,199 We've got to do something about this. Pack your bag, Peter. 321 00:19:00,297 --> 00:19:01,922 We're going to Washington. 322 00:19:02,504 --> 00:19:03,552 Oh, there he is. 323 00:19:05,513 --> 00:19:07,782 - Are we there yet? - No, Chris, honey, we're not. 324 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,855 - Are we there yet? - No, Chris. 325 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,611 - Are we there yet? - Yes, Chris, yes. Okay? We're there. 326 00:19:12,712 --> 00:19:13,712 Liar! 327 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:18,110 East of Eden? So you pretty much do whatever Oprah tells you to, huh? 328 00:19:18,215 --> 00:19:21,062 You know, this book's been around for 50 years. It's a classic. 329 00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:22,435 But you just got it last week, 330 00:19:22,535 --> 00:19:24,422 and there's a giant Oprah sticker on the front. 331 00:19:24,519 --> 00:19:26,974 Is that what that is? Let me just peel that right off. 332 00:19:27,079 --> 00:19:28,769 So, what are you gonna read after that one? 333 00:19:28,871 --> 00:19:30,271 Well, she hasn't told us yet. Damn! 334 00:19:32,999 --> 00:19:36,740 And the motion carries. The janitor's new nickname is Sweepy. 335 00:19:46,917 --> 00:19:49,153 Gentlemen, that was a fart. 336 00:19:49,253 --> 00:19:51,838 - What's going on out here? - I'll tell you what's going on. 337 00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:55,683 This government's FCC is trying to take all the farts away from television! 338 00:19:55,781 --> 00:19:58,202 And all the sex, and all the nudity, and all the poop. 339 00:19:58,309 --> 00:19:59,803 Well, I say it's wrong. 340 00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:02,591 These things are part of the fabric of American life. 341 00:20:02,692 --> 00:20:06,303 Well, we appreciate your passion but this Congress supports the FCC. 342 00:20:06,404 --> 00:20:08,957 - Indecency is un-American. - Oh, yeah? 343 00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:11,263 Well, I can prove to you that that's a bunch of bull. 344 00:20:11,364 --> 00:20:12,378 Look around you. 345 00:20:12,483 --> 00:20:16,258 The Washington Monument. Looks an awful lot like a penis, doesn't it? 346 00:20:16,355 --> 00:20:19,650 The Capitol Building, quite obviously a giant boob. 347 00:20:19,747 --> 00:20:21,176 And the Pentagon? 348 00:20:21,283 --> 00:20:24,894 Well, you look me in the eye and tell me it doesn't look like a big anus. 349 00:20:24,995 --> 00:20:27,842 My God! How could we have been so blind? 350 00:20:27,938 --> 00:20:29,050 He's absolutely right. 351 00:20:29,154 --> 00:20:32,536 Come to think of it, have you ever looked closely at the Lincoln Memorial? 352 00:20:35,458 --> 00:20:39,833 Our top story, the FCC's content ban on Quahog has finally been lifted. 353 00:20:39,937 --> 00:20:42,937 Well, you did it, Peter. You beat the FCC. 354 00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:46,176 Lois, Lois, let's watch The Brady Bunch. 355 00:20:46,401 --> 00:20:47,808 Look what I did, everybody. 356 00:20:47,904 --> 00:20:51,614 Isn't it the biggest, most super-special poop you've ever seen? 357 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:56,117 Well, Cindy, I guess it's true that big things come in small packages.