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This is a message to all American infidels.
2
00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,556
Prepare to die in a sea of holy fire.
3
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:22,741
You will be punished for your decadent
ways on the first day of Radaman.
4
00:00:22,878 --> 00:00:23,878
You...
5
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:26,279
Wait. Wait a minute. Did I just say...
6
00:00:26,303 --> 00:00:28,212
What did I say? "Radaman"?
7
00:00:29,406 --> 00:00:32,188
Ramadan. Radaman. What is that?
8
00:00:32,382 --> 00:00:35,611
Yeah, maybe Dennis "Radaman"
is gonna punish you with his crazy hair.
9
00:00:35,709 --> 00:00:37,400
No?
Osama.
10
00:00:37,502 --> 00:00:41,047
What's that? Right, right. Yeah, no.
Okay, okay.
11
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All right, let's go again. Okay.
This is a message to all...
12
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I'm not gonna be able to do it now.
13
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Okay, all right, okay. I
got to get all the...
14
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I got to get all the laughs out. Okay?
I got to get all the laughs out.
15
00:00:56,892 --> 00:00:58,714
- Okay, all right.
- Today sometime.
16
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Stop making that face over there!
What are you doing? I can't...
17
00:01:02,076 --> 00:01:04,313
He makes that face
and it makes me laugh, okay?
18
00:01:04,411 --> 00:01:06,386
You know what, just turn around.
Turn around.
19
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I don't care where you look.
Just look over there. Okay, all right.
20
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They're cracking...
They're cracking up over there. Okay.
21
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Oh, yeah.
Look who's snickering over there.
22
00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:17,301
Mr. L-can't-do-a-suicide-bombing-
because-I'm-sick.
23
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He had a note.
24
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He got you.
He's so bad.
25
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He had a note from his doctor.
26
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He brought a note from his doctor.
It's a suicide bombing.
27
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- It's true.
- What are you...
28
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Okay, all right. Here we go.
29
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This is where I get all serious now.
Okay. Death...
30
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I can't. I can't do it. I can't do it.
I can't.
31
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Oh, come on.
Now you're just trying to make...
32
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Hey, wait, wait, wait.
33
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Look, look, rubber chicken, you know?
34
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I should do, like, the whole tape
with this in my hand, you know?
35
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Just totally, like, with the chicken
right here because everyone will be like,
36
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"What the hell?
What is 'Death to Americans'?"
37
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Just let him do it. Let him do the tape.
38
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Talking chicken.
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Don't blame me. It was the chicken.
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He was... Oh, no. Actually, no.
41
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You know what would be better?
Hey, wait, wait.
42
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Just walk out like this.
I just come out like this, but all serious.
43
00:02:02,071 --> 00:02:04,143
Like this totally, like,
completely serious.
44
00:02:04,247 --> 00:02:06,614
- Like I don't even know I'm wearing them.
- Oh, man!
45
00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:09,645
Death. Death to America. What? What?
46
00:02:09,751 --> 00:02:11,951
What are you looking at?
Do I have something on my face?
47
00:02:11,991 --> 00:02:15,787
What? Right here? What?
Boys, I'm just wearing my regular glasses.
48
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- I always wear these.
- That is crazy.
49
00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:19,823
Hey, it's me in an '80s movie, right? Yeah.
50
00:02:20,982 --> 00:02:24,178
Hey, he got it. He got it over there.
The little guy got it.
51
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,478
Who is that guy?
I've never seen him around here before.
52
00:02:26,550 --> 00:02:28,175
How's it going, chief?
53
00:02:28,470 --> 00:02:31,252
Good day to you, sir.
And now prepare to die.
54
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:10,351
- Who are you?
- I'm Stewie Griffin.
55
00:03:11,890 --> 00:03:14,704
And don't ever let me
catch you guys in Quahog!
56
00:03:56,334 --> 00:03:58,636
Hey, Stewie. Who the hell is that?
57
00:04:07,149 --> 00:04:10,629
- Peter, it's 5:30 in the morning.
- Oh, sorry, Lois.
58
00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:13,154
- I didn't know you were home.
- What the hell are you doing?
59
00:04:13,261 --> 00:04:15,650
I'm laying down the red carpet.
The Emmys are on tonight.
60
00:04:15,757 --> 00:04:18,440
Oh, God. Don't tell me
you forgot about Meg's play tonight.
61
00:04:18,541 --> 00:04:19,882
But, Lois, Meg sucks!
62
00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:22,533
Everything she does
is so freaking terrible and depressing.
63
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,676
Plus, I went to her first grade play
that one time.
64
00:04:24,780 --> 00:04:28,576
Oh, Robin Hood, the king is keeping me
prisoner here in his castle.
65
00:04:28,684 --> 00:04:30,920
Don't worry, Maid Marian, I'll save you.
66
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,703
Boy, you guys are not sucking me
into the story at all.
67
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I'm just telling you for your own benefit.
68
00:04:35,915 --> 00:04:38,501
I'm very aware
that I'm watching a play right now.
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00:04:38,603 --> 00:04:40,032
Come on, I got to watch the Emmys.
70
00:04:40,139 --> 00:04:42,822
Peter, you're going to Meg's play
and that's that.
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00:04:42,955 --> 00:04:46,054
Is that that now, Mrs. That's that?
72
00:04:46,154 --> 00:04:49,732
If you're gonna shoot me,
you might want to tie your shoelaces first.
73
00:04:51,114 --> 00:04:52,936
Now, are you gonna go
to Meg's play or not?
74
00:04:53,034 --> 00:04:54,034
Yes!
75
00:04:54,090 --> 00:04:56,479
- You like eating red carpet, tough guy?
- Yes!
76
00:04:56,650 --> 00:04:59,945
Say you like eating red carpet!
I like eating red carpet.
77
00:05:00,713 --> 00:05:01,760
Giggity.
78
00:05:06,601 --> 00:05:09,154
God, why do you wear
those rainbow suspenders?
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00:05:09,257 --> 00:05:12,191
Well, I could tell you,
but I'd rather show you
80
00:05:12,457 --> 00:05:14,693
through interpretive dance.
81
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,980
Crying baby. I'll take him out.
82
00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:30,661
You know, Lois, if we leave now,
we can get home and catch the Emmy
83
00:05:30,759 --> 00:05:32,449
for Best Documentary.
84
00:05:32,711 --> 00:05:36,770
- I hear there's one on vacuuming.
- Really? Well, that sounds interesting.
85
00:05:36,871 --> 00:05:39,293
Wait a minute.
You can't fool me that easily.
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00:05:39,398 --> 00:05:42,245
You are not watching the Emmys tonight.
Now shush.
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Excuse me.
I got to go do some black guy stuff.
88
00:05:49,638 --> 00:05:52,355
Man, this sucks worse than
my 16th birthday party.
89
00:05:52,614 --> 00:05:55,461
Thanks for coming
to my birthday party, Jake Ryan.
90
00:05:55,558 --> 00:05:57,892
Thanks for having me
at your birthday party, Peter.
91
00:05:57,990 --> 00:06:00,772
- Make a wish.
- It's already come true.
92
00:06:00,869 --> 00:06:02,527
Here's your present.
93
00:06:03,109 --> 00:06:05,116
No, Jake! Not like this!
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00:06:08,676 --> 00:06:12,899
Our top story, beloved entertainer
Bob Hope briefly came back to life today
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00:06:12,995 --> 00:06:15,199
only to die in a tragic
motorcycle accident.
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00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,634
Hey, I'm gonna jump all those trash cans.
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00:06:22,819 --> 00:06:26,332
In other news, actor David Hyde Pierce
created a major controversy
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00:06:26,434 --> 00:06:27,645
at the Emmys last night
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00:06:27,747 --> 00:06:30,911
when a trouser malfunction
caused him to expose his testicles.
100
00:06:31,011 --> 00:06:32,799
Sure glad
I didn't miss the Emmys, Diane.
101
00:06:32,899 --> 00:06:34,208
Oh, that's just great, Lois.
102
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Thanks to you,
I missed a moment of television history.
103
00:06:36,802 --> 00:06:40,479
Well, now you know how George W. Bush
felt when he showed up in Vietnam.
104
00:06:42,209 --> 00:06:44,446
All right, let's do this.
Let's kick some ass.
105
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,592
- George, the war is over.
- What?
106
00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:48,828
- Yeah, it's done.
- Get out of here! Are you serious?
107
00:06:48,929 --> 00:06:50,423
- Yeah.
- Oh, man! Oh, man!
108
00:06:50,529 --> 00:06:52,951
I just got your messages. Oh, I'm sorry.
109
00:06:53,057 --> 00:06:54,781
George, it's been over for a while.
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00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,822
- Really?
- Yeah. It's 1981.
111
00:06:56,929 --> 00:06:59,449
It's... Oh, wow!
Oh, so I'm way late. Oh, boy!
112
00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,352
- Yeah.
- Well, you want to do something else?
113
00:07:01,441 --> 00:07:02,967
- I got some blow.
- Son of a bitch!
114
00:07:03,072 --> 00:07:05,210
It took you this long to tell me?
Break it out, man!
115
00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:10,525
Gentlemen, we got 20 calls
about the David Hyde Pierce incident.
116
00:07:10,624 --> 00:07:13,111
And as you know,
one call equals a billion people.
117
00:07:13,216 --> 00:07:16,445
Which means 20 billion people
were offended by this.
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00:07:16,543 --> 00:07:18,201
Needless to say, something must be done.
119
00:07:18,303 --> 00:07:20,986
- Perhaps we should ask the chairman.
- Good idea.
120
00:07:21,599 --> 00:07:24,250
Sir, we're wondering
what course of action you recommend
121
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regarding the Hyde Pierce incident.
122
00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:28,531
You've got to censor television, you fools!
123
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Now follow my orders.
124
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And now,
stay tuned for Three's Company.
125
00:07:39,005 --> 00:07:41,940
Jack, are you out there?
I want to show you my new bikini.
126
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,696
What the hell! Why are they blocking out
all the good stuff?
127
00:07:44,796 --> 00:07:46,040
It's The... Van... Show
128
00:07:47,197 --> 00:07:49,084
Starring... Van...
129
00:07:49,373 --> 00:07:50,899
They're messing with my shows.
130
00:07:51,005 --> 00:07:53,060
Come to think of it,
there was something very different
131
00:07:53,084 --> 00:07:55,026
about that Honeymooners episode
I watched today.
132
00:07:55,132 --> 00:07:57,979
One of these days, Alice,
one of these days...
133
00:07:58,076 --> 00:08:01,425
I'm gonna help stimulate the economy
by buying an American car.
134
00:08:01,531 --> 00:08:04,826
This must be the FCC overreacting
to the David Hyde Pierce incident.
135
00:08:04,923 --> 00:08:07,443
They're censoring anything
that might be viewed as unpleasant.
136
00:08:07,547 --> 00:08:10,514
What the hell!
They let Sarah Jessica Parker's face on TV,
137
00:08:10,619 --> 00:08:11,829
and she looks like a foot.
138
00:08:11,930 --> 00:08:14,352
Well, mark my words, I'm gonna fight this.
139
00:08:16,602 --> 00:08:19,188
You're on TV, Mr. Tucker.
Can't you do something about this?
140
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,462
Well, Peter, I'm flattered
you came to me for help.
141
00:08:21,562 --> 00:08:23,155
We'll have more after this.
142
00:08:24,058 --> 00:08:25,058
Good evening. We're back.
143
00:08:25,146 --> 00:08:27,764
Peter, to answer your question,
if you want to control content,
144
00:08:27,866 --> 00:08:29,807
you'd have to start
your own television station.
145
00:08:29,913 --> 00:08:31,189
My own TV station?
146
00:08:31,289 --> 00:08:34,071
I haven't had my own business
since I ran that mail order operation.
147
00:08:34,233 --> 00:08:37,233
Yeah, I bought a giant,
life-size slingshot from you,
148
00:08:37,337 --> 00:08:38,930
and it just slammed me into a mountain.
149
00:08:39,033 --> 00:08:41,454
- Sorry, no returns.
- I've been a customer here for years.
150
00:08:41,561 --> 00:08:45,073
- I can maybe give you a store credit.
- But... Really? Well, I guess...
151
00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,510
- What's the holdup in here?
- I'm taking care of it.
152
00:08:49,272 --> 00:08:51,541
Peter, what are you doing?
What is all this stuff?
153
00:08:51,639 --> 00:08:55,316
Dad's starting his own TV station,
but I'm not supposed to tell Mom
154
00:08:55,416 --> 00:08:57,172
because she's just gonna bitch him out.
155
00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:59,475
What the hell do you expect
to accomplish with this?
156
00:08:59,575 --> 00:09:01,397
I'm saving television, Lois.
157
00:09:01,495 --> 00:09:03,317
Apache Chief, put the
satellite on the roof.
158
00:09:03,414 --> 00:09:05,389
Sure, Peter. Apache Chief...
159
00:09:10,423 --> 00:09:14,317
Well, that was the high point of my day.
Guess I'll go gamble.
160
00:09:21,141 --> 00:09:24,337
Hi, there. I'm Peter Griffin.
And you're watching PTV,
161
00:09:24,437 --> 00:09:27,404
where you get to watch your
favorite shows as nature intended them,
162
00:09:27,509 --> 00:09:30,508
with all the sex,
violence, swearing and farts intact.
163
00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:33,908
Like the episode of All in the Family
where Archie got the Jeffersons to move.
164
00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:37,929
Time for you to move there, Jefferson.
165
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:41,833
Oh, Archie. I can't see out of my sheet!
166
00:09:41,940 --> 00:09:45,649
Edith, will you stifle yourself?
We're supposed to be incognitus.
167
00:09:45,747 --> 00:09:48,943
And who could forget that classic episode
of The Waltons?
168
00:09:49,043 --> 00:09:51,377
- Goodnight, Jim-Bob.
- Goodnight, Mary Ellen.
169
00:09:51,475 --> 00:09:53,711
- Goodnight, Pa.
- Goodnight, Jim-Bob.
170
00:09:53,811 --> 00:09:55,786
- Goodnight, Elizabeth.
- Goodnight, Pa.
171
00:09:55,891 --> 00:09:58,312
- Goodnight, Ma.
- Goodnight, Elizabeth.
172
00:09:58,419 --> 00:10:00,077
Goodnight, John-Boy.
173
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,095
Goodnight, John-Boy.
174
00:10:04,274 --> 00:10:05,274
John-Boy?
175
00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:07,719
Damn it!
Can't a guy masturbate in this house?
176
00:10:10,769 --> 00:10:12,777
Peter, look at these numbers. We're a hit.
177
00:10:12,881 --> 00:10:15,564
If I were you, I'd think about
expanding your programming somehow.
178
00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:17,094
Brian, that's a great idea.
179
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:20,136
That's exactly what we need
to take PTV to the next level.
180
00:10:20,241 --> 00:10:22,030
Original programming.
181
00:10:22,193 --> 00:10:25,356
Hi, there. And welcome to
The Peter Griffin Side Boob Hour.
182
00:10:25,456 --> 00:10:27,758
A wonderful look back
on all the partial nudity
183
00:10:27,856 --> 00:10:29,766
network television used to offer.
184
00:10:29,872 --> 00:10:31,661
Look at that side boob.
185
00:10:32,272 --> 00:10:34,443
Check out this side boob.
186
00:10:35,055 --> 00:10:38,284
How about that side boob?
That turn you on?
187
00:10:38,447 --> 00:10:41,829
Well, it shouldn't,
because that's my side boob.
188
00:10:42,383 --> 00:10:43,560
Goodnight, everybody.
189
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,347
- So, what do you think?
- I'm not sure, Peter.
190
00:10:46,447 --> 00:10:48,902
You got to be careful
about what you put on your network.
191
00:10:49,006 --> 00:10:50,861
You know how impressionable
children are.
192
00:10:50,959 --> 00:10:53,414
I mean, remember what happened
after Chris saw Jackie Mason?
193
00:10:53,518 --> 00:10:55,493
Chris, you should have
left for school already.
194
00:10:55,598 --> 00:10:57,159
Oy, shiksa, don't start with me.
195
00:10:57,262 --> 00:10:59,574
I didn't go, I wanted to go,
I forgot to go, I should have gone.
196
00:10:59,598 --> 00:11:01,191
- Chris, just go!
- Mom, relax.
197
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,537
You look so haggard, zebezel.
198
00:11:02,638 --> 00:11:04,398
You should lie down
or your heart might go...
199
00:11:04,877 --> 00:11:07,943
Lois, don't worry about it.
I got a bunch of great new shows lined up.
200
00:11:08,142 --> 00:11:10,694
Cheeky Bastard is filmed
in front of a live studio audience.
201
00:11:10,797 --> 00:11:13,066
Oh, my God! Where is my roast pheasant?
202
00:11:13,165 --> 00:11:15,848
By now I think it's in my lower intestine.
203
00:11:17,069 --> 00:11:20,102
You ate it? But I told you
my boss was coming here for dinner.
204
00:11:20,204 --> 00:11:23,204
Well, unless he likes pork rinds,
he's going home hungry.
205
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,309
You cheeky bastard.
206
00:11:31,403 --> 00:11:32,996
Welcome to Midnight Q.
207
00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:36,198
Tonight we're gonna enjoy
the smooth jazz of Charles Mingus.
208
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:39,178
Norman Mailer is here to read
an excerpt from his latest book.
209
00:11:39,274 --> 00:11:42,056
And then we also have a girl from Omaha
who's hiding a banana.
210
00:11:42,154 --> 00:11:43,267
We'll find out where.
211
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,923
Giggity Giggity Giggity Goo.
Stick around.
212
00:11:49,130 --> 00:11:50,177
More fan mail.
213
00:11:50,282 --> 00:11:52,835
Sheesh, Brian, people freaking love us.
We're gonna be huge.
214
00:11:52,938 --> 00:11:56,233
Peter, I really want you to cancel
that show with the animals having sex.
215
00:11:56,330 --> 00:11:58,817
For your information, Lois,
it's called Dogs Humping,
216
00:11:58,922 --> 00:12:01,289
and it is the cornerstone
of our Wednesday night lineup.
217
00:12:01,385 --> 00:12:03,524
Lois, responsibility lies with the parents.
218
00:12:03,625 --> 00:12:06,577
There are plenty of things that are
much worse for children than television.
219
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,488
Like when Peter babysat
for the neighbor's kid.
220
00:12:09,704 --> 00:12:11,460
All right, I couldn't find your toys,
221
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,756
so why don't you just play
with this blow dryer and these rattles?
222
00:12:14,856 --> 00:12:17,758
Guess that's it. You probably want me
to get out of your hair.
223
00:12:17,864 --> 00:12:20,319
So here's the Drano in case there's a clog.
224
00:12:20,647 --> 00:12:23,942
Soap's right there next to the radio,
and towels are on the roof.
225
00:12:24,039 --> 00:12:25,413
So, goodnight.
226
00:12:26,791 --> 00:12:29,661
Look, it's one thing for a network
to run inappropriate shows
227
00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:31,141
that I can't do anything about.
228
00:12:31,239 --> 00:12:33,311
But I will not have it happening
in my own house.
229
00:12:33,415 --> 00:12:36,960
Lois, there is absolutely nothing
inappropriate about my programming.
230
00:12:39,974 --> 00:12:41,884
All right, Dad. You're on.
231
00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:44,837
Hey, PTVfans, welcome to douchebags.
232
00:12:44,934 --> 00:12:46,876
We're out here on the I-95 overpass
233
00:12:46,981 --> 00:12:50,080
doing our first segment,
"I dare you to crap off of that."
234
00:12:50,181 --> 00:12:52,353
Basically, we'll spend the day
crapping off things
235
00:12:52,453 --> 00:12:54,177
that others have dared us to crap off.
236
00:12:54,277 --> 00:12:56,666
- I dared him.
- All right, here we go.
237
00:12:57,925 --> 00:13:00,314
I say, are those two pigs
vomiting up there?
238
00:13:04,612 --> 00:13:05,539
Uh-oh.
239
00:13:05,636 --> 00:13:08,767
Now, Lois, before you start yelling,
let me remind you that you were the one
240
00:13:08,868 --> 00:13:10,973
who recklessly drove
into oncoming crap.
241
00:13:11,075 --> 00:13:12,537
It was inexcusable, Peter.
242
00:13:12,643 --> 00:13:15,131
And Stewie may never
be able to ride in a car again.
243
00:13:15,235 --> 00:13:16,796
Turn off the windshield wipers.
244
00:13:16,899 --> 00:13:19,266
They don't work.
They're just making it worse.
245
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:20,573
Peter, that's it.
246
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:23,096
I asked you to stop this
and you didn't listen to me.
247
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:27,064
I'm sorry, but you left me no other choice.
I called the FCC.
248
00:13:27,171 --> 00:13:29,789
Oh, yeah. I know all about the FCC.
249
00:14:45,596 --> 00:14:47,701
Mr. Griffin, that was terrific.
250
00:14:47,836 --> 00:14:51,513
But I'm here to tell you, that as of today,
PTV is officially shut down.
251
00:14:51,612 --> 00:14:54,907
Shut me down, huh?
Well, you'll have to catch me first.
252
00:15:07,578 --> 00:15:09,073
All right, you caught me.
253
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,609
We're tired of you infecting people
with your smut.
254
00:15:11,707 --> 00:15:13,976
This is an epidemic.
And it must be contained.
255
00:15:14,074 --> 00:15:16,758
Well, Mr. FCC, you can stop PTV,
256
00:15:16,858 --> 00:15:19,760
but you can never stop people
from being who they are!
257
00:15:20,698 --> 00:15:22,105
Or can we?
258
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:28,431
- What are you doing?
- Censoring real life.
259
00:15:28,538 --> 00:15:31,156
His chin looks like balls.
You want me to cover that, too?
260
00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:36,248
How long are you guys
gonna be censoring us?
261
00:15:36,345 --> 00:15:39,312
Until you and all of Quahog
start to clean up your act.
262
00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:42,231
Like Ozzy Osbourne when he stopped
biting the heads off bats.
263
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:47,437
Before I start playing,
I'm gonna eat this whole sandwich.
264
00:16:01,686 --> 00:16:03,093
I'll finish it later.
265
00:16:03,191 --> 00:16:04,191
Yay!
266
00:16:04,247 --> 00:16:05,905
Lois, these eggs are scrambled.
267
00:16:06,006 --> 00:16:08,876
I thought for sure you'd be making
eggs Benedict Arnold.
268
00:16:10,038 --> 00:16:12,274
Brian, stop writing jokes for Peter.
269
00:16:12,374 --> 00:16:15,756
And, Peter, you brought this on yourself
by putting on those filthy shows.
270
00:16:15,862 --> 00:16:17,102
Oh, Lois, you are so full of...
271
00:16:18,165 --> 00:16:19,165
What?
272
00:16:19,221 --> 00:16:21,709
Now I can't say... in my own... house?
273
00:16:22,261 --> 00:16:24,116
Great, Lois. Just... great.
274
00:16:24,213 --> 00:16:27,312
You know, you're lucky you're good at...
my... or I'd never put up with you.
275
00:16:27,412 --> 00:16:30,511
You know what I'm talking about.
When you... lubed up... toothpaste
276
00:16:30,613 --> 00:16:34,573
in my... cherry... Episcopalian...
extension cord...
277
00:16:34,676 --> 00:16:36,498
wetness... with a parking ticket.
278
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,002
That is the best.
279
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:45,521
- What the hell is this?
- The FCC has forbidden audible flatulence.
280
00:16:45,619 --> 00:16:47,758
Everyone is now required
to wear this device
281
00:16:47,860 --> 00:16:50,478
that converts all fart sounds
into Steven Wright jokes.
282
00:16:50,579 --> 00:16:53,546
I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he's gone.
283
00:16:53,651 --> 00:16:54,763
Oh, this is bogus!
284
00:16:58,546 --> 00:17:00,456
Two shakes, that's it. Move along.
285
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:02,831
Oh. Why, thank you, tinkle fairy.
286
00:17:04,818 --> 00:17:06,727
Lois, you ruined everything,
you know that?
287
00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:10,129
Peter, I know it's a little extreme.
But when it comes to our children,
288
00:17:10,226 --> 00:17:12,681
it's better to err on the safe side.
Isn't that right?
289
00:17:12,785 --> 00:17:15,719
No. You know, Lois,
if everybody was as closed-minded as you,
290
00:17:15,825 --> 00:17:18,574
the world wouldn't have
some of its most inspired creations.
291
00:17:20,113 --> 00:17:23,080
Man, this chocolate bar is delicious.
292
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,338
Oh, yeah. I love peanut butter.
293
00:17:31,471 --> 00:17:33,446
I'm Officer Reeses. What happened here?
294
00:17:33,551 --> 00:17:35,973
He got peanut butter on my chocolate.
295
00:17:36,079 --> 00:17:38,599
He got chocolate in my peanut butter.
296
00:17:45,071 --> 00:17:46,565
Oh, come on.
297
00:17:46,670 --> 00:17:48,612
I know what'll make you feel better.
298
00:17:48,718 --> 00:17:51,653
- How about a little angry sex, huh?
- Oh, all right.
299
00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:55,564
Whoa! Whoa!
Those actions are highly inappropriate.
300
00:17:55,661 --> 00:17:58,050
What? Wait a minute.
We're not allowed to have sex?
301
00:17:58,158 --> 00:17:59,205
Oh, you can have sex.
302
00:17:59,309 --> 00:18:03,532
Just no moaning, no tongue-kissing,
no thrusting, no movement whatsoever.
303
00:18:06,893 --> 00:18:09,576
Well, this isn't very romantic.
I mean, how are we supposed to...
304
00:18:09,677 --> 00:18:11,203
I'm done. Night, Lois.
305
00:18:16,908 --> 00:18:18,534
Come on, you son of a...
306
00:18:20,012 --> 00:18:21,768
Oh... me.
307
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,104
- Brian, would you mind?
- Yeah, sure.
308
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,414
Oh, sorry.
309
00:18:25,516 --> 00:18:29,029
I haven't had sex in two weeks.
I'm just a little on edge lately.
310
00:18:29,356 --> 00:18:32,355
A little? There wasn't this much tension
when the slaves were freed.
311
00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:34,793
Okay, so you're free to go.
312
00:18:35,467 --> 00:18:36,776
But we're cool, right?
313
00:18:37,163 --> 00:18:38,569
Peter, we have to talk.
314
00:18:38,666 --> 00:18:41,284
Look, I thought this FCC thing
was a good idea at first,
315
00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:43,044
but it's just gone way too far.
316
00:18:43,147 --> 00:18:45,602
- What are you saying, Lois?
- Well,
317
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,705
I don't want to admit it,
but I think you were right.
318
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:51,330
I don't believe it! Finally I can do this!
319
00:18:53,481 --> 00:18:56,830
I set that thing up 15 years ago.
Hey, where's the clown?
320
00:18:56,938 --> 00:19:00,199
We've got to do something about this.
Pack your bag, Peter.
321
00:19:00,297 --> 00:19:01,922
We're going to Washington.
322
00:19:02,504 --> 00:19:03,552
Oh, there he is.
323
00:19:05,513 --> 00:19:07,782
- Are we there yet?
- No, Chris, honey, we're not.
324
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,855
- Are we there yet?
- No, Chris.
325
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,611
- Are we there yet?
- Yes, Chris, yes. Okay? We're there.
326
00:19:12,712 --> 00:19:13,712
Liar!
327
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:18,110
East of Eden? So you pretty much do
whatever Oprah tells you to, huh?
328
00:19:18,215 --> 00:19:21,062
You know, this book's been around
for 50 years. It's a classic.
329
00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:22,435
But you just got it last week,
330
00:19:22,535 --> 00:19:24,422
and there's a giant Oprah sticker
on the front.
331
00:19:24,519 --> 00:19:26,974
Is that what that is?
Let me just peel that right off.
332
00:19:27,079 --> 00:19:28,769
So, what are you gonna read
after that one?
333
00:19:28,871 --> 00:19:30,271
Well, she hasn't told us yet. Damn!
334
00:19:32,999 --> 00:19:36,740
And the motion carries.
The janitor's new nickname is Sweepy.
335
00:19:46,917 --> 00:19:49,153
Gentlemen, that was a fart.
336
00:19:49,253 --> 00:19:51,838
- What's going on out here?
- I'll tell you what's going on.
337
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:55,683
This government's FCC is trying to take
all the farts away from television!
338
00:19:55,781 --> 00:19:58,202
And all the sex, and all the nudity,
and all the poop.
339
00:19:58,309 --> 00:19:59,803
Well, I say it's wrong.
340
00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:02,591
These things are part of the fabric
of American life.
341
00:20:02,692 --> 00:20:06,303
Well, we appreciate your passion
but this Congress supports the FCC.
342
00:20:06,404 --> 00:20:08,957
- Indecency is un-American.
- Oh, yeah?
343
00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:11,263
Well, I can prove to you
that that's a bunch of bull.
344
00:20:11,364 --> 00:20:12,378
Look around you.
345
00:20:12,483 --> 00:20:16,258
The Washington Monument. Looks an
awful lot like a penis, doesn't it?
346
00:20:16,355 --> 00:20:19,650
The Capitol Building,
quite obviously a giant boob.
347
00:20:19,747 --> 00:20:21,176
And the Pentagon?
348
00:20:21,283 --> 00:20:24,894
Well, you look me in the eye and tell me
it doesn't look like a big anus.
349
00:20:24,995 --> 00:20:27,842
My God!
How could we have been so blind?
350
00:20:27,938 --> 00:20:29,050
He's absolutely right.
351
00:20:29,154 --> 00:20:32,536
Come to think of it, have you ever looked
closely at the Lincoln Memorial?
352
00:20:35,458 --> 00:20:39,833
Our top story, the FCC's content ban
on Quahog has finally been lifted.
353
00:20:39,937 --> 00:20:42,937
Well, you did it, Peter. You beat the FCC.
354
00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:46,176
Lois, Lois,
let's watch The Brady Bunch.
355
00:20:46,401 --> 00:20:47,808
Look what I did, everybody.
356
00:20:47,904 --> 00:20:51,614
Isn't it the biggest,
most super-special poop you've ever seen?
357
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:56,117
Well, Cindy, I guess it's true
that big things come in small packages.