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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:05,882 --> 00:00:09,367
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:09,402 --> 00:00:13,054
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:13,072 --> 00:00:16,057
♪ On which we used to rely?
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us
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♪ Laugh and cry
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:28,169 --> 00:00:31,669
♪ Family Guy 11x06 ♪
Lois Comes Out of Her Shell
Original Air Date on November 25, 2012
11
00:00:31,694 --> 00:00:35,194
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:35,344 --> 00:00:37,212
All right, I'm going
to the store.
13
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:38,380
Anybody need anything?
14
00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:41,283
Yeah, can you get me a chess set
and a backwards hat?
15
00:00:41,317 --> 00:00:43,018
I got some inner-city
school kids
16
00:00:43,052 --> 00:00:44,419
I gotta inspire tomorrow.
17
00:00:44,453 --> 00:00:46,938
Okay, Darius,
point to the king.
18
00:00:50,126 --> 00:00:53,295
That's right.
It's you.
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00:00:53,329 --> 00:00:54,846
Hey, Lois. Doesn't, uh,
somebody have
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00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,364
a birthday coming up
this week?
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00:00:56,399 --> 00:00:58,583
Oh, it's nice of you
to remember, Brian,
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00:00:58,618 --> 00:01:00,986
but, frankly, I'd rather
let this one slip by.
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00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:03,405
I don't need to be reminded
how old I'm gettin'.
24
00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:04,723
You know, it's funny.
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00:01:04,757 --> 00:01:06,691
You keep so busy
with your kids,
26
00:01:06,726 --> 00:01:08,326
time just seems
to slip away,
27
00:01:08,361 --> 00:01:10,545
and then you turn
around one day and...
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00:01:10,580 --> 00:01:12,347
Okay, bye.
Stop making noise.
29
00:01:15,651 --> 00:01:17,469
You know, Peter, I know
Lois is downplaying it,
30
00:01:17,503 --> 00:01:19,254
but I think she might
actually appreciate it
31
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:20,655
if we threw her
a party.
32
00:01:20,690 --> 00:01:22,424
Maybe even
a surprise party.
33
00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:23,875
That's a great
idea, Brian!
34
00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:25,126
Yeah, I love parties.
35
00:01:25,161 --> 00:01:27,529
I mean, I had a great time
at my baby shower.
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00:01:27,563 --> 00:01:29,180
Well, after opening all
these gifts,
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00:01:29,215 --> 00:01:31,316
I could use a little wine
right now myself.
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00:01:31,350 --> 00:01:32,934
Glug,
glug, glug, glug.
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00:01:32,969 --> 00:01:35,420
Can you imagine?!
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00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:41,376
I'm sorry. My hormones are
just crazy right now!
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00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,355
Stewie, you want
a Mommy rocket ride?
42
00:01:53,389 --> 00:01:54,556
What?
What do you mean?
43
00:01:54,590 --> 00:01:56,358
Here we go!
Get ready for blastoff!
44
00:01:57,376 --> 00:01:58,843
Ow! Son of a bitch!
45
00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:01,846
Oh, my God, Stewie,
are you all right?
46
00:02:01,881 --> 00:02:04,449
Nice throw,
Casey Anthony.
47
00:02:05,601 --> 00:02:08,520
Oh, my God, I hope the guys
at Sears portrait studio
48
00:02:08,554 --> 00:02:10,422
will be able to retouch this.
49
00:02:10,456 --> 00:02:11,623
What am I saying?
50
00:02:11,657 --> 00:02:13,825
Of course they will.
They're Sears.
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00:02:13,859 --> 00:02:15,393
What the deuce?
52
00:02:15,428 --> 00:02:16,628
Well, hello there.
53
00:02:16,662 --> 00:02:18,613
I say, you're
a cute little fellow.
54
00:02:18,648 --> 00:02:21,733
Tell me something: What do you
think about Rose McGowan?
55
00:02:21,784 --> 00:02:23,818
Yeah, she makes
my turtlehead go in, too.
56
00:02:23,853 --> 00:02:25,737
How about Michelle Rodriguez?
57
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,539
Yeah, me too, kinda, right?
58
00:02:27,573 --> 00:02:29,457
You know, she's got
like a cute tomboy thing
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00:02:29,492 --> 00:02:31,710
where you feel like you could
play softball with her,
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00:02:31,744 --> 00:02:33,878
and then later on,
give her the old sau-seege.
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00:02:33,913 --> 00:02:35,113
I like you.
62
00:02:35,147 --> 00:02:37,248
I can tell we're going
to be good friends.
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00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:40,752
We've got that unspoken bond
that all bald guys have.
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00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:44,873
I thought
he'd never leave.
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00:02:44,907 --> 00:02:46,091
Me neither.
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00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:52,630
Yeah.
67
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:56,184
Aw, did you guys
just do the thing?
68
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:02,173
Okay, we'll see you soon.
Bye. All right, you guys,
69
00:03:02,208 --> 00:03:04,743
that was Lois. She's gonna be
here in ten minutes.
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00:03:04,777 --> 00:03:07,345
Dad, how did you get Mom out of
the house so we could decorate?
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00:03:07,380 --> 00:03:08,947
Well, Chris, I constructed
72
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,716
a very elaborate
fake grocery store.
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00:03:12,468 --> 00:03:13,501
Oh, my God!
74
00:03:13,536 --> 00:03:15,870
Are these pickles really
only 39 cents?!
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00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:16,938
That's right, ma'am.
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00:03:16,972 --> 00:03:19,574
Wow! This is incredible!
77
00:03:23,112 --> 00:03:25,580
What the hell's
going on here?
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00:03:29,101 --> 00:03:30,935
And over here are my toys.
79
00:03:30,970 --> 00:03:33,638
This is my fire truck,
my Slinky, my Silly Putty.
80
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,273
You know, Silly Putty's
awesome,
81
00:03:35,307 --> 00:03:38,042
but you know what's
really cool? Serious Putty.
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00:03:38,077 --> 00:03:40,995
Oh, this looks
like fun!
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00:03:41,030 --> 00:03:43,465
It says I have cancer.
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00:03:43,499 --> 00:03:45,200
We thought it would be better
85
00:03:45,234 --> 00:03:47,168
if you heard it
from chemicals in an egg.
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00:03:47,203 --> 00:03:48,319
Hey, Stewie,
you better come down.
87
00:03:48,370 --> 00:03:49,320
The party's
about to start.
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00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:51,256
What is that?
Is that a turtle?
89
00:03:51,290 --> 00:03:53,291
Yes, Brian.
I found him at the park.
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00:03:53,325 --> 00:03:54,592
I named him Sheldon.
91
00:03:54,627 --> 00:03:56,761
Oh, and get this:
I brought him home today,
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00:03:56,796 --> 00:03:58,730
and coincidentally
this is the day
93
00:03:58,764 --> 00:04:00,598
Rupert started
working out again.
94
00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:02,367
So transparent.
95
00:04:02,401 --> 00:04:04,135
Rupert?
What happened to your eye?
96
00:04:04,170 --> 00:04:06,287
Brian, did you pull
one of Rupert's eyes off?
97
00:04:06,322 --> 00:04:07,822
No. Why would I do that?
98
00:04:07,857 --> 00:04:09,057
Maybe your
turtle did it.
99
00:04:09,091 --> 00:04:10,692
Nonsense. Sheldon
is a gentle soul.
100
00:04:10,726 --> 00:04:11,993
He wouldn't hurt anybody.
101
00:04:12,027 --> 00:04:13,561
Well, come on.
Let's get downstairs.
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00:04:13,596 --> 00:04:14,962
Lois will be here
any minute.
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00:04:31,964 --> 00:04:33,832
Surprise!
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00:04:33,866 --> 00:04:35,834
Yay!
Birthday!
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00:04:35,868 --> 00:04:37,602
Oh, my God!
106
00:04:37,636 --> 00:04:38,937
Happy birthday,
Lois!
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00:04:38,971 --> 00:04:40,688
You guys shouldn't
have done this!
108
00:04:40,723 --> 00:04:43,691
Hey, anytime you can celebrate
the end of someone's periods.
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00:04:43,726 --> 00:04:46,060
Everyone, everyone,
I have something to say.
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00:04:46,095 --> 00:04:49,647
To my dearest Lois
on her birthday.
111
00:04:49,682 --> 00:04:51,749
What a journey
we've had together.
112
00:04:51,784 --> 00:04:54,752
You know, life has a way
of changing things.
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00:04:54,787 --> 00:04:57,555
What were once two firm,
impressive mountain peaks
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00:04:57,590 --> 00:05:00,492
have become a barren,
strip-mined, muddy landslide
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00:05:00,526 --> 00:05:02,093
that droops ever downward.
116
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:04,863
What were once pink
and succulent rose petals
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00:05:04,897 --> 00:05:07,198
now take the form
of the shredded, raggedy,
118
00:05:07,233 --> 00:05:11,035
blown-out endpiece of a
practical joker's exploding cigar.
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00:05:11,070 --> 00:05:12,170
Peter, that-
that's enough.
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00:05:12,204 --> 00:05:13,805
Lois, you may not be
121
00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:15,640
the young filly you were
when I met you,
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00:05:15,674 --> 00:05:18,142
but you're still my
reliable old plow horse
123
00:05:18,177 --> 00:05:19,444
who's there each day
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00:05:19,478 --> 00:05:21,412
to pull the plow,
to help around the barn,
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00:05:21,447 --> 00:05:24,649
and let the husband horse-slap
a batch at her now and then.
126
00:05:24,683 --> 00:05:26,851
Well, I guess that's it.
127
00:05:26,886 --> 00:05:28,119
I love you, sweetheart.
128
00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:30,955
And I have a lovely gift
of the batchslapping variety
129
00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:33,358
waiting for you when I'm just
the right amount of drunk.
130
00:05:33,392 --> 00:05:34,375
To Lois!
131
00:05:34,410 --> 00:05:35,577
To Lois!
132
00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,082
Lois!
Mom!
133
00:05:41,116 --> 00:05:42,617
Geez, what the hell's
her problem?
134
00:05:42,651 --> 00:05:44,552
Peter, she was already
feeling insecure about her age,
135
00:05:44,587 --> 00:05:46,888
and then you went and gave her
that horrible speech!
136
00:05:46,922 --> 00:05:47,956
I don't blame her.
137
00:05:47,990 --> 00:05:50,058
Nobody likes to be
humiliated in public.
138
00:05:50,092 --> 00:05:51,426
I'm King Stewie!
139
00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:53,211
I rule with
an iron fist!
140
00:05:53,245 --> 00:05:56,915
La, la-la, la-la la-la!
Look at me! Ooh!
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00:05:56,949 --> 00:05:59,083
In my office. Now.
142
00:06:02,588 --> 00:06:04,055
Hey, any of you guys
seen your mother?
143
00:06:04,089 --> 00:06:05,506
She never came
to bed last night,
144
00:06:05,541 --> 00:06:06,774
and I can't find
her anywhere.
145
00:06:07,977 --> 00:06:09,894
What the hell?
146
00:06:09,929 --> 00:06:14,082
♪
147
00:06:18,354 --> 00:06:21,139
Hey, sluts!
148
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:24,242
OMG, stop staring at me,
please-'kay-thanks.
149
00:06:24,276 --> 00:06:25,944
Mom, are you okay?
150
00:06:25,978 --> 00:06:27,478
Lois, what's goin' on?
151
00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:29,197
I'm what's
goin' on, Peter.
152
00:06:29,231 --> 00:06:31,366
I got highlights,
I went shopping,
153
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:32,967
and I had my...
154
00:06:33,002 --> 00:06:35,970
So it's tighter now.
155
00:06:36,005 --> 00:06:39,257
Peter, I think Lois might be
having a midlife crisis.
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00:06:39,291 --> 00:06:42,026
Come on, dudes!
Who wants to hop in my wheels
157
00:06:42,061 --> 00:06:44,829
and head to the beach
for some ultimate Frisbee?
158
00:06:45,848 --> 00:06:48,182
Yeah, Sheldon, I'm with you.
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00:06:53,172 --> 00:06:55,440
I can't... I can't do that.
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00:07:02,038 --> 00:07:03,316
Hey, tweeps!
161
00:07:03,317 --> 00:07:04,984
JK, I don't follow you,
you're lame.
162
00:07:05,019 --> 00:07:08,154
But look who just got
herself a sick new tat.
163
00:07:08,189 --> 00:07:10,190
Oh, my God, Mom!
164
00:07:10,224 --> 00:07:12,242
I know,
I can't believe it either.
165
00:07:12,276 --> 00:07:15,145
I guess one of my flaws
is I'm just kinda brave.
166
00:07:15,179 --> 00:07:16,646
No, that's great actually,
because now
167
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:19,883
anyone walking behind you
will know that you had $60.
168
00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:21,651
Wow! That is awesome, Lois!
169
00:07:21,685 --> 00:07:23,453
Your bum looks like
an NBA guy's arm.
170
00:07:23,487 --> 00:07:25,421
'Cept it's not payin'
someone to install
171
00:07:25,456 --> 00:07:27,157
a PlayStation in a car.
172
00:07:27,191 --> 00:07:28,858
Lois, you do know
that's permanent?
173
00:07:28,893 --> 00:07:30,093
Good. Then that means
174
00:07:30,127 --> 00:07:32,428
my ass is gonna
look young forever.
175
00:07:34,565 --> 00:07:39,686
Guys, I, uh, I gotta go
shoot one into the sink.
176
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:40,854
What's going on?
177
00:07:40,888 --> 00:07:43,056
Mom's acting and dressing
like a 20-year-old.
178
00:07:43,090 --> 00:07:44,641
I know, and I'm
worried about her.
179
00:07:44,675 --> 00:07:46,759
You can't just pretend
to be something you're not.
180
00:07:46,794 --> 00:07:48,945
Yes, just ask
Edward Scissorhands.
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00:07:48,979 --> 00:07:52,448
Okay, now, I'm an excellent
night nurse, so you two get
182
00:07:52,483 --> 00:07:55,552
some much-deserved sleep
and don't worry about a thing.
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00:07:55,586 --> 00:07:58,988
I will take such loving care
of this wonderful little gift.
184
00:07:59,023 --> 00:08:00,690
And when you wake up,
well-rested,
185
00:08:00,724 --> 00:08:03,226
your precious little baby
will be smiling
186
00:08:03,260 --> 00:08:04,928
as bright as the sun.
187
00:08:06,664 --> 00:08:08,031
It's dead.
188
00:08:11,602 --> 00:08:13,836
And while I remind you
I can't read yet,
189
00:08:13,871 --> 00:08:15,805
I can only imagine
Madeline would say,
190
00:08:15,839 --> 00:08:18,374
"Take me out of this
disgusting French hospital
191
00:08:18,409 --> 00:08:19,943
and find me some
real parents."
192
00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:22,045
Ah! Paper cut!
193
00:08:22,079 --> 00:08:23,379
A razor blade?!
194
00:08:23,414 --> 00:08:27,000
Who the hell uses a razor blade
as a bookmark?!
195
00:08:28,953 --> 00:08:30,653
All right,
very funny, Stewie.
196
00:08:30,688 --> 00:08:32,071
What?
What do you mean, what?
197
00:08:32,106 --> 00:08:34,307
You replaced my Jack Daniels
with flat Diet Coke.
198
00:08:34,341 --> 00:08:35,592
No, I didn't.
199
00:08:35,626 --> 00:08:38,094
And you're noticing this
at 8:20 in the morning?
200
00:08:38,128 --> 00:08:39,362
What has happened
to your life?
201
00:08:39,396 --> 00:08:40,697
Do you need to talk?
202
00:08:40,731 --> 00:08:42,232
Just stay away
from my booze!
203
00:08:42,266 --> 00:08:43,366
It wasn't me, Brian.
204
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,617
Well, if it wasn't you,
who was it?
205
00:08:44,652 --> 00:08:45,868
I mean, there's a lot
of weird stuff
206
00:08:45,903 --> 00:08:47,003
going on
around here lately.
207
00:08:47,037 --> 00:08:49,289
Just yesterday, somebody gave
Peter a "hotbutt."
208
00:08:49,323 --> 00:08:51,541
♪ La, la, la, la, la,
regular life ♪
209
00:08:51,575 --> 00:08:53,793
♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, l... ♪
210
00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:56,930
And then somebody replaced
Meg's sleeping pills
211
00:08:56,964 --> 00:08:58,231
with Alka-Seltzer.
212
00:09:00,267 --> 00:09:02,302
People are gonna miss me
when I'm...
213
00:09:04,972 --> 00:09:06,956
Well, I'm sure there's a
perfectly logical explanation
214
00:09:06,991 --> 00:09:08,007
for those things.
215
00:09:08,042 --> 00:09:09,609
Sometimes you just...
216
00:09:09,643 --> 00:09:11,894
Whoa, that was close.
217
00:09:11,929 --> 00:09:14,297
Yeah, how'd
that thing fall over?
218
00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:21,721
Okay, who replaced
my glasses with forks?
219
00:09:21,755 --> 00:09:23,389
I mean, they're real good
for seeing forks
220
00:09:23,424 --> 00:09:25,058
but not much else.
221
00:09:28,128 --> 00:09:30,897
Peter, can you come down
to the laundry room?
222
00:09:30,931 --> 00:09:32,031
Ugh, son of a bitch.
223
00:09:32,066 --> 00:09:33,566
If she washed
my belt again,
224
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,436
I am gonna hit her
with my dry, withered belt.
225
00:09:36,470 --> 00:09:37,637
What is it, Lois?
226
00:09:37,671 --> 00:09:38,938
I was watching...
227
00:09:38,973 --> 00:09:42,675
Whoa, Lois, what the
hell are you doing?
228
00:09:42,710 --> 00:09:46,079
Do me, Peter, do me right here
in the basement.
229
00:09:46,113 --> 00:09:49,182
Y-You mean this room we're in
or your bum?
230
00:09:49,216 --> 00:09:52,352
No, this room, Peter,
right here on the carpet.
231
00:09:52,386 --> 00:09:53,586
Oh, so you mean the front.
232
00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:55,405
Just get over here
and kiss me.
233
00:09:55,439 --> 00:09:58,524
Let's have sex on all
the clean, folded laundry.
234
00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:01,311
Wow, Lois, I got to say,
I like this new you.
235
00:10:01,345 --> 00:10:02,478
I like it a lot.
236
00:10:04,448 --> 00:10:06,783
Oh, Peter!
237
00:10:06,817 --> 00:10:08,685
Oh, Peter, yes!
Yeah.
238
00:10:08,719 --> 00:10:10,353
Oh, I'm on fire.
Yeah.
239
00:10:10,387 --> 00:10:12,422
Take me, you filthy bastard.
Yeah, oh.
240
00:10:12,456 --> 00:10:13,923
Destroy me and this laundry.
Oh, yeah.
241
00:10:13,957 --> 00:10:16,292
Yeah, here, put Meg's
bra in your mouth.
242
00:10:16,327 --> 00:10:18,328
Oh, my God,
that's so disturbing.
243
00:10:18,362 --> 00:10:19,829
I know, gross.
244
00:10:19,863 --> 00:10:21,264
Yeah, and my hearing's
a lot better,
245
00:10:21,298 --> 00:10:24,000
so I hear, like,
suction and stuff.
246
00:10:24,034 --> 00:10:28,171
♪ "All I wanna do is have
a little fun before I die" ♪
247
00:10:28,205 --> 00:10:31,941
♪ Says the man next to me
out of nowhere ♪
248
00:10:32,943 --> 00:10:34,193
♪ The good people of the world
249
00:10:34,228 --> 00:10:36,929
♪ Are washing their cars
on their lunch break ♪
250
00:10:36,964 --> 00:10:38,998
♪ Hosing and scrubbing
as best they can ♪
251
00:10:39,033 --> 00:10:41,534
♪ In skirts and suits
252
00:10:41,568 --> 00:10:45,521
♪ They drive
their shiny Datsuns and Buicks ♪
253
00:10:45,556 --> 00:10:48,858
♪ Back to the phone company,
the record store, too ♪
254
00:10:48,876 --> 00:10:51,194
♪ Well, they're nothing
like Billy and me ♪
255
00:10:51,228 --> 00:10:55,548
♪ 'Cause all I wanna do
is have some fun ♪
256
00:10:55,582 --> 00:10:59,552
♪ I got a feeling
I'm not the only one ♪
257
00:10:59,586 --> 00:11:02,755
♪ All I wanna do
is have some fun ♪
258
00:11:02,790 --> 00:11:07,710
♪ I got a feeling
I'm not the only one ♪
259
00:11:07,728 --> 00:11:11,230
♪ All I want to do
is have some fun ♪
260
00:11:11,265 --> 00:11:17,887
♪ Until the sun comes up
over Santa Monica Boulevard. ♪
261
00:11:35,823 --> 00:11:37,156
Sheldon. What are you doing?
262
00:11:37,191 --> 00:11:39,125
Get back in your bowl
where you belong.
263
00:11:42,813 --> 00:11:46,916
Well, long as I'm up, I might
as well go spit in Lois's mouth.
264
00:11:49,653 --> 00:11:51,754
Sheldon?
265
00:12:01,899 --> 00:12:03,182
Come on, Stewie.
266
00:12:03,217 --> 00:12:04,884
He's just a little turtle.
267
00:12:04,918 --> 00:12:06,919
He can't hurt you.
268
00:12:27,724 --> 00:12:29,959
Get out!
269
00:12:58,972 --> 00:13:00,422
Isn't this epic, Peter?
270
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,608
That DJ has got
some mad skills.
271
00:13:02,643 --> 00:13:04,977
You think they
sell Anacin at the bar?
272
00:13:05,028 --> 00:13:05,978
Come on.
273
00:13:06,029 --> 00:13:07,697
Get up and dance
with me, Peter.
274
00:13:07,731 --> 00:13:09,065
This place is sick.
275
00:13:09,099 --> 00:13:10,166
Hells yeah!
276
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,635
It is the only
rooftop pool in Providence.
277
00:13:12,669 --> 00:13:15,004
No offense, but this
place is awesome.
278
00:13:15,038 --> 00:13:16,789
I-I-- Where was
I supposed to be offended
279
00:13:16,823 --> 00:13:17,823
within that remark?
280
00:13:17,875 --> 00:13:19,292
Can we, can we leave, Lois?
281
00:13:19,326 --> 00:13:20,826
Actually, we are leaving.
282
00:13:20,861 --> 00:13:23,162
We're hitting another
insane party across town.
283
00:13:23,197 --> 00:13:24,497
What, you mean now?
284
00:13:24,531 --> 00:13:26,566
Peter, you sound
like an old fart.
285
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,901
I thought you liked
having a hot, young wife.
286
00:13:28,936 --> 00:13:31,804
Well, I did at first,
but the novelty's worn off.
287
00:13:31,838 --> 00:13:35,007
Same thing happened with
that blog I started on 9/11.
288
00:13:47,888 --> 00:13:50,039
Look, Peter,
you do what you want to do,
289
00:13:50,073 --> 00:13:51,507
but I'm going to that party.
290
00:13:51,542 --> 00:13:53,709
My life isn't over.
It's just beginning.
291
00:13:53,744 --> 00:13:56,212
So if you don't want
to run with the wild horses,
292
00:13:56,246 --> 00:13:58,898
then go back to the barn
and go to bed.
293
00:13:58,932 --> 00:14:01,400
But, Lois...
294
00:14:03,904 --> 00:14:06,372
Stupid place still doesn't
have my dry cleaning.
295
00:14:06,406 --> 00:14:08,808
That's not a dry cleaners.
It's a dance club.
296
00:14:08,842 --> 00:14:09,976
It is?
297
00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:12,245
Well, that explains a lot.
298
00:14:14,348 --> 00:14:16,349
Oh, this is my jam!
299
00:14:24,817 --> 00:14:26,651
Jeez, Peter, you
look terrible.
300
00:14:26,652 --> 00:14:28,253
I know.
Lois has been wearing me out.
301
00:14:28,287 --> 00:14:29,688
I just can't keep up with her.
302
00:14:29,722 --> 00:14:31,490
I don't know what
she's trying to prove, Brian,
303
00:14:31,524 --> 00:14:32,691
but I can't take it anymore.
304
00:14:32,725 --> 00:14:33,859
Peter, can't you see?
305
00:14:33,893 --> 00:14:35,293
She's doing this
because of you.
306
00:14:35,328 --> 00:14:37,295
For God's sake, you
called her a plow horse.
307
00:14:37,330 --> 00:14:39,664
It's no wonder she's trying to
prove she's young and vibrant.
308
00:14:39,699 --> 00:14:41,233
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
309
00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:42,901
The city of Quahog
has been stricken
310
00:14:42,935 --> 00:14:44,770
with a case of Bieber Fever
tonight,
311
00:14:44,804 --> 00:14:47,706
as teen idol and fake black guy
Justin Bieber
312
00:14:47,740 --> 00:14:50,242
is in town for a sold-out show
at the Quahog Civic Center.
313
00:14:50,276 --> 00:14:51,643
We now go live
314
00:14:51,677 --> 00:14:53,845
to Asian correspondent
Tricia Takanawa with more.
315
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,547
Tom, I'm standing here
316
00:14:55,581 --> 00:14:57,232
at the Quahog Civic Center,
317
00:14:57,283 --> 00:15:00,919
awash in a pool
of prepubescent sexual moisture.
318
00:15:00,953 --> 00:15:03,972
Woo-hoo!
We love you, Justin!
319
00:15:04,006 --> 00:15:05,290
Look!
That's Mom!
320
00:15:05,324 --> 00:15:07,025
Oh, my God!
What the hell?
321
00:15:07,060 --> 00:15:08,660
She's at
a Justin Bieber concert?
322
00:15:08,694 --> 00:15:10,862
Ugh, Justin Bieber's
so yesterday.
323
00:15:10,897 --> 00:15:13,131
I'm all about
Quentin Vashay now.
324
00:15:13,166 --> 00:15:14,533
Who's Quentin Vashay?
325
00:15:14,567 --> 00:15:15,901
Exactly.
326
00:15:15,935 --> 00:15:16,902
What's going on?
327
00:15:16,936 --> 00:15:19,104
Do we have to get
a new mom now?
328
00:15:19,138 --> 00:15:20,105
No, Chris.
329
00:15:20,139 --> 00:15:21,923
I'm gonna go get
our old mom back.
330
00:15:21,958 --> 00:15:23,959
If I'm the one
who made her feel this way,
331
00:15:23,993 --> 00:15:25,827
then I'm the one
who's got to fix it.
332
00:15:25,862 --> 00:15:27,446
Brian, keys!
333
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:28,880
Chris, beer!
334
00:15:28,915 --> 00:15:30,882
Meg, ugly!
335
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:34,770
Mm-hmm. Yes.
336
00:15:34,804 --> 00:15:36,304
Yes, I see.
337
00:15:36,339 --> 00:15:37,806
Rupert, the man
from the newspaper
338
00:15:37,808 --> 00:15:40,342
would like a quote from you
about my dancing abilities.
339
00:15:40,376 --> 00:15:41,676
Rupert?
340
00:15:41,711 --> 00:15:44,129
Where'd you go?
341
00:15:44,163 --> 00:15:46,164
Magnolia Cupcakes?
342
00:15:48,835 --> 00:15:50,202
Rupert! Oh, my God!
343
00:15:50,236 --> 00:15:51,670
Oh, my God, no!
344
00:15:51,704 --> 00:15:54,239
If he did this to you,
I swear I'll kill him!
345
00:15:54,273 --> 00:15:57,242
And what's that box from
Bloomingdale's doing here?
346
00:15:59,562 --> 00:16:03,131
I, uh, I-I don't know
who this is.
347
00:16:13,609 --> 00:16:15,927
Oh, my God, he is so adorable.
348
00:16:15,945 --> 00:16:18,096
I could just bite him
and eat him up.
349
00:16:18,114 --> 00:16:19,648
I know, he's perfect.
350
00:16:19,699 --> 00:16:21,316
He's like a boy
and a girl.
351
00:16:21,367 --> 00:16:22,734
I know!
352
00:16:30,326 --> 00:16:31,660
Sorry, you're not
allowed in here.
353
00:16:31,694 --> 00:16:33,094
Oh, yeah?
354
00:16:34,113 --> 00:16:35,680
I'm not into that.
355
00:16:35,715 --> 00:16:36,748
Oh.
356
00:16:36,782 --> 00:16:38,550
Well, what
are you into?
357
00:16:38,584 --> 00:16:39,951
Pinkberry.
358
00:16:39,969 --> 00:16:41,169
I love my job.
359
00:16:41,204 --> 00:16:43,722
Yum, yum, yum, yum,
yum, yum, yum, yum.
360
00:16:45,892 --> 00:16:47,792
Hey, there, cutie.
361
00:16:47,827 --> 00:16:49,661
Oh, hey. How's it going?
362
00:16:49,695 --> 00:16:51,613
Um, are you a friend
of my mom's?
363
00:16:52,915 --> 00:16:56,535
Yeah. I'm your mom's friend,
Mrs. Robinson.
364
00:16:56,569 --> 00:16:58,103
I don't... I don't get that.
365
00:16:58,137 --> 00:16:59,471
Is that a reference
to something?
366
00:16:59,505 --> 00:17:00,739
Uh, okay.
367
00:17:00,773 --> 00:17:03,375
Uh, I'm, uh-- oh,
I'm Stifler's mom.
368
00:17:03,409 --> 00:17:04,876
Still no idea.
369
00:17:04,911 --> 00:17:06,811
Okay, just get
your pants off, hon.
370
00:17:06,846 --> 00:17:08,713
Stop right there!
Get away from her!
371
00:17:08,748 --> 00:17:09,814
Peter?!
Who are you?
372
00:17:09,849 --> 00:17:11,049
How'd you get in here?
373
00:17:11,083 --> 00:17:14,202
Step away from my wife,
you acorn-penised beauty!
374
00:17:14,237 --> 00:17:16,037
Look, I swear.
Nothing happened.
375
00:17:16,072 --> 00:17:17,239
Just relax, old man.
376
00:17:17,273 --> 00:17:18,757
Old man?!
377
00:17:18,791 --> 00:17:21,843
What, you think you're not gonna
get old, you little bastard?!
378
00:17:21,878 --> 00:17:23,862
And, Lois, I've had
enough of you, too!
379
00:17:23,896 --> 00:17:26,097
Now, you come home
and start acting your age!
380
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,066
No, Peter. I don't
want to act my age,
381
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:29,601
and you don't
want that either.
382
00:17:29,635 --> 00:17:32,304
Otherwise, you wouldn't have
called me an old plow horse.
383
00:17:32,338 --> 00:17:33,889
Look, I didn't mean
to say that.
384
00:17:33,923 --> 00:17:35,140
I-I was a jerk.
385
00:17:35,174 --> 00:17:36,908
But isn't this
what you want?
386
00:17:36,943 --> 00:17:39,294
Don't you want me to
stay young and exciting?
387
00:17:39,328 --> 00:17:40,562
Well, I thought I did.
388
00:17:40,613 --> 00:17:42,364
I mean, every guy
who's been married a while
389
00:17:42,398 --> 00:17:43,815
thinks he wants
a hot, young chick,
390
00:17:43,849 --> 00:17:45,784
but after you spend an hour
with one of them,
391
00:17:45,818 --> 00:17:47,152
you want to blow
your brains out.
392
00:17:47,186 --> 00:17:50,388
But, Peter, I was just
doing this to make you happy.
393
00:17:50,423 --> 00:17:52,123
You do make me happy, Lois.
394
00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,526
You're the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
395
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:55,860
That's sweet.
396
00:17:55,895 --> 00:17:58,597
But you got to admit,
I'm not what I used to be.
397
00:17:58,631 --> 00:17:59,731
Well, neither am I.
398
00:18:01,450 --> 00:18:03,101
I used to be
a lion tamer.
399
00:18:03,135 --> 00:18:05,237
Look, Lois,
I'll always treasure
400
00:18:05,271 --> 00:18:07,839
the wild, little hottie
I met when I was young.
401
00:18:07,873 --> 00:18:10,041
But I don't want to be
with a kid anymore.
402
00:18:10,059 --> 00:18:13,678
I want a smart, sexy, beautiful,
middle-aged companion.
403
00:18:13,712 --> 00:18:15,546
I want the real Lois.
404
00:18:15,564 --> 00:18:16,748
My Lois.
405
00:18:16,782 --> 00:18:18,483
Oh, Peter.
406
00:18:21,721 --> 00:18:24,873
Mr. Bieber, they're
calling for an encore!
407
00:18:26,375 --> 00:18:28,710
Oh, my God, those kids
are expecting a show.
408
00:18:28,744 --> 00:18:30,095
I'll handle this.
409
00:18:33,950 --> 00:18:37,702
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Conway Bieber.
410
00:18:37,736 --> 00:18:42,240
♪ People see us everywhere
411
00:18:42,258 --> 00:18:46,344
♪ They think you really care
412
00:18:46,379 --> 00:18:50,799
♪ But myself I can't deceive
413
00:18:50,850 --> 00:18:56,855
♪ I know it's only
make-believe... ♪
414
00:19:14,957 --> 00:19:18,793
Well, well,
look who has surfaced.
415
00:19:22,381 --> 00:19:24,532
You're getting colder.
416
00:19:39,949 --> 00:19:41,883
Hey, get out here
and fight me!
417
00:19:56,449 --> 00:19:57,482
Damn it!
418
00:20:03,923 --> 00:20:07,892
Now batting:
Stewie Griffin!
419
00:20:09,695 --> 00:20:11,096
Oh, crap.
420
00:20:20,673 --> 00:20:23,575
Ugh, you look like
a nude Larry David.
421
00:20:23,609 --> 00:20:25,777
No, no, no!
422
00:20:27,163 --> 00:20:28,596
Oh, my God, Super Mario?
423
00:20:28,631 --> 00:20:30,065
What are you doing here?
424
00:20:30,099 --> 00:20:31,800
I jump on a turtle, Stewie.
425
00:20:31,834 --> 00:20:35,236
It's not an exciting life,
but it's my life.
426
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,408
It sure is good to
have you back, Mom.
427
00:20:40,443 --> 00:20:42,010
Yeah, we missed you.
428
00:20:42,044 --> 00:20:44,112
Well, thanks for putting up
with me, you guys.
429
00:20:44,146 --> 00:20:46,748
Sorry I got so flipped out
about my age.
430
00:20:46,782 --> 00:20:48,316
Aw, don't worry
about it, Lois.
431
00:20:48,350 --> 00:20:49,818
But from now on,
remember:
432
00:20:49,852 --> 00:20:52,220
I love you just
the way you are.
433
00:20:52,254 --> 00:20:54,556
And besides, there's nothing
wrong with being 35.
434
00:20:54,590 --> 00:20:56,925
Peter, I'm 43.
435
00:20:56,959 --> 00:20:58,760
Get out of this house.
436
00:20:58,785 --> 00:21:03,785
== sync, corrected by elderman ==