1 00:00:01,608 --> 00:00:05,134 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,308 --> 00:00:08,441 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,615 --> 00:00:12,010 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:12,184 --> 00:00:15,013 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:15,187 --> 00:00:18,538 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,712 --> 00:00:21,802 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,976 --> 00:00:23,413 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,587 --> 00:00:25,067 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:25,241 --> 00:00:30,420 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,121 --> 00:00:39,124 Peter, I just hit a pothole in the road and got a flat. 11 00:00:39,298 --> 00:00:41,474 The man who helped us gave her his card. 12 00:00:41,648 --> 00:00:42,823 I'd keep an eye on that. 13 00:00:42,997 --> 00:00:44,869 This town is falling apart. 14 00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:47,785 Last week the bridge over the collapsed bridge collapsed. 15 00:00:47,959 --> 00:00:49,719 Well, you're a middle-aged woman with no job. 16 00:00:49,830 --> 00:00:51,670 Maybe you should get really worked up about it. 17 00:00:51,789 --> 00:00:53,965 You know what? I think I will. 18 00:00:54,139 --> 00:00:55,967 I'm going down to city hall to complain. 19 00:00:56,141 --> 00:00:57,925 This town needs a mayor. 20 00:01:00,058 --> 00:01:03,279 Y-You forgot your baby. Miss? 21 00:01:08,588 --> 00:01:10,634 Thank you all for coming over to help us find 22 00:01:10,808 --> 00:01:12,636 the best candidate for mayor. 23 00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:14,942 This room is so diverse, so I'm assuming 24 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:17,597 many of you have agendas. 25 00:01:17,771 --> 00:01:21,035 But let's keep in mind we need a mayor who will represent 26 00:01:21,210 --> 00:01:23,864 all of Quahog and not just satisfy 27 00:01:24,038 --> 00:01:25,866 your weird little fringe issues, 28 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,478 which are important, but not very important. 29 00:01:28,652 --> 00:01:30,741 As a descendent of Quahog's Puritan forefathers, 30 00:01:30,915 --> 00:01:32,980 I think we should be able to throw a woman into a pond 31 00:01:33,004 --> 00:01:34,440 to see if she's a witch. 32 00:01:34,614 --> 00:01:36,703 That seems a bit extreme, don't you think? 33 00:01:36,877 --> 00:01:40,446 That's exactly what a witch would say. 34 00:01:40,620 --> 00:01:42,424 Lois, you're making this harder than it needs to be. 35 00:01:42,448 --> 00:01:44,233 Just get a former Batman and move on. 36 00:01:44,407 --> 00:01:46,452 I'm sure Val Kilmer could use the insurance. 37 00:01:46,626 --> 00:01:48,933 Peter, we're not going to get a former Batman. 38 00:01:49,107 --> 00:01:51,370 That has been pitched every day since Adam West died 39 00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:53,546 and the response has been tepid at best. 40 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:55,766 We need someone with fresh ideas. 41 00:01:55,940 --> 00:01:57,550 Someone who knows the issues. 42 00:01:57,724 --> 00:02:00,945 Well, if you're looking for someone with issues, 43 00:02:01,119 --> 00:02:03,165 I think you've found your candidate. 44 00:02:03,339 --> 00:02:05,689 [laughs] 45 00:02:05,863 --> 00:02:07,430 [Stewie laughs] 46 00:02:07,604 --> 00:02:09,669 I had to go to bed early because it's a grown-up party, 47 00:02:09,693 --> 00:02:11,129 but Mom said if I was quiet, 48 00:02:11,303 --> 00:02:13,131 I could listen from the top of the stairs. 49 00:02:13,305 --> 00:02:16,047 You know, I think you might be a really good candidate. 50 00:02:16,221 --> 00:02:18,049 You know the town, you're smart 51 00:02:18,223 --> 00:02:20,486 and you clearly have nothing better to do. 52 00:02:20,660 --> 00:02:23,576 So all in favor of the librarian running for mayor say aye. 53 00:02:23,750 --> 00:02:25,622 - ALL: Aye. - What about ALF? 54 00:02:25,796 --> 00:02:27,885 Let's toast our new mayor... 55 00:02:28,059 --> 00:02:30,366 um, I'm sorry, I don't even know your name. 56 00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:32,542 Elle. Elle Hitler. 57 00:02:32,716 --> 00:02:34,370 [laughs] No relation. 58 00:02:34,544 --> 00:02:36,372 Elle Hitler? Eh. 59 00:02:36,546 --> 00:02:38,548 Let's all say hi to Elle Hitler. 60 00:02:38,722 --> 00:02:42,204 -Hi, Elle Hitler. Yay! 61 00:02:45,685 --> 00:02:48,079 I can't believe Lois wants the librarian to be mayor. 62 00:02:48,253 --> 00:02:49,533 I mean, Mayor West was a legend, 63 00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:51,125 and now they're gonna replace him 64 00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:53,060 with some third-tier character with a joke name? 65 00:02:53,084 --> 00:02:55,869 - That's Chinatown, Peter. - What? 66 00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:58,872 I said, "That's Chinatown." It's from the movie Chinatown. 67 00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:01,962 It means, like, "What are you gonna do? That's Chinatown." 68 00:03:02,136 --> 00:03:03,616 Joe, did you finally get Netflix? 69 00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:05,923 I did. And I just watched Chinatown. 70 00:03:06,097 --> 00:03:07,664 It's kind of gross. 71 00:03:07,838 --> 00:03:10,188 Quahog deserves a cool mayor, like Mayor West was. 72 00:03:10,362 --> 00:03:12,190 But there's no one cooler than Adam West. 73 00:03:12,364 --> 00:03:14,845 If only he had had a offspring. 74 00:03:15,019 --> 00:03:18,152 Speaking of offspring, Faye Dunaway slept with her dad 75 00:03:18,327 --> 00:03:21,286 in Chinatown and then had his baby. 76 00:03:21,460 --> 00:03:23,854 Guys, that movie really messed me up. 77 00:03:24,028 --> 00:03:27,118 Wait a second, Mayor West didn't have any kids, 78 00:03:27,292 --> 00:03:31,296 but he did have a cousin, Wild West. 79 00:03:31,470 --> 00:03:32,993 You guys don't know Wild West? 80 00:03:33,167 --> 00:03:34,517 No. And please don't diminish us 81 00:03:34,691 --> 00:03:36,146 for not knowing the same things you know. 82 00:03:36,170 --> 00:03:37,450 You know how to land an airplane? 83 00:03:37,607 --> 00:03:38,999 No, you don't. Asswipe. 84 00:03:39,173 --> 00:03:40,610 I'm sorry. I see you, Quagmire. 85 00:03:40,784 --> 00:03:42,133 - I do. - Thank you. 86 00:03:42,307 --> 00:03:44,962 Wild West is a legendary cowboy and a spokesman 87 00:03:45,136 --> 00:03:47,094 for everything manly. Look. 88 00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,749 ♪ 89 00:03:49,923 --> 00:03:53,013 WILD WEST: You work hard, and at the end of the day, 90 00:03:53,187 --> 00:03:54,711 you're more than tired. 91 00:03:54,885 --> 00:03:57,017 You're man tired. 92 00:03:57,191 --> 00:04:00,369 And when it's finally time to kick off your boots and relax, 93 00:04:00,543 --> 00:04:04,198 nothing satisfies more than Beef Cigarettes. 94 00:04:04,373 --> 00:04:05,983 ♪ Give yourself a treat ♪ 95 00:04:06,157 --> 00:04:07,985 ♪ Nicotine and meat. ♪ 96 00:04:08,159 --> 00:04:09,203 WILD WEST: Beef Cigarettes, 97 00:04:09,378 --> 00:04:11,902 now with less hooves and snouts. 98 00:04:12,076 --> 00:04:13,817 See? He'd be a great mayor. 99 00:04:13,991 --> 00:04:16,602 - Well, what's his stand on abortion? - What? I don't... 100 00:04:16,776 --> 00:04:18,561 Does he make exceptions in cases of incest? 101 00:04:18,735 --> 00:04:20,345 Because I've seen some things recently 102 00:04:20,519 --> 00:04:23,000 that make me think he probably should. 103 00:04:37,493 --> 00:04:39,451 ♪ 104 00:04:46,197 --> 00:04:48,199 [chirping] 105 00:04:55,989 --> 00:04:57,730 [shushes] 106 00:04:57,904 --> 00:05:00,167 You came at the perfect time. 107 00:05:02,996 --> 00:05:04,737 [chirping] 108 00:05:04,911 --> 00:05:06,913 That was beautiful. 109 00:05:07,087 --> 00:05:08,872 If you think the birth is beautiful, 110 00:05:09,046 --> 00:05:11,178 you should see the conception. 111 00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:22,146 Mmm. Jasmine oolong. 112 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,148 What can I do you for, stranger? 113 00:05:24,322 --> 00:05:26,803 My name is Peter Griffin and I'm from Quahog, Rhode Island, 114 00:05:26,977 --> 00:05:29,588 where your cousin Adam West was our mayor for many years. 115 00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:31,416 And since he's gone to a better place... 116 00:05:31,590 --> 00:05:34,550 - Duluth? - I was thinking heaven, but okay, sure. 117 00:05:34,724 --> 00:05:36,465 Beautiful country, Duluth. 118 00:05:36,639 --> 00:05:40,077 The air moves into your nostrils like a welcome guest. 119 00:05:40,251 --> 00:05:41,905 God, that's awesome. 120 00:05:42,079 --> 00:05:44,081 Anyway, I thought you would be the perfect person 121 00:05:44,255 --> 00:05:46,083 to take his place as our mayor. 122 00:05:52,176 --> 00:05:55,005 Peter, have you ever killed a man? 123 00:05:55,179 --> 00:05:57,660 Reddit says I've killed 39, but that seems low. 124 00:05:57,834 --> 00:06:00,750 - Why do you ask? - Just making conversation. 125 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:05,494 Look, I know it's a lot to ask, but Quahog needs you. 126 00:06:05,668 --> 00:06:07,452 You're the perfect person to lead us through 127 00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:10,281 the last five years of the United States' existence. 128 00:06:10,455 --> 00:06:12,762 So, what do you say? Will you be our mayor? 129 00:06:17,027 --> 00:06:19,333 Can I tell you a secret, Peter? 130 00:06:19,508 --> 00:06:21,379 I can levitate. 131 00:06:21,553 --> 00:06:24,469 - No way. Can you show me? - No. But it's true. 132 00:06:24,643 --> 00:06:26,083 Uh, that seems like the kind of thing 133 00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:27,951 you have to prove right when you say it. 134 00:06:28,125 --> 00:06:29,822 Well, I suppose you're right. 135 00:06:29,996 --> 00:06:32,216 I appreciate you coming all this way, Peter, 136 00:06:32,390 --> 00:06:33,870 but I can't be your mayor. 137 00:06:34,044 --> 00:06:36,960 - But, Wild West, we need you. - [whistles] 138 00:06:40,354 --> 00:06:42,618 I'm sorry. 139 00:06:42,792 --> 00:06:46,448 You get home safe, now. Hyah! 140 00:06:49,363 --> 00:06:51,409 ♪ 141 00:06:57,807 --> 00:07:00,287 Thank you for coming out to celebrate 142 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,507 a new day in Quahog. 143 00:07:02,681 --> 00:07:05,162 I would like to ask all the women to please put aside 144 00:07:05,336 --> 00:07:06,903 your blinding hatred of other women 145 00:07:07,077 --> 00:07:10,515 and vote for this incredibly qualified candidate. 146 00:07:10,689 --> 00:07:12,735 ELIJAH: 147 00:07:12,909 --> 00:07:15,955 Stranger comin'! 148 00:07:16,129 --> 00:07:18,436 ♪ 149 00:07:28,011 --> 00:07:29,011 [neighs] 150 00:07:29,142 --> 00:07:30,274 He came. 151 00:07:38,587 --> 00:07:40,284 Howdy, Quahog. 152 00:07:40,458 --> 00:07:42,242 My name's Wild West, and I'm here 153 00:07:42,416 --> 00:07:45,463 to throw my hat in the ring to be your next mayor. 154 00:07:47,117 --> 00:07:49,293 [crowd cheering] 155 00:07:50,729 --> 00:07:54,690 And I want to say one more thing: I can levitate. 156 00:07:54,864 --> 00:07:57,388 - [all gasping] - But not right now. 157 00:07:57,562 --> 00:07:59,564 That seems like something he should have to prove 158 00:07:59,738 --> 00:08:02,338 -when he says it. -When he says it. That's, uh, that's what I said. 159 00:08:09,052 --> 00:08:11,576 Peter, what the hell is wrong with you? 160 00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:13,535 You don't know anything about politics. 161 00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:14,927 Well, you don't know anything 162 00:08:15,101 --> 00:08:17,626 about landing a airplane, asswipe. 163 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,758 Besides, Wild West would make a great mayor. 164 00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:22,979 He's a man... 165 00:08:23,153 --> 00:08:25,416 What does that have to do with anything? 166 00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:27,113 Because this is America, Lois. 167 00:08:27,287 --> 00:08:29,327 Men have always run things and there have never been 168 00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:31,161 any problems whatsoever. 169 00:08:31,335 --> 00:08:33,511 And don't say the economy or Iraq or income inequality 170 00:08:33,685 --> 00:08:35,992 or racism or Brett Kavanaugh or air pollution or Vietnam 171 00:08:36,166 --> 00:08:38,168 or slavery or Watergate or capitalism 172 00:08:38,342 --> 00:08:40,518 or #MeToo or homelessness or police brutality 173 00:08:40,692 --> 00:08:42,999 or homophobia or Monica Lewinsky or school shootings 174 00:08:43,173 --> 00:08:45,088 or Native American genocide or Fox News 175 00:08:45,262 --> 00:08:46,916 or Tim Allen or climate change. 176 00:08:47,090 --> 00:08:48,787 [sighs] You make a good point. 177 00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:51,964 But I still think more women should be in positions of power, 178 00:08:52,138 --> 00:08:55,272 and I'm gonna work my butt off to make sure the librarian 179 00:08:55,446 --> 00:08:57,187 becomes our next mayor. 180 00:08:57,361 --> 00:08:59,711 And I'm gonna prove that Wild West is the better choice. 181 00:08:59,885 --> 00:09:01,931 I've already made my first campaign poster. 182 00:09:02,105 --> 00:09:04,890 I always start too big. 183 00:09:09,329 --> 00:09:10,853 Afternoon, citizen. 184 00:09:11,027 --> 00:09:13,769 My name's Wild West and I'm running for mayor. 185 00:09:13,943 --> 00:09:16,293 - What might your name be? - Bruce. 186 00:09:16,467 --> 00:09:19,165 Pleasure, Bruce. If'n you don't mind, 187 00:09:19,339 --> 00:09:22,473 I'd like to roll up your garden hose for you, the right way. 188 00:09:22,647 --> 00:09:24,606 - Oh, okay. - You see, Bruce, 189 00:09:24,780 --> 00:09:26,695 every hose has a memory. 190 00:09:26,869 --> 00:09:29,306 And you just got to tap into that memory. 191 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:30,960 You see this kink here? 192 00:09:31,134 --> 00:09:34,703 I, uh... [gulps] I do see that kink. 193 00:09:34,877 --> 00:09:39,316 Well, a hose is very desirous of its original shape, 194 00:09:39,490 --> 00:09:41,231 and if you know how to work those kinks, 195 00:09:41,405 --> 00:09:44,408 it should straighten itself right out. 196 00:09:44,582 --> 00:09:46,628 [moans] Oh, merciful heavens. 197 00:09:46,802 --> 00:09:48,325 [sighs] 198 00:09:48,499 --> 00:09:50,719 If you need some help on your campaign, 199 00:09:50,893 --> 00:09:54,331 I'm very experienced at taking polls. 200 00:09:57,726 --> 00:09:59,553 Wild West, this is my daughter Meg. 201 00:09:59,728 --> 00:10:01,425 She also has a mustache. 202 00:10:01,599 --> 00:10:04,036 I can see that. Nice to meet you, Meg. 203 00:10:04,210 --> 00:10:06,386 Wow, you've got a great voice. 204 00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:08,824 Would you record my outgoing voice-mail message? 205 00:10:08,998 --> 00:10:10,739 Ah, I'd be happy to. 206 00:10:10,913 --> 00:10:13,872 And could you make it sound like one of your truck commercials? 207 00:10:14,046 --> 00:10:17,223 If you're looking for something rugged, something durable, 208 00:10:17,397 --> 00:10:20,052 something with an endless supply of gas 209 00:10:20,226 --> 00:10:22,707 and a tailgate made for dumping, 210 00:10:22,881 --> 00:10:25,101 then you must be looking for Meg Griffin. 211 00:10:25,275 --> 00:10:27,451 Meg might not be much to look at, 212 00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:29,540 but with two different-shaped airbags, 213 00:10:29,714 --> 00:10:32,108 Meg is one ride you won't mind taking out 214 00:10:32,282 --> 00:10:35,198 to the middle of nowhere and giving it your all. 215 00:10:35,372 --> 00:10:37,853 She's road-ready, and rode hard. 216 00:10:38,027 --> 00:10:39,463 Meg Griffin. 217 00:10:39,637 --> 00:10:42,596 Kindly leave your go-by and Roman numerics 218 00:10:42,771 --> 00:10:44,511 at the sound of the chow bell. 219 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,165 [bell dinging] 220 00:10:49,125 --> 00:10:51,127 ♪ 221 00:10:54,652 --> 00:10:56,412 Peter, I don't even know why you're bothering 222 00:10:56,567 --> 00:10:57,916 to take me to meet Wild West. 223 00:10:58,090 --> 00:10:59,875 I will never change my mind about him. 224 00:11:00,049 --> 00:11:01,833 That's all I ask. 225 00:11:07,752 --> 00:11:10,276 Afternoon, Griffins. Glad you could make it. 226 00:11:10,450 --> 00:11:12,409 Can I-can I go play with the barn mustaches? 227 00:11:12,583 --> 00:11:15,151 - Please? Please? - Of course you can. 228 00:11:15,325 --> 00:11:16,805 [babbles excitedly] 229 00:11:16,979 --> 00:11:18,937 - [chirping] - [laughs] 230 00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:22,593 Peter said something about me really sticks in your craw. 231 00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:25,683 [chuckles] Let's not make this sexy, okay? 232 00:11:25,857 --> 00:11:28,512 I just don't think it's fair for you to breeze into town 233 00:11:28,686 --> 00:11:31,428 with your rugged good looks and voice of the gods 234 00:11:31,602 --> 00:11:33,212 and assume you should be mayor. 235 00:11:33,386 --> 00:11:35,519 Especially when you're taking an opportunity away 236 00:11:35,693 --> 00:11:37,434 from a very deserving woman. 237 00:11:37,608 --> 00:11:39,436 That's a fair point, Lois. 238 00:11:39,610 --> 00:11:42,482 Do you mind if I make you a sweater while I respond? 239 00:11:42,656 --> 00:11:44,920 [exhales] Uh, no. 240 00:11:45,094 --> 00:11:46,835 No, that would be fine. 241 00:11:47,009 --> 00:11:50,839 Lois, I moved my whole family to Oregon when I was 13, 242 00:11:51,013 --> 00:11:53,493 and it taught me that a town is like a horse. 243 00:11:53,667 --> 00:11:54,930 You don't choose it. 244 00:11:55,104 --> 00:11:56,714 - [bleats] - It chooses you. 245 00:11:56,888 --> 00:11:59,021 And I believe Quahog has chosen me, 246 00:11:59,195 --> 00:12:01,153 just like it chose my cousin Adam. 247 00:12:01,327 --> 00:12:04,983 Now, the last thing I want to do is take something from a woman. 248 00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:07,681 There's nothing I respect more than women. 249 00:12:07,856 --> 00:12:09,988 [giggles] Is that so? 250 00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:11,990 Yes'm. I've raised 16 daughters 251 00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:14,688 into strong, independent women, 252 00:12:14,863 --> 00:12:16,908 I'm a registered doula, 253 00:12:17,082 --> 00:12:20,303 and I always order edamame for the table. 254 00:12:20,477 --> 00:12:23,828 [sighing]: Oh, my God. Oh. Huh. 255 00:12:24,002 --> 00:12:26,309 So, y-you're all alone... up here? 256 00:12:26,483 --> 00:12:28,006 With no one to... 257 00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:30,530 touch your sweaty biceps? 258 00:12:30,704 --> 00:12:31,836 Huh? 259 00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:33,882 A man's never alone, Lois, 260 00:12:34,056 --> 00:12:36,449 so long as he has his principles. 261 00:12:37,494 --> 00:12:40,323 [shuddering]: H-H-Holy thundering Lord. 262 00:12:40,497 --> 00:12:43,326 Lois, can we keep it? I'll take care of it, I promise. 263 00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:44,675 - [chomps] - Aah! 264 00:12:44,849 --> 00:12:46,155 Ow! He bit me! 265 00:12:46,329 --> 00:12:47,678 I don't like it now. 266 00:12:47,852 --> 00:12:48,852 [squealing] 267 00:12:53,466 --> 00:12:57,166 Peter, do you wanna maybe do some role-playing? 268 00:12:57,340 --> 00:12:59,342 Okay. I'll be Quentin Tarantino, 269 00:12:59,516 --> 00:13:01,344 and you be the foot I make a mess on. 270 00:13:01,518 --> 00:13:03,346 No, actually, I-I was thinking 271 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,044 that maybe you could pretend to be a cowboy. 272 00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:07,916 Okay. 273 00:13:08,090 --> 00:13:09,308 [sighs]: Oh, Lois... 274 00:13:09,482 --> 00:13:11,049 LOIS: Uh, make your voice deeper. 275 00:13:11,223 --> 00:13:13,051 - PETER [deeper]: Oh, Lois... - Deeper! 276 00:13:13,225 --> 00:13:14,879 PETER [very deep]: Oh, Lois. 277 00:13:15,053 --> 00:13:16,228 LOIS: Good. 278 00:13:16,402 --> 00:13:19,753 Now say, "Beef: it's what's for dinner." 279 00:13:19,928 --> 00:13:21,712 - PETER: I-I don't... - Say it! - [loud slap] 280 00:13:21,886 --> 00:13:23,406 - PETER [very deep]: Beef... - Oh, yes. 281 00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:25,368 - it's what's for dinner. - [laughs]: Oh, yes! 282 00:13:25,542 --> 00:13:27,718 Oh, Wild West, Wild West. 283 00:13:27,892 --> 00:13:29,067 PETER: What?! 284 00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:30,939 Peter, what the hell are you wearing? 285 00:13:31,113 --> 00:13:33,550 I went a different direction, cowboy-wise, 286 00:13:33,724 --> 00:13:35,030 but don't change the subject! 287 00:13:40,426 --> 00:13:41,645 [paint can rattles] 288 00:13:43,299 --> 00:13:45,736 - Peter, what are you doing? - I've decided that Wild West 289 00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:48,086 is the worst possible person to be mayor, 290 00:13:48,260 --> 00:13:50,436 and I'm gonna do whatever I can to stop him. 291 00:13:50,610 --> 00:13:53,222 O-Okay, is this because I called out his name twice during sex 292 00:13:53,396 --> 00:13:55,485 and once while I was peeing after? 293 00:13:55,659 --> 00:13:58,923 - That's part of it, yes. - I'm sorry, Peter, it just slipped out. 294 00:13:59,097 --> 00:14:01,578 Well, I'm sorry I'm the length of a Mike and Ike! 295 00:14:01,752 --> 00:14:03,667 In your dreams. 296 00:14:04,755 --> 00:14:06,278 [takes deep breath] 297 00:14:06,452 --> 00:14:07,889 That one stung, Lois. 298 00:14:08,063 --> 00:14:09,107 [takes deep breath] 299 00:14:09,281 --> 00:14:11,414 Ooh, that one stung. 300 00:14:14,504 --> 00:14:15,984 All right, I'm on your side now. 301 00:14:16,158 --> 00:14:17,811 And if you're gonna beat Wild West, 302 00:14:17,986 --> 00:14:20,007 you have to recognize that one of his greatest strengths 303 00:14:20,031 --> 00:14:23,078 is his voice, which makes him sound sexy and smart 304 00:14:23,252 --> 00:14:24,949 and sexy and sexy. 305 00:14:25,123 --> 00:14:27,386 Where your voice sounds like your dad's second wife 306 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,172 trying to describe something she saw on Facebook. 307 00:14:30,346 --> 00:14:31,346 Oh, speaking of, 308 00:14:31,477 --> 00:14:34,611 do you know what a meme is? 309 00:14:34,785 --> 00:14:36,265 What... Course I do. 310 00:14:36,439 --> 00:14:37,831 And it's pronounced "me-me." 311 00:14:38,006 --> 00:14:40,617 Well, the other day, I saw one 312 00:14:40,791 --> 00:14:42,488 with the most adorable kitten 313 00:14:42,662 --> 00:14:44,577 tangled in a ball of yarn. 314 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,928 [laughing] 315 00:14:47,102 --> 00:14:49,234 And underneath... 316 00:14:49,408 --> 00:14:52,107 underneath, it said: "[bleep] the police." 317 00:14:52,281 --> 00:14:53,804 [laughing] 318 00:14:53,978 --> 00:14:55,980 Okay, that was unexpected, so I'm gonna ignore it 319 00:14:56,154 --> 00:14:57,939 and bring in Morgan Freeman, who I've hired 320 00:14:58,113 --> 00:14:59,636 to narrate your commercials. 321 00:14:59,810 --> 00:15:02,030 We're gonna fight voice with voice. 322 00:15:02,204 --> 00:15:04,815 Wild West claims to know what's best for Quahog, 323 00:15:04,989 --> 00:15:06,643 but there's a better choice. 324 00:15:06,817 --> 00:15:08,210 And I know about choice. 325 00:15:08,384 --> 00:15:10,386 I chose to be in Ted 2. 326 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:11,735 Nobody made me. 327 00:15:11,909 --> 00:15:13,737 I wasn't forced at gunpoint. 328 00:15:13,911 --> 00:15:17,219 I relied on my advisors, and they let me down. 329 00:15:17,393 --> 00:15:19,047 "They'll fix the script," they said. 330 00:15:19,221 --> 00:15:20,700 Well, they were wrong. 331 00:15:20,874 --> 00:15:22,964 I thought I'd get to act with a talking teddy bear, 332 00:15:23,138 --> 00:15:24,530 but when I got there, 333 00:15:24,704 --> 00:15:27,533 it was just two ping-pong balls on a stick. 334 00:15:27,707 --> 00:15:29,971 Or maybe that was Amanda Seyfried. 335 00:15:30,145 --> 00:15:31,842 I don't know. 336 00:15:32,016 --> 00:15:34,932 Okay, thank-thank you. Thank you, Morgan. Thank you. 337 00:15:35,106 --> 00:15:37,369 Peter, just let me speak to the voters 338 00:15:37,543 --> 00:15:40,068 about the issues they're concerned about. 339 00:15:40,242 --> 00:15:42,070 Or, instead of doing that stupid thing, 340 00:15:42,244 --> 00:15:44,420 we could sabotage Wild West's campaign. 341 00:15:44,594 --> 00:15:46,117 Come on, you can drive. 342 00:15:51,209 --> 00:15:53,081 Big Garfield fan, huh? 343 00:15:53,255 --> 00:15:54,604 Me, too. 344 00:15:54,778 --> 00:15:56,458 - Not this big. - You know, a lot of people 345 00:15:56,606 --> 00:16:00,175 think I'm obsessed, but I think I'm pretty nermal. 346 00:16:00,349 --> 00:16:02,003 [laughing] 347 00:16:02,177 --> 00:16:04,483 Okay, you reeled me back in. 348 00:16:20,804 --> 00:16:24,503 [quietly]: Let's see how popular you are when I cut off your mustache. 349 00:16:44,219 --> 00:16:45,263 [grunts] 350 00:16:45,437 --> 00:16:48,310 How is this so strong? 351 00:16:48,484 --> 00:16:52,575 My hair follicles run deeper than the roots of a sequoia. 352 00:16:52,749 --> 00:16:54,403 Git him, fella. 353 00:16:54,577 --> 00:16:56,057 Oh! Aah! 354 00:16:56,231 --> 00:16:57,231 [grunts] 355 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,409 Aah! 356 00:17:00,583 --> 00:17:01,845 Nice work. 357 00:17:02,019 --> 00:17:04,065 MUSTACHE [deep voice]: Thanks, boss. 358 00:17:05,283 --> 00:17:06,937 [bushes rustling] 359 00:17:15,163 --> 00:17:17,078 [sizzling] 360 00:17:23,649 --> 00:17:24,476 Uh-oh. 361 00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:25,912 Hello? 362 00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,958 Could somebody help me? 363 00:17:28,132 --> 00:17:30,569 Don't panic, The Librarian. 364 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,879 [screams] 365 00:17:38,229 --> 00:17:40,188 WILD WEST: Hang on, little lady. 366 00:17:40,362 --> 00:17:41,798 I'm a-comin'. 367 00:17:45,454 --> 00:17:47,108 ♪ 368 00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:06,910 [gasps] 369 00:18:09,826 --> 00:18:12,829 - I told you I could levitate. - You did. 370 00:18:13,003 --> 00:18:15,484 BRUCE: Do the thing with the hose! 371 00:18:15,658 --> 00:18:18,226 [indistinct chatter] 372 00:18:19,836 --> 00:18:20,967 Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker. 373 00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:22,534 Our top story tonight: 374 00:18:22,708 --> 00:18:25,363 Quahog's new mayor is Wild West. 375 00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:27,844 [cheering] 376 00:18:28,018 --> 00:18:30,194 With a final vote of 43 to 19, 377 00:18:30,368 --> 00:18:32,370 it's clear that no one really cared. 378 00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:34,155 Nice job, guys. 379 00:18:34,329 --> 00:18:36,287 Peter, can I talk to you? 380 00:18:36,461 --> 00:18:39,595 - What? - Look, I know we've had our differences, 381 00:18:39,769 --> 00:18:42,685 but I'm hoping that someday we can bury the hatchet, 382 00:18:42,859 --> 00:18:44,469 maybe even be friends. 383 00:18:44,643 --> 00:18:48,430 Until then, I want you to take care of this for me. 384 00:18:48,604 --> 00:18:50,258 [quiet squeaking] 385 00:18:50,432 --> 00:18:52,521 [gasps] For me? 386 00:18:52,695 --> 00:18:54,610 Thank you, Wild West. 387 00:18:54,784 --> 00:18:57,874 And... I'm sorry I tried to destroy your reputation 388 00:18:58,048 --> 00:18:59,963 by burning down a library. 389 00:19:00,137 --> 00:19:03,401 I can see now that... I'm better than that. 390 00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:06,404 [squeaking] 391 00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:08,972 Wild West, I just want to say congratulations, 392 00:19:09,146 --> 00:19:11,714 and I know you'll do a great job for our town. 393 00:19:11,888 --> 00:19:14,456 I appreciate that, Lois, and you can rest easy 394 00:19:14,630 --> 00:19:17,198 knowing that you and the good people of Quahog 395 00:19:17,372 --> 00:19:20,244 are safe under my watchful eye. 396 00:19:20,418 --> 00:19:23,378 - You ever kill a man? - What?! Why? 397 00:19:23,552 --> 00:19:25,902 Just making conversation. 398 00:19:32,430 --> 00:19:34,998 Wild West, why don't you play us a song? 399 00:19:35,172 --> 00:19:38,393 Aw, shucks, I don't know if I could do that. 400 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,356 [playing intro to "Blue Shadows on the Trail"] 401 00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:51,014 ♪ Arizona moon keep shining ♪ 402 00:19:52,798 --> 00:19:56,846 ♪ From the desert sky above ♪ 403 00:19:58,804 --> 00:20:00,415 ♪ You know pretty soon ♪ 404 00:20:00,589 --> 00:20:03,113 ♪ That big yellow moon ♪ 405 00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:05,507 ♪ Will light the way back ♪ 406 00:20:05,681 --> 00:20:09,424 ♪ To the one you love ♪ 407 00:20:09,598 --> 00:20:11,948 ♪ Blue ♪ 408 00:20:12,122 --> 00:20:13,776 ♪ Shadows ♪ 409 00:20:13,950 --> 00:20:18,259 ♪ On the trail ♪ 410 00:20:22,132 --> 00:20:24,308 ♪ Little cowboy ♪ 411 00:20:24,482 --> 00:20:27,268 ♪ Close your eyes ♪ 412 00:20:27,442 --> 00:20:29,879 ♪ And dream ♪ 413 00:20:31,446 --> 00:20:33,012 ♪ All of the doggies ♪ 414 00:20:33,186 --> 00:20:36,407 ♪ Are in the corral ♪ 415 00:20:36,581 --> 00:20:39,410 ♪ All of your work is done ♪ 416 00:20:42,152 --> 00:20:43,980 ♪ Just close your eyes ♪ 417 00:20:44,154 --> 00:20:46,809 ♪ And dream, little pal ♪ 418 00:20:46,983 --> 00:20:49,115 ♪ Dream of ♪ 419 00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:51,640 ♪ Someone ♪ 420 00:20:53,076 --> 00:20:55,426 ♪ Bom, bom-bom-bom, bom, bom-bom-bom ♪ 421 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,994 ♪ Bom, bom-bom-bom, bom-bom, bom-bom ♪ 422 00:20:58,168 --> 00:21:00,736 ♪ Bom, bom-bom-bom, bom, bom-bom-bom ♪ 423 00:21:00,910 --> 00:21:04,305 ♪ Bom, bom-bom-bom, bom-bom, bom-bom, bom. ♪