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00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:04,592
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,617 --> 00:00:07,931
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:08,023 --> 00:00:11,092
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,143 --> 00:00:14,062
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:14,113 --> 00:00:17,982
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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00:00:18,067 --> 00:00:20,935
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:22,588 --> 00:00:23,905
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:23,956 --> 00:00:29,244
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:35,384 --> 00:00:37,218
Our top story tonight,
we continue to track
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00:00:37,286 --> 00:00:39,254
the progress
of Hurricane Flozell.
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00:00:39,321 --> 00:00:40,555
The National Weather Service
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has issued a Severe
Hurricane Advisory,
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and is urging everyone
to stay indoors
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00:00:44,894 --> 00:00:46,678
for at least the next 36 hours.
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No...! What happened?!
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The wind must have knocked
the satellite dish loose.
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Aw, crap. And I was
going to watch G.I. Jose.
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00:00:56,405 --> 00:00:58,273
Oh, no! You cut
your forehead!
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What do we do?
21
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Hey, kids...
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00:01:00,593 --> 00:01:01,860
if you have
an open wound,
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get some dirt
or kitty litter
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and rub it in there
to stop the bleeding.
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00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:08,800
Then get some sleep and wait
for the body to heal itself.
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Now we know.
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And like I always say:
"Remember, you know enough."
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♪ G.I. Jose! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 10x02 ♪
Seahorse Seashell Party
Original Air Date on October 2, 2011
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
31
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:36,499
Nice.
32
00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:37,600
Brian, what are you doing?
33
00:01:37,668 --> 00:01:38,601
Geez, Stewie.
34
00:01:38,652 --> 00:01:40,120
Scared the crap
out of me.
35
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:41,654
Whatcha got there?
36
00:01:41,739 --> 00:01:43,323
Okay, I'll tell you;
37
00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:44,657
but you can't tell anyone.
38
00:01:44,725 --> 00:01:46,126
All-All right? You have to
be really cool about this.
39
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:47,327
Yeah, of course.
40
00:01:47,394 --> 00:01:48,745
These are mushrooms.
41
00:01:48,813 --> 00:01:50,296
It's a psychedelic drug.
42
00:01:50,381 --> 00:01:53,550
Makes you see weird things
and feel happy for a few hours.
43
00:01:53,617 --> 00:01:56,035
I figure we're going to be
stuck inside f a while
44
00:01:56,103 --> 00:01:58,004
with this storm,
so it'll be a fun way
45
00:01:58,088 --> 00:01:59,956
to pass the time.
Okay.
46
00:02:00,024 --> 00:02:01,374
Are you gonna be cool?
47
00:02:01,442 --> 00:02:02,759
Oh yeah, I'm totally
cool about that.
48
00:02:02,827 --> 00:02:04,294
I-I-I-I have a lot
of friends who do it,
49
00:02:04,361 --> 00:02:06,062
and they're willing to do
it around me all the time,
50
00:02:06,130 --> 00:02:07,514
because they know
I'm so cool about it
51
00:02:07,598 --> 00:02:08,731
and I don't judge them.
52
00:02:08,799 --> 00:02:11,117
So, you know,
go ahead...
53
00:02:14,155 --> 00:02:15,755
Well, here we go.
54
00:02:15,823 --> 00:02:17,040
Yup, that's what my
friends say, too.
55
00:02:17,107 --> 00:02:18,441
"Well, here we go."
56
00:02:18,509 --> 00:02:21,110
Oh... dude, I think
I can feel it, too.
57
00:02:21,178 --> 00:02:23,246
I'm gettin' a
context high.
58
00:02:33,924 --> 00:02:35,291
I'm bored.
59
00:02:35,342 --> 00:02:36,442
Yeah, this sucks.
60
00:02:36,510 --> 00:02:37,994
What are we supposed
to do all day?
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00:02:38,045 --> 00:02:39,829
Well, how about
we play charades?
62
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:41,631
Ooh! Yeah. O-okay.
Me first! Me first!
63
00:02:41,682 --> 00:02:44,317
Okay, it's a movie.
All right? Movie. Movie.
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00:02:44,385 --> 00:02:46,269
Peter, there's no
talking in charades.
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00:02:46,336 --> 00:02:47,353
O-Okay, sorry, sorry.
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00:02:47,438 --> 00:02:48,771
Okay. (whispers) Movie.
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00:02:48,839 --> 00:02:50,006
Peter!
Sorry. Sorry.
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00:02:50,057 --> 00:02:51,541
Okay, one word.
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00:02:51,609 --> 00:02:53,109
Peter, you're still talking!
70
00:02:53,176 --> 00:02:54,110
Okay, okay.
Right, right, right.
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00:02:54,177 --> 00:02:56,345
Fletch.
72
00:02:56,397 --> 00:02:58,531
Is it Fletch?
It is Fletch.
73
00:03:03,387 --> 00:03:05,121
What do you
wanna do now?
74
00:03:05,189 --> 00:03:06,356
I got an idea.
75
00:03:06,423 --> 00:03:07,557
How about you all
sit there quietly
76
00:03:07,625 --> 00:03:08,892
while I make "Dad" noises?
77
00:03:26,210 --> 00:03:27,443
Brah-ha-hah!
78
00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:29,746
Brah-ha! Brah!
79
00:03:36,487 --> 00:03:37,587
Schumai.
80
00:03:44,862 --> 00:03:45,995
Myah!
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00:03:47,230 --> 00:03:49,749
... go to the john.
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00:03:57,341 --> 00:03:59,575
Boy, the rain's
really comin' down.
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00:03:59,643 --> 00:04:01,744
I know, I've never seen
anything like it.
84
00:04:01,812 --> 00:04:05,081
But it's kinda nice for us all
to be together like this, huh?
85
00:04:31,408 --> 00:04:34,777
♪ ♪
86
00:04:53,580 --> 00:04:55,031
So, what do you guys
wanna do now?
87
00:04:55,099 --> 00:04:57,466
Oh, hey, I know!
Let's play finger-bang.
88
00:04:57,518 --> 00:04:58,685
Bang! Bang!
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00:04:58,769 --> 00:05:00,103
I'm gonna finger-
bang you, Chris.
90
00:05:00,154 --> 00:05:02,488
Not if I finger-bang
you first, Dad!
91
00:05:02,573 --> 00:05:03,973
Bang! Bang!
92
00:05:04,024 --> 00:05:06,409
I'm gonna finger-bang
the two of you at the same time.
93
00:05:06,493 --> 00:05:08,911
Bang! Bang!
Hey, me too! Bang!
94
00:05:08,996 --> 00:05:11,197
Oh, no one wants to get
finger-banged by you, Meg.
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00:05:11,281 --> 00:05:13,166
Why don't you just go
do that to yourself, Meg?
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00:05:13,233 --> 00:05:14,600
I think I'm gonna be sick.
97
00:05:16,653 --> 00:05:17,954
Brian?!
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00:05:18,022 --> 00:05:19,622
I'm gonna cut
my ear off
99
00:05:19,690 --> 00:05:21,290
to prevent
World War Two.
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00:05:23,544 --> 00:05:24,827
Oh, God! Oh, God!
101
00:05:31,318 --> 00:05:32,885
I wonder...
102
00:05:34,772 --> 00:05:35,855
Aha!
103
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,810
What the hell
were you trying to do, man?!
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00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,562
Those mushrooms
are messin' you up!
105
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:49,649
Lesbians and deaf women
wear the same clothes.
106
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,017
Yeah, yeah, they
sure do, buddy.
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00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:52,686
All right,
just stay calm, Brian.
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00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:53,954
You'll get through this.
109
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,523
I mean, you got through
seeing Lady Gaga naked.
110
00:05:58,175 --> 00:06:01,011
Okay, five minutes, Miss Ga--
gina big!
111
00:06:01,078 --> 00:06:03,029
And I will be right
back with your Evian.
112
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,531
Don't worry, Brian.
113
00:06:04,582 --> 00:06:06,583
I'm gonna stay
by your side all night.
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00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,618
All right? Shh. Shh.
115
00:06:08,703 --> 00:06:10,287
It's okay. It's okay.
116
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:13,056
Do you like
my soothing voice?
117
00:06:13,124 --> 00:06:15,792
Do you like my soothing voice?
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00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:18,595
Re-re-re-re-return the map.
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00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:23,533
Re-re-re-re-return
what you have stolen from me.
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♪ ♪
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No...!
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00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:40,951
Oh, hey, I got an idea.
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Let's have a sing-a-long.
124
00:06:42,286 --> 00:06:45,055
Okay, I'm gonna sing
the opening chase music
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00:06:45,122 --> 00:06:47,257
from Indiana Jones
and the Last Crusade.
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00:06:47,325 --> 00:06:49,376
Feel free to join in.
127
00:07:12,133 --> 00:07:13,533
♪ ♪
128
00:07:41,429 --> 00:07:43,313
Dammit, Meg! Will you stop that?!
129
00:07:43,381 --> 00:07:44,631
That is so annoying!
130
00:07:44,699 --> 00:07:46,182
Oh... that was annoying?!
131
00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:48,301
What about your stupid,
obnoxious humming?!
132
00:07:48,369 --> 00:07:50,203
Meg, don't talk
to your father like that!
133
00:07:50,271 --> 00:07:51,788
Yeah, shut up, Meg.
134
00:07:51,856 --> 00:07:53,623
No! You shut
up, Chris!
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00:07:53,691 --> 00:07:56,026
I am sick of all you guys
ganging up on me!
136
00:07:56,093 --> 00:07:58,561
You guys all think you're
so much better than me!
137
00:07:58,629 --> 00:08:01,498
Oh, Meg. That is
the least fancy thing
138
00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,099
I have ever heard.
139
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,023
Shh. There, there, there.
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00:08:11,075 --> 00:08:12,826
Everything's gonna be fine.
You're all right.
141
00:08:12,877 --> 00:08:14,360
I think I'm...
I think I'm dying.
142
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,746
Jane Fonda.
143
00:08:16,814 --> 00:08:19,749
Is that... i-i-is that...
is that... is that right?
144
00:08:19,834 --> 00:08:22,135
Yeah, that's right, buddy.
Totally Jane Fonda.
145
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,336
It's gonna be okay.
146
00:08:23,387 --> 00:08:25,555
Your pal Stewie
is right here.
147
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:31,094
Just relax...
148
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:36,716
and get some
rest...
149
00:08:51,749 --> 00:08:53,750
Brian.
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00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,870
Hide!
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00:08:56,921 --> 00:09:02,459
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
152
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,294
♪ Round and round ♪
153
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:07,046
♪ Round and round ♪
154
00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:12,318
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
155
00:09:12,369 --> 00:09:15,989
♪ All through the town ♪
Peanut!
156
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:21,161
Peeper...
157
00:09:38,796 --> 00:09:43,466
Wanna have (hissing) sex...?
158
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,595
Groggety!
159
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:11,744
Slip... me some tongue.
160
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,831
Did you try the chicken, buddy?
161
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,116
I think you gave me worms,
Brian.
162
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:34,534
Brian...
163
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:38,838
Brian...
164
00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:41,858
Brian...
165
00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:44,611
Brian...
166
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,346
Brian!
167
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,965
Brian.
Uh, Stewie.
168
00:10:49,033 --> 00:10:50,483
Eh, uh... Stewie?
169
00:10:50,534 --> 00:10:51,618
Yeah, I'm right here.
170
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,486
Oh, my God. Your lip
looks really weird.
171
00:10:53,537 --> 00:10:54,754
Can we fix that?
172
00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:58,157
L-Let's get that
out of there. Ew.
173
00:10:58,225 --> 00:10:59,909
Oh, I'm so thirsty.
174
00:10:59,994 --> 00:11:02,862
Let's get you downstairs
so you can drink some water.
175
00:11:05,649 --> 00:11:08,167
All right, let's go, buddy.
Let's get you some water.
176
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,204
Okay, now-- Now, h-h-hold on.
Hold on.
177
00:11:11,272 --> 00:11:13,373
Let me put the bowl down first.
You're gonna spill it.
178
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,278
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down. Slow down.
179
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,513
Look, Meg, I don't know
what your problem is.
180
00:11:20,581 --> 00:11:22,398
I thought Dad's humming
was pretty entertaining.
181
00:11:22,483 --> 00:11:24,317
You know what?
This is what I'm talking about.
182
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,935
This is a perfect example.
183
00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:27,353
You're my brother.
184
00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:28,855
You're supposed to
be on my side,
185
00:11:28,923 --> 00:11:30,389
and you're such
a bastard to me.
186
00:11:30,441 --> 00:11:32,008
How am I a bastard?!
187
00:11:32,076 --> 00:11:33,776
Oh, you want the full story?
188
00:11:33,844 --> 00:11:35,511
Meg, please.
Not now, Mom.
189
00:11:36,914 --> 00:11:39,015
I think Brian's getting
a little water in there.
190
00:11:39,083 --> 00:11:42,151
Chris, you treat me like you hate
me, and I don't know why.
191
00:11:42,219 --> 00:11:44,287
You say hurtful things
to me constantly.
192
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,539
Do you have any idea
what that feels like?
193
00:11:46,607 --> 00:11:48,241
What if I said
those things to you?
194
00:11:48,309 --> 00:11:50,677
What if I started calling
you a fat, zitty loser,
195
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,211
who has no friends
196
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:54,647
and smells like an old woman
who has birds for pets?
197
00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:56,549
Still drinkin'.
198
00:11:56,617 --> 00:11:58,017
Is it too much to ask
199
00:11:58,085 --> 00:12:00,453
to be treated with a little
decency from my brother?
200
00:12:00,521 --> 00:12:03,222
Maybe show me some
kind of kindness by not jumping
201
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:05,558
on the "Let's get Meg"
family bandwagon?
202
00:12:07,328 --> 00:12:08,494
Aw.
203
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:10,146
Alright, Meg,
that's enough.
204
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,282
You've had your little
dramatic outburst.
205
00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:16,035
Hey, I got an idea, Mom.
206
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:17,954
How about we talk about
Chris' mother? Huh?
207
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,906
Why don't we talk about you?
208
00:12:19,974 --> 00:12:21,491
Oh, for God's sake.
209
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:23,609
Look, let's not turn this
into some big thing, okay?
210
00:12:24,795 --> 00:12:27,213
Oh... Oh...
211
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,382
Oh, God, that feels
so much better.
212
00:12:29,450 --> 00:12:31,384
You know, Brian,
you may be a dog,
213
00:12:31,452 --> 00:12:33,419
but you're a
pretty cool cat.
214
00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:34,621
♪ Stewie just said that! ♪
215
00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:35,755
Take it home with ya!
216
00:12:36,991 --> 00:12:38,791
Hey...
217
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:40,810
Hey, everyone.
218
00:12:40,878 --> 00:12:43,096
I'm sensing a lot
of negativity here.
219
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,430
What's going on?
220
00:12:44,481 --> 00:12:46,933
Yes. You're right,
Brian. There is.
221
00:12:46,984 --> 00:12:49,235
Meg seems to think she's
taking some kind of stand here
222
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:50,987
that's gonna make us all
feel like we're inadequate.
223
00:12:51,055 --> 00:12:53,289
My God, you're condescending.
224
00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:55,825
Geez, look at those two.
They're goin' at each other
225
00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:57,610
like an Italian guy
and a black woman.
226
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,248
Hey, you can't park here!
227
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,133
Excuse me?
228
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:06,052
Having been officially
challenged by her
229
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,738
natural enemy, the black female
prepares for combat
230
00:13:08,806 --> 00:13:10,757
by taking off her many rings.
231
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:13,793
Meanwhile, the Italian male
looks around to make sure
232
00:13:13,844 --> 00:13:15,628
the other Italian
males are indeed
233
00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:18,214
seeing what he is seeing.
234
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,000
Sensing the impending
battle, a flock of Jews
235
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,936
flies quickly away,
as avoiding confrontation
236
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,888
is their best
chance for survival.
237
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:27,724
♪ ♪
238
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:34,047
Look, the bottom line here,
Meg, is that you're just
239
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:36,348
taking your own problems
out on everyone else.
240
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,867
Oh, my problems?
241
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,185
Oh, I see.
242
00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,571
Is this coming from
my role model mother?
243
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,072
The shoplifter,
the drug addict,
244
00:13:43,157 --> 00:13:45,458
the porn star, the whore
who let Gene Simmons
245
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:46,993
and Bill Clinton
go to town on her?
246
00:13:47,044 --> 00:13:48,711
Oh, so what?
247
00:13:48,796 --> 00:13:50,830
All those things
are behind me now.
248
00:13:50,881 --> 00:13:53,666
I'm a better person now
because of those experiences.
249
00:13:53,717 --> 00:13:55,752
Are you?
Are you a better person?
250
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:58,087
What's your point, Meg?
My point is that with
251
00:13:58,172 --> 00:13:59,872
all the irresponsible, reckless,
252
00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:02,809
idiotic behavior in
your past, that somehow,
253
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:07,480
somehow you have the nerve,
the arrogance to consistently
254
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:09,882
and ruthlessly point
out my shortcomings.
255
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:11,601
Alright, well, fine, okay?
256
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,603
I'm not the perfect mother.
Who is?
257
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:16,222
Oh, not only are you
not the perfect mother.
258
00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:18,274
You're the farthest thing from.
259
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:21,894
From the moment you gave birth
to me, I had to trust you.
260
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,896
I had no choice.
261
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,832
I needed you to protect
me from the world.
262
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:28,618
To... to be my guide, to help
me navigate the difficult,
263
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:32,371
confusing, and vulnerable
journey to becoming a person.
264
00:14:32,423 --> 00:14:34,707
You have done none
of those things.
265
00:14:34,758 --> 00:14:37,844
You're my mother, and you
took a child's trust
266
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:41,380
and smashed it into bits in
a 17-year-long mission
267
00:14:41,432 --> 00:14:44,350
to destroy something that
you killed a long time ago.
268
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,686
And honestly, when
I turn 18...
269
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:48,938
I-I don't know that I ever
want to see you again.
270
00:14:54,445 --> 00:14:56,312
Oh wow, everybody's
already tweeting
271
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,563
"Stewie Just Said That."
272
00:14:57,631 --> 00:15:00,266
You're right.
273
00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,001
You're right. I'm
a terrible mother.
274
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:04,036
I'm so sorry.
275
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,322
I'm so, so sorry, Meg.
276
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,574
Can you ever forgive me?
277
00:15:08,642 --> 00:15:10,543
Oh, God.
278
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:14,914
And you never let Dad
stir the paint anymore,
279
00:15:14,965 --> 00:15:16,299
whatever that means.
280
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:17,583
I didn't know you
knew that, Meg,
281
00:15:17,634 --> 00:15:18,618
but I'm glad
you brought it up.
282
00:15:24,687 --> 00:15:27,229
Oh, Meg, I don't
know what to say.
283
00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:30,461
All of those things you
said about me are true.
284
00:15:30,462 --> 00:15:33,297
I have been a very
bad mother to you.
285
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,350
I have no excuse.
286
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,769
I just have this horrible,
overwhelming desire
287
00:15:37,820 --> 00:15:39,303
to point out faults in you.
288
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,472
I don't know
where it comes from.
289
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,641
Maybe it's because
I'm self-conscious
290
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,860
about being a bad parent.
291
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,145
I'm just, I'm so disgusted
with my behavior.
292
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,881
And I'm so sorry, Meg.
293
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,316
Yeah, you're a bitch.
294
00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:54,269
Well, you know, I, I been sorta
just hangin' back here,
295
00:15:54,336 --> 00:15:55,837
takin' all this in,
'cause I didn't think
296
00:15:55,905 --> 00:15:57,505
I had a dog in this fight,
297
00:15:57,573 --> 00:15:59,140
but my money's on
Harry Potter over there.
298
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,158
Oh, you think
that's funny, fat ass?
299
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,210
Well, I don't know
if it's funny.
300
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,661
I-I think it's clever.
301
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:05,997
I mean, y-y-you got
the big glasses there...
302
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:08,183
I-I-I don't know. T-T-Tell me,
tell me what's on your mind.
303
00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:10,602
Oh, I'll tell you,
Mister Selfish-ass Dad.
304
00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:13,638
Hey. That's "Mister
Mister selfish-ass Dad"
305
00:16:13,689 --> 00:16:14,589
to you, young lady.
306
00:16:14,657 --> 00:16:16,507
Oh God, is she gonna do me next?
307
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,560
You are completely selfish,
308
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,695
and totally irresponsible
as a father.
309
00:16:20,763 --> 00:16:23,631
All right, I see what's
goin' on here.
310
00:16:23,699 --> 00:16:25,016
You're in love
with your old man.
311
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:28,269
You have no education,
you have no interests,
312
00:16:28,337 --> 00:16:30,688
you just do whatever
reckless thing you want to do
313
00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:34,125
whenever you want to do it
without regard for anyone else.
314
00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:37,712
Oh, oh, and when you're not
terrorizing the community
315
00:16:37,796 --> 00:16:39,297
with your impulsive escapades,
316
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:41,783
you're being a total
jerk to your family.
317
00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:45,420
You shove your daughter's face
in your ass and you fart on it.
318
00:16:45,487 --> 00:16:47,322
If someone
in the outside world
319
00:16:47,389 --> 00:16:50,508
could see the way you treat
me, you would be in jail!
320
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:53,378
Oh, ha ha. Oh, this
is amusing to you.
321
00:16:53,445 --> 00:16:55,280
Well, see if you
find this funny.
322
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:57,015
I like where this is going.
323
00:16:57,082 --> 00:16:59,317
You are a fat,
lazy, abusive,
324
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,185
blue-collar
Irish Catholic dad
325
00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:03,021
who drinks way too much
326
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:05,406
and barely makes enough
money to support his family.
327
00:17:05,474 --> 00:17:06,841
You've lived half your life,
328
00:17:06,909 --> 00:17:09,877
and you have nothing
to show for it.
329
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:12,947
Your only arguable
accomplishments are your kids,
330
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:16,200
and look at us; we're a disaster.
Eh, watch it.
331
00:17:16,268 --> 00:17:19,053
You're a total and
complete embarrassment
332
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,189
in every possible way.
333
00:17:21,223 --> 00:17:23,558
Take a good look at yourself,
Peter Griffin.
334
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,677
You're a waste of a man.
335
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:29,547
Wait a second,
these are criticisms.
336
00:17:29,598 --> 00:17:31,015
Hey, Lois, tell her
to knock it off.
337
00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:33,601
Oh, and where the hell were you
when she was laying into me?
338
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,470
I was thinking about
getting a fancy cane.
339
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,372
Maybe getting more
attention from strangers.
340
00:17:37,439 --> 00:17:40,174
Have either of you guys
been listening to me?
341
00:17:40,242 --> 00:17:42,827
Do you both just have
your heads up your asses?
342
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,563
Dad did! Look, he's got
crap on his ears!
343
00:17:45,614 --> 00:17:46,648
That's unrelated.
344
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:47,932
Chris, I don't like
that language.
345
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,734
Well, I don't like your cooking.
346
00:17:49,785 --> 00:17:51,619
Well, I don't like having
to literally empty
347
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,988
the farts out of your pockets
whenever I do your laundry.
348
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,490
You're the one
who's always cookin'
349
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,292
Brussels sprouts
and broccoli.
350
00:17:57,376 --> 00:17:59,944
It's like an Irish
bar fight down there.
351
00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:02,446
You're from one town over,
so I hate your guts.
352
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:08,452
Why don't we ever
get any good food?!
353
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,254
Yeah, Bonnie gives
Joe Wonder Bread.
354
00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:12,090
Well, then go live
at Bonnie's house.
355
00:18:12,141 --> 00:18:13,508
Then I could
finally sleep in
356
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:16,094
and not have to answer your
stupid questions at 5:00 a.m.
357
00:18:16,145 --> 00:18:18,262
My curiosity peaks
in the morning!
358
00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:19,647
You eat all my
Dannon yogurts!
359
00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:21,149
I don't see your
name on 'em!
360
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:23,234
You don't even like them!
But you know I do,
361
00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:24,936
and you don't want
me to have them!
362
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:26,571
You know, I've never
confronted you on it,
363
00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:28,239
but I've often thought
the same thing, Peter.
364
00:18:28,306 --> 00:18:30,274
Yeah, that's exactly
what he does!
365
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:32,193
'Cause he's a selfish,
fat idiot!
366
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,461
You shut up,
all of yous!
367
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:38,249
I didn't ask to
be in this family!
368
00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:41,569
Ugh, I'll go get him.
369
00:18:41,670 --> 00:18:43,855
Peter? You
come back here!
370
00:18:43,922 --> 00:18:46,641
I faked all my orgasms!
371
00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:52,146
Hey.
372
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:55,216
What's goin' on?
373
00:18:55,284 --> 00:18:57,902
You know, that was, uh,
that was pretty cool
374
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,454
the way you finally
stood up to everybody.
375
00:18:59,521 --> 00:19:01,522
I don't know, Brian.
376
00:19:01,590 --> 00:19:03,591
I mean, I, I meant
every word of it, but...
377
00:19:03,659 --> 00:19:06,294
you saw what happened.
What do you mean?
378
00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:08,763
They all turned on each other
like a pack of wolves.
379
00:19:08,831 --> 00:19:10,798
Well, so what? That's
not your problem.
380
00:19:10,866 --> 00:19:13,167
Do you think it's
possible that...
381
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,403
that this family can't
survive without some sort of
382
00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:17,522
lightning rod to absorb
all the dysfunction?
383
00:19:17,589 --> 00:19:19,023
Well, that's a...
384
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:20,708
that's a theory, I guess.
385
00:19:20,776 --> 00:19:24,345
I mean, it-- it's not ideal,
but it's an important piece
386
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:27,648
that maybe it's just my
lot in life to provide.
387
00:19:27,716 --> 00:19:30,852
Maybe if I feel bad,
they don't have to.
388
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:32,954
Wow.
389
00:19:33,021 --> 00:19:35,339
You know, that's incredibly
noble and mature, Meg.
390
00:19:35,407 --> 00:19:37,008
You know, I think you might be
391
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:38,709
the strongest person
in this house.
392
00:19:38,777 --> 00:19:40,078
You mean that, Brian?
393
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:41,112
Absolutely.
394
00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:47,034
Mom? Dad?
395
00:19:51,206 --> 00:19:52,590
Dad?
Go away!
396
00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:54,325
Dad, come out of there.
397
00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:58,129
No! I don't deserve no better
than livin' with the shoes!
398
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,797
Peter, there you are.
399
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,666
You guys, I have
something to say.
400
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:04,752
You're right.
It's all my fault.
401
00:20:04,820 --> 00:20:07,255
What?
Mom, you're an amazing mother
402
00:20:07,322 --> 00:20:09,791
and all the things I said
about you were out of anger,
403
00:20:09,858 --> 00:20:11,709
and I didn't mean any of them.
404
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:14,612
Chris, you're an
outstanding brother.
405
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,599
What I said about you was more
about me being a rotten sister.
406
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:22,353
And Dad, I'm so sorry that
I made you feel this way.
407
00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:23,871
You don't deserve it.
408
00:20:23,939 --> 00:20:25,873
None of you have
done anything wrong.
409
00:20:25,941 --> 00:20:28,126
I took all my problems
out on you guys,
410
00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:29,994
and that wasn't fair.
411
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:33,297
Oh, so this was all about you,
it wasn't about us.
412
00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:34,465
Yeah.
413
00:20:34,533 --> 00:20:35,867
Alright, that makes sense.
414
00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:38,302
See, I thought it was
weird that I was a bad dad.
415
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:40,204
Meg, how could you put
us all through that?
416
00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:41,806
I'm sorry, you guys.
417
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,808
You're a (bleep) bitch!
418
00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:44,942
Yes.
419
00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:45,893
Yes, I am.
420
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:54,932
Hi, I'm Stewie Griffin.
Tonight's Family Guy
421
00:20:54,933 --> 00:20:57,167
was a very special episode
about drug use.
422
00:20:57,548 --> 00:21:00,359
But the simple fact is,
it's no laughing matter.
423
00:21:00,643 --> 00:21:03,521
To learn more about drugs,
visit your local library.
424
00:21:03,839 --> 00:21:06,620
There's probably a guy behind
there who sells drugs.
425
00:21:06,944 --> 00:21:09,229
Good night.
426
00:21:09,297 --> 00:21:13,297
== sync, corrected by elderman ==