1
00:00:01,017 --> 00:00:04,588
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪

2
00:00:04,621 --> 00:00:07,891
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪

3
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:11,495
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪

4
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

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♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪

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♪ All the things that make us ♪

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♪ Laugh and cry ♪

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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪

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00:00:32,882 --> 00:00:35,185
Previously on Family Guy...

11
00:00:35,219 --> 00:00:36,853
Certain of his own wit
and intellect,

12
00:00:36,886 --> 00:00:39,189
Brian opened up
a Twitter account.

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00:00:39,223 --> 00:00:41,725
If you ask me, Twitter is
the perfect place for that guy,

14
00:00:41,758 --> 00:00:43,460
because he's a twit.

15
00:00:43,493 --> 00:00:46,263
But an off-color tweet
suddenly made Brian

16
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,465
a pariah to all of Quahog,

17
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forcing the family
to make the difficult choice

18
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of sending him
to a crappy apartment

19
00:00:52,836 --> 00:00:54,338
on the other side of town.

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00:00:55,839 --> 00:00:57,807
Brian, the family has spoken.

21
00:00:57,841 --> 00:00:59,809
You know,
you're the only man in America

22
00:00:59,843 --> 00:01:02,112
who looks good
in sandals and cargo shorts.

23
00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:04,448
Good luck, everyone.
I'll miss you.

24
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,283
Uhp, something's comin'!

25
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:11,288
Brian. Brian!

26
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,757
I said you're a week late
on your rent.

27
00:01:13,790 --> 00:01:15,725
Well, I can get you the money.
Hang-hang on.

28
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Let me just make a call.

29
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Hello. You've reached...

30
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- The Griffins!
- Chris!

31
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See that? I told you
we should've rehearsed this.

32
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Lois, can we do it over?

33
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:26,270
No, that's eight times.

34
00:01:26,303 --> 00:01:28,505
- Just leave a message.
- I'm sorry.

35
00:01:28,538 --> 00:01:29,973
Hey, guys.

36
00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:32,276
It's me again. Brian.

37
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We haven't talked
since I moved out,

38
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so I figured, you know, 10:00,

39
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you're probably on the couch
watching Pawn Stars.

40
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So, uh, pick up.

41
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Pick up?

42
00:01:45,822 --> 00:01:48,091
Uh, da, da, da, da, da, da.

43
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Maybe you went out.

44
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Da, da, da, da, da, da.

45
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Da, da, da...

46
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Ooh-wa, ooh...

47
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,768
Okay. Well, again, it's Brian.

48
00:01:58,802 --> 00:02:01,004
Um, guys, really,
really, call me back.

49
00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:02,939
It's Brian. Bye.

50
00:02:02,972 --> 00:02:04,208
So, what do you think?

51
00:02:04,241 --> 00:02:05,907
Is your family gonna give you
money for the rent?

52
00:02:05,909 --> 00:02:06,976
Yeah, I'm thinking no.

53
00:02:07,010 --> 00:02:08,545
Well, you got to do something,
Brian.

54
00:02:08,578 --> 00:02:10,347
- You're a week behind.
- Okay, okay.

55
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,848
Look, I'll get a job, okay?

56
00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:13,717
There's got to be something
I can do.

57
00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:15,519
It's not like I'm Ringo.

58
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,787
Well, lads, what do you think
of the new album cover?

59
00:02:17,821 --> 00:02:21,325
Great, but it won't look good
when it's shrunk down for a CD.

60
00:02:21,358 --> 00:02:23,327
CD? What's a CD?

61
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,795
A digital compact disc.

62
00:02:25,829 --> 00:02:27,797
Ringo, are you from the future?

63
00:02:27,831 --> 00:02:29,866
Yeah. And I outlive two of you.

64
00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:32,369
- Which two?
- Yeah, come on, Ringo. Tell us.

65
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:36,873
Okay, but you all have to agree
to do my song about the octopus.

66
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,208
Hey, before you tell us,

67
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,076
I'm gonna go and smoke
a thousand cigarettes.

68
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And I'm gonna move
to New York City

69
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,381
and walk in and out
of my building.

70
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:51,821
Okay, everybody, time to go
to Grandma and Grandpa's house.

71
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- They're dead.
- Not your grandparents, Peter.

72
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I'm talking
about my parents.

73
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I hate going there.

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I'm not allowed to touch
anything in their house.

75
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And, besides, today's
Dolph Lundgren's birthday,

76
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and me and the guys
always celebrate it

77
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by watching Rocky IV.

78
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Fine, we're probably
better off without you.

79
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You always find a way
to embarrass us at my parents'.

80
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Please pass the All Fruit.

81
00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:16,946
Pass the Polaner All Fruit.

82
00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:19,528
Pass the Polaner All Fruit.

83
00:03:21,318 --> 00:03:23,420
Would you please pass the jelly?

84
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:34,531
Hi. We're concerned that many
of you Family Guy fans under 40

85
00:03:34,564 --> 00:03:35,965
didn't get that reference,

86
00:03:35,999 --> 00:03:39,303
so I'm gonna take you
through the actual commercial.

87
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Okay, typical '80s
stuffy brunch.

88
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Please pass the All Fruit.

89
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Clearly the matriarch.
She's got the most pearls.

90
00:03:45,275 --> 00:03:46,443
Pass the Polaner All Fruit.

91
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,278
Weird sexual tension there.

92
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,314
Pass the Polaner All Fruit.

93
00:03:50,347 --> 00:03:52,347
Okay, okay, watch. Here's
where it all goes to hell.

94
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Would you please pass the jelly?

95
00:03:54,117 --> 00:03:55,961
See? He called it jelly.

96
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:58,288
See... All right, now,
what I don't get is,

97
00:03:58,322 --> 00:03:59,822
if they know this guy,
why are they surprised

98
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,823
by the way he talks? Right?

99
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,628
And if they don't know him,
why is he at the table?

100
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,296
Okay, now you have
the information

101
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:09,499
that would've made that funny
had you had it going in.

102
00:04:13,537 --> 00:04:15,839
All right,
you ready to watch Rocky IV?

103
00:04:15,872 --> 00:04:18,975
- Let's do it!  -Yeah!
- Happy Dolph Lundgren Day!

104
00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:22,479
What the... what the hell?

105
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:23,813
Try blowing on it.

106
00:04:28,385 --> 00:04:30,687
Crap! It
doesn't work!

107
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,156
Well, we got to watch the movie.
It's our tradition.

108
00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:35,124
We could just stream it
on your Apple TV.

109
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Is that what that is?
I thought it was a coaster.

110
00:04:37,661 --> 00:04:40,129
I've been putting cold,
wet things on it for a month.

111
00:04:40,163 --> 00:04:43,367
Turn it on. I'm sure we
can find Rocky IV on there.

112
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I don't know how to turn it on.
It doesn't have any buttons.

113
00:04:47,804 --> 00:04:49,339
Well, maybe
it's voice-activated.

114
00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:52,876
Rocky IV! Rocky IV!

115
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Let's just go to
the damn store.

116
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Hold on, hold on, let me try
screaming at the PlayStation.

117
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,621
Hey, you guys,
why the long faces?

118
00:05:04,654 --> 00:05:06,623
Eh, we were trying
to watch Rocky IV

119
00:05:06,656 --> 00:05:08,291
and our DVD didn't work.

120
00:05:08,324 --> 00:05:09,959
And that's just Scottie Pippen.

121
00:05:09,993 --> 00:05:11,395
When I was a baby,

122
00:05:11,428 --> 00:05:15,198
they pulled me out of my moms
real slow.

123
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:16,700
We got a bin of old movies.

124
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,568
Rocky IV might be in there.

125
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Let's see.

126
00:05:20,604 --> 00:05:22,472
Talladega Nights,
everywhere.

127
00:05:22,506 --> 00:05:24,574
Ladybugs, classic Rodney.

128
00:05:24,608 --> 00:05:27,577
A Million Ways to Die
in the West, no, thank you.

129
00:05:27,611 --> 00:05:29,913
Here it is! Rocky IV!

130
00:05:32,616 --> 00:05:35,585
Aw, nuts,
this one's written in terrorism.

131
00:05:35,619 --> 00:05:37,220
That's, uh, Cyrillic.

132
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,822
It's a Russian bootleg.

133
00:05:38,855 --> 00:05:41,190
All right, we'll take it.
It's better than nothing.

134
00:05:41,224 --> 00:05:43,593
Hey!

135
00:05:48,465 --> 00:05:51,435
Welcome aboard, Brian.
This is your coworker, Martha.

136
00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:57,574
Pleased to meet
you, Brian.

137
00:05:57,607 --> 00:06:00,209
Pleasure's all mine.
So, any advice?

138
00:06:00,243 --> 00:06:02,779
Well, there's a script
you can go off of, if you want.

139
00:06:02,812 --> 00:06:05,415
Ah, script.
Now you're talking my language.

140
00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:06,916
Writer.

141
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,753
So, watch out, or you might
end up in one of my scripts.

142
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,588
"Martha, gorgeous, headstrong,

143
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,223
legs as long
as spaghetti noodles, enters."

144
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:17,293
Why don't you just take
your first call?

145
00:06:17,326 --> 00:06:18,928
Suicide hotline.

146
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:21,798
Hey, I'm a pathetic dog
whose family kicked him out,

147
00:06:21,831 --> 00:06:23,266
and I want to kill myself.

148
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:24,601
- Stewie?
- Hey, Brian!

149
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,936
How's the new job going?

150
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:34,310
All right, here comes the fight.

151
00:06:34,343 --> 00:06:36,412
Get ready to eat it, Drago!

152
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,059
And Balboa is down!

153
00:06:40,083 --> 00:06:41,317
Drago wins!

154
00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:45,121
- What the hell?
- Son of a bitch!

155
00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:48,391
Those Ruski bastards changed
the movie so Drago wins!

156
00:06:48,424 --> 00:06:49,926
Yeah! Rocky gets up!

157
00:06:49,959 --> 00:06:51,628
Not only does
he not get up,

158
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:55,131
he's holding a sign that says,
"Workers of the world, unite!"

159
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:57,133
Well, that-that seems
like a logical idea,

160
00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:58,935
but this aggression
will not stand!

161
00:06:58,968 --> 00:07:01,805
I'm writing Vladimir Putin
an angry e-mail.

162
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,406
"Dear Vladimir..."

163
00:07:03,439 --> 00:07:04,974
Ho-ho! That's telling him.

164
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:07,076
"I hope this e-mail
finds you well."

165
00:07:07,110 --> 00:07:09,846
Oh, man, I wish
I could see his face.

166
00:07:09,879 --> 00:07:11,314
"I'll get right to the point.

167
00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:13,149
"My friends and I were aghast

168
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:15,919
"when we saw what you did
to the end of Rocky IV.

169
00:07:15,952 --> 00:07:18,254
"Everyone knows
that any American

170
00:07:18,287 --> 00:07:20,824
"can beat up any Russian
on any day of the week.

171
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:23,527
"Other than that,
all is well on this end.

172
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,095
"Chris continues to hit
the books as best he can,

173
00:07:26,129 --> 00:07:28,632
"and his grades have shown
some improvement.

174
00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,634
"Stewie is growing like a weed.

175
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:33,970
And Meg has become a woman
in front of our very eyes."

176
00:07:34,003 --> 00:07:36,105
And... send.

177
00:07:36,139 --> 00:07:40,009
I think we lost a little steam
there at the end.

178
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,684
We now return to
Captain America: Civil Union.

179
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,886
All right, Captain America,
we have to get ready

180
00:07:49,919 --> 00:07:51,521
for the big fight
with the other heroes.

181
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,990
- Who do we have on our side?
- Well, Hawkeye, we've got you,

182
00:07:54,023 --> 00:07:56,993
Scarlet Witch, the Falcon,
and, of course, Randy.

183
00:07:57,026 --> 00:07:59,195
- Who's Randy?
- You know Randy.

184
00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:00,530
Lives in my guesthouse.

185
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:01,830
We've been friends
since college.

186
00:08:01,831 --> 00:08:02,999
He's... my pal.

187
00:08:03,032 --> 00:08:04,668
He's the guy
I went to Paris with.

188
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:06,369
You are such a coward!

189
00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:07,704
Randy!

190
00:08:12,441 --> 00:08:14,043
Vladimir Putin?!

191
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,812
Da. Where is bathroom?

192
00:08:15,845 --> 00:08:17,413
I George Brett myself on plane.

193
00:08:17,947 --> 00:08:19,215
Gross!

194
00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:20,917
You can Google that
during the commercial.

195
00:08:27,791 --> 00:08:29,926
Oh, my God. President Putin?

196
00:08:29,959 --> 00:08:31,928
What-what are you doing here?

197
00:08:31,961 --> 00:08:33,863
Husband write me
impertinent e-mail.

198
00:08:33,897 --> 00:08:36,432
Says any American
can beat up any Russian.

199
00:08:36,465 --> 00:08:38,267
I am here to prove him wrong.

200
00:08:38,301 --> 00:08:40,403
You're gonna beat up my husband?

201
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:42,772
Unless he American chicken.

202
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,275
Did you just call me chicken?

203
00:08:46,309 --> 00:08:47,309
Yes. Chicken.

204
00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:49,112
Fi-cray! Fi-cray! Fi-cray!

205
00:08:49,145 --> 00:08:51,080
Sound different in Russia.

206
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:54,250
Nobody calls me... chicken.

207
00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,185
Outside, now.

208
00:08:56,219 --> 00:08:58,622
Hi, we're from
Publishers Clearing House.

209
00:08:58,655 --> 00:09:02,525
I have a million-dollar check
for someone named Chicken.

210
00:09:02,558 --> 00:09:04,961
A conflict!

211
00:09:06,495 --> 00:09:07,964
You're going down!

212
00:09:07,997 --> 00:09:10,099
- Kick his ass, Peter!
- Yeah, kick his ass!

213
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:11,835
Punch his ass, Peter!

214
00:09:16,339 --> 00:09:18,141
Oh, pretty quick, huh?

215
00:09:18,174 --> 00:09:20,143
Well, how about this?

216
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,446
Here comes the haymaker!

217
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,219
You had enough?

218
00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,390
He gone.

219
00:09:34,423 --> 00:09:35,992
Peter!

220
00:09:36,025 --> 00:09:38,427
Oh, looks like Putin's phone
is buzzing.

221
00:09:47,937 --> 00:09:50,239
Brian?

222
00:09:50,273 --> 00:09:52,676
Oh, hey, Marth... a.

223
00:09:52,709 --> 00:09:54,911
- What are you doing here?
- I'm always here.

224
00:09:54,944 --> 00:09:57,580
Suicide is not
a nine-to-five problem.

225
00:09:58,614 --> 00:10:00,249
Yeah, so I was thinking,

226
00:10:00,283 --> 00:10:02,351
maybe we could
Netflix and grill.

227
00:10:02,385 --> 00:10:04,453
I think it's
"Netflix and chill."

228
00:10:04,487 --> 00:10:07,123
Oh. Good,
'cause I don't have a grill.

229
00:10:07,156 --> 00:10:08,692
Hey, do you have Netflix?

230
00:10:08,725 --> 00:10:10,358
The credit card numbers
I've been guessing

231
00:10:10,359 --> 00:10:11,360
keep getting rejected.

232
00:10:11,394 --> 00:10:14,097
Good night, Brian.

233
00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:17,466
Well, nothing says
I can't date her up here.

234
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:21,437
Let's see what kind of Facebook
account we got for this Martha.

235
00:10:21,470 --> 00:10:22,939
Uhp, private account.

236
00:10:22,972 --> 00:10:24,841
But... sister.

237
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:27,944
Similar age. Few parties
they went to together.

238
00:10:27,977 --> 00:10:30,013
Ooh, "Grandpa's Funeral."

239
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:32,515
Baby look good in black.

240
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:34,383
That's her mom?

241
00:10:34,417 --> 00:10:37,086
Damn. I can work with this.

242
00:10:41,991 --> 00:10:44,728
You know, this is exactly what
Dr. Fishbein was talking about.

243
00:10:44,761 --> 00:10:46,763
I never go for it.

244
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,533
♪ Martha ♪

245
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:53,369
♪ You're playing hide and seek ♪

246
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,638
♪ With love ♪

247
00:10:55,671 --> 00:10:56,973
♪ Martha ♪

248
00:10:57,006 --> 00:10:59,142
♪ This is what Dr. Fishbein ♪

249
00:10:59,175 --> 00:11:02,011
♪ Was talking about ♪

250
00:11:02,045 --> 00:11:03,847
♪ Martha ♪

251
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,514
♪ With a little bit of love ♪

252
00:11:05,548 --> 00:11:07,516
♪ And a whole lot of sass... ♪

253
00:11:07,550 --> 00:11:08,918
You know what, Brian, I will...

254
00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:10,619
Oh, my God!

255
00:11:13,790 --> 00:11:16,259
Gross! You scumbag!

256
00:11:16,292 --> 00:11:19,863
♪ Dr. Fishbein predicted it'd be
three years of treatment ♪

257
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:23,032
♪ And Martha's
only six months in... ♪

258
00:11:23,066 --> 00:11:25,434
Come on, Marth... a.

259
00:11:25,468 --> 00:11:28,037
♪ Martha ♪

260
00:11:28,071 --> 00:11:30,073
♪ It's gonna work out. ♪

261
00:11:34,744 --> 00:11:36,880
I'll tell you something,
if he were here right now,

262
00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:37,947
I'd kick his ass.

263
00:11:37,981 --> 00:11:39,582
Just like hundreds
of dead journalists,

264
00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:41,717
I'm not afraid
of Vladimir Putin.

265
00:11:41,751 --> 00:11:44,988
Hello?
Is it me you're looking for?

266
00:11:46,890 --> 00:11:47,924
Yes!

267
00:11:51,895 --> 00:11:53,729
Peter, you not coward I thought.

268
00:11:53,763 --> 00:11:55,464
You put up impressive fight.

269
00:11:55,498 --> 00:11:57,033
Thanks, Vladimir.

270
00:11:57,066 --> 00:11:58,935
You know, as someone
who doesn't read the paper

271
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,470
or listen to the news,
you're not such a bad guy.

272
00:12:01,504 --> 00:12:02,638
Well, thank you.

273
00:12:02,671 --> 00:12:04,473
To show there are
no hard feelings,

274
00:12:04,507 --> 00:12:06,409
anyone want to go to strip club

275
00:12:06,442 --> 00:12:08,744
and look at some cat emojis
with me?

276
00:12:08,778 --> 00:12:10,947
- Hell yeah.
- I'm up for the strip club.

277
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,715
Great. Who's driving?

278
00:12:12,748 --> 00:12:15,451
You know, you're gonna think I'm
crazy, but it's such a nice day,

279
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,653
I was kind of thinking
of taking my shirt off

280
00:12:17,686 --> 00:12:18,822
and riding a horse there.

281
00:12:18,855 --> 00:12:20,256
Get out.

282
00:12:20,289 --> 00:12:22,291
That's totally my thing!

283
00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:28,564
Ah, the sun feels good
on my drunk chest.

284
00:12:28,597 --> 00:12:30,834
You know what,
you're a good guy, Peter.

285
00:12:30,867 --> 00:12:32,001
Friend?

286
00:12:32,035 --> 00:12:33,937
How do you say
"friend" in Russian?

287
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:35,504
There is no Russian word for it.

288
00:12:35,538 --> 00:12:38,141
Well, you're my friend now.
Funny how this worked out.

289
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:39,475
Who would have thought, huh?

290
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:42,011
I guess things not always
what they seem.

291
00:12:42,045 --> 00:12:45,348
Yeah. I mean, except for
Ronan Farrow, who is clearly

292
00:12:45,381 --> 00:12:48,751
Woody Allen's son and
absolutely not Frank Sinatra's.

293
00:12:48,784 --> 00:12:51,154
I.. You know, I-I'm glad
you could make it home

294
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,621
for the family dinner, Ronan.

295
00:12:52,655 --> 00:12:54,858
You got it, four eyes.
Wouldn't miss a dinner

296
00:12:54,891 --> 00:12:57,193
with my cuckoo dad
for the world.

297
00:12:57,226 --> 00:12:59,528
Hey, Anna May Wong,
no tickie, no shirtie.

298
00:12:59,562 --> 00:13:02,365
I'm just kidding around,
rice bowl. Geez, lighten up.

299
00:13:02,398 --> 00:13:04,968
This room is tighter
than Ava Gardner's caboose.

300
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:06,335
Us, right?

301
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:09,005
It's like lookin' in a mirror.

302
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:15,444
Well, Peter, thank you
for showing me Quahog.

303
00:13:15,478 --> 00:13:16,712
Ah, it was fun.

304
00:13:16,745 --> 00:13:18,381
I'm gonna miss you, Vladimir.

305
00:13:18,414 --> 00:13:20,149
So come with me back to Russia.

306
00:13:20,183 --> 00:13:21,384
I need friend.

307
00:13:21,417 --> 00:13:23,953
Ah, I'm flattered,
but my home is here.

308
00:13:23,987 --> 00:13:25,688
And besides,
I can't go to Russia.

309
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:27,556
I'm scared of Brigitte Nielsen.

310
00:13:27,590 --> 00:13:29,392
She is here with you
in your country.

311
00:13:29,425 --> 00:13:30,559
She-she's here now?
Is she...

312
00:13:30,593 --> 00:13:32,195
O... All ri...
Okay, okay, let's go.

313
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,597
Let's go, let's go, let's go,
wheels up, let's go!

314
00:13:37,366 --> 00:13:39,835
Oh, my God, she can smell
the tiny bottles of booze.

315
00:13:39,869 --> 00:13:42,105
We got to go!
We got to go now!

316
00:13:50,379 --> 00:13:53,749
Dear Lord, please send me
a six-foot-seven blonde woman

317
00:13:53,782 --> 00:13:56,819
who likes to drink
until she blacks out.

318
00:13:56,852 --> 00:13:59,956
I think
we got our prayers crossed.

319
00:14:12,368 --> 00:14:14,537
Welcome to Russia, Peter.

320
00:14:14,570 --> 00:14:18,241
Man, Russia has the hottest
and ugliest women in the world.

321
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,842
All tens and ones.

322
00:14:19,875 --> 00:14:22,011
Wow! Whoa.

323
00:14:22,045 --> 00:14:23,446
Wow!
Whoa.

324
00:14:23,479 --> 00:14:26,415
- Wow! Whoa.
- Whoa.

325
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,517
Aw, I'm a "whoa."

326
00:14:28,551 --> 00:14:30,119
I know what'll cheer you up.

327
00:14:30,153 --> 00:14:32,855
We listen to funny
morning zoo on radio.

328
00:14:32,888 --> 00:14:35,758
You're listening
to backwards-K-FMB.

329
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:38,361
I am The Penis,
here with Buttocks.

330
00:14:38,394 --> 00:14:40,429
Hello, Buttocks.

331
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:42,198
Ha. Humor.

332
00:14:42,231 --> 00:14:45,301
Now time for government-
approved prank phone call.

333
00:14:51,274 --> 00:14:52,708
What?

334
00:14:52,741 --> 00:14:54,077
Is your refrigerator running?

335
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:55,444
Yes.

336
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,480
You are very fortunate.

337
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:04,053
I've tried everything, Lou.
I told her I was sorry.

338
00:15:04,087 --> 00:15:05,621
I even sent flowers.

339
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:07,454
She's gonna report me,
and I'm gonna get fired.

340
00:15:07,456 --> 00:15:08,657
Wh-What can I do?

341
00:15:08,691 --> 00:15:10,893
Do what I do when people
don't pay their rent:

342
00:15:10,926 --> 00:15:12,895
plant drugs and call the cops.

343
00:15:12,928 --> 00:15:14,563
I don't know, I-I may be broke,

344
00:15:14,597 --> 00:15:17,233
but that seems like a
crappy thing to do to somebody.

345
00:15:17,266 --> 00:15:18,767
Well, then you're evicted.

346
00:15:18,801 --> 00:15:20,469
Okay, fine.

347
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,138
But where am I gonna get drugs?

348
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,873
Walk me to my car.
My trunk is full of coke.

349
00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:30,846
Brian Griffin?

350
00:15:30,879 --> 00:15:32,881
Your life's about to change.

351
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,252
Brian Griffin?

352
00:15:36,285 --> 00:15:39,022
We're not having
a lot of luck today.

353
00:15:44,293 --> 00:15:45,793
So, what do you do for fun
around here?

354
00:15:45,794 --> 00:15:47,630
- You got DirecTV?
- We have Time Warner.

355
00:15:47,663 --> 00:15:49,265
- You got HBO?
- We have Starz.

356
00:15:49,298 --> 00:15:51,467
- You got ESPN?
- We have Fox Sports 1.

357
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:53,302
Does that come in HD?

358
00:15:53,336 --> 00:15:54,670
You got...

359
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:57,873
Everything you say, I say
something little bit worse.

360
00:15:57,906 --> 00:16:00,209
- You got Simpsons?
- We have Family Guy.

361
00:16:00,243 --> 00:16:02,378
Ah, I did it to myself.

362
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,616
Well, just shoot her first.

363
00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:09,118
It's not called
"suicide-murder,"

364
00:16:09,152 --> 00:16:10,853
it's called "murder-suicide."

365
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:13,056
Brian, can I talk to you
for a second?

366
00:16:13,089 --> 00:16:15,291
- Yeah, sure.
- I wanted to tell you,

367
00:16:15,324 --> 00:16:17,793
I thought a lot about
what happened, and I guess...

368
00:16:17,826 --> 00:16:21,330
In your own weird way...
You were complimenting me.

369
00:16:21,364 --> 00:16:23,832
Um, w... w-what?

370
00:16:27,870 --> 00:16:30,506
I just wanted to let you know
I'm not going to tell anyone

371
00:16:30,539 --> 00:16:32,208
about what happened, and...

372
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:35,111
maybe we could
get that drink tomorrow.

373
00:16:37,380 --> 00:16:39,248
Tell 'em you have no idea
how your hair strands

374
00:16:39,282 --> 00:16:41,084
got in that baggie.
Hello, Officer!

375
00:16:41,117 --> 00:16:44,019
- Is this your desk, ma'am?
- Yeah. Why, Officer?

376
00:16:44,053 --> 00:16:45,254
Found it.

377
00:16:45,288 --> 00:16:47,523
- What is that?
- Like you don't know.

378
00:16:47,556 --> 00:16:50,593
Cocaine.
Glorious cocaine.

379
00:16:50,626 --> 00:16:52,395
Best thing ever.

380
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,163
You're gonna
have to come with us.

381
00:16:54,197 --> 00:16:56,499
And, Jeff, you might
want to call your sponsor.

382
00:16:56,532 --> 00:16:57,900
You did this, didn't you?

383
00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:00,436
I knew you were a little twerp
as soon as I met you.

384
00:17:00,469 --> 00:17:02,238
He did this!
He planted that!

385
00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:03,606
Martha, I'm so sorr...

386
00:17:03,639 --> 00:17:05,174
You bastard!

387
00:17:07,543 --> 00:17:09,412
Aah! My leg is broken!

388
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:12,448
Only thing I can possibly do
is lick it repeatedly.

389
00:17:16,719 --> 00:17:18,721
There we go.
That's fixing it.

390
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:27,630
Please pass the aspic.

391
00:17:30,065 --> 00:17:32,067
I'll have the aspic.

392
00:17:33,169 --> 00:17:36,239
I, too, will have the aspic.

393
00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,217
Could you
please pass the beef jelly?

394
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:42,478
Huh? See?

395
00:17:42,511 --> 00:17:44,913
Now aren't you glad
we did all that work earlier?

396
00:17:44,947 --> 00:17:46,782
Peter, come.

397
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:49,985
Over here is where
we rig every American election.

398
00:17:50,018 --> 00:17:51,254
Eh.

399
00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,489
Also, American football.

400
00:17:53,522 --> 00:17:54,723
What?! No!

401
00:17:54,757 --> 00:17:57,726
Is true. Meet my best friend,
Roger Goodell.

402
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,928
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell?

403
00:17:59,962 --> 00:18:01,497
You're a Russian spy?

404
00:18:01,530 --> 00:18:03,266
I don't know, Peter.

405
00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:05,134
Why don't you tell me?

406
00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:07,803
Today we decide
which New England Patriot

407
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,305
to suspend, eh?

408
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,441
Da. Tom Brady or Tom Brady?

409
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:22,918
You leave that gorgeous
piece of ass alone.

410
00:18:22,951 --> 00:18:24,853
I was right about you
from the start, Putin.

411
00:18:24,887 --> 00:18:26,955
You can't just do
whatever you want in the world

412
00:18:26,989 --> 00:18:28,157
and get away with it.

413
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:30,526
It's time
someone stood up to you.

414
00:18:30,559 --> 00:18:32,261
And survived.

415
00:18:37,733 --> 00:18:41,304
Ladies and gentlemens,

416
00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:43,872
tonight we are here
to see the fight

417
00:18:43,906 --> 00:18:46,942
to determine
East/West superiority.

418
00:18:46,975 --> 00:18:48,811
Fighting for Russia,

419
00:18:48,844 --> 00:18:51,214
President Vladimir Putin!

420
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,518
Fighting for America,

421
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:59,021
Kevin James!

422
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:01,557
Everybody here
thinks I'm Kevin James.

423
00:19:41,297 --> 00:19:44,267
Kevin James! Kevin James!

424
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:45,710
- Kevin James!
- I can't believe it,

425
00:19:45,734 --> 00:19:47,202
but it sounds like the audience

426
00:19:47,236 --> 00:19:50,005
is starting to cheer
for the American!

427
00:19:50,038 --> 00:19:52,708
Kevin James! Kevin James!

428
00:19:57,045 --> 00:19:59,214
Enough!

429
00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:03,619
Lois?
What are you doing here?

430
00:20:03,652 --> 00:20:05,354
I'm not really here, Peter.

431
00:20:05,388 --> 00:20:07,055
You've been hit
several times in the head

432
00:20:07,089 --> 00:20:09,525
and sustained
severe brain trauma.

433
00:20:09,558 --> 00:20:12,027
She's right.
This has gone too far.

434
00:20:12,060 --> 00:20:14,397
There are other ways
to settle our differences.

435
00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:15,598
Say you.

436
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:17,633
Yes. Say me.

437
00:20:19,167 --> 00:20:22,738
♪ Say you, say me ♪

438
00:20:24,573 --> 00:20:26,575
♪ Say it for always ♪

439
00:20:28,744 --> 00:20:30,913
♪ That's the way it should be ♪

440
00:20:30,946 --> 00:20:32,881
♪ So you think
you know the answers... ♪

441
00:20:32,915 --> 00:20:34,883
Vlad and I finished our dance,

442
00:20:34,917 --> 00:20:36,885
then spent the rest
of the night talking.

443
00:20:36,919 --> 00:20:40,055
The next day, he poisoned me
on the limo ride to the airport

444
00:20:40,088 --> 00:20:41,557
with radioactive tea.

445
00:20:41,590 --> 00:20:44,993
♪ Believing who you are ♪

446
00:20:45,027 --> 00:20:48,764
♪ You are a shining star... ♪

447
00:20:48,797 --> 00:20:50,999
I lost half
my body weight, all my hair,

448
00:20:51,033 --> 00:20:53,402
and I have lesions
that'll never heal.

449
00:20:53,436 --> 00:20:56,238
That's our president's
best friend.

450
00:20:56,271 --> 00:20:59,708
♪ Say you, say me. ♪